Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 415 - Simps and Pimps (feat. Ari Shaffir & James McCann)

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Go watch Gilly and Keeves "The Special" @ gillyandkeeves.tv Watch Ari's Special "Jew" Available November 2nd arishaffir.com/ jdfmccann.com Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch & Get Tickets to See Matt @ mssecretpodcast.com Get tickets to see Shane @ shanemgillis.com YO. Podcast time. This week the D.A.W.G.Z. are joined by two illustrious guests. Our Australian pal James McCann and our semitic pal Ari Shaffir. Please watch Ari's new stand-up comedy special "JEW", it comes out Novemeber 2nd. Mark your calendar! Please enjoy.  Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRENCHED at https://Lucy.co Visit https://www.Fitbod.me/DRENCHED to get 25% off your subscription of FitBod

It was the first American to go there. What a great way to start a while. Just coming in laughing, having fun, guys having fun. Oh, you guys should have seen the stuff before. It was so good. Are you? Yeah, bro. Say hello. What's up, guys? My name is Ari Shafir.

I'm one of those. I like that. Joe, I like that. Hello, I'm James McCann. I'm not. I'm just hanging out. I'm from Australia. I'm happy to be here.

He's from Australia. Where are you from, James? I'm from Adelaide. Nice. Nobody goes there. Beautiful. Giant bats, right? Do we got giant bats? Tony Hinshleff came and said,

we had the worst comedy scene he had ever seen. We have that on a little back now. The Australian comedy scene is crazy, dude. It lives and dies around. Who's the guy? Who's the main guy? Powers. Was. No, Jim Jeffries. Jim Jeffries.

Every Australian comedian goes. I've supported Jim Jeffries there. Every Australian comedian. It's the whole ecosystem. He's the son. Jim Jeffries, the son of Australia. They hated Jim Jeffries until he got big outside Australia. Really?

Yeah. They're like, fuck you. You think you're better than us. And then he hit big in America. Like, you're pretty cool. Yeah. America supports big dogs. I feel like every other country tries to tear down any big dog. You think you're the big guy?

Yeah. You think you're the big fella? Truth. Think you're the big fella. And then it gets big and supports the whole comedy scene. And you go, I've supported Jim Jeffries. I've always loved Jim Jeffries. I bought him a VB once. How do you feel about that?

I've never bought Jim Jeffries a VB. I might open for him in Pittsburgh, maybe, I don't know. You might. I'm told I might be allowed to. You need to support him in Pittsburgh. I would like to support him in Pittsburgh. Do you think you could kick his ass? Could I kick Jim Jeffries' ass? I don't know. I don't know what it is.

No. He's big and he's sober and he's wiry. And he's got a new baby and he's full of anxiety. You guys steal his baby. Make him never fight. He'd bite you. He has to steal his baby, but like, try something. We'll see what happens to his baby. You'd be a dingo.

You'd be a dingo. He'd say, ah, no. Dingoes eat my baby again. That didn't happen. She killed that baby. She killed a baby. She definitely killed that baby. She killed that baby.

You should take his baby and use it for collateral. What do you want? I don't. Kidnap his baby. He disappeared as soon as the video comes out. He called Jim Jeffries a pussy early. Last night at the bar. That's what happens in American bars.

No, but for real. Hear me out. If you stole Jim Jeffries' newborn baby, you could get whatever you want. You'd have all the power. He has money and he has to raise the pay. He would bend. He'd bend to your will. Surely there's an easier baby to abduct than a Jeffries baby at this point.

Someone I don't know. Someone I'm not related to. But you know he's on the road. He's on the road. He's going to fly back wherever he lives. I think he lives in a compound, though. Right? You can do that.

Isn't that how people live in LA? They have big fences and guns. No. You can get in there. I don't want to steal you. Let's start the podcast. True. True.

What's going on? Not much, man. The only thing right now that I have two things floating on my mind, mainly is I simped in a dream recently and I'm not happy about it. Who'd you simp for? Stranger. Total stranger. You fell in love.

I was walking in an apartment complex and I simped. And Brittany was right next to me and she was like, dude, she didn't use this language. She's like, why are you simping to that lady? And I was like, nah, she's just being nice to me. And then I was simping the whole time. I was like, just I'd like go and be like, I get outside and take out the trash. And I feel like, hey, what's going on? And I kept simping the whole dream.

It was completely embarrassing, dude. And then eventually there was like a big event in the apartment complex and I gave a speech about the Vax and then they all walked away. And I was like, no. You gave a speech about the Vax. Was it about its cons? I can't. I legally can't say on YouTube, but it was I was in a physical contest against a person who was like heavily boosted and we had to like do one on one football and

I won. And I got to be I was representing another contingent of people of a possibility of the vaccine. You're always a leader in your dreams. It's crazy. You are like a leader of men in your dreams. It's one on one football, too. It was just a race.

Oklahoma drill. He had to try to tackle me and I was carrying him all my it was a kid. I played Pee Wee football with you had the Oklahoma drill against you. Jim Brown. It was carried him on my back and I looked at the lady. I was sitting forward. I was like, and her whole family left and I was like, I'm so sorry. I sent to the astral realm.

I didn't do anything. I was just simping so fucking hard. You just ran up. You're straight for a total stranger. Did it work? No, dude, because then I started I won. I literally scored a touchdown with his dude on my back and I was like, fuck the fucking, you know what, fuck that medicine and her whole family.

I was like, what the fuck is this? You spiked the ball and said fuck that medicine. That's a slick 76ers tee. Yo, thank you, bro. It's very slick. Thank you. I don't know. It just it found its way into my wardrobe.

But I've been rocking the shit out. I don't know. This is definitely something I was. I think I was swimming at a pool. And I think I somehow gave you stole it. Just be like, I don't know how this got into my apparel. But I've been rocking the shit out of it. Yeah, that's that's right now.

That's a good dream. It's number one on my mind. But that was last night. That was like two nights ago. Yeah. Two nights ago. I had that job. I can't remember what the beautiful woman looked like.

There's a brunette, a brunette, a brunette, a white brunette. Yeah, I was taking on the trash. She was being nice to me, dude. You simped to a white. I did. It was my dream. This is my unconscious deep down inside. You want to be in my deep down creative.

You want to be with Whitey in my deep down creative force. I was simping to Whitey. But then I turned around and I still fucking. But then I hit I hit her family with an anti establishment take and they all went, this guy's no good. It was true. I crawled back to my wife and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm sipping.

I didn't work. It's no problem. That's pretty good. Yeah, it got me. It was pretty funny. I woke up and I'll say it's kind of funny. That is very funny. Just purely simple.

There was nothing. So it was not fucking in a dream. Just like pathetically trying to flirt. Just oh, hey, this will impress her family. Oh, dude, I will say we just watch Bryce Harper hitting the home run. That was the feeling. I experienced that feeling in the dream. Imagine carrying someone on your back into the end zone in front of it.

It was the whole apartment complex was watching. It was crazy. Do you think Bryce hit that to deny that? As soon as he got done hitting it, he was like, fucking bullshit medicine. What do you think this means? That means the vaccine. Dr. Fauci disappeared, bro, because he knew Bryce Harper fucking him up. That's a sign.

Pouch couldn't hit that shot. I mean, dude, that's my deepest down creative force. And like my all my critical faculties left my mind. And my brain was like, here you go, brother, the dangers of simping. Yes, champion, physical champion due to your medical choices. What was simping before simping? Do they have another word for it like 10 years ago? I think it was it wasn't it wasn't pussywhip.

Pussywhip's after was afterwards. Yeah, I don't think there was a term for it. I think dudes just simped and we were all unconscious of the phenomenon. No one called anybody on it. Simping is an old word, by the way. Is it really? Yeah, I was watching. So in I was in Houston, I was in H town this weekend. Shout out the Astros down.

Fuck Astros. Fuck the Astros. Fuck the Astros. Now, fuck the Astros. I I was in H town. You're an Astro world. And then I was in Astro. Don't joke about what happened. Trampling on the graves of the.

I'm not sad about them. The way no one fucking stopped fucking DJ dancing to when they were fucking done. You call it DJ dancing? That was the running of the young. It might have been the running of the young bulls. That's right. It's not a funny. DJ Jazzy Jeff was playing in their heads as they were being skull skull crushed.

I'll wait. I'm trying to tell you about my church. How many people do you kill in Houston? Biggest tragedy is Oswald. You're going to have to go back to Australia. You can't act like this. All the Australians are going to see this. You can say, did you see James on the big podcast?

He acted like an asshole. He's showing the real case of Adelaide's. I'll try to be pleasant. Adelaide's is not bad. It's a little bit. We don't say that, but it's good. I'll take that back. Bring it back.

He's fucking land. I was in H town. I ate some weed edibles. Noice. So I decided to go back to my hotel room and watch rap videos from the early 2000. Till four in the morning. Would you? Can you walk? I watched stun like my daddy music video.

Yes, I watched. It started with a fat pat topstrap. It's an H town classic. It's so good. It might be my favorite song. Then. And then I was watching rap videos, but in one of those old videos, they called someone a sim.

Did they really early in the same context? Early? Yes. Damn. Was it fat pat? Who did it? No, but I believe they were rhyming it with the word pimp. Oh, shit. So they say simp and ain't easy. No, but it's in there.

I heard it. I don't remember which song I just want you to know. Simp is an old word. So you got stoned, ran back to headquarters and then discovered little Wayne music videos. He was so little. He was so little. Yeah, he's so young.

I was watching. I watched juvenile. I mean, it was great. Yeah, it's pretty. I was watching and then I slowly got into Cameron. Then I watched some fat Joe and big pond. And then I realized then I started to come to earth and realized what I was doing was, you know,

it was time to go back. What was the what was the feeling when you're like, I got to get out of the setting and get back to the hotel room? Was it just being stoned or was there like it was high? But there was also, dude, the one night, the night before I took a little bit of mushrooms and I was sitting there and it was a nice evening. And there was a bar right next to the improv

and one of the bunch of the guys from the show were there and a fan came up behind me and just started slowly rubbing my back. I was sitting on a stool. I was sitting on a stool talking to people like this. He walked up behind me and just started rubbing my back and I was a little fucked up and I didn't really like notice it.

You've got to say no immediately. He rubbed my back for a long time. What? And then finally I was like, I turned around and then his body was across and saw that I he saw what was happening. It was like, dude, he was like, get the fuck off of him. And I was like, yeah, it was shitfaced. And he came up and gave me a nice back rub.

And he loved it for a while. It was very uncomfortable. Yeah. What was your reaction to that? I thought it was very funny. Did somebody do that to Billy Joel? Me and Justin and Sal and Jay went and some guy put his arm around me on the way out just like gently.

And I was like, hey, what are you doing? Someone tried to fuck you at the Billy Joel concert? Yeah. Yeah. Was he a fan or just? No. He's like, what are you, a Finns fan? I'm like, no, they just played the Jets. I'm like, no, get. Hey, don't touch me. You go, sorry.

Finns fan? Yeah, I was so weird. You're like the Dolphins. What are you saying? Is that code? I guess. And I was like, don't ever touch me like that. Damn. He tried to laugh it off,

but I wasn't trying to grab you. Stranger. Followed us down the fucking street. You don't like higher, bro. Higher. The peony. I'm not touching penis. I'll get hard. I'll get hard right on you.

I can do it on. Who would win in that case? In what? If you touch his penis and he got hard. That would be a victory for me. I think the people win. Making him hard. You guys both have become the people's champ.

You would be gay for that. Dude, I'm always hard. I get on hard on occasion. Really? Yeah, that's how hard I go. What sounds like a real problem? Does your penis work? Yeah, it works good.

It's fine. I had a circumcision earlier in the year and it's back to normal now. Hold on. What? James signed a covenant with God. Yeah. You just converted?

No. No, it was a medical circumcision. I had scar tissue on the foreskin. It was real bad. Wait, how did he get scarred? Yeah, I didn't realize your penis actually didn't work. I thought I masturbated myself into a real problem. You're trying to do lines into your fucking foreskin?

Does that happen? I don't know. I figure Australians will do it. Is that what Stevie Nicks is doing now that? Wait, what happens to your penis? Yeah, it just foreskin got real tight and it would not retract. So I had to have it chopped off.

Oh, I've heard of that happening where you laid it open. Did you convert to Judaism while you were there? I thought it would be a good opportunity. But I love Christ and his love. I'm sorry. The law is too much. He loves Christ. That's sick.

Can you talk about Catholicism? Can we talk about it? Yeah, no. You should have got the conversion right. They go, fuck you. I'm not even serious. Well, I thought about getting a rabbi to do it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just for that. And then I could throw blood in his face. Stay. Well, they knock you out, though, in the other one. I didn't want to be awake for it. The general anesthetic, which is lovely. You notice a big difference now? Is it much better?

Really? Oh, it's a better penis. Have you fucked since? Yes. With my made love to my wife. I've heard. I've heard people say the opposite. Yeah, they lose all the sensitivity.

No, it's much better. I think it's a gift. I think the circumcision is a gift from God to improve the penis. Whoa. Isn't my call? I don't know how many people can say before and after. Yeah, not many.

I think it's definitely better. Whoa. Yeah, wow. Maybe because the tip of your dick was in isolation for so long. Now it feels really high. It's socialized. It's got friends.

Well, how long ago was the operation? Sorry. No, it's all right. It was like six months. Oh, so yeah, you would have normalized. I guess it is like a stick shift down to have to not be circumcised. You're now driving automatic.

Yeah. You're manual, you're auto. You said you can tell? Yeah, the difference. True. My friends used to joke about it. The only way you can tell is you've got half a circumcision down the middle.

And so it's like a desin X commercial. But you feel like this side feels great. This side feels so-so. Damn, dude. That's pretty interesting. That's wild, dude. Well, people keep trying to say it's like abuse. Do you not test now?

Do you not? That was never a problem. That was never. I was like, holy, dolly. What are we doing? Oh, holly, dolly. It's sun. I mean, you know what people say?

Have you been told it's abuse and that you've been abused? I've been screamed at, saying I was what's it called? Mutilated. Mutilated. And I was like, I'm OK with that. I think you've been mutilated. They started screaming at me. Well, they try and make it the same as female circumcision,

which it's not nearly as hot. Nothing females do is good. Yeah. Female circumcision is wild. It's a lot. They get their whole. They get the whole thing, like, scooped out. There's different levels to it.

What do you mean? Yeah. So, like, the full female circumcision is clitoris removed. I think they've removed your lips too, maybe. And then they sew it up. Your vagina shut that, like, your husband on the night of this was opposed to the lips. The lady had to go.

Oh, like, I got a football team coming through. Yeah. And you have to. Have a smoke machine. No, no, for the first time, it's Mrs. Dude, that's crazy. I was on the full, like, no circumcision. I was like, fuck that.

But now that I'm hearing your story, I'm like, man. You're not circumcised? I am, yeah. You are? Can't, yeah. They got me. No, you should be happy. You should be happy that they had that done.

00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,440 They gave me a good one. I've heard circumcisions going wrong, and people, like, they're taking too much skin. Well, no, I think they cut mine right, but then you can't masturbate for three weeks, which I try not to do anyway. But I did not make it the full time.

You whacked off with a damaged bird? It was a rough lot of blood. Anyway, but it was a. It was a lot of blood. Yeah, but we've all learned and grown together. Now I have a beautiful, only slightly weird penis. It's only a little bit unusual. So you masturbated with a scarred penis?

As tenderly as I could. And it resulted in blood? As close to that. But I wish I hadn't, but, you know. Gently? What'd you do like that? Oh, no, I was. I just talked about it.

But one shouldn't. But it's certainly helped me do that less. Did it feel good though when you shot? Seeming? No, it was like an immediate, you know, like the people talk about the postnat clarity. Yeah, there's also postnat pain. It's not true.

On your penis. But it's the, it's before the ejaculation that you have the clarity when it's when you can't stop anymore, I think that's when it comes. Do you know what I mean? It's like a couple seconds before. So there's no pleasure. It's just like, so I'm just there going, what have I done?

What have I done? And then it starts happening and there's blood and things are shaking. Oh, yeah. What have I done? What have I done? I'm more than my accent. It's like that's right.

You would never do this to a black man on the show. And that's what we would never have. You'd be surprised. We'll build it. We're working our way out. Remember that scene is single-way female, where he realizes the fucking friend is blowing him and not his girlfriend.

And then she cuts her hair like the friend. And then he's like, wait, you're not. And then he's like, stop. What happened? It's single-way female. What is that? A movie where some girl, you must know it. It's some girl dressed like her friend,

does everything like her friend to try to be her life. And then she like breaks into like the friend's boyfriend's apartment and starts blowing him a little night. And then he like realizes it's like last second. Like, wait, you're not my girlfriend. Someone made a feature film out of a porn? That's like a 15-inch video. Oh, sir, that is every dude's dream.

Yeah, then he gets mad about that. You get the fucking, I didn't, I couldn't help it. It was not my fault. I got duped. You know your friend? She's talking like that. They should have a whole section of porn called plausible deniability.

Your friend tricked me again. I'm pissed. I keep getting tricked by these girls. I thought they were you, babe. She got the same haircut as you and had a key. But you know you're not dating three black men. Suspicious something. You shouldn't be joking about the blacks.

I thought it was you, babe. You should take it easy on the jokes about the blacks because Yeezy's going to get you. Yeezy is coming after me. Dude, you watch Alex Friedman interview? No. What was it? Was it good?

Dude, it's pretty wild. Did Kanye do an Alex Friedman interview? Yes, he did. I watched it. I listened to it last night before. I had to turn it off and it was getting so ramped up. It's a... He's up to something.

It's wild, dude. I think he's trying to get Adidas to drop him. They did. They did. Adidas shot him. They did today. I think that's what he's been after the whole week. So what does he want to go to Nike?

I think he wants to be free. I think he wants to go to Nike. He's kind of clarified. His whole thing is like... What's the clarification? Lex was like, dude, you got to apologize. By death country, he meant... I thought he just meant he's firing his agents.

But go ahead. What did he do? Yeah, he's saying... He's like, from my personal perspective, I got fucked over in business by my Jewish managers' agencies. It's happened so many times. Can I break in? Can I break in?

Yeah, yeah. If that guy is considered being fucked over, that's a fucking solid, like, being fucked over. He's doing well. Don't try to cover up for what you guys do to the... What you guys do to African-Americans in the music industry? Well, he wants to say... He kept saying...

My fellow people who run this platform, please delete all comments that take away from the Jews. Jews, I'm sorry. Don't do it to us. The funny part in the interview is when he starts going on the Jewish media and Friedman's like, bro, bro, what are you doing? He was like, what?

I can't say that. And they were like, no. He's like, all right, the JM. And he's like, dude, it's so funny. It's not like FM rules where you're like... He's putting his D in there. He does the JM. And it's, dude, it's so fucking funny.

You see him on Piers Moyey when he called Biden a retard? Yeah. That's the only clip of that. He's not meeting with Elon Musk. He's a fucking... That's fucking retarded. He's a fucking retard. And Piers Morgan has to be like, you can't say that.

Don't say retard. Wait, so what did he clarify? What was he saying? That was kind of his whole thing. He was, it was, and it's so hard. It's like, it's when you really try to like zero in, it gets so... It gets all over the place.

It's all over the place. But it's like, he would kind of then the guy would, Friedman would be like, dude, like read about the Holocaust. And he'd be like, how about the Holocaust on black babies being aborted? And he would start going into that. And then they never really... Yeah.

Dude, he was... He's got equal numbers. Yeah, he kept going. He was saying it's like... That's way more. Way more. Dude, you ever look at how many abortions there are in America for like months?

Then he started saying like black people are sick or like the people are like sick. And he starts, but like, dude, whole like... He starts bringing in the facts. He started, that's his whole thing is that he's an engineer and he only deals in facts. Dude, the whole episode, he's like, we're both engineers, I'm dealing in facts.

He's like, what I said, I said, I'm sorry I hurt people, but I'm also not apologizing for saying it. He's like, I'm just dealing in facts and we're just engineers with engineering opportunities in front of us, or we're human beings with engineering opportunities in front of us and we should stop teaching history altogether. Yeah.

In just engineer, sick shit. And then every session's full. You need to stay away from Kanye interviews. That's what he said. I know, but he's really speaking your language. He did this. These are words, J.M. is you. J.M. is so important to you.

I did, Sean was with me and I listened, I cackled. All right, the J.M. then and Lex is like, God damn it. Lex is being so nice to him the whole time. He's like, dude, I'm Jewish. I want to have you avoid crashing. I got to hang out with Lex for a while. He's a really good guy. Yeah.

He's a cool fucking dude. He was so nice the whole time. Yeah. At one point. Dude, just count jelly beans all day. At one point. Harry, we're not doing this. You're here to promote your special.

November 2nd, everybody, my new special. November 2nd, we pre-jacked. We didn't know this. I thought it was, I thought your special was coming out. Literally, I was like, hey, but twice. I was like, first, I was like, you know, it's coming out. November 2nd, I do your pockets. Yeah, sure.

And I was like, hey, this is coming out after November 2nd. Right. And you said, yes. November 2nd, 2021. There was one part that was he really must. You like that guy, dog? Dude, at one part, he goes like, yeah, but Kanye, but underneath all of this, like we are just humans.

And like, we're all the same on some deep fundamental level and Kanye West goes, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. What? He never fucking addresses what he said. I was like, Jesus Christ. I love when the people deal with facts, refuse to be like, to go both ways. Like, what about the Holocaust?

Like, I'm not even going to mention that. I'll just say something else. You're not even like, yeah, you know, that was terrible. Can I add to that? They're just like, I'm not even going to mention it. That's how they got to try. The same shit fucking Shapiro does. He's like, your pants are ugly.

Can you come on my shirt first? Nah, that was good. That happened. Ted Cruz was on the view. Yeah. He was doing battles with those fucking yappy bitches. He was just battling them. Oh, that's great.

And he was hitting them with the fucking Hillary Clinton denied the election. Why don't they raise not all that? He just named all these people that denied the election that were Democrats. And then one of the ladies' responses was just, could you lower your voice? We're not screaming.

You're screaming like, they couldn't acknowledge that everything Ted went on spit facts. Yeah, that's their version of their. T-H-E-I-R. It really is. You're raising your voice right now. Dude, I hate when conservatives get tone police, dude. Yeah.

You saw our tone police. Let us scream, dude. Us. Conservatives. You're conservative. Us. US. You're conservative.

You're definitely conservative. I've heard you. Are you going to out me? You've been tiptoned around. I've heard tone of his points. Really? We had a couple of drinks last night and he started making.

I tried to keep up, but I felt like I couldn't do it. I've never heard of the blacks. Yeah. No, we've got our own. You said average. Oh, no, what? No, I said a lot of stuff, too. I don't want to get into this.

I've been very quiet. Now that I'm remembering my statements. So you're you're leaning towards concern. What was your I said? I'd like our country to have a nuclear weapon. That's all I said. I don't think you're going to protect us long term. I think the Chinese will come down.

It would be nice if we could protect ourselves with a nuclear. You'd like to have you'd like the possibility of devastating China with a nuclear weapon. Just to threaten them and just say, please. How would you? I think you'd like to show that you're mean business. You were just nuke Tanzania of all places.

You mean Tasmania? I do mean that. Thanks, Shane, for clarifying. I was thinking that's that's a good long range. We can get to Tanzania. Fucking Africa. Thanks, New Mexico. We obviously did not hit that on purpose,

but I hope everybody knows we're crazy. It would be funny if someone just preemptively struck Tanzania. Yeah. They're like something was going on there. We were going to be big. I don't know what they did to deserve that, but it must have been pretty bad. They like took they're like, shit, I didn't mean Tasmania.

Sorry about that nuclear. The Kanye interview. I was just think it really was. It was like two factions of the Internet meeting each other through those two people was like, Lex Freedom. They bro, I care about you. I love you.

I care about humanity. And the Kanye would hit some like he would just go off on these other weird like tangents you'd find in the comments. And they were it was it was tough. It's funny to watch. But it's like it's I live for the Nazis have like glommed on the Kanye West. They've ignored that's what I'm saying.

Big fact about it. We are having a lot of supremacy. Yeah, I think we're having a pure singularity getting to listen to the college dropout. That was rule. They finally get to blast college dropout and be like, dude, what is it? It's it makes everything look completely absurd.

It looks at the whole discussion looks totally absurd. It's crazy. When my amazing racist videos hit the Internet, I remember those. Yeah. They got ripped off that National Influenced DVD and a white power website picked it up, whitenationalist.com. And the headline was Jew boys got the right idea. Fuck, dude, they are funny.

They are funny. They are fucking hilarious. They're just like the black history lights. Like they are funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. White nationalists will hit you with something when you're like, damn, that is fucking unbelievably funny. I can't repeat it.

But the headlines will be like, Michelle Obama. Jill, Jill, Jill. Why are you like fucking what's his name? Daniel Carver. Daniel Carver on Howard Stern. Wait, Daniel Carver, the writer? No, Daniel Carver, the Klansman that used to be on Howard Stern. He would say shit.

That was just when he would just have a Klansman on regularly in between the woman on the he would have a Klansman come on and say the worst shit. Yeah. And he'd be like, ha, ha, ha, this is crazy. Yay, a tax turn. Big Stearns of Stearns, an interesting character. Yeah, yeah, he was full. He went on there.

No, he just was like, fuck, Stern. He was really good. He said, fuck, Howard Stern. He has a put on hardcore movies anymore. Howard Stern and John Legend gets it bad. John Legend. He's ripping John Legend. Fuck John Legend, bro.

Fuck John Legend, bro. Chrissy Teigen's bitch ass. What is funny to really see their fucking stillborn photos? They're nice. Oh, yeah. I have a happy family. Woo. That was a crazy cause to be like,

you know, I'm going to bring light to this and everyone's like, bro, that's so sad. Just mourn for a minute. Yeah, that's kind of like this can be his idea. Oh, John Legend, Johnny Ledge. Yeah, I think I sweater tight sweater. John Legend, dude, good speller. Is that what Kanye says about him?

Tightswitter, good speller. Holy shit, he called him a good speller. Yeah, he was like, I'm not a good speller. I didn't realize I didn't know how to spell a death con. I spelled a death con. That was my mistake. He's like, I'm a bad speller. You can tell he's he's really fucking.

That's the apology. He's like, I'm a bad speller. That's all it was. And I was sleepy. It is what it is. Now we're here at this moment. It's a sleepy tweet. Sleepy tweet.

That's what he said. He goes, I met Def Con. You guys are reading into it. I met Def Con. Yeah, I think he was like, I'm just a bad speller. He kept taking notes during the podcast. So he's like, I like that. I'm going to write that down.

Blacks will often put that F where the T H is. This was a nice reversal. It's open season. He opened it. 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,160 It's open season. It's open season on what? Jews vs. Blacks.

They can clash again. They can clash again. Crown Heights. Frontlines. Dude, remember what they did to you guys? They made you guys build the pyramids. I know. The Blacks.

They made you guys build the pyramids. I know. The Blacks and the aliens teamed up. No, Kanye. He built the pyramids. Kanye built the pyramids. He claimed Blacks built the pyramids. Blacks built it.

Hey, Blacks. You're the real Israelites. You're the real Israelites. Where were you during the fucking Holocaust? You should have stayed quiet during all that shit. Fucking speak up. Take some of the abuse. So, hey, some of them liberated you guys.

Two of them. Two of them. So you better say thanks. Thanks. I appreciate that. Jim Brown. There was a Black Holocaust. What?

There was a Black Holocaust. The French Algerians raped their way through in World War I, through the, what is it, the Sudetenland. And then by World War II, there were a bunch of Black people in Germany. Really? And they all, I believe they were holocaust. They didn't farewell during the Holocaust. No, I think they were, but I'm, you know, they were, you know, teaming, I'm in arm.

Jew is Black also. Agreed. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome. Victims of victim. Thank you. James.

Thank you. I'm sorry. I think we should all come together, dude. That's all I'm trying to say. Sure. Fitbot Taylor's an exercise program to your goals, equipment, and schedule. It's the easiest way to work out. I use Fitbot myself.

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But if you're interested in a better way to use nicotine, visit loosey.co and use that promo code drenched. Have a great day. I never got as big a response as when I had Nate Marshall come out and tell me if and six if six was one if the Phillies one. Yeah, just interrupt me. Wait till I did what I was before I went on. It was the end of the Astros game.

Yeah, it was. So during the seventh inning, they the TVs were on in the showroom and the whole crowd was going crazy. So I'm like sitting there listening in the green room like they're watching the game. They're good. Now we got to turn to be like games off. Hey, everybody, welcome to the comedy show. It's like a bar show.

So yeah, it was rough. So they turn the TVs off. The show starts. They were actually pretty good, but I knew it was coming. It was in the ninth and I had my phone on the stool. Watch. I had the game. I had the game live.

I could be like while you're doing stand up in the middle of my set. I was like, all right, hold on. Sound Lady, can you turn the TVs back on with the sound and they got to watch Aaron Judge bitch ass get fucking out. You were in Houston. I was in Houston. I was on stage when they clinched the game. Play the game on my stool.

Dude, I was like, turn it on. They turn on the game. The place fucking went crazy. And then I was like, that might ruin the show. But the first joke I told, they're like, ah, they're so excited. Without them. That was the beginning of your set that he had the home run. No, it was the Astros game.

But I was in Houston, you know, the Houston Astros got the role series. It was a nice moment. Damn, dude. Yeah. That's fucking wild. It was a cool moment. Did you keep the game on the entire time during your set or just in the beginning? Well, it was it was pretty early.

It was the ninth inning when I went on stage. Did you say your work at a feature? Yeah. I closed the set with fuck the Astros. Go Phillies. Good. Fuck you. I said, fuck you guys.

Phillies. I'm kind of blown away, dude. Keep the game on while you perform. Might be the next thing you have to do. Always have the game on while you do stand up. That's all bar shows that always happen. Just keep yourself on playing the game and stop. Like, I don't know.

Oh, shit, they scored. Yeah, no, they're going in. Think about it. I will. I will continue. I like that. It was fun. It was fun to look over.

That's so fucking funny. But you did that in Philadelphia. You told them. Yeah. They went more nuts than any response I got. Yeah. Any response. It was like wild for about a minute and a half straight.

That's pretty cool. Old ladies. Dude, they stopped interrupting my bits for fucking once. I was there. They are animals and Philly. What was that? 2009, I think? I was there in Philly.

I was going to school and they won. Turn on the TV. It was the ninth inning of World Series. I'm like, oh, shit. They won. And fucking, it was a riot. I went and participated in a riot. I was like, oh, cool.

And I walked down and drank beer in a deli. And I was like, whew. Yeah, we did it. I'm not paying for this. That's stealing. The last time I was there was the weekend before. You were a peaceful protester. I was.

There's going to be a peaceful protest. If the Phillies win, there will definitely be a peaceful protest. Along with the racial protest. The Eagles, they were pulling people out of their cars and fucking beating them up for no reason. Who did that? I was there that weekend. They were greasing up poles.

I might get the Philly. They were beating up white people. What is the greasing up polls thing? That's because they climb up. And they don't stay up there. I think someone fell and died. People climb the top of the poles and they fell and like fractured their skulls.

That's a tribute to the victory. It is. It is a great tribute. It is awakening an ancient energy and dude to be victorious in the World Series. I watched him hit that home run. Guys look each other in the eyes and they're like Yeah.

It's pretty sick. It's really, really fun, dude. It's awesome. They kind of rules. I was so happy when he hit that home run. When Bryce hit that home run, he did that for me. Dude, we need to be accessing that more throughout the day. Just look.

You just find someone that Handline and act. Everyone's wearing the jerseys out there. Yes. What are you talking about people beating people up for the Eagles? Yeah. When the Eagles won, they were pulling people out of their cars. That's not true.

100% true. I've never seen more. Look it up. New Lemair. Look it up. I've never seen more love. I was around. I left.

Yeah. No, they're just beating up randoms. It didn't matter. That's how they show love in Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah. Fine. I want to see if that's the case.

That's pretty. I don't think that's true. He's J.M. He's J.M. You are the J.M., dude. I am. Anyway, the point is I'm switching allegiances.

Yes. I'm swapping. Are you really? No longer Yankee, dude. Fuck them. They betrayed me too many times. This is unbelievable. This is a big moment.

Fricks. Eric Judge, it's not all about the regular season. Yes. Bryce. Oh, shit, dude. It's time. That's how you do it. You are good in that.

I've always loved you, bro. That does suit you better. Those colors. Yeah. You're good in pinstripes. I believe red and white. That's the move. I'm, dude, I don't know why conversions

of different sports teams are frowned upon. I'm like, that's what I'm saying. Wait to see the winning team. Everyone root for the winning team and the whole country can just be like, whoa. Yeah. Phillies are America.

They're about to secede. Yeah, true. Don't root for Texas. Stolen Mexican territory. How about they give that fucking shit down? Yeah, I was hitting them with that. Did you? Yeah, I was down there.

I was saying, you guys are lucky. You know, any time I perform in the South, I like to tell them. Who's it says Elon Musk? Joe Rogan? Rich people? Yeah. No, the common man's in Philadelphia.

Heard that, dude. Yeah, and like Shyamalan. That's right. Meek Mills. Yep. Yep. Allen Iverson. Andre 3000.

He's still there. Yeah. Where? Andre 3000's in Philadelphia for a while. I know. I heard he plays the flute, too. Playing the flute. Just walking around and playing the flute.

Really? What? All right. That was a good bit. That's pretty, that's huge. You're in, dude. Thanks. Welcome to the brotherhood.

It's going to be a fun one. When you get to watch the Eagles win the Super Bowl, too. Dude, they're playing so good. I hope they win it. It's going to be crazy. James, what do you think about it? I'm just struggling to keep up with a lot of these names, but I'm loving it.

Tell us about also. What's going on over there? What in general? What's going on? Very little weeks. Are you guys still, are you guys being gay about COVID? We're getting a little more relaxed. Okay.

Yeah. Just now? Yeah. We're getting a little more relaxed in the last couple weeks. Got chills. No. It's, the stickers are still everywhere. Do you get to stand where you went on the floor,

like four stickers in this place, in that place? It's pretty dehumanizing, honestly. It is. You've still got, in New York and California, you've got masks in weird places. Like libraries have masks still. You have to wear a mask on? No, you do.

Well, to be fair, the people who work in libraries in America are the biggest pussies. Yeah. Nobody goes to libraries except the children. Nobody goes to libraries anymore. I've been spending a lot of time in your libraries. What are you doing in libraries? I was walking around L.A., and I didn't,

I just had 15 hours in L.A. with my bag. I just walked around, so I went to the Inglewood Public Library. You called your wife your bag? No, she left her at home. She's not allowed to come. She's not allowed to travel. So you went to the library? Yeah.

What did you read? There were good books on chess at the Inglewood Library. You went to the library and read the books about chess? You went to the library and Inglewood? Yeah. You went to the library and Inglewood? Yeah. I didn't know anything about it.

You fucking read a book about chess? Or it's several books about chess in the Inglewood Public Library. Like how? I read the titles, grade toilets, loving the Inglewood Public Library. Yeah, you took a dump in the library. I did take a big dump in the Inglewood Public Library. Yeah, read about chess, took a shit, took a shit.

I'm turning up, I'm taking America to the max. I'm loving it here. It's a great country. My question is actively trying to shut down all the libraries. Why? Because they're a huge waste of money. They're obsolete. We can just give everyone a hard drive with all the books on them

and use the physical space or something more useful. You should put the hummus in there. That's what I'm saying. They're right. They're mostly down in the library. I don't know. I'm kind of with them. Hummus people need Wi-Fi.

They get it. They get it in New York with those fucking kiosks. They all got phones and then we built them kiosks so they could charge their phones. Yeah, if we kept a warehouse full of cassette tapes, it'd be like, dude, fucking get that warehouse out of here. It'd be crazy. What are you going to do with all the books?

Burn them. Burn them. Burn them, yeah. Burn them for heat in the winter. What would the JMs say about that? The JMs not going to be happy when that happens. Right now, the JMs are the one censoring everybody. They're helping us be better versions of ourselves. I still want to be type JM.

I mean, they're one point for the dick haircut. It's like, all right, figure that out. I've never heard someone say it's more sensitive. That must have been, it feels better. It's crazy. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a better shape. It's got tissues in a better location. It's ribbed.

For sure, it's better. Yeah. It's like a muffin top. Yeah, I'm fucking... And then also, there's like the clean. With the foreskin, things get trapped. You've got to wash it all the time. Especially in the desert, that must have been tough.

Just open, happy. Yeah. I don't wash after fuck. You had stuff in your penis? Not anymore. But you used to get stuff in there? Like a little pocket. It's like a belly button.

Yeah, it's like a belly button. Belly button stink, huh? It's not right. That's sexy as a belly button. For some people, very sexy, but not for me. That was a good one. Are you circumcised? Yeah.

Everyone in your country, are you circumcised? Everyone. We're nice people. We're good, smart people. Yeah, it's a Judeo-Christian nation. She's circumcised, too. Hey. Hey.

What's happening? Yeah, can you talk about your Christian animal? Let's get into it. We've talked about that cult before. Which cult? Your cult. Oh, the Catholic thing. Yeah.

Matt brought it to my attention years ago. How do you know about it? He just read about it in a magazine. Man, it says Nicest. I'm resisting the term cult. It is the nicest, loveliest town I've ever been to. Cults are nice. Terrible football thing.

Really? Well... Who are they playing against? They're playing Toronto. Yeah. Which town? Steubenville, Ohio. I loved it.

Oh, that's a Catholic town? Yeah. He's like a devout Catholic. Yeah, it's like back... priest, back... Do you ever see those Church of the Holy Sepulchre where they swing those fucking steel rods full of smoke? Yeah, I love it.

Damn, that was badass. Smell some bells. Yeah. What do you like to do? Dancing with a girl without one black dude. Latin mass? I do, yeah. Which black dude?

Jesus. Yes, we love him. He wasn't black, dude. What? I mean... Arab. He would have been in the sun. I thought he would have been darker than we are today. Look at the blacks try to claim up when he's clearly Arab.

Yeah, he's obviously Arab. And they were like, not white means black. We all did come from Africa, though. You ever think of that? I mean, who built the pyramids? I don't know. Aliens? I'm calling it the aliens now.

Aliens and the blacks. That is crazy to have an eighth wonder of the world just lifted out under your fingertips like, nah, that was... Yeah, we did that. We did that. We did that. You guys, what have you guys done?

Fuck it. Stock market? True. Pretty good. You hear that? What else? That is pretty good. Hollywood.

Schmere. Mindelson? You had... Oh, nuclear weaponry? Yeah. Why don't we just settle it once and for all? It has to be the easiest thing to truly investigate and just prove or prove.

And then from there, it'd be like, all right. What's that? To be like, it's the Jewish-controlled media. That's a lie. Fine, I don't care. I don't know why we won't admit it. Get the fucking paperwork and then be like, look, we only own 30% and be like, yeah, that's fair.

Right. 50, 60... Like, what percentage of the media would have to be owned? And then it's like, at that point, it's like... Gardini's looking it up. You can be honest, Gardini. That's the thing that freaks me out. It's like, why not just look into it and then be like,

oh, it's 60% and be able to go, okay, well, that's free market capitalism. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like, what's the fuss? What's the fuss? The group, it's their individuals who all own it. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. But there are Kanye West's arguing like, yeah, but if they happen to all be... If 90% would happen to be Jewish who own the media, theoretically, he's like, I'm just saying that's the case. And they're like, no, that's not true. It's like, dude, we can easily prove this.

What, it is true. The guy from Virginia doesn't do that. Most of the heads of media corporations are Jewish? Yeah, that's... Yes. Really? I think that's definitely... But 90% of your basketball players are black.

So do they own the NBA? It's not like the black owned NBA. The what? You can be white and play in the NBA. Like the blackness doesn't qualify you to do it. And maybe it does. I'm not familiar with the rules in this country. What are you saying?

What the hell are you saying? I'm just saying white people having a hard time playing sports over here. We're having a bit of a renaissance. Dude, we've been fighting those Eastern European bros. We are having a renaissance. You're getting big Croatians in there. Oh, yeah.

I mean, he's the last two years and the NBA's been a honky. He's so good. Yeah, true. Gasol. Wait, who owns the media corporations? Gasol. What is it? It's Balgasol.

Balgasol. It's New York Times in the back of my head. Let's Carlos sleep. Well, that's... Am I right? Hold on. We don't change the subject. We get to the bottom of the jam.

Okay. That's what I'm talking about, so... I'm talking the New York Times. New York Times, New York Times, New York Times. New York Times. New York Times. New York Times. New York Times.

New York Times. New York Times for the Mexican. You're talking over each other. Okay, true, true, true. This is exactly what the jam wants. We want to squabbling. It wants to squat. What's the prognosis?

Why not? That's what I'm saying. We're on the first page of Google. We know how many white CEOs there are. Who owns YouTube? Google. A lady? No, not CEO.

We're talking about owner. Yeah, bro. We're talking about the board. Who owns YouTube? My thing is... Zuckerberg is big. He's Jewish. That's a big one.

But then Bezos owns Amazon. He's not Jewish. He's not Jewish. But that's not media. Yeah, what the fuck's Bezos? They have Amazon Prime Video. He's like super top-level white. What's that one?

It's like Zoethastrian. Zoethastrian? Is he Zoethastrian? He might be Zoethastrian. That predates Judaism, though. Yeah, I don't know what he is. That was one of the first monotheisms. Yeah, dude.

Zoethastrian. That is true. Yeah. Yeah. You can marry your cousins. Ahura Mazda is the god. He has an evil counterpart that brought all the evil into the world. What's the evil guy's name?

I forget. It's something like that. But it's like... Yeah. Yeah. That's the translation. Yeah, that would do. Zoethastrianism was the shit for a while, and it just completely collapsed.

Yeah. A couple guys left. Jesus came and gave the world the truth. Well, yeah, then it was Judaism. You guys tried to deny it, and you hurt him. You heard it. You guys were mean to our Lord. Yeah, we tried to stop something that would affect our dominance.

You had no dominance. Rome was fucking you guys up. David fucking nuked you guys with a goddamn slingshot, bro. What? Yeah. Judaism was the most powerful place on earth. What? I do think they were in the process of getting the power.

You could even figure out what you were trying to say. It was pretty good. The Romans came in and gave you all four. We had a no conversion rule when David was in charge. Yeah. You guys are going to do this for the wrong reasons now. Just trying to join up. No conversion.

That is the one thing that Jewish history is. It's epic, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Literally a small band of dudes fighting their way out of a desert, trying to get killed from every angle. Yeah. I'm like, it's kind of a success story.

It's killed in a fucking huge success story. It's crazy. Now they control the biggest empire in the world. The media. It's pretty sick. They control the United States. That's what I'm saying. They control the banks and media.

I think the history is so fucking lit and terrifying. Yeah. And it's just like, dudes, if I find out that it's 95% JM, it's just a big high five. Like, dude, that's the craziest. All every Nobel Peace Prize or every Nobel, they win everything. They win everything. That's what I'm saying.

If we find out it's true, then it's like, okay, what's good? How'd you do it? Yeah, right. Learn from them. Focus on the positives. That's what I'm saying. I think no one will give me the data. I don't think they'll eliminate the ultimate high five and make dudes.

What? Who are the big media outlets? Because they were like, it's like two. CBS 188. CBS 188. Comcast. But they were saying Jews control the media before any of these places existed. True.

I think they did. But who are they? You literally cannot talk about this. Why can't we talk about this? Because they think if someone got the right fucking internet image of all the things, everyone would launch a Holocaust together. I don't think that'll happen. No.

If you want to appreciate it, they said the Jews ran in Hollywood. Hollywood was making the best movies in the world. The Jews were not running the French film industry. We had a right to the top. I'm trying to get my job. That's right. My people were literally white savages in the planes. And we got Christianity, which stemmed from Judaism.

That's right. Even Christianity comes out of us. It does. You don't have your shit without us. The Jews made Christ. Are you sure you're a Jew November 2nd only on YouTube? Yes. Big high five.

But and then Kanye West goes, he's been wronged. His people have been wronged. That's his complaint. And he just wants to engineer a better future. But his whole point is you literally cannot have this discussion at all. We're doing it. Fair enough. We're doing it.

We think we're doing it. We can't have a discussion is interesting. You can't talk about it because it's but they also from every angle. You go, OK, it's like, yeah, but the Holocaust was in the 1940s, bro. Yeah. I have a penny from when there was the Holocaust, I think. Yeah. I can go.

That was a bad year. It was a bad year. Let me have that. Just any penny really will do. But yeah, that's the one that's like, it's kind of weird. But he said like, you can't talk about this, but he wasn't just talking about it. He said he wanted to go death con three. But his whole thing is he has to go over the top to open up the convo.

But like, there should be that's what he said. That's right. If there were on Jewish people where that's what there was no line, that would be weird. If the media was like, yeah, everyone should be having a death con three against the Jews is wild. It's a lot. You can't have a discussion like we have to have a mental breakdown. I think he's I think he's super smart and up to something. He's trying to make interesting points.

I don't think. I think he's been doing well. What does white lives matter mean? It's got to mean something more than just I hate blasts. It had the Pope on the front and it had Spanish. No one read into it. He watched. He watched Candace Owen's documentary about how Black Lives Matter is a fraud.

She made a documentary about that. Yeah. He watched it. He was like, this is the truth. He brings it up. He brings it up. He loves that documentary. He brings that up.

He recites it. What does he say? Then Lex is like, he's like, dude, I'm as healthy as I've ever been. I haven't taken medication in two years. Lex is like, how you been sleeping? He goes, that's low hanging fruit, bro. Don't ask. Was he something like basically looting the fact he's in manic episode.

He goes, dude, you're better than that. That's that like Piers Morgan old guy on the way out low hanging fruit. Grab rating shit. He goes, don't do that, man. Wow. Yeah. How you been sleeping? Yeah.

He was hitting him with like, are you on a manic episode right now? Oh, don't do that. Don't just call me crazy. He's like, bro, when he's like, I don't want to do this anymore. You guys make this suck. And they're like, you must be crazy. You're on drugs. Yep.

But I think Kanye is having a man. It's it's so hard to do because you watch it. It is a lot of it's complete. I mean, it's not my business. Yeah. What, you know, true. Fair point. If he wants that, if he's having a mental breakdown, who am I to sit there and be like,

he's great. I'm not calling it crazy. He's going to write off a point you don't like by saying you must be crazy. To be fair, I think I've podcasted while manic to be fair. Yeah. To be fair. Yeah. I don't know why I kind of watch him and I'm like, I love it.

It is interesting. It's very like my brother on a manic episode. There's no other thing I'm thinking. A beautiful mind was a good movie. Yeah. But no, it is. Yeah, it's it's a it's weird. The whole thing's weird and very uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable. But it is, you know, I don't know. It's interesting. Like six of the last manic episodes have been great back to back. When he was on Ellen, when he was doing the BBC interview 10 years ago, when he's on, it's tremendous. And he's all over the place there. I think I think Jesus is a full manic episode.

Evolutionarily, it might have a place in like some dude just goes berserk for six months and comes back with like one good idea and you're like, whoa, fuck. Yeah. Kind of sick. He would go berserk and put out like the best music. Yeah. Yeah. You got to be a little crazy to be on that level.

You renamed yourself from an already fake name. The name changes. He does make wild claims. Like I'm the best writer at Shakespeare than me. Wow. Like that. At least he gives up for Shakespeare. True.

True. No. Yeah. No, he's Catholic. No. No. That makes it true. Yeah.

We got it. Seven a pound. You guys, you try to divide everybody. But yeah, that's the Shakespeare earlier. Shakespeare. Yeah. Shakespeare. Yeah, it changed the fit in.

Where are we at? What a joy. What a joyous podcast. I will say this is a joyous time. It is. It is. It is a joyous time. I had such a joyous time last night.

What'd you do? Just watched God hammered and watched stand up comedy. Dude, I can't wait to drink it. It was Bernie Mac for an hour and a half. Bernie Mac, yeah. It's so fucking good. He knows all the words to Bernie Mac and that's really hard because there's not a lot of words in Bernie Mac.

Yeah, true. A little bit of that. It was so beautiful. Bernie Mac. I said that Steve Harvey was my favorite comedian ever and he said, Bernie Mac is number one. Yeah.

Steve Harvey is maybe good. No, Steve Harvey was excellent. Steve Harvey was excellent. But Bernie Mac was milk and cookies. That was so great. Dude, we watched Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac was so good that I put on Pimp Chronicles after. I heard that in bed.

That was beautiful. And it was, it was what? Was it on the okay? It was fine. It was fine. Compared to how good Bernie Mac was. It is really. Dude, the Bernie Mac show was good.

His sitcom was good, dude. It's so funny when you see something. It was based off milk and cookies. Was it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's three kids. That gay kid. Yeah.

He's just foppish though in the show. Two year old seated balls. She's shipping for the devil. It's incredible. When I see my brother, there's going to be a misunderstanding. Dude. Can't kill.

You know, can't kill. I mean, dude, literally every single sentence he said was just like, yeah, it was perfect. It's incredible. Truly perfect. And he's in the suit. He's in the fire.

He looks like a pastor. He's got like, his eyes are like, his hand. He's like, dude, I'm big bone. No, that's special. Take my shit out this whole room.

Get a dog. Kick it. The milk and cookie special was honestly like the pinnacle. Yeah. Like how good standup comedy can be. It's literally every sentence delivers. Yes. Let me tell you something.

Stop. Perfect facial expression. Like God. It's, I mean, it's making me happy again. Yeah. Yeah. He's reached like a absolute just nirvana of likeability

where every single sentence you're like, my sister's fucked up, y'all. You got some in your family. Don't fucking do that. And then there's a girl. And the little girl, let me tell you about her. He just goes two year olds devil.

Yeah. The setup is the punchline. Now six year old. He affected. I'm sitting there just like, yes. He's just called a kindergarten effect. Oh my God. Oh, it's a million views.

Yeah. Ain't no six year old walking around like this. Him downstairs. Him downstairs. What the fuck is him? Yeah. God damn it. That was great.

Him downstairs. That's universally everyone like, to translate that into like Dubai must have been so funny. Oh yeah. And then there's this old Muslim boy to speak. Speaking of Dubai, fucking Steve Harvey was at the fight. You see, it was crazy.

Steve Harvey was just in the front row surrounded by Saudi like student white. Yeah, it was sick. He was in like a beige suit. Dude, I sent you that clip of the dude, slim thug in Dubai. I say that video. That might be my favorite thing.

It just eats H town, by the way. Black dudes dressing like sheiks and walking through Dubai and stunning. I'm like, I hope that is a thing that keeps going on. I hope it can. That's my favorite. I love the world's colliding. It's my favorite thing.

Just watching a dude fucking stunt on one of those spinny things. Black dudes own those spinny things at parties. I've never. I want to say things like a French dude. There's a spinny thing where like you go on it with your bros. There's a 360 camera and you can just stunt like three seconds

at a party. You get a cool Instagram video. Like the sickest Instagram video. Dude, I live in fear of that. I've been to black weddings where I see the spinny thing and I'm like, someone's going to grab me up on there. And I'm always, I'm walking away from that thing. You cannot go on the spinny thing.

I mean, dude. You see that video that there's a black, there's a black Jimmy Volmer that tries to get on one and he's got the thing. He falls off. Do you know the spinny thing? We had this with this not happening. We filmed like.

Oh yeah. You guys were early on the spinny thing. Yeah. That was the intros. It went around. It looked like it went around us. Yeah. It's like a crazy machine.

You just hold a weird pose and then it's like, how much is it to rent that for the day? I might practice. I think like, you're going to go on the spinny thing. For your next black wedding, you've got to have the moves ready to go. Let's get there early. You just do it cheap on the playground.

Just do it like on a camera. I don't think you know. He does go to several. Yeah. Black weddings. My wife's Jewish. No. The story you said on the.

She's Jewish also. The thing you said about going on while now at a party. Yeah. It was one of my favorite ever podcast. It was a fun time. I've listened back to it a couple of times. You went on while now. No, it was.

I was at. I was at a party. My wife's family unbelievable. My wife's from the south side of Chicago. So I'm at a party. I'm in the south side. And they were like, there were people wearing like wild and out like shirts in there.

And I was like, yeah, it makes sense. I don't know what the hell's going on. It checks out. Everyone's looking good. I'm, you know, I'm not really asking questions. And then the, and then they had, they had planned to have a competitive while.

They were going to do wild and out themselves in their backyard. Freestyle. All the, all the bits, dude. And then I'm sitting there. I get picked to play. And I was just like, dude, please for a love of God, leave me out of this.

And I just played. I, you know, I had to do a freestyle about being black in America. That was the topic. And I was like, you guys are killing me, dude. I had to do a freestyle in the blackest place in America about being black in America. Stone sober.

And it was, what was it? It was about your daughter. Yeah. It's like America. It's easier than you think. And it was the only spot going. It was, it was truly terrible.

It was so good. I don't know about being black. I don't know about that. My daughter might know half or it was terrible. It was nice. It was good. But I, I was clumsy, dude. I'm, I'm, I'm giving myself more credit.

I remember maybe I'm just being self-critical. I'm sure you're being judging my bars. You think he killed it on the freestyle rap? That was not a bad one off the top. That was not bad at all. You're right. I had some other, but I was like, you know, you drive, the drive home was just.

And they didn't give it up. They should have been like, it was kind of like, it's very important. I got some lukewarm. Okay. And I was like, I know what that is. That's bullshit. Okay.

Maybe it's about to start. Fuck. Shit. That's bad. Went to the back and I was like, it was fun though. Making people laugh, trying to make people laugh, to spit water out was fun. That is fun.

That was good. That's when I did all right there. Yeah. Wait, they, they drink some water. Two people sitting in a chair and you have to stand with a microphone. There's a DJ behind. There's a DJ behind us, by the way.

My wife's cousin. It was just. He was mixing it up. It was sick. It was nasty. And then you just make jokes. Trying to make people water out. Watching people who like just, it's like,

they weren't comedians. So they're trying to make people laugh. And it was just like, watching people getting teleported into like, open mic energy was so fun for me. Like, oh shit. I don't know, man. Fuck it.

Yeah. What else do I want to talk about? It was so fucking funny. He's not surprised. It got very sexual too. Yeah. People started going very, people started like shaking their ass.

Like the one dude's face. And like, it was wild. I remember sitting there. I was being like, whoa. Was it kind of erotic? I was so nervous at the time. I was like a bunny just like, that like my sexual faculties won't really work.

You were in a foxhole. It is funny to be so just checkmated by life where it's like, I can't be like, no, I'm not. I mean, I could have been like, no, but then like. Then it's weird. That would have sucked. Like, no, and sit from afar. I was like, I got to do this.

You had to do it. Had to do it. I'm going to play a while now and I'm ready, dude. You're good at that. I'm going to start writing. You're good to jump into things. You have to, dude. You're very good at that.

You have to jump in. That's life, dude. He's in my head. I was like, I can't say no to this. And I was like, dude, why? Why? The fact that like, dude, when, you know, when things culminate in a thing, it's like, why sit it out?

Yeah. So what if you hit hard? What if it just came together? What if my bars murdered? Dude, that would have been nasty. But he fucked me on the subject. He fucked me on the subject. If it was anything else, I might have actually murdered.

Yeah. But it's like to be black in America. What is that? Pick out of a hat or they gave it to you specifically. He claimed they were already set. So to be fair to, for them to alter them due to my skin color would have been racist. So I, I support him.

My wife yelled at him, but I said, now, Brady, he did the right thing. He did the right thing. But yeah. I mean, that's, that's old. That's ancient history, bro. I'm surprised you weren't there trying to sign someone. His raps are very good. They could make a lot of money off him.

I will take advantage of him. Let's put him in a du-rag and put him at the top. Whoa. We designed that for 50 cents. We designed that for 50 cents. We designed his whole outfit. Did you guys, Jews designed the 50 G unit tank top? Oh yeah.

That kid. You guys keep getting better, dude. The Jews are sick, dude. We've always said that. We've never been critical of our Hebrew brothers. We wish to learn more. I've always been like, I'd like to learn more. We do seek knowledge in the Torah.

True. We seek knowledge. Knowledge itself. You don't like these types of jokes. You're a true... No, I love Jewish people. You're a Catholic man. I love Jewish people.

Yeah, I can love Jewish people. What's your take on the old test? Do you read the old testament? Yeah. It's exciting. It's... Action packed. Yeah.

Yeah. Action packed. Old testament. Guys. Action packed. We're going to switch over to the Patreon. Yeah. Good call.

I think it's signed. I also have to dump. Oh, nice. I'll see you in a minute. Relieved on the Patreon. Goodbye. Thank you. Oh, Ari.

Yeah. Plug your thing before we go. YouTube.com slash Ari Shafir. Go subscribe now. It'll be out next week. It's going to be good. I saw it. It's very good.

I think it might be your best work. It is. Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. I think it is. It's really fucking good. Thanks for saying it like that instead of this is your first good work. No, you got some good stuff.

You got some very good stuff. James, what's going on with you? Do you want to say anything to the listeners? Follow me on Instagram. I'm trying to buy a catamaran. I've got a podcast about trying to buy a catamaran. You've got a podcast? The James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan.

It's catamaran like a pontoon. Jesus Christ. It's like a $500,000 boat. Yeah. And what's the name of the podcast? The James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. It's not very SEO friendly. No.

It's not going well. And you have a podcast about your journey to buy this $500,000. It's a boat, right? It's a boat, yeah. I've spent a lot of that money coming here. He's like, I've almost had it. You're going to get the catamaran. I hope you do.

On the James Forbes. I don't even try. It's not even worth it. If you keep your podcast in sight. This special is the important thing. I want to touch your turd. Yeah. I got a hard one.

Touching is nice. Nice. Hell yeah. We're going to go. Yeah, we're out of here. It's time to go. Yeah. Go Fills.