Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 423 - Young Slime League

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

Go watch Gilly and Keeves "The Special" @ gillyandkeeves.tv Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch & Get Tickets to See Matt @ mssecretpodcast.com shanemgillis.com YO. Here's a classic episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast for your listening pleasure! Soccer + Slime + Life. We hope everyone had a very merry christmas! See you next year haha! Please enjoy the episode. God bless. Get 25% OFF @ trueclassic with Promo Code DRENCHED at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED #trueclassicpod Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRENCHED at Lucy.co Enter to win a pair of Starship Vapes from Hamilton Devices at https://www.dojomojo.com/promo-lookup/9b86c2f2-4714-472b-b5d7-538c8c2a3b0e Winner will be selected January 17  

It's like it doesn't matter. Jesus Christ, dude. Let me gather my thoughts. Let him start figuring it out. Don't just hit go. God. We're talking about cool headshots. My phone suicide is the new headshot. For sure. Oh yeah, for sure.

I like the kind of like... Like that fucking guy in Vietnam. That'd be fun, right? That'd be a fun picture. Re-enacting Bud Dwyer would be kind of tight. If it was you going... Yeah. That's a...

That's an unfortunate aspect. But it needs to be done. I don't know if it does. That's the thing. Uploading... I'm done with bios. I'm done with headshots. It's ridiculous. You can do iPhone portrait mode. That's like a professional photographer. I hate to break it to photographers, but...

Yeah. Your days are numbered photographers of praying on whores. Yeah, I mean they'll still get them. They probably want the flash in the setting. Dude, do you ever see portrait mode on an iPhone? Yes. It's ridiculous. I'll go to it. It's very nice. My headshots are portrait mode in my house.

Portrait mode outside. On the deck. It's chilling. Yours is nice. Mine is nice. If you see it for a while you go, I'm such a dumbass. People probably think this is serious. That's the thing. I'd love to do the caution tape across the mouth.

Dude, you would freak out in like two days. I would have posted it and be like, because some places would use it as billboards. There's going to be billboards this year. Yeah. Do a full body. Do a full body. Why would that be funny if I did that, Matt?

Because it's always everyone's head. If you had a picture of this you outside by yourself, that'd be tight. I'm talking billboards. You need full body. I might get a very small one. I want a big billboard? Yeah. Or a really small headshot?

Full body picture. I'm in the distance. That'd be kind of nice. It'd be very Asian. A lot of the Zen art, there's the nature and they show people as very small and significant things.

It kind of would be next level if you did that. Guys, I'm going Zen this year. I am Zen. You're a pretty Zen dude. You know what I honestly meant? I really am. When bad things happen, I go that sucks.

We'll see. Exactly. We'll see what happens now. People are like, are you happy right now? Things are good. I'm like, we'll see. We'll see what's up. It could be some negative stuff. Inevitably, there will be negative stuff. Yeah, I think it's like

I don't know, depends. I always wonder about that. How do you not grip the rails of a hospital death bed just completely confused and bewildered and like... I think there's a way to not do that. I don't know. Did you not die totally confused and miserable and scared

and terrified and all that stuff? Yeah, you fucking died early. You think so? I don't know. Is that a myth of when you see Avatar and the old dude finally dies and he's like, Yeah, that's a myth. If you shut down like that,

you're not talking. What? Where are we? No, you need to have a heart attack. Heart attack at a kids party. Yeah, it's over. Your wife goes, you need to get the cake. You go, fucking bitch.

Then you try to light it, your hand's shaking. Then you carry it out and the kids are singing. You don't tell anyone anything's wrong. Don't tell anyone, you're just walking weird and someone's like, what the fuck's wrong with him? It's collapsed. They flip you over, you got a smile on your face. You're done.

You're out. Shut up, bitch. That's how you win an argument as a man. Your wife nags you into a fucking early grave. You just go, shut the fuck up. And then when you die, she finds out you owe like $1,000 credit card debt. And then you had a girlfriend.

Your last word is just good luck, bitch. That'll be funny. You can go out like that black dude getting tased. You go, I'm gonna get you, bitch. It's the best way. It's a classic video. Crack it. Shirtless fat black dude getting tased by the cops.

I didn't see that. And he gets tased and he just looks at the girl and goes, I'm gonna get you, bitch. And he allows them to take him away. They're tasing him while he does it. He just powers through it to just be like, I'm gonna kill you when I get out of here. He's pretty great.

Damn, that's awesome. That's the equivalent of a heart attack at the kids party. The coma would be sick. Fake coma? To go into the hospital and just go... And just blink. But just be the whole time that he's out. He's definitely out.

They can't prove you're not in a coma. Yeah, then you hear the nasty things people would say about you while you're in bed. Perfect, dude. You storm all up as soon as you get there. You say that like... Your wife's boyfriend's there with your kids and they're like, we like you so much more. It's only a matter of time.

Gosh, you don't want to fucking fake coma right now, right? Just a break for like five days, dude. How do you think you're going? Heart, right? I don't know. I used to think that. But I think the heart's strong. I don't know. I don't want to jinx myself. Percentage wise, it's heart. I'm thinking like brain fucking stroke or something.

Oh, yeah, brain. You're more brain. Yeah, I'm more of a brain guy. I thought I was a heart guy. Brain guy. I think. I got both versions. Dude, you're a scarecrow. I'm the Cowardly Lion. I got both versions in the family. So I don't know, although big Menchia. I could go the Menchia route.

I could live the lady and just completely forget my whole family. And then just fucking like fist fight and Jamaican lady and die. Yeah. If that is... Like that time we did drooms where I was like, I don't know where I am

and what is happening or where. Like if it's that level of fear, having the Menchia would suck. Yeah, that would say. If you're just going through like, where the fuck am I? This is a new house. This is fun. Yes, it's not like 51st date. No, I think it's like... I think you're like, wait, where am I?

He's cute. I like him. Adam Sandler keeps getting more charming every day. It turns out we actually live together. He knows everything. He keeps fucking me every day. That's when a girl is top. Jesus. I'm getting someone completely and like there's some weird magic of love just being like, wait.

Yeah. It's all coming together. Oh my gosh, the necklace. Yes. Our fantasies are this. Me and six of my guys drive fast cars together and we pull out a heist. For sure. That's guy stuff.

Although we'll say at least Fast and Furious a decent amount of men are like, that's for real, that's retarded. You put on the notebook or one of these movies of like Dementia and Love by a single woman. It's actually a good movie. They love it. They absolutely love that movie.

I love breaking it down to him why that's not true. That'll never happen and that guy's actually a fool. That's your heist. It's kind of your Fast and Furious. You're getting a warehouse, you figure it out. I'm going to ruin the notebook for these women. I'm building a bomb, dude. I'm sitting here like this.

You've become deaf. I'm like, dude, this guy's... It's porn for them. This is emotional pornography. That guy, she was married to another man. No one's ever going to sit there and build you a fucking house while you're married to some other dude. That was crazy.

I'm not going to talk about that again. I'd like to hear you talk about it. It might piss me off, dude. It should piss you off. I was just building this house waiting for you. I put my whole life on hold. It's a terrifying glimpse into female psychology. Wasn't World War II?

Wasn't World War II the notebook? Wasn't Ryan Gosling like a Nazi or something? He was a Nazi. He built an all-white house for the girl. Meanwhile, wasn't the other guy like a burn victim war hero or something? Was he really? No, he wasn't a Nazi.

Gosling was a Nazi, but... The other guy was an American war hero. No, look it up. See who Ryan Gosling fought for? He definitely nails... What side of World War II was Ryan Gosling on? There's no way he was a Nazi, dude. You'll see.

I can't believe this. Guarantee it. That would be... so nice if that was the case. It's like, he was so nice. He was fucking... He was sitting there building that house. I don't even want you to know.

What? I mean, dude, to be fair, how much more of that turned... Come on, though. Use your head on this. These guys are crazy, bro. He was not a fucking Nazi. He was a Nazi. He was a damn dirty Nazi. Do me a favor and play along next time.

Cut this out. Next time I tell you to look up a fact. True. Can we just get a blanket policy? Use your head. What you guys said was right. Just do that every time. Totally right.

You're so right. He was an awful Nazi. Ryan Gosling was a national socialist from Germany. Was he Goebbels in the notebook? Yeah. And he psyops the woman. He used propaganda every day. So the movie is the woman has dementia. She's like a rich...

She forgets the guy. And the guy has a brain out, dude. Oh, and bumps into a door. He's like, get in here. Some weirdo in the woods just eats her butt. Gosling bought a house and eats her butt. Till she remembers. Then she goes, huh? I remember this.

He probably died. He's a girl fantasy. He died and left there a bunch of money. Then she sucks some guy's dick that was bigger and had carpentry skills. She's like, this works, too. She got the best of both worlds. She got security from the guy. And then she got the passion from the weird, troubled loner.

Yeah, that is a common trope in these movies. That the weird, troubled loner is hot and looking for love. And is passionate. He's definitely not just researching holocaust statistics online. He's not. The weird loner is not that guy. No.

He's checking in to Mandalay Bay. He's got a room. Yeah, they are. The fantasy is that he's sitting there reading beat poetry and eating an apple and being like, I mean, if I could just only find the one. I'm only thinking about that one girl taking my mind off about building this house.

I don't know what to do with it. Oh, he's kind of just... He's the notebook. He is the notebook. He's building a nest. He's going to tear some lady up, dude. He's going to knock a lady's head off. He's going to bring her to the morgue. He's going to fuck a lady so hard

she ends up in a padded room. People have to come in and slap her every day. She's smearing shit on the door. A spud man knocked her into an Arkham Asylum. He might unleash the fucking ultimate load. The ultimate load. The fire hydrant. The fire hydrant.

The kids are going to be playing it. To be fair, yeah. The kids will be playing in there. Slipping it. Slipping it. Slipping to the semen. Have you ever encountered semen in the wild? Probably. Hold on.

I've got to think about it. I don't know if I have actually. What's the penalty for that? If you see semen? If you see something, say something. I'm almost certain I had to have encountered semen in the wild, but I would have been like somebody

that was a loogie. Obviously if you jerk off in public you get arrested and that's fine. What if you just dump your cum in public? If you just dump a load out of the Dixie Cup. From the 1800s where they just throw it out the window. Bucket. They're fucking toilet.

If you got caught putting it on the sidewalk you just got a load from a Dixie Cup and dumped it on the sidewalk. You couldn't really get in trouble. I don't think you get in trouble. It was my load. This is a public sidewalk. That was my load.

You could dump semen on the street. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's sterile too. Unless you got the boat. If a woman slips and falls directly onto it. Wouldn't they wish? You give birth to a street baby. What is it? It's a fire.

It's a fire. How do they keep doing it? It's crazy. It is not illegal to dump semen. You can just dump semen anywhere. And it's not illegal to steal semen either. Hold up. But it is illegal if you make somebody eat it or drink it.

Yes. But you can just dump it anywhere. I see a couple of lawbreakers in here tonight. Wait, making someone eat or drink. Isn't it the same thing? What do you mean? I'm not going to chew it up with a fork. But if you bake it into something

or you put it in like a bowl or something cream in the coffee you can steal it. You can steal it and it's completely legal. But they said it is a men's rights issue that they're working on. Sperm theft, it's called.

What do you mean? Like a good break into a sperm bag? No, if you came into condom because you'd be breaking and entering. But if say we had sex and I was a woman if we had sex and I took the condom and like, took it and injected myself with it

I didn't commit a crime. Once sperm's out of your body it's literally public domain. But if it was in a sperm bank I'd be at least breaking and entering. But if I say I'm in there to donate and I like took like four cans. I find a condom on the street.

That's yours, brother. That's yours. So desperate for children. That's yours. Pretty nuts. But if you're a girl until they take the condom and put a hole in it I don't think that's a crime.

I don't think you get in trouble for that at least. Should be. You know, should be a serious crime but I don't think it is. But either way, we'll get back to that. What were we firing? Let's put a pin in that. Sexual assault.

You put a pin in the condom? I said let's put a pin in that and let's talk about something else. Come on, dude. Go ahead, ask me a joke. Ask you a joke. Ask me any joke, dude. Knock, knock, dude. Knock, knock.

Who's there? It's me. I was married to another man. I see you built this fine house. Please eat my ass. Please eat my ass so I can remember. Get in here. Don't tell anyone I've been a Nazi. Fuck. I'm gonna fuck you till you're retarded.

I was not a Nazi. Get in here. True. The fucking last thing that she forgot was him taking a fucking club. Bopping her on the head. Right on the fucking head. Taking her to the loony bin. Thank you, Hamilton Devices, for sponsoring the show.

Innovators in vape tech. Vape like you're in the goddamn future with Hamilton Devices. Another personal endorsement. I do like Hamilton Devices. The Starship is... You gotta be a pretty intense dude for that. The Starship, if you go to the show notes,

you can click a link and you can maybe get a free one where you smoke three cartridges at the same time. And there's the gamer. Again, it's... Are you ready to have your whole fucking day ruined? It's pretty intense. Hamilton Devices are your guys. It's like doing it. Their whole thing is like,

it's like doing a dab on the go. It's intense. I gave it to La Mer right away. I saw it with the powers too great for me. So here you go, La Mer. He houses those, dude. These vapes give you full flavor, huge clouds, and work with extremely thick oils.

Hamilton Devices is giving away a pair of Starship vapes to one lucky Matt and Shane fan. Enter at the link in the show notes. Winner will be selected on January 17th. But if you're ready to drop some coin, go to HamiltonDevices.com and use code drenched15 for 15% off. Buyer must be 21 or older.

That's HamiltonDevices.com code drenched15 for 15% off. Nice. Now, are you ready to get back or strap in? You're about to get back into the world's hottest podcast. Damn, son, where'd you find this? Do you see like old couples and go like, oh, that's so nice. No.

Yeah, I don't have that either. When I see like a super old couple, I just go like, jeez, jeez, Louise. Yeah, it fucking sucks. You know what I mean? You know old couple walking together. See, I'm being so old that you just fully rely on someone else. And they get mad at each other, which is fun.

That is kind of funny. That's nice. I do like that. Part of me wants to run up and give him a double British Bulldogs right behind you. Put him out. Take him out. Send him to Valhalla. Or just, dude, imagine just grabbing just British Bulldog and the wife and being like... Get them both up. Wait, you meant both of them.

Put them both in the stocks and jump. Is that illegal? No, that's definitely illegal. Don't you get less time though? If you like drunk drive and kill like an old lady, don't you get less time for it? You certainly should. Yeah, I think so.

Yes. Verified facts. Geesers? Yeah. Slowly crossing. That's my favorite traffic fatality is when an old person can't drive and like mows down people at like 12 miles an hour. That's a nice one.

I tell you, I was with my grandpa. He was fully geese. I was in the golf cart with him. He ran over the golf pro. What? In the cart. Pinned him, pinned the golf pro against where the bag holders at the pro shop. Jesus.

Yeah, it's pretty great. Then I got to drive. It was the first time I got to drive the cart. What a dream. We still hit the links, dude. He was good. How the pro pro gets hit like that once a week? Yeah. Pinned against the wall. Yeah.

They probably got off on that shit. Grandpa Jack, no. They probably feel, they probably can't breathe. Fuck, it's happening again. Take it. Fucking take it. What fucking life is yours, take it. Golf pros are some of the horniest dudes

on earth. Yeah, dude. That's a nice gig. Oh, yeah. Becoming a pro golf just, dude, you get to teach the ladies lessons. They drink a nice skirt. They drink a little Vino on the course. Dude, it's probably like an ice wide shot thing between golf pros, personal trainers

and tennis pros. They probably like once a year fucking put on the mask. All the dumbest dudes, dude. There's the dumbest freaks on earth. It's nuts, dude. Personal training is wild. I mean, there's obviously good bros out there. Obviously there are good bros. Yes, there are some Siths, though, among the personal training.

It's fucking nuts. There's a Sith amongst guys that goes to the gym. There's weird Siths that go in there in their coolest outfits and seek women. Yeah. Look, it's easy for me to sit back and say, what the fuck? There's no part of me that can go into the gym

and get pussy. I go into the gym and it's like, what's he doing here? The girls just look at the dude putting the most plates on the bar and then is that like how they judge it? They have gym boyfriends, just like they have work boyfriends. What? Yeah, they have guys they have crushes on at the gym. That's fucking crazy.

I hate that, man. It makes me sick, dude. Women are disgusting. Men are loyal. Loyal as hell. I go there fucking my blinders on, dude. I never look at the butt. That's why I go to one guy, me and a guy. Me and him.

Now, he might be up to something. But that's fine. He might be trying to get me. That's fine. He makes me do those fucking hip thrusts to warm up every time. Really? So he goes, oh, he looks away. Yeah.

He listens to the podcast. He's heard me say, I go in there and I do those fucking glue bridges and my fucking fruit cake trainer stares at my little nub sticking straight in the air. Now he looks away. I've never brought it up to him. But I see him looking away.

You gotta check my form. Dude, form check. He doesn't care. I need a little squat. Can you land underneath me and do it for me so I can see how this works? Damn. I would like to get tossed around by my trainer, Ferg.

That'd be nice. You'd fuck me up. See if you can use some juice. I can't juice. Take it to the next level. Dude, I'm right now. I'm very into just a little bit of stuff now.

I think it works 50 times better than this. This might sound so stupid, but it's like weed, caffeine. Alcohol, I figured it out. Just a little bit, dude. But all of them at once, just a little bit. You're enhanced. You wake up, you find the next day.

I stayed up for three hours watching Black Conspiracy videos on YouTube. I did pig out on the dark chocolate. That's a good day. That was fun. Dude, even with weed, I swear to God, you just need a tiny, teeny, teeny bit of it, dude. Just a tiny, tiny bit.

I'm Matt Plus. Then if I get to... I like Matt XXL, though. I like Matt XXX. Dude, I was spazzing on caffeine for a while. So now I've titrated my caffeine intake. I've totally turned the dial on the weed intake.

Actually, now that I say that, that night of healing on the second night, I was so fucking high. I don't know what I'm talking about. You don't have to have a good night. Yeah, but I swear it's more fun if I'm just not... Dude, I had a leak.

I hear you. I love a good getting absolutely smashed night. That's fun. Nine times out of ten of those, I feel terrible about it the next day. Exactly. That was a good night. That was a fun night.

All the bros were there. We all had a nice time. I don't feel that guilty on those. I think spots at the cellar and ended up getting fucking obliterated on a Tuesday. Then I'm like, jeez. I gotta work on some things. That makes sense. I don't have much of a guilt thing about it.

It's just the physical effects. That's what really deters me. But I will say, I was in Helium and I was so stoned back there that I was starting to get... My whole brain was getting kind of static-y. You start asking yourself the fundamental questions where you're like,

so I'm here... Yeah. Do I even know these guys? What do they do? That wouldn't even get me. I got bugged out because I was like, I think I have a governor on the amount of fun I can have and it's significantly lower

than everybody else's. I'm like, I'm enjoying it. You're in your head. I don't know. I've seen you let loose, probably. You're misresponsible now. You used to be king of the good times. I saw you have some good times.

That's probably what it is. I do have fun. That's the thing, I do have fun. But it's hard to explain. I think I was just way too high. I was sitting in the back of a green room and I started being like, especially on the way back, I was going like, so I'm here now. I definitely exist.

How did that come about? Ooh, that's overwhelming to think about. And I just go, shut it off, dude. Shut it off. Shut it down, dude. You're way over matte plus. We said we're not going to get here anymore, dude. Matt to the 10th. I was Matt to the 10th.

I was to the 10th degree. I'm like, dude. I saw you drinking that tequila. I got very excited. You would have thought I was in the fields of the boys poking the cacti. You were basically the rock in the tequila commercial. I was basically the rock in that commercial.

Picking up gravel going. This is going to be good tequila. Tequila does rule. It's very, very nice. In terms of hangover, I think tequila is my favorite of all of them. But, but,

you gotta be careful. It's fucking exponential. White claw hangovers are horrendous. Terrible, dude. I woke up one time bleeding. You get your period from... If you have enough like malted, I woke up. I was like...

Yes. With fucking high noons. You get like a period hangover. It sucks. I get period hangovers constantly. Dude, take a shit the next day. You're like, what the fuck happened? Heavy flow.

Flem. Dude, white claw hangovers are terrible. White claw hangovers are very bad. I think they have like a 0.0001 grams of fentanyl in them or something. They have something. Because they're starting to go down. You're like,

your mouth is all dry and you're... Yeah, well that's good. Then you switch in flavors. You're like, I mean, white claw, it doesn't matter. You can start with a lemon. You're sitting there chugging lemon malt liquor. That's what it is, right? It's like malted.

Thank you, good move, dude. It's like a malted. Just agree, we want yes men. Yes, you're absolutely right, guys. It's a malt something. What is that, sucrose? No, I looked that up. Sucrose. More than sucrose.

Whatever that stuff is, man. I was pounding high noons. You get so fucking thirsty. They're pretty tight. But dude, just some... A guy like me down in the field with the Mexican bros tequila on the rocks, man. Splash of soda.

Splash of pineapple, I'm being honest. Not much tequila on the rocks action, really. It's pretty much a mix drink. I wasn't going to do it. I was going to let you steal bad. I was going to let you steal. Look at all the rocks, dude. Don't keep the lime, just give me about eight ounces

of soda and about four ounces of pineapple juice. Try to completely mask the taste of the tequila. It may be probably five or six Bud lights throughout the course of the evening. Nothing else. Is that chain plus? That's chain plus. Chain plus. About the fifth or sixth one? Yeah.

I hit, dude. I was mad to the tenth. I was mad to the tenth. In bed. In bed, just fucking every cell in my body vibrating from all so much weed and dark chocolate. Because that's what happens with me. The alcohol allows me to go further into the weed. Because it like takes down the CNS. My central nervous system

chills and then I just go, what's this? I'm not getting anxiety? Let's smoke ten times the amount of weed I used to do. Smoke until we get it. Yep. And then it's like it wasn't even there, but the thoughts are disturbing me and my body's not responding. It's just purely a tron level in my mind and I sit there going like, this is fucked up stuff

to think about, but it's alright. On the back of an Uber, we're like, yeah, man, it's pretty cool. That's a weird bug out to get into. What's that? Your own existence. Yeah. And just going. Yeah, of course. It definitely exists. I'm real.

Real universes. How many billion years old? Eternal? Okay, that's fucking weird. I'm made out of eternal energy that's been probably a bunch of other stuff before me. Pretty cool, I guess. If I think about it, oh boy. Yeah, like I said, this is neat.

No, you just gotta get some Bud Lights, dude. It won't wash you out. This song's the best song ever. Blah. Start me up. That's it, dude. Yeah, true. I told you.

I'm having a little ball. Yeah. Well, I told you with alcohol, I like, I start to shut down. Just like my, I start getting like, I catch myself missing words and shit, and I'm just like. You can miss some words. But if it's just alcohol, I don't,

it starts getting like, blah. It feels shitty. You like it. It's fun. But if I can throw the weed in there, then it's like, I hit the zone. I don't think I've seen you just drink. Yeah, no. I don't think ever. I've done it before.

I did it in Australia that whole time. Australia. Just the booze. There's a lot of booze. I didn't have my guardian angel. I have Santa Maria flowing around in me, dude. Australia used to get drunk and I, huh? Getting drunk and seeing those bats was probably as cool as it gets, dude.

That was about as fun as it fucking gets, dude. Sure, there was some negative experience as well, but the bat experience was. Not the sigs coming out. The sigs. The sigs and bats. The sigs and trying to load up a tree with fruit for bats. Hadn't had any idea how fruit bats work. Yes. Pretty fun.

That was awesome. That first experience with the bats was as sick as it gets. They were huge. They were the size of a gardenia. For real. A bunch of bad dinis flying around. They were. God, no, you're a bit of a fruit bat.

Defend yourself. Fruit bats better than horses. Add it to the list. There is it. There is a cool bat I saw recently, though. You ever see the hammerhead bat? No. Sounds pretty awesome. Looks like it has a moose head. It's giant.

I'd like to see it. Yeah, pull it up, please. And we'll slide that over. Please bring that up. There's no product like Lucy Breakers, the only nicotine pouch with a surprise inside. Lucy Breakers' tiny capsules break open to unleash a burst of flavors like mint, mango, berry, and more.

Or get a stronger and longer lasting flavor in those gas station brands. What the hell? All right. Oh, then those gas station brands. My bad. Can we do it over? Thank you. No, I'll leave it.

Can we do it over me? Like a little kid. Why do you like the Lucy pouch? What flavor do you like? I like mango. Because I'm a bit of a tropical man. There we go. Save yourself a trip to the gas station to get your nicotine.

Subscribe online so you always got a box ready to go and save 15%. Get 10% off your first order on lucy.co when you use our promo code Drenched at checkout. Shipping is always free. That's lucy.co promo code Drenched to receive $10 off and always free shipping.

And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Now let's get back to the show. So what else is going on, brother? Nothing.

Just chilling? I mean, this is a holiday episode. A holiday episode, dude. What do you guys think? I've just been laying at home eating cookies. The week between Christmas and the New Year's? The doldrums. Yo, dude. No wonder you like this. Looks like a fucking horse, dude.

Thumbs down on the bet. Oh, I've seen these guys. That thing looks crazy. Yeah, I think it's pretty tight. It's true. It's a real animal. Snopes had to look it up. Yeah, it's a good bet. See, the bats are freezing down in Texas way.

Are they really? Yeah, they're dropping. Is Texas super chilly? Yeah, Texas got a little chilly, too. Really? Because the wind can hack it? That's not good. They'll be back. I feel like those guys will never go away. They'll come back.

It sucks for them. Yeah, are we getting chilly? What's going on here? Everything's cold? What's up with the weather? The weather keeps getting cold. It's so cold right now, dude. I will say, again, every year you forget. Every year I forget how shitty the winter is.

It sucks, bro. It's dark. The sun's never up. It's always fucking dusk. It's dawn. The whole morning. It sucks. I'm in the depths. This is my depths. Most gleeful winter yet. Usually I get real...

By my birthday, dude, I'm staring at a cake just like... What the fuck, dude? I don't even know how old I am. It sucks over summertime. Oh, bro, I can't fucking wait. What are you going to do? I literally, once the sun starts getting warm, I lay outside and just soak it all up.

When the sun first breaks on that first warm day, this has been the last... First warm day does rule. Dude, I literally go upstairs. I lay up on it and I just sit there for as long as I can take it and let the sun scorch me. Let the sun have its fucking way with me, dude. Yes. Apollo.

Sweet Apollo. Apollo, I've been missing you so much. You know what I also like? I do like the first cold day. First time it's a little brisk in the morning when you know it's football time and the fall's coming. Yeah. Here come the Irish. They're going to look so good this year. I do like that first day of a sweater.

No, they might be getting a hunk of quarterback, dude. I want you to take a look, dude. A new one? Yeah, well, there could be a hunk coming in. We got a hunk coach. A dreamboat of a coach. We might have a hunk quarterback coming in. Hartman.

Hartman transferring from Wake Forest. Hopefully he transfers. Wait, dude, when you see this boy... Really? You're going to say, can you imagine him? Isn't your quarterback pretty hot right now? No. Really?

That's a hunk, dude. Can you hold him up to me? A hubba-hubba's right, fruit bat. Let me see. Oh, my God. Can you imagine him in his golden helmet? Dude. Oh, my God. Can you imagine...

Yo, dude. Did you see him with the thick beard? It's fucking Jack, too. Oh, my God, dude. If he doesn't come to Notre Dame, I'm going to be... He's a fucking model. What kind of power do you think that guy would get on you? He thrust it into me?

That's what I'm saying. Do you think he'd be... Honestly, do you think he'd be a little bit sensitive? Or do you think he'd be... Would you just slam it in? I think... I think he looks kind of like a party boy. I think he might slam it in.

I think head coach Marcus Freeman would be a little more... ...perspectful. Yeah, it's crazy. He looks like a fucking gladiator. He does. But he still has fun on the field. He rolls his jersey up so you can see his belly. Ooh.

If I could get my hands on the new quarterback at Notre Dame, Hartman, Sam Hartman, please transfer to Sam Hartman. Yeah, that'd be tight. Please transfer. But if he's bad, I'm going to be, first, nothing worse than a pretty boy that's not good. Yeah, true.

Why don't you stop worrying about your looks? I'll be honest. I'll tweet at him. You should. I'll say you fucking fine-ass freak. You... Oh, what's your big-ass dick throw off your swing, dude, when you're throwing the ball? Come on, dude. Give me an ugly guy.

Just launching it. Who's the ugliest quarterback ever? I feel like there hasn't been any who have been like a complete... Yeah, there's been a couple of messes. I can't... Grandpa wasn't the hottest, dude. Uh...

Carson Wentz? Ah, you guys are being hard on him. What the hell are you talking about? Carson Wentz? I thought he was fucking... Carson Wentz isn't the worst. Yeah, dude. Andrew Luck wasn't that handsome. Dude.

Andy Dalton now. Andy Dalton's handsome. No chance. Why? Because he has red hair. Don't be mean to the fruit vat. What are you talking about, Carson Wentz? Carson Wentz is handsome, dude. From Rudolph? You ever see him? No. That's what Andy Dalton looks like.

I can't think... No, he's a handsome devil. I've never seen a QB who... He's a fine white boy. I've seen Sam Bradford take some rough pictures. Sometimes he looks cross-eyed. Really? People give Eli Manning a hard time.

Oh, yeah. The Mannings aren't the most handsome... I like those boys. They have a distinct look that... Payton's a fucking strong, tall guy. These guys all look the same. Now that I'm getting into it, it's like... Eli Manning looks exactly like Carson Wentz. They might have clones out here.

They might have clones out here. I think they are clones. They could be clones. They could be. Who... I'm trying to think. I can't think of any other quarterbacks. Joe Montana was obviously a honk. That's Joe Cooley.

What's Dan Marino? Dan Marino's a bit of a honk, dude. Damn, Dan Marino's hot as hell. Fuck, dude. There's nobody. There's no ugly quarterbacks. Joe Burrow's a honk. Boy, that's the finest white boy I've seen. Who? That's a fine-ass white boy.

Who is the quarterback for the Buccaneers? I said Trent Delford. Is that who that was? Delford is the Buccaneers. Trent Delford, as he got older, got a little rough look in the air. Let me see. When he's playing... Trent Delford's looking alright.

I'm... Honestly, if this dude put up on a construction site and some tight wranglers, people would be like, damn, that guy gets closer. Matt Ryan's not ugly, though. He's goofy looking. Nah. I think we've stumbled upon...

I don't think there's an ugly quarterback. It's a handsome position. That's what I'm saying. For sure. They're the superstars. Yeah, I mean, again, Matt Ryan, dude. This guy was selling you insurance, dude. You gotta keep one arm on your wife's wrist at all times. Yeah, I tried.

This guy was in an office setting. He'd be a gorgeous man. Oh, yeah. That must be tight being a hot man in an office. Who's Jeff Saturday? He's the coach of the Colts now. He played center for the Colts. He's not that bad looking.

Nah, these guys are all pretty hot. What is happening, dude? Why are they all handsome? He's actually kind of ugly. Patrick Mahomes. You think so? True, he's got a bit of a muppet look to him. Who do you play for? You can find hot pictures, obviously.

You think he put on a headband and fool us? Yeah, he's kind of rough looking. That's the first picture that comes up. He's squitting in the sun, dude. Well, that's fine. He looks like an athletic 11-year-old. He does look like a little tiny boy. Ooh, what's his name?

That's his pantsuit from Arizona. Dude, Patrick Mahomes looks like Elijah Wood. He looks like Elijah Wood. Oklahoma, Kyler Murray. T, hold on. Dude, you're telling me. Look at that, dude. That's portrait mode on the iPhone. That's a nice picture, dude.

Doesn't he kind of look like Elijah Wood? I might be right. Kyler Murray is not that attractive. Who's that? The guy who wore the pantsuit. What's his name? No, that's not true. Who's not sexually attracted to black men?

Patrick Mahomes is not. Come on, dude. Don't you dare. That's what I don't like about him. First off, look at him. Kyler? He's got a flat head, dude. He's an ever head.

He's hot as hell. He's got a flat head. And him and his ass back. Dude, I'm not wrong. That's how he's won so far. So far. I don't think African-American quarterbacks are ugly. That's not true.

I think Jalen Hurts is attractive. I think Michael Vick was attractive. Let me see Michael Vick. Michael Vick was a bit of a hunk. Your sexual preferences, your sexual preferences. You know what I mean? I let Dante Colpepper get it. Big dog getting after it.

Kind of a thick tie. Yeah, Michael Vick. Thick tie. Killing all those dogs. I would love it, dude. Damn, it'd be so crazy if he brought you there and you'd be like, Oh my God, what are you doing, Michael? Mike, this is bad. We shouldn't do this.

He grips you up. No. Did he get arrested? He got arrested for that, right? Yes. Damn, dude, you think he scrambled on the cops a little? He broke out of some tackles. The best was ESPN running

an article that said what if Michael Vick was white and they white-faced Michael Vick. That was on ESPN. That's what they think he'd look like? They said, what if Michael Vick wasn't white? How did they do white-face on Michael Vick? They were running an article saying would we be as racist to him

if he was white and they just, literally, that's an ESPN article. Dude, if Michael Vick was white, he would have got shot by a firing squad. For killing dogs? Yeah. Matt? I couldn't agree more. Yeah, dude, that's crazy.

White guys kill a dog? The whites will round them up. Dude, if Peyton Manning was running a dogfight operation, he would have been fucked. Yeah. Are they saying like they went harder on him because he was black? Yes. That's a kind of a nuts, that's a nuts scenario.

Although, if Michael Vick was white, he would be considered the greatest quarterback of all time. If he was running like that as a white guy, every single person would be like, dude, he was the best at it. Oh, my God. How was his arm, though? It was a cannon.

So what the fuck's the beef? He went to jail, he killed a bunch of dogs. He was fucking fighting them. Him and his friends? They were fighting them. See who the strongest dog was. To be fair, this is a nice little thing we should do. Rather than putting a dog down,

they should let it fight to its death. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you do give him like thinking about Shaq Diesel on his last legs. Big doses, dude. Big doses of like pain killers and stuff is shoot him up full of like opiates of meth and just let them tear each other up.

They won't feel it. Let them just go out in a blaze of glory. Yeah. I'm just saying, you know, that's one road to redemption. I don't want to lose any other great quarterbacks to that kind of entertainment. It would be nice if a white quarterback went down

for killing dogs. Yeah, if Andy Dalton went down to the compound dog fighting. It'd be awesome. And he was like, guys, these dogs were going to die. They were sick. They were sick. You guys were not built the same dogs.

I had to drown and electrocute the losers. Is that what they did? They were doing some wacky stuff. How do they do it? They put like a toaster and a pole. They got a little rowdy with these dogs. Yeah. Where is he from? Virginia Beach.

Virginia Beach? Yeah. Even AI. Think AI ever peeped the dogs at all? I'm sure you've seen a couple canines. Couple canines go at it. It is crazy though for that to be like a normal part of life for you. And then all of a sudden you get like bigger

than you ever could imagine. You get a house and you build a kennel. Like, dude, now we get to really dog fights. All that shit in the backyards, that was fine. We're ready for the Jodo Leagues. It's time. The door gets kicked open and they're like, everybody get the fuck on the ground.

Do they have like a welterweight where it's like Chihuahuas versus Jack Russell's? Unfortunately in dog fighting there's, I don't know if there's weight classes like that. I think they toss the Jack Russell's in with the big guys. Oh no. Yeah, those are training dogs. They toss them in. I'm pretty sure it's pit bulls, akitas, shepherds.

What are those dogs called? Bait dogs. What? For real? Like mean. Because they will bark. Chihuahuas don't know their own size. They will bark. They don't know their own size. Damn, look at the dog fight. Lit, dude. Yeah, toss them in, dude. I'm about to make it.

After like two of those, are you not like, alright. This is crazy. Stop. Yeah. If you saw one, it'd be like, damn, that was fucking sad. Yeah, dogs get treated differently down south though. Yeah. Dude, like so many of the rescues come from the south. I think 80% of the dogs don't, don't,

actually, no, look this up. No, look this up. I think 87% of dogs in the south are tied to like an old clothesline 365 days a year and get beat by the entire family and nobody feeds them. That's true. I think 85% of the dogs below the Mason-Dixon line are tied outside all day long.

We need a new Civil War. You can be the new Abraham one. Yeah, I should be. You can emancipate barclimation. How do they keep doing it? Emancipation barclimation? Yes. And back to business. Straight back to business. Back to business.

It's time. Yeah, brother, I'll tell you what, man. I'll tell you what. I mean, it doesn't get better than emancipation barclimation. It doesn't matter. I mean, bro, this whole thing was oyster and we just got to the pearl. We found it. It is what it is.

A lot of people are going to sit back and say, they've lost it. They don't have the juice anymore. They're going to hear emancipation barclimation and go, they're reaching higher levels. Holy shit. This thing's about to be a household fucking podcast. This is going to replace the nightly news. For sure.

Women are going to turn off the murder mysteries and go, hold on a second. Wait a second. Hold on a second. Are these guys just bashing women for two hours in between talking Nazis? That's what I want to hear. Every newsman across the room is like, we have breaking news. The news is done.

Shut down the news. We have a new news. If we were the new news, what would you say to open it? We said, all right, episode one. You're now the nightly news, Matt. Hey, guys. We've been lying to everyone forever. We're going to stop.

I swear to God, we're going to fucking stop. We've lied. Then somebody comes in and goes, I'll give you $50 million if you lie and you go, we're going to lie some more. True. We're going to keep lying. True, true, true. That'd be tough. That genuinely is tough. That's the thing too. People loved the judge and it's like, bro,

someone hit you with 50 mil. I mean, it is terrible to go in and start a war and kill 200,000 people, but... You don't see them. You're just at home in your house going, yeah, you're at home being like, wait a second. This fridge shows me exactly how many ounces of water I'm drinking. Nice.

Oh, shit. There's a coup there. Oh, no. The guy we propped up started a genocide. Yeah, a coup. That's kind of a cool word if you think about it. There's a coup tablet on the front of my refrigerator that I can put pictures of my grandkids on. Yeah. That's pretty cool.

That's nice for them. Guys, true classic. You've won the hell out of your goddamn shirts this year. It's time to upgrade those stretched out, pit stained rags. True classics got the best feeling and best looking teas out there.

Mandatory personal endorsement. How does it fit? How does it feel? Do you like it? Do you like truth? I kind of do. I had one on the other day and he do feel kind of fucking... They're nice. They're nice. Put it on and go because you don't get like crushed for a tight t-shirt because it's kind of flowy

in the bottom, but you do get to get that cred of like... You get to look like you have jacked shoulders. Yeah, exactly. That's the thing about when you're big, when you put your arms in, there's all meat here. So this part of the sleeve sticks out. Not on a true classic. It's true. I'll be honest.

If I didn't like the way they fit, I'd say, yeah, I'm sorry, I don't like the way they fit. We won't do your ads unless we enjoy your product. I'll do their ads, but I'll say, hey, I'll do your ads, but I'll be honest. There will be no personal endorsement. I put them on and go, dude, maybe I am fucking jacked from carrying my kids all the time

and not going to the gym and fucking here. From polos to workout t-shirts, even boxer briefs designed to keep your boys feeling nice and comfortable. I'll be honest with you guys. I'm up to triple XL for you fucking idiots. Get 25% off trueclassic.com with code drenched.

Free shipping included on purchases over $100. That's 25% off at trueclassic.com with code drenched. Santa won't be the only one slaying thanks to true classic. Oh, that's what I mean, like slaying. Slaying, like pussy.

Yeah, just running pussy. According to their marketing, you'll slay pussy if you wear a trueclassic t-shirt. And you'll nut right into it. You're going to jizz. They're jizz tested. Get 25% off, all right, with code drenched.

And back to the show. Guys, now it's time to tune back into the number one hit podcast. Not Jane's secret podcast. Yeah, I wonder what they're going to do with about the third world. They'll figure something out with that, I think. Those guys are going to figure it out.

And that has been, I think we're going to get slammed in history. Because it's like, there was a guy on Rogan basically being like, there are slaves making all the fun with you and everything. And everyone's kind of enjoying

basically slave labor currently. I think they're going to look back and be like, they were just letting people starve. I think someone dies of starvation every seven minutes or something. The nicest of everybody in the world. Just complaining and be like,

I ate too much again. My belly hurts. I don't even want Taco Bell, but I'm going to order it. Some guy on the other side of the world is like, my belly hurts too. But from different stuff. I think we're going to look back on that

and go, that was tough. No, why are your eyes so big sharing information? Yeah, what you got? Do you guys want to guess how many people die in the world? 15,000 maybe? Shane? I'll stick with Matt. I like that.

25,000 people, including 10,000 children. So 15,000 adults die every day of starvation. And 10,000 kids? Yikes. It's a tough way to go. Yeah, and then there's like a whole bunch of people who aren't dying or like literally dying from it, but are like being

3.1 million children die a year of starvation. Jeez, man, it's pretty bad. Nearly half of them under the age of 5. Oh, terrible. Terrible. I'm telling you.

I didn't even get extra chicken in my fucking sweet green. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm pretty sure 3 meals a day is complete. I don't think you need 3 meals a day at all. It's a complete fabrication. I've been trying to rely as much as I can. I'm a unit and I don't eat 3 meals a day. Yeah, you actually, I would say I probably eat more

than you. Yeah, I drink a lot. Yeah, true. I drink a lot. I've been trying to rely strictly on my inner signals to eat. Really? When it's time to eat? Yeah, when it's time to eat, I eat. I'm not just going to eat because it's like

it's 9 o'clock. Although I do eat sometimes just like I'm bored. I do it all the time. I'm trying to stop. I'm trying to just rely on my inner signals for as much stuff as possible. Yeah. It's my, right now, inner signals, that's what I'm working with right now. That's what I'm working with right now.

Apollonian state? Yeah, that's just when you like choose to put the, not a delusionally positive spin on things, but you identify if you're just being negative for the sake of being negative. If you are being negative to try to be negative? Yeah. Not even to try just to be like, yeah, is this negative interpretation of the events,

some sort of automatic thing I'm putting on it, or it's just like, you know, because you don't want to do 2 rose colored glasses, but there's a lot of times I catch myself being a fucking, being a little brat for no reason. Being a little grimace. I go into auto-brat mode where I'm just like, Yeah.

I let you guys know when I'm in brat mode. I'll tell you. I'm being a fucking douche about this. There's an issue that I'm mad about. I know I'm being gay about it. Yeah, but just let me do my thing. This is it. I'm going to come out of it. Sorry I'm telling you about it.

It's gay, I'm telling you about it. But you need to do that though. Every once in a while, yeah. It's nice to get some affirmation. Yeah, you need it. It's pretty nuts. I mean, if you think about it, if you didn't talk to anyone else ever, you'll just fucking completely lose your mind.

Yeah. Pretty crazy. Hey. Yeah, keep it fucking down out there, dude. God. Yo. The news is on. Goddamn another one. We keep chugging along, brother.

Yeah, you got to get you. Yeah, you got to bring it up. Yeah, there's a whole fuck was this guy's name. Marty Seligman, I think. And that was his whole field of study. It was like figuring out basically that people default to just negative interpretations of events and you become,

that becomes your autopilot of how you interpret everything that's happening to you. And they were saying like overwhelmingly, those people become clinically depressed. Yeah. But then they were saying like you can complete, you know, this or like basically knowing that things aren't permanent.

You can be like, well, yeah, this sucks, but this won't be permanent. That's apparently the hallmark of people who are clinically depressed. They go, and it's never going to end. And it's like, you're just making, you're literally just making that. It'll pass. Yeah, exactly.

Until it doesn't and then you die and then it passes. Exactly. Eventually it passes. It does. Yeah, I've been less and less rattled by death I mean, again, obviously, if like someone came in with their gun, I'd be scared. Like you used to like get me in my quieter moments being like, now I'm just kind of like,

yeah, man, I'm fucking... Yeah. For sure. One day I'm going to... You know what I'm saying? I get sad about other people. I'm more sad thinking about you dying than me. Really? That's a sweet thing to say.

It's a bummer thinking that you're going to be fucking dirt someday. You'll never die. You might upload. You might get a clone, dude. You might get a clone. They might be like, he was on to something. We've got to say, did you hear emancipation, bar cremation?

Build a time machine, bring him back. Bring him into the future. You're going to submit your 23 and me, they're going to say, take that one. Store that one. That's going to be like a futuristic biological technology in a metal briefcase. Some guys don't have to fight people

off the submachine gun. We've got to recreate the bar cremation bar cremation. Whoever came up with that, the robots have taken over. Only the best sense of humor can stop them. Who's the guy who said emancipation bar cremation?

Golly. I'm telling you, man. I was telling you on the way over here, if you think about it, how much better silence is this podcast? It's so much better than silence. It's so much better than silence. Although silence can be tight,

but it's silence is going to work. If I don't have a grumbly belly and fucking breathing weird, then I need it, dude. I'm sitting or standing all day, the second I lay flat, my stomach's just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm just laying there, just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Crank starts talking. Crank starts talking. Over here, you'll hear something on the side. You'll hear something down there. It's so fucking big. You hear him all over the place. It's echoing.

It's echoing. It's so loud, dude. I lay down at night. It's just animals screaming. That would be funny if you're like gut floor, we're like that big, like we sell some probiotics. Little slime sockets. How nice is slime soccer?

You guys never play slime soccer on the desktop where it looks like your little gum drop and you can play soccer against other people or the computer and you just go forward, up, and back? No, let me take a look. Dude, take a gander at slime soccer. I still, every now and again, will play that game against the computer. I mean, I'm pretty nasty.

Dude, slime soccer. Oh, no, no, what it is, you can play against someone where you play on one side of the keyboard, they play on the other side of the keyboard. No, I don't remember this. Bro, slime soccer, give it a look. If it's you and another person, I try to get Brittany to play me at it all the time. She's like, I'm not playing this. I think there's the, there's the direction buttons

and I get like ASWD. I'm, psh, got my fingers on there. Just a girl who loves soccer and slime. Yo, bro. I'm not good at that. What the hell is that? No, a classic t-shirt. Just a girl who loves soccer and slime.

Are they talking about the young slime gang? I don't know. All day I think about, dude, there's so many of these. All day I think about soccer and slime. Kind of slime really thinking of what the fuck is this? They're trying to break into my laundry and steal my slime. What is this fucking world we... Look at this.

Soccer plus slime equals life. What the fuck is this? Can we get to the bottom of that, please? Play soccer, make slime. What? Like Nickelodeon? I don't know, dude. We got to get to the bottom of that. You remember in high school

when all the girl teams had slut mantras on their jerseys? The cheerleaders do it on the police. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Viaballs players do it on the hardwood. It's like, yo, dude, what the fuck? These are girls, bro. We guys going to the regional tournament on the old island?

What do you think about that? What do you think about that? Do we get the bottom of soccer and slime? What the bottom of what? Figure out what the fuck that means. What the hell soccer and slime means? It has to be a game related, I don't know. Game related? What the hell?

There's nothing to do with the computer game. It's definitely not slime soccer, dude. Only the fucking truest of the true know about slime soccer. On Etsy, there's an entire section of soccer slime things. I'll find this in two seconds. What are they doing?

Soccer and slime meaning. Two seconds, watch this, guys. This is how you use the net. Soccer field slime. I don't know what the hell this means. Fuck! It hurts for his skins. Hold on, I got a good one. I just remembered this from seeing green slime.

What did you get? It was during the Christmas game, I was able to put on the Nickelodeon version of the football game. You guys ever see the Nickelodeon broadcast? Nickelodeon broadcast the football game. The NFL game. As soon as I put it on,

I was sitting with Phil. I got to trick Phil. I got to put on the Nickelodeon slime football game. When someone scores, they throw green stuff all over the field. It's fake, it's all filters and shit. But the first thing was there was just a Santa Claus at wide receiver

and he ran around and I could see my dad like, what the hell? What is this? A player would score, they throw slime all over the room. Let me pause the broadcast again when it slimes everybody. Who watches that?

The field goal becomes SpongeBob. It's kind of quiet. You can watch the game and keep your kids. It was pretty enjoyable. I liked the animated Santa run around on the field. But it was nice to see Phil all the player introductions were like cartoons of the players.

He probably thought he was fucking losing it. He has been out of touch with graphics. When he watches football, it's not what he remembered. He's starting to get like, what the hell is this? It's like a a robot.

It looks more like video games. It looks more like the game. It's kind of weird. Does anybody figure out slime soccer? What do women like about slime and soccer? My mind is trying to figure it out and I'm going, Matt, chill. It's definitely not what you're thinking.

Matt, chill. Why is the slimes in rainbow stuff? What the fuck is that? I clicked it and it took me to India. Okay, there we go. I clicked a link and it said I couldn't purchase that in the United States.

Women's soccer and slime. I mean, it's what happens when women play soccer. Don't you just slime? Don't you fucking shit? You want green shit? I don't know what the hell it is.

Yeah, this thing's done. We fucking killed it though. 56, that's good. We did it, bro. Yeah, we gotta do ads. Which one do you think's Patreon? I think the first one. This is the fucking real deal, bro.

Wait, the first one was Patreon. I think so. The first one was great. The first one's more of a slow burn. Longer time. What was the first one in hour 20? We'll give that to our Patreon listeners. It's more time. We'll give them a nice treat.

Again, really, we're just trying to defeat our listeners' silence. Everyone gets all highfalutin. Forget all that, dude. You can go learn stuff wherever. We're just going... Excuse me. We're whistling in your mind, dude.

You're fucking doing a thing and just... Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop. Yeah, you don't want to strain yourself with a ton of facts and knowledge. Don't do that. I do it all day to myself. It's not fun. All day, all I'm looking up is facts and knowledge. I seek knowledge.

Big facts about all the clones, dude. What about all the damn clones? Who the hell, dude? Is Megan the Stallion? Is Megan the Stallion a clone? Tina Turner. She is Tina Turner. Get out of there. Who's doing the cloning?

Hollywood, dude. Who controls Hollywood? I don't know. To be fair, Mel Gibson. Who's doing the cloning? It's all corporations in Hollywood and stuff. Probably the president. It's to push the...

To push... To make black women buy products? They use black women to push products so white women buy them. Yeah, that's what they're saying. What's the wrong guy saying? I don't mind that. Maybe it's wrong.

I don't know. Maybe it's wrong. Someday we'll figure it out. We'll get to the bottom of this. Until then, all I can think about is slime and sock. If you want to hear about clones, go to the motherfucking petrol. If you want to hear about cloning... If you want to get the ultimate breakdown on Tory Lane's, bro...

Dude, my YouTube is nothing but criminal defense attorneys now breaking down famous cases. It might be some of the best YouTube. It's so fun. It's very fun. They sit there and they go, let me tell you something. He's not going to do 22 years. I'd bet a thousand, but he'll do maybe a year.

Yeah. He's going away for 22 years. No, he's not. No, he's not. No, dude. Criminal defense attorneys' YouTube's are pretty tight. I've never even considered that. So they just sit there and fucking talk about how their guy's not in trouble?

Well, they go by the evidence. They go gunshot residue. It gets on everyone around the gun, and DNA is actually really difficult to get on a gun. Fingerprints next to impossible because of all the oil and shit on the gun. So you have oils on your finger, oils on the gun. The prints... They say there was no prints on the gun, meaningless.

DNA evidence next to meaningless. Gunshot residue. You were around when the gun was fired, but there's no way to prove you actually shot it. It's weird. Lee Harvey Oswald didn't have any on his hands. Gunshot residue? That's kind of nuts. Because it spreads everywhere. If you're in a car, say you're in a car.

Say like me, you and Gardini were in a love triangle, and Gardini had sex with both of us, and we were fighting, and then Gardini came out and shot me in the foot. We tossed him around. Or is he little humping me? Oh, he's... He and him would be like Maggie Sian. You better not shoot me in the foot

for acting up at the Kardashian house. The devil's palace, bro. They had black men's legs sticking out of cauldrons there. Absolutely demons. That's what Sean Blazington said. Did he really? I was going to say, that's a really good... Sean Blazington.

They got black men's legs sticking out of cauldrons. You got to get the hell out of... Drake went in there and said, I'm getting the hell out of here. He'd go in there in a fucking heartbeat, dude. Blazington? God damn. All right, let's wrap it. Yep. Thank you for listening to our podcast. Goodbye.

So long.