Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 424 - Tick and Slug (feat. Robert Kelly)

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Go watch Gilly and Keeves "The Special" @ gillyandkeeves.tv Watch Bobby's New Special "KILL BOX" @ louisck.com/products/robert-kelly-kill-box Support Bobby on Patreon @ patreon.com/robertkelly Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch & Get Tickets to See Matt @ mssecretpodcast.com shanemgillis.com YO. wutz gud? First cast of 2023, and bros ... this might be the hottest cast yet. Then to make it even sweeter the D.A.W.G.Z. are blessed about half way through by THE Robert Kelly. What a great time. Please enjoy and god bless. Happy New Year!   Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRENCHED at Lucy.co Support the show and get 15% off your first Raycon order at https://BuyRaycon.com/DRENCHED15  

You showed Matt, Shane and Sharpe, Skip Bayless intro from yesterday's, whatever, what's that show? Just scanning. Is it? I don't think it's first take. It might just be Shane and Skip. It's not Club Shashe. Did you watch Club Shashe?

I don't know what that is. Club Shashe, Shane and Sharpe's own podcast. Oh, nice. It's pretty good. I was watching a clip of it when I took a dump today. So there was the injury to the Bill's player, Hamlin, this week. What happened to him? Oh, bro.

Did you see it? No. I was laying here, watching the game, and it was terrifying. He got hit. So he got hit in the chest. He stands up, and then he drops and passes out and had cardiac arrest. And he had to get CPR on the field. All the players are like, you know, they've watched the dude maybe die.

They're devastated. And then... Who's the guy who hit him? He didn't cancel the game. He was a wideout. It wasn't even like that. Okay. It wasn't crazy.

He just happened to hit him right in the middle of the chest, and I guess the exact wrong time. But then Skip Bayless tweeted out, like, how can we cancel this game? This game's huge. This is an important game for the players. He's football. He's football. It's life.

Which all is... It's not important now. He's like, the NFL has to figure out should they play this game or not. And then he's like, but it all seems so unimportant now. So he didn't... It's not like he was out there, like, play the game. Yeah. He ended his tweet with, it's not important.

Football's not important. It's about the guy who might be dying. Yeah. But then, you know, people started getting on him. Yeah, but that was an age... I thought the guy just randomly collapsed in the field. My mind was obviously elsewhere. I went, does this happen this much?

What? Like, why are these guys all collapsed? Yeah, that's what happened. That's what I thought. But he got struck. I mean, first thing, I was like... They have a player on their team, Cole Beasley, who was against the Vax. And I think he stepped away.

He had to... He quit. They just brought him back onto the team. And I wonder if when that happened, he was like... Have a lot of people in sports collapsed? I'm sure he was devastated. Have a lot of people in sports collapsed? That's the rumor.

That's the rumor going around. Yeah. Because you watch a lot of sports. I was curious if you see that a lot. I've never seen... The last one who died on the... Not died, but Christian Erickson, this soccer player, he's back now. Okay, he's back.

Because kids... Remember, like, every summer, kids died at high school football all the time. I remember hearing about... There is a heart condition athletes get where they just do... I remember hearing about that a long time ago, but I was wondering, I was curious to ask you. You're playing these reclaws right now. They're so good, dude.

So we got hit, he dropped. He dropped. Yeah, I mean, it was like, truly scary. Damn. It was very weird. The stadium's quiet. All the players are fucking sad. It was really fucked up.

Yeah. Then they canceled the game, which they absolutely should have. You can't... Yeah, he was in critical condition. You can't go back out there after one of your buddies... Yeah, it's almost dead. Probably died. Everyone had to go home?

Yeah. There were probably grumblings in the crowd, though. A couple of Cincinnati fans just being like, come on, dude, this is bangle football. This is life or death. Damn, dude. But then you saw what happened, dude. Skip put that out and people, you know... Just the fact that he was like, are we really going to cancel the game?

A couple guys hit him with the race card. A couple guys hit him with the fucking... What? If this was a white player, Skip would have never said this. Some stuff like that. What? Skip's on the defensive, dude. He's crapped for it right now.

If you watch that part closely, he's breathing so hard. He's got to fight adrenaline going because Shannon's like, and I disagreed with Skip's tweet. I'm not going to get into that. Time out. I thought we weren't going to bring that up. I can't finish my monologue, Skip. What would you do if I died, Skip?

Skip didn't play football. Fuck no. Shannon hits him with... Shannon's sharp. Shannon's sharp. The SS officer hits him with that so many times, dude. He's always like, it's a brotherhood out there. He's like, all the time, dude.

It's so fucked up. Damn, he's a sports writer. Yeah. And the SS, obviously, he's been out there. The SS comes on big dogs and constantly. Oh, man. Yeah. Skip Bayless is a bitch-ass, dude.

Is he really? Yeah. He talks shit to players. Kind of funny, but... He talks shit to SS. He's like, you weren't that great. Does he really? Shannon's sharp was one of the nastiest players on Game Day 98 from what I remember.

He was. That's a good pull. He was nasty. Yeah. Damn, so that was the whole thing. He was kind of like, dude, let's play the game here. No, see, that's the thing. It got interpreted as that.

It looked like he was saying, how can we... He said, how can we cancel this game? Yeah. It's very important. But all of it, now it's not important. It was an old man fucking... He thought he was getting deep. He did.

He was like, this is a new epoch in football. We're actually worried about how can we cancel it, though, for real. He should have put a thinkin' face emoji on the tweet that he would have been fined. Or the monogal. He's the one monogal guy. But yeah. Damn, so he's crushed right now because he wanted to basically discard a young black body so he could go play football.

So he could continue to watch to see how the playoffs shake out. There's so much playoff implications, dude. How can we cancel this? Literally, a kid was dying. They were resuscitating him on the field. I think he tweeted it while the guy was on the field. Being resuscitated. He was like, this is a big fucking game.

All right, the more I'm talking about it, yes, that's a bad... He was tipping the spear. He was tipping the spear. But it also does. There are dudes who do say that who are like, football's fucking life. This game is my fucking life. It's like, well, there is a life. Yeah, there is a life.

And he was like, football's life, right? Yeah, you send it. You're the man. He's like, fuck! SS, don't fucking talk about it. SS buried him on his own. SS didn't show up the day after. He was supposed to be there.

He didn't show up. What? So it kind of looked like it was like he was in unity against Skip for the tweet. Dude, that's a funny distinction. That's the funniest situation ever. A guy's dying. You're like, this is the biggest game ever. Will we stop?

Will we not? And it's just like, dude, you want to kill this guy. You're racist. You're racist. Hold on. Time out. Time out. I thought we weren't going to talk about the tweet.

That's the funniest thing. Well, obviously they weren't going to talk about it. The bosses asked me to talk about it. I know, dude. Fuck. Dude, it was unbelievable. So during this game, they kept cutting. They had to leave the ESPN switch to their in studio team who just had to sit.

They had no idea how long this was going to take. Who's on the panel? Booger. Booger was on the panel. Adam Schefter and Susie Colbert. Isn't it Susie Colbert? Who'd she play for? She played.

She's the links. She's one of the links. Great. Really? No. She's a sports journal. Adam Schefter, I believe, is a journal. Yeah.

Booger, obviously. Yeah, obviously. D-Lime. Obviously he played. Booger played. But they had to sit there and like, there's nothing you can say. Damn. I thought about it.

And they're so afraid. You're definitely Shannon Sharpe. I'm skipped right now. Why? You're played. You're the broken man. It's a brotherhood. You don't understand.

I'm skipped. You're just a writer, dude. You're a writer. I'm a gamer. I was thinking about that before. I'm like, dude, how can I position myself as Shannon Sharpe in this whole thing? I was like, I'm skipped. I played a game.

You watched the game like Adam Schefter. So they were all trying to like put it together on the fly? They were all trying to like dance around. They were all afraid to say something. I mean, you know, it was genuinely an emotional thing. You just watched the guy possibly die. Is he dead? He's still alive right now.

But it was, you're watching like, holy fuck. Is he still in critical condition? And then he comes to these people in one of these sports show. Be like, man. At the desk. Like, that's the thing about football. It's very dangerous. But they're like, Booger, what do you think about that?

He's like, I can't talk right now. Like, we respect that. That's fine for you to do that. Adam, how do you feel? They should have hit those like, this is actually the first time a guy almost died in 15 years. They always do like facts about like, this is the first man who first left-handed battered in 1975. Yeah, they kind of did.

Did they? Yeah, they were brought up like other times they've seen something like this happen. Yeah. But there was nothing they could say. So they just had to awkwardly do like fake sports talk for 20 minutes. Remember when the challenger exploded? That was pretty nuts too, right guys? Yeah, it was uncomfortable to watch.

Dude, that's crazy. They should have never had them on. They should have just cut their- They should have sold, sold, sold, commercial. Commercial. Sold. Yeah. Because putting three people on in a fucking ESPN studio while kids getting resuscitated.

Yeah. So they were like similar, they were hitting them with like the heart chakra? I think they did. You couldn't see it. He's in ICU? He's currently in the ICU. They're still working to get him to breathe on his own. He's on a critical condition.

Yeah, he can't breathe on his own. Oh, he's like, he's fucked up. Yeah, yes. He, dude, I think it'll come out that he did die on the field. Yeah, probably. That's what happened, I think, to Christian Erickson, that soccer player. Really? I think he was dead for like a minute.

Jesus. Yeah. Hawkeye was in the ICU as well. Wait, who's Hawkeye? Oh, yeah, Hawkeye. No one even cares. No one gave a fuck, dude. Also, Dana White hit his wife.

I saw one tweet. Did you see what he got ran over by? He got hit by a snow plow. It's huge. I googled it, dude. It looked like Thanos himself. You better take that back, dude. You think Thanos sent the fucking plow?

Just when he was living the domestic life, dude, he finally got to live the domestic life. Fucking enemies, god. I mean, it's so bad. He almost died. He's good. You're looking at the thing you got ran over by. It says, was run over by a snow plow weighing more than 14,000 pounds. Yeah, dude, it's huge.

He was clear in his neighbor's driveway, being a nice guy. Run over by a seven-ton snow plow. Yeah, dude. Fucked him up. It fucked him up. I saw a picture of it. I went, Jesus fucking Christ. That's really terrible.

Is he all right? He's all right. He's in the ICU, but I don't know why it's so... Don't call a dork in the hospital now. Dude, he's a fucking... Talk about why does he look like a dork? Hospital selfies aren't dorky. But, dude, he got ran over truly a venture level.

Ran over by a fucking industrial snow plow. And he's in stable condition. Champed it, took a selfie. It's crazy. That was his team. He couldn't work. He was too fucked up, but he said his team took the photo of him. We're coming back out there.

Dude, I might have to shame and charm you right now, dude. I do not agree with that. I do not think that's funny. I don't know why. It's not. It's serious. Honestly, it's funny. When I was reading... When I was eating at my breakfast this morning,

I thought about him, like, out in the field. It's like, finally, I can relax. Finally, Thanos is defeated. Thanos, no. The team is... They call Robert Downey Jr. He's like, oh, my God, that's terrible. Oh, my God, we got to get down there.

I might have got the team back together. We might get a new Avengers movie out of this. Over the flash gets out. That fucking gay dude, that's a criminal. Have you seen what the flash has been up to? No, what the hell is he doing? Dude, he's like a gay criminal sex freak, dude. And they keep forgiving him.

What? I don't know how the flash hasn't been canceled yet. Wait, so the Avengers are just completely fucked right now? Right now, Thanos is winning, dude. Fuck. Damn, there's... What's he been up to? Several scandals.

Would you hit anyone with some Don Lemons? It's Ezra Miller, that guy. Ezra? Who's that? I didn't know until I recognized him from the photo. The flash. That's the best one possible to be a gay criminal. What?

Is he doing like gay sex crimes? I'm trying to find the gay sex crimes. Right now, it just says dark allegations. What did they say it was? It says at the beginning, it just says dark allegations. Dude, this guy's the same height as me. Damn, a video service to show Miller strangling a woman and throwing her to the ground.

The flash. Oh, dude, he's a gay guy that's beaten up with women? I think so. That'll get you. That'll at least soften the charges. This is great, though. In September of 22, a representative for Miller claimed that the strangulation was a spontaneous reaction

spurred on by a group of teenagers taunting Miller over their MMA skills. What? A couple months later, he got arrested in Hawaii with physical altercation with patrons. They got an attitude over there in Hawaii. They do. I'm not saying, you know, I'm not saying if I was there

as a Miller, I don't condone him. I don't condone the flash fucking choking on my children. Miller claimed he was accosted by a Nazi in Hawaii. Really? They have been known to hide there. They do love tropical oasis. If you unscramble the Moana Swirl, does former swastika know that I think about it?

Dude, you know the Chipotle Simba was the Namba one-boy love? What? Come on, man. Inside the Chipotle pepper? Oh, the swirl. You never noticed that? That's why I stopped eating there. Is that why?

Yeah. I mean, they're guac kind of went to shit, too, but... Their guac is fucking bullshit, dude. Really? I haven't had it in a long time. It used to be such a delicious treat for us. The last time I ate was with these two guys. We went to one in New York back when we recorded at the stand

and it was so fucking bad, I was like, never again. I'm done. I was disappointed. Chipotle does not travel well, either. If you order Chipotle... Oh, God, dude. It's pretty horrendous. Fucking cardboard containers always smashed.

Half of it's hanging out. Yeah. That's upsetting stuff. That's upsetting. I don't want to talk about this stuff. This is upsetting. We can joke about some of the deaths and people being mauled by snow plows, but do not talk about how Chipotle got rid of them.

Don't start joking about your guacamole sticking to the tin lid and being like, ugh. That's done. That looks unsettling. That sucks. My cheese looks smeared. The hell is this? It displeases me.

The cheese hasn't even spread across my bowl. Who let the fucking imbecile out of this? Yeah. It's terrible when bad things like that happen, but I do have a part of me that the Hawkeye one, I couldn't stop laughing. Hawkeye. That's tough, though.

That's like, when you get designated, like when you're the Flash or Hawkeye or something, it's like when someone's dog dies and they tell you about it and they're like, Mr. Peanut Butter had cancer. You're like, that's funny. He has a funny name. It's funny if they die. Like Superman fell off a horse and was paralyzed.

It is funny. There's irony there. Yes. Yeah. Excuse me for recognizing irony. Hawkeye getting hit by a snow plow. That was funny. The idea of it, obviously that's sad.

It is so sad. Jeremy Renner, the human getting mauled by a snow plow, not funny at all. Not funny at all. Him, Hawkeye. The flag? Not exactly. Coming down on it.

Who was the actor that got pinned against his garage? Check off from Star Trek. Was that who it was? Yeah. Yeah. Remember that one? Yeah, I remember that one. That sucked, too.

He got out of his car to check his mail. Yep. He rolled down the hill and got him. That's so sad. That's bullshit, dude. That's such a bullshit way to die, dude. Getting hit by your own body. Me and Red Dead getting hit by that deer, dude.

That's a fucking out of nowhere freak accident, dude. Unbelievable. This stuff's not funny, guys. This stuff's not funny. It actually is not funny, dude. Freak accident, dude. Time out. Hold on.

I thought we weren't going to bring up that tweet. Dude. Can I finish my... That was... My bad? That's fake. Although Shannon Sharpe's voice is a little... You know, I'm trying to do the impression.

I wasn't trying to be offensive. What do you mean? Oh, dude. He's... Let me finish my little skip. That's not offensive. I was just watching Club Shea Shea when he brings on... Dude, it's a good podcast.

It's such a funny name. But he brought on Waka Flock of Flame. And Waka Flock of Flame was... Good interview. He was on there just being like, dude, I don't kill. I've never killed people. I'm not like a gangster rapper. I used to rap about this stuff.

He's like, dude, I'm a nice guy. He's like, I've never sell drugs. He's like, I'll make millions of dollars. Why would I sell drugs? They're talking about the whole Young Thug situation. I think there's a lot of rappers that are starting to get a little... Like, ew, boy. They can...

Yeah. They can... Dude, apparently they're... So if you rap about something... Yeah, they can use it against you. Only if it pertains to a crime that they can prove actually happened. So like, they can... He...

So if you just say, I killed... They can't be like, well, you said he killed people. If you like reference anything that can be tied to a crime, they can absolutely use it against you. Like, he had a lyric that said like, she got robbed by Tick. That was his... One of his LA's was Tick. Tick and Slug.

It was his LA. And he was like, she got robbed by Tick and they were using that against a lady saying he robbed her and like, whoa. Tick and Slug. Tick and Slug are sick. Tick and Slug could be us, dude. Tick and Slug could be us, dude. Tick and Slug could be us, dude.

That's good names. That's good names. The YSL is... Tick and Slug. Tick and Slug. Tick and Slug. Tick and Slug. That's good names on point.

Yeah, rebrand. Dude, that is actually really nice. They had group chats apparently where they'd be like, yo, did you shoot that guy? Like video... Yeah, I shot him. Dude, literally, it's crazy. Crazy the level of just... They shoot.

Some people shoot. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, we guys are shooting. I don't want to talk about that. Come on, man. Time out. I met people in general, not just Slug and Tick. Oh, for sure.

Not just Slugs and Ticks. I was watching, I watched a good one last night. It was called This Place Rules. You ever see the kid do the all gas, no brakes? Curly-haired kid wears a brown suit, does interviews. I think so. He's got a good one. It's on HBO.

It's about what led to the capital rise. It's pretty great. Really? He's just going to different Trump rallies interviewing. It's a comedy. The way he interviewed people was comedy. He'd be like, how do you feel about this and just let him go? That's kind of nice.

I mean, he would interview the craziest people. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it did take an HBO-esque turn. What happened? Where they were like, got a little biased. Did they really? A couple of instances.

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, never mind. Probably not my best takes here. No, I'm starting to think about it. You know, it might not be the best thing for me to Jan 6th sympathize. Probably not my best opinions coming up, especially on the eve of our glorious revolution.

Oh, yeah. That's coming up. Coming up? That's on Friday. I mean, this episode will come out tomorrow. Yeah. We're on the eve. This is January 6th eve.

The eve of one of the greatest coups of all time. Are they actually going to be in trouble? They keep saying he's going to be in trouble for this. They're doing a lock him up. Big time lock. I don't think so. But that's a proof. Prove it.

There's literally, there's a lot of footage. There's a lot of footage. Yeah. Yeah. I think he, I don't know. They're going to get him for his taxes, I believe, eventually. Oh, the Russian. The walls are closing in on Donald Trump.

They are. You can tell now the walls are closing in. Did you see Stephen King? Stephen King had a tweet. They're like the Republican like research tank or whatever was like Joe Biden spent 40% of his presidency on vacation and Joe Biden or Stephen King retweeted it with a quote and said, yeah, he spent the other 60% kicking ass. What?

Maybe he's fucking with people. That's what I started wondering. That's a very funny tweet. It's very funny. That's so fucking delusional. It's either fucking with people or yes, it's like a genuine mental disorder. I mean, like, of just not even like whatever the perception of it is where the thing is a good prep, but being like, yeah, he kicks ass.

It's like, dude, you're a grown, like end of your life development man. Yeah. And your best you can do is be like the president kicks ass. Yeah. And you're great. Sorry, haters. An incredible writer. One of the greatest writers.

I don't think I can read his books anymore. And you want to come out with kick ass. I can't read his books anymore. I really don't. Just knowing what the dude's up to it might, it honestly, I can't separate the art from the artist. Yeah. I can't do it.

Which is funny because I can do it when they're. Yeah. Right. Makes me like it more. Movies are incredible. This guy's nuts. At least right. At least right wing.

Those guys are nuts. Yeah. Left wing are like gay as fuck. Well, they're not. Yeah. They're not being like ostracized by anyone really. No one's ostracized. Only people attacking him or just dudes like I'm a blue collar worker.

He's kicking my ass. I'm sure for that. He's kicked my ass. But it's like, yeah, it's pretty weird. Yeah. Because at least when you see Mel, you know, he was out there saying. Wild stuff. Yeah.

Got in trouble. Yep. No one likes him anymore. Yeah. But you can't stop watching this movies. If he puts out a movie, everyone's like, fuck, it was actually pretty good. Well, there's a redemption tale too. It's like, is this going to be the movie that sways?

Although a lot of the movies have stunk. We talking about. There's some movies. He's been doing a lot of movies in there that were like. Really? Give me back my son. Like over and over again. He went like Liam Neeson for a minute.

Yeah, I don't have that. You're dragged across. That's a box office. That's like a guaranteed box. Like, dude, having your kid taken and making a movie about that. Easy. That's all. That's the least I'm going to make some money.

Like, dude, what would you do, bro? What would you do? What the fuck would you do? A bunch of fucking Romanians stole your son. Ask Andrew Tate's dad. He's living that right now. Oh, true. Andrew Tate's dad needs to take him.

He got taken, dude. Fuck. I was just taking. Dude, I was watching videos on Tate. He actually might get busted for trafficking. Really? Yeah. I think they're hitting him with the walls of closing in on.

Yeah. I think the left wants him gone. They do. I would imagine they do as well. But dude, he has like early seminars he did online about how to. Everyone's getting crushed for like their content right now. He did a seminar on how to be a successful webcam entrepreneur. And like, I think for sex trafficking, there's like, if you use physical force,

obviously that's like, if I were to like be like, Shane, just fucking get this guy's dick. I'm gonna punch you in the face. If I did that to you, I'm a sex trafficker. No. If I fraud. Dude, let me get this monologue out first. I got that coming.

Come out. I do not want to. So the second thing is fraud. If I trick you into doing it, if I fraud you, that's technically sex trafficking, which is kind of, you know, it's hazy. And then there was like coercion where if I threat my, you know, so fraud you is what happened to that one porn thing. Which one?

Talking next to him. No, there was a porn one. Girls do porn. Girls do porn. What was that? It was fucking nice. Sick as fuck. It was so good.

And then I found out they were fucking trafficking the girls I was beaten off to. I had no idea. I had no idea. What was girls like a legit one? Usually like they like. Because they're all ugly kind of. Who? Girls do porn were fucking so hot.

He doesn't have any idea. Are you out of your mind? Some respect. You're fucking crazy. There was traffic to women where you said those guys weren't tricking the best women and stealing. They literally were. They trafficked like beauty queens.

What? Sometimes. No. I mean, actually the one was a mis fucking one estate. And you're saying they're more like runners up. You're out of your fucking mind. Some of them, of course, there's some diamonds in the rough. I mean, guys, what are we talking about?

No, this is where the worst takes ever. These women got sex trafficking. You're going to call them ugly. You're going to victim. They're the easiest victims. Who? The ugly ones. Jeez, Noah.

Noah. Mic away. Give them a mic out. Get the time out. We're sure we're going to talk about this. They're all beautiful. No, we're trying to do a monologue. Anyway, they got sex trafficking.

They did. Because I think they frauded the girls. Yeah. That's a. I think they said they were going to pay you a certain amount or they were like, we're actually not going to put this out to. And then they tossed it out. So that's trafficking.

And then the guy got in trouble for that. Dude, they have videos of Tate and his own words. And I'm watching. Obviously I'm watching. Which is bullshit. I should get some type of, you know, I should get paid. For sure. There should be commercials like.

Can't put you in commercials. Like, did you whack off to fucking girls do porn? Are you now a sex criminal? You did not know you were being a sex criminal. You know compensation. Such bullshit. I love that shit. You basically have mesothemialgia, dude.

Dude, I got the enemies. Well, I would say there's probably a decent amount of like. Women in porn who are trafficked anyway. Like those, those Russian ones. You, they're still on. Careful. You're out of your mind that these girls are homely, dude. Can you cover their naked bodies and show me just their faces?

They're so hot. I mean, dude, he has a noisy youngster. Come on, dude. Over and over again. Age check. Can I get an age check on her? Yeah, I mean, he's crazy. By the way, they were not naked bodies.

This is just the beautiful girls. What a heinous fucking way. Who was the guy and how was he pulling this off? What were his means of coercion? Honestly, I have not done a lot of research. It happened a while ago. It happened like a year and a half or two years ago. Billion spud with the ones who broke it down.

Girls do porn. Girls do porn. That guy was a sex trafficker and I was like, shit. Yeah. I'm like a hit with the Rico. You might have to go. This might be your bars. They get you.

They check your webcam. Oh, I'm so afraid of that. You're going to have to fucking take the plea deal. I'll snatch. I'll snatch right away. I'm going to be gunna. I'm like, yeah. Slug showed me this.

Dick and Slug. Billion Spud. Dick and Slug. Dick and Slug. They showed me this. I had no idea. You're slouching in court. Yes.

With a mask. You got to wear a fucking COVID mask. All of YSL has their nose out of the mask. I mean, kind of sick on some level. True. They're all fucking rocking the same Patriot beak in court. So funny. Patriot beak.

Dude, you're going to jail for life. You're risking jail for life. I better not get it cold. I better not get it cold. The last thing I want is to be under the weather when I arrive. I'm in court because the judge is wearing them too. But it's so funny that all of them fucking sagged their mask. It's like the best move ever.

Be like serious Rico charges facing 20 years and you're just like, I'm going to bring my nose out of this fucking cave. I'm going to want to be able to breathe in this. It's uncomfortable. But yeah, dude, he's on camera. And I've been watching a lot of criminal defense lawyers break stuff down. And this one guy, I think his name is Bruce Rivers. He came under fire because people were like, fuck you, dude.

You hate Tate. The car dog just leaves to take a shit. Oh my God, dude. What the fuck? He's shitting on air. The car dog has his shit. He definitely woke up late. He's lying about his car.

He's lying about his car. That's his morning shit right now. I think so. He smokes way too much. We have to talk about his cigarette intake, dude. Oh my God. He has a fucking cigarette smoker's ass. He probably puffed like five cigarettes in the way here and jarred one loose.

He'll get his when he sits back down. Dude. Oh yeah, so they were, he did like a seminar basically on how to start a webcam business. And it was he's on there being like, you have to control these women's minds. You can't tell them the truth. His story was that he had five girlfriends at the time and he decided he was like, he's like, well, fuck, I don't, he's like reading a book about how to make money. He goes, I need assets.

If I buy five girlfriends, I can have turned them into assets for me. So he, according to him, his own words. The what? It's pimping. Pimping. He even did say on the thing like, you could apply what I'm about to tell you to street pimping if you wanted to. Yeah.

But he's like, it's all about, but whatever. So then, you know, and again, he's obviously trying to be like sensational and stuff, but his story was that according to himself, he called all five of his girlfriends and said, I'm flying you all in here. Sat them down in front of him and said, I'm on some G shit right now. You guys are going to start making me some money with his webcam shit. And they're all, they all found out that they were like, he was, they were part of like a six piece relationship.

Three of them left. Two stayed. Nice. Not bad actually. It's crazy. But there's like, it was like, so that alone is they were brought there on false pretenses. So, but it's real hazy. So this guy's just breaking it down like they're all the parts where deception could possibly

come into play. And especially when like, when you're using your own words, like it doesn't look good for you. Can't trick women. You should. You can. You shouldn't. That's the thing.

You can. You should not. It's very mean to do. God dog. How was it? Did you have diarrhea? Yeah. You have diarrhea?

Well, I had one in the car and then I was really nervous about it. Did you shit your new car? I almost did. You almost shit in your new pre-owned Honda Accord. Certified pre-owned Honda. It was not certified. Obviously it was not certified. Not certified.

What? I know a certified Honda when I hear it. When I hear a story about what happened to you, I knew it was not certified. It was not certified. I got a good deal though. The 150-point check, they would never, yeah. You couldn't afford certified, brother. You're right.

That was for the big dog. Those were the high rollers. Especially in this market right now. Used cars to go crazy right now in this market. They're going crazy. They are. They got a nice deal. So you had to take a diarrhea during the podcast.

I did. You showed up late in the other diarrhea. What'd you do? Had you abandon my post and give it to Noah while I went and crapped in your backpack. You can't hand this man a mic, dude. He's nuts. True. I thought you said I had to abandon my bussy.

It's a pretty funny way to say take a shit. Do you think the cigarettes have something to do with it? Do you think the tobacco has something to do with it? Yeah, in the coffee, yeah. Yeah. And I had a baker. That's those the baker. What's up with all these cigs, dude?

You're too young for all these cigs. I like the cigs. Dude, you're going to fucking get lung cancer, man. They figured this shit out a long time ago. So be it. Oh, you see? Over some cigs, bro. Shit.

That'll be you, bro. That'll be you. That'll be me. True. It's fucked up to bring up. Dude, we have a sponsor. We can give you free fucking lucies, dude. You can be sucking down.

Nicotine pouches, brother. Nicotine recolos. You're right. Maybe 2024, I'll try to quit. Shit. It's not too late in 23, dude. You're fucking up our brand image, dude. We're selling fucking tobacco replacements.

You're sucking down cigs, dude. It makes us look like liars and charlatans, dude. If you're not going to take the lucy. Yeah. You're right. I'll switch to lucy. No, I'm just fucking with you. Thank you, lucy.

Anyway. Like we're saying. Sean, you have to shit. You have to at least tell us next time. You have to please next time interrupt. I realized you were gone for longer than it was. I was actually pretty excited. I cut it short still, too.

I have some left. What? You cut it diarrhea short? Continue. No, I can't. Finish the job. I feel good. It's been coming and going.

What? I feel like I really have to shit. And then my busty starts quivering. You're quivering busty right now? No, now my busty is calm. You have a shaking orgasms. You're shaking. Seriously, what's your busty?

You have no feelings in your busty right now. My busty is fine right now, but if I had to guess, it's going to start quivering soon and I might have to leave before the end of the podcast. But I'm saying if you sat down right now, you don't think you could push some diarrhea? No, because I was trying and it went away. You might even have the aftershocks. I know there's more in there. You might have the aftershocks with good blowout.

You get up and you go, am I going to dump or am I just vibrating? Am I talking about? Kind of. But anyway, Tate is... I'm sorry for all this talk. Sorry to leave, guys. You're right. But yeah, dude, this guy brought up multiple counts of him basically being like,

I lied to them about how much they make. I didn't pay my taxes. I would put it all in a big one. Time out for a second. Do you know how many diaries I've absolutely swallowed every episode, dude? You don't think I want to get up and diarrhea? All I do is have diarrhea. I'm sorry.

You don't think I want to get up and diarrhea? I'm behind the cam, though. I tried to do it discreetly. That's crazy, dude. You saw, I slunk away. I tried to be sneaky. Fine. I'm sorry.

I had to get that off my chest because I wasn't going to be able to continue without that. If you ever have diarrhea, we can pause. Just so you know. He's a pro, dude. He holds it in. I've reclosed before. Dude, if you hold your diarrhea long enough... My voice is right.

Yeah, dude. It just all turns into... It's alchemy. It turns into good jokes. You let your diarrhea just linger about your body. Yes. No, you're not going to look. Sit down.

You're in the middle. Grab a seat. What's up, man? I just took a shit and they're making fun of me. Dude, ten minutes. It's fine. Do you have a mic for us? Yes, we have a mic for ourselves.

For sure. Sean has left to take a gigantic shit right in the middle of the thing. Yeah. Grab a seat. What's up, man? Oh, there's a camera and everything. Yeah. You got one camera.

Yeah, man. That's when you know you're good. When you... This is the production. There's the one. We only need one. One angle. We don't need to edit this shit.

Wide shot. I mean, you came in and you just entered probably one of the best episodes we've ever done. Yeah. Now it's going to fucking be... You ever whack off the girls do porn? I'm sorry. Say that again? Alright, never mind.

No. If you don't know the name of it, it doesn't ring a bell right away, dude. No. Listen, just say it again. That's all I need. There was a porn thing called Girls Do Porn. It was the... I don't even know what they're called.

Okay, no. Companies? Yeah. Criminal organizations in this case. Anyway, it turns out they were sex trafficking. I've been whacking off to this thing for years. He didn't know? I had no idea.

It turns out they were just sex trafficking. Yeah. I did bank bus. That's nice. Yeah. Which I think was illegal. Yeah. Didn't they just like punch him in the face and throw him out of the car?

Yeah. Is this on? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking... I didn't know you were so detail-oriented that you're going to give the whole version

and let him do a little work instead of a bitch. What the fuck? I showed up. And he caught me walking to get coffee. Dude, he rolled his window down and just threw his coffee at my feet. I had no idea who it was, dude. I turned around. I was like...

While I was giving him a look, I was like, all right, that's Bobby. I got to pretend I don't know. Here's the problem with him, though. I called him yesterday. Yesterday. I called him. I haven't talked to him a while. And I'm what they call in show business a good person.

Yeah. I'm just a regular good guy. You've risen above the scum. Well, I'm just... I never went above or below it. I just became a good person. I heard that. I called him.

Hey, dude, how are you doing? I haven't talked to you in a while. I was seeing how you do his holidays, whatever. Because he didn't call me. You know what I mean? And in the hyacary, I know he's more popular and probably makes a lot of money. But as a respect... Yeah.

When Michael knew his father wasn't the head of the thing anymore and he was taking over, he's still out of respect for the older guy. For sure. They sat in the garden. And he was like, pa, you know, but not him. So I call him. And if Colin Quinn called me, I'd stop what I'm doing. What's up, buddy?

How are you doing? I call him. He's meandering. You can hear him doing shit, which bugged me. No, I was in an airport. Yeah. Yeah. Stop.

Do you work at the airport? I don't like talking in public. What the fuck is this? I hate it. I hate it. So outside of your good environment, you can't talk. I hate being on headphones talking in public. Okay, do me a favor then.

Get rid of your phone. This happened before. You called me when I was in the... Oh, this is good, dude. He called me. I was like, I'm in the back of an Uber. I can't really talk right now. And he was like, what, are you fucking kidding me?

Just talk. Who cares? And I was like, no, I can't. Then the Uber driver pulls over and talks on the phone for 20 minutes. He just talked on the phone. I was just sitting in the back. Like, is this guy serious? He had a full conversation.

But you can feel his uncomfortableness, which bugs me. So then he's like, he gives me his anxiety horseshit about public. I can't do this in public. Whatever that is, right? You can't talk in public. What the fuck's wrong with you? I can't be funny. Whatever.

I don't want you to be funny. I was talking. Then he goes, I go call me later. He goes, I'm going to call you tonight. Now, as a man, as a man, when a friend of mine says, I'll call you later tonight, I... You stayed up. It's not that I stayed up, but in the back of my head, I looked at my phone every maybe hour or two.

Nothing. Nothing. So now I'm coming over here today to do Tommy and the other guy. What's his face? Chris. Chris. Very funny. Both of them.

One of them murders people, though. I'm not going to tell you which one, but one of them fucking kills people. Yeah, it's actually toss up. Definitely O'Connor. And I see this fucking, I look in my rear view mirror and you can't, I mean, you can see this fucking walking down the street. I know it's him. He's eight feet tall.

He's got sunglasses on. He's dressed like a college girl, right? What the hell, dude? I see him walking down and he, the last person he expected was the guy he lied to yesterday to be right on his fucking street when he's going to get his little morning routine on. And I had my cappuccino, it was a nice one, too. And I threw it right at his sticky shoes that he doesn't care about because he doesn't

care about fashion because that's me. I'm cool. Do you like fashion? No, I don't like fashion, but fucking whatever. This is, I didn't buy this. Cipher Sound gave me this. I got this from a hip hop star. Hey, I'm not making fun of it.

You got defensive. I just looked at it. Not everybody dresses like a girl's soccer coach. I apologize. So, so that I threw my cappuccino right at his feet. Fuck, I'm dressing a girl's soccer coach. No, you're not. No, you're not.

He is. Look at the hookers. That's fucking. That's an insane thing. He's, he's, he's dressed like a cruise ship comic. So, so, so I threw my cup at his feet and I'm expecting a bold command. I'm expecting, and all I got was a little fucking angry brow. You want to feel the force?

I want to do that. Dude, I just woke up. I'm walking to get my car. If someone threw coffee at me, I'm just ignoring it. I was also very, Shane's very reserved and tranquil too. Yeah, that's scary. I guess that's scary. But he threw the coffee and then I, and then I grabbed him and I was going to bite his

nose. He actually was grabbing me. Pretty intense. Yeah. You know, I was going to bite his nose off. Well, you say you're going to call somebody. You fucking. And then we had a nice one.

I was actually on the phone with him. I heard it. Oh, you did? I call it. You can talk him in public. You cock sucker. Non-stop. We were facetiming the whole time.

So it's me. All right. All right. I'll deal with that. Well, thanks. Yeah. I appreciate you coming over. It was awesome.

You got it, man. How's it going? You didn't like your cobra? You haven't even finished it yet. You haven't even touched it. I was on the, these guys talk fast downstairs. They do. But we smoked a cigar downstairs too.

In the room? In the room. What? Cowards. Why are they cowards? If it comes up here, I'm going to fucking give them hell. True call, man. I don't think it would fucking seep up here.

We smoked three bats in that little room. It's great. Great guys. You smoked cigars? No, really. That's nice. Did they pretend to like cigars? Because I know for a fact they have never smoked a fucking cigar in their lives.

I'll tell you this. They yelled at him for like a vape pen one time. They both enjoyed the shit out of it. One more than the other. Can you guess which one? The camera was on, right? The camera was on. Yeah, they loved it.

Guess which one they liked? Guess which one liked it? Tommy loved it. Chris was honest. Chris loved it. More than me. He was still smoking when I left. Chris is in love with it.

That's good. He's going to take the personality. That's what we needed was him to get a new fucking vice. Jesus Christ. Man, what are you here leaving soon anyways? Who cares? I don't think I am. You staying here?

I like this. Where do you live? Thought off here. Oh, you just come in to do these? Yeah. That's great. Am I not supposed to tell the crowd that? No, no, no.

They're supposed to think about where I live. Pretty open about where I live. You know, like they go on the radio and like, dude, he's in Florida. Don't tell him he's not in Cincinnati. Dude, I did a fucking morning radio in Buffalo. I think it was. It was like 6 a.m. I had to be there.

The fucking radio host zoomed in. I had to go to the studio. I was in the studio by myself and the guys zoomed in. Yeah. And they told you not to tell him that he's not going. Yeah. I was like, this is, I'm never doing radio ever again. I like radio.

You don't drink. I drink. It's a fucking valid point. 6 a.m. is fucking hell. That is a valid point. And then you show up, your face is dark red, swollen. They're like, let's get a picture. You're like.

They posted fucking no one likes it. I got two likes as the host. Kiss F M in Buffalo. You drink too? Not really. No. A little bit. I'm very moderate.

I used to drink like a motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah, I used to drink. I remember we used to one sip like a bottle. I missed everybody that was fun. Wait, what do you mean one sip of bottle? What do you just get a bottle of like Jack Daniels and just one sip it?

Like chug it, basically. I always take the cap off and throw it away. Go caps it for kids. Even though it's 13. No, you're a youngster. When I was a kid, yeah, back in Boston. Yeah, you ever hear Bobby's origin story? You were a troubled youth, were you not?

Ah, I mean, I guess. Definitely. Weren't you in fucking like juvenile? Yeah. I mean, you don't have to say it like that. I mean. I don't know if there's more of a troubled youth. Was it like more like, what'd you do?

I don't remember what you saw. Yeah, I fucked other kids. What do you mean sex stuff? I was 13. Tell the story. I'm raping middle-aged women. That was my thing. Dave, you know Arm Robbery?

Yeah, I read. You were bad as hell. I used to hang out at Stop and Shop and fuck. I went back with that card. I'd get him before they got in the minivan. Wait, who'd you rob? Actually, the last place I robbed was a muffin. You were like a Newsy, were you wearing like Jeff Caps?

You're like, hey, give me all your money. It's a Peaky Blonde. Yeah, you're a Peaky Blonde in Boston, dude. I used to wear a C, C. Give me your money, C. No, I robbed a Mafia on Pizza Place. Oh, nice. Yeah, that was bad.

That was probably a bad choice. I didn't know it was Mafia owned. True. When the cop arrested me, he actually pulled up. I was at the park about to get one. I was about to get fucked up with all my friends. I think it was like a Saturday night. It was like a week and a half later.

Four days before me and Frankie, we were sitting in his living room just like this and we just smoked a ton of weed. We were both watching Popeye cartoons, basting just like this. This is quite the funny guy. You got a fucking Civil War ghost hanging out there. Is that Ulysses S. French?

He had the door open because it was hot. That was before anybody had AC and shit. And just three cops walked in. And they were like, Frankie Paul Castro. And he went, what's up? They just took him out. And they didn't take me. And I was with him.

And then like three or four days later, I was at the park and they pulled up. He goes, Bobby Kelly. I was like, yeah. He's like, there's a warrant out for your arrest. I don't know where it went. We got your friend Frankie. I'm coming back to get you tonight.

So if you don't want to get arrested, get the fuck off the street and I'll be doing you a favor because the Pizza Place you rob was a mob on Pizza Place and they're looking for you too. And they're going to break your legs. So that night, I was like, fuck. I went and got fucked up. How old were you?

13. Jeez. And I went and got fucked up. I had a pint of Alan's 101 peppermint schnapps. And I had a rack of towels, a Budweiser. And I smoked a lot of weed. I was with this girl and she was like, I want to get high. So I was like, I don't have any more on me.

So she's like, go. You were 13? And she goes, go get weed. I want to fuck. And I was like, yeah. So I went to get weed. And on the way, I went to get more alcohol. But back then I was 13.

I had to wait. I had to get a buyer. So you had to stand in front of the fucking place, wait for some pedophile to come up, you know. Maybe give him a hand job to get some fucking booze. It's more peppermint schnapps. You got to give one to get one. Yeah, right.

So I'm standing in front of liquor store. I got a buyer. He's inside getting the shit. And my cop car pulls up with my mom on the backseat. They went to my house. Oh, fuck. The cop was a friend of my mom from high school. We're looking for Bobby.

She goes, I'm coming. So she gets in the back. They pull up. She goes, come here. From like, it was like slow motion. Oh, that's the worst. And I just went to your mom. You know what I mean?

For some reason, you just listen. I should have ran. But my mom was like, give me. I was like, OK. I went in the car and I shut the door and I forgot they lock. So I'm just in the back. Oh, no. I'm like, fuck.

And my friend's knocking on the window. Can I talk to him for one second? Like trying to negotiate with the cops. I go, all right, let him one second. Nice try. OK, these 13-year-old seem reasonable. Hop out. They took me to jail.

And I was so fucked up, man. I mean, I'm in this little jail cell. And it was one of the worst nights of my life. Because the whole thing's spinning. I'm puking. And I could just hear them laughing. And every once in a while, they bring by an old hamburger and throw it into me.

Oh, my God. You're hungry? And I would go, yeah. And then I went to court the next day. They take you to court. And then I went to jail that night. How long were you in Juvie for? That time, it was, I think, four months.

So Juvie goes like this. You go to court. They do it. And they're like, all right, we're going to set a trial date for you. Then you go back into the cell under the place. And then they pick you up on a van. The van that they pick prisoners up.

You all get picked up at the same time. But the prisoners go in the back. The Juvie's go on this little bench in the front right behind the driver. But there's a window right there. So the whole time, the real fucking murderers are just talking about fucking you in the ass the whole time.

Like, you little bitch. Let me see those lips. Oh, you sweet bitch. And you're just crying. Trying not to, you know, trying to hold the deer in. And then they take you up to the middle of nowhere. It's called intake, where they decide where you're going. Because there's a bunch of Juvenile halls

all over Massachusetts. They take you. It's literally Danvers State, which is a mental institution. And they take you. And Danvers State gave the Juvenile system, the old morgue, to do intake. So they drive up to this creepy place, to the old morgue. You go into this room.

And they they unshackle you, put you in the room. You know, all kids from everywhere, black kids, Puerto Rican kids. And they're all just sitting there watching that big, huge TV, black and white TV. And I remember they come in with lunch and it was day old subs from the deli down the street with chips and chocolate milk.

But everybody grabs their subs. They go up like fucking animals. Like everybody just gets up when they drop them. They drop the box and it just runs and grabs. And they all grab their sandwich and there was onions in the top and they grab them and they just threw them on the ceiling. Because the purple onions after a day get wet and they smell.

So they didn't want them. They threw and I look up at the ceiling. It was just all fucking old onions from hundreds of fucking sandwiches. Jesus Christ. And then the Puerto Rican kid comes up. He's like, yo, man, I want to tell you. It's your first time.

I was like, yeah. He goes when they ask them where you're going before they put the shackles on you. I'm like, why? He goes, because if they don't tell you, you're going to more bed. So they took me in and they were about to shackle me and I go, where am I going?

And he just looked at me and he didn't say anything. I was like, fuck. So then I went to the Charlestown Y and Charlestown back then was bad. Yeah. That's where all the movies are. Southie. Yeah.

Every movie. You were in the town, dude. Yeah, exactly. I mean, the most bank robberies ever. In the country was in Charlestown at that time. And it was the Charlestown Y was the gym. And then on the top level was the juvenile lockup. And it was just like a room with metal bunk beds,

like 15 metal bunk beds. And then another room that you just sat in with a TV. Yeah. I remember that was most scary. And I had a, I remember we had to go in and they had a strip searcher again. And I was with two 18 year olds. I was 13.

I think I had one pub. I had a little tiny pecker. Yeah. And I remember they were like, I get naked. And I was like, huh? And they were like, they made us take a shower. And these two guys had just fucking gongs. They had dicks.

Yeah. Yeah, they had like nice dicks. And just me, little pecker Kelly. I still wouldn't want to go in there either. Huh? I wouldn't want to go in there today, man. Some 18 year olds just fucking humiliating my penis. You'd be scared now even with 13 year olds.

I'm talking about 18 year olds. I'm 36. I'm talking about getting naked more so. I was the worst. I remember they had to do jumping jacks. Naked. I actually said to the guy, I go, dude. You're boys do.

I go, what do you think? What do you think I got? I don't have any. I think I'm really stuffing heroin in my ass to make money. I'm going to be on three months. I'm not going to be here for it. It's not a life set. Oh, you do ass naked jumping jacks.

You have to do ass naked jumping jacks and you have to squat. Naked. Fucking humiliated. That's terrible. Yeah, terrible. Terrible. And that was the first time. That was the first time, yeah.

That was the first time. You didn't learn your lessons? No, it's the thing about drugs and alcohol. Is that a funny thing? Funny thing about doing drugs and alcohol. You know, it's hard time to learn your lesson. No, I didn't. I didn't.

It took me three more years. The last time I got arrested was for a gumball machine. But. What'd you do? I stole a gumball machine. You took the whole thing? Took two of them. Nice.

Yeah. Do you want the coins or the gum? Both. Guys, we're never going to need to buy bubblegum again. Son of a bitch, they got me. I mean, how fucked up did you have to be to do that? I was on a half bottle of White Label Scotch. I did, again, I did a bunch of beers and a lot of weed.

And then we were doing Whippets. We were doing Whippets. And then the dummy was like, I want this fucking gumball machine. So I grabbed it. That was upstate New York. It's spent in Portland, New York, which is a different thing. So I just grabbed the gumball machine. I ripped it off and I smashed it and I took the fucking quarters and I used the gum.

And then the cops chased us down the tracks. And then I thought I was slick and I ran through the woods over a yard and then a shock that was in my face. Fuck. And the cop was like, he goes, maybe get in the middle of the person's lawn. He goes, you're the bubblegum thief. Right. I'm the Bobby bubblegum.

We finally caught the bubblegum thief. I was known worldwide for a bubblegum. Damn. He actually put the gun in my face and he told the other cop if he moved, shoot him. And I said, it was gum. Yeah. I was like, what are you fucking? Chris Rock, you're like, it was a G.I. Jane joke.

What are you guys doing? Yeah, that was bad. That was the worst jail I was in. The Rochester juvie jail was the worst. Good thing you weren't around with like Oxycontin and stuff. You'd have been dead. I did. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, I did everything. I would take any pill you put in front of me. What pills do you have back here? We would do a Valium, Masc Acid and what are the, what's the Percocets? Okay. Percs were big. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. Anything you could, because I was so young, anything you could steal. Yeah. We weren't, you know what I mean? You could just steal it. We were drinking a lot of drugs and coke. We did a lot of coke. Nice.

Yeah. My friend's stepfather was a Coke dealer, but he wasn't tough. Like my friend could beat him up. So we would threaten him. Threat him to give us the Coke, babe. Yeah, that sucks. I feel bad about it. You brought the 15 year olds coming to your room like, give us the Coke.

Yeah, dude, cuz he would pose your dick. Like fine, just fucking have it. Yeah, he had a mustache. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he would go threaten him and he'd be fucking give us this Coke. I felt terrible about it. What year was it?

Whitey Bulger time in Boston? Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any stories with him? It was eight. No. Thank God. You never got to be around that.

Well, I never went to Southie, man. Southie scared the shit out of me. Yeah. That was from Medford. Medford, but in Medford, Boston was segregated back then. Every little town, Somerville, Medford. So even in Medford, the Italians lived in South Medford. The Irish lived in North Medford.

The blacks and the like the mixed whites lived in West Medford. Yeah, like, you know, like the whites that could, you know, live with the blacks. The Italians weren't doing it. And I hung out of the I hung out of the Italian part with the. But we hung on it back then. You didn't have gangs. You had parks. So we hung I hung out at Tufts Park.

So, you know, you had North was it? Duggar Park was where the black dudes hung out. Place did park. Then you had Tufts Park with the Italians. I think it was North Park was where all the Irish kids hung out. And yeah, it was kind of like you and then you fought each other. Yeah, you just go to the different places. Yeah, but the guys I hung out with, I hung out with these guys.

I mean, they were they were tough. I was never tough. Yeah. But though the guys I hung out with were fucking. I mean, dude, they shake you down. Like you show up as a friend as a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what do you have? Well, they throw coffee at your feet and stuff. Yeah, they try to humiliate you on your own block, dude.

No, but this is my block. They would call you back and it was hard because they had pay phones back there. So they had to find change. It wasn't as convenient as it is now. Where you just go, hey, call Bob and it says, yeah, Bob. Bob, yeah, what's up, buddy? I was hungover. Yep.

I flew all day. OK. It was a. He was with me. Gardena, you saw me. There's no way I was operating. I wasn't I wasn't being a good conversationalist at that point. That's all right. I forgive you. It would have been a bad call. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?

Because that's psychotic. If you don't, I forgive it. I mean, it's psychotic that you're not taking my fucking forgiveness. I'll be honest. Yeah. Girl stuff. Now, what are you, my fucking girlfriend? You get a girlfriend me on this? I mean, they're looking at that fucking piece of shit that they call me back.

I mean, there's a difference. This is a tiny air between girl stuff and and man. You want a drink? No, girlfriend. I threw my fucking drink at that piece of shit. You know what? In hindsight, this is starting to be girl stuff. I mean, you can look through it out of different glasses. It's I was kind of bitchy.

Yeah, I like it. No, it's funny. I do miss you. Yeah, it seems it. Jesus Christ. Stop with the girlfriend stuff. No, I mean, I don't give a fuck. I don't we have nice calls. You're a good guy to call.

He goes out in his shed and smokes cigars. Perfect. He's always down for a phone call. I'm a talker. I hate text messages. I hate it. But comics, you guys know that comics, we won't talk to each other for seven months. Yeah, but it doesn't have has no it has no effect on the like when you're friends with regular people,

if I go away for three months, like, what the fuck, you don't call me. It's like I was away. But comics, like I didn't talk to Patrice for like eight months one year, and then all of a sudden he just came back. He's like, you know, we're hanging out again. Yeah, it's just the way it is, you know, but yeah, I don't I don't give a fuck. But I like calling. I hate text messages. I hate, you know, when you come in, you you're a text.

No, I a little bit above. I'm not good at texting anymore, either. I like don't respond to text. I read them. I do this thing where I read someone's text and I think about what I'm going to say to them. And then I put my fucking phone away. And then the pressure builds up to go back and then I get another text

that's three weeks later. I see the last couple with the typed message that I didn't send. Yeah. And then it's too much. And then, yeah. And it's like, fuck it, I'm just going to wait till he throws coffee at my feet. Yeah, now we're done. I just I missed that text. Now we're never going to be friends.

I don't have to do it three. I got to do I got to do I'm doing my podcast in the city. Oh, OK, nice. With Santino. You know Santino? I do know Santino. He's the fuck. He's great guy. O'Connor opens for him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, it's great.

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Let's get back to the show. You should go, though. What time? Well, I mean, what the fuck, man? I mean, could you be more anticlimactic? I mean, look, could we go on a fucking laugh? Well, we'll get one. All right. Thanks. I mean, I wanted to help you get to your show this part out where you fucking. No, no, no, we're going to keep it.

Man, holy shit. Keep. Keep. Keep. That's a key. What do you think about all this? Someone's going to get a documentary made about you. And then he said snap his fingers and said keep. And I was like, oh, and then he didn't call me. Dude, we're not talking about the documentary. It's coming for everybody. Well, not that.

It's not coming for everybody. Not that specifically. But a lot of people are getting jammed up on what they've been saying. And, you know, on pockets down, young thug down. Yeah. Some other comics, obviously, if I was in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, it happens. I'm kind of mad. If you were to get publicly disgraced, I think it canceled. I was at a fucking dude.

Every single when it when the SNL thing was happening, every single comedian was like, well, if they're getting him, they're going to get everybody in my head the whole time. I was like, they're not going to get you. Yeah. Not you. Well, they didn't get me. I mean, I did the same gig as him and Louie and they were like, oh, man, you know, Louie, they were protesting outside him. They were protesting. Yeah.

And I just had middle aged fat couples walking and going, hi, Bob. I can't wait to see you. Half filled room. Yeah, true. You got to get canceled. Fucking get down. I'm going to smack the shit out of my wife. Dude, fire it up. Did you see that?

That was another scandal. Dana White. D White, dude. Dana White hit her with the bucket. How could she slap? Fool it. He did a full like running. Yeah, dude. She slapped him and he was like, no hesitation. Couple couple. Yeah, but he was trying to console her a little bit. After hang on before you fucking.

Here's my. Now this is good. This is good. He was trying to console her. She was having a little trouble, right? He was trying to console her. She was walking by and he said something probably, hey, you're going to be all right. Fucking relax and relax. So something which never works and she smacked him in the face and instinctually being in the fight game.

It's a muscle. It's a muscle. It's a quick twitch. It's a twitch. It's like, you know, I mean, he's taken boxing all the time. Bang. Whack. It just happened. And as soon as it happened, what do you do after that? Well, you go there is right there. Oh, yeah. Now, wait a minute now.

Well, she was wobbled. He went to finish for the finish. I mean, I wish Herb Dean was there to pull him off, dive in. Yeah, that blows up on a balcony in a party. What are the odds? So I was going to take the video of of Kormier and Rogan going, oh, and put that right where it was.

Because that was a fire and whack. I mean, that was you don't hit women. You mush them. Yeah, right. He probably had a couple of drinks up there. He did. He said, he's he's he's no excuse. But I'll play the role. Yeah, if a girl hits you, you take your face.

I was fucked up. Yeah. You have a musher girl. No, I've restrained women from hitting me, though. We're strained. Bear hug. Push out the car. Yeah, I did. I restrain my wife once. Yeah, you got it. Yeah.

What happened? It's part of the whole process. I hit it with chicken one time. You threw chicken at your wife. Why do you try to throw it off the balcony? But it slipped and slapped her in the fucking face. What kind of what piece were you talking like? It was a breast. It was a breast. Yeah.

It was a slap. Bobby, but I bet there wasn't a lot of meat left on that bone. Is that a fat joke? Yeah. This is what I don't like about him. That he was he was enjoying it. He did a Mr. Roper as he did anywhere.

I don't like about that. He didn't let us enjoy it first. He enjoyed it just as much. As he was doing it. Oh, man. So you're going to have your offer a full episode. I have so many nice questions for you. Ask me one more before I leave.

I just it's it's going to be corny. You're going to make fun of me. No, I won't. No, it's just how fun was it talking shit with like Voss and all those guys when it was like actual shit talking? It was like it was a nightmare. Yeah, you know, it was the fucking worst thing ever. Your self-esteem was on the fucking every time you went in. I was nervous.

I listen to my favorite thing to listen to is Colin versus Voss. That's a combination of those guys making fun of each other. And it's Colin was one of the best. Yeah, because Colin he just had it. He just knew he sized you up like a year ago and had a file on you. You know what I mean? I was the worst because I would just say terrible things. Yeah. Like, you know,

Patrice one time fucked with me and did a really funny joke. I forget it was and I was like, yeah, well, you lose out of diabetes and you're going to die. And Patrice went, Bobby, I do. And I I'm dying. What the fuck? And I was like, I'm sorry. That is always the best reverse, though, to make them feel bad.

Well, yeah, classic reverse. You know, it was Morton was vicious. And Patrice was bad, but Colin was fucking terrible. Yeah, Louis was bad, too. Yeah, he was a little cunty. Yeah, he was smarter than everyone. He was cunty. Like, I remember he bitched Patrice one day.

He came in, Patrice started fucking with him and Louis just pulled some smart guy shit. He went, are you going to do that? Is that what you're going to do the whole time I talk? It's just talk over me and and make fun of shit. I say, is that what you're going to do the whole time? And Patrice went, no. And then none of us said anything the whole time.

And Louis was like, the thing about film. We just listened. Yeah, the the boss was nice. Boss was good. Yeah, but you was a punching bag. That would just occasionally the second he swung back. Everyone in the room was like, get him boss. Dude, how about him at digital graffiti?

That was incredible. Unbelievable. It was we did a show where Bobby, he would have punched us in the face. What was it? Dude, it's a great show. It's it is fun. We've been talking about doing it again for seven years. We haven't done it. We'll do it.

But here's the thing, like, hold up, Bob, you got to hear this show. You're going to enjoy the show. So your own stage is a screen behind you and a bunch of comics are in a group chat making fun of you while you're trying to do stand up and all the stuff they're saying goes on a screen behind you. It's projected. The entire audience can see what everyone's saying about you. And then you can't turn around.

You can't see it. It's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life, but it hurts my feeling now, knowing what you say about me. Well, yeah, that's the thing. And then you're thinking, you can't see it. So you're like, they're saying the worst things ever. And the crowd's dying. You know, we didn't tell Voss that that was the show.

We asked him to host because that was the only headliner I knew. And I was like, Voss, can you please host this show? And he was like, yeah, of course, he did it as a nice favor for me. And then he got on stage and people were just fucking destroyed. But he didn't even everyone else lost their fucking minds. He didn't know this was the show. He leaned forward and was reading the projector and just went back at all of us.

It was incredible. It was the funniest shit I've ever seen. He did. But we used to do that to each other. Like we used to go like if someone was on stage at the cellar, we would go downstairs and sit in the front row and trash them while they were on stage at the cellar. I like to go. It's very fun to go stand in the doorway. That's the best, especially if someone's bombing and just stand back. They're just look like this.

Yeah, just. Yeah, that is fun. You wait. What did you do to get you got? We we threw phone books out of one night. I've heard this. Yeah, we did. We did hard shit. Boston Comedy Club. We used to do that shit all the time.

But you guys, you guys are just as mean as us, if not meaner. You, Big J, Soda, List, Lewis, Ari, Terrible. Yeah. Yeah, you guys, I love that. Derosa, Derosa. I know that's that's literally the reaction to every time. Derosa, I was just. Derosa, Derosa will come out. Swear to me, you get them once on something that's real, dude.

My sandwich is actually fucked up. Dude, I take a lot of takes a long time to make roast. Thank you, Bobby. He does this to me all the time. I'll walk into a room. The first thing he'll say is he'll be like a fat joke or something nasty. And I'll be like, all right, everybody, he started just so we're all clear. Because in 10 minutes, he's going to be going, you take it too far, dude.

We used to be friends like all that shit. But yeah, he's he's yeah, he's such a fucker. I love him. He's one of my favorite people. We get all the credit for this shit. Like you guys, the way it used to be, but you guys still do it. We don't have a place to do it anymore, though. What do you mean? You guys used to have the seller.

Oh, to go with we don't have a place where we all hang out now. Yeah, because you guys are all fucking fame fuckers, man. Look at your producers giggling because they're not true. We just don't have like, yeah, you guys are fucking fame fuckers. You guys are all individual fucking. Let me every man for himself, dude. What are we supposed to do? We were in it together.

Let's not let's not let's fuck fame and money. Let's just let's just where should we go? Let's stay at the cellar and never make it. It's a couple of guys hanging on to that. Yeah, I'm one of them. God damn it. I got to fucking be there at three o'clock. Yeah, you're a mean guy. No, I mean, I mean, you seem like a very nice person.

That's very, very nice to divide and conquer every single time. I'm not going to divide and conquer you at all. I'm sure you're with him. So there's something in you that's bad. There's something in you that's sour. You know what I mean? I understand that there. You know, there's Bonnie and Clyde.

I get it. You know what I mean? Why am I bad? You're you're you're a mean person. This is outrageous. Oh, it's not. You're a fuck. Listen to me, Shane. I really I've loved you from the beginning,

but you're a fucking mean, vicious, no empathy. If you did comedy, you would fucking murder people like you would collect money for some mob. Yeah, you're like the Iceman Comet. There's a sweetheart. He's a sweetheart. Now, this is what that tells me. What you're the mastermind.

You're really a piece of shit. As he's flipping the divided guy. You want to know from another piece of shit. Yeah, you're the guy. I know. I know he's a piece of shit. That's why he stays in Philly. Because he can't come here because they'll expose what a piece of shit he is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're you're definitely a vicious person. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're vicious. You mean Bobby, I love you. I love you too, buddy. You know that I love you, but this should help you. So hopefully this helps. Guys, check out Killbox.

Check out Killbox. I hope it helps. Well, yeah, it should. Oh, man, I see you guys that. I got to go. Thanks for doing this. Dude, I would like to come back on. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it next week. Well, not next week.

Let's wait a little while. All right. I don't want. What was more fun here? That's there. I don't want to say it. Be honest here. What's better? There's more comfort.

If we had to do an exclusive thing where you if you do this one, you can't do that one. Which one would you do? I love that. I'd love to fill a couple seats here. Well, sell some fucking specials. That's good. That brings us to our next point. You do have to tell them delete that you have to tell them

delete that or this does not get shown. And we're going to do this from now on with every stuff I would guess. We're going to say you have to delete that episode. You have to delete that episode. I don't know. Yeah. Hey, buddy, what's up?

How you doing? I'm doing good, buddy. Listen, I had a great time. And I really appreciate it. You're the fucking man. Thanks for everything. Do me a favor, though. You got to delete both episodes.

Okay. Thanks, buddy. All right. No problem. Yeah. No. Listen, dude. I'm serious. You got to get rid of both of them. No evidence of it because I'm doing upstairs right now.

And I guess that's the number one. It's either one or the other. Oh, okay. That's cool. Release today. No, no, no. I want you to delete yours. We're going up.

We're going up. We're going up. No, no, no. I'm going to unplug the electricity and the incident in this fucking house. No. Cancel it. Tommy, I'm serious. I'll play everyone up there.

It's a fucking alcoholic and a fucking substitute t-shirt. It's not saying much. You got to, I think, an Indian and a fucking mustache asshole. Really? You're going to fight everybody? You're a tough guy. Don't fuck yourself. Delete it.

That's a long, long time ago. I love you too. Thanks again, man. Maybe I'll see you Friday, hopefully. I'll come down earlier. Oh, boy. See what we say? God, what a great guy.

Unbelievable. I fucking hate that guy. What a treat. What a fucking absolute treat. What a treat. What a treasure. He's awesome. Absolute beast.

Dickhead. A full attack. Great guy. Great guy. We said great guy. God, it personally attacks him. What a beast. Oh, man.

Man. Yeah, that's whatever we're doing. Nice. Let's switch over to the Patreon. I got a nice kid rock story for you. Yeah, I have. Oh, join the Patreon. Dude, I had a, it's not going to sway anyone, but I had a very intense dream last night.

I was hoping there was some dream talk. Movie stuff. I was hoping there was dream talk. No, I wasn't good. I'm excited for the dream talk. Movie stuff. Dream talk. Kid rock story from Nashville.

Join the Patreon. Also, for real, check out Killbox. Yeah. Bobby's special. Bobby is really good at stand-up comedy. He's very funny. Goodbye. Thank you.