Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 428 - 2 Coffee Shane: Business Genius

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

Go watch Gilly and Keeves "The Special" @ gillyandkeeves.tv Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. Here's a CLASSIC ep for you. Shane's on 2 joes (bizz wizz). Both D.A.W.G.Z. are fresh off a melanated birthday extravaganza and a NFC championship. Naturally ... the cast is hot. Please enjoy. God Bless.  Visit http://athleticgreens.com/drenched for a Free 1-year supply of Vitamin D Support the show by going to https://www.HamiltonDevices.com and use code DRENCHED15 for 15% off Visit thefreezepipe.com and use code DRENCHED for 10% off your order

Oh my freaking gosh, dude. Oh my freaking gosh. I'm excited to see you, man. We had such a good time this week I know we did do the birthday bash. It's unbelievable. Dude Matt's black person birthday bash There's a black person birthday party just filled with honkeys There's a honkeys doing the black black birthday bash. It was it was awesome. It was a black birthday bash building It was dude. It literally was. It's a black birthday building bash Bright lights and the birthday bash dude. I walked in it was the day after the yak case race and Yeah, I was hurting and I was like, I'll just wear this sweatsuit. It'll definitely be in a hopefully a bar like a dark Yeah, yeah office lighting. Yeah, it was bright. I looked nuts dude. No nobody care

It's like a fool in front of everyone talking about nobody cared everyone all eyes were on me. You think my outfit got approved. I Went sick T-shirt it was the Pangea t-shirt around all the kids was making me like I was like thinking about like if I was a kid and I saw my uncle wearing a Pangea shirt I'd be like damn my uncle's fucked up. I have like a really fucked up uncle I'm dude. It took me a while to get a good Pangea t-shirt. There's a lot of bullshit out there You have a good day. That was the best one I could get that wasn't a lot of them are just so overboard This was straight-up map of Pangea regular font pan

Rest of it was like a wish I could go back to Pangea and I was like dude. That's still pretty good For me it's doing too much. Yeah, I just want straight up and show people. No bullshit. I'm not fucking around. That's something I'm not fucking around about I know it's like a bombers people bumper sticker it there Just like yeah wish you go back to pants like dude. This isn't a fucking joke dude. Yeah This is what the whole world used to be landlocked. Yes, and we got broken apart part by earthquakes bullshit Why why do you talked about that in the Bible? Yeah, everyone is one everyone was one group and they broke it Yeah, the tower babble. Yeah, it was paying paying Gia Yes, paying Gia, but yes, we got in there. It was a good time to vortex

To slap covers so fun. How fuck I was trying to explain a couple so fun It's the most fun you can have fuck with your cousin the whole time was making me it was so fun That was insane. Did you hear what I was hitting with? So I heard the one you're going you know get around guys like me So he came over to my right so so he could slap my cup any time so I was like dude relax Yeah, just relax. We'll get we can get like a selfie in a little And then the game went he got in the last game he got So fun I saw the next day he was or the day after two days whatever was but he was he was joking

He goes dude, he said it the whole way home My friend doggy was just like dude Pat was devastated. Yeah, that was fun He got destroyed because then he had he chugged the full cup. Yeah, just because yeah, he was having fun It was crazy. You got after it. I got fucked up the first game I didn't a first game I got trapped between my two bros fucking John and Andrew and they're the ones who showed me the game They were unreal. They're dude. It's ridiculous and then spud me spud and Pat there at the end got a hot corner Well, yeah, Brittany found this like party hall it was all like last minute five person party

Of course, yes makes perfect sense. Yeah, who cares? Yeah, but yeah, dude It was yeah, not a big deal, but it was yeah, and the ladies is like a balloon station for photos My wife set that up And they keep the lights on like that We got there the first really first rule they really bring stuff there. She's like, oh, I'd know so much room We could have done a 360 camera thing I That's great the 360 camera thing is so intimidating dude. It really is. What do you do with your body?

You go on it cuz everyone's on there. Just fucking like real cool I wouldn't be able to go on there like I Nice even now you don't yeah, I just go on there and be like I like that. Yeah, oh Just flexed If I went on one of those and just flex it on my black My muscles are so big yes But yeah, it was it the venue was funny Billy was saying it looked like a place for like conjugal

Exactly, right? It literally at the beginning before everybody started getting turned before the game It was it was not I wouldn't say tense. It was very nice, but it was still like everyone was sober Yeah, like a perfectly lit. Yeah room. Yeah, just Just chill. Yeah, yeah, and it got things things got a little rowdy But yeah, dude the fucking slap cop is Unbelievable. Yeah, it was extremely enjoyable. Are women got involved they have to you got to get them in cuz Of course, it was so funny when I heard you right when right when Brittany asked to she was like, can I play you like yeah, well? Yeah, okay

I heard you just for one second be like I Was thinking I was going in my head of my there's too many people table full. I understand I was going yes, naturally. Yeah, you realize the table was full. Yeah, and there was a slow things up as a hot corner It'll be this right now. I'm gonna have to take all the drinks Definitely not gonna make a single cup. Yeah, I had to take I had to take my woman's That's how and then you have to have mercy. Yes. Yes, I got caught in a vortex and there was no mercy on me I was just dude. I got destroyed and I had to drink the last the full cup and it was like I had no room in my

I had just eaten Like a bazillion wings to tricking sandwiches two big pieces of cake like let's play slap top and the last time I played I barely drank I was just killing it. I got destroyed. Yeah, I was dying. You're the birthday boy I was the birth I had a birthday belly, dude. That was fun though It was so much fun with the helium guy you sang some fucking karaoke. That was unbelievable. It's all I want it You know, I love karaoke. Yeah, I know you do. You know, I love it. Thank you, man. It was alright I was your lady. It was unbelievable Britney's good. I watched the tape. I was shocking. I watched the tape I said I could I could have you know, I could have done my third exercises pause. I could have went

Strengthen your vocal cords really Yeah, you want to say you don't want to put any intonation on it You know how you belt it dude, and then you can say you can say yeah, I took one singing lesson Yeah, I took one singing lesson in my life and dude told me goes don't it's not for you Just because you have ease like you're you have a deviated septum. He's like you'll never be one of the greats He's gonna deviate you said it. I'm either gonna be one of the greats or I'm not doing it Yeah, well he this dude was pretty discouraging dude. He was an opera I went to an opera singers basement one time. It took one thing

I didn't know exactly what I was gonna do with my life yet, dude my things I was like, maybe I'll be a singer What You were a good singer It wasn't totally out of the realm you can play guitar and you can sing a little that's what I'm saying is batshit crazy You went to a fucking opera singers basement get a hot wife Of course a hot Spanish way. He was like a Lex Luthor Guy in a townhouse just hitting notes on a keyboard and like do that one he would go mm-hmm Mm-hmm, and he was at one point you like spent he was like open your mouth and had a like

Obviously didn't like have sex with me, but it was like The fact that my jaw and hinges was a problem. He goes. Oh, no, that's that's not ideal And then there was like he's like the deviated septum man. You're gonna have a tough time I was like bro. I'm just trying to fucking Yeah, and he was like and you're like, well, I guess you can continue if you want, but he was like just you know He's like it's Whatever how much does it cost? Wasn't much. It's like 40 50 bucks for the national guys run a fucking nice racket. Oh, dude bucks somebody comes down

He crosses the dream he goes. All right, he could have strung me along. He was being dead honest He hit me with like he's like bro if you want to get to my level. He's like, I can't say that you ever will I was like fair enough. It was pretty tight He did give me some key things of like you always want to make sure it's coming from your stomach Can't sing from your nose and if you if you think you're a nasal singer just hold your nose while you sing It shouldn't affect your intonation at all. Really? I mean again, these are hard to fit You have to learn the rules before you can break them. You know, I mean obviously people break the rules A lot of law breakers in here tonight

Yeah Yeah, dude, that was fun the party karaoke good time all literally all around a good time Do you know I had no granny made it to helium? I didn't know they made it. Yeah, they made it there. They got in I didn't see him I don't think they came early in there like I was back there. I was sitting back there with Adam Friedland Yeah, he also crushed karaoke. Yeah. Oh, he did really good. It was wild Yours was nice, too. I was fine. Yours was nice. I went overboard with the Hitler stuff. That was fun I thought it was funny. It was hilarious and I got done. I was like, I probably shouldn't have said all that It was funny

You were you were sliding them in where like you had to be looking for it. Yeah If you people are just listening to me like what like if I was a girl and I like a barely pay attention What was going on? I would I it wouldn't want right away. Yeah, what do you know? I was like nothing babe. He's just a couple. Who was that couple? I don't know. They were just out by the bar freak couple came in and dominated out by the bar woman with her nipples out Yeah, she wasn't wearing a bra. I noticed weird. I noticed that I liked it I Locked in what happened was they were like, you know with no disrespect

They were like a weird artsy couple and I think they thought like we're gonna show these squares something about karaoke And they ran into an absolute buzz. Yeah, they were nice for like if they're you know, if you're bopping around I'm gonna follow your lady. Didn't they? What did they go after? Yeah, I had to go out. Yeah She had to go at Britney had let it off. Yeah, she dude. She loved she was so eager and she was excited to go first in my head I was like, yeah All right, we'll see you cold dude by those. She just picks key. She coal first note first words out of her mouth I was like, no. Oh, yeah, this is why she's a phenomenal singer. Yeah, she's a friend of my daughters should probably be divas I hope they do I was not WWE just actually not WWE. I don't want them to trash their bodies

I just want them to smoke cracking a hip You want to die in a bathtub I'm do some cracking little crack fucking pass away from crack Is that what he died from? No, I don't think I don't think you can die from crack Yeah, I think he's like crack makes you for real immortal. I think so I think you're I think chess can seize up. Who the fuck what can't what comedy I was just watching somebody stand up talking about I Think it was Louie talking about homeless people in like Phoenix just standing outside just

120 degrees You can take crack and withstand incredible I can see that I can see that nature cannot stop you if you don't crack Yeah, definitely. I mean, dude, there's there's guys. I would like track them when I was at Drexel There'd be like you see a crackhead for like five years. You're like, how's this dude now dead? Just fucking whistling around chilling Eating funions outside of a several and holding with no one walking on the street I told that motherfucking fuck you bitch talk to shit. That's all they do

Walk and scream argue with no one They're always mad. Oh, yeah, I mean, dude, you run out of you run a crack and realize you're like, dude What even is money and all of a sudden you're like, oh shit. I need some of that right fucking yeah I gotta get back. I gotta get out of reality real quick. That must be crazy though If you're like, I mean, I'd imagine you had a very Most times I would say the average person smoking crack on the street probably had a really tough life leading before that Yeah, so then like you're you just like block so much stuff out You just blast a bunch of crack and then just all the memories come back and you're just like

I watched a homeless lady I went to launch just your step-dads of like Christmas past come out Your mom's selling you oh God damn I went to I had to charge my telephone when I woke up on Sunday yesterday My phone died I forgot to pack a charger when I went down for the NFC championship walking and So I had to charge it at the front desk the hotel and I went and got breakfast by myself I went to the continental, you know that place in Philly. I thought it was a diner It's not it's like a pretty nice restaurant. So I sat there by myself without a phone. I don't know if you've ever done that

Go out to eat by yourself with without a phone is I've done it. It's pretty weird actually Yeah, I felt very weird really. I didn't know what to do and then the waitress came over and she was like a cute young girl Yeah, hi. Do you want anything? I was like I have a club sandwich and a Coca-Cola Yeah, it's all you can do dude. I was sitting at a table with nothing. I just there was a homeless I just watched a homeless woman. Did you yeah, she was just sitting there doing the same guys me just She's sat there. She didn't do shit. She asked people for money. No one gave her money Yeah, but anytime somebody said no, she went She for real is gonna like this somebody would come by she'd say something and they'd go no she go

Pretty reasonable anytime someone said no she was by herself just okay, that's fair very well God man. I can't win them all Yeah, yeah, I whenever I'm in that situation. I try to prize myself on just like sitting up straight and not needing any distractions Yeah, that's that's all I was doing. Yeah, but it's weird though. It does feel weird It's like I'm gonna get it because I whenever that happens to me. I have the opposite reaction where I'm like These guys are all lost in their phones. No, I don't mean wrong. There was a lot of that I'm kind of just more of a thinker And all I was thinking about is man, I wish I had my phone

I sit up and I'm like, I mean, I'm just I'm the only one keyed into reality and you just look around you're like Yeah, it's just me and that homeless lady board. Yeah, I'm bored Phone it's it's dawning on me. It's it's like a very very very serious. Oh, and then a guy caught me listening to their conversation There was a table like two or three booths down and it was like a business like the People that work together getting lunch and he was like, yeah, this place you saw they like have carpet all on the ceilings and I was like Oh Yeah, that's all you see that's all people used to do I guess it like I forget I remember to sitting in a room I mean, I was so young. I'd always like fucking my brothers and stuff because I didn't really get the phones

The smartphones were a switch I remember when I first had one feeling like really really cool Just because every time I touched a button on the screen, it would vibrate and train. Oh very nice, dude I would go like I'd be sending a text to my friend about Like this is nice. I just like the feeling of it just like buzzing as I touch the screen and now it's like I pulled out I go Swap around my screen. I'm like, what am I even doing? I look at Twitter. I look at Instagram Twitter Instagram. Nothing changes. I'm just saying Yeah, it's crazy dude. It's bad. Yeah, it's it's seriously really especially once you have kids you're like Catch yourself. I'm like, oh Jesus. I'm doing it today. I had a meeting. I had a business meeting. It was we're not business

Yeah, I guess that's what it is. Yeah, me and a lady that works for a production company business meeting I guess it's exactly what I was trying to like, you know quit. We're just watching like gay porn or whatever meeting Only two types of meeting Inventions and being like gay intervention. I'm addicted to sucking people's peaces and getting high And I checked my phone like six different times while she's talking to me, I was like I have to stop like this is fucking crazy, you know, but I didn't know we were getting coffee I thought we were getting lunch. So I got coffee here Oh, I recall brew and then we went to a fucking coffee shop. So what you do a double coffee, dude

I had a meeting with this lady and I didn't shut up I was like, well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's the direction of comedy right now and it is tough to sell sketch, you know, so It was fucking wild. You're over coffee away. We're going Yeah, I was fully dude. It was nuts. I was like sweating. I've done impressions I did impressions like four different times That's the move Get jolted on coffee and then just check your phone. Just like, I'm sorry. I got time Just got to answer this. I have spots tonight. That's what I do. I do stand-up ladies. You just not stop. So

Anyway, what's going on with your company? What are you guys working on? I showed her the fucking poop lady I was like, have you seen orders? Look at how funny this is I watch your fake laugh Dude, get that geeked on coffee and hit the meeting. So sick. Yeah, I told her I was like, I'm When I tried to hold the phone. I was like I'm sorry. I didn't know we were getting coffee. I had 32 ounces of cold brew before this I didn't even eat dinner or eat anything. Oh, we're on empty belly. Full empty

Geez You didn't have to get another coffee. It was psychotic and then I ended it. I was just like Okay, goodbye. I literally I was like, oh my Uber's here in two minutes. What else you got going on today? I mean the thing it was going nowhere. I she was cool and it was They they have a good thing But I have such a hard time leaving places and I swear to god having the uber coming is like the best thing in the world It's the middle of a kind. It's like my uber will be here in two minutes. It's not my fault. I have to end the conversation I thought there's gonna take 20 minutes to get here. It turns out it's just two

I have to leave right now. I can't spare another two people try to keep it going Yeah, so it's like my uber's here. I gotta go in a minute and they just Here comes another story. Yeah Like all my uber driver is texting me. He's actually sending me some pretty nasty stuff right now. Yeah I say he's gonna kill me. He's gonna cut my head off that dude. I almost I got a almost battled in uber not too long ago With the uber driver. Yeah, I came up with uh, philly helium for some reason something happens where I mean just bad service. I guess you call ubers and it says like one minute away and it freezes, but they're actually outside Yeah, yeah, yeah

I came outside britney beat me outside She was opening the door and the dude tried to zoom off on her and she fucking spaz like what the fuck are you doing on the birthday night? No, no, this was this was like a couple weeks ago. What the fuck are you doing? He was like He started spazzing out. I mean, that's probably not the best impression But it's like that's literally kind of what the guy said probably who knows who you're being racist against exactly this guy was Not he wasn't any and he was from like Some weird daggastants Some bullshit, dude, and he was pissed dude. She was pissed some country that could never be us, dude

Now apparently the eastern europe has great respect to the united states That's exciting. Yeah, I just saw the new jordan peterson joe rogan, dude. Oh, so did I did you see it was a lot, dude JP might have been on some coffee Shut up once he never you watch the bat guy Who's that there's a dude who loves bats this old man who loves taking pictures of bats he went on rogan It's pretty fucking nice, dude. Fuck. He's just a sweet old man that loves bats. Oh, that's awesome Yeah, that's pretty great. They do rule people are coming around all bats I mean that was this whole thing. He was a bat conservationist

Is he really he was like people don't understand bats are fucking sweet everyone claims that they poop too much It's like bro. I poop too much. Yeah, he doesn't dude. I shit like crazy Yeah, I don't eat fucking like twice of my body weight in bugs every night. I have no I have no excuse to be shit this much, dude Adrienne Avilucci had a good I went to see Louie's show and the only reason I can repeat it is she streamed it She was talking about trans women How like you can look you can look as beautiful as you want. You can you can be absolutely gorgeous You're still gonna shit like a man forever

Like trans ladies take like eight dumps a day. Just dude. She's just blowing shits out of the baby lap That's hilarious. How was the uh, how's the msg live? It was awesome. I know dude. It was it was really fucking cool And it was nice. I was I was the sober one. I went with beezer kyla arie and his lady It was nice. I was like you can't drink tonight because it was after your party and I knew the championship was tomorrow Yeah, yeah, it's a championship So just sat there and watched them get fucked up and I was like these idiots. I don't know how you guys do this all the time It's like, dude, I don't know how you guys do this constantly. I could never But yeah, it was all Louie Louie dominated. It was pretty sweet

Yeah, I'm excited to see like bowed at the end in front of it. It was very funny to watch him like take it in as an artist Oh, that's awesome. Well, dude, that's the I so I glanced I didn't even read the whole article but I glanced an article on this and now people are going like Cancel culture is obviously not real. We've been telling you this forever and you just go Okay, but Why do you think this is saying it's not real? Yeah, you're complaining about a guy doing stand-up like you don't understand You or the thing you're saying is not real like dude that drives me fucking. What even is it? It's not even a real thing It's like what the fuck are you?

What are you talking about the real problem is Because both it's just like everything with us. Yeah with everything we do both sides just go. Well, you do this Yeah, you know because there's dudes on the on the other side of cancel culture that like can't say Anything anymore. I don't know. You know lose. I'm gonna lose my job. It's like dude. No one's coming near your job You can say anything You're fine. Yeah, so those people are the but yeah, Louie obviously is a pretty prime example of cancel culture he's textbook He lost a lot

He used to be before he got cancelled he was He was in like cover of rolling stone. He was yeah, but even to be like, okay Well, he's still doing it at a high level therefore doesn't exist. It's like what about this psychic Terror of being nationally shamed. Yeah, that's not a real thing. It's just it's insane to take an abstract idea and be like That's not even a real they do a critical race theory What even is it? It's like, I don't know dude Telling little kids white people are evil one or eight. That's kind of pretty like people technically. It's not even real It's like it's a thing dude. If they get that going to catholic school. It's gonna be nuts their critical race theory

Making kids feel guilty for that and just for being human Yeah, white and human original sin White and human You're in trouble You are going to Damn, that would suck. There was there's a viral video going around of a uh, a little kid being like it was on martin luther king day

Do you see that? That is great. The white guys killed martin luther king. I hate them. The mom was like, yeah, you're white, dude He was like, what? I wasn't alive in that heaven. He said, well, yeah, you are Yeah It's tricky, huh? Well, you know how to say it don't say that but yeah, yeah, what it's you know, it's it's like It really isn't the hugest deal. It's like, yeah, it's not a big deal. Obviously the critical race There's a little bit weird probably shouldn't do it when people like we need to ban it. It's like that's crazy It doesn't even exist. It's like

It's the exact same thing as drag queen reading hour or drag shows for kids Yeah, it's like do we need to all be obsessed with it? No. Yeah, is it happening? I've seen like 800 different ones. There's so many pictures of these fucking things It's also there's just there's no real reason. It's like every time I get on twitter There's a new show that they're taking pictures of like how many of these are going on. I know dude. I want to say none Yeah, I think none. I've never seen one, but every day I get online. There's a new picture But like what what's the thought behind that? Of

What what like why would they why do they want it or what are they why would they want it? Why would they be like let's start let's set this up There's a million things you can have kids doing like kids are fat now All kids apparently like 90% of kids are having like heart attacks and they're fat I don't know exactly the stats, but I know kids are fat having heart attacks at their birthday party They're taking my death Ah

It seems like it's more for the adults is what I'm saying than the kids drag queen I think the whole thing's lost on kids obviously for the fucking adults It's like why are you doing that? It's adult one freak in the group Yeah, an absolute like a real one set it up and was like we're gonna do this You can't be like, you know other parents are socially obligated to be like well Politically, we agree with you. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with this. Yeah, our kid is gonna stuff a dollar in the They do that man's g string Not at the reading thing, but yes, there's drag shows for yeah, I don't know. Whatever. It's just weird

It's like because it is like it's not something I'm worried about but Every time I get online there is a new picture. So yeah, I'm not worried because I just feel like what's going on here Things like yo, no, thanks. We're not coming. It's not like it's just like I don't feel like going there I feel weird. I'm going to like drag stuff and all that stuff for Britney and they girls love it But it's all do love it. It's just like no, thanks, man And it's because girls love Objectifying gay men there dude. It's crazy. That's why they like it so much. They they can't get enough They love the catty or a nastier the gay man is the girl's like

I mean, they love it catty gay dudes are the fucking best true But it's like also if you're gay, dude, don't fall jet. Don't be a jester for girls, dude But get the fuck out of here. I'm building anybody. Don't be a jester for girls my partner You're a comedian. Don't be a jester for girls. I heard that bro. There's a lot of gestures for girls. There are They are there are you can make a fine living off that. I'm making it be an ingester girl Just Yeah, and and throughout have left-leaning stuff. Yeah, true like you think being gay is a crime. What the fuck? It's 2023

I love serial killers. Oh, no, it is being a girl. It's so tempting dude Just be like I'm jealous of a lot of the girl justers. Yeah They're crowds my crowd sucks. Yeah, it's just white fat freaks, dude Although it is funny. That's like Whenever you see someone's animal and it's a pretty clear reflection of them like like my cast is a fat piece of shit He walks in the house. Everyone's like god damn. It's a big cat. I'm like, well, come on, man It's ass is leaking your crowd is really your audience is a reflection of you So I'm calling a bunch of guys a bunch of white. Yeah fat freaks. I'm on stage

It's or nation, dude. Yeah, it's or nation. It is the orcs, dude And you'd think they'd be nicer in theaters. They're not they're still in the back Oh I was actually curious about that out and they've been completely good boys, but At center stage in Atlanta, they got a little rowdy out of control Yeah, and then when we were leaving I saw the floor that they were sitting on and it was it was insane Oh, no just covered in beer It's pretty nice. I mean made me feel good. That is tight. That was the uh works. We're getting after it, dude

It is an orc army I was worried we were doing slap cup about the floor of that place Yeah, I saw you because I was like the lady was there. I saw her there and I went and I talked to her and she was like You're good. So as long as there's not like a pot an inch of liquid on the floor. We're good. And I was like Yeah, I thought she was filming She was face time. She was face time. She was awesome. Why people say look people crazy Yeah, these white people are crazy. I know she was she was face time and don't blame her. I mean, dude, it was So fucking fun. Just smashing cups smacking them

I think bodily hit a full cup at one point and set it like put everywhere. Yeah, that's good I'm gonna try to do that like at least twice a year. I'm just Just throwing Like parties like that. It's nice. That's my that's my goal for 2023. I just want to get everyone have some parties Have some parties dude. Everyone was locked away. Everyone got there's like permanent damage from people getting weird from being by themselves Too long. Yeah, I'm telling you fucked people up It was divisive Bull crap. Yeah

I'm done with it. Certainly. I'm done with it. I'm done with it too, man. You're exactly right To be honest, I never really partook in a lot of it. I kind of just did whatever I wanted The entire time. Yeah, and didn't worry about anything even though people were telling me I was going to die I said, yeah, we'll see about that Turns out my heuristics were correct. You were right. Did you see the Scott Adams video? No Oh my god, it's the best. What's he up to? So he was uh, he was a creative Dilbert Dilbert guy He got real big into like he's he's big into like um And I've only ever like dipped my toes in his stuff, but he's he's really he was like he

His like vlogs started popping when he was like watching trump videos I remember when he did sam harris's thing. He did sam harris's podcast Did he about how trump was he called trump? Yeah, is what he was saying. He called him. No, he's saying like he called it He was like he's gonna win. Here's all the reasons. Yeah, he's into what the fuck. What's the name for? Persuasion. Yeah, he's real into like the art of persuasion. Yeah, he's just basic words Trump's a trump's a persuasive mastermind And he was like see when you keyed into persuasion like me when you move your hand like this when you talk people It's like shit. Like it's like pick up artists for business. Basically

It's persuasion stuff is like puas for just being like dominating uh business meetings by like standing up and like In this time the copying machine doesn't work and Dilbert's pissed It's if you like stand there like if you're like rock on your feet and like point at someone you're like Oh, this guy's a C. It's like shit like that. Yeah, like hacking but he I think got real into like pro vax stuff when the vax came out Yeah, any time he checks the camera still I think at the time it ought to focus on my face Every single time he looks I go if this thing was on my face the whole time I'm gonna be furious

Like did you tell in stories of me going I Biting my fucking lip He came out and uh He did like a I guess he was like really railing hard for against people who weren't getting the vax. What'd you look at? Did you shave your legs? No, dude in the winter time all my leg here fucking falls out I made fun of someone for this in college and it started happening. Hey, now it happens to me all the time I mean, bro, look at that. Oh, it's there. All right. I'm sorry. It's like fucking marvel, bro. That is wild

Dude, it's smooth as hell. That's not gonna help the fake leg accusations, dude That's wild Yeah, I was making fun of someone for that. I get it on the back. I get it right there Dude, this guy one time it was hairless and I'm like, what the fuck he's a good old falls out in the winter My legs get dry the hair falls out for my jeans and I was like, it is. Yeah, it's from wearing slacks Now it happens to me. It fucking sucks Well, I'm sorry. I think it's because I never wore jeans. I always wear I always wear sweatpants, but Same color jeans by the way sick

So no big deal. That's whatever but the uh, yeah So he was like railing against people who weren't getting the vaccine He was like doing all these sophisticated data models and being like This therefore that and you guys not I don't know if he was saying like people were idiots But he was kind of being like you guys just don't understand how to actually use logic and think for yourselves And then he came out kind of being a fucking complete asshole. Yeah, I think again This is what I I think he was doing because he had to come out And he I mean he didn't have to do this but he came out and he goes

I'm gonna say it the anti-vaxxers won the anti-vaxxers won you guys won I had my complicated logic. You guys had your heuristics. You're now in a victorious place You and it dude. It was the most unhinged shit. I've ever seen in my life where it is like you won I'm the loser. He's like take he's like take solace in your victory Old man cannot have the internet. It's dude. It's it's the most No, exactly that are online are fucking out of control. This shit is nuts, dude Because I think he was getting crushed in the comments because he was like people probably like fuck you YouTube is all like

Fuck you my aunt died from you know, whatever Therapeutics are injectable. It's like non-stop on all those videos So he had to come out and like bend the knee and be like, yeah, you guys with your heuristics were right and I was wrong He's gotta be in the 60s, dude. He's probably 60s and reading the comments Bro, I think Phil read think of it like think of your dad looking at his room. You like what the fuck? Yeah, how's this guy? Oh Call me Dude fucking I uh, I don't know if I told you about this but the

The lawyer the lawyer guy I watched got sucked up into the comment life He was making videos about Andrew Tate and he I watched this dude being like and some of you guys are saying this and he made like Five more videos about Andrew Tate. He's like, I know you guys love this guy Guys are saying that I'm a fucking oh, okay. I wish I was him. Yeah, right He's just fighting commenters. This guy's like a fucking criminal defense attorney Probably loaded rich and he still couldn't come that's come for all of us in the end, dude Joey Bosa at the at the birds game He's uh, nick post is a defensive end for the 49ers joey plays for the chargers their brothers. Oh freaks. Yeah, and uh

Some eagles fans got him while he was on his way into the game to watch his brother He was wearing like 49ers gear and they're like How come the chargers aren't playing this week? He was like, he was like, yeah, what are you filming this for your fucking butt buddies? Like you should try to hit him with Johnny. I'm rich. It was just there was nothing he could do And he was with like his family and friends that were kind of like, okay He's like, yeah, I'm fucking rich. You fucking broke bitch and they're like, fuck you Yeah, I'm so sick, dude. You can't dude that doesn't work people think when you're getting crushed. You're gonna be like, yeah

Well, you're a loser and they're like I mean, yeah, especially those dudes who are they're on a suicide mission to talk shit to a freak defense event in the nfl Yeah, yes, they're losers compared to you. Yes. Yeah, they're filming you calling you a fucking loser Yeah, they're they know what they're doing. Oh, it's hilarious. It's the best in a parking lot calling you a loser It's the fun unstoppable He and he's uh, he's an absolute monster. Yeah He's so funny Fucking freak, dude. He could he could kill them all

You little butt buddies. Yeah, he's like, who you filming that for your fucking butt buddies? Ha ha Fuck you He's so mad, dude. I would have been furious too I'm standing there with my family and someone came up and was like, you suck Fuck you, dude There was nothing he could do What's he supposed to do? Yeah, I mean you could have flipped the script on of us my later guys. I love you guys

You guys are crazy. You guys are so funny. Yeah, you can't even do that though Dude, how do they not I mean they don't have their star quarterback. Is that correct? Yeah, the quarterback This was their third quarterback. What was the so the Eagles are highly favored in this game They were not they were only favored by two and a half points How does everyone think so lowly of the Eagles that they thought string quarterback Yeah, but that kid came in and was really good. Oh, was he really really good? Yeah What happened? What the fuck do you do? He got hurt right away. What? Yeah First series you got hurt and in the backup the guy they signed I think like two weeks ago came in

Something with the game was over. That's a monster. That's what you tap into. Give us the mustache quarterback, dude Give us that guy with the mustache. He was fucking he came in and had they had zero chance He's like, I've only ever thrown nerf balls on the beach. You're like, dude, get in there, man Give it a shot. See how you doing the NFC championship He got fucked up He got hurt at the end of the game. He got hurt I don't know the guy second good third string quarterbacks are just first things usually They have geysers on yeah second strings a lot of time like a veteran geyser that can be like, here's how you do it

Yeah, yeah and then Yeah, this guy got it. Yeah, you got fucked up. It's just uncle rico's dude His uncle rico came in and got bullied for four quarters the game sucked the game sucked I was just standing there just like they just destroyed him. We're gonna win but Yeah, the eagles offense didn't do shit too because they knew they were gonna win They just ran the ball kind of took it easy. Yeah smart They had their eyes on the prize, bro. Yeah, they want to lift that bowl. That's the super bowl. That's the super bowl

You excited for the super one. I'm gonna be gone, dude Oh, you're in san jose. Yeah, san jose. It is nice the nighters didn't do it then I know dude. I needed the blues I checked in around half time. I said yes. Yes ticket sales Dumbest you fucking idiot losers Dumb asses a bunch of losers Every dude in the NFL is a loser. It's a total fucking loser. I mean, you have one job. It's not getting hurt. You dumb ass I'm in control completely

Can you imagine being like a 23 year old super hot athlete guy that makes millions of dollars? What a fucking piece of shit crazy, dude super hot You fucking bitch. I mean, you're a super hot jacked Athlete probably will harm if I'm guessing definitely. I mean, you know, well, if we are just talking bozo, definitely, dude Yeah, huge dick. You're a you're a strong guy with a huge dick in a mansion. Yeah, that's why that's why It's why it's so funny a creature comes out from a parking lot Four steam fitters are like, you know, get out of here. You fucking fucking bitch. Well, fuck you, man. Yeah, fuck you guys

You guys aren't even cool I mean, it's just that bozo is fully hamstrung by the law He could the only thing he can do in that case is attack those plumbers. Yeah, oh, you would destroy them Yeah, he would destroy it all. Yeah, but then it's like, you know, then there's a lot of plumbers coming out That's what I'm saying, dude Get fucking stabbed and get stabbed by a bunch of plumbers It makes me proud though. Anytime I watch eagles fans bothering people. I'm like, nice. It's the best. It's hilarious It was funny though to just think about a guy with a huge dick just a strong huge dick guy in his mansion and just being like

I mean, it's great It's David and Goliath It truly is a fucking weasel coming out and killing a monster Just like, yeah, that's bozo right there. No, there is. I'm gonna go call him a fag Dude, that's literally what happened Some guys lose his composure. Some dudes seeing like four of them like, yo The fuck dude, I saw people leaving the tailgate at like 9 a.m It was it was rough down there. Yeah, it was funny because michael chi was talking about wearing niner's

He wanted to go to the game. He's a niner's fan. He thought he was gonna wear niner's Dude, if you go to that game, they're gonna they're gonna get in a fight. Oh my god. It's it's so many like college age white dudes Wearing like a jersey over their hoodie all of them look the exact same. They all have piggy blinders They come at you, dude. Yeah, one of them would spit on him. Yeah He'd have to fight You have to yeah the college age guys are probably the worst because they they'd be like, yo, that's him from that fucking show Yeah, fucking SNLs for fucking liberal

Yo, they fucked tromp on that show. Yeah, yo, dude, they fucked tromp. He was not that bad I didn't go hit them dude. They'd punch them. Yeah, fuck how it bald winded Fuck yeah Yeah He was a black dude wearing 49ers gear. No, you showed like girls were on a fucking show, dude I was trying to explain to him. I was like, bro, it would be terrible. Yeah, it's a terrible idea He didn't go the other one. I made the right choice. He heated your he heated your fuck. Yeah, he made the right choice Dude, that's a I mean that is a crazy energy though, dude

Like I know dudes who would wear like the dallas jersey go to the game and it's like bro. What a Like people calling your asshole. What a masochist, dude. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's weird What a masochist dude to go in there. Oh, I kind of did that at Ohio State Although that's that's of college is a little more friendly. Yeah For the most part, you know, we're all we're all masochists on some level. Sometimes I like to get hurt Pain It'd be fun to do that is immediately flip. Like, yeah, you guys are all right. I actually like the other team I do that every time I'm like, look, you guys got a good program. You guys are gonna kill us today

Then I sit down and like fucking kill them. Please Please come on Notre Dame. God damn it. We lost again Oh man Yeah, I love that man If people still get in there and y'all to get together it makes me proud I like watching the Eagles fans bother people Yeah, didn't someone already die from like celebrating like a bus stop collapse or something Yeah, I don't think anyone died. They were they were standing they were standing on top of like a bus stop

collapse Guys got with the smallest doll in the world was up naked celebrating. What was he doing? You see that guy? It's fucking wild dude. He's a young man You're showing tennis young handsome man with a fucking insane tennis Really on top of a light pole I mean, it's fucking sweet. I mean it was chill and I wasn't that chilly that night actually It wasn't that chilly You're not gonna believe this tennis. Let me see. I hope

Yo, what the fuck is that about? Why is he doing that? Why is he showing his tennis? No What are the donuts of the tennis dude? Why is he doing that? That's I mean, that's a pretty serious team handsome in shape dude. Yeah, so Why did he do that? It's victory. I mean, that is victory Wanted even standing in front of a thousand people I mean, dude, if more guys were brave like him and just came out and flaunted tennis that shit would be sick

Finally penis that makes me feel okay It helped everybody there everyone there was like, thank you, dude. Nice. Thank you brother for your sacrifice True. That's the ultimate sacrifice to reveal tennis What was that one movie at the end there was I think it was like a It was like a sarah silverman movie or something where like at the end the guy ran through a mall naked Oh, that was observant report. That was a report. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That was pretty intense. That was a tennis just flopping. Yeah I was like, I remember thinking like what a nice guy. Yeah, I couldn't believe he agreed to do that. There's zero like nobody

Everyone's just going, ah Yeah, it's kind of a start. What would you rather say if like again, you're hermetically sealed No one can know what you picked, but it's like, you know, we're gonna flash a dog on the screen It's going to be a tennis or a flopper. You have to pick which dog gets flapped. I've seen both Obviously, yeah, yeah, obviously I prefer the tennis prefer to use is fun Tennis is funny to look at. I agree if that guy up there had a huge dick that wouldn't have been funny Dude, he would have got arrested. People would be like get the fuck out of here

Yeah Just exposed to hammer. Yeah Said he had a tennis that every I guarantee the cops were sitting there like Let him go. Yeah, he's all right. Let him go guys are all right Yeah, if he had a tennis he would have been If if he got if he I was about to say if If he got tackled

If that guy got tackled off that light post, I would have went in solidarity with him. Yeah I would have went and fucking held. I am Spartacus. No, I was showed my penis. I would like expose my shorts like I'm showing you guys my penis like Where I'm like It's you guys actually gotta zoom in a little bit Yeah, damn, dude That's so weird. It was a good weekend, but you were right though the tom fuller. He called up to me Did he get you? Yeah, you know, well tom fullery was month friday. It was thursday friday No, fullery. Oh a case race. Yeah thursday friday

Day off fullery, but One day off. Yeah, and then sunday fullery sunday now. I'm back to monday tuesday wednesday. No fullery not bad Yeah, not bad. Yeah, I limit the fullery this week because super bowl is gonna be Pretty brutal. What is that? Oh, that's next week. I leave. I leave friday for shows in texas and then i'm going from texas to phoenix I'm gonna be in phoenix for A week. I'll be in phoenix after you I'll be in san jose then phoenix. Yes. San jose then phoenix. Yeah, you're a rambling man, dude I am now now. I'm a rambling bro. I got a bunch of uh

A bunch of things maybe at the end. I'll tell everyone where I'll be and tell them I will I'll tell her at the end. I don't interrupt the pro. I don't know for the program If you're tired, I was literally just talking about how sick this pipe was so tell me about this I'll tell you let's ditch the copy ball the ball dude So you're smoking weed and you're smoking a bong. It's too hot And sometimes people do the ice bong when you throw the ice in there Freeze pipe has a glycerin coil. You can throw in the freezer for like 20 minutes Put it on the bong and it let you don't feel the smoke. It's kind of dangerous

You don't feel the smoke entering your lungs. Oh, wow. It works freeze pipe. Something I can stand by that's a personal endorsement I talked up the bong and yes, what I did is I got I broke one of them So they sent me another free one and I got double glycerin. I attached them I made like a monstrous frankenstein with two glycerin coils. Can't even feel it bro. It's it's like It's like stepping outside in the alps So if you're tired of hard smoking coughing attacks in the eagle's nest, oh, yeah for sure It's crazy

It's time to upgrade to an icy freeze pipe freeze pipes unique line of freezeable glass pieces remove chest and throw burn By cooling smoke by over 300 degrees. I'd say by over 1,000 degrees The secret is the freezeable glycerin chamber that comes on every piece talked about that Pop it in the freezer for an hour. Okay, do an hour. I do like 20 minutes The smoke is cooled as it passes through the easy It passes through the glycerin coils for an easy on the lungs toke with a 4.4 star rating and over 1,000 reviews Or 1,100 reviews freeze pipe has been trusted by thousands of americans for over five years Those are big numbers 1,005 years. That's basically forever. Yeah

So for a premium smoking experience at every day great prices and free shipping visit the freezepipe.com and use code Drenched for over 10 off your entire order. That is The freeze pipe.com end code drenched for 10 off They're awesome. Let's get back to the hot show All right guys A g1 by athletic greens is the morning jump start you need Just scoop shake and have and have it alongside your morning coffee or oj. It's like taking yourself Taking your shelf of mighty fuck dude

It's like taking your shelf of multi vitamins in one drink all at once because you've had enough all at once You're tired of sitting there putting pills in your mouth drinking water. You know what fuck this I'm gonna take all my vitamins. I I take it and I like it. I love it. I like it You gotta shake it up though. You don't want that grain. You don't want a bottle of sand by the end of it It forces me to drink water. That's a nice. Yeah, it's a very nice. I actually enjoy it. I'm gonna have some after this I'm gonna wake up a little I've been a sleepy dumb ass dude one dude. You'll be fucking ripping on stage Packed with over 75 vitamins and minerals for a major boost to your gut mood energy and even skin hair and nails It's the healthiest thing you can do in under a minute

Probably that checks out. Yeah If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements athletic greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin d And five free travel packs with your first Purchase go to athletic greens.com slash drenched. That's athletic greens.com slash drenched. Check it out Should we get back to the show? I guess I think it's time for us to get back to the show We're sponsored by hamilton devices innovators and vape technology vape like you're in the gd future They say god damn, but we're not gonna say that. Yeah, vape like you're in the gd future with hamilton devices

We've talked about it a hundred times. They have sick vape technology They have one that looks like an old timey pipe. They have the starship where you put three vape cartridges in there They have the gamer you can wear it around your neck Um, not sure about the technology on that one. It's pretty you can spot it pretty clearly That's a vape device, but pretty cool. You can wear it around your neck These clouds give you full flavor huge clouds and work extremely well with thick oils or work well with extremely thick oils. I should say Thick thick fucking oil. You guys blow big clouds big fucking clouds Hamilton devices has extended their giveaway for a pair of starship vapes to one lucky fan

Enter all of the link or enter at the link in the show notes winner will be selected on january 31st which is today Sorry, you lost. Sorry. You didn't win But if you're ready to drop some coin go to hamilton devices.com and use code drench 15 for 15 off Buyers must be 21 or older. That's hamilton devices.com code drench 15 for 15 percent off Matt as much as I love hearing you read ads. Let me get back to the freaking show I don't have to I watched uh, do you watch the last of us at all? I started the first episode wait till you get to episode three What happens?

I was So this is a spoiler. So if you haven't seen episode three of the last of us fast forward um It's uh, I pretend to call it when I watch it with britney. The guy's uh, it's a it's a prepper. It's a character that's in the game That they just made him gay. What? So like this he another guy. Oh, they drop it on you. I gotta know where Yeah, there's hints of it and you're like no way No way and then all of a sudden he starts making out with the dude and you're like, what the fuck wait ron swanson from parks and recreation

He's a gay prepper. His name's beast. He's he's not a gay in real life. Is he? Yeah, I don't care what he does. Is he? Yeah. Oh, wow. Definitely. It's like a double What's the bag he's making out with the guy? What's the bag on that? Probably pretty good the bag you think they give you hazard pay if you're hetero making out with dudes double time They kind of should This is fucked up. Yeah, you're you know what I mean? I mean if he probably was reading the script like nice. I'm a cool prepper. This is awesome. What the fuck Yeah, fuck a guy

Is it pretty graphic fine? I thought it was yeah, how does it work? It was actually so i'm laying right here. I'm going god fucking dammit Of course, they ruin this show. They just threw it in there for no reason bill's not getting the game. They're just throwing this in and then It's everything dude. Everything needs to happen. That's what I thought and then you start watching it And you're like dammit becomes a really beautiful love story. It is very You might cry a little towards the end. Really? Yeah, it was really really nice I like a nice sad gay love story. I do too

I feel like that's you know, it's kind of how it goes Those are pretty You know, yeah, watch when I watched um What's more called the white lotus there was a sad gay love story Which one where the guy was like reminiscing over basically, you know, it's lost lover the cowboy mountain. Oh, yeah I'd do anything for that man. We love I just love beauty This uh, but it's good though. It's a good visit. Yeah Yeah, I really enjoy it. You got a little ron swanson in you. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah a little twink ron

Come on I'm straight as a devil That's fine. I mean dude, shone. It's not going to do you any favors being straight in this business Yeah, you're right If I were to listen to what everyone says about you So if I were to write a short It involves you just literally white petting with another man My girlfriend's out of town you come over to set up the podcast matt's like oh shit. I hit traffic

I'm running late. Yep. It's just you and me. I'm like, let's play some ufc. Yeah We start playing ufc. I'm like, do you think you could do those grappling moves to me for real? You move this thing out of the way you let me go add it on the fucking zebra rug, dude Think of my naked body contrasted against this beautiful zebra rug. That would be pretty nice though. Yeah, you're right That would be nice. You smash me mish That would be nice. Oh shone's big ass dick. Holy fuck dude Sean no light poles for you brother. Yeah, you're not allowed to you're not allowed to get up there You're more of a ground-dweller, dude. You can stay away from me and my tree people, dude

I Was a ground-dweller I got scared though You wanted to climb up there. No, are you down there in the yeah? I was down in the mitt in the mix with all the the nasty boys and girls what was going on anything some guy was like, um Passed out on the floor surrounded by cops and I was like nice that guy looks like he's dead and then they were setting off fireworks That's a good one you come over here. I'm like, yeah, let's go to blackbirds Pass out. You and me drink a little

Come back here You gaze you so cool as guys we can like joke around like this with each other. It's like nobody do True. Yeah, I don't think of it I don't think of it later when you guys leave as soon as you guys leave. I watch you leave Matt's hair looks so good today And you go to a meeting There's nuts that meeting was out of control General meetings make they they're insane. You know, it's I don't need them anymore

It's just a thing. It's nice when you're brand new and no one knows who you are at all. Yeah, it feels nice But this way I know she she'd never she was I was like, uh, yeah, I did a sketch show and she was like, what? I was it's called It's called gillian geese I was hoping you might have heard of it before we had a meeting. You should have one key and peel Yeah, it's key and peel. I actually write that show. I'm black I'm one of the guys Yeah, that's gotta be send a representative like I'm gonna send a representative and then sit like two tables over

Just over here and then towards the end go I couldn't help it over here I'm actually the real shankillus. I'm the one you were supposed to have this devil's double I'm the one you were supposed to have this meeting with today What do you think you're gonna start moving way you're gonna start working together now You're gonna start moving way smarter. I do need to move significantly smarter. He's fucking like I'm actually over here I've been here. There's text or half of your chest constantly I'll say look over to this other table

And then run Leave a fake check to pay for your coffee and run I It's the best it's a high speed lifestyle dude running out of a running out of a restaurant is fucking so funny Dude, I mean, what is the speed limit for people? What even is it dude a fast walk is nuts What about the full speed walking out a restaurant? I ran to the fucking smoothie place last week They gave me the wrong order and I was like, well, I don't want the guys waiting on me

I fucking booked it there and then back. I kind of I kind of go slower with this smoothie gasped out But yeah, dude, I'm all about that. It's very weird ripping it. Well, it's like why not Who's this? Who's a dictate the speed for everybody? No, you're right. Let's move you you think we should Introduce running pick up the pace. So we all finish a meal pay for it Stand up for a jacket song. We say no, you don't want to get it. It was good to see you My uber is actually here right now. You don't want to get indigestion, dude. Knocks off over and sprint Into the restaurant

Dude, I wanted to test this for the longest time like if I go into a walmart and fucking book it I can I get in trouble for that? Yeah, why you can't actually get in trouble but people are gonna Yeah, we're gonna get in trouble. I'm gonna say, what are you stealing the law? Stop me? Yeah, if you're like you're basically pretending you're on like a shopping spree show But you get just whatever you like just ripping shit off the shelves I wouldn't make a mess, but I'd be fast as fuck, dude I've seen you move too. You got wheels. Oh, I can move fast. I remember when you cooked o'connor at the beach, dude Yeah, it's a belly beat me that killed me, dude. Billy that would keep me pissed in my big dick

Yeah, that's what we do. You're a big dick guy to mention you think about all the bigger dick faster dudes and you go My wife probably wants to suck that guy so fast everybody wants to suck the fast guy Quarterback so smart court and quarterback thinks he's so fucking smart, doesn't he? Holding Everyone does every play. Why did they call it on me? Yeah, that's awesome. Be in it. What would your favorite thing be rock star NFL player comedian or fashion mogul

What would you pick four four options fashion mogul seems pretty enjoyable or serial murderer who never gets caught Oh Fashion mogul I like because they can just you can once you're in there. You can just make dog shit and everyone's like wow Yeah, who did what is that shit who makes it up fashion is I hate it. It's crazy Like the high when they when they wear like shit. Nobody will ever wear ever Yeah, and you just get a skinny woman to wear it. Oh, yeah starfer and like a biracial freak looking dude a Skinny biracial guy don't walk wearing fucking gibberish

And you and other like weird fat gay Italian dude sit there like It's gorgeous. I love what you've done here Yeah, it's pretty fucked up They wear like a ladies wear like a jacket with like collars. It goes 10 feet over their head and they're like, oh, wow Yeah, oh wow and like converse They're like trash sneakers with like a red. I don't know what yeah You wear you make like one dress a year and fucking like Kate winslet wears it to like the fucking yeah Kids choice awards or whatever Nickelodeon and then everyone goes. Oh, wow. She's wearing a Giuseppe Giuseppes

This is Giuseppe Giuseppe. He's done it again. $30,000 is so good right so hot. It's shit It's complete. Yeah, fashion would be nice. Although. That'd be so much pressure, dude Someone imagine people getting onto your skin being like the fabric sort of joke and you'd be like That was the point. I was using the fabric as a statement You just smack some fucking bare ass teenagers boy like Get out of here. I'm angry now. Do that again. They've angered me I'm going to Giuseppe, please Giuseppe Giuseppe Giuseppe Giuseppe Giuseppe Giuseppe, please do not

Not tonight leave me alone Oh, I'm kidding come back. I mean that's that rules you get to be a gay dude that gets Fucked up on wine and cocaine every day and you just put gibberish on a skinny lady and yeah You hang out in the south of France slam boys slam boys Not bad. Okay. So fashion mogul obviously that tracks serial murder never gets caught You're a little but I don't want to murder people. Yeah, but I'm saying you don't get caught. So nothing bad happens Yeah, I don't think you heard what I said, you're not going to get in any trouble Dude, it's a victimless crime. You're not going to get in trouble

No, that'd be terrible. Yeah But now in this yes in this scenario, you want to murder people more than anything on earth Yeah, say people have been like really mean to you in the comedy community Say like people like really mean to you. What would you do as a serial killer? What would be your method I'd like to think I'm a hammer guy. You seem like a real rage Hammer guy. Oh the hammers are quick Yeah, you get one on the noggin. It's over the poppy dude. Fuck him. That was that was kind of scary What when Pelosi got popped you see like the actual video is every Pelosi

I did gs every Pelosi might be up to some things Did you see it might be a fashionista the hammer attack was actually scary the hammer attack was scared because they're standing there And it's like I knew this was sauce. I think it was like that real quick. It's so fast The poppy is fast, bro. Poppy was smiling. I don't know. I thought I thought we're calling uh, Pelosi pop No, de poppy. Is his name is de poppy the pop or de poppy? De baby the baby de poppy I thought you were just calling Mr. Pelosi poppy. He's poppy

I think he there was something odd about him holding it. This is smiling when the cops were there Do you think he was smiling? I felt like he was kind of like hey fellas Do you think he like kind of Like sucked him but only to save his own life Like he was so scared. He was like come here Yeah, come over to my house. I've seen my wife do this constantly Come here My wife made it up to the eye of the pyramid by doing this. I'm gonna show you what I learned when he got popped in the head

That was pretty nasty. It was terrible, dude. I didn't see the whole I just saw the attack Like you can hear him dying. Oh, no, it's pretty bad Oh, that's terrible. I didn't see that part. Yeah, there's been a lot of brutal videos going around. Yeah Yeah, he did survive. There's been a lot of brutal videos going around What other ones did you see Matthew? I can't remember but I know there's a real brutal one going around right now that everyone's really scared to talk about No, I actually don't know It's a police. Oh that one. Yeah, I saw I saw like two seconds of it. Did you watch was it nasty? Yeah Yeah, that's that's a it's a real nasty one. It's tough. It's tough

There's still people like really trying to make good sense out of all this stuff Well, here's why this it's like is it is that what happened? There's Five black cops attack the black guy five black cops from Memphis. I'll explain exactly what happened I've never met any of these men, but I've read two books. I've never been to Memphis. I don't know one of these guys I don't know what started this. I don't know what I don't know one level here's exactly what it all boils down to It's like cool, man. Nice job. Thanks for your input It's the most it's the craziest shit There's still being like, yeah, but here's what's happening behind the scenes of all of this

That's driving those five guys to beat the fuck out of that other dude And really there was actually things that happened before that now there's this and it's like I don't know dude. Sometimes I spaz for no fucking reason. Yeah, there's no there's no sense Imagine all six of you it wants spazzing. It's crazy forming Voltron It really was spazzing. Was it what was it? Was there any backstory to it or just I don't know anything about it other than I saw like for real two seconds of the video. I was like god damn. Yeah, I heard it was tough to watch I didn't see it. I don't watch it. I don't like to watch that kind of stuff. Dude's getting beat to death Yeah, I don't have yeah, I I avoid I avoid this if someone like obviously, you know

Someone's gonna hold a gun to my head and make me watch it. Obviously I do it, but you know, it's like obviously you're gonna watch Yeah, I'm not gonna there's a gun to you if there's a guy with a hammer in your house It's got the hammer house that you very car and I've already offered to suck his dick to calm him down Yeah, and then I did but there's a gay prostitute and somehow drugs got involved and he wants more money than you told him You were gonna give him I mean, yeah, obviously I do what I had to do. Yeah, you just got a DUI. You're like, please don't let me get in trouble again I'm almost dead Damn his probation officer is probably like what the fuck dude an assassin. Yes

Damn, luckily Ray Donovan was there. It was an assassin Ray Donovan got out stopped fighting with his dad We're gonna clean up this guy sucked his homeless guy's dick Attacked him with a hammer. You gotta get in there clean the jizz. Park it out of my house. Park it out I don't go around my fucking family paul pelosi stuck This guy's dick. I gotta deal with it That was a cooler show I didn't watch it but Ray Donovan went around he was a cleaner, right? Is another whole thing Yeah, he he's a fixer. He fixed it all. Yeah

And the guys who was the guy who was the boss of him in that show was his name I didn't see it. That's the one thing I didn't like about Ray Donovan They did a lot of like Jewish tropes where it's like, okay There's a lot of like Jewish characters or like telling them to go fix stuff in Hollywood I'm like you guys couldn't be any more tone deaf. Hmm. I hate that shit. I can't stand it. Yeah She pisses me off Racist racial Jewish dude. It was like, come on guys. Like why are we doing this man? It's like, yeah, Ray Donovan irish fixer guy fine, whatever. Yeah, don't don't do that

So they don't have Jewish overlords Controlling it. That's what it was. It was Jewish overlords and I I dude. I was like bridge. Shut the fuck off. I can't watch it We're not doing this again. It's just nonsense tough Irish guy more tough cool Irish guys like unloading guns real quick from bad guys And Jewish it's like can we just shed our stereotypes? We need to think of some new stereotypes Yeah, dude still using these ones over and over again Yeah, cool Irish guys fucking cheating on their wives and having like a cool watch selection That was the best part of the show

Going to his closet be like Put on his cool watches people said this was a good show. It sounds like shit Yeah, it was there were some parts of it that were cool. His brother got molested by a priest That's pretty good It's nice that they whoever made that's probably Irish and they had to cope somehow Yeah, actually Irish guys are really cool and have cool watches and do stuff It's not just the one guy got molested by a priest and everyone else is just drunk That's not our whole family

One guy gets raped in your family. The rest are drunks pretty much But yeah, dude, that was uh, that was that show was kind of weird This californication was a weird show. Yeah I'm a big david duke oveny fan duke oveny rules. I like him. Yeah, I like undeniably good He's a good guy, but that that dude back into the x-files. I bet that's her rules They used to really like it. There was there was like one year in my life I watched it when I was young when it was still on you were far out I thought it was pretty sweet. Did you believe back then?

No, I didn't really believe but I remember some of the episodes were a little spooky, man I think I think you're making light of the show right now I don't think you could do it, dude. Well, okay. I don't think you could get through a season of the file Are you serious? I don't think you can get through the files, dude You serious, dude I think you by yourself in your house could not get through the files. Nobody else is there with me No, Britney's gone. Everybody's got you going when you're on the road. Where is she?

Don't worry about where the fuck she is She's standing on a 360 She's having fun without me Uh, no, you're gonna say you're in San Jose. You just had an average set. You're back in your apartment You're back. You're back in the air b&b and I'm out looking for the truth And then the x-files comes on you go. Well, the x-files is on Uh, they're running down like dark hallways with flashlights. That's all I remember about that show Yeah, that's kind of all I remember too. Is it fucking?

Well, be careful. Yeah There was a movie too. That was actually good. What was the rated x? That's why they pay you the big books you come in here and you make a fucking you make an ass out of me, dude I'm just a fucking joke I tell you I like the x-files you come in here you make fun of molder and scully, dude No, man, it wasn't rated x There wasn't even sex in it. You never even got to see the red-headed ladies tits ever Especially with a pussy hair like the company she's she's scully scully is

Dude scully is it scully? Yeah, scully scully or scully scully with a you Yeah, scully him holder. They tried to remake it in like 2016. I think what happened. I think they shit the bad Trump won. It was a bad time. Trump won. They were definitely combated him. Yeah, scooby-doo. Damn x-files on piece of gate would be nasty, dude It's not me and Anderson Yeah, I like her as a redhead dude. Yeah She was nice box though. She was she was I she's a lesbian. Yeah notorious lesbian not in the show But in real life You said it not even joking

She does with that like you're still who do you think is the number one lesbian in Hollywood right now Sean? I don't know Entertainers at all no not really I have a shirt with gillian on it. I have x-files shirts someone got for me. Yeah, who do you think would uh I guess there's not really any is there like a big time Megan Fox had a lesbian affair with gillian Anderson She did i'm telling you she crushes all the bad. That's why I've said it because she has all the baddest How does celebs they like date and shit?

What? Back in the day Who was that lady that was like crashed her uh car into the house? Wasn't she a lesbian which one lady freaked out got drunk? Oh, I don't went fucking 180 Notorious She was flying dude. She was going so fast. I don't know if this is maybe she found the truth, dude Truth is out there. She was trying to get to space dude. She was in lightspeed

She was fucked up. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say sydney sweeney's pretty Who's that the blonde chick from you for you? Uh, I went to look at uh nude photos of gillian I forget her name. Anderson gillian airson Anyway, this is odd stuff. Who's gillian sweeney sydney sweeney. Oh sydney sweeney You described her the best man. You said she's like if a blow-up doll Became a real print like a turn to life. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're gonna go out on that limb Stuff limb

I'm gonna say that that's she's pretty Yeah, I would agree. I would agree with that. I would also agree. There's something to her There's something about it that I really like. Yeah, I could see that. Maybe it's her young massive jugs Something about those young awesome massive jugs. Yeah, and those big dumb eyes That's a big dumb hot eyes. There's absolutely fucking lifeless hot eyes. There's something to that Is that like a new thing with chicks where they would look like completely lifeless? Or is it maybe that's just years of like being drugged up since they're a little They do that. They drug the kids up, bro. They drug them and then they get hot

Yeah, maybe these drugs are the reason kids are hot Could be did you hear about dude? You gotta stop playing dude fucking Ricky Morty got crushed Did you see the fucking transcript? Bro, you're the transcript of stuff. Yeah, he was he was oh now we're gonna all of a sudden act like we don't care We don't think kids are fucking hot Yeah, he went I like to goof around but exactly exactly good christ exactly apparently he was not kidding Goofing is fun. Apparently he was kidding

Yeah That transcript was fucking disgusting dude. Yeah It was such like a He was so angry to me way to weird way to talk to it Oh He was like, are you in school? What type of dumb shit are you studying in school today? Yeah, oh he kept calling her uh jailbait be like jailbait. What's up? Oh

Yeah Well, dude, how old is he? Because the first episode of californication was david coveny having sex with a minor I mean it was just like that was back when people were like where to now She's jailbait. I could totally yeah, I mean the old school was about a dude fucking a high school chick. Yeah, true It was so hot Yeah, I gotta tell his name. She was in girl next door Isn't that a movie girl next door when she was like how's your babe database shark? Is it pretty strong?

That could be stronger. Some dudes have like good babe databases. Yeah, her name the one I'm thinking of was Alicia cuthbert. Oh, yeah, she was very pretty She is very pretty. Let me say She ever hear the legend of saint cuthbert? No, what happened in that he said go out in the middle of the night He would go out into the water when no one was watching there was one monk that followed him to see what he was up to Yeah, and he would sit in the ocean this monk claims that all the animals would come to him And he would sit there and play with all the animals and he would go back inside and go to bed

So like monks just made up like eight-year-old lies It's literally a lie a fucking two-year-old would tell you Every village person was like, yes, it's true Did you ever get into anchorites? Now what are anchorites apparently if you were a part of a religious community back in like medieval times You could be like I want to be an anchor right or an anchor risk if you're a girl Yeah, and they'd put you in a room and that was it for the rest of your life You would sit in a room for the right you you request this

Sit in the room for the rest of your life You have one window you could see in and watch the mass Another window you could look outside and watch nature and you had one like a little door or something people would come and be like Oh, senior and ask you questions and just be like like what does this mean? What this is I I'm I don't know anything you'd be out of your mind Dude, you've been just secluded for years and someone would knock on your door and you'd just be like You'd be the shit lady Yeah, he'd be shitting in a bucket. You'd be sitting there. Yeah, so we go. What's going back? Hey, what's it fucking matter?

They're eating poop for 12 years Yeah, some lady requested that I was reading about this lady that was like, yeah anchorite. Let me go and they're like Yeah, for sure senora Pretty dumb stupid shit pretty nuts. Dude. That's a wild one to be like when dudes do the monk hierarchy and they're like I don't even need to come out of my room. I don't even need to talk ever my fucking room for the rest of my life It's like damn dude. Nice. You wasted a life. Good job It's a sin What you did was against god

Yeah, it's pretty nuts Just key in it. Although it's kind of a sick excuse to get out of church. Like I'm gonna sit in this room Yeah, it's a very sick excuse to get out of living back then. Yeah, true I'm just gonna get locked up in this room. Yeah. Well, apparently the lady only had one wish her whole life And that was she wanted to get deathly ill She wanted to get deathly ill and survive And she wanted to have visions what happened is she ended up having like a terrible fever to where she was getting last rights And she went into this like she had all these visions

And then came out of it and shared them with the church and they were like Good nice work. And then she said they're like, what do you want? She's like lock me in my room. They're like, no doubt lady We got it. Get up in there. We can handle it. Get up in the room lady. You're bad motherfucking. Yeah, you're a baddie, bro. Get up in the You're a baddie. Get up lock up in there. You're done being sick. All right. Get up there. She got sick, dude Get back up into the room Locked her up With nothing now just a bed Some right couple books some reserve couple. She wrote she I think she sat out there and just wrote a bunch of books

And looked to watch the mass and be like hello to people and just sat in a fucking room like a fucking zoo animal Yeah, pretty nuts That's a wild existence. I don't like it. Dude. It's the reading about those early church dudes is kind of fun That was like the coolest thing you could do was be stoned to death and be there's dudes who were like I can't wait to get my head bashed in with rocks Until that day comes Well, what happened? Well, there was one guy comes you go. Oh, I fucked up getting hit with rocks is gonna suck True perhaps. Yes, definitely

There was one guy whose older brother got martyred and he was like, dude, I'm such a bitch you this sucks Yeah, so then he was like out trying to rabble rouse known people like, oh, we already got your brother. We know what you're doing, dude Opposite so then he unicked himself So he had to like take over the school his brother was teaching but there were so many hot young babes and he was like I can't handle this you like themself It's pretty honorable His name's origin. You gotta be pretty horny for that. He's probably like, yeah, you're jailbait. You're so gay I'm fucking maligned drunk

I'm drunk here in venice. I'm gonna cut my dick off Oh Why like dude, there's the I guess he was hammered. I guess hammered. There's the transcript, bro He was hammered. He kept the whole time being like you're not gonna share this with anyone. Are you? Maybe he wanted it, dude. Maybe he wanted it on some level On some level we want the shame and destruction I don't know. It was a pretty tough read Yeah, yeah, or maybe he thought like everything was sweet. I think it was 2012

Oh, I think it was long enough ago where you could you could be a freak. It was right at the end of being like jailbait Yeah, it was yeah You watched first episode of californication. He said, yeah, what the hell David decoveney's doing. He's he's allowed to fuck a kid. How does that just watch it on showtime? I'm not allowed to fuck this kid in england. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, I'm gonna strike up small talk with the 16 year old in england over what what was the medium? for my facebook Oh

on twitter Anyway, what are uh Oh, Jesus christ. Remember, dude, you're cutting in a valuable patreon time. Yeah, it's time for us to get into patreon Where we're gonna make fun of this guy for fucking DMing a kid Not because we're worried about the wellness of the kid Just because we want to crucify somebody. Yeah, we just want to fill an hour. Yes. Although to be fair to be fair I'm worried about the kid. Obviously. Yes. I'm worried. I'm worried the kid was confused Definitely, I'll be so mad, dude

If you're a kid and like your favorite cartoon guy was or what actually no, when did rickamorty start? This could have been that long ago Wasn't even out at the time the hell was his kid doing? What did he do that she liked? So rickamorty aired in 2013, so I guess oh, yeah, he's probably a babe. You have no idea. It's coming Maybe he did like drill like a successful challenge program before that Probably getting the feedback. Yeah, you like that. You like some of that. You like that. They found all the jewels in the hidden castle You like that all the puppies teamed up

You're such a bitch. Yeah, I know humdinger is such a dick and I hate writing his part Yeah, let's oh, dude. Um, yeah, talk about them dates. Yeah, let me oh sitting sweetie came up again Sitting sweetie is a girl. I'd like to give a kiss to I would say you and me guys. This is now we're fucking around a lot, but we're being really serious Friday, February 17th through the 19th I'll be in phoenix, arizona at cb live March 16th fucking st patty's day

Through the 18th. They give you Super Bowl and st. Patrick. They're killing me. They're killing me Tell the tell the tight wads Just give the tight wads a little nudge. He's he's listening right now. I'm hungry. He's listening. I'm hungry. I'll just let him know I'm building something big dude. I'm hungry I get it, but I also didn't know when the Super Bowl was Shame on me. He should he should shame on me. I know you're listening. Well, I booked. I booked, uh, the Super Bowl myself That was my bad. That was my bad. It was my big bridgeport, canada kit That'll be march 16th through the 18th

And then new brunswick, new jersey at stress factory. That's march 30th through the 31st And then I'll be in oh, that's no, that's march 31st april 1st april 6th ballston, massachusetts uh six and seventh And then all some texas may I don't have to go that far in advance. Yeah, it's all on my website. Matt mccusker.com Just do that. All right. I don't feel like listening. Yeah, I feel like a dumbass talking about this stuff But yeah, we're gonna see bill. I'm gonna have this all culminate something humongous

We got a bunch coming up They get you They get you a couple and all of a sudden next to you know, you go. Oh my goodness gracious. Yeah They won't stop. They're gonna make me a beast They will not stop booking you We'll go now. Look we forgot the We were supposed to have some time off here, but this club reached out. So we gotta do it I'll do it eight weeks in a row. I guess

That's not gonna take a toll on me They've been pretty good. They've been good about whooping the old boy. They're gonna start once they see the ticket sales They're gonna go yes Another one we can suck off of And by they I mean My agent. Yeah I know him. I know people. Yeah people think he's a punk dude. He's a punk young Next time I see my agent, I'm gonna punch him again. Yeah, dude double punch him. He's gonna call me and go. What was that, dude?

That's not what I sound like All right, goodbye join the patreon so you can listen to more fun That's that's gonna be there. We come alive. We're about to come alive We're about to fire up dark chocolate gauge and my eighth cup of coffee. I'm back on my micro drugs and bullshit too Let's go dude. Stop spoiling dude