Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 431 - Kroonin' Wit My Daddy (feat. Joe Derosa)

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Listen to Taste Buds & Eat at Joey Roses Support Joe @ joederosainfo.com Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis....com YO. Apologies for the lateness. The D.A.W.G.Z. were workin' and SG had to pay Rogies a visit. Here's a Sunday blessing for you with our dear pal Joe Derosa. Please enjoy. God Bless.  Visit http://athleticgreens.com/drenched for a Free 1-year supply of Vitamin D Support the show by going to https://www.HamiltonDevices.com and use code DRENCHED15 for 15% off Get 90% off RexMD  with our exclusive link  https://rexmd.com/DRENCHED (https://rexmd.com/DRENCHED)  #rexmdpod

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You said you wanted me fucking fired up, dude. So I'm fired up. I do nothing but the filters off. I defend you all the time. We're here live. Welcome to the podcast. We're here with the Joey DeRoses. My God.
Starting point is 00:00:12 Joey, Joey. What's up? Why are you fucking being nasty? You asked me to be. You said you didn't like when I came in polite today. You weren't. And you were like, you were like, I want you more wound up. And you started talking to me about the state of comedy
Starting point is 00:00:27 and now I'm all fucking aggravated because I hate I hate almost every one of our friends. And I can't tell them to their face. Yeah, I know. I know. You can't. You can't. How could you?
Starting point is 00:00:39 You can't have friends. You can't have enemies. You can't just kind of pretend that everything is fine. It's so very. Matt's back. Matt's back. I was out there. I got a taste of the road.
Starting point is 00:00:48 I got a stomach virus. You're back from the road? Yeah. Well, it was a week. That was enough for me. That was plenty. You all right, though? It was fun.
Starting point is 00:00:55 It was a good time. I got a stomach virus the very first night. So that was terrible. It was a classic road. Stomach virus, dude. I haven't had a stomach virus since I was like six, dude. Yeah, that sucks. I've had the flu on the road.
Starting point is 00:01:07 It's brutal. It's brutal. I've been in a hotel in like fucking Massachusetts like shaking. Like it's brutal, you know? It's pretty funny. I thought I had food poisoning. I thought I had food poisoning, so I was on the flight.
Starting point is 00:01:19 And I was like, man, it's cold on this fucking floor. I was like, I got the chills. I was like, shit. When you get a phone to fly with the sickness, it's the worst. Dude, I was watching people order like shit at the airport, like coffees and baguettes and just being a little bagel or whatever. And just being like, yeah, you think you're fucking cool
Starting point is 00:01:34 with the stomach, dude? Your stomach works. And you think you're the man drinking coffee? I die right now by drinking coffee. It was cool. It was cool. I understand the pressures to sell tickets are an immense pressure.
Starting point is 00:01:45 I didn't like that at all. It is. It's very uncomfortable. I bother managers, dude. I'm like, oh, yeah. Where are we at? I don't know. Who cares?
Starting point is 00:01:52 It's going to be good. I'm like, well, no. Were you doing clubs? Yeah. Let me tell you what that is. They don't do a fucking god damn thing to publicize their own shows. And then when nobody's there, they go, what is ticket sale?
Starting point is 00:02:05 I wonder why. Really, that's a six minute spot on the weather fucking channel you had me do this morning, didn't move tickets. You got to do the clips, bro. It's not every club. You got to do crowd work clips. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'd love it.
Starting point is 00:02:20 I'd love to see Doros' crowd work clips. What's that? Shut up. You know, that's a problem these days. I'm not a fucking bitch. I yelled at a guy. And I showed him recently. I go, I was trying to talk to him.
Starting point is 00:02:34 He wouldn't respond. And I go, relax. I'm not going to clip it and put it on the internet. Like every other fucking comedian in this country. He just talked to me. Yeah. But no, no, it's not every club, but a lot of these clubs, like they don't do anything to publicize.
Starting point is 00:02:48 And then they sit there and go, what did you do? I was like, what did I do? Well, I was waiting. That's what I was. I was waiting for like the worst possible. They all they turned out good. But I was like ready for like the club to call me and be like, what the fuck did you do?
Starting point is 00:03:03 And then maybe it was worse when you I know we're doing stand up comedy inside baseball ship. But yeah, there's not like you go from being a feature, which is the shit show up. You're like, who gives a fuck who's here? This will be fun. I'm going to fuck around 20 minutes. This is going to be great.
Starting point is 00:03:17 The first time you saw a headline, you're just like peeking your head out from behind the green room or just brutal. It's fucking empty. It's fucking empty. What do we do? Are you going to see people? I guess there's traffic. There might be traffic.
Starting point is 00:03:28 And then you fucking ask the club owner and they're like, what's it? What's it looking like? They're like, tonight's not bad. Saturday night's looking pretty good. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah, I love that. Five shows are terrible. It was great early.
Starting point is 00:03:41 I used to always make a joke when I went on the road because it was like every gig I would do. The club owner would come up to me and be like, I'd be like, how are numbers? And they'd go, listen, it turns out the Beatles, they're not they're not dead. They're alive and they're doing a reunion across the street. I know this.
Starting point is 00:04:03 It was always something I swear to God. It was the time you recorded an album during the final four in Atlanta. Yeah, I remember that. I did a show on the Super Bowl. I told you when the first time I ever met you was at the Lizard Lounge. Oh, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:15 The Chameleon Club in Lancaster. Yes. And I was like, dude, that album fucking ruled. Oh, thanks, man. And that was exactly what you said then. Oh, yeah. She was a good bit for a little while. I was like, I love Side B, the B-side album.
Starting point is 00:04:28 I wanted that to be the whole album was bombing at the. It was my favorite. She did a B-side bomb. Well, A-side was the headline, the real set. And then B-side was the same set that he tried to do. We tried to record at the Laughing Skull right during March. What was it?
Starting point is 00:04:42 It's the final four in Atlanta. Yeah, it was in Atlanta. We tried to record the Laughing Skull. The shows were so bad and so poorly attended. Not because of the Laughing Skull. I like that place, but because of just the circumstance. Yeah. And and we got one show that I thought was worth something.
Starting point is 00:04:59 And it was the crowd. It was the only packed show and they were so drunk. And I fought I fought with them the entire hour. Yeah, it's awesome. And I said, I want that to be the album. And this guy, Jason, that has this label called B-Scene, was that did it. He was like, that you can't you can't put that out.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Like that can be the second part. Yeah. So it was so rough of a run of shows. I left went and did Moontower and while is it Moontower? What's his name? It was Mike Albanese and Gilbert, the two main like the main dudes of Atlanta comedy, called me and they're like, we can set up another show on Monday night.
Starting point is 00:05:43 If you because I was driving and they're like, if you want to drive back through Atlanta on your way home, we can set up a show for Monday night at Star Bar and pack it. And we can try to record again. And I called the label guy and he's like, yeah, and we did it. We had one show. We got the album. Yeah. Wow. And then that was that that became the album.
Starting point is 00:06:02 And then the B-Side was the other thing. But it was always something like that. I remember being in North Carolina. They told me there was a fucking. I think it was called the Tulip Festival. And I was like, what? What is that? He was like, everyone's there.
Starting point is 00:06:13 He goes, you've heard of the flower, right? And I was like, yes, I know the flower. He goes, there's a festival for it. And nobody's coming to the show. That's the thing. You go to go to Buffalo. You go to anywhere in the north. If you go during the summer, they're like, yeah, people go outside. Yeah, we've been locked inside all winter.
Starting point is 00:06:33 So you're not going to sell a ticket. Yeah, I did. I did Indianapolis during the final four, which in in the helium, the whole crowd, the late shows, because everybody's just day drinking the whole time. It's just everybody's in like different college uniforms. Shitface. They have no idea what the show is.
Starting point is 00:06:50 They just came in and see some comedy tonight. That sucks. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, it does suck. I got an office party in Phoenix. There was just like nine people came up afterwards and were like, that was that was interesting. Yeah. And I came up and I was like, thanks, guys.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I got here with an office party in Irvine and a woman, dude, two women, it was a holiday party. It was during Christmas. A lady just sat like this because you know how the tables are going that way. They didn't face me. They faced each other and just the whole fucking show. There was an old woman going. Dude, can I tell you that I did?
Starting point is 00:07:24 I tried to do like the ultimate road dog move and invited a dude on stage with me and a backfire. Of course, a backfire. Why did you do that? He just yelled at me the whole time. Oh, what happened? It was huge. What happened when he got up there?
Starting point is 00:07:35 He was talking the whole time. I'm like, dude, please stop. And he started to like chatter. And I'm like, yeah, why don't you get up here, dude? Yeah, it's not as easy as it looks. Yeah. And he came up and was like, I was making fun of him, but it was insane.
Starting point is 00:07:46 There was a drunk guy screaming on stage. I'd be like, OK, dude, get down. You got to get down. Oh, I was like, what is this? I was like, it looks so cool on YouTube, dude. It's so cool when they do it. It's funny. I was at Laugh Bar.
Starting point is 00:08:00 I was just scared he was going to beat me up. I was like, oh, dude, you should get down now. It would have been awesome if he would have walked your ass up there. It would have been righteous. It would have been a good play. He's making fun of how I was dressed. I was like, dude, you dressed like a Russian Uber driver. Dude, get out of here.
Starting point is 00:08:13 And he was like, you're fucking gay, dude. Oh, it's like the counter. Yeah, I was like, the perfect counter punch. So what if I hit him, dude? Get this guy out of here. He should have sucked his dick while I beat you up. I would have won. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Him just punching you while you'd suck. It has his dick in your mouth. That would have been awesome, dude. Dude, that would have ruled. From a ticket-moving perspective, dude. That would have had. He said he was gay. True.
Starting point is 00:08:36 He was just wearing a boast. We're not talking about stuff like that. Now, I did I did laugh Boston once and I walked. There were 40 veterinarians there and I walked. I walked all of them. I was talking at the time. I was doing a lot of jokes about death, like dying and stuff. And this lady goes, it was Christmas.
Starting point is 00:08:58 It was their Christmas party, I guess. And she goes, change the subject. And I was like, well, when I got fucking pissed and I started talking to her and I was like, what do you do? And she was like, I work at the vet and I go, but what do you do? She goes, I massage the dogs before the operation. Oh. And I go, do you get extra for the hand job?
Starting point is 00:09:15 And they all got up and left and then sent letters to the club and said, your comedian insinuated that my assistant sexually manipulates animals. That is part of the job. Dude, they pop anal glands and stuff. Yeah. They do. Yeah, dude, a dog gets a, their anal glands get fucking.
Starting point is 00:09:35 The anal glands get swollen. Lamar shut him up, dude. Oh, yeah. Why don't you explain that? Yeah, Lamar shot his balls now. You hired Lamar. I can tell you this though. When you, when you.
Starting point is 00:09:44 No, hold on, hold on. This is very important to. Yeah. This is important part of Canon. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, we hired Sean's a producer, but we hired Lamar. We had fired Lamar traditionally.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Yes. I got fired from. Lamar was our original producer? Because one time we, yeah, he was original producer. He was just unbelievably bad at it. Yeah, he just fucked up constantly. We had someone sat out of frame for an entire time. It was an episode he would eat on camera.
Starting point is 00:10:07 You'd hear him fucking crackling. He'd be high as shit. All of a sudden you'd hear a bag of chips start to open. It was usually during a lull where we had nothing to say. There's some chips. So we were both like, fuck it. It's his fault. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:10:22 So we fired him and it, by the way, took the firing like a champ. I got fucking jammed. Dude, yeah, he was just like, oh yeah. Why are you talking like you got fired from Microsoft or something? You got fired from this. Who cares? No, I know, but I'm serious. We're friends.
Starting point is 00:10:37 So it was weird to be like. It was before the pod was big, right? It was right when it was starting. He was like, you're doing me a favor, dude. You've become sick. I watched you guys. It was Fortune 300 at the time. No, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Fortune 300. Yeah, it's Fortune 5. All right. You guys are doing real well. I see the charts. I do. I see the charts. Which one?
Starting point is 00:10:53 Bar or this one? Which one? The one that we're number one on? I see chartable. I don't know. I don't care for it. Shut up over there. This shows always above.
Starting point is 00:11:02 This isn't your mom's house. No, I'm serious. You guys chart well. I'm not being funny. Which chart are you referring to? We didn't. Oh, mayor, look up the chart. If you go to Chartable.
Starting point is 00:11:12 Chartable is a website that shows you like the Apple rankings. Gotcha, gotcha. And you guys consistently are above my podcast, and it bothers me. Why? We don't look at that. You've got to stop looking at that. Yeah, we don't look at the charts.
Starting point is 00:11:22 We look at the money charts. Yeah, that's what I look at, dude. Let's talk about it. You saw what I'm wrong with today, right? Oh, I saw you in there almost. Whoa, dude. What the fuck are you doing? I don't want to.
Starting point is 00:11:32 That's $100. I'm taking new faces, bro. Yeah. Folks, that's $100. Yeah, that's $100. There's a $200, too. Folks. That's my favorite thing you do.
Starting point is 00:11:41 The folks joke? Folks. I don't really do much. Well, tell like a stupid joke. And then to end it, you just, folks, let me hear one. Let me hear one. I know you got one loaded. The one I used to do on stage, I would do it.
Starting point is 00:11:58 You know Blake Wexler? Yeah. All right, I have a funny Blake Wexler thing that relates to this, but I would find a fat guy. Like, hey, buddy, you could be a runway model at LAX, you know, because you're fat and you get it. And then I'd go, folks, you know? And then I'd find a lady with huge tits.
Starting point is 00:12:21 And I'd go, lady, is that a boob job? Looks like your doctor was working overtime. Listen, folks. It was bad on purpose. Listen, folks, it's great. But I did that show that Blake Wexler had. And I did the runway. And dude, it like bombed.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Like they didn't get the irony of it or anything. The guy just thought I was being mean. Yeah. And I got off stage and Blake Wexler was laughing so hard. He goes, my favorite part of the show is when you call that guy a fat pig. Yeah, they don't like fat talking anymore. That was real.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Wow, you're like, you said that like you hate Blake. I love Blake. I was just going to start. I was just going to start complimenting Blake. And then I was like, that's kind of fucking gay of me. He's shooting a special this weekend. Oh, really? Yeah, Cleveland.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Yeah. Blake's the man. I ran into him on the way into the NFC championship game in Philly. He's the man, dude. He's like the nicest. He's funny as shit, too. He really makes me fucking laugh.
Starting point is 00:13:17 He's still working with Todd Glass a lot. Todd Glass posts the funniest fucking social media shit. Todd's so funny, man. What's he do? He posts like weird videos where he's like the Uber driver and somebody else is filming. He's like, our Uber driver is crazy. And he's just up there ranting.
Starting point is 00:13:30 He's so good at like actually being that guy. Todd's the best guy ever. He's got a little Mel Gibson in him. Todd Glass is a little Mel. You know what I'm saying? Speaking of Mel, dude. I just watched Braveheart this week. Let's talk about Todd Glass bits first.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Now, hold on. Let's talk about Mel. Let's talk about Braveheart, dude. Yeah, Gibson. Come on. That's how you get the ticket. Oh, yeah, he's got movie takes. He's a big movie snob.
Starting point is 00:13:49 A bit of a scene file. I'm not a snob at all. You're a bit of a scene file. A bit of a scene file. Foo-dee. You're a bit of a scene file. Your Twitter file should be foo-dee slash scene file. Foo-dee.
Starting point is 00:13:59 You shouldn't be comedian? Well, then, obviously. Yeah, now you have a point. I'm sorry. What about a Feeba file? Wait, what do you want? You want a Feeba file? What's a Feeba file?
Starting point is 00:14:12 A Feeba file is like a cool pedophile. It's like the guys who are only like 16, 17. Yeah. Beasts. I used to say Delia. You know, folks? There you go. That's a good one, sir.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Yeah, yeah. What do you think about Mel Gibson? I'm a fan. All right. I mean, I'd never slip up about one. He had to slip up. We all know he's talking about daddy's home, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Wasn't that like his first one back? It was like daddy's home. Now, his first one back was The Beavers. The Beavers with Jody Foster directed it. I've never even heard of it. What did he do? What was the movie about? It was a movie about a guy who had a mental,
Starting point is 00:14:52 like he was in therapy and he started to carry a puppet around of a beaver. I think that he would like speak through. What? That was his first one back? Yeah, it was like an art house kind of thing that Jody Foster did. And but she, I mean, dude, and dude, he did that like.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I'm talking like. Right after she. I was like, damn, Jody Foster's a G. Like she stepped right in like a month later. It was like, I'm going to get you back on your feet. I mean, you know, like I was like, God damn. He paid the ticket yet for what he called the cop of Jew or whatever the fuck he says.
Starting point is 00:15:26 He got busted for everything. I think he's got like, he just nuked everything so hard that it was like, just let him right back in. It's so it was, he did everything. He had every button you could possibly. You know what I saw last night or yesterday that was a Ray Liotta's final movie, Cocaine Bear. Oh, was it good?
Starting point is 00:15:45 No. I heard it was like kind of fun and crazy. It's not. It's kind of fun and crazy, but also it's bad. It's got a lot, like half the jokes are like, if a little kid says fuck, it bothers me so much. I saw it in theater and there were people howling laughing, which actually made me start to laugh
Starting point is 00:16:02 because this one lady got, she got the giggles. She couldn't stop laughing. And then I started, I was like, first I was like, fucking retards think this is funny. Then she kept laughing. I was like, fuck it. That's pretty funny. She's funny.
Starting point is 00:16:14 The whole movie's, it's crud. How's Liotta in it? He's actually pretty good, but it's a bummer that that's his. But I mean, I feel like Liotta. This is his last movie. Liotta was on a good way to go though. He gets fucking killed by a bear.
Starting point is 00:16:29 He was on auto sweet. Like I feel like the last 10 years he was really on auto pilot. Yeah, he was doing fucking. Yeah. Like, oh, what am I doing? Playing a crazy cocaine? Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:38 You know, like every movie. Yeah, what did he do besides good fellows? I don't even know what movies he was in. He's in shitloads. Really? What is the field of dreams? What? He's in field of dreams.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Small part. Briefly, yeah. He's a great acting cop land. He's a great act. Something wild was his big breakthrough. Yeah. Jonathan Demi movie. He's great.
Starting point is 00:16:56 He's great. He was a great actor. And he was great at playing a guy that like an intense, he played Sinatra in the rat pack. He was awesome. What? He's a great actor.
Starting point is 00:17:05 But then this last 10 years, I felt like he just was like, fuck it, man. I'm working. I'm not going to question it. Chantix. Samuel Jackson. Yeah. Like it's like they bring Samuel Jackson
Starting point is 00:17:15 into be Samuel Jackson now. You know what I mean? What do you think about? Frank Sinatra. Like I'm love him. Love him. He's overrated. Really?
Starting point is 00:17:23 First concert ever saw was Frank Sinatra. Really? I have a non-popular take on Frank Sinatra. Glorified karaoke singer. That's what I think. Wops on. You gotta watch out. What is that based in?
Starting point is 00:17:35 It's just the way I hear it. I could do, I could literally do all of this. That's probably better. No, this is what... I've heard this opinion before. And I want to congratulate you for being on the intelligence level
Starting point is 00:17:47 of a big J. O'Kersen. Who's the other person that expressed this to me? That crooning was easy and anybody could do it. Dude, if you're into Italian wedding, every Italian dad croons at their daughter's wedding. You cure false. They croon to say goodbye. They say they know their baby girl's gonna be a fucking...
Starting point is 00:18:04 I will tell you this. She's gonna get plugged tonight, so I gotta sing. It's like that take on, that take on. I would croon if a guy picked up, if a guy came to my house to pick up one of my sisters to go on a date, I would croon. I was younger, I was six years younger,
Starting point is 00:18:16 but I would so croon. That's fine. Tonight is the night. That's funny. You're gonna finger my sister. Did she get mad? Oh, they get mad. Especially the black ones.
Starting point is 00:18:26 Hey. Yeah. Me and my dad would croon. That's so funny. She's all black, I come to pick up my sister. Yeah, you know. That's so funny. No one called the cops on that Denali.
Starting point is 00:18:41 There's a Denali in this town. That's so funny. I was first talking. But that take on crooning, let me bring it back down. Take it back down. I like to take podcasts, I like to go on podcasts that are jovial and laughter-filled and talk serious. For sure.
Starting point is 00:19:00 I derailed, hey, babe. Talked about depression for 45 minutes. What you gotta do. Anyway, but no, that take on crooning is this, I understand why people say it, but it's like saying, BB King is talentless. I could play a blues riff and it's like, well, you could,
Starting point is 00:19:21 but you couldn't play it. Yeah, most people can't play. You could come out of the Pentatonic Minor. Most people can play it. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I think if you watched blues music and you watched traditional blues music. For sure.
Starting point is 00:19:37 Outside of the guitar solos, you would go, an amateur person would go, I could do that. 40 times better than Frank. Punk rock, they would say it about, you know. No, you gotta have. Oh, it's three chords, it's this, that. So not sure, dude, the emotion, the.
Starting point is 00:19:51 There's no emotion. You're right, you're right. You're really right. I just agree. I just don't know what you're talking about. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Towards the end? No.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Dude, I'll say this too, I thought Elvis sucked forever. And then I saw that last, his fat fucking, fat singing. It's amazing. Have you seen your fat singing? Yeah, it's amazing. Dude, we might need to pause this, watch some fat Elvis.
Starting point is 00:20:08 I was a fat Elvis. Dude, that thing. It's unbelievably good. What's the song he's saying that's. That Unchained Melody thing. Unchained Melody. At the end of the movie, I was crying my fucking eyes out. You watched the whole movie?
Starting point is 00:20:17 I watched it with my parents. I had to hide that I was crying the whole time. That movie sucked dick, dude. It was awesome. That movie was awesome. So what do you, do you think, what do you think is better, Frank Sinatra or Enya?
Starting point is 00:20:28 I can't speak to Enya. I don't know anything. Enya is an Irish, that's real Irish musician. No, I don't know who she is. I just don't know. She's literally worth more than Chris Martin from Coldplay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:37 She lives in a castle next to Bono. Okay. That's feeling in that movie. I've never felt, I listen to Frank Sinatra, I don't feel anything, man. I listen to like, what the hell is this old fucking dumb ass
Starting point is 00:20:46 rattling on the back? He's an old dumb wop, dude. Enya is ethereal, dude. Enya is so good. Dude. Enya I cried at, at the end of Enya. Oh, beautiful.
Starting point is 00:20:56 No you didn't. Shut up. Dude, she's one of the most, she's one of the richest UK recorders. That must mean she's good. I mean, dude, she doesn't tour at all. She doesn't tour at all. Why do you know so much about Enya?
Starting point is 00:21:09 He fucking queef. She's so good, dude. Point to Rosa. Unfortunately, point to Rosa. I just researched this yesterday on YouTube. I literally just, I just researched this yesterday. I was curious about Enya.
Starting point is 00:21:23 You always hear so much about Enya. My dad got into new age music while I was younger and he was into, he loved Enya and he bought the single for that. What was that band's sadness part one? Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It was like that. I liked that.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Keep going. That instrumental song. No, you remember that song? It was called Sadness Part. Can somebody Google it? The song Sadness Part One. I forget. Enigma I think was the name of the band.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Ooh. That sounds really, really good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my dad got in excess for a while. I kind of enjoyed that. Enigma? Yeah. And it was like,
Starting point is 00:21:54 it was kind of like when, it was like when a member went back to life, came out soul to soul, back to life, back to reality. There was like that phase of music in the very early 90s, where it was like instrumental, but it was sort of got,
Starting point is 00:22:10 the song still got big. Yeah, it was that song, that album I was talking about, that I was listening to. What was that gay album I found? Whatever, it was just early 90s. Late, yeah. All those gay songs, I liked them.
Starting point is 00:22:23 Yeah? Anyway, I thought somebody would remember what it was I couldn't. What's on your hat, man? It's our cool logo. Branding. So-tetch? Yep.
Starting point is 00:22:33 What's that say? So-tetch. No, seriously, what's it say? Sod? I can't see what it says. What does it say? What's that? What is the word on your hat?
Starting point is 00:22:48 What's that say? You don't think I can get out of this? No, I feel like I tanked the vibe. It's not your comment, I was just messing around. No, I don't think this tank is the best. I've been going around saying Prince sucks. Wait, what does his hat say?
Starting point is 00:23:02 So-tetch. Don't tell him, don't tell him ever. God damn it. So-tetch. So-tetch? So-tetch. So-tetch, it's our company. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:23:09 It's our LLC. So-tetch. Where'd you get that shirt from, dude? I bought it off the internet. All right, cardigan, you fucking pussy. Clear glasses, cardigans, dude. You better watch, dude. Chucks, cool socks, shut up.
Starting point is 00:23:20 I'll beat you up in your apartment. You literally look like a fucking, you look like a third grade teacher. Whoa, what were you just gonna say, dude? Nothing? No, dude, what were you just gonna say? That's for real. My third grade teacher's outfit.
Starting point is 00:23:35 She was a woman. She was a dumb woman. Do you think I won't slap you on your own couch? I'd love to beat the fuck out of you. It's gotta come to blows. How do you do this? It's gotta come to blows. You're so nasty.
Starting point is 00:23:48 It's gotta come to blows. Every time, and then he'll call me tomorrow. Call me tomorrow, dude. Dude, when you said you were gonna beat me up, that actually wasn't cool. No, I would not say that. And you always say that because Soder said I would say that. That's not true.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I've had how many of those phone calls with you? No, I never. Where I go, my bad, I went too hard. Oh, well. You were right, my bad. I didn't say when you said you were gonna beat me up. Of course not that, I was exactly right. You had a couple times where you got like a little too.
Starting point is 00:24:14 I get it. But it was like coming from a place of hurt in you. Yeah, probably. Which was interesting. It wasn't anger, it was like you would get hurt and then like keep pushing buttons. Or is that just the real superpower? You know?
Starting point is 00:24:26 Maybe. But you would tell me after, I don't think it's TMI, you'd tell me after, you'd be like, you know what dude, I just thought like, we were like boys, dude. And you like, we talked on the phone yesterday. And you show up, you don't even say hi to me. You said that to me about over a minute.
Starting point is 00:24:40 That's exactly what you do. That's crazy. No, you do it too. No, I go, my bad, you were hurt. I didn't know you were actually hurt. No, no, no, but you got mad at me at Ari's picnic because I didn't say hi to you when I walked in. You were mad at me about that.
Starting point is 00:24:55 It was also the same time you got mad at us. Dude, that's awesome. That's a lot. That's a lot. You just pearl armored him, dude. It's about to be a topic. Here it comes. No, that's also the night you got in the fight.
Starting point is 00:25:05 What's his name? Was your most pushy off the roof. Oh, me and Connor got in a battle. Yeah, you were in a space that. Why is it gotta be like this? No, no, I was. I'll give you the credit that I did. I was fucking with you too much.
Starting point is 00:25:17 You were like, we were sitting outside. It was like sunny, you were on that small thing and I kept fucking with you. And you were like, dude, enough. And I was like, all right. Cause I was like, I just want to hang out and have fun today. I know, I know.
Starting point is 00:25:26 I said sorry two years ago when that happened. I'm not mad about it. You're a lady, dude. I ain't mad about it. God. I'm not mad about it. You're telling me, between the two of us, when we talk shit, I'm not the one always calling
Starting point is 00:25:40 to say sorry. What do you mean always? I feel like we had this phone call two times. Once you called me and said, dude, I was being too much. And then there was another time I probably called you and said the same thing. All right, well, it's not a big deal. We had a very, but in all fairness to both of us,
Starting point is 00:25:56 in all fairness to both of us, we had a very, we had a weirdly contentious period. Yeah. Where like when we would meet up. Two Alphas. When we were ready to be like, in fact, when we both did, we might be drunk last. I remember you were like,
Starting point is 00:26:12 you're going to be like this today, dude. I say it every time. I say it every time. I go, let's not do it. It's two Alphas, dude. I'd rather not do it. But you want me. And there's one, then there's one.
Starting point is 00:26:22 You hit me with one. I go, all right, he did it. Everybody saw it. That was the first one. You asked me to do it today though. Well, today I'm having fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today we're good.
Starting point is 00:26:30 But if you do cross the line, I'll put you down. Yeah. I feel like you guys want a connection. It's like, who was that old writer that said like humans are like porcupines in a cold night and they just want to get close to each other but there's spikes. Just fucking.
Starting point is 00:26:40 All I heard was porcupine. That's all fucking limits, dude. I know. I know, dude. Go on. I was trying to wide you over the way over, dude. No, you couldn't. I know.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Cause he said he would pay for my Ubers and I texted him and I go, I'm in the Uber. Have my fucking Uber money ready when I get there. I said screenshot the receipt. Yeah. I was like, come on, dude. And he's like, I know you want me to buy it but I'm not doing it.
Starting point is 00:27:05 I'm not going to fight you. He wouldn't jump. No fighting, yeah, no fighting. We were having a nice discussion. Yeah, no, no. I would just fuck her up. Hold on. Tell me if I'm wrong on this.
Starting point is 00:27:11 Yeah. Prince sucks. No, that's. Overrated. Prince is overrated. No, that's an insane. It's insane. Arguably the most talented musician that ever lived.
Starting point is 00:27:21 That's what I keep hearing. And then I watch a song and I go, who's this? If you watch one of his performances, I didn't know he shred. I just didn't think anything of him. I saw him shred. I don't totally care about shredding. He can sing, like he can hit these notes that are like.
Starting point is 00:27:34 He's a total package. I haven't watched enough. Total package. And I keep saying, could somebody help me? He also knows. Everybody keeps telling me I'm wrong. All I'm looking for is one person to go. Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:27:43 I'll tell you this, buddy. No, he's nice. I'll tell you this with Prince. So Prince, like, you know, first of all, excuse me, first of all, any guy that can put out like a double album of greatest hits and you know every song, like that's an impressive record. But I'll say this with Prince, he's such an artist.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Like he's a guy that gets way up his own ass and he'll put out full records of things where you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, I couldn't, that's another thing. I couldn't name like four songs. Yeah, you know, I'm with you there. I don't know a lot of his songs, but I saw him perform one time and went, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:28:17 He was on TV and I went, damn, this guy's nasty. He was nasty. I'll tell you who's kind of, and I respect the hell out of her, I really do, but. Celine Dion? True. No, she's sick, man. Don't make fun of Celine.
Starting point is 00:28:32 Yeah, she's. I feel bad for her. She's sick. Yeah, she's got like. She's getting stiff. She's, yeah, it sounds horrible. Like it's a really rare thing. It's like living statue disease or something.
Starting point is 00:28:41 It's horrible. I swear to God, that's what it's called. Is it affecting her organs? No, just her whole, but she's going to stop. So her heart's going to go on. Yeah, I think. Shit. Damn, dude.
Starting point is 00:28:53 I didn't even catch that. Folks. She's just a disease where one day she's going to go and stop in one pose. And that's that. Oh, her body. It's a disease called stiff person syndrome. Yep.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Yo, I think I had, I think I had that this morning, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bump it, bump it. We're talking dicks. We're talking boners. Matt's talking boners. I love boner. Speaking of boners, you were, you were.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Who's the. What? I was what? I don't want to start. No, we're having a nice time. Who's the five? You stand by. No, I was going to say, like I've always been a little underwhelmed with and I respect her so much, but I've always
Starting point is 00:29:39 been a little underwhelmed with Madonna live. Dude, don't get me started on Madonna. Shit right now. You don't like Madonna. I don't like what she's trying to like do or we are doing her. She has to be hot now. She's 60. Dude, leave her alone.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Yeah. She's 60. She's a rich 60 year old. It was like when I saw the fucking Rolling Stones. True. Mick's still up there shucking and driving, trying to be sexy. It's kind of like, dude. That's my controversial one.
Starting point is 00:30:04 What? You know, I hate the Rolling Stones. That's a fair one. Like I find it. I find them grating and I hate them and the Beatles, too. I find the Beatles like annoying. No, the Beatles are good. I wanted to be an antagonist.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I do have two Beatles albums. I would never own a Stones album. I don't think there are two Beatles records. I like what, dude? Go ahead and say it, dude. Say it. Wait, so you don't like Madonna that much? No, this is you're doing it without doing it.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah, just do it. No, I'm not going to say it. It'll be too mean. I'll devastate you. What? You'd be so mad, dude. What's it about? You'd go full mad.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Just tell me category. Tell me the category. Nothing. Sexual impropriety. So you like Madonna more than the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. I wouldn't say actually, yeah, I would listen to a Madonna greatest hits before I'd listen to a Beatles or Rolling Stones. That's a fucking crazy take.
Starting point is 00:30:59 That's nuts. It's not me saying I think they're bad. Yeah, I just don't like the music. Like I find the Rolling Stones to just be. I don't I can't put my finger on it. I just find it irritating. Different dumbasses. And also, I'm just here for more.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Yeah, for cucks, you know, and the Beatles, if I just hear one more fucking guy in his 50s, be like, fucking John Lennon, man, it's like, shut the fuck up, discover a new band. They didn't do it first. The fucking Beach Boys did it first. They did it more interestingly. The Beatles were great at what they did. But it's like saying and I love Nirvana, but it's like saying Nirvana
Starting point is 00:31:44 created the thing. They didn't create the thing. Sonic Youth and the Melvins. There were other bands doing it before Nirvana. But Nirvana did it in a formula that caught and then killed themselves. And I think they would I think they would even admit to that. Yeah, like the Beatles. It's just like this and it's weird. I love fucking Paul McCartney's solo stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:02 See, I'm the opposite. I'm a Lenin guy. I think Lenin is garbage. And I do think he's way overrated. Lenin apps of fucking Lutley whole band was fucking. I think his solo stuff is is so fucking boring. Well, he made a wrong turn with the life in the band. Oh, my God. His millionaire bullshit. I'm going to lay in a bed with my billion dollars and fight world hunger.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Where the fuck he did. I do the exact same thing. I lay in bed for like five days at a time. That's my favorite joke at office space. There he goes. What would you do if you had a billion dollars? I'd do nothing. I'd sit on my ass. All day. Well, damn, my cousin's broke.
Starting point is 00:32:45 He don't do shit. You don't need a million dollars to do that. What a hit. What a smash hit movie. The movie is awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see the documentary with the Beatles? Which one? The one that came out. It was like the one that just 40 hours. Yeah. How was it?
Starting point is 00:33:00 Everyone swears by it. Shines light on McCartney. McCartney was a bit of a I mean, he was kind of the driving force of the band. So I'm right. It's so obvious. When you hear his solo shit, you're like, this guy like knows his way around music. Like, yeah, he fucks with different genres.
Starting point is 00:33:15 Like, he's got stuff that's like almost. He's got stuff on McCartney, too, that almost sounds like ween and shit like that. I'm like, this guy was like, that's what I want. You know, it's more ween. Yeah. Like, you like ween. Christ, you took us when we did. We did a show with him.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Christ, you're. No, no, no. He took I was going to make fun of him. But all right. Oh, no, no, good. I love Christ. He's going to make fun of us to Wilco. Wilco. So they were the next night at the venue we did. And he was like, this is my favorite band.
Starting point is 00:33:45 We're going to stay next to day. I was like, all right, I've never seen one. And you know, they started playing. I never saw them. They started playing. And I was just like, no way. We just sit through a whole Wilco concert. Yeah, dude, you like Wilco.
Starting point is 00:34:00 I like some of their songs, but I couldn't sit. He's got his leg ready to repel you. No, it's it's like, it would be like going to see Dave Matthews band. I'd be like, I would have loved to have seen D. I would be like, all right, it's marching. I'm good.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Let's get out of here. Like, but I'm like, I don't want to sit through the jam. But also, I never heard one Wilco song. That's the finger break. But there was nothing that's fucking Burt's favorite band that it just doesn't fit his personality. Yeah, you think it'd be like Van Halen. Yeah, that's a perfect call.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Actually, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like Motley Crue. But it was very funny because he was into it. So I'm just sitting there like, oh, God, dude, you. You got to sit there. But I couldn't be there. I couldn't be mean because he was genuinely happy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:41 You should have any. He also gifted you this wonderful experience. Yeah, you had to be like, this is great. Where did you sit? Was it? Weren't they at Red Rocks? It was at Red Rocks. It probably was a decent kind.
Starting point is 00:34:50 I saw them open up for Neil Young. I didn't know they were. And it still was like this. Really? This is it was just a sea of fucking middle aged white dudes. See, that'll do it in fucking like Patagonia. You're going to go.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Everyone just you're in Mumford trying to dance. That'll hurt like on mushrooms. You'd turn around and look up. There'd be a wall of white dudes going. That's like Mumford's and Sun's white. Yeah. That's my friend. And that's why. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:18 You know what I mean? Mumford and Sun's rules. I can't stand them. But they're but my point is you're in the level. I like their politics. What are their politics? I don't know. You got in trouble for some.
Starting point is 00:35:27 The one guy got kicked out of the band. Did he really? Because he kept it real. They kept it 100. Got the 100. What are some of the other whitest bands? Wilco, Mumford and Sun's Copa.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Yeah, Copa. Copa has got the universal appeal, though. Copa is a little bit different because it's like. Like you can get a game. I mean, like the whiteest bands. I'll give you a great one. I got like death metal. Yeah. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:35:49 But but that's not what I mean. I mean, like there's something like David Burns, another one of these, like there's David. Like like there's there's white musicians. McDonald, that white Michael McDonough, that wealthy white liberal people love, like think they're still hip for like. Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Wilco is definitely. Wilco. Dave Matthews is definitely that. Matthews rules. You know, Dave Matthews is swag. Going to a Dave Matthews concert when you're like 10th grade. I never got to go.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Oh, yeah, I never got to go. Yeah, when there was only two albums before it all sucked. Yeah, I would have thought that I didn't care about the music. It was just the first time I ever got to like sneak a water bottle of vodka. Yeah, I think. Smoke Bowl Park.
Starting point is 00:36:27 He seems like the man. Honestly, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a thing about hunger. That's the one thing I the only time I saw him talk is when he was saying, man, we're starving. And he had all these like African musicians with him. And he went, I guess I'm using that word wrong. I shouldn't use the word starving like that.
Starting point is 00:36:43 And then I take it all back. And he wrote that song too much. I drink too much. Smoke too much. Because you went, man, I'm starving. There was like African bass players. He went, that's a great song. Yeah, I always think I want to listen to Dave Matthews.
Starting point is 00:36:57 And then I listened to it for one song. I'm like, fuck, this sucks. I'm always like, Dave, I remember how much that was. Fucking good song. I used to love that song. OAR was one when I was young. Santa night in the sky. OAR was.
Starting point is 00:37:14 That was like a spin off Dave Matthews. Fucking dashboard confessional. I didn't ever get out to where I was gay. Dude, dashboard was the gayest. Fuck, that dude with his acoustic guitar. Playing like songs that are supposed to be electric, but they're not. Yeah, that's sucked.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Wait, what was there? I was a young man tapped into my wild emotions. There's one day, I still love. It's the first song on the second album. What's the second album called? I don't know about crash under the second. I was called crash. Is it the second album is called crash.
Starting point is 00:37:46 The first song on it. Do you know who do you know? You can do it. I'll get it. I don't know. It's called a too much to say too much. Yeah, that song is awesome. It's a good one.
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Starting point is 00:38:17 If you hate taking pills, this once a day drink is perfect. How does AGI one make me feel? I think it does make me feel good. I drink it. I go, I'm done for the day. It makes me feel like I'm taking pills, actually. Yeah, it makes me feel fucked up. I take it and I go mission accomplished.
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Starting point is 00:39:51 Buyers must be 21 or older. That's Hamilton Devices.com code drenched 15 for 15% off. Thank you, Matt. Now let's get back to the show. Let's get back to the show. Joe, how do you feel about comedy? We'll both do Rex MD at the same time. All right.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Yeah, are you ready? Yep. Picture it. You met a honey. Brought her home. Brought her home. And now things just aren't happening. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:41:35 Fantastic, dude. Please come to my show at the stand March 1, Wednesday this coming week. Thank you. Goodbye, this is Sean Gardini. Still rules. You can get pussy at a Dave Matthews man concert, so. Dude, hairy unkept pussy.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Yeah, now it is. You knew it was the best of the best. Back in the day, it was the finest. The finest sauce. The weed smoking sauce. The pussy for the pussy group fuckers. It was when hippies were hot. It was like when there was a version of hippie that was hot.
Starting point is 00:41:59 Yeah. Dude, I still have it in me. I hate hippies. I'm watching that fucking. It's in there. Yeah. I don't know where it came from. It's instilled.
Starting point is 00:42:06 I'm watching the Vietnam Ken Burns thing. You can't stand them. Any time they show the hippies, I'm like, these fucking dickheads. By the way, they're completely right. They're like, this war is wrong. They're totally right. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:42:16 There's guys over there dying. But they had their own problems, though. Then they went to these communes and like molested each other. Yeah. But it's the same reason why you hate most. We hate most hipsters. It's like it's the same thing. It's like the right concept and it's executed
Starting point is 00:42:31 in entirely the wrong way and it's annoying and bratty and it's kids whose parents are paying for them to have the privilege to go sit. It's the it's the epitome of white privilege. And yet it's the mouth, the main mouthpiece against white privilege. Yeah. And it's just so insane and hypocritical.
Starting point is 00:42:47 It's hard to it's hard to stomach, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's too much. Too much. We love you, Dave. I changed my mind. I'm sorry I said it all sucked after the second. I did.
Starting point is 00:43:01 I like some hits and prints, dude. Significantly. I also still like check the billboards. I mean, I don't know enough of Prince's music. I really don't. I got some dread. But again, it only takes one song. I thought Elvis sucked dick.
Starting point is 00:43:14 And I watched on chain. Fat Elvis on chain. Hell dogs. Nice. Hell dogs. Fucking nice. You guys first know this album is awesome. The very first one.
Starting point is 00:43:21 I don't know. Self titled. That album is awesome. What about Lil Red Corvette? Raspberry Bray. Exactly. Come on, dude. What's all that, Prince?
Starting point is 00:43:28 Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Prince is last. Sing Raspberry Bray. Raspberry Bray. Banana. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:36 She's something so good. The kind you find at a second ham store. It's a bad man. Sounds like shit. The song is awesome. Truly. Check top 100. We'll check top 100 is DMV versus Prince.
Starting point is 00:43:49 We'll settle it all. Top 100 is going to be tough for DMV, I think. Really? Fucking ants marching. Oh, dude. Dave Matthews is. Crash. Prince, were you nuts?
Starting point is 00:43:56 We'll see, I guess. After the third album. No, I like the one Prince song from Batman. What song was that? Oh, Bat Dance. That shit rules whatever that was. When the Joker, when Jack Nagelson comes in. That's Bat Dance.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Awesome. That fucking rules. I'll give him that. There's some guys that have some hits in movies. Fucking vanilla ice and Ninja Turtles. Dude, go Ninja Joe. What a fucking jam, dude. I remember being a kid just.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah, dude. How bad did you want to do the fucking Michelangelo to dance on your shell? I remember I was so mad. I got trying that in the basement. I was so mad at Ninja Turtles, too. Yeah. For two reasons.
Starting point is 00:44:33 I loved the first. Is that the one that came out recently? No, no, no. Like the one that had the Ninja wrap or whatever. How old were you when this came out? 12. And you were still a little, you were a critical, you were a critic back then.
Starting point is 00:44:45 You were a punk. No, because I love. I love the first one. For sure. And I loved Turtle Power, the rap song. Yeah. And then the second one came out and the second one looked so shitty, even in the trailers as a kid.
Starting point is 00:44:59 I was like, this looks terrible. And then the rap song was vanilla ice. It was like downslide vanilla ice. Go Ninja, go Ninja. I was so mad. That was his comeback. That was a fucking great song. That was his fucking comeback.
Starting point is 00:45:11 You can't take that away. He went out on a fucking grand slam home run. Everyone's driving a lot. You all right, ice. You did it. Yeah, you did it. Now he was a wrap game. I'm never gonna be the same guy.
Starting point is 00:45:20 She was a go Ninja, go Ninja, go. He was on the outs at that point. Dude, OK, you just imagine you just had five slices of pizza and like a two liter of Pepsi. He was at, you know, where he was at that point, he was at MC Hammer to legit to quit awesome song. It's about to go. It's not, it's not happening.
Starting point is 00:45:36 I missed MC. I missed hammer. What's the cut? What's the math? All right, DMB has seven number one albums and Prince has eight. Whoa, it's it's pretty much close to DMB's white Prince. DMB is white Prince.
Starting point is 00:45:47 He settled it, dude. He's a sex animal. Now, fucking John Mayer is white Prince. Yeah. Everyone's like, he's actually really good at guitar. Yes, you don't understand. I'm more of a music guy. He shreds.
Starting point is 00:45:57 You love his comedy, right? I've never seen it. You love his stand up. I like that he's involved in the community. You do? I love when guys like that get involved in the community. Is John Mayer involved in the industry? He does.
Starting point is 00:46:08 I don't know the comedy. No, he does because he was doing stuff with Chappelle, wasn't he? Well, that was a while. I think a long time. I remember his comedy being like weirdly good for a guy. Yeah, that shouldn't. Well, yeah, that shreds.
Starting point is 00:46:19 Yeah, yeah, he does try. He really is an amazing guitarist. That's what everyone says. He plays in the Grateful Dead. He was like, he like. I know I've heard he's great. I've heard Prince is the best. I want to hate him.
Starting point is 00:46:28 I heard he was like a big dick. The dead's a band I can't. What, Grateful Dead? I've tried so many times the Grateful Dead. I just can't get into it. That's fair. Yeah. Fish.
Starting point is 00:46:37 Square. Oh. Yeah. What did you say? It's really kind of a square. True. You have a bit of a square. Fish does stink.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Fish stinks. Grateful Dead, they have their song. They have their hits, dude. You got to give them their hits and get away from all the crap. I don't even know what the hits. I know Truckin. Truckin, I know. Oh, I like that song.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Casey Jones. Isn't that the Grateful Dead? Can I get Sunflower? Casey Jones. Casey Jones is good. Who was the one in the 80s that came out? Touch of Gray. Touch of Gray.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Yeah, I like Touch of Gray. Classic hit. Yeah. That's never a good sign. What's that one song in the entire decade? That was, to be fair, that was their decline. And they came out with a mega hit. And it was like, everyone's right.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Exactly. Like Vanilla Ice. Exactly. Like Two Lugits a Quid was so nice. That song sucks. Two Lugits a Quid, Two Lugits a Quid, Two Lugits a Quid. That album sucks. Did you buy the MC Hammer second album?
Starting point is 00:47:24 I got it for Christmas for my cousin. And I was like, well, it's better than I got it for Christmas for my cousin. You're funny. You're a funny guy. You got a problem with how I talk? 00:47:35,460 --> 00:47:36,940 You're a funny guy.
Starting point is 00:47:36 You got it from before it comes. I like the way you talk. It makes me laugh. I like the way you talk. This is a very musical episode. This is a musical podcast. So you got it for as a gift or you were gifted? No, he gave it to me.
Starting point is 00:47:48 And I was like, this is better than some shitty sweater I would never wear. For sure. And I listened to it once. And I was like, this sucks, man. It just sucks. Really? That album.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Any, literally any album I got, I was like, this is the best album of all time. Yeah. Every single CD I ever got. I was already heavy in there. When I was a kid, I had an aqua. I was like, every song is a hit. Barbie girl Barbie girl Barbie girl in the Barbie world.
Starting point is 00:48:11 They were ahead of their time. They're older sisters. I had no child at music. Man, that's a bummer, dude. Yeah, it sucked. They were ahead of their time to be fair. Aqua, Aqua came out now. I was so sick.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Shit. They had billionaires in Korea. Chubba Wamba. Chubba Wamba. That stands up. One another smash hit album. Two one hit wonders. And I was listening to the full album.
Starting point is 00:48:30 They were like, yeah, my favorite song is not Barbie girl. It's the fuck. They were huge. They were going on there that was so nice. I forget. There was one on there that I loved. I stand by the Vangabos.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Vangabos is coming. This is a good song. What was their song? Vangabos is coming. Vangabos is coming. I like that song. Song rules. Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Remember that? Barbie girl still holds up. Dude, for sure. You're crazy if you don't like Barbie girl. There was Barbie girl and they did have that other hit. There was one other one that I was like, this is good. Did you like Cotton High Joe? Obviously, dude.
Starting point is 00:48:57 I was in like fourth grade. You tell me again. Matt's exactly right. Couple pizzas, some fucking two liters are flowing. You're at a basketball court. You're sprinting. You've never been this high on sugar. You're running in swishy pants.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Sliding, sliding on the floor. You're kind of hard. What was that other hit? Dr. Jones. What? I'm a lot of them. I don't remember that song. Thanks, Sean.
Starting point is 00:49:26 I think Lollipop was the one I liked. I used to turn me on, dude. I bet there's parts of the world where awkward is still very popular. Yeah, like Eastern Europe, probably. Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude. Where are they from?
Starting point is 00:49:42 Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I was going to say, they're probably. They're fucking foreign freaks. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. Fifth grade. You just starting to get into babes.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Dude, it's just. I am the candy man. Yeah, this was a song. It's so fucking. Candy man. Come in from bounty later. This song is on your rule. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Dude, you got to give it up. You know it. Yeah. You know it. Yeah, I remember this one. And you know it. That's a fucking. I knew that other song I fucked with heavily.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah, Candy Man. That crushes Sinatra's fucking gay Wappas. Oh, insane. Insane. I've done it all. I am. You said gay and Wappas. Two derogatory terms.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Well, they're interchangeable. Yeah. All right. Now you're getting dunked on, dude. Welcome to the podcast. Right. I just thought you would have learned your lesson by now. He's in words like that.
Starting point is 00:50:46 I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Fuck you. I don't want to do this. Don't put much over me then.
Starting point is 00:50:54 I won't be again. I promise. All right. I promise we won't fuck it. Guys, let's get serious for one second. Shut up about music. People listen to this podcast to hear fun stories. Do you have any food, dude?
Starting point is 00:51:07 Against all odds, no. You're never going to believe this. No. You saw me trying to microwave some pesto chicken for breakfast. That was rough, dude. That was a rough one. Dude, microwave broke. I've never seen that in my life.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Microwave broke? Put it in for two minutes. It came out ice cold. Who broke it? Was there a tiny little mushroom cloud in the middle of it? Yeah. She somehow broke the microwave. Dude, man.
Starting point is 00:51:30 She's doing the opposite of what a girlfriend's supposed to do. She's supposed to be making things with that microwave. Yeah. She's breaking that microwave? Break it for good. I hate microwaves. So that happens after you let women vote. And now they fucking breaking the microwave.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Don't get me started. Don't get me started. Don't get a start on women's suffrage. It's not too late to turn it back. We can turn it back. You ran the experiment. I am the candy man. That's so good.
Starting point is 00:51:53 I kind of was into that. Of course you were into it. It was intense. It was. Yeah. It was amazing. You just got a fucking, you got a six pack of surge. Your parents go, you guys can each have one.
Starting point is 00:52:04 You and your friends steal five surges. I was told for surge when it came out. Dude, I mean, to be fair, do you think that January 6 would have happened if we never let women vote? I think it's, I blame surge for January 6. It was a lot of surge brains. Boys got touched by surge early. I wasn't allowed.
Starting point is 00:52:23 When I was little, well, you probably remember this because I think it was more of an east coast but jolt was the big thing. Yeah. That was forbidden fruit. And they wouldn't, like my mom, like I was forbidden to have. Exactly right. We would walk to the pizza place and we would go get that by ourselves. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:38 It was wild. They bragged twice the sugar, twice the caffeine. They bragged about it. Yeah. And it ruled. Give it to a fucking 12 year old. When I finally did have it, it tasted like shit. Dude, we would chug those.
Starting point is 00:52:50 It was so gross. We used to chug those and go into the woods and like smoke cigarettes and it was just the best. Roll up pieces of paper and smoke. Yeah, dude. We just smoked sugar packets. Did you guys grow up together? No.
Starting point is 00:53:01 No, but similarly. Similar lifestyles. Yeah. Smoking shit in the woods. Smoking cool shit in the woods. Smoking each other's fucking pipe. Yo, dude. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:53:09 We didn't do that kind of shit in the woods. We looked at porn and shit. Dude, we looked at porn. Yeah. Yeah. Go get boners together. Yes. Put the porn together, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:17 If I could look at condoms and look around, it was tight. You didn't show your dick to your friends? Probably. I did nonstop. Nonstop. Nonstop going. I always did it. I did it.
Starting point is 00:53:26 I was big on the dick gag in college as a joke. It's very funny. And I'm like, man, I can't do that anymore. No. These boys got to still be able to show dick. What? I could do it. I would do it to you.
Starting point is 00:53:38 I wouldn't do it to like, you know, there was a time where I probably would have thought like if I met another male comic on the road, it'd be fine to do like the dick. I wouldn't do that now. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. What's that? No, I'll do that anymore. I already did it to me two days ago.
Starting point is 00:53:54 It's funny. I knocked on his hotel door. I opened it. It was fucking ass naked. It's always funny. And they tried to show me his hemorrhoid asshole. It's like, I'm not looking. Yeah, dude, he sent me some really bad ass pictures.
Starting point is 00:54:06 They were really gross. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah, I never did the dick joke to people. I always worry that people are going to look at my tiny flaccid penis and laugh at me. No, you got to have a semi and be like, this is what it normally looks like. I don't want to turn around and like, then I'm out of the joke. They're just laughing at me, not with me. And I'm kind of like, fuck you guys.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Yeah. It's a risky run. Showing your tiniest flaccid penis to your boys is the ultimate joke. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. If you saw my penis right now, you guys would... Dude, that guy from the... Everyone's laughing at that guy from the Eagles thing.
Starting point is 00:54:41 It's so little and small right now. Mine gets real little when it's not hard. Yeah, mine too. Perfectly normal. Finally, some common ground, dude. Now we all agree. My penis gets intensely small when it's not hard. It's weird.
Starting point is 00:54:57 It's great. It kind of fucking pisses me off. I'll just be hanging out and be like, no way. Yeah, dude. I'm just doing to have like a nice flaccid. Godog's... He set off the fucking alarm again at the airport. His dick's so big, they think there's something in there.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Who? The TSA. The TSA. Whose dick? Whose dick? Godog's penis is so big. Really? Are you serious?
Starting point is 00:55:20 It's a national security thing. I get patted down if I wear like a hoodie. You know how they'll be like there's just something... There's a lot of cloth right there. Right. They do it to his penis. No, they don't. Yes.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Are you serious? Yeah, it's always like a black guy that's like, I don't want to do this. Can I see your dick? No, not when the camera's off, I'll show it to you. Would you really? I've never seen it. I'd like to see him.
Starting point is 00:55:40 No. The man to see his penis. The man. Tell him he's fired. Tell him we're not going to promote his new podcast. We're not going to promote your new podcast if you don't show us your penis. You're going to show a bunch of old men your penis. We might be the Weinstein brothers.
Starting point is 00:55:56 That'd be sick, dude. What? I'm just laughing at what you said. I'm just trying to get young boys naked. I'm laughing at what you said. Look at those three. Can you imagine them? Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:56:08 It's a lot of diversity at that table, dude. Yeah, yeah. Some type of weird Mexican, Italian, Indian. All colors of cock at that table. Black as hell. Oh, yeah. Fuck, I want a drink right now, dude. We're going to get a little drink afterwards.
Starting point is 00:56:20 I want to fucking get after it now, man. We can't. We can't get after it now. Get cold. But we could have a little bit of drink and then watch it. I want to watch Unchained Melody by Elvis. Oh. I really want to see Fat Elvis.
Starting point is 00:56:31 All right, but let's watch it at the bar, though. I could hit touch tunes. We could listen to it. We can watch it on our phone at the bar. Why can't we watch it? Oh, I like that. That'd be fun. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:41 What's your bar around here? There's one right on the corner. Or do you not want to say? Because it gives you your location. It's called Blackbirds around the corner. Black. I don't like it. Is there a wiper?
Starting point is 00:56:49 You're going to like it. There's Beatles shit in there. Yeah? Is it named after? He has it named after the Beatles? I don't think, but... They probably ran with it, yeah. They tossed one in.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Blackbirds? What kind of bar is it? I like the name. I don't know. Blackbirds? I don't know how to describe it. It's just all black dude's dicks. That would be a cool bar.
Starting point is 00:57:05 That would be an intense bar. What a stupid chair. No, no, no. We all thought it. No, we like it. We like it. That's what we do here. It was when I saw it on It's Always Sunny, but like calling a dude's dick a bird, his
Starting point is 00:57:17 bird is so funny. Like, I don't know why it just is. That's what we grew up calling it. Is that a Philly thing? Yeah. Outside of Philly was a bird. My cousin who would hump the ground, like, when we were little and his dad would come in and be like, Dr. Ennis is going to put a needle in your bird if you keep doing that.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Like, that's serious. Dr. Ennis is going to put a needle in your bird. Yeah. He pulled his birdie out. You know? Where are we at? Let's switch over to the Patreon so then we can go to the bar. We're at 54.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Let's keep it rolling for a couple minutes, then we'll switch over. Actually, I have a very hot topic. You hear about the case of the lawyer who might have murdered his family? Yeah. They're trying to prove he did, and it's like nobody really knows if he did it or not. But he's getting in trouble. Like, so he did steal money from his law firm. He was addicted to oxycodone.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Then he lied about something else. But the whole trowel, he's like, I did do all these things. I'm sorry. La Mer already farted. La Mer's already disrupting the pod. Day one, you're over there shitting your fucking trousers. So stinky. It's a fun case to follow.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Because he might... It's like... I was wrong. I was thinking, who's that musper guy or whatever? Is that him? I think it's him. Is he... Does he have two sons?
Starting point is 00:58:25 No, it was a wife and a son. Are we killed? Yes. But I think he has another son. He does have two sons. Do you only shoot with that one camera? Yes. God, I love how bare bones it is, seriously.
Starting point is 00:58:37 Yeah, everybody else sinks all their bullshit into production. You don't have to do it. Yeah. I'm going to start a podcast. What is it? Fuck. I don't want to say. Well, now I'd like to hear it, please.
Starting point is 00:58:50 No, no, no, no. Well, we're going to go back to this guy killing people, because that's fine. No, no, no. I want to hear the podcast. No, this is awesome. Fuck the guy in his family. It's like a lot more affordable than I thought it would be. What's your pod?
Starting point is 00:59:01 I don't want to say it, because I want to wait until I launch it. What's the name of it? I have two different names. I was going to call it. I was going to read my first podcast ever. I was called down with Joe de Rosa, and I was going to call it that again. But I might just, I have a different name that I might change it to. But the other name holds me a little more.
Starting point is 00:59:17 What's the other name? I don't want to say. Come on, brother. Yeah. All right, fine. I'll tell you off camera. All right, fine. So this guy, you've been watching.
Starting point is 00:59:25 I saw a clip of him like crying and being like, oh, never. That's his whole thing. He's like, dude, I did. I'm addicted to oxycodone. I did steal money. I feel bad about that. And they were asking why he does oxycodone. He goes, because it makes things fun and more interesting.
Starting point is 00:59:36 Dude, so far he's been honest about everything. He's telling the truth. He's like, I didn't kill my family though. And he's a lawyer. So he's hitting them all with lawyer speak. He's like, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I did not kill my family. They're like, were you there that day? He's like, absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Like your cell phone footage of you there. He's like, I mean, yeah, obviously it's my house. I stopped by for a little bit. But then I took off. It looks like they're going to get it. That makes sense. So if somebody was like, were you in your house that day? I'd be like, no.
Starting point is 01:00:00 I was there for like a minute. You're out all day. You're not like I was at home. He went and visited his mom. Did you ever murder somebody? No. If you, you had to though. If you had to, if you could pitch.
Starting point is 01:00:12 Let me rephrase that. Not if you had to. What's the scenario where you think most likely you could murder somebody? I mean, like the least amount of thing. Did they murder? What's the minimum threshold? Okay. So in my head, I'm like, I'm like, okay, I don't think I'd ever murder somebody.
Starting point is 01:00:27 But I'm like, if I was in traffic and for some reason I had access to a gun. Yeah. That's the thing. It's probably the closest. It could potentially pop off. It could escalate, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, like somebody being an asshole.
Starting point is 01:00:40 Like, you know, like that's the, you know, so what's your... I could spaz. I spaz in a fight, in a fist fight. And just... I could spaz. I could cry and spaz. And beat a dude like to death? Accidentally.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Yeah. Keep going. Yeah. That makes sense. That's the clue. I would never do that. I would carry a gun in the car or shoot somebody. Intruder at night time?
Starting point is 01:00:59 Yeah. Would you kill a guy in your house at night time if you was in there? I'd be such a fucking pussy if somebody broke into my house. I'd come out and scream at him, run out. Like, what are you doing in here? Say he jumps into the bed on you. He hops in bed? Hops in bed.
Starting point is 01:01:14 What's going down? Depends what we're talking. Is he hopping in just in the middle? Just snuggle? He's reaching. If he opens the door and says, guys, I feel sick. Can I sleep in your room? This is why I could never...
Starting point is 01:01:24 This is why... This is why I could never own a gun, dude. Because if I owned a gun, I would be full on in, I wish your mother fucker would mode. Like, I'd be like, I can't wait for somebody to break in this fucking house. That's the whole point. He's fucking wasted.
Starting point is 01:01:36 I'm so close to buying a cool gun. Really? I'm very close. I look it up. I look it up constantly. I want one bad. It's called an MPX. Can you guys have anything here in New York?
Starting point is 01:01:45 Do they let you have... I think you can. I think it takes a lot. You could have... Yeah. Yeah. You could get a handgun here. That's cool.
Starting point is 01:01:53 I was thinking about just getting a BB gun. Like, just in case somebody does break into my house. You can pepper them up, yeah. Pepper them up, then they run away or something. No, you gotta... Dude, you shoot a guy in the face with a BB gun? That dude's not coming at you anymore. He loses eye.
Starting point is 01:02:08 I think he's going to be pissed off, dude. How many pumps did you give him? Ow! Would you 10 pump each? If somebody's breaking into your house and is not afraid of confrontation physically, they're taking a BB gun to the face. Somebody breaks into your house and you're like,
Starting point is 01:02:26 hey, get out of here, and typically they're going to run, right? He might as well do a paintball. But if they're like, I'm staying, you or me, I'm taking your, whatever. Your ass? It's time for me to fuck your girlfriend
Starting point is 01:02:37 and take your Xbox. I might make a spike bat. No! I'm going to build a spike bat and keep it under my bed just in case. Ooh. Yeah. Hopefully mankind doesn't break in.
Starting point is 01:02:50 Hopefully, you know. A hardcore man. I'm going to put you through a fucking table. Hopefully he's tag team partners out there. That's what they always say, though, about like knives and bats and shit like that. Like, if the guy gets it away from you, you're in trouble.
Starting point is 01:03:11 Like a gun, the guy's not going to get away. But then you have another knife in your boot. True. Why are you sleeping? I don't want to worry about any problems. You wait until he's, you're an inch from death and you go right in his neck. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:22 And the camera pans away and reveals that you got him. It's pretty funny. What's that? I was pretending to fling. I know. Come? Yeah. That's a very, that's a good weapon.
Starting point is 01:03:33 Yeah. I was just assuming you come out of the back room. You come out of your bedroom and just... Throw jizz at a guy. You keep comehands at the ready while you're sleeping? Yeah. Remember in Silence in the Land? I have a gay, yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:44 The guy throws a cub in her face. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. I watched it on the plane the other day. People watch everything. I see people watching shit on planes like full out sex scenes. I'm always like, Jesus Christ. I know. It's very weird.
Starting point is 01:03:53 Take it easy. Yeah. Pig DiStefano just texted me. He just texted me a picture of a shopping center called the Barnyard. That's so funny. That's awesome. Then I said Pig DiStefano just texted me and that's what he sent me. He's shopping at the Barnyard.
Starting point is 01:04:07 Yeah. He said he's out in Reno. I haven't seen him in a while. I like him. I like when I see him. I love Chris. He's awesome. I love Chris.
Starting point is 01:04:16 Yeah. He's a good dude. He's a good dude. Let's switch over. Yeah. Why don't we switch to the Patreon? Switch to the Patreon. Guys, check out.
Starting point is 01:04:25 And by the way, your podcast with Sal, I love it. Yeah, it's great. Thank you. I tell you all the time, but those clips of you guys arguing taste buds is so fucking funny. Thank you, buddy. Can I plug my dates? Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 01:04:37 I have dates coming up. I'm going to be doing a big run in Louisiana, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, New Orleans. I don't remember the name of every venue off the top of my head. But I know Howlin' Wolf is the one in New Orleans. And then I go right from there to South by Southwest to also do my new hour there. I'm doing that on the following Tuesday. And then I got my Crane Theater residency here in New York with my hour. The next one's on March 22nd.
Starting point is 01:05:03 And then I'm going out to Chicago in that area for a big run late March into April. So go to JodorosaInfo.com. Get all your tickets and your show info. Please come out. And if you're in New York, I have a bar in Sandwich Shop called Joey Roses. So good. Seven days a week. JoeyRosesNYC.com.
Starting point is 01:05:20 And look, I know it's a fun bit of, especially if you're like a Legion of Skanks fan to be like, fuck Joe. Go see him, dude, stand up. No, the Skanks are so supportive. Honestly, the Skanks are so supportive. Yeah, I know. But I'm saying go see Joe, dude, stand up and you'll, you know, you're going to go to your room and tear down the Marilyn Manson poster.
Starting point is 01:05:37 And you go, everything I knew was a lie. You fucking... I'm putting fingers back on my gloves. What the hell? Yeah. Matt, you're going to eat cold dates? Stress Factory, I think Hartford, Connecticut, then Stress Factory, New Brunswick in March. And there's a, I think there's like Boston.
Starting point is 01:05:57 There's a bunch of Austin. Just go to MattMcCusker.com slash dates, D-A-P-E-S. And please, for the love of God. A whole bunch of, we're going to release the next quarter of shows coming up. So, I don't even know when they are yet. They'll tell me soon. They'll be coming. They'll be coming right at you.
Starting point is 01:06:17 Be ready. Thank you. Join the Patreon. What the hell is your problem? Yeah, that's the real one. I'm going to for real fight the Rosso on the next, on the Patreon. Yeah, I don't think you should, dude. I'll hand you your fucking hands.

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