Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 432 - Dong Lemón (feat. Chris O'Connor)

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Chris and Tommy @ patreon.com/stuffisland Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. omg we're back again! Comin' for your frank n beanz like Lemón. lol jk. Got a hot cast though, one of our BEST most wonderful bros Chris O'Connor from the Stuff Island podcast joins us. Please enjoy. God bless.  ps The Paytch is a night cast history ep this week. Crusades Finale. check that out. Get 25% OFF @ trueclassic with Promo Code DRENCHED at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED #trueclassicpod Get 50% off 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/DRENCHED50 (https://factormeals.com/DRENCHED50) and use code DRENCHED50

Hey, what up? Dude, that's sick. Oh my god. We're back again It's a cool way to do it though, just hold it down fucking Hold the mic like a ringside announcer Ladies and gentlemen Well, yeah, that's the ref Do you think in our lifetime we'll ever see, like, basically, like, gay combat? Like, for real.

Not fucking around. Talking about, like, real deal HBO Saturday night at the Garden. Sissy fights. I'm talking about, but it's like sexual. Are they tough? Yeah, yeah. I mean, would you get in the ring with one of those guys? It's like ultimate surrender, but it would just be gay guys taking each other to the mats.

The Ultimate Surrender. Yeah. Surrender your asshole. Yeah, dude. It's Ultimate Surrender. Yeah. Do you think we'll ever see it in our lifetime? So you're saying legit Ultimate Surrender, like it's become a sport.

You could do that at Pride Week, at least. You could have dudes slam 69 on each other at pride week we could set this up this could be like this is pretty cool dog monkey rodeo dude we could get all dog rodeo monkey rodeo i didn't know it was that i didn't know it was that niche that the only place i saw it was the harrisburg centers game i was like you guys ever see monkey rodeo the only videos harrisburg centers yeah you'd think that would be at every minor league baseball yeah those they place I saw it was the Harrisburg Senators game. You guys ever see Monkey Rodeo? The only videos? Harrisburg Senators? Yeah, you'd think that would be at every

minor league baseball game. Yeah, they make the rounds. They make the rounds. You could catch them with the Iron Pigs. Really? Oh, yeah. I missed them.

I never saw them. Monkey Rodeo? Didn't even know it existed until today. Yeah, it's pretty neat. I've told you about it five years ago. Monkey Rodeo?

Monkey Rodeo. The hell was I doing? I was probably thinking about guys taking each other down in combat. So guys, so you're saying, do you think Ultimate Shredder will make it to the big leagues? I mean, did you think like 30-year-old white dudes would be boxing each other for like primetime HBO box? I didn't see that coming.

So now I'm like, what's coming up next? What do you mean? Like Jake Paul or whatever. I didn't see that coming. You know? The white dudes, 30-year? The white dudes would step... 30-year-old white dudes would step back in and be like, well, we got boxing.

We'll take it from here. We got it. We're going to save the sport. We're going to save the sport. We're tired of watching very good Latinos. It's time for the whites. The elder whites, dude. The YouTube whites to come in.

It's the biggest thing, dude. Watching YouTubers fight. They mean... It's a great... It's a really great marketing thing. He did it. It's the biggest thing dude watching youtubers fight they mean it's great it's a really great marketing thing he did it they're all it's the biggest thing i mean again i i don't follow boxing like that but it's definitely like when you see like gutierrez versus gutierrez and you're like yeah fucking who cares dude who cares it's always at the garden it's always at the the hulu theater at the garden yeah yeah, yeah. And it's always packed. It's just packed with Puerto Ricans, dude.

New York loves it. Puerto Ricans and Dominican, they love it. Just fighting each other. They love boxing, dude, yeah. Yeah, but it's like, it doesn't really break the, you know. I was bummed to see Jake Paul lose, to be honest. Yeah, but he lost by like a point. Yeah, yeah.

He needed to lose. Otherwise, everyone was going to say it was scripted. So he needed to take an L. I mean, it's a rocky franchise. He couldn't go on and just keep winning people would be like this sucks he now has a redemption tale who was the guy he fought with the guy was a fury tell me real deal he's a real deal boxer right ty fought what did tyson say about that someone fighting his little brother

the dad said he would have disowned him if he lost to jake paul which is right well i really wanted him to win. I was happy he won. But he's like a reality star, too. He was on Love Island. Tommy Fury? Yeah. He's not as good as Tyson.

Yeah. No, he's not. Nobody is. He's not as good as the heavyweight champion of the world. Love Island. Love Island. What the hell is Love Island? What the hell is Stuff Island?

Someone's creeping into your territory. Yeah, Love Island. They saw your act. Yeah yeah everyone's getting in on the island game tommy tommy from love island it's true also apple came out with a there's a some type of island thing magic island on their phone or whatever everybody's copying yeah what is it it's just a bar at the top something i don't know oh the fucking yeah when you're using a thing some yeah is that it's like if i'm listening to spotify i can click this and it goes right to the thing you're using it's useless and stupid does anyone use siri no no they need to get rid of that that's like a fucking u2 album yeah what is it doing here i keep the only thing it does is occasionally i accidentally hit it yes and it stops my music yeah only thing it does is occasionally I accidentally hit it. Yes. And it stops my music.

Yeah. That's it. It doesn't understand what I'm saying ever. Of course not. You go, Siri, was Russiagate real? I'm sorry, Chris. No, the only time I use Siri is when I can't find my phone. I can't find my phone and I just yell Siri in my room.

Does it work? Does that work? It goes like, bing. Yeah. Wow. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's, yeah. I just yell Siri in my room. Does it work? Does that work? Wow, that's pretty good. I just walk around going, Siri! That's genius.

Siri, come here, you bitch. I don't think mine is voice activated. I don't think it works. See if you can call my phone. Siri! Hey, Siri! Nah, man. My mind doesn't do that. Hey, Siri! Hey, Siri! mind doesn't do that Hey Siri Hey Siri It doesn't work

What doesn't happen you lying Hey Siri You lying crud I swear it used to work Hey Siri Well don't yell into the mic Hey Siri She's gone brother

Chris Will you just Before we get started Oh my god dude I just want Before we get started Oh Oh my God, dude. I just want, before we get started. You know, I almost, when you brought it up, I almost was like, it's not a good idea. I should bail. I know when you're in this mood.

I know when you're in this mood. But hungover? What's going to happen? Chris. Oh my God. Just let me get one sentence out. Why? Why?

Why? Just let me get one sentence out. Why? Can I say it? The me get one sentence out. Why? Can I say it? The nation needs this, dude. This moment. The nation does not need this. This is good discourse.

This is all the nation sees in me. This is all the nation sees in me is just fielding this question. All you have to do is answer the question. All you have to do is say you support the January 6th. Because I got a long answer, and then I'm down a hole of just explaining. You don't have to give a long answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just will you apologize?

You bend the knee. Will I bend the knee? No, no. Will I bend the knee? We argued for five fucking years and you were wrong. Can you just fucking say my bad? Just Chris, say.

No, no. Say, Shane, I was sorry about Russiagate. That's all I want. Just say, Shane no I was sorry about Russiagate that's all I want just say Shane I'm sorry no it was a

it was a very tumultuous time in this country I feel like my views on this issue have been misrepresented and I and I do not want

to take the time to correct your record Chris fine you live I mean it's all you have to do is say sorry and it's over there's nothing I hate more you have to do Is say sorry

And it's over There's nothing I hate more Than having to come on here Every time And apologize And correct the record Yeah Yelled at

For not apologizing There were parts of it That lined up There were parts of it That were legit There were Like what? All you have to do

Is say sorry once And I'll never talk about it again All you have to do Is say I'm sorry About Russiagate I again all you have to do is say i'm sorry about russiagate i can't do that if you say the words i'm sorry about russiagate i will never say it to you again i'm sorry about russiagate but nothing that i said about it i'm sorry to say this again i'm sorry let's just put this all behind us just say you let your country down i had anything to do all you gotta do is say you let your country down the stuff that you said pretty much caused January 6th. Kind of did.

I caused January 6th? Slightly. I don't think so. We're all guilty. I don't think I was awake when it happened. No, I'm kidding. We're kidding. We're joshing.

We're joshing. But before we go any further, all I need you to say is I'm sorry about Russiagate. And I'll never talk about it again. I'm sorry you feel that I had anything to do with Russiagate. All right, fine. We'll move on. So who are you voting for? Are you excited about Biden still?

Dude, yeah, I've been on just a slow leak into just... Are you doing a Dem exit? I just can't watch that stuff anymore. I just can't. Where'd they lose you? What lost you? When Russiagate didn't happen. When it wasn't real.

It was liberal QAnon. It really was. Billy's first to say, Podesta didn't get arrested. I was wrong. You can't do it. I don't Billy's first to say, Podesta didn't get arrested. Yeah. I was wrong. You can't do it. I don't even know what that was, but Podesta. Podesta was going to get arrested on like Easter. It was like a Q drop.

Hillary was supposed to get arrested. They were all supposed to get arrested. Everyone's supposed to get arrested. Obama was allegedly bisexual. Yeah. It's that nonstop. And then, yeah. Every day they'd be like, today's the day. It coming yes finally it was same old yeah and it there's a lot of like uh some of the people that i i used

to listen to now that now that trump's gone their numbers are down yeah they just now they're fully crazy well dude the news can't have a day to be like yeah you know what man there's really not much happening guys just turn it off like there's there's every day has to be like oh my god dude that's yeah it's like dude it's not there's really nothing going on and they still do a thing where they watch this completely unhinged speech from trump and then they'll just be like this seems like not that bad starting to make some sense no it's not that he's making sense but it's just like brother when you've seen him when you've seen him at his best it's starting to make some sense you get a little older you get a little wiser you start going wait a second this is my money why do i have to give it to everybody else no but it's like if you're gonna say he's

second dude the unhinged for Trump is that's a high standard. So you can't just have him talking. Shut up. Guys, let's talk politics. Let's all say we don't care. Yeah, I don't. Nothing's going on that's cool in the news, dude. I'm telling you.

Dilbert guy's going wild, dude. What'd you call him, Sean? Clot Adams? Because he got the vaccine? That's not nice. That's what they're calling him now. Clot Adams. He went on and defended the vaccine. Basically called everyone dumb for not getting it. But then he went full fucking segregation.

Bro. Full segregation. If you look at his views, there's a hint because he was he was like doing his thing like you know i'm using reason and logic and then the the vax debate didn't come out on his side so yeah he that's when he capitulated it was like you guys win i'm uh and people are still hounding him he's getting crushed dude again we talked about he's an old man a baby boomer in the fucking live chat getting they're calling him like a simp and shit he's like freaking out dude i did legion of skanks last night lewis keeps his the live chat on his phone during the show why would he do that it was insane i was on the show i'd tell a joke and then

be like dude we'll stop reading the comments a lot of comments yeah anyway sorry claude adams also got he got he married a young hot lady and then got divorced and spat. Did you hear why I got divorced? This is going to be the whole show. Did you hear why I got divorced? I got nothing else. Did you hear why I got divorced?

This is going to be the whole show. What? Did you hear why I got divorced? He had a babe and he was quarantining from her. He wouldn't let her see him. So he was like staying away from her. What? And he got cuckolded.

That's what I've heard. I don't want to i don't want to smudge the name of a great american philosophizer get away from black people what happened dude you don't know the backstory i don't know why he's so okay so he's been getting crushed for like all the vac stuff so he's he's like a big like i'm just about like logic and stuff and like people are just like, dude, you're a dumbass. Sam Harris, same thing. He's freaking out.

Internet smarty pants. And so they're getting crushed. They got internet smarty pants, dude. I hate the internet smarty pants. They pulled their pants down. Both guys have got their pants pulled down. And then so he just, his numbers are tanking. So then he did this.

There was this poll. It was like a Rasmussen poll. So they polled 1,000 people, people a thousand black voters black americans and they said is it okay to be white 26 said no 27 said i don't know meaning like or 23 i don't even know 23 said no 20 something percent said like i don't know like 48 said i got time it is that was kind of i don't know yeah there's some guy like i don't know i don't know man so then is it okay to be white was the question that was the question that's a fucked up question it's funny 26 of black people are funny 23 and they said no 23 of white people said no apparently

same question 23 of white people said no allegedly from the Same question. 23% of white people said no, allegedly, for the same question. But Scott Adams is not a dummy, dude. So he's like, he just read that and he goes, okay, so about half of black Americans don't think it's okay. Dude, sample size, by the way. Surprised you guys didn't ask sample size. N equals 1,000. 1,000.

You said it. I'm retarded. And also, what was the equation you used? N equals 1,000. N equals sample size that always bothered me i remember i learned that in college that yeah it's where it's just like yeah if you ask a thousand people then you know what everyone thinks it's like how could that possibly be true well apparently also the term is it it's okay to be white is like tied in with like a slogan against critical race theory it is like a loaded term in

and of itself they're putting flyers around campuses that were like it's okay to be white and yeah people were spazzing yeah on the back of like a bubble vest funny fucking yeah so then he read that thing and just went off, dude. Just being like, oh, you still identify as black? No, I don't. I want to be on the winning team.

So I was black. So I'm going to identify as black and I try to help black people, but I'm just going to be called racist anyway. Oh, dude, he went, that was nothing. Adam said this? Yeah.

Yes, dude. It's on his live stream. You used to identify as black? Yeah, it's just fucking weirdo. And then he was like, I urge all Americans. Black people do love Dilbert. Yeah, that's a bad case of writer's block.

You're trying to get a Dilbert out. I need to go to another place. Mentally, I'm black this week. My theory is that his numbers were dropping and he was getting so so much flack that he just he pulled a fucking Hail Mary desperation move. So he courted the darkest corners of the Internet and he summoned the fucking he summoned the maniacs, dude. So you should get as far away from black people as you can. And people were like, he summoned the orcs, dude. Now he has an orc army right now. But they're also they're like, dude, they're kind of fucking with him and trolling him

now, too. Obviously, they're the orcs. So now they're like, you know who creates all these problems, don't you? And they, like, send him a thing like that. And Scott was like, oh, don't think I didn't notice that either. So he's like, I'm going to talk about that, too. So I think he might go in, dude. Dobrit's going at the Jews?

He might. He might just be, you know, again, he's a type of guy who's always saying he plays 40 chess he's always saying he's playing 40 chess so he's always like but yeah dude that like he was the whole speech is crazy he's like get away from them just get away from them and just go somewhere else leave them be dilbert got dropped from the funnies it's not fun he's no longer in the fun he. He's not funny. He's in the racist now. Now it's just Prince Valiant, dude. God, Prince Valiant. Prince Valiant can suck my dick. Wait, wait, wait.

Maybe I got that wrong. Was Prince Valiant funny? No, no, no. Or was it like the serial? Yeah, yeah. I didn't understand one thing. When I was a kid, I'd be taking a shit. I'd be like, which one's this? Like they're on a pirate ship?

Yeah, I know. That was it. I remember there was like a couple Sundays in a row where I was like, you know what? I'm going to pick up wherever we are in the Prince Valiant. I'd love to. I never, yeah, I never, I would like look at it, same thing, just go, huh? I wanted to. I thought the drawings looked cool.

I know. Some of the drawings were cool. It was the, yeah, it was like the best illustrated comic for sure. I also, too, I went to the bathroom. There was the comics with the, like, JCPenney's underwear stuff. It's time best illustrated comic. I also, too. I went to the bathroom. There was the comics with the JCPenney's underwear stuff. It's time to masturbate. Yeah, as soon as I didn't understand a comic, I'm like, that's not bad. Just crush Hocus Pocus.

Yeah, I need to glaze the fucking Boscobs model, dude. Boscobs rules. Phil still crushes Boscobs. Does he? Yeah. Got you some underwear. It was at Boscobs. Shane, look at this. I got you some underwear i was at boss cops shane look at this i got you some socks take that back to new york

yeah my parents did that with coals my dad's always like dude the deals the deals are fucking insane you get over three fucking hours it's so funny are they hitting socks with like the titanium lining of course i'd love to just follow phil to see a day dude that'd be kind of nice to hire a private like detective just to follow him around see what he does you could do it pretty i know exactly what he does goes to boscobs goes to the elks drinks way too much and he hits the road then he gets home and he's got a ring camera now so he checks to see if my mom's home they all do it constantly so he sees how long he's got a ring camera now so he checks to see if my mom's home. They all do it too. Constantly.

So he sees how long he can stay at the bar. And then once she comes home, he comes home right away. Wow. He stays as long as he can. It's a sick move. That's awesome. Yeah. And he's like, I'm on my way.

I'm already on my way. I'm coming. It's kind of nice. Yeah. So before the phone call, he probably hits her up like, yeah, I'm on my way. Yeah. Yeah, they do.

Between that and the series and series man they're they're really they are in paradise yeah pretty tight who would have thought they'd ever see the fucking voice technology they like the voice they did i mean ring ring camera for geysers i'll be honest i like it seeing the stuff it's pretty fun ring camera is pretty cool yeah i'd like to get one you get one for your bedroom and install a ring camera in your room keep dry on me and i'm gonna talk i'm gonna go lay in there remember the russiagate didn't happen you could talk to him good night yeah no you can call we

have one of those we have like an arlo or something on our house some bullshit it's annoying though when you put your trash out and it fucking picks it up as a package and it sends like 40 things to your phone. You have a package. You have to just turn it off. You're like, fuck this. It is good though if your car can get broken into.

Catch a guy on camera. You just watch him slowly breaking into your car. Yeah. You call the cops. I captured a homeless guy breaking my window and they're like, cool dude, thanks. We'll be there. Goodbye.

I feel like it sucks because it's like kids won't be able to sneak out anymore. Oh, I catch kids. Teenagers. You know what I mean? What do they do when they sneak out? You go into the woods. You get drunk or something. Or you go meet your girlfriend in the middle of the night.

You can get a disguise. Exchange handies. No, no. But I'm saying that you can't. Exchange what? You know, finger and jerk off. It sucks. Yeah. Sick. And then, yeah, you can't. Exchange what? You know, finger and jerk off. It sucks. Yeah.

Sick. And then, yeah, you can't be a cool parent and have them come over to your basement and be like, guys, look, what you do, you do. You can be the coolest parent and then set up some ring cameras in the basement. Like 10. Now we're cooking. You accidentally leave the mic on, you're like, yeah. Oh, car, car. No, no, no, no. leave the mic on yeah imagine impractical jokering your son through like his first fingering it's be like dude yeah imagine though for real I mean

the I guess that'd be kind of illegal if you're coaching your son goes hard you can go as fast as you can. That's it, son. Dude, dude, dude. Don't even. Make it hurt. You'd be like, dude, don't even worry about the hole. He'd be like, what do you mean don't worry about the hole? Dude, trust me.

Don't worry about the hole. There's stuff above the hole. Go to the top of the hole. Just fucking smack that area. Damn. The hole. You think the hole's the key. The hole's not the key right now, dude.

Don't worry about the hole just yet. What if you made a girl squirt on your first figure? That's fucked up. Dude, check your overnight bag. I packed it at Hitachi. A massage wand. Left a little something in your overnight bag. Imagine giving your kid a Hitachi wand, dude.

Someday. Just buzzing. Oh, man, you let your kid drive a Beamer with a Hitachi wand, dude. Someday. Just buzzing. Oh, man, you let your kid drive a Beamer with a Hitachi wand and just buzz chicks all day. Holy shit. God. You'd have to kill him. You got to kill him when he hits 20. I think this is what happened to Hunter Biden, dude.

Absolutely. Joe gave him the Hitachi, dude. No doubt. The Beamer with a driver and a Hitachi And he just went like We're not going to prom Imagine the damage you could do In high school with a Hitachi

Or like a mocap suit With just fucking Fire You got some pussy ideas suit with just fucking vibrate. What's wrong with you? You got some pussy ideas. I'm just kidding. I'm fucking ready. I'm your pussy planner. I have no idea how that thing works. The what?

Just vibrates. Yeah. Just put it on the clit. I've never used one. You never put a vibrator on your dick? No. You never put anything that vibrated on your penis No It's awesome It feels so good

It is pretty awesome You can nut Just from vibrating A little rumble strip On the Xbox I'll jar one I'll just put my Controller on my dick

I'm starting to text I'm like Ooh Yeah Someone's shooting at me Now I gotta go to my bedroom Pause I pause the game And I masturbate Someone's shooting at me. No, I got to go to my bedroom. Pause.

I pause the game and I masturbate. That's what they're for. I get back to the game. That's what they're for. They are like a jerking off alarm clock. The rumble strip. You ever have the rumble pack, jar one loose for you? Yeah.

Every gamer's had a rumble pack, jar one. I remember in the old God of War, it would just rumble crazy every time like yeah i was like yeah oh yeah it's me and you you're the god of war your tank's exploding dang never vibrated you never put a vibrating thing Dude my friend's mom Had a neck massager Me and my

Me and my boys She had a Train on that neck massager Oh my god Yeah I hate to break it to you brother I don't know if that was A pure neck massager

Well trust me We were getting after that Me and six of my friends Were jizzing all over that thing I don't I don't experiment She probably got pregnant Definitely

It was one of those Like like it had two things. Oh, put that on the tip. It looks like a small vacuum attachment. Oh, that was a true neck massage. Ah! What? Ah! That's crazy.

I might buy a neck massage. It's so good. Oh, my God. It's not crazy, Chris. It's nuts. i can't believe you never had anything vibrating i don't i don't get experimental jerking off i had a fleshlight once and then i that was it that's pretty gnarly that's worse than neck massager when you're in sixth grade i didn't use it that many times so you don't you know you did leave in the shower

yeah but it went unused for so long. It was just in the shower. Was the shower downstairs? No, when we lived together in Philly, I went to take a shower, and there's a fucking flashlight next to the shampoo. Yeah. That's like, God damn it, dude. Did you beat it up in the shower?

Nah. Never use it in the shower. I honestly use it like twice or three times. That's all you can use it for they turn disgusting yeah and it just it's like so weird looking at it yeah i mean like a giant that's like take it out it's like the the rock yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking whatever that acid is yeah i'd rather dissect the body than wash a flashlight dude i'd rather cut open a cadaver yeah like stick my hand into a cold dead body than wash a flashlight so i do want to go to

a butcher and watch them just you know fuck to me whoa break down a cow yeah really yeah cut it up you can do it fucked up dude there's a butcher like right around the corner yeah if you went in there like can i watch they'd be get the fuck it would wave knives also it's a it's a muslim butcher oh so they're doing it uh yeah wow what did they do all types of weird shit you would defile that yeah you would defile the space they have like gentiles can't even watch point the animal in a certain direction or something i think so they do wild shit yeah yeah they gotta kill it a certain, Kosher and Halal are similar. That is funny. They're over there, like, bombing children,

and then they're like, wait, hold on, cut the cow to the east, and it's like, yeah, how about you guys get your priorities in order, you fucking dumbasses? Oh, no, wait, we can't have gummy bears. You explode a fucking school of Palestine. Yeah. How about you guys get with the fucking times, dude?

Stop doing weird superstitious bullshit. Dilbert could make a comeback. Dilbert, you think so? If he's going at the Jays, he should convert Dilbert to a... Dilbert. Dilbert should join Al-Qaeda. Oh. Yeah.

Al-Dilbert. If he... Yeah, that'd be tough. He's driving a Toyota with a black flag on it. I bet the Taliban in the office is... Another day at the office. Yeah, yeah, that'd be tough. Driving a Toyota with a black flag on it. I bet the Taliban in the offices. Another day at the office. The Taliban in the offices in Afghanistan are probably, they're probably starting to relate to Dilbert's now.

I wonder if they have fun. Who? In the office? Those guys got to have a little fun. For sure. Taliban bros in the office? Yeah, I think so. In the office?

Yeah, just. I guess they got to do paperwork. Goofing off, doing paperwork. How many bombs do we have? Like, oh like this packet here says we have 40 bombs keep a good eye on that you have a very good eye did you write about trying to research the middle eastern conflict it's too many names possible yeah i'm reading a book right now and it's like you can't even follow it it's impossible man's chain secret podcast is brought to you by true classic true classic got the best

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Your girlfriend's fucking disgusting pussy is going to get soaked. It's going to be throbbing. Ew. Your girlfriend's pussy? I would not even want to see it, dude. If somebody had a picture of your girlfriend's pussy on their phone, I would go, no. I don't even want to see it. And I watch cartel videos.

Be heading. All right. Thank you, Drew. Classic dude. Hey, guys. We don't have long. I'm here with Shane right now, dude. We're just chilling, just fucking hiding in this corner.

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they always taste great and are so simple. Head to factormails.com slash drenched50 and use code drenched50 to get 50% off your first box. You can't follow it. You can't, you'll never figure out three things. Middle East, Russian Civil War, Spanish Civil War. Yeah. I also thought that-

Impossible. Middle Ages. I was talking to ChatGPT about the Middle Ages. No one knows anything about that. It got confused. It started, yeah. You were talking to ChatGPT about the Middle Ages? Yeah, yeah.

What were you saying to it? I was just asking what happened. Yeah. What did ChatGPT say to you? It was trying to tell me. Eventually, it went, dude, you got to take a break. Yeah. It literally was like, I need not for another hour can you ask me a question

what was the middle the middle ages what were they like yeah yeah yeah it was like because i i was like what happened to the roman empire then it split into east and west byzantine yeah byzantine empire and fucking and then it became the roman empire and then that guy fucking had to abdicate he got it's not like you're chugging along you got a decent picture of it yeah but then you need and then that guy fucking had to abdicate. He got... It's not like you're chugging along. You got a decent picture of it. Yeah, but then... That's all you need. You just got to be confident.

Matt's like, yeah, Byzantine. I got it. There's two. I figured that out. Christianity went and spread. He converted the pagans. That's what happened, though. There was the...

What do you want to call it? It was the Roman Catholic Church. That went out and converted all the pagans. It kind of turned... They used Christianity to turn that backwater Europe. Yeah, but that was kind of... What was going on in the middle? Chat GBT got all fucked up

because it started saying that whatever that one guy is, then all of a sudden Marie Antoinette came in, and I was like, there's no way she's part of this yet. Not at all. And then it was like, no, she is. And then I started Wikipedia-ing it, and I was like, she definitely, these two got married? No, they didn't. And it was like, just stop.

Yeah. Well, yeah. That was the French Revolution. Yeah. Yeah. That's not the Middle Ages, bro. Yeah. I know that.

I know that. I've been reading a book. I've been following it. Again, it is pretty hard to follow, but I've been trying to follow, like, ancient, it's a book that follows ancient Greece up all the way through like the Enlightenment, I guess, or like the Industrial Revolution. And it's pretty. I mean, it puts me to sleep.

Yeah, of course. Every single night. Yeah. It's also like ancient history. People don't know. Yeah. They have no idea. Right.

Yeah. So they're just, it's kind of fucking annoying. Yeah. You're listening about Thomas Aquinas and I don't know anything about him. Thomas Aquinas rules. It's pretty sick. Yeah. He was the one, apparently he, like, took all, the early church had problems with ancient Greek knowledge.

So, like, they'd be doing their thing, and, like, people would find ancient Greek text, and the church would be like, you know, this stuff does fucking rule. But they'd be like, yo, you can't. So Thomas Aquinas' whole life was dedicated to, like, aristotle stuff and then like bringing it into the church yeah like using it to prove god yeah exactly he had like five i don't know five things you might want to see if you believe yeah yeah he's like check out these five awesome things well that was it that was that was the heresy aristotle was more like yo let's just check out stuff and the church had to be like don't't check out stuff. Stop checking out stuff. Don't look at stuff, dude. We tell you about stuff.

Why does this stuff go so fast? And I'm like, don't fucking think about why shit goes so fucking fast, you idiots. Dude, I always wonder if Tommy Aquini opened up the thing for science to happen. Basically, he's like, now this shit rules. Yeah. But there was also only like 10 people that could write. I always wonder if those people that were like supposedly great thinkers just had like a smart friend who couldn't read or write and they just wrote everything down no these dudes are like literally poured over books their entire life yeah yeah that's literally

they did nothing you don't think there was just some guy just working in the fields dropping gems you're talking about like how you like those apples kind of guys i would almost assure you that they were more or less like senile at like 25 from some kind of fucked up brain with rocks everybody got hit with rocks well dude even like if you get like fevers really badly you can get like brain scars easily so everyone was like kind of fucked up they're getting like terrible infections and getting like 105 fever no tylenol you're kind of fried see everyone was like severely fucked up probably yeah and tommy aquini would read like four books and was just like dudes i figured it out everyone had a hungry caterpillar what yeah i don't know shit about that stuff yeah i just ancient i don't i know it but i have to be

asleep because that's the only time i hear it i'm asleep so if i were to pass out you guys were like proud of me i'd be like 1492 thomas thomas guinness sailed the ocean blue discovered books but yeah apparently the byzantine empire was actually the reason that the ancient greek stuff got uh reincorporated into the catholic church because the muslims pushed them in and they escaped to like whatever europe and they came by and they're like you guys don't know yeah spain was like all muslim for a while right yeah they got in there but the boys from byzantine came back and were like here's the actual literal translations of all these guys i mean the byzantine empire is in greece yeah exactly so they came back and like here's the actual literal translations of all these guys. I mean, the Byzantine Empire is in Greece. Yeah, exactly. So they came back and like, here's the real deal.

And everyone, oh, this shit is so cool. That's when the bros got into science. They were like, dude, we should be fucking doing experiments. The church went, knock it off. Stop that. And then they went, yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool. They're like the EPA guy on Ghostbusters.

They all do it. They would do these experiments. And they turn around and be like, yeah, but this is showing us how cool God is. And the Pope would be like, yeah, i guess you're right made a science project volcano but dude that would happen that's nuts i haven't seen one of those in a while when i was a kid those fired me up you get the plot do you ever get the plastic volcano in the like a cereal box but dude you'd be the pope and you're like this i went through a lot of cereal boxes i always sucked at making those volcanoes really yeah what'd you do you put like were they too foamy duds it was never like i

built it you'd be like this is gonna be fucking nuts i actually won multiple science fairs yeah yeah i like i a drop of mentos yeah I didn't know that we didn't know that we didn't know that science back then yeah that's what I'm saying

that was the dark ages dude yeah some guys would mix two weird ingredients then like they'd go to the pope and be like yo this shit created devil foam they'd have to be like

the pope would be like well that's reasonable bring it to me he'd be like no this is I know this and he'd be like what the fuck is this what are. Bring it to me. He'd be like, no, this is... I know this. And he'd be like, what the fuck is this? What are they doing?

The hell's going on? They have Mentos. There was a time where popes were kings a little bit, right? Yeah, there is a... Or were they just funding armies? The proxy wars? A lot of time. What do you mean proxy wars?

I don't know. No, they were in control of stuff for a while. Yeah. Popes were in control of stuff. Yeah. The Holy Roman Empire, right, was just Pope-endorsed empire? No. I mean, they got the Pope's endorsement, but...

Yeah. Like, Charlemagne was like, gives. Yeah, yeah. You tell everybody I'm God. Kind of. Yeah, the Pope had to go. And Napoleon did it. I don't know.

Napoleon went down there and said, give me that fucking crown, Pope. Dang. Yeah, the Pope had to go. And Napoleon did it. I don't know. Napoleon went down there and said, give me that fucking crown, Pope. Dang. Yeah. That makes sense. If you're the king, you're like, yo, fuck the Pope, dude.

I'm the head boss. I think they're making a new Napoleon series. Really? Yeah, I think Spielberg's doing it. I'm going to be pretty excited about that. Yeah, fucking, what's his name's playing him, right?

Who? John Lovitz. No no no it's actually pretty good joaquin phoenix oh what yeah joaquin's playing napoleon yeah and they've shot a bunch of actually my buddy has like a rough cut of it really yeah it's super rough what they can get hung this is the magic it's a magic of cinema. You could have John Cena play Napoleon. John Cena and Napoleon would be nice. John Cena's head is fucking insane.

Am I the only one who realizes? Yeah, it's such a wild looking fucking head. His whole body. Like hair plugs or something. I mean, doesn't seem to keep it a hundred he heard cena talk he almost fucking brother you don't know what you're talking about brother what are you gonna say dude he got he has he does have like hair plugs up front but like the back he has like a big bald spot in the back he's got a wild wild looking head. Yeah. It's too big. It's like weird.

I just saw that rap he did, that freestyle. Against Vince? No, it was against two Mexican dudes. Oh, oh, oh, us. What are they called? The Mexicools. The Mexicools?

That's what their tag team was called. That's awesome. Super crazy. He was like, back when Cena was a heel, he was like a white dude that freestyled. And he came in doing a freestyle against Mexicans, and he was vicious, dude. He's like, why don't you go back to fucking Home Depot?

He's like, I'm going to starve you like a concentration camp. Back in the day? Just saying crazy shit. Yeah. Now he's on TV like. Yeah, don't the roids make your head? You were saying that. The roids fucking... Roids fucking head up.

Because they grow your bones. Yeah. When you're taking roids, you have to take human growth hormone too because your muscles get too big for your bones and your bones will break. So when you're getting big on the roids, you take human growth hormone

and it makes your bones grow in proportion to your muscles. What the fuck? You just become like a truly, like a freak does john cena even need to be jacked in any of the stuff that he's doing yeah dude if he got skinny he'd be fine it would be you literally not if you got skinny but if he was just a little less jacked that but then some other roid head's gonna come be so much more jacked than you

and it's over take over you have to be you're like a jacked guy professional jacked guy you're just on Roy's forever. He's so fucking funny looking, dude. Yeah, dude. When dudes get that jacked, it's so fucking funny. It's crazy. You're just a cartoon character for your whole life. It's ridiculous.

That other guy, that was the other guy that was in like, he was in Green Onion or whatever. Was it Green Onion? Yeah, doesn't he look fucking wild like an egg? Yeah, that's pretty nice.

Weird. Yes. His hair looks fake, for sure. He looks like someone put a bicycle pump in Mark Wahlberg's mouth and blew him up.

That's kind of what he looks like. That's exactly what he looks like. Dude. It's insane. Yeah, it's crazy. He's fucked up.

You got to give him credit. He is the man. Also, jean shorts, rocking jorts, making fun of Mexicans, coming in and being like, I'm black. That's crazy. I mean, it's pretty tight. Not a stone cold. No.

Stone cold jean shorts. But he kept it white. do you remember jbl john bradshaw layfield i remember bradshaw that guy was fucking he came in whip yeah yeah yeah he whipped dudes what yeah there was one time he became like a wall street maker and he had a feud with eddie guerrero he was like i'm gonna send you back to mexico boy he was like they even did like a bit where he was like border patrol like he was on the border patrolling people sending them back and this bit where he separated him from his kids in a cage match eddie guerrero dude kids in some tinfoil blankets sorry you had to deal with that eddie guerrero dude Those kids in some tin foil blankets Sorry you had to deal with that Eddie Guerrero We didn't know back then

We hadn't grown as a country Eddie's dead right He's dead? Yeah When is that? When did they all When did the Mexicans all come back from the dead? Dead

Dia de los Leyes de Muertos Yeah Coco Keep his picture Yeah he's in Coco right now Yeah keep his picture off Choke slamming some fucking kid Some kid who can see

Ghosts Fucking Guerrero breaks Into his room Oh Yeah when's a Mexican Wrestler gonna be at The top of the pops

For the WWE Has it happened yet I think they Did we steal Mysterio was kind of Big for a second Oh you're right You're right yeah

Did we steal fake Like fighting from The Mexicans Did they invent it The Lucha Glories I bet they did not Yeah It was actually like You're right, you're right, yeah. Did we steal fake fighting from the Mexicans? Did they invent it? I bet they did not. Yeah. It was actually like, it started with bodybuilders.

They're doing like fighting and stuff in the circus, but then they're like, how do we make this less taxing on our body? And they were like, let's fucking make it. Bodybuilders were doing fighting in the circus? Not body, but strong, man. It was like dudes who were like fighting in the carnivals and stuff, like carnival fighters. They were wrestling for real?

Yeah, but they're like, let's make it easy on ourselves let's fucking make spectacles and turn it into a show and then they started incorporating other styles from around the world whoa yeah i'm sorry where was that the circus that was at the circus in the year 1200 it answers your question this is what happened It was at the circus. Ancient times. Circus. It's vague bullshit. You had to answer your question about the Middle East or the Middle Ages.

I'll tell you all about it. The Catholic Church actually was what dissolved Rome. Is it? Dissolved Rome from the inside. Christianity, yeah. Who told you that? But then it spread out. The book I fall asleep to.

I thought the Vandals fucking... I think the Vandals had a little to do with it. All the brotherhood. Yeah, but they could have been so much harder to them. Instead, they were like... I don't know exactly how the Vandals, but I think they were like, I forgive you guys. Oh, there was a lot of that.

Was there really? I didn't know. No, no, that's actually kind of true. But no, they just spread out so much. They started bringing in all these other tribes and shit yeah bringing all these other cultures their armies went from like beast romans to like half just poor people from the woods yep their armies were softer they started losing wars yep yeah yeah it was like too big this is what chat gpt said it was too big to control yep yeah. One guy. And also the succession plan. Like, if you didn't

have a good succession plan, like once a king died or something like that, everyone would be like, I don't know that guy money anymore. The next guy that comes in, I don't know that guy anymore. Imagine if you lived 5,000 miles from a guy and you somehow heard he died. I'd be like, I'll wait on that. Yeah. I'll find out he's

heading this way and I'll spend two years building an army before he gets here. I'll find out he's heading this way and I'll spend two years building an army before he gets here. I wish I could have built an army against my credit card that one time. That was so nice. That was sick. That was so nice. You owe us money.

And I was just like, I don't think I have to do that. Nothing ever happened. No, I don't. I just went like, no, I'm not paying you guys. I don't like the way you guys just jack rates up. And they were like, well, that's all right. And I was like, well, it's my right not to pay. Yeah.

And then eventually some other guy buys it. Nothing happened. Yeah. Nothing happened. They just bothered me. And I was like, shut up. Yeah. And then it was fine.

I'll just call you for like five years. Yeah. And then they give up. They do give up, though. They give up. Yeah. Because they'll be like, well, your credit score is going to be shit. And you're going to be like, I don't have any money.

It doesn't matter. I don't care about a fucking credit score is going to be shit. And you're going to be like, I don't have any money. It doesn't matter. I don't care about a fucking credit score. I've never. Yeah. At the time, I was 23. And I said, guys, after seven years, my mom told me this all goes away. So I don't even want anything until I'm 30 anyway. And they were like, dude, you can't do that.

You're a fucking coward running from your problems. I was like, later, guys. Somebody called you a coward? Yeah, dude. That's pretty awesome. They get nasty. Because they would be like, where do you live? And I would say, i live in the fucking woods dude come find me fucking well that's probably that you're running from your problems in the woods and i'd be like dude i'll fuck you up yeah okay fucking credit card

phone guy my cousin told me to tell my cousin told me that guy's pretty awesome well my cousin dude a coward that guy's obviously can't run from your problems my cousin told me if you're getting a bill collector they have like you know like there's a lot of call centers in india so apparently in florida outside of like they have a lot of like detox centers down there a lot of sober heads freshly newly sober heads go and work for credit collection agencies they have it's like they're like near those things so he was like if you get a credit collector to start fucking hammer if you see a florida number yeah just start being like you fucking junkie you fucking junk you're not gonna last you're not gonna last go fucking use dude that's what he said i was like that's a funny thing i would never do that

like you fucking junkie you would how much would never do that. I'm like, you fucking weak, junky dude. You would. How much of you owe your family, dude? Yeah. Fucking worried about me. It is because it's a volume business, right? A guy just buys up a bunch of people's debts, and then they just call as many of these people as possible.

It's pennies on the dollar. If someone's dumb enough to pay this, then we'll be good. Yeah. I think you still have a fucking blemish on your credit report. If you pay one of those guys, it's not like you spike up to $750. Yeah, I don't think they're calling, I don't know, whatever. FICO? Yeah, yeah.

Hey, FICO, this guy's good. He's good. Boost him back up. Let him buy that jet ski, FICO. FICO, give him a jet ski. But yeah, credit card stuff is just like... He's going to pay $300 a month for 10 years him a jet ski but yeah credit card stuff is just gonna pay 300 a month for 10 years for a jet ski the interest rate is 97 i think the worst thing they can do is literally like take you on judge judy like i think a credit card company has no they call you dudes call you

and like hi i'm from the legal department i'm like a legal department of what they're like we work with the legal department. The law. Shut the fuck up. It's the law. You know the statue with the blindfold? That's us. It's like, dude, just fuck off.

I do not understand how people like Judge Judy. Or Annie. You don't think she's fair? You don't think she's fair? No, I fuck her. You ever watch it? Yes. It's pretty fun. I don't like it.

What's your beef with JJ? I just don't like her. You're more of a Mathis man. What? You're more of a Mathis man. You're more of a Mathis man. What? You're more of a Mathis man. You're more of a Mathis guy. I'm more of a Joe Brown man. Joe Brown, give me the business.

Is Joe Brown dead? Guy still going? Dang. I think he's on the Supreme Court, actually. He did? Yeah, one of them. Clarence Thomas or Judge Joe Brown. I can never tell them apart. I just know someone's getting some Texas justice down there. Someone's getting some justice.

That should be the new Supreme Court. Just all the TV judges. They'd be getting it done. They would. Yeah, I just hate every We might have abortion back. Remember when you cried when they overturned Roe v. Wade? Dude, when they overturned Roe v. Wade I came into Chris's room and he was under his bed.

And I was like, Chris, you want to get coffee? He was like, get out of my room! It's always net negative coming on this podcast. No, you cried during Roe v. Wade. It's not true. I don't even know when that happened roe v wagon every time yeah might have blacked it out i don't really yeah i don't even i yeah you were drinking pretty hard during roe v wade no that's every bottle you start crying you're like i need wine, that's every article is like that. The Supreme Court has passed X.

The House has passed X. And then you click on the article and they're like, well, now it has to go through this other process. It hasn't happened yet. Don't worry. I read all those. That's every article is just an extreme event has happened. And then you click on it.

It's like, well, it hasn't happened yet. It actually has go through a thing they fuck you with the science it's not gonna change the science news is bullshit yeah astronomers found a new black hole and they predicted it's gonna get us you read it and they're just like well we don't know and you're just like dude yeah yeah don't fuck with me yeah don't play with me the worst was when they gave they gave like a 23 year old girl credit for like taking a picture of a black hole. Do you remember that? No. And then you looked into it and she was just like, she was there. What did you say?

I want you to take a picture of her black hole, dude. I love it. Her gaping fucking. I'd love to hear the sound emitting from her gaping hole. I'd love to have my hand disappear, dude. Dematerialize. What happened? There was just a girl that was there and they were like we're gonna name this part of the team that was the whole story there was a girl there there was just one girl there

who like put like wrote a little report on it it was part of a group of like 500 people that were like putting it through some algorithm to try to get the image. Did they get the pic or no? Yeah, yeah. What does it look like? Stupid. It's like a fucking stupid thing. It's the blurry kind of orangey donut. Yeah, man. They hit you with the Bigfoot stuff.

And it's like, dude, it's like a seven, CERN is like a $7 trillion center. Yeah. It's like, here's a pixelated picture. And you're like, dudes, fuck you guys. Yeah. That's pretty cool, actually. Yeah, it kind of looks cool. Yeah yeah that's pretty cool actually yeah it kind of looks yeah it's pretty cool oh that's worth billions of dollars it looks like a cool cat's that's what i make a cool background out of that worth it yeah worth it that's all we need

worth it we need wallpaper for our cell phones keep it up scientists you fucking losers damn we're losing faith i hate space you used to love space i do when you loved elon musk now you're a democrat you're not allowed to love elon musk you're not allowed to like him anymore why not your political party says he's bad i like him that actually about his twitter that was twitter what about his twitter allowing hate speech he actually agreed with scott he said scott adams's. Chris said that? No, no, no. No, he supported Scott. Chris O'Clotter.

Chris O'Clotter. Good Christ. Wow, dude. Elon did support Scott, dude. What did he say? He said the media is actually racist against white and Asians peoples. That's what he said. Scott said that?

No, Elon said. He said the media is racist against whites and asians peoples that's what he said scott said that and then so the media is racist against whites and asians yeah sorry asians you're in this with us right now you guys shouldn't have worked so hard you worked your way to the big leagues it's hard it's tough up here. Purified air. Purified might not be. Rarified air. Also, probably, you know, HEPA filters are bad. Purified was a, yeah.

Oh, it's a thing? That's your problem. You know too much about history. Oh, yeah. You know too much. I hear that and I go, yeah, HEPA filters. You go, no,

there's actually a deeper connotation. And I go, hold on, let me fall asleep to see if i can remember arian race pure blood yeah that was their thing man that's strong what if they had 23 look at me dude pure pure as hell the master race it's me the master race. I'm here. Jews. I'm the best. Ask me anything.

I'm Chat GBT. Marie Antoinette. That's enough questions for now. Marie Antoinette, Mary Charlemagne. That's enough for now. That didn't happen. Stop. Beat it, nerd. Some guy just typing on the other end like...

It's just a guy. ChatGBT is definitely just a guy. It is fun because you can ask it to write scripts in people's voices. It wouldn't do Shane, I saw. No, yeah, it wouldn't. It would not do Shane. Because I hate speech. Even this computer's no.

It can't touch you. You just put more into the algorithm. Too hot to handle. You just said, I'm the master race. I am the master race. Dude, come on, man. ChatGBT doesn't understand irony. We're trying.

I think everyone's done with the master race stuff, I think. I've been getting into it. There's boys kicking around, dude. There's a lot of boys. If you watch that Klopp video, there's a far... The Scott Adams video, there's bros in the comments like getting fired oh man literally no contact they just go 50 of black people say it's not okay to be white that's all i need to know and they disappear off into whatever fucking they're going

off to do and you're like oh boy yeah you know the movement's not going well when you're rallying around dilbert let's take that piece of information to wawa with us yeah 50 of black people don't like me fine i need to go get coffee at wawa there's one of those sons of bitches now that dillbert was talking about he's behind the counter he's like this guy thinks he's got an extra mayo no fucking way dude i'm gonna skiss sam's gonna be dry as hell i know they hate that that's a dry ass sandwich then that guy goes home and they're like do you think it's okay to be white he's like no i'm not a fucker dry ass sandwich yeah it was i was crazy it was it was crazy that like he was like trying to go through like like world viral statistics of like

the pandemic and like he was like guys you don't understand i'm behind the scenes i'm crunching the numbers and he saw one survey of a thousand people was like well guys i gave up black people are ridiculous it was just like dude i'm telling you it's a play it's definitely a play and he's going to do he was like you guys don't understand the data behind the vaccine now he's just like bro black people stink you're like bro what the fuck are you talking about he's he's courting trying to reset the table he's courting i'm telling you man he's courting the darkest corners of the internet he has no idea what he summoned and he's about to find out and they're going to just annihilate him they're going to keep fucking with him he has no clue

he has no clue he just summoned four he's now 4chan's like focused target like they're like this is so funny watching this guy lose his mind there's like a hive mind collective of people just fucking that guy could have just shut the fuck up he had a he could have had a decent life he made dilbert he was syndicated by making so much money off that dumb shit dude ridiculous you can say that stuff you can say i'm done with black people you just say it don't do it on a camera yeah you're 66 or however old you are sit in your fucking big ass house and go well that's it i'm done with black people say it to no one it'll echo in your mansion

now he's on fucking facebook live like get away from these motherfuckers no dilbert it's so funny he's such a funny it's dilbert you couldn't think of a funnier like if you had to pick a guy to be melting down like i don't know what's the funniest thing possible the guy who came up with dilbert you see the view counts are like 20,000 yeah the where's waldo guy just called someone the n word it's like perfect perfect that's funny gary larson from the far side question the holocaust numbers makes a cartoon two cows the smokestacks seem kind of small yeah he blew it man but dude you look at that video it's like 400 000 views all for the views he went on hotep jesus he also claims that he's like the whole video he's like i've been nothing but i've been helping the black community my whole

life he's like and all they do is call me racist it's like why i don't think that anyone knew you until then yeah and now all of a sudden, you're just like, I don't know, Dilbert's big in the hood. Dilbert's big in the hood? He's certified. He's certified.

He's got a G pass. If Claude Adams goes to the hood, he's got a big time G pass. Where's he from? Where? He actually ran into problems with affirmative action way back when. It took an hour and a half,

two hours. He was like a corporate big wig. It took an hour and a half, two hours. He was like a corporate big wig. He wanted to be like a corporate big wig. And that was like the early 90s when they started doing affirmative action. He's on record being like, they fucked me. Oh, okay. So he didn't get into art school. He had one of those origin stories.

Something like that. But he wanted to be like a business guy. Then he started doing it. He's an Adolf origin story. Yeah. And he started going, they fucked me. Bernie Adolf. And he started doing the thing.

He was like, I love Trump's persuasion. And thenasion and then you know finally he just went i can't hide i'm coming it's time for me to tell everybody how i really feel dude it's pretty watching you go like jesus man he's like i'm just don lemon said it himself you don't deal with problems when you live around white people and it's like when that's don's words not mine oh yeah don had a you see that don lemon clip from 2013 why did he do that that was 2013 you're allowed to go wild yeah i guess 2013 you were allowed to say pull up that was literally what he said yeah don lemon went on cnn someone probably called him like a gay ass boy oh he got him a gay ass bull bullied the fuck out of don lemon he you didn't see this he was on he was on your he said pull up your pants he was on the chris news network he was on cnn and he literally

was like five things black people need to do one pull up your fucking pants like it was crazy stop fucking littering that was like number two well how long has he been on cnn for i don't know that might have been when he got the signing bonus, dude. He probably got the signing bonus. Yeah, he was like, yeah, let me tell you something. He hit the Dilbert button. He hit the Nas, dude. Time to fucking launch. It's time.

Five years later, he's on TV crying. Yeah, dude. Black people. Like, dude, fucking we saw what you said. So he did that? Yeah. 2013. Yeah.

That was probably right around when he was getting accused of sexually assaulting that waiter. Oh, yeah. What? Yeah, you didn't know Don? Dude, these are your guys. It was Don Lemon. Don Lemon. I don't think I've watched him.

Don Lemon. Don Lemon got in there and wiped his nuts on a waiter. Literally, he goes, I'll have a hot dog, actually. I'm in the mood for a hot dog now. Grab the beans, bro. He's a friend of beans. Waiter came over and was like, yeah. He was like, here's today's orders.

He was like, yeah, actually, I'm going to go with the fucking hot dog, dude. That's so funny. How have I never heard that? That's so funny. Did you just come up with that? That's great. Grabbing a guy's dick and being like, let me get that hot dog. I didn't know it was a waiter.

I'm going to do that for the rest of my life. I love grabbing dicks. It's so funny. Walking by someone, give them a little boop. You see that? You sound like, yo, what are you hungry for, man? I don't know what I'm eating. I'll tell you what I'm hungry for.

You got a hot dog. I haven't had a hot dog in a while. Let me see that. Oh, dude. You got a cocktail weenie, dude? Fucking. No cocktail weenie. Oh, fuck.

A couple of plans to grab your friend's dicks is awesome, dude. Yeah. Like, how are you going to do it? Put your own flair on it? I'll never get past horse bit me. Horse bit me. It's true. The horse bit me.

It was unbelievable. I can't believe my dad did that to me. It's it really is it's a statue of liberty it's boise state boise state oh my god i mean dude that's that's a good one that's a nice little one that's uncharted youtube territory there. There's like the video. Funny ways to grab dicks. Well, I'm saying grabbing dicks in the hood. You should do it like a karate, like an 80s, 90s karate style infomercial. You know what I mean? Where there's like the guy teaching you how to do karate.

You can be like, this move. Like Rex Quando. Yeah, Rex Quando guys' balls. I'm thinking about a dude going and grabbing dicks in the hood, dude. That's the most dangerous game. I think about it every time we bring this up. I think about when I did that to Courtney and he socked me in the dick as hard as he could, dude.

No hesitation. Courtney, you see where the horse went? He went, just punched me in the dick. Yeah, you can't grab the fellas. Why is that? Because Dilbert's right. Just get away from these guys Look grab their dicks and run dude

Grab their dicks and run as fast as you can You can't go grab a black guy's dick You said why can't I go grab dicks in the hood dude You're crazy of course you can't dude You go to the hood and grab a dick Dude you would die What did you say? Neighborhoods aren't safe Dude you walk to the hood and grabbed a dance. These neighborhoods aren't safe. Dude, you would die. That's not safe. What did you say?

The neighborhoods aren't safe. Dude, you walk in the hood. You're like, yeah, I'm opening up like a cupcake shop. Piece of shit out of you, dude. You crazy? Yeah, I was thinking of opening up a hot dog cart around here. When you grab it, yeah. If it's hair,

you gotta go a little... Oh, man, that's a real cool bubble coat. Let me zip that down. He's like... Dude, you would get killed. You would get killed, dude. I mean, if you hit... Yeah.

Most white dudes... Our age age white dudes would laugh. A lot of them. But you head into the Elks. You head into the Elks, start opening a hot dog stand. Those boys would try to fight you. Hey. This guy tried to grab my stuff. Fucking queer.

You fucking queer. Imagine there's still beer foam on their lips and you fucking go for a hot dog. Steelers Ravens on. Fucking 130 on a Sunday. You go in there and yank every chain and run out. Can you escape? You can pull some bells. Punch back another day and some bells, dude.

I'd rather VFW yank. Just pull a... Yeah, but dude, they would form up and two of them would block the door. You'd have two dudes in Baltimore. Call the police. Call the police. There's a goddamn query here. He yanked me.

Yeah. Yeah, old white dudes would spaz just as hard as black dudes. They would use all their powers to try to stop you. Big time. Two dudes would block the doors. You have two big fat dudes just fucking like, you're not getting out of here, dude. Fuck down.

What the hell is wrong with you, man? Yeah. What are you on, fucking weed fucking weed these guys on fucking drugs yeah they would not like that at all damn i don't even think about that how many dudes do you think have hooked up at the elks or via like just it has to have happened it's gotta be two dudes a year two dudes here at least two dudes a year got shit face and they're just like kissed at the elks no they got the ring cam in there they all have the ring cam every elks memory it's gotta happen at least at every elks it's gotta be you think it's like a generational thing or it's just like at least like once a year once a year two dudes just fuck yeah probably probably you should Throughout all the Elks.

Next time you're there, just be like, yo. Have dudes fucked. Yeah. What the fuck? Come on. We'll do that stuff here. This isn't New York. It's all those weirdos you hang out with.

That Chris O'Connor. You guys are weird. Livenor. You guys are weird. You live together. You guys are weird. I do like thinking about dudes that age just repressing fucking homosexual urges. Just fucking like... Because their minds... Everybody's mind...

You think of... Everybody thinks of crazy, terrible things. But they have to go like... But all those... Like we, you know, comics. Not just comics, but us as friends. Like, if you think of something, if you think of yanking guys' dicks at the Elks, we're going to talk about it.

Yeah. Those dudes think these thoughts and just go. Oh, it's just another picture of Coors Light. You're like, let me get my brain eraser. I'm going to wet my whistle. Got to repress whatever that was. I'm going like, these guys are looking pretty good this year. I bet that's the gossip at the Elks is who's fucked.

I bet it is. No, they don't gossip about that, dude. You don't think they gossip? I bet it's... Okay, so yeah, there's definitely like... If there's a gay guy. That guy's a little funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah oh yeah for sure there's some guys that are funny there's a funny guy at the elks yeah i've seen the funny guy and uh yeah there's some chatter i've heard some i've actually literally heard this chatter yeah almost exactly what matt said they're like yeah

that guy's it's a little funny guy That guy, he's weird. They're just picturing fucking blowing him the whole time. They're like... It's just a magic. Tell you what, man. These fucking caravans are just fucking... Keep that guy away from me. I will suck his dick. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

He doesn't know his ass from his fucking elbow. He doesn't know his fucking dick from my mouth he's like son of a bitch i can't something about blowing by it dude pee on my new blanket my wife got we should switch yeah and keep this momentum rolling we're now at a nice sweet spot i mean i haven't had this much fun goofing off in a while. It's been nice. You're sweating?

Yeah. Chris O'Connor, what's your show dates? Oh, yeah. Kiss me. Cincinnati, March 7th. Indianapolis, March 8th. St. Louis, March 9th. Damn.

Off the dome? Yeah. And then- You're with me this weekend? Yeah, yeah. This weekend, Des Moines, March- Come see me and Kiss. Fourth. Me, Kiss, and then... You're with me this weekend. Yeah, this weekend, Des Moines. Come see me and Kiss. Fourth.

Me, Kiss, and Beezer in Iowa and Minneapolis. We got Bridgeport, Connecticut, March 16th through the 18th. And New Brunswick, New Jersey, March 30th. They're my two. I'm pumping up. Boston's looking strong. I'm surprised. Nice. What are you doing? Laugh Boston? Yeah. That's awesome. They're my two. I'm pumping up. Boston's looking strong. I'm surprised. Nice.

What are you doing? Laugh Boston? Yeah. That's awesome. That'll be great. It's crazy, yeah. That's like, you look at it. I'm looking at my tickets right here.

I'm saying, oh no, what the hell? Boston's a great town. And you go, wow, that's nice. This guy's liking me there. Also, if you ever see a ticket that's more than fucking $45, it's a scalped ticket. Please stop reaching out to me. Are you getting a tax for the scalping?

Yeah, they're like, what do you think? You're fucking big time? You're selling tickets for $300? It's like, obviously I would never do that. Who the hell's reaching out

to you about that? You know? Yeah. Fucking maniacs and all these fucking funny guys. That's crazy. Coming in yanking my balls and running away.

Yeah, it's just also it's like don't, you know, don't get it. But yeah, that is, I mean, 300 bucks. It really but yeah that is that i mean 300 bucks it really sucks you should sell them for 300 bucks yeah no it really is yeah you sound like my agent 35 and 45 so low it's like no yeah no that's you'll never get the credit for that either

you'll never get the never will get credit no one ever can they don't think about it they don't think about no one cares i was like what's the lowest people sell tickets for that are doing theaters like this i want to be the lowest if i know i'm going to theater someone hits me at 40 bucks i'm going nice in my head i'm going it's gonna be 80 bucks yeah oh really if i go to a theater i don't know i don't know if i if i go in there i'm like there's a part of my head that's like you piece of shit maybe i'm dumb i assume the fees are going to be like $45 or something. Yeah. Maybe I am dumb.

People's champ. People's champ. Yeah, but no one cares. No one even realizes. They don't care. Yeah. You could double your net worth now and just have 10 dudes be like, you piece of shit. Fuck you.

Yeah. Fuck. But yeah, that's scalping shit. It is nice. It's a nice sentiment. The scalping shit sucks. Yeah. Well, they buy up bunches of yeah well they buy a bunch of tickets

they buy a bunch of tickets yeah and no one cares no one's making Ticketmaster is making money off of it it's probably your agents because there's a thing you can do where I would get that money there's like a thing with Ticketmaster as the artist

you can do this thing where whatever the ticket sales are you actually get that money and they keep trying to get me to sign up for it i'm like no i will not be a part of this yeah and they're like why who cares the money's they're spending the money either way you might as well go to you yeah like no yeah i have principles you do it and then everyone's calling me a dumb ass no everyone else the fans. The fans are saying, you fucking dumbass. That's how fucking villains are made, dude. And then my agents are going, you dumbass.

No, have principles. I need to get some. You need some principles. I need to. I'll tell you why. I'm desperate for principles. You know what a nice principle is? Admitting when you're wrong.

Hot dog. Cut that. Cut that. Cut that out. Join the Patreon. Oh, dude, we might do the history, too. Oh, in the Patreon, Matt's prepared a nice little history lesson for us. Yep, Fall of Jerusalem. Oh, LeMaire, yes.

Get up in there, LeMaire. You guys know March 2nd, March 3rd, March 4th. If you're in Virginia, I'll be around there. Yeah, please come through. Say it faster. Say it faster so less people can understand you. What was it? If you guys are around March 2nd in Virginia, Blacksburg, Virginia, March 3rd in Portsmouth, or March 4th in Richmond.

Nice. Come through, yeah. Nice. And Guard Dog, you just started a new podcast, huh? Ooh. Yeah. Everybody check out Guard Dog's new podcast. Guard Dog's new podcast.

The show at the stand tomorrow. Please come to that. What's the name of your podcast? The Super Ultimate Audiovisual Experience. That's good. It's a thrill. It's a thrill. I'm going to see it.

I'm signing up for the page right now. I already am. I think I did. I think you and me have the same Patreon. We're signed up. Yeah, we're on like a PayPal. We're signed up on his. Hell yeah. Thank you, guys. Yeah. Yo, send me the link, dude. All did. I think you and me have the same Patreon. Yeah, we're on like a PayPal. We're signed up on his. Hell yeah.

Thank you, guys. Yo, send me the link, dude. Goodbye. Join our Patreon and listen to Matt talk about the Crusades. Yes.