Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 433 - PUMP (feat. Francis Ellis)

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Frank @ francisellis.com Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. We're back with Big Frank (very elite bro). Very hot cast for you on this blessed Wednesday. Do you think Matt could pull off a jeff cap? Let us know. Do you need to PUMP? Keep that to yourself. Please enjoy. God Bless.  Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRENCHED at Lucy.co Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRENCHED at: https://displate.com/mssp?art=6247403451297 Support the show, and try Honey for free at https://JoinHoney.com/ DRENCHED

Who came up with that study? Who's that? The university of guys that lie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's just a classic, Norman McDonald. That's a, I always like those guys that hold it down. Like they have big, like huge dicks. Do you have any friends that are like, the move,

I was explaining this to Brittany, my wife the other day, I was just like, the move is, she was like, why do white guys always downplay their dicks? But if you talk to black guys, they're like, oh, my dicks. So fuck, I'm like, well, first of all, let me tell you about a little bio one-on-one. But she, I was basically telling her, I'm like, well, the move is you play, you downplay it.

So when someone sees it, they go, oh, nice. But then there's this whole other movie, like, oh, my shit's the biggest. And I know dudes used to do that. And I've heard them get exposed. Cause I know, they would just happen. I would know a woman they laid with and the lady would give me a scoop

and be like, it's not that big. I try not to bring it up. You don't bring it up at all. To the woman? No, I don't think I've ever brought it up. You don't talk to Don whatsoever. Pre a woman seeing my doll and there's, I don't think I've ever once been like,

My doll. Get ready. It's all right. But I've heard dudes hold it. This guy was holding it down to other dudes. I'll hit him occasionally with a, this thing's not gonna work tonight. I'll give him a heads up.

I'm like, look, you can, we can hang out. It's not gonna work. Yeah, it's out of order. It's well out of order. Yeah, but I've heard dudes who like talk their dicks up to other dudes. For some reason, like, you know, my shit. To other dudes?

Yeah, but then they get exposed. Like, you know, of a mutual female friend, who? At this point in my life, Dick Breaker. Oh yeah. Hey, Francis Ellis is with us. Everybody on the podcast. Big Frank.

I would care more about dudes knowing that I had a big dick than women. You probably do have a big dick. You fucking weird. No. You definitely have a weird dick. I don't want to go there. You're a weird big dick.

Look at that body, dude. Boy, look at that body. I think sticking, I think sticking straight out, dude. God damn, I hate how fucking handsome and sculpted Frank is. Get out of here. It's awesome. I hate it. I think he's probably sticking straight out, dude.

You know how good looking and in shape you have to be to be a fucking pink ginger and still be handsome? Yeah. The odds were stacked against you. It's been a battle. It's been a battle. You should be hideous. What was it like?

Well, I was most of my life. Oh, really? Yeah, you skip bullied for it. For what they say, ugly? Yeah, people will give me all kinds of shit. Get under the porch, freak. Yeah. Yeah.

They say I had a big nose. Well, that's correlated with big dogs, apparently, too. Fuck. And look, I was really Irish. No, I really think I started wearing sunscreen more. Size 12. Me too. Fuck.

I'm also 6'3", with a size 12. I got some room in these though. Yeah, those are absurd shoes, dude. So you were bullied. You were, which I'm going to call it, an ugly duckling and turned into a beautiful swan. I was a bit of a red swan. I was a fat little gremlin my whole life.

Yeah, dude. It's good. I was a big fat gremlin my whole life, just bullying, attacking. It's the best. So you said you were on the prowl, basically, though. Yeah. Preemptive strike.

Preemptive strike, everybody. You got to stay in the preemptive strike mode. If somebody, I was a gender and somebody called me a gender, I would immediately be like, well, your fucking dad's dead. So shut up. You've got to always have a nuke. Yeah. You've got to have a nuke immediately.

I used to do that. Yeah, you have to. And I would get in trouble, because my reactions were never commensurate with the offense against me. Ridiculous offense. There's a racial. You're getting me crying. You're hanging out and someone's making fun of you

for something you can't change. Yeah. Unless you started talking shit, and then they're like, shut up. No, I didn't. I wanted to be friends with everyone. Your mind never helps. What would they say?

Like, you fucking, my mom said that you're red hair, because your dad, they always ask me if my pubic hair matched the color on my head. Sexual assault, which was so abrasive. I don't, you know, it's like, that's such a personal question. And also, why wouldn't it? Yeah, obviously, it obviously does. God knows penis and his dick hair doesn't match his hair.

He's two toned. Is that right? Yep. It's true. Yeah, but you're like a mutt. Yeah. He's like, he's WAP from the fucking eyebrows down. Yeah.

It's true. He's got an Irish brain and a WAP body. The worst. It is. Actually, kind of the best there. You want to get WAP body, get a big dong, your hairy. Yeah, and then you get a nice depressed Irish brain.

Yeah, it's true. True. Look at your spaghetti meatballs and go, what's the point? To be the point, we all die anyway. Point more. A more, what's the point of it all? Frank, what's going on with you? Sometimes I like to just, I like you guys so much

that I just want to be part of it and see what's happening. I got every, I didn't used to, but since I started doing your pod sometimes I now listen to it a lot. This has become surreal to be on it again. I hadn't. We're not talking right now. Me and Shane aren't talking. We're pissed.

We're locked in Mortal Kombat. I don't know if you've noticed. I haven't talked to Matt once. Yeah. We're not me and him. You guys had that whole shoe thing. That worked. No, that we weren't talking to each other.

That's just showbiz. We put it on for the camp. We hate each other right now. Yeah. Matt's mad. Matt's mad. I won the tournament. Dude, beat me in the fucking.

I won the best podcaster combat tournament. He beat me in the retard's choice awards, dude. Dude. Dude, you want to know something? What? I voted. You voted? I knew you would.

I saw it. I'm not going to hate the button. I wanted to see what the scores were every time. I knew you were going to do that. I voted on every single one. Did you really? Yeah. And then I was like, God, I hope you can't see who I'm voting for.

That would be psychotic shit. I saw the button. I wanted to see the scoreboards, dude. What was the final score? Don't tell me. I didn't see ours. I swear to God I didn't see ours. Don't tell me.

Don't tell me. I was voting on all the other ones. I didn't see ours. You were fucking. I think we're in a barn, man. I kept trying to talk. I kept trying to check Twitter this weekend. I would pull up and see like Matt McCusker and I'd read whoever I was verse.

I would get deeply embarrassed and just go, fuck, dude, nobody listen to this. I won. 54 to 46. 54 to 46. That's not exactly neck and neck. That's pretty close. That's pretty close. How many votes?

Oh, I guess it's 10. 54, 46. 3,200. What is it? What does that have to do? 54 and 46. 100 base. I said 110.

Fuck. Scrubbed that. What are the percentages? I said 110 off a while ago. Percent? Yeah. Oh, that was the percentage? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't 100. No, not the total votes. It was 3,200 people. Jesus Christ. No, I mean, so I mean, it's pretty much official now. I mean, that was like a city electric. Small city. Rural city.

Did better than Village. Lori Lightfoot. True. She get rich. Let it go. Dude, I fucking can't. I knew you were going to do this. I had my, I had t-shirts pre-printed, dude.

I'm like, you fucking fail. Now they're in Africa. Now they're in Africa, dude. The Cusker 2023. Superior. I was going to my fucking stand-up bio. Fuck. Recent winner of, like, a Twitter poll.

That's why I'm dressed so flashy today. I put on my Hawaiian bucket hat. I said, God damn, I knew I was number one. I would read them. I'd be like, this shit is so embarrassing. Oh my God. I hope I lose the next one. I go, I won again.

Nice. I guess I am definitely better than that guy. Oh man. It's like someone poking that beat. You have like a bee's nest of just unsavory. Embarrassing. Goblins and crates inside of you. And that thing was just poking mine all weekend.

So embarrassing. I was going, ugh, stop it. I tried to hide this part of myself. I voted. I got in there and voted mischievously. I knew you would. I saw the button. I said, I'm not touching it.

I vote for you every time, dude. You thank you. Yeah, you little fuck. There's no way. What? I don't think you actually voted for him. He did. I guarantee he did.

You voted for him? Yeah. I don't give a fuck about that. Yeah. I voted for you like a hundred times. Yeah. Well, look. This could be the thing.

How the dust settled, dude. Don't deny the election. Don't deny the results. And a recount. Don't deny the results, dude. That's a big lie, dude. Yeah. Friends, you weren't even fucking on that thing, dude.

I didn't know what we're talking about. I don't know what we're talking about. Don't worry about it. What is it? Is it really the retard awards? Yeah. Yeah. It literally is.

Obviously, obviously I won. I'm honored to be omitted. It was truly, yeah, by the people, for the people. How was this podcast? You say you watch it. Is it any good? I was wondering. Listen to it.

Listen to it. Listen to it. When I'm driving. Working, man. There's some really funny parts. When you're driving and just fucking giving hell to minorities in the road. Sure. Oh, yeah, dude.

You heard it. I mean, hell yeah. But watch out. Watch out, brother. There's gonna be such a good video of you like call the police, you know, help call the police. I've been shot. I've been shot.

I've been shot now. You know what I wanted to do was I wanted to buy. I wanted to buy Meek Mills bulletproof SUV. Dude, you should get that. He was trying to sell it. And I didn't know about it. Did you really? I was going for like a hundred and sixty grand.

It wasn't as bad as I would have thought. It's pretty cool. And it's totally bulletproof. Really? And I thought if I had that, then I could really lean in to making sure people are abiding by the laws of the road. Yeah, you should get some tactical gear. Maybe a weapon.

You should arm yourself. You should go out with a gun. I bet you I could get one legally. A gun? Yeah. In New York. Yeah. It's not as hard as I would have thought.

I looked into it once. Yeah. We talked about that. You're looking to get a gun. Really? Yeah. They were like, no, dude, you can get guns in New York. You have to be honest.

New York City was trying to be fucking soft, dude. Yeah. Although if there is one place that shouldn't have guns. When did they change their mind, though, on the guns? I thought, like, last year. Did it work? Was it like so many buses of Mexicans came up here and they were like, fine, fucking, you can have guns?

Yeah, definitely. That worked. Probably exactly when it happened. I just had the guy pulled up and gave me my Acai Bowl, dude. And it was like, I was thinking about it. Dude, never in my ancestors wildest dreams did they think a Mexican man, a 50-year-old Mexican man would come up on a scooter and give me a fruit from the Amazon. Yeah.

And I just walked in like, noice. Yeah, that's it. And you sit here and talk. That's it. His life is almost over. A guy is a halfway point in life and he's just buzzing around. It's a good life, though. It's an awesome life, dude.

Getting to whip a scooter? Dude, imagine if, say, I don't know where this guy is from. He didn't speak English, but imagine he was from a place that was genuinely food insecure. Yeah. And he's just like, here you go, dude. There's fucking hoagie. Every now and again, he fucking munches, dude. That's the best.

Yeah, that is pretty fucking cool. Is that cool? It is cool. I never thought, I wouldn't even have thought that in the second grade that I'd ever have a Mexican man ride up to me on a moped. And it's like, here you are, sir. No. I go, thank you.

I had the feeling I would. I saw that coming for me. Yeah, definitely. You were a Harvard man. You were singing your songs. Someday it'll be easier than it is right now. Boy, was I right. I used to go to the counter to get my burritos.

Yeah, now it's not no more. No, now the burrito comes to me. They're handed to me at the door while I clutch our French bulldog. Dude, how sick would it be for an Uber Eats, but it's from Tacos, literally from Mexico, and people have to sneak them into the country and give them to you. That'd be pretty tight. Like real authentic Mexican cuisine. Got in here.

That gets to you the authentic fucking way. Just like a 13 year old boy through a tunnel with a guy with a machine gun behind him. You check your thing and you're like, oh, my Uber Eats driver is in a shipping container right off the post. Great. He's at the border. I died in a shipping container. Call for a refund.

You're like, this is fucking bullshit. I mean, that's how some guys get sniz. What? Grubhub, some sniz. Really? Oh yeah, you can do the... A bunch of sex slaves get stuck in the shipping container. Whoa.

Over heat. They go, fuck, they burnt my fucking sex slaves. Yeah, I forgot you can get horses right off your phone like Uber Eats now. That's kind of cool. Is that true? I would imagine. Yeah, you can get horses on the internet. Yeah, on the internet.

I think that's the only way to get horses now. Yeah, I guess so. On the internet, you can't really go street walking. It's kind of tough. Yeah. That must have been cool, though, back in the 80s to go to the street walking spots. You just walk down the block and they're like, hey, baby, you looking for a good time? Yeah, there's a lady dressed like a slut.

Yeah. There's a whore. And you just... $5. Yeah, really? Then a guy comes and beats the fuck out of you. Then an alleyway, why are you getting your dick sucked? They shoot up and die.

What a life. Yeah, they shoot up and die. You gotta go home to your wife. You're like, yeah, some jerk off stole my wallet. Fuck you bullshit. Yeah, those were the days, dude. When a guy, when just a hard-working guy could go just fucking get a blowjob from a heroin-addicted lady and go back to his family and drink like six beers and tell his wife to shut up.

Fucking snap the bell to the kids. Get the fuck upstairs, dude. How were women not getting pregnant if brothels have been around since before condoms and birth control? They do get pregnant. All of them? That's the injured list. Some of them probably do.

That happens? Yeah. Well, you just a little dick. You go in and Pimp will go, come here, give me that baby. You're not getting them all. They would scoop the babies out. Oh, the babies, not the sperms. They would abort those babies.

Yeah. Oh, no, not the sperms. Yeah, I guess I should have done an abortion act out better. What do you mean, the Pimp? Come here. That's what you do to the baby inside the pussy. Get out. You say, you ain't pregnant, bitch, come here.

See? I don't know how Pimps got, like, they passed through that. Like, they are so, like, you know, obviously I'm not saying being a Pimp is cool, but they are for, like, the, let's say, like, who do you think the biggest scoundrels of society are? Obviously pedophiles. Scoundrel? Yeah.

Pedophiles are scoundrel. Are you scoundrel? Yeah, they're scoundrels. Like the number one. You knew you should have waited. Yeah. You impatient bastard. You don't think we all want to do that, dude?

Don't cut to the front line. You gotta wait, like the rest of us. Yeah, but I'm saying it's pedophiles. It's jumping the gun. Burglars. Burglars. Burglars are, dude, I hate it. Somebody burgled me.

Dude, it sucks. Fucking piss. You'd never be comfortable in your home again. You know who I think it is? I think it's those people that play, like, the knockout game. Those are just pretty bad scoundrels. Just pure anarchists. But again.

Yeah. Go up behind people and just punch them. You seem to have a problem with a particular group. Who says? What's that guy? You fight me the bulletproof. Who is that guy? Why?

You paint that guy. I'm not painting that guy. I'm blocking black people. They're busy, dude. They gotta get away. Is that okay? They need to use the shoulder. I mean, I saw a version of the Mexican man that Matt was talking about.

Mexican knockout guys? Yeah, they came right up on there. The street luchadors that come and jump off. The luchadors do not fucking do the knockout game. He straps himself out of his grub hub warm up. No, you know. That's like keeping their fists warm in the midst for it. They come out and beat up old Asians, ladies.

Yeah, the Asians need to keep theirs, too. Every time I'm like, where the fuck is this guy? I see his thing. He stopped. He probably gets off and beats the shit out of the Asian age. You ever reach your hand in? The gloves. Oh my God.

They're attached. I just wanted to see if it was warm and sweaty. Did you ever go in? I never have, but if I did, I know I'd smell my hands after. What do you think you're smelling? I smell good. Warm and sweaty. I better be sweaty.

I feel like a hockey glove. It'd be fucking disgusting. How do you put on someone else's football pads? It'd be terrible. Yeah, gross. Yeah, it'd be pretty nasty. Yeah, but you don't like the kids playing the knockout game. You have a particular hatred for them.

Well, there's no way to defend. You can't defend against it. You can't see it coming. There's nothing you can do. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. No, it's crap.

The knockout game? I think I'd be able to fucking... You would see it coming. It makes you walk down the sidewalk with your hand on a swivel. I can't listen to music anymore when I walk because I'm afraid of that. I do it. I don't care if someone shoots me in the face. I have to listen to music.

I walk my dogs at night time. Blast him. I'm like, dude, if someone wants to get me, I can get him. Me and a bro pass each other and it was very like, oh shit. What's up? I look back at him. Yeah? Make sure he wasn't running up behind me and knocking me out, dude.

Punching you. Yeah. I think it's more of a thing, too. I think that it's usually not a lone punchman. Usually there's like... Yes. It's the bros. Yeah, you can see it coming, kids.

Yeah, it's not a lone puncher. It's usually the bros are out and you can kind of like... I have a good eye for trouble. I have a lot of little kids around me. Right. Huh? What's some indicators? Just whispering, snickering.

If I hear a bunch of kids snickering, I go... What's a solid indicator for you when you're like, well, this could be dangerous. I would say just the attitude. What type of man? Just a lot of rough talking. If I hear a lot of rough talking, I might say, what the hell are those kids up to? A lot of rough talking. Yeah, rough talk.

Here's some cuss words. If I hear a bunch of kids cussing, I go, what the hell are these kids? If they're communicating with their eyes. Oh, like a furtive glance. Yeah, yeah. If you see a kid like... Yeah, exactly. I told you when I almost got held up at gunpoint, the two kids came up to me.

I was walking. My dog at the time was a puppy. I was walking it. And these two little kids just were looking at me like they wanted to fight me. And I was literally like, what the fuck? They're like 13-year-olds. And I was like, kind of laughing. Like, what is this kid's problem?

And then they looked at me. And then another... I was on Drexel's campus. A Drexel student. At the time, I was probably like 30 living on Drexel's campus. A real student came. You were? Yeah, I was.

And then a real student came by and they looked at each other. Literally nonverbal communication. They looked at that kid and they followed him. And I went, oh, I think they're going to rob that guy. Oh, nice. Sure enough, I came home. And the guy was filling out a police report on his steps. They had robbed him at gunpoint.

Nice. You almost could have facilitated that. What do you mean? If they were looking at you and you were like, mm-mm. I was just kind of looking. I was just laughing. That guy's better. I thought they wanted to fight me.

I was like, I'd beat the shit out of these two kids right now. I just kind of gave them a look like, dude, I'd fuck you guys up. And then they just went like, they looked over and they're like, and I was like, man. It's all a nice Drexel student. No, dude, they chose well, dude. And I had a dog too. Oh, yeah. I had a little ankle biter on me.

They are scared of... I mean, from a tactical position, it's like, you don't know that my dog could bite your ankles. Yeah. And that dog was particularly an ankle biter. I know. They robbed the right guy, I'll be honest. They robbed the right guy.

The white. Yeah. He was going to the one guy. I believe he had braids or something. Dude, I went up and went, well, I don't think that one guy had braids, but that's your problem, sir. Yeah. You pussy ass.

Any other ways to describe him? College boy. Yeah. Any other words you want to use? College boy. Yeah. Yeah. That was like a nice moment for me.

He's realizing like, I do have, I must carry at least like a level one G pass now. All my years in the city didn't go to waste. Yeah. They looked at it. They literally looked at it. They assessed me and they looked into my soul as a white man and they said, there's something in that one brewing. I don't know.

Something bad is in there. We don't want it. We never heard about those ones, dude. Yeah. That's a mad dog. Exactly, dude. You could have, you would have mad dog. You could have white boy, you could have white boy crazy on him so quickly.

Yeah. Yeah. It's insane. Fucking kill me. Fucking kill me. You're not digging my wallet. I would have sucked the gun. Fucking do it, you punk.

Never done it, too. I would have taken the fucking gun and shot my dog and be like, look what you guys did. Look what you did. I'm going to pull your pants down now. You're going to fucking fry. Can you molest in self-defense? Yes. If a 13-year-old pulls a gun out, can you fucking grab his penis and be like, ah.

A little Mexican standoff, dude. Don't fucking shoot me. Yeah. One pump and you're gay forever. Is this what you want? Do you want to ruin your life, kid? You want to throw it all away right now by being a fucking fruitcake? Gay black-eyed filly, good luck.

You'll be working for Chipotle. Everybody's going to beat your ass. One pump. You've really let us down a dark corridor here, Francis. Yeah, Francis. Francis' racism just exudes. I mean, I like that. I like that painting you made.

That was good. Jerking a kid off. I think I say it every time we're together, but I love thinking of Francis. It is in Harvard at that long table. You know how they all sit at a long table and wear tuxedos and sing? Really? Oh, yeah. They all like handles.

We are the gentlemen of Harvard. It's even worse. We stood on the chairs and held hands and swung our hands. No, that's a lie. 100% true. What? You want me to tell you the song? Yeah, no, I've made you sing it before, but let me hear it.

AD, AD, happiness and wealth. AD, AD, here's to your good health. And may you live for a thousand years and never get drunk in a veil of tears and always have your children round about you. Hey. Jesus Christ, dude. You guys are fucking Nazis. That's a thousand year rike, dude.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. My motto was not bread and salt are these but the hand clasp of my friendship. What's that mean? Who knows? Not bread and salt are these. It was a toast to the meal or something like that.

Okay. That's pretty cool. It's not just food. We're commuting right now in our mutual hatred for the poor. Yeah. Yeah. Mutual hatred of the poor and the feeble minded. People get mad at me for hating the poor.

And I don't. Our college fucking song was like, boom, boom, boom. Chug that fucking calico, dude. Fucking pussy. What were the parties like at Harvard? They weren't. They were good because. Well, what we would do is at the club, we would, we would invite all these girls

from Northeastern and BU and slots, dumb slots. Never get into Harvard. Yeah, receptacles. And you know, they'd see you and be like, oh my God, no, the prop. The thing was, you know, they're only the only guys that could come to that. Our party would be the guys that were in the club. And it'd be, you know, 20 per grade. So there's 60 of them because it was sophomore on.

Yeah. And then there'd be, you'd have an email list that you'd send a paperless post invite out. Hey, we're having a Christmas party. Whatever. Was this for fraternity? It is like that. They're the final clubs.

What's that? Skull and bones, dude. No, that's Yale. Yeah. But you guys, what's yours? Yours is even more spooky. Ours is not. Those are secret societies.

And those are the skull and bones was like the, how the CIA was founded. My uncle, my grandfather was in it. Yes. We've talked about this and I was a little weirded out by that. But, and then I went into the CIA. I tried. They didn't let me in. Really?

You're such a dumbass. How do you try to get in? I applied. Really? Yeah. Did you have any gadgets on you when you applied at least? No. Yeah, true.

You should have had something on your sleeve. I was. I was like, do you have a pen? Actually, never mind. I do. I just took a picture of the whole room. Yeah. You guys want it?

You should have hit him with the MIB flash at the end. Be like, this interview actually didn't go bad. You have a pug that just walks in. Yeah. Start talking to it. Be like, he can't understand you. So you applied. I can talk to dogs.

But how do they turn, they turn you down? It was just like you threw your application into a pool. I never got it. I never got an interview. Yeah, it happened to me at one point. I was under the impression. That's tough. I was led to believe that it was not particularly competitive.

Were you pissed when you saw a commercial with a fucking Mexican lady? Yeah. You're like, God damn it. I was like, I got beat by a affirmative action hire yet again by the goddamn CIA. But come on, let's be honest. Who's blending in fucking Saudi Arabia better? Me or that lady? You look good in a fucking hijab.

You look like Lawrence and Arabia. You look cool as shit. You look like Leonardo DiCaprio and Body of Lies. How would you say that a Western man does try to blend in if he's posted in the field in a place like Syria? What's the outfit? You got to go eat your manji clothes, I guess. You got to go full safari.

You got to go short khakis and wear those dumb hats. You got to go World War One. I'm a story of a local temple. You got to be a fake archaeologist. Exactly. You're not trying to look like a local. But never train on how to use it. One day, just try to hit a guy.

Get beheaded, dressed like a dumbass. I think it's like prison. You got to go over there and find the first biggest woman and beat the fuck out of her and they're like, you know, that guy is fucking. That's for real. You got to hit the marketplace. Who the fuck is? What did Trudeau do?

Trudeau, yeah. Maybe he was an asset, actually. Imagine how tortured that would be if he was actually doing the CIA does and working for World Peace and he had to do blackface and everything. He's just a piece of shit. Yeah, just working for World Peace. But in reality, yeah, he was trying to help bolster up. He was trying to give them democracy.

Yeah, exactly. And just has nothing to do with their natural resources. Yeah, exactly. Like they do. Try to make sure everyone's safe and good. Matt, I'm so happy you're here. Dude, I'm pumped. You guys have mended?

You mended it? Yeah. I didn't believe it for a second. It's too much on the line. It's too much at stake. Yeah, it would be fun though. Just a bitter feud. Because of that.

Bitter feud. Yeah, whatever. Hopefully that's what breaks us apart. Bitter fucking feud. It's a Twitter poll. I like to think about that every now and again. I watch a lot of Dame Dash interviews. That's a bitter feud.

Him and Jay-Z? Yeah. Like a 10-year bitter feud. They're just in court, like suing each other constantly. Which is kind of cool. It's kind of balling though. It's like the kind of a sick ending to a working relationship. It's like we're in court forever.

To the end of time, we'll just be suing each other in court. Emerging money. Yeah. Each of us emerging money. Have you guys ever been to court? For, like, anything. Traffic ticket, yeah. Oh, no.

Let's say... Are you saying like real lawsuit stuff? Yeah. No, I wish. I used to fear it. Litigation? Yeah. But I don't fear it as much anymore.

Well, you thought people were like litigious? I just thought that if I ever ended up in court, it would be a very stressful thing. Yeah, you've been like that Murdoch guy. You kind of... Yeah? I could see. You look like his son. Yeah, I do.

Because I'm a ginger. You don't, dude. I don't. But they weren't so bad looking. No, I don't think so. The dad looked nuts, dude. Yeah, he was. But he was on opiates for, like, forever.

Yeah, they could be using that against him. Did you hear the reason he takes opiates? No. Because they make things more interesting? That's what he said? Yeah. Damn. Because they make things more interesting.

That's awesome. So I lied to get my hands on him. Yeah, it's fair enough. It's like, oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. It's like he hit the old, like, you know, getting high before the movies is just better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like...

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Now let's get back to the hit podcast, Matt and Shane's secret podcast. And then he shot his son. Allegedly. And wife. No. He got found guilty. He's no longer alleged. Found guilty.

It was a good one. To prove. Because he had a solid alibi. He was at his mom's house. He said I was at my mom's. Yeah. I think he had a solid alibi. No, I think the alibi was a...

Or the thing that got him was like his son's Snapchat. He was in it. He was in it. He was like, I was never there. He's just him holding a gun. Shit. No, it wasn't that. I didn't follow it at all.

That's his voice in the background. Yeah. I didn't follow it at all. I got secondhand from my girlfriend. Yeah, oh, they love that. They love that. I was like, I was like, I don't think it should be on TV. I agree with this.

It's kind of fucked up. I completely agree with this. Yeah. That Netflix would have released a documentary they knew would be very popular on the eve of a jury deciding. Before the trial. Yeah. I think it was mid-trial.

I think murders are fixed now. Like boxing. I think domestic horrible murders are fixed. I think they're fixed, honestly. I don't think there's any way for a jury to remain impartial. Yeah, true. Especially if it's a high-profile case. I don't know.

I don't think they should be putting court shit on TV. Yeah. Well, it doesn't do anything to further. It's fucked up. It's not like a national issue. Everybody's like, it's our business. It's no one's business. It really isn't.

It's so annoying when crimes, to me, when crimes in the fucking news. Yeah. Like that. Yeah, like a personal. Like where it's like a guy freaked out and shot his wife and son. It's a crime of passion. I'm in Pennsylvania. I don't, or in New York.

I have nothing to do with this. Yeah. I got to watch a guy cry. I was watching that. I was like, if he's innocent, this is terrible. Yeah. We're just, thankfully, thank God he was guilty. Yeah, true.

But if he was innocent, we're just watching the guy break down and be like, I would never hurt my family. I've done a lot of bad things, but what if he was innocent? He had the Oscar Pistorius stream going down. I don't remember the Pistorius one. The mucus coming off of his nose. Yeah, I bet. Well, maybe he was innocent.

Kyle Rittenhouse cried. He was innocent. He was innocent as hell. We didn't do a goddamn thing. I was giving speeches, making video games and shit. I feel like if you cry, they should be like, all right. All right. Clearly innocent.

Go ahead. Yeah. True. It's like, you're crying, dude. Oh, shit. You must be upset. This must mean something to you. You must be upset.

Never mind. No way the jury's going to look at this as a sign of you being unstable. Seeing a grown man break down, sobbing. There's no way the jury's going to... Well, here's my question. What if he was like, I'm not going to get any more Percocets anymore? And he's like, I'm going to get a... I bet he...

Yeah, you'll get some perks. He's going to Percocet Heaven. He's a perk hero. True. Very true. Yeah, he's going to have to do things for those perks. He's going to have some money. Yeah, he does.

He does. He steals it all, though. Yeah. I think Stormy has any money. I think he stole it all. Yeah, he did. He took it all out of the settlements that he was winning on behalf of his clients. And that was the theory of why he murdered his wife and son.

Oh. Damn, he was cheating, guys. He faked neck braces. Yeah. Socks. Dickhead. Guys in... Yeah, Fenderbenders.

Were you in a Fenderbender? I'm going to shoot my son in the head. What a fucking idiot. They released his commercials. Like, damn it. Yeah. I don't know. So my question that I had for both of you when I walked over here, well, I didn't walk,

but I was, I left my building and I went from my apartment out the, you know, front door past the lobby, past the doorman and everything. No doubt. And there were a bunch of people. I passed a bunch of people on the way. Dormant. Sick. And it occurred to me.

Must be nice. Well, you could have a dormant. Must be nice, dude. You know, I'm not taking that from you. Last time I tried to all chip into a bill, you're like, I don't need your fucking money. Shut up. Shut up. Must be nice.

Harvard boy. She leave her building. I'm a West Point man. It's a little different thing. It's a higher standard. This is all of the earth. I walked out and I passed all these people and it occurred to me after I walked out the door of the building I live in that not a single person had seen me not one because they'd

all been on their phones. Yeah. And, and even the doorman was having a side conversation with somebody to the degree that I liked that when people talk on their phones in public. No, they weren't even on their phone. They were. That's something you hate. They were looking at them.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I've walked out of an apartment building or excuse me, my apartment that I had murdered people in and it occurred to me that if anyone, if police came, they found the bodies eventually and then they asked people for eyewitness accounts. You were here. We see you on the closed circuit. You saw him go by.

Did you see anything unusual? Not one of these people would have been able to offer any kind of eyewitness account. No description. Oh, yeah. He was wearing this. No, no. Oh, he's got a neck tattoo. Nothing.

If only there were a group of kids who could go around like vigilantes and punch people into awareness. Yes. You hire them. Get them off their phones. Maybe that's what those guys were doing. Yeah. Like, yo, guys, you only have one life.

Yeah. Pay attention. Pay attention. Wake up. It led me to this question. All right. Do you think it's easier to get away with murder now than it was before? Because people are so much more distracted.

Is there any argument to be made that there in some ways it's easier to get away with murder now because nobody's paying attention to anything anyone else is fucking doing? I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. The guy could literally be on his phone and be like, holy shit, someone's walking by my doorbell and they bam, there's a guy who murdered the person. Yeah.

Yeah. If you were smart enough to know where all the ring doorbells are and all the closed circuit TVs and maybe you put a hood on or something like that, what type of hood? It's like one of these hoodies thing cloth, you know, sunglasses, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. The Assassin's Creed hood. That's a cool hood. I think it's although a lot of murders.

That's a very big Assassin's Creed hood. A lot of murder hoods I get. I get tiny. My fat face. Dude. I have the jacket. I have that. God, no, you see that gold jacket I was wearing that fucking one.

Was it you meet McKeever, the one Burke gave me. We're there. I was wearing it. I put on a fucking snow hat. I just look like carbon. It's a full carbon jacket. I was leaving my house. I was like, it's cold out.

I'm going to put on a snow hat. I put it on. I just looked in the mirror. I was like, holy fuck, I have to wear a baseball hat to change my hat. But no, I don't think it's easier to get away with murder now. Yeah. I think it's a lot of murders. A lot of murders.

A lot of murders. A lot more than you think going soft. Yeah. They're the easiest way to kill someone is just go right up to their door and shoot them as they answer the door and walk away. Someone you don't know. Well, I mean, yeah, you do that if you know them, then you're probably going to be a suspect. Yeah.

Yeah. The easiest. Yeah. I mean, you could Leopold and lobe this thing. See if you can get away with one. What does that mean? Leopold and lobe. They were like two gay freaks.

I think from they were Ivy League boys, I think really they were like, I think we can get away with murder. Huh. And they tried. How'd it work? I guess. Tell me if I'm wrong on that. When you looked at up Leopold and lobe, were they Ivy League freaks like this one?

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Classic Ivy. Very bookish. Back then, though, I think that was big time. It's a great school. It's just incredibly hard.

What do you mean? You don't go to the University of Chicago for any reason other than to study. It's it. It's like MIT. Oh, really? Yeah. Anyway. Um, no, yeah, there's too many cameras now.

Yeah. Everywhere. And then you get like you're walking out of your house, your neighbors on your three doors down, picks you up, leaving, so you'd have to have like a crystal clear, although you could use like a bomb. That'd be nice. Do you think true that you guys, any of us are smart enough to do it? I think it's a matter of intelligence.

To murder anyone. I could get I could probably kill a homeless guy. Yeah. We could kill homeless. Yeah. I could like shoot him. Well, yeah. Poison him.

I could buy a weapon. Poison. I got nothing tonight. Like that. I could poison a homeless guy. Easy. But y'all get you a drink and is open with Dr. Pepper. Maybe some soup.

They always want soup. Oh, I could. You could probably kill like 20. Yeah. Put like and racks in a hoagie tray. Do you like hoagie? What is it called? Hoagie.

While it is hoagie fest. It's fucking big. I'll volunteer and it's fucking. Yeah. One time I, a guy asked if I, if he could, if I could get him some soup. Yeah. And we were standing outside of a place that one of those market sort of delis. Yeah.

He went in with him. I walked past. I said, nah, sorry. And then I reconsidered and I went back and I walked in with him and I got him some soup. And I was ladling it in and then he started adding things that he wanted. Oh, yeah. Obviously. He's like, how about some of that chicken?

And I was like, I just got you a gigantic soup. They're going to do that every time, bro. Yeah. I should give up. Mouse a cookie. How good did you feel when you were getting the soup? I felt good until he started adding more. I am.

I am a good man. And making me realize. It's expensive soup. I got them. I got them. The biggest one. You come in like, excuse me, guys, homeless guy coming through. Hey, guys, I got a homeless guy with me.

Hey, guys, excuse me. I'm here to buy a homeless guy's soup. I was his chaperone. Chaperoned him around the store. I had a similar experience one time. I was in 30th Street Station and this guy was asking for money and I pulled out my wallet and I had like a five and a 20 on me and I pulled the 20. I went and pulled the five.

I was like, no, let me get that 20. I said, no, here's the five and he goes, dude, give me the fucking 20. And I said, now you're not having anything. Goodbye, sir. And I left. Now you don't get any. He's being rude. Yeah, that is rude.

You taught him. I said, you go back in your little box and think about this, dude. Yeah. You know what you did. It's time to start making better life choices. You should go reflect in your little box and think about it. That's definitely exactly what got him there. You being rude, dude.

That rude attitude. That's how you end up in a box at the train station, dude. I still love trains. I know. Bums love trains. All these derailments must be really fucking up their travel. It's a flight delay, dude. Yeah, it is a flight delay.

I was going to be on that fucking taxi. Yeah, they're all in Pittsburgh right now waiting. They're like, where the fuck is that train? I've got a skedaddle. I've got a skedaddle. Move on down the track somewhere else. These guys keep raping me here in Pittsburgh. Imagine your Apple banana rotting.

What'd he say? My tent. What a fucking wildlife, dude. Under a bridge. It's crazy. The guy just wants you to hear them. They're like, fuck. There's dudes in the tent right now going, everyone's fucking laughing at me.

And then meanwhile, people are going, people actually are laughing. It is funny on there. It is funny how hard and miserable their lives are. Everyone's talking about re-homing them and using the malls and stuff. It's like, all right, go ahead. Using malls? Yeah, everyone's like. I think they already are in there.

Abandon malls, the boys get in there. That's what I've heard. That's party time. Yeah, but it's like, okay, go ahead and do it. Are you going to be lifeguard or whatever? You go blow the whistle there, dude. You going to show them how to get some soup? Yeah, you got to go in there and fucking hang tough.

I don't understand. What do you think is going to happen when you toss the boys in there? Yeah. That place is going to become. It's going to be nuts. Crazy. It's a jail. They're going to have to put a fence around it, a barbed wire fence, and a guard tower,

and then they're just going to be like, fuck, we built a prison. There's no other way. You'd have to. Yeah. I think there are people that have this fantasy where you can shave a homeless guy and correct his job resume, and he's like, oh my god, thank you so much. Just down on my luck there for a minute. Yeah, it's almost, I wonder what percent of homeless dudes are down on their luck.

Probably a good amount. A lot of dudes are down on their luck, but also, I don't know, man, like. Compared to down on their luck or just clearly mental disabilities. Lacked out. Tons of trauma, drugs. Yeah. Stinks. Yeah, it does.

It does stink, but also it's like, as bad as it is, it's like, I could probably like, quit everything and try to help and then need to be after a while. Can we go back to hating them? Homeless people? We've turned into this corner of actual reality and it's a lot. It's a downer. It is down, man. They're bumming us out.

They should knock it off, dude. Yeah. I'm having a good day to see some unwashed man and I go, dude. More fun when we were talking about the rape. Homeless, unhomeless rape. When they, yeah. Yeah, the rape thing going, I was like. Get a pocket knife, tiered throat.

Yeah. Fuck, fine. Go. Take it. There's a woman. Take it. That rides the F train. Taking you son of a bitch.

I've been on this. Jokes on you have bad diseases. Yeah. Jinks. We both do. Double AIDS. Fuck, I got AIDS from raping that guy in that tent. Oh, that's what a bummer, dude.

What a bummer. Why didn't you tell me to wear a condom? I should have wore a condom. What do you rape? You can't wear a condom and rape a guy. That'd be crazy, dude. You have safe rapes. Is that where they leave condoms?

Jesus Christ. Is that why they leave condoms out? Like when you go to like a college campus? Yeah, just in a fish bowl. What a terrible thing. Damn. I remember how sick that was. Early in college, when you see the bowl of condoms, you're like, whoa.

I might start dumping them out. This is pretty cool. I remember hearing about it. I never saw them. Bowl of condoms? Harvard wouldn't do that. No, they didn't. I'll tell you what, Westchester had them.

Yeah. I am still totally against condoms. I think they're a terrible idea. You shouldn't do it. If you need to like literally mylar your penis, it's like, just think again. Don't do it. It's not to be done. It's disgusting.

I agree. It's gross. Totally agree. And you're also just blasting jizz into a bag. It's disgusting. It's gross, dude. It's gross. Blasting jizz is funny.

Not into a bag. Yeah. It takes all the fun out of it. I like blasting jizz on the woman. Yeah. Sure. So fun to blast jizz on the woman. Yeah.

So fun to blast jizz on the woman. Yeah. Sure. So fun to blast jizz on them. As you should. On their belly. And then you get up and you're still wearing socks and you look like a fucking dumbass. Yeah.

And you're like, I'll get you a towel. Hold on. Oh, dude. And you struggle to get off the bed. Do you want to hear something very embarrassing about me? You find a towel. I look like a turkey with those like white things at the end of it, you know, when they're on the drumsticks.

That's what I look like when I'm wearing socks. I got to roll out of bed. I got to go, hold on, I'll get you a towel. I like the image of Shane having sex with elastic bands around his feet. And a big raffle and some rosemary up his asshole. What the fuck, Frank? That was in my mouth. Dude, I woke up the other morning and I don't know what the fuck was going on.

It's like I did this in the morning and I didn't realize how fucked up it was till the nighttime. So I wake up. I told you I had a cool dream about it. I had a Jeff Cap on and everyone was complaining. They were like, dude, the whole night it was just me wearing it and being ever like, no, that looks cool. And I'm like, thanks, guys.

Fuck, I forgot about that. Dude. We got to start getting Jeff Caps for the show. Dude, I wore it and it was like my brain was being serious. In that dream, I was like, dude, this is so cool. Everyone has pumped up my Jeff Cap. You look good in a Jeff Cap. I don't know that my dream, I was like deeply like nervous about it.

And my dream I'd be like, I don't know how these guys are going to react. I'm like, yo, dude, nice hat. I'm like, oh, thanks, guys. It's really fucking cool. And then I woke up real life. I wake up. My wife's breast pumping and I went, dude, I went, yeah, I got to pump too. I fucking fapped, dude.

I woke up. Wait. Hold on. In real life? Yeah. I was like rock hard. And you actually whacked off? I woke up from my Jeff Cap dream, rock hard.

And I was like, yeah, I got to pump too. And then did you complete? You did it in front of her? In front of her? While you were breast pumping. Ew. You do that? Dude, that's terrible.

In front of her? I didn't think anything of it. Because in my head, I was like, is this weird? I'm like, nah, dude, it's just calm. Don't get all weird about sex. Just get it out of your body. Who cares? She said that?

I said that to myself. She goes, whatever. So I fapped a completion. And then it had been a while. Bro. I rolled over. I was trying to be quiet. I was trying to be quiet when I was going.

It was like an eight-pump rope. And then I was like, all right, is any of these guys awake? And I went down. Oh my god. I didn't think anything of it. Until that night, I was cutting something for dinner. And I went, what the fuck did I do? I was like, that's insane.

That's insane. And I just started laughing maniacally. And I was like, Brittany, I ran up by her. And she's like, yeah, that was fucked up. And I was like, it's one thing to speak to you. I got to get this out. And I was like, yeah, I got a pump too. Bro.

I support almost everything you do. Wacking off to a breast pump. It wasn't to the breast pump. You can still hear the zzz. I hear it every morning. It's nothing to me, dude. Yeah, I guess. I was rock fucking.

For some reason. I did diamond cutter, dude. That is the grossest shit in the world to me. The breast pump? A breast pump. Totally doesn't affect me. It's totally normal. I understand it's totally natural.

It literally pulls their nipples. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it. And the idea of whacking off around it. It was nothing, dude. It's a man-versed machine. And then, yeah, true. True.

Well, credit. You're all natural. Credit's your wife. I mean, not being phased whatsoever. No, not at all. I'm sure she deals with... I'm sure this is just a pretty regular occurrence of Joe. He's doing something absolutely insane.

Yeah, but him saying, yeah, I got a pump too. That is what got me. And then her being like, of course. Of course that's what Matt said. As soon as he woke up, the first thing's out of his... Was it the first thing he said? I woke up. He probably still had that voice of like, yeah, I got a pump.

I got a pump. Yeah, I got a pump. I've been... Bro, I really needed to... Is this term for jerk off? Oh, we're both doing this now? Dude, I was like, I didn't realize... I didn't realize how nuts it was.

Until later that night, I went, oh my god, that was insane. And I stopped it. I like ran it by her. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. And she goes, yeah, that was kind of weird. And I was like, I was laughing in tears being like, I said, I have to pump too. And she was like, you're not funny.

And I was like... It is very, very funny. It was hilarious of me. But also like the fact that there was no... And it was like a eight day load? Bro, it was a week load. Yeah. It was Monday to the Sabbath, dude.

It was the full... It was a wide load. The cycle of creation. There was cars in front of it saying, watch out. Here comes a heavy load. It had a police escort. It had flags on it. I would have moved back into the highway for that.

Yeah, you could have on the way. That used to be my favorite joke when I was with my sisters in the car. Anytime I saw one of those, I'd go, hey, it's got your name on the back of that truck. And they'd be like, what? Oh, fuck yeah. Nah. Wide load, dude.

I'd say, you're a fucking wide load. It is funny to think about the moment the words like hit their eyes. I know, it's the best. And they got interpreting. It's the best. I do it to people all the time. I'm like, Chris, I can't believe they named the street after you. You just see it's Gay Street.

Got you. Yeah, when you make someone find the insult, that's when it's really funny. I think about that all the time. You're just like, I always think about my mind taking in negative things and it just sets off this whole cocktail of reactions in my body. Constantly. It doesn't stop. No shit.

So funny. I don't think it'll ever stop, by the way. I don't think it will either. Yeah. Because then you just get old and like worse problems. Maybe you get old and just ride it out. Old men seem to have it. Yeah.

I don't talk to your dad or Phil. I don't like Phil. What's going on? He's like, I don't give a shit. Shoot me in the fucking head. Dude, literally. End this. Every picture my dad takes, he goes, that's going to look good in my funeral.

Put it in and save that one. He calls it his box party. That looks good in my box party. That's such a funny cope, dude. They're so afraid of that. Oh, I know. They're terrified. They're terrified.

It's the only way you can do it is just be like, nah, I can't wait. Yeah, you can make your dad cry in two seconds. If you just stop them in a barbecue and you're like, dude, you did a really good job as my dad, dude, I love you. Yeah, they'll cry. How's it going with your father? It's great. Do you call him father?

No. Call dad? What's he up to? I was having father. Do you say I love you to him? Yeah. But he doesn't say it back. Really?

Phil does. Phil never, dude. Me and my dad won't do it. We've never worked together. Phil has such a hard time with it. I don't say it to him anymore. I say I love you to my mom while I'm on the phone with my mom and daddy. I love you, mom.

I go, all right. See you guys. See you. I'm the guy in the car that I don't care about. I'm going to do it to him. I'm going to give it to him one day. I love you. I fucking love you.

It's tough. It is. They handle it real weird. I told you. Phil goes, all right. Yeah, that's what he does. I accidentally hugged my dad one time and he went like that and he flinched. He was like, ugh.

Yeah. I was coming out of a breakfast. I went to hug my mom and I wasn't paying attention. It was just my dad. And I went to hug him and he went, whoa. I think we've talked about it before. My mom got into a recent, like the last like eight years she started hugging. And we've always hugged a little bit like she tried to kiss you on the cheek when you

come home. Yeah, I do hug. She's short and she always hits me in the neck. And I was like, ew. Ew. And I, she's like. Yeah. Like here.

I'm like, all right, mom. You don't love me. I'm like, mom, stop. It's gross. You should bend down. I'm going to get it. Next time she goes for it, I'm going to go. Stop kissing.

Dude, it's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird.

Stop kissing. It's weird. It's just what you wanted. I shouldn't try to kiss Phil on the cheek. Oh, he pushed me. He'd fight. Yeah. If you can't, dude.

No, he would know. See, Phil's got a good sense of humor. He would know I was fucking with him. He'd be like, hell, you do it. You guys have that back deck. If he's ever standing, looking over, come from behind him and kiss him on the cheek. Kiss him on the back of his neck. Holy shit.

Holy shit, dude. He'd fucking smash. Yeah, he would stand up. He'd pull you guys both over the edge. And he tries to, like, when I fuck with him, when he's on his recliner, I love, like, coming up and slapping him in the head and shit. He tries to get up, like, fast, like, he's going to chase me. He's always like...

You can fuck with him? Dude, when he's drinking, I always take the remote from him. It's so fucking fun. He comes over the elks. And when I'm home, I try, I don't drink. I'm home. I'm just, like, hanging out. Phil comes home from the elks.

I'm like, get in the whole sit-down. I go to get another drink. I'll take the remote. Sit back down on the couch. He comes back and he's like... Give me a remote shame. And he try to go and do the whole fucking... I let him touch his hand.

He's like, fucking let go of it. Oh, so fun, dude. That's the best, dude. You tease. I love teasing, Phil. Oh, it's so funny. He loves it. I bet, yeah.

He starts laughing. Give me it. He'll laugh and then he'll switch into, like, actually mad. He gets furious. Give me the fucking remote. That is a perfect, like, spaz brain, though. Like, seriously, like, no, Susan, do not fuck off. God damn it.

But, yeah, the slow get-up is great. If I kissed the back of his neck, he would do that on the deck. He'd be like... What the hell are you doing? Fucking kiss your father on the neck. Imagine if he said a male prostitute to that. What else? Yeah.

There's a hot male prostitute. Oh, what if it worked? What if I was like, this is going to be a funny prank, and then my dad fucked a guy? Just tore apart my entire family in existence. Phil was gay? Shane, why did you do that to him? What the hell?

Sounded over to that damn guy. Just an olive skin man with, like, a ponytail who goes out and fucking gets gay. I think Phil and Tommy hooked up at the beach on the beach trip. They were talking a lot, dude. I think Phil liked looking at Tommy's body. Dude, stop fucking my comedy friends, dude. Yeah, beach trip was so nice.

It was so fun. Where'd you guys go? Like, outside of Panama City. Yeah, for Emerald. Or Gulf Coast. Yeah. It was very, very nice. Emerald Island.

It was literally the best sunset I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Beautiful, dude. There was, like, an eighth of an inch of water, just, like, a sheen on the sand that was mirroring the sunset. Oh, wow. So you can see it on the ground and up. Yeah.

It was just fucking beautiful. It's nice. Yeah, we were all in mushrooms. I was... Yeah, blacked out. Fucking salt. Fucking sunset. It was crazy.

You used to invite me on those trips? Yeah, you never came. Well, you never went. Which one? South Carolina. Oh, yeah, I wanted to go, yeah. Yeah, that never happened. You kept sending me links to the houses we were going to rent.

Yeah. I even started thinking about what I would pack. I got... What would you pack? Well, I didn't pack. I just thought about what I would. What would you pack? I was going to think about what...

Cool hats like this one? It's challenging. It's beach hat. Preparing to hang out with you guys is hard for me. Why? Because I don't want to overdress and have you make, you know... Best cash? You look cool as hell.

I know. I worked hard to pull this off. What? Why don't you just be here? Look at what he's wearing. How do you blend with that? What the fuck is that? It's a good outfit.

New balance. You look like you bought all of that today. And because you escaped from somewhere. You know what I mean? Frank. You're on the run and you had to buy that. You think I'm not running in here? He's on the walk.

He's on the walk. I got here before he was here and I was turning into the house and he's coming up the block and he goes, Frank! Or no, you said Francis. And I look up and you were there. It was you. Like that. And I'm like, man, that's Shane.

He's come a long way. The fuck, dude? I mean it. You get to be you. Not all of us do. I can't be me. You could. What would be...

If this was the year he became more fully you, what would it be like? That's the thing. I don't even have... I haven't had the luxury of thinking what I would be. That's not the worst when you think about like you do this or that and you realize like I don't know what I want at all. Yeah. There's just a void when I check in with what I really want.

Jesus Christ. This is a non-answer. But I was thinking I would wear a nicer shirt and then I... Shut up, man. I figured you guys, you'd make fun of me. No, I would never make fun of you. No, man. What the fuck?

If you can't... I'd love to have you on Beatstrip. There's another... There's a Beatstrip coming. When? In November of 23. Oh, I like that. To Hawaii.

Really? Yeah. Wow. My cards right from then till now. Dude, I'm always playing my cards right. We've been friends for a lot of years. Yeah, but I miss you. I haven't seen you in a while.

I know. You've been too busy on the road. Yeah. You're a road dog. I was telling my wife how much I love you. I was like, dude, Francis. Who's the best? I was like, who's on the podcast?

I'm like, this dude is the best. Literally is. Oh, my God. I told him you said that. Yeah. I'm touched. When I... I was like, we got to get a cool guest and I was like, oh, I got a good one.

Told Matt we were getting Francis and Matt was like, I love Francis. Yeah. You guys are so nice to me. That's the truth. I could have worn whatever I wanted. Literally, whatever. It would not have been a big deal. I wear this to go pick up my daughter from fucking preschool when I always forget I'm

wearing this. What the fuck, dude? Travel buddies? Yeah. I don't dress as... Matt dresses insane, too. Yeah. That hat is insane. Everything about it.

What is that? He's wearing a turtleneck. He's wearing a fucking turtleneck. And what's on the top of it? It's a hoax, dude. It's probably paint. Is it paint? It's paint.

My hoax is my turtleneck. My turtleneck is my turtleneck, man. He was wearing a... He had his kid's birthday party. He was wearing a Pangea t-shirt. It was just Pangea. He loves Pangea. I love Pangea, dude.

Why? I don't know. I just... It's nothing. It means nothing. Pangea means nothing. What are you talking about? It's how much different things can be.

We used to all be one country, dude. No. We drifted apart. Well, to be fair, not yet. You don't think the Jews control Pangea? Now you're talking about language. Now I see why you like it. I didn't even know it was a conspiracy.

We were still alive there in Pangea. The Jews killed the dinosaurs. This kid, obviously. Maybe they were the dinosaurs. Can we have fun now again after Kanye went into hiding? Yeah. He really spiked the ball, dude. Do you know where he hid?

Where? At the Aman-Giri Resort, and Ron went on their vacation there and saw him. Yeah, saw him. And he... Nobody had seen him for like a month. So that's where he hid? Yeah. That's Kanye in the lobby.

Yeah. It was like a week after I talked to him. It's crazy. Because I remember they were like, he's gone. He's missing. Yeah, I just talked to him last week. Is that how they're missing? Yeah.

What's he up to now? I heard he put up a cryptic post now. I thought... I heard the rumors of him and Adidas getting back together. Yeah, I heard that too. Yeah. Adidas was like, oh. Adidas was like, well, we can't lose $5 billion.

Yeah. We should have never invested $5 billion in sneakers. Fuck. Yeah, but it was going well. It wasn't easy like the number one. Dude, honestly, I was thinking about Kanye recently. I think what he was really doing, whatever way he did it, I think he was just poking fun at the whole idea of having these stupid labels in boxes.

He was. He was like, dude, this is kind of embarrassing. It's time we just grow up and get over it. Exactly. Well, he was also trying to do the Jesus thing. Yeah, that's it. He was saying, I love Nazis the same way as I love Jews. Yeah.

He was trying to go exactly what Jesus would say. Yeah. Although I bet Jesus would have gone, those guys need to knock it off. Yeah. What do you think it might have flipped the fucking? I think Jesus was more human than people remember. True. I think he would have said, we got to kill those fucking guys.

Oh, yeah. Because he's a Jew, too. I always forget Jesus was a Jew. Yeah, Jesus would have missed. I thought he was like Irish or whatever. Yeah. He was Irish. He was obviously Irish.

His red face is fucking like. Oh, that'd be a tough turn the other cheek. Irish? When they melted. No, they melted your cheek off and you're like, what do you mean? If you're a Jew, if you had to turn the other cheek on the Holocaust, it'd be like, there's no more cheeks. Jesus.

We're out of all our cheeks. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, I get you. Yeah. That's a tough one. That would have been the ultimate test. What?

Holocaust. Be like, forgive them father. They don't know what they do. I bet a couple guys hit it. You think so? Yeah. You know where they had that? They had to be dudes hitting that.

That must have fucked the guard up. Rwanda was big on that. What? That's how they fixed their country. It was after the genocide, everyone unilaterally committed to. Forgiveness. Really? And it is what completely fixed their country.

And they went from a genocide in 1990s to being, I think, one of the most industrialized westernized. Who was genocide in them? It was the Hutus versus the Tutsis. Yeah. It was an ethnic cleansing. Two tribes just hitting each other. So it was a duo?

No. It was one way. It was one way. It was one way. The Tutsis, who was getting it? The Hutus were 85% of the country. The Tutsis were 15%. I got a feeling that 15% didn't fare too well.

No, they got smoked. Yeah. They're the ones who got it. They killed a million people in a month. Whoa. It was nuts. Is there any more of the 20% left? Yeah, they didn't.

It's actually harder than people think to exterminate. Yeah, they didn't get everyone. I think it's easy. It's really fucking hard. It's funny to think of Nazis having that kind of like just Hitler and Goebbels hanging out just like, it's not that easy. We thought this was going to be a kind of a war. This is a lot harder than it's fucking seemed, dude.

Yeah, find them. Now they know what we're up to. They're all fucking tricking us. Son of bitches. What's what? Yeah, that's got to be, that's crazy though. Yeah. And now they don't, they don't subscribe to any ethnic identities.

It's just one people Rwandan. That's cool. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. God damn, that's almost impossible. Well, this was all built around. Somebody fucking killed my village with machetes. I'd be like, oh, I'm going to kill it. Like, I hate them forever.

The president that they elected in the wake of it was, I think he was, he had fought in it and he was the one that came up with that policy and had lost family members himself. So he, he fought in it on the losing side. I think he was just, yeah, I think, yeah. He was on the winning side and he was like, all right, now that that's done, we got to say sorry to everybody. Yeah. No, no, you can't come back shake hands.

Yeah. Shake hands. Good fight. That's good with genocide. He's beloved and he's been the president now for I think 25 years and everyone loves him and says he's just and he's created a safer wand and all of this. But if you start digging when you're not actually in the country, there have been a pretty decent handful of political dissidents that have lost their lives in hotels, not even in Rwanda.

They've all been in South Africa. What are the dissidents? Are they being like, yo, we should fire this war back up potential opposition leaders because they have democratically held elections every so every certain amount of years. So he's like the Clintons. Sure. But in a good way. It's a decent calm.

Yeah. Yeah. Suicides. Body count. Yeah. And he knew his opponents were all going to fire the fucking thing back up. That's probably an easy one to mobilize back. Yeah.

Remember we used to fucking kill those dudes. Yeah. And you get over there and you hear all these horrific stories and you start to think a little bit like, well, you know what, if everyone in this entire country is behind this guy and he's actually not, you know, sending secretive chunks of government funding to a Cayman Island's account for himself and he's actually led the country into prosperity and it's like improving. If the cost of that is 12 potential opponents that would have beaten him in an election.

Yeah. What other way? What other way is there? Yeah. Yeah. That's a CIA. How fragile is their democracy? You should send this.

We should clip this. You can send it as your fucking. I started to buy it. I don't know. Drink the Kool-Aid a little bit like, yeah, you should have fucking killed those people because no one else would have been able to make the democracy was so fragile following the genocide. Yeah.

He's the only one in my, in my opinion, who could have kept it together. I like it. Yeah. I'm a fan. I'm glad they're not, you know, like if, if Washington, yeah, you're right after had stepped down after two terms and the next guy hadn't been Adams, but had been some fucking lunatic. Yeah.

Yeah. What happens to America? You're right. Yeah. I don't know. Rwanda was doing so good. I'm happy for them. They're doing really well.

Yeah. They do say after the storm usually comes the rainbow. So it's pretty nice. Hmm. Yeah. You know, good for them. Germany's doing well too. Are they doing good?

Maybe. Maybe a little too good. Are they killed? Is Germany crushing it right now? The genocides work. Wait a second. You think in reality you're just getting rid of all the bad vibes? Yeah.

So then the question is, who needs to change? Some rough takes on this one. Who needs to go here? You tell me, guy who blocks the traffic. You're the only one, I think, who can answer that question. Who needs to go in America? Yeah. We were to...

What? ...root it out the problem. Are you saying who needs to go in and knock that and stop that? No. No, he's saying if you had to commit a genocide in the United States, who would you pick? What the hell? That's what he asks. His words.

That's exactly what you asked, Frank. What were you asking? He's right. That was the question. Okay. Hold on. Let's say you can do any demographic. Age.

Yeah. Sex. Profession. Profession. The scoundrels. Okay. We're going to have a group of scoundrels tomorrow that improves, that everyone agrees this is going to improve the country.

Oh, man. Hmm. Who would ever be like, all right, we didn't want to commit a genocide. Pet files, I guess. You can maybe do some petties. What happens in this genocide? Are the people committing it going to be held as held as... Are we going to get hung?

We kill them. Can they be exiled? We're killing them in the streets. They're not... Oh, man. We're going in. We're going out. We're rounding them out.

We're killing them. I know, but I'd like to not answer. I decline. Who do you pick? You can say pedophiles. You can say pedophiles. Pedophiles is an easy answer. Pedophiles is easy.

That's safe. That's my politician. Pedophiles. Pedophiles. But it's like, is the strides of America working a lot less poorly as a country because of pedophiles? I think they... How much does that tip the scales in the right direction?

You're talking about in terms of like GDP? I don't know. The functionality. You know, they're eating up resources, are they? The fucking Mike's Heart Lemonade stock would plummet. So, hopefully, yeah, Mike's Heart, you got to sell your stocks before we round up the peds. Yeah, I don't know.

This is a conversation I think that makes everyone's hair rise in the back of their neck. Yeah. It is a thought exercise. I say pedophiles. Can you not say the elderly? The elderly... I mean, what's elderly then?

What's the... How do you get rid of them, that's the question? Stop treating them. Oh, you just let them. Ice drift. What's that? We ask one of them. We put them on a fucking block of ice and...

That'd be cool. Like a cruise. You just set a cruise out. It kind of becomes... You could do cruises. They come there. They love cruises. Yeah, you just set a cruise out.

You literally let them sail to the sunset. It depends. But then it's like, what if they have... What if anything about... What if they all had their cookies or they were trying to call their grandkids and everyone's going like, shh, they're gone. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Cruise ships are a decent way to do it. True. Get the boys on the cruise. Have a fun time. Yeah, yeah. But you would need a couple of the servers on the cruise to die with them though. No, put no one on it. Oh, what would it just...

Just push them out. Yeah, fun until you aren't having fun. Just let all the slot machines keep kicking coins out. So this is when I'm like... Yeah. You slowly realize there's no food. He's shot down by a Chinese fucking naval ship. Yeah, that'd be terrible.

We've... Through the advancement of medicine, we've prolonged life to a point where it's unnatural. Yeah. Do you think? I'm looking for a lifeline from you here. We're about to get low population. So the population's on a dip pretty hard. In which case, we're going to really need to get rid of the elderly, because now we're

going to have more fucking old people than young people and we're going to spend our entire economy on hospice care. Well, it'll be lucrative because they'll have... The people, the baby boomers have the most resources, so it's like then it'll be a big thing of like taking care of them, doing the stuff they need. They're going to be shelling out like a lot of money. Yeah. It's not a really productive country though.

Huh? It's not a very productive country, just taking care of old people. Robots, robots brother. What about robots? We got the Robies. We got the robots doing production. We don't have to worry about that. We just have to worry about our malls as well.

I was talking to Spode about it today because I was watching that fucking, I was watching a YouTube thing about like mega structures that they're working on and I was like, we're not that smart. Yeah. I don't believe anybody's coming up with AI. The Robies? I think that's bullshit. No, I'm just talking about like robot manufacturing.

AI, I'm skeptical. Oh, but yeah. Yeah. I think we're pretty far away. Really? I mean AI- I don't think they're as smart as everyone's acting like we are. That could be true.

I think robot manufacturing's pretty good. They were showing these ideas for all these like future cities and shit and I was like, we're not coming close to that. We're not doing that one. This is ridiculous. Yeah. Have you been outside in a regular city? Yeah.

We're not in the, yeah. Yeah, not like the park, like that. Even that little, you know that now you say that like the thing you type into like park sucks. Nothing works. That's bullshit. Everything sucks. That should be just like touch that with my thumb or something.

Yeah. You know what is solid? Paying with a credit card using your phone. That rules. So that's impressive. That's next level tech. Yeah. I guess you're right.

That that works as often as it does where I'm like, oh fuck, I forgot my wallet. Oh, I have my credit card on my phone. Yeah. I finally ran into a clear machine that broke, you know, clear at the airport. I love clear. And it's relatively new. So now they're finally starting to fucking break. No.

Like I did like stick my eyes and it was like, it was like freaking out. Was it like your eyes are waiting? There's kiosk malls. People were like, I don't know. Were you making a funny face? Yeah. No. Regular face.

Were you goofing on it? Yeah. I was undertaking it. I was like, I don't know why it's not working. That's a fun trick. If you got some time at the airport, go hold up the clear. Fuck up the clear. Just fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's switch over to the Patreon. Thank you for joining us, Frank. It was a pleasure. Join the Patreon. Thank you guys.

So watch the rest of this. Frank's going to continue to ask about genocide. Thank you.