Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 434 - Razzle Dazzle (feat. Bert Kreischer)

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Bert @ bertbertbert.com Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com HELLO. We're here. We're with The Machine (burt). The cast is as hot as it ever was (no surprises there lol). Go enjoy Bert's brand new special on Netflix and watch his movie The Machine soon. Please enjoy this podcast. God Bless. Support the show, and try Honey for free at https://JoinHoney.com/ DRENCHED Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRENCHED at https://Manscaped.com Support the show by going to sheathunderwear.com and use promo code DRENCHED to get 20% off your first order.

Hey There we go. Welcome to the podcast We're here. We're live with Bert Christchers and man McCusker. How are you man? It's all man. How are you? Thank you You're setting yourself up. Why fucking good boy. Yeah, they're looking good boy Do you know mustache good part? I look like a good boy again. I was I was right crossbar You were now I'm back. You look you do look good. Thanks man. Fantastic Tommy cut my hair last night. Did he really? Yeah sober

Time sober. He was sober and cut your hair allegedly Just come from dinner. Did I ever tell you about the time? My hairdresser fell off the wagon and cut my hair. No No, oh dude I this hairdresser he was He's cool fuck you can only get him. He'd come into LA. Obviously he's an alcoholic Thursday I'm like cool as hell. He was cool. He cut he cut Aussie Osborne's hair Fucking Perry Farrell's hair cut everyone's hair and he lived in he lived out of town

He'd come in once a month and you get a call like yo, he's in town. Do you want a haircut? So Leanne dumps me, right? It was right when we first start dating. Oh, she dumps me. I'm fucking I'm a wreck I can't stop crying. Yeah, and he calls he goes, you know, I'm in town You want a haircut and I'm still crying on the phone. He's like, I'm strong with you I go this chick I dumped me and I'm I'm I'm fucked and he goes why don't you come in get a haircut? I said, no, I'm good. He goes. No, no, no, the best thing you can do is look good today. Yeah, you look good Let's talk about it, man. We're friends to talk. So come in now mind you. He's a recovering heroin addict. I come in And he's drinking a beer

Yeah, that's barbershop culture. Yeah. No, no, this is like hair stylist. This is Hollywood Hair style culture I go to my go man, I thought you were sober and he was like heroin was my problem not beer. Yes, I know this story So because you want one I was like, yeah, I guess I'll take a beer and he's like What's the problem? I go This chick Is that a Zen? Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah, you want one? No, no, no. Yeah, you had one I go this chick don't me He goes why I don't know friends had a drinking problem. He was having friends. I said

One drinking problem. Yeah, he was a good call idiots Drinking solution to all of our life problems You know, I mean goddamn that drinking problem worked out you parlayed that It's so funny breaking up with a dude. Yeah, you have a drink problem. Never change it getting worse probably So he goes he goes how many people told you that I said just one he goes it's important I said why he goes If one person tells you have a tail fuck him the crazy He was if two people tell you have a tail they're teaming up on you

But if three people tell you have a tail turn around and I go, okay, you want to smoke a joint? I was like He goes I go man, I thought you were sober. He goes dude weed wasn't my problem I wasn't sucking dudes dicks for weed and a beer. Okay, fucking do you want to smoke a joint or not? And I was like, oh, it's bugger joint. I've done it. So we'd smoke a joint get another beer We need a beer I'd love So We get high we have another beer and he comes then he cuts my hair with a straight razor and his thumb

It hurts so bad. It's like he's pulling my hair out and as he does my bangs He turns them into simple Jack from dropping fire. Yeah, he fucks me up so bad. I get my car to immediately start crying Oh No, I was 180 she came back to take you back to me. She was in a sundress. She got into a black dress Took you back in a sundress. Yeah fucking Christ. You lift that thing up and get after it. No, no, no, no, no You just cried on that thing. Yeah Lubricate I think girls would like that a lot. Oh my god weak man eating their pussy. That's all

I broke him now. He's eating my pussy. Yeah, nothing more than a guy to cry on their pussy and they both turn into vampires Now a vampire You probably cry the same way you laugh too, right? Oh, I cried grass. Yeah, you've never seen me cry I can cry No, not like an actual sack. Oh, I cry. Oh, I can cry real easy Really? Oh, yeah, I cry. I cry. I cry very easy if I tell you about the end of Time Traveler's wife I'll cry if I tell you like I can like tell you stories that'll make me cry One makes the one that makes me cry is Buster Douglas. Oh, yeah

It's a fucking 30 for 30 makes me cry every time dude kids books get me man Dude I cry my fucking eyes out like baby beluga. Yeah, we're like, I get like personalized books It was like we love you so much. Yeah, you know my daughter's names from your kids. So they do they do like Yeah, they get me know you mean kids books literally from your kids We love you at the end like their grandmom only have like a customized book. So it's like my Daddy and mommy and it's like ever since you were born. You're just like Yeah, you came into our lives. Yeah, I bet. Oh, it's the worst. I bet So to get me. Yeah, but Buster Douglas. That's a good one

Love of your child Buster Douglas. How about miracle? Miracle, I think I don't know. I don't see it. What team do you play for? Yeah Team USA last night put a hurting on those dumb Canadians. Thank God in baseball. Thank we lost to Mexico and baseball. It's fair Pretty bad. No, it's not fair. What the USA should be the best team at baseball. Yes, brother No, for real if we if we had all of our players that actually played no one would be this right? Yeah It's a world baseball classic, it's like the World Cup although our outfield or like our players are playing Well, it's also from a Mexican pitcher. It's like low slinker sinker. Yeah It's just frustrating to I don't like there's something about I get very xenophobic immediately about the Olympics

Olympics, yeah, I don't give a fuck about world baseball classic. I just found out it was on. Yeah, turn it on I was like what the fuck we lost to Mexico. Yeah mad, dude And they always we always placate Mexico because we're always trying to sell tickets So when we play Mexico in any sporting event, it's always in Texas or Arizona Like we'll play them in soccer and we'll play them in Houston kind of a fuck you though. It was there. It was theirs It is a nice fuck you but also Not our home game Our home games and soccer is just all green. It's all them. What? Yeah. That's a problem. Yeah

I don't like it. Yeah, man. Well, that's it's funny. You can like put a ball in between people and you can hate a whole country Like fuck those. Yeah, you're allowed to immediately. I miss I miss that one. You guys are younger than me I actually remember really being allowed to hate other countries like out loud. Oh, yeah Russians. Yeah, like Russians were like fucking you can do it's back in In a liberal a group of liberals you can say we should fucking new Russia. Yeah before they maybe like yeah, definitely Really now you can read the New York Times. Yes, we should new Russia Yeah, you can do it again call. No, yeah, I hear what you're saying. I hate Russians. I miss it Being able to just hate a country. Well, I think it was like I know no

Just knowing knowing where your fears were and identifiably where they were. Yeah, like it was the Cold War It was us versus them not us first like these guys and these guys and these guys hit us also and then We're on government and it was like oh, and your only fear really was like nuclear annihilation I'm not scared of it at all. I don't know why It fails to get me. I mean, I guess because it's such a Hopefully that doesn't happen because then the world's over. Well nuclear power It would rather that than just you will turn you right into energy. It'll turn your solid matter right energy I have it to a little

It's like well if I die fucking I hope it's the world ends. I don't want people to have fun when I'm going I want them to When I die they die also Love them if I'm dead so I want them dead also There You're not a lady that puts her kids in the lake That's a wild statement Enjoy life and you're making lying kingdom from the sky. You can be like move also. Yeah, true

Jedi them you can show up as a hologram They'll be at a college party like do it My stomach hurts in drink I Definitely want my wife to die with me. Yeah, yeah for sure that one. Yeah, I want my kids to live I guess but then they're gonna suck someone what if you die for your wife your wife sucks someone event Yeah, now you're overestimating. She's gonna blow a guy. I swear to God within one year of your past You ready In my will I'll leave you money

No, I'm gonna leave a caveat my will If we hit suck some stick within one year you get a million dollars out of my will Mark it down What a betrayal his wife suck my dick and I got a million dollars Oh my god, no, I'd be sending assassins at her. Yeah, I'll be sending some of those NFL boys I'll be that Christian McCaffrey will be knocking on your door Take Christian let's make five hundred thousand dollars each today and you get head Know that guy who just fucking died

You have to watch though to confirm you have to watch You'd have to watch The bookshelf and fucking interstellar Oh Unchained melody Yes I can go right after this too, it's crazy Yeah, I was a good podcast guys

I Does stink though to think about that like they have to eventually suck Podcast no, no, no or the wife bereaved wife forget podcast for a moment. Oh, yeah, wife is gonna suck after you die. Yeah, man He's gonna sell you want her to sell you don't want to ever suck ever again. I Know I've had this thought a lot. No, you don't really wait. What you're going sucks a lot Talk about have sex she can get sucked Suckings a lot. Yeah, obviously. Yes, you do want them to suck again. Yeah, just for you know Just for the mental health man is too good at it to retire. Oh

It's just really fucking good. That's the best. I think it's because majority of family can't read So I'm gonna buy the gas bill damn my family's not that smart I got sisters It is a terrible thing to think about it whether or not your relatives are just like completely turn it on Like scaring dude, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell's going on? Sit back, baby. He takes a while. What the fuck if I was a chick I always surprised suck dudes dicks all the time That's what everyone says but there's got to be some kind of thing in their mind where they just like you think they'd all do it You I mean

Now yeah, the girl goes after my my dick's got to be ready Oh, yeah, there's no if a chick went straight for my dick right now. I'd be like, no You cannot see The ultimate test It's the sword in this It's a snapping turtle with a little thing in his tongue What's this little worm come here if I'm hard I'm like hold on let's just wait I wait till I go down And I lay next time you start it begin let the campfire go down and then they go

I Begin yeah, I don't even touch them when I'm not hard. I lay next to me. Give me give me one second You try to wheel it up. Yeah, do you think you could get your dick hard just by thought? Yeah Yeah, if I haven't I mean not in a pressure situation. Let's race Actually, I'm pants are kind of tight. I'm wearing the Mac man I What did I what did I just I just did something the other day and still trying someone had

Come on something happened and I just and I started getting hard like in public. It was we uncomfortable really Yeah, I was something someone was doing something sexual. I think well Like what care about it at a sex show in Amsterdam. That's the last time I saw you That'll give you a bum There's schoolboys arguing. Yeah, it was a schoolboys arguing Boys pushing with vanilla all over their hands Dude, I was watching the night soccer last night that boy he was getting after kids what? What's the night soccer Richard Ramirez?

Get horrible teeth. What a butt fucker. Well, was he getting after the kids dude? He would break in oh Shoot you in that he would shoot the man in the head. They need to go rape the wife And if you had a kid he would fuck your kid god damn it dude guy sucked. When did they get this guy? He was going hard for like 200 days. No, then they got but he was doing like every day. What an asshole He's the biggest fucking turd. Maybe of all time. Yeah, I would say I Don't know what a jerk. I think He was bad, but Dommer's the one that now dude this guy was butt fucking like eight year old

Shoot you in the head as a dude and then rape and maybe kill your wife or just rape her and then butt fuck a kid Oh, so he was no no no he finally that was the end of the trial the trial was like three years. Yeah, it was one What was the truck how long was the trial for I don't know why it was three years But he got two guys from El Paso as defense attorneys, and they're fucking the idiots This could be a mistrial because his defense attorneys are such fucking morons They're like dude, you better not talk to me like that. He's talking shit to the other lawyer For these two Mexican dudes. They're like if this guy you're lucky. It's a courtroom dude to the other lawyer

They're like, dude, what are you doing? Yeah, he the best is at the end. He's like he holds up his hand He's got a pentagram in it and he's like hail Satan and they're like he pleads not guilty I Guess if you get that guy off like a like a I think they were just they were just trying to make sure you didn't get the death penalty That's all right. Who gives a fuck? I should have No, he oh He might have been on death row for that long

Yeah, he was he got convicted and got sentenced to the death penalty, but then he died in prison cancer in 2013 God came down and said Enough of this guy, although obviously guys aren't real if he let him do all that stuff like Free will bro. I know but you're just some couple Dude, one of the first ones. He's just some old Asian couple. He just broke in Dude, he was raping like 80 year olds. We're thought we're kids. We're thought damn. He sucked. He was pansexual What if none of that's real If they just made that up, you know, what if none of this is real, it's all just a play for me

When you say when you go God isn't real what if God is but he only just attends to me Because that shit didn't happen to me and that's like with the chosen people or say I don't know I'm sorry not to believe in death like I'm just gonna go I Go I go if I just so I go I've never I've never died for sure So like and every time I see other people I go I wouldn't me So I go what if I just definite this is like a second graders mind. Yeah, I know

Find happiness you got a regress you can't try to get like true. You can't hang out with Louis. I do agree with that Yeah, like well, I'm not that part Said to me it just goes black one day goes black. That's it. Yeah, and then you go into nothing this and I go Well, I'm refused to do that. I'm refused to go. Oh, of course. We're just goes black as opposed to going like Yeah, I hear people die, but it's not me and then and then what if you start a religion where you go death isn't real And then when people die the whole group goes wasn't us. Yeah, it was a hologram person Yeah, it's not real like what if the whole thing because I do have a hard time compartmentalizing if you die and everything goes black death doesn't exist

Because you never existed So technically death doesn't exist because literally if you die and everything goes black Nothing ever existed. Yeah, then nothing ever exist. Are you scared of death? Terrified really terrified terrified. Yeah, I'd like to say I'm not but obviously yeah I mean, I would wake you up. No, I don't I don't I just feel like you just go back It's like what louis saying but then you just fade back into this mix of stuff And then they just spit out another thing so you as the person die, but the stuff that makes you up just goes back into the fray So you're just like a I like I like my idea about you're an entity

Yeah, but you're gonna die though. Mm-hmm Also, it depends how you die. You're not gonna know you died Oh, no, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be one of the guys that knows. Yeah, you're gonna get the grace of being like Come here. I don't know. Nice awkward. You'll shoot you in the head while you're asleep. What would you Hopefully I'm laying on this couch and a psycho breaks in and shoots me in the head I mean just and you're like Mid-dream Lenny from mice and men

Just I'm just watching a youtube video. I'm like guys. Well, let's watch this cat's video matt sneaks around behind me He's fucking goes Shane, this is a really good youtube video and I'm like, yeah, I know And he just caps him dude back of the head and I get two months with the patreon one of myself Shane's coming back Guys he's in Europe right now. He'll be back. Yeah My some men my some envy watching the Notre Dame highlights. Yeah Notre Dame they're storming off you. I do. They're gonna be pretty good this Yeah, what do you okay? What's your Lenny of my cement? That's a great

Thought what's your my cement moment like how so I take you out to the river. Yeah, shoot you in the back of the head What do I whisper in your ear that makes you smile? I know mine I know mine. I know mine Hey, buddy I got a cold beer for you You want to hang out just me and you drink and just make each other giggle. Yeah, I go. Yeah And I just I love the idea of you haven't had a beer yet, but you're about to oh that fucking energy

It's the best feeling. Oh, it's the best. So blows your head off and then blows my fuck What if they like shoot you a miss and you're just like Blows your fucking jaw What the fuck Why are you shooting a fucking head? To me What's yours, what would be yours? That's a nice thing you like I think it'd be someone that's being like, dude, you're so fucking cool Oh, yeah, I know dude

Yours is yours is uh true romance Yeah, yeah, you're so cool Wait, what part is that the very end the very end? Hold on. You're so I just watch it. I don't really real Yeah, I just saw it for the first time. It's the best. It's awesome. You know the dad, you know the dad That's rough language. The guy that goes they shot me man. They come I'm bleeding man the big blonde guy Maybe I'm thinking of blue velvet. Oh Which one's blue velvet? That's the david lynch weird movie with like the worms and no, it was true romance

Brad Pitt. Okay. No, no, no, no, you're thinking of california. No, no, no, Brad Pitt's intro romance Yeah, and uh, what's Gary Oldman? Yeah, the n words in it pretty heavily. Yes. There's a rough language for sure Some rough language. Yeah Unsavery stuff. What the fuck part is that? Let's talk about it. But I don't think that matters You're allowed to call them that You're allowed to call it Italian's the n words Yeah, during the end. He's you're so cool I'm fucking what's his name? Rappaport, dude. Rappaport's a beast in there. He is beast mode in that, dude. He's great

Bronson pin show I just want to go home. I just want to go home, man I'm so mad we can get me out of here right now. I remember the fucking man. I'm a fucking idiot, dude I just watched this movie. It's the best. Yeah, my memory's starting to get my memories pretty shitty My memory's not really. That's awesome. My memories. I'm telling you. Well, you're containing the whole universe in your fucking head I hope it doesn't fucking fail. Steroids. Steroids help. Oh, really? Steroids. No, I can't help. Does it make you a dick maker? For real? No, I'm not having producing that much cum Steroids. Yeah, it looks like a baby spitting up like my dick is like

Ew. Yeah, I know. It called me off guard. It's the first time that's ever happened. We gotta save it up. From the Royds? I think so. I mean, I'm juicing pretty heavily. You would think you'd be chucking ropes. What do you mean? You're juicing heavily. I don't know what I mean, yeah. You're lying. Dude, you can't be juicing heavily. Why are you juicing? It's microdosing. I mean, you saw my special. You said yourself. No, I didn't say that. You look low-key jacked. Everyone said your shoulders, bro. I did not say you look low-key jacked. I would never say you look low-key jacked. La Mer did make the fucking mistake of saying your shoulders look great. I was like, God damn it, dude. I saw you when it came up on Netflix. You really, you, I don't know if you know you did it, but you licked your lips.

You saw his pupils expand? Damn, getting rid of my mustache, really. You can see how I don't have any lips at all. What are you talking about? Devastating, dude. I have no lips at all. I just have a fat face and a hole that opens, dude. It's devastating. My sister, my dad, my dad has no lips. My sister said, kissing dad would be like licking an envelope. Fuck, yeah. Leigh Ann's got, I thought Leigh Ann had bigger lips. She doesn't, though. Really?

I thought that was something she had. She's got like your size lips. You got okay lips. I see. I've got nice lips, man. I have big lips. Yeah, you do have big lips. I throw the bottom one in there first. I'm getting a hole in that. Little Italian. No, I'm not. Irish. Irish, German. Nice. When I was young, I would keep my bottom lip. I would keep my, I have my mouth open all the time.

And I just wouldn't look like this. Yeah, I'm still doing that, dude. I'm fully still doing that. So you bait with the bottom lip on a kiss, you just go, let him nibble a little. I put that in there and let him play with it a little bit. Nibble a little. I make him penetrate my lips, you know. Yeah, I said, good luck. I kiss a tongue-tied girl. You ever kiss a tongue-tied girl?

I don't know what that is. Yeah, what is it? It's when your tongue doesn't go outside of your mouth. Oh, down here, yeah. That's what tongue-tied is? Yeah. And so she couldn't get it out of her mouth. And so I had to go in and lick it. Nice. And, and, and sidebar, she had, uh, she smoked cool cigarettes and, um, drank Kovacier.

And I was like, this is what would smell like to fuck Tupac the whole time. She's from Liverpool. Really? Oh my God. Oh, an English lady. She's a scouser. See that accent? That fucking, like, she's like, choke me. I go, no, she goes, scousers can't get knocked out. Dude, that's a fucking rough. That's a disgusting lady, it sounds like.

She was pretty rough. She was pretty rough. We didn't have sex. Nice. You just choked her? I just choked her. Speaking of kissing, I was watching, uh, I was watching The Bachelor last night. It was just on. That show's nuts, dude. What's going on in the house?

There's a guy, I don't know his name, all he does is peck. He kisses the girls, he kisses them like. T's. Ten times in a row, he won't stop kissing them. Like kissing. This is a really special moment. I'm so glad we're here together. He does that the whole time.

And then he puts his forehead on their forehead after he's pecked them a few times. That's kind of hot. It's fucking disgusting. And then he went and visited this girl's house, her family. The whole family cried. Why? I don't know. I guess The Bachelor is an emotional show for these people.

The brothers started crying. The brother, they had an interview where the brother sat down with his sister and was like, are you ready to maybe get your heart broken again? And she was like, I am. And he was like, because you deserve your happy ever after. He started crying.

It's like dude, your sister's on a dating show and you're crying. It's like blowing reality TV stars on NBC. They should do The Bachelor with all bros and one gay dude. See if you can find them. See if you can switch them.

Because you know your brain, when you get in that thing, those people aren't really in love. They get confused. It's a reality show. You believe you're in love, but you're not. There's cameras. And you become a sick version of yourself. You say things you don't mean.

I said stuff that to this day makes me cringe. And you because you for whatever you so much awaits on the other side that I bet they could do it with straight up bros. And you get guys going, I guess I'm gay.

I kissed him last night and it didn't bother me. I thought they were just kind of putting on. They're warping people basically. My friend was on The Bachelor. He cried. Before he left, I was like, dude, do not fucking cry.

Have you, wait, hold on. He said he sat in the car at the end. They played sad music. And he was like, I'm just going to miss all the guys I met. Oh, my friends. He was going to miss his friends. Dude, there's a like a thing that goes over

you when you're on a reality show and you act and behave in ways you would never imagine. When I got kicked off reality bites back at the Comedy Central show, I took all my clothes off and I got on top of a board table

and I face fucked Michael Ian Black naked and then did a backspin and stuck it. With the cameras on? Yeah. And I walked off set and I went, I might have just ruined my career. I literally laid him bed that night going, What did MIB think about it? He laughed.

It was funny as fuck. It was funny. That's awesome. It was funny. MIB is this. He's cool. He laughed and I gave it. It ended up working. It's funny now when you watch it. But it could have not been and I don't know why I did it. It's because you get

wrapped up in reality. What'd they kick you off for? Flirting with Greg Liganas. Oh, yeah. Being gay on a show can happen to anybody. Yeah. It can happen to anybody. Yeah.

What was the prize? $10,000. It was a Theo won. Oh my God. And him and Amy, I think they split it. I don't even remember this show. It was me, Theo Vaughan, Amy Schumer, Tiffany Haddish, Donnell Rollins,

Red Grant, Kyle Cease, Mo Mandel, Chris Fairbanks, Jeff Garcia. It's just a gladiatorium. And they just, what happened? The show was just you guys in a house? We all lived in a house.

You guys voted each other off? No. Every week was a mash-up of an existing reality show. So one, instead of think you could dance, so you think you can dive.

So we all took dive looks for the day and then dove. And then one was biggest loser, but we had to see who could gain the most weight. So we all just ate like fucking crazy for a day. And then we had one that was like the bachelor with Lunel

and she gets us all and me and Theo and Red win. We win, so our prize is we get to take a bath with Lunel. So Lunel, nobody, all the execs were in there. And Lunel goes in and we get in

and Lunel takes her bathing suit off. And she goes, come on boys, let's party. So we take our bathing suits off and then she gets up and she had two bathing suits on. And she takes our bathing suits and me, Theo and Red just get out with our dicks out and everyone's like, the fuck! Everybody takes our bathing suits!

God damn, dude. It was a fun show. The funniest part was the very face fucked MIBs? You were hitting him with your penis. They edited it out. I didn't hit him with my dick.

I got close. You were like flopping. He was on a chair and I was on the table and I put my heels on the back of his chair and pulled his chair. It was pretty aggressive. I hit a pretty tight backspin like a break dance backspin

and stuck it naked at the end and then I started laughing and that is what fucking saved me. Oh, thank god. It was a... What was going through your head in this moment? Nothing. It was just... Panic. You're embarrassed

and you just got kicked off a show and you're like, I want to save this. I want to be funny. It's like a little kid's birthday, Spass. It's my birthday, people are like, they're bought the candles. Why is everyone looking at me? I always wondered about that.

How real all it is if it's all over produced or if they're taking you aside like, yo, go big. First of all, they fuck with you? Yeah, yeah. We couldn't leave the house and then they'd put you in a room for like six hours.

You're just sitting in a room for six hours. You're not living a regular life. You're just... You're at the beck and call of them. You're not talent and they trick you and one of the things they did, which was like, I still cringe so bad,

we took personality tests at the beginning and they asked us really intimate questions and then they brought us in and they said, you're in a dark room, you have to seduce a woman and so tell them what you do to her sexually. What the fuck?

But you're trying to win. I think it was eight grand in episode and so you're trying to win and I'm like... What the fuck? They fuck with you a little bit. I never do a reality show now. What's crazy is it was $8,000

in episode and the very first episode was Chris Fairbanks and Kyle Cease were the two that could get voted off and Theo would one, so he got to pick who to vote off. Chris Fairbanks just goes up to Theo and goes, hey, will you not vote me off?

And Theo goes, okay. He just voted Kyle Cease. And Kyle Cease goes, all I had to do was say, don't vote me off. Yeah, you didn't. It was an interesting experience but the reality shit

I think you get people to do crazy shit. Yeah, that's true. You were kind of dangling, like stardom and riches. I do want to add one thing real quick. Look at our team, Matt. Look how locked in and excited they are. Spaced. No, they don't care.

They were all just looking at their phones. No one cares. Look at our team. The mayor is standing. Hungry. Hungry dogs run faster. Hungry dogs. Full dogs back there. Team clip that. Team clip that one.

Look at the team, dude. Our team is fucking inept. Our team is useless. Our team is useless. Our team is useless. Stop adding people to the channel. No. He's adding members.

My team was like a shower. My team was like a shower. I talked to the mayor every week. I said, what do you do exactly? Tell me exactly what you do. What exactly is it that you do around here? What do you do? I gotta give you something, dude. You know, I'm overseeing.

He does drive up here, which is huge. Yeah, driving up sick. You can hire the mayor just to drive your car. It's so crazy. It's nice. Because I do the mushroom microdose, so I go heavy on the podcast day, so I can just sit in my seat and just go, aw. Wait, you do a mushroom microdose?

Everyone's doing that. It's the best. Dude, toss it in the regimen, dude. Hold on. I know we've... Let's go back to the mushrooms, but we still need to cover steroids. If you want to be jacked. Let's trade. What are you doing? Are you...

Is this a bit that you're making fun of? No. Some other people that are on steroids? Nope. They're my brothers in arms. When did you get the call? When did you figure out that you needed to spike the tea? I was at my cardiologist,

and he does ultrasounds of all my organs. He was like, I think your liver enzymes are going to be up here. It looks like you have a fatty liver. I went, really? I said, really? And he goes, well, if it's low, if we give you testosterone, it will repair your liver. What? Say no more.

So I called up Ways Wellness, Guy Brigham. You ever fuck with Brigham down in Austin? Uh, I don't... And what's interesting is Leanne had gotten on a similar protocol with Brigham. What? I think so, yeah. But she uses a cream, but she had long COVID

and she couldn't get through it. She wasn't sleeping and she's going through menopause. So they run all their numbers and then find your vitamin levels and where you're low. And then they assign protocols to get your numbers back to the level. And I love testosterone. Nice. Injected it this morning into my stomach.

Who shoots it for you? Me, I love it. I take time with it. You fucking inject it in? Yeah, I fucking love it. Into my belly. Anywhere specific in your belly? I go side to side. What? And I tell you what, my brain is moving

That's just the confidence from the steroids. Whatever it is. Your brain's moving. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. I'm the best ever. But when you talk about losing your memory, my first day I injected testosterone, I went in and I had to do a radio run in LA

and I was like old school. You guys never really did radio, so you don't remember. But radio is quicker than a podcast. It's the worst. I hate it. It's the best. I hate it. You can do it on your own. I think it's because it's at fucking 6 am.

I loved it. It also does nothing now. Maybe in some places like LA. No, no, no. Cleveland. If you went and did Rover's Morning Glory you'd double your ticket sales. The last time I did radio it was local news.

No, you did a Zoom. They did a Zoom in local news. I thought someone was coming. They just said Sean Gillis at the bottom. They couldn't hear me. It was coming in and out. I was like, yeah, what? What? And then when I got there

I think I also had to do radio and I was like the manager was in Rochester and the manager was in the crowd and I was like could somebody here clap if you saw me on the local news or radio today? Nothing. I was like, alright can you stop making people do that?

Thank you. Damn. And I think he did. There's Markets, Tampa. You'll move extra tickets. DC, Philly. Preston and Steve's still fucking still fucking. Yeah, he kicked me out of his house and I got beef with fucking Preston.

He kicked you out of your house. I was a long time ago. His wife or whatever was the coach of the girls volleyball team so we were over there for Halloween and he was like, alright guys get out of here so we took a bag of Reese's and we were like fuck this guy.

He kicked all the beef with them. He kicked all the boys out. We were with the girls. He wanted the volleyball girls to himself. Yeah dude. I was pissed. Did I just have a dream? Did I just talk about volleyball girls? Really? When? How about that memory?

There was that. The team's on it though. Oh yeah it was. You were talking about it on stage? Dude, what about it? I'm a bit of my special about it. About their shorts. About how it's totally not necessary.

Have you ever do La Jolla? No. Dude, there's a beach volleyball tournament out there that is every fucking weekend and I went for a jog and as a dad I had to turn myself around and go I can't.

It's aggressive. It's not right. It ain't right. So how is it now squashing your... as a dad you had to squash your sex drive. You're on T though. Now you're hornier than ever.

I run through there like a fucking werewolf. Bite the ball. You don't squash... Here's the thing, you don't squash if you're so slow in the sand. They all get away. Yeah. Covered in sand.

It's like one of the worms I'm doing. You can go on or you can be a trammer. You can pop out. I'm like the guy from Spaceballs. Man, I ain't found shit. How old are your kids? Two or three.

You don't squash your sexuality. You don't squash it. It's interesting. As your daughters get older you find that I guess nature takes over and you start seeing young girls as young girls

like your daughter. But those shorts I remember looking at and these girls were young too then and going like, whoa, what the fuck? You don't go like, oh, don't look at that. You're like, dude, who the fuck? What dad would be like, put these on. Yeah, true.

And you're like, I'm going to go jerk that guy off. It's interesting. I'm more practice told. Yeah. Thank you. I'm going to fight that guy and kiss him. What'd you do to me out there? You freak? Maybe you want to fuck kids or something?

What the fuck's the matter with you? You trying to get me to be a pedophile? Yeah, volleyball kids are so hot. It's such bullshit, dude. Oh, my God. I got hit with I told you that fucking there's this girl that is an LSU gymnast.

She's so fucking hot, dude. So I was on her Instagram. Talking volleyball college kids. Talking volleyball college kids. Now talking gymnast college kids. For sure. She's in a commercial now. I was last night.

I was sitting here and I was like, that's the girl I look at her Instagram. That's the hot girl that I stare at on Instagram. How about track? How about track girls? Oh, my God. I'll show you as a hot lady that was dancing before she ran.

Oh, yeah, there's only a few of them. So I guess we're all talking about the same one. My favorite ones are the black chicks with the fuck it when their nails are done. Oh, yeah. And their face is like DMV face where they're just like...

True. Don't get me started on this. Sir. Sir, I love that. I'm going to need you to go to the back of line, sir. Because when I run, my face is not... I call no racism on that.

That doesn't count. When they clack on the keyboard with long nails, I go... That's crazy. Keep your face straight while you're running. What was that, your Instagram? What's her name? Oh, you're trying to find the gymnast?

They can get a little scrappy do-ish, though. The gymnasts can get kind of like... Yeah, they get real scrappy do-ish. Guys, I'm going to hard pass on the gymnasts. No. I'll show you, dude. I can guarantee you I'm already not into a gymnast. Start looking like Brock Lesnar.

I need like an alternate gymnast where they're like, yeah, she's 6'2", but she is still good. Or like a ribbon twirl or a gymnast. Bro, let me see what you got. See what you got. Oh, I was wrong. Pop those glasses on, dude.

Get those spectacles out. Wow. Whoa, how does she... How does she support her body weight? That's what I was wondering. Look at that picture. Do you guys love her? Wait, how tall is she?

She's at the bottom of the picture frame in that. I care about her. She's 5'6". My wife's 5'6". Hitler was 5'9". You can't watch a lot of Hitler stuff because then you start dropping Hitler facts and you look like a Nazi.

You know his dad was a beekeeper. Bro. She's pretty fucking... LSU, bring her to me. She's birdie. She needs to be a filter where I put in my phone I am a father

and I'm 50. No more hot chicks, no more young chicks. I just want... I'm really attracted when you find like a fucking... like a coach's wife. There's like a couple... That's a nice fetish, dude.

I like to see a good Southern mama coach's wife. You know what I mean? Remember Southern mama? Wasn't he a comic? Yeah, the guy who spads the JFL was like, another of these fucking trans blacks. They were like, what the fuck? That was fucking fun.

I forgot about that. Good for him, dude. He went to JFL. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be all political like the rest of these fucking queers. People were like, boom. I was there and I'd be like, yo, Southern mama. Southern mama.

Went for it on stage. He tried to get on my podcast. He bombed. Southern mama tried to get on? Yeah, he tried to get on my podcast. He was like, I don't remember... He needs redemption. He was trying to goof off

in a high pressure situation. He was trying to... You were a picture of you and Chappelle up on your mantel? Yeah, my woman did that. Don't judge me. Where's the picture of you and Rogan? The picture was Rogan.

Is that Gabe Davis? Jesus Christ. Legion of Skanks. You have a bunch of Gabe Davis pictures. No, there's a couple. Is that Abraham Lincoln without his beard? No, that's John Brown. John Brown?

There's only one Gabe Davis for the record. Gabe Davis is a fucking man. Yeah, he's awesome. He's pretty neat. But see that, even that, I'm older than his parents. I do have to get rid of that picture, you're right. The other one is just me doing stand-up.

No, you're in the other one. Look at this. Yeah, you little fucking baby. Now it's cool. Look at that one. Remember that day? It's a cool picture, remember that? I need a picture of you in my house.

I'm going to put your headshot up. Yeah, that'd be nice. I think I had a good boy haircut in my pictures. Dude, you did. I have a good boy haircut. Every time you get a good boy haircut, something big is about to happen. Something terrible is about to happen.

So do you feel the mushrooms at all? No, you take them so they're like, you don't have a heavy onset. You get yourself to the heavy onset feeling and then you just scale it back. So you're taking the maximal amount that doesn't give you every now and again, I'll have moments where I'm like,

but it's nothing crazy. You don't feel like you're tripping at all. I like to microdose with alcohol. You can do that. To find a... Yeah, but it wears off. No, but you have a doctor going like, and we're back in.

We need a little sip of beer. I think that's what Valium's are. Really? You can titrate. Valium's, I was addicted to Valium's and Oxy's for a period of time. I fell off a waterfall. You fell off a waterfall?

In a barrel? Out of my back. Yeah, Van Margera was dead. You fell off a waterfall and landed on your back. In the water? No on a rock. Like where Jacob went to kill Isaac,

or whatever it was. And I was like... What the fuck? How high are we talking? 15 feet? Jesus Christ, dude. I was repelling. And I had a moment, and I was like, this is really cool that I get to do this.

This fucking badass. And it was the last episode we were shooting. And I was like, hey man, take a moment and really drink it in. So I looked over this can, and I was like, this is fucking awesome. And I kicked out a little bit this look, and there was algae, and I slipped. And I flipped upside down.

And once you're upside down, now I'm just getting waterboarded. And I don't know what I was trying to do. They say I was trying to reach a GoPro. But I went, and I let go of the rope. And I just went... And I landed on my back. Holy shit. Oh my god. And then I had to get...

They didn't have a helicopter. The funniest part of the story is my buddy Paul, who's a producer. That morning, he goes... We get to the thing, and I go... He had told me one time, if you ever don't take your blood pressure medicine, the next day just double it up. And I went, okay, this is where it works.

So then we get to do the thing, a large drive suit. And I'm in XXL. So I had to squeeze into a drive suit. And I go, Paul, and he goes... I'm slipping up today. Sorry, man. Sorry. I wasn't looking. And then I fucking rappel.

I fall down and Paul's at the bottom of the canyon. I say, hey, I need to get hella backed out. I can't move my legs. And he was like, I didn't organize one. I was like, what? And he goes, I didn't think you were going to fall. I go, yeah, that's why you get them. And he was like, yeah. I had a 220 foot

cavern. I had to climb out and get dragged down. They ride you like a donkey? And then I get to the trailhead and they come up. They put equipment on your back. They take my blood for the first rescues up there. They take my blood pressure.

And they go, his blood pressure is 170 over 110. And they go, we need to... We're afraid you're going to stroke out. I said, oh, I haven't taken my blood pressure medicine. Don't worry. Just grab it out of my bag. And the lady goes, that's not how that works. I went, what? She goes, you can't just take double your blood pressure medicine.

And my buddy Paul goes, huh, I'm over three today. Damn. So what happened? So then you got addicted to the oxys and the valves. So it's amazing you take an oxy and the pain goes away. I mean, like, I've never had anything like it. So I took an oxy. This is how bad I was in pain.

I took an oxy and a volume that night and then I went to bed and I got off and I didn't have the pills near me. And I had to piss. And I couldn't get out of bed. So I had to piss in the fucking bed in the hotel room. And then I was like, that'll never happen. I got out a bunch of times.

I kept the pills right next to me all the time. And then I woke up one morning like a month later. And then I had a gig. I had a gig for 25 grand in Aspen. And my wife's like, you're making that gig. Yeah. I learned her flew out. They got me in North Carolina. And I had an oxy and alcohol.

Oxy and alcohol and Vicodin. Holy shit. And oxy, alcohol. At this time, oxy, alcohol, Vicodin and volume. And I'm drinking. And I get up to do the thing and I'm fucking already a little fucking tough. I start doing some material and there's all millionaires.

These guys are like hedge fund dudes. And the guy goes, just tell the machine and drink with us. And I went, what? He goes, that's all. Just tell the machine. I told him I wanted me in the machine. And I was like, okay. And then one guy's like, can you give us nicknames? I was like, sure. So I gave everyone nicknames.

I told the machine and I drank with them. Yeah, no problem. But then one day I woke up and Leanne was standing over my bed and she had both pills. I mean, I'm so mad for you for them doing that. What? Saying that while you're on stage. I've been furious.

I love it. I was like, good. It is nice. Guys, we paid 25 grand just to have you drink with us. Just drink with us part of this tonight. So we got fucked up. And that was it. That's nice though. And then Leanne one morning was standing over me

and she had my pills, both sets of pills. And she said, you're done with these. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. I actually need one to get out of bed. And she goes, nope. And threw them away. And I was like, that was a good move. How long were you on for? I'm guessing a month or two months.

But it was, I was taking, I was taking, I had, this is the slippery part of this. I think you'd be addicted that quickly. What happened is I had a script. I had a script in North Carolina. And then that I got filled. And then I could get a script filled

in LA. And I was taking every four hours. I was taking a pill. What was the milligram? No, I don't remember. Took me to a pot doctor. And I got weed.

And then, but I had, if Leanne has ever going to tell you a moment where I was at my lowest, it was, we went camping that weekend. And I was coming off Oxy's. And I was said some wild shit to her. I said some, I mean, I was.

That was her fault. Give me the fucking Oxy's, you dumb bitch. I'm sorry, baby. I take that back. You know, I love you so much. Give me the fucking Oxy's. After a couple of months, you'll start getting physically addicted. So that sucks. I said something she will bring up

every now and then. That's the worst. And she'll just go, just so you know how much I love you. You said that to me. That's the drugs talking, baby. That's the drugs, baby girl. That's the drugs. I'm glad I went through it

and figured it out. At least I know I'm not. It's not going to happen. Yeah, if you had it, yeah, I would talk. If you had to make fucking Oxy Cotton's fun. You could. That could be the next question. It's party time. No more booze. No more booze.

It's Oxy time. Yeah. Guys steroids and Oxy's. Someone's zapping you. We said, we went, we went to have you ever been around someone that my buddy, my buddy, never mind, I can't say that. I was fucking, I have a best friend that I had

and I can't say any of this, sorry. I've been around people not now. Yeah, it's sad. We were in Hawaii and Leanne one time. Leanne's like, hey, no booze this trip. I said, what? She goes, let's make it about the girls. No booze. No party and no, like none.

It's not ours. It's all about the girls. And so I was like fucking live it until I got there and then I could, I could drive the rental car and I was like, I've never driven in Hawaii because I'm on camera. It's beautiful and then, and then I'm waking up early and George and I are hanging out. The only time I wanted to drink, we went to

Lou out. I didn't know we could do that. I've been holding them in. We can totally go wild. And there was a woman nodding out next to us like this. And I was like, yeah. And she was at our table and I was like,

I'm so glad I'm not drinking right now. She was just like this. But I will tell you, no booze on a family trip can get a little taxing. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. There's no way I'm going to the beach and not today's episode is sponsored

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at manscaped.com. See the show notes. Matt. Let's get back to having fun. Let's get back to the show. You drinking tonight? I'm not drinking. Oh, actually, you know what I got to do fucking Tuesdays with stories tonight. Live. Norman and Joe List's podcast.

Okay. So I'll probably have a couple cocktails for that one. Hey, would it be weird if I went in and heckled? No. Just put in an outfit. No, I think it would be funny. Let me go up. I want to tell a joke. Yeah. We told this podcast a bunch of times.

An assassin in a live podcast is the funniest thing. So me and Matt, it was at Skankfest and it was a Jason Ellis's podcast, but it was like Soder Lewis J. Yeah. And big J was up there. They were all up there and me and Matt were in the back

and we were talking to this guy and he was like, what do you ask for? He asked for a picture. You want a picture? And I was like, the only way you can get pictures if you go up there and tell them to shut the fuck up. This guy. Say, this is not funny. Shut the fuck up. This isn't funny. Shut up.

So in the middle of a live podcast, this dude standing and walks to the front and just goes, hey, hey. And they're like, what? He goes, shut up. This isn't funny. Be funny. Oh, yeah. He started saying be funny.

Shut the fuck up. Be funny. Of course, Lewis is like, you, hey, you get the fuck out of here. This is my best of a lot. You know, I could unravel. He didn't stop. The guy didn't stop for real. He was like, shut the fuck up.

And the guy just goes, shut up. And then he, you know, he walked back and Soder was on it. Soder watched what he saw. He followed where he walked. He saw me and Matt in the back. He was like, oh, that was shit. Yeah, he's an old wizard, dude.

He went, this isn't right. This isn't real. Oh, so if we sent you, just from the back, just be like, shut the fuck up. The guy with the glasses is bothering me. You could say him or Norman and they would both Norman, Norman, I think would, wouldn't be right. I would imagine Joe would get

more razz, razzled than I think they'll fuck everybody up. Yeah, I was going to say I couldn't fuck me. If I didn't know it, my podcasts are hard. They are hard. Yeah. Someone singles you out too. Like, yo, that guy, that guy's bringing

the whole podcast down. Shut up. Talk less. I would be better without the other guy. Yeah. Oh, like Manz does when I did a podcast with Mark Norman. And Manz just goes,

yeah, he goes, Bert, stop talking in the middle of the podcast. I go, Manz, it's my fucking podcast. He goes, yeah, but you're not letting Mark talk enough. What the hell? He loves Norman. He loves, hates me. What? When I show up, he's like, hey, what's up?

When Norman shows up, he's like, Mark, hey. Hey, Mark. He gives him like a real slimy hug. What the hell? I wonder if I'm going to go in it. Not true. Don't be fooled. That guy's a dickhead. Don't be fooled.

That guy's a mean dickhead, dude. Hold on. You realize, you know that Tuesday with this is his favorite fucking podcast. It's a good guarantee we go into I guarantee he makes us go to Manhattan to watch that fucking live stupid podcast. Yeah, definitely come. We'll have some drinks.

All right. Some. I got to go to Austin in the morning. What time? Probably late. Are you doing the podcast end? Probably late. Doing the podcast in Rogan. Rogan's show. Actually, I don't know if we're doing the podcast,

but definitely just going down to the shows. Yeah. I'm going to do Kill Tony. Are you? Yeah. Unless that's a secret. It'll be out tomorrow. Yeah. Are you doing spots tonight?

Tonight now. I think it's at the Gramercy Theater. Oh, it's like, is it? Is that a big place? It's not huge. It sounds big. It does sound. Yeah, it does sound historic. Yeah, I'm like, I know that.

Yeah, I mean, it's big. Do you know you want to hear something funny? There's a theater in Atlanta called 500 seats. Pretty fucking big. Yeah. Jesus, is it sold out? Yeah, definitely. Fucking live podcast.

300, 500 seats. The Tabernacle. What's the matter? Fucking La Mer. I was just telling you that. Oh, we're at an hour? Oh, good job. Yeah. Let's go ahead and cut off Bird.

Bird, stop. La Mer, go. Razzle. Oh, sorry. Nope. There's a... There's a... No one's actually mad. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

There's a venue in Atlanta called the Tabernacle, which is an old church. That's awesome. And so I'm there. I don't know why I'm telling you the story right now. Talking theaters. Oh, because we're talking about Gramercy theaters. And so what you picture,

you picture it being verse what it is. And so I go in and I'm like, this is fucking beautiful. And my buddy and his son are with me. And I said, and his son goes, what was this? I said, this is an old black church. And this black guy goes,

this is like an old black church. And he goes, you think black people are allowed to have churches like this in the south? And I went, oh, I never realized that. And he goes, yeah, this was a white church. He goes, have you ever seen Martin Luther King's church? I go, and then I realize...

Yeah, of course I have. Yeah, obviously, I still go. Duh. But it's like, it's like your brain, my brain didn't do the math of going, obviously they were never giving this to black people. Martin Luther King's church is like a box.

Yeah. It was really small. So I was like, I don't know why, because you were saying Grammyshire Theater. That makes sense. He didn't have to go that hard on you. It's like, all right, dude, you penalize me for being not racist basically. I thought hopefully it was just going to be like,

you can just say church. Yeah. But it was cooler when I thought that you hear Gospels singing. Sunshine's in. Fun church. But it was just a racist church. It was a white church.

It wasn't a church. It was a church. Here's what I wanted to say. I think I might have said it to you before on something, but I was a machine trailer. Sick, dude. Thank you. You told me about it the first time.

I was like, this is, it's crazy. How good that looks. I have a lot of vulnerability out there right now. Yeah. Netflix special or movie trailer? That's scary stuff, dude. Oh, how about, so you showed it in Tampa. So I missed it.

This would have been the hang, dude. I missed it, dude. I was so bummed. So I was doing a show in Tampa. He was doing a show in Tampa. He was doing with a lightning play. The Bolts, which by the way, they gave us a bunch of like lightning hats and shit.

I put it on their logo looks like, I put it on McKeever was like, anytime you wear a lightning logo, you just look like you're wearing a superhero hat. He's like, you just look like a guy who's wearing superhero merch. And I was like, fuck. I did exchange my hat for one that said Tampa Bay lightning.

Because that one was just a lightning bolt. I was like, fuck, I definitely look like a superhero fan. But he, you showed the trailer there. Anyway. And we just missed it. Fucking Mike Allstot and who was the only... Derek Brooks.

And bar none. William Floyd running back for the 49ers. It was Wade Boggs. Wade Boggs and Mike Allstot. I missed the hang. Can I tell you the coolest part of that? Mike Allstot is the coolest part. Derek Brooks is also the coolest.

So Derek Brooks. He comes to give me my jersey. Mike Allstot Purdue. Mike Allstot won Purdue. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that one. Derek Brooks. Imagine what he was doing in college. Mike Allstot.

He looks tiny. Yeah, he's a freak. Totally different. But he's a fucking jacked. Now he's even more jacked. He looks insane. Mike Allstot. Hold on. I want to keep talking about Mike Allstot.

I want to say something about Mike Allstot running over a guy. I don't know. I think I might have already told you. Who cares? You're a drunk. Almost all of our conversations. Derek, my dad... My first time, my dad ever saw me do stand-up. He's never seen me do stand-up.

And so he was really uncomfortable. Like he got backstage and he was just like... I was good. Yeah. Didn't know how to compartmentalize feelings or anything. And he was kind of shut down. And then Derek Brooks came backstage. And my dad lights up and he's like...

He looks at me and he's like, Derek Brooks. And I go, yeah. And he just gave me like a jersey and like a thing package and do a trade shot with him. And he goes, you know Derek Brooks? I go, I don't know. Really? And Derek Brooks says to my dad, how cool is it to see where he's come from

to where he is today? And my dad goes, yeah, I've never seen him do stand-up before. And Derek Brooks goes, I was at his first show. I was like, you were at my first show? He goes, Pop Bellies. I saw you do stand-up for the first time ever. Wow. What the fuck? I was like, are you fucking serious? He was like, yeah, man. I went with Miles and I was like, holy shit.

He's like, it's cool, man. I saw you in Tallahassee at Pop Bellies. And now I see you at the arena. He goes, man, you make me proud. And I was like, holy shit. I started, I was like tearing up. My dad's like, Derek Brooks saw you. Get a buddy. You make me proud.

I'm not proud when you're black son of a bitch. That's my son. Derek Brooks fucking rules, dude. All-star. Come on, dude. Tell me more about All-star, dude. All-star was fucking great. All-star was fucking awesome.

Chris Brown would do that when he would run. You didn't save hands with All-star. And then he would... All the highlights would be him trucking guys. I got a text that morning. They said, hey, there's a guy named Mike All-star. And I would, I go, yes, yes, yes, yes. Are you putting on an All-star highlight?

Obviously. All-star is the... Dude, if you're white, you love Mike All-star. He was the fucking... Dude, did you see how fucking jacked he is now? He's shredded. Sorry, I don't know why I said it like that. I went, yeah.

If you're white, you love Mike All-star. You kind of do. Obviously. I know All-Power. Mike All-star, dude. What's better, seeing the bus? I was more like Walter Payton. You like sweetness.

Like that was my... I can respect that. I was a power back head. I told you, I filled out one of my spelling tests as Jerome Bettis in grade school. Got in trouble. Who's your all-time favorite eagle? I got mine.

Dude, I loved Mike Vic when he was with the Eagles. I loved Mike Vic. I liked Trello. Put it on a Mike Vic highlight deal. I could fucking watch that. Are you ready for mine? That's a good one. That's people's...

Jesus Christ, dude. Mike All-star, six years ago. Half-hour highlight video. Look at this, dude. Oh, my God, man. Wow. There's Derek. Punch it in, dude.

I'm not done. I'm not done. I'm excited to work for it. Everybody get off me. Fucking with privilege. Okay. Okay. You just did what he did with the ball, dude. Look at this.

Get the fuck off of me, dude. Oh, my God. Look at this one there. Look at this. That one's a football. No, even south. None of that dancing bullshit. Hands the ball right to the ref.

Sap 99, dude. Yeah, Sap was one of my favorite players, still. Sap Lynch, Derek Brooks, Barber. I might be a fucking Ears fan, though. I used to. This was my favorite team. Dude, this was a good team. This was a good fucking team. Look at that freak, dude.

Yeah, he's a good fucking fighter. The fuck off me. Great fucking team. Sap All-Star. Yeah, Derek Brooks. Damned, dude. Simeon Rice. Rhonda Barber. Simeon Rice.

Look at these guys. We'll have to pop the vid. Brian Kelly. There's some deep cuts here. Martin Grammatica. Martin Grammatica. Martin Grammatica. Martin Grammatica.

Look at that. No, that's All-Star, dude. Dude, up there you say All-Star. I've never seen that helmet. I've never seen it without its helmet, dude. Lordy, Lordy. That's what All-Star looks like. Look at that.

I kid got jacked after that. Holy shit, dude. Now he took All-Star's powers. He was flying down. Knocked the bolts off the wheelchair. Dungy. Young Dungy. Dang, dude. Dungy.

Yeah, it was a tough one. Dungy put the whole team together, and then in 2001 he left and Grootin got the Super Bowl next year. Grootin sent an email like, what a fucking door. It's crazy that I'm getting to meet my heroes now. Trent Dilfer.

Trent Dilfer. This is all off of NFL Blitz, my memory. Yeah, it's a good spot. Dilfer was nasty. I graduated with work done. We sat next to each other in graduation. And he said, I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine.

It's like the party animal. And we were sitting next to each other, and they were taking pictures of us. I said, you're going to Tampa? He said, yeah. I said, I'm from Tampa. He said, cool. I said, he goes, you're the party guy?

I said, yeah. When you go down there, if you want, he goes, I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't do any of that shit. I'm trying to play football, man. I was like, oh yeah, good call. I was like, yeah, yeah. You're on my team. Can you, yeah, please bust your ass. Oh, that's nice. Good for him.

He's being like, no, that's... He's a great dude. He's a great, great dude. Just transfixed. I'm sorry. I got to turn this off. I can't turn it off. This is like fucking TikTok. It's so fun, dude. Pull him off. Why don't I have more highlights of sports in my TikToks? You know what I have?

I have gay dudes in my TikToks. Nice. That's what you want. Have you heard Luke and his sassy brother, Scott? Good one. What do they do? Like gay, sassy commentary? They're two gay brothers. I think they're both gay brothers. Oh, I got a good gay dude.

I got a better one. I got the best one you'll ever find. There's one of this kid named Dakota. Oh, Dakota Wright. I fucking love Dakota. I'm DMing him right now. He's fucking... dude, that's all I've been doing. It's so funny. Hey, y'all.

Olive Garden orders for to drink. It's so good. And then his husband, his name's... His husband goes... You're 2,000 late. I'm 2,008 this already.

I'm just gonna wash it down. We're gonna go to CC... Ordered CC Pizza's orders. They're like, for to drink, I'm gonna have a mountain dude. It's so good. Is gay guys ordering pizza? Yeah, guys, almost ASMR.

They like ASMR. It is so fucking great. I'm so glad you like Dakota. Yeah, it got me fired up. I followed him. He probably saw me fall. I was like, Jesus. I DMed him. I put him in my stories.

And I've been doing him all day. They love it. I go, hey guys, Austin drink order. I said, I got a... I got a martini with extra olives because I love... It's fun to do. It's fun to do, man.

You gotta take it all the way. You gotta get pounded, dude, afterwards. You gotta pull it up and get pounded. Yeah, exactly. To get really good in deep. Otherwise, you're not gonna nail the little CC's order. His husband's just as good as he is. Luke and his sassy brother, Scott,

are pretty fun too because Scott really fucking wilds out. He's like... And his brother kind of fucks with him. He'll set up the camera and be like, Scott, I dropped a glass in your pool and he's, no, no, you twit. You fucking twit.

There's nothing wrong with you. God damn it. Like, fucking good. Gay British dudes? I gotta just play you a clip. So you get an idea. I've got to say, they might have just converted slow. I'm already gay. Wow, fucking Chris Rock just touched me. Yeah, every gay guy wants to be British.

I would say. No one's got that? It's a joke. He doesn't text me. I don't fucking know Chris Rock. I don't know. I just went, wow, what a braggart. Oh, I guess that's a... Oh, you text him for real? Oh, really? Yeah, I gotta get a picture.

You were saying you didn't like his special. Oh, I was telling you... No, I'm good. Luke and sassy brother Scott. Come on, bro. The good boy haircut? You can't bring me down to that. I just bounce right off you.

I would never say such a thing. I would never say that. Nice try. Melbourne brothers. Oh, they're Australian boys. So they... You're following their story. They both got hair plugs. Fuck me right in the ass, huh?

No. Absolutely. Since he kicked me out, we're being forced to see each other again as we both got an appointment at GRO clinics. Let's see what he's like. Great teeth. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's added dentists. Have you missed me? I'm being treated. Get out. It's not your color. Because it's your color. Don't, Luke. Don't. He's a good guy.

And I'm trying to meditate, so leave me alone and shut the door. Damn, I never thought of gay Australian. That's the funniest possible thing. There's no shoulder bond with gay brothers, dude. Yeah, no shoulder bond. He'll do stuff like, uh-oh, Selena Gomez on father.

So they go, no. Oh, I saw that one. I saw that one. He's like, because I unfollowed her. You twit! You twit! I fucking love... Imagine not telling your brother you're both gay and you finally are like, I'm gay like me too.

That'd be fun. That'd be fun as hell, dude. I don't think as gay as I used to be, I think you know it right away and then you tell everyone right away. I don't think anyone comes out anymore. No, people are still... Do you think? Definitely. I think people will wait a couple little bit. I tried to say it to Joe yesterday,

but I think I was pitched gay wrong as a kid. What did you get? Why enjoy the... What was the pitch? I was like, you're not gay, are you? And I was like... How fucking are they? I was like, I don't know. What is it? And they were like, it was when you fucking the ass and die.

And I was like, whoa. So my uncle got AIDS. And so I was like, huh? I was like, I hope I'm not gay. Your uncle got AIDS? I think two of them actually. You guys love partying. Those are the real party, but those are the Van Wilders.

Those are the real Van Wilders. Oh, yeah. There were uncles by marriage. Yeah. But it was definitely Intervenous Drugs. And yeah, my dog's still at that farm. Intervenous. The things we tell our kids.

It was Intervenous Drugs. Intervenous drug use. I enjoyed butt cock use, dude. I just love these gay guys on Twitter, on TikTok. They're so much fun. They are fun. They're better than bros. Like bros had a moment.

Saturday for the boys was a moment when a guy would get on a jet ski and throw a football and they'd go, let's fucking go. But they played it out. They played it out and they need to read about it. Bro comedy was the pinnacle of comedy. Bro comedy, movie strong on the way up here, dude. Sandler, Crushed It.

It's dead now. You can't do it now. Bro comedies, it's you can't do like There's a bro comedy frozen right now in a glacier, dude. Can be the machine, dude. Machines are bro comedies. I don't know, maybe it is.

Maybe it is. It's It's just a straight. I mean, it's comedy, but it's definitely a comedy. But it's more It's sophisticated. No, no, no. It's like, this sounds crazy,

but it's more like romancing the stone. Okay. It's an adventure comedy. Bro comedy was centered around one location, one area, one one happening and it was like two dudes. A lot of them are two dudes on a road trip though. Which I think this one kind of is.

Hangover. Oh yeah, this is me and Mark Hamill. Tommy boy. I pitched a movie to I pitched a movie to one time where it was me and Tom meet Johnny Depp and he loves us

and he sends us on a road trip on a 57 Chevy that he buys to drive it to LA for him and then he meet up, he's going to finish filming and then we'll meet him with his new car and he's going to throw a party for us and he gives us a list of things we got to collect along the way. It's a turd out of his bed.

Yeah. Damn. Turd in the bed is nuts. Oh yeah. Thick turd. That happens though. For sure.

You ever shit in the bed? Yeah. Honestly, I don't think I've ever shit in the bed. It was a spiked turd. It was a thick turd. I want a nice turd. I've never had one turd that looked like that. A smooth girl turd too.

They don't have any ridges on their turds. I don't know why. As far as we have a little ball, ours are a little collective. A real man shit diarrhea. Yeah. True. Like a Jackson Pollock.

When we go on the road, I see what you do. I destroy toilets. I shit on the underneath side of the bed. I've had a lot of time to think about why how that happens. It's the intensity of the splash down and then it shoots up. I was always wondering how it could possibly hit the bed.

You know what Leanne told me one time? Is you never thought to wipe your legs? I go, what? If it's getting underneath the toilet, then you'd freckled your ass with shit. And you put pants on and not wear an underwear and it blew my mind.

You had shit on your nutsack. All the time. And I never even thought of it. Wow, that's... I just watched you hit La Mer. I wipe your whole ass. I really joke about it. I took a shit so big I had to wipe my legs.

Dang, you gotta towel off now. I will... I'm on... I'm shitting pretty aggressively lately, but they're... You got the fucking steroid done. True. Your asshole's like, brother.

They come out like a wet booger. Oh, really? Wait, how so? Are you gonna pick them out of your butt? It's almost like there's lube in my ass and they just slide right out. That's the TRT, baby. That's awesome. That is a nice shit, but

it's pretty tough to hear. Don't get me wrong. I like it, but... So it's like snot you're saying more so. It's like snot... They're just... I push. Do you push? Yeah. I've gotten a wicked hemorrhoid not too long ago. That was the most intense hemorrhoid ever.

Bro, it was insane. Aries? Aries looks like... Aries is absolutely disgusting, but this was like one single fucking... It was like giant... It was a vein. The vein got out of my ass. It was actually technically called like thrombosis.

It was so bad, dude. And then it popped. What? You had to, yeah. And then it was just blood blood everywhere? Yeah. I had gauze in my ass for like 24 hours. I was in school. I had to go to school with gauze in my ass

and like walk up. I went to graduate school. I was bored. I didn't know what to do with myself. What did you go to graduate school for? Social work. Why? Honestly, to be honest, it was because I was doing stand-up.

I was like, man, I was getting kind... I was in like the weird like, you know, just doing open mics, kind of like this sucks. And then I watched a lot of Jordan Peterson stuff and I was like, I wonder if schools are really as bad as he says. And I had an interest in psychology and stuff, too. Okay.

So I was like, I might as well go. And it actually was as bad as he said, but it was a long story. And then we got canceled while he was in grad school. Did you get any of that pushback? No, they tried to kick me out of grad school and I said, I dare you guys. That would be so sick if you kicked me out.

And they were like, yeah, we're not going to. And then, yeah, they would have to... Yeah, I was like, go ahead. I was like, this will be the best thing I've ever had. If you guys kicked me out of grad school, it'd be so sick. I'll go on Joe Rogan next week. Yeah, it'll be the sickest thing. I'll go on Joe Rogan next week.

It was, go ahead, make my day for real. How far did you say that? It was so bad, dude. Those are hard to live through, but they're so fun to watch. To be fair, it was a fair statement. Be like, you'd think, you know, you got kicked off SNL. You'd think. I think that's all what all of us thought.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't... But also the reason I brought it up to him was the joke was the audacity of me. Exactly. To be like, I'll just go do that. That's something I can do if I want.

Yeah. Let's go to Joe Rogan. Yeah. So I think that's what he... I wish I could be, I wish I could... It would be cool if you could put on virtual goggles and go back and live in the moment. I would like to be in the room when you said...

But have virtual goggles so I can see you right there and see him, you know? And be like... See my face. And then watch... See my face get red. And then go back and forth like this. While smiling, my face get red.

Because I don't know. What? What even are we right now? I got a peek. Can I go to the bathroom? Wait, are we on your podcast or my podcast right now? I forgot. How cool would that be?

Why can't we do virtual goggles? Can we do... I'm going to ask your team. Ask my team. Our team. Can we do a VR camera? And then you could watch this and feel like you're sitting on the couch.

You could do it. True. We could easily Oculus this thing. We've talked about that. Putting a POV right at a table so it feels like you're sitting right at a table. And you could for sure do that. And then they could look down and see your tiny bulge.

And you're swept like... How fun would it be? Because you could really fuck around. You put a VR camera in the middle, right? You do this. And then you do Easter eggs where you hire two porn stars to fuck on the table. Yeah.

And we're doing a podcast and only the people that pull on the guy was like, what the fuck's going on in their kitchen? Like you really dress us set up? It would be nice for everybody to be able to see the teams. Yeah, true. There's two teams out there.

You just want to be on the camera. Oh, my God. You're such a glory log. Get a buddy, Gardini. Gardini, give him five. Gardini's a comedian. He's a big shot. He's a big shot.

Gardini, what do you think about all this stuff? I think it's nonsense. I think you guys like poking fun at me. No, we don't. Dude. Who do you want to win? Russia or Ukraine? Who do you want to win?

Russia or Ukraine? I don't know. It's complicated. Come on, Sean. Do you want to win baseball tomorrow? Sean, don't put that mic down, brother. What do you want for it? Who do you want to win?

Russia or Ukraine? I don't care. We don't care? You don't care. Dude. I don't care about anything. Oh, that's a problem with your generation, dude. No, no, let's stop.

Exactly, dude. Why would I care about that? Why would you not, dude? They're two powers fighting each other. It's a fate of democracy lies in a way. Dude, you don't care? The machine, let's end the pocket. What a nasty little fuck.

Why are you being so nervous? Because there's another team here? Yeah, the team is going to be nervous. Do you try to show off for the other team? Yeah. What do you guys think? If you had to give your team a name, an animal's name, and my team an animal's name, like the bears or the cubs

or the, what would you name your team? Listen. And what would you name my team? That's a good question. Mine are more like the otters. Yeah, I can see that. Very smooth. Yeah, very slick.

Yeah, yeah. Very slick. Yeah, ours would be some kind of, what did we see? Why are you so sad? Why are you so sad? Why are you so sad about that? I was like Tasmanian devils, dude. That's crazy.

Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, ours are definitely Tasmanian devils. The pandas. Got a couple pandas. The pandas versus the otters. Got some pandas back there. I don't know if otters is the right one. Maybe meerkats.

Meerkats. No, definitely an aqua animal. Meerkats. I'll say amphibious. Your team's amphibious. Noah wants to be the horses. We talk favorite animals a lot. Really?

His favorite animal is a big otter guy. I love otters. Noah's a horse. He said a horse was the best animal. Dude, I know you love riding a horse. I know this is the end. I know this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When it hits a full stride, it's a symbiotic relationship. Oh, yeah. I think I'm going to take him fucking year off. I'm going to take him fucking year off. You know I did a podcast with Howie Mandel, and I said, can I tell you a story? And he goes, I bet I've heard it. And I went, I bet you haven't.

And I go, my sister. And he goes, when she worked at Fox, I went, mother fucker. I did three in a row. I did three in a row. I did three in a row. How'd he hear them? I told him to him. Because they get nervous.

They get nervous around guys like Howie, and I try to tell them good stories. Yeah. And I've been around him too much, and so I need to take time off. Dang. I've, yeah, that happens to everybody. I've told the same, every time we go on Rogan,

we say the same stories. No. There's no worse feeling when you go, I know I've said this already, repeat a story four times. You guys say I say it every time. I go, I know I've said this before. You've got to do it though.

Yeah. You have to do it. He said a horse, dude. A horse was his number one. That's... Horses are pretty sick. I mean, we said dogs are off to the table. Yeah.

You can't man's best friend obviously. That's complicated. Yeah. I don't know. I don't, I have a problem with favorites. I don't think I have a favor at anything really. I just like stuff. And then I go, I forget.

Yeah, but I know horse is not top 10. I'll tell you something. It's not bird. It's not bird. Whoa. I mean, Robbins are pretty good. He loves birds. See, I have a dream about animals all the time.

There's some pretty cool birds of prey. Really? Yeah, constantly. I have animal dreams. But, yeah. Last one. Owl. Cut a snake's head off.

Owl's pretty sick. Wise. Ooh. Cool owl. Yeah. An eagle. An eagle. Eagles are pretty sick.

Have you ever seen a bald eagle? Yeah. No, I wish I would have. There's so many in fucking Alaska that when you see them, you're like, shut up. And then they're, after you're like 15th, you're like, okay, they're everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome.

I saw a lion up close. What? A lion. I saw a hippo. I had dreams about hippos last night. I had dreams about hippos last night. Do you Google dream meetings when you wake up? Or you just let them go?

No. I have fucked up dreams. I have dreams that are like, I have epic dreams that I'll tell you and you'll think they're a lie. That's how epic they are. Let me hit me with one. I have pretty fucked up dreams myself. My buddy, this is a dream.

I woke me up crying. I woke up crying from a dream. My buddy, Croy, killed himself. And I had a dream that I had a dream that I was with Jenny Mullen and Jason Schwarzman. Who played in American Pie? Jason? Biggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was taking them to dinner and they had their new baby in a car seat. And I sat in the back with the baby and Jenny and I got high and then the baby went, Bert. And I went, he was crying but I could understand him and I said, who is that? He goes, it's me, Croy. What the fuck's going on? Wow. And I was like, oh, Croy, you're, how are you doing this? And he goes, I have no idea.

What the fuck happened, man? And we were partying in a hotel room and now I'm sitting, I've been with these fucking two people. And I go, oh, buddy, you killed yourself. And he was like, I did. And I said, yeah, you killed yourself. And I think you've been reincarnated. I go, listen, your mom and dad are cool as fuck.

And he's like, how are my parents? And I was like, oh, they're not good. And he was like, really? I said, yeah, he's like, how's my brother? I go, not good. It's not good, man. That goes really bad. And he goes, can you get me to apologize to them?

And I said, yeah, this is a real dream I had. I said, hold on, I have an idea. So I take Jenny and Jason to Croy's parents to go have dinner. Now, Croy's mom will be really excited to be around celebrities like that. And Croy's dad's a very, very famous lawyer. And so I go to dinner with them. And Croy is, and they were not paying attention to the baby. And the baby's crying.

It's Croy and he's going, mom, mom, mom, I need to talk to you. And so I go, hold on, Croy. So I grab the baby and I give it to Joyce. I'm going to get emotional telling you this is why I woke up crying. I gave the baby to his mom and his mom's trying to listen and rock the baby. And he's going, mom, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I killed myself and he's rocking him.

And she goes, it's okay. It's okay. I forgive you. And I woke up sobbing, crying. And the hands, what's wrong with you? That's the kind of dreams I have. I can't believe I'm fucking crying. I cry a lot.

I was waiting to interject the joke, but I was like, it wouldn't be inappropriate. No, it was fucking crazy. I sold this TV show to coming central on that dream. Did you really? Yeah. What was the show? I animated all my dreams. Oh, fuck.

That's awesome. I told them that thing and then these two ladies are crying and we're all crying and they go, fucking do it. That's a, yeah. It's very interesting. What are you laughing about when you be like, you killed yourself and the baby goes, whaaaaa. She just put a pacifier in your mouth. Oh, no.

He said, my dick's so small. My dick's so small. Yeah. I'm going to do it again. This is no way to live with this dick. Oh, that's funny. All right. That's a good way to end on a cry.

That's a really fucking insane thing. That was awesome. I love dreams. That was a truly insane thing. I love dreams. And I am uncomfortable. What was the last time you cried? Probably recent.

I can cry easy. For real? I get a little teary eyed easily. What was the last time? I got teary eyed last night watching the fucking night stalker. Dude, what the fuck did you cry? What are you talking about? That's a tragedy.

The cop, the cop at the end. So the one detective, all their information got out and shit. So they were like, oh, now we're worried that the night stalker is going to try to attack you. And he was gone constantly. He was working the case every day. So his wife and their kids, they moved out. They were like, we're leaving until you finish this. So they left.

And then the night they caught him, he went to his cousin's wedding and then he was like, where's my wife? And her and the family came in and I was right there. I held it. You did? But it was close. I could have. It was a nice move.

I could have let mine go bad. Now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm always, especially now that the girls are getting older and I feel like I, I, I'm always this clip. You're going to be a sweeter old man. You're going to get even.

You're going to be a little sweet old man in Boston. I was trying to explain this to someone for like standing. I was telling Joe. I was like, uh, I got a standing ovation at the garden that happened so fucking quick. I was just like, uh, fuck that bitch. This is Russia. And as I went to say Boston, they went and I fucking. I cried.

I cried that morning. Those have been getting me. Yeah. Standing ovation at the end of a show is so hard. Not like you're just like, it's a genuine smile. You're like, I walk off so quick. I get the fuck out of there. Then I go, that sucked.

I sucked that sucked. Those arenas, those arenas will get you a motion Tampa. Yeah. Tampa when I did the, when I did the, when I got, when I got a quick standing out there and my parents were there, there was waterworks there. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't cry a bunch.

I remember the first time I'm going to cry and when Leigh Ann dumped me and I was, it was like I was vomiting. I couldn't get it to stop. And I was looking at myself in the mirror laughing at myself crying. What the fuck wrong with you? That's the breakup where I cried. I did that. I saw myself in the mirror and I was like, Jesus Christ.

And I stopped. I stopped crying. Wait, where? When? It was, it was one, it was a breakup. Once I was, I was living in my parents' basement and I saw myself in a full body mirror. Crying. And I was like, whoa.

Fuck. And I went to bed and I had sleep paralysis that night. I got attacked by a demon that night. Sleep paralysis? Dude. It was before anyone, no one ever talked about sleep paralysis. What sleep paralysis? I had no idea what it was.

What sleep paralysis? Terrible. Oh, I don't, maybe I don't want to know. Yeah, you're going to want to know. You know, you'd like to know before, if you get it, you're going to think you're being possessed by a demon. Again. Wait, I think I've had this.

You probably have. If you're an avid dreamer, you probably had sleep paralysis. They get heavy on you. I thought it was ghost molesting me. No, dude. I thought it was ghost molesting me. When you go like this in your work, you're like, what the fuck's going on? It probably is.

I thought it was ghost. Oh my God. So wait. You can't move when you're waving. You're like seeing stuff. Sleep paralysis. Oh dude. Dude, this is how fucked up mine was.

I saw it. It was standing at the foot of my bed. It walked up the side of my bed. And I woke up like while it was reaching for me. And I tried to fight it. I thought it was real. So I got out of bed and I was like hiding. Oh, this happened to me the other night.

Yes. So then nobody talked about sleep paralysis. Six months later, I'm on the internet just looking at like weird Wikipedia pages. And I clicked sleep paralysis and the image that came up was the image from my dream. I saw it on the internet in real life. I was like, holy fuck. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, man.

Very scary. I had it. I was caretaking a house and I heard a piano playing and I went, I don't know what's in here, but me. So I grabbed my gun and I walked into the other room and I saw the piano things go and then all of a sudden my arm went up to the to the wall and I was and I got real heavy and I was pressed and I knew I was asleep and I knew I was asleep and I couldn't move and the ghost was holding me and he was trying to turn the gun to my head and I was like,

you're not going to get me motherfucker. I can't die. Jesus. That's not real. That's not real. Yeah. I really set myself up for some jokes when I do die. Huh?

Yeah. Yeah. By the way, we all have. Yeah, for sure. We all have. I've been on here being like, I'll never be in a wheelchair. Yeah. Never.

I could never get hit by a fucking grub hub scooter. It's not a sidewalk. Yeah. All right. We got to we got to wrap it up. Yeah. Hey, thank you. Thank you.

Come by tonight. That'll be fun. Okay. Yeah. Dude, I would not fuck with you. I wouldn't. I don't know. No.

Get Norman. Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm going to just go hang out. I'm going to I'll text them and see if I can come by. Well, thanks for having us. Check out Razzle Dazzle. For sure.

And yeah, thanks for having us, dude. All right. You're the man. Thank you. Love you.