Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 443 - The Disgusting Brothers

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. The disgusting brotherzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. We're happy to present you with the weekly edition of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast! Here you go! Just the D.A.W.G.Z. this week. wow what a great podcast. Please enjoy. God Bless.  Support the show and get 10% Off with the code DRENCHED at https://Lucy.co Visit http://http://babbel.com/DRENCHED for up to 55% off learning a new language Visit http://athleticgreens.com/drenched for a Free 1-year supply of Vitamin D

My goodness gracious man easy my goodness gracious man Matthew. How are you pretty good, dude? I got I got a lot of rave reviews about last week's podcast a lot of people said it was a They liked it. Yeah, a lot of people said it is I did the stand-up comedy shows in Denver people said hey I like this week's episode. I said hey, thanks guys. Thanks fellas appreciate you for that It's nice to get some positive feedback once once in a fucking blue moon In real life you get positive feedback real life. You do get positive feedback very rarely Does somebody come up to you and go? That sounds like the guy I hope he's not faking but he definitely is he always has his hand in his pocket

There's no way he's got the fartmeister. What a good fartmeister though, dude They used to make those fart machines and they sucked. I know I Guess technologies probably get a real deal chat you for GBT No, no make it so I shit myself make it sound like I'm shitting so I can run by people in Central Park That's the best way it worked. It worked for me. Yeah at first. I thought they were real And I was like this is the funniest dude of all time. Yeah, and then I quickly realized I was stupid Well, the first one will get you though. Oh my god. I got it farted in the tunnel in Central Park. That's easy It's just Hollywood magic after that. You go. Oh, it's just holly. I've been duped. It's just holly weird, dude

This guy's a phony dude. He's a fucking sellout. Those aren't even real farts. I Want to smell them. We're just talking about a guy. I was looking I was on Instagram just Crying like I got in the back of an Uber yesterday and cried laughed For 15 straight minutes To a fake fart machine. It'll get you man. Yeah, it's a I mean they they remain the funniest things Yeah, real or fake. Yeah farts contain the way that the way in those videos that women like Women are scared are afraid of loud farts is awesome I didn't I didn't know they were afraid of them dogs with thunder

If I fart loud enough If I fart loud enough my woman will go hide in a closet. Yeah, we need to get him some thunder vest under clothing Yeah, you know my thunder vest when you fart they just like it chill out A lot of the people are putting their dogs on like Zoloft and shit. They're like they're afraid of fireworks is like Yeah, don't give that guy fucking Zoloft. Yeah, I'm not actually I take that back Well, I was no, I was always heroin. I Was always way like that's ridiculous and now like Jackson's been being so bad And I'm like almost gonna fucking like chemically drug mother fucker. Yeah shit and everywhere. I just want to fucking render him

Yeah, you know shit and everywhere. Yeah, why I went home. Oh, no, I went home on Sunday. Yes, sir two days ago I got home. My parents are in Florida. They just left the table Open house tibble dude. It's house party Oh, he they left him a pile of food He's been munching all of it He's just sitting there munching and shitting everywhere. I open the house and I open the front door at the house Fuck walk in there's three different piles of shit just in the kitchen There's piles of shit in every single room in the house the cat shits six times a day. Oh

Oh There's not about the litter box filled with shit and puke. Oh, they gave him too much food He's just sitting there. Yeah walks around throws up shits goes back and lays down They're gonna kill him when they get home, dude Did you pick the poop up? I did There's gonna be more there. Yeah, that was now. He's he's still open day open house until Wednesday He's gonna be so much trouble when mom and dad get home. Oh God, you must have had a party There's so much shit here. You had to have had other cats here

There's no way one cat shit this much and like you can't kick it. You can't really beat a cat You can hit a cat. I mean you can but it's like they're so quick might fight back A dog you hit usually they're like they get sad and yeah you hit a cat They're like that motherfucker. Yeah, and then they sit and wait. Oh, okay. Yeah, wait till you're on a business call. They jump God damn it You're all right. Yeah fucking cat You shit all over my house cat just attacked me. Yeah, that's a That'd be a fun prank show of just leaving like fake dog shit everywhere all over house

Is someone quickly someone kills their dog? Yeah We admire Jackson had diarrhea almost every single morning for I swear to God it was a month He was protest bumping well He was he just got like they would cry in the middle of the night and he gets so worked up if people are crying or upset He gets like they fucks him up And he will if you like bump your knee you're like fucking sitting there who like run up to you and like Sitting against you. Oh, that's all such a sweetheart

But when the baby he's an empath dude when the babies was crying He would get so spun out downstairs and he would just start shitting all over the place because he couldn't get up there And do his fucking thing. Yeah, he's emotional support If my parents just keep threatening with death to do it They won't do it. They're right dude. It's been a decade. They're not gonna kill this cat. They have to It's been close to a decade and they're not they'll do nothing. What about a trank dart? He's pretty much tranked during the day Yeah, he does he's a cat. He just lays there all day. Yeah, true at night. He goes out

Yeah, that would be if if an animal shits in my house more than like like Jackson I gave a hard pass as I love him, but like if he kept that up for a while I'd have I would have done it like I would have you know, yeah, but it's also it is a cat turd True. It's nothing compared to a giant like a fat pitbulls diarrhea Oh, it's so gross man. Yeah, that's yeah, I feel like if a dog shits in your house I had a cousin who had an really old dog. You're like them when they went away for the weekend He just like got up on their sectionals like

He was like old and sick This is finally my house dude shit on this fucking couch Yeah, he had like tumors and shit and we just kept getting like yeah, my one cousin was like dude I gotta give him something. That's when they killed my old dog Buccas. Did they when they start shit? He started diarrhea in the house. Yeah, it's like immediately was a guy. That's it. Yeah, don't it's so nasty, dude When they use dude, you see the mighty missus. It's just fucking diarrhea It's fucking so not breaking when you see an old dog shit like that. Do you have a third day in a row? You're kind of like bro. Yeah way sadder than when a human does it

Yeah, like when an old person starts shit near just like you yeah, I'd fucking fucking go beat the shit out of If I was a Jamaican orderly, I would just Just my big fat arms You're shitting like a baby Look what you're done now your shit on yourself Come here boy Here that's awesome. That's how it that's how we all go eventually you will be getting your ass beat by Jamaican If you live long enough, you will get your ass beat you'll get beat to death by Jamaican

Imagine not remembering like your family at all. I just think we were wait. What was it a constant hell? Oh There's some of the Jamaicans now, dude They're gonna go get you. I'm talking about us now. I mean, dude, you gotta give it to them Just beating up oldy. It's I think it's kind of like circle of life stuff, dude Yeah, you're old you're like an old white dude. You've dominated for a long time It's like just let old Jamaican lady whale and you for like the last 10 years of your life You know what I mean? I think it's fair is fair is all I'm saying. Yeah, I'll take it like a man Yeah, you're saying we're done with we do have reparations

We can stop the debate Reparations are you get to beat the hell out of all of our grandparents? It's kind of it's kind of like a dunk tank Or guys like get out of my room His old white people go to the retirement home and they are race. They're super racist I've seen it with my own eyes, dude. Yeah, they get in there and they're like he's stealing from my room again They're like mr. Johnson. I get it old white dudes the governor flies off and they get it's full fucking Yeah, well, so you don't remember what room you're in the only other person that comes in your room is that woman Yeah, you're like I used to have a Corvette

Where the fuck did that go? It's god damn Yes, it is funny though if you are like it if you are genuinely like an old White died in the wool is racist you could possibly be and then your last moments on earth or just fucking black people being like get up Do this? This isn't supposed to be like $2 million your kids are living off of it You're just on a bed of people screaming and beating you Where did I go wrong? You got to just go. Yeah, you gotta go true It's just so funny to think about because that did happen to a lot of like

So went for a lot of people. Yeah, my grandma was in a home. Yeah, it's like you hit you caught No, she was getting her ass beat. Yeah, I mean I was she might have she could have she was pretty fucking lippy, dude She was lippy as fuck I almost fucking clocked it She pushed me for ice. I was like, did you give it like a little ice machine? I was like, what are you doing? No, I'd like stayed still when she was like trying to push me I didn't push back, but I like but yeah, I flexed up You became a mountain I'd be yes

God damn, I became I became a goon She was being a goblin Yeah, it is that is very funny to think about of like You like you were like a 1950s not even so I would say like my grandparents were born in like 1920 maybe So you were 30 during the fit you were in your full form during the 1950s and you were like, yep, I I like what they're talking about with about everything and all of a sudden you're You have no idea where all your money my television go TV's that was just watching the Giants

Somebody must have stole this fucking TV You worked your whole life as hard as humanly possible and all of a sudden you're like, where did all my fucking herpes What did I do for the last year? Oh, yeah fucking chlamydia from orderlies? You Think the Clint you think the orderlies ever no, so yeah, I think they yeah I mean the Handys must be that must be crazy, dude. You're talking a decent looking grandma comes in you're working the night shift Oh, I'm thinking the other way around. Yeah, I know what I'm saying is a man. I doubt the women are fucking I'm saying selling Handys But yo, give me a reverse mortgage Sign your fucking house over to me. I'd be like bro. It's done. Yeah, what did I do everything? I've yeah

I'm in a bed dying. I'll give you with everything you want. Yeah handy One more. It's gotta be crazy, too I'll give you a buffalo nickel There's $5 nickel Yeah, you'd be on great depression prices, so you get the price of the hand you go what the hell I bought my house for $60 That's what that costs. Oh Jesus Christ. I used to walk five miles for the snow and get a hand job for a penny, dude

or five miles to the snow True that was a depression era fucking beach Yeah, jibs took a fucking absolute. He's gonna be able to tell his kids about that is adopted is adopted Asian children He told me the other day is sex with ladies. He's sex with women. Yeah, he's sex with everybody He's about holes Yuck Yuck you should be careful with that. It's still COVID still going around. You gotta be careful Don't spread COVID to bud COVID. You don't spread COVID to like straight ladies

You laugh but COVID did ravage the gay community the POC and gay community way more than whites They didn't really get the COVID get the gay guys. Oh, I'm sure the news said that yeah Yeah True they're going to parties dude. I know I said he got the the POC the gays were going to too many mixers They're having fun. They're doing all night systems all night dancing from partying and it wasn't Too many mixers you're here the dudes that deny AIDS there. It was like gay guys just party too much. They're just tired Yeah, they're just tired and party too much. That's awesome. I've never heard that. Yeah, there's there's guys to go around saying It's not a real thing. They truly bad take

Yeah, guys just party so hard and do so many drugs that they they bring it about That was a guy trying to posit the theory and I think people were like, that's not true, sir. Yeah, don't you dare? Yeah, I think he just said they're just being bad. He's like nothing wrong with gay sex. He's like just being bad So you sex is nothing. He's like they're being bad. They're staying up too late They're staying up too late and dancing too much to stay up too late There's a lot it's like do whatever they want with their bodies don't care about that but go to bed on time guys Yeah, there's bedtime knock it off at the bedtime gaming Imagine forcing a bedtime and like to gain it and like the neighborhood that guy's bedtime. No, you can not get the

Police came in and said get to bed. They said weird. Yeah, right What year was that Stonewall geez I think that was Like 60 or is that 68? Yeah, I think back then maybe I'm dumb. Maybe it was like 74 So when they ran that news was it 74 69? Fuck. I knew it. I didn't want to say it. I didn't say what I didn't say What were they were doing in there? Fuck I knew Stonewall 69. It was the summer summer love dude. There's a summer of but love and the cops the cops were like, what the hell? Damn, I forgot. That was a good bit. I used to have a bit on so well cuz I was at home and I was watching And my parents were watching it. I was like, damn this was 1969 what the fuck were you guys like?

What did you think about this? They're like, we didn't know you could be gay. I know I was like, mom your brother's gay And my dad was like, yeah, we fucking you just thought he ran weird We hung out with girls. We didn't know that we just thought he was friends with girls. Yeah When that news story broke it must have been people like, oh, okay. Yeah, they were like, yeah That was the joke was it was a the headline was like den of Fucking gay people raided. Yeah, it was like a den as a funny way to describe Just a bar that gay people were in it's not even underground. I've been to this. I haven't been there I haven't been there just kidding they busted it up like a gambling ring dude. Yeah game in with sticks

What the fuck That is crazy when you think about it. Yeah, bring that joke back. Yeah, it's awesome explaining the cops There was nobody knew what being gay was like there's sit-down meeting of like guys the whiteboard You know how we all like girls. Yeah. Yeah, there's some guys that don't like girls. What? Where are they? Give us our sticks. We got to go down there and fucking hit them with sticks You're an adult man hitting another guy for liking guys 50 years ago, dude, not long It was only 50 years. Yeah, those guys are alive because you were hitting dudes with sticks. Yeah

Or get their ass beat by Jamaicans right now. It's I'm saying in bed. Yeah And that was the government base. I'm like, yo, go hit those gay guys with sticks. Yeah, and now they're on a government pension It's like they're like, wait, what's going on now? They're like, dude Yes, you fund the police Back then on the 1950s police. I agree deep on the 1950s police 1950s 1960 We'll we'll up to the Civil Rights Act defund all those police. Exactly. They do not get pensions, dude Not get them out yet. You find all they're good guys and we'll ask them true Were you good guys?

Would you do where were you in the night of 1969 fuck were you when they broke up? That'd be funny if one of the cops broke off and started making out with one of them. I don't know what happened I got scared. I didn't know you could do this. I like this What if one of them smacked one of the gay guys and the gay guys went Ah, what the fuck's going on? He flipped it. He launched it daddy. What's that in project X? So he's like daddy relax. Oh like what in the hell even is that? Daddy chill What the hell

Yeah, it's pretty amazing how far the uh everything's dude now, dude, it's funny. I was on the way up I was like fucking spurting on the way up. So there that's 50 years ago. Now briny was calling me. She took uh Chloe to a story time. Oh, no Some sort of oh, no, you can never take the kids to story It was that it was a like a mister or something sing along at like this one place again to a place you go to play And dude, let me guess bro briny sitting there. Well, it was just So it was like some some I think it was like a lady actually Lady armoured hair or whatever. No big deal, but she had uh, she was like they started this thing off

It was for kids dude one to four year olds. First of all, I was like, you know Take a bath shave whatever you got shave, but like she had the fucking she's armpit hair. It's kind of offensive Lady's armpit hair. It's like it's disgusting girls can have it, but I don't like it. Oh fuck dude It's one of my least favorite. It might be my least favorite thing. It's It bothers me to no end. Yeah, it's like, hey, come on man. I gotta look man. My hair's not the best today You don't think I want fucking cool hair. Yeah, dude. I wish I had I'm saying I gotta take I gotta like, you know I got a shower. I gotta do something. I want girl stuff. Exactly dude. I want girl stuff. I know So so fucking useful all the some dudes are a lot of black dudes are carrying pocketbooks right now

But you got to keep you got to keep raxing them though I mean, is that not a thing where black dudes carry like pocketbooks. I've seen the fanny packs on the the soul brothers So brothers got the satchel now too the soul brothers are rocking the satchels. Yeah They keep the chopper in the satchel sometimes Indiana hoops jones With the satchel so as he goes in the ladies Britney sitting there We have a one-year-old the oldest kid there was four years old the lady starting it goes

Do you guys know aretha franklin? She had a baby when she was 12 actually looked that up to honestly if that's true She had a baby when she was 12 It's like she had a fight for herself. Has anyone ever pushed you around do you ever have to stand up for yourself? I was like What the fuck you talking about a four-year-old standing up for themselves, man? It's like no she started like that was the original dialogue and then she was like So you got babies yourself. So they started to be like that's cool But it was weird, dude

And they're like Purple is a color is it for boys? No, is it for girls? No, it's just a color just like trans and non-baronet by an area Just people really they hit him with that. That's fucking this like dude hit him with a fucking like Read pokey puppy Even if they had just even if dude if it's that like the content of it I'm like whatever if they had been like Trump's of rising again. I'd like still weird as fuck. Yeah, they were indoctrinating little kids And a and a thing for like literally like pre-verbal. I do dude. It was pretty left

My queen dude. She picked she's like come on. She's like we're out of here and they're like, well, we're sorry What's the matter? It's like that's fucking weird. That's awesome. Why are you guys doing that? And they were just like was it a white lady with arm for there? Yes, and your black queen said enough, please bro. They're like, you didn't like the That's so exciting. You don't like the reason Franklin thing we did. Yeah, dude. You need rsp tcc. That's what I'm saying, dude Yeah, what's that from? That's any is it uh Shrek that might be shrek one was a shrek one No, what's that from?

No, he's like Yeah, whatever, but dude, it's rsp tcc me I forget what that's from dude But how fucking creepy is that to like fucking weird? I called the place on the way up here. Nice. It wasn't the place I did give him hell wasn't the place that well, they were like, it's not us. Uh, first of all, I was like, dude I was like, I heard you guys are like Doing like divisive political rhetoric for one year olds and four year olds

I'm like, can you explain to me why you would do that? And they were like, that's very interesting question. That's a response Um, it's not us. It's the people we hire to come do it here. You might want to talk to them Blah blah blah, and I'm like, I hear that but I'm like, you understand that's weird. Like why would you want to get into the minds of Like pre-verbal children? I'm like, that's that's what the crit like early medieval catholic church did I was like, you want to tell them that yes So I'm like, I'm hitting them. I'm like, you know, that's that's like when you want to like give a message that needs to get in The very little kids heads. I'm like, that's really weird and sinister. Shit. I'm like, you guys should really not do that And they're like, well, I mean we don't have any control. I'm like, well you hired the people

So you're letting them in your building and it's like What's I was like, they can't even comprehend these ideas. So why would you be like trying to like Someone's are trying to repeat them into their head as if like to like indoctrinate. I was like, that's fucking weird, man It is like you imagine if I ran a story thing for like pro-trump things for like one-year-olds They would have shut it down immediately. That's like that's all the lesbians that worked there would run in and go I am not a man That was like, dude, the message aside is a boy. He's got a penis It's like

He's a girl. He's got a vagina Color purple. It's for girls. Purple's fucking gay as fuck. Any boys like purple. Unless you like the Vikings, dude, that's pretty sick Let's talk about the purple people eaters. Good defense We should do it. We should do it. Just dude fucking story time. We have to do it. Today we're reading the swimsuit edition by sportillistrated Girls beat it. Yeah, we don't trust you. We won't tell your friends. You guys won't be able to read You guys can't fucking read shit anyway We got some fucking dumb sex books for you guys upstairs crime novels retards Boys we're reading cool shit

Yo, here's the deal girl boys are just better than girls. All right, we're stronger faster Yeah, I was like, dude, that just drives me nuts. I'm like, dude, today we're gonna talk about the Durham report It turns out trump. There was no fucking collusion. Isn't that funny? Going back to the color blue for a second. Yeah, that's the cops. We love them These guys are going through hell out there. Come on. You have an inch of trigger finger. Trust me Have I ever seen anything? No Do I have any experience? No, but I'm telling you those guys do Be wild Derek Chauvin sits behind bars

Kanye West turns out he's not that fucking bad To that's I was like explaining to the lady. I was like, dude, it's not even like that is that equivalent It is it's literally is that crazy. I was like, dude, it's not even the message. I don't I'm like, whatever I'm like the fact that you got you have a company who's trying to get into little kids heads and belief systems And like when's the last time you stood up for yourselves? It's like hopefully never they're one. Yeah, hopefully they're listening to every fucking thing I say Like I'm not going to sleep. I refuse. Mom's trying to put you in a dress. Fuck that Tell her you want to wear a fucking suit You're a boy

Wouldn't it be cooler if you were a boy? Yeah, dude, it was I was so happy for my queen dude is being like she's She's a motherfucker too. So she was just probably just like no, let's go right now She's a motherfucker, dude Well, we were on the phone. How funny was that? And I was like, hey, Brady I could hear Matt was like when when we get into Charleston and I heard her like Tell him what I would tell her What I would tell her we're saying and you're like

He's gonna tell her I'm on the phone He's like, hey, Brady It's so nice to direct that force against like get that force on your fucking armpit haired white lady. Oh Oh, dude, she she's very funny We'll go to the park and she'll like we'll be she'll like she just talks to everyone I live in a pretty heavy white pussy neighborhood And like a white pussy fucking live neighborhood in the she'll go to the playground and she'll like just start to talk about whatever And I'll watch she'll even like skew conversations towards like shit and dude

I watched like moms there just be like Like dude, if you walked outside without a mask in my neighborhood during covid like people would like Stare you down Like libsmack you wanted to libsmack you and I watched like oh my god. How are you doing? She'll start like just talking about shit and they'll be like Uh, yeah, I guess so like she'll bring up like gender stuff and they're just kind of like It's the fucking it's I just walk on the other side of the playground like Jesus christ. Jesus christ This is my boy dog. Yes, you want to know how I know

We gave him a boy's name. Do you want to know why? This is his fucking dick and nuts right there We even cut off his nuts still a bro still the bro as long as you have the hog That's a good thing to talk at the dog park. No, it's real gender Yeah, what kind of dog is big? Well, you don't we don't really know what this has no idea other than his fucking cock and balls It has it sufficiently expressed. It was a giant dog cock What's the biggest dog dick in the world on record can we get that? Yo, I told you I saw that one

Do you have a fucking dog fucking a lady recently? What? Yeah, I didn't know I didn't know how big dogs dicks were how much they got inside their body I thought that little boner they get when they're chilling. I thought that was their dick. That's just bro They're dick. They have like tim Burton character finger dicks. They have a huge dicks. Really? They don't have this piece of a spiral. They have like a little like Yeah, no, it looks like a Eraser looks like a Giant cock. It's huge. It's like an alien dick. Yeah, I've been fully erected dog. They have there

There's is like they get that feeling too because that's like they have like a bare dick. You know what I mean? Like they're dicks inside the body. Yeah, exactly. So that thing touches. It's probably like oh my god That's probably who are for after the video I saw that dog lasted longer than me. That thing was flying. Was it really? It was disgusting Are you think they're ripping like four loads? By the way, I didn't want to see this video Yeah, this was sent to me to ask you that who's saying that vile gentleman war mode The most vile boys we know it's not an illegal the disgusting brothers Isn't that like having isn't bestiality illegal? Yeah, but bestiality videos aren't like no one's ever gotten raided by the feds We're having like a bestiality cash

I girl just got in trouble for fucking dogs on snapchat for sure a nine-year-old girl She had like videos. Yeah, but how come possession isn't uh How come possession is not a crime? I have no idea. I mean every single person's seen mr. Hand get butt-fucked It's not like it's cp. That's what I'm saying. It's kind of just a funny video I mean it is it does become illegal if you lustfully look at a woman fucking a dog. Yeah I'll know sin of the spirit. I guess Something happens It's a very uncomfortable feeling

Well, you're watching the woman's pleasure, so Billy found the video the guy fucking the snake. Yeah And that led I think spod down a wormhole Little rabbit hole of like what else is on this website? Oh, no La Mer you're nodding as if you've got something to add to this. No, I've seen that snake video. It's hilarious snake video is fucking disgusting That's fucked up. You showed me that you're saying the disgusting brothers found all these disgusting brothers Disgusting brothers Billy and Spud are the disgusting brothers Disgusting brothers the disgusting brothers

Disgusting brothers found it dude and sent me it Everybody this is too much for this might save some of this for the patreon. So this is a very damning state I was about to make I just like to know the disgusting brothers Disgusting brothers are out there on the internet doing wild shit. I didn't know one of the disgusting brothers found that snake video I didn't know that was you Billy I had seen it before

I thought it was about a long like I remember seeing it. I saw it when it dropped But Billy went and found it again recently. Oh, he resurfaced it. I forgot how horrific that video was I wasn't prepared for that either man. When I saw that I was like this is seeing a dog's boner. It was also pretty off-putting Yeah, there you saw the whole thing. You saw the whole damn thing. Yeah Yeah, so I saw the dog get taken out of a woman. Oh, who's that? Who's the uh, the handler? I don't know It's like an old lady from a dog show like Yeah, it was uh, truly disgusting and I wish I had not seen it Oh, man, that stinks at least we got the disgusting brothers out of this

I mean, I'm ashamed to admit what I saw but It was it was at least called the warm of the disgusting brothers. It's funny Dude, I mean everyone was doubting the season three of succession and I was like, no, this is might be the funniest Although the last episode triggered me, dude Wait with uh This past episode with the election. Yeah. Why'd you get me? It was a would you they're like equating it to trump and they're like they're fox news basically and they're like We're calling it. We know morally this guy's about to destroy democracy, but yeah

We're doing it for the money. It's like Well, also can you guys Stop destroying democracy. It is. Well, it was funny. Is the other characters going? Yeah. No, shut up. Yeah, that was It was funny. They did at least Paint it every single way of like Be right. I agree. I was just triggered by the all of a sudden shiv the female character all of a sudden had Her moral line was like I would never See, I watched that being like it's all bullshit

I thought to me when I was watching it the show is being like this is all bullshit I think that is they did yeah do that, but there was still a bunch of characters like I won't do we can't give him the election I know Which I guess is probably exactly what actually happened. There's a bunch of those news dorks were like This is the death. Yeah, I'm not a man. This is the death of democracy I yeah, I don't know. I think what I think appealed back. I'm in my bag today I gotta chill I think appealed the curtain back on the illusion of democracy my brother, you know That's what I think died when I hear statements like that. I'm one of those guys that's willing to go

You know, maybe I was wrong with my interpretation of what I saw. I like that version This bug out of here This bug coming over here. Yeah, it was funny when trump came up. He's like I paid all those mother buggers And then he was like I'm draining the swamp and he appointed like the worst guys ever to all the thing that was actually He's not draining the swamp. I'm gonna drain the swamp Yeah, I listened to this rfk podcast. It was pretty nice. Which one he did I'll tell you right now Yeah, when he gets his voice warmed up, it's like yeah once you get used to his voice

He's great, but there was also It's all in the all-in. Yeah, I heard a good chunk of that. I think the presidential candidate robert f kennedy jr I thought it was great, but And then I was driving listening to it and I was like Yeah, he'll never win because of his voice and I was like damn that's the that just shows how fucking dumb we are I know like yeah, but he talks funny It's like even though he's making all the points that I think are actually pretty good. Yeah, he talks funny. So fuck him I would vote for rfk. Yeah, we're voting Dems dude. These damn. We're Dems this year

Rfk's a man. What's he? What's he hanging independent? Yeah, is he damn? Is he in the forward party forward party? Yeah, I'd go rfk first man. If I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I don't care Yeah, he's he is the man. I'd love to just see let rfk debate biden wants let the boy debate I don't think they're gonna do it. They're never gonna let biden debate not rf. They'll be they'll be They'll be able to keep biden away from trump by just saying We're not gonna dignify that sky with a debate. Yeah They'll be able to say that even though obviously they're just hiding biden

Why why has how is there nobody being like no, dude? Like there's a million people graduating from harvard every year that go on to be lawyers for 40 years How was there not one hot shot fucking lawyer who can think yeah? I have my mental faculties I don't know. Who'd you vote for the mayor biden? I've that's a good question actually Yeah mainland today no briefing. No ん mayors got a nasty sense of direction. I'll tell you that Really? Yes. I like I never know like I parked in a parking garage and I was like

lemera where am I? He's like left right ba ba ba bow ест got a last secret Dude, he's gonna deceptively smart. They got it. He knows the city like the back of his hand, too It's crazy. He said, Oh, yeah, up here. There's a distance. I'm like don't you guys get lost every That was his bad last week. He had a lot on the mind. Don't you guys miss the exit every week? That was last week.

He was missing a lot of, he was almost missing a lot of exits, but I think you had something way in heavy on his side. You're not stoned today. No. I could tell. Yeah, no. That's why he's got a little,

that's why he's a little chippy attitude. Oh yeah. He's got that nasty attitude. You could tell normally he comes in. You should have seen him in Barstool, dude. I'm sure they have free swag and merch everywhere. I'm sure he was on. He was wearing like a fucking Pontius pilot.

Like they had like a Roman outfit. He just tossed on like a weird costume, walked around. Awesome. Did you have fun in Barstool? Yeah, it was fun. I had a steak and lobster. Was that the first you had steak and lobster? The yak sponsored by Outback Steakhouse.

Oh hell yeah. We jumped in for a second and the marriage fucking. You went on the yak and ate steak and lobster? Yeah, I was like, can I get one? They were like, yeah. I was like, all right. We were on for like 10 minutes. Nice.

Munch some steak and lobster. Was that the first time you had been there? Yeah. It's cool. Yeah, it's cool. They don't have enough games though. It's like all. You wanted more games.

Yeah, I need more games. I need one game room. Too many bars, not enough game rooms. Interesting. They had a Blitz machine. They didn't have a Blitz machine. Really? It wasn't plugged in.

It wasn't plugged in. Bro, if that thing was plugged in, it would have been a motherfucking problem. I played eight little out of Blitz this weekend. I had Buddley came and he has his, he came again. Oh, you guys were playing Blitz? He's got this thing that hooks up to the TV

and there's a million games on it. We played probably 30 games. How were you doing? Were you good? Pretty good. It was 50-50, honestly. Blitz is like Mario Kart where they keep you in it. They do.

No, they do. Which is a great algorithm. The fumble. It's perfect, dude. The fumble. You start popping up. It's a perfect game. Yeah, no, it's.

It's gonna be a good game. I could play it all day. Drumbadis, two seconds left in the game. Touchdown. Not a big deal. That was arcade mode. Arcade mode, dude. Give me the fucking controller.

God damn. Yeah, we need that 64 controller. We need that. I think I still have one here, dude. I could play Blitz all day. I think I have NFL Blitz in this apartment with an N64. I gotta check. I thought I could feel it.

Yeah, you can feel it. I thought I could feel the Blitz. I feel this down in my lungs. It might be the best game. It might be the best game in the world. I thought it was up there. Of that genre, I think NFL Blitz is the most fun. The only thing I think.

NBA Street, if we're considering that part of the genre. Street's nasty, yeah. NBA Street volume two was, but that's when you get into PlayStation 2 territory. You know when they made a hockey game that's like NBA Jam? Yeah. Two on two hockey, that was pretty nasty to play that.

There was Wayne Gretzky's, there was one that was like that. It was three on three. Yeah. It was awesome. It's fucking pretty fun. Yeah. But yeah, dude, the.

We need to get back into those. I keep trying to find a game. I hate games, dude. You're all, that sucks. Sucks. Dude, Blitz? Every game sucks. Yeah.

Every game is the exact same. Yeah, that's true. Everything's like. UFC's fucking sick. UFC's awesome. I guess you gotta play against it. I can only play against it. I try to play online and I get fucking murdered.

Yeah, that pisses me off. I gotta play against my bros because it's like otherwise. Bros is fun. You need someone in the room getting upset. Yes. I need to see someone go. I thought I had it.

I'm getting better though. That's what I was doing. Dude, I had you. That's fucking bullshit. Yeah. I think they're making. We shouldn't even talk about UFC now. I just want to play UFC.

I know. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Now we're going to get the bug. Yeah, dude, the, they're making a version of Blitz now where you can play online. Like ultimate Blitz would be two people on one same team would be very fun.

If you could just fucking run certain routes and shit. I've definitely talked about it before. That was big. I miss my college bros for that. We used to play, we got NCAA. We would all play four controllers on the same team. All playing defense. Dude.

That's. Drinking a bottle of whiskey. Yeah, there's no. Playing the season. Nothing more fun than that, dude. By the fifth game, I'm throwing picks on the shit face. My friend who didn't know how to play we would have him kick our field goals.

So there was a chance we missed. Oh, really? Yeah, that was fun. That's fucking, that's so much fun. I miss those days. Yeah, and we did the snow day back in the old house and drank and played Mario Kart. That was pretty fun.

That's a disaster. Last place in Mario Kart has to chug. No, everybody has to chug. Is that what it was? Or last? I remember you have to finish your beer before you finish the race. That's what it was, that's what it was.

And you can't drive while you're drinking. Yeah, that's what it was. And yeah, by race four. And I think. You drank four beers in 10 minutes. I think whoever finished last place had to drink something else or something. I don't know, but that resulted in a,

oh yeah, and then we went to a fucking like open mic. Yeah. And I said some nasty things on the microphone. Whoopsies. We used to, we used to, I don't know the point of the game. We used to play a game called Curfuckle or something or we made up a name.

And it was you had to like chug a beer and then take it, like just hit a bowl or a bong and then like hold it in while someone did something else. And you'd go back and forth. And it would be, it was ridiculous. Yeah, you'd be. Come with us. Totally obliterated.

And he just go out to like Westchester and be like, you could talk to girls. Hey, what's going on? All right, we're pre-gaming. We're pre-gaming with, we're all going to chug a bottle of fucking Calico Jack. No, no chasers. Just yeah, like you got, we're playing cowboy face.

Like what's that? It's like you chug and then you try not to make a face. There was no game to it. It was like not a real thing. Cowboy face is kind of a sick game. That is fun. Just chug and making notes. Chug something disgusting and just.

Oh, I couldn't do it dude. I have such, I have a bitch banker face dude. I can fucking do it. No, you haven't been approved. I don't approve of the taste of this. We're taking your house. It must be cool owning a bank. Owning a bank?

Yeah, it's owning a bank and being like, cause doesn't the FDIC only, they insure up to like $250,000. Yes. I just got that email. Really? Yeah. I have to diversify my banks.

Yeah, there you go. I don't like it. You have to. Or just start one. I just want to keep it all. Yeah, keep it all. I don't like all these fucking banks. Yeah, you have to diversify.

Aren't they all going to fail soon? I don't think so. And then what happens when they fail? Are they just like, you know, we lost it. Yeah, you're fucked. So if you put money in a bank and the bank fails. The federal insurance will insure you up to $250,000. Oh, okay.

That makes sense. So if the bank fails, you're insured federally. So everything else I lose. Yes, if you put over $250,000 in a bank and if you say you had like $700,000 in a bank and the bank failed, the government like, here's $250,000. You're federally insured for that amount.

But if you have like a million dollars in a bank, they're going to go, hey, man, we're sorry that happened to you. But the bank's out of money and you're kind of fucked. Well, then you got to get a gun and go to the bank. Give the money back. Wouldn't even be a robbery at that point. He'd be like, hey.

Give me back what I gave you, be an OJ Simpson situation. This happened with the Silicon Valley Bank that went down. Like a bunch of investors had their money in there, like more than $250,000. And they had to like, the government had to get involved. They're like, all right, we'll get you all of your money back. They got all they, what? But they were only federally insured for $250,000.

Yeah, I think that's why it was such a big astrospell. That's what they talked about, being a Silicon Valley bank. I thought they were talking about the BTC, whatever that. Bitcoin. So that's the company they were talking about? Well, Silicon Valley Bank was a company that, they were the bank that gave their money to all the crypto

companies. So a bunch of crypto companies invested. They started taking their money out of there and it because they were. So why did they get bailed out? Because there was a bunch of other like unintended millionaires who got hurt. That's good.

Yeah. I like hearing about millionaires getting their money back to you. I was the only one when they banked, when they bailed out like Goldman Sachs back during the recession, I was like, thank God, dude. I was so happy for them. I was like, I don't want to lose all their money. There's so much money on that mattress in our house.

Like, God, I hope those guys are all right. Yes, I got 50 bucks from Raven Lounge. I'll spend it all right now. Well, 10 double city-wide, please. Yeah. That is funny when they're like, Obama had to bail those banks out. I think he did.

He did. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, I was wondering, oh, you got to go, how did we get here? My question though, I always go, did you watch the Big Shirt? Yeah. What was the argument made? Like, what would have happened if they let

those all those banks fail? I don't know. I don't recall. I think the entire economy would collapse. Would have collapsed, yeah. Maybe so. Oh, yeah, because then they can't loan any more money out. Yeah, I guess because the government can still always

make it. That's why I get so confused. Oh, I was listening to Tim Dillon's podcast. He was just talking about that. What'd he say? I guess Biden wanted to do a thing where like, I'm fucking this up, but like, your credit doesn't matter. It's like a thing to try to get minority housing up.

It's like, your credit score doesn't matter. We'll give you a loan for a house. And he's like. That was the start of this. I know it's nice, but this is exactly how we, what happened in 2008. You gave out loans that you knew people weren't going to pay. Yeah.

And then the housing market crashed. Yeah, that was. And they're like, we need to do it to be. He's trying to do it again. He's trying to do it again. I don't know. I literally, I heard it while I was playing MLB the show listening to Tim Dillon.

Man, that makes sense. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. I mean, it's a bad thing when all the mortgages fall and everyone's like the real estate bubbles on a burst again. It's a real estate bubble burst. I'm fucked fucking losing my fucking apartment. I'm just going to rent forever.

That's some people do that. I just bought a house. Fuck. Son of a bitch. Well, yeah, true. Actually, I haven't put a single payment into that. Really? Yeah, they didn't make me sign the they they thought my credit

sucks so they didn't have me on the loan. Declare bankrupt. My stupid dad and sisters didn't include me on the loan. You're a fucking shark. No, I don't need to pay. You're an absolute shark. File chapter 11, dude. I'm going to fail.

Yeah. I'm going to file bankruptcy. Have people do a bunch of work to fix it up. File chapter 11. Like, yeah, I'm not going to pay your cash. You can go bankrupt right now and just completely burn all you get a ton of credit and just burn it. Yeah.

Just be like, yeah, I'm fucking chapter 11. Sorry, guys. Peace. And then what? And you just wait and then you get your credit back. All you do that's what all the developers did in the 90s. Yeah. They would be one guy would build.

He'd fuck everyone over and then he'd partner up with two other guys and they would split it. And then the other guy would file chapter 11. Then like seven years is up and now you're back up. A lot of those guys that's that was like the stuff they try to get Trump for. And he's like, yeah, I took advantage of business laws. Like, what do you want me to do?

But you was very bad because you like you have people who are doing like hundreds of thousands of dollars for fucking over Ukrainian immigrants. Yeah, you just crush. I think that's what he was using. Probably. Anyway, I mean, if he likes his construction workers, like he likes his babes and he probably supports UK.

But does he like Russian babes or Ukrainian babes? He's like small, brother. Yeah, I see. Doesn't discriminate. I think he that was good. That town hall. He had a decent answer for that. The CNN lady, that fucking nasty woman.

What was she saying? She's just being a hot babe being snarky. I liked her there. She was like, are you? She's like, do you hope Ukraine wins the war? He's like, I don't. It was like, just stop. Stop the war.

Yeah. Not at all. She kept trying to get him. She's like, so you're cheering for Russia? It's like, I'm not cheering for it. Oh, they were getting them like that. Yeah. Like, do you want Ukrainian victory or not?

It's like, cut it out, lady. Yeah. Cut it out, you fine bitch. Do you want Ukrainian victory? We need Ukrainian victory. It is weird. It's like, I want them to all get along and stop that. I want them to cut it out.

Knock it off. I mean, dude, if you were president, he wouldn't fucking, he would say he'd be done 24 hours if I was president. He wouldn't have done that. I wonder what it, like, what if there was truth to that? Like, he calls them. They're like, yeah, dude, our bad, like.

Our bad, we didn't know you were president. Mr. Trump. You're the fucking man, Mr. Trump. Because it's like. There's dudes that believe that, huh? There's people out there that are like, Mr. Trump will call them and end this thing right away, dude. Dude, what if he gets daddy's home?

I think it's worth a shot to be like, dude, all right, then go over there and talk to that guy. You talk. No, I'll have to be president first. Yeah, I have to be president. No, I'm not going to do it. I was just laughing about a little off subject, but dudes being like, I'm a fucking grown ass man.

Yeah. It's just such a funny, like, little kid thing to say. Like, I'm a big guy. I'm old. You can't talk to me like that. I'm big. I got, I got crushed. I'm a big man.

Dude, I got crushed last night because I was coming up with flight plans for this weekend. And I was just like, I was like, well, there's like, there's not a lot of good flights. And I was like, dude, first of all, she's like, well, there's like a six. You hit her with, I'm a grown ass man. No, even worse.

I hit her with 640. There was 648 after she floated that to me. I went, that's going to be so early. I got up at like four o'clock. I want to be sleepy. Like, basically, I was like, I'm going to be so tired. I don't want to do that. And then we kept looking.

I didn't see any other options. You're not wrong to do that, dude. Well, I forgot I had said that. And I was like, what are you going to do? And I was like, dude, I'm like a fucking mercenary. I forgot to drive there. I'll fucking drive there. So I'm like, dude, what do you mean you're going to drive there?

And I was like, I'll fucking drive at night, sleep for a couple of hours. And then I'll get up in the morning early as fucking. I'll drive. And I was like, bro, there's one thing about me, I'm like militant, dude, I'll get up and she's like, you just said you couldn't get up for a 640 flight. And I was like, dang it, I didn't say that. Fuck. I was being a bitch earlier.

I've changed. Well, yeah, I didn't want to get up and go to the airport that early, but I would drive and fight out. I stopped and I went, you got me, dude. I was like, you got me. You caught me. Damn it. I forgot I said that. Now, when that happens, you got to go see, see what I did.

Yeah, when I was wrong, I said, you were right. That's how you do that. It's a good way to do it. She caught me in the middle. I was so I was fired myself up so much like, but you don't understand what I'll see. You don't. Here's the thing you don't get. And I'm like doing all this shit.

She's like, did you say like 642 was too early? I was like, yeah, but that was like early. I'll be up at fucking four o'clock. I always wait till the night before to see when I'm or where I'm flying out of. I I brat, I brat out on my management. But to see like what the fuck would you have me flying out of Newark at fucking 7 a.m. for like, you said that was OK. I was like, no way.

There's no way I said that. But there's no way they would have booked it without me saying. Yeah, they definitely got me. And I was like, fuck it, I'll wake up at four. I don't give a fuck. Here's the thing about the night before I checked it. I was like, I got to go to bed right now. Yeah, fuck anyway.

I don't wake up in three hours to go to the fucking Newark. Can't sleep. You're like, yeah. Yeah, I was hitting her with full light, bro. I'm like a fucking mercenary, dude. Like you just dropped me. You got me. You hit me with trucker blood early in our relationship.

And I was like, he's right. Because I used to any time I did shows in South Carolina constantly. Yeah, you're all over the place at that place. I would just be like, all right, I'll leave at midnight. I got a show tomorrow night. That was crazy, man. Just drive eight hours. It was the best. Yeah, it is kind of. I loved it. I know.

You do drink like six Red Bulls and listen to music. It turns out you didn't have trucker blood because you had someone trucking in your back. I just mind off. Get out of the room. Those were those were some tough days, though, when the sun started coming up, like all of a sudden there'd be traffic from people going to work while I was driving to get like two hundred dollars at a shit comedy club.

Show up to like, who are you? Yeah, I emailed you 48 times. That was me. You said I could feature this. You said I could feature. They're like, no, we didn't. There's already a feature. I think, well, I'm here. I drove eight hours. I drove to Florida.

I need this. Oh, my God. Damn, that was wild. That was one of my first road gigs. I was in Florida. Got there. They were like, they were like, who are you? And you guys said you were going to get my hotel. No, I stayed.

Like I brought my girlfriend stayed like a motel. Oh, no, you brought the baby. Yeah. Oh, babe, we did it. Bro, they're showing Florida, not a big deal. We're going to have to drive for 46 hours. My parents drive to Florida like 10 times a year. They're insane. That is fucking insane.

It's really weird. Flight to Florida is so easy. Dude, well, the mask thing, my mom was like, no, bro, like I'm flying. She was so pissed off about that. She's like, I'm knocking on an airplane. She's like, that's they're really weird with that stuff, Matt. I was like, you're not wrong, mom. She's not wrong.

You're not wrong, but she just do they even before that, though, they just drive down there. He'll be like, I got to bring a kayak down there. And he's like, we're driving down. They just don't mind driving. I like a drive like that. Yeah, I don't know. I like it's nice having nothing to do for two days.

True. Yeah. Being like, this is what I'm doing. And you're just buzzing. Yeah, buzzing down the road. I guess I thought I did. We did the Florida way drive when I was a real little kid. Yeah. And it's tough when you're a kid. That should blows.

Dude, we're in a conversion van. My whole family was in a conversion van. And we just drove to Florida. We stopped once in Georgia, stopped at a bed and breakfast. And then we went on the Bush. We went to Bush. We stopped at Bush Gardens, I think. Awesome. One of the Big Bad Wolf. I thought I was going to die.

It's down as Virginia way. Virginia way. Yeah. Yeah, we saw. I think we stopped. Did Big Bad Wolf or Bush Gardens? We stopped at this like weird old ladies place down like in like Georgia somewhere. I remember just like walking around and being like, what the fuck's going on? Yeah. And then somebody's fucking aunt.

Yeah, it was. There was something really weird. We would always do that. Just stop at some relatives. Yeah. That I've never heard of or seen again. Yeah. Yeah, that was it. I don't I don't recall them. And I just. I remember we would drive to Hilton Head.

We used to go to Hilton Head. My grandma had a townhouse there. That was a tough drive when I was a kid. That's what like eight or ten hours? Yeah, it's a long one. Yeah. But we'd hit south of the border. I remember seeing it and be like, dude, I want to go to south of the border.

So fucking bad. We never went. Oh, I remember what I'm saying, like you can get fireworks here. And it's like, yeah, I was like, that must be the coolest place on it. Fuck, you drive past it now. You're like, holy fuck, what a dump. Dude, what a piece of shit. I do remember seeing as a little kid and being like, this is like,

it was like a eighth wonder of the world. I was like, yeah, this is amazing. This is crazy. There's a giant sombrero. The architecture is truly unbelievable. Stunning. Baroque. Yeah, I thought it was like this. They're like Gothic.

No, it's retarded. It's retarded. It's a flytrap for a lot of people. plywood. Yeah. It's just only plywood in a Mexican, a giant Mexican guy head or something. Awesome. Yeah, it does rule. I wish I could have gone when I was a boy south of the board.

I can do it now. You know, there's now there's some nasty bars in there. Getting fucked up at south of the border would be. It's like real sad. It's probably being in Tijuana basically. What is that pretty much? What is south of the border? Is it like the donkey shows?

Vicious bestiality. People go down and have sex with 12 year olds. South of the board, man. Come on. Get you a funny t-shirt. Some fireworks and a fucking funny. Is it in where is it in Virginia bombs? Is it in Virginia? South Carolina.

It's South Carolina. I think it's the border of North and South Carolina. Is it really? I believe. We get a confirmation. What are you doing? Twiddling your fucking thumbs? Town New York, too. South of the border in Levittown, New York.

Yeah. That's the Canadian one. Trail. Where? Yeah. 53. You said 53. Oh, I thought you said where we at. No.

Oh, sorry. Close. I thought you're just a beautiful mind, dude. I thought you just shout out numbers. How do you solve the complex equation? Wait, South, you're not referring to the Mexican restaurant, right, when you're talking about South of the border? No.

Oh, my God. I thought you were talking. Yeah, La Mer. No, it's like a big fight. You've been there. You and Dorian were there. Yeah, you have. You've been there.

You're the only one in the room that's been there. Look up Denny's like the person of the restaurant. OK. The theme park, Denny's. Where is the actual non Mexican restaurant? Not not the famous New York. Somebody's got to be able to fucking find that. Do I need to do it?

Jesus Christ. Why? Dylan, South Carolina. Damn. It'd be funny to rename that town Dylan Mulvaney, South Carolina. Yes, I was. Yeah, it's on the border of North Carolina and South Carolina. If I became a billionaire, I would do that.

I would take like very rural remote areas and call them like Buck Angel, Montana. Bucking. Like everybody would have to be like, what the fuck? Yeah, remember the giant sombrero? This is nice, dude. Can I see a pic of it? This place is fucking hell.

Oh, man. Yeah. Back then, that was like the tallest building. South Carolina. In the 90s, that place was a fucking, it was a true marvel. I remember seeing it and then like, I remember during 4th of July,

there would be like guys that would drive down South and come up with like trunks full of illegal fireworks. Yeah. And just as a kid being like, dude, he was just at South of the border. Yeah. Fuck, dude, he loaded up. Fireworks was so nice as a kid.

Dude, I knew dudes that were like, You could never get them, dude. They're thank fucking, as I've gotten older, I'm like, thank God, I fucking hate them. I'm scared of them. I got fireworks for the kids. We were at the lake house. I was like, this is going to be fun.

I like lighting them. I'm the shittiest fireworks possible. And I was still like, gotta run. Don't want to get hit by this thing. I do like lighting them. But Jesus Christ, when you're in a city environment, fireworks is just not your idea. They're the worst.

True debt. They're the absolute fucking worst. I got a whiz. Can we pause this for a second? Yeah, yeah. Pause it up. There are tons of ways to get your nicotine fix, smoking, gum, patches, and lozenges. Choose a way that's right for you with Lucy Breakers.

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Go to athletic.com. Fuck. Go to athleticgreens.com slash drenched. That's athleticgreens.com slash drenched. Check it out. Yo, what's up, guys? Welcome back to the motherfucking show. Did I tell you?

No, you surprised me. No. Hey. Yeah. I wanted, I wanted a guy's three. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I had to tinkle.

That's fine. You can't fight it. I had to take a fucking tinkle. It feels good. I love it. Here's a, here's a fun topic. I hit me in the Ocon man. We were doing, we were doing battle yesterday of the Durham report.

Yeah. I don't want to get into it. I don't want to rub it in his face too hard. He still has not admitted defeat. Not a big deal. Fucking unbelievable. At this point, he's destroying me. Yes, but I'm wrong.

No, but I'm saying he's winning. He's starting to win by never admitting he was wrong. Oh, yeah. Now he's starting to get me where I'm like, dude, you have to admit it. And he's like, no. Why? I don't know. He bought.

He changes the subject pretty well. Yeah, true, true. He'll be like, no, you're right. Trump's a great president. It's like, no. That's not what we're doing. I'm saying you little fucker. But he's too strong now.

He's too strong now. I got jacked. O'Connor's too strong now. He does get so. I can't physically bully him. He'd fucking toss me around. You think he'd spin you over his head? Yeah.

But no, and then I was like, in the middle of the fight, I was like, dude, come upstairs and watch a movie with me. That's nice. Settle the beef. So he came up and we watched and I was like, I'm telling you, the Kingsman's good. I made him watch the new Kingsman. What movie was that? I don't know.

It was some World War I stupid action movie. It's probably tight. I thought it was good. I saw it in theaters and I was like, damn, that was surprisingly good. You have yet to get lead me in Australia. No, I've hit O'Connor with two rough ones. What'd you hit him with before? The first one was Jack Reacher with Tom Cruise.

O'Connor thinks Tom Cruise is top five, greatest of all time. So you show it in the movie. Actually, he thinks number one. Oh, that's crazy. He thinks Tom Cruise is the greatest actor of all time. That's insane. It's a terrible pick. Yeah.

Not even Daniel. Do you think he's better than Daniel? That's why I always hit him with DDL. Dude, he's not even in Hanks. He's not even in Hanks. I say Leo's better. Brad Pitt's better. Even the number one disgusting brother, Leo, dude.

Ultimate disgusting brother. Whoever called him disgusting brother. Yeah, Joe, Joe, Joe. But now we watched it and I felt like a doofus. That's a worst silly, stupid movie. But yeah, that happened with Jack Reacher. I was like, dude, this movie's fucking sick. And then I started watching it.

I was like, God damn it. I look like a fucking dumbass. This movie sucks. Is that a... Now I'm thinking of the Tom Clancy movie with the guy Jim from the office. I think it's one of... Yeah, I think they made a... Didn't they?

Jack Ryan. Jack Ryan. Get Jim from the office. There you go, the mayor. Right back on track, baby. The second you doubt on me comes back. You missed it. We were just talking about you.

Gabe Davis and some of the Buffalo Bills came down to Cleveland. Really? Yeah, we were talking about you. Oh, no. Your ears must have been ringing. We missed you. We went bowling. It was funny.

Did you really? We went bowling after the show in Cleveland and the NFL boys competitive nature took over. Were they pretty nice? Yeah, they were fucking... Spencer Brown was there. He's their tackle. He's gigantic.

Was he nasty at bowling, I'm saying? He wasn't very good at bowling, but he could throw the ball 900 miles an hour, which was very fun. That's awesome. To drink and be like, Spencer, throw it as hard as you can, dude. But now Gabe started getting competitive and it's like, oh, there it is. He's always very quiet and like cool. And then the second it started getting competitive, he like became a psycho.

Yeah, it was pretty fun. I suck at bowling, dude. Bowling's difficult. Yeah, I'm terrible at it. I can't spin it. I don't even try. I'm scared to even try. It's embarrassing.

I tried to spin it. And they're like, here's all you do. You put just in the top two holes and then you throw it. I was like, I can't. Immediately, I tried it. It went straight into the gutter. As soon as it left my hand directly into the gutter. Shame or deep sense of shame.

Yeah, look, I've got the build of a guy who should be able to fucking bowl. Nice. I should be able to... Yeah. Every time I bowl, I go, dude. I'll be honest. Lemair. I'll come back.

You've got the build. We went bowling once. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun though. Reading comedy outlet. What was it called?

Oh, yeah. They have that bowling alley. They have a bowling alley right there. That shit ruled. Yeah. What was the score like? I don't remember. I don't recall.

I think you won though. I do think you won. If I get it going straight, all I can do is go straight. If I can find it, I can bowl like a one, 10, 120. That's good. It's about as good as I get. It's pretty fucking good. I can lose to women.

That's how bad of a bowler I am. Yeah. I've been with women bowling and lost. If a lady bowls 120 though, she's kind of nasty. She's... Deleted. Yes. Yes.

You can't have me say it. She's... Bleep it twice. Oopsies. A bad man, Majima. Things are starting to look up for me. It's time to start saying inappropriate things. Self-sabotage.

It's time to get confidence and say, I'm just my self-sabotage. I self-sabotage the other day. I fell the other day. I fell from the fucking white horse of no porn. You masturbated to pornography? Yeah, I fell. How fucking nice was it? It was all right.

Especially when you knew you were being a bad boy. Well, I picked something real light and kind of easy. What'd you pick? Tantric JY. Why? That's fucking intense. Well, no. It was just a lady who's like...

Talking to you about how to jerk your dick? Well, she's kind of like, don't give in. She's like, don't give in to just trying to fap and get it over with. She's like, relax. Take your time. I was wondering who was doing those. Me. That seems...

I swear to God, that's in my range, that's above gang bang. As far as weird thing to whack off to, that's up there. Not a regular J, there's ones that are just like, naughty boy. This was like, dude. Yeah, this was like somebody pretending to be a yoga instructor. Very like, open your chakras. Sort of, yeah. But then apparently she was like, it was a JY.

Yeah, that's fucked up. It was a JY while she was having sex and I was like, just make one face. She was having sex? Talking during having sex? Yes, dude, and she wasn't even making a face. I'm like, dude, make one face. So don't get caught up in the rabbit hole of that inner animal. Dude was fucking her while she was talking to you?

He was barely moving. She was kind of just doing the moving. Yeah, another thing about it, that is pretty nice. That's awesome. It was pretty tight. The bug is just in our eye line. Dude, I want to fight him. Dude, we'll get him.

I've snatched one before I fucking... You will, I've seen you. Well, yeah, it was really an experiment in functionality. It's like, I got a taste of... Shut the fuck up. You whacked off to porn. It wasn't an experiment in functionality. I'm saying not doing porn, I'm saying.

I wanted to see what works better. I was like, maybe I shouldn't do it. Maybe I should never watch this stuff again. And then I would just be like... At night, it's more so like an anxiety release button where it's nighttime, I want to go to sleep. And I'm like, I could just pass out right now if I smashed the button.

But then I would be like, oh, I can lay there and try to figure out how to like deal with that and de-escalate myself. And I'll be honest, I've been working on it for a year and it's like, it's pretty hard. I just smashed the fucking panic glass. I think you're just adding a stressor. There's another thing I was thinking too.

I'm like, I could just go, but here's the thing. What I am... It's a nice thing, I'll be honest. I wish that was my going to bed stressor. What? It is nice to have such a pointless, non-factor of the fucking thing to be anxious about versus focusing on real life.

Which is very difficult. So it is nice to have that battle that you're like, I can't whack off, I can't whack off. Normally I'm laying there like, I'm going to fucking die. My heart's a piece of shit. Holy fuck. Whack off just straight back to like, holy shit, dude. This is out of control.

I'll pass right out. That's the thing. I'll pass right out. So that was the... So now I'm still on the fence. I'm like, all right, I'm off the knock. But I don't want to like nail myself to a thing because it started creating a lot of pressure

and it's like, I'm not puritanical. I'm not like... I mean, there are some of the videos that do bum me out. I'm like, this just feels terrible and awful. Yeah, it's TBD. But right now I'm like... You got to send me that link. I'll send it to you.

That sounds like a good one. I'll send it. The lady knows a lot, dude, about stuff. She's so smart. Yeah. It's more of a... It's not even like porn. You're just watching like...

I love her mom. Biology. It's anatomy. She's just telling you how to control the inner beast, dude. And the whole time I'm like, please just make one face. Just make one cool sex face. She doesn't do it. And the videos are quick.

She's a trap for the only fan. She wants to send people to Roly Fans. I've so many times been like... I could rational... I could explain this. And I'm like... Yeah. No.

No. No, it's cool. She has like sex lessons. I just want to sign up. I'll... I'll... I'll get the discussion in my head being like... No, just tell her.

I'm learning so I can use it on you, honey. I got it. Yeah, I got that. I'll start thinking about it every day. That's the thing. I got the bank reports. Like, you spent $20 on only fans. Like, how the fuck do I have an only fans?

It's like, oh yeah, I get drunk in hotels and I'm like... On Instagram. Somebody gets me on Instagram. I'm like, I'd love to see your only fans. By the time I get to it, just... Sleep apnea. Yeah, I just... I'll start looking forward to it every single day and I'm like, dude, fucking come off of

it. Really? I don't have sugar. I don't think about it. As soon as I have one cookie, after every meal I'm going... I'm gonna have one cookie. I need something sweet now. And I'll just start being like, I'm gonna watch porn now.

I'm gonna do it. Dude, it's so crazy. Like, if you don't look at pictures of naked ladies and then you see them again, you're like... I can just look at them right... You become like an eight-year-old again. You're like... I can look at naked ladies right now.

I did. I know. The experiment has run me off some rails that I'm trying to recover right now from. I know. It was an exploration. It really is an exploration. You did unbelievably well. You almost won a year.

Oh, dude. I know. I tried. I wanted to make it to August and then reassess and go, all right, I had a year off of porn. I'll go a year on porn. I'll see which one. Yeah. I'll do porn every day.

See what that's like. I'm running experiments. We get funding from the Disgusting Brothers. They love this type of research. They did fucking no-come for 90 days. I tried that. I go, I'm not a no-fam. The Disgusting Brothers must have been leaking cheese constantly.

The Disgusting Brothers were so worried. They would call every conversation was like, oh, it's getting hot out. The girls are starting to wear yoga pants. They're like, dude, just fucking not already. Shut up. Oh, my God. We got to slide on the page, dude. What time is it?

Yeah. Let's slide on the page. I'm telling you, I'm going to, I have to figure this out. I'm going to complete crossroads in terms of... The porn? Yeah. Let's complete the porn before we slide. You want to complete it?

I want you to complete. Let's... I just don't know what to do. I know I've been saying this the whole time and I know what your response is. Yeah. Bro, it's nothing. I know. Dude, that's the...

It's totally nothing. That's my bug out that have inflated nothing into a such a gargantuan issue where I have severe anxiety in hotels. I'm like alone in a hotel on the road. I'm like, I can't look at porn. You have to look at porn. I know, dude. You have to.

You owe your woman that. True. That's another thing. The last thing you want to go out, go out after a show and be like, I did not in five days. Yeah. I should fuck someone. No, dude.

Whack off in the hotel. Go, I don't care about women. I know. Women are... True. The bug, dude. I think... I'm talking.

Yeah, true. Yeah, that's kind of the conclusion I reached. I'm curious now. My thing is that will it run away from me and when I go... But I don't think so. I would be happy if you got violently addicted to porn. I don't think I will. I really don't think it will.

But yeah. I don't think it will. Dude, just think of me. True. Just think of me. Stoic. Well, that was... Dude, I had to...

Just whacking off. It's nothing. True. I had a serious freak out. I was like... I was sitting there. I said, I had Brittany got a Mother's Day gift. I was like, here, you know, go do your thing.

I was at a hotel and I was just like, this is... I'm in fat paradise right now. And I was like, I should fap. I should look at the disgusting porn. And it was like, no, dude, you can't. It just said... And I was like, I don't care about... I more so care about the challenge of it.

And then I'd already fallen to the cancer of JOI. For sure. So then I was just in this weird thing of like... Diets over. Diets over. That was a thing. It's cake time. That was a thing.

It's cheat day. Yeah, dude. Also, it's not... I know. I get it. If you watch porn and in your head, you're thinking of the actual ramifications of these people's lives.

They do. Yes, you got to get out of that. Yeah, that's what I do sometimes. You got to just go... That's why I like my tantric goddess, dude. You got to go, these women like this... Yeah. They're making money.

This is fine. I'm allowed to fucking jeez. That's true. I don't want to jeez before bed. You have to, dude. You have to fall asleep. Watch it. Fucking watch it?

I got hit with that. Watch it? Did you tell me that? Yeah. You and my lady were both like... When the Steven Crowder thing came out, they were both... You and her were like, dude, he's just you.

I didn't say that. Oh, you didn't say that? I didn't say that. He was sitting there going like, you're not doing your womanly duties. Oh, no. I did. I said he does have voice.

He used my fucking little bitch voice. Oh, no. Yeah. Well, then where am I going to go? You take the car. He gave you the fucking... He does the voice. No, that's not going to work.

Yeah. But he does it dead serious. Yeah, he's not joking. Oh, my God. And then I was like, dude, if my lady set up a camera in here, I'd be done for. No.

There's so many videos of me playing Xbox. Like, no, you can't do that, bitch. Yeah, but he's so serious. He's being so serious. Make me dinner. Yeah, but he's being so serious. Those are your womanly duties to make me dinner. Discipline and respect will be the way you watch it.

Fucking watch it. Fucking watch it. Watch it's nice. Especially if she uses the word abuse. Watch it. Fucking watch it. Watch it. The owner said he was hitting his babe with watch it.

Watch it. So nice, dude. Watch it. Fucking watch it. Lemair. Watch it. It's nice being like the only way you're going to make it out of this with discipline and respect.

Put the gloves on. Walk the dogs. Put the gloves on. He wants pregnant. Put on the gloves and walk the dog. That is fucking to a T how I talked. That's my favorite thing about black Twitter is them making fun of us for our sayings. Yeah.

They are funny. When you know white boys, he's like, I'm not going to take this anymore. Hey, bud. Watch it. Watch it, bud. If you hear a white guy say, watch it, bud. He might pull out the gun. Watch it.

Third strike, Mr. Watch it. That's strike two. Don't watch it. That was me and Beezer's favorite video. There's this dude. It's black. There's a white guy losing his mind.

There's black dudes like would take it easy. They're going to put Walmart parking lot and the guy just goes, I'd like to kill you. He punches him in the stomach and the guy doesn't move. I'd like to fucking kill you right now. It's so good. Fuck. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. The white dude got punches of black dude.

Yeah. The black dude is huge and it's a fucking insane white dude. Just like, I'd like to fucking kill you. The black guy doesn't move. All right. All right. Just slide in the piggy page. Thank you.

You call rounding it off. Yeah. We had to round it off. We had to round it off. I've been getting a lot of flak for trying to call it to it. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Fuck you, pussies. Come to the page.