Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 444 - The Draven (feat. Danny McBride)

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Yes, a Sunday Blessing for everyone. How great is our God? Thank you to Danny. Please enjoy.          Righteous Gemstones szn 3 soooooon

Hello What's up, dude not too much, so I just look at you guys or do I look at this inexpensive camera y'all have lined up? We have three of them by the way See the three on it that is Wondering why the first two aren't set up. I mean is it we don't we don't need the coverage. We don't need it We're low-prod low-prod quality Well, we're here with Danny McBride, dude Fuck yeah. Thank you. Fuck. Yeah, we made it. Thank you. Let's drink sparkling water together. Yes. Why don't we drink alcohol?

I would like alcohol we have some downstairs. I don't think it will well Yeah, thanks for doing this. We were nervous. I mean I was definitely nervous about what did you think was gonna happen? Well, normally we have like comedians on that we're friends with So this is a little more. We're not the best interviewers. I'm not masters usually the podcast is us just talking about like what we whack off to That's the kind of interviews. I'm kind of tuned to be able to excel it Okay, it was figured. Yeah Yeah, dude, we're excited about this because we both saw eastbound and just acted like you for about a decade That's perfect. How old are you guys when you saw it like 10? No, no, no. I was a loser at home

I was at home. I was like, yeah, I'm pretty much Kenny Power. I'm just at home being a loser But I'm still the fucking man. We were in college, right? Yeah. Yeah, I was in college pretty much Yeah, so that was kind of the ripe age for it. I mean that's who we were making it for 23 years. I mean it was a revelation. I saw that. I want I didn't know you get this is so far. Yeah, yeah Yeah, my dad watching my dad was like, that's good. Yeah, that's a good This is exactly what I want you and your college friends watching finally something you brought me something good, son Yeah, I told my dad to watch alpha dogs. I thought he'd like it alpha dogs beginning seems a fucking Mf3 some I thought my parents I forgot that was in it. I'm so jaded to just like porn

I was like, yeah, check out alpha dogs. You guys will like it. My mom and dad watch it She's like, dude, there's an MMF threesome in the very beginning. I was like, dude, it's also like super cool white dudes acting like cholos My dad would hate nothing more White dudes with tattoos. You be like, what the fuck is this? Alpha dogs, what is alpha dogs? Uh, Justin Timberlake plays a cholo Was this some like Netflix show I haven't heard of it's in its six season Years ago. Yeah, it's the movie. Yeah, alpha dogs, of course

The beginning was tough that was a big get that's a tough pitch in the beginning. Yeah, who's having the three some it's two dudes and a girl To out what that's to really one of them had to die. Yeah, it's too alphas can't share a woman like that Of course, I I took my mom and my sister to go see the Wolf of Wall Street on Christmas Day when it came out And then I'm sitting there just thinking like fuck I brought my mom to this And then I hear my mom like Leonardo my sister and she says Leonardo Capri is so good-looking I'm like, that's what she took out of the scene like she was She's in we could watch all three hours of this this is gonna be great Yeah, my brother told my parents to watch before the devil knows you're dead

And that's all about killing your parents That was terrible There's nothing worse dude. I'll still watch a movie with my parents if there's a sex scene I leave the room. Well me or my dad will leave the room So I'm gonna be I take me I take a knee the whole time. Yeah, but then whoever's left if my dad leaves and I'm just stuck with my mom That's not good or if I leave if I leave them my parents to just watch them porn together With my dad it looks like we're both jerking off I don't even I don't say anything. I just lay on the floor

Well, dude your headquarters is pretty tight. This is this is this is where it all happens to you This is all the magic right here at this fucking table. Really every bit of it. Sure. Yeah, it's where you pitch everything I People play magic the gathering around this fucking thing, you know, it's perfect. Yeah, did you ever play magic together? I didn't I think I could think it hit like right as I was too old to be doing yeah I was like young and I saw the kids that played it. They were all dorks. Yeah, but I'd always loved looking at the cards I always thought I don't know how to play it I just like collecting shit when I was a kid

So I was like how there's all these things you can collect and now do stuff with it. Yeah, yeah, I'm Pokemon all But my son's like massively into Pokemon. Yeah, but I don't think he even plays it. I think they just like collect the cards I don't think he even knows how to play it. I've tried to ask him like what do you do with these things? Like I thought it was like a blood sport where like you compete against each other and like if you beat someone keep your Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like no, we don't play like that gentlemen's game I Was too old when Pokemon hit and I got into it. So did I I quietly got into it I used my little brother to get into it like I kind of like it was like a proxy thing

Yeah, I let him watch and I'd watch with him like I'll check it out I knew every single one of them. I was well, there was a hundred and fifty two I think back and they said the Jodo leagues and all that shit and it was like wait what the original Pokemon are 150 what's the second thing you know Jodo then they said the Jodo leagues now It's the Jodo leagues the Jodo leagues I didn't know you were a Pokemon expert. I used to play I used to watch the game. I watched the show after school in high school Then I would eat like in high school. Yeah, dude. I'm a little I'm a couple years of senior So I would watch

The I'd watch with my brother and then I would go play Gameboy and take a shit and play Pokemon on Gameboy It's great. I knew all I was made for yeah My friend let me borrow his Gameboy color. It was nice. Yeah, it's great played Pokemon had to hide it from my parents Because it's devil if my dad knew I was playing Pokemon So how many Pokemons are there right now I mean apparently binders full if you like go by my son's That's the hard-handed questions we're talking about how many Pokemons are there mr. McBride how many fucking Pokemons even are there. Well, I think there's a shitload of Pokemons these days Yes, yeah, we had Pogs Pogs that was cutthroat. Yeah, you take what you got if you played

I never did them either, but they're once again. They're like little you're a slammer slammer And you but again that was like Pogs was like I feel like kids just made up the whoever was the bully of the group Just made the rules up like I get that pug. Yeah, they were cardboard circles And then you would just like pay 40 bucks And then we actually play with my cousin when we would play I would play some of my cousin would go behind him and just start gouging Their shoebox of Pogs and just stealing them and that was it. Yeah, we just we played a little nice little thing going Yeah, you know you were playing cool games. I missed it all man I mean, I like you know when I was a kid. It was like the birth of video games. So that was like, you know

That's what we were rocking. Yeah, we weren't trying to like do shit in front of each other My friends are hardcore we play Super Mario Bros. We beat Zelda I was taking a piss by the way, dude, you were not fucking you're marketing your Crap introduction dude walked out of the bathroom. He's like, were you taking a shit? I actually walked out walked back. I saw you. It's the worst because like this is this is sort of like We have a pretty small writer's room for the shows that we're on but this is where we write He's done bathroom, right? Like anytime anybody goes in there

You've got to be a fucking silent assassin or else you're made fun of for the entire day There's that shit makes one noise coming out Everybody in this room is making that noise Yeah, it's tough living with I Chris and Tommy our bathroom. I just played video. I played video games all day, obviously and And The bathroom was right next to Tommy's he drinks a lot. So his shits and he's an old man. He shits like a loud old man Shut up

Fuck Someone hearing you shit. That was the worst night of my life when we came back from that show It was like two in the morning. I took a shit in his apartment. It's him and his girlfriend It was like she was trying to get in the bathroom. So I was in there shitting I felt so bad. They're like for your girlfriend that like they're just an old man shitting Like it took me a while I've made I've passed the point now where it's like I'm gonna finish everyone I take I'm not getting up early. She came in. I sat there for like 35 minutes. She came in the bedroom. I was like, I think someone's in the bathroom. I could hear. I could hear.

What are you doing in there? I could hear. I could hear you guys talking. He's like he's got like diet stuff. Oh, yeah stuff that makes your shit smell bad. Yeah I have all kinds of weird food things. Yeah, I can't eat gluten. So I take like gluten is what makes people shit smell delicious Yeah, I take like mezzo-american Babylonian It's why they built pyramids. I mean like teff flower. Just store all that fucking So let's get down to brass tacks. Let's do it covered Pokemon. We've got what else we got today Do you like movies I

Watch the interview I watch the Which I'm gonna call it Mark Marin interview and what I what I came prepared with is I so you did was that a joke that you wrote The Draven no, no, that's a real thing. That's a real thing. We get into the Draven. Let's make it right now What's the Draven? What's the Draven about? Half-man half half right. He was a half-man half-dragon. Yeah, exactly And he would hunt dragons and that's a deal and it wasn't comedic. It was like a hard Which top what half like was he dragging head man's body I know he looked just like a he looked like a good-looking dude, which is like fucking kind of translucent skin and muscles

What is the rule why is it Draven? That's what that's the me and my got the guy who wrote it Ben Best who's no longer with us. We uh Yeah, it was right. We first moved out to Los Angeles We were just trying to like write as much stuff as we could and we had no sense of what our voice is gonna be or what we were gonna try to get into and Again, there was a few nights where we worked pretty hardcore But you know what the script was fucking good I don't want to spoil it but what happens to the Draven did well, you know what it has a pretty dark ending

Which is what I liked about it, which is that this is so ridiculous to get into this I'm gonna pitch the whole fucking thing, please it starts where there's like this kingdom and this dragon Fucking rolls in while they're having some celebration kills all these people and then leaves the prince for dead The prince starts to transform Into a fucking Draven, okay It's like everyone should know it's like a tractor like you know, it's like whether it's a drag So he starts a raven dragon starts to be kind of like shunned from

Yeah, from the yeah, the people his kingdom because he's like becoming this fucking creature. Yeah, meanwhile There is a man who has been a Draven for quite some time Comes in and fucking takes the prince under his wing And they they're gonna go hunt the dragon that fucked him up and it's like killing the elder villagers And they're gonna go kill the kill the dragon sounds awesome And so the man is like teaching this young dude how to like use his Draven skills now the twist comes in this you get the Backstory of the guy who was the original Draven and you get that he used to travel with another partner and that partner is dead And what you find is that Draven's always sort of like travel in twos and that's the whole mood the whole movie is about

They go they're traveling in twos and then you don't find out till the very end why they travel in twos When it's time to kill the dragon the only thing that can kill it is a blade with the blood of Another Draven fuck so they have to fucking fight each other at the end And whoever dies their fucking heart coats the blade. That's what kills the dragon. Fuck that's how did you not? How did you not make this? That's it? budget is The movie was written where it was like the young guy you're thinking it's his movie Yeah, and it's not the old guy fucking kills him easily and then kills the dragon and then goes off to be by himself again

Oh, it's a dark story. Yeah, it's very dark dragon material Finally a dark dragon movie How was that not did you actually did you ever pitch it like we wrote it? We had we had like wrote the whole script at one point. I was like, maybe I should do a comic book It was like a fucking hundred twenty days. It was thick dude damn Yeah, that's pretty awesome Well, it's always impressive when someone does comedy and then you hear they're doing like as you were saying you're doing like you had a

Time didn't you have like a timepiece to like a history piece. We did we did like we were everything we were writing Was basically not comedy. We wrote one thing together called most scariest that was about like a frat house. That's haunted a Bunch of frat guys like scared the whole movie and Yeah, that was the only comedic thing we had kind of worked on That's pretty sick and no in that movie never got made. So that wasn't even worth our time Yeah, so what else Pokemon we gave him on Stravins Yeah, we did that Kings we did a King sketch and we were like we should make this a show and then we're like

Yeah, I was they already did that movie about this already. We made a minute. We just made that movie Yeah, perfect. We're like we filmed watch it great. And then we got done. It was like, oh, that's that. Yeah, sorry There needs to be more medieval comedy though I want a Civil War comedy. Yeah, there's a lot of Civil War comedy I need a good Civil War comedy dude. I got I don't know. I don't have the end of it But two guys get drafted. They're like horse thieves. They're idiots and then they get drafted or they get Arrested like you can either join the Union or go to jail. So then they have to join the union

They're the only dudes that are like normal dudes. Everyone else is like like an old Civil War movie like come on men for Yeah, just with some gratuitous violence, that's not bad like normal dudes Asheville, North Carolina Have you all ever been there before? No, it's a pretty awesome town But they have all these like hot springs and stuff around there and that you know during the Civil War They would send soldiers who were injured there to like just chill and not great and I was like you've never seen a Civil War movie It's just about dudes that are just like Well all the fighting is going on the front line, you know, I was like that's the end That's the good. That's the Civil War movie. That'd be tough to get out of that. Let me tough to get out of that hot tub

Yeah, man. Sorry back to the Civil War. They didn't most people never really get a hot bath No, why would yeah, it's almost like they wouldn't yeah Yeah, I guess they did that. They would like just heat up Yeah, I guess fire under a fucking Dude, I was listening to Shannon Sharpe's podcast. He didn't take a hot shower till he was 20 He said he didn't take a hot shower till he's 22 You say Uncle Shayshae is fiving about the hot shower. He said he didn't take a hot bath He said he didn't go to the bathroom indoors till he was 22

A young Shannon Sharpe was just dumb you could have caught Shannon Sharpe in the woods You've been dumping in the woods in like the 80s. Yeah, dude. He was these down from the rural south. It's Georgia, right? Yeah, yeah, or yeah, I guess he was in the outhouse And that was by choice or because How old is Shannon Sharpe there must have been the 80s He's from fucking Chicago He claims he didn't take a shit inside till he was 25. He might have been born in Chicago. Maybe I think he was definitely Oh, he's in the south. Oh, yeah, he grew up in Georgia. Yeah, born in Chicago. He is

52 54 54 he definitely Definitely take it up with him. He's Turley line, so you're from you're from down the south way, right? I am I grew up in Virginia and then went to college in North Carolina Then lived in LA for almost 20 years and then moved here around 2017 Sick and I've been here ever since Yeah, I feel like I kind of want to be more I walk we're like the like historic hotels around over there

I just wanted to be such a gentleman to you as soon as I walked into the building. Oh, yeah a good day, man. Oh, yeah It's it's kind of hard to miss. Yeah, Walton Goggins and I when we were when he was here for vice-principals We were in a restaurant. He was wearing like a fucking hat and an old man was like, how dare you Like what's he talking about like take your head off and then I just started laughing just like yeah, you rude motherfucker take your head off I went to excuse us by the way, I was wearing this hat We I for real I was went into that restaurant. I was like fuck when I had I uh, I went to school in North Carolina I went to college and what school do you want a Elon? Oh, I know Ilana in what Burlington? Yeah. Yeah, I used to take the lighthouse I used to take road trips over there Elon. Yeah, we went to wince. We were in school in Winston Salem. So not too far away

Yeah, I sneezed in the cafeteria and this old southern black janitor came over and was like disgust and Like it's like you get up from the table to sneeze He's in like an airbrush tall teeth What are you talking about? I Know the older I get though. I kind of do. I like the rules I like that there that people are like I think it's I mean I do find it kind of funny, but I like it I'm like I like like acting with my son that like this is how it's always been like, you know, yeah You always say sir to me. That's how it always

Always We lived in California. We didn't have to do that. Well, we don't So he spent a good portion of his life out in California Six he we he was six when we moved here. So not too old I got out of California before he made real friends. That was like my goal I'm like, we gotta yeah, I moved around a lot when I was a kid I'm like, we gotta like if we want to move we got to do it before they like get invested here or else Well, I'm buying it got too big in LA

He's too invested these kids will take your cards Resources that we're gonna have you ever threatened to like when they're younger to throw their stuff away That's my only threat. I have against all my kids. I'm just like if you don't do their younger row your stuff I'll do it now. I'll do it. I'll take a Kindle and put it on top of the trash gently and be like it's done Listen to you take their stuff and you're like Kindle was like, all right good keep reading. Yeah, well, no, they're they're using Yeah, okay, like my move is like I just will like change my tone real fast and start counting and then they're just like Countdown as a kid is terrifying. What's at the end of this? What do I need to do to stop the clock?

That's a lot going on dude Yeah lights go off in the classroom. That was always that always got me kind of like oh shit What else is up So what else is going on dudes not much man, dude, I uh, I don't know I just been digging the south man I really might want to come down here and study the ways dude have so you were in school North Cacolaki, huh? And then you you any any experience in the south? No, no, I was always up in Philadelphia Philadelphia, that's where my mom is from from really. Yeah, sweet. She grew up in Bucks County. Oh nice. Yeah, rural area The rural area. Yep. It's pretty sick. When how'd you end up down here? We?

We let's see we ended up when I was a kid I lit my parents like I went to school in Georgia That's where my parents met and then my dad was a guard in a prison in Lompoc, California We like lived on the prison reservation when I was really young story met your mom And he we we lived out there and then he got transferred to DC for like the federal Bureau prison So like that was like when I was maybe like in first or second grade So we moved to Virginia then and then just like lived there for the for the rest of my formative years Nice, my uncle was a warden and he talks like an old black dude from the 80s

He just knows because he's just always around those So he's like what's up homes? Like dude, that's still using the back He's like 70 He's in Vietnam he came home and became a prison ward. He's out of his mind. Yeah, I can't I don't remember much about it But like we lived on we like the prison that's there in Lompoc. There's like a neighborhood That's like right there kind of behind the prison that that's where all the people who work in the prison That's where they live

So it was like all you know and all I remember is like one night I mean, that's pretty young when we were doing when he was doing that But I remember like one night like sirens going off me and my sister having like go into my mom's Yeah, that's a real And then my dad getting a shotgun and then I'll peeked out the window and he's going outside Getting into a truck full of like a bunch of other of my buddy's dad's there was like a jailbreak And they were like gonna go find the dude. I gotta leave the kids The closest buildings leave the kids won't want them

Everybody back to your houses It's got to feel good clocking out of a prison every day like doubly good to get like on Friday You're like later, dude I'm looking at the guys back. There's a long day. What are you off to this weekend? I would leave work every day like it was my last day in I'd go out like a white t-shirt and jeans I'm like, man, it's nice down there girl. Pick me up. Yeah, then you commit a crime and then your ass Isn't there with them on Monday? Yeah, we're just laughing. This isn't the funniest story But me and blizz were laughing about this dude in prison. He got uh, well, this is not a funny story. You got beat to death

But he got peanut butter jammed up his ass. What and just for humiliation or I'm not sure if it was lube or humiliation But either way I've been laughing very hard about I feel nice Yeah, I know it's horrible that that is and then at the end be like get the peanut butter Jumping it up a guy's ass. Yeah, they just try to make a sandwich out of them Maybe it's the natural peanut butter with the oil on top Hopefully, you know what I mean? Is that what you'd like cements your mouth would be the best lube No, it would. I think people fuck jars of peanut butter all the time crunchy would kind of maybe give a rib

Feel like a mouth kind of a mouth with a bunch of broken teeth Perfect dude Perfect. Yeah, but just beating the hell out of somebody and be like get the fucking peanut butter, dude It's a gross move. It's a real mean. Yeah, it's not nice. Sad way to go. I would go if I was gonna kill someone. It's not what I personally would do, yeah. Damn, where's the fluffing? Yeah, break the fucking fluff, dude. We got another butter. About the party, dude. About the stuff that's pig, dude. Then I was like it'd be funny if it was white dudes like get the peanut butter

The impression was like maybe the white dudes like get the almond butter. It's time to break out the almonds. Get the gluten-free bread. We're making a sandwich of this fool. That always did strike me as funny that white guys become white supremacists in prison. Yeah, I think they'd become like activists. You know, I'd be not the best strategy dude to be like, yo, where are we at? I actually hate everybody in here. We're Nazis. That's all we can pick from, okay. Activist is definitely the route. I'd be like I'm a social worker, dude. I'm a social worker. I think I would just bite someone's face off and just be put into a certain area by myself. I would just go crazy, I think.

Yeah, but then you're with like pedophiles, but then you can just bite them too. Yeah. I would right away go to protective custody. Did you ever see that movie? What was it in the 80s? That innocent man, that Tom Selleck movie? No. There was like a little spat there of these movies where like regular guys get locked up in prison and then they have to fucking like go and you know. Like shot caller, do you see that one? Yeah, everybody knows the rules dude. There's somebody who like starts pushing you around and then you gotta fucking shiv them and then everyone respects you after that and yeah.

Yeah, this probably didn't help. Dude just regular dudes went into jail like alright, I gotta stab a guy day one. Yeah, exactly. Somebody comes over like hey, somebody's sitting here and you're not gonna bully me motherfucker. Oh. Did you ever hear the story about Shaynor or one friend went to a weekend like drunk tank and he had to do weekends for like his third DUI. He went in his first day of the weekend like drunk like DUI thing. He sat down next to this like old like just like gravelly voiced white guy with a ponytail and like face tattoos.

And they get her sitting down to silently eating next to each other and a black dude comes and sit down. The old white guy's like no blacks at the table. The black guy looked at our friend and was like for real and he was like. I got drunk in an open. I'm so sorry. I'm not like that. He looks the bar though. Shay our boy looks like a white suppressor for sure.

He's not. Dude's dumping in drunk tanks is funny. Dude's taking a dump in the hole. It's just a steal. Yeah. Just a toilet. That's kind of exhilarating. 15 dudes sitting around like come on.

In my high school when the high school went to they there was no stall doors. Yeah. What we had that smoking in there and you're like you just held that shit like there's no way that you would be stuck sitting in there taking a dump. It's always just like comes in here. Yeah. Ours was ours was mirror level without the door. So we would we would shit together.

We'd look at each other and talk. Yeah. Yeah. You can also detect smoking without a door like with or without the door. It felt like an overreach to me. I mean it's like there's two sets of tennis shoes under there. Somebody's fucking around. You know it's like clouds of smoke billowing out of the top of the thing.

Yeah. It resulted in our buddy. My friend he would just come up with a new way to shit every day like a funny way to shit. And then we would all go watching. Now he would lay across the top shit he would hold himself up. Incredible. The doors off of the bathroom after on further review does kind of seem like it probably

was just some pedophiles idea. Yeah. This is the only way to stop smoking. I'm going to inspect these kids. You're checking little boys penises for nicotine stains. Yeah. This is a pedophile parent teachers at PTA meeting. I got this under control.

I have a plan. And I'll inspect. I'll come in there every single day. Sure. I went to an all boys Catholic high school and we had a gym teacher who would come through the bathroom or like the locker room to make sure we all showered after gym class. And he would like it would be like naked dudes and you come and be like you shower yet you shower and like kids are just naked in front of them.

I remember being nervous about that. Like we're going to middle school and I'm saying like oh you're going to have to shower after gym. You know and just kind of like I was so stressed about like really what. Yeah. And then that never happened. I never had to shower. No.

It was too. It was too. There wasn't enough time in the day. Yeah. There was a never time. You couldn't finish gym class fucking take a shower dry off get dressed again. These motherfuckers can't tie their shoes in between classes. You know.

Sweaty and wet. He would he would come and inspect. He'd be like you're you didn't shower. Get in there. You didn't shower. And then he would if they did announcements he'd be like you got a freeze. So he knew you come by. So he'd be like if you were moving while they did announcements to give you a detention.

So he came back the one time and I just pulled my pants down so my ass was out. It just froze. He came back. He's like that's so real funny. Real funny. Dude you caught me in the middle taking my pants down. Dude by bad. You imagine that now just showing a gym teacher your ass and him just being like a little

jerk. It's crazy. Although I showed a gym teacher your ass now would be pretty funny. Yeah. I used to fight this guy every day. He gave me lots of detentions. So I beat him in sumo wrestling. He was demoing sumo wrestling.

He had a he was a guy like a claw hand. He had like a fucked up hand. And I beat his ass in sumo wrestling. I think he'd be stronger with that. He was pretty strong but I was you know I was going for him. That's good. You fucked him up. You showed him what's up.

And then you showed him your ass. You were disrespected. Showed him my ass. You were just fucking twirling him every day. Just like waving it around his face. He did the presidential fitness challenge. Nice hand. I never passed the president's physical fitness challenge once.

Dude I used to go pull up scot me every fucking time. They're impossible. I would go for as low as possible. They're like run a mile in six minutes. Do ten pull ups. I'm going to walk. I try to get the lowest score humanly possible. So I was like slow walking.

He's like I know you're not doing this right. I was like dude is as fast as I can go. Stop pressuring me. I slow walked it as slow as possible. Zero push ups. Zero pull ups. Yeah. Truth.

That's it. Like they always hit us with that. Like we're thinking about going back back in the day when the presidential fitness test mattered. Yeah. Like we got to worry about the fucking war. We need our young ones fucking jack. You guys can't be fat.

Y'all can't be cool. Run. Yeah. And that back then they whooped your head. The pedophile gym teacher would fuck you up. Is that still around as president's physical fitness? There's no way. There's no way.

There's no wrong fitness test. I'm pretty sure. The Joe Biden cognizant test. I think a gym class is just kids playing wheelchair basketball. We had to wait for rain days to play that. Nowadays it's fucking shirts with strands or some bullshit. Yeah, man. I can't wait.

I can't wait until my kids are in high school, dude. Yeah. Well, I could wait, but you know, it'd be fun. Yeah. My son is done with elementary school this year. This is the end of this is now we're getting ready to get into the real stuff. Damn. Yeah.

This is where it's already started. This is high level problem solving now. Yeah. This is kind of like 40 stuff. Yeah, and it's all like every one of his little buddies that run around like they all have phones like every one of them. They're running around with phones. They hang out and they're so, you know, they're like talking to girls and stuff, but you're

still just like my son doesn't have a phone. I haven't given him one yet because I'm just like, he'll I'll never get him back once I do. So we wanted to keep track of them though. See, as opposed to LA, my kid can like leave the house and like, yeah, do shit here. And so we need to find a way where we can still keep track of them. So we made him get an apple watch and he like hates it. I think it's like the nerdiest shit to his friends.

And then every time we call everyone around him can hear like, Declan, where are you? He's like, fuck you. I'm trying to soil him on technology. And he's scarred by it. He doesn't want it. He doesn't have a watch, no phone. No phone. He doesn't have a watch.

Like you can do everything you can do on a phone on that Apple Watch, Declan. You know, he's like, yeah, except talk to my parents in private, you know. He's like a track talk dude. He just ringed his fucking arm. It really is. Yep. You got to do it though, because otherwise you give him access. If I had unfettered access to the internet as a young kid, I would have never came back.

Can you imagine? I got it at 21 and it's like, like when I was in college and it messed me up. Yeah. I've like lied to my kids. I said that there's like an app for parents that like, that I can access whenever and I can see what they're doing in school. I can like see what they're saying to their friends. Like they really believe that I have access to this thing that like lets me like, I'm God.

Look at anything. Fuck me up. Fuck me up. Cause I'd still be like, no, no way. He can't. I'm watching porn dude. There's no way. Fuck he saw it.

He knows. He definitely saw it. Yeah. I'd be like, what are the guys that cover their heads with a napkin when they eat that pigeon dish? I'd be like fingering a lady. God have mercy on my soul. Yeah.

That is. I mean, that's basically being a Catholic. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always watching. Yeah. Yeah. When you're a little kid that gets to you.

It really does. He saw me fucking whack off with shampoo. God watch me jerk off for an hour. He doesn't like me. He's he's embarrassed of me. I think I got grazed early. I was just genocides going on. Fuck God's pissed at me.

Yeah. I jerked off on Easter one time and I was just like, there's no drink on Easter. I told myself I wouldn't. That was the thing. I was like, dude, I think I got out of a pickle. You get into that. You might like that. You think I like the shame.

You set parameters. You're like, I'm not jerking off this day. And they're like, oh my God. Dude, don't look like an alcoholic. I'm not going to do that. I don't need I don't need booze to get through this event. Yeah. I'm so bad right now.

Don't expose my kink, dude. That's a kink for real. You were doing it when you were young, too. You're trying to avoid it on Easter. He just gave up porn for almost a year. Thinking about that, too. Just like, ah, tomorrow's Easter. Fuck, I'm going to have to jack off, I bet.

I really hope I don't have to jack off at Easter. On Easter, Mass. Come over, Mr. Mass. I really hope I don't have to jack off on Easter. Dude, the pastel dresses were out. There was like baby blue dresses. Pistel dresses are so nice, dude. Sea green.

I was just like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Beautiful. The pistels, the pistels. Dude, I was discovering new colors being like, God, I never saw that color before. Jesus Christ. I need to come in my hand. Damn, I'm going to go to heaven.

God's like, he used me to come this whole time. Fucked up, dude. I'm out there for you to call me. Yeah, I gave up whacking off for Lent once. Did you really? I will admit, there was something to that. Yeah, dude. Dude, I just have to.

This is so crazy. Pilgrim's journey, dude. It is. There is something sexual about being like, I'm breaking a deal right now. Ugh. And like, would you tell your folks like what you gave up for Lent? No. No.

Guys, big changes here. Not going to jack off for Lent. Everyone's proud of you. It's my boy. It's my son. That's my son. Yeah, we didn't talk about sex. He's at the bar.

You're not going to believe this. My son gave up jacking off. Damn, Phil, you raised him right. Yeah, true. We never talked about it at all. No sex talking in my house. Sex? Fuck no.

Yeah, me either. I mean, even when you would see on sitcoms that people were getting the birds and the bees speech. Fuck no. To this day, I don't know what the fucking birds and the bees speech is. No clue what that speech is. Can you imagine? I never got it.

Your parents giving you that? My mom tried. How fucking uncomfortable that would be? My mom tried in front of my dad and he goes, Jesus Christ, man, stop. Yeah. He's like, just don't get a girl pregnant. Yeah, that's it. He's like, how?

What? Yeah. So just don't. Fine. I won't pee in any girl's mouths. I'm not going to piss her ears. Yeah, that's a tough one now. I was like, you have to like prepare your kid for internet porn.

You have to be like, look, you can't fully get into it. You have to like be like, you have to chill on that. That would crush you. If you were 12 and that's what you got your hands on it, you just, you're gone. Matrix back. Disgusting brother Billy. Disgusting brothers, dude. His younger brother is disgusting.

He got porn at a very young age. How young did he get it? Like he must've been super young. Probably 12, I'm going to say. Yeah, but you guys had your guys shit laying around. True. They had Spanish fly 14 going on. Yeah.

But yeah, my brother got it. That's a horrible DVD player, dude. That's a fucking. You come from a very horny family. Don't you? Yeah, I'm one of six. I'm one of six. I'm one of six.

I've got three other brothers. It's just everybody's just jacking off on every holiday. They share the room. There's four of us in a room. They were all jerking off. And then so we had to, we'd all go to the bathroom. It was like prison. We go to the bathroom, jerk off, and then you could pull the drawer out and away.

Cause we would pick the lock on each other all the time. So you would, you'd have to pull a drawer out and that would block the door from opening. So anytime you're trying to fap someone, like, what are you doing there? Dude, I'm sick of shooting. I got to take a shower right after. Don't come in. Yeah. My brother's butt.

They sent my little brother. My little brother came back. I was, you know, I'd always use Vaz obviously. And like, so like you could, it was audible outside. Obviously. Yeah. I was gonna say, you see a mask. I saw that for sure when you came in.

This is a peanut butter guy. This is a Vaz guy. Yeah. Yeah. Vaz in jail is probably like uranium, dude. But my, uh, my brother, my brother heard, he was too young to even know what masturbating was and he went to my older brother and was like, Matt's in the bathroom. It sounds like.

So my older brother just waited until we're in front of all my cousins. He was like, yo, Billy, say what you told me. And they was like, he was like, I was like, fuck. Oh. I beat my little brother up in front of all this. You didn't fucking hear that dude. They told you. He's lying.

Spass face. He's lying. He's lying. We got my one cousin three times in one day. He's a fucking liar. Denied it to death. He's talking about a six year old. He's fucking lying.

I had just, I had just come from beating off. But you had all your faculties though. I was still, I was like the light in the body. I was like, wait, what did you guys hear? They just felt really nice. I was like, wall of shame. That is nice. I think that is nice to you and an open, like everybody.

You were with three brothers. Everyone's fucking whacking off. Two older sisters. Goddamn. So everybody. I had two younger sisters. Everybody knew I was whacking off. And we're just like, let him go.

Let that creature finish. They didn't tell me until like four years ago. I was like, no, I never got caught. And they were like, the whole house knew every day. Because yeah, I told you, I'd be like, hi, this was a long day. I got to take a shower for an hour. I'd tell my mom, dude.

I remember thinking I was so sly. I could go in there and be like, because we always ran out of hot water like right away. He used every last drop. I was like, mom, it was a long day. I got to take a long shower. I'm real dirty. Oh, that probably just ruined it.

She was just trying to watch TV. Yeah. I got 15 spell words. Mom, I'm going to go fucking jizz. My mom did all of our laundries. I had four brothers and like we had, at one point to like make the streamlined thing. She's like, you're going to have your own laundry basket.

You're going to have your own laundry basket and just send them down and I would just fucking dump a load and throw my brother's laundry basket. He's doing it. He framed them. Dude, I think it was probably disgusting. Just picking up boxes being like, Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Just getting cut. They were like the spiral Nautilus dude. You don't have fucking just like just picking that up and being like my son. Oh, dude. My loser sons. What's he thinking about? Probably Easter mass.

Pastels. He's like, mom, can I see the Easter egg die for a second? Just looking at it. This is a really good egg, mom. Can I keep it? I'm going to take it upstairs. It's a very pleasant yellow. I'm going to honor this egg.

Yeah. You ever have any funny whacking on? I think you guys have covered it. Yeah. That's what we do. No, this will be on the internet forever. Yeah. I feel bad for mom.

I always tell her like, don't watch this stuff. Don't watch the podcast. I know. My mom watches every fucking episode. Do they your parents tune in? Well, yeah, I don't I don't talk to her. So yeah, this is the only time she gets. This is how she gets to know what you're up to.

I knew you were masturbating. That's what hot showers meant. That's gross. I got away with it. My sister's just lied. Yeah. Older sisters could definitely torment you. Bro. I feel like I only have older brothers.

Disgusting. They're the worst. They like physically. The older brothers like the FBI, sisters, the CIA. Yeah. Pure NSA. Just like, we're watching. We know what you're doing.

You think you're slick. Do they have friends over sometimes? Yeah. They're hot fucking friends who come over. God of sins, dude. I'd just be like, guys, I want to hang out. I never hung out with my sisters. They'd have friends come over.

I'd be like, look at this, dude. Look at this move. Come in the room. Yeah. When I was young, I used to tell people, like, I'd be like, dude, my cousins or I had older girl cousins. And I would shamelessly tell everyone I met. Like, dude, my older girl cousins are so pretty.

They'd be like, dude, fucking chill, dude. Nothing worse than hot cousins, dude. Hot cousins are hot cousins. I don't tell a mom. I'm like, dude, my cousin's so pretty. Dude, you got to chill. You can't go tell people. I'm like, why?

She's beautiful. She's beautiful. That's the thing. She is. She's beautiful. I never said that. Yeah. I was at my cousin's wedding and she got married.

And I was fucked up. And I was like, you look beautiful. I was like, whoa, dude, you crossed the line. She was like, OK, well, it was good to see you. I see you like once every four years. I was like, you look beautiful tonight. You look like Helen of Troy. And I'm not some cousin fucker.

I just mean it. I would never. Especially not on your wedding day. That would be too hot. That would be the hottest thing possible. You break the wedding up. That would just be the hottest thing of all time. Obviously, I'm not into that.

Yeah. Is anyone have anything to say? Otherwise, hold your beats. You're like, I just want to say how beautiful my cousin is and not trying to break you in the wedding up. Goddamn. I just wish I could have walked her down the aisle. I would have liked that.

That's it. That's it for me. Sit back down. Or just hit him with like it. Yeah, true. Does anybody have anything to say? Yeah, dude. I used to like smell my aunt's hair.

Hope she would fucking take it. She would smell your aunt's hair. Whoa, dude. Yeah. I used to just on the way down to the beach. Ants are off limits, dude. I'd sit behind it. It wasn't like my blood ants.

These were like my ants on the other side. Dude, on the way down to the beach, I would just sit there and be like, and Brenda, your hair smells so good. Holy shit, dude. You really were. You were. Yeah. Colors, smells, all of it.

Yeah, dude. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. That's spectrum shit. Yeah. It's whacking off the colors. It's not the best. But yeah, I didn't know.

No one told me. I was too much of a don. So you want to benefit it from finding like internet porn at a young age? Oh, I think it would have taken me completely. I would have like tried to get a sex worker when I was 12. Maybe things would be better. Maybe you would have been sniffing your aunt's hair.

You know, maybe you could have. I would have worked so hard. Maybe you would have been able just to fuck your aunt. I mean, biologically, it would be totally fine. If it was just like back in the day, it would be totally acceptable, but fucking since like the 80s, this would have been acceptable. Dude, in like at least traditional India society, it's like you live with like your in-laws and stuff.

So you kind of know this research. Yeah, I've been reading about, dude, the Indian society is wild. Like the traditional Indian society is your whole family lives together and like you just hear if your brother is smashing, you hear it the next morning you come out and you're like, God, that's so fucking hot. Because you don't get this part of the book where you get horny. You can even tell because you're if you're a little brother,

your brother's living in your house, your older brother be with his wife and you'd see like they just like grab a lady from some nearby village and all of a sudden your brother has a wife and you have to sit there and you're like, dude, my brother's in there right now with his wife. Fuck. I don't think I would. My reaction wouldn't be like that's so hot though. Like I would get annoyed even when like the fucking dog

would have his pink thing out. You know, like when dogs get fucking horny and the lipstick comes out and I'm mad at the dog. You're just like, God, stop it. Disgusting. I would sit here trying to watch TV. You're getting off on this. There's nothing.

That's the worst. That is. A dog's mother will ruin any moment. It does. Everybody's having fun having some nice moments. You're like, ugh, he's taking this too far. He's like, he's doing more with this than I'm doing. I'm not smiling at dog smiles.

They have the grossest things in the animal. Well, maybe not. Maybe pigs are pretty gross. They're disgusting. Did I mean? Yeah. Slimey. Slimey.

Yeah. I think I would have slimy dicks. It's not what you would imagine. Like if you were like designing a dog's dick, it feels like it would, it would be like furry and like it doesn't feel like it would be like a pink worm. I don't know if we were just talking about this two days ago. Dogs have huge dicks, dude.

That's just the tip. Horse cocks. They come out, dude. Horse cocks will fuck up a dick. Horse cocks match up to the body. They just have big, literally like horse cocks. It looks like the rest of their body. See, that's why they need to make sure that dogs didn't have big dicks

because then people wouldn't want to have them in their houses all the time. True. You know, they'd be just seeing that all the time. Yeah, that's a good point, actually. That's what it is. So they need the little worm dick that disappears and comes out every now and then. Yeah, all the big dicks, all the big, big dogs.

They bred them out. They probably had giant cocks back in there. Evolution, did it say? Yeah. They were just cocks, just giant hot dogs. All right, we found a flow. We found a flow, dude. I knew Jack-in-off stories was going to get it.

We had to. Once we get that going, it's over. That's like the warm-up layups. Yeah. It is warm-up layups. How fucking nerve-wracking was warm-up layups when you sucked at basketball? That was my favorite part.

The layup was the only... I couldn't do my right hand. Oh, you're a left-hander, I forgot. Yeah, that was... I felt so good during the layups. So I was like, I can do this one. Yeah. Then it would be a fail shot in the game and it's like...

Yeah, then it's jumpers from the elbow, the next part of the warm-up. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. When a fucking air ball is warm-ups. Yeah, dude. I used to get the ball and I would just freeze and just try to give it away as soon as possible.

That was my move, too. I just didn't have any interest in it. Yeah. Soccer, I would just play defender, so I could just sit on my ass the whole time and sit back there. My worst sport experience as a kid was... I probably was in fourth grade.

I sucked at it. My parents would make me do it, but I just didn't have any interest in it at all, but I would just be a defender and sit back there picking my ass. And one day the coach and his son got into this argument in this fight in the middle of the game when we were getting our ass kicked by this team,

and the coach's son basically just walked off. He was the goalie. And so then the coach was like, Big Ryan, you're in. And I was like, fuck the goalie. No, no, no. And then it was literally just like, those guys fucking scored me probably like 10 times.

They just kept coming down and just drilling it right past me. And then I found myself like yelling at the other defenders, like, get your hands off your ass. Like, what's wrong with you? And then it just turned into me not even defending it, just crying, sitting in the goal box crying. His balls were going fast on them, dude.

And then it was like, do we not do soccer anymore? I don't know if it's my sport. What if they make me goalie again? Goalie's terrifying. All the pressure's on you. And you're never going to save it. No. It's impossible.

And then you just wait the whole time it's on the other end of the field. Yeah, you just get humiliated like three times in an hour. And that's all you do the whole game. Yeah, I guess it is kind of humiliating. You let the whole team down. Yeah. Especially all their parents.

And yeah. The parents are like, yeah, no good. Is that your son? Don't you work with him? Do you spend time with him? Why does he know how to do this stuff? You know, we do drills sometimes. I could train him if he wants to come be my son.

He'd do better. Have you seen a lot of psycho sports parents? I have. You know, my son has tried out a lot of different sports. And so I've seen all the different types. Now he's saying he wants to try lacrosse, but I'm just like, yeah, I don't. I think he just wants the gear.

Like he likes, he goes to the sport. It's a good drip. Better than what the gear is. Solid drip. Yeah. Get like a fucking gladiator helmet. Yeah, that's always disturbing when you see that. And you see like a re like in little kids sports

when the dad is just fucking losing his mind. And it kind of something like there's a part of you that's like disgusted by it, but then also part of you that's like, I'm a pretty shitty dad. Like I don't even care enough about this game to like yell like this. And this guy is obviously like so.

And then I'll like, and then I'll be like, should I be practicing with him more? I don't know. Isn't that what he comes here for? Is to practice. I don't know how to play this shit. Do you think from a wife perspective? Girl, this is impossible.

You would try to fucking. Dude, I played once. The guy hit me with a stick once and I was just like, I'm fucked this man. I got so mad and was like, I can't do this. That hurts. And I tried to hit some of the stick. Like that's a penalty.

I'm like, he just hit me. Like, yeah, but you did it wrong. I was like, I quit. Yeah. Yeah. Sports when you suck at a sport, it sucks so fucking bad. Yeah, I've had basketball.

Some of the basketball we'd always play in Harrisburg. It's really all the white kids. And I just sit on the bench like, please for the love of God, do not put me in this game. You get in, get fucking swatted, hold James. Oh,

fucking fat big kid. It's just so embarrassing, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I always wonder from like, what do you think the wife's think when like, you're a dad and you're just screaming at an ump at like an eight year old's basketball game?

You think they get kind of like, I think some of them might like it. Yeah. Yeah. I think they do. I've, I've witnessed it. I've seen that like, you know, sometimes after you've been to a few games

and you know that there's a guy on your team that does that, that like when things start going bad for your team, you're kind of like, when's he going to start yelling at you? When's he going to get in here and protect us? Come on, blue. Start getting on the up.

Come on, blue. It's a fucking 15 year old. It's just a volunteer high school kid. You fucking asshole. It's T-ball. Yeah. Spaz on an ump is nice. As a dad,

getting drunk and going to a kids game would be fucking nice. Yeah. Yeah. You can do it all the time here. But these games sometimes are late. I mean, my son's in elementary school and like we'll have baseball games that literally start at 730 at night.

Really? Awesome. Yeah. Under the lights. Oh, here we go. When you're a little kid, under the lights is the sickest shit ever. I bet these kids are spoiled these days.

Dude, everybody has lights now. Yeah, I guess so. I don't like that. I'm excited for it. I was going three. You need to make that part of your origin story. Get some traction with it. Hell yeah.

So when's Jamstones 3 coming out, dude? Jamstones 3. It's coming out soon. June 3. June 16th or something like that. Hell yeah. Very soon. A month from now.

How do you feel about it? You excited? I am. I'm ready for it to come out. I'm ready for people to see it. I think it's good. I think it's the best one we've done yet. Hell yeah.

But I guess I'm not supposed to promote it or talk about it. Oh, shit. My bad. I thought we were supposed to. Here we can because we're... I would have never asked that. I don't know the gray areas. I'm not supposed to go to panels, I think,

but I'm allowed to. What's a panel? Like where they pull you up. I think Jackoff Conversations are fine to talk about about the show. Yeah, this is Netherrealm of Entertainment. No, let's talk about the show. I want to.

Yeah? Yeah. So they said, like, don't bring... why would they say don't bring up your show? You know what it's like? They didn't say that about this, but you get emails from the Writers Guild sort of telling you... Oh, because of the strike. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah, it's kind of odd, isn't it? Yeah, that is weird. You know that thing you made? You can't even talk about it? Shut up about it. Yeah. But I'm like, but a bunch of writers made it too.

Like, don't we want people to go see it? Yeah. But they don't want you in league with the studios, I guess. But this isn't in league with the studios. No. I don't think so. I mean... You'd be surprised.

Yeah, you'd be surprised. Yeah, I forgot there is a writer strike. That's crazy. Studios are trying to get ahold of this pod, dude. Oh, yeah, for sure. Fucking writers. Warner Bros. Yeah, I wonder...

You think that... I don't know if the writer strike... This might be the last one. You think? I think so, man. Why? ChatGBT. I'm like, all right, bro.

ChatGBT. Well, I think that's part of the strike. You guys can't use it. I just have this bad feeling like it's going to be really, really long. I'm sensing that feeling of when we shut Gemstones down for when COVID came. And it was that thing where the first two, three weeks was like, people are learning to make bread and pounding pots outside. And then you fucking look back a year later, you're like, damn, we thought that shit was

about to be done. We were at the beginning of it. I have that same sinking feeling that this is going to like... Banging pots and pans. By the week, fucking five, you're like, nurses are fucking lazy. That's bullshit. Too much time to think about everything. Yeah, that's, that'll stink.

So you can't really scab out. Like you can't be like, well, I just hired a bunch of like Russian guys. No, they would not. You know, and it's that thing where like, once it starts, you just want it to be over as quick as you can. So if you do scab, you're only sort of like prolonging it. Because you're allowing them to be able to operate and not feel the pain. So whether you agree with it or not, you know, I thought once the table is set, everybody's

sitting down for a bite. Yeah. What's their hourly wage? I think it's $5.25 an hour. I'm sure it depends on the project. No, I did, I had a meeting with some agents and they were like, we shouldn't, we can't even have meetings. Damn.

You guys are my agents. Yeah. Maybe they were lying. They could have been. Now that I'm saying it out loud. It's like the doors off of the fucking bathroom. It's like, wait a second. Is this really the only way to do this?

Yeah. I scrolled some notes down today. I feel bad. About what? I'm playing. I was just like scrolling down. You wrote stuff. You're not supposed to do that.

I didn't know. What'd you write? I was listening to like doing stand-up stuff. I was listening to stuff. I was trying to arrange stuff. But there's no, there's no union for stand-up, right? Is there, is there any union for, so that shows you're canceled? Yeah.

No, we're not. It's just snakes. You just do whatever they want. Nobody want team up to help. Yeah. Trilers bring you down. If somebody tried to strike, everybody would take that spot. Exactly.

They would pay. They would be unified. Yeah. They would punch the picket line. They would shoot the picket line. They would, yeah. In a heartbeat. 75 bucks?

Oh. I would kill someone for a $50 spot. Yeah. Yeah. So like, what are you two running most of the time now? Forever, yeah. Forever. Always.

And how do you like being on the road? How do you like life on the road? At first it's the coolest shit in the world. And then now you're just kind of like, like I remember, and I just, basically I'm pretty new at it, headline, but like, the first year I was like, dude, airports rule. And now I'm in an airport five times. I'm in an airport every week. Every week.

Yeah. So much so when you probably get annoyed when people aren't efficient going through security, like you have your shit down. Dude, I, it happened today. Right when I got through the sliding door, a guy holding his bag just stopped directly in front of me. Right when I walk, as soon as I get through the sliding doors in the airport, I'm furious. Yeah.

I'm angry the entire, like the way people are walking. And then just stop and turn. Yeah. Dude, I'm behind you. I go, excuse me. I say it into their face. You're just going to stop in the middle of the airport? Pardon me, dude.

People standing on the fucking side of the moving sidewalk thing. Yeah. Don't stand there. Don't make me ask you to move. That's what happens to me is I like him too hyper focused on like that kind of stuff. And then I will say something. And then the rest of the fucking flight, I'm just like, I'm like beating myself up like, why did you do it?

Oh, I watched O'Connor do that to a chick. We were getting on the plane and she was like, you know how people like stand in the way before boarding? Yeah. It's not their turn. Yeah. And then you end up just getting in line behind them and they're like, oh, I'm not getting on you.

It's like, well, get the fuck out of the way. He did that. Why are you standing here right now? Why would you stand here? I checked phone screens. I would do that. Then he got in and she was sitting next to him. It was like an LA flight.

He had to sit with his lady for six hours after he was like, excuse me, I got the complete opposite way when I fly. I go like, go ahead, go ahead, guys. That's the way to be. I think don't let everything roll off your back. I'm good with that other than security and people stopping like, but when people stand up to get their bags right away, I sit there and I'm like, well, here's the thing. Sometimes you have like, we're all getting off, but new to this, huh?

Sometimes you have leg pain. If I sit too long, I'll get leg pain. So I got to stand up as soon as I can and just stand there and stretch out and do stuff. But I see people going like, it's like stretching my leg, dude. Got side. Oh, interesting. You're the only one with sore legs. I get big.

Yeah, you stand up. You got to wear them compression socks. You got to raise it to stand up. I wore sock shoes on the plane today. I got sock shoes on Amazon. They're 20 bucks. What's their deal? Like we're each toes.

No, no, no, no. It's just like a, it's like a, like a mitten type sock. It covers your whole foot, but you know, like work gloves have that like rubbery material. The bottoms are that rubber material. Yeah. Dude, they're made for wearing outside. I don't think it's like house. House.

I just have been wearing them. Dude, my wife, my wife. My mom used to wear those. My wife hates them so much. It looks like you're walking outside in socks, dude. I wore them today. It was, dude, it was so nice. Right through security.

Be like, I'm already wearing socks. I thought about it. I didn't want to press my luck. You took them off? I popped them off. You wearing socks underneath them or you get barefoot? Socks underneath too, yeah. Double socks.

I don't like so. Yeah. Dude, sock shoes might be the new, new thing. Crazy person. I'm wearing them. I'm wearing a pretty gross germ. I'm just not wearing shoes for the writer's strike. That's my.

True. Just go barefoot. I appreciate that. Yeah. I hope they get paid more. I didn't know they were, uh, they fell in the poverty line. I think they got fucked. I don't know enough about it, but like streaming services kind of start fucking off.

And then, uh, yeah, the chat, JVT is just, yeah, they should team up with other people too. Yeah. Maybe I'm a fool, but I'm not, I'm not worried about the chat GPT shit. I've been saying it, brother. I really do. I feel like. Over, overrated.

Overrated. And I, and I also feel like we look, the people who are going to benefit from chat GPT, they of course want the marketing to be, this is a game changer. Yeah. Nothing's going to be the same. Yeah. And you just look, everyone's like, just like everyone was going to move to the metaverse. Just like every motherfucker watching 3D TVs in their house, it's like, just how our fucking

phones are supposed to be faster than they ever were. I still can't get fucking service in the middle of a major city. You're like, I don't buy it. I just kind of, I mean, it's pretty amazing that you can make it do something and it can spit out something fast. But I think if you're a writer, if you have a point of view, it's not going to be able to, I mean, it can imitate that, but it can't create that. So I feel like if you're derivative, then yeah, you might, you might be in for trouble.

But if you're making something that's like your point of view, I just, I don't know. I dare it. I challenge it. I'll be fucking Casey Jones. I'll fucking go head to head with this goddamn thing. It's never coming up. I died. It's never coming.

No, dude, no. ChatGVT is not coming with the Draven. There's a... Oh, God. What if the first thing, it's like type of writer story as Danny McBride's, like the Draven's. I've done it too. I've tried to get it to like write an episode of Gemstones. I've tried to like do it.

To test it. Yeah. And it's like... Stinks. Yeah. It's not anything I would ever make. It wouldn't make it out of the writer's room. I don't know how to do that.

And it can do that. But I still feel like the point of view of the individual is hard to match. Yeah. No, that's true. It's good for those little like clickbait articles. Those guys are fucked. Because I don't need to make them all day. Yeah.

Which is good. Fuck those guys anyway. They're done. They're done. Yeah. It's kind of doing that anyway. Yeah. It does it anyway.

Like if you type in my name on Google, it'll be like, Shane Gillis' girlfriend. Yeah. It's just some gibberish. Yeah. It's like he went to... He's from Mechanicsburg. Yeah. It's just my Wikipedia.

Yeah. They do the automated voice. He's worth $7 million. Yeah, yeah. He's like, nice. All right. I didn't know that. He's got a net worth.

Yeah. People think he's gay. Adam Devine said that for a while when you would type in like Adam Devine into Google search. Adam Devine gay? No. Adam Devine have Down syndrome. That would be what came up first.

And I went and typed it in. It was the first thing that people were searching for a man they would search for him. It's so crazy. That's heartbreaking. It's kind of funny. Yeah. He was like bummed by it. But then I think he's embraced it.

He's fine with it. Yeah. That's awesome. That'd be kind of a tough one. Yeah. I guess you get that. You think? Yeah.

You think that would be tough? It is tough. It is kind of weird when you can see what people are searching for about you specifically. You like what they care about. Yeah. Yeah. I get a lot. What does Matt McCusker do while you're doing nothing Googling?

What does he do? I don't know. He Googles himself. I do. Son of a bitch. That's my top one. What does he do? Awesome.

I'm still figuring it out. All right. I think we this is this is what it is. This is a podcast. Yeah. This is a piece of cake. That was it. I mean, most of them are more organized.

We were still in style. What's on your docket now that you're in Chucktown? We got nothing to do the rest of the day. You're just going to enjoy the city. We're going to hang out the holy city. Yeah. And then tomorrow we got that show. It's kind of hard to hit a bad restaurant in this town.

Really? Good ones. Yeah. All right. You all are downtown? Yeah. Historic district. Yeah.

No one really calls it that. Okay. Please wear your socks. I will. Wear your socks to the nice restaurant. I don't want to be disrespectful. Southern gentlemen. Southern gentlemen.

Southern gentlemen. No, no, no. Restaurants. Okay. It looked like I was in a scuba suit today. I had like these tight fucking joggers in my sock shoes. It looked like I was scuba diving. You feel so nibble on it.

Just sit down and start writing notes on a video of yourself. Yeah. It's just like, it was stand up stuff. So it's like pussy. Yeah. You know, it's like cream pies are funny. Well, dude, it forces you because in medieval times you just had leather slippers and dudes, you know, you walk heel toe, dudes in medieval times walk toe heel.

Yeah. So you start naturally because you would, you would unfeel the ground like for like sharp or abrasive objects. So when you're wearing these things, they're not the thickest. So you catch yourself starting to do kind of like a slither to where you're like moving with your toes first. Slipping around. It's kind of nice, dude.

Like a medieval Duke just walking around. Yeah. It was toe heel for the longest time, dude. That's a pretty good move. They say it gets your calves jacked too. Toe heel. I can see that. I can see it.

Socks of the airport is out of control. Socks used, dude. It's out of control. I know only one guy even comes to people with looking to scope. Somebody said something once what the steward was like, nice, the male students was like real nice asshole. He was into him and you and you like wearing just because it's going to be comfy once you get on the plane.

Yeah. You're you're bare. No, just like walking around and feeling like you're in your bare feet. It's comfortable. Yeah. It's kind of forbidden to in like an airport and you're like, you do feel like you're there for mid and shit. I love the forbidden fruit, dude.

You know, all these people just marching their germs from all over the world, right on the floor. Barefooted at the airport. It's rubber. The bottom is rubber. It's totally. Show me a picture. Please.

I took a picture and sent it to my wife. Just to fucking go to her. Dude, did you like that? These are what my hands look like where I said yesterday, which one said my hands look like this. Oh, dude. That's now. Oh, dude, that's fucking crazy.

Pretty cool. Yeah. They're the pants I was talking about. The ones I was thinking. Which one? The ones I was thinking are like socks with like just little rubber. He's on my hospital side. Yes.

Drippers on the bottom. No, those are the real deal. Those are industrial strength. It's pretty cool. I could just do like a metal factor. It can melt down steel. Yeah. I guess this is tough.

Like what a factory worker would wear. It's a good place where you would burn dead bodies really. No, I'm saying like it or more. Yeah. He's just Christ. Is there a local crematory here? Seems like this would have like a lot of crematories in this town. I think there probably should be.

Yeah, I haven't used one yet, but I'm imagining there's some good ones. I wonder if you could test it while you're still alive. Yeah, it's pretty hot. It's on its own. It's pretty good. Cooks in here. Yeah. What's a good restaurant?

What should we go to? Oh, God, there's so many, dude. What kind of, what do you guys into? You go seafood, barbecue. What should we get here? We've never been here. I love the seafood, the low country stuff here is pretty insane. The oysters, all that kind of stuff.

I get barbecue a lot. Yeah. And barbecue is good. But yeah, barbecue, you can kind of get in a lot of places. Yeah, I could do some seafood. I love seafood. Yeah. Yeah.

The South Carolina oysters are pretty good. Hell yeah. And they're in aphrodisiac, correct? I don't know. That's what they say. But I shouldn't. Like the crematoriums, I've never, I've never, I haven't explored yet. I've never used oysters to get laid.

I don't know how sexy I feel after eating a fucking dozen oysters. Let's party. How are you? Awesome, you guys. Well, thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. Thank you, man. This is awesome.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Have fun, y'all. Have fun at Charleston. Thanks, man. Bye.