Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 445 - Skrimps (feat. Will Compton)

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Listen to Will and Taylor on the Bussin' With The Boys Podcast Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. After a Sunday treat we are back to your regularly scheduled programming. The D.A.W.G.Z. are joined by elite bro Will Compton. Wow what a great podcast. Please enjoy. God Bless us all.  Support the show and head to https://www.birddogs.com/DRENCHED & use promo code DRENCHED Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRENCHED at https://Manscaped.com Support the show by going to displate.com and use promo code DRENCHED to get up to 27% off your first order.

Welcome to the podcast. Hey, I'll go grab one. I'm gonna grab one right now. Perfect. Get it going, dude You guys get to know each other. Welcome to the podcast boys Matt and will constant two of the most so happily fucking Yes, up dude. That's a great death. You guys nasty dude. Obviously be bros. It's fucking two thunder You are the fucking now you two are gonna be the bros dude. Can I get your number? We can I gotta give a Dude, you're your guys a show. Yeah, is the best that's crazy you're What's the best part of the show? Isn't even the show itself. It's the fucking comment section It's the dogs out there. Don't tell these fucking

I'll click on you guys cut open the dog food bag do the fucking Dude, it's sometimes I'll just log on Comments like you guys had Danny McBride on which by the way fucking awesome Yeah, and I saw one of you. I saw one of the dogs that they're saying like hey, you know This dog might have to light a candle and pull a bubble bath just to listen to this guys's comments Ones that are like Shane's nervous. You can tell it's like, yeah, dude. I was obviously that was mine That's my favorite guy of all time. Maybe we do have the funniest coolest fans

And I like forced them into doing it Well, I'm a bride like I didn't force them to do it, but like I I was like, can I do this? Can we have this happen and they're like sure he see but imagine how he must be fine He's he's bored because all the all the right or Striking he was quiet for a little bit when the when the pot opened. Oh, yeah, so I was just nervous He was waiting for us to ask some questions. Yeah, I think he understood you're so cool. Yeah For real the only thing Matt did some preparation and thank Christ Dude, because if Matt did not do preparation the whole podcast would have me been gone. What about me going?

Eastbound down was like I Based my personality off that for like ten years That was all I came into it with that was the one fucking that was my game plan. Yeah You pull your swivel chair over your hug them like I love you so much The Outtakes with Will Ferrell like those are the best down my problems outtakes. Yes, bro Yeah, it's unbelievable. That was the I still think that might have been the funniest show ever I think it is the funniest show. I don't think anything can come close to being like three seasons of it, too

I've never seen a show if a show is funny usually by the third season. Goodbye. I think four Four of you son of dad. There's four. Oh, there was a sports episode. That's your favorite one. There's four seasons Sports. Yeah. Yeah. First one's home, Mexico Sports sash sport sash. Oh, no, South Carolina. Yeah, three South Carolina then sports season four dude four seasons Yeah, you're all about it. I've watched it so many times It's the greatest intro to any show. Yeah, the frit like it just somebody says something fucked up and it freezes on them It starts the music and he's found out my favorite intro is when It's sports that season four when Stevie Stevie's excited cuz Kenny killed on the last episode and then he goes out the park

Yeah, that's nice anyway, that was about what this is the conversation I prepared let's say you Remember this part Going into this pure fucking Chris Farley doing that as a warm-up exercise for every episode is do the same Like the thing dudes do at bars and be like, yo, do you remember the part in old school? Yeah, remember like her man Yeah, let's go San Diego a whales vagina By the way, that's how comedy begins. Yeah, every dude that starts like stand up. That's like our age We were the dudes quoting college movies. I Mean college quoting anchorman and people like do this guy's unbelievably funny

You know, it's got to be the best generation of the comedy movies. Yeah Maybe just cuz we're our age. I'm sure that if you ask your dad's they'll be like caddy shack But I feel like those are the two waves, right? Yeah, like there hasn't really been one since the since the anchorman the Right, there hasn't there was like that's two SNL waves What about right about like can't hardly wait like dudes and ski goggles like That was funny. That was cool. The Seth Green. Yeah, that's a green era of comedy I don't remember what the movies about. I know it's just people. There's like SNL waves like that what it's like Chevy Chase Bill Murray all those guys true and then it was Farley Sandler

Those guys There's a whole four years of guys is going like this. Yeah, that was big That was just funny a dude would born be born and that was as funny as he could be was just quoting another movie And then you die. That's as funny as you that's as funny as most people get Yeah, I'm gonna try and can't remember the quote like who would eat 30 bags of lunches And then it then remember and then it's Chris Farley's eating them In high school literally be like like you just quote off and be like you don't name the movie You just try to get your boys on quotes. What's the most? What's the most quotable movie you think dumb and dumbers up there?

Yeah, I was gonna say a some dumbers almost every line Dude, if you came out and did it do not go in there to the bathroom you crush Yeah, you cannot go in there. I was like he talks with your butt cheeks. I remember It's over Listed the first episode I did with them we did tears they do this thing where they list tears top tier middle tier whatever and some bullshit and Some gimmicky bullshit Uh, there's was comedians best comedians actors comedic actors his number one

No Ryan Reynolds I can't bring it up Ryan Reynolds for any type of comedy and he's like yo What's what's the deal with Ryan you and Ryan Reynolds Ryan Reynolds? Obviously he's funny, but he's not Yeah, I want to say that I think I was trolling a little bit. I think I threw you got me with your rap. Yeah, cuz I said oh Wilson that's a Ben Stiller Cuz I was like you're like Chris Farley. I was like, no Dude Chris Farley and then ever since then he'll like DM me like fucking videos of Chris Farley just like going off the fucking He made a list of his top ten rappers of all time

Because I met you when you listed your top ten movies and I was like Oh for that. I fell for it initially. I was like dude. This is the fun I think I retweeted it and I was like dude. This might be the funniest list of all time Stop I was like Purpose the mess of people. Yeah, yeah, you got me so funny guy. I thought it was the funniest fucking pissed. I had like Beast boys was in there and F when she boys is top five is Where'd you dream that up from? What were you doing? We're like, where did that? I don't know JP. Do you remember what was happening at that time?

Something was happening. I was like it was something that was kind of viral And I was trying to yeah, absolutely. It's gonna be funny if I bother black people. There's a really easy way to do that It's a much easier way than a top Teach me Shane Like use the best basketball players you like all birds Steve Nass Stockton pistol Pete That must have fucked people up dude. You wake up your black dude and you see the top ten you go Oh, they were pissed. It got it was going it was doing so much that MGK ends up

I had machine gun Kelly in there. Nice. He ends up responding to somebody goes You got to listen to this album and then put the like shoulder shrug emoji So he was buying into the trolls. I was on your side being like, yeah, I'm the best. Yeah I am top ten all the time I think I had him right above J Cole Yeah, Mack Miller Biggie the Beastie Boys Tupac Jay-Z NF Lil Wayne MGK and J Cole

So you're mixing it up enough to where I was like, wait, he put Biggie right there. Yeah I'm tweets was this is white nationalism at work That's right. They were giving me so much more to play off of too Well, it got me. I remember seeing it me like wait is will dumb enough And I don't that is really mean to say I shouldn't have just said that but that was my initial thought My initial thought was I was like, wait, he did have Ryan Reynolds. You meant that You were on him being on him being like favorite actor tier one And Owen Wilson just because you'd like

I like Vince Vaughn Vince Vaughn might be number one, but Ryan Reynolds is my top three. I love What's Ryan Reynolds in that you're saying my favorite that's objective What's he in what's rather what it's a Reynolds and water and that's it. What is it the proposal? Oh my bad. Did I chop his head off? Guys, you're gonna want to put your guns down I think he was one of the first like snarky hot guy But then since then it's just friends been copied so much that it's so annoying just friends is really funny. He's undeniably funny He is far best best. Yeah, you're right. I mean you are right about that you get hype on our our

Ryan Reynolds, I can see it now. It's just one of those where I was like holding back. I was like, I didn't want to be like, dude Ryan Reynolds sucks. I hate him Because you're talking about being nervous on the pot. Yeah, cuz Taylor was an offensive lineman, right? No, I wasn't nervous about that. I was nervous because it was 90 fucking degrees and I didn't know you guys that well The fucking Wait, you got fucking fired from SNL Two years later, I'm sitting there. I think Taylor was like, what happened You want to know what I said

Why are we doing this? Yeah, cuz you know like again the dogs shout out the dogs the dogs are even coming on that episode like these boys Get these fucking amateurs out in the second one we did it at Notre Dame That was fire. That was a fire. That was a fire. Yeah, my fate. I took Adderall. My face was dark red. I was hammered I was just saying shit. I was like, Michigan fucking sucks You're like, they're the Clemson the fucking they got exposed they did I mean they lost the TCU lost by 70 That's kind of nice to call it. Yeah Yeah, I mean you yeah, like Michigan is I Mean they're like phonies in the Big Ten like I want them number one. I want Big Ten to win

Yeah, so I want Big Ten the conference to always win if Nebraska can't be the fucking victor that comes out of that conference Yeah, so when Michigan shits the bed You know, you got to just pour into like, you know, when can we get a real fucking team in the mix? But yeah, Huskers all day long. So I'm talking about. Yeah, I played there Oh, there you go. This is my Taylor. He's gonna get He's really these shoes Study for Danny McBride. He's like, who's coming over. I watched one interview for D McBride. Not even the whole thing I got two questions out of it went perfect. That's all we need. It'll be an hour

Two questions. Then we went back to the trusted whacking off material McBride talked about jizzing for an hour. Thank you. All right I was watching that. I was like, I wish I could have been in the conversation. I'm big big jerk off fan You've come to the right place In fact, you're sitting exactly I forgot about jerking off the big screen TV. I haven't done that crazy. I don't think I've ever Never did. I don't think I've ever done it really off not since I was like a kid and we had to jerk off porn on like a TV

Like a common area jerk off. I don't even use laptops I might rent a strictly phone, man. You just found I'm the phone man Are you like in your band you try to like stack your pills so you can set it up? So you don't have to like one hand I've got it down to a real science. It's lately. I've been holding the camera. I've been like somebody's gonna see this Oh, you kind of avert your yeah There's a weird thing to whack off being like fucking people are watching people can watch you dude I'm convinced is it's gonna happen. Yeah, I'm gonna be on Instagram live and then accidentally go on Pornhub You that that moment that moment does exist in a server somewhere

They look through your camera and watch stuff if I get if I get text in their home. They're like, you know them they yeah Like the owners of like cell phone companies Social media companies you give them permission to like use your camera. They don't shut that off So they'll like read your face while you're reading the news and you'll like make facial expressions They send that information to different companies. Yeah, different companies by that's getting a reaction from you That's why they just have headlines that are outrageous. Nobody reads the articles. You look at a headline you go And then you're like, all right, my aunt who's a dumb ass is yeah, I'm gonna send this to her I do it with O'Connor. I'm like, look

Trump exonerated I didn't read the article. He reads the fucking article highlights how I'm long sent it back. I'm like, I'm right Yeah But yeah, I'm convinced I'm convinced someone's again. I'm gonna fuck up Shane Gales jerks off It's doll. What an insane Insane video. That's gonna be nice. It was just stills just screenshots of like What's in your search bar, I don't even want to tell you right now, brother Fucking spider web, dude

Is there a better place to work to jerk off than a hotel room? No, I really don't think there is. This is nice If I look at mine airplane bathroom step brother step sister shit That's not bad. That's light work. I can handle that. That's not that's like coffee table reading material The worst is when you the worst is when you catch a nasty one and then your recommendations the next time you go on It's like fucking lady, you know There's one that's like a lady in a wall and on the other side dudes are just it's like a glory hole for a lady She's interstellar. Yeah, she's I think I caught that once or twice

Stuff does get a little weird. That's yeah, that's a dark time the glory hole. Yeah Yeah, that's a that's a pretty evil technology It's a great idea. You know, it's gonna be an ancient home. It's gotta be an ancient one. Yeah, that's in dudes brains Yeah, like drill a hole in that. I'll stick my dick in that. Oh for sure. That's been since day one What if you didn't know who's on the other side, but you know, the whole point of the glory holds You knew you knew you're you knew you're getting a blow job and then you didn't know your dad sneeze Yeah, you hear me. Hello Yep

Phil Gillis speaking You got to keep quiet finish you got to keep quiet you can't go dad you got just his mouth and never tell Yeah, I just shoot it through the hole. I just let me know you're done. You got to never tell me You can't let your dad even put your fingers to the hole at all You're saying you would you so the proposition is the glory holes there, you know, it's there But you have no way of like confirming who correct Yeah, I mean that's it is for freaks. Yeah What if you knew that there were two dudes in one chick talking about playing Russian Valet? Yeah, you doing it?

Spin the fucking barrel I don't know I would just go like this I would I'd know I'd stick through in the first mouth. I would go no not you because I know it's a dude Oh, I was gonna be a last mouth. I was like, how about this for dudes are gonna step up $250,000. Yes, you don't get to say no. Yeah, of course. Will I ever head will I ever know right after you're done? They'll show you and so They hand you the briefcase with a coming mouth No, they all have to

The very end they all have to go Whoever that's come come out, you know, it's gonna be the next great primetime show Like the mass singer Would you do it? For an amount of money. Absolutely 250,000 not to not 250. I was gonna. Here's the thing if you were doing for an amount of money You would do it just regardless. No money's just like a thing to say like well, they gave me a bunch of money If money's your element me trying to talk myself out of like being gay like no There isn't a mount if it's a billion obvious a billion bucks. Yeah, it'd be irresponsible not to do

It would be rude one million dollars. Yeah Well, you you already said yes to 250. Yeah. Yeah, he said no to 250 So now we're trying to figure out his number. I would say no to 250 the one million We're getting close. Yeah, pro. No, dude. You got a guy sucking your dick But there's there's also a chance for a girl. You don't know but does everybody know Wait, it's two girls No, yeah, like just say Streaming on this camera, and it's like you get to see the wall and people like there's two dudes and I go

What's going on? I go and pants down like a little kid of the urinal. So everybody sees my flat gross ass Well, yeah, yeah, that's gonna help the price Pick this whole thing apart. Yeah, you got to say yes, just because it can change my entire family's lives I mean, you really care to change your circumstances a whole lot with Great a hundred million would be helicopters a hundred million. Yes. Yeah, a hundred million. Yeah, a hundred millions in no brainer 60 G's, baby Dina 250 is not bad though. It's a 250 is a 250 is not bad. That's fucking college

College and be like for who don't Yeah, you think about your future kid college for the kids. Yeah. Yeah, you start a scarlet You could take that 250 and like make a trust fund with it and do a lot of good I would I would send it right down to like a third world country like yo eat boys is on me I'm going back to the glory hole. I'm bono, dude. Oh You guys over there acting like rich guys 250 is too much to 250 is a good amount of to suck a dick He don't even need the percent chance. He's not even playing Russian Yeah, there you go mixing it up. You know the guys

So you're saying you just suck dick to fit. No, I fucked it. I said the wrong thing That's an old I don't think about it for you would you would Go back in that room right now Do you ever see the documentary hookers at the point? No, it was on HBO and they do those hooker documentaries Yeah, they would like interview them in the yeah, yeah show like brief like Go pro footage or like with the audio it'd be like the footage would be like of a steering wheel Yeah, here's audio. There's a guy who would get head and you go. I want to suck a dick I just want to suck a dick

I want to suck a dick Probably one of the last times I jacked off on to a TV. Yeah, it was like sex slaves Yeah, hookers. Yeah, like devastated hookers to yeah, like drug. It wasn't like AC Yeah, there's AC there was at the point There's a bunch of them and it's like a fucking crackhead lady We'd like talking to hotel room for ten minutes and a guy would just film her getting boned and like a oh man Okay, I guess they did that. Yeah, that was I guess it was supposed to be like it wasn't for me Yeah, I was in like fifth grade true sixth grade just like jackpot. That was definitely that was definitely like an expose

Hey for normal people to watch it and go whoa They were showing a lot of people were fapping to that dude. That was that was like porn and it was yeah I was getting a rush. I was like fuck this guy's picking up a fucking hooker. This guy's gay Yeah, when you're that young you get horny fucking anything dude. Oh shit. Yeah music videos crushed Dude, I remember literally jerking off to like a poison ivy poster This conversation went exactly where I wanted Poison ivy would get you Yeah, yeah, she's hot as hell

I have a friend who is living by himself for a while and then his mom got old and moved in with him And he kept all of his titty posters throughout the house didn't take him down Titty posters in the house is it's so nice dude. Nobody holds down like that anymore No, bro, like my like my parents want to let me do that, but I go to my boys. I say he's got up the fucking school girl Stuff you're like, you know, you're the fucking man. That was the bad kid. Yeah. How's he doing now? I don't know how he's doing. He's back. He's probably back in in Deloche. Yeah Deloche, Missouri That was one of the sign working for the family working terrible working the family business by a flooring company erotic

Posters and extensive hat collections are always a sign of doom. You saw a guy with like like 10 Oh the hung up that was a that was a dorm room. That was cool when I was young. Yeah Yeah, I feel like college is the face that they died all those guys are that Do you know your fitted hats pinned to the wall and your college dorm dead r.i.p. Dude It's so funny because I'm thinking all my teammates they would do that all the flat bills Yeah, all the fitted ones just hang them on the wall like all I want all the teams. I want all the colors Yeah, you know when you're they're bringing one of their one of their uh, one of their pieces over They're just playing music throughout the entire night. You know, they're just getting it in

Damn Thought I was wearing the wireless Most shorts aren't designed for you to let your dong breathe freely Thank christ for bird dog shorts the shorts that let you go commando and still feel secure This is a little ableist Yeah, some some people don't have bodies that let their dogs breathe freely. Okay. Yeah And I also don't feel very secure thinking about my penis being exposed. Yes. I don't know if I have a fat phobic My penis is not moved an inch

It can't move. It's encased by blubber. It's a mollusk It's shelled up. It's an it shall someday it will release Their stretch khaki shorts are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and legs so you look great and feel comfortable I will say I do like I have the pants on right now. You look good. Yeah, I saw all the boxes. I notice you're nice slacks Thank you, so I always said these are great in the short. I wore the shorts to work out. I will say this Uh, I'm always on guard for like the tiness protruding in the shorts I mean, I got I double up. You can also wear boxes with them, too Did it defend it? It defended the tennis. Well, dude, I felt pretty fucking secure

But I wore boxes with them too. So I was working out. I was doing like the fucking Like hip bridges. Oh, it's now. I'm always like, yeah, look up a straight I'm like, look at my penis. I gotta see if my penis is as is as embarrassing as I assume it is. It was I felt pretty So there you go, you can even swim in your bird dog So no matter what pond you fall into this summer, you're wearing the right outfit. Head to birddogs.com slash drenched and a promo code Drenched for a free custom bird dogs yeti style tumbler with every order. That's birddogs.com slash drenched Promo code drenched and get your free tumbler with every order birddogs.com slash drenched. That's a motherfucking bird dog bird dog

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You get to visit display comm get the discount. That's display comm code drenched and click the link in our show notes No, so Before you back to the show, please come to Philadelphia helium. It's almost sold out. Well, that'll sell out It's almost so if you're gonna get you better hurry up mass taping a fucking special You're gonna want to be a part of that taking a special and I got shows in Atlantic City. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, the show Oh, yeah, Matt. Hopefully is gonna be on you'll be leaving the beach July 15th Atlantic City Oceans Casino Check it out. See if you can find it. I haven't advertised it yet one night in town June 20 30 Fox woods if you're gonna come

Shh, wait, what would you say? I just said June 20 30 Fox woods come see me Fox. What you see 23rd I mean see the mayor lead Foxboro Foxboro with the Fox Fox from the New England Patriots. Oh nice. All right You don't get to promote Now promote quickly boy, what do you got you got some? Yeah, the podcast in the stand at June 7 is the next one. Please come to that if you Don't stand at 7. Yeah, check out pains in the mouth and T swab highly recommended Back to the show who the fuck farted, dude Might even me. Oh my good. I didn't even notice boom

You bone to music you used to play some music Top 10 rappers Busy boys now I'd be uh, I would always love to do it to a freak a leak Wait, you're kidding or serious, please tell me you're serious I'm saying I have before I do you on the floor I made a sex mix on a burnt CD in high school Yeah, it was like usher. It was pretty tight. I think it was there by me. Yeah, it was uh, Urscher John like once

I was laughing the entire time dude. I got so into it. No, I'm serious. No girls play. I'm never serious and And sex I might be the least serious. Mm-hmm. It makes me but you're also like if I'm ever serious during sex It's very embarrassing. I catch myself doing it. Jesus. I'm like, what am I doing? What do you do? Yeah, what do you do to break it? I mean, it still feels good even when you're joking around. I'm like I'm about to come Fucking around during sex is nice. Oh, it's great. Yeah, it alleviates the tent if it's like a serious We I don't know. Yeah, I know what you mean. I Can't get into it like that if the girls into it great, but if I'm the one that's like uh, come here. Yeah

What's that movie? That's insane shit I can't do it. I wish I could Dane cooks bet he's like, oh, yeah, my dick feels like corn Yeah, butter me up, butter me up. Thank you. Great. Yeah, I mean that was great back in college days Yeah, he was fucking king of the world, dude. Yeah, you should have tell women while you're having sex. I'm like, we're gonna be together forever Yeah, I fucking love you so much. Yeah, I'll be fucking die together. That works. Oh, I'm gonna fucking die. Yeah That's what you tell me. I'm a fucking vampire. I'm gonna die first. I'm gonna give you all my money and I'm gonna fucking die

That's what I say I could picture you being like the scene with Ben Steller and Jennifer Aniston where he's like when you get serious in your serious Mowers like Mitch I slap her ass and just give a little She's like, oh, what do you what are you doing like? Oh? Yeah, I think it's a twitch. It's still or slap Jennifer Aniston's ass. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. What was that movie along came power? Yeah, long time really funny movie Philip Seymour Hoffman dominates in that Yeah Is the funniest that is crazy though because they do pitch it to you they're like here's a script

But Ben Stiller is gonna slap your ass. She has to be it's the same conversation. She's like, they're like, what's your number? She's like two hundred fifty thousand dollars. Yeah, or really like, yeah, yeah, he starts fucking I was wondering what that would be like to be dating a girl. It's been in movies like that not like porn I'm just like you were dating Jennifer Aniston at the time and she didn't yeah kiss Matthew. Yeah I'm like wait, I think that'd be weird. I don't like some dudes are like, oh, yeah, I don't care like they're doing there. They're doing their job I'm thinking like yeah, no, I couldn't do it. I'd say no. Yeah, you can't take that script And if you Jennifer Aniston you're gonna have to kiss someone in every movie What if what if there was a caveat where whenever she was kissing a guy in a movie scene she was wearing like a really real life-like dildo?

There's a dildo like hitting Matthew McConaughey's leg That's kind of like yeah, you know just to keep him to keep like vibes Keep modest up there. That's a nice little that's a nice wrinkle. Yeah, you know just pressing into his stomach the whole time He's like just cry Because my thought is like they're acting so they're like losing themselves in the role They're gonna feel they're into the person they're making out with what if your lady was in a sex scene in a movie And you saw her making the noises she makes when you have sex No, whoa

You like yeah, you're either faking entirely with me like yeah, you liked that Or she's on camera being like I'm done. I'm ready when you I'm ready. I'm ready when you're whenever you're done Yeah, yeah, or there, but yeah, yeah, they're performing. Yeah, I'm ready. They're performing way better on TV on camera Crazy, yeah, they would fully turn it on You're seeing her on there. Yeah, then you would be like doing it for it's like the most gratuitous sex Monster's law. He's just getting dog Yeah, Halle Berry is who's Halle Berry's husband She's divorced

She's divorced she's been divorced a couple times. Oh, there it is. You're talking about a Billy Bob Ada pussy Yeah, Billy Bob. I'm out. Yeah, true pussy eating is tough Do you know Billy Bob? He had a pussy sex scenes decent, but like somebody going down on your lady Yeah, how real was that sex scene? I'm there. I mean his Was it by lawns by Troy or if it was him, it was pretty real By who? You're the most preferred Wands one Troy has the best most realistic sex scenes

Meredith Kool-Aid man's the fucking glory He said I'd suck dick for two people Drought through a drywall just Like fucking shot master WWE Yeah, Halle Berry said it was real whoa, I said she did get a pussy. Yeah by Billy Bob. What the hell they did Wait, please about rules, dude. I'm telling you it feels like he's slayed. He's just got that confidence. Yeah Billy Bob rules, man, I'm gonna have to eat your pussy I'm gonna have to do it for real all his roles and then cap it off with fucking Friday night lights at football coach

Yeah, you want to talk for sports movies? We can talk ball. I saw you tweeting about it money ball is top three Bro, my ball might be number one Dude, I watched but don't you tread lightly on saying something like that? What's better Watch it Watch it put the gloves on and walk the dog money ball got me. I watched it I think South Carolina. Didn't I tell you? Yeah, you're saying I cried three times at the end It's better every time. I gotta see it three cries, dude. There's Hatterberg's home run

That's a cry. That's a cry. Yes. I cried dude. I tear up when he hits that home run Okay When the fat guy falls around first and he says how can you not be romantic about baseball? That's a tear up You tear up. I'm up here up, dude And then when he's driving at the end and his daughter's that's 100% I literally cried to that scene the other day like we woke up a ruin stuff and I'm sitting there and now that I have a daughter I'm like, oh dude, I can fucking I'm so sensitive Like hey dad you made you wanted me to write you the song and then she starts singing and he's just sitting there in the camera angle and everything like

Yeah, Brad Pitt fucking rips. Brad Pitt rules. But yeah, moneyball is top three. What else is there when I was a young man? Obviously, Rootiger Rootiger, yeah You rewatch Rudy you're like, damn this guy was a fucking pedophile 28 year old fucking factory worker that's trying to college chicks like I go here Do Friday night lights, bro? Friday night lights is up there, but I just rewatched it. There's parts. I Don't know. It's not moneyball. Yeah, cuz do it where you're right there is like Friday night lights and getting better every time you like moneyball legit anytime. It's on TV a lot now

I'm like, I literally throw it on I watch it every time wherever it's out in the movie I'm watching the rest of this and I literally just study Brad Pitt. I'm like, yo, he's so fucking cool You see the main main character there. Yeah, yeah, John. He'll dominates that When did this come out? Have you not seen it? Never seen it. Oh, you gotta see Oh, man, this is good. It's not even as much. It's it is a sports movie, but it's just it's great Yeah, a guy overcoming his fucking demons sticking to his guns. Yeah, and I'll some baseball analytics Everyone tell him he's wrong Negotiating like front office shit. That's awesome. Yeah scouts. That seems awesome learning how to cut somebody

We teach is Jonah how to cut somebody. He's like, would you rather take five of the chest or one of the head? It's like you got to let these guys know that's gotta be Yeah, yeah, it was just true. I've been cut. Yeah. Yeah, I cut myself My line coach after the season and I was like, I gotta be like the worst player on the team, right? And he was like, yeah, you're towards the bottom and I was like, I told you that. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna quit and he was like, yeah He's like, I could see that And then the head coach was like now we need guys like you around the head coach tried to keep me Oh, I've been cut. My online coach was like, oh, yeah, she was like guys like what?

You know, that's so funny. Yeah, I remember it was after a team meeting at the end of the season and I was like, I Gotta be the worst player on this fucking team, right? It feels like I'm the worst It's nice. He was like towards the bottom. He was like, yeah, towards the bottom. Yeah, he was like, yeah, I'd say yeah But you're gonna walk on fucking wide outs. It's like, I'm just as I'm just as effective as them Yeah, I'm equally zero. You're in the beginning of the program though Yeah, it would have taken it would have taken no shit, you know, a long time takes that sucks Four years of getting your ass kicked every day to play one double a you're you're the guy you want to stay on the team Just to hear how much you fucking bitch about every day. That's they did like that

I was funny in the you'd be the best at the cafeteria table. I was You better go Shane tell us about this fucking practice, dude Well, you know, it's funny this it was I had to drink my way into being cool on the team So I went to army first and quit right away. So all the freshmen in my class were already at Elon They did summer workouts. I was like a new guy in my class. So they all like hated me They're here the fuck's this guy like all he's D1. He thinks he's fucking like good. They hated me What so then finally like during preseason? We had a party. I was like guys watch me chug this beer. They were like, you know Yeah

Yeah, nothing worse than being the low man on the totem pole and like football like just a locker. I'm doing that's the worst Yeah, I just had to make fun people. That's the only thing I can do the only then you'd have to go to practice and get crushed by everybody you made fun of. And then you watch film with all the boys like, oh, what the fuck? Oh, God, I look so stupid on this play and you know, all the boys are thinking it. Yeah, I can't dude. I didn't I didn't know the plays. I didn't know the playbook My friend played center. I played guard. We'd get to the line of scrimmage. There was a time when I got to the line I said is this a runner or a pass? Yeah, I was totally fucking off the entire time and I love that you like love ball like you still love I still love football, but I know I can't do it. That's it. So it seems like you didn't even try to do it Yeah, because once something gets hard in my life, I just say, oh, that's actually stupid and I make fun of it

You're good at doing that. You found the one thing that that's good To do yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not the military day one in the military. I was like, I'm not gonna go get PTSD Yes, but you want to invade that country why are you fucking gay for all the guys over there? You know, it's all about oil, right? Oh my god, they were dudes that wanted to quit so bad at West Point. They would break their own legs What they would like put their legs between lockers and turn Because it's such a cowardly move to quit right away. Oh, it's they're trying to do like try to get like medical. I Was just like I quit I suck at this. I can't do it. Yeah

Yeah, you talk about medical like dudes in the league like if you're if you're gonna get cut You're gonna go from 90 to 53 and you know, you're getting cut like some of those dudes would try to hurt themselves Yeah, so they get on IR because you still get the benefits you still get like 200 maybe $300,000 get the 401k Get a credit. I would rather I would do if you get hurt like on IR and you need surgery Like dudes like, you know, if they have like some shoulder going on They're either trying to act like it's way worse than what it is or they're like trying to hurt themselves out of practice I would glory hole before I intentionally tore a knee. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely Yeah, I mean, it's like a little bit of shame. So good

Oh, yeah, there's a dude just going hard on Now you have a choice you can either kiss through the glory hole or just get soft You can audible you get to the line of scrimmage like blue how long you gotta make out for just as long as the blow job Tongue to get swapped on or put your ass up there There's a show you see this show where you would go in there You'd be in a pitch black room at night vision I would have something on the other side of like a glory hole essentially and you the game was you had to smell it and guess What it was? Yes. Yes

If you guessed there'd be like a green light or a red light. There's a guy in black light like vision he's like Sticks like ass Just probably like the sound guy. They didn't like bringing a special ass for that. It was just a sound guy Totally just like hey, you might go Bring in I can't believe they did that to a guy The ass to the whole

No, no, no guys stuck his face into another dude's ass I was just like, oh, that stinks like ass. Like ding ding ding. You are correct. How much did he win probably like yeah He's got to the next round. Yeah. Oh my god. That would be go-home shit. Yes I mean once you smell an ass, it's like alright, I'm locked in. They just humiliated me My family's gonna watch this So stupid Yeah, yeah, you've been you've been cut. What's that little brother? I've been cut twice in one week. Nice. Yeah, how's it feel? The first time sucks like the first time it was after like when I got put back on practice. So I suppose my rookie year

Shanane comes in like hey You know, we're gonna let you go the good thing is we feel like we got something then nobody else in the league knows about So you feel like, you know, oh, I'm pretty fucking cool It's like so we're gonna try and get you back on practice squad But it sucked like, you know, you just tell your parents and tell your friends like yeah I'm getting fucking axed. Yeah, you don't get to go to games. You don't get to dress out You don't get to do none of that. So I'm just playing GTA 5. That was back in the GTA 5 days all weekend long So you get done on Friday. They bring you in at 6 a.m. on Saturday to do this god-awful workout

But then you're free the rest of weekend until next Tuesday So I'm just playing GTA 5 and mad and my boy that was at Virginia Beach station at Virginia Beach He'd bring his Xbox how we fucking double up the TVs and just order pizza all weekend And play video games, but the other times I get cut like the one time the time that sucked the most getting cut was the Titans it was 2000 and 2018 year 2017 year wait wait wait. No, no, no, that's that was a lie I played I had a franchise and I would cut you every fucking year

White line backer get that But getting cut by the times like my heart was fucking racing dude I was like I walked up the stairs. I was like out of breath and I already knew what time I already knew what they were doing They cut me mid-years John Robinson. We had you know, I had been there prior to that But like they cut me but then a couple weeks later. They needed I got put on practice squad as like a vet It's like a seven-year vet. I'm a practice squad was just like fucking you're like god damn it, but I still pay you So making money. Yeah, you're still getting and you don't have to take it as serious

Just because like you're not part of the game plan. Yeah, um, they should rename that team by the way That's an offensive name the time to squad They didn't know what the Titans did like eight their children. Yeah, like Saturn. Yeah, Chronos He said it's offensive man, we gotta change the title every one. Yeah, they raped and ate their kids. Yeah That's what bears do the Titans are from Greek bears do that dolphins rape true all of them any any team name basically Just get rid of all. Yeah, so you think it's a patriot to Anyone who doesn't you know, it's like I don't want to think about fucking Chronos eating his children I don't want to think about Greek gods

Titans were fucking the fathers of the gods. Yeah, what savages though? That sounds like savagery They were nasty. Yeah, thank fucking Zeus, dude They did they did that to sweet dine ice. He's not only his heart remained, but they brought him back to life Thank fucking God, dude. It's awesome that that was just their Marvel back. It's crazy, dude And that everyone was like, no, it's real. Yeah, it's totally. Yeah, imagine if you thought the Marvel universe was real You don't live every day. Just like dude if Iron Man shows up Iron Man's pissed at us Think of all the fucking tax dollars I would have to go into rebuilding all the cities that they fucking destroyed you ever think about that

Yeah, oh my god Thousand-pound gold statues. Yeah, fucking Wiped out talking about thank God. They saved us. It's like, you know, how am I gonna get the fucking work tomorrow? It's funny I like that and Superman picks up your car and just launches it into a building What the fuck's he gonna do about that? Insurance gonna cover that Yeah, that's gotta be wild. I would suck though getting cut because everyone's so pumped on you and then it's just like hey, man

Then they're like, you know, you kind of you know, you ain't it I do like the thing of being like we got something no one knows. I that would work Like yeah, I am like a secret I'm like, hey dad, but listen to this though. He said like It wasn't good on special teams at the time. Yeah, they're like, hey, you need work How's it feel getting one thing that was funny is a kid I knew got drafted but he got drafted by the bangles back when they sucked and it was just instantly like You play for the fucking bang There's something about that and then he got picked up by the Patriots and then it instantly was like damn

He plays for the Patriots. I don't know why is that how you think about it. No, but there was something like that Well, yeah, I I understand it doesn't you can't control where you get picked But there's a part of it like yeah, I played for the Browns be or I'm with the Houston Texans people like who gives a fuck Yeah, that does suck cuz you know for my rookie year. I think the The Washington the football team the Redskins HDTR. Yeah, all right. Hey, all right P. Oh We were like three thirteen. We were three and thirteen I wish that new ownership would fucking change the name back dude

Like what a way to come back on to the scene change the name back to the Why don't they just give the team keeping it was racist changing it back is racist Changing it back is truly like no, we don't care dude But there were so many like there's I feel like there's so much of the fan base that lived and died by the HDTR, bro Like they even had the studies of the reports that the Native Americans. They didn't care. They got bigger fish to fry. Yeah, dude Yeah, they don't I don't think they would give a fuck they should give a mistake in it like the casinos Just fucking divert like five percent. There you go, bros. Yeah Yeah, each of you get three dollars. Yeah, they're not the best deal makers. They might take that true

We were three and thirteen that year so it did suck saying like yeah, I played for Washington like yeah, we give it girls don't care Girls have no idea But there's the girls do care like say you get dry you get drafted the MLB you play for the fucking Pittsburgh Pirates Yeah, or you get drafted by the fucking New York Yankees. Yeah, I know what you mean You're both minor leagues who gives a shit you play for the fucking like Sun dogs and fucking mm-hmm There's something that comes with being like I play for the New York Yankees true Yeah, you know, I mean even though there's no difference. It's a different you're getting a different class of Sniz basically sniz. Yeah, I really feel the pirates you're gonna still get you're gonna be nice Pittsburgh sniz

Yeah, you get good Pittsburgh sniz, but you're not gonna. Yeah, you're not gonna get like Yankee sniz Yankee sniz Yeah, you're gonna get Cleveland Brown sniz. It's like either taking off a business suit. Do you plus your pajama pants? For the Cowboys when I was on Washington because I grew up a Cowboys fan So we'd be like playing the cowboys. I'd be like the cowgirls watch it the cowgirls Wish I was in that dude. If we fuck you up so bad What Biggest rival the cowgirls and Philadelphia's biggest rival. Oh, I forget. Yeah, congratulations. You guys got a fucking hell of a squad

I appreciate it. We're just one tough tough schedule. Yeah, what were you saying though about the Cowboys? I'm sorry No, no, I was just saying like I route it like the when Cowboys are 12 and four They went into that playoff and that the whole the catcher does I remember being on the sideline and thinking like We're not in the playoffs. I hope the Cowboys win to get some good momentum going into the fucking tournament dude. They were That's and that's another one. That's like an undeniable. Like there's there's certain like if you I don't like the Cowboys But putting that star that helmet on must be the coolest shit possible has to It's gotta be up there in the NFL is the coolest thing you can do also here's your question Steelers are pretty sick though When that that's nice. Yeah, there's a little more gritty like yeah Cowboys feel more like oh it like you made it

Yeah, Hollywood Showtime. Yeah So when you went from college locker rooms to NFL locker rooms did the dicks get bigger? Definitely you're on Nebraska. That's 80% white a mere Abdullah. I'm here. I'll do it probably had a hangar I'm talking about I'll put you out there like that in here, but he carried you guys. Yeah, I remember that Yeah, like week one you guys almost lost like some one double Hey, but he had a hammer on it, but yeah, I mean, yeah, there's some these are swinging some weapons Oh, yeah, most curious. My nickname was unfortunately scrimp

Oh, oh, no Would you I mean remember By the way, I called it out because it was just my own nightmare Your script was actually decent For the situation you had a decent scrimp, you know, I was on Adderall to everybody Oh my god, so it's all you're at. Yeah, if I guess if I saw my Adderall scrimp, dude I'd be a question whether it was a wave or a particle He took his pants off during the case

Matt I was blacked out, bro I had my pants down like took my pants off and everybody's just hammering home on my little boy. That was That was the most devastating I woke up and I saw a text from JJ Reddick talking about The size of my boy like having my pants off because big cat had texted him during that That hurt the fucking said the scarries were high scarries have never I didn't even I didn't even remember my pants being Oh, I didn't I also I didn't care I forgot about most of it and I was like good and big cat We were all talking and I was like, I don't give a fuck that was funny

And then I looked at the comments for one minute. I was just like oh Yeah, holy shit me and Shayner Texan like I got I got murdered dude. Was that the first one? That was the first one. Why I still understand why people spaz because I don't know you put how many people It came in I can I can identify it Shane came in just big dog in the like sass and like, you know People don't understand your guys relationship So you're big dog and big dog a couple people where he's swinging his piece around Shane and our competing on talking about how much money We make him that hurt He changed Shane like threatened Steven J. No

He's a y'all beat your ass. I was like, I'll have you fucking fired dumbass. Yeah, that's funny though It was it is fun. There's no question that it was funny But I'm saying like yeah, it's like it's like if if you guys had a case race and somebody was coming in trying to like big Dog the boys your crowd is literally just commenting I didn't intentionally come in big dog and they all started being like Shane Shane Is this funny? What's about it? We're about to and there was like enough compliments that I started being like dude Relax Little that makes sense and one dude. I forget which one took a swing wildly. He was like, what do you like chug bros?

You're like a college, bro. That's funny. I was like you work for fucking Barstool, dude You guys are all 40 pretending you're in college I was fighting everybody One of my greatest regrets is that case There's no question that you were waking up like I mean, I just want to tell these boys that you can't run this Well, they started they came in talking shit big cat came in immediately We're watching film. There's no question. We can identify it quick. Yeah, I can't handle compliments very well Yeah, cuz I was like you and sass you guys I think we're talking about

Sass And sass was taking a lot of heat for like the Joe. I'm the Joker and how much he talks The Joker baby is hilarious. I'm the Joker baby is Best sass isn't the best but I love I love hitting him with that shit because he just started headlining and I was like, oh, yeah You deserve it. Yeah, you've been doing stand-up for fucking three months. Yeah, were you Twitter famous? Yeah, you should be Yeah, he just shut down immediately. Oh I pulled trigger and NKB and NKB and bad vibes

Really? Yeah, be a bad vibes because he's talking about his getting in his apartment He doesn't want to drink like he doesn't do well with Like carbonated. It was an intense environment It's a nightmare dude and it was competitive because everybody was talking about the big dog being in town How you drink everybody on the table? It was good. I'm coming in like a couple guys like we wanted to be on the same team It was yeah, it was gonna win Because people would be like competitive. Yeah, I drank. I drank. I don't know how many quick 16 beers in like an hour. I was fucking retarded and low-key

We were about to win me and Nick and Shane and so I was like I had a riff like if you're drinking you have to Riff but Shane like he'll throw him back Like he went to her bathroom break and I looked at Nick and I was like here take this I was like we got to get to drink and talk drink talk drink. We're about to win and Shane comes. He's a oh Who is who wrong wrong wrong wrong sit back don't even worry about this run had like four beers And he just bangs to to win the game. We're like, you know fucking bullshit. It's devastating That was a terrible night. I did cocaine later that night. Yeah, it was couldn't be sad Just where is it we got more we gotta hurry up

I'm gonna hurry up. Dude the thing about like working together on stuff. Oh Man, that's a fucking rough night When was that that might have been during I had a nice I had an alcohol tear for a while. Yeah, yeah from my case Raised to Super Bowl. I was like full bender bender for like six months. She's like you're done playing ball, bro Really? Oh, yeah, that's great. He was like year 10. I was like, look at you you eat pizza get blacked out Fucking playin ball anymore and right when the Falcons called and I was going I hit Shane I was excited for you That was funny though. I missed the cuz you did you did another one recently, right? Yeah, it was great

Yeah, I'm much more relaxed. Everybody was having fun. Yeah, we'll figure that out Yeah, they got to throw something in there to cool it off or like a wild card Well, we just couldn't knew we couldn't do that again. Yeah, cuz that was so bad. How'd you how do they reformulate it? They threw in like you got a couple games cupcakes. Yeah, that slowed everybody down. We all made like a truce I was like, we're not going hard. Yeah, I'm gonna keep the pace Yeah, I'm gonna have cupcakes is worse. I feel like yeah, thankfully I was with Brandon Walker who just munched cupcakes. He ate all the cupcakes He's a house bro, like oh when I was leaving because I was just an HQ before I came here He's literally all these boxes of donuts are out and he's just

Ravaging the moon. She's a southern man. Yeah, southern gentlemen stare diabetes in the face. They laugh at it. Oh, yeah I just got to get the beaties you're not getting beaties. I could of course my Paul has it Of course. My Paul also earned it though. Yeah, he was dude. So he's got the diabetes. You can just tell you Mom guts. Yeah, my mom is the other one. She got new maruna. Yeah. Oh, she's got unearned fucking diabetes Bone with it. Yeah, I didn't know that Actually, no, I take that back. She got it from her pregnancy with me. Yeah Damn gifted her Take this definitely cross that I'm gonna have to carry hold it for 25 years

I'll take it from there. Yeah, I forgot women do get diabetes and pregnancy a lot Your mom got diabetes from you being in maybe a unit in there. Yeah Yeah, she's munching came out a unit to your holy shit. You're a fierce like raised the insulin perfect acceptable levels kill her She is my vessel kill her I'm still hungry. I'm fucking starving. Don't eat that eat this Yeah, that's the girl's your college team, man If I had to pick one out of all by George Bulldogs, what the fuck dude?

You're lying, right? It's probably it probably is the fight in Irish about the south If I see Irish when I'm like nice Do we had a good time at Notre Dame that was outside the pot like we were fucking hanging all the deal linemen were coming through That was awesome. Shane wasn't having like oh, oh show me your technique boys. You're checking online. Oh, yeah So getting drunk and past setting in front of dudes that are actually good at it They're all telling him how funny is I just saw like I'm sitting on the outside looking and just happy for a man Tommy Reese came over. Yeah, that was nice. Hey Tommy. Oh, see he's gonna come through. That's awesome

We got that I got to hang with your old man the day before. Oh, yeah another treat in your boys, bro Yeah, that was Chris and Tommy. Yeah, yeah They're here. They live downstairs. Oh fuck. We got it. Yeah. Yeah. All right So if I keep up with them on the ground, they don't post a lot They're like you like you don't post a lot either man. They post more than I'd like them to Yeah, shut them down. I like to keep my guys quiet You should be humble Let the product every time I see a story come up

I wonder what the shape boy Shane's up to like you just share somebody else fucking oh in this arena fucking watching Shane Gillis You just share it like yeah, I fucking do arenas I don't but got lucky this weekend did some that was nasty. That was crazy. Yeah, that was absolute I was that was devastating though her. She was so we did the Hershey's arena and it was it's my hometown So as every single person I've ever known was there how sick was that? It sucked. Really? You just nervous because you're like I gotta perform my squad. Yeah, and you gotta like Say hi to every single person you've ever met take pictures. Everybody's like we're so proud of you It's a very slam beers with the boys. Yeah, that's what I did

But Charleston I like enjoyed more cuz I don't know anyone there. Yeah, what it's your hometown. It's a very Yeah, your parents are there. You got to bring them back to the green room. Yeah, I school reunion. Yeah, it's like yeah, yeah It's a weird pressure. You're crushing it though, bro. Thanks, man. You're crushing it. Thanks. You're one of the fucking best, bro Stop do the arena. You're the best Matt shut up You should have seen Matt now Matt had the tough spot and fucking delivered. It was alright. It's the hardest spot an arena Way worse than a theater. Yeah first of the theater. It does suck Everybody's coming in from getting drinks the light as soon as the lights go out. Everybody's like

I gotta hurry up and get this drink and get back to our place Arena the entire arena was outside drink fill in. Yeah, the whole time Matt was on stage every single stairwell was filled with people Yep, I was like, damn that would be the only spot you can really see is the lit up stairwell as well Yeah, I fucking you make once if you know, it's coming. It's like, yeah, you know, whatever you gotta mentally prepare to be like teamwork Yeah, you go. I'm gonna open these guys up. Yeah, I honestly don't mind that I see it I go, I mean, dude, if they're all sitting down, I would have crushed probably times 10. Yeah, I Basically kill the hardest I am like, they don't know how good I could have done

The whole time I'd be like, I'm actually better than this No, that all lives in some at all lives inside people are just like you can like through practice like have that dead end somewhere in the line of thoughts like It's all about care. It's like it's all about the show and inside you're like Yeah, it's fucking not about me at all It's a very individual sport You keep your boys You'll get Shane going like when we were at the Super Bowl and we went out that one night and I was like, oh, Shane They got you opening. I can see you

You know, basically he had that look right there I was like just watch See what you think during the show Yeah, another good time Super Bowl was that was the end of my bender. Yeah, that was a brutal after I was gonna say that is a stretch Bro, because that was a stretch and then the Philly's playoff run killed me. Yeah, Philly's World Series killed me Then straight to the playoffs It's not fair to you that there was a fair that Philly was winning like that

And then they lost all of them. True. Yeah, so it was all for nothing. The bender was for nothing Dude, you're trying to help them win. I was trying to wield them to victory. That's your ball hurt Yeah, I bet especially that call that they had there at the end to that hurt. Yeah, because that was some horseshit Did Drake party Drake party was sick? Oh Drake I forgot about that man. What happened when we went in the Super Bowl at the Super Bowl. We went to the Like a Drake concert Christian McCaffrey Legend legend no one on earth would have done that. He was inside already You okay, he was like I can get you in and I was like I got you in before us, right?

Yeah, but as soon as no Taylor's weasel ass snuck in with me and but Also great man. He was like we were both like we can't go in we got to get all those guys in yeah outside It was like we had to sever one of your boys Yes, because there's only a few there's only a certain one guy. It was like it was like cutting somebody yet We got in which made it even more awkward That's so fine we can only get four or five or something like that because I did JP and the boys loose. It was devastating. Dude wasn't that was like it was like the border. Yeah, it was like a slight There was a fence. There was a thousand people against the fence. Like I said

Remember we thought we're about to go in with a kiddle. Yes kiddo comes in I'm like on the phone with kiddo kiddo pulls up He's like, hey, what's it looking like? I'm like, oh, I think we got a yeah We're about to get in somebody's gonna let it send you get the wristband. He's like, yeah I think we're about to get in somewhere on one of these doors. He's like, all right cool Get up the phone kiddo gets out. He's got this little entourage with him, but oh my hey boys I think we're getting in kiddo's got his crew. He's walking Didn't let us in because they all switched They're like Shane we need you now

Yeah, kiddos count em in and goes all right, that's the last one in tailors the next one and we're standing right there the gate closes and we're like, George He's like guys. Oh, I'm sorry. I just can't he's not he's half the man. McCaffrey is McCaffrey See mech was literally standing the whole time inside stays on the phone with me the entire time to get us in I if that was the other way around He's not he's half the man mccaffrey is mccaffrey See mech was literally standing the whole time inside stays on the phone with me the entire time to get us in I if that was the other way around I would be like, oh, I can't hear you

Oh, shit. Drake's on this is incredible How many how many people were there? Oh, it was it was wild. It was like a small Like a small warehouse got you Like at the airport. Yeah, it was a hanger. Was it in a hanger? How many? Yeah, I don't know how many people inside 2000 yeah, it was a lot bro. It was not. Yeah, it's usually and then what we're seeing richie and cognito Which young cognito you fucking mccaffrey were everybody tip them to me immediately. I walked up to him and cognito was like I was like Whoa, dude. That's like the most disrespectful thing

But he's the biggest dude of all time He's a fucking house, bro. God damn. He bullied me immediately. And I was just like Hey, man, I'm gonna kill him someday. But we're all vibing to drink something. I'll be strong Yeah Oh, it's funny because you have to try to get in there's a pain of not getting in then you get in They're just bigger stronger rich All white dude that fucking ends up going in like cardiac arrest like Right next to us in the section he like tips over

What? You don't remember that part of it? You were you were we were in the we were in that section I don't remember that guy A guy went in the cardiac arrest. Yeah some old white dude that you know probably paid six figures to get that section That's a good way to die though tips over bro Yeah, everybody was spazzing out he had to get carried out. I can't believe you don't remember that I was too busy looking at all the guys. Yeah Christian mccaffrey comes out and christian's like dancing like he's just one of the boys He's one of the boys. He's one of the fucking boys. LaShawn came by. I was like dude. This is gonna be so sick

LaShawn knows me. He's slept in my house when we were kids dude. He's gonna be so pumped. I was like shady. What's up, dude? He was like She was Like he you I slept in my house I was like he slept in my house twice dude. He definitely knows me. He remembers me. He just jumped over you dude He totally was like, yeah, what's up? I remember when I made your my space in my house. We did that together That was hilarious. I was in there getting crushed. Oh, it's so funny

But that's it's that's just like it makes for the funniest moments man It was so funny because even when all this stuff happens and goes on we're like standing off to the side like having those little inside jokes You know, he didn't give a fuck about me And busts each other's balls first time I ever met Richie and Cognito, bro He was going through like a mental health thing at that moment. Like he was like off of his meds at that point Yeah Bro first I ever see him and he's like, uh, oh, he's a Nebraska guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's what saved me We played against each other Washington

Buffalo when he was on Buffalo Yeah, and he was like, uh, they're like, oh you guys, uh, you know, you guys you guys have played against each other before ball balls Are Richie nice to meet you man. He's like, uh, yeah, I remember you smaller linebacker. He's like you realize I kill you, right? I was like, you know, he had this like It wasn't like a no Because you realize I kill you right and I was like, yeah, but you know fucking Nebraska And then he like grabs my arm like a gladiator handshake and pulls me forward He's like loyalty blood brothers and I'm thinking yeah, hell. Yeah, but I'm thinking my head. What in the fuck is going on

He's like, you look like somebody has a six pack and he like lifts it up clearly. I don't he's like Then he pulls up his shirt and has me like feel his stomach Nice. He's like, oh, I got something under there too. You guys feel for it. He's jacked. It's loyalty It was insane. He had to get he got end up getting kicked out of the wedding. He was he was there for Taylor's Out He got it was Taylor's wedding they had to he was he was going to be he was part of the groomson party and they ended up having Damn, he was fucked up. Get him out of there. Yeah, but he's solid now That guy goes

When I went to oakland and saw him again, he was like, you know, he's all the boy hugging everything. I was like, oh, thank god If that guy he's like the problem within an nfl team Yeah, like if that guy decides to spaz even nfl players are like everybody run Yeah Yes, bro, he was like that guard uh for the bills that black dude I forget his name He just his name is jordan I don't know

Oh, it's 255. You guys got a run. You got you got a run. That's what I meant here soon He said the vibes are too high right now. Let us know when you leave. Let us know when you leave. We're good We're talking ball But yeah going into the locker room and then like yeah richie's Hey richie richie's a stud Yeah, I'll show you a photo of this guy. It's I've heard it's comical. How big this dude is matt a house, bro Yeah, I'm looking right now one of the boys you definitely want on your side. They say there's a story at nebraska

There's this walk on his name. His name was ragoni and he was a walk on somebody just Nuts for on special teams would run down Imagine that god tit dip in you in front of everyone at the drake show in front of christian mccaffey. There's nothing you can do I would freeze. Yeah, I went He's huge richie incognito's bully reputation goes back to 2002 Bro, listen to this like so we're going a dude who busts wedges Yes Yeah, but this dude who is busting wedges ends up getting beaten up getting beaten up by a jump by these frat guys

So they have this team meeting. You know, fucking preaching like, you know, this is a band of brothers Like you don't let nothing happen. So richie incognito gets ragoni. They don't really know each other that well He goes, hey after practice like I'm gonna take you you're gonna show me where this guy this guy's houses Fucking after practice, he gets him in the pickup and driving they're driving down greek row or whatever And he's like point out the frat like which one it was and we're going to like points it out. They park it Uh, richie goes up knocks the door arriving. They answer. He fucking kicks a door in and just starts it starts beating If you were up in your room and you heard your brother screaming I'd be the dude and I'd be the dude and save your private Ryan. Just sit in the stairwell like no way

I jump out of second floor. I'd be like WTC. I jump out of second floor. Dude. They're probably all high That's literally a nightmare. They're like, this isn't real the biggest dude on earth just broke into the house If you did that right here, Bo Polini was on that for himself Coach Bo was on that staff and when he recalls that he remembers like kind of the coach is talking about it And then the next day when it's like the headline or stuff's coming out about it. They're thinking like, oh, shit We shouldn't uh, we shouldn't have got the boys going Richie's gonna fucking murder somebody's gotta do something about this Yeah, holy fuck that is that is a true nightmare

It was always uh, yeah, I think of being high in college. I did listen to fucking ask her off You have a jailed spiking advisor on you Straight the fucking the scariest thing possible Yeah You're like, fucker, dude, I think she was like pass out, dude That'd be a fun show Navy SEALs infiltrate frat houses and just like how quick can Navy SEALs take down frat dudes Yeah, you should do one of your next little sketches little Why don't you do one of your little skits on that?

SEALs verse SEALs verse incognito would be nice trying to clear a house with like five richies hiding And pop out from behind a couch Oh get Richie involved we can get Richie involved Yeah SEALs will do it they can use just like little like riot guns They can try so hard to take yeah tasers. He'd fly through them. Yeah, he would fly through a taser, dude Get Richie some PCP Let him out naked naked into a town

Good luck There's nothing you could do. Yeah, it'd be a berserker. They bullets would you'd have to really get them a lot Whole countries are built off of just one dude like that back in the day. You have one guy like that You're like, we're gonna take over the hemisphere. Yeah, you just smash through huts Eat kids and you're like, yeah The frat hut Just didn't chill and he's like, yeah, we stole so many horses yesterday Yeah, he would be a good like he's a viking leader. Yeah only his bloodline survives. Yeah

Spencer Brown's a beast you meant. Yeah, that's a viking Who spends a brown the that guy on the bottom that tackle Plays for the bills the bills there. He was chugging a beer. Yeah from the viking. He was a viking Dude, I love that. I love how you got the game. Yeah gave kid rock Spencer Brown The three bros The holy trinity of bros You got guys, so you got gaves jersey up. I need to get you a five one, bro

You put in your claws until the time is right Yeah, two year 11. Yeah, it comes back. So you're playing again now. No I thought you saw you on the fouls. Well, so So you're playing dogs or something what happened? I had a gambling show going on at the time so the NFL black ball the NFL black ball me and kept me out of the league Oh, especially the Falcons Because of Calvin Ridley. Yeah, oh that sucks. He is free now, but yeah the NFL they ran like a Psy up and Kept me out. What are you doing nothing

Calvin really? Well, he did some parlays. I think he did some like individual bets like Yeah, but like on his teammates and also the amount was like nothing Oh, he was betting on $1,500. Yeah, it was what it was over lost. However much was in his contract. We're talking millions God, he couldn't just have a buddy do it for him I didn't know it was his own team It was his own parlay on his own team stuff Yeah, but he's he's he's he's picking his own guys He's hitting the overs

Yeah, that would be tough. He just wanted to play some fantasy football. Yo, Calvin. You didn't think I was gonna be like, you know, Calvin You didn't think I was like three steps. Yeah Yeah, that's tough But the gambling stuff was going on. So we were trying to make it work, but I literally was down there the contract was there signed it and we had a An addendum for like keeping me out of gambling moving forward Yeah, and the Falcons were like, all right 15 minutes. We'll send this in the league office Like we should be good to go after this. I sit there for hours, bro

I'm like, hey, go back to your hotel. Like we'll let you know when we hear something. I get called that night This is Thanksgiving week and I get called that night. They're like, hey, the NFL seems to thank you really far away from getting close to Signing so it's probably better if you go home Like we'll take the next few weeks and try to figure you try to get this thing figured out and it basically like I had to separate from Barstool Terminate my contract with them pay back money that I've gotten. I do a lot of things, bro I do a lot of things. So and then at that point it was like we were trying to play into the whole playoff Willie thing like they were in the playoff hunt at the time. Yeah, but when they're out of it

And there's like three weeks left. It was just like it's just ain't yeah, it's not worth it. It's not worth it But they would have got a nice little spike in Jersey sales We were having fun with it. We were having fun with it. It would have been good It would have been a good financial decision for the team. Yeah. Oh, absolutely our art new. Yeah He even texted me. He texted me not too long ago. Like, hey, I said want to try and make something happen this year I'll say yeah, let me know. Just let me know how much time you need like I need I'm gonna need to get in some kind of shape But now it's been a hell of a run, dude. I have those dreams. I have those dreams You the call

Get in the literally dreams. Yeah I'm just playing high school football. Oh, that's pretty tight. Then you're like, wait, I'm 35 And then you wake up Oh No, it's It's been a good ride. It's been a pleasure. I do get I do got to get rolling. Yeah, dude, bro. Thanks for doing it, man You're the man. Bust him with the boys. Check out busting with the boys. You're the man. You're the man Busting with the boys. Yeah

Hi Taylor. You're awesome Goodbye