Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 447 - Brewski Tumble

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. The D.A.W.G.Z. both had very eventful weekends. Matt just filmed his stand-up comedy special!!!! And SG may or may not have gotten caught pleasuring himself in his hotel room by an employee. Please enjoy! God bless.  Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRENCHED at https://Manscaped.com Go to https://auraframes.com/mssp and get up to $30 off today Support the show and head to https://www.birddogs.com/DRENCHED & use promo code DRENCHED

Yeah The hell's he up dude chillin man Dude nothing you probably noticed I'm all mushed out right now mushed out dude. Yeah, I'll grow off of a bro 5G Hawaiian mushroom company sent me a bunch of shit, so I got it from the PO box right before I left said enough said a lot of lines Managed shit. I'm on Britney was pissed as I took like all the different mushroom powders I want and left. She was like, that's really, that's shirts to everything. She was, she was hating on everything I was doing. I took all the different mushroom powders.

Yeah. She was like, you don't need that much. I was like, watch me. She's like, that's shirts too big. I said, watch me. Did I haven't taken, I was, I was Walberg, dude. I was, hmm. Oh, you're the menisement, the mousses.

Moushnessable. You guys stay preyed up, dude. Show me your underpants, Your Nisipols. Oh, I wish there was a cheese. She's obviously. She's podcast on the pants. I only wear podcast underpants. How the freaking heck are you? No, fine. My allergies certainly kicked in this morning. I'll tell you what, I'm none too pleased, but it could be that gas leak that's happening in my kitchen. What? Yeah, gasoline?

Certainly. You think the Mysees got in there? I think the Myse chewed the line. Cause it stinks over there. All right, Peter, whatever Myse broke through, Mouse broke through there. That's probably, it was worth it.

It was worth it to get rid of one of those fuckers. Yeah, maybe my sweet niece. I can't get a cat. I'm saying get it and then just fucking re-release it. I could never do that. I could never do that to a sweet feeling. I could never. It probably wants out. I would. I would. How about this? Open the door. Let it make up its own mind. If it stays, it stays. If it leaves leaves. You can also get a cat.

You can get someone to come in here and feed your cat while you're gone. But you said the companionship, it would kill it. Yo, then get... Dude. I'll be one better. Dude, I'll be one better. I'm getting five fucking cats. Strays. I want to be chaos. It would smell so bad.

I mean, not. Oh my god. Oh, there'd be shit. I mean not. Oh my god. There'd be shit every I would not clean it. You have a clean of litter box. It sucks. Hold it down. Tuffy are from one of them steps out of line. Let's start beating the fuck up.

Catch. Beating cats is crazy. Yeah. Kicking them. Dude, it's nice to think about cat ladies eventually going rogue and just beating their fuck. You know, they beat their cats. You would whale one.

You would whale one of them. Scratching up the couch. Oh, sit next to you. beating their fuck you know they beat their cats you would well you would well one of them Scratching up the couch. Oh Sit next you come back from a tender day dude The guy was way taller as pictures you go back to your casier fucking fuck you it's never gonna happen Darth Vader Mashed up dude, yeah, I'm gonna mushed out, right? I just stopped taking those after my vishes fell with diarrhea. I'm afraid of them. It might not have been that. Although, yeah, if you were, if you're on the same program.

I'm gonna say if you're the same program, if it was, if it was the sourced out pizza, yeah, wings and the mushy's, yeah. Maybe the mushy's got in there and we're like, what the hell's going on here? Perhaps. Get out. Pray out. Dude, I had hell's going on here? Perhaps. Get out. Prevent you wait. Dude, I had the most fucked up stomach all week. I don't know, I don't know what I do.

I set myself up for failure this week. And I gotta look into that. But like, dude, I did the heaviest workout with the fucking DBs. Yeah. I went with the disgusting brothers and did a leg workout. Which dude, those two working out is my, one of my favorite thing about. Dude, did you see Spud?

He's looking young, bro. No, I mean, oh, his fucking face. Face an arm and shit. Yeah, he fell. Did he fucking bust it his face up? What do you want from the guys? Not. He came in wounded yesterday.

They did, they did a stuff like that last night. Yeah, he glued his face together. Yeah, he split his face in the middle of the night and it's glued it together and went back to bed. Glue didn't put a neon band. His arms just mangled. He ate it, dude. He just says he slipped. And he wanted to do any of us can fall like that. I don't think, dude. Any of us can fucking eat it like that. He took a bite. Yeah, middle of the night he got up in a sock set the fucking hardwood floor. And he fell forward. You think he was taking care of business? I don't

know what he was doing. I think that looked like I look like that looks like a bruski tumble to me. I did look like a bruski. But apparently there was he didn't include that there was bruski. No, bruski's yeah, I didn't ask. I was a gentleman about us. I didn't ask either, but that's definitely a brusquie fault. It was just walked into the kitchen. And shatter your face and arms. There's usually a chip tooth involved as well. But no, he explained it to me that he had something

with his hands and he like just fully swan dives rain to the fucking floor. I'm gonna be honest with you if it's pitch black. Yeah, true. Following must be crazy. He'm gonna be in the picture. If it's pitch black. Yeah, true. Following must be crazy. He fell to the void, dude. Yeah. He fell, though, he fell to the fucking groan.

I'm trying to think of the last time I fell, because it is funny. That's my fault. Falling down is funny. I haven't eaten it. I can't think of the last time I fall. Oh, dude, I fucking ate it. I ate it recently.

I did. I remember the last time I fell. I was hammered at JFK. You're not feeling the bathroom. No, no. You look a bruski tumble. I think a bruski tumble at JFK, dude. Oh, it gets worse. I think a bruski tumble upon arrival went to Buffalo Wild Wings at arrival. Got it. Meadow Connor were like arguing. Meadow Connor got shit. You were a rival rival.

And a Buffalo Wild Wings JFK you couldn't win upon arrival. What the hell? I think there was some NBA on. Let's just catch the fourth quarter. And then we've had a couple of bruski's started arguing. I think I was mid argument with him. And then I went to the bathroom and he was walking in as I was still laying on the ground. And I was like, the doesn't change anything.

You're still wrong. It adds the argument of me. If you slip at the bathroom at JFK, your life is meaningless. You're the biggest loser. I'm surprised you get up lesser man would have stayed there Like a bar you're like a fucking shell on the whole the boat dude. Oh, it's like a barnacle. Do you just lay there? Dude I I took the quite possibly the lamest tumble the other night. I was going up.

It was like, I always shut all the lights out. I like to walk up in the pitch black. Well, you know, relatively dark into my first floor. So like, like coming through the windows. But I'm carrying my nightly glass of water up and I go to like turn the blinds. Like my nightly glass. My nightly glass. What I did at night, I can't sleep without water.

I'm going to take my nightly glass. It's night I can't sleep without water nightly glass It's the fucking vessel. Dude. You need a glass of water. Yeah, but it's the nightly glasses It's different than any other glass the nightly glass had so much different. Oh, yes So I have it here. It's like oh, sometimes I sip a little like on the way up and have like turn around like, dude That's one nightly glass. I need to flip the the brim So I'm like sitting there. I'm carrying it and I fucking go to twist the blinds and close them and I tumbled just like safely fell on my couch with a spill of the water. It was such a nerd tumble. It was fully like again, no injuries whatsoever. I just tripped on my couch like

Fully like again, no injuries whatsoever. I just tripped on my couch like Now you know seconds of water just hit me. I was like dude. I fucking suck so bad. Yeah In a dark room just fucking wet just like covered in water Great, yeah, great. Now I have to dry off before bed great I went right up and told my baby said you probably love this because you fucking hate me. Yeah. What I fucking enjoy this. You would have loved to have seen me fucking follow

that just embarrassed alone. Which is hard to do. Yeah, I'd rather have you cackling at me. Am I fucking expanse because you love to see me fail? She goes in at me. She's out there. Dude, they would do it. If you got hit by a car, they'd have to support.

They'd like, man. They love it. My woman here would do it. Remember cheering against me in UFC? Yep. What? What the hell? Support me.

Yeah, dude, especially in the octagon. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, people get hurt. Well, me and Ziyah just took some aggression out. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, people get hurt. Well, MZ, I just took someone grushing out on you, dude. You just got punished, brother. What do you mean? No, not that. No, I do hate you.

I think you've had a year outrageous claims that you can lift 265 pounds bench press. Yeah, with no warm up, yeah. Dude, we're a fucking lift and heavy. That wouldn't finally year ago to talk about that. We wouldn't have cared about now. It's like, don't be a mad about lifting heavy. You should see me I'm

So see me yesterday dude. Don't fucking talk. Couldn't even you couldn't even imagine what I was doing yesterday Yeah, I don't know what they're called It's doing like you're gonna spread your legs with and hold a kettlebell in between and do you go like side to side lunges on each leg Damn, it's fucking impossible dude. How much do you do that a thousand pounds? I'd lunges on each leg damn fucking impossible dude. How much do you do that a thousand pounds? He's that's what this is how it all started You know how I'm it me in a homad lifted and he in the green room before the show. He's just like Did you guys lift we're like yeah, and he goes who lifted more and just immediately made it a competition And then it's not a competition either the man just immediately. He's just standing there didn't lift just standing there

And he's like I could lift more like dude. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you getting me going? Yeah, put a bug in your crawls and then as soon as we got done saying he's like no you started it. I was like god Wow I can do it though. I can 25 yeah one rep max. Yep. We can settle this tomorrow. We can sell it right now.

I told my trainer yesterday about it. Load him up. And I said, can we go into that gym tomorrow? So, the American bench 265. He said, yes. Let's go. He also said he didn't believe in you. I said, the guy hasn't benched in probably a decade.

And he claims 265 just, he knows it. What's the train? What's the train? He laughed. He said, that's very funny. He said, ha ha ha. It's crazy that he's under estimate because I'm a freak, dude. I'll do it.

You're a freak? I'm a freak, dude. Why are you saying you're a freak? Because I'm a freak. Give it. What do you have? You can't just say I'm a freak. True it, what do you have? You can't just say I'm a freak. True, that's a good point.

This was making me laugh so hard. We were driving, we were going to the reds batting practice. And Lamar was like, I play a little baseball. I was like, dude, you told me about your baseball career. I think he forgot he told me it's so funny. It's my favorite story, Malamette. He quit. He just walked off the field.

Oh, yeah, he left your position. He just walked straight home. Just standing in the outfield playing with bugs. Just like, you know what? Just type as a street fighter, pizza rolls, a walking straight off the field. That's crazy. Legendaries. Because you're saying you gotta go in there if they, they, they like, you know, we were saying yeah, I was like if, if it BP they're like, I'd be like dude, can

we get one pitch? I just want to see it. Oh my God. You have to if you're there. Did they give it to you? No, I had no understanding about it. What they do. No, it's fully, it's just two major league baseball teams. You, you, you're not just letting dudes out of the field. I got there. I was like, I'm a fucking moron that I thought this was.

You thought there was a guy being like, all right, center left. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That actually do do that. Do. Yeah. Yeah. Back's up to the base. They actually do do that. Do they really? Yeah.

It's awesome. Guys, like, just slowly field balls here. It was, uh, pause. It was awesome though. It was awesome. Bad in practice, let me say. Yeah. HRD would be nice too.

Hello HRD. Got C Vado. It's BP. Limer left. A minute before we got in. As soon as you walked away, they're like, all right. Got see Vado hit some BP. Limerah left a minute before we got in. As soon as you walked away, they're like, all right. That did suck though.

That sucked. We were standing outside for like an hour. And just outside of the stadium, it was the one day it was 90 degrees and Cincinnati. Just standing there, getting cooked. It was tough. So you took off for you didn't get into the stadium. No, I took a scoot to the game store. Free walk away from the game.

Free. You walked away from the game again. The same time you were like, keeps walking away from the game. Why do you walk away from the game, dude? Keep walking into the cornfield, disappearing. It's not my game, dude, it's not my game dude is not my game Once you get bench bench presses you game to powerlifting by the way you are built to be a perfect powerlifting

You could you could squat 9,000 pounds No dude, I could totally do to 265 or not even worry about it You do have you have short arms. Short arms, big chest. He is strong. Yeah, I know. Undinably strong. Oh, no.

But I just don't love the confidence having no, I don't think you've ever done it. Listen, 265. I don't know if I've ever, now, I've never tried the max out though. Yeah, but when's the last time you benched, that's the only thing that I'm, it was last, it was a pandemic, it was at a YMCA last year. Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't want that bad for you. All right.

All right. We got some, what are you doing? Do you remember? Well, like I was doing arm-jones All right You're hanging from fucking walk like crosswalk signs of doing pull-ups Well, I'm like hopefully we can settle that as soon as we can That would make me very happy Either way, it's gonna be a victory. Yeah, yeah, that would make me very happy. Either way, it's gonna be a victory.

It's win-win. If he gets it, it's hilarious. Awesome. If he doesn't get it, ooh, I'm gonna squeal in his face. I'm not gonna help him lift the bar off his chest, so I'm gonna put my face over you and go, wiiiing! Wiiing!

I'm gonna say, squeal, swine. You'll have to live under it until you can push it up You'll be like the lady in the coffin and kill Bill Nice hey back to last dude hey back to all back to the real show Hey back to back to the real show See filmed yeah first ever comedy special dude. I this weekend. It was awesome. How did it go? I think it went well It was again. I did the brutal workout the day of I don't know what I was just like killing time I was like yeah, I'm a fucking and it was because I was doing the billy so he's like oh Dude this is gonna be the hardest should ever so So I kept being like, sorry, it's not that bad.

Just to call you to the hellbox. I could have been like, this isn't that bad. I laughed and was like, Jesus fucking good. So then since I had lifted so much, I was like, well, I need to eat a lot. So the, like we, I didn't eat much for the first show. And then that night I went out and I pigged on Mexican food and ate like the spiciest fucking hot sauce possible.

And I've had this stuff before and it was all spicy. I didn't know how spicy it was. Dude, it was like, I was like, hate your patient. It was so hot. Yeah. Then I like fucking rubbed it. It was on a paper towel and I like went to blow my nose and right, went over my face. I was fucked up.

So I was like, I woke up. So day one went well. One show, great. Way too spicy food. Everything's fine. We'll go up that morning like spicy like diarrhea. Yeah, true. It's a day in the life, baby.

We'll go, got out of bed. Had some spicy diarrhea. Yeah, day after the second, before the second show, I ate Indian foods. My ass was dude, I don't know why I did this myself. I get it. But when you film a special, It's just pure panic and just fast dude dude, and it was I was telling my key I've at least you did that. I went and shaved my head yet in the haircut. I didn't get the hair Thank God. I was just walking. I was like I got to make some change. I got to do something right now I was talking I was like pretty much fucking ahead before the special

Well that makes sense is you want your hair to look different, different, I get that. But yeah, dude, I was talking to Keith, I was like, my stomach, between like the food I was eating and like the adrenaline, I was like, my DNA thinks is in the fucking crusades, dude. Yeah. Just nothing but like aromatic quizzines

and just, you're a panic and just shitting, it was crazy. The diarrhea was unbelievable. I should have documented that as the intro. Yeah, it was fucking. The diarrhea was unbelievable. I should have documented that as the intro. Yeah, it's okay. A loud shit. Have this camera fall you out from a loud shit straight to stage. That'd actually be pretty sick. That would be awesome. Yeah. But no, it went well, dude. It was fucking nerve-wracking, dude. The first, uh, the day leading up to it, I was just like, fuck, dude. There's gonna be so many cameras. I'm gonna shit, I'm gonna shit the bed. Yeah. This blank and be like, nope, I'm not doing this. My dude, my negative gonna be so many cameras. I'm gonna shit. I'm gonna shit the bed blank and be like

Nope, I'm not doing this. I might dude my negative self is still strong And it was just like dude what if hold here be out here brother what if you fucking go up there and go Camera one camera two Yeah camera to Just the whole Staring straight never cameras I give myself no credit at all. That's of course in my head. I was like there's a 40% chance. I'm gonna go You can see the camera you just go. That I got out in the first show is fine. I was like, what the fuck I'm with? I'm nuts.

It's so scary. I was for sure convinced I was going to go, was this is the mic for the crown. Take all your clothes off Yeah, I even talk about it right now is giving me the willies. Oh, yeah, yeah I got like two more weeks. At least you've been through it before though. Now like this one. Yeah true The theater with big cameras Just gonna go even more so dude. Oh yeah with YouTube I felt like how many levels is this here? Oh that's big. How many people here again? Oh that's like the size of my high school.

How many people here again? Oh, that's like the size of my high school. Oh, fuck it's dead times the size of my high school. Shit. Yeah, it's one of the worst feelings. Yeah, it's stuck. And you experienced the blues a little after. The post-special blues. Yeah.

At least you were, I got, I had to sit by myself. Yeah, that would have been weird. It was very, very weird. Yeah, that would have been weird. It was very, very weird. Yeah, that would have been crazy. I didn't have to touch a sweetness though. I had on the, I did a 430 PM show. And my got to come to that. So that was, she got the chill backstage

and she was watching the cameras and dude, right before I went on. So I was like, she came, it was like, Gardini was about to go up. She came back and she was like, she loves the idea of being at my work. She's like, I'm at daddy's work. She loves it.

So she came back. She's looking at the little monitors and stuff. And then I said something to her and she was like, you're funny daddy and I was like, oh, thank you. Oh, I was on a cry, dude. She killed me. I'm on a cry.

I know. She killed me. I almost cried on stage this weekend. What happened? My uncle died. Oh, man. Towards the end of my set, the first, I found out that day, like before the show. I almost cried on stage this weekend. What happened? My uncle died. Towards the end of my set the first I found out that day like before the show and I was on stage And I was like in my head while they're laughing and clapping. I was like he was so proud of me. Oh Just looked at the camera

Just looked at the camera Anyway, I should have brought that up. Yeah, no, that's you were yeah your daughter saying that is but then I It's just worse. I came off because she was only there for a little bit and left you good dinner So I came off and I was like yeah, that one was all right I mean I was going like full psycho talking. I'm like after like five minutes. I'm like Hey, where's my and birdie's like you're just fucking realizing right now. I was like, yeah, all right, come on. I'm fucking coming in. I'm coming in from another fucking, I'm gonna like step down back in the stratosphere, bro.

But yeah, dude, it was my parents came to one of the shows. That was really nice. They haven't seen me do stand up for like probably 12 years. So they came. Big jump. Yeah, that was, yeah. So they got my dad, my dad got stopped to the door. He brought a gun and a knife on him.

The show. He had the hawk on him and that thing. Need a hawk and a toe saw him. Yeah, he was like, because I saw my mom. I'm like, oh, where's the adj? Like, I don't know why. Not going into the city. Did he came back into the city?

Did he came up like, buy your billy? Do you know what the city you need to bring a gun? If you've been out to the city for a while a while Dude I haven't the hawk is so funny They got hit a nine millimeter on them and then a knife like fire his last shot then they said yeah Yeah, what they say they were like dude they like they meddle detector They do the one it got bless you. Thanks, bro. They do the wand and they wanted them. They were like Dude you have the hawk and the fucking and the fucking toast on you? He's like, yeah, so you know, I think those things worked. Oh, yeah, apparently, yeah, they got him hold him. I'm like, dude, next time let me know. Let you

in the back. You want to keep that thing on. Yeah, if you need the handgun during my special you could be like, man, it's just about to see if you bond true off stage. Just take it out. That was my best show, the one they were at. That was sweet. That was the one I was most worried for you. I know me too. As soon as I heard a bunch of your family was. Oh, they were at a sprinkle.

They're fucking this thing up, dude. They were his parts. My whole family was there on the one night, on the one show, like my cousins and stuff. There was one show I did where like I was sitting there on stage. I'd be blah, blah, blah, then I'd look out and be like, Oh, there's one of my neighbors. I talk, talk, talk. And I'd be like, Oh, there's a guy with the high school with. Yeah, I thought it was just I started getting like spun out.

I was just like what the fuck's going on here? Yeah, it's tough. It went well, though. It went well. We did, you know, we recorded a bunch. I'm excited. I'm trying to be a big baby and be like, can I see it now? Can I see it now, please? Can I? Oh, yeah. I'm waiting. They said tomorrow or Wednesday, so I'm like, that's fun. I do this thing where if I see somewhere in the crowd,

I just convinced myself it's somebody I know. I'm like, oh, that's okay. And the whole show, I'm like, just a one guy. Then the lights come on at the end. I'm like, that was not that guy. That was not even close to that guy. I did that. Oh, fuck, who was it?

I was convinced it was like a famous actress. Really? And the whole time I was like, shit, I can't believe she's here. Dude, I thought it was like, for real, I don't remember who it was. I thought it was like a marrow-street level. God damn. Famous actress in the front row. Oh, it's so funny.

It's so funny. I was just looking at a woman that was like. What? That's hilarious. Yeah, I had the opposite. It was like one of my friends from high school, I was kind of like, is that him? And I was like, that looks just like, you know, I was like, second here. It is him. Yeah, it was it was cool

It was a cool experience, man. I'm glad I'm through it. I'm done with it. Yeah, so that's a pretty I could I could have seen myself never doing that You know just wondering Yeah, you should you you had to do that. Yeah, you have to but I'm glad. I'm glad. It was nice to like think about how to talk Never think I just like I was like fuck think about how to talk and everything I just like No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But yeah, Sean can't you should have seen Sean, dude. Hero hero of the weekend. The guard dog. Dude, he had to do like 12 or 13 lead Ledge 12 to 13 up front house. I didn't know what the house lights were. I didn't know man. All the lights were on in the room I thought it was just like a little light. Yeah, like you know, you're lower. Gardini was doing 12 minutes up front, cold audience, totally lit room. Why, why were the house lights on?

It was like, my keeper had this idea that like you keep him up and then when I went on, because it was like announcement, and then it dropped the lights, which that way it would like, as there was gonna be a gap between Sean and me for like filming purpose, some sort of filming purpose.

So then like he was like the lights will drop, and then that'll say to the audience. So I was like, yeah, it sounds cool to me. I thought they were like dim and then dimmer. Cardini was out there in the blistering fucking heat. Oh my God. And then after I got done, he had to come out and do the check spot.

Oh my God. So I got done. I mean, I was a total pre-moderno. Oh, there you were. A total pre-moderno. It was your special night. Sure, it was my special night. It was happy to help.

My nights up. But dude, he was out there. Just people would stand up. I was fighting special I was happy to help my nights up, but dude he was out there just people would stand up I had to watch him do it like five times. Yeah me and Noah's saying the national anthem though. That's the one nice That's sick Yeah, and I came out I came out to the very end. I came out brothers and arms like I'll come out with you Almost left them out the dry. I was like saw him out there. I was a hammered tired I don't like that I said I can't leave a little tired, I don't feel like I'm like, I got this. Yeah. I said, yeah, I can't leave my back, dude.

As I can't leave my back. Like, bass alone. Yeah. Now we went out, it was fun. We had a little, yeah, we had some talk. Some guy I was saying, he's like, dude, I fucking, I got my kid, I didn't get my kid circumcised because you talked to said it was bad.

And then like three weeks later, you said it, maybe it's not that bad, I did it. I was like, you can always wait, dude. Great. Yeah, you can always wait, you know? You don't have to do it right now. I told. I was like, you can always wait, dude. Great. Yeah, like you can always wait, you know. You don't have to do it right now. I told him I'm like, if you catch your masturbating, take him right to the hospital and fucking,

he's fucking skinned. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's mutilated. Transome. True. Back and forth. How many times do you think you can trans back and forth for you to die?

Probably like twice, dude. That's, you think you can only do it twice? It's a pretty vicious surgery true Yeah, I just getting reunited with you freeze your dong just in case I think you have to turn it inside out the Dude Just like sour crap mr. Garry mr. Garrison does a cartoon show I'm talking about real fucking life and real talk show I'm about real Americans talking about real Americans dicks and pussies. How about our United States military. Speaking of military shout out of

the seals. Let's go. They came through. How those mainland seals versus the West Coast seals. They're good. They're the sniper boys. Oh, extra scary. Prairie fellers. Yeah. No, no, they were, that's just where the training is. They're from all over. Oh, gosh. Yeah, but it was good Good time. Good hang dude. Can I flow to theory by you? I'd love to hear it So Noah was at pride parade his business his life. I don't even care. It's whatever he was at pride parade I was walking around what we're doing there. I was walking through I was walking home for my girlfriends And I said I'll check this out. Yeah, walking home from your girlfriends. Yeah, what's his name? So no, it was walking through and he was saying that that was snipers. He said there's a lot of naked. There's a lot of naked people right there was there's a few naked people

Like a people Lamar said he walked through as well Obviously, and he said he was getting raising hard on's but he was saying that there was wait And he said he was getting raising hard on's, but he was saying that there was wait So there's a naked ladies He's choosing. Okay. Yeah, there's babes and you got a bone and walking through Get a pop the floats Black lesbian black lesbian's there were they on a float the mirror they just posted up Yeah, just post oh, yeah, the black lesbians are just put big big old black posted up on the corner No, it's PC it's PC my friends are lesbians

Right Yeah My friends are lesbians. Jesus Christ Noah. Yeah. Studs is the preferred turn. Studs. Actually, I do think in the African American community, it is fairly okay to say the D word. I would never. Yeah, true. Jesus Christ.

That's not a word I use even off. Studs. I actually prefer studs fanatically. Studs is nice. Well, here's my theory. I actually prefer studs fanatically. Studs is nice. Well, here's my theory. My theory is that so the mayor said there was a bunch of studs. Black lesbians cat-calling white ladies, hogs, bad ass white ladies. Whoa.

Yeah, that's fun. Pretty awesome. The theory I floated to the mayor and he seems to be in agreement. I don't know what's in his heart, but I'm saying that black lesbians on the terms of the cool hierarchy are neck and neck with white guys, straight white man. I would say straight white man and black lesbians are just as cool as each other. And I think black lesbians hate that fact. And black guys are the coolest. They're cooler than awesome black lesbians, yes, I'd say. For the time being.

True. For the time being. Who we rise up all empires fall all empires fall all empires fall all empires fall. There are cracks in the empire right now. Oh, dude. Yeah. For sure. For sure. For sure. It's time for the white people to become cool. We could. I mean, I don't know. I mean, we're done before. Yeah. We will we will be back. But yeah, I think that would be a contentious point if you were to me to study and bring that up But I think it's the absolute truth in the hierarchy of coolness. You're saying Awesome black lesbian to Todd. I think we're neck and neck. I honestly to be fair I might be kind of you know, you know a bit partial but myself

But I think we're a little bit above them. I don't know every black lesbian a friend with his cool Yeah, but I think they tried too hard to be cool Cool disseminates off us easier. In my opinion, I saw what I was there, me and Brittany. Me and Brittany were out eating the one night and it was just studs. It was a stuttle day, dude. It was two studs with their bay, it was stuttle.

And dude, I kept, Brittany kept getting mad at me because I kept like anything they were doing. I kept trying to copy their map. Yeah. And I was like, this is their trying too hard. I was their giant through hard. I'm just swagged out. I'm naturally swagged out. I think they, I think

the swag. You are naturally swagged. Yeah, I think there's four. I think they're forcing the swag. A little bit. I've nothing to get. I think they're cool. I think they're cool. I think they're cool. I think they're cool. I think white lesbian might be dead last. They are fucking brutal.

You know, the wind out of you. They might be dead last. How about Indians making a run lately? Indian dudes are making a run. They're cool. They're cool. They're cool. They're coming from Indian dudes that detect I'm talking legit guys. The good cool. Yeah, they're cool. They're coming from any news that they're ticked. I'm talking legit guys. The good Indian my life, my attitude. Those guys. My rules. That guy's awesome. Yeah, I mean, right now, things were locked in place. Now things are kind of like Muslim's's are getting gaining on me too. Really? I like that stuff.

Well, they all love Andrew Tate now. Muslims all love Andrew Tate. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like that. You know how Mohammed married a six year old. That was once I had a couple drinks. I was reminding him that you guys are debating. The profit. Where are you guys debating figureheads of the of your respective religion, though? Yes.

He was gone. He opened with Catholics and pedophiles. I said, brother. Yeah. Google Aisha. You two, or Google, Mohammed Aisha. Aisha was. Aisha was the six-year-old that Mohammed married. You think that was kind of like layaway?

Till she was nine, I think. What? But I don't know. Nine? That's neither here nor there. That was, I forgot about that part. That was nasty. Other than that, I really like his song.

Yeah. We were drinking. We were doing car bombs. Gotcha. Dude, I'm the fucking rock. Car bombs. He never admits that I beat him with car bombs. This was just had to do it to him.

Then he started playing the basketball game with the bar. We had to do it to him. What? That was had to do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, I won the game. You got more points, though. I won on I won the first game. The second game, he got more points. The second game, second game. Well, you could get the high score. You played three rounds. I played too. I got the high score. Yeah, you could have beat it. You choked, dude. You had it. He had it. He had it. He had it. It was so easy. It was where I've never seen someone choke. He missed his last 10 shots. Was this before you guys went in bench press and came back and he's like, I could live more weight. Yeah, this was probably after that. This probably started the off the UN every single day. Yeah, that's what I think happened. Yeah.

The car bomb was the night before. But then the basketball was the next day. I can even make the feet to the car bomb. It was my first time losing. That's, I was surrounded by ninkin' poops. So you opened your eyes to them, what would you like about the Muslim faith? I just like saying,

a lot of work, but that's shit, fucking. That was. That was fun praying. What is it five times a day? That's a little much. I think it rules to smoke break. They basically build in a smoke break. Yeah, I should work with the Muslim guy who's to lay down on pizza boxes and do that. But hearing the call to prayer if you lived in one of those cities hearing that song five times a day would get a little Yeah, but imagine if you're just chilling it was was like, on Eagles wings, you're waking, you're like just opening your eyes like, oh fuck, you're just fucking sweet. That is nice. It's kinda nice.

And he was like, oh, and the Lord of the Dancerd, he and you're like, yeah. Oh shit, dude, it's fucking, man, dude, it's 7 a.m. It's already so fucking lit. It is lit. They're probably like singing those songs and those speakers are probably like, she had Dude, it's fucking lit. Dude, it's 7 a.m. It's already so fucking lit. It is lit. They're probably singing those songs and those speakers are probably like, she had fabulous green eyes and with the stairs.

She was so mysterious. She was my... I don't think they're that creative in there. Oh, it goes frim. I think it's just like, God is great. Over and over again. It's something like the one that got away. You think?

Yeah. I want to see the other brother. My life, my rules, my attitude. Yeah, I think Indian, Indian, I need you to make it a run. My little butter bucket always before Yeah, it's just serious crap It's so funny making fun of different people

Obviously, it doesn't get old. It's so fun though. God, it's fun It's such a funny joke. It does suck because you know Obviously there are people who are we're basically like you know, there are people who are like fluid about sexuality We're just fluid about like everything else. Yeah, like some people would hear this and be like That's not funny. Yeah, that's us the time. We don't have butter buckets How do they know about the fuck butter buckets How do they find out about the fucking butter buckets? How do they find out about our precious butter buckets?

I think most people get in his way out, obviously, to joke, but there's deadly people that are locked in, unfortunately, who are going, they're not allowed to do that. I get it. That's against the rules. No, I kind of get it. Everybody, yeah, when they get, when they come for you, then it's like, wait a second.

Yeah, but if it's funny, I'll take it. Sure. But maybe people don't appreciate that though. You know, songs about the girl who got away. She wasn't my uncle's friend. Yeah, do they change? I don't think this song changes. I don't think so.

I think it's the same color prayer every time, right? It's just like Beatles covers. Real news. Yeah. Elvis. In a caliphate. Oh, yeah, it's tough to do. It's tough to get off that. I'm sorry. Yeah, you can slide something. Yeah. Can't touch the. They do need to switch up the song.

Lollipop will be so soon. Lollipop will be next. Every day at 5 a.m. Bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim- That's close so nasty You think it's the same song every morning like the five believe it is in my heart of heart I believe it's the exact same song five times a day. It's how awesome every single time. I'm awesome as our God Yeah, yeah, I mean dude that's a fortunate son coming if you guys Everyone's one of the song stops if you hear We got a little. Some folks about.

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What else we got, dude? What else? Shout out to the Cincinnati Bengals offensive line. Shout out to the Bengals, shout out to the Muslims. Shout out to the Bengals, shout out to the Muslims, shout out to the Cincinnati Reds, staff, pitchers staff. Shout out to the motherfuckers. Shout out to the relief pitchers from the Cincinnati Reds.

Naked deals. Shout out to the Billy and Spon. Shout out to the Keever in War Mode. Let's go. Let's get it. Shout out. I'll fuck off. I got a fight with O'Connor last night.

Did you really? Yeah. Classic. About what? The exact same thing every single time. What about like the steel dust? The meteor on. Yeah.

I just came home drunk just like he did. The meteor on one time. He is a, I'm trying. He for real is a Tim Robinson character. I can't do it. I always admit what I'm right. I just can't think of it right now. It really is. I'm telling you, I'm sorry, but I can't. He's telling you, he's like, there's nothing in my head. I'm being honest with you. There's nothing wrong about sex. That's a kind of a second move. And he was drunk enough that I can fuck with him a little. Yeah. Like I was acting like I was very upset with him Yeah, I was like dude think of one thing. I'm gonna go upstairs and get some think of one thing

You were wrong about when I get back. I want you to have it. And he was like okay Taking it seriously. It was very fun That's a fucking horror show to think about what just is being hammered as two people hammering the things running side-ops. Yeah. It's very funny. He's, I think he's running a side-up. I don't know if he's doing it intentional or not, but the second Biden won, he was like, I'm done with politics, I'm not going to pay attention to any of this.

Well, that's a calculated move though. It's a calculated move. He was the king of politics. Yeah, he's in him. He was the whole time. Yeah. Now he's like, you were the one who cared. I don't even think I ever king of politics. Yeah, he was in him. He was the whole time. Yeah. He's like, you were the one who cared. I don't even think I ever thought about politics.

Like, damn, O'Connor, you're, I don't know if you're doing this on purpose, but if you are, you're a genius. Yeah. I think I honestly think the more Biden falls the more I appreciate him on this one. He's on his fifth fucking fall. Yeah. I watched him fall the last time.

I was like, just tough, tough fall. They reminded me of JFK. Yeah. The airport, the airport, not fucking fall. Yeah. I washed him fall the last time. I was like, just touch something big. This was a tough fall. They reminded me of JFK. Yeah. The airport, the airport, not that fall. He took a big tumble. He fell and got, I love the way Biden fell and got up and pointed. That was nice.

What right there? What the fuck was that? The hell was going on right there? Just blamed something on the ground immediately. Yeah, that's, it was their things for. Perhaps. Did he fare it here? If I think it wasn't there, he would, he's a fuck put a sandbag in my mouth. Yeah, that's it was the things fault. Perhaps. He'd have heard him if I think it wasn't there. He was a fuck put a sandbag in my mouth.

Yeah. But yeah, how many tumbles does he take in so far? Is that like fucking fine? He's documented a lot. Yeah, if docket, yeah, true. He must be falling all day. Oh my God. He must be riddled with bruises, dude.

Yeah, dude, he's at the end. That age, that fall wasn't easy. He can crack a femur back. That bike fall was fucking tortured. That was just straight to his side. Dude he how that's yeah. That's the count right now. Counting falling off the steps. The count right now is at least eight since winning the 2020 election. He says eight public spells. Yeah, so we're saying eight times. Well, some websites made an article. Four incidents have been up the stairs.

Up the stairs. Stop. I'm on my way to the plane. I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future.

Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way to the future. Yeah, I'm on my way up the stairs. Yeah, maybe he's counting all of them. He keeps, well, he was, somebody must have gotten us here and be like, dude, you gotta display how fucking young and spry you are.

See, try to. So he always tries like jog places for a while, he was jogging. Yeah, I see him do that before. Jogs out. It's pretty nice. It comes out of bullpen like rockered. Yeah, he's like sprins out. I'm about to mumble.

They must have like metal rods. They must have metal rods in his bones or something. Cause he's. The way he's fallen, you'd be damaged. Yeah, he's at the age where he can like break his leg. Well, my grandma was his age. I we talked about she fell behind a bush trying to get her hose and just had to lay there for like seven hours.

In the summer behind a bush. Oh, really? In the mulch. Just finally, finally the neighbor kids got home from school and she was like, hello. It just saw an old it was a witch. Saw an old woman's head sticking out from a bush. Oh my god. They probably thought the asalias don't go over there.

Yeah, dude. She's gonna eat us. Oh, they probably thought like the asalias were talking to her. Talking to them or whatever. That's fine. That's terrifying. Boys. He's used up. Yeah, I thought like these aliens were talking to her. Talking to them or whatever, that's fine. That's terrifying. Boys. She's up. Yeah, I'm Tony.

I'm talking to the last, I gotta tell this. It makes me laugh every single time. Phil, she was living with us. She fell right into front door. She was just on the ground. Next to our front door and like that side room, just laying on the floor. Phil had to move a couch in.

So he asked the neighbor kid to carry it in with him. So the kid was carrying the, like that side room, just laying on the floor. Phil had to move a couch in, so he asked the neighbor kid to carry it in with him. So the kid was carrying the other, that end, Phil was walking in, the kid goes in first and it's like, oh my God, like, you just, an old woman just laying on the ground, Phil came in second, it was like,

ah, Jesus Christ. I was just a downed woman, just a downed woman. Just a down woman. And you know how weird it is when you go into like your neighbor's house. Like you just see this house every single day on life and then you finally get inside it and you're like, whoa. Yeah, true.

I had no idea what this was. Oh, I think you see just an old woman laying on the ground. Like, well, hello. That'd be a nice Jones for a billionaire to have like the hit up retirement homes and be like, yeah, give me like 10 of them. Just have elderly ladies playing around around around around. That's kind of decadent. Just have like dying ladies.

You like you feed him, you give him a good end of life. Like not quite hospice, but like just make sure that you know if they follow down, it's like that's it. Interesting way to like horde like people hoard cats Oh Find like a dead cat on the couch. Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah, having old. I hoarding old ladies would be nice Yeah, old ladies like that have the life shelf of like or the shelf life of like a fish you went in a carnival Take I'm in a bag

Yeah, I'm gonna take care of this thing three days later like fuck Some of a bitch it's gone. These things die right away. It's crazy. Yeah, they die with a bell. One of them with 15 years later is just huge. What the fuck? It's an eight foot woman.

It's not going anywhere. Nobody believes like you didn't get her from the fucking home. You get the fuck out of her. Third grade. Dude, I swear to God, I fucking my brother fed it every day. That was funny dude dudes get those fucking golf-ish. Oh my God Ten years later they got a fucking carp dude. I don't think I ever took them out of the bag I would get them from the fair and they beat a bag and I'd be like Back to the Vigia games it paused like

Shit I left that thing on the sidewalk. Yeah, it's just boiled. Yeah, that is a shame. I want to get some hermit crabs going this time. Hermit crab. Yeah, you got kids. They're going to love those. Hermit crabs. It'd be nice. Hermit crab. I wanted hermit crabs. So fucking bad. Dude, I would come back. My parents never got my uncle got me one. Did he really? What a fucking beast. Yeah, he come back. I'd be like, it's going to switch shells. I come back and it's never got my uncle got me one. Did he really? Beech what a fucking beast. Yeah, come back. I'd be like it's gonna switch shells I come back it would switch I'd be like so mad I didn't see the switch happen. I was like fuck

I'd love to see the switch. Yeah, I mean dude when you get the hermit crab when they come damn near all the way out of the Shell that's exciting. I was always kind of scared of them. Yeah, I mean they could pinch you I was scared at hermit crabs. I never been a kid and being like dude. I know guys who fucked around with like the big ass I always stay with the fucking thick the real pincher dude. Yeah, I've never got pinched by Hermit I have not either and I've that's because I was extremely cautious So is I I was really cautious I Got a little enough where they can walk around your hand and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And you feel them feeling around. But my older cousins would have

the fucking big boys. I'm like, man, you got to be kidding me. That's so fun. Hello, what's the, what's a hermit crab's lifespan? Please, as I'm gonna see if I can keep on alive and keep switching it up. Get that thing into a fucking conch. You still got that bonsai tree? Yeah, it's on my roof deck. It's where we got it. It's on my roof deck. Is that thing still alive? It's hibernating right now.

No, you can't do a herbicrab, you can't do a bonsai. Yeah, right, herbicrab is like 500 years. Dude, no way, those things are so hard. Dude, let me tell you a little story about that bonsai tree. That was a simple farm friendship. I know, but here's the thing. You want to me tell you a little story about that bonsai tree. That was a symbol of our friendship. I know, but here's the thing. You wanna die? I tried my fucking best.

I know. So here's what happened. That thing that was not meant for indoors. The company that sold that, that was a Chinese album. So that thing was meant for like, chillier temperatures. So I'm like, it's in my house. It's such a shitting like fucking crazy. There's a deeper meaning in this story.

You're throwing this thing out. Dude, I was fucking watering it, doing all this stuff. The leaves kept thawing off. I was like, fuck, apparently the soil bond, if you get a bonsai, the soil they give it to you in is bullshit. They give you like fucking nonsense soil. So then I'm fucking freaking out. I'm putting it this way now. Putting this one out. The leaves keep falling out. Finally, I just put it outside. Dude, the thing just flourished, bounced back. Did all this research that said Chinese Elms can take the frost.

It's perfect. So it was flourishing and then I'll like, winter came. Some time it chile. Please, Phil. No, they fucking, no, they're just things dead. But then, but here's the deeper story is,

the Elm, when I let it, when I was doing everything I could, and it was just, the stuff was falling, I let it out to the elements, and it flourished, and then it died, and you know, Oh, that's all right, everything dies. Well, the winter time, I think they'd snap it out. But yeah, if you get a bonsai man,

get it out of that plant immediately. Then you have to replant them in the spring. Yeah, it's a replant them. When I bought it for you, I was, and then it came with like a full like course on how to maintain it Maybe this is some shit Matt would like. I love bonsai series, but I I Love the idea of Yeah, that's a lot of work so much fucking learning anything about a fucking plant

My thing is the problem with it is is like you can experiment with different plants and if it could die It dies that's such a, the bonsai, such a high ticket item. I was freaking out trying to fucking do, and I was like, I'm gonna transplant it. And they're like, you got to transplant in the spring and it'll die. I'm like, fuck, I was panicking for a month.

I appreciate you putting that effort. I was panicking for a month. But yeah, the funny story is, is like, I did have that bonsai ready to tell a story about it. And be like, yeah, and then I put it out and it flourished. So, where's it now? Like, it's dead. It did die, but. But dude, that was, to me, I And be like, yeah, and I put it out and it flourished. Now where's it now? Like it's dead. It did die.

But. But dude, that was for me. I was like, that was cool. And I put it outside and just started budding. I was like, you just struck me as a bonsai guy. I am a bonsai guy. I was like, I got the perfect gift. I am a bonsai.

I was talking to Brittany. Nobody buys a bonsai tree for a friend. Nobody. I was like, I got fucking spud. The Lord of the Rings acts. Yep. Billy the autographed Trump. Yep. Bondsaied Trump. Yep.

Bond's I true. You were right. You were absolutely right. What would you get, Lamar? What would you get it? A man who has everything. Let me see. I mean, it would be definitely.

The brand new edition of Street Fighter would have been nice. You got it. You got it. He's got everything. Yeah, he's got fucking everything. I would get Lamar. I'm going to get you a steam deck right now. You got it. Yeah, he's got everything. Yeah, he's got fucking everything. I would get the man. I'm gonna get you a steam deck right now. You want that steam deck? Oh, they're after left 65. I'm like, yeah, I was thinking

getting him like a very high end girlfriend experience. That's pretty good. Okay, weekend long girlfriend. We can process it. Yeah, but like a good one. Who's your favorite points are right now? Many stallion maybe stallion maybe stallion Yeah, and it yeah, she's like four ten and there's also another girl name. I'm XXX dark She's the best what her name is I'm let me say let me say oh that's a girl no that's a woman that's a that's a woman dude she's four times my dude. Mini stallion.

She's a queen. Oh, brother. Oh my God. Matt looked at point. I already saw I've seen one. I've seen one. I've seen more. I've seen more.

Honestly, I'll be honest, dude. It hasn't, uh, it doesn't have the grip on me. I was I feared it would be so in a half. That's, that's all I've ever wanted for you, man. No, it doesn't have that. on me. I was I feared it would just want to have that's that's all I've ever wanted for you That no has doesn't have that that's what me say Shout out many stallion They keep putting it with giant dudes though. I think yeah, she doesn't it. She's got cover to butt Too far. Yeah, you spoke too far. She's a collab independent. So she does it. She's about her own

I don't know what you just said She collaborate and she's independent so she's putting out her own mixed tapes, dude Yeah, she's hunting down. Yeah, yeah, she knows what she's about. She's Captain A. Yeah, it's Captain. It's Captain. You want to see what I was looking at? Yeah. I was looking at so many stallions myself today. Woo!

How nice is that? That's awesome. Real shetlands. That's many salience. That's the only many. That's many. That's the real. Not watching some black midget get coming or ask. Yeah, no, dude. I, uh, the experiment was I wanted to do a year off. Then I was like, all right. Now I'm back on. I mean, obviously I have my will did finally collect. You seem chill, dude. You got the tie tie. He's a lot of chiller now that you back on the dog, dude. Dude, it's now it's just a, it's like period, dude. If it's, you know, if it's definitely, if I know it's out of, it's's out of my gets for like oh my god. I have a solid week. Nothing I can do. Yeah

It's been I've been I've been using it for that but I have what I was worried about has become like a nightly ritual It's not at all. I hit the nog once maybe twice and I go I need the real deal I had a nice one. I won't I can't now I have a weird ratio where I can't nog out too much I need to have a little deal between otherwise I like I'll go back in real deal like sexual intercourse. Yeah, yeah Physical encounters physical the touch usual petting my touch kissing kissing Stroking I'm due to I got I got a fucking it's in the banker right now What you your own some pussy pie?

Obviously just film the special. You deserve a sweet slice. Sweet slice of wife pie. The classic pie, wife pie. True. I've rest knowing it's coming. It could be any night. It could be any night.

It could be tomorrow. I don't know. But it's definitely. It's literally happening at any moment. I can't fucking. That is nicely anticipation. Well, dude, here's, this is another thing, too. tomorrow, I don't know, but it's definitely, it's literally. It's not gonna happen any moment. Can't fucking, that is nice anticipation. Well dude, here's, this is another thing too, I will say, because again, I'm coming at it from a functional perspective. I mean, you know, obviously, I did come at it

from a moral perspective as well. But dude, it was like, I was fucking, I was coming so fast. I finally have sex with my sweet wife and it was like every single time. From, from not I was on a yo's on a basically like of course. I was barely fapping when it comes to like using your imagination Yours like I'll wait after while you're like I'll wait. Yeah, and then it's like next you know

So sorry, I forget this what in the hotel in Indianapolis check check in. I'm like, I'm gonna jack off. Yeah. I'm in there naked on top of the made bed. Fully naked, I was about to get in the shower. Yeah. Cracked open the lotion.

I'm laying there, phone like this. Dude, dude just opened the door. Do just walks in. What? And he's his eyes. And took him a long time to avert his eyes. His gaze was on my body. And I also didn't, he froze. I didn't move.

I just was like, dude, what are you doing? I didn't, there was no shame. I was just like, what, what are you doing? I didn't, there was no shame. I was just like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry. I said, my life, my rules. It was crazy. He was like, no one's supposed to be in here. I was like, well, I'm in here and I'm fucking jacking off.

He was like no one's supposed to be in here. I was like, well I'm in here and I'm fucking jacking off. I haven't been caught whacking off in so long. I didn't give a fuck. I thought I would be, I thought I'd be mortified. I didn't. It was almost a lady, how was it not a lady? A lady I think might have been worse. You think so?

That would have been a little shameful. I mean, I don't know why. I think, dude, I just saw an Indian guy's face. And he did it, maybe because of the light. Maybe because it was dark in my room and it took him a second to get adjusted because he was like, no way, dude, he was just feces in his eyes. For real feces in his eyes.

I mean, it must have looked nuts. I was on top of a white, all white bed. I was like an octopi. He might not have seen you, dude. I don't think he saw me, because he stood there for a minute. white I was like an octopi He's all because he stood there for a minute like It's like beauty the beast He definitely saw you, Fabio. He saw me rock hard, too. His heart is against you.

Maybe that's why it was not ashamed. If he would have got me early, lotion and up, working up his saltboard, working a pod with lotion. Fuck you, you didn't fuck it. Dude, yeah, that's the best thing I laughed he heard me laugh and he did he was like don't tell anyone I was like I'm not gonna tell what the fuck was it It's gonna get fucking fired. Oh Yeah, if I went down the desk and I was like what the fuck you walked you know me master I was in there masturbating. I was rock fucking hard. I was about to come. I had a boner by the way

Right back to work of course,. Put the hard hat back on I mean at that point. It's like whatever it did lower my penis You think it's not I had to work. I had to work it back up Well, I mean what's that work? What's that worth in terms of hotel? Like dude, he ruined my fucking bonus He ruined a boner, but that they actually things better, getting home twice in one session. Yeah, true, yeah. Okay, let's go. So shout out to that guy.

He froze, he froze. I mean, he went the abominable snowman was laying there. Fucking, yeah, he was whacking off. I was fine. Laying flat on a fully made hotel bed. I must have looked huge, dude. In the dark, your eyes are adjusting, he was like, what the fuck is that?

No one's supposed to be in here. What the fuck? Where you doing? Dude. I'm sorry. God damn, what? What he knocked? He waited. He went went outside close the door

Waited like 20 seconds and then knocked and I was like to you know what I'm doing Asnaked jerking off. He was like I have your amenities. I was like leave him at the fucking door. Yeah Stand up rock hard with a lotion to bone at the hotel talking through a door like no man You never have to do that. Yeah, it was Yeah, that's crazy wild that yeah Your ass was all sweaty is an it was like a cardboard box with like M&M's yeah, and a yeah, just shit in your hotel room God damn dude, it was not a dire mission.

They got to stop playing and start breaking dudes off with auto blows and they they walk in Every time they I stay at hotels every single weekend somebody walks into my room. Really? Yeah, I got to forget to put, I gotta start putting up the thing. Every morning I wake up to somebody. I would've got to go. I would've got to go. I would've got to go. I wake up every morning to somebody walking in.

I never get, oh, sorry. I wake up every day to, oh, I'm sorry. Oh man, I always wish. I never get that. Yeah. I just wanna like just, you know, be laying there, blank down here. You're awake before, yeah.

I'm up for, yeah. You're awake before the row. blank down here. Yeah, I'm I'm a sleep. I also when I see them I'm like just don't worry about my life 11 a.m. They come in. Yeah, yeah I'm still Dude that must have been such a kingly sight dude you on that bed naked on a fully made perfect bed You were told no clothes. I was knees locked fully made perfect bed. You were told no clothes. I was knees locked. I was as long as I could be. I must have looked six, eight.

Oh, my, how big was the dude? He was just a younger, chubby Indian man. God, he probably wrote a letter to his parents. Yeah. Parents in Bombay. He's like, today I saw the largest. I saw the Indian man. God, he probably wrote a letter to his parents. Yeah. Parents in Bombay. He's like, today I saw a large amount of the biggest man I have ever seen. I believe he was master made. He was how I thought he was like suck your name.

How long do you think it took? He did not want to suck my dick. Oh man, he was staring. He was frozen dude. He got it. Did he saw he witnessed the power? He was frozen. He's probably frozen dude That's that's a fight like a what it's a giant fighter fleet freezer. Yeah

Fight flight or freeze Yeah, it was it was he probably had the same private Ryan fucking buzzing in his ear. Yeah, he heard me like Yeah, he heard me like God don't fuck out here. We got to get off this beach My life You might have been ready might have been a cowboy didn't like you read you need something to come in you sir So did you know told to come into I don't know that was except that Talboy just a very nightly. Yeah, just running out like a tennis match. She's a catcher.

Yeah. It's been back. Just sit on the side of your bed. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, it must have been nasty, dude, when people had servants like that. You just get up and fucking just, yeah, clean that up.

Clean up the fucking juice. You're like fucking Jews. Cause you're probably, people probably didn't have much shame around that back there. Clean my fucking Jews. Like pre-Christian Europe. I was laugh, I don't know why I can't get this image out of my head of like, of people in like Ireland or England,

just like, two fucking shitty dudes, just like pushing each other over a fan's line. We like, this is mine a fence line. We like Just one of your songs come out like punch the other guy's You fucking killed it Yeah, I'm trying to push her rocks over Finish you get tired and go back anybody that was a fucking sick day. That's nice. Yeah, all you think about that. This is good stuff. I think about dudes in 1200 fucking pushing each other just fucking yeah, just disputes for nothing.

The throughout time have been complete. They were useless then. Yeah. And to look back a thousand years later and be like She's dogs barking at each other dude true. It's all we are god. You know what we're looking at Yeah, let's take a little let's take a little hiatus get some UFC going and then jump right into the Patrick Thank you for listening. Oh, do you want to do that lift real quick before? Before the patreon You want to do it after or before? You're not ready right now. I can do it now. What do you want to do? I know you have to do another. I'm gonna do stuff after this. We were gonna do it while you were doing stuff, but if you want to be a

part of it. I'm not doing stuff till five. All right. So. All right. We'll see. What a cliffhanger. Yeah, for sure. True. Goodbye. Yes, do it.