Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 489 - The Council

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

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Wow, wow, Wes. Oh, my God, dude. Screaming into the atmosphere. We're finally back, dude. We were fired up, dude. You got me, you got me fucked up right now. Yeah. Motherfucking Sigma on fraud.

Psycho analysis can go fuck itself. That's a position held by a lot of people. That is a position held by a lot of people. But then there's, you know, technically the talking cure did work. Letting people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and rearrange their basically symbolic self. You know, there's something to that as well. Talking, talking, talking, talking, and going, oh, wait a second. Yeah.

So you can gleam an insight. You can gleam a valuable insight. And only you can experience as being completely valid. Through conversation. Yes. Yes. And that's the argument against therapy. Some people say like, dude, this is, we're basically prostituting a form of

relationship that should just be held, you know. Hell yeah. But that's, that's, I see both sides of it. I absolutely see both sides. Yeah, I could see it working. if you didn't have any buddies yeah no bruskees and buds

no bruskees no bruskees no buds you're gonna need to hire someone to talk to true you can't go down to the local B-dubs and chat it out and go fucking my wife is such a fucking cunt yes could we get another pitcher or you might want to access something

outside of your context I'll get 10 garlic parm my wife's a cunt and all your buddies go yeah dude my wife's a cunt and then you go yeah but maybe I should have gone to my her parents house yeah I go wow I just saved seven hundred dollars to listen to some fucking dickhead from NYU talk to me about

have you considered going to her parents house why what comes up for you we think about our parents house extreme boredom what happened to you as a child that you don't want to go to her parents house yeah yeah now I'm just against being bored like wait a second I had fucking parents. Holy shit. We ever bored at your home growing up and you go, holy shit I was. Well, this is a breakthrough.

Well worth every penny. I was basically molested by boredom. Yeah. There's a, but there's an argument to like you can get outside of your context because if you, if you're in the, if you're Bdub circle only has access to a certain level of discourse and then you're trapped within this thing where you either conform or the Bdub circle.

The council. The high council. Just different sports jerseys. He's like, yeah. My most trusted advisor. My most trusted advisor. My friend in a Vikings jersey.

God, these wings are hot today. Fucking beatups makes them hot. Your friend's eyes are just tearing his nose running. That truly sounds like hell. I feel sorry for you. That's good though. You need the beatubs council. You need the beatups council to be like,

dude, stop beat. gag fucking go do it you are at 1,000% right about that you need the Bdubs council yes for sure and I do pity those without the Bdubs council it's true man you need to be otherwise you can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth that is your wife's brain because they are world builders dude they can create just the wildest world and you need the Bdubs council to be like yeah you're not in that world because you get lost she's making the world up you will get lost in her world dude you will get lost god damn going out the BDub's B. Dub's council.

Going to your lady's house. Just dreaming about being at the Bdubs council instead. Can't wait to get out of here to go straight to the dubs, dude. The garlic par. The garlic parm. Oohie. Man, that was a major issue in a previous relationship of going. The Bdubs Council?

No, going to her family's house for like holidays and shit. Yeah. Actually, it's been almost every relationship, but there was one particular one. old one that was uh i couldn't do it it was just women there was literally zero bdubs council within the family house bro you need i doubt i'm telling you that is a real thing it's and i dude they would sit and just talk about stuff yeah they would talk about they're like oh at macy's they have a sale on these and then the other girl would go oh i need to get down there at boscobs they're selling these blenders for 30% off dude it's insane they go these are really good blenders they're birds they're birds grabbing

twigs for the next it's insane i'm telling you if you don't have they you can be the hardest strain of feminism whatever but i'm i'm not being mean am i trying to own babes but it's like if there's not a dude around yeah for years it's you need it otherwise ladies the chicks go crazy dude you need someone talking football in world war two you'd absolutely need that or or just a guy going what are you worried about yeah that's not real and they go oh okay thank you because they will spin themselves out into a oblivion. Chicks can hold, I think, like six thoughts in their head at once. It's a fucking curse.

I swear to God, they're running on just like, it's insane. The Hydra's in there, just like, yeah, she called you fat. The blender is good. I caught a glimpse one time. He's at B-dubs again. Get him. Call him right now. Ruin the council.

I think your stomach hurts. Yeah. Yeah, dude, there's one time, because you know when you're like at nighttime, and you're falling asleep, that's when your brain can really just kick it into gear and you're like, what's going on? One time,

like, Brady was breathing heavy. I'm like, what's up with you? And she went, blah, blah, and named like 14 things in 10 seconds. And I was like,

oh, what the fuck? God damn. I was like, you're running like six fucking worries at once. Yeah. I'll get home and just be like, I was a fucking idiot tonight.

And I just was one track. She was like, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, past,

present future, three different people. And it was just like, what the fuck? I was like, whoa, whoa, just stop. Yeah. Okay, just lay down. Although, I'll say the ultimate cure, especially for the babes, like, you know when you talk and talk and they're like, you don't want to sell my problem?

You just got to grab them and you have to just squeeze them. Yeah. You just literally need to squeeze babes and be like, just shush. It works. You can talk all you want. They just need to be squeezed and hug. I may I like that point. And you rub their bellies.

You got to squeeze them. And then, and then you squeeze them and you go. this feels good maybe I should touch you parlay that in yeah I've been much more forceful I was talking about it with Lemaire sexually yeah not like force forceful but like I've been putting it on the table man

I've been letting it be known like look I'm a man god damn it I am a man man and I have needs god damn it and I don't guilt I go look if you don't want to do this that's fine I will not hold it against you although I will deep down inside deep down inside subconscious

yes dude of course but I will be like no for real I'm not mad and then I'll like just that's just you her arm will touch me and I'll go yeah are you mad no I'm not mad I'm not mad why would I be mad get off me you're my only outlet for sexual pleasure and you're not giving it to me uh I'm not mad yeah man that's fine with me especially all thinog especially just my governor saving me the governor has I forget every single time I forget and you go I go I go oh they've been done this in a few days and they go I'm going to need to see your license.

God, damn it. Do you know why I pulled you over? I can't believe. Because I'm a big disgusting pervert, maybe? Texas took the nog from us. I refused to go to another website. Really? Are you hitting them with the photo ID?

No, I haven't. I've been off the knock. When I'm home, I'm off the knock. Damn, so you wait to you drive. It's a tough stretch. Yeah. We're going to test the nog this week. This is a tough stretch.

I'm home for a few weeks. We're going to see what happens. You might fall to Reddit porn. I have never done the Reddit porn. Everyone I called to. Turns out OnlyFans is legal here. I might have to become a little fat pay pig. Get some girlfriend.

Although I've seen Only fans and they're never great. Really? I don't think people are having sex or anything. It's just like a girl's boobs. You go, God damn it. I wanted to see you. Really? Yeah.

I'm sure there's ladies out there going to Hog Wild, but I haven't found them. Yeah, dude. You're probably thinking of just like Rachel Dozoll's All his only fans. Yeah, I get tricked. That's probably straight up. I've been tricked on a. Instagram.

I'll be honest. I've got myself, so I went off no porn all of Lent. I'm still on no porn, but I have, I'm back to the point where I can fire up like chicks and bathing suits.

Yeah. I can do a bikini fap, which is, dude, just faping feels good, faping does. Jacking off on your own. Although if you get, quiet,

did you ever get into a weird thing where you're just like, I'm jerking off a guy? That fucks me up. That'll get into that where I'm. That's Freud, dude. You're just jacking off. Just relax.

Just relax. But you're jerking off a guy and you are liking any jerked off by a guy. Analyzing instinct and thought bothers me so much. It's not an instinct. Jerking off is a technology. It's pure instinct. It's pure instinct. It's tech.

It's big tech. The phone is part of the test. Just jack it off. Dudes have been whacking off. That was step one. True, but the wheel is tech. Fire is technically tech. It's a natural.

It's like in the box. Bible, like, don't fucking jack off, too. That was day one shit. Was it really? I don't know. It's not jacking off in the Bible. I don't think he's in the Bible. I just think like your dad couldn't catch you or else you had to, like, leave the country. I think if your dad caught you fap and you got to go into exile, take like four camels and just walk across the desert. The Bible never specifically mentioned bastardation.

What the hell am I worried about? They're going to hit you with some fucking purity, becoming sanctified, avoiding lust. Yeah, but they were avoiding lust. back then because you would like knock a lady's tent down and like eat her ass in the middle. You know what I'm saying? Dude, you're getting mega horny in the desert. So they were like, yo, chill. Bro. Romans 8, 5, 6 says the mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace.

That's what I'm talking about. The habit of self pleasure is a great example of the flesh governing the mind. Damn. The flesh keeps governing the mind, dude. It does. Thankfully, the actual government governs my flesh. You cannot watch porn hub. True.

I go, God damn. If I could even get one of those gifts that they advertise with, I would fucking Oh, thumbnails would be fine. Thumbails all the boy needs. Thumbails. Governor Abbott, release the thumbnails. Yeah, did you notice how cool guys were about that, by the way? They, like, came after our reproductive rights, and we were like, all right, whatever the state

decides. We weren't fucking. We became communist immediately. The state decides. I saw a sticker, a bumper sticker the other day. It said, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. And I was like, or maybe you would just handle it and shut the fuck up. Ooh, we.

How about that? That lady just goaded me on. I know, I know. We're getting rowdy. No, it's not just you. I've been fired up. But that lady just- That's Sigmund Freud bullshit fired me up.

Now I'm based, bro. Fuck thought. True. That's the ultimate base. That is, dude. And you might be on to something with that. Yeah. It's very Eastern, by the way.

Fuck thoughts, dude. Don't put that on me either. Don't you dare put that on me. Very Eastern. I hate the, that's very Eastern. Slash of the web of mine. Eastern medicine can go, fuck itself, dude, I'm done with Eastern Madison.

No, it's going to pervade our culture. It's common. It is here. Oh, it's... LaMere's in the house, dude. Eastern bullshit's here. Look at the shit he's drinking. That's just Chinese grape soda.

That's his Eastern medicine. Damn, that's the fucking black nerd elixir, dude. That's crazy. Chinese grape soda. That's the high. That's every black marriage's dream. That is high octane black nerd fuel. When you sip it, it's like, shing.

The cap hit. God damn it. Where did you get to? Oh, there's that fucking store right up the street. Yeah. I got it from Asashi. Yeah. What's that like a sushi place?

No, it's like a Japanese market. It's pretty cool. God damn. Dude. That's pretty tight you have access to a Japanese market. Yeah. It's just you and 12 other black nerds. The fucking owner doesn't know who to follow.

There's so many of you in there. Just walking like this. Bumping into each other. Oh, part of me. Pardon me. After you. Pardon me. That's pure Metal Gear Solid, dude.

They're in boxes. Damn. dude. Snake! What the hell is I thinking about? Oh, I got to tell you this. I got to tell you this. This is what I was going to tell you,

and I think you'll enjoy it. It's funnier. So I went to, I'm the most sore I've ever been in my entire life. I couldn't, I couldn't sleep on, I couldn't lay on my side. My back is,

are you a side sleeper as well? My back is butt fucked, dude. All right, pause. This guy. So I get in there. I was like, all right, I haven't worked out in a while.

I'm going to go to Rogans. Get a nice easy one. Hit the sauna. This will be a nice day. I get in, of course, one of the Navy SEALs training, one of the Navy SEAL security guys in there. He's like, you ready to hit the gauntlet with me, brother? And I was like, dude, I'm not hitting the fucking Navy SEAL gauntlet.

And then he was, he shamed me into it. He was like, come on, dude, come on. Yeah. How would you say no? It was nine different lifts and workouts, three minutes on, one minute off. You have to go three minutes to exhaustion on every single life. What? Dude, it sucked.

One of them was just hanging, hanging on the bar for three minutes. A dead hang? It ruined me. Yeah, dude. Just hanging there. This muscle is, it's ruined. Hang for a minute. And then he was like, all right, pop your shirt off.

He was like, we take our shirts off. It's going to get hot in here. And I was like, I'm definitely not doing that. I'm not going to work out in front of a mirror with my fucking shirt off right now. And he was like, you need to find the problem areas. I was like, brother, the whole thing's, we don't need the shirt off to diagnose the problem area today. I can feel them What are you talking about?

I can feel them moving when I stop The problem areas are shaking On every workout we're doing right now I'm doing a curl And my hips are shaking We don't need a shirt off for this I thought you'd enjoy that That is so fucking funny

Honestly driving over I was like this would be nice It's just gonna be me in there It'll be nice and quiet Just Navy SEAL Bro jacked Navy SEAL with his shirt off Like you ready to hit the fucking gauntlet

How could you have said no though. I hit the no instantly. I was like, dude, I'm not. I would have signed up at a recruiter afterwards. He was like, all right, this workout, three minutes straight of pull-ups. I was like, dude, I can't do a pull-up. What are you talking about? Damn. I'll hang on the bar for three minutes to exhaust. It was impossible. Jesus. I hung for like 30 seconds and then five seconds at a time after that. Dude, that shit's hard. It was impossible. The whole thing. Bro, I would, I would, I would, Navy SEAL yelling at you. loved I would love that

I would have came in and like it felt pretty good after a while I bet yeah get out there brother yeah just lay down and just him being like you're doing pretty good I was like thank you

that's fucking awesome thank you daddy that's all I needed pop that top off I was like no daddy it'll ruin the workout sir I'll be done working out I'll be frozen in front of the mirror

I'll go what about I just joined 24 hour fitness I might talk out of you like pop that top I might start stealing Valour yeah You're ready to hit the fucking punch. He was in him with pure Andy Elliott. Was he really?

Pop the top off. We need to see the problem areas. I was like, dude. What? No. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah, that's a bit much.

He was being friendly. It was funny. You should have fucking held nipples. Came out with a towel around the top. I should have instantly took my dick out and me like, that's the problem area. How do we get this bigger brother? My ass is all shitty. My ass is flat and shitty.

Damn. dude yeah i went see i did burpees in the garage yesterday that's that's real tough dude pretty sick that's awesome 100 burpees you got a good garage for it too i know it was awesome but i uh who was kicking around we had a home inspector kicking around so i get every time being there doing burpees and i hear him coming and be like yeah you got so dude just out of breath in the garage like what are you doing i was like well just working out i just had an argument with my wife i'm shadow boxing shadow boxing in the garage as hard as i can I was there working out at my phone on my trash can

just playing YouTube lectures Came up with a new guy I have a new YouTube crush He's awesome Dude I think I gotta hear it People know about him Michael Sugru

He's an old school fellow Look at that guy He's an old school professor He's dude he's really nice You love these chalk hands I love I like chalking I hate the chalk hands My thing is if they just have one

I'll sit through it If they have one good idea that I can use, my God. I've totally constructed a worldview. I had no worldview for the longest time, and I've put together personal philosophy and something of a worldview. That's nice. It's kind of nice, yeah.

Yeah. You know, I'm just on it. He's talking about Heidegger, big B-being. I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. I love that shit. Let's do it for a bed of bed. I'm like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with enjoying that. Fuck this small B-being.

Yeah. I get it. Some people don't like it, and I totally understand. No, I have, yeah. It's like gay stuff. I was like, dude, whatever you're doing in your own home. Just don't shove it down my fucking throat, all right? Don't put it in my fucking face.

Don't put it in my fucking face. Don't fuck my kid with it. That'd be cool if that got injected into movies. Every movie had to have like a cool. Yeah, just a philosophy in it like that. Yeah, just a guy hitting you with like. Not this Heidegarian bullshit again. I do.

Well, it's, what's funny for me because I would be like, all right, I hear a lot of fuss about this guy. Like, let me see what they're about. And a lot of it is just like. Dude, you wrote 4,000 pages on this? Yeah. On like the nature of being itself. And he's like, well, if you be, you are being, but you can't know what being. And it's like, dude, this is, even I'll get kind of like, what the fuck?

Yeah. Why'd you write that down? What are you talking about? You didn't need to write that down. But He didn't need to write that down. Oh, like that. Yeah, he was a Jesuits. They're up to good stuff.

They're pretty sick. Yeah. So apparently he wrote like a highly abstracted version of Jesuit theology. That's what my new mentor, a new, he's dead. That's what we need to get into. We need to get into fucking good Catholic philosophy. That's where all my stuff's leading to.

Fucking right. It's very tight. That is where it all ends. I'm telling you. There you go. I'm going to read about Freud, sucking my daddy's dick. Killing my dad,

sucking my mom's tits. I'm gay. Everyone's gay. Then all of a sudden the path just leads straight back to our Lord and Savior. Yeah, dude, it might be... Perfect disciples. I think it might be the supreme philosophy.

I've been taking on a lot of different worldviews, checking them out. The Eastern stuff is for sure. cool, but I was into it for a while, but I was like, no, man, Christianity still, still reigns supreme. You read it and you're like, because it kind of, the Eastern stuff to a point is like total detachment. Like, oh, and you'll like kind of totally clear your mind. Christianity is the opposite. Yeah, those guys can, I'd like to punch one of those guys in the valleys.

Go find him in his cave. I'm going to go to a cave and sit here for 80 years. It's like, God gave you life and you spent sitting in a cave, even though that's kind of what I do. I dwell in a cave. You're in full on. my guys need to take that bridge the World War II game Company of Heroes 3 yeah but I'm

but the Christianity's like you have to fully get into the mud you're an absolutely falling creature you're a mud dog dude you're a totally falling creature and guess what dude guess what Jesus never got mad at someone because they're a sinner and he got mad at people because they thought they weren't sinners oh they do it it's for real the best it's for real the best

yeah they're like you think you think you're king you're hanging out with all these fucking whores and tax collectors. He was like, bro. Well, he was pissed at the Pharisees. He was like, he was chilling with all the fucking. When's, I thought fucking Mel's movie was supposed to come out on Easter. That's what I thought. It's coming out like October.

God damn. Although he might be trying to fight like the witchcraft and saying this in a Halloween. Yes. Thank God. Thank God, Mel. Oh, big and black news. What you got? We got breaking black news.

We got. Dude, you see Jay Cole? apologize? Yeah, I saw that. What the fuck, dude? I think it's... It was actually kind of nice, honestly, but... Yeah, I think it fits his thing. He's trying to break the mold of, you know? That's like the classic pantomime thing that permeates through the black society where it's like,

he dissed me, now I have to absolutely destroy. And that, like, that gets carried out full stop. We're like, look at guys shooting each other over that shit. And he was like, you know what, dude, this is lame. Why am I doing this? But I get 50 cent, apparently, it's not into it. 50 cents, like, bro. 50 cents, the dark lord. The $0.5.00 is. He, for real, has completely rose into the total president. Jay Z's out. 50 cent is in there, dude. JZ's Biden. 50 cents, Trump, 100%. Yes. And black people being ruled by black Trump right now, which is 50 cent. Which, I mean, he's 50 cent. I'm not going to have it. He doesn't feel like. 50 cent does rule. And he's ruled for a very long time. Yeah. He has been the man. He never stopped being the man. No. And now it's like he's coming into, everyone's recognizing the holy shit. This guy is just seriously. He was funny and right the entire.

time. He's been an asshole the entire time. He's hilarious. He called Diddy a Fruit Pop like years ago. Diddy did offer to take him shopping? Yeah, you can't do that. He's like, y'all, I'll buy you clothes. And he said, what?

What? I take him shopping. Yo, LeVie. I didn't know. Did he really? And we were laughing about it. I was like, I'm definitely Diddy, dude. I'm taking you to tick sporting goods to buy some gym shorts.

No, no, was that you and me? Yeah, that was you and me. You got to collect what's yours now. That's because I was going to go buy some shoes. And I was like, you can get some shoes too. And then I didn't buy any, and he bought shoes. Yeah, but here's, this is what different. And he felt, he felt away about it.

That's the squad. But no. He was like, you keep these. I was like, I'm not wearing those. Those are yours. Dropping a bag on the squad's different. If you were to find someone. Find another man.

That wasn't in a squad. Another comedian. Yes. That was just like, find another rapper, just being like, yo. Exactly. Matt Rife. I'm going to take you shopping, boy. Yeah, I'm going to get some clothes, bro.

Let's pick out the clothes. Checking out a dude's gear and being like, we need to revamp your wardrobe is, 50 cent was 1,000% spot on being like, what? Yeah, that's nuts. Dude, what are you talking about? I'm not going to let you buy stuff for me. Freud would have been all over that.

True. He'd be like, that's gay. Yeah, he would have for sure. That's your gay subconscious. It would have been. Yeah. Big power game. Although that is so powerful.

Buying another man clothes? Yeah, yeah And being like, I'm gonna get your outfit figured out That was then you get into the dress We're like, hold Let me just get in there And check out

Let me see how this pants look on you Then you can go in the air You go, oh, try these on He's like your mom Just grabbing your ass Zip Yeah, man Because of your giant penis

It's dude is My dad's calling me I want to kill him Shit, I might have answered I want to kill you My dad's calling me I want to kill him Phil saw my stand-up act and didn't approve of it.

What? Well, actually, my mom saw my stand-up act and then reported back to my father. Really? My father called me. It was like, you can't say that. Your mother and I are sad. Oh, he saw. So now he's trying to get back on my good side.

You did. Because I was like, shut the fuck up, Dad. Yeah, dude. This is a... Ted, this is my art. It's not ready yet. It wasn't done, and I said inappropriate things, and I apologize. Did they see all of...

Is there one joke in particular they saw that they got upset about? They kind of went to that. Yeah, I can see that. You see that? Yeah, they caught a glimpse of that one, and they were none too pleased. I had one recently that I'm retiring forever. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world, and then I did it, and I felt so evil. Yeah.

After it was, the whole joke was that women get to like, yeah, we have sex toys, we have dildos, and it's like, guys have sex toys too. And people are like, they? It's like, they're called women. That's our sex toys. That's very funny. The crowd is like, Jesus, man. Yeah, that is evil. My mother-in-law was there and I was like, oh, no.

Oh, no. That one rip in front of her whole family. I got that one. I thought it was funny. I was like, this is really funny. It is funny. But it's hard. When you say in a room full of people, it's like, oh. Yeah, it does make you look like a complete psycho.

Yes. I just thought it was a funny play on words. Yeah, they're just inanimate objects. I fuck. It was a funny play on words. Once I said it out loud, I'm like, I can see that being very hurtful for women everywhere. Yeah.

That is a funny thing to think about what women have to deal with. That like just being completely used as a sexual object where people are your entire just like being and personality, someone could be like skip all that and it's like, and then you come back and start talking like, I have to go right now. When we do that though, we also have to because we're all pretending women like sex like that. Yeah. So then they can, they should, they should enjoy that. They liked sex like as much as they say they do.

They should enjoy that. Just skipping all the bullshit and fucking. They should love that. True. As much as we would. Yeah, true. They don't. Yeah, true.

They don't. Makes me wonder. Maybe they don't like sex as much. Once on their natural cycle, you start to see, they are horny for like three days out of the month. That's pretty much, unless they see a guy that they'd really like to make their boyfriend, and then they'll get horny for that. Now, don't get me wrong.

There's definitely women out there that enjoy just the pump and dump. True. But I also, they need a lot of context around it, I think, too. They need, like, they need to, like, they're big situation heads. They're big, like, you know, you'd have to be like an environment where it's like, we shouldn't be doing this. We're really breaking down the broads today. Yeah, we shouldn't be doing this. Shush, is nice.

Oh, that works. We're breaking down the brawes. We can break down the fellas. We'll break down the blacks next. Are we still in the black news segment? No, black news segment. Be be be, be, be. Jay Cole diss.

I was like good. I was like good for him. Please let champagne pop you get involved, dude. Rap is just WWF. Big time. We had a perfect story going and then Jay Cole said nah.

There is an opportunity though for Kendrick to go full sicko mode. He could. And dis him again, dude. Just be like, that's what I thought, bitch. Yeah, he could. But it is a... He has to.

He's going to be like when I talk shit, everyone runs away. He's going to say that. But then Jay Cole, might go fuck it i thought i did the man i'm trying to take the high road baby yeah you think he's gonna be like now's down now i'm gonna rhyme about you down to the bro road dude

yeah i mean i could write his verse if he wants to do just let me know we should come over see first i listen the thing i was like that's nice there was a part of me too that i was like what the fuck you guys doing yeah it's so stupid man so silly let's all just have fun yeah let's have fun and also like you know does have fun make good cool rap

why did ken what was his whole thing like probably was just having bad rappers gotta be careful with their bad days yeah you have one bad day and he's like oh i'm top three he's not top four five and then everyone's like did you hear what he said yes we need to write we need a right a right a i had some lyric we just need jersey drake dude true please six god please six god respond he'll be back although he got kind of he did get destroyed by fucking conier although that his conier's circumstances kind of engulfed him conier is wild man he destroyed that's how nasty he is of an mcc he destroyed he destroyed drake and then

destroyed himself like fuck it I'm going down too I love Hitler He didn't really destroy Drizzi though Other than that track Did you ever hear that? Him and the pusherty came up

And it was like that was T Pretty good T went wild on That was as good as they can get But yeah I guess Kanye didn't do it as much As Pusher Tee

But he did produce the track And it was just It was good No Kanye made that Poop Did he scoop Poope Did he scoop Is fire That's hilarious

That's just mean That's just a mean thing to do Poop to D scoop I think so, too. What is that when he was going? Toop de biscuit. He was like, Drake, I made this. I produced this beat for you.

Oh. And then he gave it to Drake. And I think Drake made a song with it or was about to. And then Kanye released. He just wasted it going poop-poop-to-d-scoop. Poop-poop-tty-scoop. It's just a drink. It just wasted Drake's time.

It's just on purpose. I mean, that's really funny. It's just a crazy move. That's insane. Yeah, just be like, wait, why are we fighting? Wait. That's so nuts, too. Yeah.

I think that's the story, and it's very funny. He's off the God train, too, now. Kanye's totally off the God train. He's like, well, I thought you were like Christian. He's like, he abandoned me. I need to help myself. I saw that clip. So I'm going to rap about getting pussy.

I saw that clip. It wasn't the one, is that the one where he's like, where he's like, we need to do more than pray. Every time I pray, where's God? He doesn't help me out. Yeah. That's kind of a, it might have been a small. It's kind of Christian theology also.

Yeah, you have to help yourself. He can't just pray, dude. True. Yeah. I think his thing was he's like, I'm not cursing anymore. I'm not going to wrap about getting pussy. And then he was like, what the fuck? I'm back.

Who am I talking about it? I just said I love Hitler. I do like his wife, the fact that, like, she's a constant news story. So I can't figure out, is that like a PR firm thing or is there they just like? I don't think. Because it's not. I don't think so either. I was like, that's the wildest PR firm of all time.

Dude, she's in my fucking news feed. Every time I pick it up, it's like she's wearing a spandex suit with her nipples sticking out. saran wrap with a farts are trapped wherever she goes every time every week it's like Gaza Kanye Wes's big titted lady that he praise her and it's like she's a major news

story constantly good it is pretty cool I was trying to figure out like more burn than Ukraine right now she is getting way more burn than Ukraine Russia she is she's for real in terms of like our collective attention she like her future slut outfits are future slut outfits are

pretty cool to see that is pretty awesome yeah Yeah, those jumpers, man. Especially they're always in a place that a future slut outfit should not be. It's like in the airport or like shopping mall just on the street in Venice. They'll be in Athens. They go to like ruins of ancient societies and she just like, here's a future slut, dude. Just farts on a thing. Kanye West's wife farted today.

She farted on the parthenon today. We saw her pussy shake all over the periods. Black News, Kanye West's future slut farted on the parthenon. Shout out to our favorite sponsor. That's a little presumptuous. True Classic for making us fellas look good and feel good no matter how we move. Spring is here, which means it's time to clean out your closet. Out with your old worn out workout teas and in with True Classic's ultra comfortable,

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Again, download the prize picks app and use code drenched for a first deposit match up to $100. Pick more, pick less. It's that easy. Yeah, I love it. Then they're like, he, doesn't let her eat and he doesn't it's like yeah dude it's i think she's eating bro true she is she is a voluptuous woman she's a very voluptuous woman but i think he's trying to keep her keep her snatched you know snatch means no it's one like your midsection's super tight oh yeah yeah snatched just a natural

brittie said that to me the other day she's like you get your body it's snatched i'm like where the fuck are you getting you just need a permanent corset yeah true or you just need a diligent husband who's going to monitor your calories he's going to monitor your calories yeah what's wrong That's a good husband. You go, ooh, put that down. I need you in peak physical condition. I need you show off my ski suits. Damn, that'd be tough to tell a lady to put down a fucking sweet.

Well, you've ever done it? I've never, obviously, I've never been in a position to monitor someone else's calories. If someone breaks out the sweets, I go, ooh, give me one of those. Girls love monitoring a dude sweet. They're like getting you fat, first of all. They'll be, yeah, they're enablers, and then they start going on. I go, you're getting a little chubby. You don't.

Are you hungry right now? I'm like, I'm basically, I'm not like my stomach's not hungry, but it's been a long time. I'm like, yeah, I can tell I'm a little bit weak right. Yeah. I'm off the pig cycle. I was on a hard pig cycle. You're picking out? Oh my God, dude.

I was, dude, I'm like, I went to dizzy. Pig cycle is crazy. I was on the pig cycle. I was on the pig cycle. You should see when I hit a pig cycle. Oh, dude. We're going to beatups. My order wings when we get there.

Drink a couple beers. Oh, second. meal. Yeah, true. I was on a heart. I fucking just... I called him easy on a pig cycle the other night. What were you on? Sneaking back to his room with slices. Sneaking back to his room with slices of pizza. I was like, where are you going, dude? He's holding two pepperonies.

Taking it to the bedroom for the pig cycle. There's nothing better than it's holding... The moments before you're eating a pizza, just carrying it is, for real, it's the best. I don't even sit down when there's pizza. to. I go, first slice doesn't count. I picked it up straight out of the box. And I go, all right. Now I'm going to settle down. Now I'll get a plate, put two on it. I'm going to stand for these two. And I'll go, maybe no one saw me get that first one. I can say this is only, I've had three. That's a lot. I've had four.

Taking a double slice onto the plate. I mean, double slice on the plate after the first standing. The first right out of the box standing while everyone's organizing like the soda. Such a nice move. I mean, when it's grub for everyone like that. Oh, it's feeding. The greed kicks in.

Dude, I saw a thing where they're like, we don't understand why sharks engaging feeding frenzies and was like, what are you talking about? Of course you do. Yeah.

They're pigging out. And they're just spaszing. They're going nuts, yeah. It's like I've seen it happen with humans. Yeah, Buffalo dip. Gillis family Christmas. Oh my God. The boys were circling.

Big dogs circling. It is nice. I tell you what, they're close. It's a bitch. I will say it does. You're a fucking gay husband Get hit with that hammer

Oh Slow down God damn You're taking all the dip Yeah I've been to a family party Before where there's not Like a lot of times I'll go

And it like it almost feels infinite Where you're just like Yeah And you're piling Mac and Cheat I've been there before I'm like oh Rations are like Rations that sucks

And you're just kind of like And then I'll just Like a different part of me You'll take over And I'm like Yeah Why shouldn't it be mine Why shouldn't it be mine?

I shouldn't They don't even, they're not even gonna eat the whole thing. Lemozy, I saw Lemieuxy hit the greed. We got barbecue. The boy got a lot. Oh yeah, I love barbecue. Yeah, you got, you would you hit? Creed it out.

I was down to one slice of brisket after. I look over to his plate, 10. There was two. Two, my ass. How many ribs? How many chicken? How many ribs? I had two ribs.

I didn't have any chicken. You broke my heart watching you do that to me. He ordered like, uh, breast kit, ribs. Yeah, had the ribs. First dibs

obviously go sweet straight to him easy. He dibed it out. You and Nate took a majority of it.

That's me and Gardaug with scraps. We're portioned it out dude, it was fair. Damn. We didn't take anything crazy.

Kind of racist. They teamed up on you guys. They teamed up on you. Yes. But it was over ribs. That's what I'm saying. it was their subconscious I couldn't argue

it was the black man sub Bebe, be, be, be, be, be Black subconscious They're running hands signals Dibby the wings Dibby the ribs These honkeys wouldn't even know What to do with all these ribs

I told you I got hit with that In a KFC one time in West Philly I was ordering just a biscuit And the guy literally went Pshh probably never even had a biscuit before And it turned around like, why would you do that? Of course I've had a biscuit I bet this is like my seventh business

This is my seventh biscuit. Yeah, you fucking can't believe that. I got, you know, people want to say, you know. You ordered just a biscuit at a KFC? Times are hard back to that. I was struggling back then. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Times I was struggling.

I thought this was a recent thing. I was, what are you doing? This is back in the day. All I had, all I had money for was my biscuit. I would. Just a single biscuit. When I was working at Ardmore, Toyota, I would take the change in my car to buy a single dollar cheeseburger at the McDonald's.

For my lunch break, I would pay with 10 dimes. You'd have to treasure hunt. Yeah. It was very, it was... You were a 49er. Dark times, too. Yeah, you had to hit the hills and pan for silver. Pan for, yeah.

Yeah, oh, this is a quarter. This is good. Used all my quarters. I was down to nickels towards the end. Oh. Got a flat tire, bankrupt. That's tough. On the way to work, almost cried because I was like...

Did they fix it there? Yes. They did, but then, you know, I was working basically factory. Oh, yeah. You know, it was like factory thing where they were like, now you owe the company you're a tie. Oh, they wouldn't hook it up.

They didn't really hook it up. Pigs. That's crazy. I got a flat tire one time. I went and I picked up a quarter pound of weed at the post office and was so excited that it worked out. And then I got a flat tire on 76. And I had to just drop some off to somebody.

So I was just going, boom, blah, blah. Oh, no. So I'm not pulling over. I was so, in my head, I was like,

if I pull over, they're going to know what's, Like, you know, when you have something like that, you're like, if someone sees this box, it was, it was vacuum sealed. It didn't smell. No, it was vacuum. But I think I had, like, an ounce of weed on me to give to somebody. So I just, like, pulled up to, like, the Eagle Stadium on a flat and just, like gave someone ounce of weed and just drove. Damn, you're doing deals.

Deals in the parking lot at the link? That's fucking awesome, man. I pulled up like bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. And here you go, brother. It's, all the way home. That's Philly strong, dude. It was, dude. That's the ultimate Philly strong.

That's bleeding green. That's bleeding green. That's bird's colors. Go birds. That's a green right there. Yeah.

True. My match you. Coffee's not for birds fans, dude. Macha. True. It has to be matching.

Now, I'd say coffee's more for birds fans, actually. Yeah, Wawa. Yeah. If I show this to my dad.

Forty-eight coffees at Wawa. Hot dogs. It's time to hit the job site. With the most vicious diarrhea imaginable. Hangover from

light beer. There you go. All right. Now it's time to get seven coffies. Three hot dogs. I am in all of dudes who hold down just pure wah-wah diet on like 48 to 60 ounces of coffee a day.

I think if you stick to one thing, I mean, don't get me wrong. It's going to destroy you, but. True. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Your body probably gets used to digesting insane shit. Like, it probably just fast tracks it through. Like, you get no nutrients out of it just flies right out of you.

If you're like a sizzling with coffee and Italian Hogi with a coffee or a soda. Yeah. And a coffee in the way. Yeah, your body is just. flying. You must shit. You must shit as soon as you eat it. Your stomach's a mortar.

Your stomach's like a steel foundry. Just the cells are like, and you drink a glass of water. It's not, man. It's mad, Max. You drink water and the whole body's like, yeah. I told you, I've an uncle.

I've never seen him drink water. Bees ever. Beeser, yeah, I guess you won't drink water. Never seen the bees. Gatorade soda, milk. Gatorades when he's like, all right, it's time to fucking take care of myself. I'm going to slam the Gatorade, which is such a tight way to hold it down. He claims he goes, dude, I don't feel sick because he's like, I just don't think I ever think about it.

I was like, damn, that's fucking. That's one of the business heads. I heard that guy. He's like, no, I don't get sick anymore. Being sick is a mind frame. Yeah. Well, my sister has cancer. Yeah, true.

It's all on her head. Yeah, well, they're just talking about colds. Yeah, it is. That's the problem. They're just talking about colds when they say that. Yeah. it's all in our head that's exactly that's exactly what the doctor said turns out it's all on our head

they're gonna cut it out of there they're gonna chop her fucking head open those business guys are talking about colds they're like I don't get sick it's like do you're talking about a fucking calm and cold and like going to work and blowing your nose in the bathroom being like yeah if you had a stomach virus and you're puking and had a fever like shaking yeah you're not you're not gonna be like this is bullshit I

can still make some day trades. I get it. I get there's, I get that, that all applies. If I have a cold and I totally like freak out about it and like, yeah, maybe it makes it a little bit worse. But yeah,

I don't, people are like, it's all in your head. It's like, you're just not sick. A cold you can plow through. You can plow through a cold. Yeah.

But when you're like, it's all on your head, it's like, you're just not sick. Yeah. If you were actually sick, you'd be. Yeah,

you know it. You know it when you're actually sick. Yeah, dude. If you had like, if you're like, diarying blood you're like I just gotta be more positive about this

I need to do fucking 100 push-ups right now true I just diarrhea at blood yeah Watson's West Big homie west is the king of that yeah him and his boy just being like I was telling you about this when they did that whole video where they're just like yeah dude like I don't even sleep and like if I'm tired

I just go to the gym even harder and he's like I'm so shredded that if I lay on my bed it hurts he's like my fat body fat That happened to me, dude. My back got so shredded. This morning I woke up. I was like,

I had to just lay. The whole conversation was like, yeah, we're rich, yeah, we're loaded, but like we hate our lives. Yeah.

That's why we're rich. And he's like, you have to hate your life forever. That's how you keep your edge. It's like, my guess, man. Man,

I guess. That way you can be stay the boss and just hate your life and just be like, this is what it is. Yeah. I'm so shredded. It hurts when I sleep.

I don't sleep. He said he doesn't eat. He doesn't eat carbs during the day too, which is a sick move. He doesn't eat any carbs, just protein. So that way at nighttime eats carbs. He crashes. Insulin spikes. Yeah.

Passes out. Because if you're that shredded, you just need to go into an insulin comb and pass out. Kind of sick. I want to see, that's going to reach a fever pitch. It has to. Getting shredded. Business head shredded businesses. Yeah.

Well, the bedtime, he, Watson's pushed up the business head bedtime to like, or the wake-up time. He's like 2.30 a.m. Yeah. Eventually, they're going to become nocturnal. They're going to become vampires. The business is? It's like, yeah. Because you can't get up any earlier.

I'm doing power cleans at 2.30 in the morning. He, he, I mean, Walberg, Jocko, or Dick swinging at 4 o'clock. Yeah. Big homie West is, I think, 2.30 a.m., which is arguably partially nocturnal. 2.30 a.m. is like it's in the middle of night. That's chaos, dude. It's going to be dark for so long while you're awake. I know.

You just wake up at 2.30 and just take you. shirt off and just starts screaming at your iPhone. That someone's going to surpass that. It's going to become something. I don't know. Last night it was funny. We were talking about, Brian Simpson was talking about like this,

for some reason, I don't know why I thought of this. Screaming at your iPhone and surpassing things. Eventually, they were like AI, Rogan was on one. He was like, AI is going to get so powerful that it's smarter.

In our lifetime, it'll be smarter than every human combined. Then Brian, Simpson was like, and then the real dilemma is do we elect that AI president? I was like, dude, there's only one human that can stop this. It's Donald Trump. Donald Trump versus the AI super computer. There's only one human that's like, I'm smarter than that.

That computer's dumb as shit. Or who could roast it. If you hit that with a killer nickname, it could completely. The virus, just like, that's actually not true. I'm not that. I swear. My legs are an appropriate length. Yeah, true.

That could defeat AI. Trump dogs are only shot I wonder what kind of nickname Trump nickname and AI can come up with If you're like give a Trump nickname What if the AI defeats Trump At making nicknames It's like deep blue for like the chess program

Oh no Just crushes them Although I don't know It still doesn't have the humor That well Funnier, it's funnier The dumber the nickname That Trump comes up with

It's funnier Well that's something That's the AI's advantage I can't figure that out Yeah exactly The AI is too small I mean dude he for real Crush Descent

DeSantis sanctimonious was desanctimonious see you later next who's next dude sanctimonious is so dude I was in his great state of Florida oh nice what did he say

I'm chat GP chat gpting it right now I said can you give me three mean nicknames for Donald Trump and it's just thinking damn I can't think of anything it's been pussy ass it's already been defeated

chat gbted pussy ass stumped I don't think Grock would do it Grock on principle will be like no Trump is important for the future of our democracy I could be wrong I like when Bitcoin came out people talked about

people talked to me about Bitcoin in like 2012 you gotta buy it and I was like shut up and I was like all right I was wrong about that one but AI I'm still kind of like yeah we'll see like in terms of like script writing and all that stuff I think it'll

it'll be a flurry of them but then they're all they're all gonna you're gonna be able to be like yeah it's an a i script you'll be able to read it like yeah this is written by a machine there will be after a lot of them i think there will be telltale signs yeah i don't know aren't they doing like an a george carlin like a special really lemizie could you look that up and i think that's selfish what do you mean he's dead dude don't ruin stand up yeah don't come back and be like I'm better, I'm still better than everyone. It's his estate. Yeah, true.

It'd have to be approved probably by his descendants. I think they're the ones, yeah. They're doing it? Yeah. That'd be nice. Imagine the bag you could give to your family by allowing them to do AI hours for you. But the problem is, is you wouldn't have,

I guess they could build, eventually it would have become so far away from the actual thing because they're going to just copy all of the material, base it off that, but then it would be based off like the copies of the copies of the copies and eventually would just be like, yeah, I'm a fucking slum. George Carlin's new hour? Yeah. Yeah, I had like seven hours,

sorry, I like dick. I know that bothers men. I hope he does like a woke like, I'm black. Sorry, white people. I know you hate to see a black man. If his thing comes back and it's just black. What if we start doing hybrids like Carlin prior?

and then they come up with like an amalgamation of the two people that'd be pretty tight yeah just carlin screaming the inward just calling himself yeah yes that would rule it would be number one did you find anything yeah it's called george carlin i'm glad i'm dead it got set to private because the family sued them oh they were making it and the family said no no the fan it was like uh it was a guy from a podcast who made it uh and he posted it on youtube been a family sued him and he made it private and then he later said that it was actually written by

people but i think it was a i yeah dude whatever so the family sued because he couldn't use george carlin's likeness yeah fair enough yeah that's what they get good good one point for the carlin estate i wonder how much they got from them though like what do they how much they squeeze the youtube for 1500 dollars yeah true or like we're gonna monetize they should have just ran ads. We've got 18 million views. They got $1,500. I guess that would bother me if, like, somebody just put up a video of, like, my dead mom talking for an hour.

And I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. That makes sense. Well, we should probably switch over to the patch. Yeah, switch to the motherfucking patch. Where are we at, Lamar? No way. My God.

I thought we were way further. Me too. I could have sworn we're at a solid hour. I thought we were well past an hour. Either way, I can. Steaming right to long. I can still, uh, tell you about this. I went to the magical.

Yeah, I was going to save that. for the baton but yes let's hear it spell the means on that dude the uh so we get down to world first of all we flew at 7 a m which dude i understand brittany was like it's either that or we go we connect a flight and have like a layover and i was like you never really know how bad it's truly going to be i'm like yeah we'll just do like a super early flight i'll wake the kids up they'll be all right dude it was the flight wasn't really that bad as you get there and like when you throw kids sleep off there they were just like melting down it was It was bad.

We got there. We were all exhausted. It was a bad. We had to get up at like fucking 4.30 or 5 o'clock. I was basically on Jocko time for a day. And my whole family fell apart. So you get down there, shattered from the day. And then, you know, you get in, you do all the stuff you got to do.

And it was me, Brittany, our two kids, comedian James McCann, his wife and three kids. So we just found this. Brittany found his Airbnb that was like 10 or 15 minutes from Disney. So they had like a Super Mario room with like a castle bunk bed. Yeah. There was like a dinosaur room. That's exciting. The place was fucking nuts.

Yeah, it was actually really sick. There was like an air hockey table. It was fun. We get into there. Day one, we're all just dead. Second day we wake up at like 8.30 in the morning. We were at the, where we got the Disney World by like 9.30 maybe.

And when you, I didn't realize when you drive into Disney World, it's like, we got dropped off, thank God. But they had a drive and park. There's a line for parking. So you sit in a line for parking. You get into the parking thing. And then you walk to sit in another line to get on a ferry to get to the place where you can go through and show your ticket.

So then that's another line. And then so I'm like, dude, this is going to be a fucking disaster. Like we're not even going to make it. We're going to be in lines all day. So then we got out of that and we get into the magical kingdom. And I will say I got completely converted into a Disney head. As soon as we walk in, it's just you, there's just giant. It's like this little, they really do make this little town.

You're like, this is so clean. I'm like, this is so nice. Yeah. And then there's just. Mickey Mouse having like a Mickey Mouse and mini mouse bringing out like princesses and all these characters and like my kids were just fucking losing their mind and I was like oh okay yeah it's I saw I now I couldn't understand when you're sending me those bounding videos I couldn't I was like I was like what the fuck I had no like idea of like why they were doing this now I'm like I get it now

yeah they're upset Disney's for real like it's like a religious thing to go to the to like go down there and kind of immerse yourself in that world now I'm like okay okay Okay. Dude, there's like for real adults that would go, we were doing the princess meet and greets. They're like a 30 year old lady in a dress. Bro, by the way. I was, I'm telling you, I was like if my kids, because they offer a hug. They would have to greet the meat. They offer.

They offer a hug to every kid. So I was trying to slide in. Yeah, the hug line. If Chloe would walk away, I'm like, I'll take that. I'll take that hug. You took the hug. No, no. Oh, I thought you did.

I was like, holy shit. They would have called security. but dude the print they keep how nice were the princesses bro they keep it tight dude they keep those princesses snatched up they're snatched bro they keep them I think I really think if you lose if you like gain too many LBs you get fired rightfully show and they'll change that

there's gonna be fat fucking princesses soon I mean dude if they've gotten around it now I don't think I think fat ladies can like usher you through the line to the princess but I don't think there's plenty of that going on but there's I don't think they allow them to be princesses because Disney could argue like, dude, we have to capture the illustrated likeness.

So they could get around all that. We're like, this is a role. We're casting. I think I found a way around Governor Abbott's nasty rules. What? Disney princesses at the park. Let me take a look at these. Oh, my goodness, Jasmine.

Yeah, did you get to meet Jasmine? No, unfortunately. Holy shit. Very fortunate. If you would have met her, it would have been. True. I could have turned into Jafar. You would have kidnapped her immediately.

The Disney princesses are beautiful. Dude, it was, I was for real, like, I would just walk in and I guess we'll meet Cinderella. And I was like, what the fuck? You met Cinderella, Tiana from Princess and the Frog. She becomes a princess due to the loophole because she marries a prince. Lamar, don't come on, come in bed with that. Oh, my God, dude.

They have Ariel. And he kisses her after the marriage and then she is a princess once she married. Little Mermaid has giant tits, dude. Dude, the Little Mermaid was a slut, bro. Yes. They did a princess parade on the floats. And the Little Mermaid, I remember. being like she looked like a raver like burning man slut and I was like you what the fuck she

she looked little mermaid might have been the sluggiest princess I think of the whole day definitely but you didn't see jasmine jasmine and this is let me see let me just for um yes for research yes for the next time i go to disney road you got time it you got to call ahead and go um bring my kids is jasmine gonna be in the park today is jasmine need anything for lunch or whatever like she has she have like a favorite restaurant you got to visit the one in california now Disneyland Yeah. I don't think Disneyland's as big as Disney World. Yeah, no, I don't...

I'm East Coast all day. Yeah, I keep hearing about Disneyland. I also do think Disney World's the OG World. Yeah. You know what Epcot stands for? Environmental prototype community of tomorrow. Never would have to go. Dude, you would love space or...

Space Mountain. Oh, brother. Yeah, that's tough. Space Mountain, the ball in Epcot. Dude, so there was a ride. So we meet the princesses all as well. everything's great. They're also, they're very quick too. They're in character. If you ask, was I

like, there was one lady who was Princess Elena. It's like, it's like a weird Disney show. It's just on Disney Plus. I don't think a lot of people know who it is. Me and Maya would watch it. So I was like, holy shit, it's Princess Elena and I was like trying to hit her. Oh, shit.

Well, Bernie was like, which one is that? And Maya didn't know. I was like, that's a red princess. It's Princess Elena. And she was like, oh, it's me. And then I asked her, I said something about like Elaine. I was saying something about the kingdom. I was like, I'm from a kingdom and she like they snap back real quick like I bet your kingdom's great kind of like shut the fuck

oh man but they are very quick dude they're like anything the kids isn't the rain train isn't rainy like a Disney head he's an adult Disney but he's like an adult Disney pervert I think I think I think everything rainy does it's whatever he does he perverts it

but there is a weird adult we got to get the rain train on to discuss these princesses we do dude because there is a because there is also so there There's like little kids. Like I had the little girls like kind of freaking out. Then there's like the boundaries, like the Disney adults. And then there's like dudes who are taking pictures like couples that are like, you can just tell it's like their fifth marriage.

Yeah. There's like a dude, like a tanned guy with a goate and it's kind of like a barfly. This is in front of the magic castle. Just drunk. Just. It's drunk. Holy foggess, Princess Elena. Holy shit.

She's here. She's beautiful. He starts questioning his fifth marriage. He's like, I just love the princesses so much. I need to talk to the princess. But that's why, so that's the reason behind the bounding. I didn't realize this. If you're an adult, you can't wear the costume because then you can be mistaken as an actual cast member.

Yeah, that's why they have to bound. That's why they bound. Yeah. That's the point. Yeah, it's pretty, but there was, there was like a, it's 14 and under you can, you can dress as a princess. Anything above that, you can't. You'll be, you'll be kicked out for impersonating a cast member. But yeah, I can see how that was a problem.

Yeah, dude. I'm going to dress up like a character so I can hug all the kids. And pervert. Yeah, and pervert. And they're perverts. Yeah. But, dude, we go there. So we do all that stuff.

That was, I was like, man, this is actually kind of blowing my mind. Is that a boundary? That's a little too close. It's literally just like what if every character was gay as fuck. That also, that was a fantastic joke. by James McCann when we saw the princess parade. The princes are with them.

James is like, wow, I wonder if the princesses know all their husband like men. Because they were just gay guys in the float like, that was really funny. Yeah, we watched.

So we did that. We went to, so we saw the princess parade. And then there was a guy. This was a dude, we were getting assaulted by British guys. Rude British guys constantly. If you go to Disney World,

watch out for the Brits. They're fucking assholes. Yeah, of course. Get the Brits out. Dude, I'm telling you, man. Up the ride. You're up the rod, isn't it? Dude, well, Brittany up the rod, one guy, pretty badly, dude.

It was, uh, we're at the princess parade. And so we get, we're like right in the front. And this, this guy standing there, he has two teenage kids. His kids are sitting down so people can see over their, their backs as it was his little kids. The dad is standing. The dad's like six foot two, just standing there blocking the vantage. And, uh... Is a Brit?

Yeah. And Brittany was like... It was like, all right, hey, the princesses. Dude, it was... They probably worship the fucking princesses. That's what I'm saying. I think they saw that. I think they're jealous of our monarchy.

Yeah. But they were like, they were sitting there and Brittany was like, hey, do you mind if like, there's this line. He's like, do you mind backing up like two feet? So like the little, we had like five little like fucking four year olds. Do you mind if they get in front of you so they can see? And you know, and he was like, no, I got here first and I'm videotaping. And Bernie was like, you're videotaping this shit?

And he was like, I got here first. I'm not moving. And he had like two teenage kids with him. So in Britney's, I might just chill to chill. And I was like, dude, kid you just doing me a solid. It was like back up a foot. You can videotape. Just like just the way the kids can see around you.

No, I'm not moving. I'm like, dude, I was like, that's kind of crazy. I was like, that's really weird. You're doing that. I was like, do your thing. I'm like, that's bizarre. And then some of the, they start coming. Brittany held Maya up in front of his camera.

He's like, oh, yeah, real nice. Real nice. Very nice of you. Oh, man. Oh, very nice. Yeah, he was pissed off. That is a gathering of fucking dickheads at that place. Well, dude, and that's the thing.

Disney World is like, it almost there is like that weird, like, almost like you're in church where like there's a pressure like you can't act up in there it's kind of you looks crazy yeah because it's like a very supposed to be a very special point and there's kids yeah but there are apparently compilations of disney world arrest and i could i can see it going wrong i've peeped those because they do pump you with you can get pumped with the alcohol and epcot and all that stuff people get people get pumped on that booze yeah they get a little rowdy getting hammered in disney road is kind of tight i had just a just a simple mark and a uh a flight of mescal my dad took me to disney it was just me and phil when i was a kid i was in fifth grade i think that's nice

Yeah, I was a little old. I was third grade was when he told me I was going. Oh, yeah. It was a Christmas gift. I didn't get anything for Christmas. I didn't get anything for Christmas that year, except a towel with Mickey Mouse on it. And I opened it. I was like, the fuck's this.

They're like, you're going to Disney World. I was like, holy shit. And you went two years later? Two years later. My dad finally had like a business trip in Florida. And he was like, all right, fine. He got fucking, that's all we did. We just went to fucking Epcot.

I just watched my dad go to like the German section. Get him. drink beer he was like this i got you one of these it was like chicken on a stick you know yeah i was actually i was like this is so fucking cool if you give kids stuff on sticks they are yeah that's that's that's a that's a that whole that's that's that's just gay true it's foul we'd like to eat phallic thing's your father's handing you his father's handing you his penis you're eating it you're gay you're destroying it no you're destroying your dad's cock you can't have you can't have a threat the threat of obliteration from your father your father will cut your penis off

Your father will cut your penis off. Time to read fucking Popper. Carl Popper's the bro. They were done with this Freud bullshit. He's too reductionistic. I can't. I can't. I mean, for physics, yeah, but for the subjective human experience.

Popper just is lost, dude, in the mirrored hallway. So I want to. Well, I say, hold on, stills. Let me put this in my lab. Oh, you want to suck your father's cook. Yes, this is nice. This is totally normal. I had a rough improv.

Last night, I forgot about that. I was it. I just broke out into Hitler. When? There was a part of a joke where I was like, if you don't laugh, this is just hate speech right now. And I was like, it's an island. People were like, because I fucked up the impression.

It didn't even sound like Hitler. It just sounded like I had a stroke. I was on stage. Although, Hitler does, he does sound like he's having a fucking stroke. He's fired up, dude. Yeah. You would be too. Yeah, I made the mistake.

I'll never do it again. I came out last night and greeted the crowd. I was like, where all my Jews is? Just, it's funny because I want to talk about Jewish people. People were not happy. Yeah. And I got all self-conscious.

I was like, oh shit, fuck. Yeah. All my motherfucking Jews at. When you start with a rough one, it's tough. I've opened with that joke

that my mom got sad about a couple times and it's an intense bomb. Yeah. It's an intense one where people are like, oh my God. I thought it was a guy's a prick. Yeah, people went, ooh.

And I'm like, I'm not kind of like, I'm not trying to kill them. It's like, I'm not trying to kill them. I'm not going to fucking beat them up. I'm going to subject him to a certain, yeah. Oh, but dude, so then we went to Epcot and did you go on that inside like the...

I don't think I did. Dude, you would get so fucking fired up in that ride on the ball. I forgot all about it. I went on it when I was little and I didn't... I was like, I was like, I think you just walk around this thing. James is like, what is it? I'm like, I don't know. He's like walk around and say a gift shop, I think.

No, dude, you get on a ride that takes you from like throughout history and shows basically like the evolution of Western civilization but I see these mechanical guys and they're taking you through this big like dome and you're looking at like cavemen then the ancient Egyptians pretty much it's actually all of civilization but they you know it's like they throw in the Egyptians

and I think like the Middle East but they have like this this age that age that Greeks the Romans and you're going on and on it goes to like the 20s the 50s the 70s it just shows you like how humans have evolved through technology and dude I was like so fired up about it It was really cool.

And then you go into a thing and like you look at the nighttime. It's like a, they show you like the stars and this giant dome. It's fucking awesome. That is nice. I was so fucking fired up. But our, our fucking thing was in Chinese. So I had to narrate every. I was like, because they were just like, well, I'm on hushabar.

Because our cart somehow, the language was set to Chinese. Where our guide was just weird. And Brittany was so fucking mad. And I was, no, I know what this is. This is Greek. This is Greece. I can tell. And then now we're in Rome.

so I had to narrate all the stuff to her so she was kind of bummed about that fuck was it in Chinese that's what she was saying bro she was so mad she was so pissed off I'd be pissed but I was trying to hit her with that stuff I'm like this is even better because we can like just like think about it for ourselves

I was spot on I got the Greek I'm like we're about to hit Rome next we did and then uh what the fuck else I was it was sick though but I didn't know when they were like showing papyrus like the invention of paper I was like yeah there's fucking that's like the Turkish empire Egypt inventing paper

I had no idea All right Yeah let's swing it up dude Let's get to the real stuff Now it's time to get down the business Let's get to the real stuff on the Patreon Let's go