Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 491 - Who Piped Carl Winslow ? (feat. James Mccann, Lemaire Lee, & Shawn Gardini)

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Jimmy @ https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Support Lemmee @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Support shawn @https://www.patreon.com/TSUAVE Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini if you want Raliegh NC Goodnights June 6 and more @  https://linktr.ee/shawngardini Go See Lemaire in Mass in August (no tick link yet) Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Howdy yall. Hope you're all having a great week. Unfortunately big unc is away on bidness this week. So we held it down w Jimmy at Josh's place. Also ... did you guys hear that Diddy piped down Carl Winslow? Allegedly? Crazy stuff. We miss you shang. Please enjoy. God Bless you all.  Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 Visit https://www.fast-growing-trees.com and use code DRENCHED for an additional 15% off your first purchase. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms & Conditions may apply. Start your free online visit today at hims.com/drenched to learn about your personalized ED treatment options

Kicking the door. I seen I looked I seen Carl Winslow That's the father from family matters. Yeah, no way What a guy dead homie they look crap I seen that and then so who's piping car did he yeah did he was sody was. So when I seen that cuz, right? Diddy came back and he was telling me, he was like, it's nothing more enjoyable than having a man do something for some money. Dude, I don't want to keep harping on the Diddy story. That might be my favorite Diddy story, him piping up Carl as well.

That's a false. That's fake news. Isn't it beautiful that he wanted the man though? He wanted the old man from that shot. Dude, there is a thread connecting. He does like those fat boys. That one producer. He's a chubby chaser. He's a male chubby chaser. Ed Sheeran was on the catch

for a while. He used to be a chubby boy. He likes the thicc ties. He might be Diddy Henderson, bro. Diddy Joshua Henderson. He likes those balls Henderson He likes those balls He likes those balls Dude, watch it, family members They're about to go to jail for the same reason too

Henderson might go to He got in trouble for Diddlin Not Diddlin, beaten off near middle school That's Diddlin and Jason That's in the Diddlin universe He was beaten off near middle school school. Yeah, I got that He was on the JV pog squad

You know who Josh Henderson is look him up right now It's funny cuz we look up. I have no idea who Josh Henderson is. Oh my god. Joshua Henderson is this black dude. Yes, please Cuz there's a- he looks white. No, no, no. That's not the right Josh Henderson. Well it's funny cuz there's like a bunch of B, POG, type in POG Josh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's not funny cuz there's like a bunch of this bunch of Remember my name Don't like when you shorten their name by the way, no, I like black people in general if you call them like if I call My wife Britt. She's like my name is a Brittany and I'm like, bro She's one to correct you And he was a short step. What was he doing? She's one to correct you and he was a short stint. What was he doing?

He likes hogs Yes, give them give them just a little what a brother gotta do to get some sucky sucky around Remember my name Joshua yeah, if you don't know this, I mean this is this guy will I think about this guy pretty constantly It's just a guy. He's just a guy. He's not yeah. Well, he's about this guy pretty constantly He's just a guy he's not yeah, well he's not he was he was just a guy What y'all tight you like black white I like white girls more better, okay? Pod Say one more time I say it slow I Yo, a little tomboy. Okay. These fall. Fat ass white girl. Fat ass white girl. Don't talk about it. They're snow bunnies.

So there it is. Remembered in me. Yo. What's your name again bro before we go bro? Cause we gotta go man. I ain't gonna lie to you. What's your name? My name. Joshua Henderson. Yeah, he's the best. anytime I'm like thinking about anything that's somewhat big I just go the same time

I say it in my head now remember my till I die the curvy type. Yeah, I don't like the car Bro, look all I'm doing is just bringing the news. I don't know. I've been following the diddy story Did you do who's back in the blue? It is crazy to have watched Family Matters, was that show? Yeah. To watch, I always called it Urkel. It's funny to watch Family Matters and just be like, you know, we were just all enjoying Urkel's antics, but like to sit like young Diddy being like one day I'm going to pipe

up Carl Winslow. I'm going to take down Carl Winslow. Wait, he was having sex with Urkel? No. The dad? I'm surprised he didn't take down Urkel. If he's really clout-chasing, if you sex with Urkel? No, it's dad. The dad? I'm surprised he didn't take down Urkel. If he's really clout chasing. If you took down Urkel,

I think the black community would be like, bro. Urkel got his own thing. Urkel don't need Diddy. He's a lady chaser. Yeah. Damn, you put your Urkel in the Stefan machine to get some of that Stefan bussy, dude. That's good American slang to know, James.

What's the Stefan machine? Hey, it's great to know James. What's this? Give it up for James McCann by the way. Hey it's great to be here. What is this? The fan machine? Jimmy. So have you ever seen? I don't want this just to be me asking for references.

You know what a pussy is right? Boy pussy. Yeah alright. Some people try and say it's bum pussy but I have it on good. Bum pussy is? I have good confirmation it's boy pussy. Yeah but I think people are getting the boy mixed up with like little boy but it's actually just like gay stuff like they're just saying boy pussy for butt pussy. Yeah

Oh, you could use it for a little boy. I mean whatever you could do whatever you want I think if you're in the bussy universe, I think you can kind of use it however you want. The B.U. One time definitely cinematic universe Dude my dad my dad does demolition so he was like on an excavator one time He's working for some guy and the dude's son was it was like a young young young kid Like he was like a little but a boy and there was this laborer standing next to the machine I was talking home my dad let the like the big Like boss his son like sit on his lap and do the machine and this old laborer name his name was Hawk

It was he just sat there go damn. I know your daddy like that boy pussy This is a nice moment. You don't have to... What the heck? Yeah, he was a motherfucker dude I know your daddy like that boy pussy Why are you thinking about that? It's fighting words, bro Yeah, I should have fucked him up Yeah

He also, he drove like a Mitsubishi car and he always held held it down like he's like bro. These are top of the line I was like dude. They make coffee makers They make like dirt bikes Yamaha is the one that's the most crazy Yamaha doesn't sell a product they sell a feeling I've read their website a lot really yeah So they only make products that move their heart that they can do at the top level so they do pianos and motorcycles move their heart that they can do at the top level. So they do pianos and motorcycles. And guitars. And they did archery work, but they decided the bow couldn't be done at the top level of Yamaha excellence. What? Is that what Yamaha is?

Yeah, it's a Japanese company that just is hooked on a feeling. It's a vibe. They're basically just vibes. They bring the vibe into this ordinary... Oh man. What's the philosophy? That's it, it's like you take the spirit and you, a lot of it is in Japanese and it's hard to understand. But listen, you can do a deep dive on the, it's one of the only companies that seems based on an insane man's feelings. I feel like all Japanese companies are like companies

based on like my feelings, but they all have like the, they all have a backbone. They don't change. Corporate mission, you're saying. Yeah. Toyota. We have loose corporate missions over here over there They're like I'm making sushi by myself in my house until I die true. Yeah, yeah honor system Yeah, yeah, we're all about the bag here. We're all about the fucking bag, bro

Yeah, but now the there's all those things like you ever hear the thing like there's a word in Japan that doesn't translate to English It's well bunch one. It's when the Sun touches the ocean and that feeling you get it's like yeah, do we know that is? It's called a sunset called chill They have words we don't know it's like bro. It's called chill accent. What is happy? When you when you break a plate and you fix it and it's more beautiful Roogie excuse what's wabi sabi? Sounding like a fucking idiot. That's when you flip over at the massage you say wabi-sabi. I think Ketsurugi's

particularly with gold and then he melded back together with gold. Yeah I hold it I do what's it called Ketsurugi? Yeah. I hold that down in my house I read about that one time anything breaks I get the the super glue, then I take the gold Sharpie and I just highlight it. There's a sad Japanese man waiting to send you that. This is not to help. Not to my accoutre. I feel my little wabi-sabi on it too. What words do you think we have they don't understand?

Busy. No, I reckon they've got busy. They know about the busy. All the pervert words they would have. Yeah, dude, they started the busy. They know about the bussy. All the pervert words they would have. Yeah, dude. They started the bussy. They did start the bussy. Maybe chivalry. Chivalry?

No, they'd have some sort of Bushido code. No, dude, I don't know. I don't know if they got chivalry. You remember the Nanking? Yeah, true. There's no chivalry in that. Well, I don't think they also, like, did romantic literature hit Japan?

That was a European phenomenon. Yeah, I wonder when that would have come in. We were talking about Hiroshima. Hiroshima's blowing up conservative X. Really? Yeah it's a live issue. It's blowing up again. Yes. It's the third explosion. Like Taka went on Joe Rogan and was saying like the nuclear bomb was wrong and now all the neocons are coming out going no it was good it was nice and that's the fault line it was good and nice yeah it was it saved more Japanese people than it killed they're saying yeah it was for the collective tough the greater good that is nuts that is if you

think about the hubris to take that position or anyone can be like I'm talking for the collective it's like you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about yeah I'm dealing more numbers of like tens of million Japanese people 500 years ago. It's like, okay, dude You're the boss you It's crazy to be like a big bomb that killed everybody is pretty nice Yeah, well they're saying like yeah, but think about all the other bad stuff that would have happened if we didn't bomb them It's an insane. It's an a nutso argument. Yeah, it's a slippery slope the Hiroshima ratio I think they called it they tried to figure out how many people would die if they went in because the suicides were outrageous

Yeah, really? Yeah, like every place that they the US soldiers went people were committing suicide So then the bomb was kind of like a guy with a noose like hold on little buddy. I got you It's just short sharp It's a warning is a warning shot. That's a warning. It's a warning shot. That's crazy. That killed hundreds of thousands of people. But like, dude, can you imagine, you, you, Nanking, can you imagine the karma you must feel like as a society?

For Nanking? Yeah, like raping and killing a bunch of Chinese people. So like when people start invading you, you're like, they're coming for me. I don't know, man. I've been reading the Japanese textbooks. I don't think that happened. I think that's fake news. It's Korean proper handball. for me. I don't know man, I've been reading the Japanese textbooks. I don't think that happened.

I think that's fake news. It's Korean proper hand. They don't, you know, the rape is such a strong term. Yeah, it is a harsh word. The taking. You're a Japanese PR. They took Korea. Yeah, They took Korea. Yeah. Reappropriation by force in Korea. Yeah. The Koreans don't forgive them. Oh man. All right. I was on the Wikipedia page for Indonesian-Japanese relations.

How's it going? It's a very politically diplomatically worded. Like one of the opening paragraphs is like, the Japanese occupied Indonesia, killing, you know, huge numbers of people in what was a difficult time for both countries. Which is like, that's crazy. Japan just went through a breakup. Alright, the Indonesians had gotten rid of, or maybe they, like the Dutch were in charge, and then the Japanese came, but there was like an old Javanese prophecy that like white giants would rule for 300 years.

So that prophecy is pretty widespread. Yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow That was like partying on the streets that the prophecy was being fulfilled and they would have independence and then it was not good Yeah, they immediately turned into indentured persons forever Celebrating true, you know the prophecy and then they got their freedom. So maybe it did there are some great prophecies Yeah, the festival must have been nice too when they were like, yeah This is a big party then you get clamped down on and there must be something kind of like a spiritual BDSM to be punished by a deity You know what I mean? It's the book of Psalms Yeah, yeah, dude I was just reading about the advent of Christianity and like yeah

The Jews got like crushed dude over and over and they were like we're the best we had they thought they had like God in A room that was like the Covenant Yeah, like that little room in the highest part of the temple, and I think it showed up near like oh What was the name? What's it yeah the other guy in the Triumvirate goes in there? Yeah, what the fuck was his name? I forget it was like I'm so embarrassed not to know what's his Augustus Augustus. Maybe no Pompeii I Think I'm pumping. I think I'm pumping. I think I'm Pompi rolledii rolled in and said, there's nothing in here. Yeah, but he still, he was like, this room's kind of cool though.

And then they were like, how the fuck did he get in here? And then they started having to be like, we're fucked, we're fucked, we need to repent, we need to repent. It's crazy dude. It's big waves. Yeah. We're on top and we're on the bottom. Which may be continuing to this day potentially. But then Pompeii got, I think think kind of fucked up pretty hard.

Because they were like dude this guy, if you would start taking over large portions of the world, like if you would see somebody doing that every other religion would be like fuck I think their gods must be the one. And then they would get like shot in a boat and just burned alive and be like yeah my god still rules. That guy got destroyed. Then Caesar became their champion I think. And then they, they wept in the streets when Caesar was knifed. I know I would. Oh man, Caesar is so great.

I'm pro Caesar. Last time I was on here, I got in trouble because I was asked if I liked Franco and I gave, I gave an over the top answer. Yeah. Don't love fascism. I think fascism is bad. I just want to say, brother, fascism is bad. Set the record straight. But Julie Caesar. So cool. Is that okay? Yeah, I think I think it's a long time ago. Yeah. Time has to pass. I don't even

know what he did, but hey, I don't know either. He took goal. He won a civil war. He redistributed land for people. That rules. Oh yeah, he set up Galatia. Galatia had the ladyboys too. Did it? Yeah, they were like, that was their like highest priest, were just dudes who dressed like girls. That does sound like the fanciest ladyboy- Galatian ladyboys. They were. They were the Gaulish- yeah, they were the Gaulish people. I think it's modern day Turkey, but yeah, Turkey, their original religion was ladyboys.

There were these like ladybros that would walk through and Rome was just kind of like this one does sound like an improvement on the ladyboy That's the best you were doing on your own then you would welcome the Arab. No they were they were pillagers The Galatians were just non-stop pillagers and Rome came through Fucking piped them up big time was like knock it off And then built them a bunch of cool shit and the Galatians were like yeah We're basically Romans now, but that was like the last vestige of the time was like knock it off and then built them a bunch of cool shit and the Galatians were like yeah we're basically Romans now but that was like the last vestige of the religion was like Lady Bo Lady Bros. What's still in the sounds like in Afghanistan you

Bacchabazis uh-huh you get the hottest you get the hottest little sweet boy And if you're like a feudal warlord in like Afghanistan Part of your status is like you can get you grip up like a little sweet boy and make him Yeah, girl, and he'll dance for you and all your bros They got playing cards for them and this is alright so the Taliban were trying to stamp it out This is what I read and they okay I'll give you a baka bazi guy in as like the president under the Americans and he had to go to the UN to give An address and head to what I heard he had to be talked out of bringing his dancing boy And he was like, but they won't respect me if I don't have the most

boy Like you will not be bringing the boy How do you know you don't like it if you don't see my boy It is funny to be so plugged into your contacts. You're like, why can't I bring my hot young boy? These are powerful men. This is what boys like why can't I bring my hot young boy again? These are powerful men. This is what powerful men do. They're gonna have their boys there? I'll be the only boyless man. I'll look like a fucking idiot with that little boy. True.

Let me get him in a hotel. Come on. Yeah man. He probably brought him too. He was just like, oh look, I'll talk to him. Everything's cool. Just wait out here. Say you're my son. Say you're my incredible makeup dancing son. They love that here in America. Made up dancing son. Yeah. It's funny how just like Mitch McConnell be like what? No. Tell him no. Bringing your little boy a cat carrier from the overhand compartment. This is my, what's it, emotional support board. My emotional support twink. Yeah, it's funny how that just kind of lived on through like all of the high, I mean they're like ultra conservative.

Yeah. And yet just like, boop, boop. But if that's what you want to conserve if that's already the culture true true true true That is true. You're in trouble. Yeah, just funny how that sprung up It's like women must be fully closed blah blah blah and all the sudden like my little sweet That whole system of thought was like no yeah, that's fucking chill don't take the boys It is kind of like is only throw gay guys off a roof. I do Don't don't fucking you could not eat you could toss the shit out of a gay guy Kevin Hart got into trouble for this you're gonna

My son was gay I'd stab him yeah Anything you should do is stab him with your weenies. Stab him with your love and respect. I'm like, I love you, you gay. I love you, you gay. I distance myself from these comments immediately. I do too. You guys are being pretty gay right now.

You guys are being full gay. I dare you to throw me off a roof, dude. You can't throw all of us off the roof. True. That's why we're furiously sucking you, dude. I was trying to get a bit about what like progressives and the Islamic state had in common. It's like they both love slut dropping, but that's the closest I got.

It wasn't a good... They like what? Slut dropping. It's a dance move and also the pushing of a person off a building. I gave up on it a bit, it was just making people unhappy. Yeah, yeah. Getting to something deeply unsettling about being tossed off a roof. Because it can't, you can see it clearly.

I like to think of the noise I'd make if I got thrown off a roof. A high-pitched scream. Splat. You'd have that fucking road, you'd have that coyote moment where you'd pause, you're like help. Yeah, true. Yeah, that sucks, man. Getting tall.

How many people do you think they've really thrown off a roof? You think some boys, there's just a little bit of Bodmon action that got like, you think that's like a standard procedure? Throwing off the roof? Yeah. It's so much cheaper than the next way. It was like in movies and stuff where they like hold people over over the corners of rooms and stuff

So I think there's a chance it could like happen like the mob, you know They a lot of air show wasn't real, but they started making it rough to movies true Yeah, also, I heard in Africa and like Liberia if you're gay they put you in tires and burn you and like roll you down A hill. Yeah, I did dude. I used did do nice guys. That's a bad way to go Yeah, it's terrible. He told me put a ramp turn him in the gay evil can evil I mean you could they ain't playing but then you go the other side like America figure out how to kill people you know about you follow this in this country what was the capital yeah? You can't you have capital punishment

You won't get rid of it, but then like you know hi oh, they tried to find a new way of doing they're trying to find like a humane way to kill people and surprise surprise it's hard to kill people in a way that everyone's like I know well everyone's also different so like they like the fatal dose like all right this will work sometimes it just doesn't work on it yeah and he's just like yeah that's tough they don't do the electrocution they I think they do multiple injections and nobody know everyone hits a button but only one person actually hits the one that gets them. What was wrong with firing squad?

That seemed like a nice quick and easy. Oh, yeah There was a lady in Thailand. Man. I don't I don't want to just repeat things. I read on Wikipedia. All right It's all welcome to the secrets of podcasting To the kingdom of Siam a woman was drug smuggling with her partner and they do machine gun killing. Like they line you up against the wall and they shoot you like a hundred times with a bullet through the heart. And so like they're all standing around and they machine gun this woman. But she had a weird like her body was a mirror image and her heart was on the other side.

And so she lived and they had to get her back to do it again. It's the only time it had happened. But then her boyfriend who didn't have that condition same thing happened They just filled him with a hundred bullets, and then they had to do it again what that moved me wait They don't get to live I feel like if you survive. I think if you survive a hundred bullets that should be Yeah, that's that's trial by fire. They should let you go. Yeah Well they might be like 72 bullets I mean 50 cents is probably nine so. True.

There hasn't been another famous shot rapper lately. Megan Thee Stallion? Not that light. She was the only one. She's getting in trouble bro. For what? She's getting in trouble. She had sex with a lady in her car and she made her, she was like,

you can't leave you fat bitch, you gotta sit here and watch. Oh hell yeah. She made a photographer watch? Yeah, in the car. Maybe she took the wrong lesson from Lizzo getting through her scandal and was like, huh, I can have this. What was Lizzo's scandal? Lizzo went to a Thai, a lot of time Thai Wikipedia, sex show and made her dances going there.

Yeah, and like do explicit things with like fruits She took them to a bridal shower. Like what does it go there? The hens night? What basically I know this little bounce back from this is she not fine. She's fine. This look about Many times She was robber yeah So so Megan the stallions in trouble now, she said she was all for thought shit. She said she's no longer a thought well She's a liar She couldn't give it up. She can't give up the thought shit

So she was just lezzin out on some thought shit and then made her It's the alcohol dude, it was so funny. This is a If I was if I was a PR, it's just alcohol. It's just alcohol. And also, I don't know. She's like, sit down, dude. Sit down, you fat bitch. Watch this. What would you do? Walk away or watch it?

For my friend lady? That's not as cool. If you're a big fat lady. It was a guy. What? What about that firing squad? A guy. What? Oh? What about that firing squad? A guy's complaining? It was a guy. He's trying to get her for fucking, and he's trying to get her on the reverse rape shit. Meg's about to be the first reverse rape, dude. Give me the gavel, dude. I'll smash the table. Dude, get the fuck out of here and shut up.

Is that the first Me Too'd woman? Yeah. No. No. Ellen got Me Too'd for being mean. Nah, but that's not. It only counts if it's the sixth one. Wasn't she the one drugging people? No.

Carly B. It was Carly B, but she's not gonna get in trouble for that. She was a fucking hooker. She was a hooker doing like hooker tricks. She was doing hooker things. Yeah, that doesn't count. She was a hooker doing hooker stuff. If guys can rap about murdering people,i B can drug John make and steal 50 bucks

She's gonna be the first she too. She won't I show Nobody do the public opinion is gonna go do shut up. There's gonna be so many gay photographer That'd be kind of shitty. I don't know That's that's news the women are about to get owned. There's a bunch of dudes who've been beat up by their girlfriends who are about to be so Oh, Mia Hamm got in trouble. Remember when she put the hands on her on her bow?

Who's that? Mia Hamm, the old soccer player. Yeah, the goalkeeper. Was she beating up a lady though? She's the one with the short hair. No, it was a man. She was beating up her husband. I'm pretty sure. Oh, no, that's not the one I'm thinking of. Her husband.

The one I'm thinking of did not have a husband. You're thinking of Megan Rapina? Maybe. No, it was a man. She was beating up her husband. I'm pretty sure. Oh no, that's not the one I'm thinking of. The one I'm thinking of did not have a husband. You're thinking of Megan Rapina? Maybe. No, not Megan. With that last name she might have been getting up to some real bad things. It's the lady, Hope Solo. Hope Solo, that's it. She sold her butthole.

Who the hell did I say? Mia Hamm? Mia Hamm's gay. Who's Mia Hamm? Mia Hamm's gay. She's a soccer player. Yeah. It's Hope Solo. They're all in relationships with each other. No, no. It's Hope Solo.

It's Hope Solo, yeah. Hope Solo? Oh, she's a rest. Oh, wow. There it is. It's right at the top. It's right at the top. Yeah, she put the hands on bull. In relationships no no it's hope solo Yeah, she put the hands on bull She's she shot the fade with bull did you really yeah, oh solo is like six five She's a definitely an Amazon queen I'd like it if she beat the piss Yeah also I mean dude that is

Hope is not guilty of any crime She was assaulted, my nephew came at me My niece and my nephew ganged up on me Oh she fought an NFL player? Was this Sean Merriman? No, it was Jeremy Stevens

Damn she got drunk and beat up her husband and NFL player yeah, dude that doesn't count girls can't get in trouble for this Yeah, they should just like lose all their money into in a divorce if they beat up their husband They should beg all right. You don't get no I mean yeah, she loses all $70,000 from the Player what about equality dude they want it dude. I believe in a powerful Equalize Beat hope solo ass I mean no in the letter of the law for sure you can have equality But then in the spirit of the law it's like if some dude is like I just divorced my wife for beating me

It's like dude. Just say she was annoying If some dude is like I just divorced my wife for beating me. It's like dude. Just say she was annoying Did I say your wife was beating you weirdo? It's gonna be super hard to beat the bitch allegations though Like if you like sue your wife or like divorce or forgetting beat up or like, you know, what do you mean? Yeah, yeah, I was gonna call you a pussy Jay-z I mean if that was Jay-z's worst thing people saying about Jay-z he would be thrilled thrilled What do you mean? He got beat up by a lady. Did he really? Yeah in the elevator Solange just kept kicking him in the testicles. That doesn't count. That's cuz he was cheating on Beyonce with Becky

Yeah, he went with Becky Yeah, she beat him up. That is weird. His her younger sister tried to attack him. Yeah He was just doing a little Joshua Henderson Sister try to attack him yeah, he was just doing a little Joshua Remember the name he had a beautiful hair who did Put that in a that should be sampled immediately One's probably there's a bunch of Joshua Henderson's I was looking him up the other day. There's like serious dudes on LinkedIn They're like they could interview for job interviews No, I was looking for the other Joshua Henderson I know now you like you try and get that

Henderson for a job I'm definitely hiring this guy Dude, I got um not to be gross, but I got some warts blasted off me today. Nice. Yeah Nitrous shit. This is something else. This wasn't even a wart. It's uncomfortable. I've had that done Yeah, dude. He hit me. He gave me a full five seconds. I got one on the motherfucking leg I can't say what are you coming in for for I was like you got to take away my wicked wart He blasted dude five seconds, dude. He just had the nitrous or the nitrous whatever it is that shit uh nitrous oxyval The upside down air can. Liquid nitrous. Yeahrous he didn't blast me with the fucking funny guess

yeah dude he hit me in the leg for like five seconds dude and it like I was I was yelping he was like that's three and I was like it hurts how many warts have you got? I just had one this is something else this is like a pre cancerous type thing I got one. You got a motherfucking wart? No the pre cancer thing. Yeah bro I had one. This is something else. This is like a Pre-cancerous type thing. I got one. I got one. You got a motherfucking wart? No, the pre-cancer thing. Yeah, bro I had one right here. It's the sun We're getting fucking beat up by the sun. I'm sun maxing. I'm sun maxing. I don't believe in that. I'm sun maxing. Yeah, me and me and

Gardizel were in Vegas this weekend. Shout out motherfucking Vegas. Shout out Wise Guys. That was sick. We stayed in the historic Mandalay Bay I was telling you guys last night. Yeah, it was my view was absolutely despairing Just I literally the view they gave me that I thought I'd see the pool They gave me the full tragedy view how to give you the back No, I think it was the front I can't tell but I think I was in the front cuz I was like dude I heard they had a really sick pool. I probably I was on like the 59th floor. Yeah, look out It's just like a covered tent almost like it not like 59th floor. Yeah, look out it's just like a

Covered tent almost like it not like a circus looking thing like a big party tent and just like a desolate lot And every day I'd crack my windows and look at it and go by FaceTime my family my my wife They like to see like my room so I might check out the view and then I didn't realize I was naked and I was being So big bushed out They like to see like my room so I'm like check out the view and then I didn't realize I was naked and I was being totally reflected in FaceTime. It's a big bushed out... Oh man. I had to take a picture of my passport and I was naked in the house and I realized the first picture.

I was far enough away and I was naked and there was a light behind me and my entire flaccid penis. It looked great but I did decide to retake that photo. It looked great, but I did decide to retake that photo. Yeah, hopefully my my kids are still on that MIB flash part of their development where they don't remember anything. Wait, do your children not see you naked? They've seen me naked a bazillion times. Yeah. But one's four now. Four's the kind of cutoff. Four they start to kind of stare and you're like, all right, take it easy.

Because they're like intensely curious or like, because they're all about classifying. I know when I take them to a restroom when we're out and about, I have to ask them to turn around. That's what I do. But they- They want to see. They're a bit of- they're a bit voyeuristic though. They don't- They're like, turn around, I'll turn around, like, yo, what's- turn around!

They don't have the shame yet. No, they don't. They want to see, they're like- It's the job of a father to put the shame in the children. It is. But it kind of sucks when you're in a public bathroom with like, your daughter, and like, dudes are coming in she dude She's always just feels weird cuz like dudes are in there shitting and like dudes are pissing

Yeah, full on like go to a urinal and try to like birdwatch and I'm like yo get come here touching the wolves. Oh Man, but they'll hear a guy will be in a stall and she'll be peeing and a guy will be unleashing like a 50 year old Mandem She's like dad is he pooping? and I'm like, yes, shut up, be quiet I have a confession to make I love trees recently I got a tree from fast growing trees

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Download the prize picks app and use code drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 pick more pick less It's that easy look. This is the gentlemanly option fantasy Sports app prize picks it's for gentlemen dude some of that other bull. I'm not look I'm not gonna talk about other stuff prize picks picks, dude. Be a gentleman about it. Get in there, guard dog. What you got? The next Optimum Noctus show with me, Nate and Lamar is on Tuesday, May 7th. If you can come to that, please, we'd really appreciate it. They're very fun.

And yeah, and all of our friends will be there. It's a good lineup. It's gonna be a great lineup. At the Creek in the cave in Austin, Texas and then Raleigh good nights on June 6th I'll be there and I'm bringing Bisa and then I'm doing nice the other shows the week the next week on my Instagram Thank you Yeah, August 16th of one of your messages, please go through We're gonna get the text brother Fuckin II Helix eSports that nice Please come through. Oh, yeah, we're gonna get the text brother

Helix eSports that guy nice James Donald force McCann Cameron plan. I have no gigs only have a patron. It's perfect Please come to Indianapolis. That is May 16th to the 18th comedy works Denver Houston improv, please And that's pretty much it for now. Please come to those three shows. Go to MattMcCusker.com slash dates, but you can just go to MattMcCusker.com and then just click on dates. It's a little easier.

Yeah, do that. Please come to some shows. It's been very fun. I love seeing you guys out there. Okay. God bless you. There's a glory hole at a gig recently. Yeah?

Where? At the creak. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I, someone had draped some toilet paper over it as a respectful, yeah. Uh, you know, if you don't, a

little curtain. Yeah. Wizard of us. Curtains up. Pay no attention to the man. There's a GH there? Yeah, a big one. Like an unnecessary, and I was

next to a man who's Unnecessary to launch open..... Right cutting the bow next to me. It was because he did it for an album picture. Somebody's album picture, they put a glory hole in there and he never took it out. How high is it to get some plaster down at Home Depot? Is it dormant or active? I assume it's active because they have just, it's a very thin covering. Let me hit the subreddits real quick. I don't think I've ever seen the glory hole in real life.

You need it. You're first. Chill by it. It's the least glorious hole in the world. I was wondering how glorious it was. Put a trail cam on it. You should put a sword-style guillotine on the other side. That would shriek people away. Put the ring doorbells on the whole side of the glory hole.

Put two fingers through and just see if anything pops through and it's gripping up like freeze you're under citizens arrest I have a gay man by his penis He just starts walking you're making me jerk you I'm gonna make you come I'm gonna make you come a big big fish on the line that'd be the fight put your thumb in the hole you gotta go be an officer I've got a gay man by the penis

get here quick it's going soft against the wall You gotta look over the officer. I've got a gay man by the penis. Get here quick. It's going soft. He's just... against the wall. Damn. Oh my goodness, crap. I mean, how do you think police caught George Michaels by doing that? He was doing that funny business. Man, there's a number. Yeah, he got four counts of funny business.

There was a senator who had his foot under the... Senator, he I have a wide stance He was tapping his foot in a special code Being a secretly gay senator is there any better life? Just be a powerful rush every day you survived would be exactly every and it's being like Passing a law just stopping fucking like like you're stopping a bunch of people from getting like benefits and I want that battle It's time to go suck a guy's dick in the gas station bathroom. This truly is the greatest country in the world. You ain't gotta go home and kiss your wife and be like, We did it.

We did it tonight, honey. Just a cheek kiss at that point. Once you get super powerful, you can only kiss your wife on the cheek. The saddest article I ever read was by a gay man who was addicted to having sex in public toilets. And it was him going like, I'm so disgusted by myself and I want to stop this is not who I am but I keep going back to the toilets and I believe he had a bad he had a bad experience in the toilets that went in a direction he wasn't uh he had a herosia

happy with he was assaulted but he was like but it's too good so even though I'm traumatized and I have to relive my trauma every time I I can't keep away from the toilet You're not that traumatized That's how horny he was. I was in ground zero. I told you guys this weekend I was in the I've got a spa pass so I can do the sauna at the historic Mandalay Bay Yeah, and I was like I'm gonna go get a sauna. They had a cold plunge there I'm like this is gonna be sick. I can't wait to do this By the way, you also have to pay 25 bucks to work out of the Mandalay Bay kind of fucked up You think they'd be a little more enticing.

It's enough to make a man real angry. Yeah. Aspiring gay rage. Took a second. That's so unreasonabIe! Yeah. I was angry there. Yeah, man. What happened in the spa? So I get the spa, again, pausing myself. Yeah, man. It is a kind of it does what happened in the

So I get the spot again pausing myself on the spa pass I know it's not like the sickest most head-rope thing to do, but usually it's chill I go sit in a sauna I sweat it out this had the cold plunge as well, and it was like it was beautiful It was like these two hot tubs with like rocks and waterfalls and then like a what looked like a hot tub But just cold water wasn't that fucking like 30 degree bullshit. It's like 50 It's nice. You can get in there So I like I walk it and by the way I had my bathing suit that I was saving for my swim Sean

Yeah, I don't want to waste my bathing suit We hit the pool later either way We were in the way, but this is before the wave poo, so I'm like I'm sitting, and I'm like all right. I'm gonna preserve and I was like it's just a spa I'll just rock the boxer briefs, but I have my towel so I'll have my towel my boxer briefs So I'm like I'm walking with my towel on me and this dude like 50 year old gay man Just stay it just like leers at me, and I'm looking I'm like bro What it now it was like it was enough like a glance is a glance whatever this was a Locked eye contact that I was like

Not making but I could feel them burning into my head, and I look back And I'm like you felt the male gaze I felt the male gaze the predator gaze it is not comfortable And I just go dude. I look at I go fuck all right But it's it's not it's not dude But it's not. It's not, dude. If he had told me to smile, I would have flipped. Did it look like he was going to eat you? Don't tell me that.

I always feel like it feels like they're going to eat me. Not just like, oh, you're beautiful. I want to be with you. It's like, I'm going to consume and have. I think we must look like, that must be what I look like when I look like at a woman. Yeah. It's not pleasant.

It's not like a welcoming gesture of sensuality. I experienced it firsthand. It is not flattering. It is not pleasant it's not like a welcoming gesture of it's not I experienced it firsthand It is not flattering it is not welcoming because then you start to question yourself But there's enough gay guys in there that I started being like am I just gay? The hotel sauna if you had to pay to get in It was it for real you got so many gazed you're like you just started to feel like maybe I'm wrong well the part Here's the thing I suppose that was that that was kind of like all right whatever I'm in fucking Las Vegas in a spa in a hotel obviously there's old gay guys in there No big deal keep it a fucking hunter broke go ahead soldier go in the spot or go in the fucking sauna

So I walk in and then I'm just chilling so now obviously I'm recovering from it right now I had a vicious hemi I had a little another one of those just blood butt butt blocking hemi Yeah, blood clot. Oh blood clot. Are you recovering from that because you had it frozen off with nitrous? No, no, I go Natty on these I get these at Lamar has gotten them as well They're called throw I get thrombosis where it's like a it's like it just like comes Lucky merges out like it really blocks half your it's the boulder in front of the tomb It blocks half of your butt three days later. Probably more. It's more like six or seven After three or four days it starts to go down

It's here. Here's the first time I got it It was it was a good effect to be mentally when the first time I got one of these vicious hammies Now I'm able to get them and just go like business as usual and like the first three days are kind of painful and then it starts to subside and I got it's thing I mean now it's like the size of a fucking tic-tac which is much better but it was it was on full blast in the Vegas spa so I bust off the towel I'm in my boxer briefs I couldn't sit on my ass like that You should have used it to scare them away, you should have flashed the hemmy to the gate He would have popped it bro. He would have popped my cherry bro. Matt, if you were on all fours in a sauna with a gay man. I was on all fours.

How much of this was his fault? That's what I do again. Don't think I'm lame. So first of all, I go like this. I have my legs up like a fucking merman. I was like this. I have my legs up like this. All the bench. In my boxer briefs dude so I'm like I'm in there alone though so I'm like alright I'm cool. The same guy walks in and just doesn't even sit down he just stands by the door and just is looking in my direction I'm like bro get out so I just fucking put the head down I was like oh man this is not a good look that I have right now so I put the head down like two minutes later he leaves and I was it was just so uncomfortable. I'm like dude, what the fuck so I'm sitting there All right, get out of there. I'm like, all right, man, whatever keep the towel on chill out. So I go then I go I'm walking I'm like, I'm like is every dude in here fucking gay and then I'm like nah, dude

You're just being a psycho then I look at every now. I'm like casing everyone up. I see the one guy I'm like, he's just like a regular dude. They give you a little key thing Like it's like this. It's like a like a real tight version of this with like a key wrapped around it. So you just carry, I was just like carrying mine. Some dudes wear them around the wrist, I'm like alright. This one dude, I'm like yeah he's not gay. I looked up, he had his key ring around his thigh and I was like, ahhh. You got a god-er key?

That's a gay way to hold on to that thing. Which again, it was like I don't care, but then it like, it like, hit. I think it's fair for you to go, I don't want, but then I like it like it's for you to go I don't want to have a man have six with me in this for sure or or even approach or I'm telling you there were so Many gay men in there that it has a disorienting effect where you go. I have a gluten allergy I'm in the spa. Maybe I am just a gay guy I was sitting there like this is fucked you got caught in the gay delusion. I did luckily I had a good I'd Stockholm, dude

Luckily I I was able to like confront this as a thought pattern and go bro Relax, you're being a psycho and I was able to completely detach from this and chill and then I was telling Sean I hit the cold like the cold plunge total hetero sanctuary. Yeah, sat in the cold cold one dude the gay guys are swimming around the hot tub I was just in fucking like 60 degree water 57 or your waters being like you bros can't even come in here The gay guys couldn't go in That was one thing I find I got the set Yo, bro, you guys can't come in here. Oh, you guys are afraid of cold water. They love they don't Yeah, they want immense comfort room and they want they want to hang. Yeah, they did not.

Dude, I'm telling you, that was the only place I went in there and it was just like no one would step foot. Yeah. It was crazy. They can't handle the food. They were crocodiles. They were crocodiles in the hot tub. Hungry, hungry.

I was in the freezing water just like, come get me, dude. I was going to look for a gay gym to go to, but now I don't want to go. Why? I wanted a gym that didn't have ladies at it. I don't want to be a creepy guy I just want a man only gym, but then that might be You want to be top of the food chain or bottom of the food chain? I want to be outside the food chain You can't exit the food chain. I learned that sadly this week. I want the asexual men's only gym

That's what I call it. That's what I go to. That's Planted Fidget. There's nothing gay about the YMCA. The Y rules, but they got some babes at the Y. I think there's a whole song about... I know, I was joking. Yeah, I go to a gym now, and I won't say the gyms,

I don't want to get it in trouble, but it's pretty sick. They also have a sauna there, which is pretty sick, but it's always just packed with like the most insane people every time But the one guy I was talking to someone a dude listens to the podcast caught me in the sauna And which all we also took a very compromising photograph. He's like, can't get a picture I'm like, yeah, man, we took a picture in the sauna and I'm just like both sweating their shirts off So then I

Was talking to that dude and he was like telling me I was like someone asked him about the steam room He goes I don't go in the steam room like why it's like the well the manager the gym told me He's like he's like what about the steam room and the manager of this very gym is like Oh, it's like you can go in there if you want to get come all over your feet He was talking about a different location though, you know The big hot spot is the prayer room So what you know you begin a hospital or like an office building like a big business like an airport. Yeah Cuz it's empty

No, what no one goes there. I thought about going in there before but I'm always like I don't feel like I went into the Pittsburgh one before I was trying to do a podcast and I needed somewhere quiet What if you see someone from another religion? don't you only like vanquish them? But that was a big scandal in our Parliament house in government going to everyone would go to have sex in the prayer room Sons of bitches man. It's not right. Nothing. Every religion's upset. Yeah, not affiliated Mm-hmm. Yeah people as yeah people are mad about that You can't like go into like a prayer room and just jerk off unless you're like, I'm like a Dionysian You could be like I'm from like a Dionysian cult

Practicing orgiastic rights. You're a judge, aren't you? You should start an airport prayer room orgy. That sounds like a blast. I mean, if you look it up on the internet, you'll see a difference again. He's on his freak bullshit. You're on your freak shit again?

What are you talking about? I've been a nice boy on that episode. You gotta find the light, brother. True, bro. There must be, every time I look at the airport and they have these chambers now I think people must use them to wank Do you know the lactating sweets the lactating sweets and that working sweets and just like Rooms you can't see into that are just big enough for one person on the internet She's using that I would do that

This guy takes hotel or airport beats Nice brother I've done it on the plane I get chugged up on the plane if they can milk themselves in there Fair point tag I can only be honest and I had definitely have fab it was like a two-second air, bro I had like a spite beat in in one my flight beat? My flight was delayed like six hours and I was like... That's not your fault. I had to get the evil out of me. I was a grumpus.

You had to become a good customer. Yeah, you had to become a happy customer. That's the fate of the airport bathroom. No, the customer is sometimes wrong. I think that's sad. Yeah, I feel guilt about that. But, you know. I just had like a vicious like hangover boner one time on a flight and it was like kind of long and I was just like just chubbed for hours and it just dude it was crazy.

We had we sandwiched a freaking nasty babe on the flight home from Vegas. Yeah she was a girl spreader. Yeah girl. She wouldn't move to the side? No she was in the middle. No she was in the middle and she was just fucking boss hog on the fucking both armrests. Yep. Just mushed me into the wall. Yeah, but that's the thing. She was girl spread and I can just go perv zone.

Oh, our elbows are touching. Welcome to the perv zone. Is she a large person? Yeah, she was a muscle mommy. She was stripper build. I would say... Pre muscle mommy. Pre muscle mommy. You know like women are like, they're large but they're not like big or like proportion. They're like well proportioned, but just tall like that soccer player sort of like hope solo

Yeah, yeah, but a little I would say more fat I haven't really got a good glimpse of hope so but definitely a little more feminine She was an Amazonian queen for sure It's just a thick top the tall time But yeah, we were we were we were getting like crushed because's the thing, it's like whenever I'm on an airplane, I'm like, please, I would prefer for a lady to take the seat next to me. Just because you get a big dude and it's like, the dominance battle will kind of bother me a little more for a lady.

I go, yeah, you take that. I was next to LaMare on the flight back from Nashville, and I thought we'd struggle to healthy people, sitting there, getting that... It was fine, we both... Two HPs? Have you spoken about that? No, no. I haven't.

We did, we went to Disneyland. And then we did a show at the comedy club and there was a, maybe I shouldn't give away how I know about, I don't want to shame that woman. True. Well, it's not a shaming. It's the... So we basically, we talked to a Disney insider, put it that way. Someone who worked at Disney. And I don't know how... we were just talking about like the conduct. I said, how do the fat people get on the rides? Yes, that's how it started.

Good question. Or how do you handle it if someone is too fat to get on the ride? Because it's like, yeah, obviously people have gotten fatter. Like how do you... so they have to be at Disney World, everyone, anything you ask them, they're like what's that? Oh, yes, of course and everyone's so like ridiculously nice it's like yeah if you have like if you encounter the reality of a situation How would you keep the Disney magic on that and that's when she hit us with the code? for if like if someone like how did it get it came from that I don't know too fat to fly well yeah

She's like if we need to put them in a special area, we go over the intercom, we got two HPs here. Healthy people. What's HPs? Healthy people. I've been calling myself a healthy person. Got a healthy person. It was very funny to have that. The nastiest thing you could say about them that if they heard it, no one would lose their job. Healthy people. It's also, if you just said healthy and you have a big fat wife and husband looking at each other like, we have been taking care of ourselves, it's time for us to take the biggest thing as a treat.

It's healthy. But yeah, we got hit with a fucking, we took the tour of, what the fuck was that called? Not Space Mountain, the Epcot ball. Oh yeah. I don't know, it's not the sphere, that's the other one. But Spaceship Earth? Yeah, Spaceship Earth. It's nice, the whole history of western civilization. Yeah, that's fun. I did that when Yeah, spaceship Earth. It's nice. They the whole history of Western civilization

Yeah, that's fine. I did that when I was a kid. It's very tight It hits harder if you see it now as an adult, so actually I was like a red pill adult such as yourself You'll see it'll it'll for real hype you up. It's nice. It's anything's possible The whole way up was great the whole way up It's like how we invented everything and then you get to the top and there's the stars and then on the way back down They just play you a little video about the future Which is that probably is the future is a nice little video where we all just sit in our little chairs and watch it But I definitely felt the way out was great and the way down was well. It was crazy. I'm sad about the future

Yeah, I also was my shit was in Chinese. I was fucking me up My whole tour was in Chinese. We sat in a car. We sat in a car we sat in a car for a CPS dude I don't know it was just the programming was fucked up and that'd be so nice if the Chinese one was completely different true We invented everything Look at these lies Everyone else lies about everything this is the Roman Empire we invented gunpowder waiting for this I mean technically the Roman Empire is fucking sick, dude So tight It's pretty cool I mean technically the Roman Empire's fucking sick dude so tight

Nothing about the Roman Empire aren't they dead though Yeah, they did though, but people trying to claim it. They live on in the Catholic Church pretty much They're not better than us though. We the greatest empire. I mean we would smash the Roman Empire They would have no one drone See how long you can hold on to one. They had like 700 years you're at How long has this been going for like three? Shit, that's seven hundred. It's a good start. We're there. We're halfway there if we can live in on a prayer If we can fully you know I think what democracy came out of Greece if we can come, if we could come up with a cool new way to do everything.

That's the problem. I already got in trouble for San Franco was the answer. And it's not the answer. We're falling into damn capitalism right now, which is not the answer. What do you mean? Yeah. Capitalism? It's just about the...

It was an improvement from feudalism. Well, it's just going to decay us. Yeah, but it's like, here's just about the it was an improvement from feudalism. Well, it's just gonna decay us Yeah, but it's like here's the thing. It's going to Bring us to a breaking point that we'll have to come up with a new and cooler system Which I think we might be on the or we can become the USSR What do you mean like as soon as the war was over? Oh everybody was poor and nothing worked like nothing everything was gone Yeah, I don't know. I don't see it hitting. I don't see it hitting that way. Yeah, but yeah I mean get poorer first is weird cuz Australia is just like America, but

20% poorer yeah, I don't know it's like yeah Gas is a little more and all the servings are a bit small and we haven't risen up and changed it yet You could your living standards can come way down before you're ready to kill people in the street it's the thing if you win if you win a war your standing of living doesn't decrease it just only gets better yeah if you know if we just win these all these wars we're starting might be in a even better space if we win all the wars we're not involved in yet if we just win all these proxy wars and then conquer Africa for once Africa's over there is Chinese in Russia

Yeah, but they might they might let those boys do their thing and then topple them and be like yank who us yeah Us of a company great liberator. We did let him kick France out Yeah, yeah, France was down there France was in a friend Oh, yeah, yeah, and that's what I had so many civil wars in Africa, like last year, because it was a Chinese Russia. Yeah. Operation to get rid of the French leaders. France like held on to its colonies. Extreme like, yeah, incredibly. Like Britain has almost no ties, except like we'll get together and we do a running race once every couple of years. Like France is still I think economically. Yeah. Like France is still I think economically yeah dominating those countries damn they're in the five right the big five Yeah, isn't France in a big five? Yeah, hold on Yeah, they're top five countries yeah Top five for sure, but yeah, no, I don't know man. I know why India's got a beat France by now No, I don't think India's in terms of what and like for the UN like I know it doesn't get in

It seems unfair India's not allowing the UN. No, No, they're not letting the the big five Security Council Okay, I think it's it's in Germany's not allowed in there. It's France UK China Russia America. Oh for real what wait a second. I thought we're at war how we're all in a council together Yeah, that's why it exists. Yeah, so we don't do a war. Yeah, but then NATO is a whole different thing Yeah, NATO is yeah, so we're in do a war yeah, yeah, but then NATO is a whole different thing yeah, NATO is yeah So we're in a we're in a group with Russia, but then NATO is a thing kind of against them No NATO is like NATO is kind of like another version of the UN before like over there

Right not Europe, but like yeah like Australia's not in there. We have a different deal apparently It's meant to be a trade organ like the name is trade organization I don't know how much trade trading weapons yeah they just passed that bill dude 95 Billy to who Russia or Ukraine Ukraine Israel and and and what's the other one there which I'm called just got it I'll be honest Israel doesn't need our help yeah yeah I don't know maybe maybe not I mean they seem like they're gonna Yeah, then I'd seem well, I mean, yeah, they're getting that bag, bro They actually have pretty good defense and pretty good military themselves. They don't need us defense wins championships. Let's go

Yeah, it is kind of shitty. I was I was saddened to see the 95 bill passed I saw it I was a bill to one other country like Taiwan I think Taiwan is that's the piss-off China though. That's pretty bad. You can't give money to Taiwan I'd I'd like to give 95 billion dollars to Taiwan Yeah, watch all them ladyboys Rocking tits they're about to get to this time They messed up shit we just funded a bunch of lady it's all gonna be the same country in 50s Yeah, dude people get mad when you say that the people's Republic of China people get mad and you say I've said that too I'm like the eventuality is that we I mean it's it's it's under that you would fucking one world good

It's like I don't want anything bro. It's not has nothing to do with me I wish I was that powerful, but it does seem that way It's all gonna congeal into some fucking thing one day somebody's gonna rise up and take over China who I don't know It's a brave female warrior. I think it's gonna be a new Chinese guy. It's gonna be a new Chinese guy Well in China they say what happens is Andrew Yang the coast gets very rich the coast gets rich in the inland people Get poorer and poorer eventually come and then they revolt and they smash them out. They pipe them up and then they all start fighting. That's how China has been, that's been China's just like story over and over.

Kind of sounds like here but with like Trump, you know? No, nothing at all. You don't think Trump's the midwest guy? Not like that at all. Trump's totally midwest. No, dude. You're talking about like peasant farmers and then like international traders. Dude, you see how much money farmers make?

farmers are all the rage here If you're like a leftist arm pit here lesbian here you love farmers farmers don't make a lot of money They're fucking all their profits are cut by Monsanto because they have to buy seeds every year Sure, yeah, I had a bit that they don't they weren't really getting the bag before that either Lamar farming has been a pretty fucking ruthless earthy Although I think if you get the family farm popping hard enough you can cash in a couple million mid 1800s people doing Very well financially farming since then it's come down. Yeah And rightly so rightly so no way dude they ended the slavery James no way No way, dude. They ended slavery. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. James, no way, dude. Shit used to be sweet, you say? I think, I don't know. I think you might be right, James. Increase the minimum wage. One thing about slavery, it's a perfect way to build an economy.

Really? Yeah. Because you're not paying any money. We could all take turns. We could all take turns. We could all take turns. Yeah routine slavery Working at Walmart's pretty close. Yeah, they seem like this is a trope and everyone I don't talk about it on stage, but it's the thing that most shocked me about Every person at Walmart is unhappy. Yes. Yeah, everyone at every other business. It seems like everyone at Target seems happy

everyone Yes. Yeah. Everyone at every other business, it seems like everyone at Target seems happy. Everyone. They're doing better. Yeah, better than Walmart. I went to Walmart here. There was a lady with big, weird hair. One of her, the arms on her glasses was missing. So she was like, she was like that the whole time. She was so unhappy. Also, everybody spoke Spanish. I had to use my high school Spanish to buy a mesa por mi familia. Para niños mesa.

That was all I had. Corn. Para por. Corn. Corn. Isn't that mesa? Mesa. Mesa.

Mesa. Mesa. Mesa was table. I hope it was table. I hope it was table. You want corn for a joke? No, no, no. Mesa is corn.

They'd love some corn right now. This is, if we can work it out in this country, we'll be fine. But otherwise, they're just eating corn. Yeah, dude, the level of that, that was my justification for the, that was my justification. Any of you buying corn for your children at Wal-Mart? I'm here to buy a single cob of corn, senora. Yeah, that was my justification from stealing from the self-checkout. Because I was like, these people are in such an existential black hole of despair.

There's no way they're paying attention to what I'm walking out with. And I was right. That's why they hire, they don't have security. They a policeman at the door when I was cops are working at war in Philly They just had like the most depressed 19 year old black dude in the world just standing there like And you'd walk by him with like four bags full of stuff and a receipt that long and be like later, bro And he'd be like And you just walk by what are they do any of you worked at Walmart? I tried. No. They wouldn't let you work at Walmart?

No. You had too much energy with that. My goal was I wanted to get a job at Walmart and fully document, see how high is within the organization I could rise. And just document the whole thing in like almost like a medieval style book. Just like I started here and just see like how high in the organization I could manage it. And just share all the secrets. I have a... Walmart is where one of my darkest times was. Oh yeah, you worked at Walmart.

I handed out snacks out of Walmart and I purposefully pissed my pants in the aisle. You purposefully pissed your pants to get out of there? No. He was just like... You were so depressed, you pissed your pants. I was so depressed, I had a mental breakdown. Nice snatch, I've seen that. Yeah.

I was like... You don't do catch and release? The true fisherman in you is out. Well, you had a mental breakdown. I pissed your pants in the water. Yeah, I was just walking down the aisle and I was like, if I pee my pants, I had to pee, I was like, if I pee my pants right now,

nobody will care, nobody will give a fuck. And I just pissed and walked. How long ago did this happen? It was like 10 years ago now. All right, good. I'm glad you're still with us. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, then I just had to sit in my car with piss pants nobody You peed yourself yeah, nobody cares I

Would have cared well did you get right out of there or did you leave a puddle? I got right out of there. I was pissing and I started walking. I was like why am I peeing? Right out of there or did you leave a part? And I started walking I was like why my pain How did you do a full pay or just you let like half out then you My genes were so Well, what's the lesson learned there had been a lesson in that the lesson is nobody cares, but don't do it because you'll be crazy That's a fair point. I think if somebody had truly discovered that you left a humongous puddle of pee on the floor, they would have cared.

They wouldn't have been like, are you okay sir? They'd be like, get the fuck out of here right now. I care a lot about this. It got soaked up by my pants and shoes. What? Is that what those salt teasers are for? You could definitely use that as proof of emotional abuse if you had a lawsuit against them. Really? Yeah. My clarinet teacher was a lawyer and I was getting bullied at school.

And I'm like, I don't know, I'm having a bad time at school. He was asking how I was going. He was like, you should piss your pants. That's how you know you have real emotional damage as evidence in a court. It's true. And kids going to bathrooms, the kids who are severely emotionally disturbed disturbed like take shits on the floor in the bathroom and yeah to get into that behavior That's like a bad. That's a sign like that's something very very bad is going on in the house There's a kid doing like scat play in the bathroom by himself You have to like call the state like there's something fucked up going on in that house sure Yeah

Josh where are we timewise where are we timewise? Wow Breezy cover girl glad we got away from that Carl Winslow talk Josh where are we timewise where every time was oh? Wow Breezy cover girl glad we got away from that Carl Winslow talk There's no way I'm just presenting what I'm hearing that is a why here's the thing we're living in universe We live in a universe where either did he did pipe up Carl Winslow Or there's just a guy making that up was just insane because dude He said he swore his phone falling homies white car Well, so though that's great in the neighborhood, but it fits the profile bro

What a day homies that job is throw his shit up. Yeah about meek mill though What kind of word is that? the meek sound the meek Philly split on me Philly Philly split on me Philly's Philly's Yes, yeah, I got deep into a no jumper with those guys gorilla Yeah, who's like a he's supposed to be like the face of zombie land which like the KNA like a oh, it's called Trank area and he is like no he holds it down like he didn't that's bullshit but then there's another guy from Philly who coined the term no diddy and he's like

Really making a good run for himself talking About how gay meek is and all this stuff I heard somebody got beat up recently for like talking shit about me online and stuff who I don't know I just looked at it on Twitter. It's gonna be me No, I uh, I don't know I mean dude, I don't think I've ever said anything but the But yeah, dude the guy the interview is with it's the most it's the craziest shit I've ever seen it's on the no jumper And it's with this guy Scrilla who's like born and raised in KNA

Yeah, or that air or somewhere around that area And he just rips nitrous the entire like a big not like a tank tank but like a big enough vessel of nitrous and sorry there's a hair floating And sorry there's a hair floating in there. Just go Yeah, and it's like He's hitting it more and more and more to his own voice modulate Dude, it really modulates your voice in kind of a creepy way you come out. It's the opposite of healing Yeah, give me a second Adam. I got the wubs. It sounds like dr. Destructo But he says every he says everything three times though in the whole podcast. I'm like yeah, that's my motherfucking man. Yeah, that's my man

Yeah, that's my mother then at one point the nitrous takes him over so much that he goes Yo, the shit's whooping my ass, and he couldn't talk he was trying to form a sentence, and he was just like He had the world but that's very representative. I would want very sad for my reputation no, but it dude There's a whole genre. I keep I can't it's like Is it black yeah? Is it well? It's like a philly rapper. It's like one of those underground Philly rappers And nobody cares. I don't I feel like it's such a Non fruitful area of research. I've undertaken of like underground young Philly rappers Well like dude these guys are so fucked up on pills on opates, like visibly like junkie level like, and apparently that's cool.

Like I'm watching it, like they're like the coolest dudes right now. For young black dudes, there's a guy just like, yeah, and they can't even talk, they can barely walk, and it's fucking insane. And everyone's like, yo, and they rap and it's like, not even like it's unintelligible like mumble rap, it's for real like, a guy who's fucked up. Just being like, all they talk talk about switches on glizzies On the glizzy, I think you could turn your stem or like a semi to a fully Yeah, yeah, it's it makes the gun switches on the glass the glizzy is the weapon and the switches and modification Yeah, shoot automatic, but then Adam keeps talking about glizzies like hot. He's like what I got a hot dog He's like yo, no diddy, bro

No on a glizzy It's just like dudes like leaned over on promethazine just talking about one function of a gun. It's been enough It's insane We can watch them on the break, dude. I'm telling you. Do you think No Diddy like last? I think it's going to last for a minute, man. Yeah, it's pretty... Because once they get him in court, that's going to be the funniest shit in the world.

Because they're going to get his ass in court. They're going to be releasing so many docs. Yeah, I mean they've done... Nick Bryant was telling us there's five fucking cases going on right now I got something and he settled the one with Cassie quick. Yeah, no true. But again look man. I don't know I don't know. I don't want to you know, it's so it's so tempting to sink your teeth into a go I know he's guilty. I know I don't want him to be guilty. I Like the remix is too much. That's what yeah true. I don't know. It's it's it's what's going on right now

It's fucking also isn't Zuckerberg hot right now. Yeah Bro this is Fortuna dude the wheels of fortune have spun did he? pedophile Zucker hot guy Chad hot guy The nerds will rise they have dude. We'll do a jiu-jitsu. I think that's why he's starting to get hot. He was at the UFC 300 he was looking he loves the UFC he does yeah, he's you know it's good. He's found Something I guess he was one of the most hated men on the internet for a long that must be tough To be a billionaire and have everyone be like

I went to the can't shake that although. He's doing a pretty good job He's doing a good job. I think you just have to wait it out He's but he's spending he's spending probably like 40 million dollars a year on not being appeared as gay That Brian Johnson guy who's that guy who's spending all the money to reverse his aging all right Did you ever see this guy? No. The guy who eats blood. He gets new blood put into his body. I heard about people doing that with rituals,

but not for real. I think it's Brian Johnson. Could be wrong. The guy from ACDC? Billionaire. No, no. He's billionaire. Type in Brian aging.

There he is. Brian Johnson, billionaire. Yeah, hit that motherfucker. I don't think that's him. I know Steven Seagal. No, that is him. That's him. So he is. He looks like a completely different guy. 46. He is, he's always with his sons too. He's always like

comparing me to my son. Cause he's taking their blood. Comparing me to my boy. He, how old is he? Look, that's not great. 46. He looks pretty 46. He's 46? I thought he was older than that. Yeah 46 is, I've seen 46 year olds look like that without posing shirtless with their sons with a pile of blood. He also doesn't go in the sun which is terrifying. That's why he has that translucent skin. Yeah, he does. He's all about it. I wonder if he's a Mormon. He's absolutely a vampire. You can't drink your son's blood and be a Mormon, dude. There's no way. They can't have coffee. True. Yeah, it's, it's, he's getting a, he did an Instagram live with two people in like Dubai recently and it's, it's it's he's getting a he did an Instagram live with two people like Dubai recently and it's it's pretty Insane liver King, bro. Well, you'll liver King fucking go beat this guy's ass Can we click on Brian? I just want to see more of it. He looks terrible It's something it looks uh, there you go. He looks kind of like a woman. He's sort of like a girl

That's got work. This is like Bruce Jenner right before the transition. Yeah, this is Picture that's the family tree. Why is he like hard nipple than it smooth? Well, if you're on all that test bro, your nips are gonna be hard as hell He looks like a lady. He's starts to look like a girl. Yeah Dude, that sure it's kind of fucked up guys surgeries and shit dude. He looks better as he was a fucking Yeah, that other guy's cool. That's a bro that guy could get some pussy dude that guy's Mm-hmm Although girls would love nothing more than a tap into your like whatever that is like drinking blood

Yeah, dude women. I've said it all right I've said it before but I will say it again women are in a sick arms race now where they're just pumping themselves full of shit Yeah, women are gonna start looking like this guy and he's gonna look like them. They're gonna meet in the middle Yeah, what's up with him in his son? You can't be doing that. You can't be doing this dude. Yeah, what is the point of that? Dinner at 11 a.m. You sleep alone must give plasma Dinner at 11am, you sleep alone, must give plasma. Oh fuck. Dinner at 11am. That's his thing. He eats like a shot of sake in the morning and a piece of chocolate and like a bunch

of beans and shit. Weird. Is he doing performance art? I think so dude. 2 million a year on age reversal. As dinner at 11am. That's like your idea. That way.

Cool man. All he cares about is his body It's going to be funny when he dies Penis oh I'll look into that research rejuvenation. All right. All right this guy's not a total quack Yeah, the Perth birth now we about that. He is all about sexual health He talks about it, but he's only 46. It's like bro. It should still work. Yeah, that's what I'm saying Is Perth now a good source? Fine, they're good

It's a real it's a real newspaper, okay Why is his stomach like that? It looks like a dog's belly. Penis, does that hurt for longer? Because he's older and he used to be fat. Three million, now it's three million here, penis rejuvenation therapy. What is the, I'm assuming the therapy. He's shocking his penis. Six therapies, three times a week. Yeah dude, lay on your belly and slam the ground.

He's all about how hard, dude, he's constantly bragging on how hard he is. He's like, dude, I'm fucking hard as a rock in bed time. It's like, all right, dude. He's got my penis goals. He looks like Gavin Belson from Silicon Valley He's looking for three hours and 30 minutes worth of nighttime erections. Oh, yeah, that's he's trying to see how hard he is He doesn't even want to enjoy the erections. He wants to be hard while he sleeps. He's over there Well, he's claiming that's like a serious thing to like show you how good you're doing like just being a rock hard also You know he's peeking in on his son's dong. I don't want to put smut on him, but he's comparing itself

Yeah, what I would fucking dolled up, dude what I would give to have a penis that didn't work great true You know I mean I know Surgery, but either way I'm gonna stop ruminating on this or stare at this guy. It makes me feel really fucking I stop ruminating on this or staring at this guy. It makes me feel really fucking weird He be jeebies a beautiful note to leave the first one on a trail go to the motherfucking page This is a state of things. It's fucking perpetual warfare this guy trying to become an immortal and carl wins I need to go and look I'm a lady son for a few minutes. I true man is upset me Yeah, we need we should all go son max right now. Yes, yeah, that'll be I'm gonna fucking get the Sun on my frozen work Let's get soft in the Sun

James McCann, thank you so much Plug it up James Donald Fawes McCann catamaran plan. That's the number one number two. It's number two podcast No after this one dude the visual and so good. Thank you. I appreciate it visual components crazy number three panties in my mouth Name should change We've all got too long a name just everyone and every one of these podcasts has seven names. I'm just gonna call it the I wanted to call it catamaran plan, but that abbreviates to CP and I Had a Moran plan You rather get a JDFM CP? It's called James CP. James is CP.

James is CP. Thank you guys. We will see you in the Patreon maybe. And if not, love you, see you next week. Brothers. Sayonara.