Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 493 - Free to Tuck

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good evening brothers and sisters. We hope you're all having a great week. The D.A.W.G.Z. are in la la land for the netflix fest this week. So they beasted an audio only ep for you guys. It was a big week!!! The roast! Big shows!!! And the tires screening!!!! Makes for a piping hot cast if you ask me. I'm working on a slide show for the youtube now. That'll probably be up in the morning. Please enjoy god bless you.  Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 Go to https://auraframes.com/mssp and get $30 off their best-selling frame today

I'll take bad selfies and put on the thing. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. You can't do that man. You need to have good production. Our cast is not going to work without production. Jean said he's going to try to AI it, so a mouth on the picture just moves.

That'd be sick. Oh, no. He's so tight. I'll give him like four different pictures. We should start doing that. Yeah. Family guy, you know what I mean? How a family guy would have a cut to a joke that

had nothing to do with the episode. If we came up with a joke, we should have an AI video of a joke that had nothing to do with the episode. Yeah, come up with a joke We should have an AI For fucking sure yeah, you could have a guy drenched in a restaurant It's like a shitty We recorded Okay, well that's a good idea you guys you guys just got a glimpse in the creative process. Oh, that's crazy I guess that's a good idea for a podcast. We should podcast when we don't know we're podcasting. Ooh, I think that would get us in a little bit of trouble.

We need a secret producer. I think, yeah. We need to get tapped. We do have a secret producer right now. True. I'll take care of you boys. The catamaran planet is in the building. Cheers.

I'm so scared that I'm fucking this up. What's like a trip? Yeah, it'll be good. If you fuck it up, it's fine. Guess what? If we laid down an hour fire and it didn't work, we would just lay down another fucking hour fire, dude. Yeah, it's nothing to us, dude.

Also, Ak, get off our fucking dick, dude. Yo. I'm kidding. Ak, shut up, dude. Don't bring that up. I love Drake. I don't know why he wants smoke with Philly thoroughbreds all the time, dude.

He went at freak. Now he's coming. It's like, what are you doing, bro? He's going freak. Yeah. He went at meek, dude. He went at king meek, and now he's, dude, it's like what are you doing bro? He's a calm freak. Yeah. You went at meek, you went at king meek and now he's, dude, it's crazy. I wish, of all the things I've ever gotten in trouble for

or brought up, that one hurt. Last night, that one hurt. I love Drake. I have no, they're like Drake and Shane are friends, dude. He knows, like. I know, that's kinda nuts. I don't know anything. I also.

We were just back in our QAnon phase where we were trying to find we're trying to find all the pedophiles I put out you for you. He got me hard with high school teens his fault. That was his fault He also told him and also might be the best character ever domination daddy the dude the Dad who was having sex with just teenagers. Just plowing trans teens. The ultimate trap. That was a trap. I know.

Domination daddy. Did you ever watch before you, Katamaran playing? No. But I just want to say on that video I watched last night of you calling out Drake for the paedophilia, I love that you opened with, I want this on record. You declared that I'm calling it right now and I will need people to bring this up later on. I saw you when you fanned out a battle. I've never seen someone so ashamed of something they've said. This is the true remorse coming out.

I think that was the era of him with the stranger things lady. It was the stranger things and euphoria. Yeah it was pedophile. Everyone was like I know it. It was the red. It was a red scare of pedophiles. I Saw a guy, you know, it was funny. I saw a guy on Twitter X whatever come up with a thing like guys actually the law of consent 16 years old. So Drake's not a pedophile I think he's fucking around trying to be funny, but it was you can't you gotta

Defend it like that. you go his defense of it I swear I swear was in the in the within the rat beef him being like bro if I were a pedophile be arrested It's like we want He's like the amount of pussy I get if I was fucking that many kids I'd be dead yeah, it's like Good point. I guess it's a fair point Drake fucking rules dude. I take it back Yeah, I don't know. I think he rules unless he's a pedophile if he's a bad goes for everybody exactly That's a fair point you have to be so great yeah, you have to be Michael Jackson's greatest of all time

Yeah, or you think Tom Brady could be better. You think think if he wanted to be, he's a goat at Netflix, so he's not good enough. He's the goat, dude. How many touchdowns he need, bro? How many touchdowns he need to be? The roast was crazy. The roast was really fun. That was, man.

I'm so glad I didn't do it. Yeah. That whole ride over, when we were driving to it, I was like, thank fucking God. I'm not performing on this It was so nerve-racking. There's so many fucking hot celebs so many hot celebs I'd be so afraid to perform for the hot celebs. It did it did have you know that fucking dude yelling When Kim Kardashian was getting she got booed Which it was kind of sad. Yeah made me sad. That's like a throwback boo, though

I was telling you it was so hot like nine years ago to be like fucking Kardashians. Yeah. It was just a thing you did. I don't know what they were all mad at, but I understand the logic behind it. You're just up in the fucking, the top part of a stadium. Yeah.

The most beautiful lady walks on stage, you're drunk. Once you hear one person start booing, you're like, yes. It's time to destroy her. But anyway, at the end of her set, she was on her closing joke, and we just heard a guy from the rafters just by himself. The whole room was quiet, and this guy just goes, bitch!

It was so fucking funny. Just the guy's corner, bitch. It was so crazy. That is a that's a wild move. If he was with his like girlfriend, just fast. They got in a fight after it. I'm so mad at Kim Kardashian.

His girlfriend's like, she's a smart business woman. She's a bitch. I've had that exact argument. Oh, that's girl's number one. She's actually a really smart business woman. It's like, OK. Yeah, sweet. Yeah, we've had that. She. Oh, that's girls number one. She's actually a really smart businesswoman. It's like, okay. Yeah, sweet Yeah, we've had that she her set she was making fun of which McCall it Caitlin yeah, that's funny. She was slamming it was pretty funny Netflix really took off the gloves man

I don't is it safe to say the pendulum swung the pendulum pendulum chime at the fun might have to swing back they swung it too far I Mean they put a bunch of athletes on stage true former athlete locker room Every single joke was just like dude, you're fucking gay. You suck dick Yeah, and then they're gonna be like, you know, I suck your fucking dick I fucking jizz that Kevin Hart made me laugh with that of him being like motherfucking white boys I'm not sucking each other's dicks. The hell is this? Goddamn

Yeah, there was I will say there maybe it is just me But I feel like there was like a very sinister energy in the roast the whole time I feel like it's like a I feel like I was watching for real like a Like an evil like a satanic religion. It felt like there's I truly feel like there's like a entertainment at the highest Entertainment at the highest level is a religion. It was yeah, it was very adversarial and strange. And then I just wanted to say Tony was phenomenal and had a career defining, beautiful moment, but it was such a cynical like thing. I watched it at my friend's house and I made them watch Japanese no theater for an hour afterwards. Just I needed something pure and wholesome.

So it's just Japanese people walking very slowly while a shrill flute plays. Oh, and they're making these weird noises. And then it's a guy with a mask, pretending, you know, little girl mask crying for an hour. And it was something in my heart cried out that just like, give me no irony, please. No negativity, just sad Japanese people doing something from 800 years ago it's

the only answer I'm sorry to have made no no please we know that's that's a fair point yeah I always worry I'm like maybe this is just me because I'm like it could just be pinging my own insecurities but I was just sitting there being like there is something sinister in the air and I couldn't put my finger on it I was like I for real felt like it was a black mask. I was like, this is. That's why I didn't do it. I know, I was upset.

Even though Lewis roast, I had a lot of fun doing it, but it's like, I don't wanna do that again. No. And those were my friends, and that's not even that funny to make fun of your friends as hard as you can in front of everyone. The skanks roast was, that's like, that is, the skanks, they're doing that kind of stuff

all the time, and it was fun, but I do get it. It's like, dude, I don't wanna do that again. And also, like, if you guys slam me, I'm gonna fucking spaz do that again and also like if you guys slam me I want to fucking spaz I'm gonna spaz don't slam me. All right smile with tears in my eyes I'll never forgive you. I'll literally never forgive you. I'll go out of my I'll secretly do bad things to you Imagine if you were up in the day is roasting and then like somehow your pants fell down and your penis came out and the whole country is like ehhhh. Yeah dude obviously your tiny penis falling out live on Netflix in front of Sweet K, Sweet

Kim Kardashian. In front of Tom Brady. Oh and I've let things go a little too. I've got a bush going. That'd be chaos. Do you really? Yeah. I don't even, I must have a bush

because I haven't cut it in a while. That's awesome. Yeah, I got a bush. If you could have a bushy old penis on that. A bush, tiny bird. That would be the most. Hey, Robert Crafts here. Oh shit, my penis.

Oh, my tiny penis. It's good to see Robert Crafts. Oh shit my penis. Oh, I take it is he Robert Kraft fucking shit Oh crap. Oh, yeah, you gotta yeah, that would be it you fall down and Gronk trying to pull your pants back off People told me that in the room it felt weird and drunk and uncomfortable on TV. It was sublime It was good. I thought it was just lit. I think he spiked the shot glass. I'm told that a lady did copper face. I was dude I was right there. It flew right into a later like a bunch of pieces dispersed and one just like ninja starred right at the table in front of obviously sacrifices have to be made for television. True. True. True. It was a very beautiful moment. True it was a very beautiful moment. I did enjoy watching the the reactions of like the tables in front of us I didn't there's like these guys. I'm assuming they're kind of all to do like industry type people and they uh

They were sitting there and anything anyone say be like like oh you got divorced and they go oh Oh my god, they were it was pretty sick It was a I was like sitting there like dude Am I just am I like something wrong with me? Yeah, I would just feel I would feel nothing I don't I did one Tony who started killing I for real was like, oh I had the same feeling I had when we were in Orlando and I saw the modern architecture Mm-hmm, and I didn't hate it for the first time. I saw the glass boxes surrounded by the palm trees Like oh when it's done like this when it's at its top level this is beautiful and it's good for the

spirit and it's like I hate roasting and then I saw Tony do it's like if that's what roasting is this is fine it's just that almost no one is doing it the only other one I've ever enjoyed was Norm Macdonald being nice to people that's very nice which is sort of killed it for a long time after that that was the yeah it was cool I was fun it was I was fun to watch I for a long time after that. That was the pinnacle. It was fun, it was fun to watch. I had a good time watching it. It was very interesting, but yeah. Yeah, it was fun.

It was long as fuck, though. It was too long, dude. First hour, it was very fun. Great, fantastic. But yeah, Tony fucking killed in it. And he started it in the audience and just slowly walked off it. We were laughing about it yesterday.

Just a random gay guy got up and walked on stage and just fucking killed everyone. Just being a nasty bitch out there. Dude, he, I, it was so, yeah. Yeah. That guy was gonna come out and do a little cleaning. Spade, yeah, Spade was talking. He, the kill Tony part like kind of bombed because yeah that

part was like quiet yeah and then it was kind of like oh no what's going on here and then Tony just walked up and just yeah it was really destroyed it was kind of weird they had to do that in that format initially but then Dana White was like that was like Dana White was very fucking little pussies fuck you guys that was actually awesome swung so hard dude fucking chimes Yeah Yeah, that's how Netflix thought it they're like one one for you now make one for me, dude Yeah, true one for your boys one for my boys

I might do a special just me black and white with just all my jokes on little fucking cue cards I hold them sadly and go Maybe very good pretty tight 24 will produce it You know, it's not easy you tired of laughing during comedy Here comes another sack of shit Poor fucking Ben bro Affleck Affleck. Yeah, I thought he was gonna do it. I was like Affleck. Are you fucking leading the revolution, dude? Are you cleaning up the internet once and for all?

That always helps Whenever the internet's attacking you you got to go out and go you guys are fucking you guys are the losers You guys are fucking bitches. It always losers you guys are fucking bitches it always helps It doesn't make it way funnier to keep making fun of you. I know man It's like dude your Batman idea would have that would have killed why didn't he do it man that would have killed come out As he comes out as Batman being like you guys are fucking assholes Ben Affleck's actually the fucking man It's not making fun of him although what he did was pretty funny being like I don't know why you guys talk so much shit on Tom Brady He's so much better than you guys. You guys are fucking losers. Actually Tom Brady's a man. He doesn't need this shit

Yeah, there's like dude. Yeah, you sure this is about TB 12 brother This is about BA one. Do people talk shit on BA one all the time Gets crushed. Why does he get shit? He gets like Will Smith level kind of pussy whipped celeb gossip Like we're Will Smith. I thought they showed him it was like funny and relatable It was like a guy he's like slams a door when she gets in the car. Yeah, but I mean dude It's it's funny and relatable for you depressed and standing outside Smoking you know sad that would be free if you for you. If that's your thing, I watch it, I'm like,

oh, it's hilarious, but he's like, I don't think he likes that, that he's like him slamming doors and yelling at his wife. Funny as fuck, dude. I think he's funny. Every comment's like, yes, this is a normal relationship. Yeah, I think he's funny too, but yeah,

maybe he's just, I don't know. The photo of him smoking a cigarette, like depressed outside of a door is like was a career comeback for him. Everyone was like damn, Ben Affleck's the man. Man, Gone Girl is the most beautiful movie about being abused by a woman. True.

I saw that, I maybe saw that five times. I just kept going back and I thought, I might be working through something while I'm watching Gone Girl. Like only the real, only he could really embody that's what a woman can do to you. I mean, also, I don't wanna really speak on this,

but it's Diddy's ex. So it's like, bro, dude, stop giving ex. Oh my god, damn it. I want this on record. I reckon Diddy might be doing some weird sex shit. I want people to know. 2019, on the record, I want this. What a mistake, dude.

When my boy Drake's getting attacked from all angles and then his number one fan, the clip resurfaces. He'll be on the East Kendrick track. Shangri-La set. That would really, really make me sad. Yeah, I do. It literally flashed before me at dinner. When you told me they picked up that clip,

I was like, my whole career is just to hang out with Drake. I was like, it's over now. You're still good. You might just have to go in disguise. Batman suit. You're still good. You might just have to go in disguise These guys online are really fucking mean yeah Batman against commenters would be so funny. Hey stop That comedians actually really cool. He doesn't make that much from his advertisements fucking lighten up guys You know a lot going on he couldn't put a podcast out this week. It's a nice guy. You forgot the camera

Actually get a lot taking on taxes. It's not as much as you think that when they come down Yeah, if he came out as Batman and defended himself it would have been the funniest thing ever Just this is a good idea to like, you know at minimum have a sense of humor when you're doing a roast. Just minimum come out and be like hey guys. I'd never seen Bill Belichick talk before. It's like someone walks in you go this man's IQ is 50 points higher than everybody else here. He's he is. Is that the impression you got? I got the impression he was like one of the smartest people I'd ever seen.

I loved him. I don't know what it was about Bill Beli. I've never seen him before. I don't know any of his history. I gather he was very good at what he did. But he like radiates something. There's some like weird charisma in him. I thought it was just like charming grandpa energy.

I was like, he was just kind of fun. It was fun watching. Everybody loves. He's like, there's yeah, it's very funny His press conferences. He's got very famous press conferences cuz he never answered. They're like, what do you think about this? He's like we're on to the New York Jets. We're not worried about what's going on with that He's like we're on we're on to the New York this week What was the game plan? He's like we want to go out there and well now we're on to the New York this week. Like, what was the game plan? He's like, we want to go out there and well, now we're on to the New York Chats.

You got all the fucking care. Well, the roast, the roast is kind of a nice idea, because the idea is to like have all these people come out and kind of like expose their their egos to like a bunch of like negative insults for like so everyone can laugh. But. The thing that would make it tolerable is we only roast the ones we love and that's what they keep saying yeah that's not it's like some lady wants a Netflix special and she's got five people to write the nastiest things she can about a guy

she's never met before is it this is a very poor form of love true it did it left me say like I was you're desolate I'd also seen the Fall Guy just before then and had also it was like two difficult aesthetic experiences I just wanted to go and look at a flower or something. I mean like what was wrong with the Fall Guy? Ben Knight was excellent. My friend Ben Knight who was in it man. He was so great man. He was so great It was so Hollywood ghoul it I thought my friend Bed Night was exceptional. I hope he gets another movie. I thought Emily Blunt was underused.

Yeah, and Gosling is wonderful, but it's just, it wasn't. I don't know if they made it during the writer's strike or what. Did they like do anything in the movie? There was a lot of great stunts. No, I'm talking about like- Oh, sexually? Yeah. No.

Just curious. No, just yearning looks at one another. Oh, that's not I like that. Yeah. About 40 minutes in, there's a dog who's an attack dog who only responds to French. That's nice. That really kept me in the film. I was thinking of walking out. That's pretty tough. I was like, I will wait. Then my friend was on, I was like, Hey, all right, this is turning around around nice, but that's what it took. That's awesome I'm sorry you had a double dose. We had we had some very positive experiences here though, dude Efron Efron the man out out Efron. Oh, man. The other Batman's true Pattinson for sure beast They're a lot of cool. There's been a lot of cool people. There's so many famous celebs in LA. I have cool famous celebs

We're very nice. I met Suki Waterhouse. You met Suki Waterhouse? I met someone called Suki. I didn't know who she was. We were just, I was trying to bum a cigarette off somebody and she didn't have one, but we just spoke for 10 minutes. And then at the end, someone was like,

it's Suki Waterhouse. She's a supermodel in Robert Pattinson's fiance. I was like, oh, cool. Oh, nice. Oh, I have to shut up. Yeah. Nice. She's very nice. Zac Efron. All right. I had a weird, I went over to go and say hello to Zach Efron and I thought that they had seen me do comedy. So I would have an Ian and I walked over there and I was really, hello, how you doing? And then immediately they're like,

Oh, I said, I'm a, I said, Oh, we missed the start of the show. We just saw him. I was like, how fast can I walk away? There's no reason for me to be here anymore. That was very embarrassing. Yeah, that's the worst. They saw me. They're gonna realize I'm the man. They saw something special. We have no idea who you are.

We didn't see it. We heard you did good though. That was great. I got to watch James bomb a cigarette from Post Malone last night. Fantastic. Insane. You're a Hollywood ghoul now.

You've become a big time celeb overnight. The Cabaret and Plan became just. Insane, you're a Hollywood ghoul now. You've become a big time celeb overnight. The Cameron plan became just. Insane. It's out of control. I watched him bum a cigarette and I pretended like I was like, what the fuck? There was a little bit of him and he's like, well hell. I don't know.

No, it was awesome. How nice is Post Malone, dude? That guy fucking rules. He's a man. I've never's a man. He's so cool, dude. Yeah, he's a man. For real, he's a very nice dude. Is there anybody you hated so far? Very chill.

I do not have an ongoing feud with any big comedians in America. No, no. There's nothing going on. No, we can't. Who are you fighting against? We're gonna be able to, listen, I like Nate Bragazzi. Yeah. I like him, and I went to go and tell him that I thought he was great, and he took it wrong. Bragazzi was on McCann's ass last night.

Oh my god, dude. He's trying to sink the catamaran. How are we gonna work it out, Nate? What's the way forward? It's over. Yeah, dude. Bragazzi's a psycho, he's trying to sink the catamaran. How we gonna work it out, Nate? What's the way forward? It's over. Yeah, dude. Bargatze is a psycho, he'll never forgive you. He'll never forgive you for that.

That was the funniest thing. Is this still recording? All right. The best one, Adam sitting there and while James is talking to Nate, Adam goes, why are you staring me in the eyes while you're talking to him? Sorry.

It was, Nate's very, no you're fine. Yeah hold on, no he did, he got me a spit take. James spit-taked us. We had to take some selfies for the slide show. Nate's very good at doing exactly what he just did. He talks shit, he's very good at making you feel like he's seriously angry at you. Because I think it's coming from

a little bit of place of truth. Yeah, we're all just, we're all struggling some way or the other, no matter what. We all have an inner landscape we have to deal with regardless of anything. And when another comedian sits down and goes, oh, I heard about you this year. But you don't have to take that bad,

it gets like sweet. Oh, of course. That's the thing, especially with comedy, like dude, nobody knows yeah, you're with comedy fans. You're like oh, dude I obviously people know but like you asked average people I have no fucking no one for 99.9 percent of comedians the average person the average Persons like I don't know yeah, but it was good and then James. Yeah, he walked you down He did, bro he humbled you I got this yeah I didn't know people would be there I thought we were going to I almost wore

my shorts I thought we were just gonna be in a pool drinking and then you're at a extremely fancy hotel and David Spade was sitting next to you I don't know tell yeah and then I ran away to call my wife and I was like David Spade was sitting next to you. Hunter Biden Hotel. Yeah, and then I ran away to call my wife and I was like, David Spade's here. Oh, that's the angry bum. Oh, the angry bum. Yeah. So I got the, I got the DOS on that,

well, I don't know if it's true or not. Actually, I'm curious to see. They said there's this drug here called Zombie, which I was like, oh, well, if that's the case, that guy was on that. Well, that was a zombie. The driver was saying that this drug will like, if you're fucked up on it, again,

this is, I haven't looked into it myself, what the guy was saying is like drug will like if you're fucked up on that again This is I haven't looked into it myself What the guy was saying is like it just whacks you out so much like you can be he could have been looking at us And he's like you guys could have looked like a building or like an animal to him He might have just been he was totally gone. I don't know he was calling us gay Yeah, yeah true I've seen some stoner words than that. Yeah. Yeah, true. Also, he kept saying, don't,

he said, don't look at me. Is that what he yelled on the way? Well, I was staring at him. Yeah, you were goading him. You were goading him. So on the... I'm on the busiest street in the world. Yeah, that's, on the walk over,

me and Matt were walking to the Chateau Maman. Chateau Maman. We tried to go to a pool bar, but then we were like, oh, the Hunter Biden, we should go to the Hunter Biden hotel. I kept trying to bring up Hunter Biden smoking crack in there last night, and nobody would, everyone was like, oh, the Hunter Biden, we should go to the Hunter Biden Hotel. I kept trying to bring up Hunter Biden smoking crack in there last night, and nobody would, everyone was like, oh, cool. I was like, yeah, this is where he smoked crack,

and he'd be like, all right, man, it's cool. But we're walking over, and there was just a tiny alcove, and a, this scary, it was a Call of Duty zombie popped out. Yeah. Just full fucking ra-ah! Was like a little brick half wall, and he just fucking like, for real, like maybe five feet from us was just like Stood on it stood on the half wall, and I was like here. We go dude We have to kill this guy you're gonna have to beat this guy to death you have to finally I've talked about beating homeless

Guys to death for a long time beating a homeless guy right before that guy popped out. You did put that on us. He was trying to just watch the dog park and mumble to himself and Matt was like, I'm gonna fucking kill this guy. Oh yeah. There was a guy. 20 feet later a bum got out. Watching the dog park and I was like,

yo, what if I just fucking crack this dude as hard as I could? And then we walked five more feet and this guy was like, you motherfuckers are it. We might have. They hive mind. I was about to say, they had the fucking, the fungus growing dude. And then we walk five more feet as guys We might have they have mine They had the fucking the fungus growing dude. You know, it's kind of like he got us So funny to talk about cracking homeless guys in the head as hard as you can

But then on the walk back we obviously we walked on the other side of the street this time But I just stared at him the whole time because I didn't know you activate and I yeah, I activated him that fucking asshole I hated that guy who's so mean. Yeah, it was crazy. So I act I didn't know you activated him. Yeah, I activated him. That fucking asshole, I hated that guy. He was so mean. Yeah, it was crazy. So I didn't think I would be able to activate him. I wanted to try to use the force from across the street. You did.

And I just kept nodding at him, like slightly nodding from across the street. And he was going like this. He was doing this. And I was like, damn, is he doing that to me? I was like, oh, he's just putting a hush. Finger to the mouth. But I was like, I think he's looking at hush hush finger to the mouth but I was

like he's I think he's looking at me and I kept going like that to him and then he was like oh there is we should see if we can sneak up on him today you motherfucker fuck you ah I think he'd be down right away I don't think he'd get scared I think he'd be he also might be sleeping for the next 14 hours So yeah, cuz he that was dude for real I it's it was maybe a shirtless dude just emerged onto a brick half wall four feet from us So fast loudest screaming and like inching inching inching toward the fact that he respected his boundaries That was kind of cool like wouldn't cross it was a dog

Yeah, it was a it was a thrill It was like a dog in the front yard jumping up on kind of cool. Like wouldn't cross over. It was a dog. Yeah, it was for real. It was like a dog in the front yard jumping up on the fence as he's wouldn't come out. But he had the fact, I mean, cause it was beef. So I was like, damn, the fact that you're really. Oh, I wanted the smoke on the walk back. For real, when he hopped up, I thought it was academics. I thought it was academics.

I'm gonna whoop academics ass for what he's done, dude. I'm kidding. How dare you bring up my own quote that I said. That I injected in it. That I said, yeah. The idea of having beef with academics is funny. It is funny. I don't really want beef with heck.

No, we don't want any. I don't want beef with anybody, dude. I want beef with that fucking homeless guy though. Yeah, for real. He scared the fuck out of me. That was the most scared I've been in so long. I had like dragging coffee too, so I was already all adrenal've been in so long. I had like, dragging coffee too, so I was already all adrenalized,

and that hit me, and I was like. Yeah, it wasn't even fight adrenaline. It was different. It was, I was so scared. Yeah. It was so fucking scary. Yeah, it was, for real, my bowels was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, dude, no.

It's tangled up with this sweaty, fucking homeless guy with a shirt on. And no one helps you. on the street the two ladies I mean obviously they had to we're the protectors obviously two ladies just dipped out ready No one's gonna help I watched a guy get chased by a San Diego and it was so fucking funny I think it's not touching anyone else the bum was not attacking anyone. He just saw a guy across the street was like fucking Printed at him and the guy was just like, no way. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

There's a gay guy. There's a lady in Austin who keeps getting her tits out and calling me the N word. Really? Yeah. She stayed near the creek in the cave. She'll just like, shirt off, tits out, hey. And then she launches in.

But it's also, this is like the richest, most beautiful part of America. And so like, you know, any other country in the world, those homeless people would be run out brutally. It's such a free country that you go, here are our billionaires, and there's a man on some sort of zombie eating drug, ready to say that he's going to write him into next week

I mean, this is a really interesting pretty nuts. Is that fly in Australia? Do you have like wild homeless? Don't you guys it builds up and then we push him away to where the suburbs? Yeah, we just wait until the hipster ladies are attacked and then we have an excuse to push him out But it keeps building up and then coming down. Yeah, I there I know of someone who has a restaurant and they were saying like they're like homeless people are coming up like crazy and they're they kept telling the waitresses he was managing he's like bro like leave him alone like don't don't like like you just can't let him in like I know it sucks you can't

trust me a lady was like yeah give him shit and then she like went to bring a guy like a burger outside in the parking lot and the dude just grabbed her pussy Terrible but the guy was like I told you to stop fucking with these guys man He was like fucking my boss I went out to like give you guys a food I was like honking is trying to give the homeless guy He just grabbed it. I had one beautiful experience with the homeless in America before I got used to it. I don't know if I said I was in Pittsburgh and there was a guy on the street who I bummed

the cigarette. I'm bumming cigarettes off too many people. And I said, God bless you. And he said, are you a Christian? I said, yeah. And he just started reciting scripture to me. And he had me hang out with him and buy him beers for like three hours until my Greyhound bus left.

The whole time I thought he was gonna kill me. I thought it was like building up to some weird thing. And it wasn't, he just like said he was having a hard time and we hugged and I got on a bus. It was like, I'll never have that experience again because I'll never be open to talking to a homeless. Like after that one, there are about 17 bad ones. But there was one beautiful one.

I'm happy with that. That happens when you're new in a city. Because I grew up there was zero homeless. But as soon as I got to Philly I was just, it took me a month. I was literally shaking hands with every single homeless guy. Every single guy that was like, oh I need a little bit of money for the bus to get back to Jersey. I'd be like, oh well how much do you need?

You're like about 20 bucks. I'm like, I think I got that. Your family's in the bus to get back to Jersey. I'd be like, oh, well how much do you need? You're like, about 20 bucks. I'm like, I think I got that. Your family's in the car? Yeah, I was like, holy shit, your family's in New Jersey and you have to get back? All right. They got me every single fucking time. Then you get used to it and you.

Yeah, a guy would hold the door for you in a 7-Eleven. You're like, I'm sorry, sir. That guy got me. That guy on Lancaster Ave, 7-Eleven, would get me every single, we knew each other. He would be like, what's up, big man? He always had fresh shoes, though. He did, actually. That guy got me that guy on Lancaster F 7-eleven would get me every single thing. We knew each other He always had fresh shoes though, he did that was the one thing I always noticed about him he did How was it good for him? He was the man that was a good homeless guy dude rule I never heard him lash out really a hi-furnace pass every once in a while

He was a little nasty to me every night if I didn't have any but you motherfucking bitch Oh, he would do that. All right. Yeah, if I were thinking of the same guy, it was an older black Yeah, Jack. Yeah ripped not Jack's is more ripped on us. He's on that. Yeah. Yeah, he's on that hydroxid Rocks actually he was fully on just taquitos Yeah, he's fully on whatever roller hot dog. Somebody walked out and gave him he was on 900 calories a day Yeah, 900 calorie a day diet No fucking nutrition whatsoever. Yeah the Yeah, I got tricked by those guys a lot and then I started to wisen up now like the cashless economy is killing the homeless

Dude, yeah, cuz it's like I truly I'm like I don't I can't do this too complicated man I'm like I can't find my every money. I'm like I'm a ton, but I can't I Man, I'm like I can't get any money. I'm like I'm a ton, but I can't I Don't like you don't have that you lack the technology for me to transfer my wealth to you, so I have to go It's terrible. It is it's awful, but if I have cash usually I'll try to hook the bros up with some kids I'm all the fucking cash. Yeah, or it is nice I remember the one time in near I was taking a megabus from I think Philly to New York And I was walking around like that area in Chinatown and these bros were out there's homeless dudes, and I was like they're like Yeah, I was like dude. I'll go get you guys one food. They're like dude. Yeah, please

I gave him like the Wawa party hoagie two leaders dude the bros chow It was that's nice. It was very nice. Yeah, and it was like a bunch of other dudes came They started just chow the boys with a fucking hoagie platter. Yeah They were like oh Yeah, we could we could give that to the the mean bum True hook him up with some grub. That's not a bad idea. Just be like we're sorry bring him to my mall I should yeah, I should bring him to the show tonight. That would be tight I'll let him go I will introduce the show sprint out from

I'm gonna bring him to the show tonight. That would be tight. I'll let him go, I will introduce the show, sprint out from the back. You motherfucker. From the back. He comes out, fuck you, you motherfuckers. I'm gonna bring him, I'm gonna secretly bring him so while you're on stage I put him out on stage.

Oh, fuck, dude, dude, no. There you are, you fuck. Well, there was two gay men eating dinner. They didn't even stand up for the cause. No. I was like, you guys, he called us, he called us fags in front of you. It was fun for everybody other than us.

They were kind of like. I'd be so happy if it, you know, I've seen it happen to someone else and it's so fucking funny. Well, it's also, they were older gay gentlemen, so it's gotta be kind of like an ironic twist to watch like two obviously deeply heterosexual men walking down the street. Two sick fucking fat bros.

Just be called fags, and get attacked, and them just being like, hmm, it's not that fun. They were literally at a pink bench. They were sitting at a gay table. I was like, all right. Yeah, you'd think they were a gay in our defense. But no, it's funny to watch, obviously, again, like two just heterosexual alphas

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I think no one's scoring as much. I don't these guys can score as much as some of these Vegas guys thing Well, it's playoff ball, dude. You might be right. There's a lot of defense a lot of defense Bronson's been going nuts He ended my sweet Philadelphia 76ers. Oh really? Yeah, he blew it. He killed the Sixers He he sent him to the grave even chenzo is nice. So you'd like him. I do I know you don't know of a WAP Sweet Villanova white WAP three sure he's a three shooter. Yeah, what's it? I'd like to see his points I think he was 17 points you get let me say lock of the week dude We picked a WAP from the next there you go. There it is Dude, we picked a WAP from the next there you go. There it is

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Just hot hot women in bikinis. Yes, and gay dudes oiled up in speedos. Yeah, and then four fucking pasty idiots Jumping in a three-foot pool breath holding contest. That's holding contest wrestling seeing who could swim backwards screaming Yeah, but I swear to God. I was like our gay guy like two things I thought gay guys had more fun than straight guys Then I started going I don't think so I think in the pool. I was like we're having way more fun You can I think silly yeah, yeah guys pretty silly too They can't be silly the pool, but they I think they're silly later at night. I think it's 2 a.m.. They're all They can't be silly the pool, but they I think they're silly later at night. I think it's 2 a.m. They're all silly

It's such a game I Don't know why I I I tucked my shirt in when I was walking to your hotel. I felt comfortable I thought like you know I I would never usually tuck my shirt in but as I'm on this little walk I think I'm gonna tuck my shirt in I Don't know what I was like, I'm proud of my body. I'm trying to tuck. And then when I got to the hotel and you were like, Spades here, I was like, fuck, I'm tucking the shirt immediately.

I would have been awesome if you walked in with a tucked in shirt. Can I see you, is this the, tucked in, we've become Hollywood fucking ghoul why just making him know I'm a close pants Let me uh, I'm gonna get some good footage for a slide show here. This is gonna be a good you look good like that There's nothing wrong with that at all that's a little too high that is nice like a 49er Gold mine Good dude. You know you look like an architect. You look good like that. Yeah, dude. That's I'm happy

West but we're in West Beverly Hills is West Hollywood happily West Hollywood fucking Gave you that experience really you know what dude there's so many gay guys around. I'm gonna tuck my shirt I get it. I actually get it. Oh you mean like you're not ashamed of your body It feels accepting Not sexually I'm exploring new parts of myself. Not sexually. No, just the tuck. Ew.

Yeah. James? I might talk, I might talk too tonight. You talk sometimes. I talk, I'm saying I might talk sometimes. I might talk my dong, dude. Yeah, you're dicking around. Yeah, I might talk my dong.

When I was a boy, I tried, you know, 10 out of G-Po. What happens when you talk? The penis is too forward. I can't get the penis under the legs. Are you like a boner? No, I mean even flaccid as they come, I can't get every... I think maybe it sits just like half an inch too high up. I can't get it behind the legs.

Can you get it behind the legs? Yeah. I have a tiny penis. I can get my penis behind my legs. I'd make a terrible drag queen. It just feels very uncomfortable. Well, you have a gigantic penis that's always poking out of your pants. No, it's not true. It's all, nah, it's all optics. It's all optics.

Yeah, you're like, James, those sweatpants have drawstrings. You know, it turns out, yeah, actually, it was just a fucking, just an elephant nose in everyone's face. You're like, dude, come on, man. That was fun. That was very funny.

The gray sweats? Ever since we pointed out your penis and your gray sweatpants. I haven't worn mine once Yeah, then you go and they go well now now that we're all making fun of it Everyone's gonna see my fucking dogs dude. I was coming off the plane I was with Brittany is flying and like I walked out and she goes like oh wow What are you happy to see me? And I was like I just came out two seconds. I came out half a second I mean, do you look at dicks all day like I think that? She was just start laughing. I'm like girls look at dicks all day long. They better not it's annoying

They better not I hate it changes a lot of things for me. Yeah, man Although it's like I think it's just about the way you move If you move if you have the tiniest on display, just move real good. They're like, oh hell yeah, they like the way you move That's what I tell myself all the time I like it's all about the way it moves about the motion in the ocean if your tiny penis is sticking out of your fucking Sweatpants, I don't matter if you have a tiny penis and you're in West Hollywood where everybody has a gay giant cock Yes, talk your shirt in dude. Everyone do their homeless guy with a monster cock You've seen those boys jacking off before right? No, dude

I've caught I've caught a couple of these guys every single time a homeless guy is jacking off really it's Comically big yeah past this guy was just in a phone booth in New York. I was like oh nice They still have phone booths. I looked in Dick in his knee like ah And I was honestly this is true I was walking with a girl at the time and I was honestly like holy shit This is embarrassing now. She's seen the biggest dick of all time

We were walking what I was with a homeless man jacking off in a phone booth. We all are coming Superman. We all are Here's transferring. I'm just on the outside like I'm next Come on taking forever. Yeah, we saw a guy peeing one time huge dick and pretty sick. Oh my god. He's peeing I'm like, alright, yeah, we know he's been yeah, stop looking at his fucking giant giant. Come on. That's just upsetting I'm like, yeah, come on. Yeah, of course. It's giant peeing dick Streams is the stream is probably ripping some river fuck probably rip into a river. Fuck dude.

Fuck. You got a big penis, you should have a loose stream. You know, because you got a big penis, big urethra, no pressure. Or it should just dribble out, no? That's what you're saying. Yeah. It's the small penis that can really shoot up

and win those competitions as a school boy. It's a sold off, it's a sold off, bro. You got that sold off shotgun, comes flying out. But no bro. Yeah, that's all it off shotgun comes flying out, but no I think a Yeah, the big I don't know I'd have to try to think every time I pee. It's probably it's pretty slow It's pretty slow pretty I don't think it comes out of me actually I think just falls out of my butt is my dick so big But yeah the week's been fun though, man. It's been a very, very fun time.

Yeah. Doing stand up and being in sunny California. I got to walk around today, it was very nice. Sunny California is very nice. It is, very sweet. Spread the libs and fucking ruined it. Not after the roast. Not after the roast.

The roast is bringing it back, dude. There's gonna be a Republican governor here shortly. Wasn't there apparently, the mayor was close? That's what I was hearing yesterday. Yeah. The mayor was almost a Republican. There was a guy who, he was a Democrat, but he was like tough on crime and shit.

Oh, okay. So he wasn't, he was a damn. He almost got it, yeah. I think he's a damn, I think he'd have to be here. Yeah, I would assume so. Repub's more Orange County. But, shit. But what else, man?

What else is going on? Nothing, everything's just been cool, so. I know. It's kinda hard to talk about. I know, it is tough. I think I've. Oh, the premiere was fucking great. That was awesome.

Tyra's premiere was awesome. That made me so happy. Made me so happy. It's way different than comedy. Yeah, watch it. Like doing standup, you get a laugh and you're like, yeah, whatever, fuck, I gotta do the next joke, fuck.

Yeah, you're almost huck Finn in your own funeral. Like you're sitting there watching yourself on screen and then watching people react to you. It's pretty nuts. Yeah, it was awesome. Made me the happiest I've been in a while when Gerben got on, like all that. It was so fun.

We made Gerben give a speech before, we had dinner before the premiere, and a guy from Netflix gave a speech, and then I was like, you have to make Steve. And he was like, all right. And I was like, call him the big star, call him the Netflix's next big thing. And he did that, and he was like, you're Netflix's next big thing.

And he was like, did Shane tell you to say this? And then he was like, you gotta give a speech, Steve. And he was like, well, Shane should give the speech. I'm not giving a speech. I was like, Steve, stop being rude, dude. You're the number one superstar. Please give the speech. And then he gave a very, very nice speech,

and I had to say shut up, because I was starting to cry. I was like, dude, shut the fuck up. That's really sweet. Yeah, it was really nice. Gerben is an absolute fucking treat. He's the best it was it was also Dude, I it's Yes, he's a bud light company man company man. He's been drinking three Bud lights a night Cuz we went out in Westchester when we were filming and he was like we'd be out

He had three beers in like for real three hours. Yeah, and he was like, I'm too drunk and I was like for real three hours. And he was like, I'm too drunk. And I was like, physically you can't. Your body would have metabolized all that. It's literally zero, if you had a breathalyzer you'd blow a 0.01 right now. There's nothing in you. And he's like, I'm telling you, I just get too drunk.

So I think he felt bad, now he's been training. He's been drinking three Bud Lights a night to be like, you're right, it feels so good. He loves it. He gets down and dude, he's becoming a man. He is, he golfs during the day and then he drinks Bud Light and watches. He watches the Phillies every day now.

That's so sick. He drinks Bud Light and watches the Phills. And he's jacked, dude. And he got jacked. He's fucking ripped. Gurvies is a man now. That's awesome. It's crazy.

He became a man, all because he got, he drank three beers. He's a company You have three beers watch the Phillies Drinking moderately is very nice. If you can do it you drink three drinks. It's nice Presipice last night. Yeah, I saw you dip out. I was I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah I mean it was still it was late. It wasn't even that it was like one Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't too bad. Yeah, I I wanted to go to bed way earlier, and I just had the late coffee fun now seven too much fun I was skateboarding last night. Yeah with that yeah

Shum terrible of names It was eating five ants obviously who wears a helmet and wrist guards which is the funniest thing or a helmet and wrist guard He just started skateboarding like three days ago. Who was the one comic we walked in? He's like a Chappelle is the name Chappelle. I see black dude. Yeah, dude. He kept he kept it He has a board in his fucking Jeep. He's one of the nicest. He's the man. So cool. He's a fucking male cheerleader 15 years. He's like a freak cheerleader Obviously bass. Yeah, not the babes And if you ever do flips and shit.

He's awesome. Whoa, he can do all that stuff? Yeah, he's huge, yeah. Shit, damn, that's crazy. So he was like a gymnast. Yeah. He's a, that's a giant gymnast. Like super competitive male cheerleading.

Whoa. Yeah. Brittany was a super competitive cheerleader. Every time she had the male cheerleaders, I was thinking about them grabbing her butt, I'm like, fuck that, fuck that. That should be strong girls I'm like even they grab you like yeah, but it's not like that. I'm like, it's like that. I do I do like the

Anytime like we were walking I was walking the other day and I saw a group of like influencer girls doing a tik-tok dance in like An alley. Mm-hmm. And one of the girls was very very fat. Yeah, and I was doing a TikTok dance in like an alley. And one of the girls was very, very fat. And I was like, fuck you. That is nice. Good for her. When I was younger, you know, you see the fat cheerleader from the opposing team's high school. You'd be like.

And now I've gotten older and I'm like, I respect what they're up to. Me too. Just going out there and going, I don't give, they're tucking their shirt in. They are. They're saying that I'm in West Hollywood. I can be fat.

Be fat and dance. One of the first things I did when I came to America last year was I went to a high school football game. And the halftime show was incredible. But I found out that about the, like the skinny girls are cheerleading and the fat girls wave a flag. You got four fat girls.

Yeah, four. The flag hits. The foot they got called. The flag, they're like the flag bearers. Yeah, but like, that's funny that some teachers like, you're a fat girl, you got a flag, you're hot, let's see your underpants. No, they're like- It's nice that there's something for the fat girls to do.

That section of the ensemble must have gotten a lot bigger over the last 20 years in this country. The flag's good. It's like, you know when you're at like an outdoor patio furniture and there's that really heavy base that holds the umbrella? They're always the base, yeah.'s that really heavy base that holds the umbrella You need a sturdy bitch to hold you do this is the pyramid that's how the Egyptians did it Yeah, we need big women big women truly are beautiful. It's just you know they have to they're also just hilarious They're very funny. They are very funny very strong. I wouldn't mind

It's figuring out a way to I wouldn't mind figuring out a way to wrestle larger women. Just like, no, I'm serious. I know, that's why it's funny. The what? It was, what's his name? Andy Kaufman was wrestling women. But I would like, no, like seriously and very discreetly, I'd like to like set up like a small,

like a jujitsu thing where I just wrestle like very big women and just- Sturdy broads. Sturdy babes. Push them around a little. Push them push them around get kind of shoved around you see what they're about You know, I think we kind of know that's their power You need to test the power Wouldn't be yeah, what do they my wife's I'd make my wife watch? Yeah, I said you have to watch make sure they don't get out Yeah, this is gonna. Yeah, I know where this is going. What are you talking about? This is gonna be extreme fucking

Fuck what the fuck is it called I Don't know but Matt used to jack off to wrestling porn Years later he's sitting here going I'd like to get into rest I'd like a referee there if in case if they would put their hands on my pants that would be called He flagged with the referee be a beautiful woman Yeah, yeah, that'd be fucking sick. Just you know I don't yeah, and your wife's watching cheering I love you watching cheering scoring just more more so in my corner. Would you want her cheering for you or against you? Cuz that depends on the day because if she's cheering against you and a big dogs holding you down and a hot referees like

I'll allow it and she starts grabbing you now. That's not I'm talking about physical fitness. That sounds like a sexual thing I'm talking about physicals not sexual none of the way you're described The way you're now you're that, that sounds a bit sexual. I would like, it depends on the day, I don't know. I'd like to have her in my corner, but I wouldn't mind her, like, you know. I'd have somebody who would also really love this. Ew.

The catamaran plan. James. James, you get worked up, dude. You're a very sexual man. I was, I felt, I felt like I was the biggest pervert because my before I fixed my Instagram algorithm I've managed to convince it that I I've put on safe mode. I'm not getting any politics I'm not getting any tits nothing But the last thing that set me over the edge of like it knows I'm a degenerate and I don't want that part of myself Out there was the breastfeeding women and I thought it was just me getting that if a woman would come out full nipples out

And then it was seemingly a child People telling me it's a doll. Yeah, but last night it was confirmed that other people are getting this as well And I felt it's not on me. It's on it's on the company pushing the breastfeeding content. That is the most distant like It goes children getting blown up in Gaza and breastfeeding women with an actual child in the shot as the two most you can also Do plastic surgery before and afters to a show tits You can do a ladies like cut up Yeah, they let those things fly but yeah the bright But the mayor was telling me about the breastfeeding thing and I'm like, that's nothing to celebrate. Did you sicko?

Yeah, cuz you're it's a there's a baby. Yeah, it's like a baby there It's yeah, yeah Dude, you know it. Yes. Okay. This this I love uh catamaran content and there's Sailing la vagabonda is like the number one hot couple who sail around the world And they had kids and now they sell around the world with their kids. And I looked at the Reddit and it's, you know, people go on this, she's so hot. This woman, she's so, but to post pictures of her being hot in a way that's not creepy because her kids are in all the videos.

They they've just like colored all their children out. So you're looking, it's like her in a bikini and like a black shadow where a child used to be. So it's like, this is bikini and like a black shadow where a child used to be so it's like this is fine There's nothing weird going on here. There's just a huge chasm in the middle of the photo. Yeah, Stalin has taken a child at Dude, you know, it's fucked up. I so last night whenever I can I could not sleep at all last night So I put on a obviously no jumper So I'm listening to no jumper dude, and they I forget who he was talking to But they were talking about girls going wild and how that was basically a child porn distribution ring That was getting sold on TV because he was like dude. They were college kids

So they're probably underage a lot of underage girls And it's like you just present this guy a fake ID and be like here you go And he was like yeah, they were technically selling what could have been sometimes child porn on TV for years Yeah, I was like damn. I never thought about that. Yeah, thankfully we were kids. I know thank all we was kids Thank God we were we were kids. It was kids because they did the analogy or the it was actually kind of cool He was talking about how MTV grind was like the face of it and then at nighttime It was like those same chicks and they were just get hammered as a TV grind MTV grind You never saw the shows when they like spring break

Yes There's one people be bikinis and jack dudes would be like just fucking dancing and it's a black dude tearing up in jeans Even as a kid I never wanted to be a part of that I Remember watching those spring break MTV things and even as a kid being like that looks like shit out there Oh, I want it to go so bad. Really yeah, I want it to go so bad. Really? Yeah, I want it to go so badly. I want it to go grind. I want it to grind. Yeah, I take that back. Grinding fucking ruled.

Grinding so fucking sick. Go to a party, being like, all right, we're gonna grind. And it was funny too, because we went to a very small, I grew up in a small school, but we went to a small school. So it was just the same eight girls and the same eight guys. Grinding.

Every weekend, we'd be like, all right, we're going to a party this weekend, just grinding in some kid's basement. Be like, no, I'm sick, see you next week. Grinding was so sick. On the exact same girls, we'd all have the same girlfriend. I know. And then you'd switch,

we'd girlfriend swap with your boys. And grind. Yeah, I've said that before, man, it's like, those parents that just let seventh graders down and finish basement and like check on them every two hours. It's like Don't what are you doing? Boy, that's crazy to be like I'm gonna it was like I never had I think I had a boy girl party That's all I was like in high school and my parents were gone obviously so I shouldn't call it a boy girl party It sounds kind of lame. I start partying my parents were gone obviously so I shouldn't call it a boy girl party sounds kind of lame. I swear party my parents

But there was a party. There's boy girl party, but there was like a Remember the parents would just do that. It's like yeah, why are you setting this environment? I'll need all just get hand jobs and yes, that's the whole point of the party is you'd go into a back room and finger Yeah, I'd be next you'd be next to like a fucking water heater just like huddled against it, just getting a hand job in a fucking basement. Those were the days though. Yeah, I mean maybe it's a beautiful thing to like. No, it's disgusting. It's time I have a bunch of children have sex in my house.

Oh god. I had the latest puberty at my school. So I was. True. No, where it's basically a basement free. We've got a lot of backyards. So all of this went on the backyards, but I didn't hit

puberty till I was like 17. Well, so I was, I was the oldest soprano in the boys choir they'd ever had. So I escaped a lot of this until university. Of course. Sublime. I want to join a choir so bad dude I want in

Fucking choir be awesome guys gotta get out of West Hollywood. No, I've been I've This lands tearing us apart. I've wanted to be in a choir before we need to go back to the East Coast I was on beginning my my cousin was in the Philadelphia Boys Choir Ajax Ajax a nasty nasty singer bro. He's a nasty singer. There's something like for real that's very good about singing with a bunch of people. It's very good for you.

I think it's... When you're at the new mass and they bring out the electric guitar or whatever or they're playing the pre-recorded music it's terrible. You want to sing with everybody you're there. It's so nice. Sunday morning all singing'll sing it together Yeah, although the and the Austin Cathedral has a great mass sadly there is a

Went out to change my son's diaper during the the mass and there was a crack head next to my car So that was that was exciting. He should have come in and heard the good word, but true What was he doing to your car was he like it was just right next to it smoking crack and looking at me changing my son. That's funny. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Yeah, I hate going to a church where they have fucking like drums and a guitar. Yeah. What are you doing?

Putting your hands in the air? Yeah. And there's some weird guy with his fucking button-down shirt tucked into his pants Yeah, those I mean the churches where people put their hands up like I mean I'm obviously do hands around Yeah, there's a Roman salute. I mean I'm holding a microphone for the record mad gave a Roman salute Why I was holding up my y'all's trying to yeah, whatever but yeah So funny who was that? That was like it was a Roman salute Was it was it Spencer Richard Spencer was that like a Charlottesville type From the back of like a he wasn't even in a cool fucking Mercedes

He was like standing in the back of a Sebring. Yeah Clearly a Hitler salute. He was like that was a Roman salute. I don't know why I knew it would think that Yeah, what happened with the the frat boys in the frat boy pendulum did swing dude Battled against well cuz everybody even if you're pro-palestine the the college kids are bothering everybody. Yeah, they're not helping It's a shame. That is a activity I mean there's like me when I went to college It's like you go to the bar try to get pussy get weed Yeah, now it seems like you must do public activism in some way shape or form which kind of that's kind of annoying

Although getting that active is supposed to be nice, dude. Yeah, you and a babe going home You're like we did we made a difference today Now it's time. We made a better world Yeah, but the frat bros went after them and then but then it's just stoking it actually it actually looked like 2016 again Yeah, there's a bunch of fucking dudes and like American flag overalls and shorts Just Patriots screaming at minorities and fucking college kids. Yeah, it's not the move. It was perfect for the media. It's exactly what they want ahead of this election. That's...

The thing that shot the media, which blew up on X, was the frat boys defending the American flag. When the Palestinian protesters were trying to tear down the American flag to put up the Palestinian flags and the frat boys got around the flag and were putting their bodies on the line to keep the flag. That was beautiful. That should have been on... Should have been on every news broadcast.

It's also embarrassing to do any of them. It must be so nice though to be one of the frat bros. You're just jacked. You're all on steroids. Getting drunk, you go down and get to beat up the actors. It does rule. I'm saying it's just embarrassing. They're like, we're putting this one up.

It's like, no, dude. Yeah, of course, it's all embarrassing. But defending the American flag with a solid pass set is a dream think you're legally allowed to like punch somebody if they're like trying To like mess the flag up. I think you're allowed to beat them up Yeah, true that is kind of sick It's just so funny. If you're not even aware of repercussions who cares you just down there You're like sure there's gonna be a lot of news cameras, and I'm gonna look like a racist, but who cares I'm in Delta Delta Chi right now. I

Can go down there and get jacked and push over some yeah They've been like a big old looking oak floor living room like we're gonna do something bro. It's fucking bullshit Yeah, you can't make fun of them because it's a yeah, they're just as ridiculous as all the other stuff It's like yeah people are're just as ridiculous as all the other stuff. It's like Yeah, people are taking in too much inflammatory stuff My whole dude on my YouTube I try to like get rid of this stuff and it's non-stop Like can you believe fucking blah blah blah and it's like that? Yeah, I don't want to see this anymore. The Bible quotes have infiltrated my YouTube. That's the best It's the best of just a dude narrating the Bible and I fall asleep to it. It's fantastic. Oh, that's good

It's very nice. Yeah, I thought you were getting hit with like those reels No, no fear the lamb reels. Those are nasty. Those are I'll show you some fear the lamb. Yeah, those are nasty. I bet it's always Baldwin from from a Kingdom of Heaven It's always Baldwin Oh, it's awesome

Doesn't matter do an hour on this and it will slide to the page It's just a bunch of sometimes the good It's it's just very funny. They they try to make badass like AI edits This is what I get this is my YouTube algorithm now do not fret because of those who are evil That's nice, it's very nice. Yeah, this is just now they got fear the lamb gear. It's about getting jacked and loving God, dude That's what hitting my algorithm is jacked Yo, anytime you go to the gym you gotta think of the passion of the cross you have to That was that uh

That was Adam Devine's character from righteous gemstones of like he was getting jacked for Jesus. That's starting to infiltrate Really of like, dude's getting jacked for Jesus. That's starting to infiltrate. It started in the 1900s, they called it. Really? Muscular Christianity. That's why people started playing sport in boarding school. That's why sport was invented in elite boarding schools. It was muscular, the doctrine of muscular Christianity. Oh nice. A good vigorous activity would stop boys,

because before then, the buggery was out of control. And it was pretty bad afterwards as well but sport offered us pleasant the poofy behavior had to come to an end sure to get none tucking in I would say wooly wooly woof through is I think all right but poof is definitely frowned upon the slang you have for gay guys is gay poof the poof is a gay insult it's what's it is an onomatopoeia thing that sounds like what it is. Oh really? That's not onomatopoeia. I don't know what is it onomatopoeia? That's what onomatopoeia is but what would Pufta be? Well you know Pufta. Sort of sounds. Yeah I was gonna say. A little pink fart comes out. Yeah fart yeah I'm big in a muscular Christianity right now it's

so tight dude that's my that's real it's the it's a it is funny and be it it's like so sick yeah getting jacked for God because it doesn't make sense to do really much else it's like I'm not gonna get fired up over the news I'm not gonna do this. It's like yeah, let's get jacked and think about the Bible. Yeah, what the fuck? That's truly one of the best things you can pot like the best combination I do this for Jesus Christ in the kingdom of heaven Damn Right guys here's a man I Fear lamb dude, we have to get around Garcia fear the lamb ron Garcia. He's the fucking best Yeah, we have to get jacked and Christian. I have it. I you know, I have a man now, right?

Go see he's the fucking best. Yeah, we have to get jacked and Christian. I have it I you know, I have a ma'am now right you've what pretty had a sir. I have a ma'am now What do you mean? I have a lady who tracks all my I'm doing a five-week thing. Oh, I forgot about sir So sir So my my wife She almost got tricked dude that she was fully in it. It was my so our her friend. I'm friends with as well She's from Jamaica So her and like her sisters and because of the friends from Jamaica had caught on to this guy Who was a Jamaican like fitness guy? Yeah, it's like a fitness guru from Jamaica

So we had like this meal program you would follow it you'd work out you'd send them your stuff It's pretty normal a lot like online personal training stuff, but the guy demanded that it was all women too so we had this little like It was like this like little like what's app of just him and a bunch of women who would all have to call him sir And then like tell them What they ate today, and he would like dude He would like be real nasty sent all these before and after pics all the stuff Yeah, this guy was it was crazy, and then he would just be like a little motivation

He would just send a jacked picture with his shirt off. It was some funniest fucking thing so Britney's friends like I'm gonna I'm gonna do this, but I'm gonna do a fitness thing. Oh, yeah, go ahead And I'm like looking at the threat. I'm like what the fuck is this? She's like oh well he wants us to call him sir, and I was like what you are not calling You can't call him sir dude so right away. I was like this is ridiculous And it was for real like he would he would if anyone said like well I don't know he would make a public display of them and be like I don't need that This is what you don't do and he it was it was like a frills like a high-control environment

We're like you like calories anything you ate you had to take a picture and send it it was it was a fucking like cult did you Meet the ladies no that was a fucking like cult did you Meet the ladies no that was a thing when uh he was in Jamaica Yeah, so he oh, I think he did meet someone didn't he like wasn't there like part like the final step is you have to? Fly down them no there was What was it? There was something I remember she was going to Jamaica at one point I don't know if it was before after I was like dude. I swear to God I'm gonna kill you if you're down here with fucking the guy if you're done with sir

But no it wasn't that but I think there was I mean dude It was just ladies sending pictures of yeah, I got in their underwear Yeah, and he was definitely meeting up with some of them who live down there. That was my one saving grace I'm like, thank fucking God. It's thankfully an ocean separating us. Yes. Yeah the ocean is sirs sir was a service a man that's a formidable opponent sir was a fucking menace, but But yeah, no, I remember finally she I like was like bro for real like this is fucked up You can do you can get another version of this. Yeah, that's not a psycho But no, so she's ended up finding a lady. She's gonna. Yeah, she escapes her sir. She found a ma'am

So now I have a man. I'm gonna do a man. ended up finding a lady. She found a man. She escapes her, she found a man. So now I have a man, I'm like I'm gonna do a man. So I have a lady. I love also when a girl that you're seeing is like, what, you're being weird. He's not trying to be sexual towards me. And then a couple months later, you were like, he's trying to fuck.

Yeah, before and after. He'd be like, I told you. Dude, it was like. When I was dating one girl that would always, she was like a model an Instagram model for like for top photographer I was like, yeah that photographer is trying to fuck you. Yeah, she's like we're going to the beach to take pictures and I'm like Well, that's I don't like that Obviously you're trying to fuck that for time. You guys are fucking yeah, and then she was like no a year later It was like yeah He got drunk and told me he wanted to fuck me

And he I was like yeah, what the fuck did you think that was told you my brother Tom did the best one ever Where he goes it was with an ex and he was like that guy's trying to fuck you He's like nah he goes call him right now. He's like he has a girlfriend. He doesn't care And he's like he's not like that Tom goes call him right now And yeah, I would like to like hook up with you and your girlfriend See what he says and I think she I don't know if you'd text him or what but she was just like I'm not doing that Yeah, he's like he's gonna say fucking yeah, he's gonna answer. Yes immediately. I exactly but it was the normal man Yeah, sir was like I think the falling out occurred before the trip

That's what I was trying to think but it was like he started just like any any little thing like what's that? What's this do this don't put this seasoning on put this on dude, and it was it was fucking I was like dude This is crazy, but now now we have a man who tracks all of our macros. That's nice. It's very nice now That's fine, dude. It's I have somebody it's a a five-week program and there's a lady who will be like Let's go and I also do I show off for so much. I fucking fast You think you need dinner last night? I'm like, yeah, I don't want to eat any junk food I want to fast for you mommy. I do I fast for my ma'am all the time. I skipped dinner She's like you need you need to eat more. I was just like I just love this. I love a main babe

I just love the pain you fear the lamb You fear the man. I fear the man. But yeah, I didn't eat dinner. I just listened to Bible quotes on YouTube. So, in case you're interested in that. But yeah, I'm gonna try to start like freaking her out. Just not eating for like four days.

Like, what's up? Like, no, I just didn't eat. You've helped me lose weight. You should've probably just get scared. You should've think I have an eating disorder. It's like, well no, I've been chewing up food and just spitting it out, so. I think that is an eating disorder.

If you're not eating food, ma'am. No, it's not a disorder. I'm turning it around. It's very regimented. But if chewing food up and spitting it out, I think technically is very, you're on the doorstep. If you're chewing food and spitting it out, you're off, dude. It makes sense, dude.

Because why do you have to swallow it? Get the taste. Because you know the. It makes sense, dude. Why do you have to swallow it? Get the taste. Because you know the swallow is the CP, dude. It's so good. You could chew up a chocolate bar and spit it out. You would be eating it, essentially. You're just not incorporating it into your body. I've always told people this.

They're always like, that's weird, man. I don't think it's. Have you ever tried it? I've done it before. It doesn't work. If I'm pigging on snacks and pigging and pigging, I'll just be like in the middle of eating that I don't need this is be children go Nice spit it out. You go. I won. Yeah. Yeah, I won. I got no power over me on my fifth slice of pizza

So full I was I was close to hogging today, dude. Where are you? I got went to that pizza place I've been how many slow-goers? Yeah, I got two. Okay. Two plain cheese, and then was strongly considering going back to the register and ordering a third. You can't do that.

You can't go back up. It might be pizza night for me tonight. You can't get back in line. Yeah. I tried to eat so many times yesterday. That sucked. It was like. Yeah, well we didn't eat.

I didn't eat dinner either. We didn't eat yesterday. I did not, we did not eat dinner. So I had an email this morning, very inquisitive email being like, what's up? Oh, the man. Man was like, I told you to eat three meals, what are you doing?

I was like, I was trying to get away. We fasted. I was like, I fasted. Fasted in your honor. We fasted in honor of Post Malone. I was like, oh nice. I told you to eat three meals. What are you doing? I was like, I was trying to Fasted I fasted fasted in honor of post one. I said, yeah exactly. It's a post one showed up. We can't eat Can't go get a fucking taco where we at we should switch over. Oh nice. Oh nice. Yeah Thank you. Nice. Let's take a break. We'll go over to the patreon. Yay