Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 496 - Fast Shooters (feat. Sam Tallent)

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Sammy @ https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth Go See Him Live in Winnipeg this wknd and all over @ https://www.samtallent.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini if you want Raliegh NC Goodnights June 6 and more @  https://linktr.ee/shawngardini Go See Lemaire in Mass in August (no tick link yet) Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good afternoon everybody. We hope you're having a great week. The D.A.W.G.Z. have been reunited at last :)))))) We're also joined by our best pal Sammy T. Please enjoy. Watch wide world and go see Sam in Winnipeg. God bless you all.  Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 Start your free online visit today at hims.com/drenched to learn about your personalized ED treatment options

Oh Hello Hello, so we're here with Sam Talent. Hey guys, it's so nice to be back. It's good to be here Yeah, good to have you dude. It's nice to actually hang out with the boys Yeah, they're just pop in shake hands blow a kiss, you know yesterday was so nice. Yesterday was a good day Yeah, it was fun. Kids are a lot. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know how you know no no I can I can handle it and those kids can compare to my sister's kids. Your kids are angels.

It's crazy. They're good. But she had a total meltdown. It starts to meltdown. It's funny. I've never seen a meltdown. It's so funny, dude. Yeah, they go.

It's full Shakespearean. Yeah. It's just like James is James's kid hit a tragedy to. Yeah. Now the girl, she built a pillow fort at the end. Yep. And then James was like, all right, let's go. And she's like, I just built the fort.

I haven't even gotten to use it. And then James was like, all right, let's take a picture next to the fort so we always remember it. She sat next to it like, pile of fucking pillows on the ground. Fort sucked, sorry James. It was a very Australian fort. It was a very Australian fort. It was a good Australian fort.

Very Aboriginal. It was fun to see the differences in parenting between you and Brittany and James and his wife. Cause at one point, James' daughter had one of those balloons that they were using in the pool. And she approached Brittany as I was grilling the food. And Brittany said, you keep that balloon away from me, little girl.

It just came out of her. And I laughed so hard. And then Brittany was like, oh shit, you weren't supposed to hear that. I smashed one of James kids with the door. He was standing by that door. I opened it. It was just me and him in the hallway. And he was like, I was like, you're fine. Dude, don't tell them.

They stand right in front of doors like dogs. Yeah. Yeah. My kids, I can open my garage door So slow cuz every I've like open it and there's like What are you? Why are you standing right there? No frills is like chill by the door like a sim They'll just be James's baby was he was waiting The blinds were down They discovered the doggy door and that was almost a nightmare. Yeah, the doggy door was big.

Yeah, I banished my eye from the doggy door and she's like, it's all I want to do. It's a secret door. It's all I want to do. It's a portal between worlds, Ed. And they have a dog run over there too, they were safe. It was funny, James' wife was saying that she thought, the kid was lying. He was like, I was at Shane's house, there's a secret door. We were in the secret door, it's a tiny door.

She was like, all right, that's great. I didn't believe it either. And then they got here and they're like, oh shit. It's a secret door. I didn't believe him either, I found a secret door, I was just like, I never entered this place, you didn't find a fucking secret door. I looked over, I was like, oh man, fuck.

To which point you must get a big feline now. It's set up. I do. I need a feline. I think I'm gonna live here for another year in this house. So I could get a gato. We'll just get a door that's big enough for LaMare to crawl through.

But that means LaMare has to live here for another year to tend to my gatito. True. It's true. It's quite the- Eye contact, LaMare, don't stare at your phone when we address you. It's quite the eye contact. Don't stare at your phone. It's quite a dress. You're looking up cool cats.

Big door. You might have to be the cat procurer to no racism, but we are the main. Joe. Yeah, that's a good cat. That's a great cat. That's a great cat. I don't think anyone would assume. Well, if I was just I was just, you know, attributing as a policy cat to order, Lamar.

True. You never you also never know what somebody can do as well. Well, if I was just I was just you know attributing it's a pause the cat door to La Mer true You never you also never know what somebody can do as well Online people can you'd say anything on a dog before yeah everything I've never said anything bad Just make up bullshit It was funny you had the hose in the pool the pool cleaner, and I held up James is like one year old baby It's for you to spray it in the belly I held up James's like one year old baby. It's for you to spray it in the belly That baby had to be like well, who's this huge man? Oh, I'm up here

Yeah, spray the kids was great it was a good day that that pool cleaner hose is I think she's bro things sucks They want me just discovered why my water bill was two thousand dollars Is there cracking whenever the boys swim they like to take the robot put it on the side of the pool It sucks. Think about me. Just discovered why my water bill was $2,000. Is there a crack in the pool? Whenever the boys swim, they like to take the robot and put it on the side of the pool. What? The last two days I've woken up to a totally- You can't take those things out?

I totally flooded the back porch. Yeah. It sprays all night. This is the first time we took it out. I think it was the robot was going- It was out the night before. Six elf balls. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you can night before. Six self pause. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can't interrupt those things at all. They're very delicate machines. And that collar just had, it was a good one. There was no pause, but we were all on mute. But I got, Gerby started laughing. Lady was like, these guys shoot so fast. I just looked at Gerby like.

And he couldn't stop. They shoot so fast. That's the best thing about tires is they shoot so fast. Oh, that's so funny. Did he give in and laugh or is he just like? No, he was dying. His face was dark red. This is great. Gherby's on a Zoom call with a meeting. That is my...

He wears like a gamer headset. Does he? Yeah. He doesn't wear a headphone. He has a a gamer headset. Does he? Yeah. He doesn't he doesn't wear a full gamer headset. He's like the guy from Grandma's Boy. And he has his glasses and a polo on every time.

He's like, well, yeah, well, this is up for the. He does. I mean, it makes sense. It's just man. Him in that context is for one of my favorite things to think about. Yeah. Very important high pressure meetings and just you being like. I always get it too, I'm like,

God damn Steve, when this show comes out you're gonna be a sexual icon in front of all the Netflix people. I don't know if you talked about it on here but when you forced him, when you like made him give a speech at that big dinner. Oh, that was so good, dude. The night before we did the premiere for Tires,

we had a dinner with all the Netflix people. And I was sitting next to a guy that was like, I'm going to give a speech. And I was like, you have to make Steve give a speech. And I'm like, for real, he's going to say no. But you have to, as a Netflix guy, be like, Steve, you're the big star of the show. You're the number one star.

You have to give a speech. And it worked. Yeah, it worked. And then Steve gave like a heartfelt speech about all of us. And I was like, all right, dude, shut the fuck up. I started crying. It's really funny. I'm pretty sure he was like, did Shane tell you? He did. He did after. He was like, well, I'm not number one.

I was like, yeah, you are, Steve. You're the big guy. You're a big shot and then Kyla got up and was like by the way the toilets are broken Wow, wow, it's funny Just in the next like chocolate Yeah, yeah get in the bathtub you're clear Hey, why's you fucking queer. Why is everyone fucking queer? I think that was my favorite line in the show, though, was when she's talking to Shana and that girl and she's like, excuse me, folks, I got to go take a poop. Gets up.

I like the chocolate milk rumor that had me giggling. And you making him stink in the fact that he reeked? No, no, no, that was. It's so funny. The you hear your little rumor made it in there. Oh, that was great, too. I was a little not the bill. The bulls are.

Now, Matt, you did such a good job of acting, people didn't recognize you. I mean, bro, nothing could bring me more pleasure than I didn't know. That was you. I said, my God. There were so many people that were like, why the fuck is Matt? There needs to be a Matt came in. I was like, trust me, daddy, I got you. Yeah, dude. They didn't even recognize you.

You're too much of a thespian. Yeah. You lost yourself in that role. That was more Meisner. I think I did a little Meisner for that one. I have been observing cops for a long time now. You did. Somebody got me on that, too. They're're like you can see Shane smile when Matt pulls up

Laughing as soon as you ride like freeze Yeah, I was absolutely delighted that people were like I didn't know you're in that I was like man Yeah, I might be sick if I developed like it like, just a ridiculous acting ego where I'm just like, just the craft. It's just something. Just the craft. You know, I was watching the Kevin Spacey on Mask last night. How was that?

Fucking fine, other than the worst thing he did was he jacked off during Save It Private. He invited the, sorry, it's the same thing over and over again, it's the same story. He goes, he meets a dude, and he, he's clearly just trying to fuck these guys. And every dude is like a Hollywood guy, like a desperate Hollywood actor that's like,

this is my big chance. He wants to be my friend. He chose me to be friends with for no fucking reason. Dude, they're, yeah, I know, but that's their mind. They're like, he just could see it in me. Yeah, so he's never seen you act you're at a bar. Right. He's wearing leather pants. Yeah, the one guy was like he saw me at the Golden Globes. I was just standing there and Kevin Spacey walked up and was like who are you? It's like obviously he's trying to fuck you dude. Yeah. What do you think that is?

Anyway, the one guy he met at a bar, they were like talking and stuff, and then he was like, let's hang out. Oh, he's like, there's a party at my house, so they go back to his house. He makes out with them, there's no one else there. Yeah. And then, uh. He was like, people just come and go,

it's that kind of party. Yeah, that one. I think that actually might have been a different guy than the Save and Private Ryan guy. That's a, uh. He got him in the home theater. He got the same private Ryan guy. They were at a house party and he was like,

we should go check out this home theater. The guy was like, okay. It's like, bro, you know what that is. He's watching movies, they're both cinephiles. They are cinephiles. Yeah. Hey, he grabbed one guy's dick on the set on the set of fucking House of Cards.

Just honked him between shots. They're like behind the curtain. We were watching it last night, I was like, dude, I'm ruined, I've honked him between shots behind the curtain I mean, it's what guys do for fun. There's intent though. True. There's a guy, the one guy he goes out with, he's like, let's go hang out. So they're walking around, they go to a movie theater. The guy had just worked on Saving Private Ryan.

And he was like, oh, this is your movie, let's go watch it. So they're sitting in the theater and it's the opening scene, it's D-Day. And the guy said he looked over, Kevin Spacey was jacking off. To D-Day. To D-Day and the guy said he looked over and Kevin Spacey was jacking off To D-Day Saving private Ryan's D-Day. Right just headshot headshot explosion. Oh

He was trying to take his temperature D-Day. D-Afternoon. Yeah, I mean if you can trick guys that easily It just goes to show that the women never stood a chance Yeah, I mean absolutely right. can trick guys that easily, it just goes to show that the women never stood a chance. Yeah, I mean, absolutely right. To be fair to Spacey, that's a very fair point. To be fair to Spacey, the possibility of getting head during that D-Day scene is immense. Iconic. It'd be crazy. It'd outweigh all of his Oscars.

It'd be the biggest accomplishment. I made a straight guy suck my dick during D-Day. It'd be the biggest accomplishment. I made a straight guy suck my dick during D-Day. He says that at his Hollywood Walk of Fame speech, of all my accolades. Shoulda put his cock in the hand star. Yeah, true. He fell for it and put his dick in.

Or it's just nine fingers and then one dick imprint. Guess which one is fake. If Kevin Spacey, he's just like back doing his thing now, what do they do the behind the actor studio now? I don't think they know no you that was stock footage He just did an interview now didn't he he came out after three years of silence. Okay. Yeah, so the interview was I think No, this was a interviewing the victims Just dudes who got honked over the last 25 years It was an absolute honky-bonk interviewing the victims. Just dudes who got honked over the last 25 years. A lot of dudes got honked.

It was a honky-menary? It was an absolute honky-menary. He likes flipping servicemen. That's his ultimate fetish, because his dad was a Nazi and diddle him while dressed in SS gear. What? His dad was a big time Nazi.

Yeah, yeah. And his fucking brother now dresses like... His brother turned into Rod Stewart. Exactly. He had a Nazi dad. Shirting off the D-Day makes a little more sense now. True. Yeah, and his like fucking brother D-day makes a little more sense now true. Yeah, he was like these fucking defeat these motherfuckers. Yeah. Yeah So he got molested by his dad in Nazi clothes. I think molested is a nice way to put it Maybe you got turned out repeatedly. It's like that joke. There's the one guy There's the one guy. Watched child born of the Nazi outfit.

That was Kevin Spacey's dad that actually did that. I'm telling you, he's a widespread phenomenon. How can I make this more evil? Damn, I didn't know that. He just did an interview himself though, I'm pretty sure. I think he did, no, he did one with Tucker Carlson. That was nuts, dude. Recently?

Yeah. He did a Tucker one where he broke the fourth wall again and did that fucking House of Cards thing. No, he did it again? Yeah, he did it during the interview. With Tucker. wall again and did that fucking House of Cards thing. No, he did it again? Yeah, he did it during the interview with Tucker. It was very weird. What Tucker says, I'm like, oh, all right.

Have you ever had a zin, Kevin Spacey? Yeah, it's a bit strange. He's usually calmed me down. Damn. But yeah, jacking off during Saving Private Ryan was making me laugh very hard. All time bro move. It is.

It's crazy, dude. But it is funny to get just your own, just by your own devices to rationalize being in Kevin Spacey's basement, being like, yeah, man, I'm a phenomenal. That one commercial he saw me in, he just. And he never saw any of these guys in anything. And they were like, this could be my entire career.

I have to do this. The one guy was like, I'm not gay. I sucked his dick for like 10 seconds. Then I was like, well, this is not me. And he barfed. That's kind of fucked up. He sucked him for 10 seconds. If I was on the jury, the spaceman

finished it off, don't we? The spaceman jacked off and then drove around with him for like three more hours. All over the steering wheel in his pants. What a high crime. I would have stood up in the jury. They used you sucked it for 10 seconds to stop guys. I would have given him passion speech.

I would have given him passion speech like what's really wrong. What's the greatest wrong here? Yeah, true. You should be on trial. 10 seconds. I'll give a man a heart attack. Yeah, you're guilty of blue baller II Damn spacey dude, I that's sick. He's is he making a comeback amongst this like negative documentary. Is that why he did Tucker? I Don't know. I'm sure he's trying to make a comeback. But yeah, that's as far as I got

Did he do anything real evil in there? Did how far did you get? I got to the did you get to when he opened the theater and it was just his little like sweet candy shop of young boys? No, dude, he like ran this like very famous theater in London and he would have these like intensives where he would just round up like 60 of the most like supple dudes and be like, I'm your teacher. Come. And then he would just like sit next to him and like rub their backs and be like, you need to tap into something deeper.

And then invariably, you know, fuck most of them. You tap in. Yeah. But every one of them was like, I've been training my whole life for this moment to be near Kevin Spacey. Yeah. You know, and then he's like, meet me upstairs. And he's just got his fucking throbbing cock in his hand. Yeah. You think that would be, you know, were these like young, young boys or they? No, I think they were like 19, 20.

Actors? Yeah. It had some training. If you're like a straight 40-year-old guy and you're there like, you're in a job interview and they're like, any good qualities? Be like, I'm so driven by ambition one time that I completely rationalized some of Kevin Spacey's dick

for 10 seconds. Yeah. That's how bad I want success. Yeah, Kevin Spacey's dick for 10 seconds. Yeah, that's how bad I want. Yeah, right. Like that one guy. Wasn't that what the fire festival documented? Remember that guy who blew everybody for like water? Oh, my God. Yes. That guy ruled. He would like we need water for the festival.

And the guy was like, you can't have this water. And he's like, so I saw this dick. Yeah. And that guy was like the president of Haiti or something. Yeah. Fuck. Mm hmm. He's like so I suck this dick. Yeah, and that guy was like the president of Haiti or something Needed water you want to keep it. How far do you think I could suck my way up into like local politics? I think you could alderman. I think you get real far you be an alderman He's become a trash man, I'm an older boy. I could just become a trash man. I'd just be you. Yeah, you'd be like, fuck. Fuck, I suck my way down.

Suck my way down to sanitation. Now Matt, you've had a big week. Yeah, speaking of sucking and all this stuff, I'm a pedophile now on TikTok. Oh shit. Yeah, pedophile. It is what it is, bro. I got to roll with the punches. Yeah, you know, it is kind of funny though. It has been a it's what I get.

I've been calling people pedophiles online for now six years. I was just like, yeah, right. Fair enough. See how this feels. Yeah, not good. Yeah. This is usually who smelted dealt it. Yes, right. My bad. I know as soon as it hit me. I was like, all right, fair enough. I get it. Yeah This is usually who smelted dealt it

As soon as it hit me I was like I fair enough I get it although yours was clearly funny it was a joke It was clearly a joke. Yeah, so talk man Talking about being like bombed out by the lack of jacked kids. It does sound like a pedophile, but it's a funny It's a funny joke. It's true. Those damn shirts are a scourge. They're everywhere Yeah, I do. I do wonder what those shirts are for that SPF like every kid wears a rash guard now. It's kind of like, bro, what are you? You're going to have the most wicked farmers tan. I mean, that technology was available when I was a fat child.

You best believe I would have been in a head to toe so to get being dipped relentlessly. True. Yeah, it was like that was like crazy. I still to this day, if someone has a shirt on the pool, I'm going like, yeah, yeah, very weird. It was unthinkable. Now it's like standard issue shirt in the pool shirt. And when you see him at indoor pools and you're like, all right,

you got bruises. What's happening? Yeah, true. True. I used to rock pretty hard. Titty Twister bruises, too. Oh, yeah. My dad would get furious if he saw that. He'd be like, what are you doing? Yeah. He's like, you're gonna get fucking cancer from that. I'd be like, fuck.

He would tell me that you get cancer. If you have like bruises around your nipples, he's like, that gives you cancer. Holy shit, my sister has breast cancer. Yeah. Holy shit. What have you done? Too many titty twister.

Too many sweet titty twister. I don't think you really, titty twister in women is. It's part of the game. It's tough. It's life. It is life, it's just life. But that's, it's a tougher. It's kind of the finest part.

I don't think I've ever successfully titty twisted a girl. No, I'm just talking a little. Oh, it's a little. Start the ignition a little. Yeah. Ding dong, I'm here. Like you're starting the engine,

but it won't turn over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cause it'd be tough. His boobs are naturally squishy. So if you try to twist a boob, it would just be like, on guard. I got bean dipped a week ago and I chopped the kid like a pro wrestler. You should. I did. Bean dip is the ultimate offense.

It's the worst thing you can do to a man. What's the one that lifts you? Lifts your boob. We all know the boobs in there. So the boob lift, I know the boob lift. I never heard of it referred to as a beam. Oh, yeah, being bit My has been kind of like anytime I'm leaning forward. She's been hitting me with these I'm like, yeah I mean definitely that's enough young boy

It's purely out of curiosity she's like what is that shape and she's like, yeah, I'm like man That's no fuckers get off go to bed. You're in trouble It's two in the afternoon Remember you didn't listen the other day go to bed Yeah, yeah, I have been reflecting on the internet though I'm like it is nuts because I am like I'm when you get I go I was making fun of Meek Mill a lot being Like dude, he keeps defending himself and I'm like now I get it if someone says something bad about you You want so badly big guys for the record? I'm not, now I get it. If someone says something bad about you, you want so badly, be like, guys, for the record,

I'm not a pedophile. You wanna put out that Drake, the whole Drake diss. I know. The response, I'm just like, if I was a pedophile, I'd be arrested by now. I know. It's so hard not to be like, guys, in all seriousness, I'm not a pedophile.

I think the lady dog protest too much. You can never. Love that sweet, sweet pussy. You can never, you can never defend the pedophile. You can't, you absolutely can't. You have to just take him. Yeah. He's just a thorn in my life forever.

Come off a kid's back, you got to. Yeah. I'm at that end of the slide. True. This guy. Yeah, you have to go into hiding for three years and then do Tucker Carlson. That's the way out.

True. Was his pedophilia? You know, it's none of my business. Space he got, that was the original accusation, was a young. Yeah, that was his defense. Yeah. This sounds terrible, but in his defense,

he was at a gay party. How young was the kid? I don't know. Teenies, teeny bops. Yeah teenies teeny bops. Yeah little teeny bop Bob did a gay party, which is terrible again terrible terrible terrible what? There's a there's a thing going around I've heard gay people say this being like there It's like take it and it's not as police like that whole day it was like more held down almost like in the 90s like jail bait where they kind of kept partying in that

vein that's what I've heard from a gay guy online or maybe I just made it off my head was like a history of like Milo you know I was hit that yes right he was talking about that like bro it's kind of part of being gay is like what is it Sean what have you discovered in 2017 2017 actor Anthony Rapp accused Spacey of making sexual advances toward him and Rapp was 14 years old. Anthony Rapp, what was he in? I don't know.

Nothing, because he didn't suck Spacey. All the money in the world. He was in Star Trek? Damn. That'd be crazy, being in like the mothership knowing Space is on your ass. Just be like, yes, fuck, for real. Beam me up, dude.

Get me the fuck out of here. Send me into space. Space, man. Yeah. Well, yeah, but this has inspired me, though, to, I'm gonna try to not ingest any product of the algorithm for like a month. See if it, because now I'm kind of like questioning everything.

I'm going like, dude, that that's crazy because it's a fake thing it's like there's entirely manufactured story and yeah dude how much of the shit I read is just complete how big is this fucking story it's like a million people it was a tectonic shift. Yeah, it was a lot. I don't have tiktok on my phone, so I don't know how to get onto it and look at it. So I have no idea what's going on.

My cousin... You tweeted about it. I did. You said I'm a pedophile on tiktok now. Every little kid at the beach wears a fucking sun-protective shirt. It's like, let we see your pecs It is very funny you were just goofing dude, I was having a good old time. It's funny I went on one cool podcast by myself You went rogue

God damn it son of a bitch I Will say it doesn't make the community pool very weird when I'm swimming. I mean, I obviously know. Oh no, if someone's like, you're the guy from TikTok. Yeah. Oh shit. I mean, just like what I do to lay low there

in the community pool, I just keep a snorkel on and I just float. Some Texas dad's gonna punch you in the mouth. The fuck out of here. You said Jack up my goggles. But no, that was a that was funny. It is funny. That's nothing. You'll be all right.

No, it's really isn't anything. It was just very it's just funny how it does set the wheel spinning. A lot of views, though. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. One video. Fuck. It was just very it's just funny how it does set the wheel spinning a lot of you though I don't have tic-tac I got it. I might download it Yeah, that's that's the thing that for reals pump Yeah, and I obviously it sounds like I'm is like just all pure self-interest But nothing gets your attention more than your image being manipulated to being a pedophile Face in the word pedophile. Yeah, it's real. It's like holy shit, man. I'm gonna try to like take two months

This is crazy. But again, I've been I've been the spearhead of many false claims Hanks I like to apologize call you pedophile We obviously apologize obviously Jersey Drake. We obviously apologize. We're sorry. Who else we Hillary Clinton? We're not sorry, baby. No, you definitely took boys from Haiti. Did you took little kids from Haiti? Cardini? I have no idea Cardini no apology. No apology. We know what you did Cat motherfucking damn. How was that pitch bro? So scared heard you smoked it I did pretty good story heard you basically throw strikes close to a strike paint in the corner Bryce framed it for me nicely really yeah, did you train at all I went to?

Texas's baseball field last week shout out ace One with our boy. That's awesome. His name's Ace for real? Yeah. Beast. And he's a pitcher there at Texas. So I was like, I need to be able to throw from the mound. I have no idea what this is like. And he hooked you up.

And he was like, yeah, come to the field. He's like, I can see a good pitcher and you just kissed him in the locker room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right when I got there, I was like, where is everybody? And he's like, it's just you and me. And he kissed me. People come and go from this practice

I'm saying that's hetero. That's new rule if you pop off the pipe in ten seconds Hetero pass, you know, this is not for me. That is yeah But I got on the mound through a couple They were good. I was like, oh, thank God. I don't I thought I had a full girl arm and then You're lefty to bro lefty. Did you see I'm fucking yeah If you throw it hard, it's very hard to throw a strike. Yeah. I tried that, and every time it went a mile over the head. Oh, you throw high.

You just sail it, yeah. Because you're also elevated on that mound. Yeah, so there's a whole trajectory situation. It's not that high. Everybody talks about that. Mound wasn't that, but when you get out, when I got out there- You have a lot of mound talks?

What's that? You talk about mounds a lot? No, a lot of people say that. They're like, you forget how high that mound is. It's not. Like you just did. That's what I'm talking about. Well, I was trying to contribute.

I know you were. But I'm saying that's an example of something that somebody who's never been on the mound would say. Yeah, but I am mound shaped. What about standing on the plate on the mound? You could have stood on my belly and thrown the pitch and it would have been fine. That would have been a show. That would have been a big show. Did you have foot on plate in the pitch and it would have been fine. That would have been a show.

Did you have foot on plate from the pitch? Did you have to have your foot on the plate when you start the pitch? Yes. OK. But I got there and everyone was like, you got to throw from the mound or your pussy. And then as soon as I walked in, the lady was like, you're not allowed to throw from the mound. Throw from in front of it. And I was like, starting to have a pain. I was like, I have to. I'm going to get called gay. You have to ignore this lady. A hundred dudes on on the internet are gonna call me a pussy for this. So lady at the Phillies game said you can't say it right now?

Yeah, she was like, you can't go on the mat. I was like, I have to go. And she was like, look, you're gonna be the only one out there, no one's gonna stop you. Go ahead. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you. And then you get out there,

but then when fucking Bryce Harvard, first off, I forgot it was him that was doing it. That's kinda crazy. It was very scary. Yeah. When he walked out, I forgot it was him that was doing it. That's kinda crazy. It was very scary. Yeah. When he walked out, I was like, oh, there he is. He's like the biggest star on the Phillies. Yeah.

Yeah. When they get into the catcher's position while you're up there, you're like, holy shit. It's so far away and so small. I was like, I'm definitely gonna miss this. Oh my God. Yeah. And I was thinking about it the entire time.

Yeah. Like while I was throwing, I was like, don't fuck this up, don't fuck it up. You're releasing it on the hook. Oh my God. You know what I mean? You would hope that you would like. How slow did that ball in your mind travel to his glove?

I could, no, it went fast. In my mind, I was like, I drilled it. Yeah. Did he put the glove off? Like, God damn. Yeah. Tommy John after that. But I got up on the mound, and then they

kept announcing other people. And I just had to stand there for like a minute. And I was looking at Bryce Harper like, dude, when do I fucking go? When do I go? And he was like, relax. Relax. That's so fucking funny.

Yeah. It was very neat, and I was very happy to do it. But I was dreading it all day. Yeah, dude. That's terrifying. It was so scary all day. That's terrifying. And what's at stake is like. My entire man. day. Yeah, dude. So scary all day. It's terrifying. And what's that steak is like my entire man Oh god, dude everything. Yeah

Unless again unless you want fool wild I mean I considered throwing as hard as I could That would have stopped I couldn't handle that that's one type of footage So tops made a fucking baseball Dude, that would have stopped. I couldn't handle that. That's one type of footage. Hold on. Did I? So tops made a fucking baseball. I saw that. Do you get it? Is it a physical car? Yeah, that's cool. That's awesome. Yeah. Ethan sent me the copies of it.

Did they send me the options? I got to show you this one. There's this one. That's awesome. Hold on. Yeah. that's nice, dude. I'll say to you, we can put it on like absolutely not. No, the throw. I should have gave you a ball. It's a ball in hand, though.

The right after the release is nice. You can see how hard I'm trying throw a 45 mile an hour pit. Yo, 45's no fucking joke. 45's no joke, dude. A lot of people joke around. It's not a fucking joke. Gerbys was the biggest cocksucker about it. What was he doing? He was like, that wasn't bad. I was like, Steve, you could never do that.

What the fuck? Yeah, he was a dickhead. He was like, that wasn't bad. We all might have to clock in, dude. I think we're gonna, I'd love to, well, we're gonna need to get to the end of this. I think we're gonna need to get to the end of this. I think we're gonna need to get to the end of this. I think we're gonna need to get to the end of this. Like Steve, you could never do that. What the fuck? Yeah, he was a dickhead. He was like, that wasn't bad. We all might have to clock in, dude.

I think we're gonna, I'd love to, well, we're gonna need 40,000 people watching. True. That's another big part of it. Yeah, true. You can't recreate that. 40,000 Phillies fans. Right, the worst ones. Just people that are dying to call you gay.

Yeah, and like with batteries. They want it so badly. Trombon at the bit, dude. Just for that pitch to fuck up and then all get to be like You gotta do citizens your new goal is to do You have to do a show at citizens Bank Park so you can throw that you can relive the pitching for 40s out They're gonna our garbage smokey. I'm gonna get Gerbys on that field this summer. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get him out there, dude That fucking bitch give him like all this give him like August too. I'm gonna get Gerbys on that field this summer. Oh yeah. I'm gonna get him out there. Dude. That fucking bitch.

Give him like August. Give him like August too. I'm getting him. Yeah, day game. August. Yeah, dog days. I'm gonna make him drink the night before. So his arthritis is really inflamed.

You're gonna fuck with his disease. I couldn't believe it. I was like, Steve, you had a panic attack at the Q and a never be able to stand in front of you. Say that was all right like that. I don't know. He was being a dickhead and he was laughing about that. He came to my house on Friday and my parents, it was still talking shit. It wasn't that bad. It was all right. You got it there. You got it there. Steve, you should have, what the fuck are you talking about? Does he love baseball? He does now. He got what the fuck are you talking about?

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It's looking like the Boston Celtics. I've heard that as well. It's looking like the Boston Celtics. I'm hoping for the Mavs. The Mavs are the cooler team, obviously. Kyrie, Luca. Yeah. Luca's at 30 and a half this next game.

When is it? Tonight. It's too late for our listeners. But I would have said, just for the listeners, I would have said more. Oh yeah, a little more. More. Luca more than 30.

Luca more than 30, but it's not just, is it just points there? Oh, okay. Is Kyrie 18? Wow, what a great Wednesday. Yeah, I think Kyrie got 18. I would guess, I'll go more. Luca will drop 30.

Call him 34 right now. 23. I'd say more there too. Well if I were doing that I'd say more on Kyrie, less on Luca but I still think Luca's dropping 30. I'm going more. All right there you go. Thank you. That's fun. Oh wait here let's plug those shows too Hello, no no no if you come on camera time come on Hello everybody if you're free Tuesday June 4th a week from today me lamarinator do an optimum noctis at the creek in the cave Please come to that if you can 8 p.m.. June 4th, and then I'll be in Raleigh on June 6th Thursday Please come to that and I'll be in the Midwest

Batavia St. Louis, all right, Indianapolis. You got a website Thank you, please go on my Instagram Sean Gardini, thank you That's a long ass fucking book. I'm sorry. Let's see how pro does it Yeah, watch wide world on San Talents YouTube. Listen to Charlie Vahimith, Winnipeg, Lafayette, San Francisco, Patavia, Pittsburgh, samtalent.com for tickets. The Tavias get a lot of shout outs today. Yeah.

Watch tires. Yeah. Watch it again, dude. Watch it again. So we can stay in the top 10. Yes, and Shane m gillis calm for tickets Matt mccusker comm slash dates Houston is the next one. Please go. Thank you. Please come to Winnipeg I like who just did a special amongst like a crowd of psychic like psychiatrists Colin Quinn Yeah, see cutest that's a wild move. It's a bit. It's the shit. He does is pretty tight He's getting enough love. True. In the grand scheme.

But that show he did was, Tough Crowd was like huge. Tough Crowd was the best. It was awesome. It was like, instead of Bill Maher was doing his thing, he was just doing a bro down on HBO, which was like pretty tight. Well, you guys kind of did that same thing though, where you platform your dumb friends and let them compete for your affection. Spout their opinions.

Yeah exactly. Lamar, do you have any good thoughts lately? You usually have the worst opinions. What? Oh yeah he's like throw 70 miles an hour. What? 70 bro. Give me a month.

That's always the argument. Give me a month. You're gonna put eight hours a day in the learning. What's the fastest you ever clocked in at? I don't know dude. Never once. Never in the learning. What's the fastest you ever clocked in at? I don't know, dude. Never once, never clocked once. 70's crazy. 72 a catcher.

Not just fucking throwing it as hard as you can, do you? I don't even think that. I think. No, it didn't. You're Uncle Rebo. I have a theory. I was with La Mer all weekend. I have a theory that La Mer learned to read from anime subtitles.

I was watching them. I was watching them watch anime. I was like, this is definitely how you learn to read. I bet. I think so. There's no way you got good grades in school. I was like a B student. I could see you actually.

That was in the Detroit public school systems For a guy without a lot of friends that's bad You were getting laid or anything I believe you I believe you have bros obviously my bro. You're the man. It was fun to observe LaMare and the whole try to get off that mic. You guys came to that bar after your late show. And I was observing LaMare was like involved in a conversation over here. And then someone brought up anime or something. And you turned and left and implanted yourself.

Oh, we'll just walk up to people. Yeah, just go. Yeah, he was very good. He was very free. I admired it. All right. They're talking about Wayne head. I heard you've been a bit of a prick around the comedy scene here. Now, I haven't even been around. I heard you've been a little cocky. Now, oh, dude, you should have seen the pops.

He was getting in Denver, too. Yeah, it was. Dude, the host would be like, what do you want me to show? No, I'm sorry. I would be like The host would be like What do you want me to say for you? The mayor like doesn't just whatever just you know and they'd be like alright man like then they came out They're like who the fuck's this guy? Yeah, and then you go out they go out and be like They both came back and we're like

Jesus Christ They're like we didn, that was crazy. They didn't know who they were dealing with. They knew they were dealing with the almighty LaMise. Then they ask him, they go, the manager, Ashley, was like, hey, LaMare, do you want to do headline? He goes, yeah.

Oh, god damn it, LaMare. As soon as she left, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Just say yes. I say yes. Yes. What the fuck are you doing? I couldn't, I didn't, you know fuck are you doing? I could headline there. You could headline there.

You totally could. Anyone could, that's a, you're gonna kill there. Yeah man. I was just so, as soon as you left. I would suck ass to bomb there. I've seen it happen. You've seen people bomb there? I've seen people bomb horrendously.

There's a guy named John Heffron, is it comic? Name him. Well, I'm just saying, he's a good comic and I've hosted for him over my career. He would come. I'd host and feature. And then he was going through a divorce. I saw him right before he went on stage,

slapping himself in the face in the mirror and saying, you got to be funny because it's all you got. Oh, yes. And then he went out there and ate it horrendously. Yeah. And like, before the show, he was like, yeah, I got all these bits about being married, but I can't do them. No, you gotta keep doing them, brother. Keep doing them. Yeah. Yes. Those are yours, dude.

You earned them. Right. And I'm saying his name because he is a good comic, but it was fun to see, you know, yeah You work for those brothers don't let her take everything in the divorce No, dude, you'd have to keep it absolute more to keep the jokes. So I own a Kia sedan. Oh, no Just being up there like my dog does Her that that would be crazy dog because Because if I was going through a divorce talking about being married, I'd have a psychic break on stage.

I would just lay there, a psychotic break. Even like, I tell a joke about having kids that are two and four just because Chloe's turning two this week, so I'd rather be one and four. I'm like, she's actually not two yet. Dude, in my head I'm going like, fuck dude, she's not two, fuck. It fucking makes me feel crazy.

Yeah. I've also been having a, for the last show, I experimented. Like, can I start smoking a little bit of weed before shows now? I experimented. I experimented with the very last show. And I was fine. It's an experiment.

It was just an experiment. But dude, I had this thing where I have a, I deal with a terrible internal monologue the whole time I do stand up. But then I had like thing where I have an idea with a terrible internal monologue the whole time I do stand up But then I was I had like a visualized teleprompter of all the words I was about to say as I was doing that last show and I was like, please make this stop It was killing me. It turned out to be fine, but it was like I was like, well, that's an interesting

Interesting. Yeah the experiment Discoveries from the I want to see if Terrence Howard was right, so I got high before my show. No, no. Dude, the Philadelphia diaspora in Denver this weekend, when Matt was there and the Phillies were in town, it was like fucking party for out here. Is that why I kept seeing, I kept seeing Phillies here. Yeah, yeah. Those are losing a series to the Rockies. Which has never been done.

Dude, I'll'll say I also performed Physically at altitude that is no easy task. No, I worked out and I thought I was for real having like a cardiac event I was like, why is my heart rate not going and it was just at like a steady 135 and I was like, it's not going back down I was like fuck and then I realized I was up in the air and I said holy shit These guys aren't kidding around about this. Yeah, I mean I'm trained with the big dogs. I'm telling you I felt superhuman. I worked out today and I was like, bro This is crazy. Yeah, you like a training center in Colorado Springs pumped out a lot I might start wearing the masks just so I'm ready to like Bain. Yeah the oxygen Yeah, I need to be ready for if a case I have to compete in Colorado today. Yeah

He's got a compete in Colorado. Yeah, he's got to bench press 60 pound dumbbells again twice in Colorado. I need to stay ready. That like for real fucked me up. I was like, what an advantage. Don't fuck me up on stage in Denver. Yeah, dude. You get dry mouth and the drinks. Yeah, you get dry.

My nose was itchy. So I the whole time one of the shows I was like, that is a terrible thing. Fart it on stage. Finally. We talked about farting on stage. Yeah, finally did it on the leg. Dog fart like a quiet. Yeah, We talked about farting on stage. Yeah. Finally did it on Lake Show. Like a quiet... ...seeped out while you were talking?

Yes. Did you say anything? No. But I kept trying to smell it. I was like... I wanted to see you guys smell it. Well, I told Matt on Thursday in Fort Collins, I was in the room, and it's a small room, and it's like 200 people, but it's packed, and I farted on stage, then I was like oh fucking reeks and then I was like asking the

front row like you smell that what the fuck is that there was a big fat guy I was like it was you this guy fucking farted. Fuck you. That's treason. That is. That's genius, though. I got a big guy code, bro. Evil genius, though.

That is an evil genius. To get ahead of it, propagandize the fart. It was you. The fats are so quick to turn on each other, dude. Well, it was like a sewer pipe burst. It smelled so bad. How bad was the fart? Was it like, it stunk that bad? It was really bad. Yeah, it was one of the worst things that ever leave my body.

You should have slipped a hundred in his hand and be like, brother, sorry about that. No, I would have let it. He was with his girlfriend. I was like, does he fart all the time like this? She was like, yeah. She was like, yeah, of course he does. Look at him. Oh my God, that's so sad. That's evil, dude. Yeah. It is. It is. I will say the quickness of getting ahead of your own farm. You like the fuck is that?

So funny. God damn, dude. It was definitely you. Yeah. Like you like almost did he like ever cop to it or was he like it wasn't me? It wasn't. Or he just laughing. No, he was loving it. I told you that one before, right? right what I've copped the farts really yeah it's a big guy you get blamed for the fart fuck it I was at a weird green mild out you yeah your mouse dies if you farted so bad we had a girls house in the high school we're in her basement and, stakes gonna be higher?

A dog took a shit in the other. You gotta blame for a dog. The dog took a shit and someone was like, what the fuck is that smell? Did you fart? And I was like, yeah, I did fart. Yeah, I had farted. I had farted during the time in the basement.

Yeah. So I was like, yeah, I farted, but that's not me. It smells like dog shit. Yeah. And they're like, ew, shit. And I was like, that dog doing shit. They found the pot. When did you find the pot?

Yeah, somebody went to get a beer in the other back room. So you were gone. There was a pile of shit in there. And I was like, oh my god. You fucking assholes. Maybe admit for all these hot girls I farted. That's terrible. And then it's to be like. It wasn't even for all these hot girls that farted And then it's to be like it wasn't even like a yeah I farted it was like a full interrogation

Like I know you farted. I swear to fucking God before I Might afford it earlier You got trapped in my jeans But thinking you were responsible for a dog shit dog I knew it crazy. I knew it wasn't me all along, dude. I knew it wasn't me all along. I knew the dog shit smell. Okay. Yeah, I was gonna say- I knew it wasn't me. I was like, that smells like dog shit.

Yeah. I'm like, did you fucking fart? Dastardly, bro. Yes, I farted, you son of a bitch. Then you were exonerated. We all fart. Kind of, but then all the girls knew I was down there farting. Yeah.

So was every guy though. They had a hunch. Oh, since we last talked, I had a nightmare gig. I did the, did we talk last time I did the Texas show? No. What happened? I did the Texas. Oh, you did it, you hosted it.

The NIL fund. Or like, it was like, it was a fundraiser for Texas. Yeah, it was a good gala kind of thing. Dude, I had to go on, on the field, like a concert, like a stadium size, or like a concert stage. Like a halftime show. Yes. At the 50 yard line, there was probably,

how many people do you think were there? Probably like a thousand, maybe? Maybe less. Just at tables, it was a- It was just on the field. It was just on the field, it was a dinner maybe, maybe less. Just at tables it was a- It was just on the field. It was just on the field, it was a dinner. And I had the MC the show, so I had to go on first. The sun was out, it was 900 degrees.

People were just walking into the event, standing and talking. This was suits, this was like suits and stuff. Yeah, they were like, all right, go on, do 10 minutes of material. I was like, there's not one joke I have that can work here. And Tony Hinchcliffe came with me and I was like, I'm gonna bring Tony on.

And the guy was like, I guess word got around to the guys who set it up that Tony was gonna go on and they were all like, oh, there's children here. I was like, there's fucking children here? You didn't tell me there were fucking children here. You're about to go out. Right before I go on, on there like, please don't fuck this up, dude. And I was like, all right. Right before

you. Yeah, yeah. The guy who the guy who runs is very funny. That's so he was like, don't come on. So I got on there. I tried one joke. Midway through. I was like, this is insane that I'm even trying this. At least you're able to pull yourself out of that stopped. I would have just told everyone I was like, this is this is insane that I'm up here. Yeah. And then I was like, I'll try a little Trump for him.

I did one second of an impression and I was like, never mind. I'm not doing that. And then I was like, my buddy's Tony's here. Let's bring up Tony. And we did like, Tony, keep it clean as fucking kids. Yeah. He started one. He started one that I knew the punchline.

I was like, chill on that one next. It wasn't fun though. It was very fun. I genuinely had a good time, but it was, it was funny. Uh, Vince Young was there. He was in the front row and it was his birthday. And I was like, Vince Young, I heard it's your birthday today. He was like, yeah, I was like, how old are you, 41? More like Vince Old. That's pretty good. Folks. That's right. In the suit too. That's so nice.

Yeah, it was. You were wearing a suit? No, I was wearing a Texas polo and jeans, I think. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's your suit. That's as suited up as I get. You guys raise a lot of money to get the kids to come and play football.

Yeah. Good. Now I got to do it for no day. Oh, that'll be so I raise money for the Irish. Now, you know, to the lay of the land. Yeah. Yeah. Bring Sean out dressed like a leprechaun. Yeah. That'd be fun. Not a bad little fill for minutes. Yeah, I'll never. That was a good day. Dress as a priest. True. That'd be sick. It's all people.

No, that'll be do master of ceremonies is nice. Yeah, I am not that I think you're terrible at decent master. I mean, yeah, I just watched Eastbound and down for a full week. So I was up there just doing Kenny Powers. That's good for all y'all to be here tonight. Like this full fight of Southern accent because I was up there just doing Kenny Powers. That's good for all y'all to be here tonight No, it was a nightmare 100 fucking degrees. Yeah, that's thankfully Brooks and done cleaned up the mess. Oh shit

B&D came out Brooks and done cleaned up No, oh they should have brought you up. No they'd all the whole crowd had had enough That's really hard to do yeah, dude was old Texas billionaires and it was weird Yeah, crowd works kind of out of the option to the whole thing just nothing you could do. Yeah You can't be like what are you guys married? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you guys are old as hell. What are you rich? What are you guys married? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You guys are old as hell. What are you rich? I think my buddy Steven one time had to host a similar event

for a hydro syphilis benefit, which is water. Yeah, situation. And we were like we were very young and stand up. It was the middle of the day at like a playground in a hospital. And Steve's a very, very dirty black comic. And I was like, dude, let's get through this and get the, you know, three hundred dollars. It'll be awesome. And then was like, dude, let's get through this and get the $300. It'll be awesome.

And then we walk out and there was all these kids with like huge misformed heads and Steve just started laughing. And then I started laughing. So we're up on stage like trying to two man, like auction off, you know, the raffle or whatever. And Steve's just giggling the whole time. That's really bad.

Yeah, it's really bad. Yeah. Especially with the giggles like that. There's no stopping. Those are terrible. Well, yeah, dude. It was us against the world and he's giggling and I'm like, shut up. He would like nudge me and like point at one of the kids. Yeah, it was really bad. That's crazy. Yeah. Literally what the whole organization is against. Dude, I know.

Is two bullies. Yeah. And I was not trying to bully. I was trying to raise money to buy them bigger hats or whatever. If you didn't know that was coming, if you walked onto stage and saw a whole room of that. It's Mars Attacks. It was Mars Attacks.

They laughed. They laughed at your jokes. It was so bad. I mean, you're right. It's a horrible thing, but I could see just being young, getting caught off guard by that is it would fuck. I would. Yeah. Yeah. I was like 24 years old. I had like eight minutes.

That was good. I couldn't say any of it up there. How'd it go? How'd it get go overall? You guys said it because we figured out a bit where Steve would talk and I would get behind him and do funny faces and then he would turn around and I would freeze. And that worked with the kids. That's awesome. And then it just evolved into me slipping on like fake things. Like there was like a napkin on the ground and I was like, let me get that.

And I went and like, tried to pick it up and slipped and fell down. You guys had physical slapstick. We had to do something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slapstick's nice. A little stooge action. That's better than what me and Tony did. Yeah. I told you I sang before. I said, this sucks.

This sucks, sorry. I shouldn't be up here. Yeah. I had to sing for a bunch of old Jewish ladies one time. I remember that. In the middle of the set, they were just like. I was doing stand up at a podium in the back room of a diner.

And I was like, you guys really just like this. What else do you guys want? Like, sing a song. I was like you guys really just like this what else you guys want like sing a song I was like you got a babe yeah what'd you sing like L is for the way you look at me awesome yeah I would have gotten with fly me to the moon yeah that was a I felt pretty guy left and I was like that wasn't that bad show me the greatest show song and dance. Yeah, I should have done a song. You ever see the greatest showman in the movie? Yeah. When the sharpest words want to cut me down. I know I don't watch it.

You would cry. I don't like the greatest show. I will not cry. Bearded Lady would make you cry. No, she would. It's like looking at a mirror. Bearded Lady. That baseball, bro. I know. Yeah, I'll be the fence. You be LaMare. LaMare, you think you can put it through the fence? Yeah, I think I can. LaMaze, brother.

LaMaze, that ball's gonna hit the fence with a thud, unsatisfying thud. You've been wrong about everything you've said you could do. It's gonna explode with the fence with a thud, unsatisfying thud. You've been wrong about everything you've said you could do. It's gonna explode with the fence, dude. Every single time. We still gotta play one-on-one, B-ball. I heard you were talking smack that you could beat me in B-ball. I think I could beat you, dude.

Well, Mary, you are, it's crazy. I would go right at one step, I'd be by you to the basket. That's what you think, dude, I got good lateral movement. What? You have surprisingly good lateral movement. Yeah, surprisingly good. Not good. Not like it's a holy shit. I didn't think you could move. It's not like, wait, where did the bear go? You don't have anomalous movement. I got enough to be defensive. You seem defensive right now.

He's in the knees right now. We haven't played any real basketball in that pool yet. And I got to say that same. I told you, I don't want that. True. We're both hyper competitive, but we would have a nice time. And then after the game, we would shake hands and say, no, we wouldn't. Yes, we lost would be a giant pussy about it. You lost pig and you haven't got it out of your head. I did take me about 10 minutes to get over that, but we still had a nice time. What was the score? Letter score?

I was up. He was up. Yeah. Got the PIG and the prove it. That's not a big deal. Yeah. The unnecessary prove it. You don't have to. I was like, I'm going to prove it. The ball never lies. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're a hyper competitive guy. So am I. It's fun to get in there.

I mean, we're just going to fight. Yeah, that'll feel good a hyper competitive guy, so am I. It's fun to get in there. I mean we're just gonna fight. Yeah, that'll feel good. All right, yeah. I don't think it's gonna feel good. If you guys start fighting, Lamerica just beam the fence with a baseball bat. Yeah. Like hitting a pot.

One day your neighbors look down into your house, and you guys quarrel. It's two guys quarreling. And Lamerica's like, done. 60 mile an hour pitch. I'm floating face down in the pool It's not gonna be good Fuck it would be like what was that movie? I?

Can't gum gummy or gum. Oh gum. Oh, yeah, I'm a neighbor looks down. It's just a scene from gum. Oh Yeah movie was in belly Yeah, that was a movie DMX is watching on this projector and bellies go well Do you ever watch gum? Oh with the kids the weird-ass kids Yeah, dude. No, I never saw it fucked up. You should watch that. It's haunting. It's Terrifying. Yeah Bleak stylized white trash it's in like Xenia, Ohio. Yeah the rust belt everything's gone It's just these kids like eating spaghetti in a bathtub and trying to have fun I think at one point they like someone pays to have.

He has like a disabled sister. Yes. A guy have sex with his disabled sister for money. They're like selling cats to like a restaurant, I believe. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what kind of restaurant where they do sell cats to a restaurant. Yeah. Forgot what kind of then they could be any. I don't know. I think it's the elephant. I don't know. It was Fasoli's.

Movies. It's a cool movie to watch, but it's it's fucked. You watch it. You're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Harmony all these movies. It's a cool movie to watch, but it's it's fucked you watching. You're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Harmony. Harmony. Karen. What's his ass up to? It's all in heat vision. You made a thermal vision. Yeah. A thermal vision space saga. Yeah. It's I sounds like this guy is making shit for dickheads to watch a little bit. Yeah. He did Spring Breakers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He also wrote kids. Okay, and I thought kids was like a very important film to me And then what was that one moon dog or he did Julian Donkey Boy? McConaghey, yeah, yeah movie was sick each one rule beach bum was sick. It made me want to get drunk outside so bad

Yeah, heat vision sci-fi. Oh, the sun's out. Yeah. Heat vision sci-fi could be a misstep. It was not good, but it's definitely a piece of art. I saw it. It was what I made it. Did you ever hear about the movie

that no one will bankroll the Wachowski sisters to make? No. It's called Cobalt Neural 9. What is it? It's a it's a sci-fi story that happens like hundreds of years after Earth. But it's also like tethered to like a story of two gay soldiers in Afghanistan. Whoa. Wait, where what happens? There's like it's like a futuristic society that somehow it's like jumping back

and forth between like a gay love story and like the Afghan the afghan-american war and then like this future sci-fi thing and I don't know what the story is really about just keeps two gay soldiers guys fucking Just jumping back and forth. Oh, you're so funny cuz they wanted like 20 million bucks in every studio was like no Chaski's no more you're done. They're like this is gonna be the next matrix Chaski's no more. You're done. They're like this is going to be the next matrix It's just such a funny title cobalt neural 9. Yeah, I think there's more to it I'm probably not doing it justice, but it was probably it was just very funny if that's the elevator pitch I understand why it wasn't made Yeah, but no apparently the matrix obviously was a smash hit but they after every movie after the matrix

I don't think they ever pulled it off, but the animated matrix they did was very sick. They did the animatrix. Yeah, Connor loves that shit. That was pretty cool That's O'Connor's favorite thing. Yeah, I just heard about that recently It's actually pretty sick. But other than that like I think they just like worked on other people's movies Yeah, I mean you don't really have to do shit after the matrix you've done did it. Yeah, you can I'm not hate it all And then copy your sister yeah yeah both of y'all that was me as the doctor it also adds a mystique though to the sure does the directors The directors just fully went into the matrix themselves. Yeah, well, what even is real they unplugged Did they have penile removal surgery, I'm not sure okay. Yeah, I don't know I didn't know it was them yeah For a while. Yeah, you know I think Matt had told me 15 times

Yes, I was something that for real blew my mind the first time time I heard that, I was like, that is not true. The people who do The Matrix did not both become girls. And my brother was like, look it up. And I was like, bro, you're fucking lying to me. It didn't happen. I Googled it. It got me on the HBO. I was searching, and it was like great female directors. I was like, there's no way a lady wrote The Matrix.

Yeah. Well, allegedly they stole that from a black woman. Really? In a comic book. It was very much The Matrix and then they were able to turn it into a film. This is all legend. Oh, that could be the impetus for the... Yeah.

You're like, oh, we're on safe base. You can't get us. True. Can't touch us. Damn, bro. Just another fucking example of honky-tonk black culture. Well, yeah, or the same thing as spacey being like I Can't be a pedophile cuz I'm a homosexual that was his defense. You know true slayings. There you go. I got bad news for you Yeah

All right, well, we should probably switch over. Join us on the Patreon. Oh wait. Let's swallow this. Yeah, yeah. Join us on the Patreon. Yeah.