Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 498 - Dedicated Lovers (feat. Adam22)

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Adam22 @ https://of.tv/creators/plug-talk-tv/ and No Jumper Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini if you want in Batavia , St Louis , Indy , Columbus @  https://linktr.ee/shawngardini Go See Lemaire in Mass in August (no tick link yet) Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good afternoon everyone. The D.A.W.G.Z. are blessed by Adam22 from the No Jumper podcast this week. Support Adam he is a good bro. God Bless. Please enjoy. ps the paytch will be out tmrw - we still gotta record it  Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s https://bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE.  Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED! #trueclassicpod

Fired up. What are we waiting for? Come easy good to okay? Yeah the timer going nice We gotta be exactly to the second on this No, dude, Adam 22. No, man. What's up guys? Thanks for doing this dude for real No, I have I've I've always known of your show for a long time, but recently I've started to really like I don't it Just started coming up my algorithm more. so I've been really watching and you are definitely a fascinating dude thank you because you guys are my like go-to need to get in a funny conversational mood podcast nice nice because I don't really feel like listening to Sam Harris necessarily puts me in the right mental space to talk about gang banging shit

but you guys kind of get me there. That's awesome. Yeah. It's lighthearted. The only goal is to just have a good time. Be funny. There is an intense sexual energy on this podcast. Yeah, for sure. I haven't noticed that.

Yeah. Especially about Jack and all. I'm gonna just go with whatever you guys say. So yeah, for sure. You guys wanna fuck each other. This might be the most sexual podcast I can think of actually It's up there But now dude, you are the man. You are actually a phenomenal interviewer too. Appreciate that. I heard you saying that

I was like what the fuck is he talking about? But no, I think you're dude. You're ripping nitrous. Oh The Skrill it the Skrill interview really dialed me and I'm like dude. This is fucked up This is a part. This is like a subculture that people do not like they need to know about this more well I was at a party like a week or two before that and like they had a whole nitrous setup going you know I don't know if they do that at like comic parties but rapper parties and such it's kind of is that a new thing for rappers with the nitrous or like when did that I do think it's new for rappers but like if you've been to England or if you've gone to like a fish

concert or that kind of shit like you're for sure used to like seeing people do it in the parking lot or like if you leave a bar in London there will be a guy selling balloons for like five dollars on the corner like with a real discreet setup going and like just handing it out to people and it's a fucking gnarly drug if you really get into it Yeah, it's I always saw the concerts and then there was a thing in Philly They called it the Philly nitrous mafia and there was like a place you can get like co2 tanks for like bars and stuff And they used to sell nitrous you get a nitrous license for 400 bucks

Do we see why a tank you know you can make a ton of money off we played Texas hold them we play poker with comedians and Every once in a while the gang would just get 10 boxes of those fucking. The little Whippet Crackers? They just started ripping them the whole game. Dude, I can't. Dude, the game fell apart every single time. I was playing a bunch of online tournaments

the other day at my store and these rapper dudes came in and they had the nitrous tank and they were like, kept offering me balloons. And I'm like, I need all my brain right now and there's a bunch of money on the line. this is the last thing that I'm considering these guys needed the money too yeah this was a high stakes it was like a $10 buy-in but dudes like needed this it was a poker game of like 1912 you guys are recreating like a 1912 train car. Everyone had like 40 bucks. That was it. Yeah. Yeah.

The nitrous is fucked up. I thought people just did that at concerts. And I would more see like kind of like evil hippies doing it, like a tank in the living room around the clock. And it was just like, dude, how are you? Yeah, I always thought it was diabolical. I always thought of it as like the thing Steve-O did for a long time. You know that one photo of him just like demon mode just like crawling up off the ground surrounded by it.

Oh, yeah. They went to his house and he was yeah, that's a tough one. But like I've seen I went to like one of young thugs houses one time and like a bunch of his minions were around and some of them were recording. And I seen one dude who was convinced that he was gonna make this song really dope by recording his verse and then when he does the chorus, just doing so much nitrous that his voice changed. And it did. For sure he sounded like a fucking demon on it,

but it was just like, he went through two cases of it in the course of 40 minutes recording the song. And that was fairly terrifying. But if I'm at a party for sure, like if people hand me the balloon, I'm doing it. But I know an only fans girl who she's got like her whole face tattooed and she's got her eyes turned black like they tattoo her eyes. And she fucking she she did so much of it that she lost use of her legs. Like forever?

Well we thought it was going to be forever and then she just recently got it back. What? Damn. That's really sad but That's so funny. Did she close up shop during the period of loss of feeling in the legs or was that just kind of like a Yeah she was in the hospital. Oh shit alright. I don't know if I know I mean might as well just you know

No, but she was lemons so she was talking shit about no jumper for posting about the fact that this happened to her What like fully take an aim at me so that this is like I'm kind of proud of this comment But then like there was another post that was like oh she has revealed that she has regained use of her legs after Losing them due to huffing nitrous. But she also got fat as fuck. So I left a comment that said, it looks to me like she's been huffing McDoubles. And like, I kind of have to hide that sort of humor from Lena. So like, she's just finding out about that now. But that girl reached out to me and wants to come on the podcast now.

Oh, that's kind of cool. So we're going to figure out. She's a professional enemy, obviously, you know. This is the area. And she's got black eyes. Black eyes. We call her a living dead girl, but I want to show you. You know Morgan, speaking of McDonald's, Morgan Spurlock guy.

You know he was also allegedly a vicious alcoholic? Obviously. Yeah, while making that documentary that documentary yeah so he was just being a drunk and made millions of bucks like I'm gonna eat McDonald's every day just got hammered after every shoot RIP sounds like a fucking man so I'm saying RIP to the legend dude yeah and that's a tough one you should have felt I just had McDoubles in a case of natural light every day but do you remember seeing that documentary I remember seeing a documentary before you had seen like a million documentaries and you had the critical thinking to be like,

is this real? Or yeah, like, is this really what's going to happen? Because I feel like that that documentary has been debunked many times. Really? It scared me straight. I saw that and I was just like, I'm never eating that stuff ever again. Yeah. But they got rid of the supersize me option right after that. Oh, because of that name. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like they actually got rid of the supersize me option right after that. Oh because of that name. Oh, wow Yeah, like they actually got rid of it. Do you still crush McDonald's? You crush like McDoubles and stuff Honestly, no, I eat meal prep every day and like when I do eat bad food There's just so many better options in LA for like if you want to eat a hamburger you could go to fucking Hi-ho or heavy-handed? Yeah McDonald's's honestly I was in one in Philly like

Four years ago, and it's kind of like a methadone clinic now. Oh, yeah Yeah, Donald's it's all fucking animated and behind glass and shit It's not good. There's a sitting there the mayor frequence you still remember I Haven't I haven't picked up my card since I got down here. There's not a lot of McDonald's around Well, you have do you have the points right? Yeah, I got down here. There's not a lot of McDonald's around here. Wait, you have the points, right? Yeah, I got the points. I got like 6K points right now. He's got an app.

We stopped, we were on the road and we stopped and he was like, we went to a McDonald's and he was like, hold on, I gotta log, he logged into this fucking, I was like, holy shit, dude. Your legs are gonna stop working on that. You're always feeling, you're always feeling, dude. You're gonna be a living dead girl. Nothing has made me feel like a better parent

than when she went to Japan and one day she had to feed the kid McDonald's and she ate it but didn't give a fuck. And that just made me feel really good because I'm used to the idea. Like when I was a kid, McDonald's was the thing. It was huge, dude. But to my kid, that is trash because she's eating so much better food. Which is like... Yeah, that makes sense. Family trip to the Mickey D's of the Burger King was like yeah My cousins couldn't believe our fortune. Yeah, it was awesome nuts

It was the best shit. Yeah, all these bougie smash burger places don't have toys. Yeah, no Happy Meal. No cool cardboard box Yeah, crown. I remember Power Rangers Power Rangers movie was coming out I was crushing Mickey D's also now The kids would be conscious enough to know that the toy was made by a child slave. Yeah Which is kind of fucked up. I want to raise a kid who appreciates that sure Yeah, I know you think there's a worthless toy, but this is symbolic of American dominance. Yeah, exactly. Really.

It's better than just getting it and fucking throwing it and breaking it. You should cherish it. You should. Four children died to make this. It's terrible, terrible stuff. But you know, you gotta find the right time. Thank God we're on this side of it. Yeah.

Yeah, making plastic toys and like dying, that'd be terrible. Yeah. So glad we avoided that through our hard work. True. Thank God. So glad we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps. The boy was just born here. Yeah, man. Yeah. Wait, can I see the lady? Did you find the? Oh, thank God.

Your Wi-Fi is kind of out here. It is. Yeah, I want to see. Yeah, I want to see a dead girl. Not for sure.. It is. Oh yeah, I wanna see, yeah, I wanna see Dead Girl. Not for sure, you guys need to show your fucking audience this girl too. Hopefully, is she like, coming back? Hopefully, you know, I don't wanna mess,

hopefully her business doesn't get messed up from a- See, I don't even know how serious she was about it in the first place, but you can kinda see her. Whoa, she's scary. Let me see. She may have giganticism at this point. She's very scary. Oh no, I don't, I mean, I wish all the best to her, but I don't like when people make themselves scary. Let me say. She may have giganticism at this point. She's very scary. Oh no, I don't, I mean I wish all the best to her,

but I don't like when people make themselves scary. I don't see the point of it. I think it's embarrassing. To get scary? Yeah, to be spooky all the time. Dude, here's the thing though, it's kind of something you can get into. Those guys that like turn into reptiles.

Yeah. Spend like two million bucks if you call them reptiles. Yeah, you're just a fucking weird ass kid in school. But that girl is an example of how me and my wife have very different standards when it comes to having sex with people because she wanted to shoot only fans with us and I was so down and My wife was she blocked that girl. She's not really she didn't block her but she was just kind of like well Yeah, I know she was like well. Let's not have sex with dead girl

Like anyone short of a dude, but my girl can she needs to be a little dead girl too. Don't get me wrong. I understand the thought process. It's just funny. Just wait a dead girl. You said you wanted to bring dead girl on board living dead girl. Oh my God.

You want to fucking dead lady. No, that's like a fucking white zombie song. Living dead girl. I don't know if you know about that. Yeah, I know what's okay. Fucking white zombie song So dude I have to I do have to ask you that so The Skrilla interview is that you doing alright like I watched that I was from like concerned about young rappers and like the Promethazine intake and the pills it's like they can like barely talk like in that. I'm trying to talk him into like not Only being on drugs, but I think cuz he's from Kensington

Which is like the worst part of Philly and I think to him he's doing alright This is not that big a deal. Yeah, but I'm trying to like convince them like there's there's another side to this where you have Like a real like cuz I guess he stopped getting fucked up and as a result couldn't make music for like months and months Yeah, so to him it's like the two things are like so tied together Yeah, but dude like the the gab it taking like gabapentin and like slamming fucking kids an insane cocktail Yeah, I don't understand. I had to look up g6 is because I was like what the fuck's a g6 their gab But they get that's like my dogs on that right now It's just like an ecstasy pill right now. First, it's just like an XC pill.

No, no, it's not even. Yeah. Is that what he said it was? Well, that's like the nickname for a certain type of EPO. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. OK. Hopefully I'm relieved. That's what he was taking because you're talking about. I thought it was gabapen because you started taking Neuron. Remember, Neuron came out for people and there was like a lot of people in recovery started taking this thing called Neuron.

It's like a nerve pain reliever But if you take enough of it, it can kind of like stabilize your mood and like dudes in recovery Just take like 40 of them. Really just catch like a buzz. Yeah, that's what I thought he was doing So I'm glad he's not on I know he's just on good old-fashioned American ecstasy. I'm pretty sure that's good Good for him pretty sure How often is he on ecstasy? Nearly daily. I'm guessing. Won't that do nothing?

I mean, but every drug is like that. You know the fucking airline took my weed on the way here? No. Like 10 years of flying with weed all over the country to a lot of different other countries as well. On the way out? On the way here, my toiletry bag had like five spliffs and like a weed pen. And that shit was gone when I got here. Oh, you checked it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been getting

pretty brazen with that. I feel like they like they've they've taken my weed out through security. Like, what's this? And I'm like, that's my weed. Yeah. And they're like, why'd you hide it? I'm like, I didn't I just didn't want it to smell because you guys have legal weed here too. Right? Oh, no, Texas is like no gozo. Oh, I seen some shit downtown. There was some kind of like so they okay. It's well, they got around it, too, with the farm bill, because now you can say can't be.

You can grow basically weed, but it has to be hemp with a point three percent THC. But now you can say, well, it's not THC. It's Delta nine. It hasn't, you know, you have to heat it up to convert it to actual THC. They can say, well, it's like the precursor to THC but now you can say well, it's not THC, it's Delta 9. You know, you have to heat it up to convert it to actual THC, they can say well, it's like the precursor to THC, it's just regular weed. I never tried any of the weird Delta 9, Delta 8, whatever the fuck that shit is.

I had that weird, was it just spice? Spice is fucked up. Whatever the fake weed was. Oh yeah, you smoked deuce, dude. Oh my God, I fucking hallucinated, really? Yeah, I thought I was dying, I wrote a letter to my parents. I wrote a letter, I was like, I'm gonna die tonight. I can't go to the hospital

because I know I'm not actually gonna die, but just in case I'm dying. That's what was a tough one to wake up next to. Dude, waking up to a letter. All the homeless dudes in Skid Row are on, they're on spice. It's the worst, it's probably the worst thing possible. And everybody who's locked up, there's a lot of spice going on. Yeah. He's the worst, it's probably the worst thing possible. And everybody who's locked up,

there's a lot of Spice going on. Yeah. He said you can get it in jail and do it and they weren't testing for it. But apparently it is like across the board, it's pretty like demonic. Yeah. People would trip on it.

My friend tripped in jail on Spice and he was like, it was the worst, he's like done everything. He was like, that was one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I had a bag of Laffy Taffy's though. That was nice. That's not bad. A giant bag, like a family a bag of Laffy Taffy's though. That was nice. That's not bad.

I had a giant bag, like a family size bag of Laffy Taffy. I woke up to a mountain of Laffy Taffy rappers and a letter like, mom and dad, thank you so much. I love you guys. Yeah. It was a 0 for 1 on that. It was at my friend's house. I was on his couch in his living room.

I like drugs that produce like absurd eating habits Like I remember during my Xanax days There was definitely like one of my friends had a bag of chips like this tall It was like 2,500 calories and I just it was just gone the next day and I just realized that I had to have eaten it Even though I didn't have any memory of it. Yeah. Did you steal stuff on Xanax? Nah, I already had like a little bit of money so I didn't have to steal from the 7-Eleven, but I could totally like, when you're on Xanax, anything could just randomly seem like a good idea.

For sure, you could just be a shoplifter. Yeah, I've had a lot of, I've known people who would take it and it was constantly just steal, like for no reason, they would just steal shit from like their friends and it was just, maybe it was to buy drugs actually. But then you don't even remember doing it. Like you don't remember doing it,

or like the classic things that happens on Xanax is that you will run out of Xanax and you won't understand that you took it. So you'll accuse everybody else of stealing it from you. What? I've seen that a few times. God damn. Well how many drug phases have you had?

Really just like a nice 10 year swath of my life there. Nice. But it wasn't, it wasn't that bad Like I I was always like I'm gonna get drunk and fucked up on pills for like, you know Friday Saturday and then like return to normal life for five days But then that really around like my mid 30s that kind of stopped working for me. Yeah kind of went out of control Yeah, I'm not like Shane just blackout drunk last night He warned me that he wasn't going to talk on this podcast

in case any of the fans hold it. Please grade his participation on Reddit or whatever. I'm trying. You guys just talking drugs. Yeah, we're just you know, the science of it. True. Shooting the breeze. That sucks that you live in an age where you got successful and didn't feel the need to immediately start doing a ton of drugs Because all the prior comics probably would have gone another way. Yeah, yeah to just become like a Christian now

That's like the that's like the rebellious thing. Yes, come like a hard-tried Christian. I'm not gonna be that Like a hard Wahlberg out just Berg out start a clothing line. Just take this. What's the clothes he wears? Municipal. Municipal? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking, like, Nija quit at ease to be on municipal or some shit, like, fucking, people are leaving their sponsors of like 20 years to fucking

just get down with municipal. Who, wait, why are they doing this? He's like turning it into like a skate brand and shit too, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, and like everybody wants to be down. Damn, his prayers have been answered. Yeah, it worked.

Municipal's the one, I mean it is kind of sick. It does work, you watch it and you're like, this is fucking Mark Wahlberg, what are you doing? After like five videos, you're like, I'm gonna just get this. I wish I had municipal underwear, and municipal socks and shirt. It wasn't Nigel, Nigel's on Nike,

what am I talking about? I fucking can't remember who it is. No, but the point stands. It's pretty sick So I am gonna I'm gonna test my interviewing chops right now How long you doing your podcast? Started doing like BMX podcasts in like 2014 and I did that for like a year or two and then I was also like going to a lot of like

Underground rap shows and clubs in LA and shit and so like kind of very quickly transitioned into me Interviewing all these like SoundCloud rappers and yeah 2015 and like 2016 like within the first year of me doing podcasts I interviewed a xxx Tantacion and that got like interviewed xxx Tantacion and that got like 27 million views or some shit. That's like the most views that any rapper interview ever has ever gotten on YouTube which is kind of insane because I was like my first year and so I just been kind of going with it since then. Yeah it's fucking sick so and you were a serious BMXer too right? So I started this BMX website called the come up in 2006 and then that kind of just I

Was basically like the whatever I am in rap, but before that I was the same thing and BMX but it was from like writing shit down instead of being on camera and Yeah, I wrote BMX every day for like 20 years. So that was basically my like Training were you like a dirt ramp guy or like a street? I was a street rider Like when I lived out here, we would just go ride street every day, just pedal around downtown. You lived in Austin? I lived here for like two or three months

in the winter of 2009, right before I moved to LA. Cause I'm from New Hampshire, we're kind of going backwards here, but then I moved to Brooklyn and Queens for like seven years, but I was always trying to escape during the winter and shit. So me and a bunch of dudes got a house down here for a few months and went to Shakespeare's every night and got drunk as fuck and would brawl on the streets of 6th Street

and it was a while the guys I'm trying to avoid no for sure yeah because because like for people who don't know like all these different bars there's like the like the Mexican bar, the the black guy bar, the jock bar, the hipster bar. Then they sort of all pour out at like two in the morning and everybody just annihilates each other. And there's like cops on horseback to like stop you from fighting. It's crazy. It's fucking wild. Is the snake guy. You see him a lot.

Snake guy rules. I haven't seen the snake guy. He's always outside of Rogan's club. Just a black guy him a lot. Snake guy rules. I haven't seen the snake guy. He's always outside of Rogan's club. Just a black guy holding a giant Python. Pretty exciting. Yeah. Snake's definitely on Zans. Really? You think he has a dope up? That snake's not moving ever.

I think he's a dead fucking snake. Dude. Yeah. Do you ever see a snake take a shit though? No. Like, you ever see a guy fuck a shit though? No. Like what? Like you ever see a guy fuck a snake? No.

We have. We see the video, the video is so fucked up and dude it somehow works perfectly. It's crazy. It's crazy. He put a snake in his ass like Taylor Swift. No, no, he fucks a snake. He's the top, he tops the snake.

He bottoms. Well I mean he is top but he goes under the thing. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I know. Yeah, they'll be sick if you could like fuck the snake and get fucked by this. You could actually probably. But we're a Boris, I believe it's called. They got I seen like when I was a little kid, I seen like

like a guy at the park with a snake and then like a little girl put him on his shoulders and then slowly like a shit just starts oozing out of the side of the snake. What? Oh man. That's how they do it. They shit out their sides? It's just like a random little hole that you would never notice in the side of the snake and then when they start to shit it's just like, it would be like if a turd just started merging from my arm right now.

Damn, that's fucked up. I didn't know that. They have a turd face too. Yeah, just... I did not know snake shit out their side. That's pretty cool. It's like a nine year old girl who's already scared enough of having a snake on her. Damn, that's crazy.

If you're just posted up, like a snake black guy, you're posted up with your bow and start shitting everywhere. That would fuck your stuff. It would fuck you up. Fuck up your image of the snake guy. I can't control my snake snake guys pretty wild snake that is a wild just got a big bin he carries it down to 6th Street yeah no it's just a fucking Tupperware container that's like the oldest trick in the book is you go to parties in LA there's like almost always gonna be a snake guy really yeah

if it's like a OnlyFans agency throwing the party or whatever and they're trying to think of like what are some things we could have at this party that would keep you entertained. A big fucking snake, a nitrous tank. Those are the two things that come to mind immediately. Those are actually pretty sick. Do you have black light posters? I mean, it's not my party. Do they have them? Do they? I mean, it's not my party. Do they have them?

Do they? I feel like snakes and black light posters are pretty chill. Because the black light poster was the symbol of teenage exuberance for me, going down to the local head shop and buying some used CDs. And they would just have black light posters everywhere. And that was the cool thing. It was kind of telling your parents

you did smoke middies, though. If you had the black light poster, you were flying the flag flag being like, yes, I do smoke 2% TAC middies. Yeah. Yeah. By my weed and tin foil. So is your website like I want to read this exact quote from when I went to your website yesterday. But like it like I watched your stand up special

and thought it was quite funny, but it's obviously like extremely sexual in nature. I'm a sexual guy. Yeah, I know. But fuck, I don't think I screenshot it. But like then I go to your website and it's like, I am a sexually committed husband. Or you have to write a bio for a stand up. And usually it's like he's been on. I have zero.

I had no credits at all. People don't know you have to write a bio. You have to write one. Your bio must be fucking crazy. I am a sexually committed husband. I have zero I know credits at all people don't know you have to write a bio you have Sexually committed It was just a funny sense I was writing my bio and I just handed it out to comedy clubs Yeah, put this on my picture when you promote my yeah Cuz they make you do that you have to you have to send like he was on bonfire radio on serious XM in 2015 Yeah, yeah, and like you got to give credits and all that stuff. So it's funny. Yeah. My only credit was his podcast

So I had I had that top line and then it was like, alright, I'm gonna fill the rest of this bullshit Oh shit, so it was fun though. I do like that when I walk to comedy clubs and I see that I'm like, yes See that blurb. Yeah, and it's more when I get the they send me like the link to share I'll see that like where the tickets get sold. I'm like fuck. Yeah, that blurb? Yeah, and it's more when I get the, they send me like the link to share. I'll see that, like where the tickets get sold. I'm like, fuck yeah. I might craft a new one. I might have to craft, I might have to take it to the next level.

Hell yeah. But. What's up? Yeah. Being a sexually committed husband is pretty badass. Pretty tight. It's sexually dedicated. Dedicated, yeah.

I'm just dedicated. I'm just always pawing at it. You're dedicated to the snitch. Yeah, all the time. Every morning. You're pretty sexually dedicated yourself, dude. I'm dedicated to, I'm actually in likeing at it. You're dedicated to this. Yeah, all the time. Every morning. You're pretty sexually dedicated yourself, dude. I'm dedicated to, I'm actually in like pussy jail right now, cause

Lana got her boobs done and her C-section scar fixed, so it's like six weeks of. Bro, I'm in a similar boat. Yeah, me too. I'm fine. So she's like, oh, because you fuck other girls on camera in the meantime, then therefore you should not care

about not getting to fuck me. Actually. What are you talking about? That's work. That's pleasure. Yeah, that's work. I'm trying to talk business. He's putting bread on his feet. I'm trying to missionary staring into your eyes. So I'm talking about you don't really get to do that on camera. That's dedication, dude. But yeah, my wife just had her, it's called diastasis recti from having kids, the abdominal wall can separate like the your six pack, the three and three can come apart. And each day to like stitch that back together. So I am I'm with you as well. And the pussy gulags right now.

What's your excuse Shane? Or have you been fucking? No, I'm just I don't even like talking about sex. Because you're just getting so much pussy that you're like trying to act like low key about it or not. I just focus on basketball. That's a basketball in the pool. That's it. Yeah, that's the fucking hoop. I can't wait to tear that thing up.

But yeah, you do have to be, you know, it is it is, you know, being married is definitely a wild thing, man. There's there's definitely multiple ways of skinning cat. How many years do I figure it out? A nice little niche for yourself. How many years of marriage are you on? Oh, collectively or. I don't even think the marriage part is that big a deal. So like, how long have you been with? Yeah, we've been together for like 10 years, okay, and we've been married for three

We have kids we have a four-year-old and two-year-old nice, but it is it's it's pretty cool man You know, it's pretty alivening you can go, you know There's multiple ways to go about it. I kind of keep pretty much most of my sexual energy in my body And it's pretty it's pretty bottle it up bottle it up comes out every now and again in traffic. You were beat off while driving? Yes. Multiple times.

Why are we all just casually saying yes to that? Wait, if you told me you'd be beat off while driving today, I would think you were sick. No, no, no. I did it back, I remember there was one time, I never really thought about it. When I was 19, I remember I had a Chevy Lumino, I was just bombing around.

19 for me too. Like exact same period in your life where you decided to give that a shot. I did it again later, unfortunately. But yeah, I had like bought in Vaseline because of summertime I had chafing and like my ass was all chafed up and I'm like, I'll take this back to the spot,

get my ass in order. And I was just driving with the Vaz and I was like, I'm gonna scoop the Vaz and just beat off in my Luna. I was around that age. I was driving back from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Turnpike. Hit a rest stop. Got that road hit. Just jacked off at the rest stop. Oh in the car but at the rest stop. I pulled over. I was reasonable. I got the foot the pedal, bro. Did you? Yeah, nice. I did. Yeah, I did. Right up into my shirt. I was like, damn it.

And I was like, all right, I'll figure this out. Yeah. What do we do? Well, I had the idea because I found a condom in my car while I was driving to like Syracuse. And I was like, oh, I'm going to like get really close to nothing. Then I'm going to put this condom on and finish in the condom and then just whip it out the window and like no evidence at all. But then I couldn't find the condom

when I was about to finish so I was like. You roll dogged it? Yeah, but like I waited to like on my hand and then I didn't have anything to do with it. In retrospect I should have just put my hand out the window and let the wind take care of it, you know? True. Like the hand dryer at the,

I like wiped it on the dashboard of my car and little did I know it would never come off. It was there for like years after that. It's just not really noticeable. That was not on the dashboard. That was my mom's Buick Regal that she gave me. And honestly, it was such a piece of shit by that point that it was almost like

it just kind of blended in with all the other abrasions on the interior of the car. No one would have guessed either. Like, is that fucking nuts on your dashboard? You could say like, no, that was like a milkshake exploded and it would sound way more likely to be true. Yeah. No one would believe me though. You guys got a cum on my hand, I wiped it all there.

Yeah, jerking off in your car, you kind of have to do it once. Lemuse, I know you've hit a fucking driving jack off. Yeah. Yeah. I was driving from South Carolina to Philly and when I was, I just, I almost crashed. I like knocked my key out of the ignition. Damn. Yeah.

Were your legs off the pedals at any point? Yeah, they were, his legs were on the desk. His feet were up. Could you imagine if you like caused a, like a 10 car pile up and then the forensics guy is basically like forced to like figure out that you were beaten off and like. Yeah.

I have a friend, I think I've told him already, this guy, this big fat guy I knew, he was staring at a helicopter while he was driving and just ran a red light and got in a huge accident and he lied. He was like, I fell asleep. And then he had, I was like, he fell asleep at noon. He was like, dude, I was staring at a helicopter for like three minutes straight. He was Henry Hill. He just flew right into a

car he shattered everything oh he had the steering wheel with his gut it actually kind of saved him the gut is his gut that's kind of nice yeah that's brutal that's a argument in favor of being a fat ass yeah yeah true well when you lose a bunch of weight like you do start to feel like I am so fragile like if I fall down I'm gonna break my tailbone because there's no like fat pad protecting it. Yeah Yeah, I've recently not bragging my body fat went down from like 18.7 to like 16.8. So sick pretty pumped on that right now Yeah, that's tough. Yeah, you do feel kind of You start breaking out too

If you lose weight your skin my skin like went crazy. I looked it up. She was like, there's just like something with your hormones and fat or connected. I don't know. Well, I never, never heard of that. That's interesting. Maybe I just have fucking gross acne. I'm making excuses. When I lose weight. I feel like I get cold constantly. Yeah, because I just missed that fat. Oh, yeah, you got to stay right because you're on cam. Well, that's yeah, I'm in the middle of that right now. I'm really trying to because

like, you don't want all that blubber in the camera, you know You want to have your just dick and nothing else dick and skeleton. Yeah, it's like ideal situation I think yeah, that was always kind of a Weirdly enough that was always a sticking point for me if there was like a dude who was like, yeah Flabbed out in a porn. I'd be like bro. Get in shape man. Yeah, fuck. I did Jack I'm obviously I'm obviously check out this babe. I like bro. Stop. Yeah, I love you his belly Well, I was doing a interview with Adriana Chechik the other day and she started making fun of some of the dudes in the industry For like getting fat and then shooting porn with their shirts on

Which I had I had no idea that was even a thing But like that immediately reminds me of like going to a pool party when you're in like eighth grade and being ashamed of your new man tits. That that's the moment when you got to get on a zempik. Yeah, you should have worn with a shirt on. I think yeah. Yeah, you gotta get shredded. Dorn with a shirt on is crazy. So bold Yeah, that's i'm telling you just don't show up. You gotta get if you're that ashamed. Yeah, but you gotta get the check, dude

That is what's the check for a shirt porn guy? That's a good question they could just put on pants too and just go to a job and you yeah true But I think you need to have like legend status to get away with that. Like you're a noob dude in the game. They're not going for that. Yeah, true. If you're a name, I think they'll accept you. Keep the shirt on. It's like the master's jacket. Just keep.

Dude, the Nat Turner interview also, that was another one. That was frill. A gem. I love a tough porn star. Yeah, he's like a person who's also on some gangster shit. It's like some of the best interviews I ever did. I didn't know. I didn't. The thing that spun me out that I never thought about was there's like it gets competitive amongst the men to like win the hearts of the stars.

And I was like, oh, yeah, it makes total. I never thought about that. That dynamic of like all of them vying for. I think he who was he with Jada Fire, I believe. I think that's what he said, yeah. There's like a weird dynamic where like a new girl gets into the game and all the dudes try to kind of like wife her up.

Like they can't shift without. Yeah, sort of like begging for her heart. That's a female open mic comic. Who was it? Yeah, any girl that's new to comedy that's attractive. Immediately, they swarm. Just lock her in. Pokers like that too. Anything that's like 90% dudes is always gonna have that dynamic Yeah, well, I guess porn is not like that. But like the girls are high value and then meanwhile the guys are kind of like

randoms in a lot of cases So like to them like I'm just trying to so he's on this doesn't get old when they say like man I'd be like dudes are like, yeah, it must be nice. I wish I could go out there and be a porn star. But does it actually get older? Like when you hear that you're like, bro, you have no idea. I mean, I think like our version of it where on only plug talk calm me and my wife fuck a different woman every week. That's like pretty chill because it's honestly like we just we

bang for like 20 minutes. And it's just whatever we feel like doing. That's kind of nice. But when I talked to some of the dudes and I realized just like the hell that they've been through, that it's some real like band of brother shit, like they just they like are on set for eight hours. The directors don't give a fuck about how difficult it is to like get hard, lose it, have to get hard again 20 minutes later, like just over and over and over. These dudes are just like, like people don't lose it, have to get hard again 20 minutes later. Like just over and over and over.

These dudes are just like, like people don't know that you have to do like a whole photo shoot and like real studio porn. We don't do this, but like you have to do a whole photo shoot where you do every single pose that you're going to do in the porno, but you're like just staging it. You're just standing there with a full boner in that position. And that's before you even get to fuck. So like the dudes who really have been in the game for 10 years, I have like crazy respect for him because that

shit shows an unbelievable level of like control. Yeah, I don't really have to do that. Yeah, that's kind of wild. So they have to take they have to sit there and like insert, stay still take a bunch of pictures. Yeah, and then they get to smash after that. It's like you just want to fuck this girl from behind so bad, but instead you have to just get a bunch of pictures, and then they get the smash after that. It's like you just wanna fuck this girl from behind so bad, but instead you have to just get a full raging boner and then just stand there in the position of fucking her

for like 20 minutes while they take photos. And then just navigate the fact that you're also at work and you have to be like, you know, kinda like, so how's a, how you doing? Just small tone. Yeah, yeah. And you and this woman are supposed to have like a professional relationship after the fact of like sweating all over each other and her boyfriend showing up on set and screaming at you and

Right. These are like tails. I've heard not how many so if those like those like a standard issue like commercial porn stars How many times the directors expect them to like? standard issue like commercial porn stars, how many times do directors expect them to like blow their load a day? Really, like only once. Like if you were to perform twice in a day, that would be considered like you going above and beyond. But then I also have met a lot of dudes

who can nut multiple times in a row and are like fully happy to do this like circus trick for the fucking, for the director, which is that's like superhuman shit. That's how they're able to do that. They have little places you can like take a nap afterwards. Oh, it's like a little coffee. No, I've never really seen any naps, but probably are some naps going on. Yeah, I take a nap after a little charge up.

Yeah. Yeah. I watch those guys fucking I take a nap after. Or I'll watch it. A little charge up. Yeah, I watch those guys fucking, and I take a nap. With their shirts on. I go, thanks fellas. Watch this guy fuck with his shirt on. With my shirt on. So how is the Plugtalk business going? Because that is a, that was a,

like was that something you always thought about doing, or you just kind of like, I might as well, like how did you decide to do that? It's a pretty bold move. This company who was trying to get us to do like a pay site but it would be like a podcast where the girls would take their titties out and shit and me and Lena were just like, we don't wanna do that. We wanna like bang.

We don't wanna do like a fake porn podcast. We would way rather do like a real one so we just decided to do it on our own on OnlyFans. And yeah, it's been great. Honestly, it's been great. Honestly, it's very successful. Gives us a lot of bonding together and whatnot. Working together on the business is pretty good

for the relationship, I would think, overall. Although also, if the relationship were to go bad, it would be unbelievably inconvenient to figure out what the fuck we're gonna do with this. But while things are good, it seems. Yeah, true. That's a good. I didn't think about that. You'd have to still clock in.

Yeah. Well, when we got married, the fucking prenup lawyer really put a lot of bad scenarios in my head of like, oh, like, well, what's going to happen if like what happens to plug talk if. You know, yeah, it's just so many weird scenarios. Yeah, I had to do a will recently and I didn't like that at all. My wife was like, so if you die, and I'm like, all right, relax, man.

The lawyer will handle this. Well, what do you want to do if you die in this? I'm like, how many of these scenarios do you have figured out in your head? But they've seen it all. Yeah, true. And meanwhile, you haven't even thought about any of this. No, I don't want to.

They're like, what happens to the house or the mortgage or whatever if she just decides that she wants to stop working or paying or being involved or whatever? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. Yeah. Stupid lawyer. I'm gonna cross that bridge when I get there. What a buzzkill. I'll be depressed. Super sad, dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's my wife. So we both die. then my our kids will go. I'm like dude just enough I don't know fucking though. Yeah, my dad was just talking to me about that one of his buddies I was like are you guys still friends? I never see you guys talking on he was like yeah every time I talked to him now

He's bringing up. We need to fill out a fucking will all he talks about is like our funeral Yeah, buddy every day the guy's like where are you gonna get buried? It's like Just have a beer. Let's just hobby now. Watch baseball all the time. Yeah, they're getting old, so it's like, yeah. It's gotta creep in. I mean, once you're in your 60s, not even 60s,

yeah, I guess mid 60s, 70s, it's gotta be just like a huge chunk of your day. Be like, dude, I'm gonna die. You see though, your parents were just, people just die constantly. They're friends. Yeah, yeah. My dad. I grew up my dad reading the newspaper like oh Brian died Brian Brian Scott. Yeah, yeah, like my mom. Oh shit. Yeah, like wow y'all are like drill rappers You're so numb to this shit

My mom will call me to tell me about it it'll be like so and so his uncle died Okay My mom will call me to tell me about it. It'll be like so and so's uncle died. They're like, all right. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I know. And you're like, they're telling you about people that you like don't even remember meeting. They're expecting you to be sad. And you're like, fuck. I haven't seen that guy in like 20 years.

I don't fucking remember. Sorry. Yeah. RIP. My bad. Yeah. Also, my bad. The boomers are, they're going to be, that's going to be one after the other too, man. Just so many of them. It's going to be business about to be booming for the funeral homes. The O'Leary funeral home. O'Leary is going to clean up because the baby boomers are the biggest, like whatever generation or group of people.

Yeah, that's going to, they're going to go down. It's going to be huge. It's going to be one of the biggest transfers of wealth outside of COVID. I guess might be time to buy a funeral home. True. Plug talk in the funeral home. Yeah, same building. Yeah. Tell the girls just ignore this crematory. All right, but the smell of dead bodies don't don't let that turn you off or anything Let's be professional. Yeah, it's your fucking pussy wet. Shut up You're making plans for your like dead husband use you're like like, that's a funny thing to think about. Yeah. Cause that's kind of like our scenario because we do no jumper and the plug talk thing in

the same building. And like we haven't really had any like weird overlap, but you always kind of wonder. Yeah. Sometimes like there'll be like a mob of 10 pyroos leaving at the same time. And like a bunch of porn stars kind of showing up at the same time and like they don't the gang members don't want to leave and like they want to kind of stick around and they're asking me like so you're about to fuck her and i'm like how have i not emphasized this enough that you guys would understand that that is what i do but like

that happened the other day this girl hailey davies and they're just looking at her and she's like australian tan huge fake butt they're all just like g Davies, and they're just looking at her, and she's like Australian, tan, huge fake butt. They're all just like gawking at her. They're like, you're about to fuck her. I'm like, yeah, dude, that's how this goes. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, getting the Pyroos respect. Yeah.

True, I mean, that just definitely rode to their heart for sure. But some of them aren't feeling me because I've been abbreviating to like the Py emoji and then the kangaroo pyro they don't like that I feel like they might have had a little meeting and they decided to not let me use that emoji combination anymore yeah have you ever run into like a serious threat due to like you know dealing people in like gangs and stuff and then kind of maybe turning on you or

being deciding they don't like you all of a sudden? Yeah, I've definitely dealt with some serious threats but not like, you know, I can handle myself. Yeah, yeah. I haven't really landed on one where I'm like, oh no, they're gonna show up and kill me today. But maybe they'll kill me in the long run. But I can accept that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, true.

As long as it's not like an immediate threat. Yeah, I got your saying. That's kind of how I felt on Sixth Street last night. Like, yeah, one of these people is going to kill me here. Yeah. She's a good man. It would be. Yeah, that'd be fucked up. Adam, you kind of are the godfather of black people. Podcasts by people.

Yes. Start doing podcasts. I will accept that. Don't go into any more detail. People are going to love me. Take care of that. Well, for real, like you got all the black guys in the podcast. Black people weren't really listening to podcasts before. Oh, I'm gonna give us a Tac Stone. In 2013, 2014, he came out,

but that's such a sad story though, because he was the king of, basically, introduced anybody from the hood in New York, especially to podcasting. This guy, Tac Stone. But then he basically had a war of words going with another rapper. And then he showed up at a TI concert

in the middle of Midtown Manhattan and ended up getting into a situation and fucking ended up shooting this dude's bodyguard slash friend. And then now he's locked up doing like 30 years. So like he had like the street podcast and that story just like ended abruptly when he killed this dude.

Damn. And that was a wild thing for me to see. That was definitely the moment where I was like, oh shit, like real street dudes getting into podcasting could have some crazy ramifications. This is so different than how I'm used to communicating with people. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. Fuck, cause you know the mob guys are doing it.

The what? Italian mafia dudes are doing podcasting. Oh yeah. They sit down and just snitch. But it's all the dudes who already snitched for the most part. And that's kind of like a dead scene. Like a lot of these gangs and sure are still like super

active, whereas like the mafia shit is just like not what it used to be. Yeah. I think I've heard people try to say it's coming back, but I don't think it's like anything like Italian. Yeah, I've heard I've heard like rumors of it. Philly like the mob is coming back. They do gambling.

It's like, I guess, man, where they own a website now. Yeah. Stake.com. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think the Italian mafia, I mean, I don't want to, you know, I think they're done. I don't want to stoke their rage,

but I think they're pretty much done. Yeah, we don't want to make any enemies. But yeah, for sure. Yeah, no. They seem like they're not doing shit anymore, yeah. Yeah. True. At least you don't hear about it. Yeah. Did you did you see that we had we had cow I wasn't here for that one. We had Andrew Callahan on he was saying that the trunk is

starting kind of gang wars in Philly where the tranks controlled. I think he said Mexican cartels but then Chinese gangs have started making like a powder form of it and if you get caught selling like the Chinese version, you'll get killed. Whoa. The cartel will like put a hit out. They'll put it on like WhatsApp. Like here's the guy's head.

There's a guy's picture. Here's where he lives. Bounty, whoever kills him gets blah, blah, blah. Whoa, that's how they put the hits on. I honestly, they said I don't know about the trank, but I didn't know that they there was like a war for who was going to be supplying it. Yeah, they're saying they're just going WhatsApp. If you get caught selling like another gang's

Trank you just your picture goes up on whatsapp and they're just like here you go That's amazing that it's like that transparent about who they want dead. Yeah, I'm sure the cops don't care Yeah, well you always just telegram and whatsapp and it's just like oh you can just commit whatever fucking crime you want on here Yeah, I always wonder about that. It's like can you because it's like I guess you can but it's like I there was that there was an app in Europe That it was like a version of that and they just got it was just the Fed set it up the whole time Well, I just arrested a ton of people after the Silk Road. There's just been like a million different like online dark web Databases guys the new dudes who are getting fucking like Molly off the Silk Road in like 2012 yeah, and they would just order it and it would come in like an envelope with a bunch of fucking pills and shit and like

I don't know like I guess like I watch YouTube videos like people always will do like a big exit scheme before the cops Get them now or they like rip off people for like millions of dollars once they've gained their trust Before they get caught typically that's kind of smart. I knew a dude who used to do that with Molly and he would just go follow Fish. He would just order Molly on the dark road and follow Fish all summer and sell it. Follow what? Fish, the band.

Oh. My band, the Jam Band. I thought it was new slang, I didn't know. No, no, the band. He would just follow the band Fish and sell Molly all summer. He got off the dark web. It feels like it would be so easy to be like a drug dealer.

Yeah. Besides the, you know, you're doing it right now. No, no, like. It feels like it would be so easy to be like a drug dealer. Yeah. Besides the, you know, you're doing it right now. No, no, no. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I'm retired, I'm retired. I don't know. Like until you just get, like, I guess it seems easy to me now

because I just know like a million people who would be willing participants who would like love to shop. Yeah. You know, you wouldn't have to like dip into the seedier parts of society Yeah, but you you always will run into them though. It's like you'll cross paths, but Yeah, well the problem is too. It's like it technically is easy

It's just you're dealing with people who are most of the people are doing are just have no self-control whatsoever It's like you look like give a guy some weed and you're like, all right good luck with this and he's like He'll just get hammered in his car and smoke blunts on the way home and get pulled over You're just like This to a place I tried to sell coke in like 2013 or 14 or something and like I would like wake up to like 18 missed calls from like one Asian guy at four in the morning Yeah, just like you just realize like oh if you want to do well in this business You have to be willing to wake up at four in the morning to go sell one gram of cocaine to this one fucking fiend who will tell on you in a heartbeat that comes down to it. Yeah, it's a bad life. Well now though you can people to sell drugs on like Snapchat. Yeah, they just put a thing out and they're like hey I have pills and apparently the cops are all they all have snapchats too and they'll just be a thing out and they're like, hey, I have pills. And apparently the cops are all, they all have Snapchats too. And they'll just be a girl on Snapchat.

Anyone who has a felon who gets out of jail, they follow them right away on social media. It's just like, we can just watch this guy now. I was having a conversation with somebody the other day about like making money on Snapchat. And I realized like five minutes into the conversation that I was talking about like the actual ads that you run on Snapchat,

like the normal monetization shit that they do. And he was talking about like the actual ads that you run on Snapchat like the normal monetization shit that they do and he was talking about Selling pounds of weed and like spent knowledge shit on fucking snapchat and I was like, oh fuck no, dude I'm like talking about something completely different like Google affiliates ad program yeah, it would have been like amazing content if we had been recording that conversation because we were like You know like every comedy you've ever seen there's like that moment where you're talking about one thing and they're talking about the other thing and it's like, ha ha, they're confused about something pretty serious. That's sick. He assumed you were selling fentanyl on Snapchat aside from everything else. I'm

like, I got a lot going on. You really think I'm selling drugs on Snapchat as well? Fuck. All right. Yeah, that's a wild, that is such a bizarre move. But I guess if you don't really think about it, because there's people who don't care about getting caught at all. You run into them and you're like, oh, this is not good. You see that with a lot of the drill rappers killing each other where it's just like, oh fuck,

you don't even care. You weren't even scared of 30 years in federal prison. That's crazy. Props to you. They need to cut it out. Yeah. I'll jump into the conversation. Those drill rappers, could they stop killing each other?

Hey man, I'm with you. Yeah. They need to chill. Yeah, they should. Wouldn't that be nice? That would be chill if they all just kind of, you know, became one gang. I actually might be kind of gang blasphemous,

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I was like, guys, white dudes have already done this. It worked out terrible for us. Please don't take those. And like, no, man, these are cool. I was like, they're just not guys. I spent a long time thinking the dudes were like exaggerating how many perks they were taking. And then I've like been around when people were buying it

and realized, oh, he's buying eight perks for tonight. Oh yeah. And that's when you're like, oh fuck, okay, this is not an image, this is a very real problem. I've seen one guy, one guy that I was friends with do perks like that all the time. He just sat down and sweat. Yeah.

All he'd do is sweat it. He'd sweat. He'd come in, I would play video games, he would sit next to me d down and sweat. All he'd do is sweat it. He'd sweat. He'd come in, I'd play video games, he would sit next to me drenched in sweat. What were you doing with this man? And just sleep. Just hanging out? We were in college.

Oh yeah. Yeah. He caught me jacking off. It was over the summer, I didn't think anyone was home and I was jacking off on a desktop in the living room. What was he gonna do? He thought I was ass naked. He was on perks and he just sat on the couch.

I was like, the fuck out of here, dude. He was like too numb to really comprehend what was going on. What? Just sweating. Just not sleeping and sweating is what those guys are up to. That's all they do. And they get pissed. They get like, they like, perforate you out.

They get real mad at like, somebody just catches their wrath. They're like, my fucking dad's Fucking asshole you're like bro. What is your problem? You've taken 30 percocets in two days. Just chill out Yeah, dudes crush though And then they when they're cut with the whatever it is the acetaminophenic fries your liver Oh dudes will take like 20 perks, but that's just the Tylenol That's what I'm saying, but Tylenol itself crushes your liver I just recently found out about that,

is that they really do not want those. Like if you're a real perk user, you don't want the bonus Tylenol in there. Oh shit, it kills you. Yeah. It fucks you up. But yeah, I think we're- Is that all it does?

The what? You just sit there and sweat? I mean, in a perfect world, it's like dudes take perks and they still have a lot of- Honestly, if, if I took one right now, I'm going to feel real soft and mushy and like fun and like having a good time and shit. But then like a couple hours later, you're going to start to feel bad. Like just kind of craving it and like, yeah, but I don't know. Like dudes seem like they're having a great time on it up until they get to the point

where it seems like they're having an absolutely terrible time on it. Yeah. Yes. When they was when they run out and then they go, oh, I'm physically addicted. This is not very good Yeah and I know dudes have spent like years of Not running out where they're just like we're just fucked up and then finally they can't get it for whatever reason and it's just hell On earth. Yeah, and I like him I took him a couple times and I was just kind of like I didn't get it

But they say people are wired differently, especially they say if you have like Severe like parental neglect opiates really fill that void and it that like it hits people pretty hard not all the time But for some people, yeah Montes says I was pretty proud that I didn't take her pain pills Yeah, cuz I really wanted to, I really wanted to just like steal half of them and hope she didn't notice, but I was like, stop myself.

Good for you man. That is a big moment. Yeah, that's self control. Yeah, I had birthday cake in my house all weekend. I had the tiniest slice, that was one tiny slice. Yeah, about Simpson. We were watching UFC on Saturday and Bryan Simpson comes in late,

he opens my freezer, there was Sean's birthday cake was in there. From two months, he just sits down on the couch right there with a plate and a fucking giant slice of birthday cake. Frozen birthday cake? Yeah. And then halfway through he was like,

I didn't realize this was ice cream cake. Like, he sat down with a cake and we were all laughing at him. He was like, what? I was like, nothing, that's the craziest shit I've ever seen anyone do. Walk into someone's house and grab a birthday cake. But are you at the point where you could like

walk into a party and they have a bunch of cake and shit and you're just not that tempted? Because for me, I feel the same way about cake as I feel about perks, which is like, yeah, this is gonna feel real good for a real short period of time. And then like, my stomach's gonna be mad at me. I'm gonna feel fat, etc. And yeah, I don't have a strong desire for cake. But then you know what she did? She bought

like a fucking $90 Dwayne the Rock Johnson collab salt and straw cake around the holidays. Oh, what? So Dwayne the Rock Johnson is an American wrestler and movie star. I know he was even has a cake. And then there's this like ice cream place called Salt and Straw that we frequent. That is like the best fucking ice cream place ever. And they did a collab with the Rock on an ice cream cake. But it was like fucking 90 dollars, like what was like 100 bucks like. Yeah, it was like this big.

And I swear to God, I ate like two pieces of it every night for like two weeks. Whatever weight I'm working on losing right now is like highly. Just from that. Yeah. And it pissed me off so bad too that it said on the front of it,

Dwanta, like Dwayne plus Santa. And that to me is just like abhorrent. Like how could you? Like that is the dumbest fucking Santa thing ever. And I had like a cartoon of the rock, but it didn't really look that much like the rock. But I kind of thought it was like bootleg and then I went to his Instagram and saw that he had

like a real promoting this cake. And I was like. That's like a partnership for him, the ice cream cake. Yeah, but I mean this dude's doing movies, getting paid like a hundred million dollars or whatever And he's promoting a fucking cake And it's funny having just like dealing with that like cake just like I have the house it's in the house I'm sure that cake you're like I'm gonna have two slaps Then I'll be like what if I eat all of it tonight

Yeah, and then my body just processes it and I'm just gonna have two slices. Then I'll be like, what if I eat all of it tonight? And then my body just processes it and I'm done with this whole cake. But confronting the rocks image every time you do it is kind of sinister. That's why it's almost good that the cartoon didn't really look like him. But I feel like having a kid, every time I've ever lost much weight in my life,

it was just by eating really strictly and not having any temptation in the house. And one thing I've learned from having a kid is that almost anything will be tempting because I'll eat like a whole fucking box of Ritz crackers that she puts like four of them in the kids lunch. Just like crushing a sleeve. Yeah. The kid scraps are tough too. Cause I'll be like, Oh, I'll make you guys,

you know, we'll make you chicken nuggets and I'll be like, I'll make 75 chicken nuggets. I'm like, well, these are leftovers and you just it's like girlfriend scraps. So yeah girlfriends And the kids eat very similar switch plates now meeting two dinners every single time we go out to eat My kid will eat like, you know an eighth of her quesadilla And then I'll just like take it upon myself to eat the rest of it and then like 20 minutes later She wants more quesadilla and it's by the soul the thing is, that was awesome. That was some perks.

And uh. That does feel bad when you're like, where'd it go? And you're like, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about that. I just gobbled it down like an ogre. Yeah. Yeah. I crushed the food. Or it's just like, you know what?

You guys have been really good today. We're gonna get ice cream. And it'll start being bad. And I'm like, I'm gonna give you guys one more chance And then they're don't keep they'll be bad and I'm like, all right, come on guys for real we got to get this ice cream I need you guys and I'm like, let's come on. Let's go You have the thing where like you can't tell your kid you're gonna do anything because if you mention it They are incapable of understanding that it's not gonna happen in like 10 minutes. Like if you're like, maybe if you're good today,

we can get ice cream tonight, and then they're like, ice cream, they're gonna mention it every 10 minutes for the rest of the day. And then if you end up not getting the ice cream for whatever reason, you are the worst fucking person on earth. The concept of time is they have none of it. You can tell a kid, it'd be like five more minutes.

Wow, they'd be like, oh minutes. Well, they have no clue. They'll stand there for 10 seconds and go, is that it? Was that five minutes? Yep. But my kid will tell Alexa to set a timer for five minutes. Oh, he keeps you honest. Did you ever fake the timer? Be like, I'll give you five minutes.

And I'll set a timer for two minutes. Yeah. I do it all the time. But my kid will say, Alexa, set a timer for five minutes. And then. It's a pretty smart kid. Yeah, it's minutes. And then it's pretty smart kid. Yeah, it's fucking. That is pretty smart.

But you do it one time in front of them and then they realize they can do it. Yeah. And they realize that they can control the music. Yeah. That's a reason to get rid of it. Yeah. Cause my kid, anything I play, she'll just.

Alexa, play Let It Go. Yeah, dude. Like fuck, okay. We're going through another phase of Let It Go. I have to battle the kid. Whenever the kids are over at my parents' house, my nieces and nephews, my Spotify is on my parents Alexa. So I'll be driving around listening to music and it'll cut off. And then I have to call the house and be like fucking get off the lift.

And you'll just hear a kid in the back like no baby shark. Baby shark! I gotta argue with Phil. He's like, come on, just let him play it. Listen to a podcast or something. Yeah, listen to what I'm listening to. Listen to the radio. Listen to Lil Baby. That'll get him off though.

I do that because I can control the Alexa from here. Oh, you can do it from here. I can play DMX in my parents' kitchen right now. That's so funny. At full volume, you can control the volume. From here Play DMX in my parents kitchen right now podcast at one time. It just blasted on them. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Yeah, there's nothing. DMX is, I think, will... Cryptonite to a father. ...activate an old white guy harder than DMX.

An old DMX album like, what the fuck? It's the first song. First words. This is what the fucking shit I be talking about. True, that will activate them, dude. Yeah, he says the thing about fucking a horse. Got blood on my dick because I fucked a horse or whatever. Corpse, corpse.

Yeah, I remember being in eighth grade and arguing about if it was horse or corpse. My mind rewrote it to horse again. Fucking a horse is way harder than fucking a horse. Yeah, wow. I went to Catholic school and we had an assembly one time of this guy that was like a Christian music guy. And he was like, you guys need to stop listening to crap.

And then he brought those lyrics up in the assembly, he brought up, I got blood on my dick cause I fucked a corpse. And he was like, you think this is okay? And we were just like, yes. It's art. This is hilarious. Was it acronym or did he just call it crap? He was like crap. He just expected you to get it and he like explained. The whole assembly was trying to get us to stop listening to rap. You can't spell crap

without rap. Yeah stuff like that. Think about it. But even in like fifth grade I was looking at those kind of guys like, what the fuck is wrong with this dude? This dude has not done anything with his life. Why the fuck would I listen to this guy? Assemblies are the funniest thing. We had a whale guy coming to our school. He would just do with a ponytail that our school would pay to talk about whales.

But apparently he was, the guy was the whale the whale man was allegedly a devil worshiper. I was at a Catholic school and someone was like, yeah, me and him hailed Hitler and spit on the church steps. Whale man hailed Hitler. He claimed, he claimed even the whale man hailed Hitler and spit on the church steps. I got in trouble in 10th grade because I started a band called Jewish Cemetery. Because my school was right next to a Jewish cemetery. So we thought that was a good band name. We never even practiced.

You know, there's like a lot of band names in high school that like you didn't have to like perform music or anything. We thought that was a pretty good band name. And then we got suspended for it. You guys have read it for Jewish cemetery. It was like I was offended because I'm like, I'm not saying that like it's a good thing that there are. But it is a thing. Yeah, this is a good thing that there are but it is a thing

Yeah, this is a real thing. Yeah, and it's not like anything sinister happened for almost any of these Jews They just died like natural causes for the most part of the car accidents and shit I'm not celebrating it. I'm just acknowledging that it exists Telling the principal this No, you are suspended anyway. That's crazy. I had another band called Retarded Army and we drew a cartoon of a retard and made flyers and hung them up on the hallway

and then I also. Suspended for that? I don't know if you're gonna suspend it but I was told that it's not appropriate for me to mention or promote my band. Retarded Army is way worse than Jewish cemetery. Yeah, cause like, dead Jews definitely exist but retards, but retards, you're like not supposed to call them retards in school.

Yeah. It's certainly not some in the army. Yeah. Some of the troops. A whole army of them. That'd be an ice cream. Tarned army. You gotta promise those guys ice cream.

They'll be set in time. They'll be set. True. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, I'm sorry they haven't, dude. That's bullshit. Thank you.

I appreciate that. I've been reeling from it ever since. Yeah, I blowed on my dick because I fucked a horse, might be my favorite. Fucked a horse? I blowed on my dick because I fucked a horse. Rest in peace, he's been dead just enough years for me to think that that was okay

to assume that he was into bestiality. He was very homophobic in those songs also. And very into dogs. His back. Loves dogs. RIP Boomer for one dead dog. Dog lives like 10 years. You're gonna dedicate your whole back to it.

That's like such a level of dedication. That is the toughest back tat you can get though, just your dead dog on your back. But they would always say about DMX that he would have a whole day planned and that He would just start talking to like a hobo outside the hotel and the whole day would be canceled because he would end up in Like a five-hour conversation with this dude Really and he wouldn't give a fuck the meet-and-greet is canceled the club pop-up is over. I'm talking to this bum

That's awesome. Yeah, it's kind of sick It's kind of hard for me to imagine like making it anywhere in life If that was how you thought about your time. Yeah, I'm just kind of torpedo my whole Section really funny just especially thinking about the cadence he talks like hey, sir Just talking to him for five hours. Why the fuck you outside? Well, he smoked crack dude any didn't he? DMX was big on the crack, so they might have had a share in mutual interest as well. Yeah, for sure that's probably where that went.

Yeah, true. So what are you doing out here? I wanna do it too. Yeah, thank God for that, thank God we don't smoke crack, that'd be terrible as well. For sure. Crack's a problem. You ever smoke crack? No good a lot coke, but

The crack route it's good No, never smoke crack. I've I've know of a couple people who've done it like once like one-offs and they're like, yeah It's pretty fucked up. I didn't meth one time. Did you really? Yeah, how was that? It's pretty fantastic I was just with this girl and she was like looking for drugs at a party and then she came up to me with some rocks in her hand and she was just like, just eat this and we'll be fine.

It'll be great. And then I like, after doing it, I kind of realized like, oh she's doing this all the time. Like she's always on this. Yeah. And we stayed up for like two days more or less fucking and doing meth and then... Just eating it? on this. Yeah. And we stayed up for like two days more or less fucking and doing meth and then. Just eating it?

We were snorting it by the end of it. I think that, I think eating it was kind of like an immature route towards getting fucked up. But then like, I had like the two worst days ever of my life after doing meth for two days. Yeah. So that was enough to just be like, Yeah, I was like, okay, I can't do that anymore.

And I can't fuck with this girl anymore cuz she's a meth head. That's what Yeah, and that's what I figured out why she was hanging out with these like 80s like rocker dudes Oh, she was hanging out with dudes that looked like lemmy but they weren't lemmy but they like Basically dressed like exactly like let me was probably dressed at that moment Yeah, that's tough. That's that's what I've heard. I've actually never done coke before. Really? Shit. Never done it. I'm happy about that, but I've heard that happen a lot of times. She's like, I was doing cocaine last night. No, I don't touch that stuff.

But once you do coke, drinking just feels like, oh, what? Why would I ever drink again if I couldn't just supercharge myself every 15 minutes with cocaine? Yeah, until it's bedtime. Yeah. And that's when you have to take Xanax. Thank you. Yeah, that's right. That's how you die. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you up. So remember, I was back in the day. So I tried selling coke when I was younger. And then people get me Xanax. I'm like, what do you want it was Xanax? And like, well, it helps us fall asleep. And I was like, Oh, that makes

perfect sense. Yeah, it's kind of miserable, though. And I was like, oh, that makes perfect sense. It's kind of miserable though. Then you gotta just kind of like abort the day. But like the hangover from Xanax is fucking tight and the hangover from everything else sucks. Really? Yeah, cause you just feel so like good and just like loose like when you wake up the next day

after doing a ton of Xans, but then like later in the day, cause the half life of the Xans is just so long and then later in the day that wears off as well and then you feel like shit. But like, I have a lot of great memories of like going out riding bikes, like at the skate park and shit from like the night before his Xan hangover and just feeling great. That's pretty tight. Yeah. But I had, I had to leave.

I've been like, I haven't done real drugs like that in like five years. Nice. Yeah. I had like the most epic orgy of all time with my wife and Riley Reed and Gina Valentina and this girl Abby. And holy shit, like there's a video on Pornhub. Like you can see the last time I ever did Coke. Oh really? Well like my dick and like the girls sucking it.

Yeah. And that was the end. I'm gonna stop if it's going that well. How much did I stop? No, no, I'm saying it's hard to walk away. But things are going well. It was just like the two day hangover after that. I was just like, OK, I'm 34 or whatever.

Yeah. Got to stop at some point. I got to stop. Yeah. That's the tough part about it, I feel like. I knew someone got kicked out of their friend's wedding for doing coke in the bathroom. What the fuck? In their mid-30s. And I was like, God, it's terrible. Oh, it I feel like. I knew someone got kicked out of their friend's wedding for doing coke in the bathroom. In like their mid 30s and I was like,

oh that's terrible. Who was in charge of the bathroom? I think it was like the groom was in there, heard someone vacuuming up some lines and looked over and was like you motherfucker get out of here. I would not have cared at all. I'm almost 100% sure people were doing coke at my wedding. Yeah that's true.

You gotta let them do just. Yeah I don't know I it's a second-hand report. I wasn't there. I just heard the guy kicked out for doing coke I'm sure he was being a problem Yeah, if you offer my mom a line You're in trouble, but like besides that you want he went in the bathroom. Yeah, true Yeah, I might not have the full story, but you might be right I bet he was causing a rock is causing a rock is on the man in the bathroom doing Yeah, true. Yeah, I might not have the full story. Shane, you might be right. I bet he was causing a ruckus. Causing a ruckus on the dance floor. In the bathroom doing blow, it's like, all right, dude.

Yeah, piece out. That actually makes more sense, actually. Yeah. Yeah, I've never done it. I'm happy I've never done it. I never hear it just, it always, you said before, you said before, if you use it, you can harness it business-wise. Is that a true quote or my yeah?

No I think that like people who are able to harness their drug use for a certain amount of time or sometimes like the people who? create like the best art and like are able to do things that are pretty incredible with their life, but Inevitably doing it in the long run just doesn't really work out but for sure like some of the best rap music of all time is long run just doesn't really work out. But for sure, like some of the best rap music of all time is by dudes who are like doing way too much lean or molly or whatever it was.

And like a lot of the best, you know, new wave music or metal or like all this shit from the 80s and especially a lot of like cinema. I feel like a lot of those movies that I watch now, I'm kind of like, oh yeah, you guys run tons of coke and that powered you through this. And something has been lost by the fact that you can't just be like a lone wolf on cocaine

and just make a movie. That's true. I mean maybe you can, I don't know, you know, but it seems like that would be a pretty good method. That would be pretty tight. There was that, I don't know if this guy did coke, but there was that guy Vincent Gallo who did like one man movies for the most part.

Dude, did you ever see Buffalo 66 is great? Is it the head one? No, that's- I do this every time. Brown Bunny. All right. Brown Bunny is a movie where it's just him driving a muscle car and then he eventually gets hit at the end and it's over.

Oh wow. That's pretty tight. He wrote it and directed it himself. Came up with the whole idea himself. That's an easy one. What if I drove a sick car and got hit? Yeah. It's pretty, the movie, movie you ever seen before go to

It's like kind of sick. It's just him just seems like it's just like an in the car shot of him is racing That's the one that's Cisco and Ebert give a bad review to and then he wished cancer upon them and they got cancer And he was like I told you not to fucking give me better He's a complete man the guy in entourage like the crazy director guy supposedly based off him well Yeah, but it's a little cinnamon knowledge. My only cool movie. I know I don't watch any movies Well, dude, I think we done did it Yeah I watched every single episode on storage over the course of like a month at one point in my life

I do recently or was it like a while back? No, it was like 10 years ago. But I remember feeling like, holy shit, that was like the worst procrastination ever. Like by the time I got done, I was just like, what the fuck, bro? I watched Breaking Bad in a month. Yeah, I think I did that too. I got done with it and I was like, what was that?

Just blasted through it. It was after I quit my job and then I was going to Spain. I had a month off, watched Breaking Bad for a month. It's a good time to do it. You're in Spain like I'm basically Heisenberg. No, I was nothing dude. I thought I was gonna be something. I got to Spain. I just cried in a hostel. I was like, I wish I was home. I can't even speak fucking Spanish. What the fuck was I thinking? But I feel like Breaking Bad might be funnier now because it's like as a dad the idea of just telling your girl like hey this is what I'm doing now like fuck the kids I'm selling

meth like they can do whatever the fuck they want to like make it seem more normalized in the show but that just seems like a pretty hilarious cancer. Yeah, he has to sell meth. Just to kill this guy. No, you're right. Yeah, that's how they justify it. That's how they make you think it's like kind of a normal decision in the movie. Yeah.

Yeah, we don't pay our teachers enough. This guy has to link up with the Mexican cartel. Fucking be the plug. Entourage was sick because they didn't do Coke until the final season. It's this Hollywood show. And in the very last thing, he's like, what's this? show and in the very last thing he's like, what's this? It's cocaine, try it.

And he's like, oh, okay. Really? I don't remember that. I thought he was, yes. Entourage Coke comes in like season four. Not a minute before, which is, I was kind of like- Should've been day one. Yeah, should've been the first episode.

Yeah, I remember being so geeked up the first time I went to Earth Cafe. Cause that's where they go in that shit. And it's just like a super, well, it is like a really trendy spot in Hollywood and shit. But like, from my experience, it's not really like notable or good in any way. But in that show, they just make it seem like it's the coolest. Yeah, friends does that

with the Central Park Cafe. When I lived in New York, I thought about entourage almost every day. Did you really I would drive by Queens Boulevard next to my house. And that was the first thing I thought of every single day I'd be in an Uber like entourage. Did you ever rip one in your head? Did you ever go like, oh yeah, oh yeah. When we did Legion of Skanks,

were you living there at the time? Yeah. Yeah. Did you see Cuomo and Dave Smith? Holy shit, dude. Cuomo got his ass eaten, bro Well Cuomo fucked him because he's like you're running for politics Let me tell you this legion of skank thing you have going on. Yeah, not a good idea Oh, well you day knows exactly what he was doing to I listen to that whole thing fired me up

Yeah, it was cool. Dave Smith's a beast. Obviously. He's great. I gotta watch the Cuomo just Acknowledges at the beginning. He's like, I'll never say sorry If the center says sorry, you can't say sorry. I, Cuomo just acknowledges at the beginning he's like, I'll never say sorry. If the said he'd say sorry, you can't say sorry. I do kinda like Cuomo too now. He's kinda funny, he's just funny. He was a cocksucker in that. He was a fuckin' asshole.

He has been funny on other things, like I saw him on Adam Friedland's show and shit. I feel like Trump has kinda like opened the door for a lot of bad behaving politicians to just kinda own it, you know? That's what he says, he's like, I don't have to apologize that something Trump does and then in the middle of the thing They're like, can you just say sorry for how you treated like Rogan about Ivermectin? You're on Ivermectin right now Yeah, he was like no, I didn't I didn't do anything wrong. He's like show me it

It's like let me see the clips. There's a montage of him He goes so that that's proof of montage and Dave's like, yeah There's a montage of him. He goes so that that's proof of montage and Dave's like yeah, dude Okay, let me after you're just trying to you know, you're just trying to get like credit for yourself I guess yeah, he was fighting he was making me laugh through that whole thing though. He's such a motherfucker Yes, if you put it that way, he's kind of funny It is very funny to just be like, yeah, whatever fuck all you guys I never heard of any of you guys. Well, what is a legion of skank? I got a good idea if you want to be a whole crowd against such a whole against him. That's what I'm saying. I was kind of just like,

he was making me laugh. Like boo you suck. Okay, yeah I know. Yeah whatever lady. His comebacks are gonna be so funny. He's the toughest lib there is. He is a tough lib. He's the toughest lib. Michael Rappaport got polarized, flipped. It was Cuomo Rapaport, and now it's for sure Cuomo's the toughest live there is. Rapaport. De Niro's the most badass live. Robert De Niro's the most badass live, dude. Yeah, but Cuomo could mean all respect.

Obviously, he could beat his ass. All respect, obviously, between the two of them. I don't know, you see the Irishman? He was stomping that, dude. Tough live. It's funny how funny that is. Badass liberals. Leather jacket 50 year old liberals.

Badasses. No, if you want to laugh, go watch like Diddy's promotional material for like- Voted die. Yeah. It just seems so funny now. Did you realize that? I was at like the courthouse,

like I would kick this guy's ass Was a slide a class to loan no slice to loan refuses to work with De Niro because he says he thinks he's a loudmouth Dude expendables nine is gonna be lit. What's it? Really? Yeah, I saw tweet or something. What that's fucking bullshit man They're keeping us from a great masterpiece the geezers are getting hit hard with the news The algorithm fucks them. Yeah, it does dude. It crushed. They have no yeah fucks him up Yeah, buddy either way. It's wild, you have to be a political geezer.

Like in my parents' neighborhood, like house by house, like there's the science is real sign, then there's an American flag that's 20 feet tall. It's just a giant, it's like the size of that. My mom had one of those signs that said like, Love is love? It's like science is real, trans women are women. Like the same like water facts.

And I like made fun of her enough that I'm pretty sure she took it down. That's good. You did her a favor. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing. That is kind of funny. Love is love. Do we talk about fucking Austin FC when I went to that?

No. The whole, you know how before I've talked about like, MLS fan sections are literally just Antifa. Yeah. Like they're the exact same people. We went to the MLS game. The whole thing is trans. They're just holding up like trans flags.

It says love is love everywhere. There's like a soccer thing? Yeah. Oh, okay. And American soccer fans are, they're politicizing like just being gay during a soccer game. But when you come down south, like we went to,

I haven't noticed this here, but we went to Nashville like a year or two ago, for sure you see like hella billboards that are like the most conservative shit you could possibly imagine. And then like you'll go to a random coffee shop and it'll be like, we love and accept our trans brothers and sisters.

And like, you're like, oh shit. There's nothing in between. This is like a fucking war zone playing out. Like I live in Hollywood where it's like, in order to express some like pro-Trump sentiment, you basically are acknowledging that you're kind of on the fringe of society. But like in a lot of down south places,

it's just like, it's a real war. Just like a disappointed Jesus bill a lot of down south places. It's just like it's a real war battle Just like a disappointed Jesus billboard looming over. Yeah coffee shops Yeah, it'll all play out, you know, I think I don't know I think it'll settle down But the MLS thing's funny because the whole team is just fucking Central American and Mexican dudes. Yeah They don't give a fuck about transgender people during that. I mean they probably do give a fuck. They probably very specifically

do not want anything to do with it. Yeah. There's players that are like, here you gotta wear a rainbow jersey today. They're like, I'm not playing. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, it's definitely, and the WNBA's

fucking super politicized now too, man. It's like ground zero race war right now. You see those chicks beating up, Kaitlin? What the fuck, bro? Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kindized now too, man. It's like ground zero race war right now. You see those chicks beating up Katelyn? What the fuck, bro? I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of into it, sexually. I don't think they did that wrong. For beating her up? No, I mean for being sexually charged.

I can't help what I like, dude. Yeah. Watching a lady miss a layup, you go, ooh. God damn, she's pathetic, I can help her. I can so do that. I've done that in my yard like a million times. I do that in my pool every day. It's pool basketball, basketball.

But they're really, like, I don't know anything about Kaitlyn Clark except that she is apparently being picked on by these large black women. Yeah. I feel terrible for her. Like, I'm just like deeply invested all of a sudden. I thought I would never, my boy Danny Mullin, he did a vlog where he went to a WNBA game

and tried to sneak onto the court. He's a comic, does all this stupid shit, but he fucking was lampooning the WNBA as in nobody will ever want anything to do with this. Yeah. And now I'm kind of like into it. I'm like maybe because I never got into the NBA. I'm kind of thinking maybe I'll just like skip past that and become like extremely knowledgeable

about the NBA. Just be that guy. That would be so tight. Renegade WNBA commentator. That would be so fun. Get into the LA Sparks game tonight. And just corner people at a party and party. You see the fucking Sparks. Put up a double. See the game tonight. Put up a single single.

Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm I'm hype. Dude, I was in Indianapolis. I saw you saw the fever. I saw the fucking the people were swarming into that. That place was packed out for Caitlin Clark. They want to see her dunk on a black lady. It's impossible. The country's gonna explode. I was telling people I'm gonna storm the Capitol

if she dunked on a black lady. Yeah. If she dunked on a black lady, the country might end. Yo. And it's like, she's just beginning her career. So we have so many years of watching the soap opera play out ahead of us. And they're not going to leave her alone. No, no, it's just going to get worse before it gets better.

Well, barely the one lady who's been like who elbowed her is all like people are tweeting about it, like making fun of her. She's going and liking that. Yeah. And she has like a long history of like violence and like on the basketball court, like she's a fucked up person. Like, but Caitlinlin Clark realistically, she needs her malice in the palace moment. She needs to assault a fan.

Yeah, be sure. Be sure. Be sure of all the gay dudes that are watching. If the WNBA is anything like prison, what I've learned is you really gotta stand on shit, you can't back down. She needs to assault someone if she wants to earn her respect.

People only fear violence. She needs to turn up. She does, she needs to assault someone. Yeah. If she wants to earn her respect. People only fear violence. Yeah, true. She needs to turn up. She does. She does. Nobody's saying it. Everyone's like, oh, she's so good. And it's like, yeah, she needs to just completely haul off

on somebody. WNBA only understands violence. It's awful. I don't even know the team names. Yeah, I don't know either. Sparks. Sparkle shoots. Yeah, sparkle shoots.

I was saying when I was in Indianapolis, I'm like, I don't know your team's name. It, I don't know either. The Sparks. The Sparkle Shoots. The Sparkle Shoots. I was saying when I was in Indianapolis, I'm like, I don't know your team's names, like the Indianapolis My Little Ponies. Yeah. No, that's the fever. That's the only one I know. It's the fever. What's the Liberty?

Is that New York? Yeah, dude, Liberty. We know them. Jesus, Travis Scott. You would, dude. You know all this, LeMare, you pervert. How do you know all this? I loved the WNBA before everybody else did.

Did you really? Yeah. You liked the WNBA? everybody else did. Did you really? Yeah. I hate it now. You liked the WNBA? Yeah, I used to play it in 2K all the time. I hate it. Yeah, you are such a pervert. He always plays with girls in video games.

I wanna be your understudy. God. Yeah. Like, show me the way. WNBA and you played that? Yeah, shout out Courtney VanderSloot. That was my lady. Oh, shit.

Who was the girl from Delaware? I? Don't know Delia Deladon. I went to high school with her brother. The Deladon's are a prominent Delaware family The other day I went to high school with a shout gene Deladon's up. Oh, yeah her Her sister was yeah big time. She was nasty. Yeah, she's pretty good. Well, I Think we did it. I was gay. Gay. Thank you. Thank you for coming here for you. Did you know I was looking to like say gay and retarded more?

But like fire, so fire, take us out. I just feel like I could just say a bunch of faggy things. But yes, ripped is kind of the image here. I'll give you an opportunity. What do you think of the WNBA? I think it's really gay. No, I think it's great. I think it's amazing.

I don't want these comments to follow me when I'm being considered for like commentator roles. Oh, it will. Actually, like the more you talk about this, the more I'm like feeling kind of ashamed that my own wife has never had any kind of basketball aspirations. Yeah, I do. Yeah. They're supposed to inspire you.

Caitlin Clark should inspire you. Yeah, she is time. Point guard, man. Mugs and buggs. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they're supposed to inspire you. Caitlin Clark should inspire you. Yeah, she is tiny. Point guard, man. Mugs and boughs. Look him up. You're a water girl. Yeah. Do something.

Get your ass off the couch. Have her shoot some shots, man. I wanna motivate her. I feel like this might have motivated her. I was a water boy for girls high school basketball. Were you really? Yes. Oh.

Talk about it, brother. Nothing to talk about. Talk about it, brother. Had to fight my bros to get the prettiest girls Yes. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho pretty respectable. It was just me and lesbians, these two old nuns. We would battle over. Fuckin' hell. I don't know. I don't know. Harry Armlady, that's what her name was. Harry Armlady? Harry Armlady was the other, she was like a 50 year old fat lesbian that would also be a water boy with me.

It was me and Harry Armlady. Oh, but wait, all right. Did you see the clip of the one girl on the WNBA? She was talking to the other girl and they caught her on the mic and she was like, yeah, I'm about to be 30 My pussy old though. Oh Yo, I've never heard a girl say anything like that I think she was like basically trying to say that she's fucked a lot of dudes

Which is not really like something you hear a ton of girls brag about outside of the porn industry But like they caught her saying it's like an amazing clip. Damn Yeah, it's pretty much those grinders Grindr Brittany Griner. Oh. How's Grindr doing? Grindr? Britney Grindr. Oh, yeah. What the fuck happened to her? LaMare was like, why you asking for the Grindr?

That's what I was thinking after they stole my weed out of my bag. I wonder if it was the governor at it. Will he trade me for the angel of death for these spliffs? I don't know. I thought you were asking LaMare how Grindr was doing. How's Grindr doing? Oh, he's gay. I thought you're asking the mayor. I'll grind her. Was that how I was? Oh, he's gay. OK, no, he's not. OK.

No, he loves WNBA like a heterosexual. What's your honor up to? Not playing. Oh, that's a lady who got locked up. Yeah. Wait, she's she's not playing like she's she's worthless.

Her team played yesterday. She has zero minutes, zero point zero, zero rebounds. That's what we got for the angel of death. Yeah. Is that why we're fighting Russia right now? Yeah. It was a terrible deal.

That's amazing. I'm trying to get to her stats. It's taking forever. Must've been funny to talk to Vladimir Putin and be like, no, the lady he took in the WNBA, he's like, what is that? He's like, it's the National Women's Basketball League. He's like, I do not understand.

They let the women play basketball? Professionally? This is a joke. You make a joke to me. You're making a joke now. No, for real, the fever played the son. Why name a team after sickness? But you ever Google like, Brittany Greiner a man yes, you see pretty good shirtless

Yeah, yeah, really it feels like it's being suppressed when you Google it cuz there's not that much like hard-hitting journalism into this But she she has No tits. Yeah, and the body of like a man. This shirt, this shirtless picks up greater. Yeah. Like she's an edge. She's a basketball. She is not. She'd be a menace in the pool.

She may be a biological woman, but it's, it's an edge case. Yeah. At the very least. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's like testosterone use. I mean, there's just like outlier women that have like more testosterone than the average woman. She definitely does. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's proof, I guess. that have way more testosterone than the average woman? Who does? Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's proof, I guess.

Oh yeah, Britney Grindr mid-dome. That could just be from hard training, though. I started doing squats when I was in ninth grade. That's why I'm not six foot two. That's real? That can affect your height. No, they always would say that. They're like, if you lift too early,

it fucks up your growth plate. So I always tell my wife, I'm always like, yeah, I would have been my whole family's all like six two six three I'm like bro. I'm basically banging too hard. Yeah, just lifting 185 pounds Yeah, was somebody telling me the guy from I know we're going long the 90 day fiance guy was not you know that guy That's like big idea. Yeah, somebody was telling me that was like a genetic thing and he was like a handsome normal guy before that Wait, how is that genetic then? I'm not genetic a disease. Oh, yeah Yes, what did you think happened to him? I got squatted. I think he's squatting squad. I was doing squats He did too many squats

All right, was he trying to play it off? Are you too many squats or is that your hypothesis? No, I'm just saying that just reminds me of a guy getting his shit fucked up Oh, yeah happen to you. Got you Is there an old picture? When he was a kid, I think he was a nice handsome man. I knew this dude It was a drug dealer and like a rival gang like broke into his apartment So he jumped out the window and like destroyed his spine and lost like three inches of height Oh, I always think of that being the opposite of that knee-b-ell thing that you can get now.

You can get the height extension? Yeah, you can get your femur lengthened. What? Yeah, it's pretty good. I might reclaim what's mine. It's six two. Dude, you can't. I would get the dick.

You'll be too powerful. No, I would get the dick. You need the dick. Yeah, I would get the hog. You say put my femur in my dick. True. Take, I would lose, yeah. You say put my femur in my dick. True. Take, I would lose, yeah. Take all of my bones.

Take three inches of my leg height. Just give me a fat fucking dick. I'll take a big toe at this point. True. Just give me a big toe, bro. That's the thing in the porn world is that like, you know a lot of these dicks are fake, but you don't really know which ones.

How are they faking them? Well, there's like surgeries where they kind of like, pull it out of your body I'll take the inner dick and then there's other dudes who'd like Apparently a lot of people do this but I've never seen anybody do it Sorry, actually have no idea who really does it but they like have this shit that you like shoot up your dick with that like makes it hard as fuck for like an hour and I don't know who does it but I know some people are out there doing it. Yeah, I bet. I mean, it's not too hard of a sell. Yeah. It sounds amazing.

Yeah. I'm close. Super hard day. Old dudes who they do it too, like because they have to. Yeah. Yeah. But then porn dudes do it to just stunt. That's crazy. You having a hard Dick all day and being naked at work is pretty sick. You guys take dick pills yet? No, never taking dick pills. I have. I only did one.

Yes. It was a roller coaster. I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to have a heart attack. Yes, that's kind of how I felt. Yeah. Yeah, but it was sick. A little red in the face.

A little puffy and shit. That's a good YouTube algorithm. You can go into dudes reviewing gas station boner pills and it's the funniest. Straight to the ER. Just black dudes being like, so I took it. It's like black dudes reviewing gas station boner pills and it's the funniest. Straight to the ER. No, just black dudes being like, so I took, it's like black dudes reviewing gas station boner pills, the funniest YouTube algorithm.

So I took the Cobra XL, got fucking hard, and they start using basketball, and it's so fucking funny. Fucking sat her down, like fucking Kobe on her. What are you talking about? But I've seen an expose about those gas station pills like showing how you just buy the packaging on Amazon and then you fill it up with whatever the fuck you want. Really? The Rhino ones or whatever. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I would never trust that shit even on a large. Never.

Because I'm pretty sure it's just whatever the fuck they want to put in there. Yeah, dude. It's completely. They need to investigate those things. How are they fucking still legal? Dude. At every gas station? We had a speed of gas stations. That is like- They need to investigate those things. How are they fucking still legal? Dude. At every gas station? We had a speed of gas stations. Yeah, like no-dos. And they finally stopped, the Fed,

they finally stopped that. But yeah, they'll catch up to them and be like, yeah, this is fucked up. We'd sell it. They've been there forever. Nobody's ever got them. It's a weird thing we have and, you know, gas stations for some reason are allowed to sell

like questionable drugs. You think if Hunter Biden died off a dick pill that they would all of a sudden take it serious? For sure. Well, I pray that doesn't happen. I don't know, Biden died off a dick pill that they would all of a sudden take it serious for sure Well, I pray that doesn't happen. I don't know him him dying from a dick pill. Yeah, nobody would care. It would be politicized instantly. Oh man Trump Trump on that would be So good it would be immediately just like a war from like all your favorite right-winger counts to see who could like dump the best on hunger Biden five seconds

Let me every kind of you know, just trying to type one out me like not good enough But like what's keeping him off the podcast circuit on our body. He's not like realizing his true potential for sure Come together to be like no you need to shut the fuck up. Yeah, your dad's out of office Secret Service. Yeah. Everybody's come together to be like, no, you need to shut the fuck up until your dad's out of office. Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah. That, yeah. That book was nice.

Deep Criminal Investigators. What, his? He had a book. Spirography, I read his biography. I listened to it. It was- Beautiful Things, or what's it called? Yeah, probably like three years ago.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It talks about how he smoked crack for it. I need to see Connor Biden on Fresh and Fit. He'd be nice on Fresh and Fit. it. I got in a Biden on fresh and fit He'd be nice on fresh and fit. You see your boy Wes Watson on fresh and fit recently. Oh Bad it was the funniest this is my scene the world Matt's all in on this shit. Yeah, it's all yeah I follow I have a keep a close eye on internet. What's Belmont is Belmont doing anything? No, man

He's he keeps it kind of low-key I don't see him because I think there's dudes and you kind of pointed this out I think there's dudes that do fake podcasts. They do. It's your man. I think he does fake podcasts watching throws down a real podcast, which is These guys like right before I interviewed him he's like yo I just don't want to talk about the steroid shit. And I'm like, all right. Like, I wasn't going to ask about that.

Like, look down at my questions like multiple things. And I'm just like, look at Adam and like, we're kind of like similar white dudes, like maybe not exactly the same size. But like, I'm just looking at his arm and it's just like the pouring out of it. And I'm looking at myself like,, okay. This is a real man Yeah, why why like I don't know why people I guess I get it cuz then people think like you cheated and you really didn't Earn it, but I'm like dude if you do Roy's you get that big there your muscles Do you earn them you want it muscles more than anybody and you're fucking liver King?

True he came out Didn't he like lose an eye or something did he lose eye? Nobody tried to stop doing steroids and it didn't work and he's came back like one of the worst smells I've ever one of the worst non pussy related smells I've ever smelled in my life was like going into the bathroom at no jumper after the liver King had just been in there And I assume he only pissed for like a couple minutes and the fucking smell that was contained in that room No, just like his body like like his body odor, like contaminated that fucking bathroom for days to come. Liver King lives in Austin.

What? And the Liver Queen lives in Austin too. And the liver kids. It's funny. I bet they have a liver pool. There we go, Adam. See, that's a fucking comment right there, bro. Now I'm here. You're not getting that. Yeah, see now he's here. The Coke.

The Coke. The Coke. The Coke. You've powered through the hangover. They got a Liverpool. This is a tough hangover, dude. Sweat out a hangover on a body jacket. There's nothing worse than waking up with a hangover

and being like, holy fuck. I gotta talk on camera. Wow. Try not to be depressed. Yeah, shout out Liver King, shout out Wes Watson. Liver boys for life. And we got Alex Jones down here, Austin Webb. Yeah, Austin's kind of now.

And the guys from Entourage live down here too, with Benny Chase. Did you see Jones yesterday? Crying his eyes out. Crying, they're about to seize this whole setup. They're trying to shut it down. What, the operation this whole setup. They're trying to shut it down. What, the operation, the freedom? They're trying to shut down freedom.

They're gonna shut down the operation, needs our funding more than ever. Of course. Who is trying to lock it down? The feds, I don't know. The deep state, bro. Supposedly it's going down like today. What?

They're gonna show up again and like really make a hard push to take all this shit. It's kind of fucked up, honestly. Based on Twitter, I feel like the only person who doesn't feel bad for him. So yeah Yeah, people seem to think this is a really outrageous thing that you fucking go bankrupt and they just take your shit. Oh That's I forgot. Yeah, I guess that makes sense if he's like truly financially bankrupt. No, I think it's done, right? He owes the government like 17 billion dollars. Yeah, they find the shit out. They're gonna go to Mars from Alex Jones' settlement, dude.

He owes the government a gazillion dollars. They doctor-eviled him big time. He's like, what's my sentence? They went, one billion dollars. One billion dollars. One billion dollars. Yeah, that's not even a fucking number, dude. What are you talking about?

Do you remember, like, I remember not getting that joke when I saw Austin Powers. It'd be like a million dollars, and I laugh at him because a million dollars is not that much money. But I'm a kid, so I'm like, I have like $300, like, lifetime earnings. I don't get this joke at all. Oh, man.

All right. God damn it. We should call it. Yeah, I got to pee really badly. No, thank you so much. Thank you, man. You're the man. Appreciate you guys.

Best. Bang.