Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 504 - Reggie and Steve (feat. Billy)

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Billy and Spud @ https://www.patreon.com/warmode Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Go See Optimum Noctis at The Creek and The Cave in ATX Tues August 6 @ https://www.creekandcave.com/events/optimum-noctisvb6dfszg51bdq3z3wnu4ptljon3i Good afternoon. We back. The D.A.W.G.Z. are thousands of miles away from one another, but spiritually they're closer than ever. Matt's in Austin - Shang and Bill are in Philly. Matt zordon'd into Warmode studios for a zoom cast this week. Piping hot zoom cast as a matter of fact. It ends abruptly because they just ripped two hrs. The other half will be on patreon. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. Visit https://joinbilt.com/drenched to turn your rent into rewards today.

All right. This is so fucking sick. Dude. Yeah, this is actually 10 times better than I thought it would be. I told you. You guys bring the fucking you guys bring the fucking in-person vibes. I'll bring cyber vibes. So tight chill vibes, relax and study. We're going to chill. Matt, you need to bring the full cyber vibes.

Yeah. What are we gonna do? We better. I can't believe you actually thought you'd look good in this. I don't say I look at people legit thought like this was like a fashion trend Matt was trying to put on. They're just blue like, oh, people. I actually you look good, dude. These look I look crazy.

These are too small for my face. They are small. You look like Gary. You got to get the look like you're from the future here. Get the big black ones. What are the big black ones? They're just bigger than that. I have these and I have the reds, the reds for real. For the time I'm not lying, those things are nice. If you put on the red glasses and chill from like eight p.m.

to 11, you sleep like such a baby. Yes, but these are dangerous. I was driving with these and I was at a gas station late at night. But you don't drive with these on, dude. It looks like no one has their headlights on. Yeah, I know. I like the gas off all the fucking hard lights drive with these on, dude. It looks like no one has their headlights on. Yeah, I know. I like the gas off all the fucking hard lights that crush your eyes, bro. I thought some dude was leaving the gas station without his headlights on.

So I gave him like the gang initiation headlight flicker. Yeah, my headlights at the guy. Don't do that. That's a little. He pulled up on me and he was like, pulled up. He's like, what's good, bro? And I was like, your headlights are off. And I lifted these up and I went, oh, I'm sorry, dude.

I have these weird fucking glasses on. It looks like your lights are off. And he just shook his head and was like, later, dude. Turns out I'm just chilling way too fucking hard. Those are nice though. Where'd you find those? Raw Optics. Raw Optics, Billy put me on.

Come on, bro. Raw Optics, put on. Sun God. Motherfucking Sun God. I'm so happy to be with you guys. This is fucking awesome. I had some hell. Dude, that's everything. How's everything going? Don't act like I could pot all by myself. I saw every dude that a while. What was listening to that song like this is about me.

It's about me and my girlfriend, dude. I'm an alcoholic. She's also a drunk. She helps me get drunk. It's her fault. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk.

I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a drunk. I'm a while was listening to that song. Like, this is about me. It's about me and her. It's about me and my girlfriend, dude.

I'm an alcoholic. She's also a drunk. She helps me get drunk. It's her fault. Everything's good. Shit's going well. Philly, it's been nice. It's been very nice being in Philadelphia.

He's living like Bruce Wayne, bro. I did spaz and get a ridiculous apartment. What the fuck else are you gonna do? Yeah, it was only, it's only three months. It's the only thing I would spend money on. Fucking a nice place to live and maybe just comfy things like a love sex sectional. Where you could get anywhere

and choose an unlimited amount of designs, whatever you want. And maybe sex. No, Matt. What the heck, dude? I'm kidding, dude. Don't joke, you know, you get those glasses on, you get so sexual.

Yeah, you really do look like a sexual you guys. What would you fucking burger? You're a hacker. Who's the guy? Who's the guy that just died? Who's the one? Who's that dude? This thing's like come on. Lady. Fuck, I used to come out.

I used to come out on stage that at helium. What the fuck? Come my lady. Come, come my lady. Nobody knows. He just died. Come my lady. Come, come. He died. He just died.

Damn. All right, Peter. What did his sugar baby mourn him? I think I think it was like a struggle with drugs. Really? Of the Hunter Biden persuasion crack. Yeah, he was white smoking crack white tatted up.

Yeah, it was all over. Imagine your hit coming out and you're smoking cracking his vibe and a come my lady to that song. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, I'm thinking about right now. The intro that song goes goes pretty hard that and Amber by 3Live and go pretty hard. True. Although Come My Lady is so that's such a weirdly specific

type of seduction. That's like seduction for dudes with like ball necklace. It works, dude. Do I? Your class is crooked right now. No, no, you look good. The more disheveled you, the better. Focus on these.

What the hell? I can't believe everyone's talking about my glasses. Red glasses. You look not. It's funny. But I always wanted to do a zoom where I sat right up on it with glasses as big as I could. It just makes me laugh.

How was talking to this? Dick myself. That was insane, dude. I didn't listen. Bro, it was, I mean, again, I thought it was phenomenal. The text you sent me made me think you're a believer. Dude, I think he, I mean, it all makes sense. I love to see it bunk, you know, again, it's like.

You buy a wheel? Not yet. I'm definitely gonna get one. What did you do with the wheel? I told Brittany, Brittany, what did you do with the wheel? You stretched your fucking wheel. Bro, it, it, it. Remember, I'm sorry. No, remember, remember.

First of all, it's called the male member. We don't call it penis. We don't call it dick. You call it the male member. It doesn't stretch anything. Stretching fucks you up. This thing, it kind of like catches the it's so much to explain. Did he talk to me for two hours about it?

So basically, when a woman's work, you have them. Wait, you can't see the guy. I can see. I can see. I could watch every fucking movie. I can see you guys. What's his engine? He's all he wants to say is he's no stranger to the back wall,

and he's not bragging, but he's no stranger to the back wall. He's hung. He came outside. He goes, I'm hung. He ruined his dick. He was a bodybuilder. People are claiming, too. You can't fucking break your skin with Sarah's. I'm hung. He ruined his dick. He was a bodybuilder. People are claiming to like you can't fucking break your skin with Sarah's. I don't fucking know about Sarah's.

I'm still Maddie for now. All the doctors that listen to this podcast came out. That's impossible. The so, yeah, fair enough. The epidermis could never shred like that. He couldn't be either way. He couldn't be a bodybuilder. He quit bodybuilding because it was just fucking him up. He was taking steroids at 14 years old, dude.

I don't even know what that does to you. Probably goes if I can't have, I can't be like the biggest. True. He's like, I can't be. You just switch. Yeah. Transition. Yeah, true.

He was transitioning. He had to stretch it out. Well, not stretch it. Dude. Put it on a wheel. I guess. No, it's not even a wheel, bro. I'm not.

It's circular in nature. So you're not far off. But he was like, if I can't, if I can't, you know, obviously be the biggest. I'm going to be the biggest, you know, it's like, I'm going to have a huge fucking dick. So he started doing all the exercises, started joking, joking, looking his bullshit, it turns out, startedking, stretching, been there, injecting. Dude, you saying there's dudes out there that get they get so into the silicone game where you can inject with like a you can do Botox silicone. And there's another thing he did.

He's like these dudes end up with like basketballs, dude. Oh, yeah. Back basketball. You ever seen those bodybuilders in like Turkey that have like way huge biceps, like small tiny little forearms. It's kind of a sick shortcut. Honestly. No, you can get silly. There's a beast at all.

You look insane. Look like that. Remember you said on Instagram, the adult guy, the adult guy. That's natural. Yeah, obviously. Any turn. Totally natural. I am my girlfriend.

Oh, yeah. You got to get's totally natural. I am my girlfriend. Oh, yeah You gotta get spray tan heavily when your bodybuilding But dude, he was saying these guys get these so much injection some dudes end up with fat basketball Dick, so they need us do we use a sounding rod to help them? Yeah Which is is? He he destroyed his dick he ruined his dick he couldn't get it hard anymore. He's dude, I don't even care about being big. I just want my dick to work again. That's when he started his research. I'm not going to go into like the figured out like how to increase. It's like a common thing in the medical literature, but it's basically how to

increase your vascular system with like cardio, you know, exercise, and then take like the growth factor that grows during cardio and then kind of while it's in your blood flow, manipulating your penis in the primal movement pattern of a woman who's trying to get an orgasm, which she goes like up. He sat there for hours with the clipboard and watched Pornhub and took notes of how women move.

Did he make the Squirty video? Huh? Did he make the Squirty video? Did he think those were real orgasms on Pornhub? He's gonna be bummed out. Some, I mean, if they're amateur, here's what he figured out. A woman goes up like this. She goes like, when she's coming up, she bucks forward and she's going down.

She bucks back. So he figured out you have to push blood up through your spongioso layer, which is the underbelly of your dick dick up to the glans and then down through the side dorsal veins on the side. And he figured out how to move blood. And then he said he is his dog came back and it's bigger than ever now based on the way he moves it. And he has a little thing like it's like a wheel that goes like just keep spinning blood

up and down, up and down. I'm more of a seed. The whole idea to grow your vascular system, you have to just force blood through it at a higher volumes. And it's like your muscles, but that's what makes them adapt. That's his theory. So I'm going to try one out. I'll let you guys know. I'll keep detailed logs. I'm all about SEMA X. Huh? You see the hats on porno for SEMA X.

Now, huge loads. Yes. To get massive loads. Peter Norris. Oh, that's I think that's cow I think calcium and magnesium will help you out with that What else are you doing? I don't know I would like to hear more about what you guys are doing with your dick and come Nothing. I've just been on this Trump shit. Oh dude and fapping apparently fucks you up So I'm all I'm fapping fucks up the size of your dick Why'd they tell me I was gonna go blind this should have warned me about this kill I know I fucks up the size of your dick? Yeah. It checks out. What the fuck? It checks out big time.

Why'd they tell me I was going to go blind, dude? They should have warned me about this. Kellogg's was right. I instantly, I mean, dude, it's tough, though, because I'm like, he told me this and like, you know, his explanation, it makes enough sense to me. It's like your pelvic floor is contracting, you're expending all this mental energy. So then your body, now you like, you obviously like, you have to, you have sex, you can't have sex right again because your body shuts everything down.

Because it's like, you know, that took up a lot of resources. No, I go. Well, do they say you start like in order to like, you know, I mean, we go all night, obviously. Obviously, we go. Obviously, the three of us go all night. I'm scared for like three days. I don't even like them. I'm done. Why? Three days., dudes, please leave. Get out right away.

I go like all night. I'm with you, though. I go like all night. Yeah, like 10 rounds. Get out. Come on. But he was he was saying, dude, start to like obviously start watching crazier porn to like get past that like barrier. Your brain's put up to be like, yeah, dude, like chill. And then they start doing to that step.

The tremendous they start squeezing their dicks harder over time. So you're just like choking your gizzard over time. There's like a term for it. It's like death grip, something, something. That's how a lot of people get peronies. Yeah, but either way, that's a hot button issue. I don't wanna die. I'm getting mired in controversy, dude.

That seems controversial. You go where they want. Wouldn't it add the vascular thing if you're constantly getting hard? I don't know. I thought there would be a lot of blood.

That whole thing. It ought to do. I don't know. That's one of those things where for some reason this is what his claim is. He was like it would, but you're not moving the blood. Like when you're joking, you're moving the blood through your

bodies, but you're just bursting capillaries because it's like putting something in reverse, like the blood supposed to flow in one way. When you're jelking, you're kind of putting it up the wrong way or you're putting it through the wrong chambers. It's like a three part system like goes here, goes there, comes out. He needs some help running it in reverse, running it in reverse. That's just theory. I did. It's a fair thing. At least, you know, someone else can investigate it.

I'm I look, I'm just you're not going to investigate it. You're going to do it. I'm going to definitely do it, dude. Brittany was not trying to have me do it. She was like, please don't do that. I'm like, already. What's the matter, babe? No, I was talking to Tom about my brother about this.

He's like, babes will do that. They're always like if they're going to get breast implants, like, baby, don't do that. Big ones hurt. That's what they'll say. That's the worst here. Yeah. What? I'm about to bring the pain. That's what I've been up to, bro.

That and I've been starting a series on autobiographies where I'm just reading autobiographies and Cliff notes and I'm hopefully building up to like a bigger answering some bigger questions about how to life well live but that's it dude that's me in a nutshell right now. Just trying to get your dick bigger. Mind bigger. Read autobiographies. Yeah exactly and I'm obviously obviously trying to stay in a quantum state at all times. I've been reading about that too. What's what the fuck is that? Full human optimization. That's what the fuck is that full human optimization? That's what I'm talking about, dude, not collapsing in a particle reality,

just staying quantum as much as I can. By jerk, not jerking it and get your dick bigger. There's the universe is infinite possibilities. If I say the quantum state, my dick could get bigger from a thing I got on the internet. So I need to go into science to try to get a bigger dick. To lose yourself in the literature. Dude, he for real, he said he was like, he had to stop going to college for a while. Something happened where he just like had to go back to school.

He must have been jacked in college. Dude, he was 5'9", 276. How old was this man? Now he must be in his thirties. He's got a couple of kids. I think he's in his like mid thirties, but dude, he went to college for sociology. You went to college for sociology just so we get access to literature. So he just went to school, just the library bullshit.

No, they can't get peer reviewed literature. It's super expensive. Oh yeah. It's all paywall. They do a lot of that. So dude, it's so we want to get like current day studies, like $300 per it's, it's kind of. So about as much as a semester of college. Yeah. You could just pay the paywall. If you want it, if you want like study, study, study, you can print out as many as you want. You guys didn't go to graduate school. You guys have no idea.

Sounds gay as shit. That was so dumb. Yeah, right, dude. I could become a doctor like that if I wanted to. I can become a doctor of nonsense like Dr. Robotnik. You look like a song to hedgehog. I got to fight a cartoon right now. They keep getting crooked on you, too. You look like you just do.

That's how you know you hit the boss. There's a boy who is a glass His glasses get fucking off to kill too. Yeah, anytime that gets a counterpoint, his glasses tilt. If you're like, yeah, 300 bucks, dude, fuck that. I'm going to college. Dude, I won't let you guys diminish me, dude. We're not diminishing you. We're letting you.

Turns out you get a premium subscription to Pub Web and read it all. Dude, you guys are just mirroring my weaknesses for me right now. I thank you for that. I'm just trying to support you 100%. A predicates huge, honestly. Of course, dude, you couldn't do anything but. If your dick gets big, that would be awesome. It'll be great sweat.

If your dick gets big, I'm coming for notes, dude. I need to figure this out. That's what he said. Everyone does. Everyone talks shit. Yeah, he goes whenever he tells people what he said. Everyone does everyone. Talk shit. Yeah. He goes, whenever he tells people what he does, they clown him as hard as they can. And then he goes at the end of the night, they get, they take me saying, yo bro, what were you talking about? I need some help.

Well, he, he's more so just like, keep your dick healthy, man. He just wants every hard work of man to be able to come home and make love to it, his wife or girlfriend. He's like, there's no reason like dudes are losing their boners left and right. And he's like, that's he that's one of the more primary applications. He's like, this will get your boner work. It's like, for real, it'll it'll just I don't know. We'll see. I'll I'll know more about it when I do it firsthand. That's another thing I'm going to be doing the blue. I wear red like glasses. Once I put my dick wheel on every night, my wife's gonna be so turned on dude You are gonna look like a fucking bad guy to be the dick wheel

You're gonna be fucking crazy. It's gonna be satanic dude if your kids walk in If your kid walks in and sees you in red glasses naked using a dick wheel It's gonna be life. I'll do it at my office. I'll do it at my office You're gonna look like an AI prop. Draw a bad guy who's naked. Who's dragging his dick bigger. Draw a horny villain. I'm gonna go for fully functional. That's all. I'm gonna go...

You're 100% on your villain arc, bro. Dude, I'd welcome it. That'd be sick. I love how you started working out for three weeks. Now I try your dick huge. For a couple weeks. Why? Body's done. They've mission accomplished. Now it's onto the cock. Well, dude, I mean, I might be off I might be completely out of the aesthetics game. Yeah, it is gay Well, dude, I was watching a video last night of this blood sent it to me of a it was like another ex I'm surrounded by the ex bodybuilders. Connie, Connie Murphy.

Yes, he sent me the Connor Murphy, Connor Murphy video. And he was saying that, like, dude, if you're if you're an aesthetically pleasing man, like ripped and shredded, obviously, he was like, and you don't have like the sense of self or self-confidence. Women will see right through that. And the only person you'll attract are gay guys.

Yeah. I was like, holy shit, he's so right. Yeah, like every bodybuilder is like 97 percent men followers. Yeah, like we're on T. He calls for you have to just have a cut. You have a confident dad. He's like, that's the only way he's like, if you get too ripped, you'll

just get approached by men. So hard to have that go to the beach one time. Devastating. But it's impossible. I told you at McCaffrey's wedding, devastating. Off to the dab on? Oh, it's impossible. I told you at McCaffrey's wedding, I just had to stand on the shore shirtless while him and his hot ass friend swam.

Just didn't run. His bro is like a professional surfer. They were out surfing. I just had to stand there on the shore. Just like, god damn. Did you got out? Yeah, we talked about that. I did got.

Oh, yeah. Until last night, I was like, I got close enough to the water. You can't fully goth. Yeah. And the water was freezing. I was like, all right, I'll get in. Where was it? It was in Rhode Island. Damn, man. It was freezing. I got in, jumped out real quick.

I ran goth out, ran back to the shore, put a shirt on. Still soaked. Just talking about your dick is constantly. Yeah. I was in gym shorts. I was like, I need I need a towel. I need some help. Oh, you're in gym shorts. You get those wet. That's the vacuum seal. That's the

full vacuum seal. That's the gender reveal party. And it was like 60 degree water. Maybe was freezing. That'd be a sick idea for gender reveal to like pop the balloon and just pull a gigantic dildo. It'd be a sick idea for gender reveal to like pop the balloon and just pull a gigantic dildo box.

I just saw this yesterday. The Madonna and her it's an old picture, but she she was leaving a sex shop with her boyfriend and paparazzi was there and they got a picture and the flash went through the bag and showed that she was buying a strap on. Isn't that very funny? The dudes behind her like smiling. Oh, god. Yeah, Spade, is he younger than her or older?

I think he was younger. It was an old boy. It was an old thing. I just had never seen it until yesterday. Spade's over in Rome right now, and he has a chest camera, a hat. He has his headset talking to me. You guys are fucking, what is going on here?

What? He's over there with a chess cam and that, Matt's in pulling his dick with red glasses on. What are you guys up to? They keep calling us baby paparazzi. Like my paparazzi, my paparazzi, come here. He's hot as shit too. He had 30,000 steps that, or yesterday.

He burned a thousand calories walking. Why does he do that every time he goes there? I don't know, he just likes walking around and getting footage. Oh, he enjoys the walk. Bit of a thousand calories walking. Why does he do that every time he goes there? I don't know. He just likes walk around getting footage. Oh, he enjoys it. He enjoys the walk. Bit of a vullier. I thought he was just lost constantly. Oh, no, no. Now he's just like rolling around, seeing shit. He was filming some dude at like 1 a.m. in the Pantheon doing push ups.

He had his girlfriend filming him. He's just sitting there screaming in Italian. Some inspirational. That's actually pretty awesome. Was he influencing? I think so. I mean, I can't understand Italian. It's actually pretty awesome. Was he influencing? I think so. I mean, I can't understand Italian. It's a beautiful language, but I can't understand it. True.

Right now we have, we have huge fish to fry, bro. Yeah. Austin wealth. Your guys fucking town. They, did you see that? No, what's that? No. Austin wealth management is like, um, I think it's Soros, Black Rock, Vanguard,

are like the biggest holders, but they shorted the Donald Trump stock the day before he got shot. Massively shorted the Donald Trump stock. He got shot. They put a put on it or whatever the fuck you call it. And then it just tanked. So they had to sell real quick. And they there I think there are same people or that same squad

as the same people who shorted Unite or like all the flights and shit before 9-11. What the fuck? What's a you, Dimeon, what do you think? I think that's fucked up. Yeah, that. What do you think about the FBI lady who was sitting there?

Which one? You see footage allegedly of an FBI, I'm just following Dom Luker breaker of narratives. I don't, yeah. What the fuck are you guys talking about? What's this? They say that no they say there was a lady who was like an FBI director who was like sitting right behind him Oh, yeah, I don't know that was like that her next dinner matchup They said some girl from the FBI was like watching it happen and shit. That was BS. I might have been BS

There's no way they're that dumb. They're fucked up. Yeah, the Trump amaniacs are coming that was That was incredible, dude. Did you see the RNC? Did you watch Hogan? Hulk Hogan gave a speech at the RNC, and it was undeniably great, dude. I was, yeah, McCusker, I've been with O'Connor this whole time. It's been so fun. Just being like, bro, you guys are down so bad.

You can't, even O'Connor. Oh, just being like, bro, you guys are down so bad. You can't be that. You know, Connor, he's yet. O'Connor has to even admit like, fuck. You know, that just came out and said Trump's a badass for doing that. Oh, really? I mean, maybe the pendulum swinging. I just want to stop spewing hateful rhetoric that promotes violence. Political violence, bro. I don't laugh about rhetoric that promotes violence. Political violence, bro.

I don't laugh about that shit at all. Political violence is extremely scary. That was a cool. And if you got, you know, don't blindside me of any political violence jokes, dude, because I walk away from this. Yeah, that tenacious deep broke up because of it. I wish they didn't. That's a dude. It's a travesty, man.

Yeah. Kyle Gass, dude, his nasty little ass came out. It was like, Kyle, it's kind of a little nasty Kyle. It's just like, don't miss next time. I was just a little, little tiny joke. It's a little edge joke. We got it. I didn't think it was that big of a fucking deal, but apparently Jack did. Yeah.

Everything all been like he should die. What's your wishing death on a man? Then death comes near him and you're like, you're a guy. Take that all back. Yeah. For what? What are your real sentiments? If you guys, if he died, they'd be happy. Just stay.

Be honest. It was worst case scenario. I mean, just skimmed his head. He stood up and put his fist up. It's like, holy shit, dude. Whatever situation room that was, that was trying to pull all that off. I was like, fuck. No way.

You hit his ear. And he did. They were in denial right up front. I called Phil that loud noises. I called Phil that night. He was fucking fired up, dude. I waited. I waited till the sun was going down. I knew Phil was going to have a couple drinks for the celebrating

the president. I was like, what do you think of that? I called him. He goes, I'll tell you what. He showed me something. That guy showed me something last night. He's a tough son of a bitch. He got up. He wanted to fight that guy. He wanted to find him. I was like, yeah, hell yeah, dude.

It's kind of incredible that he got dog piled by Secret Service and was able to walk the next day. If I was like 80, 78 years old, dude, and a bunch of dudes jump on me, I wouldn't be able to walk for three days. No shit. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. Pause. Wait, what?

You wouldn't be able to walk after the guy's piled on you? The pause. I said that not in my house. Guys and girls. To be fair, it'd be guys and girls. Do you mean very guys and girls? Yeah, there was some brave women that did you see the transcript that they'd send you that? Wait, guys and girls.

There was girls on his team. I know. But would you do guys and girls? We were talking about Trump, but I think they powered on him. And like he just like found a little pocket of air between two late agatits. He was just kind of breathing. He was fine. Did you see the transcripts? No, it was like all the dudes, like 100 tits. He was just kind of breathing. He was fine. Did you see the transcripts? No, it was like all the dudes, like 100% business. And then the one, it was like female, uh,

secret service. Yeah. The one that looks exactly like me. God damn it, dude. That was, I thought it was a little worse. I saw it first before, obviously if I see someone that looks like me, I'm like, Oh great. The shooter. It looks just my luck. They put up a thing where it was a picture of the shooter and they gave him XXX and Tash Allen's braids. Did you see that? No, he looked at the picture kind of looks like me. It's fucking bizarre.

My cousin tried to hit me with I look like the shooter. I was like, dude, I do not hold on. Try to find it. Tell me the shit. You don't think the shooter's handsome? No, not at all. I think that kid's a fucking weirdo. Does that not look like me? No, it doesn't look like a little bit.

I don't know. And the nose and eyes, bro. You fucking white dude. Yeah, I see it a little bit. A little bit. His chin throws it off, but from like head down and once you stop the chain, we kind of look like we hold none of the same fucking things, supposedly as three offshore accounts.

Really? Who set them up? Did he really contribute? Did he contribute to deep blue as well? That's so that blue act blue act blue. My bad. That's what. Yeah, he was a registered Republican, which is a move that some people might do if they want to vote for the one the Republican don't want to win. Yeah, they'll do it for the primaries, but he's an act blue supporter and the other thing that's coming out, you know the

Crowdstrike thing that just happened Yeah, crowd strike Microsoft all the fucking planes had to go down Yeah, I'm a missus flight this morning from that from that. Okay, so Does crowd strike ring about just out of my couch and farted for an extra five hours. You said that as I was farting myself. So I get surprised. It's a vibration.

Dude, hold on. I know I know I'm off topic. Oh, common crushes any beers. Why? Nonstop. For like at all time. Like this morning before he left, he had like four NAs. Is there any alcohol at all? Zero alcohol. So there's just 45 calorie cans of like just a, yeah,

just hops and then he just sits on your couch and farts. It'd be like railing. See, it's fucking wild. The farts that that guy's putting out from these NAs are. Yeah. And all those beers are just spray with glyphosate and shit. You're not even getting drunk. Like, at least if you drink beer, you get like drunk. If not, you're just like drinking glyphosate ridden fucking barley or wheat.

Is he doing this non socially? Just non socially. He literally just crushes any beers. St. Paul, he just likes him. He just likes him. I mean, yeah, that's that's crazy, though. Yeah, he drinks them the way Bill drinks seltzer's like six and it was at all times drinking, crushing them.

That's that's like methadone. Wow. I don't understand it. Did he give you a reason? No, he said he just loves him. It's literally just he loves him. Do you get high over enough? You get a little buzz. No, I don't think so. No, you don't.

It's no zero alcohol. But I'm just saying, like any other shit that I mean, I'm sure you get sick. It's like the parts were fucking crazy. You might get an A beer belly or any beer belly. Definitely. If you're drinking, yes, get a six pack. Well, that's what's the D.R.T. I don't know. Some type of it was called like athletic beer or some shit.

Oh, yeah. St. Paul's girl, sweet. I just always like which I was kind of happy because I didn't say anything. And I just saw him crush his six pack of them. And I was like, damn, this guy's drinking a six pack of IPA's this morning before a flight. I said, David, Connie's got a problem. Bro, please work with a local brewer and get some fake N.A.'s and just break him off one time. Just fucking make him one hundred fifty proof.

Have you ever tried it? I took a sip. It was disgusting. Oh, God, dude. It's like a bad beer. Yeah, they got to remove it with like some sort of chemical. It's they brought like decaf. They use like ethylene to strip the caffeine. So yeah, on like removing alcohol, it's got to be some sort of solvent that like, which

would be crazy because alcohol is probably like the same shit when you're like a little kid at a party and drink like 40 Pepsi's and just have a raging headache. Every community part is rail fucking 40 Pepsi's and just go home with like a splitting headache. Oh yeah. Either way, it's been delightful to see the O'Connor man having to accept that Trump actually is kind of cool. He's been very fun for those N.A's. He's probably drinking those N.A's to take the edge off. Dude, he was on my couch during the Hulk Hogan speech. Oh, it's beautiful. You tape his eyes open. He was like, to all the Democrats out there, I got one question for you.

What you going to do when the Trump maniacs run wild on you? Oh, no, we've won. And I was just standing above the couch where he was yelling, just like, what the fuck you going to do? I mean, dude, they're in there like NASA control center being like, all right, we're losing black guys at an astounding pace. It's a whole whole Kogan has come out officially to Trump. God fucking did he call him the Trump of Madiacs.

He had Kid Rock and Hulk Hogan and Dana White were fucked. Yeah. And Hulk Hogan ripped his shirt off. No, I'm like, yeah, and he's still jacked. Dude, I bet he's still jacked. Dude. I bet. He's still Jack. I was kind of curious. He's, I mean, he's probably on, uh, enhancements. He's probably on gender affirming care. That's why I call TRT now. My one boy's on TRT. I just asked him, how's your gender affirming care going? It's literally the same exact thing.

You're taking testosterone to feel more like a man. Yes. That is gender affirming. It's devastating. Especially if you're on testosterone, you're probably like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. I don't think you can come on. I guess you come off like how once you're on it, can't you like, well, you have to stay on it at a certain point. I think you have to stay on it. Yeah. I mean, you're not producing that shit by yourself. You need some help. Speak for yourself, brother. You see me?

No, I'm saying if you're on TestTube, I'm saying you met. Can I get a flex real quick? Are you looking jacked, dude? Yo, bro, what the fuck? God damn. That's just the can. That's just the can, dude.

No, that's crazy. Let me see that again. It's good angles. Yo, bro. That's good angle. You look so jacked, dude. What the fuck's wrong with you? Roddy, Roddy Piper.

Wait, why are you so jacked? I've taken two weeks off, so I guess my body finally got to assimilate all that hard work I did. I don't know. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Comparison is a thief of joy, and it's easy to envy other people's lives. It might look like they have it all together on their Instagram, but in reality they probably don't.

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I'll be in Virginia Capitol Hall or Tyson's Hall, whatever it is. I'll be in New York City. I'll be in a bunch of places. If you want to see me do stand up, do matmacusker.com slash dates and also go to Shane m gillis.com for all of Shane's dates as well. There's a bunch on there. A big one in Philadelphia. There I say the link and much more.

So please and look up Lamar, Sean Gardini on social media. Check those guys out. Yeah, that's it. Thank you guys. We'll get back to the show. Hopefully, Sean edits that down to it's a very quick and enjoyable advertisement. Are you on TRT? No, are you on TRT? Are you natural? That does not look natural Mac I want the bill, you know mom came at me once for being on steroids. It didn't feel good

My family came at me in college like bro. Are you taking something? I said bro. You're just wildly emotional Thank you, but I don't have help you were just wildly emotional. I The only thing I ever took was that one time I did I genuinely didn't know is that thing that did fuck with my Emotion was Matt wildly emotional when he was on his roids. Yeah Or whatever the fuck it was animal impact Animal impact dude, they banned it you can't take it or at least that an ingredient they had So yeah that that did I think fucking up a little bit for a couple of days. I was on my motherfucking period. I remember that, yeah. You became a lady, you went in your room and cried and shit.

Classic, tales all the time, I thought people were using me for weird and I got really sad. I was gonna say though, you've always been, to me, a very emotionally stable guy. I don't see you freak out. Yeah, I don't. Well, I have, my freak outs are more internal, which I've been championing them as of

late, but my freak outs are more quiet and internal. Yeah. It's like a slow, steady burn. It's like the dude behind you in that painting. Yeah, bro. That's me. Yeah. Quiet. You know, that was great. You know, that was grandmommy's bill. It was. Yeah. That's grandmommy's painting. I never met any of my grandmothers. Neither did I, bro.

Really? All we have is each other. Yeah, dude, I was fucking old. What do you think I am? I don't know. I forget. I remember Tom crying about her. I'm not putting his business out there.

Who the fuck cries when their grandma dies, bro? They were young. They were like, I was, this is one of my first memories. I was like a tiny little kid. And I remember my brother being like, I was, this is one of my first memories. I was like a tiny little kid. And I remember my brother being like, I miss grandma. I had no idea who he was talking about. Yeah. If you're a little kid, if you actually know, I never knew my grandparents like that.

That's the worst going to funerals. I mean, the minute you get in there, don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, wail hard. The next one I go to.

You should. I'm going to let it out. You ever fantasize about eulogizing somebody and then crying at the podium and everybody supporting you? No, no, definitely not. Either I were. No, I think about it, man. I don't think about everyone supporting me.

I think about how the fuck am I going to do that? I'll definitely cry. Yeah, obviously. I cry if anyone else in the room has emotion about something I'm talking about, it makes, I'll cry instantly. Yeah. If I like show, I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy again.

Three? Yeah. Dude, me and Spade watched that. The person, I was watching with someone and they started like crying and I was like, yeah, I guess it is really sad. Like, dude. If one other person cares, I'm gonna cry.

Me and Spade went, when we went to San Diego to see you guys you were performing with you Matt and everyone Me and spare waiting for a flight We went to the movie theater and Coronado and we're in like almost a front row a seat divided in between us Obviously and we watched guards the galaxy and both almost cried Matt caught me. We've talked about Guardians of Galaxy 2 on the way to Australia. I was sobbing And then Matt looked at the Australia. I was sobbing. And then Matt looked at the screen. It was a bunch of aliens and fireworks.

He's like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Dude, when Groot died like that, that fucked me up. One time. Spoiler alert, obviously. But like Groot's back. Don't worry. Yeah, Groot is back. He survived.

Dude, kids books. I'm telling you, dude, if you have kids and you read the kids books to them where it's like I have one that's where they're excited about it, that would make me cry where it's like I have one that's where they're excited about it. That would make me cry. It's like my kid. Yeah. You see, they can be just kind of like what like my there's one, my, uh, Britney's mom got us. That's like a thing for my, it's like one of those personalized kids books where they use their names and

like when you're, when you're four, I'll be six and here's what we do. And then they get all the way to the point where they're like, you know, they're finally adults in this picture. And then the next page is, they're sitting on this thing. I'm the whole time. I'm like, oh my god No, and then the next one is them sitting on the same ledge, but then like back in their toddler version, dude It's just like every night. I'm like And then I'll be gone and you'll have your own kids She's been hammering she's been hammering it that she's like why is pop so old? I'm like, oh, he's old He's gonna die soon. I'm like, why is Pop so old? I'm like, I don't know. He's old.

She's like, he's going to die soon. I'm like, I mean, yeah, relatively. Like, I don't know. She's like, you're going to die. Then I want to be by myself. I'm scared. And I'm like, bro, can we please go to bed? That's the saddest statement ever.

That would make me cry. He's been hammering me with stuff. But I've been telling her, I've also been telling you, if any creature comes in my house, I'm fucked. I have her convinced that I can choke alligators. It's absolutely pommel wolf. It's because you flex again, dude. This is some gay to chokers, bro.

That's crazy. You might be a Trump maniac. You literally look like a Trump maniac right now. Matt, who are you going to vote for? Joe Biden or Donald Trump? Trump, obviously. What the fuck, dude? I can't believe you're a fucking Nazi, bro.

I wish they wouldn't miss next time. Make America Aim Again. Bill, you're just fucking blindsided me, dude. You just blindsided me. I'm sorry. The podcast is done, dude. Make America Aim Again. Fucking fascists. I will reflect on this.

I'm going to reflect. I'm going to reflect and take time to really think about this. No, the podcast is done, dude. You made a political violence joke. The tour's over. We're going to cancel. I was buying tickets to that time to really like think. No podcast is done. Did you made a political violence show? Tours over. We're gonna cancel. I was buying tickets that he was there doing. They were doing it.

My niece asked me to go see it. They're doing a Penn State show. Your loss, Jack Black. I love tenacity. That's the greatest move. I don't care if they say gay shit. Exactly. Who cares?

Neil Young still rules. Yeah, dude. I am. And he's as corny as it gets. Oh, he's so good. He's severely disappointed me in many ways. I just played his music the other day. I've been in Bill's ass.

You also, it's one of those things too, where you just have to understand. I've run Bill's ass home. Bill's not gay for real though. Not at all. I wonder if people from my high school think I'm gay. Because everything I post on anything is just like gay Bill, gay Bill, gay Bill. And even if you were, who cares?

It is fine, but either you're not, but we wouldn't care at all. Even if I was and you do see me out and about walking two tiny Pomeranians, they're my girlfriends. It's alpha. Yo, Matt, Reggie and Stevieians, they're my girlfriends. It's alpha. Yo, Matt. Reggie and Stevie are here. Oh my God. Just got to meet Reggie and Stevie. Wait, you just got them right now?

Just got them. Yeah, five o'clock. Sorry to say you just got your dogs like that, because that was, I'm definitely gay. You just got your dogs? Are all of them got scabs? No, no, no, no. I mean, we might be like gladiator gay.

I would say that, dude, especially now you're fucking jacked. I haven't seen you in so long. How did you get this jacked? I've just been fucking. That's wild. Are you the strongest McCusker now? Yeah, you're going to start another McCusker backyard. Rattlesnatch, dude.

Please don't do this. Wait, do you actually kind of based on that flex, you actually might be the strongest McCusker. Billy still Billy can still lift more than me you actually might be the strongest McCusker Billy still Billy can still lift more than me Billy's significantly the strongest McCusker Aesthetics I might have the market corner in aesthetics You're definitely the most handsome Being jacked yeah

But I'm getting out of the aesthetic game right now. Now I'm just getting in. It's pure. It's just such a Jack, like not vascular. No veins to just an old wrestler. You literally are salt man, dude. Like Brett, the hitman heart right now. Yeah, it's crazy. There's not one vein just jacked. Yeah, we're so I'm not best. Oh, hold on, man.

I mean, I could probably get some vasculation going there. That's that was one thing to do to say the penis guy that cracked me up. He's like, bro, my arms are like fucking the road map. And I was like, let's go. Fuck. I wish I could ever do that. Yeah, I'm retaining water. My salt intake's high, but I'm retaining water. I'm actually pretty like a lot of times when I get like blood work on the nurses

like, damn, like you have a great you have great you ever hear that? And they're like, you have great veins. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they like, you know, my vascularity. I wouldn't really come out pretty popular in the doctor's office. You're not bragging. I haven't been I haven't been to the doctor, dude. I haven't gone in forever. Neither do I. Just let shit be fucked up.

And if it goes away in three months, I stop worrying about it. And if it doesn't, I stop thinking about it. Sure. True that. I've got deeds. He's doing it. So dark. I can barely see the dude. I just said my fucking you know, I just said one of my motherfucking hitters out there,

dude. The fucking room at night. I painted the ceiling and the walls, everything Navy blue. So when you're watching TV and stuff, it just becomes a fucking void. That's what's up. Just something I was going for. You know, it's cool. I like that. You're you're you are an interior design beast. You are an interior designer. Thanks.

Why is it so why are you smiling? I'm just proud of you. I'm happy that you love decorating. Me and Shane, we put the Xbox up. Come on, dude. No, dude, that's the put the Xbox up. Come on, dude. No, dude, that's the new that's the new alpha wave, dude, getting into like interior design like now, babe, I'm going to pick the curtains fall back. These are cool curtains, aren't they?

They're nice. They are very cool. Very wins. You're very good at this. Thank you. You're aesthetic. You have like a very Turkish aesthetic, which is I like it. I have Moroccan lights hanging up. I got to finish the other two. I got them from like cash. You know, we're what point you know, we're one percent Middle Eastern, bro.

Are we? Yeah, man. I got my 23 and me were point is one percent. Yeah, right. Is really see that do their Twitter is insane. They just tweeted the Houthis found out. It was like a picture of a fighter jet and on fire city. It's like, dude, relax. Wait, what if you go in Israel's Twitter? Like one of the things is like the Houthis just found out and

they just like carpet bombed the Houthis. It's just like a bunch of buildings on fire. So this is a fucking weird Israel gets on Twitter and talk shit. That's crazy that you hit him with one fucking out. She and like, oh my God, please stop. Where's it ever happen? Who runs your Twitter? You hit him with one fucking out. You're like, Oh, my God, please stop. It's the worst thing that's ever happened. Who runs your Twitter?

I don't know. That's it's like some like chicks or some shit. Biden's Twitter is going crazy. I'm not. Dude, why are they doing that? Let him go. You see his I'm sick tweet. Yes. Of blah, blah, blah.

What a fucking crazy move. He's demented, dude. I thought he was really coming to grips with like I thought he was like, blah, blah. What a fucking crazy move. He's demented, dude. I thought he was really coming to grips with like I thought he was like, which, you know, I guess that was their whole play. But it's like going to use accusations of dementia to be like, check out my fucking please give me more money. It's like, dude, what? Yeah, they he like did a whole like review of Trump's thing.

And it's just, yeah, obviously obviously a 25 year old girl tweeting folks. Yeah, come on. Listen, Marky up there. I mean, I wish him the best of luck. If he really sees this thing through man, that's going to be nuts, dude. Like I think I think I don't think I'm like fucking extreme. But like if Biden got shot, I wouldn't be like good. Fuck that asshole fucking loser.

No, terrible. I felt bad watching the debate. It's like, dude, this is fucked up. This guy's fucked in the head and then fucking Trump get shot and all the they then start freaking out. Yeah, well, they had to do that thing. First of all, it's like they're the ones now being gun. Not politically. Never the thing. Oh, you don't have to.

It's just funny because like they in order to they have to either show Trump's sympathy or become conspiracy theorists, which they like disavow. It's called blue. I mean, are you familiar? I've heard of blue. Not yet. Political karma. Do you just mean they were using so many tools and it's just funny to watch them trap by their own tools. It is making me laugh. It happens every fucking time.

Covid my body, my choice. Roe v. Wade. Someone is setting them up for just logic owns on themselves constantly. That's the thing. You know, you know, Libs, Libs are going to get owned, but they own themselves, bro. Well, I mean, they're denying a shooting, which is a no, no. You can't do that.

Like, it was obviously staged. I do. I for real, I like entertain the thought myself. I just kept thinking about it. I'm like, dude, I don't know how you pull that off because they're going to Freedom of Information Act. The Dems are going to they want it to be fake, so they're going to have to try to prove it was fake. You're going to have to go Russia, Russia, Russia all over again.

Did you see the fucking one guy's email to the founder of LinkedIn? His political, political advisor is just telling me about this. I was telling you. Yeah. What is it? the fucking one guy's email to the the so the founder of LinkedIn, his political political advisor is just telling me about this. I was telling you, yeah. What is it? His top political advisor was just like at nighttime messaging journalists like guys, we have to ask the question like this is a I know it's terrible to think about, but this is a common play with Putin did it and whatever he said to third 1999 or whatever.

I don't know. 2004 Putin did it. This is like Hamas does false flags. It's not without. We got to see if this could be a Trump false flag basically being like he's in leagues with Putin and Hamas. It's just a mass and Trump, Trump, Putin, Hamas. They're the only guys that are doing false flag. Dude, that's the thing.

That's the thing. It's like, dude, if you're going to call false flags. dude, that's the thing. That's the thing. It's like, dude, you're going to call false flags. Yeah, I mean, Bill, Bill, I hear you. If you want to keep YouTube on his monetization, I don't know if it's still like this, but you have to say FF. During when he was hot, they would say FF. So they didn't get demonetized. He did. He like put email at one of those one of his journalist buddies

leaked the email obviously was like, you know, this guy's wild. And then he had to come out and be like, I wasn't approved by my team. I deeply apologize. It's like, dude, you're getting wild. Just get fucking wild. Do your job, dude. The best is people are getting harassed. There's people who like work at Lowe's and Home Depot and they'll be on Facebook.

Like, I wish they would have shot Trump and like guys are going to Home Depot and filming like 56 year old ladies. So you want the president? No, you think that's cool. You think political violence is cool? Like I'm at my job, sir. Oh, we fuck. Yeah, it's really sad.

The state of affairs is truly sad. You must not watch the RNC, bro. Yeah, you watch that. You go. That's cool. We're back. No, that's not rolling up the lows to like attack a 50 year old lady and be like, so it again, bitch. Say it again. Yeah, you watch that you go. That's cool. We're back No, that's not rolling up to the lows to like attack a 50 year old lady be like say it again, bitch Say it again. Yeah, of course talking about DJ T to my fucking face. Yeah, that's my president. Yeah the the the thing that's really weird though with the crowd strike tanking is They were in charge of the servers from the DNC. Do you remember that? That's the guy act by Russia.

So crowd strikers, the people who had the servers that Trump was trying to get to which he alluded to in the perfect phone call to Vladimir or Zelensky. Do you remember the perfect phone call? No, what's the perfect phone call the thing that he got in trouble for and there was the Russia investigation because he called Ukraine was like, I want to know what the fuck's going on.

Yeah, it's the perfect phone call. Why do you call? He didn't say anything. It was a perfect phone call, according to Trump. But CrowdStrike's fucking weird shit because they were denying FBI access to the fucking servers. So like the FBI was trying to get in the servers and CrowdStrike was like, no. And you know what the company where CrowdStrike's from the Ukraine.

Well, well, this crowd, I mean, Trump gets shot. They miss. They short his stock. And then a few days later, all their shit goes down. And CrowdStrike is one of the people that were out to get Trump in the 2016 election and then helps the old. Oh, their servers are down now. I see what you're saying. Well, CrowdStrike is a fucking company that like runs all the shit. So like they got a fucking allegedly it was like someone did some update that fucked up. But I don't know, dude. Just deleting some.

I think it was probably hired the guy who was watching Epstein in his cell and he had a new job. He's like, God damn it. I fucked up. I thought I was supposed to update. Oh, I can't get this right, dude. I keep missing my big opportunities. Oh, I can't get this right dude. I keep missing like big opportunities Yeah, it's just real weird cuz all that shit's tied into like the Austin wealth management company That's shorted Trump stock and fucking crowd strikes wild it like I heard that name I completely forgot but it's back in like 2016 pizza gate error fucking Russian collusion all has to do with crowd strike and their bad actors, bro Yeah, they got a chill in Russia, dude

You'll hear about you'll hear about in five, like the stolen election and the fake vaccines. I heard that. I heard that. Next year's news today. I watched your boy Jones on Tim Dillon. Oh, it was great. That was wild. My boy, he's swinging vodka.

He's on vacation. Is he chugging vodka in there? Tito's. Yeah. Yeah, little Uncle Tito's in the morning. Ripping cigs, chugging vodka. He's on vacation. Is he chugging vodka in that Tito's? Yeah. Yeah. Well, Uncle Tito's in the morning ripping cigs, chugging, chugging vodka. He's on vacation, bro. He's just hanging. Why do you cover the

screen to chug the vodka? What he blurt near he put his hand over the lens and then chug vodka. Maybe because he didn't want to see people watch him swig vodka. Then he would like put the bottle down and go, Oh, I was puked like 10 times. He like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, and rip six yesterday. How many six do you smoke, bro? I smoke two six yesterday in probably one of the best days of my life.

Oh, what happened to the company I do work for, Tara Firma? They had their golf outing at the Squires Club up in Ambler, P.A. And do I mean, what a fucking it is dudes only chicks aren't allowed there. There's no chicks working there. There's nothing. It's just only dudes, a clubhouse and a golf thing. So we went you had dudes only. Yeah it was dudes only that's in my life You get dog pot They pile on you at the clubhouse So you go there you eat lunch. He did have a little limp

I watch it when he was playing with his pomeranian Have a fucked up foot dude, Jesus Christ. What happened your foot? I fucked it up a while ago And it was a bone bruise. Worse than a break, some say. Dude, sometimes those things, you can get a, you'll get those calcified over. It'll be like a sore spot. I had a sore spot in my arm for like five years, dude.

I get hurt. Yeah, that fucking hurts. If you get a contusion, you can calcify over the contusion. You get like a bruise trapped under a bone. It's really weird. I have one of those on my ankle. Do you really? Gigantic. Yeah. Yeah. But we fucking. Foosball?

Well, no, I don't know what it was from. Yeah. I mean, it was when I was playing football. Yeah. I got an MRI for my knee and they're like, you have a tumor on your leg. Damn. Like, actually, it's just just blood under a bane. Yeah. Anyway, that's good stuff. We played. So we all have that. We played golf and then afterwards he had a three pound lobster and filet and shit. It was fucking awesome.

And then I went home. What did you shoot? Oh, horribly. It was best ball for some balls. And then the cat the cat, he informed me that my clubs are too short. You did not have the best balls at the guys trip. We use a few of my shots. It's my sixth time playing. So, I mean, really, I need some help.

What are you? Are you more? Driver putter. Oh, dude, I'm horrible at driving like so hard. So bad. It makes me want to fucking quit, but I'm nasty with the chip. That's dude. That's crazy. That's my that's my strength as well.

I think it's a lot of people's strength because they driving so hard. It's fucking impossible. Possible. Yeah, I think the experts say you're supposed to hit the ball as hard as you possibly can and just break your teeth. Yeah, yeah. You're supposed to take a little hop step. You go, you go, hey, everyone, watch Happy Gilmore. Yeah, we miss it.

Everything's very counterintuitive. But they were awfully pumped up about Shane and his kill Tony appearance. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. Things going brazy. Yeah, it is. Antonio Brown. That's all that matters.

Yeah. Antonio Brown gave you cracker of the day. And the other one, I was all I was double awarded black guy of the day. Yeah. You are the inin-yang, bro. Oh I just opened my Twitter and he said he called somebody the faggot of the month Got it CT. Yes. I don't know some guy named Frankie Priel. He said he commented underneath him. No one likes you He said faggot of the month

He's unstoppable he is unstoppable that video of him in fucking Dubai's insane we defended him What do you mean the Dubai video? What about she was laughing? They were having fun. They were having fun He took his penis out. It's a funny prank to play amongst friends Yeah, I didn't think it was yeah, he didn't like I don't don't know. Whatever something that up did mean a be your boys did always ball. Let's not bring that up. I judge a man by his darkest moment. Did you see his dick in the video? I locked this monsters that thing.

He flopped it out of the water. He's been using the server. The wheel. Yeah, he's been using the wheel. He's got the wheel. Yeah, he's been using the wheel. He's got the wheel big time. I made a vow to myself when I get out of the pool now, I don't adjust my bathing suit. I mean, that's like release tension now. I'm like, no, just this is what it is.

Yeah, just like a fucking everyone. Everyone is having a confident sexy dad. But it's like you've got to show the tiniest at all times as well. Yeah, I mean, the only people who do that are you and like seventh graders who are unaware that they can see their fully adult size penis and somehow got put on their body. It was the same size. I've been in like, yeah, it hasn't changed.

I look like a real beast in sixth grade. Yeah. Tom never let Tom never let that go. And you can play him in the three fingers wide, seven inches and seven three. Three fingers. I never said three fingers. Is Tom a Belgian? He might be a Belgian. I think he was. You said three fingers wide. So I just no, no, no. They call me sad.

We used to call him. We used to call him. They think he claims seven inches. No, it was insane. It was like a fucking. He used to know. No, no, not stealing big value whatsoever. It's just an insane story because we all slept in a row in our beds. Like so it was each bed. They just like asked me of something like chicktoss.

And I was like, yeah, she saw my dick. Like, oh, they're like, how do you know how big your dick is? And I was like, I thought it'd be weird to say I measured it. So I was like, oh, well, she had her cell phone next to it. And then I measured the cell phone and the cell phone is like seven inches. It was bigger than that. And then they just thought you'd be right cell phone is like seven inches. It was bigger than that. And then they just fucking rail. Yeah. What kind of bonus you have?

I was fucking crazy. An iPad. Yeah, it was. I was like, dude, it was like 2001. I was literally in eighth grade. They were just hammering me about the size of my penis before I was going to sleep. That sucks. Dick, dude.

It's complete psychological warfare. Every night. This is fucking retard brothers. Before you go to bed, just be like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh in the writer's room for tires. And when I'm there, I put Gerbys in the blender every day. I mean, I'm just, I got to chill. Well, we got him and DeRosa in the writer's room. So DeRosa is usually getting the brunt of it.

But every once in a while, I'll get Gerbys. I got Gerbys so bad this week. So when I threw that first pitch in the Phillies game, when I got back to our seats, the first thing Gerbys said to me, everyone else was like, great job. That was awesome. Gerby's was like, well, you got it there. And I was like, you fucking piece of shit, dude. You could never do that. And he was like, yes, I could. I could do that. I throw all the time.

How'd you get him in the blender? Well, I've been bringing that up constantly. I've been like, dude, that was actually like fucked up. You said that it was a good pitch. That was the, you can't throw it hard. You couldn't do it. And he's like, I know I couldn't do it. I was just joking around. I was like, you weren't joking. You were serious. And he's like, no, I wasn't. And then he'll occasionally be like, but I could, you know. So then I've been, uh, I've been talking to our agent, Matthew, and I've been talking to our agent Matthew and I've been trying to set up Gerben to throw an opening pitch. Please. And I think I might actually get it.

And I told him about it and he had a panic attack. And he was like, I'm fucking sorry, I didn't mean it. I was like, well, don't worry, now you know. And I keep hitting him with the fucking, we don't want war, we've seen war. But if you want war with me, I'm going to do it. What bees are bees are bees are got in my head. And as well, Beezer was being serious.

That wasn't even a fucking sigh. He's just hit him with a strap. Dude, you're actually mean. He was like, you're mean now. What the fuck? Bees my bad. Immediately got in his head. Yeah, of course.

He said I was mean. It's impossible not to stop fucking with someone though. I do it all the time. I wasn't even fucking with bees. He said I was mean. It's impossible not to stop fucking with someone though. I do it all the time I wasn't even fucking with bees. I Know that was funny the if he if bees held on to that Psy up it would get me Hit me with the fucking you've changed while we were out That's a nice one. He hit you with your own dude. Hit me with an absolute fuck. He was being genuine though.

Oh man. Well, he was shitfaced and I had to come to terms with that. He was just mad because I was like, get the fuck up. He sat in the seat and yeah, whatever. Bees rate. That's he just couldn't hear me. Well, he ate one bite of a chicken wing. It was out all night.

Bees rate. It's like a rat that gets caught eating. It's like a chicken wing and a half. And that's it. It was a corner of a sandwich. Carolina Reaper wing last night, dude. Where did me up? Fucked me up. Yeah, we just went out and got barbecue.

And I was like, yeah, I'll try your hottest one. And why did it? That's fun. You're on TRT, bro. That's your definitely on TRT. Matt, Matt, you're obviously on TRT. That's TRT. You're too jacked. Your hottest one. I want to feel pain. You're too jacked, honestly.

Don't flex your fucking traps with us like that ever again. I saw exactly you're not even flexing. You're just on TRT. Hold on. Let me put my shoulder up. Make a little chasm. Nice striation. And not even trying, dude.

I do it as a form of worship, man. It's all it is. Worship to get for Christ. OK, and Jack for Christ. Were you out when you ate the Carolina Reaper pepper? Yeah, man, I was out. I started like I had like sweat coming down my neck. I got it kind of like gets you a little bit fucked up.

Yeah, I got like a little loopy. It's a poison. Dude, speaking of sweat, I did that fucking show at helium. Bro, they need to fix that fucking AC. I guess I was on last. I got on stage and I was one minute into my set soaked. I went to like move my hair out of my fucking. I went to move my hair. It was just I parted my hair with sweat.

That slick hair. yeah what's up bro drop in the eight drop in the yeah let's get to me see HVAC system on that roof the mini splits are not made for that yeah they threw in five four or five mini splits rather than just switching the goddamn nothing Nothing causes a bomb more than being drenched. It's the worst. Yeah, nobody had those fucking Black Lady fans that fanned them off. They did, I mean you could see the crowd doing it with like food menus.

Menu? And I was like, oh damn, this is never gonna work. It's where you cut your teeth, bro. It is. It's literally them showing you they're not enjoying themselves as they're trying to do stand up. Yeah, I was like, I was dripping sweat with sweat more, which sucks.

Yeah. And I was like, is it hot as fuck in here? And the whole crowd was like, yes, this sucks. I was like, all right, let's hurry this up then. I get worried about the crowd being tired at late shows. I'm like, they're so tired. They're not. So they're not tired. It's the only way they're tired is if it's hot. tired, dude. They're not. They're so tired. They're not tired. It's the only way they're tired is if it's hot. Yeah, true.

That's true. I did a Thursday night late show. I was like, this is kind of greedy. Towards the end of it, I was like, I didn't have to do this. Poor guys. It's hot. Thursday late? Yeah.

Thursday late's a greedy little thing. That's a sleepy group. Exactly. Don't worry. Even if you spill that on the couch, you can take off each individual. It's empty. But I'm just saying, even if you did, you could take off each individual cover

and wash it if you wanted to. What's the couch called? A love sack? Love sacks, actually. It's awesome. It's suck cock putting together. It was the same thing over and over. How to carry all the fucking pieces.

Each piece comes in a different fucking box. By yourself? Yes. There weren't any guys with you? No. Why?