Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 505 - Pepsi Country (feat. Billy & Spud)

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Billy and Spud @ https://www.patreon.com/warmode Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ m...ssecretpodcast.com/merch Go See Optimum Noctis at The Creek and The Cave in ATX Tues August 6 @ https://www.creekandcave.com/events/optimum-noctisvb6dfszg51bdq3z3wnu4ptljon3i TGIF!!! Hello everyone. We have a zoom cast for you guys. All the D.A.W.G.Z. are here. Even Bill's fur babies Reg and Stevie. Sorry for the delay. Spud's fresh off a long journey. Matt's in California. Just trust me when I tell you - it's a hot cast. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. Have a great weekend. Download the iBotta app on Google Play or in the App Store and use code DRENCHED for a free $5 Visit https://www.manscaped.com/ and use code DRENCHED for 20% off and Free Shipping This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We start, we're in, we're live. And we're live. Dude, what a fucking vibe. No, no, no. Well, it's not live stream, but we're live. We're currently talking in real time. We're up right now, bro. We're live.
Starting point is 00:00:11 You're out California way. I'm out San Jose way right now. That's nice. Is that south or north? That's like north. It's a technically Bay Area, but it's, I don't know. San Jose, I don't want to shit on it right before I come to do stand-up here but it's a nose a kind of sucks really shitty
Starting point is 00:00:34 place is a fucking shithole doll stop stop stop the problem is it to your high-rose shit oh yeah Don't go there. True. GBA, GBA for sure. God bless America. Yeah. No, San Jose is fine enough. It's just like, there's nobody, there's like barely anybody outside. It's creepy.
Starting point is 00:00:53 I mean, this is my second time here. Last time I was here on the Super Bowl, it was just me and homeless people walking around. Now there's a couple people, but like, dude, it's like ghost town around. It's like kind of eerie. It's Gavin Newsom's California. True that. So what happened when Libs take over? But like dude, it's a ghost town around. It's a kind of eerie. It's Gavin Newsom's, California True that so happen when libs take over Dude people are buying the Kamala stuff. I think people are uh, I think I've never seen before in my life, Matt The speed of this it's fucking nuts
Starting point is 00:01:18 Dude, they ran a guy they ran a senile guy and they got caught eventually They're like, all right, we have to come to terms with this and they just toss in fucking Kamala's ass It's crazy. She she's an alien so good, huh? She's an Indian. I look though. I don't care what race she is All right, I really don't yeah, I did I saw trumpet at the black your address. She's obviously she's both, huh? She's black and Indian. Yeah, but She's both. Huh? She's black and Indian. Yeah, but Spade looked into it more, bro.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Yeah, I think it's a trick like Trump, her dad is a Marxist economist. So now you're looking at her dad. You know what I mean? So it's like an L for her. Wait, her dad's a Marxist economist? Yeah. So he's like, what's his form?
Starting point is 00:02:00 Stanford. Trump's playing on another level, bro. He's got on fire right now. He's above us looking down on the board. I mean the problem is he did come down hard and he was like she ain't black He basically by he took Biden's weapon and utilized it against us that shame. I have angels wings right now Picture of Jesus guiding his hand at the desk is has become reality at the desk. He's become reality. That was a real painting. I thought that was fake. What do you mean? There's a picture of him signing something and Jesus is like guiding his hand. Yeah, that was an act of God. I've come to the full conclusion that that was an act of God.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Look, someone tried to take his ass out. I was listening to Sean Ryan and Eric Prince talk, like the Blackwater dude. He's like, I don't, I know all the snipers and I would not trust a single one to take that shot and clip my ear So all the blue anons that are like dude, it was it was fall It was fake they like just hit his ear on purpose. Like that's fucking crazy. Obviously, that's not real They probably plans in the works for him being dead, but he's still alive. It's fucking up their whole shit Now they're trying to say like they're trying to create the assassin, but Trump's supposed to be gone. Like when they killed Bobby Kennedy, they like slowly rolled out who Syrian Syrian was.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Yeah. Who's Syrian Syrian again? Oh, he's a Palestinian Christian. He's the guy who shot Bobby. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:23 I mean, what do you say? What do you guys think about the drone and all that stuff? There's a drone circling it and like, it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean What do you say? What do you guys think about the drone and all that stuff? There's a drone circle in it and like it's great guys They're going to fucking rangefinder and had a drone and then a ladder and he was running around on the roof They were following him. Yeah Do it every time this happens the FBI just says that guy was on our radar Yeah, you know what else you know what else fucked up Matt those Penn State cops were there They were they doing that. I don't know but else? Fucked up math is Penn State cops were there.
Starting point is 00:03:46 They were they doing that. I don't know, but they fucked up on Joe. Joe Parnu, bro. I was going to say they should. They should just be in the locker rooms, dude, forever. They should just stay in the showers. It's been pretty worrying. I didn't know. Yeah, dude, he's Trump.
Starting point is 00:04:00 That he's back, dude. It's. I don't know, man. I mean, I don't know. You watch the male and she black man. I mean, I don't know if Kamala is the black journalists. I watched a little, I caught a little bit of it, man. When that lady was being, when the lady was being nasty to him. He's like, you're nasty. You're 35 minutes late because you can get yourself to work.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Dude, if you watch that, he's kind of killing when he's there. Like people are laughing. Cracking up. Yeah. Yeah, dude. He kind of happened to for black people,. Yeah. Yeah, dude. He kind of to happen to for black people Presidentialize since Abe Lincoln, bro, and I love how they challenge that to me What about Lyndon Johnson? I heard someone like what about Lyndon Johnson?
Starting point is 00:04:35 It's like dude. You can't try to play these games with them. They actually Lyndon Johnson was pretty cool hilarious thing, too They try to come at him with like yo, don't you think Vance is fucking weird? He goes it doesn't matter who the vice president is it never matters He dog pants till but she's a vice president it's a fucking slam-dunk oh fuck that is a 40 slam-dunk How come Vance is getting hit with the weird? He went to fucking pride parades and shit. He's a weirdo No, they're doing all because he went to pride. No,'s not. It's the exact. They say he fucks furniture. I heard he fucked furniture. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Everyone gets curious. He was born. Who among us? Hasn't fallen to count. Yeah. Do you think the pillar's counter in their bed? Well, between couch cushions, that's the juicy tight.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I mean, apparently you put a latex. Seats on it. Dude, couch. I mean apparently he put a latex glove on. Juicy tight? Dude, home couch cushions? That's a juicy tight. He must have a fucking wad on you bro. I'm just saying dude. Matt, you ever hit them between the cushions? Matt, what are you hitting in that hotel room dude?
Starting point is 00:05:38 I've blasted, I've just blasted it, I've just blasted it. I've never. No, I'm just saying, if you ever try to fight, you never try to find like change in the couch and thought like, bro, this is this is a juicy time. This couch, this couch
Starting point is 00:05:52 can have my money, bro. This couch can have it. Yeah, I'm more of a morning waking up and just fucking sit on my stomach and hump in the bed until I wake up. Like my buttocks huge.
Starting point is 00:06:02 And I'm an idiot. I'm just like, what do you wake up? You got a pea boner? Yeah, I didn't think couldn't get bigger if it tried Must be 15 inches pea boners disastrous for morning sex I actually just have to pee we gotta stop the whole time. I have never been harder. I have to pee so bad It's got a pain hitter with the ulti load Color of your energy
Starting point is 00:06:49 Your sleepy Joe was in Austin fuck him He shut down he shut down the whole city I was like trying to get home and I couldn't for 45 minutes because they for some reason all I ever said Yeah, the dead one of the alive one the six foot Six foot six Dude they shut down the whole city Yeah fucking boxing match with the tree or she's not trans with the what is that? She's literally not trans Supposedly, she's a woman forever. She just had something where like her tea levels were real high Tea levels beat the fuck out of that shit's illegal to be trans in Albania allegedly They said that is a chick who just like fucking had a lot of tina growing up.
Starting point is 00:07:28 All right. Apologies. Sorry. I even brought it up. So is it when a personal privilege you grew up right? Wait, so that that wasn't a dude. Everyone's calling that person a dude. I don't know. I think it's literally just something to make people feel why are they doing this with the Olympics? It's outrageous and crazy. You know that Olympics fucking opening was fucked up I don't care what you say shit was fucked up. It was against God. Yeah. Yeah, what was that? What was that all about?
Starting point is 00:07:53 They're trying to flip-flop it dude is Satanism. Yeah, it's the version of what's right, you know, they're worried though They're worried about the enhanced games. I can't you see that But I saw that do on rogue and that dude was fucking zesty too. Yeah, they'll set a guy's ball was hanging out on the fucking Olympics. Yeah, not allegedly. It's real. So there's a picture. It was like right next to a kid. How's that weird? It's like it just is like that's weird. Like somehow JD Vance is weird because he drinks diet Mountain Dew,
Starting point is 00:08:20 but some dudes nuts like bought into their Psyopro. What they got your ass. They got the blender. They got you, bro Obviously, it's weird. Just don't fucking talk about it. I know but time on do No It is funny to be worried about your sugar intake but still need to do the do like I got to do the do and some Really white trash it is I think we would get that. My mom has diabetes. Really? Yeah. My mom, Scott Malkinson, she is not.
Starting point is 00:08:51 We always had bullshit diet. So I just never drank. So I would never drink soda ever. Dude, DC is nasty. People have like legitimate addictions to that. Die, Dr. Pepper, though. Your mom is good. It's not bad. DDP, DDP. Die, Dr. Pepper. Yeah. After a party, do we have like a we had a refrigerator I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:09:05 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:09:13 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:09:21 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm that shit. They had vanilla Hershey park. I was going nuts on Pepsi. Went on the dumb shit and had blue Pepsi. That shit tastes Pepsi. Kona was the shit. Yeah. And clear. Remember crystal clear Pepsi. Yeah. My mind. Well, I was thrilled. What are they Pepsi or Coke over there? They're Pepsi. Everything is the opposite. Everything. It's all powerade and Pepsi power. Powerade's good as shit over there.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Burger King. Yeah, they got Burger King. Yeah, they love Burger Kings. Yeah. That's a bad sign for a country. They don't have McDonald's Coke and Gatorade. Really? It's rare. Interesting. Dude, Pepsi country is for real. It's a sign you have like you're in a bad country. For real?
Starting point is 00:09:56 No, I'm dead serious. I mean, I believe that. I might have a Pepsi neighborhood. The history of Pepsi's Pepsi's like a traitorous company. They would sell Pepsi to our enemies when we're at like World War. Holy shit. Yeah, Pepsi tried to like take out Coke during. They would sell Pepsi to our enemies when we were like World War. Holy shit. Yeah. Pepsi tried to like take out Coke during the World Wars because obviously Coke was like there on the front line supporting the soldiers.
Starting point is 00:10:11 That's why that's how we have the international Coca-Cola like factories. They built factories so they could supply the troops. It's like during World War II. Pepsi guy. Dead Pepsi was over and like the Soviets are drinking Pepsi. Everyone was like, I mean, I'm kind of a pet. I thought the Soviets were like, what do you say? You're always favorite. I always favorite Pepsi. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Pepsi's going to do the Germans have coke. I don't know. Did not have Coca-Cola. I think there's some in that Pepsi. They were Pepsi boys. Yeah. Well, crazy guy. Yeah. A little pep. There was another shit called.
Starting point is 00:10:42 What the hell is it? Something sport. It was like a car. All sports. All sport. All sport, bro. Went hard. So good. I made. I made wait for like the 90 A's football team at BYC and then immediately crushing all sport. Post game. Pixie stick.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Just gave you a fucking cramp. Oh, yeah. Pixie's like that. All my drool again. I'll just pile it in and I couldn't get any out. I'd have to break it with my teeth. Fucking insane. They gave us. You ever snort pixie sticks? No, no, dude.
Starting point is 00:11:13 I know I know sickos. They used to do that in grade school. They're all dead. No one lives. Oh, by the way, excuse my excuse my biohacking device, guys. Don't mind this. Oh, is that the aura? That's my war ring right now. You're a Huberman dad, bro. I my biohacking device guys. Don't mind this. Oh, is that the aura? That's my ring right now You're a Huberman dad, bro. I'm a huge dad, dude It's a lot of good. Why do you have an aura ring full human optimization? I'm biohacking bro. I'm on your bio
Starting point is 00:11:37 Age of 30. So how are you? Are you referring to my my biological age of my cardiovascular system cuz if so 31, thank you Oh, are you serious? Yeah, you guys can laugh all you want, but uh, you're young Damn look at this guys daytime stress plummeted when I came on chill with you guys, dude You guys just took me right down to how whacked out you were before you got on the zoom. We'd be flat back. Actually, I had to walk back fast. That was why physical stress counts to. Yeah, our stress levels are guys.
Starting point is 00:12:17 At line in Billville over here, bro. My stress is just holding in my shit. You say your stress levels are flatline. Oh, yeah. Just chill. Chill bill. Give me the data, bro. I only I only trust the data. I got to see the I don't trust or rings at all. Why? How not?
Starting point is 00:12:33 Well, not by those freaked out by biometrics right now. If some dudes like, you know, your real age is 30, Bill. Keep buying the ring. And isn't it a monthly plan? But yeah, but I'm saying, dude, they were they wouldn't lie you think you think or rely bro bill you think or rely? I think they just sell your health aided actuaries and fucking make it harder to get insurance What you talking about bro, was that said go to the doctor Holmes Cardiovascular capacity high age 31 7 years below Just doing boner you know
Starting point is 00:13:05 motherfucking screenshot go back on the page and hit something on the page check it out hey what you talking about this is another picture yeah no you're just playing with me bro so you wear what I mean being two ring guys fucking wild I mean just keep going. That's kind dude I so I just what I wanted to just attract my sleep because my sleep was so bad I was like I'm never wearing this during the day and as soon as they're like you want to check out your stress I was like I'm not gonna see anyone for a day or two and I and now I just Shamelessly wear it as soon as I'm talking to anyone. I'm like, oh by the way, dude, this is all right
Starting point is 00:13:40 I'm not doing guy a lot of dudes go with the index finger, too You're supposed to because that's they recommend your index because there's like some sort of vein or something I don't know, but they say it's Frank's I get like some turquoise get some malachite get some fucking gems, dude I'm gonna go dude. I'm gonna get bling down dude. Yeah, what the fuck am I doing? I? Was talking to Marcus King and I was like bro. I'm not a two ring guy. He's all ringed up I'm like bro. What's up? Yeah, you're right,, bro I need I have I don't have enough fucking ranks right now True. He is a rock star though. Yeah, I would look like a decomposing corpse if I put on rings My fingers are so fat. You should be disgusting looking
Starting point is 00:14:14 Like a body river body. Yeah, I would just be fucking disgusting looking. I look like a merchant or something You would look powerful dude. You put some rubies on your Your jewelry, man. Yeah, I just have a necklace. That's it. Multiple chains. Do yes. Yeah. You change your two chain. You used to be three chains. I've seen a lot of chains.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Yeah. What happened in the third chain? Well, why don't you wear it anymore? I want to snatch that off. It goes into full defense mode. Yeah. I like it. It's immediate. It's two. It's two.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Two sides like match right there. Ditch it loves to dish it to front. I, it's two, two sides like match. Right there. I did you. Loves to dish it to front. I know it's happened to great men before. That's that's very nice. You have a very expensive mood ring. Don't attack me, bro. I won't. I mean, bro, if I'm restoring, I'm literally red glasses on with that. Oh, that's that would be nice.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Yes, dude. Oh, my God. I'm fucking restored right now. If my stress goes up, I'm going to fucking I might have to log off for 15 minutes and get myself like a five minute body scan, dude. If you get if you get that, if you get that camera still on. Yeah. Why? The jacket said it looks like it's not red. It's not what's not red.
Starting point is 00:15:24 The camera, the camera. It would have shut off here No, I know. I'm just trying to get mad stress Bro, we're recording on zoom a recording video on zoom right fucking now Now you got me freaked out, but it will say right yeah, we'll go off. Okay. Yeah that cameras on dude You guys you guys are coming at I? Mean dude, I'm out of the field that thing shuts down. Yeah happens all the time spade was over fucking heat Yeah, what are we doing not talking about spud in Egypt? Let's go. Yeah Before that I went to Rome to go visit the first rake. Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:02 I was in the pantheon. I was at all. The. Paul, do you mean first, right? Because then what does that mean? Like Napoleon? I don't know. I think it means the Holy Roman.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Yeah, the Holy Roman. Yeah. The good right. Or the Roman, right? Oh, what are the right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, maybe. I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Do you look into that stuff? I tried. I'm. I'm like idea dude. I look at that stuff. I tried I'm like really Dumb and can't like understand other languages So I bought a ticket to go in the Pantheon and then I stood in the line to buy a ticket To go in you know standing behind this dude and like he sounded just like the furor I like turn around I was like, yeah, this guy must be from the same place as fucking Adolf
Starting point is 00:16:45 And he's like five nine 150 pounds and he's like going off on his girlfriend He's going off on his girlfriend and like the two of them are talking in aggressive language and I was just like Holy shit. This guy's a fucking loser. Is he drinking a pepsi? No, I saw him and I was like dude, this must have been so brutal for this guy to control a whole Yeah pack of people. Yeah You got a little taste of Hitler. It's a yeah And you said this is not for me. It's not for me. You know what I don't like this you know He said I didn't realize how annoying this guy's voice
Starting point is 00:17:22 Yeah, you're behind him in line for the Pantheon in the heat. It's rough I said German in Rome in the dead of fucking summer like a beast There is dudes bossing out push-ups in the street. Oh, yeah Really the fucking architecture there is a beauty. I'm at did you know that the Jews built the Coliseum? I didn't know that actually but you know that I Jews built the Coliseum? I didn't know that actually, but do you know that almost every famous magician is Jewish as well? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Let me hit you with another cool Jew fact. Yeah, apparently all the great magicians are Jewish. I got a good Jew fact that's been making me laugh. There's a community put out a special about being Jewish, about anti-Semitism from the right, and he put it out right before the attack. Are you serious? He was like, yeah, the right wing he put it out right before the attack. Are you serious? He was like, yeah, the right wing hates Jewish people.
Starting point is 00:18:08 And then that happened. It's like, you sure about that? You sure that's the side that's anti-Semitic? Man appealing fucking America. I almost came in on the go-kart. It's a penis. Dude, did you see that shit? They just killed that guy from Hamas.
Starting point is 00:18:23 The missile was a remote it like connected to his phone Well, dude, I went the missile like allegedly who the fuck knows but this is like some crazy American shit where a missile went down a street and then up into a room Like up a building and then into a room and blew him up. That's what they said What was his name Wiley Coyote. This is what I'm saying. You got blown up by TNT. God damn Acme, Incorporated, dude, fucked his ass up. And he was a Palestinian man.
Starting point is 00:18:55 I don't know. That would suck. Some of the most guy in Iran. It's like people think you're exaggerating about how bad it is. And a fucking missile goes through your hallway. Yeah. My life's war kind of sucks Missile bitch it hit his phone tired of this it went it was tracking his phone like how is that? We're like that like they tracked him down to like a man to a man like a missile to a man damn He was just confirming his age on the hub, dude. Yeah I'm sick gave the coordinates for 24 hours. I think his passport to get into the picture.
Starting point is 00:19:27 It's just a lot going on. Fuck. You ever try to fuck with like Middle Eastern? Do you ever fuck with Middle Eastern hub? Negative. Well, it's it's weird, bro. Yeah. If you try to hit like Pakistani hub, if you try to hit like Pakistani hub. It's like pretty wild. Yeah, it's all like fucking 720p
Starting point is 00:19:48 grainy shit. Yeah. No AC. What are you talking about? All right. Just like trying to spy in on like some. Yeah. To see like what's good over there. How is it like sweaty flat butts? It's just sweaty flat butts.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Hey, well, I had one of those all day. It's not a fucking hard to fuck.. I had one of those all days. It's fucking hard to fucking I just sweaty flat butt all day. I get tackled and I read. Better stay out of there. I'm not going there. I'm plump too. They would fucking get
Starting point is 00:20:19 older. I told Spade to wear the full like fucking thing. Just be an Arab woman and walk around the streets. You could have done it to get into the I couldn't handle it the chest the camera right in the middle I couldn't tackle though if you did that. Yeah, yeah behind stuff under that. Yeah, how was so you want to roam? so roam to Egypt what was the uh, what was the transfer like how was that in terms of like country to country? Oh, it was brutal I want all that some dude fucking had a medical emergency on the plane
Starting point is 00:20:51 So I was on the I was on a tarmac trying to get on a plane like so I was trying to get on Egypt air Which is like an Arab air country or an air company So the Romans were like already salty about this But some dude was passed out on the plane and he had to get stretchered out. So I spent like two hours on the tarmac and like a hundred degree heat with a bunch of, with like half Italian, half Arab. So it was rugged. There's a big culture of different. They're not, they not like us, man. They don't like shorts. They got problems with Americans like they hands for freedoms.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Yeah, that must have been how are you? Why they keep you on the tarmac? Cause they had to cut the seatbelt and they had to get the dude out of the plane. Did you ever figure out what happened? Why don't they let you go back inside? Yeah, no, they just kept us on a bus. They let a bunch of kids do they let a bunch of little kids run up the fucking steps and go piss
Starting point is 00:21:46 And it was fucked up parents were flipped flipping out. There's a bunch of messed up people too. They were losing their minds Yo me Matt Michael Valentine Smith, dude chill not why don't they do the ride? Hey the whole thing's costing what he that's my yeah, no raw dog. It didn't move the whole thing. Disgusting. What do you that's a raw dog. It didn't move. 12 hours. Didn't shed her pest for 12 hours, but also a couple hours before it. And then a couple hours out there. Why? Why wouldn't you piss? He's a pervert. I didn't move. I think it's an it's a perversion. I didn't move, bro. What do you mean? I just rolled out my
Starting point is 00:22:21 chair. No headphones. I didn't move. Nothing. Yeah. You did no headphones for 12 hours. I just sat there. It's a pervert. This little kid behind me was kicking my fucking chair. Well, I would have had headphones, but I didn't bring my beats. I definitely would. That was on purpose. I was fucking. I thought you were trying to roll my headphones. Now I bought these bullshit
Starting point is 00:22:43 Bluetooth things called hyper gear sport Sport 2, and they hurt. They don't fit right. They, you know, not in the company. He always thinks he's getting a deal. I'm trying to get deals, dude. There is known companies that will have a fucking headphone that's great every fucking time. So you sat on a 12-hour flight from Egypt to America's silent, like... I drank three waters.
Starting point is 00:23:04 But they're little, dude, they give you little ass drink. What's good with waters in 12 hours. Yeah, he doesn't drink water. It's fucking weird It's great. How did you how did you like the raw dog and then he felt like shit for like three days? I'm just coming out. I'm just coming out of it now. Obviously. I don't know how to take care of myself I'm just coming out of it now. Obviously, I don't know how to take care of myself. You're like a Tomagotchi dude. If you're not there, it just sits. Things I'm gonna say, you gotta water it. What kind of like, did you enter any like reverie
Starting point is 00:23:34 or like flights of fancy? Like, or was it just quiet? I would just go, I'm breathing. Sweet. Shit like that. You want to ventilate a moment? Yeah, just gonna keep breathing. It's a good move. Yeah, sleep escape me.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Bill, you're going to be in the, you're going to be in the, you're going to be in the check. I don't know, I'm fucking sitting here, what? I'm going to be the what? Yeah, that is a good valid question. It's like, why does my brain need anything right now? And you can just fudge out, go into organ. You know, maybe I fucking just sat, thought about shit. Who the fuck knows, dude?
Starting point is 00:24:04 There's not a lot going on up here, man. I mean, fucking sometimes just like to shut it all down. True. I did ride a camel. I went to Egypt, rode a camel twice named Bob Marley. His name's Bob Marley. Met a chill ass dude with a wife in L.A. Dude's afraid to go to L.A. because it's too cold.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Lives in Egypt. Hilarious. Well, it's hot as fuck, bro. There's also a ton of trash on the fucking pyramids. Yeah, a ton of like coke bottles and stuff. Pepsi bottles. They're probably just showing off of those coke bottles. Be like, now, we're chilling. Yeah, I didn't know that fucking pyramids were just covered with trash.
Starting point is 00:24:38 Yeah, there's a city right outside of them. I did. That kind of blew my mind. There's just like a bustling city right in the like the other side of them. Yeah, I think isn't there a Burger King right there. Yeah It's like the pyramid next to the pyramid the rest of it Yeah, the rest of it's just a litter box a pizza hut for camels and dogs. These are built by the Anunnaki Yeah, you're gonna hear a sick fucking fact about Taco Bell You know how everyone's like all that, that's dog food or whatever.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Like the old fucking thing about that. Allegedly, it's just end of life cows. And that's how they get the deals and that's where they get their meat. That's not good. Ah, you know what? You don't want to eat old people. Yeah. No, not at all. It could be the nicest thing you do.
Starting point is 00:25:22 I don't even need old fruit because it reminds me of old people I go ill I Thought I also had I haven't crossed a cheesy gordita crunch in a long time and I long for them. They're fucking good. Yeah shit They're awesome. It's Taco Bell's very good night. They're made with disdain. Yeah that night. They're complete disdain I ordered Taco Bell the like two weeks ago and it was wet I ordered a taco bell like two weeks ago and it was wet. It took seven hours to get there. It gets there, it was soaked. What time was it? I got drenched bell, dude, for no reason.
Starting point is 00:25:52 There's no reason for the bell to be wet. Yeah, there's nothing that gets me more angry than DoorDash just keeps going, sorry, we're running behind and it's ours. They all taste your food, too. They just came out with an article about it. What? Yeah, they kind of made it like a cutie thing, oh, you know like fucking 80% of the people that do door dash
Starting point is 00:26:08 Like to just do a little taste They eat your food I got my kitchen now, so i'm just cooking up. I got a good old people story that was making me laugh there was a lady that donated her body to science and NASA used her and they put her in a rocket her corpse and launched into space What is on like a live feed and the kids saw it? NASA used her and they put her in a rocket or corpse launched into space. What? It's on like a live feed and the kid saw it. You bring up a problem.
Starting point is 00:26:29 It's dead body get launched. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, and I think it exploded, which is sick. She was like a- She turned into stardust. Yeah, which they were upset. The family was upset.
Starting point is 00:26:40 I was like, that'd be kind of the coolest way to go. It's how you return to God. Yeah, cool way to go, dude. It's like a first class flight back to the fucking make you smash into the firmament. True. You get to exit this fucking fallen world once and for all. Yeah, I'm not too fucking happy right now. Honestly. Why? Why?
Starting point is 00:26:56 What's going on, boo? You're on top of the world. No, I'm just saying there's too much children. There's too much dumb shit going on. You have fur babies. Stevie and Reggie are fucking, they're cool. But I'm just saying, like, I, it's, I feel bad bringing's too much dumb shit going on. You see her fur babies, Steven, Reggie fucking they're cool. But I'm just saying, like I, it's, I feel bad bringing Steven Reggie into this world. Yeah, they were brought in. Reggie Miller, Reggie Miller, Stevie Nicks.
Starting point is 00:27:14 Greatest dogs ever. What's got your goat? What's got your goat right now? All this. I know something's coming down the line where they're going to do some sort of shooting or some other things gonna happen My other it just killed a crazy lady with pot of water. Yeah, I'm not too familiar with that case the one with the water I don't know about that. I actually don't Yeah, they're gonna start ramping up the police brutality that's coming I would say I saw a video today But I was like I have cops on us.'re coming out it's it was chill for a
Starting point is 00:27:47 while now you know well it's yeah they're gonna of course they can use it it's like goldie law it's Kamala versus Trump they're gonna use racism and sexism yeah yeah well you know well dude that's the thing too it's like I was watching I think Dana White I think Dana White yeah I think Dana White. Yeah, it is. It's coming. It's coming big time, dude. Dana White was on it. What are we gonna do? Well, dude, they're like, we should- Guys for Harris.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Yo, Matt, did you see that shit? What? White dudes for Harris shit? No, that's not real. Yeah, it's real. They went on a Zoom call. They were like, yeah. Matt was in that Zoom.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Yeah, they're all, yeah, yeah, bro. Fucking David Hogg's in it. You remember David? Who's David Hogg? He's from one of the shootings. Who's a parkland parkland shooting? Oh, he's white. It's called White Guys for Harris. They don't call white dudes because they had the big Lebowski kick it off. Like, I'm a dude. I'm white. I'm a dude.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Very weird. How much money would it take for you to sit down on the zoom? Because I'm trying to figure out how the fuck these dudes wind up doing this. What's the minimum it would take for you to fucking sit down with the thing around you on zoom and talk about how much you like whatever president for fucking 15 minutes? I don't know. I have no idea. I think it has to be a fucking you have the rap sheet on you.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Like you're Megan Thee Stallion. What's that? They got Megan Megan D. Stallion. What's that? They got Megan Megan D. Stallion, I think that's a powerful performance saying it. Some kind of work. That was the craziest shit I've ever seen. Matt, they were bragging about that on the NCAA is out. I haven't watched anything.
Starting point is 00:29:20 I've literally been. Don't ask. I've been gaming. I'm the offensive coordinator in South Florida. Really? Damn. Superweb is doing text-sane Offensive coordinator at South, Florida Go Bulls. Can you like create your person? Yes. Do you scan your face? No. Oh man. No, I just find a guy It looks like my Puerto Rican friend Wow He's aican friend Wow Wow Coach Wow Wow West shit, whatever
Starting point is 00:29:56 Yeah, that's been big for me, I don't know if you guys want to chat and still We play mad and I Lost my mind. I have to keep starting over Dynasty with Notre Dame and I won the title. No, you didn't pretty quickly pictures So are you not happy with the result of the first like I don't like we it's I don't want to be like that I want to work. You know, I need this is about hard work So South so small feet with Notre Dame though. Notre Dame's pretty good, Bill.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Are they really? Yeah. They're 90 overall, man. Come on. You know what they do every year though? You love them so much and they let you down. Yeah. All of our favorite teams do it.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Why not us? Why not us just once? Yeah, just once. I've left like two games in the last few years saying that. This is our time. Drunkenly actually going just like, why can't we get one? Yes. That's actually so frustrating.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Both Ohio state games. That was tough. I saw the end of that one. Bro, that was crazy. Man. I couldn't believe how hurt I was. And you were there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Were you at the goal line stand or whatever it was? Yeah. I was up. Yeah. It was the most painful. What are you going to do, yell at the guys? No, I still support the boys. I can pull up to college kids like,
Starting point is 00:31:09 I still support the boys. You don't know how much this means to me. He's a 35-year-old supporter. Exactly, so what the fuck are you losing that for? It's a cool line stand. No, I drunkenly walked out of the stadium more angry than I ever anticipated. And Ohio State, when we went to Ohio State, Notre Dame lost.
Starting point is 00:31:26 I was like walking down the street, like, yeah, whatever. Fucking losers. You go to fucking Ohio State. Oh, God. Never went to either school. I never went to. Westchester. It was as embarrassing as it gets. Westchester. Westchester. Alarm going out. You know, whatever. Your campus sucks. The route go Rams. Ohio blows.
Starting point is 00:31:45 It does. I drove through Ohio. That fucking state sucks to drive. Oh, yeah. At night. It does suck to drive through, but it's a good state. I mean, I respect Ohio residents. You gotta respect Ohio residents.
Starting point is 00:31:53 If you're an Ohio resident, I respect you, but that was a tough drive. I was shocked by, was it Wisconsin? What was that one? It was all fucking Wisconsin. Yeah. That was crazy how beautiful that was. Yeah. Wisconsin and Minnesota, they get a little How beautiful that was. Yeah, Wisconsin and Minnesota They get a little yeah, there was no the corn wasn't knee-high by July
Starting point is 00:32:09 So we got through a little early so it wasn't just all corn fields that we couldn't fucking see So it was honestly pretty good and the res smelled good as shit res smelling vanilla. Really? Yeah You looked it up. It was like there's some clover. They got that just smells amazeballs. Really? I heard, uh, Idaho, Idaho is apparently beautiful as well. Dude, Fattie's just out in fucking Yellowstone when that shit erupted. Yeah, dude. One of his boys watched him was Yellowstone and lost his damn mind. Bought a ranch out there. Are you serious?
Starting point is 00:32:43 It's got cows and shit now. The whole cow ranch. What a fucking mistake that is. No, it? Got cows and shit now. The whole cow ranch. Fucking mistake that is. Now it's coming for everybody, man. I even get bit by the Yellowstone bug. Yeah, but I mean, I understand moving there, but being like, I'm going to be a ranch hand. That's crazy. I'm going to get a fucking cow. Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully.
Starting point is 00:33:02 I'm wishing him many cows, dude. I'm wishing his his many oxen to be strong. I would like to see Stevie and Stevie Nicks and Reggie Miller. Yeah, bring those guys out. Those sickies. Spud, you might be the most interesting man in the world right now. What are the babes like in egypt just curious oh yeah so they're pretty beat but I heard that all the rich ones I heard all the rich ones are like you know sequestered in art shows and like high-class things I'm
Starting point is 00:33:38 like walking around with the regular people I got like almost arrested for videotaping a chick I was thought I was all I was being weird. I was being weird. Yeah, you're you're not. No, I was just videotape. I was trying to get a sunset in a courtyard. They all these Egyptian cops, dude. I don't think they're cops. I think they're actually terrorists and that they are like lined up.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Like, I think that this is like another fucking. What was that square to run square or whatever? Like, I think they're just gearing up for another one of them. Arab Springs. Really? This guy had no he was. He took my fucking phone. Look at him. Oh, you are. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Yes. Yeah, but Matt, the guy took my phone. He deleted my fucking footage. What the fuck? And that's a good boy. Look at him man Which one's it? That's Stevie Stevie Nick. Yeah Yeah, dude, you don't see the liberal press putting that video out of you getting attacked by that fucking Egyptian cop anywhere to check being like why is he following me? I'm not following you're fucking 60. I'm just getting the sunset Yeah, you're beat. You should like you're too beat to film. Yeah, she was beat
Starting point is 00:34:45 Yeah, she said you're a fucking for bitch. So they What she's saying what she's saying she's like I'm not talking to him Like I was again now she knows English. Yeah Something that's some fucking bullshit. So were they like were they like stout workhorses? Are they like skinny ladies like what's going on? Well, a lot of them are berked up, but then the other ones areout workhorses? Are they like skinny ladies? Like what's going on? Well, a lot of them are burked up, but then the other ones are mostly workhorses. Oh, true. Yeah, they're burka girls.
Starting point is 00:35:13 Burks are like just the hood, you know, just the hat part. Oh, okay. What's the full thing called? Burka? Trash bag. No, you're saying burka is just the hat. Yeah. That's what you just said. No, no, I is you saying Burke is just a hat. Yeah, that's what you just said. No, no, I'm just saying like there's a lot of them are just the head scarf.
Starting point is 00:35:29 But then there's also the full berg. Yeah, I don't know what just the head scarf is. I show you. Oh, it's um, I don't learn a lot. Because nobody, you know, nobody fucking talk to me because a lot of them are just fucking kind of dickheads walking around. And they're they don't want to fuck with me at all. Really? Yeah. But you probably remind them of Ramsey walking around and they're they don't want to fuck with me at all Really? Yeah Fuck you. You probably remind them of Ramsey's do they're like
Starting point is 00:35:50 Bro I get this in America, so it just is treated like shit that sucks. That's like Matt or Billy was like Yeah, Bill was like I do Kirk has is this like yeah, I'm not Kurt Katz You don't not some fucking German Chad walking around the world. South African. Yeah, whatever. South African and German actually. Yeah, that happened to me. My boy went to Germany first and he was like, dude, Europeans love Americans. Get ready.
Starting point is 00:36:15 When I was going to Spain, I was like, sick. It's called the halo effect. Good looking people can go wherever the fuck they want. Yeah, I was like, dude, if I spoke Spanish, you guys would think I was cool and funny. But without talking, people thought I was mentally. Told you're a good fucking hounds, bro. They're great. They just chill.
Starting point is 00:36:42 They just chill that hard. Literally just sit on my lap. That's great. That's all. They just net and chill they just chill that hard literally just sit on my lap Yeah, that's all loves a nice chill sesh. This is like when you look at them and you're like, that's a pet Yeah, you know, I mean like Matt met my dog. My dog was like a pain in the ass. Yeah, this is a pet. Oh Yeah, this is just nothing but enjoy Going to say hello. You know we can't bond like this Stevie do not piss on the love sack. Yeah lay down brother How much they don't piss that much though, right? It's all done No, what we used to do what we fucking pissed in our closet the other day
Starting point is 00:37:17 Your daughter. Yeah, she just went into our closet and just squatted down behind all britney's clothes just pissed everywhere Matt when I was a kid, I used to piss in people's basements. I used to piss all over the place I actually got like kicked out of some lady's house for good, because I was pissing with her daughter. It was fucking weird. I'm still stuck on raw dog in a flight from Egypt to... Yeah. I don't think we're giving this enough. No, it's wild.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Headphones, dude, the plane Egypt Air, I'm not knocking it, but it's like a take-in-the-time portal. You can watch the Egypt air safety instruction video. It's fucking hilarious. Um, they're, you know, the planes like from like the fucking early 2000s or late nineties. So it's a whole nother world. Like that's unmatched. Yeah. I sat in like a, you know, like the Chinatown bus. That's what the same fabric is on the seats. It's the same seats Fuck yeah, I got on the plane. I was like I made a big big mistake
Starting point is 00:38:11 And what were the names of the name of the headphones? Yeah, I didn't have it. Oh, no. I had hyper gear sport to The person who made them probably jumped after making them This is what I don't feel. What you'd be in a fucking weirdo with two dogs and my friends. There's four babies. I can't let them piss. They're so cute. They're so.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Those things are awesome. Fucked up. Ready? So chill. God, I'd love to see you with the fellow hedgehogs. And they like that. They don't look fucking real. It one looks like Rocket from Fucking Guardians. They're going to lose their puppy hair, though, and then they're going to look like little rats
Starting point is 00:38:51 and then they're going to get their regular. Yeah, they get their fucking adult coat. Oh, really? Why do you think? Can you believe it? One of them costs more than me for adoption. One of them, one of them costs more than me. We did the math. We did. We did. cost more than me personally man I feel
Starting point is 00:39:09 like I've earned more money like then this thing will earn yeah like I earned my place but yeah for sure out the gate equal yeah although Billy can start up a cute stigram if you start up a cute st, he's definitely bigger. And I'll never do that. I need to see you shirtless with those boys laying on the ground on impressive. I'd love to see it. I would pay for it. Yeah, actually. How much money? What it costs?
Starting point is 00:39:33 You can just start one of just them. Did you start one of just them? Now then you can do like a separate like goatsie thing or whatever. I'm not like the asshole. them. Then you can do like a separate like goats thing or whatever. I'm not like the asshole. You feel devious. I get it. But not in front of the dog. I'm looking at. Wow. Not in front of Stevie. My bad. Not for us. You read it off already. Blank in here. How long? How long have you been?
Starting point is 00:40:00 I just got you to show that chart again. Yeah, that was the chart again. I just fucking got here, bro It was a dip before the dip with us Are you let the record state that I just I have text record I just got the room was just available for me But I'll show you my dip again. I mean maybe we'll see how my you'll see how I've been reacting to this whole Smart to keep it on the left. Yeah. Yeah, you guys I've been reacting to this whole smart. It's smart to keep it on the left.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah. Yeah. You guys, you guys got me all fucking stressed the fuck out. No, I'm just engaged. I'm just I'm just engaged right now. It's no big deal. Did you have to get little dogs because you're scared because your dog build? No, no, nothing like that. We already talked about this last week. Why you dog build?
Starting point is 00:40:39 So I'll fucking check back at dog when I was in sixth grade. It was with. Oh, fuck you., I read you would never pipe my girlfriend. Reggie White, Reggie's penis is wee, bro. Yeah, he's got a nub, dude. Do you have any belly button? You might have. Yeah, it's only going to get bigger. It's only going to get bigger. It's only up from here.
Starting point is 00:41:01 It might get fat, too. He could have a lot on him. I mean, Matt has Jack's. It might get fat too. He could have a lot on him. I Mean Matt has Jack's Jackson takes huge. Yeah, Jack's deviant. He was like sucking Zeus's dick and shit Yeah, dude, his own dick is like a human dick. Yeah, dude I actually thought about that Andrew. I was like dude your dog might have blew out my dog's ACL. It might have weakened it Use would like ruthlessly hump for a second. I'm like damn dude Zeus definitely blew out Jackson's knee They had to at least like fucked it up a little bit. It's something special This episode is brought to you by better help
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Starting point is 00:45:46 It's a big old theater. And also Town Hall in New York City, go to that. I'll be in a bunch of other places. Go to mattmcusker.com slash dates. Also shanemgillis.com. Click on the live link for all of his tickets. He'll be all over the place. Check out Sean Gardini, LaMarily,
Starting point is 00:46:04 and all the other motherfuckers you even think about. Just go have fun, dude. Do your fucking thing, dude. All right? Love you guys. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Dude, released a turtle yesterday. What do you mean? It was, we, I, me and Maya found a turtle, like a tiny dude, for real, like it was like
Starting point is 00:46:37 this big, a little like water turtle. Damn. Brought it home for a couple of days and it, dude, turtles are disgusting by the way. Yeah, they are. I will come out the next day. Dude, they dude they take the most they take the biggest shits Like all the food all the food. I would throw into its tank. It would just turn into just like crap It was disgusting after like three days. I was like, well, listen, I rainbow slow-bug
Starting point is 00:46:59 Yeah, you never told me that so when you texted me we just released rainbow slow-bugs I was like dude, that must be an auto correct. I thought I told you we had a turtle. I thought I told you we had a turtle. I never knew it was rainbow. Yeah, rainbow. That was my, I gave my two seconds. I was like, what's what's a, what do you want to name them? Dude, literally rainbow slow bug. And I was like, wow, that's actually great. That's a pretty fucking good name. I didn't name your next special.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I might take all the thought out. I mean, that's a good one. I might just do Rainbow Slow Bug. Yeah, I would take that. Rainbow. Do we nice. We released him. It was like it was like out of like an animal movie. We put him in the thing.
Starting point is 00:47:39 He just he was so happy. He ran into the it's like a little like Rocky Waterfall looking thing. Jumped off that into the water or kind kind of fell off really went under the water like damn. That's just it He's gone do like a minute later pops his head back up right near us. Just looking at us I'm like man. This is the best thing ever that goes back on her in did you watch the boy in the heron? Mmm, what's that? Dude? Ever do you what you're talking about just reminds me of the fucking boy in the herring and cartoon Billy made me watch it's anime. Yeah Do you guys good at my house?
Starting point is 00:48:10 Steins gate dude, you're watching anime to these watches. I get a house. Oh, yeah. He didn't like it. I like Shit I'm dude right now. I've been I've forced my kids to watch Pokemon with me from the beginning So good. That's pretty excited Pokemon. Yeah, they love it. Thank god. It's so good Dude, i'm on like episode 9 right now. It is kind of fucked up though. They're just like Finding animals and make them fight each other That's a beat the shit out of an animal and then you get to capture it and just make it fight other animals And dude the one of the dude. Remember Brock? Yeah. Rock punches Misty in the head twice. Different culture.
Starting point is 00:48:54 It's dude for real. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. These days. Yeah. He fucking smacks the shit out of Misty in like the seventh episode twice, just bops her on the head for talking shit. I was like, all right. I lost my voice when I got a holographic Charizard that the 7-eleven on to a tail And if that brought me there do they had I'm just sitting there at the front You can roll in and grab when I grabbed one got holographic Charizard lost my fucking mind. You saw Worth something if you had it's gone now. Yeah, what happened to it? I have no idea Shit, it's probably gone with my King
Starting point is 00:49:25 Griffey Junior rookie card. You had one? Yeah, dude. I got like the whole year. Good night. I just got a whole year's worth of baseball cards one time for Christmas. And I remember Tom was like, yo, that's King Griffey Junior's rookie year.
Starting point is 00:49:41 Found it. Put it in the hard case, but I couldn't help it, dude. I had to take it out of the hard case Just fondle. I would just fondle the car Bend the shit out of every corner Every corner, but they got you we gotta put it right back in afterwards, but I'm gonna take it out of this car It's in me right now. It's mint. I to pop it out like 10 people hold it get all fucked up I don't have magazines that had the what they're worth. Oh, I was on that. Yeah, Mickey man a rookie card the Beckett
Starting point is 00:50:12 Yeah, which one's Beckett? I think that was the name of the magazine. Yeah Yeah, there's like there's a card Jordan rookie card were fucking high dollar items What do they go for now? Because there are guys like this. Fuck. Are they like, I thought they had a resurgence and had some weird like right around COVID, they had a weird resurgence. I fucker. I remember thinking like I had cars and I had the ones that just slipped in. And I went to some dude's house and he had the one with screws.
Starting point is 00:50:39 And I was like, what the fuck, bro? Oh, the ones where you can. Climb. Yeah. Like it was with the screws. Yeah. Well, you ones where you can. Climb. Yeah. Like a close with the screws. Yeah. Well, you're a car. Oh, shit. Yeah. I had some cards. Anything worth anything.
Starting point is 00:50:51 Let's talk about it off camera. Come on. I don't have anything. Cal Ripken rookie card. I definitely had some ripkins. That was my that was my era. Yeah, it's something we have because it came out. Those stupid ass jersey cards. This is in game one jersey by LeBron James.
Starting point is 00:51:08 That was all I boost corners, which can't go to anymore. That guy. Why can't you get a boost? Of course. Oh, the Pito. Petit pedophile. It is a pet. There's a pet of a boost corner. We heard it here first. Yeah. Some dude at Boos Corner is a place down near near my parents.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Like it was like a shoe place or some shit. This dude brought his daughter in. The guy who runs it grabbed the girls fucking pigtails at all. Look, they're handlebars. And the guy was like, what the fuck, dude? And I think he said it was a big misunderstanding, but I mean, that's a mess. That's a huge mess. If you was kidding, it was like, yeah, they are like handlebars, aren't they?
Starting point is 00:51:42 Or your complete pedophile. We're just thinking like a bike, like bike handlebars. Yeah, exactly Yeah, you might have missed You know, I like to look for the good in people. Hopefully that was that's why I told Tom I was a dude might just be the fucking dude that was making a bike check. Yeah, true Yeah, do you really think some dude would grab? Yeah, it's almost daughters and be like, yo I could grip these and just fuck like it's like there's no way kind of kind of makes Me they still Facebook mom's a little too worried
Starting point is 00:52:09 What? Kind of makes me think the mom might be a little too worried. Yeah, what are you talking? I really fucking would I know I heard he's weird with measurement feet. Oh really? What do you mean? What's he doing feet? I just heard he's weird about it. We gotta measure the feet Well, hey someone's the same fucking is the same guy. Yeah. Yeah. Are we sure he's not like kind of a just a little slow Yeah, he might just be a slow. That's what i'm saying. Maybe a slow shoe guy But you're a normal dude every Reputable shoe salesman, are you talking about stepping on that like shoe chart? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's normal, bro
Starting point is 00:52:42 I hear you i'm not trying to find this shit in the weeds, dude There's dudes out there. What's the guy's name? I was asking you to try to get him on the cast the guy that got the fucking Alex Rosen This guy fucking just killed himself because they caught him on a telegram with infant porn Yeah, they went up infants Matt. They interviewed the rose and interviews the guy and he's like dude like what's going on he's like yeah just like mainly like like people coming on kids like babies and then shit they say he walks in the house and five minutes later lead bullet cops have to break the door and go get him I'm surprised that every one of those dudes get caught on YouTube.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Like you're trying to meet a 13 year old girl. You told her to put a hairbrush over vagina. Every single one of those dudes, the fact that they're alive. Yeah, it was my fucking mind. And when they argue, that's nuts, dude. Yeah, exactly. So what the fuck are you talking to me for? Every time I didn't know she was trying to run to. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Try to run through a fucking dude He must have been a football player. He's humongous. He's a fucking beast. Yes, dude. That'd be a good Which one we got like prank like a punk show where you just find somebody in a Walmart You're like, yo, you were talking to a 13 year old girl and you just chase him around the store No, man, and you catch him. You're like, yo here's five hundred dollars. Just a prank. You're definitely not a pedophile Dude, I got in a pop squad or At the end you catch him you're like yo here's $500 just a prank definitely not a pedophile dude I got in a pop squad or shovel around shove them around Yeah, I saw a dude that they wrongly accused of this and he had just gotten out of jail and he was like
Starting point is 00:54:13 What are you saying to me and like they tracked the wrong phone? He was just close to the guy they were trying to find in It doesn't go well. That's not a good prank. I'm saying I would try to find like two of the biggest guys I would get to Armed men that would just hold you at gunpoint being like you're trying to fuck kids. This guy's gonna fuck yes Yeah, now they just want to get out to the front of the store the guy that made space jam. They got his ass Yeah, I've seen that more space jam of course The guy that made the guy that made space jam was trying to eat what he'd take a 15 year old out for pizza
Starting point is 00:54:45 Yeah, it was some while where he just like took this girl for pizza. Yeah, what are you doing here? He's like How to eat what nearly fucking well, you know vitality no, he's like a right I was vital in the bodybuilder podcaster dude Bradley Martin fucking sad next to next to him. I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Because it's a piece of what the fuck does it look like? You're a girl and it's like, dude, it's in the middle of the restaurant. I would have like a fucking what's that movie? It just fucked up. It's not I am Sam. It's the other one.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Rayman, Rayman, freak out on the plane. If you bust me of that, I just start smacking my face and go. I would claim insanity. Raymond doesn't like the bathtub. Yeah. Watner. Watner's on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:30 He wasn't he wasn't like surprised. He was like, what do you was kind of like, it was like a disturbance to him. Yeah. What do you like? If I came up and you were talking like a hot chick of the bar, I was like, yo, Matt, like, how's your girlfriend? Like it was like that kind of face where it's like, yeah, dude, you're kind of blown up. My smile and I have a super hot 15 year old
Starting point is 00:55:48 Indian guys on to catch bread what? Don't know the rules. Obviously. That is kind of fucked up for Indians. They just come over here and some chicks like fucking completely legal in their country. Let's go dude. Fuck that. Jackpot. Yeah. Fuck me. I watched, speaking of killing yourself, I watched, do you ever see that Bernie Madoff movie they made with De Niro? Yeah. It's great. I watched it. It's great. But there's a part where Bernie Madoff movie they made with De Niro. Yeah, that's great. No, I said it's great but uh, there's a part where
Starting point is 00:56:26 Bernie Madoff and his wife try to kill themselves because like they're gonna go they're gonna they take a ton of ambient No, he does this hallucinate Probably easy took enough. Yeah, but he took it. They must have taken like two. He's fucking idiots. They're like, well, we had a good life. Just real garage. He just has a hallucination where he's talking to his sons. They show the real footage.
Starting point is 00:56:56 They're not the real footage obviously, but they show not in his hallucination. It's just a guy sitting on a couch like, I love you guys. De Niro is great, but he just that. No good in that fucking Trump. There's fucking political stuff. Yeah. Trump thinks he's a tough guy. I'll fucking punch him. You'll get hurt if you get an altercation with anybody.
Starting point is 00:57:14 Pretty sure you think you're tough guy like victim number one in the knockout game. Biden Biden hit Trump with the tough guy talk to Biden. That was jet lag. Dude, he tried to play that golf shit on Trump. I watched Trump and is it Kapska? Was it Kapska or DeChambeau? DeChambeau is good.
Starting point is 00:57:33 Holy fuck, Trump's good at golf, bro. That was the oldest I've seen him look though. That was, of course he's old, but when you see him in that, you're like, damn, this guy's geesed up. But then he launches the bucket. He launches the bucket. Dude, you 80. Same drive as bill yeah
Starting point is 00:57:45 it's really absurd dude yeah bill just got a lesson got up to 280 now 265 or what was it like 265 I think it was my longest one I would like to know who's Trump's whoever decided to put him in the Atlanta black women's journalists convention he went well dude think about that when he said that's like she was supposed to be there. Oh, really? Come on. You're talking about, let's go.
Starting point is 00:58:08 No, the one where he's talking about her being Indian. Yeah, that's it. No, that was Chicago, wasn't it? Oh, I thought it was a thing. Yeah. No, no, no. The thing. Making the stallion concert that people stayed afterwards.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Yeah, but dude, she was supposed to be there. I told Bill this, we were driving, obviously me and Bill watched it live. We were driving and it was like, they said that she was supposed to be there. I told Bill this we were driving. Obviously me and Bill watched it live. We were driving and it was like they said that uh she was supposed to be there then they were late and I think they were trying to get Trump to walk out on it and then walked out on them you know what I mean? Yeah it's kind of damned if you do. If he turned it down they'd be like he won't even come talk to us he had to do it he had to go do it and dude I'm telling you I only saw a little bit of it. How do you go do it and dude. I'm telling you I always all little bit
Starting point is 00:58:45 Public anything you can yeah, but he turned down the Association of black journalists don't fucking spin that and like he refused. Yeah, he did last time. Oh He didn't do it last time. No, and then he went this time cuz Kamala's was coming Kamala fucking pussy No, I think he went because he talked to that one chick the day he got shot Yeah, he did the The one girl interviewing him. Dude, the best in the RNC is last, his first thing in the RNC is like, this is the only time I'm going to talk about it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:12 He was in Harrisburg last night. He goes, that guy was there when I got shot too. This is the way you put the teleprompter on broader off stage for like gets there three times. Remember when he was like, I'm going to marry that teleprompter. Yeah. Did you see when he was golfing? That's my favorite part, dude. I'm going to marry that teleprompter. Yeah. Did you see when he was golfing?
Starting point is 00:59:26 That's my favorite part, dude. I want to thank Hulk Hogan. He killed it tonight. Dana White, he was on vacation. I'm not even going to tell you where he was. It was sick. Baron. We love Baron.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Everybody loves Baron. He's a good boy. He's a tall boy. He is a tall boy. I like to feast my eyes on that boy. They tried to hit him with he was a fucking weirdo in high school. It's like, bro. Yeah, obviously he's weird tall boy. He's a tall boy. I'd like to feast my eyes on that boy. They tried to hit him with he was a fucking weirdo in high school. It's like, bro. Yeah, obviously he's weird as shit.
Starting point is 00:59:48 He's five feet tall. That's Donald Trump. How's he going to relate to you fucking pleads, bro? It's the same. It's the same PR shit that was against me in high school is doing this right now. Yeah, this the whole weird. They're weird. I live for this already.
Starting point is 01:00:04 I know this isn't a real thing. You're a creepy guy. Yeah, this the whole weird. They're weird. Yeah. I live this already. I know this isn't a real thing. You're a creepy guy. Yeah. You're a weirdo. You're creepy. Makes no sense. They're trying to hit the fucking dudes where it hurts. JD is wearing eyeliner. That's weird. Maybe I'm weird.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Where all the bums you see created the bums. They created me. I'm going back to Kensington where the vampires live. This is home of the vamps. This is vamp city. Look at this. You're so jolly. I do like those dogs. They're great. I'm proud of you. I'm just afraid that they're going to be dogs that constantly bark.
Starting point is 01:00:42 And you're going to be a weird guy. You can train them. That's what I'm saying. Dude, these dogs never bark. I'm just, I fear that. That's a dangerous future. You're messing with something. This is serious. Dude. You gotta train those. Put the task in front of me. I will complete it. I think it's more serious than that.
Starting point is 01:00:55 You need a video podcast? No problem. I'll put the video podcast ad on. True. It's recording right now. It's been recording the whole time. I hope it's been recording. No, Zoom's capture and everything. So you'll at least you'll have this split screen gallery view. No problem. Are you not entertained? Don't get me started on to bill.
Starting point is 01:01:15 You can get those ice spikes. We need ice plays in gladiator. I know they're trying to hit her with downs. So what? Come on, dude. I don't know. They just saw a mosaic. I don't know. I don't know the types, trying to hit her with downs. So what? Come on, dude. I don't know. They just saw a mosaic. I don't know. I don't know the types, but they're just trying to probably probably down ass bitch, dude. Yeah, true. But the grove on the rings, man, hit the ring.
Starting point is 01:01:38 You know, you got something in your teeth. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to my gum. I thought you grow. The minute you get delts, dude, I'm putting the drug test on the table. What are you talking about the minute I get delts? Like, I don't have delts.
Starting point is 01:01:50 What the fuck you talking about? I'm talking canons, bro. Are delts on the top or what? I took like two weeks off of training, bro. I'm about to re-enter. I know. The picture of you jacked is... That was a camera distortion.
Starting point is 01:02:03 That was a camera distortion. Dude, last time we did the podcast, Matt was flexing and it's comical. Are you serious? He looks like he was with a red glasses. I'm I'm telling you, it's do you have? I'm telling you, it's the only shit. It is what it is. Is that a filter? No, no, I think I think I did show. Yes, I think that's the only shot.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Well, I'm not, dude. I think you're getting sailing shots of spinach. getting saline shots. I'm not dude. I'm just fucking young. That's just spinach. That's a Popeye. Dude it's just I'm telling you. I'm lifting, I'm sure the veggies are helping all my minerals. I'm constantly, I have two kids dude. Imagine if you're just carrying around like fucking 60 pounds all the time. Hey Matt, you don't have to hit me below the belt like that bro.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Yeah dude, we're all fucking childless cat women. I'm just saying it. You get like, you get pumped up. like that. Yeah, we're all fucking childless cat. I'm a sadist. You get like you get two kids. All right. I'll do that for fucking four hours. I'll do that for a 12 hour flight until these dozeckies are gone. You got you could have kids. You can have things. Steve and Reggie might be up on each. Yeah, they're they're we they're kids.
Starting point is 01:03:03 They're not the real ones for babies a practice, but their practice babies Roger hates being you know, it's crazy is how late it is and how expensive it is because I was born in ten pounds Yeah, so I'm like ten of that. Ah, fuck. Yeah the price per pounds way off. Yeah Price for me is like I'm way cheaper. I'm a good deal. You have that baloney price. He's loving it. Scrapple, baby. Did you see? Did you see when Trump was on the golf cart talking shit on Kamala, like weeks and weeks ago? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So they're like, they're going to run her. And he's like, she's so fucking bad.
Starting point is 01:03:42 She's so fucking pathetic. They can still pull it. He's just there soaking it in, which is great. They're like they're gonna run her and he's like she's so fucking bad. She's so fucking She's so bad, it's fucking pathetic you probably fucking believes that She's I mean dude. She is pretty bad. She's a Like no one's ever liked her now. They're gonna try to steal an election. Oh, no,'s actually super popular. They would have her and have her and Hillary Clinton ever been seen in the same place. No, I mean, bill played the code switching thing. The code switching and what do you call it?
Starting point is 01:04:14 People are saying that's just normal. You just do that in general. We gonna win in 2024. Yes. Well, dude, apparently she graduated. I think she went to historically. Yeah. And I think during heritage decided like you know what?
Starting point is 01:04:27 I'm black. I'm going she made the conscious decision to identify as black. Okay, so there's nothing weird about that There's nothing weird about growing up Indian and being like, you know what? I'm gonna be now a Lot of white kids do it in the suburbs for like Yeah, I really don't I don't maybe she start skating next. You might be a skater next year. She could skate up. I got one. What if she's just following your trajectory? She comes out. She does this fucking speech in the red glasses and the auras.
Starting point is 01:04:57 All right. Crazy. I'd be pissed if she was copying me. I'd be pissed. Come on. I'd be swagger jacking. I'm not asking for a peek. But do you have abs? No, no, no Not yet. I think I had a couple but again right now it's not about aesthetics about it It's just about performance right now. Just bulk. It's functional this functional. Yes. It's strictly functional, dude I mean, obviously I got my cardio down seven years. I'm just trying to get everything else in order and you're Natty
Starting point is 01:05:22 Natty I stood I swear you got it people try to say I'm chewing gum too hard. So therefore I'm not Natty It's like dude, I'm telling I am get everything else in order. And you're Natty. Natty, I swear to God. People are trying to say I'm chewing gum too hard, so therefore I'm not Natty. It's like, dude, I am telling you I'm Natty. I will submit for a test. I mean, obviously there is the Natty spectrum, as we all know. But I'm 100% Natty. This is just spinach.
Starting point is 01:05:37 This is just veggies. Vitamins, I think vitamins, veggies. You're Jose, bro. It's Jose. Kinseko. No, dude, no, I'm not, dude. I'm telling you Jose bro. It's Jose. Can say go. No, dude. I'm not. I'm telling you, bro.
Starting point is 01:05:47 I submit for a serve podcasting where all the top podcasters do steroids. Far from the man. I'm going to break the glass. The unit become the Barry bonds. Yeah, I saw Aaron judge. Barry Bonds is the unit. You need to become the Barry Bonds. Barry Bonds is huge. I saw Aaron Judge. Dude, that picture of you two is insane. Who is that guy?
Starting point is 01:06:13 He's the best. He's probably the best player. I had a feeling he was like the man. It's like he had a Super Mario fucking mushroom. He's like not like weird big looking. He is a normal looking dude that's just way bigger than you. Giant. This is fake, dude. Someone edited this. Yeah, it was, that was the most nervous I've been meeting someone.
Starting point is 01:06:34 I couldn't believe how starstruck I was. How old is he? 30. Holy shit. That's a massive dude. He saw me during batting practice. Was like, so I'm coming over there and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's going to come over here. I said, joked. And then he came over and I was like, so I'm coming over there and I was like, fuck, fuck, he's gonna come over here. I said, joked. And then he came over and I was like, how are you?
Starting point is 01:06:52 He goes, what are you doing hot back there? I was like, wow, that was pretty good. That was crazy. You ever see the Kyle Moody shit? It was, it was so bad. You ever see the Kyle Moody stuff? Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing see the Kyle Moody stuff in the interviews? That's exactly what I was doing.
Starting point is 01:07:07 What are you gonna do when the champions come? He hit her a big, everyone loves it when he's the big long shot out there. Hold on, there's a video of it. He's the Derrick G, he's like the current Derrick Jeter basically. He's like the biggest baseball player in the MLB. He's the greatest. He's a mutant dude. Yeah, he's big as fuck.
Starting point is 01:07:24 Look at Shane's Instagram, is it on your Instagram? Yeah, the guy's enormous. I's a mutant dude. Yeah, he's big as fuck. Look at Shane's it is on your Instagram Yeah, the guy's enormous. I saw I saw the pic. I said goddamn who the fuck for a second I want that's not there Jeter is it do that Reggie? That is not foot yesterday You're standing. Yes on equal ground. Yes, holy shit That's a massive man. I was being full nervous spazzing How are you? I don't know why I was like he was like so what's going man. I was being full nervous spazzing. I Don't know why I was like he was like so what's going on? I was like nothing
Starting point is 01:07:57 Fucking doing bullshit. Yeah, I literally asked him. How are you? Yeah about the player fucking Like how are you doing? Oh You doing buddy, I know what to say you're big dude you hit like a 500 foot home run Like yo, that's hanging out later. I'm no I couldn't talk I've done. I think I've this is the second second and a half spaz I've had Steph Curry was a complete spaz. Hi, I'm Shane Gillis. You might see me on Saturday night. Michael Phelps was a full spaz. Do I saw him hit a putt when he was learning how to play golf from 160 feet?
Starting point is 01:08:35 So it's not human. No, he's an alien. Hey, helps. My dad was a beast. I didn't think I'd be that excited to meet that guy. He and I didn't meet him. I was just he flew next to me on a plane. That was raw dog. I was't think I'd be that excited to meet that guy. And I didn't even meet him. I was just, he flew next to me on a plane. And that was raw dog. I was the only, I wasn't listening to music. I blacked out of my music, just sitting there like, fuck this Michael Phelps.
Starting point is 01:08:54 Fuck this Michael Phelps. I don't know why I don't fucking know. So cool though, bro. Yeah, dude. He's the man. What would you do if he passed you the grab bomb? I would smash the bomb. I guess anxiety attack in the world on a plane.
Starting point is 01:09:11 That's all it was. It wasn't even Michael. So the fuck is just a talk. Just a guy. Did you say hi? Yeah, briefly. Did literally full spaz. Yeah. He did. I don't think he knew I was.
Starting point is 01:09:24 I was just like, I was a dupey fan, man. I walked as fast as I could away from him. He's looking for your handler. Yeah. That was another, like when Gabe gave me his jersey, this was another full one of those. Aaron Judge gave me his bat. And I was just like, what?
Starting point is 01:09:39 Just held it? Yeah. And everyone watching was like, yeah. I literally look like a special needs guy. You rose it over your head. Yeah. I held it. I was like, you just got to start saying hi to everyone with I'm Shane. I didn't know it's I'm Shane.
Starting point is 01:09:58 You got to work on an approach. He hit me with the trail. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing? I'm back there. Nothing. Why the fuck you talk to me? He hit me with the trail. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing? I'm back there nothing Why the fuck you talking to me? I didn't know I had that spaz in me. That's great. I mean what the fuck that dude is a fucking big person Yeah, I was like fucking fazed by how big that dude was. It was very uncomfortable. Yeah, obviously
Starting point is 01:10:22 fucking fazed by how big that dude was. It was very uncomfortable. Yeah, obviously. That's like me with everyone else. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's how I hold it down with like cashiers and shit. I'm like, oh, hope your day goes well. OK. Yeah. Every time we go to the gym and enjoy workout, you too. That's a new PR, though. That's a new PR though.
Starting point is 01:10:46 That's a PR. What? You hit the fucking, yeah, you too. I guarantee you, benching fucking 350. Fucking loser. Yeah. Enjoy your workout. Oh, you too.
Starting point is 01:10:57 Yeah, what the? I hit you too, constantly. Yep, I do. I have a safe flight. Yeah, you too. And then I correct it. I go, all the time. I have a safe flight. Yeah, you do. And I go, uh. And then I correct it. I go, or, uh. Yeah, just, never mind.
Starting point is 01:11:08 Have a good day. Yeah, that's why I got a smoothie the other day. And she's like, enjoy it. I was like, thanks, you too. And then I literally just out loud. I was like, I have no idea why I said that. I just walked away. I didn't.
Starting point is 01:11:17 That's even crazy. I know. I was like, that's retarded. To correct it is out of control. Not the right thing to say. Well, you're not going to have a smoothie. All right, I have to leave. Yeah. Well, you're not going to have a smoothie. All right. I have to leave. Yeah. Well, you think it's going to come off smooth?
Starting point is 01:11:28 Like that was a simple brain fart on my end, but I'll be like, I didn't mean to say that to you. You just got to just swallow. Or just beast it, honestly. True. Or just like you to next time you fly. Next time you ever worked out You probably tear it up in here at night there is there is a steward you do those are handlebars He definitely had the fucking swallow after oh my god, these are clarity these are like handlebars
Starting point is 01:12:09 How old is the dude how old's the That's why I was like kind of being I was trying to tell you might not be that bad that's why Ultimant l if he's a geezer if he's a geezer he does not know about grabbing pigtails and doing back shots, dude Hair and you guys scream dude you re he's been doing Shower with his daughter and you know that yeah, no, I don't know Actually why it's a laptop from hell they had that thing ready to go and come on fucking I said how old was she though 13 or like wait, all right. That's not good. That's not good So you can get you can catch like an outdoor beach shower with like a two-year-old, but yeah, definitely
Starting point is 01:12:55 All right, I'm just you know, just trying to make sure Beach yourself in San Jose outdoor beach Shower that was so that dude explaining like he made him explain the porn and it was just like on your ass, bro. Beach. Shoot yourself in San Jose. Outdoor beach shower. That was so that dude explaining like he made him explain the porn and it was just like, Oh yeah. Well, I mean, imagine if you just got not even child porn, you just got like done jerking off to something that was like a fucking 30 minute session and then by the end of it, you're like, what the fuck was I watching?
Starting point is 01:13:19 Some dude knocks the door like, why were you on that website watching? I don't know. Yeah. Oh, boy. Sorry. Oh, Reggie Miller just. Not ready. He caught a porn punch. You were thinking of your worst vid and you came down with him with all your force. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Your dog pill. Took it out immediately.
Starting point is 01:13:40 Please don't beat them up. They're too small. I can't. They fucking piss and shit in the house. I'm just like the Arthur Fiss. I go, come here. Here's a tree. You treat. Yeah. All the time. After dumps. Not after they take a shit in the right place. Oh, yeah. I got them sitting, spinning, going up.
Starting point is 01:13:55 Let me see you spin. I got to get a fucking tree. You get the truth out there. They're dead. Yeah. Turn this into a dog. I was in the dog. You just got punched. These little dogs. Steve, you know, he's got rocked, bro. I mean, that's a little sphinxes.
Starting point is 01:14:07 It was like that. Reggie's been tired as hell. How nice is it sleeping in bed with them? They don't sleep in bed with me. What? They're too little. I'll kill them. I'll be like Christopher Multisanti. I mean, you kill your girlfriend. Yeah. I fucking.
Starting point is 01:14:21 You've been choking on your girlfriend. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Get that's good practice. I'm fighting someone. I wake up and I'm like, it's like Darth Vader. Yeah, it fucking. You've been choking on your girlfriend. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Get that's good practice. I'm fighting someone. I wake up and I'm like, it's like Darth Vader. Yeah, it's crazy. I don't know. I mean, there's shit going on in the actual plane that I can't wait. Physically doing that.
Starting point is 01:14:34 Yeah, grounder. Even invader. Imagine if I went to war, dude, how bad I'd be. That's why you're here with the pupperinas. It's fucking nuts. Yeah, it's only happened fucking three times. I wake up three times. It's only happened three times that I've strangled my girlfriend.
Starting point is 01:14:47 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Like I have a dream that I'm fighting someone and the one time like I just had a full headlocked. Oh shit, my bad. I saw half of what I saw. You'd understand. I think we've talked about it. One time I had hopped in bed with my ex girlfriend. I was like fucking move over and I shoved her She was drunk and I asleep and I put her she was like Yes Matt what time is what time is your big show? I think probably like 730. got I'm on the West Coast right now. So I got I got to get three hours What the hell you gonna do in the meantime?
Starting point is 01:15:30 Probably nap honestly, dude. I'll probably get some more Jack it off in that hotel bro. I I bro I'm going to live bro. I'll nap on IG live. Nap on IG live and show us. I'll do it. Bro, I'm telling you, I think I might have ever since I talked to the penis guy. I have once since that episode. No lie, bro. They it comes for you in the fucking hotel room.
Starting point is 01:15:58 The hotel room will after the show, especially because you're all ramped up and it's the only thing that is the only thing that can put you down. The rooms are on the other side, right? Yeah. The rings are on only thing dude. It's the only thing they can put you down Yeah My tongue ring, baby You're saving that you're saving that for after the show that's a little more I'm gonna do my best but I'm telling you man I've not been I haven't been fat you're worried yourself after a good show We'll see man. I mean, I don't know. Treat yourself right. Especially now that you're Jack. That's gonna be a fucking intense beat off.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Dude, that's gonna be so crazy. So you're doing like Jack stand up? I'm doing Jack stand up, dude. I gotta couch it. I gotta couch in the room, not breaking. I gotta fucking couch in here. It's a cuck couch, bro. So what? That's what they are. Is that for holding the cam?
Starting point is 01:16:41 That's for holding the cam? That's for the fucking husband. Bill's a sass with cucking, dude. The cuck couch. I swear to God. Fuck's the can't that's our home the camps for the fucking house bills ass with cocking dude the cut couch I swear to God fucks the point of that It's a I don't know just case I want to watch TV in the couch instead You know instead of a you don't want to lay down a bed and watch TV. I sit up. Oh fuck a bird ham sandwich I'm like I might slide between the cushion. I might slide between the cushions and I treat myself. Test drive in honor of the VP.
Starting point is 01:17:08 Why? True. You go, this guy's giving us some decent ideas. This is good. I like what's on his on his agenda. What? Step one, introducing latex glove with petroleum jelly in a fucking couch. This guy's got some ideas. Get him in the White House. Cussy. Jimmory does ball ideas. Get him in the white house. Cussy. Jimmer read his book Hillbillyology.
Starting point is 01:17:27 Now. The Libs hate it, because he like it's like the little yourself. I don't know. I think it's probably the lighting. My lips are just probably rosy. I don't know. I don't know about that side effect from T. I'm not breaking out.
Starting point is 01:17:42 I'm not taking T. I'm I'm going to smash the glass on that probably years from now. Right now, bro. I'm not breaking out. I'm not taking tea. I'm gonna smash the glass on that probably years from now right now, bro I'm done. I don't need the greatest era of podcasting of all time, dude. You guys are all doing it I'm not doing two hearings with you guys I'll never I wouldn't I'd be curious what my tea levels are though. I don't know I go back and forth Starts I'm not on tea. I'm not we're just gonna find out once you take I'm not worried I'm not worried about my tea. Do you know I'm happy with everything dude. I don't want I don't want to go on that stuff I have I can't even drink coffee, dude. I'm not gonna be able to take
Starting point is 01:18:18 Armstrong said what he said Last Armstrong's a psycho Fucking 30 for 30 thing? No. Chad Mountain rules. He rules. Chad Mountain, yeah. I don't know Chad Mountain.
Starting point is 01:18:31 Oh yeah, I know Chad Mountain. I know him personally. Did he really? Yes. Holy fuck, that's the greatest name ever. Wait, so it's Lance Armstrong and Chad Mountain are boys? They're boys. Lance was a mania.
Starting point is 01:18:41 Chad was at, were you at the Netflix tires thing we did yeah Chad was with us Oh nice yeah Chad Mountain Chad Mountain I would have liked the heads up I was in the presence of Chad Mountain now no I guarantee my car is fucked dude look how small there hopefully the camera picks us up. Yeah. And girl boys and boy and girl. All right. Don't let's go in that people straight to the pad. Yeah. Well, you better treat them. You better reward them.
Starting point is 01:19:21 Oh, he had was he fucking scared. I was scared scared the court? Well, that should probably yeah just watching dogs Never mind is he peeing off the pad? What's that? What? Yeah, the other dog is oh good job Stevie. Yeah, that's a piss dude. Look at that. Did he pee off? Oh good job Stevie. Yeah, that's a piss dude. Look at that. Did he pee off a hedgehog, bro? That's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah, you don't want that shit on your dogs, right? You want to have them peeing on camera like that all train Does Reggie do the leg up? No doesn't let this like thank God. It takes him a while to do that
Starting point is 01:19:58 He's not gonna do that for a little bit. Don't get a deuce in right now He's taking a shit. Stevie's a fecal freak. She'll get the deuce. Reggie's thinking about something. Reggie. Reggie, you're just pissing. You better treat them. You better treat them immediately. They got to be doing all that.
Starting point is 01:20:14 Ah, I bet they're better. Reggie, you have piss dogs that are loud. I'm a bad guy. Stop putting that on my. God, I'm telling you right now, this is going to be so. These dogs are going to harsh the vibe. As you have Pionim or what? Got a nice piece.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Huge cubes. This one long fucking hair. You got to shave his bush so it looks bigger. What's with that one long hair thing? It's just a long ass hair on his dick. I don't want to. That's on his dick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:48 Fucking cut it. I don't want to fuck with his dick. But just the hair part. I got served. I'm not trying to do that with my boys. Whatever. Yeah. Leave his hair part.
Starting point is 01:20:56 Just let him do it. Is it at the. There you go, dude. What the hell? Yeah. Did we talk about the Sh Shay Tards last time? What's the Shay Tards? What's that?
Starting point is 01:21:07 I didn't talk about that. No? There's just some family of YouTubers that I just found out about that is, they were huge. They were like, it was like a family of Mormons. And I think his name is Shay, or his last name is, and then he called all of his family the Tards.
Starting point is 01:21:24 He had mommy Tard, baby Tard, son, and he did a daily vlog about every day. He was like one of the first people I got in trouble for like hurting their kids got in trouble for. He was, I don't think, I don't know if he actually cheated, but he was like sexting with like a cam girl as you do. And then all these YouTube, I think I caught whacking off and she definitely released his texts. Oh my God. But the tar files is tar. He is. You're right. His tar gate, the tarred family is the funniest possible name.
Starting point is 01:21:59 His daughter, his daughter was princess. Tardis son was son. Tard rocked hard. So this was a dad And he vlogged every day he like vlogged like every birth Jesus yes, it was yeah, it was what the where'd you hear about these guys? They're just on YouTube They're like the most famous they signed a thing with Disney for like 500 million dollars Shit, is he signed the Tard family is he signed the Tard family? You see mr. Beast man million dollars. Holy shit. Isn't he signed the Tard family? Isn't he signed the Tard family? Jesus. What the fuck? All these YouTubers, you see Mr. Beast, Matt?
Starting point is 01:22:29 Mr. Beast. It wasn't, was it Mr. Beast or his like, his right hand, they got caught, Pito. Mr. Beast knew, bro. The Shaytards, they're called the Shaytards. Is it like, fly on retards or is it some other? Definitely. He tried to say, he came out later and said it was he was a wrestler he was a wrestler So he said it was about his unitard. Okay, that's
Starting point is 01:22:53 It's my unitard the shea tards Yeah, that's pretty that's a first family of YouTube and then he got busted for... Sexton Camp. Webcam, Sexton webcam. Protest Tard, Rock Tard, Mommy Tard. Mommy Tard. That just slowly actually out of live Jasmine right now. Yeah. What a piece of shit. Nevermind the token noise in the background.
Starting point is 01:23:21 Are you gonna hit it or no? What? Are you gonna hit porn or no? A Fap Nap? No, I mean, I don't... Are you still to hit it or no? What are you going to hit porn or no? A Fap Nap? No I mean I don't know. Are you still doing it? I don't know I'm not even like really thinking about it that much but I uh. I'd say you jerk off every day. No I'm dead serious I haven't been. Yeah it was 500 million to Disney. Holy shit. He founded a studio with some friends and they sold it to Walt Disney for 500 million dollars in 2014 Then he got caught whacking off. I think in like a tent
Starting point is 01:23:52 Take it away, I don't know yeah five the tarts got 500 million Tards get 500 mil. That's probably he was probably a token lord, dude. Oh Imagine coming to the kid imagine coming to the cam girls with 500, a bank of 500 milli dude. And then one of those nasty girls fucking puts your texts out. Yeah. Having a hundred, dude. Could be anyone. Joy, 180. How did JD Vance?
Starting point is 01:24:17 How to have an email out? Yeah. What was he doing? He's got a private. An F to M transsexual friend that released, uh, 10 years of emails. Damn. Was he being sexual with you? No, just being like, I hate Trump. He's a racist. Whatever. Trump don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 01:24:36 I mean, who doesn't say that when they're around? Trani? Yeah. Dude, Trump pisses me off, dude. Fucking hate him. I can code switch on that with the best. That orange fucking Cheeto. Fuck him. Well, yeah, true. He's such a fucking pig.
Starting point is 01:24:55 Yeah. How much money you want to bet that your car is absolutely fine. Nothing. Yeah, I mean, safe neighborhood. Check, check your zip code right now. And so I literally parked next to a pile of stuffed animals where someone got shot and never forget. What's your zip code? Don't say actually don't say it.
Starting point is 01:25:19 Yeah, I can get it right now. I mean, those neighborhoods, the most famous bad neighborhood in the country right now. Yeah, I should probably go get that car. I mean, it's absolutely fun. Sun's still out. I can get that car. Yeah, definitely. Let's get my fucking car. I'm going to I'm going to check right now.
Starting point is 01:25:38 You can check out the crime activity on like I think you're about to see one in 10 minutes. When I say my car was I mean your car is You know shouldn't be your car is fine, man. They probably they probably they're probably going. God damn Anything you're gonna get big ups. Oh We're done. Oh, all right. Oh nice So do we can be done. Yeah, we're done bro for 30 all right Matthew You motherfuckers you motherfuckers roll, dude.
Starting point is 01:26:05 Later, Matt. Later, guys. See you soon. Bye.

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