Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 508 - N.A. Beerz (feat. Chris O'Connor)

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Chris and Tommy @ https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Hello!! Surprise!! Hope everyone is having a blessed start to the week. Cusky ripped a cast with the O'Conn Man last week. Had to let it cool off for a cuppa days. Too hot to consume ... but now it should be good. Please enjoy. Have a great week. God bless. Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED! #trueclassicpod Visit www.babbel.com/drenched for 55% off your babbel subscription! Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE. 

We're fired up. We're here. What's going on? Just caught a damning report Sorry the dog peed in your bed, bro. It's all good. It sucks your dog roommates I have you leverage that against your roommate. I he hasn't woken up yet. I texted him. It said him an icy text Yeah, yeah, your dog dot dot that is the kind of thing that would fucking rattle me man I like I don't know when I when an animal doesn't respect you yeah, it's like how do they know yeah? I've dropped beneath the human And now the animal kingdom is now also aggressively knocking me down a peg Yeah, and when there's like something primal about your weakness

Pyramid you're like dude. I haven't escaped from the animal kingdom yet. Yeah, this is crazy. I'll never get human respect. Yeah, you're gonna have to aggress on your roommate. You have to, you know what you have to do. I'm not gonna say it out loud, but... Fuck your roommate. Your roommate's bed's getting wet, dude.

You gotta fucking take it back. Yeah, yeah. Does the dog have a bed in the house? Yeah. Oh, you got piss on it No, you're pissing your roommates bed and your dog's bed. Yeah, you got a shit in the dog's bed Burn the house down and all die and storm the capital people think the kids shit sweet of the capital Just four four years arrested on their laurels.

Yeah, dude, yeah, whatever. That's a touchy subject right now. Fucking capital. I didn't give a fuck. Then I have people like, that was one of the darkest days. It's like, dude, I did not give a fuck. They're acting like it was the ID4 aliens

over the White House. It's like, bro, I might, but you know, that'll get me sweating. It was the last day of Woodstock 99. Did you really? It was. It was like, fucking... Trump gave his like, Limp Bizkit performance. And fucking people went nuts, dude. Yeah, that was... That's exactly what happened.

He gave Demi something to break. Everyone had like, they'd ran out of water, there was exactly what happened. He gave me something to break. Everyone had like, they had ran out of water, there was piss everywhere. It was the last day of the festival. There were 75 FBI agents. And he was like, come on man, let's fucking do it bro. Yeah, he started raiding the ATM machines. You know there was a governor from Michigan I think, who also was like, planning to get abducted. And they looked into it and it was like planning to get abducted and they looked into it

19 FBI agents be like yo should totally adopt it damn just like it was like the height of kovat so I'm sitting at a barbecue and Like an FBI agent. I didn't know it's like in my ear being in the middle of kovat I get these masks are so fucking annoying I'd be like, yeah, there's bullshit. So yeah, we should fuck the governor up. I'd be like, yeah Well, you got a figure in kovat if things are probably slow for the FBI, too You know what? I mean, you're trying to figure out a way to like hold on to your job You gotta come up with a scheme true. You know, let's trick a guy to duck Although crime was rampant 19 of us I was rampant 19 of us

Yeah folk that lady it's like bingo we got him yeah this guy wants to kill the fucking governor This guy was to shoot the governor and abduct her. Yeah, I was all like holy shit I didn't cuz when Trump got nearly assassinated they were like we have members that suffered political violence, and I was like alright Let's see him. Yeah, it was like the governor almost got abducted But the FBI stopped it because they were talking It was just so flim and there was a journalist a left-leaning journalist It was like it's gonna be the coolest story ever and then uncovered all the FBI people and she's like what's up with this? Never was like no comment. Yeah, they were just like well this sucks We thought we were gonna break this like huge story, and this is like I think this is like literally during COVID but Anyway, what's up, bro? You got to make your own luck. You know in the FBI true

Yeah, I mean they are super cops man. I can stop a ton of terrorist attacks if I plan them. That's true I can stop every single one. Yeah, she knows somebody's like fucking fine. I'll bomb it you know Turns out I'm in the FBI free Adam in the FBI freeze Kids you're like freeze scumbag. I'm deep undercover another collar for agent O'Connor Guys unstoppable you've been committing mail fraud be like you never mind that don't worry about that Yeah, I always hear about that like the CIA was selling drugs. It's like I hope they were Yeah bullshit if they weren't yeah, what the fuck's the point of them? Yeah? I hope they're doing terror. Did you ever get into their role in Watergate?

No, apparently they had like a heavy hand in like blaming people and like just turning that in just using that to just completely Take Nixon down although. He was he was recording people, but I'm reading a book right now from his uh His top political aide Charles Colson. Yeah, it was like took the bro he took a lot of it him and like three other people had to go to jail Yeah, and he he swears in his buyer and autobiography is like dude. I swear to God. I didn't know about the break-ins I didn't know and he there's apparently record of the CIA being like put it on Colson Because people hated him anyway because he was on tape being like I would run over my grandmom if it meant getting Nixon re-elected Yeah, and then they kind of like ran he was like I would say shit to my staff like kidding So he would like it he would like say stuff fucking with them and they break in the water gate All of a sudden there's a team on it that's gotta happen all the time you should break into Ellsberg's therapist

There's this guy Ellsberg who was like a pain in the ass journalist and like if anyone stood against Nixon They would honestly do anything like he would leak False stories to the press yeah, and this was like in the 60s. They must be so much more sophisticated now He can't he's out being like dude We did it all like we would come up with shit make up stories about like people's wives And just put it in like you would leak it to your press guy and dude they would blow it up And he's like dude by the time it circulates It can be total bullshit, but it's like the damage is already done. Yeah, you got to think like unlimited budget. No oversight

Yeah, people are hatching plans all over the place that was that was like kind of the Watergate story where they kind of It was it got to the point where I think it's still we're still in like Watergate Emnity between like the two parties like there's probably 90 Watergate's going on One thing they broke everything's gate. Yeah, everything's gated up Yeah, yeah, I don't know man That shit was wild because he in the book. He's you know he's like who is an ex-marine He's all who are off for the pretty loves Nixon dude. Yeah loves Nixon to death turns out Nixon was like secretly recording him the whole time He's still like I still love that

And he becomes like a born-again Christian. I wish I always wanted to be in the CIA Yeah, when I was a kid when I was a little kid. I thought I was like I Wanted them to turn me into like an emotionless deadly assassin Do the do the self-starter on that like in the CIA is not gonna pick me up I will just become a cold motion or emotionless assassin. I know but it's like it's I've already take to the streets I've already had to suffer through the living you know what I mean the thing with being a kid was it was like there's two It's too emotional. Yeah, and you're like dude. I want someone to come in and make me a Terminator I hear you know I just want to show

Yeah, exactly you know I mean I Family no one to be disappointed just yeah Yeah, I hungered deeply for the Will Smith MIB scene where they're like we've been watching you for a long time, dude We've watched you jumped over a brick wall Dude, we've watched you jumped over a brick wall You saw me do that yeah, I wanted the government to show up in my door so bad and be like I know your test scores are shitty, but that's his school's bullshit like a great athlete and your genius Your parents are wrong You're actually a really good boy

The girls love you too. We've been studying the girls and they love you. You're gonna get so many chicks once you're done. So much pussy, dude. Dude, just wait till high school, you'll frill. Junior year, you're gonna get a ton of pussy, dude. Eighth grade's bullshit. Dude, that was the sickest thing ever.

That one guy, remember that documentary about the lady who like the vegan restaurant in New York City. Mm-hmm I do vaguely remember this guy. Yes, who just kept pretending he was in the CIA Yeah, and would be like I'm stranded in Turkey or something Right now don't tell anyone no ask no questions and she would do it Right now don't tell anyone no ask no questions, and she would do it Made a fortune yeah, I mean does that does seem like something that would particularly affect vegans. I don't know why Yeah, every vegan secretly wants a military yeah a lot of lib babes secretly want a conservative beast of a husband of course It's really weird. I've seen it before of course they secretly they secretly like my boyfriend Hates this stuff. It's like dude you fucking love it dude. I know they all secretly want to be just dumb

They want to be conservatively yeah terrible yeah, yeah, I don't know I can't I can't get into that zone I don't have the I feel like it's like a bad thing. I always start relationships off in like a bad bargaining position, you know what I mean? Like I, right off the jump, I'm like, I want you to like achieve your dreams and goals, you know? Which is like, I do want that, but you can't start there. You have to start like, your life doesn't matter.

Just so they like, so then you winding up where you really are looks like growth True otherwise you just set the bar high and slowly disappointed Yeah, yeah set the bar low and you slowly be like you know I you know what actually I bet it Yeah, I think there's like that's like the beauty and the beast thing where it's like they want you to be like That's what I've heard yeah, and I'm like yeah fuck that Fucking kick your ass You know what I wish you'd follow your dreams. Oh, dude. Yeah, 100%

I've been reading a lot of like I've yeah, what Carl Jung stuff Yeah, Beauty and the Beast is heavy in there those dudes battling your animus. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah Those dudes used to go like scorched earth on the bay Those guys are like the 1920s would go like nuts on the babes. Yeah, dude, Schopenhauer Yeah, that guy went wild on the babes. He's pianist. No show He was like the ultimate nihilist philosopher, but he has a chapter on babes and it's pretty brutal Yeah, what is he saying? He was saying like dudes all kind of get along unless they're in the same profession

And then they kind of like start to have a little animosity Based on like cuz they're like going kind of for the same thing yeah He's like women all fight because they're in here. This is according to show but now not me So they're all essentially no matter what they do. They're in the same profession, which is taking down high-target alpha males so they'll always be fighting because their primary profession is a trade their sex for a High-target alpha male high target alpha It's true. He's looking their sexual marketplace value only decline once they turn 34 and it is But he went hard on the babes, and he was just like dude. This is because I think when he was I

Guess they like introduced like lady. I mean I said there was always I guess ladies I don't know there was always like princesses and stuff, but I guess ladies were relatively new I could be wrong on that What do you mean ladies were like there was like gentlemen? I think before the big gentlemen, and then they became they'd be like Ladies and gentlemen it became like how they do a thing like and and girls Yeah, they'd be like you know a lot of die and girls and stuff how they do I think they rolled that out with like Aristocrats originally were just lords, and then there was a lady, but I guess there was always a lady. I don't know He was against the ladies have been ripping dudes lives apart like all the old

Old stories were like everything was going great And then I saw the hottest chick ever and I went and I kissed her and then she turned into a monster And he ate me. Your whole family was like, you really have to cut guys' heads off. You're all living in the woods and you like cut guys' heads off, like trap wolves and get oxen. And you had to do that for like six generations. You'd built building a house was no small feat. Like a good house in the medieval times.

And yeah, if you just like spazzed on the pussy, you could take down 600 years of just like the most gut wrenching work. Oh, my God. Yeah. 50% of child die, the children dying and childbirth dudes Just catching diseases leprosy and then a dude just spaz on the pussy in the whole fucking house The village would be in flames you'd be like Yeah, I can't imagine Yeah, it's uh yeah, but that was uh that was show been our show been

How our was he just were like his thing was that there shouldn't be ladies There should just be Lord's and he did say Lord should out of mercy. It was a wild take He was out of mercy for like late women ladies, especially he's like you should take like five wives He's like there shouldn't be old spinsters He was he was back then he was on a thing being like yeah women are almost independence They're gonna end up alone in a house with no kids I don't know though dude once once that once the dudes start taking five ladies the other dudes rise up Yeah, true

Yes, a guy starts taking five ladies off with their heads. Yeah, that is a perilous thing Yeah, but he was his old thing was like the ladies are going to waste He was like the ladies are going to waste yeah, he's That was his position. He was like, the ladies are going to waste. Yeah. He was like, if you have the resources. He was basically, you should adopt a lady. You'd have your wife, and I'll adopt like three ladies and just kind of keep them in the fold.

It's a wild take, dude. It's classic dude thinking. It is. It was classic. He was boy's rule. You could sum up a therapy, boy's rule, girl's rule. It was crazy, because he like. I'm doing a service for civilization by taking many wives

Yes, every leaders argument well the weird thing was he was a cat guy. He like just lived alone with cats Yeah, he had like a weird life where he was like a total recluse, and I think he uh I forget who it was He was like a he finally got his due like people like whatever he wrote this gigantic book I forgot it was called it was like was like a he finally got his due like people like whatever he wrote this gigantic book I forget what it was called. It was like the will and whatever and He finally people like yeah, whatever this book sucks. It's 10 million pages. Nobody gives a fuck All they did is wrote impenetrable books He even says in the intro I try to read it. It was just like

What the fuck well it was just like dude. I wrote this book on purpose you need to read it ten times The only most serious is I could go fuck yourself, man Oh, dude, then he wrote a saying he was like fuck nobody likes my book So we wrote a saying a book of like aphorisms like quick little witty sayings that blew up So they let him teach and then I think when he was at I don't remember which other famous philosopher was at the college He went to but it was for real like Spinoza some like guy you hear you're like what the fuck so he went to teach and everyone is like this other super famous philosopher She ended up like a cat man. He just like lives this cat alone was like girls fucking suck dude. Yeah, he got killed

He was totally killed. He might have invented the pill The red girl the red I think you originally everyone was red pill. The red pill? The girl pill. I think originally everyone was red pilled. Yeah. You slowly get, you slowly start going like, I don't know, maybe there's another way. Yeah, that might have actually been the desert Hebrews who invented the red pill. Yeah. Those dudes used to lock babes up during their periods. Yeah, there's probably another guy taking five wives and they're like, I could never be that pilled, so I gotta take an alternate route. I'm gonna start listening. Yeah, true Yeah, I think that was the move back then is is writing stuff

Intentionally that no one could read just to tell people to go fuck themselves half of it's even young half of it's in fucking Latin you're like dude why with why the paragraph in Latin homes? Yeah chill that was the move dude that was crazy Newton pulled the like that the baddest ass move ever which is like First of all he invented calculus and didn't tell anyone for like 25 Yeah, because he just he had like his own problem he needed to solve so he just like invented a math To fix it. That's crazy. And then he when he like principia apparently he wrote it so difficult to read Intentionally so that no one would ask him questions about it I only want people smart enough to already understand this to read this

I don't want anyone asking me about it go fuck yourself. I think Newton was one of the guys who He would like chill in coffee shops with three others There was a dude claiming Newton wasn't Newton the one who came out and he said something about the Sun or it wasn't It wasn't Copernicus was the guy who's like the Sun the earth revolves around the Sun mm-hmm and then Newton had another like huge outer space finding that I think he like Yeah, that was like another Nobody had he had a big one and then people were like dude shut the fuck up And he would go in coffee shops and argue like about like like mercury to people he'd like dude

You don't know fucking shit about mercury there was there was something where like these guys were trying to figure out some problem About like the motion of the plan. That's what it was it was like how exactly it was that and and a guy showed up That like what it was like some guy from like the Royal Institute or something was like how exactly it was that and and a guy showed up that like what it was like some guy from like the royal Institute or something was like yo, can you solve this problem? We're trying to figure out like how these things move and he was like Oh, I did that Well, where do you have the math he's like I I like threw it away It was something crazy like how fast you star spin and he's like I already figured that out It's like yeah, wait what dude yeah, I did that he literally was like I did it a couple years ago It's crazy to be sitting your house and just be like yep, that's how outer space works

I invented math to figure that out. I's like dude go fuck yourself I might have killed that guy I'm gonna kill you dude. You can't be doing that. Yeah, that was that's crazy Newton was wild and he would sit in uh There's that book the five beverages that changed the world and they talk about coffee how back then coffee came out And it was like it was seen as like just genius fuel like you're like a slovenly peasant You would drink points of like ale every day because you didn't you couldn't get like clean water like that Yeah, so then dudes were like fuck alcohol and they started drinking like 12 cups of coffee a day And it's being in a coffee shop be like And just ripping about the solar system. Yeah, I mean because you if you had if you have to boil water just to drink it

What's the point? Yeah, you might as well put some fucking flavor in it Yeah, we'll just drink beer beer I think they say like the alcohol sterilized right so it was like you would wake up in the morning and crush like a 12 I get 12 pack you to like 12 ounces of beer and like some eggs and be like I'm gonna get work in there You wake up hungover and the only cold drink is beer like oh fuck it. I'll throw one back you force my hand Yeah, yeah, I've been slamming the Nase I heard She again I was dying to get into that so what he was saying you I they have a little bit of alcohol don't they Depends which one you get but they yeah, they have like point five percent I think I want to see them become like weed where like the Nase becomes so strong

These are the NA's I had He drank one and had like a panic attack Dude they're amazing in it. They're amazing. So what is so good about them? It's tricking yourself I See yeah, you catch like I'm like I'm like misbehaving when I drink them really even though they're like yeah I mean I could understand I drink decaf coffee when I drink them really even though they're like yeah, I mean I could Have coffee so I can understand yeah, but the the what can you do slam them like it all hours like a wild man You do my drive. Yeah

I'm started to I'm starting to crack an Asian Drive. Yeah, this is rigged. This is right I've started to crack NA's and drive, yeah. This is rigged, this is right to the FBI, dude. You've walked right into my trap. I want them to pull me over and be like, nah man, there's nothing in here. You just chuck it and be like, smash the bottle? Yeah, I know, I'll crack him at 10 a.m., 11 a.m. That's wild.

And it almost seems like you're in a dormancy period. You're just gonna flip the switch and there's gonna be cold activated Total Rockies just like, I've been trading for this for six years Dude I it is it has like I don't know I'm a little bit worried about it because it the tricking myself is working so well Mm-hmm that like I'm starting to see the power of like Self delusion, you know, it's good. I don't know you need it. What are you worried about being deluded on? I don't know I was I was watching I?

Was watching that like wide receivers documentary and George Kittle was like giving him himself like a bunch of positive self-talk Mm-hmm, and I was like That looks like it works it does dude I know but otherwise you just it feels dangerous giving yourself positive self-talk. That's your negative self That's what I feel it's like if I if I were ever to be like truly successful I would want to do it through negative self-talk no There's a right way and a wrong way to do it And it's like you want to whip yourself. Yeah, you want to crack the whip yeah to the promised land Yeah, come on. Yeah the idea of being like you can do whip yourself. Yeah, you want to crack the whip. Yeah to the promised land. Yeah

Oh, yeah, the idea of being like you can do this not and you can do this. You're going to do it's scary I know you mean it is like it's terrifying. Yeah, you start it's a slippery slope because it works so well Yeah, dude, you'll never stop if you're truly yeah, I know exactly what talking about I don't like double bracelets and be like it's all good Everything's good. Exactly. It's like yeah, I would love to do that. But yeah, it's tough It's although I've been researching I have some of it What's I have internal family systems and they like it's a whole psychological theory that I get I don't I obviously don't know it like you know

top to bottom but the idea is you do have a you're just a Collection of sub personalities. It's like there's no coherence really you're yeah You have the part of you that wants to lose weight you have the part of you that absolutely cannot help Yeah, but like crush any food that's in front of you. Yep all that stuff You have a part of it with drinking you the party doesn't want to drink party That doesn't want to smoke weed then a part of you that just like sees of a pen. It's like Yeah for no reason at 10 a.m. It's like now for my whole day Well dude that is that that's like the the fascinating thing about reading that like

The young stuff Carl Jung cuz like the book is like not Arguments for why it's right reading it was I think it was a it was like a collection That Carl Jung put together with like students of his oh It was supposed to be make it like a more accessible than his like other man and his images or the symbols or Yeah It's like that big textbook looking thing yeah, I got on the Kindle Simmons. That's what's up Yeah, yeah, there's a good book called the symbolic quest that breaks down young and stuff a lot of it Is it does like you're saying you're kind of like it's not making arguments for why it's right

But it is like it's a series of fucking locker-room speeches about like battling your You know young lost his mind for a while. I don't doubt it. He went crazy. He has a red book where he like for real just lost his mind and started writing about like demons and like people he would do. This is where the IFS stuff gets crazy. So so there's like um So there's all these sub personalities. There's some of you that's like been exiled due to like painful experiences that just gets pushed to your subconscious. Then there's protectors which is like if there if something comes up you'll initially launch into like well

I get a protective like dude. I in its 20s I was just reading about this well before I get into that and then there's a thing called the self and they say the self Is the center force of your personality which is just always confident creative they use like six C's and it's like the exact thing of like It's all good, bro Yeah, and then that that needs to be exposed to all these subpersonalities because they run the show they just there They it's like a exact thing of like it's all good, bro Yeah, and then that that needs to be exposed to all these sub personalities as they run the show they just they're it's like a Circus like a flea circus. Yeah, but I'm like reading about this and I'm like, okay cool enough and then I was at the pool recently with my kids and My kids are good. It's what they're good at swimming for how young they are

Like Maya can actually like swim in the deep end. Yeah, Chloe jumps in like the baby pool But she does this and we've like made him swim so much and then she does this thing because I'm like terrified of how you Know I like don't pay attention to anything. I'm like you guys better fend for your fucking selves My zone out first I might zone out I might be blasted off the vape head goddamn small sub personality that hasn't exposed itself yet to protect it protected myself in the I'm not gonna lie to myself yet, just protected. I protected myself. And Chloe can do this thing where she jumps

into the baby pool, lays flat, and then kind of pops out of the water and stands up. So, and she's two and there was a kid there who was three and the kid was with their grandmom. The kid couldn't get his head up out of the water. And all I asked was how old is the kid? And she was like, he's three. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And I watched this lady just go, because I was like how was the kid and she was like he's three and I was like Oh, that's cool

And like I watched this lady just go because I was like I have a daughter's too And I wasn't trying to like do like kids like it was not flexing. I thought they were the same age That's why I asked her like oh Maybe they can play and like it dudes and she was like a sweet lady and something came over her where she was like He doesn't get exposed to the water that and there's this part of her personality came up That was like not good enough, and it just launched into this thing of like dude well actually like he's not exposed to water that much And I was like dude. It's I was like he's doing great man I'm like it's not you know, but that happens with everything it's like when you have kids then it's just like

Fuck I fucked up, and it becomes like on the spot like that kids doing it my kid can't dude It comes in arms race man. Well all of you like I feel like all of you like I feel like the adult It comes in arms race, man. Well, all of you, I feel like all of you, I feel like the adult psychology world has exploded with all kinds of advice. It's like everything else. You go scroll through Instagram, and there's 10 million different diets

and fucking approaches to life. It's like, that's multiplied, I feel like, tenfold for kids. Oh yeah. And it's just like, every parent I know is like, yeah, if they're not walking in the next three weeks. It's like we're way behind And then they'll be a genius But yeah, I do a chair yeah parents freak about it man

It's like walking talking and like my kids just didn't get teeth which was like they didn't get teeth forever They looked insane. They walked early and kind of talk they'd have no teeth Or have like few teeth But yeah, what's that about no teeth every kid like every kid does picks things up like my yeah oldest walked kind of early But then didn't talk a lot until she was like two and a half And then our younger kid walked a little later, but she's been talking like a weirdo for like pretty young They're all just different. Yeah, yeah, I don't do it. I that's my number one thing

I'm against when parents get all freaked out about like putting their kid on that like the super Which I'm called escalator for like they gotta be doing this gotta be doing it's like dude fucking relax man Yeah, you're gonna make fine crazy. I didn't do shit when I was younger. No. I just was outside. No I was outside, bro. Yeah, nobody told me I was Insane man, I've heard of shit like Kids want like like oh, there's like a Mandarin immersion. It's like bro relax man. Yeah, I feel chill most of my child Most of my childhood memories are like me in some kids backyard like Six or seven houses away and my mom like pulling up and screeching the tires Like baseball pictures that need to be taken it's yeah Yeah

I I Look specifically remember like just being against the chain-link fence when I was little and just fucking like in a backyard Yes, like looking at a kid's toy and being like fuck Yeah, I want that so bad. It's like yeah, then like blackout three years later I'm just in school like what the fuck is this oh man. Yeah, I don't think the kids need it like that, dude It's insane to like Hit him with like an executive programming at fucking four or five Yeah, I do let them chill and now everyone like like to combat that too

My brother was telling me that like everyone just holds their kids back Really yeah like in school and in sports like that makes sense It's like your four-year-old kid is playing some fucking seven-year-old cuz he's like Yeah, the parents are like holding it back holding it back so they can just dominate younger kids for the like yeah So they graduate high school like 22 ah and they've just been Yeah, yeah, it's so it's so unnecessary man. I It's it makes me sad to be like damn, dude Just let them be like you're also like you want your kid to be bilingual and believe in Santa Claus

Yeah, it's like let's follow this drop the Santa Claus if you're thinking about a kid is like a rocket ship Let's drop the Santa Claus Fuel tank and then work on you know becoming a polyglot or whatever It's crazy man. Yeah, your brains more receptive to languages between years two and five It's like because you can't speak any of them. Yeah, it's all gibberish It's probably true, but it's also like I don't know dude. I I picked up Spanish all right Yeah, if you're not good at languages if you study it like dude. I studied piano when I was younger dropped it right away I was like yeah fucking I'm not doing this anymore

Well, I didn't had you have like musical people in your house your parents musical at all No, but my whole family is pretty musical my dad's sides very musical. Yeah, where it's like everyone can play piano See my family's not at all so you just got no Exposure to it yeah my dad Well my dad would like pick up my brother's guitar And he could play like two chords and we'd always just kind of like he played the same song over and over he pulled it On his knee awkwardly. Yeah, my brother Kevin is like I mean, I don't want to say virtuoso level like he's good He's very very good. That's huge

Yeah, see that's yeah I had to trickle down on me and like any of me and my we can all like strum some chords my brother's at the Top I think yeah, Billy's going in for my spot right now second second place fucking on the strings But really Billy's been practicing a lot. How often do you play? I? Like I have it in my office. I'll pick it up if I have downtime I'll pick it up every day and fuck around but right now my aims on piano I'm just on piano right now a piano sick so fucking tight dude. It's really chickened out I was at a thing the other day, and they had a piano there like they were filming something I like

Just possibly played like a little something like walked away real quick like yeah, dude I can't I can't even have like dude when we were playing that was dude We were trying to recreate that with my younger like very young cousin I was like you do the dent in it then it didn't and I was playing I kept fucking it up Oh, dude, I can't I couldn't handle it do it shredded I know I know, but it takes the level of concentration it takes for me just to play those chords Yeah, once you when you're riffing over it It's like that's sick, and then once you come back in with me playing the chords. I like my body Just for in for references that song then then and denen denen denen denen denen

Chopsticks, right? I think it is Chopsticks. Dude, I'm trying to teach my daughters, I'm like, please learn how to fucking do this so I can solo over this. I'm trying to learn the different scales, I'm like, this is so tight. And then I fucked it up, man, I absolutely blew it.

My wife was like, I'll record it, and I was like, and I just fucked it up, and I was I was like dude the idea of improvising musically is just my mind cracks my mind Yeah, cuz yeah, I mean I think you even said it were just like no if you play any of these notes In this key you get good And then you learn like I know up and down the scale to sound robotic But if you like then I hit a couple notes jump to another one and kind of go back You can get the feel for it. Yeah, it's for real. It's like coming Really if you're like making it sound good. You're like oh my god. It's honestly one of the best things in the world

It has to be I don't think I yeah, I don't I Yeah, it would take me a lot of doing it to actually be able to yeah not come when I was doing it I think dude, I think if I ever soloed a little bit and then like came back in I'd like I'd cream. You might smash a guitar. That's why I It's crazy. I mean it's universally it taps into like literally something universal and people are like oh Yeah, it's him with a good feel. Yeah music's really weird. Yeah, it does feel getting a study of music It's the weirdest shit in the world. It's just a pattern inherent Yeah, like dude. He figured out calculus like the universe is laid out apparent according to like these wild mathematical laws that produce music

It's like fucking love that shit. That's I always feel bad for the guys that are trying to connect Like the two different types of physics Trying to find the grand unified theory yeah, and it's feel bad for them, too I'm kind of on the other side where I'm like hurry it up. What the fuck you guys doing Yeah, we got all these nerds and all this money. We haven't connected the two brain I maybe they're not supposed to be connected dude I don't want to look I don't want to tell these nerds how to do their job But it's like maybe you guys are barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, I've hear a lot of people complaining

It's like we don't care enough What yeah, don't tell me that yeah, yeah, that it's just like We don't care enough what yeah, don't tell me that yeah, yeah, that it's just like Because people are like how come when there was all these discoveries and like over the course of like a hundred years And then I think those people were way dumber too, so you could say anything like yeah, that makes sense Yeah, but it still applies a physics. No, but like an insight insight like Einstein's they're like how come I'll be like Right I just believe him I go yeah dude fuck that

What a bitch No yeah Einstein was definitely, well he rejected quantum physics for a long time He did There's all that deathbed talk He ended his career in like disgrace It's crazy I know He was like yeah there's all that talk about like Einstein was actually really fucking like pissed off when he died

Yes, the other guy quantum physics stuff pissed him off it pissed him off, and he couldn't disprove it it is it's angering Yeah, it is quantum. I love physics is in I don't know anything about it. I love it I love the fact that things should be basically like whoo, and you look at it. It goes yeah, like yeah I kind of knew that honestly yeah, but It was like what was the other stuff? Where is it coming from stays in the quantum field and as soon as consciousness hit it it becomes in a particle reality Yeah, but you don't think it's alternate universes The alternate universe would just be the universe there's no such thing if there's alternate universes They would be just part of the universe universe, but I get what you're saying yeah

Yeah, where it's just like it's another you interfering with you I mean brother yes, I will totally infinite use interfering they reach the wormhole every now and again and just jerk me off I did there was it there was like a couple weeks where I did try to use that to motivate myself I need to beat the other me's yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you read fucking a dark matter Yeah, yeah, how good was that book if book is amazing great recommend dude. I fucking love that. I want to watch it I was what did they make a movie of it? It's on Apple TV. I think really think it's a series on Apple TV Yeah, oh shit. Yeah, I'm actually uh Yeah, I was like I was talking about that recently

I was making me laugh when he was like smashing his other world wife Yeah, and his other timeline wife was like What the fuck he's like what the fuck you fucked my other. I didn't know that was he's like well. I did so yeah Yeah, what was I supposed to do? I don't think that's I think if you're in the if you enter like into some like superposition multidimensional thing you can you have the right to all your wives and those I Don't want to start a fight with my wife over this But I almost want to tell her like bro if I get into superposition somehow I'm taking you down

Yeah, I'm gonna smash you across fuck you in another universe for sure I might smash myself Just to see what happens to you see what's good. Yeah, how would I react to something like this? Yeah, you can get fucked without being fucked oh That cuz you're fucking yourself, but you wouldn't know I guess you could be like you know how's it feel brother Yeah, yeah, maybe like I fucking hate you. I knew it you could prove you're fucking yourself, but you wouldn't know I guess you could be like you know how's it feel brother Yeah, yeah, maybe like I fucking hate you I knew it you could prove you're not gay Fuck yourself in the quantum superposition and be like yeah, dude. I totally hated it. I beat my ass I turn around I was like yo what the fuck yeah, I didn't want to do this. How is it not masturbating? Yeah, I mean it would be that would be the ultimate fab sessionh. Yeah, but yeah, I mean people are not like here about

Travel another dimension to take yourself So funny you just see Hitler and you're like I'm gonna fuck myself. Yeah, I gotta find me yeah, I Got I got woken up last night in an absolute panic I just I haven't had one of those nights in forever you wake up, and you have like six million different things You're like oh fuck and I like I lay down I Dude I I can't talk about it. It's a thing. It's like a project. I was working on but I Laughed it might be the stupidest idea. I'll tell you afterwards it might be the stupidest fucking idea I've ever came across and I Wouldn't I could I don't like leave the room who's I was laughing and go sit on

I was like laying on my couch naked just being like this is a dumb It was a project It's a writing thing I had an idea for and then it like I had this Flat they almost made me thought I was having a psychotic break It was that stupid and I couldn't stop laughing at it. I had to like leave my room lay on my couch naked and just be like that would be fucking funny This episode is brought to you by true classic true classic is designed to accentuate your best features True classic shirts are tailored for a perfect fit Snug in the arms and chest with just the right amount of room in the mid section. A lot of people saying I'm on TRT, not true. I'm on TC, True Classic. They

make you look jacked. True Classic sells premium products at an affordable price. You can get their best-selling t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more in three, six, and nine packs. True Classic's activewear becomes essential for workouts and vacations alike. Their activewear crewnecks offer moisture wicking, quick dry, and odor control. Pair them with their super soft stretchy joggers for all day comfort. Right now you can unlock big savings when you bundle items site wide. Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash mssp to save. That's trueclassic.com slash mssp and discover the perfect blend of summer vibes and timeless

elegance with True Classic. Shop now and elevate your wardrobe today. Our next sponsor needs no introduction. You've seen the ads. You've heard us talk about it a million times. I bet there's a part of you, pun intended, that wants to try it. What am I talking about? BlueChew. That's right. This isn't your grandpa's blue pill. Those were men for your grandpa. They didn't have those. This is the one. The OG chewable tablet for better sex. BlueChew is a unique online service that delivers

the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in a chewable form. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. To be fair, I've never taken BlueChew. My dick gets hard as hell, but I know a lot of guys that take it. Bluechew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part? It's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead and be ready whenever an

opportunity arises. Bluechew wants you to have better sex. Discover your options at Bluechew.com. Bluechew wants the entire country rock hard. They told me that's the mission. They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house, till every tent is pitched, till every rod is raised.

Discover your options at bluechew.com. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluechew free when you use our promo code Drench to check out. Just pay $5 shipping. That's BlueChu.com, promo code Drench to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChu.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChu for sponsoring the podcast. Tired of mystery pointing on a menu in a different country only to be served?

Yep, snails. Why not actually speak the language and order what you want? That's where Babbel comes in. Babbel's 10-minute lessons are quick and handcrafted by over 200 language experts, ready to get you talking your new language in three weeks, because talking is the key to really knowing any language. Babbel's tips and tools are grounded

in the real-life stuff you'll actually need. Everything is focused on conversation, stuff you'll actually need. Everything is focused on conversation so you'll be ready to talk wherever you go. I love it. I gotta start doing Babbel again. I've slacked on it but I'm gonna start doing my daughter or having my daughter do Babbel, see if I can teach her Spanish because everyone wants kids to learn 10 languages. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University and others continue to prove Babbel is better.

One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babel has over 16 million subscriptions sold, plus all of Babel's 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee. Here's a special limited time offer for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your babble subscription But only for our listeners at babble comm slash drenched get up to 60% off babble comm slash drenched spelled BA BB EL dot com slash drenched rules and restrictions may apply Yeah, also go to Matt McCusker comm for tickets. I'll be in Portland

Oregon and a bunch of other places Matt McCusker comm slash dates or just go to Matt McCusker dot com for tickets. I'll be in Portland Oregon and a bunch of other places Matt McCusker dot com slash dates or just go to Matt McCusker dot com and click on dates Whichever you prefer Thank you We're back in I do have to I can't I can't reveal that just yet. Yeah. Oh My god, dude, so so you woke up in a panic I woke up in a panic last night with just a rush of ideas some Absolutely terrifying some absolutely enthralling. Yeah, I was just and I haven't good dude. You know what actually I Think coffee was fucking me up from that

because I used to get these like constant rushes of just like Weird just like oh, that's a good idea. This would be funny. I was drinking lots of coffee. I had to do a sleep deprivation I Like oh, that's a good idea. This would be funny. I was drinking lots of coffee. It had to do a sleep deprivation. I Was just like not getting enough sleep slamming coffee to stay awake and I was in a cycle for like three years yeah, and as soon as I've been off the bean again and And again, I I'm very sensitive to caffeine. Oh, you know, it's not I'm not saying this is for everybody But dude, I've been starting to have those like Wild like just every now and again. I'll be laying there in the middle of night and stuff will come to me when I was on the bean I wasn't getting that

dude yeah it's crazy again that's just me I do understand like waking up hitting the Joe and just getting after it that is a nice thing you can do as well I'm one cup a day though and you're probably have a normal metabolism I get one cup a day and it's like the edge of a panic attack I know now because of the our ring yeah, I was checking my Ring what's not track my stress oh? Tracks my stress sleep and physical activity dude. I swear to God people can shit hopefully people didn't see my sickie Mother myself over my shoulder The let me see if I can how does it I've been showing this everybody dude. I can't stop fucking spurting about the our ring I've been showing this everybody dude. I can't stop fucking spurging about the o-ring

So it apparently there's a vein that runs through your and this it's not it's not a sponsor or anything It's like there's like a vein that runs through your index finger that gives you like the best thing Right now. I'm just engaged my stress just started clocking. I'm engaged not stressed Yeah, I'll engage, but dude when I was I've literally showed this everybody. This is me on caffeine It never really went to a relaxed period. This is me off the bean. Let me say, actually, this is, where's the last one? I stopped tracking a lot of these days, but this was like the first day.

So yeah, this is on the bean, this is off the bean. How I dip back down. And then if I have, I've had days where I'm kind of stressed, but still I'm hitting these deep periods of relaxation, like right there, at that well fucking that's not a nap No the nap it'll track my nap and it'll tell me it'll like it put dotted lines It looks like you're asleep. Yeah, I'd be worried about the data. I'd love the data I was worse. I wanted to know and like yeah, sorry my nose you wanted to know being versed no bean

I wanted to know my sleep first of all I just don't like a thing telling me how I'm feeling Oh, I love it. You know I like well. Here's the thing I don't know that's like I didn't realize how stressed I was because you get into the world of like Stress and lack of sleep for so long it becomes normal. Yeah, so I was like bro. I'm kind of like chillin This is the first time I actually drink coffee and chill then I realized I'm like oh I'm never hitting like those deep periods of relaxation throughout the day where I like get like if I'm like done everything I'm just chilling there for a second my body will just be like Kind of decompress and I think that's like

You know for like writing and thinking of things like for me I've learned if I hit that deep period of relaxation like my gear will kick on in my brain and like I can start it I don't know. I think that's good for me to hit those. I need those periods I need the peaks and valleys on the bean I'm just in the peaks yeah, and I never hit that deep reset, and it was I was becoming like I feel like a zombie dude Yeah, there's a whole other dude There's a whole other part of me when I get to my deep reset total chill I used to have what it's called chill attacks, or it's the opposite of a panic attack where I'm like oh my god, dude

I might be chilling like too hard And I wasn't ever able to get back up. I was just like bro. I might like disappear like I'm too chill right now But that's good. I feel like that's a zone you need to get into it was pumped on it I could I was hitting it. I was like this is cool when I was on the bean I'm up here just like total like all day long, and then I finally just crash at nighttime and fall asleep Yeah, man. It is we know it look again. Everyone needs their personalized data I know I wouldn't recommend it for everybody and I think coffee is honestly the sweetest shit ever to wake up and pound coffee is awesome But dude everyone's looking for the the escape the sweet escape anyone who's like in a relationship or certainly has kids

I feel like is looking for Somehow to take a week-long vacation inside of 15 minutes. Oh, yeah Somehow to take a week-long vacation inside of 15 minutes. Oh, yeah Dude there is ice like waking up sleep deprived with kids yelling and being like I'm gonna get high on caffeine right now Yeah, it's a real thing. It's an escape, but it's sweet. It is so good again I don't want to be like puritanical about it. I'm saying for myself It's and then it's the cool thing for me is if I one day. I'm like you know what I'm gonna Have a cup of coffee I can just fucking skits out for like three hours and be like that was cool

But dude it hooks you so fast caffeine is so addicting dude Yeah, cuz I've always said like I want to try to nicotine and see if I can just get off of it And I've heard that's even worse more addicting than caffeine. I'm like now. I'm kind of scared. I'm like nicotine Yeah, I was like it was a motherfucker getting off of caffeine. It was really hard. Yeah, it's just so nice It's the routine. It's the smell it's like I appreciate the choir. That's why I drink decaf That's why I understand your NA beers is I drink a huge mug of decaf coffee in the morning And I just pretend I go like dude don't even talk to me until I had I know dude, and it's a crazy cuz it's like yeah

I've had like NA beers at the end of a day Just like sitting in the Sun and been like dude. I am I'm drunk right now. Yeah, like I feel my body is like Simulating first beer brain that's tight. Yeah, that's awesome It's fucking rules and what about like fourth fourth NA are you just kind of like bro? It's well the thing is crazy right now. It almost kind of feels like dream scenario where you're like drinking and not getting fucked up That's awesome. You know what I mean like if you're if you wanted to like be able to pound a bunch of beers and still be able to hang Yeah, it's the perfect recipe. It doesn't like crush people when you drink water at a party people be like water, bro Yeah, you drink any beers people respect them a lot

Yeah, well I like the ones where the graphics are so complicated that Exactly what is that? Like no, bro. It's just water dude. I yeah what fourth of July I was just crushing in a beers and then went and did like spots at night And it was like I felt like a super superhuman that's kind of tight So do you think I drank all day, and I'm sober yeah and can do things it was like that's fantastic Are you are you like do you like hybrid are you just on the NA beers right now? Or are you like doing like a well?

It's a way of I'll do I'm like I'm switching to like a targeted strike mode of drinking I'll do I'm like I'm switching to like a targeted strike mode of drinking Like Just so I'm not drinking all the like for something like really fun and cool. I'll get fucked up. Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm trying to like chill mode. Yeah, that's really that's a good. I'm the nays. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, so I'm still like Yeah, I'm not not drinking. I'm just like, I'm trying to be, yeah. Slow gear, fast, you have gears now. You have a shifter.

Yeah, yeah. You have gear one and gear two. Yeah, if something's cool, I'll drink for it. That's a good idea, man, because I like, I like cigars for that reason, because it's the same thing. It's like, you're not getting fucked up from them. They kind of give you a mild buzz, but you have something you sit there

and relax and do for like 40 minutes Yes, but I'm such a pussy about the taste the next day I like I have to really be like dude you listen his grand had like 50 of these a day I got to stop being a bitch and just have a shitty cigar mouth I know but there is a cigar hangover the mouth that you're saying like yeah like how your mouth feels Yeah, it's like but I just crush gum now. I go like fuck it I'll just crush gum and just stop being yeah bitch about it Yeah, cuz I like will complain to my dad my dad loves cigars

And I'm always I like smoking with him when I'm with him And he's like I'm like yeah, but the next day your mouth stuff that tastes like shit He just looks at me like what the fuck? Fuck out your mouth tastes. I'm like makes me feel kind of queasy Yeah, it makes me feel weird talking to people if you just crush cinnamon gum, dude You can you can really get out there and just ignore it all together. Cigar is nice too, because you... Exactly.

Cigar, yeah, that's my, uh... You kind of need to be doing things outwardly to let people know not to fuck with you. Yeah, true. Like, when you're having a cigar, people can't assign you tasks. That's very true. You know what I mean. That's very true. You know what I mean? It's very, it's.

That's also kind of like what I enjoy about like reading is that nobody, you can't read it with me. Yeah, true. You can't do this with me. Sometimes you're watching something on TV and someone sits down and you're like, I don't wanna watch this with you. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I don't wanna deal with you reacting to this. I just wanna be in the book. Yeah solo experience true Yeah, and it's one is the ultimate sig break. It's like well. This is gonna take 45 Yeah, sorry, and can't you see I'm in a mood. Yeah, I'm doing something right right I got we had a kids party recently And I got like I got kind of blocked at the kids party and I plan it was it was go mode for me as well I like I was like whenever I'm loading up a cooler during the day

I'm like I'm gonna fucking try to drink and I don't drink that much, but it was for me It was enough and I just like got like kind of sauced up at this party And then that night I was like I gotta walk my dogs And I was like I'm gonna smoke a cigar while I walk my dogs like kind of hammer It was so nice, and I didn't realize there was like a family behind me So yeah, it was like a dad and his kid and dad and his like 10 year old kid right behind me I just let out like a huge cloud of smoke. It's like a family behind me so yeah, it was like a dad and his kid and dad and his like 10 year old kid Right behind me. I slid out like a huge cloud of smoke. It was like Yeah, they're so sorry guys. I'm so funny. I was apologetic cuz I was like I'm so sorry You will blow smoke in my kids faces. I freak blow

Like if they're like if we're at the airport stands right in front of me like to say I'm like bro get the fuck out Here yeah, I genuinely didn't know so I was like bro. I'm so so I was in an absolute It was like the Sun was coming down. I was doing my little nature walk with my dogs I was fucking heaven dude dude absolute heaven cigar in the woods It was nice super It's like a little like there's like ponds and stuff and you kind of like walk past them I was just absolute heaven until my dogs pull on the leash, and I turn it's like a blind rage I'm like look you gotta really work on that down here in Philadelphia

They're way more tolerant of just yanking a dog and be like what the fuck come on. Yeah here. It's like People get mad. I noticed. They're not really down with that at all So I and I've been getting way better with the two or they yank me and I'm like Now I know I'm like you probably have to poop. Do you think it's a disrespect thing from the dogs? No, it's just a physical thing. It's like I'm walking in my body gets jerked, and I'm instantly just furious. Yeah, I'm walking into my shoulder gets pie It's like somebody bumping you really hard Yeah, it's like that physical sensation where you're like what the fuck you get confused for like a split second You're like you see your dog like

Dude stop you're just fucking almost- I almost fell! Yeah, I do that with like inanimate objects. Have you hit- have you like bumped into them? Yeah, or if like if you're moving something and they like fall. What the fuck are you doing? I know. Yeah, I have- I was like moving like a vase or something and we had like a bunch of like-

I had a bunch of like comic books and like book holders. Yeah. And one of the book holders just slid out and everything fell. I was like this is me I know exactly what that yeah, I was yelling at my girl. I was like these book holders are done Fucking work done with you When the fucking books slide this way what the fuck dude if I take one book out We have like bookends and the whole thing collapses I'm like what's the point of those things dude. I get actually very furious

Yeah, when it's a thin thing it needs like weight on it in even in order to work Dude when you have kids especially and they leave their shit everywhere I'm gonna race to happen to me when I would paint houses like when there's just shit everywhere And I try to walk and I'm like there's stuff all around my feet I go in look at toddler freak out where I'm like Here I'll stop being in the room at night time the playroom so with toys cuz there's like a Path to the door I need to get to it'll be covered in toys my one dogs going blind So he's like walking into shit and falling and I'll just be like just fucking shit and start kicking stuff Just start kicking shit everywhere just by myself at night times dude. I had the ultimate spaz recently. I forgot about this

Where was I I was somewhere I Was coming back. I think I was here actually doing a podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was here I did one with Marcus King. We went out to eat a fucking dumbass I knew I didn't have enough time that I take my dog to the vet and I'm like I'm a fucking dumbass. I knew I didn't have enough time that I take my dog to the vet and I'm like It's greasing lunch and yeah as soon as I as soon as the ball is in motion I was like there's no way I can pull this off. I know Life oh my whole life. Oh, and then I take it to go like a weirdo I was like actually guys don't want to take my food to go have fun

There's a worse thing ever that's my whole life is just it's like how you gonna turn down going to lunch or whatever the Marcus King yeah, it's like you're gonna do it Yeah It's like how you gonna turn down going to lunch or whatever the mark is king Yeah, it's like you're gonna do it Yeah, and then you realize that you're completely fucked and now you have to do an even more embarrassing thing Well, my wife called me as I sat down for lunch. She's like you're not gonna be able to do this. I was like I Can yeah, I knew I can you let me worry about me I knew I knew I was fucked and then I'm like I'm waiting I'm sitting there like every second. They didn't bring out my food is agony I'm like fuck cuz my wife's like you can't order anything you just have to leave now I was like I can get it to go dude, and then I go to leave. I'm late. I call the place

I'm like yo, I'm gonna be 15 minutes late. Oh, yeah, that's cool Gridlock fucking Biden came to town dude shut down the whole fucking thing It's so I'm like what the fuck is he doing here? Yeah, there's no point of him being here. He fucked up the whole city dude I it was like for real 35 to 40 minutes. It's a 12 minute drive to my house Yeah, I couldn't I would come to a thing get stopped there be cops there go that I go back around more traffic I did this forever my wife's calling me. She's like fine. I'll take the dogs myself. I'm like don't take the fucking dogs I'll get the dogs actually fuck it. I'll cancel the appointment I'll take the dogs myself. I'm like don't take the fucking dogs. I'll get the dogs actually fuck it I'll cancel the appointment. We're going back and forth and

She hung up without saying goodbye and dude I punched my phone's on this little thing I fucking just punched my phone and then threw it and I hit my phone so hard That it dialed 9-1-1 thinking I'd been in the car crash car crash. I didn't know phones could do that by the way. I fucking rocked my phone. It was like a double punch slam against the door. Fucking slammed my phone. The ring had to be pissed. She claims she hung up on accident by the way. I know better. But I didn't mean that. I didn't know you were still talking. We'll just let that one live. But dude the point is I hit my phone so hard. I didn't spaz like this in a while. It was a full fucking spat like a retro spaz

And dude so then my phone I threw it. I couldn't find it I'm still trying to drive and there's cops directing stuff so my phone's against the side of my thing hooked up to my car phone So it's like nine one one what I was like oh, and I have to like pull over and grab my phone And I hang up they call me back like what's your emergency? I was like bro. I spaz my wife and punch my phone He just laughed it was like what's your emergency? I was like bro. I spaz my wife and punch my phone It's all good, bro I was like dude apparently if you throw your phone really hard it calls now one He's like oh, so you're fine. I'm like yeah fine, bro. I just spaz out my wife's pissing me off dude I he's like all right brother. I watched I watched that

But them shut down 35 because I my place looks out on I-35. Oh, yeah. And like, I'm a traffic junkie, dude. Do not, do not fuck up traffic unless it's the most important thing in the world. When you say junkie, you mean like you- I just, I, things need to flow. I just need- Oh, so you're a flow junkie. Yes.

I thought you were saying you crave the slow crawl of traffic. No, no, no, I can't stand traffic You know like since I was a toddler if we got in traffic I would like try to go to sleep in the back seat It's like it's the only thing that I have like genuinely have like a phobia of yeah, just stopping. Yes, and I can't stand it I don't understand it. It drives me nuts. So the idea that you weren't even in the traffic You know, I was just a dude dude I was standing on my balcony looking at It's being like this is outrageous

Dude I cuz it's they shut it down for like five hours, dude it what it fucked me up Take a fucking helicopter don't come yes, you're demented Don't spend dude. It's millions of dollars. You gotta call some millions of dollars to come here stop it dude I remember hearing a report that like like traffic in China cost their economy like Billions hundreds of billions of dollars every year and so every time I see something like that It's like this is costing the state of Texas Money yeah on top of obviously paying everyone to shut down the fucking highway But it's like saying this is this is like people aren't getting to where they need to go packages are not being delivered

Yes, or fucking not happening because why? Dude, you're not even you quit. No one's gonna try to kill you now. I know I know I think they're hoping they're probably lobbing him up like you better guys better not shoot this guy I mean dude they could they helicopter him to the airport I know save everyone the trouble just never shut down the highway dude. Let him do it from TV to man Yeah, it was also it's 102 degrees out or just put a drive on the highway in tank. You know don't tell anybody He's coming. Yeah, nobody knew the only way people found out was them shutting down I was like who the fuck is this dude it the vet that I was supposed to go to I called him

I was like bro. I'm just not coming like 35 shut down there like yeah So like dude how many people say you had to like you're like a cake maker, and you had to deliver a birthday cake Yeah, yo, I can't make it to you right now I'm fucked yeah Or there's a bunch of people that had you like had appointments at your fucking spa or your nail place or your vet or whatever And that didn't show up because and had a valid excuse and you're just like well fuck yeah So they could do some weird satanic enterprise Puppeting around a fucking demented guy. Yeah, what did he give it? I mean I can't even imagine what he said

I think you're right. I think they just propped him up for the headshot. They're like, yeah, please take it off Yes, well only this would be so sick because then they would win What it's like the whole image martyrdom thing. Yeah, if biting a shot, they will spin it into like just put a mask on a regular guy Oh Yeah, fake him out. Yeah, we can't even yeah. Yeah, they should would you even care what if they faked Biden? No, I don't know. I'm hundred Biden was doing like six events in different places at the same time fake by no I wouldn't go good. I'd be more I'll get their father position. Yeah, no exactly I got a Disneyland you take a picture with Mickey Mouse. You're not like this isn't fucking Mickey

Yeah, I put a suit on we're getting the photo Well like mega churches a lot of them have satellite churches where they display They're at one place and just beams out to different locations like let me on fucking TV man I got is not need to be flying in fucking Air Force one. Yeah rallying the troops Yeah, the pressure the Kamala craze is sweet. I think that shit's been making me laugh so hard like no There's a genuine movement growing behind. I'm like I'm almost positive. This is not a genuine. There's no way no one's this is not a grassroots be like people are really waking up to Kamala It's like no, they're not this is all PR firms 1000% yeah white dudes for Kamala not a grassroots movement. I can I get sure you're there

I get a I get a sense of relief that Biden quit. But genuine enthusiasm is like. Terrifying for for Kamala, that's not true, is nobody. It can't be. They're trying to be like, yeah, dude, she's basically like Obama. Yeah, she's not. I've never met one. Yeah.

We've also we've we've tasted the sweet fruit of a black president. So it's like they're trying to cash in like first female black president. And then there's everyone's like, she's actually Indian. Obama was the end of people thinking that something would be different. Yeah. That was the great disillusionment. I was like, oh, I even was like, bro, this is like, this is crazy, man. We're living in a different world now, it turned out.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It's the same. It's the exact same. And then, yeah. So now it's just like, nobody's going to be excited. How could you be excited? Yeah.

She'd have to be cool like I don't know why they can't find someone who's genuinely cool Like there's such fucking dorks. I don't know I mean it's obvious. I hear cool You're like I'm not gonna sit in Washington for 15 years and lick people's fucking shoelaces, and yeah Well, dude this is why I was why oh like I feel like there should be more referendums What's that? What is it? I don't know when I like, I feel like there should be more referendums. What's that, what is a referendum? I don't know, when I voted there would be like, there would be like, the names of the people, and then they would ask you like a question at the bottom

that was like, you want a casino here? Or like, Yeah, I like that. How do you feel about weed? They should just have one that's just like, should everyone, should we fire everyone that works in Congress and start over? Yeah, that'd be so sweet just and it's like take a vote on it. That's what I'm saying

Everyone who's currently in is out. Yeah, and no longer allowed to run. Let's yeah, let's fucking like you do with the waiters That rest like they do with waiters at restaurants where it's like you got a clean house You gotta fire your whole waitstaff every five years because they get all Infected with each other they start having their friends come in and giving people like a bartenders like to show up when I'm working It becomes all this like free deal Kind of economy where they all start being like I run this place Yeah, I've heard from multiple people every five years You might keep one loyal dog and just fucking shop the heads of your whole staff yeah it's like it sounds fucked up but I I've been I've known so many people at restaurants who

get jobs there and they're like yo come in I'll get don't worry about your check like just pay me a big tip and I'll ring you up for like 20 bucks really yeah I've seen it happen multiple times I just come in on bartending like I got you yeah which apparently Barton bartenders are like part of the job is knowing when you're supposed to get free drinks part of bartender Culture but a lot of them will abuse it and have people in and be like fuck is this yeah? I mean, I don't want to like I think our Dini suck outside. Oh, let me use and Gardea. Let's let's uh what where we at time-wise My god, dude you are you what time you gotta go?

I got a little time all right. Let's bring the lights can get canceled anyway. What time's your flight hurricane 3 2 45? All right, let's uh let's slide into the patreon. What do you got where people catch you obviously stuff islands check out stuff island That's pretty much it. We'll show you guys shows coming up you guys coming off that you guys had a man Oh tour going going up to fill it for tires sweet for the rest of the year I think all right nice man. You're going which is awesome. Yeah My girlfriend is complaining that I always seem every time someone asked me how I'm doing on a podcast. I'm like fine Yeah, I'm like things are good Yeah, maybe

Say things are good because you got to get in a double bracelets motive big bro. Everything is just like it's all fall important to plan Oh, dude, I also like I don't is just like it's all for the plan dude Oh, dude, I also like I don't that's like a big fear in my life is like being positive and then catastrophe striking Like I'd so much rather be on a podcast and be like, I don't know things are good and then I die and Kind of saw it coming. They're like, everything's awesome. Everyone laughs at your dead body.

It's all on the up and up. I can't see a bad thing happening. Dude, I've been convinced that 80% of doing any sort of acting stand up, 80% of the job is learning how to stop the ceaseless torrent of negative self-thoughts Yeah, I didn't do a thing the other day I was so uncomfortable the whole time and I was like my job is to not freak out It's all I gotta do is not freak out and do my best. I do with stand-up

I've like learned to like I used to sit back there and be like fuck Yeah, yeah, dude. I suck. I'm gonna fucking forget everything and freak out Trying to tap into like bro. It is what it is. I'm having a good time. Oh, do you have any good time? I'm having a good and I'll see someone not having fun. I'm like Yeah, I spiral into a place from like are these even your ideas This is what year this is what you're bringing to the table like things that I like genuinely thought was funny I'm just like this is who you are Fuck is wrong with you. She say something interesting you got a double leather

Man, this is crazy All the things you could possibly say you chose these subjects you're an embarrassment