Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 516 - Gloom Flower (feat. Sam Tallent, Lemaire Lee, & Shawn Gardini)

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Samuel @ patreon.com/chubbybehemoth Go See Him Live and Purchase his Novel @ https://www.samtallent.com/ Support Lemaire @ https://www.patreon....com/pitm Support Shawn @  https://www.patreon.com/TSUAVE Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Hello everyone. Hope you're having a great start to your week. Big Samuel was in town so we ripped a cast at Josh's studio yesterday morn (shout out josh). Comedy Frequencies Studios. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. ps may be dropping alittle something later this week as well hehe This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100

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Starting point is 00:00:00 We were live I was starting now Hey everybody welcome back to the motherfucking podcast another week on this hellacious gravitron we call an earth blue marble Can't stand up on this gravitron Sam tell thank you for joining us with Eric hardini. Thank you guys less Thank you guys less Me and Matt we're just gonna be in here and talking about men stuff we can talk about men stuff men table boys table You were in a parranger shirt boys table
Starting point is 00:00:38 Your uncle died and you got that shirt He's got the basic brand on there. Thank you for the hookup by the way in Rhode Island. Oh this do yeah studio was nice Well there I thought you designed it man Figures everywhere You're the good game. Yeah to the bros though. They did they held it down. I interviewed Glenn Larrie. Yeah Did you meet a beans yeah, I'll be beans yeah, I'm beans rules. That's your bro. Yeah white bowl, right? Yeah You got bros all over Bud was just in marveling over your tentacles Yo, every I swear to God anytime I'm like Lamar I'm gonna be here I'm gonna like find a studio
Starting point is 00:01:21 He's all I know somebody has like a studio over there and your bros are solid dude Yeah, absolutely keep them tight. I assume that the walls are typically like rubber, you know Like I feel like some of these studios are just like this place. They were former sex parlors Place was a former this probably were like all the anal went down by the way We're in the back of the black rabbit We're in the back of the black rabbit That's why it's called a chickery coffee Historic black rabbit Yeah, this is definitely the anal chamber Director
Starting point is 00:01:50 Maybe just gay stuff actually This might have been the strictly gay dungeon This is the closet Yeah, cause that's what we're doing This is the gayest thing that's ever This is as close to gay as I get, god damn it Yup, it is These labels we put on ourselves.
Starting point is 00:02:05 I do have a theory that every old man turns like hopelessly homosexual at like 65. I don't know why I have this theory in my head. Like every time like an old man in the airport like looks at me, I'm like, you don't wanna fuck me, you old nasty. You old nasty. Dude, he's giving you an up down.
Starting point is 00:02:21 I'm telling you man, I have a theory that every man at 60 turns like wildly, wildly gay, uncontrollably gay. I'm telling you man. I have a theory that every man at 60 turns like like wildly Wildly get uncontrollably gay. Well, yeah, it's all it's like every man's fate at like 60 to be like I can't take it anymore. Do you yeah? God damn. Yeah, I tried this fucking bullshit for 65 Got me here, you know, why didn't I just fuck my boys? Yeah That's my brother's logic true. Yeah Yeah, Jim's was just here. He fucking almost hit us with a hot shot We were bug chasing with Now that's a podcast
Starting point is 00:03:02 Catch some fin no I don't know if he doesn't want this in the public forum I want to highlight your all of your cocaine Like like two days into the hang got you right after we smoke Bro you gotta let us know that's the worst you can You can't get a cold sore passing the blood. No, no. I don't think so. No, it's not a pass the blood. Us, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:03:31 I know, but we were kissing a lot too, so. You just wanna get him on your dick. Getting a cold sore is nothing. Yeah. I was born and I got cold sores as a child. Did you really? Yeah, because I think my mom had bore the cross. My mom bore the cross as well
Starting point is 00:03:45 But I didn't get it I don't have them down south, but I'll pop one up and then everyone's like oh you were living It's like no my mom was a child of the 70s She lived long she was living yeah, I don't think it's it necessarily sexual to get cold sore I think it just gets passed down through the generations. I hope not cuz I get them in yeah I think if you're just you think if you're just like, face is just puckered in misery for long enough, it's just pretty hard.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Just a gloom flower. Oral herpes. Oh, here we go. Oh, of course you could get it from sex. Oral sex with the... Hit this and that. I think it's from kissing all your old aunties, dude. Hey, auntie.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Aunties are freaky as hell. I might start seeing their tests, I think it's from kissing all your old aunties My star seeing their tests like you get tested recently before It's like you're in prison you're checking people's passports That would be good though to start like I might start a thing like a nonprofit where I check in on Or just like it like at the you know they're all fucking at the which one called the ladies Oh, yeah, I might get them papers a big bro. You can totally cream pie this old lady Yeah, I want to be graphic, but I'm saying like it'd be nice We'll be there one day dude. You want to know like let me just check the chart real quick That must be great nobody talks about the CP in the retirement the free cuff in the
Starting point is 00:05:09 Do just having your new balances on is being like in the retirement home. You know the nurses can hear you Yeah, like an old Haitian woman has to wheel you into the room to get fucked by some guy. And then you ring a bell and she comes and retrieves you. I think so. An old Haitian lady can't do that. She's too busy. Yeah, true. You can't say that that wasn't proven. Just because you saw it on TV does not make it true.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Just because you have those braids doesn't mean you can go crazy on the island violence I did I did hear which McCall it JD Vance came through they were like pressing him on that question He was like well Here's the thing whether or not a Haitian woman ate a cat there are still boots on the ground reality to the immigration crisis That you guys at CNN aren't whoever it was aren't covering. He kind of definitely maneuvered around it Yeah, it's all it is now He kind of definitely maneuvered around it. Yeah, it's all it is Sticky move well whether or not people are eating cats is less the point then it's like well, it's pretty poor It's cool to know my theory was to get it the pets to start eating the immigrants
Starting point is 00:06:23 Your funny joke show that was in the context of a man of comedy of listening spirits of yeah Yeah, it was just yeah, it was in jest, but yeah, what if they are eating cats who gives a fuck their street cats We don't need those cats. I say with LaMare. I would not be too mad if someone ate a stray cat I'd be like bro. This is looking things are looking up Sick of these nasty little creatures walking around get these cats fired up I think there was weren't the rats true weren't people spitting the rats like barbecue I think they've been doing that in New York for a long time The poor people in New York, I think they've just been munching the critters. Yeah, I don't ever I know a protein source
Starting point is 00:07:00 Yeah, don't either that's why I do rabbits with the original What is that? It's rats on on the spit. Those are big enough big. This is a huge, bro Those are like a capybara. Well, dude, here's the thing Marmot for in America, I think in like the colonial times we rabbit that's where's the Nothing, so it's like, you know, apparently rabbits like a very high source of protein and you can actually get sick Because they have so much protein you're not getting any fat There's like a certain like illness you can get from just eating rabbit, but you get shredded you got to mix it with beef Hmm you got to mix with beef. I think with vegetables and grains you can't just be crushing rabbits all day
Starting point is 00:07:39 Well, you need a fat. That's the problem reading just rabbit You're not getting enough fat you get so shredded that it becomes a medical problem. That's the big thing for bug out people, is the first thing you're supposed to do if the bomb falls is go out and find two breeding pairs of rabbits. That's, I'm telling you. Because then rabbits will procreate
Starting point is 00:07:54 at a rate that will feed your family. You'll have an abundance of rabbits if you lock them in your basement as there's nuclear fallout out there. Yep, but you gotta find an avocado too somewhere. Find an avocado, a single peach pit. Tater. I was of my I was with recently
Starting point is 00:08:10 We were talking about how important it is to just have like a bro crash your house into your marriage and just try to Like fight your wife for you a little bit It's just such a funny it's such a funny thing cuz he was like yeah I guess you got pissed cuz I was in there talking about bug out bags No wife wants to hear bros talking bug out bags dude, it's a fucking rock tumbler for a wife But it's the best dude. I was with him all weekend in Rhode Island with Nick Rochefort. Yes with Nick Rochefort I had it was amazing Johnny Delcalo dude it was That's big for white culture
Starting point is 00:08:50 This is literally the all-white party Fuck the Hamptons White excellence It was a man. It was funny. It was it was a very funny weekend having spent up there the whole time It was unbelievable Nick Rochefort weekend heaven's but up there the whole time it was unbelievable Nick Roach for it is honestly one of the funniest people in the world. Yeah, it's insanely funny. It's ridiculous I get mad how funny yes, it's it's almost it almost hurts We are sitting there at dinner as I do you're literally saying the funniest stuff
Starting point is 00:09:16 Take a break. I need a recharge. This is amazing. You see him once ganks. No. Oh, yeah, he was mudvane. Yes See him on skanks. Oh, yeah, he was mudvane. Yes It's so fucking funny. Yeah, but should supply that service to married men bro You should hire out spud to like come stay in your house for a week You just confront all of your wife's most sacred ideas Just break her out of like the girl algorithm Women need to know about bug outbacks out of like the girl algorithm just a little bit. Women need to know about bug out bags. They did get girls against conspiracies. They somehow tapped into the female hive mind of like if someone's talking about conspiracies, don't fuck them.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Dude, women don't have too many bug out bags. They carry a bug out bag at all times. That's the person. They just bug out about the wrong stuff. All of their bugs are just about their appearance. Sure, they're micro bugging the whole time. That's all they care about. Micro bugging. They're like, I don't need food. I don't need a gun. I just need best care.
Starting point is 00:10:11 They're just constantly on the edge of an apocalypse at all times. And they're peering over into it. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Dude, you know what's actually, to their credit, so I have my auto ring now, so I'm tracking my biometrics. Do you have two? Just one. This is my wedding ring. Oh, okay. Love of my wife, so I'm tracking my biometrics. You have to just want this is my wedding ring Okay, love of my wife love for the data Dude she has one
Starting point is 00:10:32 And I got the glimpse cuz they I didn't know there's such a big part of them or their big pitch to women as they can Track their cycle which I was always like, you know that shit's coming. Fuck you care, dude So I get a readiness score every day not bragging today. I'm at like 91% readiness. It's pretty sick She she gets the same amount of sleep as me when she was on her period. I would peep a readiness score 51% dude it goes down that bad it goes down that bad. I checked her sleep again eight out We're getting like seven eight hours. I checked my sleep. I have a problem with deep sleep I don't know why but it's like I'm everything's blue Everything's looking good after the little red bar for deep sleep hers was just red dude Everything their body temperature goes up a couple degrees. They're in red is good or bad bad
Starting point is 00:11:13 Dude, it's like they can sleep for eight hours and wake up as if I had been drinking all night That's their baseline they wake up like that. You know they're crushing the franzia, too So it's like then they try to slap in the back Let's laugh in the bag and try to hide from the pain of their period So much for the red in put the red They turn into like a tandoori oven for three days my wife is so hot because they're trying to burn off the walls of their uterus It's fucked man. I can tell when she's about to blow cuz she's like not using the top blanket
Starting point is 00:11:44 Batten the hatches boy I'll be in the crow's nest You can bake bread on the side of her uterus. Yeah for sure to slap Dude, I didn't know I didn't know is that bad. I I told her this I was like I thought you guys are just fucking dickheads Like I didn't know you're having like serious biochemical reactions like while you're having your period. It's brutal, dude Yeah, 40 49% drop is crazy. Mm-hmm, bro. It's brutal dude. Yeah, 40 a 49% drop is crazy Bro, it's rugged man. I saw it. I was like
Starting point is 00:12:10 Like your body temperatures elevated heart rates elevated my heart rate at nighttime is like 53 beats a minute, bro. Whoa, it's nice I just dip down dude. It's bad. What's your like a rabbit? I don't know but I know it's bad You just have prey bodies just Wake up like I need to like scurry away They're gonna hear that heartbeat and cookie bro who the fucking Falcons that come through the window those night predators Owls banging off the window Although and again, I'm saying this with all due respect Do you think how do you think Asians feel about the cat eating?
Starting point is 00:12:51 Stereotype being shifted they're probably pretty they were in the hot seat for a while. Yeah, that's such a bum rap to catch Yeah, I'm saying you eat cats. It's like no I don't yeah everybody wants to be Jamaican the cats Jamaicans you can't Goats yeah, they delicious goats on mutton all the time. Yeah, they don't like the poon poon Everybody wants to be Jamaican when it comes to eating cats. You don't think they eat any pussy. I have a theory that they do see They wear a mask I think when white guys turn older we become gay and Jamaican guys start thinking about eating pussy constantly And then they do and that lady comes so hard Like oh this made all my problems go away. I gratified well. I guess they're probably they're primed up though because they've been in a dance
Starting point is 00:13:40 All night just like dairily daggering them, and then you know all you gotta do is touch that thing It's probably pushed to start by the end of the night You daggered your wife for like six hours in a dance hall all you gotta do is just like pull her pants down the breeze She falls to her knees Was daggering my wife for six hours. She'd have to go to the hospital I was daggering my wife for six hours. She'd have to go to the hospital Her hips would explode Yeah, I'm actually I'm gonna be in the islands on a couple days. I'm heading to Turks and Caicos
Starting point is 00:14:17 My dagger I might Huh no daggering under it no I think I think we're off. I think I think yeah Daggered her on red. They're so horny when that's going down true. You're probably gonna make her fucking ears fall off of her I mean you just see like a fine red mist Turns to a cloud of steam That's the pink mist right there Yeah, cool. I'm glad you're going down there. I know I'm excited for I can't wait Wednesday Yeah, we're all heading down the whole fan man's gonna be sick There is I can't wait to you that's well deserved lay in the ocean and just try to see if it'll take me away
Starting point is 00:14:56 You're gonna write weird like Mariner poetry while you're there You'd be a sick castaway like Tom Hanks you'd be sick at that. Oh, yeah that problem immediately I'll I'd put a girl wig I was kind of gay get a dude wig on the volleyball like a dude hair on the bottom of an a beautiful woman's face volleyball Also that poly that volleyball space would have been wrecked after like Fucking my buddy. I love fucking my poem. Can you imagine seeing? Fucking my poem can you imagine seeing you fucking volleyball?
Starting point is 00:15:31 Fuck in the Bible from behind Daggering the volleyball Dude, I for real I flirted with the idea now of getting a totally virtual road setup where it's like oculus fleshlight and just going Enter the matrix I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think I can pull the trigger, but it's something it's I've been Something I've been like your bug out back Chamber in the garage I Was told this weekend. I want to get a separate Just a separate like suitcase. That's just like a torso and an oculus By the seat on the plane
Starting point is 00:16:08 Me and the missus By you see for the torso Stumbled across the torso in your buddy's house never realized bro. I didn't it changed our relationship I was like dude. This is what you're up to and he's like that's not what I'm all about I was like dude. This is what you're up to and he's like that's not what I'm all about Life-size either they're always a little too small tiny hi knees bro That's right here. They're tiny hi knees man. I got a bb. Oh hi miss true. I would like a big noisy one Bb. Oh hi, baby
Starting point is 00:16:45 You think yeah No, I don't have one of them. You would think. Two beach balls. Is it huge? One is on the kitchen counter. Put a flower in the pot. The basement. Oh, you. You need that, man. I'm a dude on the house. You don't need that, dude. I don't need it.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I don't want to do it, but it's, again, it calls me. You gotta put it in a briefcase, though. True. Like a business. Just be all business about it. Like a rifle turned its ass. You should get one that's the exact same dimensions as your wife and then anytime you argue you're like you know what? I don't need you Britney to I gotta go to Britney John real quick
Starting point is 00:17:13 true just old home video I'm not cheating honey just videos of us dancing I'm not cheating honey. Just on videos of us dancing. Got it grown out of Josh. We're his business dude. Josh Cabanzas, always thank you.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Shut up Josh. I'm in a wicked mood right now. I'm in a good mood. I was in a cranky mood too, but a nice bro pulled up to me at the red light and was like, guard dog. I was like, yo what's up? I had a solid three-minute conversation with him through the window Yeah, that's awesome. He's like where you guys podcasting and I was like I've almost told them our exact location Locations been blown so many bros outside. I'd be like I do a podcast right in here
Starting point is 00:17:59 Yeah, I did that today too. He was a good bro. Shout out to him. Yes, sir There are I do I do encounter a lot of good bros in the wild dude There's a lot of just whipped up right next to me. I was at a place recently in Austin We're like in line like waiting for a drink You know just a bro talking to God, you know I love the cast and we just talked like for like five solid minutes while we're waiting It really was it felt like I was just talking to an old buddy. Yeah, there's having a good time chatting around It was really nice. Yeah
Starting point is 00:18:28 You know not I like it to very rarely ever is it a punisher Every now and again you get a punisher and you get a punisher, please But it's always just a hammer is a blacked out guy strong got punished in Tempe. I got I've been Tempe Oh, no, I got punished in Salt Lake Yeah, he was a beautiful man and he was so, not like, spiritually he was a beautiful man, he was a little bit too drunk. And he came to bull shows, sat right in the front.
Starting point is 00:18:52 And I just kept taking away his ins when he would say weird stuff. In the middle of the show. Take away his pellets. Yeah, that's Jeremy, I hope Jeremy, Jeremy, I love you man, you know I love you. Yeah man. I just had a little bit too much to drink.
Starting point is 00:19:04 That's always the booze, the booze is oh, that's when they tip over I was I was at the last show in Rhode Island There was this bro in the front row and he was just chilling like rocking jean shorts And he just and he was just having so much fun. He wasn't trying to be a dickhead He just couldn't he's wouldn't stop you know trying to get the interaction going and it was like The security came up to him and he genuinely was like what's going on? I'm like brother and kick you out. He was like why he's I've never been to a comedy show I'm having the most fun. I think I'm winning the
Starting point is 00:19:34 Can you stop doing the worm? He was having a good time. He chilled out. He really I was like there's I have zero faith and you're not gonna get kicked out I hope you don't you know I just like please please don't give him one more shot Jeremy would tell you but then I would bother him Bring him right back into it that often happens to her if I'm like if it starts to suffer I'll be like yeah fucking asshole and just fire him back Jeremy saved me on the second show I brought him up on stage, and we took about Talked to really 30 minutes In the time yeah, yeah, it would have been yeah there you would have been in 20 minutes
Starting point is 00:20:14 I'm also furious right now. What's wrong? I mean just you know being married to a strong woman has its pitfalls and navigating that minefield She my wife my wife's like Isis so she hates the books in our house, and she destroyed my favorite painting on accident Yeah, so she's just trying to fucking burn the libraries in the museums And I was like oh, so this was the one you accidentally destroyed as you're putting together an end table How did it wind up exactly where you're building the end table, and she's like well it shouldn't have been on the ground oh Yes, it shouldn't have been on the ground you should have moved it if you cared yes Can I see a question does she have any of her crap on the ground and by chance you ever tell her to pick that
Starting point is 00:20:48 Up and does she spaz if you do? How long is this Sephora bag been on the stairs It's actually a tripping hazard by the way It's a fucking tripping hazard logic It's actually a tripping hazard by the way. Yeah, there's a fucking tripping hazard The points of egress are blocked Sign It is pathetic man, but you start to be like I got to win this argument. You're like this is a fire hazard You're trying to kill us I do say
Starting point is 00:21:34 I think there is something very beautiful I was on the way over here it might be a country music guy by the way I'm just on the ride over here I was like I like it too I might speak I was sitting here driving just I was puffing my cigar now just being like oh my nice little story little soggy. Dude. I'm a man now. I've given. I'm like dude I'm just an old man now. I just need a tastefully deteriorate now. Just kind of You gotta get a chair yeah, I know I do I got my I got my side set on a rocking chair My dad's got it pretty much figured out He has portable rocking chairs my dad has the same dude. I think they just think about dudes
Starting point is 00:22:11 I think they sit down like you have a Guy who dropped off that dumpster today looks so hot Guy dropped off that 30 yard of my god I Dropped off that 30 yard of my god Who's your porch and garage garage hang like my garage is so hot that I would die But what you say like your hang who would you hang out with on the porch like in the rocking chairs with you my goddamn self Anyone anyone?
Starting point is 00:22:46 Pretty lonely, dude Anyone, anyone who wants to hang out. You got any partners? I'm pretty lonely dude, anyone who wants to hang out. You're more than welcome to come hang out. Bro, I feel you on that door. I sat in my backyard at the new house in Michigan for like four hours yesterday. Oh yeah, you moved. I moved to Detroit, yeah. Outside of Detroit. Shut up! What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:23:04 Timestamp. You psycho! Shut up No, I appreciate well I do there's like this whole like stolen Valor thing about saying you live in Detroit Yeah So that's why I pointed at LaMare. I didn't point at you so you could say the exact address Where I've desperately been trying to hide from the dead-eyed ghouls. Did you meet the black squirrels yet? Oh, I met the black the black squirrels rule. They're my only friends little bit I sit surrounded by black-eyed Susan's and consider where I'm gonna put the hot tub and there's just black-eyed squirrels But there's flesh is falling off their bodies. What yeah, there's like long like missing fur straps on these black squirrels Oh, they're fighting. They fight the black squirrels fight. They're mean you don't say
Starting point is 00:23:46 You know Let's resources I'm selling what I seen black squirrels they get. All right. All right. I'll just tell you what I've seen. I've seen them, man. The black squirrels, they get around, man. I've seen those guys in action. It's pretty awesome. But the loneliness of, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:13 being mildly successful. I wish I had nothing and I was still sleeping in a house with 16 people. Those were the days. Yeah, true. Yeah, there was a certain loneliness to being mildly successful too, because it's just like, just like just you yeah hanging out
Starting point is 00:24:26 Like damn I have made a decent amount of money right but not enough for like, you know, the Jonah brothers to be like come hang out Or for you to even know their names Oh you mean Fred Jonah, can I give you a lonely guy tip on vacation? Yeah, cuz I just went to Cyprus with my wife for a week and I like I was with her and it was great But then day two I saw this guy at the buffet who was doing crazy stuff with halloumi That like cheese and I went up and I was like, what are you doing? And he like walked me through his process for like grilling halloumi and then I'd see that guy out and by day three at breakfast We ended up hanging out like I made a vacation friend. That's all I think that's gonna be important for you
Starting point is 00:25:06 Oh, yeah, cuz you know you can fuck off and just go sit in the water, but you got your beautiful daughters They're gonna occupy you once they go to bed you can hang out with your old lady But if you can bring in another couple not not in like a sexual I know trust me I know we've done vacation friends are really fun there because you never gonna see him again So you tell him everything about yourself, and then they do the same and then you're like all right Dude, there's a life in Ecuador You just never see me. I'd never want to see you again vacation friends do rule though It is fun to meet vacation friends, and I think we'll probably meet some and it's an island, too So I'm I like can really get down on the island. Yeah, I got a real island vibe
Starting point is 00:25:42 I heard my first kiss on my country to a course you had your first kiss in Turks and Caicos. Yeah, I have a vacation. What was his name? Sam Don't put it on the tea unless you don't want to whack it over the fence How so how did it go down you were just like on the resort you ever see by the way to been 16? Or 17 so you were like the kid from no no I was younger than that was going into high school What's that show on HBO it has two seasons? It's always like you're like the dude from what you see that episode of white or that season of white lotus a little brother The horny little brother is always jerking off
Starting point is 00:26:14 And then I Found love with a lovely lady that was from New Jersey like I was what so we bonded over that and melted on you we had we shared a kiss in a Turks and Quikos and And now she's a lesbian MMA fighter That's awesome, bro. Yeah, you're a beast. Yeah flipped her. She is a beast. Yeah, she filled over feminine rage Yeah, I think she's just waiting for you. Yeah, maybe Sure, you know, I come with you. You gotta get it. You gotta take her out of the octagon Put her in the cock to come
Starting point is 00:26:50 Yeah, just a little I did I forgot what percentage of first female UFC fighters you think are lesbians at least half 30 30% ready, dude, but there's some that are so beautiful muscle mommies Man, dude, you see do Mather Richie so beautiful do mo she's a beautiful muscle mommy. Yeah are so beautiful muscle mommies. Man, dude, did you see Dumont? Tabitha Richie is so beautiful. Dumont? She's a beautiful muscle mommy? Yeah, Brazilian beautiful muscle mommy, Tabitha Richie. That's pretty tight. They might not even be lesbians, just men are afraid to fuck them.
Starting point is 00:27:14 That's true. Not me. Not you, no. You're not afraid of anything. You and LaMare are very adventurous. Yeah, we're not scared. No. Tabitha Richie, yeah, she's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Shout out to her. Huh, the divine feminine. And then Alexa Grasso, she lost this weekend. She is she's beautiful. Shout out to her, huh? The divine feminine and then Alexa grass Oh, she lost this weekend. She's pretty beautiful. I think they're hotter when they lose honestly Was that lady who lost the one who had a fucking pussy wound on her forehead differently that was dude That was the Dumont match the early girl the red French girl their French lady. Come on me damn, okay Got the cut do these ladies get like CTE Yeah, well they probably already have they're starting
Starting point is 00:27:51 Have you seen They're down 49% You know the cut this just to cut this lady had was crazy and they were in the sphere She catch an elbow or is that like you know they hadt it and then the lady shoes fighting just kept fucking her Oh, I can't believe the other ladies scratch for that bad Those guys are athletes, but that's like the physical manifestation of when I confront my wife with logic That's what it does to her forehead. It's open And it opens up like a mouth
Starting point is 00:28:25 and it swallows me. Two legs. It is tight. It is good though. I think there is something to be said about just confronting the feminine over time. Dude, we used to be able to hit him. Yeah, that was a thing. Like, shut up. The mayor historically you are accurate. Now I just want to drive your... What are you trying to say?
Starting point is 00:28:50 I don't know. I mean here's the thing. Them's with the day. Simple times. Yes, dude Sean Connery was on record. Yeah, that shit's so awesome. Slap. Gets to a point where they won't listen to reason.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Yeah. Yeah, that point is when they're born. And it's like, you know, here's the thing. You obviously can't do that, and it's a shame, because I think a lot of bad guys ruin that for anybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:20 With great power comes great responsibility. It's, I mean, again, there are those dudes that do that. They get a girlfriend and they slowly are like, give me your cell phone. Oh yeah. And they just trap a lady in an apartment. It's like, yeah, those guys are definitely burning hell. But a tasteful gentleman like Sean Connery,
Starting point is 00:29:36 just putting down a cognac glass, he'd be like, shut up. Yeah, doing it with a velvet glove. Yeah, sometimes you have to slap them. They're tricky. They are tricky. I'll give you that. They're tricky little vixens, man. Tricky little things. I always try to understand, man.
Starting point is 00:29:52 That is weird. Those are wild, bro. We're joking, right? But if you ever meet a guy who hit a girl, they have a different type of darkness to them. Oh, yeah. Like a guy who actually would hit a woman. You're like, dude, chill out, bro.
Starting point is 00:30:04 I do think that happens. You get the tap out tattooed in your body No fear shirt on I feel like I and look I've never really considered it But I think that if you break the seal on that if you hit them once She's then going to retaliate my wife would retaliate for sure and then I'm not gonna hit her again I'm gonna be so fucking you know It's like when the bomb goes off on the bunker and you just hear like that buzzing noise. That's me after hitting her.
Starting point is 00:30:27 And then a barrage of blows land upon me. I'm undefended. Yeah, true. It's like, take me. Yeah, it's like, I earned this. Take me. Just do it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:30:35 I bet that that fucking makeup sex is wild. Yeah. After beating the shit out of her. That's why you do it though. All right. That's why they do it. Okay. This is like, it'll be, make them appreciate, dude, it's, I don't know. It's bad. do it. Well, this is like, it'll be, make them appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:30:45 Dude, it's, I don't know. It's bad. No, you're talking about very dark corners of the female psyche that, you know, it's like you don't, in play conversation, you're not supposed to talk about. And again, not advising anybody to do that. Please, for God's sake.
Starting point is 00:30:56 No, no, it's one of the worst things you can do. Literally, it is the worst thing you can do. Crime against the child's worst. What is it? Crime against the child's worst. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Agreed. Good work, Lamar. Look where we are I've been listening to a lot of Patrice O'Neal recently In the green room last night fired up on Patrice. I was like alright rumble young man rumble. I'll let you have the space Definitely standing for the record. We are I mean we are just doing freedom of speech and exploring. Yes darker corners I'm just exercising. We're on the cutting edge But yes, it is a horrible crime to commit against any ladies. Yes. I was good that we don't do it I just wish they'd show some appreciation for the fact that These days Games and I've breaking broken a controller for every console I've ever had. And I love video games.
Starting point is 00:31:45 I love video games. I'm not hitting you at all. LaMare, your analogy is, that might be one of your best analogies. I wish we could frame this moment. But that also made me think that you do like playing fighting games as the women characters So maybe that's why this is this is in your head. That's interesting
Starting point is 00:32:10 I like if I'm gonna look at a character. I gotta see an ass Yeah, I mean you are about to jerk off I read on playing video games might as well prime Nothing's better than jerking off after you win at video games Spoils of war You have a nothing better than that, dude. You have a good day of NBA 2K, you're like, oh, I gotta beat it off. Dude. I gotta go to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:32:34 I gotta calm down. Pardon me. You gotta go powder my nose. Your parents come in, you're like, get out. I earned this. Get out. You see that trophy on the screen? I earned that. This is that my space see that digital
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Starting point is 00:37:02 I've just been here recently. Oh really? How was your B-Day party, bro? It was nice. I was moving around. I've just been here recently. Oh really? How was your B-Day party, bro? It was nice, it was cool, it was fun. It was nice, we just hang out, we barbecued, my brother grilled, he put on some ribs. Yeah, that was good, that was awesome.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Swam. It was a good time, yeah, we swam. We, what did we do? Can't even really remember. We were on a chill vibe. Drank the whole week. Yeah, we drank a lot, yeah. Did you have your whole week Your birthday week yeah your birthday week guy How will return if you don't mind over oh
Starting point is 00:37:34 Time to give it up for your 30th What the fuck dude? We set this up and I thought it was going to pay off so much harder. That was pretty great actually. Were you drinking out of the rig? I thought, I really thought he was just ripping that. I thought that was your new thing. I was supportive of it. I was just going man that really took me by surprise.
Starting point is 00:37:58 It does. That's awesome. Before you got here he was poking holes in it and I was like are you making a water bong? And he says no and then he just squirted it in and we were like okay Save this for about 40 minutes in because they're gonna think you're so strong that you just squeezed water through the lid Yeah, that's pretty sick That does seem kind of nice ASMR, I'm just I'm just a gay old man I don't know why I love that
Starting point is 00:38:25 I'm a gay old man so I don't know why I love that. I've been hitting it. I'm off porn but I'm back on. I'm off, I've deleted my bad Reddit and I've deleted my OnlyFans. But I still have my Twitter list. You know what I mean? So I'm off but I'm still, I don't know. What was the OnlyFans tab before you get into the list? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:38:44 How much was it? It wasn't much. How the only fans tab before you get in what do you mean? Much how much of an allowance were you giving the girls? I was giving myself like $30 a month Yeah, yeah, do you feel like it was worth it for 30 bucks? I'm not again I'm not know I'm not being one of those guys like I would never pay for that No, that's thought about it several times It's a girl who posts frequently and it's the stuff you like, and it's like $5, it's worth it. For sure.
Starting point is 00:39:10 But there's some girls who post infrequently and then it's like 15 and it's like, come on. True. Come on. You start hitting them like, where I pay the bills around here. Yeah. Yeah. I put a roof over your fucking head.
Starting point is 00:39:24 And I hate it. I got rid of only because all the girls they all messaged the same thing They're like send me a picture of your cock so I could give you a dick rating for free It's like no, I don't know last thing. I want yeah. No, and then you say send me a picture How's it feel to be free of the OnlyFans? The shackles. It's nice, it's nice. But I can still get got. Not by OnlyFans, but like real life.
Starting point is 00:39:52 How so? I don't know, you just see a lady. Yeah, I hear you. Sometimes you get sent to your knees, dude. Yeah, true. It's talked about here too. Yeah, we were actually, where the fuck was I? I was somewhere, I don't remember the exact fuck was I I was somewhere?
Starting point is 00:40:05 I don't remember the exact place, but I was there me and Brittany came with me We're at a show afterwards and we're at like a bar and there was like for sure prostitutes sitting next to us Like in like a fishnet dress. Yes, you clean supple young lady And yeah, it's pretty funny man. She was just sitting there and I give it just women love seeing prostitutes by Brittany was like fucking No, it was it was very funny she was a hooker. I was like yeah, I think I think she was I'm sorry. I'm not trying to globe try to everybody. I don't remember I Was just in Tempe and they have some of the finest snow bunnies I've ever seen be snow bunny heaven man That's apparently that's where they are feeling snow and I ain't going
Starting point is 00:40:57 Dude if you like has good snow bunnies to you, but the Mormons were crazy Yeah, I like the Samoans the best though. I couldn't stop talking about the Samoans They're all Mormons. They're two-year-old Mormon. There's some Mormons some Mormons. Oh, there's they're numerous, dude Whoa, because they're all there why in Tonga and Samoa and they planted those seeds and now that's why BYU and Utah have the best offensive lines I Said I did it for the program. Oh, yeah doing another funny joke at the Mormons and the simones bonded over their mutual love of pineapples That was one of my funny jokes for my funny joke That was one of the funny ones
Starting point is 00:41:34 Sean will hit me up on the road and be like where are you and I'll tell him and then he'll be like I Hate it here. I'm like what dude you're living the dream. You're out there. You're moving tickets. I was happy this weekend Yeah, I mean I text you I was so proud of you Thank you, and I think a lot of people are and I think you need to reflect on what's going on for you I'm trying to be I was in a funk for a while It's cool to be mired in doom and gloom as a young man I understand that but once you break through that and you realize that every moment's a gift you're gonna live a lot richer life I'm getting there. Yeah, you're about to be 30 grow up. Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:13 You gotta shave your pubes I'm getting there. Yeah, you're about to be 30 grow up. Yeah Yeah, it was weird to especially when you fart you start fart excuse me It's a comedy show But he started headlining there is that weird like it's like a crazy loneliness to go from doing a show to go like back In your hotel room alone you feel like oh Josh man, this is what you're the fucking best brother. It is weird to like go from like being around Hundreds of people to like just sitting in a hotel room by yourself feels crazy Yeah, people who are screaming your name and losing it and then you do the merch line afterward and they're also stoked and they tell You how you know how the impact their shits made on their life
Starting point is 00:42:49 Then you just go back to that room and you're like, okay, what do I do now? harm Times watch comics unleashed. Yeah, dude. Oh Mario Cantone's back Every time I sit there and I just eventually fall into just like studying various rap beefs I got a video yeah, you're three hours about like young thugs beefs before you do that trial is so fucking funny Have you seen any of the compilations gonna get off? I think you will do you see little woody? No, the guy who doesn't snitch yes. Yeah, he snitched he's What is no the guy who doesn't snitch yes? Yeah, he snitched he's
Starting point is 00:43:28 Dude, and I was on I was on butterly spot yesterday He was he was like playing clips in here. It's funny as fuck But I started like that was like fresh in my mind So I started looking at a the guy little woody and like dude they're impossible to interrogate Cuz those be like they'll be asked a question and they'll be like well I'm a liar so anything I tell you anything I said before was probably a lie But so I can tell you I'll tell you something, but it might be a lie that way They're not perjuring themselves. Let's say they are a lot. It's crazy that rules dude and you have like
Starting point is 00:43:56 DA's or prosecutors trying to like crush these guys, and it's just like but wait I feel like I'm like if I was in the jury I think this guy's winning He's a sign that they'd like do the Bible thing the oath Yeah, but he little Woody had little Woody had immunity So like he couldn't get in trouble for anything they wanted him to go like testify because he was originally saying pinning everything on Young Thug, but then he said he goes. Yeah, that's just because I wanted to get out of trouble He's like so yes
Starting point is 00:44:22 I did testify saying he did those stuff But I did lie and I already went to jail and he can't I have immunity so I can't get in trouble for it There's kind of a legal genius. It's like reverse Socratic logic. It's great dude. It's crazy, man And he'll like and they'll like keep firing him up, and it'll be like what does a why'd you shrug your shoulders? It's like because they're my shoulders So what does three five seven mean he goes numbers is it a gang he's like I don't know if you think it is it might be but I don't think it is might be who knows It's like it's true. It might be a gang. It's like quicksand and do these guys it's impossible to nail these dudes down
Starting point is 00:44:57 It's so funny and as soon as you do kind of get them. They'll literally be like why you being on negative man I don't want to be thinking about I get them they'll literally be like why you being on negative man. I don't want to be thinking about Man I hope this I wish this guy the best I hope little woody has a Just gets out this puts us all behind He's that's how you fill the hours of your night Sean watch get to the bottom of little woody Is it woody and not woody that's woody little woody. Yeah, it's not woody little woody. He's not from the 504 That's what he little woody. Yeah, it's not woody little woody. He's not from the 504 Although yeah young thought did have a significant beef with little Wayne which he went to the Magnolia area and also
Starting point is 00:45:43 Wayne is mad that Kendrick is doing the halftime show. I know Birdman said doesn't be us. Yeah, I kind of agree I think so too. I love a wheezy half-time. It would be nice, but like they don't really do rappers They're having Kendrick Lamar fucking Kendrick Lamar. Did you come ours like the first rapper? Yeah Who did not? 50 cent and all again and all they had the expended Expendables of rap there was Roy the expendables of rap, dude. They had Royce the Five Nine in the game. It was a shady aftermath Super Bowl, but that was like three years ago.
Starting point is 00:46:11 Okay, well, dude. But rap doesn't happen often. It doesn't happen often. It doesn't, it doesn't. Well, you know, now... Kendrick Lamar was on that one, too. He was on that one, the Black Avengers Super Bowl and the halftime show. And Eminem. True, it's not common, but it is,
Starting point is 00:46:28 I think it'll become more and more. Yeah, well it's cause Jay-Z runs it now. He picks all the Super Bowl stuff. Right, I forgot he became the official. Cause it's Apple Music. Well the NFL was racist and they paid Jay-Z to be their official black guy. It all went away.
Starting point is 00:46:40 It's all forgiven. Just like H&M. Just like Papa John. And yes, Shaq with Papa John. It's a classic technique. When You're gonna get the racist apologists bag. You could definitely get that me Yeah, some big kind of some big like corporation goes down jump in and be like guys. I can make this all right What is Jay-z's his position is like a Definitely just liaison. He's like black culture I think that is fixer for the streets
Starting point is 00:47:09 Cuz that's the big things I but I do think what did they give them is it like in ownership type position Or is it like well in what H&M or like in? What is it I say I don't the NFL he might have a stake he might have a small share in that I Think that's pretty nice probably in some team No, he's like the black union boss. He's like get these guys in line He's the Pinkerton but not pink Yeah, that was a nobody's kneeling right now right that's over kneeling's over kneeling's done Yeah, Taylor Swift fixed black people are done done kneeling we're standing up now true
Starting point is 00:47:45 I tell you you guys thought about this, you know Tua So tomorrow Hamlin live Yeah, that's a guy who just got knocked out, right? Yeah, so Tua's brain was put in the paint shaker by a guy who died on the field. So that guy lived to kill Tua. This is a strange, strange cosmic coincidence.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Yeah, a bit of a Highlander situation. Yes, indeed. I saw him lower his head and it was like, dude, what are you doing? I mean, obviously a beast move, that's how I play Madden, but it's like He fully just like no reason already had the first down he went Hawaiian battering ram she did yeah he did He was like the Dole Corporation on the islands He was fucked bro, he came up what's his status is he all right now?
Starting point is 00:48:42 He's I think he's gonna have to retire his tung in soda because he knows the head coach of the Dolphins He's like it's not looking good Yeah, that sucks, bro They mean they changed the concussion protocol because he got two in one game last year And then they're like oh, it's fine and now he's out there and it's it's it's it's it bad It's a bad state of affairs What if what if we like fixed every player to like bumper car strings love it that way they kind of like we could like Pull back a little bit or yeah like attach like a tether from the back of their head to their shoulder pads
Starting point is 00:49:10 So they can't lower their head true try to lower your head. It just yanks you back up I think we've shot collars maybe it may be like Knights armor. Maybe like stiff metal armor Mech suits would be great Finally the Japanese can have a place in the game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:28 They got the, there's a kicker on the Falcons, but that's about it. Dude, the Tokyo Gundam would fuck everybody up. For sure. Yeah. Yeah, that guy, so that guy's done, though. He just, and it's brain. Usually it's like knee or this.
Starting point is 00:49:39 It's like, dude, fucking, that sucks, dude. Yeah, he was good, too. And he was good, too. He doesn't know colors. He was great. He was starting for one of the most explosive offenses in the game. Yeah. It's a shame. I hope great. He was starting for one of those explosive offenses in the game Yeah, it's a shame. Hope he makes it back. I mean that point What do you do because I took the over on total yardage for the year?
Starting point is 00:49:52 Like he's going for over 3,500 You know you think they'll really retire now I hope so To yeah, I can go to Hawaii and coach high school football and like be a king for the rest of his life That's true. You know can retire and go to Hawaii and coach high school football and be a king for the rest of his life. That's true. Yeah, and it's not like, again, what took him out is playing like an absolute beast. He would get ruined by all those other Samoans, though. They'd be like, you go to the NFL
Starting point is 00:50:14 and you quit because of your head? Because Samoans have hard heads. Yeah. But he's Hawaiian. You gotta, you gotta, there's a whole scene over there. They're different? You know the easiest way to get your ass kicked by a Samoan call him a Tongan
Starting point is 00:50:28 Or tell them that their cookies are banging dude They changed the name of those things by the way you call like caramel delights now they named him after Puerto Ricans I think it's location based Regionally in some places is still some over on the box really yeah, I didn't know that yeah You think that might be you might be getting some swaggy girls. It might be like It's like last year's outdoors. I think you're getting like some really old weed you're getting fucking trim We're getting trim back in the day, and you'd be like I'm rich Fucking trash bag full of leaf matter, and it's all moldy and you'd be like I'm gonna be smoking hash This was not that long ago. I had a lot of trim at one point.
Starting point is 00:51:25 I had a little, I was buying dry ice from this place in South Philly and I had these hash bags and I would just sit in my basement and just shake, I mean pounds and pounds of trim. Yeah. It was so nice. It was the best. But yes, it does. It did feel so sick to have like literally trash bags full of like, I have weed.
Starting point is 00:51:41 I have trash bags full of weed. There were some nugs in there. There were some popcorn nugs. Yeah, you'd be digging through those popcorn. I was like a black squirrel This guy doesn't even know what he gave me Lady bugs in this back As members I would remember literally smoking like spiderwebs in a pipe This is free. I'm the smartest man alive Yeah, yeah getting trim is so sweet, dude although I will say the cursed PA medical program and I'll get me started they sell trim to patients. Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:16 I remember that's rude about that. It's crazy bro, and dude I mean you know yeah, God obviously has a plan because I smoked so much trim in my day Yeah, so I bought shake from the PA dispensary shame on you guys by the way And I was I hit my lungs I went that's fucking trim dude. There's not ground Nug yes And I was like motherfuckers like in front of them They were like well you know the dude literally looked at me goes. That's just the game dude. I'm like get the fuck the game It's acting like a fucking king state sanctioned entity the game. It's acting like a fucking kingpin State sanctioned entity the game I did what dude it killed me
Starting point is 00:52:48 I was just like brother you have no fucking idea what you're talking about But yeah, it's shame on the Pennsylvania medical marijuana shame you guys are fucking joke compared to every other state I see every other states fucking chill in Oklahoma. You can just get a grow permit rules Good weed that used to be the scariest place to drive through with weed when I'd be driving from Denver into the Oklahoma rules. Their weed's good too. Oklahoma rules. Dempsey had good weed. That used to be the scariest place to drive through with weed when I'd be driving from Denver into the greater Midwest.
Starting point is 00:53:10 You go through Oklahoma and they would just have, if you had Denver Colorado plates and you go into Oklahoma, you're getting pulled over. And yeah, I've had the car dumped out various times. Yeah, they see them plates and they say, hold on brother. Good thing you stick your joints in your asshole. Well I I used to we would fucking put him right on our taint I'm gonna take your bag and you put it on the taint you'd sit on it and the issue with that though is you get
Starting point is 00:53:37 Hopefully you get a 65 year old cop Oh fuck, he's definitely gonna check. Nobody has to know about this. I remember getting pulled over and sitting on the weed and then as you're like sitting there nervous, your body temperature rises. So all of a sudden you're fucking making hash in your shorts. So scary.
Starting point is 00:53:57 You lay an egg. Yeah. I'm glad they figured it out though. Dude, now though, state of weed's crazy. Now with the THCA, do you like, I mean I they figured it out though dude now though state of weeds crazy now with the thca do you like I mean I've talked about this before I it's it's just it's You'd literally get you can just get we know TCA and it's legally totally legally on board. It's thca until you like it's not illegal because thca is not psychoactive
Starting point is 00:54:22 Yeah, but if you subject it to the heat of a flame Interesting I don't know yeah, I smoked that kind of stuff. I don't like it I was in Rome and they had that to you well Maybe I'm smoking Delta 9 Delta Delta 9 all this other stuff Delta Delta Delta 8 mm-hmm you ever to I hate Delta 8 No THCV is it's like the more psychoactive version of THCA. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:48 I'm sure it would spin me out. I had to just start smoking live rosin because it has all the turps stripped out. I don't think it does though. I think live rosin, you told me that and I thought about it and I was like, I think you might be smoking a distillate. I'm smoking.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Distillates have turps stripped. Rosin keeps, if it's live, the whole point of live rosin is they kept the turps. It's cold water. It's just cold water is all this is made from. it's pretty much just like bubble hash from back in the day Terps intact, but my scientists told me that there's no turps in there, and that's why I can't Yeah, I have a scientist who like you know you may be right so he totally could be right, but I guess me there's No, it's not
Starting point is 00:55:23 Was walking into these fucking dispensaries in Rome and buying like, you know, some like, he came out literally of a fucking THCA dispensary in Rome with his thumb just with a big ball of goo on it. And he was like, they hooked it up. They hooked it up. They couldn't put it in a bag for you? I'm like, I can't believe it.
Starting point is 00:55:40 Yeah, that's my scientist. They came with the booger. They gave him the booger. It's like, way to go, buddy. Yeah. That was so funny. That's my scientist Way to go buddy yeah We should have asked you about your travels. Yeah, I don't know the travels were fun It's just it's great to be going on a trip with your boys to a beautiful city, and they we brought the wives this time Yeah, so we had bitch planet, and we were just We were a satellite a bitch planet
Starting point is 00:56:02 We were just a moon to them We were a satellite a bitch planet. We were just a moon to them Vacations usually that's the highest spirits a lady if you take a lady in a different place man the spirits all over and also it's like Hey ladies, we're gonna go do some fucking boring shit aka go to a soccer game We set you up with spots. We've got you a spa treatment. You know it's very easy to That is that well, they, to negate their need. True. Though I feel like they do, they need like more, they just need to be like rubbed down and just like squeezed, you know, to help them off. Because that will, you can really put a lady at bay if you send her into the spa, man.
Starting point is 00:56:35 They love that. And if you set it up, if you thought about them and you say, hey, tomorrow at 3 o'clock, you're pampered. And I can finally finish this Japanese crime novel. Yeah, they do finally finish this Japanese crime novel Yeah, they do love the spa I mean Vacation Bay is the best version it's a version of me too. I think maybe that's why they're doing better is because I'm better in that moment. I don't know. Oh You can be a pretty nice guy sometimes. I still punish you but
Starting point is 00:57:00 I've never been on a vacation. Oh, dude. It's crazy, bro. Hey, I mean it's Imagine if you could somehow give the pussy a Mario star It goes it goes just it's nuts. Yeah, it's like pre-breakfast You're not gonna brush your teeth Yeah, they it's it's nuts, man. I've literally like looked into just becoming a coconut farmer. Multiple times. Why do I live in America? I can just stay here.
Starting point is 00:57:31 It's pretty nice. I'm a pussy all the time. Why do I live over there? Oh, yeah, because I love you. Great. I'm staying with her. I'm like, I might as well just bring you here. We can just be like peasants in the Dominican Republic.
Starting point is 00:57:43 Well, I guess because you're not living here. You're living there. When you're living in the all inclusive, it is kind of like kingants in the Dominican Republic. Well, I guess because you're not living there. When you're living in the all-inclusive, it is kind of like king life. Yeah, let's try this place. It's just four restaurants and all the fucking same thing. You could just move to Moldova, though, or like one of these Balkan states,
Starting point is 00:57:58 and buy like what was once a feudal castle, and you just live in there. There's so many fucking... that's my bug out back Wi-Fi is bad in the castle though Okay, yeah, that's true. I think about kind of like getting in Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to tap out of the digital realm Not you it would be funny to be in a castle like on Instagram like the book In a castle like on Instagram
Starting point is 00:58:29 Yeah, I think Bono lives in a castle doesn't he lives in a castle next to Fucking Enya Enya lives in a castle. She never leaves Just fucking sealed herself in that castle. Yeah, exactly. I think Bono has taken her down. She doesn't have like a Long she doesn't having a family or anything. She's just dedicated to making like like wild binaural beats She's dedicated her life to beautiful by Neurals Yeah, dude check out now check out any is how anya has like bonus castle sick as fuck dude Enya That was tough
Starting point is 00:59:06 And you've got a fucking nasty place to look at this yeah, and you's got like a rival you need Wi-Fi in there LaMare yes Here's playing your switch by like a torch light All of your games are like sealed with wax I'm still so bad. You told me I had to grow up I've been seething silently over here for the past 20 minutes. You did button up there for a while. Yeah, I was cranky. I had to get it off my chest. I was going to be so... I was going to say nasty things to you and I just bit my tongue for 20 minutes. Yeah, there's been blood running out of your mouth.
Starting point is 00:59:56 Oh, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Oh my god. Now I can love you again like a brother. That was plenty of fat. I know, I love you. I was just... I was just about feeling. That was shrapnel. I've been trying to go on walks.
Starting point is 01:00:10 I realized I was depressed for a while because I went on a walk and I left my phone at home and I was like, I've never walked around my neighborhood and I felt like institutionalized as I was walking. I was like glancing. It was really embarrassing. I was like, dude, I haven't lived like a human since I moved here I'm just been on my computer all day, and then I leave at night when the sun goes down Almost a year cuz you got here in October. I got here in November. I was crab-swirled for the first like seven months I usually don't drink that much. I was drinking like a lot for me. I was crab-swirled for the first like seven months. I usually don't drink that much. I was drinking like a lot for me I was drinking a lot of my personal
Starting point is 01:00:47 Healers I was just like crushing tequila like non-stop movement. No yeah eventually. I just like I gotta chill the fuck out Yeah, I think I'm finally getting out of my swirl. What is nice Yeah, I'm trying to reduce the screen time around the neighborhood is go outside It's nice. I had never walked around my neighborhood once so nice walking. What's the bad with me, dude? No that makes sense I see I never took you for like a long walk guy, but it's the best it's the best for you I've been having ideas again I was like having zero ideas, and I was feeling like I was in such a rut And then I once I started walking I've just been having ideas again
Starting point is 01:01:21 Yeah, I got like a good so you made your neighbors. I know a couple, but I've known a couple of them for a while. I see. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm telling you, those walks are like, it's the best thing in the world, just taking a nice long walk. I love it.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Yeah, that's my new jam. I think that's the problem with the phone is that it becomes easy to offload all your thoughts onto the phone. It's instant content. Yeah. I try to, I use it, I think, to have zero thoughts. Yeah, completely dead in, I feel like it dead in's like. Yeah. I use it. I think to have zero thoughts. Yeah completely dead in I feel like it deadens like yeah
Starting point is 01:01:46 Yeah, I'm like no ideas, and yeah, you know I'm always like I'm doing research. I'm gonna get something out of this I get nothing out of it Someone told me about dopamine stacking How you if you like I would watch videos on my phone or like you know YouTube's or I was watching entourage on my phone For a while, and I would play Call of Duty Just like while you're playing while watching while just like listening to entourage dude I knew a guy used to do this dopamine stick boys to Huberman. I said go that the other day You were in advises against the dopamine stack. Yes, it says it just
Starting point is 01:02:20 Dulls your dude whatever I used to go into a You know I'm looking I'm pausing myself. I'm say I was to go this guy's room. I'm selling weed and Like I would go in there to drop the sack in like you Do you would have music on on like a speaker? Have his like laptop going and have like vigils or like a or a movie at the same time, and I'd always be like His like laptop going and have like vigils or like a or a movie at the same time and I'd always be like Goddamn, dude, that is that I never that is a dopamine status and keep yourself from having any thoughts Yeah, so I'll try to stay away from that
Starting point is 01:03:00 Shaking digital keys in front exactly all that is bad and I was like why was it sad? I don't think I think at all We've covered I didn't I don't either that much, but I've been trying to what happens like a lot of mushrooms like what is like the What's going on? I don't eat a lot of mushrooms. Okay. I always go. I've never gone past like an eef Okay, that'll get your thoughts moving like what happens Just like it goes straight to my shoulders, and I just have to move Run around yeah, I know that's my dog my dog had a fucking mushrooms one time unfortunately I can tell he just wanted to get out there and just move around
Starting point is 01:03:45 You've never had like profound like when you're on mushrooms, like a... No, there was one time I got one of... I had a McCusker chocolate and I just had to lay down with my eyes closed and I just visited aliens. There you go. That's what I'm talking about. You have a lot of thoughts, man. I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Yeah, exactly. That's kind of my point.
Starting point is 01:04:01 You're a very curious person. Like when my buddy came in last night, he was that physicist. Yeah. You immediately hit him with, if you're a physicist. Why don't I float? Answer the question sir I don't know. Sean, grow up. Explain gravity. No, he tried to say gravity and he's like, I don't believe in that shit. Yeah, he doesn't believe in gravity.
Starting point is 01:04:33 That's a good point. Don't give me that bullshit about gravity. Why don't I float? I just gotta let him know, dude. Were you talking about in the pool? From one side of the earth, why don't I stand like this? Yeah. No, just like in the air.
Starting point is 01:04:44 It should be floating. True. I'm like this yeah, no just like in air floating True technically well. Yeah, I guess we are over you know we're not floating, but the orb are on is floating Yeah, it's kind of sick Yeah, flying monkeys in space Where we at time like Josh we're not an hour god damn it like just like that we get you feel the hour hit a podcast Yeah Out of ideas yeah Sam
Starting point is 01:05:14 Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. This is like the only time we could have hung out I know you know fortunately I gotta fucking go to the beach Lay in the water. I have to go cook baba ganoush with Tommy Pope. Oh, you're doing the cooking show? Yeah. Lick a dish. Ever since Chris O'Connor abdicated his role. He's not doing cooking anymore? I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 01:05:32 This is no one's business. But Chris, yeah. Oh yeah, he doesn't want to cook, maybe. Tommy featured in the club and he was spilling tea. Anyway. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Chris doesn't want to cook. Boy doesn't want to cook, what do you get exactly?
Starting point is 01:05:43 Well. Thank you for having me. Thank you, brother, appreciate you. Yeah, hey come see me in Philly by the way. Oh no come to Denver I'm doing helium the first weekend in November come to Denver for Thanksgiving weekend listen to chubby behemoth. Thank you guys I really love hanging out with you guys. Let's hang out sucks. We have to monetize our chill time But that's come on. So you know hey, I always say does it Come on, so you know hey, I always say does it Also, we fucking actually had good in-depth conversations, that's all you know it wasn't me being like so how was your providence? Dude imagine if prostitutes could all hang out with each other and get paid they do We needed someone just like coming on us the whole time
Starting point is 01:06:27 Guys guys October 10th, I'll be at hilarities comedy club in Cleveland, Ohio the Wilbur in Boston, Massachusetts That is October 18th Milwaukee improv my god and guys the big one the New York City Comedy Festival They won't shut the fuck up about me making a video guys 1116 I'll be in town hall New York New York part of the prestigious New York Comedy Festival. I'm excited I can't wait and also capital one hall Tyson's, Virginia. I booked to I think theaters prematurely so please fill Back to clubs after that please come guys. I'm coming Bridgeport stress factory prematurely So hey tickets are very available for that weekend. I'm from Anoctus, October 1st, first Tuesday of the month. The Creek in the Cave, me, LaMara, Nate, Ari, Matty
Starting point is 01:07:13 will be there, Dylan Sullivan will be there. He's lost to me. All of our good buds will be there. And Nate Marshall, of course. October 9th, at the Comedy Club in Indianapolis, I'll be there in a red room. And then at the Comedy Cabin in Jamesville that weekend. That's fun. You're gonna have a fucking night. Oh, yeah, I'm comedy club Indianapolis over there in Red Room And then at the comedy cabin in Jamesville that weekend that one you're gonna have a fun time butterlies Jamesville where Jason where? Wisconsin okay, okay cool cool. You're like the mayor when you do that
Starting point is 01:07:35 Yeah, when you do that room they like come and give you a key to the city. Thank you so much What happened is everything okay? Well hell yeah, God bless you. Thank you bros sayonara

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