Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Nate @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch TGIF. wuzgud. Cusky held it down with our estonian bro Ari Matti this week. Castin about everything under the sun. God Bless you all. Hope you had a great week. Please enjoy. If you’re 21+, check out this link to VIIA https://viiahemp.com/ Use the code MSSP to receive 15% off. Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100

I'm up early bro, I got little kids. Seven? Yeah. On a good day, seven's like sweet. If I sleep in till seven a.m., I'm like, that was great. Were you like that younger? Yeah, I was always kind of a morning person. Really? You'd never even, never even fathomed.

Really? Dude, today, wake up at 11. If I have to wake up at 11, I go to the toilet, I take a shit like this and I spit between and I feel like my head is hurting. I feel like I'm going to the mines. I'm in the grind. I have to listen to like Joko Willick to get here.

Damn. Are we firing up? Who's gonna carry the boats? Oh, we're rolling. Damn, well, you guys just caught some natural conversation. Now let's turn on the juice. Damn, so hold on, okay. So you're saying anything before, Have you always been like that?

You've always been. And listen, society has tried to keep me down for all my life. School tried to keep me the fuck down. What time does your school start? We start like 8 o'clock in the morning, I think. I think now it's a little earlier. I used to do 8. 8.23 was the exact time.

Greats, Catholic grade school. Damn. Yeah we did 830 ish and I'll tell you in high school I was in school before 10 maybe seven times. Really? Like when you miss a class you would get like a mark on your card you know. What happened? Mine was oh three was supposed to be, you get expelled. That's the bullshit they got. Three lateness? Yeah, three, like late, like missing a class, not late. Missing a class. Okay, okay. That's whatever rule they wanted to give us.

And this is where, this was in the mother country, right? This is in the motherland. Estonia, correct? Estonia, yes. So you bucked the Estonian school system, you didn't go. So I had 700 and after high school, 10, 11, 12th grade, I had 768. I missed like one third of the whole high school experience. I'd be out for like two weeks.

I just didn't feel like it. I've always been a vibe guy, you know? But I talked to the teachers, they all loved me. Even the principal every time I went in, he was a karate, he used to be a karate instructor. He got expelled, the principal in my school got expelled from his last school because he used to be the PE teacher and he slapped the shit out of my kid. Did he really? BABOOM! He did. Out for six years did some politics, got back to principal. That's how principals get in, it's politics, you know. Yeah, I don't, I never understood that,

how like principals come to power. Yeah, it's always like through politics and shit. You gotta hit a kid. And he loved me, whenever we talked, he was like, man, you crazy, you know. I'm like, I know. And then we talked about karate. His son was in the karate tournament,

and he would play VHS tapes of his son fighting. And then I would just go back to school. And all all the teachers are like you gotta go to the principal's office and like sure more karate riffs. Damn man. How was your morning going? You seem like you're Russian bro. You seem high strong. Right now? Yeah. Yeah I had like two coffees and just woke up. But I'm always like this. They know me. True yeah you're right you rip hard. I know and then everybody thinks I'm on coke everybody's like dude. I don't think you, yeah, you're true. You rip hard. I know. And then everybody thinks I'm on coke, everybody's like... I don't think you're on coke. I would never accuse you of that. I don't think you're on coke.

I've got accused... I get accused of being on steroids, so I feel your pain. Get the fuck... I'm telling you, people think I'm on steroids all the time. Right now I'm on a 48-hour fast, so obviously I've shrunk down a little bit. Oh, you fast? Yeah, 48 hours, bro. Thank you, bro. I discovered it when I was like in my thirties.

Really? Fast shit. This is my longest one. I've never been... I do 16s and 8s. I discovered it when I was like in my 30s. Really? Fast shit. This is my longest one. I've never been... I do 16s and 8s. I'm going to kill that. Yeah, that's too much. This will be 48.

Have you done water fast? Have you done those? No. Yes, actually, I tried for one day and I got a pretty big headache. Very big headache. I remember I tried it on stage. Dude, I understand for a for civilian a water fast as possible If I'm having an anxiety panic attack before doing sunset

On a water fast, I'm gonna be parched. Yeah true and if I'm parched This shit on yeah, if I smoke weed and do stand up, it's kind of a nightmare. It's like the whole time. I'm like Just dry mouth my parts just fuck hate that shit So what's up, dude? What you what you went up to? Thanks for doing the cast man, of course the words I've been just chilling, you know, yeah, but okay So when you get up the fuck do you do at 7? I don't even know this life I leave my family do that wake up and how are you? How are you 32? Oh, yeah, you know you wake up I lead my family. I go, guys, it's another day, God has blessed us.

Do you judge guys like me? Tell me honestly. Like actually when you hear me telling that, do you judge me honestly? No. I think a lot of comedians- Society's been keeping me down, and I'm done. I think a lot of comedians get caught up in the mythos of being like, I go to sleep, I wake up at four in the afternoon, it's like-

If I wake up- You wake up at eight a.m. But also, how do you do this, I wake up at four in the afternoon, it's like, you can wake up at eight a.m. But also, how do you do this? You wake up at seven? Yeah. You have a spot, 1140. I don't do them. Where you got to fight for your life.

I don't do them, or I just- I've seen you out there, fuck you. Or I do them, I've been chilling on them, or I'll just do it, and I'll just suck it up and I'll wake up early and I'll just- How tired are you though? Tired all the time I'm aging rapidly right now Yeah, I'm aging rapidly and you know, I'm like genuinely falling apart but you just do it how old are you like 30?

38 I was kidding. You know, you always started with the 50 yeah it's good one that's crazy so okay okay okay okay okay okay so maybe you're not that maybe you're also nocturnal like me dude I'm sharp at 1 a.m. I'm sharp I'm not I'm a morning person I made to like lift stones at like 7 a.m. till 3 and just go to bed maybe shake my wife up a little bit. Maybe have some excitement. Really? Yeah. Have you done about doing like shows at 1pm?

That could be a huge market. Dude, I think about it all the time. That could be a huge market. I think about it all the time. And whenever I've done those shows, even at Skankfest, I had like a 1pm spot, full panic. Really? Dude, I have to go alarm clock. I mean, I'm open till 7am in the casino.

So the alarm clock goes off like, you know, like the spot was at one, 12, 45, fully hungover. Yeah. Just literally on stage, dude, I look like, if you think I look like ass right now. I don't think you look like ass. I see your eyes look tired. This was a two hour preparation process. Really? Shower, hoo, shave.

What were you doing last night? Were you partying hard or like? Oh! I went to bed like, I went to bed like four. And I've tried that too. When people go to bed earlier, you know what happens when I go to bed earlier? I get 14 hours of sleep. Oh yeah, it's too much.

So I don't care. Whatever. This is magic. I can be up till nine, I'll be up by one. Or I can go to bed at 12, I'll be up by one. Yeah, I don't know. I never struggle with that. A lot of comedians I know like stay up to like four in the morning I'm like why I go to bed just go to sleep man

Because there's never you never do anything good. I go to sleep Have you seen the new Vince McMahon doc go to sleep? Did I watch all of it? That's true Yeah, I left my own devices now now you say that left to my own devices I struggle to fall asleep your wife to just wife to just kind of go to bed. And that's what I was getting to. I did have a little missus for a bit. Did you really? And the quality of my life. Dude, I haven't slept in like nine months. Like slept. You know, I had a healthy, what is that? Anorexia system? What's the system?

Circadian rhythm. Anorexia system. That's pretty close. It's like they decorate that system, your body's lotioned, your life is just better. So I get that. Again, you have good creams and they're proper. Did my skin been itchy like for 13 years? Because I always use the seven in one fucking shower gel. It's meant for cars, everything. Yeah, it's like the conditioner, shampoo, all that stuff. Yeah, it's like the seven in one. My friend used to have a joke about the seven in one.

It's one dollar, ba ba ba ba, everything. And everything itches and is uncomfortable. My underwear got better when you find gold. Cause look at your underwear. Like even now I have the H&M one, five bucks for three. Dude, asshole itchy. And they're all up in my dick right now. Super uncomfortable. Yeah, they do that. They get in there and they kind of, you know, mix up your regimen a little bit, get you nicer undies, nicer socks. Yeah. Yeah. So I do get that sleep and getting on pearly being more productive. Women

do that. They just make us, you know, like, yeah, it really takes another person next to you. The wake up who looks at you like you animal. Yeah. To get you moving. You do. You need someone to hear your voice. You're just fucking alone in my bed for him watching wins for me. Yeah. No, that's fair, though. It is tough to go to bed if I'm if my wife leaves. I you're right. I don't fall asleep till kind of later. But still, you got to get the early wake up, dude. You can't have no business waking up at 12 o'clock in the afternoon.

Well, OK, 11 for me is like I have to be in the 300 mindset. I'm going to war. I can do I can do it. So you have like a headache and stuff. Headache, dude. But this morning, this morning even. Just fucking, ah, dude, this is bad, yeah. Damn, dude, I'm sorry to hear that. No, no, no, but it's actually-

Then you get to stay out till four in the morning. See, I'm asleep. I can't do the four in the morning. Yeah, because yeah, if I would try, because I've tried civilian stuff. Like I have a job, like, you know know 9 a.m. You gotta be there Hmm, even if I'm there at 9 a.m. You're not doing medians a job. I don't know why comedians the same It's the same as being like a bricklayer. It's the same. It's just a job. Yeah. Yeah, man. It's not a big deal Just doing it's like being a musician. It's like just a thing

Yeah, for sure for sure the American professionalism exactly man. Yeah, I might carry a briefcase I Might start keeping a real business And tell me this you also feel right? I don't think there's a huge distinction. I think comedian self-formatized their existence It's a hundred percent. She's a job. That's what we're getting to is that also when you have a fucking you're a real man You have kids. Okay. Yeah, yeah, by the way. Daughters, I'm not a real man though, I just have daughters. By the way, the chicks in the green room at Creek in the Cave, I noticed there was a 71

like dude chick ratio, it was me and chicks, so I started asking them questions. Wait, so all chicks are all dudes? All chick comedians, and me. So I started asking them questions, like who's the hot, you know? Yeah, who's the hot, right? You know you're the number one guy.

Oh yeah. Because they go like, he has a wife. You know, like he's a real man. So you're saying. And they say you're cute, but the fact you have a wife. Oh, they like to see you're married, I guess. Yeah, because they want to just like kill your wife and just take her spot basically. Exactly. Take over your kids and everything.

That's all they want. Yeah. They want to be in a house with kids. I'm not being like a dickhead. I think women have a biological instinct to like. And also, most of the chicks in the green room, they were in their 30s, my age. So that's when the pussy starts looking for companionship.

The pussy's like, what's that? Yeah. No, that makes sense. They start to want the domestic life You know although I feel like they feel like they're I think there's a big pressure against not wanting that though although I really think the way birds build nests I think women have a desire to like I swear to God it's like an inward when a women get pregnant Dude, there's a thing. It's a what is it called the

It's a nesting reflex literally that's what it's called when women get pregnant They go through their house and frantically start like moving shit around it. They prepare for the baby. Yeah, they fix everything Yeah, right. They like organized the closet. We are closets got changed around you have to just let them do their thing So yeah, I feel even women are in the 30s man. It's you know, they really Have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves? Yeah Have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves? Yeah. Oh, bro. That's a bad one. See, if you have a bad woman, they can.

My grandfather used to say there's nothing worse than a drunk woman. Nothing worse than a drunk woman. And he was like, and he drank beer all day every day. But he was like, there's nothing worse than that. That's the last thing in the world you want. Dude, honestly. It's kind of right. Yeah, because you don't want if you have a woman dragging you down, That's the last thing in the world you want. Dude, honestly, it's kind of right. Yeah. Because you don't want, if you have a woman dragging you down,

you'll go so far. They're supposed to drag you out of your own. Exactly. Because we're already down there. Yeah, exactly. I don't need another. Dude, when I would date, yeah, sometimes date like female comedians or something,

it's always just me and her on a couch, Uber eats. Pfft. Ha ha ha, Nobody's waking up. Everybody has terrible sleep. No bills are getting paid. We're late for everything. Yeah, true. It's a bad thing.

I've never dated a female comedian. Jeez, cause like I remember my ex had like a scam. I'm like, jeez. Her dad lives in Australia. So she lived in Australia for a bit and then started getting, scamming herself like the unemployment there. But she lived in Bali. She lived in Australia for a bit and then started getting, scamming herself like the unemployment there. But she lived in Bali, she lived in America.

She would just make the calls and cry like, I think I got a job once a month, you know. To her dad? No, no, the fucking agency or whoever. Oh, she would call Australian? The Australian one, they're like, you know. Gosh, gosh. But Australians, they're just such wholesome people.

They're all like, how are you doing today? Yeah, well, dude, I think what you're saying is totally true though. I feel like the dude's default setting is at exactly where a woman on heroin's default setting is in terms of what they would do for sex. I think you're totally right. It's like a woman on heroin looks at sex

the way like a regular guy looks at it. They'll like meet you in a back alley and be like, yeah, fuck you. So you're right about that. You can't have a woman, if you have a woman with loose morals It's just mad. I'm already like the monkey in the relationship. I'm fucking dropping shit. I'm running around. Yeah You need a sweet angel. You can't have like a nasty fucking comic

Yeah, sweet fucking angel nasty comic out there just in the streets ditch you at any second for fucking You know name an actor and you know the boys always go to he's changed you know when I get it It gets into a relationship. You know yeah, the boys always go he's changed, and then I look at the guy I'm like yeah, it's fucking color in his skin. He's sleeping well Always got a good smile. His riffs aren't toxic. You know he doesn't go straight to racism He's a happy guy yeah, there is aren't toxic, you know, he doesn't go straight to racism. Oh, he's a happy guy. Yeah, there is. You're right.

I remember. Hey, Sean, you want to go down the mid seas for the seventh time this week? Talk about the same riffs because we both forgot I'm doing your I'm doing your parts to you. You're doing mine to me. It's just a loop, it's just a fucking Bill Murray movie every day. You haven't, I forgot about that man, the bros always do, it's like yeah bro,

you never come around anymore, it's like, you ever see when, do you ever see two like, bachelor guys living together, but in their like 60s and 70s? I glimpsed it once, it was, for real, it freaked me out. Bro, I used to be a bartender. My nightmare. I would literally see it in my dreams with sweat. I would see that I'm the 55-year-old bartender with the suspenders.

You know, where's the party? I mean, I feel like if you... No, there's some guys who kill it. Some guys can pull it off. I couldn't do it. I'd fall apart. Living la vida loca. I know a guy who's like in his 60s and he's like a cruise bartender now. Yeah. Dude, and his pictures, he's just at pools,

banging all these women. You know, because the cruise, you end up getting into a fight with your husband. You end up getting into a fight. Yeah, yeah. You know, you'll be in the night. And it's such a huge boat. So he's banging all these brats, margarita.

He's like 61. Really? Yeah, he's like, I'm thinking getting into a standup. He's writing me this, you know, tell him to do it. And he loves it. You know, yes, I'm cocktails. Some people can do that, man. I was in an apartment of two six year old men who were like the one guy wrote a bicycle home from work. And just like parked it in an apartment. I watched him and this other guy

talk about pussy. And I was like, holy shit, dude They should have been like handing out cookies out of like a tin can and they were just like dude It's fucking chick. Oh, I wasn't fucking pussy and I was like I gotta get out here. This is crazy Yeah, that's real that like freaked me out in Australia. I lived with a guy like he was like 55. I'm dude I'm like 21 and we met at the hostel. That's how we started splitting. Yeah. Yeah, dude at the hostel It's always like it's all 21 year old German chicks Irish dudes. I was sucking and fucking Yeah, there's always like one guy in the 16 dormitory with the fan We can sleep with like 12 people it it's like this is the beginning of our life, but it's the end of his you know, yeah

Yeah hostels. Have you ever stayed in a hostel? You're just in there with a room with 12 people, and it is a party. I went to one in Brazil. Always a party. It was so fun. So fun. It was just me.

It was literally Irish dudes, Australian dudes, and German chicks are 100% right. I met Ari Shaffir in a hostel just when I was in my first year of comedy in Cambodia. Really? Yeah. What were you guys doing over there? Dude, I don't know. I just saw him at the hostel. I was like, you're our chauffeur. How is Cambodia?

I never went there before. I'm dying to go to Thailand. Bro, you know I lived in Thailand, right? Did you really? I lived in Thailand. How long did you live there for? I did maybe, I did like a 12 month stretch. You have to do those visa runs every three months. Then I did maybe I did like a 12 month stretch you have to do those visa runs every three months

Mm-hmm, then I did maybe another six. It's I was in Kuala Lumpur. So that's when I started doing also comedy First time I went there into comedy. So you're doing comedy in Thailand. No, I started in In Australia, so I did a year in Thailand met met my sweet baby Angel, made my sweet baby Angel like a girl in a classic love story. Did you buy her family like a pig? I'm not being, I've sold documentaries where you have to buy like... No, she was Australian. I've seen documentaries, I'm not being disrespectful, but if you meet a woman in Thailand, you have

to like support their family and buy them like a pig. I've heard that. I know that's not true, but let's go with that narrative. I saw a documentary. Yeah, let's go with that narrative. I think it's a nice gift. Yeah, in Bangkok, yeah, in the metropolitan. In Australia, so totally normal.

Totally normal. So then we moved to Australia, I started comedy there, and then I go back to Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok and did comedy there for six months. But in the first year, I was fully backpacker, maybe eight months in Copa Nyan, it's the full moon party island. I did all that.

Oh, I've heard about that actually. But I'm not like a never did ecstasy or nothing. I did basically Thai boxing, smoked a lot of weed and I just chilled. Fucking sick. And you meet a lot of guys there, like during COVID, I had a face. The horniest guys from around the world.

The horniest guys in the world. Ooh. Ooh. Dude, I'm like. You were in Thailand during COVID? No, yes, I went there for one bit, yeah. Nice. Yeah, for a month.

So what was up with the guys in Thailand? What would you say? So like, so like, exactly. You said they look like girls. So the whole lady boy thing is fascinating. Really? Fascinating. There's a movie about Thai kickboxing You said they look like girls. So the whole ladyboy thing is fascinating. Really? There's a movie about Thai kickboxing

and the champion ends up in jail and he has to fight in jail to get free from jail. But the whole thing is he falls in love with the Thai ladyboy. Yeah, he meets in prison. Swear to God. It's a beautiful story. If I'm in prison with a ladyboy.

You throw the match.. Throw the match. Two weeks. Two weeks. I'm blowing this guy. I'm serious. If you're a beautiful angel, I'm blowing. Dude, it would always be so fascinating. I never went for it.

I was young. I was hanging around the hostels that The expat community that bangs ladyboys there guys who are closer to your age Yeah, that's when you start having actual liberation and been there done. Yeah, because you start dying Yeah, like I'm not gonna bang a dude with a wig When am I you know true, but when you're young I'm not so sexually free When am I you know true, but when you're young I'm not so sexually free Have the family or like been there done that so he can't let go of the social norms that I've been you know I'm also Eastern Europeans or for sure British dudes my age would just be like Yeah, you know

In it you're saying Eastern Europe, it's not you don't like British dudes with little like a new Hostel In it you're saying Eastern Europe. It's not you don't 16 dorm there's like a family they're doing bad, you know, it's like a bad city like a cheap hostel Yeah, really coke and he just would disappear into the night did and he was he would go get on a tuk-tuk You know, he told the guy take me around take me around. Oh my little thing They carry not not to carry with the motor. Okay, my bad I thought he had like a rickshaw. I'm like, dude get it taking a rickshaw to a ladyboy is That's where I do call it Rickshaw, but it's with this small engine. You're in the back Yeah, you're like James Bond, but it was like six, but then one time I having a guy carry you like in a wheelbarrow

But it was like six, but then one time I having a guy carry you like in a wheelbarrow But then and the Rickshaw that was a ladyboy and so he's driving around looking for hookers But it's like 6 a.m. They all went to bed or it's the worst one. Yeah Yeah, and he comes back and he can shake it off and he was just you know, yeah like the oh fucking Thailand, you know, he's like, oh, fucking Thailand, you know, he's like. Eastern European, if you went back to Estonia and were like, mom, dad, meet. Now I wouldn't give a flying fuck, dude. Yeah, but I would say it's a little more strict.

It's a little more strict. I'm just not interested, but if it happened, I'll give a, dude, I knew 12 on Monday. You wouldn't even care, yes, whatever dude I knew 12 I knew 12 of that mothership on Monday dude if I would bang a ladyboy did you imagine the bit? The bit would be so sick. Coming through a guy you know you come in his ass and he comes on the floor It's just so funny you know.

It is funny to be from Estonia and be like fucking British guys It was just so funny, you know. It is funny to be from Estonia and be like, fucking British guys. I would laugh the whole time if I banged a dude, you know. I just feel like this is so wild, dude. It would be hilarious. I would have no issues, dude. Eight hours sleep. Yeah, true.

Yeah, literally, I'm not that guy. I knew a guy. A ladyboy would keep you in bed. They'd be like, come on, bedtime. I knew, I knew. Bedtime, you go, yes, I'm not that guy. I knew a guy. Ladyboy would keep you in bed. They'd be like, come on, bedtime. I knew. Bedtime, you go, yes, ma'am. I also knew a guy. I also knew a guy in Estonia.

He came back, and he was all weird for a few months. All weird. Then he eventually had to go to therapy, and then he started telling us. What happened? Hm. He even took a little rickshaw ride. Took a little rickshaw, this guy, so this guy goes.

And he's like, he's like, he's like 25 years old, so he's in his point in his life, I was also 25. He was, you know, it's the classic, it's the first girlfriend. They're loyal. The first, never even shared a kiss with another person. She's loyal to him, it's that. But now they've been together since they were 15.

The classic. But 15 to 25, the growth you go as a person, it's such a huge gap. Dude, if I meet you at 25 to 35, maybe I can handle that. But 15 to 25, so they're going through that rough phase where they don't know where it's going. They go to Thailand thinking it's gonna fix. Oh no.

Thinking it's gonna fix things. She's like, oh my God, the temples, you know? He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. So what happened? You know, they get into a huge fight. She throws a yeah, the temples. So what happened? You know, they get into a huge fight, he throws a glass on the street. One of those, like, a big fight in the relationship. They're actually, they actually got back together.

But it's a big breaking point. And this dude just goes into the night, you know, disappears for 48 hours. Hookers, guys, everyone gets it. A donkey got fucked. He's out there. So he just went completely. Yeah, yeah. And it helped the relationship.

They're back together. But when he came back, dude, this look, you know, really, because it's so traumatized from all that Eastern European toxic bullshit. and remember when I heard about it I just started laughing I was like how did everyone hear about he came back and finally finally he started drinking he start drinking with us he gets back I wasn't close friends with him but I saw him at parties so eventually he starts over and he starts a little laughing about it but when he told me or when I heard about it I laughed like kicking my feet on the couch.

And when I saw him, I'm like, bro, what? For six months, he was just weird. I was like, bro, are you gay? What's the issue? That should be bachelor parties, by the way. It should be you go out. Your dudes take you out to have a very gay experience. And that way you come back

and you can appreciate your wife. You're like, yeah, man, that is not for me. And every person gets married, your whole family has to go out and have a gay experience. And when I would live in Thailand, I would- Yeah, you gotta shake that off. You can't let that take over your life. Dude, bro!

He was just mad at his girlfriend. He was just mad at his girlfriend. And also, they're beautiful angels. It's her fault, it's her fault. But there's also, they're beautiful angels. True. Dude, they're beautiful it's her fault it's her fault but there's also beautiful true dude they're beautiful angels literally technology is only gonna get better if you go to a bar in thailand and you see a chick that's like you're like you know like cgi perfect yeah was it hard to tell was it hard to tell for you is it Is it really you think all guys have a theory? Look at the hands. I'll see it.

Oh, yeah. Fucking Apple. Dude, nothing if they can cut the dong is what else they can cut the Apple. Everything's perfect. Really traditions from a transition from a time and do a girl easy sledding. Yeah for me like Eastern European.

I have ugly man feet. True. It's not as easy for us. Yeah, just this weird fucking look at these fuck. Oh, I do I have soft Irish features I might be able to become a beautiful woman, but So what tell me about East Estonia, what is what's like where is it geographically where is Estonia? next to Russia Okay, is it under the sway of Russians influence? Or is it more like UN like where is it? Very NATO UN because yeah, but I got luck geographically. Yeah. Latvia wish they were us. Latvia is Latvia's down with Russia. Not far, Latvia's still in good, Lithuania good, but if we go to like Kazakhstan, Tajikistan.

You're on the east side of Russia. No, we're not that, but that geographical area after the Soviet Union collapse, they politically just sided with the Russians, which at the time, this was the 90s, this European Union wasn't a slam dunk. The UN, NATO, that wasn't a slam dunk the UN NATO that wasn't a slam dunk so they sided with Russia and we went because

we're closer to Sweden Finland okay and we would it so and we would be their Finnish Swedish fucking Norway their economy would influence us positively too because Finnish guys would come over I fuck her. I see where you're at. So you got, you got, okay. I was, I thought you guys were like further on that little collection of countries near Georgia. I didn't mean geographic, I just meant like. No, you guys are, you're in a good spot, man. You're right below Finland. But dude, imagine like what Russians like their C or KGB could do to a small Eastern European country. Nobody would have any idea What do you mean? They could fuck around and like they fuck around all the time with us. Do they really?

Yeah, there's all the time news another spy Russian spies Russian spy gets caught it has the wire here. What'm like, dude, what the fuck? They're dressed like Inspector Gadget. Fucking Kamala has a earring. Can't fucking figure it out. Yeah, Russian spies are still, you know, they're in the same. Really? Well, have you seen the Russian army? Have you seen their like...

They act like they have the coolest shit. They never have the coolest shit, dude. Have you seen it? Dude, have you seen... Look at the Ukraine war. There's footage, you know, when Russians, they see a drone. They're like, what the fuck? They're like what after like minority report? You know they're like what?

Because they have a Kalashnikov and a fucking pigeon Yeah, they hold it down like they got the best missiles, so it's all bullshit I mean a missile is a missile this yeah, it's the way they get it to you the problem. Yeah, it's true So okay, so you guys are not See you The problem. Yeah, it's true So, okay, so you guys are not all the issues so you See you guys I was curious about that because I it's like I'm fascinated by Eastern Europe I don't know anything about it. I know yeah because a friend of mine Yesterday I told him that I'm doing your podcast. He was like you're a big history guy

I'm well Shane's more of a big history guy. I do like I do like history I didn't say history guy. He always comes up and says facts about Estonia to me that I don't know. Oh, yeah better watch out I'm like watch out. What do I know? I don't know Yeah, I uh Yeah, I'm fascinated by because there's so many little countries and it's like I do in school They didn't teach us anything about Eastern Europe. It was just a place. They'd be like, yeah Like what's good with it? Yeah, I don't mind, you know.

I like it. I'm not angry. I kinda like it. You know what I want? Some weed, dude. When do I want it? Now. Your state restricting legal access to live the high life?

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Milwaukee improv October 24th to the 26 that's huge and guys. Here's the big ones. Please don't make me look like a loser Here's the big ones. Please don't make me look like a loser. 1115, capital, Capital One Hall, Tyson's Virginia. That's going to be a big one that I don't think people are too happy with the ticket sales as it currently are. And 1116, 2024 Town Hall, New York City. If I can't fill this place, I will fucking kill myself because it's one of the biggest cities in the world. So let me not make a fool of myself at the New York Comedy Festival,

the very prestigious event and also 1129 2024 a little out in the future Irvine improv Irvine, California. Come on man. Come out there. You know, I'm West Coast at heart. I'm totally so Cal Alright, thank you guys Matt McCusker comm for tickets and now word from our dealer, bro Hello, it's me Lamar. I have some shoes October 9th, I'll be in Helium Indianapolis at the Red Room, come to that. And then October 11th and 12th,

I'll be in Janesville, Wisconsin. They gave me too many shows, so please come to that. Optimal Knock is November 5th, Feud October 17th. And dude, please, just check everything out. SeanGardini.com, Lamar Lee that fun. Yeah Thank you, what do you think about Tate coming over there Andrew Tate? Yeah, he kind of like started holding it down nice from Europe Did we think about Cooper Tate down there Romania? Did when I saw him on like your mom's house remember that was one of his big was on your mom's house Andrew Tate

Well, she's you know, that was a big break right you guys do know that right no yeah I didn't know he was on it Tom Segura made everything bad happen but they had him on yeah but that was the time when how long ago was it there's a lot of go and in my head I was there was when he was doing the weird videos when he's in front of a chimney. He's talking about, you know, he's in front of a chimney. They had him on that long ago, yeah, when he'd sit in front of a fire.

So for me, it was 100, when I see a clip like that, I'm like, it's 100% a bit, and it's like a character for sure. Yeah, yeah. And then turns out, this guy might be the president of the world now. Yeah, well yeah he's might get in trouble for sex trafficking So I mean who has sex after we're all we're all bad guys. Yes. I mean that is true. Mr European the definition of sex trafficking is true

Well the definition definition is if you if you try if you cross state lines with a girl and trick her into the reason why she's moving yeah but you're tricking exactly how easy is it yeah it's like Pennsylvania to Delaware I mean like now I'm just trying to chill I'm just that's technically sex trafficking for sure yeah so yeah it is it's a hazy definition but yeah they got him on a couple counts I don't know if we'll get him, though. It'll be terrible to do if you sit in a Romanian court. I think so.

Oh, he laughed at the chicken. He laughed at the. Sure, he's a little chicken. That was Andrew Tate's pride forwards before they came down with all the. I don't know about that court. It's going to be the glove situation like OJ. Yeah, I think it will get off too. Oh yeah, I think Young Thug's getting off.

He's gonna rock up with a Lamborghini. Young Thug's getting off. Dude, you think Diddy will get in trouble? I think he's like done. I think if he goes free it will be mass protests. What did he do? I don't know about the lotion, I've seen the meme. Diddy was like grabbing guys

Dicks, I think who has a Apparently he kept Cassie for ten years Tricked her that which you know tricking Cassie Cassie who the rapper Cassie. Yeah, she was like an R&B lady Not Cassidy Cassidy was not molested by GD eight to my knowledge But yeah, he kept a girlfriend for ten years and told her he was working on her album And like it's coming out any day now Ten years and was just making her do freak-offs The the parties were like male prostitutes would have to have sex with her in front of everybody really she never got to do her album

She escaped Really? It's like sexual assault sex trafficking. Yeah be drop on camera Yeah, do you see the video of him beating her ass really in a hotel. You didn't see this what dude? There's a video. Have you seen the guy where the football player knocks the fuck out of his way rice? Yes It's so brutal that it like shocks you like what and like I said, I'm not being disrespectful against Eastern Europe. Is it like, I'm genuinely curious in terms of like pushing a woman around, is that totally off the table or is it like, Oh bro, we hit all of them. Really?

Well, we as a, it's very bad. It's very bad. Yeah. It's very bad. It's bad. So it's like when they're trying to fix the, like when, you know, when they're trying the LGBT things, you know, like we're still hitting them. Really? There's bigger issues, you know.

Yeah, I guess. Would you say like what? Take a number, trans people. 50, is it like, is it for real like that? It's bad. Yeah, it's bad. Like all the older, I have friends who are police officers. They literally go like, just every day, you get to the kitchen, the wife's on the kitchen, the dude's hammered, holding a knife. Whoa. Every day, all day.

Damn. It was bad here too, for you, the cops don't even come. The cops don't even come, they're like, oh, someone's hitting a woman, we have real shit to do. Yeah. Sure, although. The cops don't come. Here? sure although the cops don't come here yeah they got some come here dude if I have my wife call and say I was beating her the cops they'd they grab my ass oh really it's my greatest nightmare oh

it's have the cops pull me out of my house absolutely I wouldn't have done it I'm saying if she were to be like he's hitting me and then just fucking sock herself your parents never got into a little scuffle? Not physical, not that I saw. My was stepdad and mom bad. Really? Bad. Stepdad was physical? Yeah.

What'd you do? You were probably a little kid. I stood there and cried like a bitch. I mean, we all would. Or the only thing if you don't cry like a bitch, what you end up doing is killing your stepdad. See because, oh. For real, it's either it's all or nothing.

Nobody like squares up. It's either cry or kill. Dude, I tried to, I was like 9 years old. I watched the movie that read the dragon movie with Jet Li remember when he had to Needles I was like how to get these fucking needles. I gotta get my stuff back Dude, I was gonna so that's rugged. Where's this guy now, but it's a dead hole that everyone's dead, you know Yeah, true. Yeah, so this stepdad's dead for real. Everyone's dead. Everyone your whole family's dead. Everyone's dead. Damn I'm sorry hear that it's okay. I Love bringing it up Awesome, are you fucking around?

Everyone's dead found out the real dad is actually not dead So he's a real dad's not dead turns out. Yeah be conspicuous protest. We're like Americans talk about family Oh, thanks giving I always go ask about my family. Ask about everyone's family. I'd like to talk about that if it's not too much of a source subject. So when you're a little child, a little boy, I don't know if this is true, but I imagine,

I imagine if your biological dad hits your biological mother, there's maybe, it's not good, definitely bad. But maybe there's a system in our DNA that kinda tells you like in a plant, in a plant, things are good. You know like- You're right about that. I mean, yes, but having a stranger come into it.

It's worse. Stepdad is a dude. Yeah. And you're in that age of, you know, when like testosterone is starting to introduce, your dick is getting a little interesting now, and you're starting to become a man. And then another guy enters the picture and is violent. That's, I think, a bigger insecurity.

Big time. Seated in your whole thing, you know? Yeah, that's way worse. Yeah. Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, so how do you feel? But it's very normal, I would say, normal. I'm not saying this is, I'm not like, it's my story.

It's what, if I talk to all of my friends in Eastern Europe, a lot of my friends, it's way worse stuff, you know. Of course, also my stepdad didn't hit me, you know. Yeah. So that's, so. Yeah, that's, well, yeah, that's, so. Yeah, that's not good. Yeah, it's not good, but.

Glad he's dead. What? Glad he's dead. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Damn dude, that's fucked up. Yeah. Do you feel like when you come to America,

when you came, how long ago did you come here by the way? June. Oh, you're relatively new here. Yeah, first time I visited here was in December. When you hear Americans complain about stuff, is there a party that's like shut the fuck up? No, dude, I'm a suburban kid overall. Bro, don't get it twisted.

Yeah, but I had to play stuff. Just a regular old cold sack? Yeah, but I had to play stuff, so. Really? Yeah, of course. I'm watching a spell show. Gotcha. This is why I'm so confused about Eastern Europe.

I'm like, wait, what? No, Estonia's doing good. So it's chilling here, Estonia. Oh yeah, you guys are in Finland. I'm a suburban, like middle class kid, so. Gotcha, gotcha. So I complain, literally, if you give me like an Americano without no crema on it.

You're pissed off. Take me to hell. Literally, take me to hell. When the barista does the coffee and they put the thing under. Yeah. The thing is, because I used to be in the service industry,

I used to be in the service industry, the thing is you put it under, you're supposed to click it immediately because if you don't, see the thing metal here is hot and it burns the coffee. What? That's why you get sometimes like a burnt feeling

in the coffee. And these retards out you get sometimes like a burnt feeling in the coffee. These retards out there, the baristas, some of them. Some of them are beautiful. You know when you try to get the good one in the back but then you see the new, uh. Yeah. She don't know Americana. So they don't go over, they're fucking up the beans.

Yeah, they put it under, it starts burning and they look for the cup. I'm kinda pissed I know that now because I've never always just blissfully unaware. Oh you notice it and your life is literal hell now. Give that a turn? Do you ever tell him like, yo. I've never.

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm Eastern European, we're not. I know Americans are. Excuse me. You can tell him to give a little, give it a little nudge. I'll say thank you, you're an angel, give him a kiss and leave with the shittiest coffee

I've ever had. That's how I do it. And then I boil in the corner. Yeah. More espresso. Yeah I'm reading a book right now about an Irish immigrant who came to New York in 1949. All he can do the whole time he's just like I can't believe people are complaining about this stuff. But you're saying you had a good life in Estonia. Yeah I mean I got out when the Soviet Union collapsed, it was the economy was thriving. It's a new country. Yeah. Culturally doing amazing.

I mean, that's another thing in stand up. You know, I was so lucky because it's not like Estonia is one of those random Eastern European countries in terms of stand up because when we started back in the day, you know, the Soviet Union built a lot of old theaters. That's what communism does. You know, they make everything grandiose. Yeah. And so, so there are all these good theaters, beautiful venues. And like communism in terms of cultural, they always encourage you to go out, but they always censored and gave you what they want. Yeah. Because that's how you control people. It's not the fucking guns that control people.

You have to control the culture, the subconscious mind. That's what you do. Like Kamal Harris, Omer. Sorry. American politics. Yeah, you're right. So was that a territory that was part of Russia then it fell and they gave this?

So there's all this liberation because there was such big censorship. So there's all this liberal internet, the chapelle show, South Park, um, all the, all the sketches would always be all of a sudden, uh, be more blue in terms of material. They would, the songs would be, you know, like punk rockish, you know, cause we're all this Western cultures now overflowing. Like I got, remember Sex and the City? Yeah. I got Sex and the City and Knight Rider the same year.

Remember Knight Rider? Yeah. Yeah, because we got all this fucking... Oh, you got all the stuff that it was. The Beatles, everyone's coming. Ah! That's kind of weird. You got like three decades of culture at once.

I watched Chappelle's show, Golden Girls back to back. I was like, these bitches are crazy. And appreciated both. How old were you when this happened? When all this like... Oh, I was born in 92, 91 is when Union fell. But I mean... But still, I know what you're saying though,

it all came in here. When a thing falls, it's not like, okay, you gotta create currency, laws, culture. Now you're also so strong in your... And we had our own language, but the media was always translated from the Russian influence, so we never got our own shit. But we always had it underground. They would always be... So what was it like for the older people around you to have all that stuff come at once? That

must have been fucking nuts dude. Men kissing. Just the sculpture, the matrix. MacGyver. That's kind of nuts to think about. Yeah, ATMs, fucking CDs, the cassette player, Linkin Park. That's crazy. It's all coming. So you guys just got all the tech. That's kind of cool.

So there's an explosion. And also what's perfect in stand-up, it's perfect for every art form but for especially stand up the more tension there is the bigger the release can be right that's why stand up is thriving in america right now lots of tension in the air the riffs will be fire yeah i mean like i know some i i know a ukrainian open mic in kiev in kiev imagine what they're saying about the Russians, imagine the riffs. Yeah, it's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be fire. I didn't think about that.

I didn't think about the riffs in Kiev. You know in that basement, people tell it like it is. True, true. What are they riffing on over there? Ooh, they're calling, because we have slurs for Russians and all that, so they're, so they're, pa, pa, pa, like, pa, pa, pa, ah damn I didn't think

about wartime comedy people all of sudden get control of America and then you're all free you know they're the enemy and all that and then you're all free imagine the riffs the first night in the basement you know they'd be saying we don't put salt on our food and shit it'd be devastating that would be be kind of cool. It would be kind of cool. They got the finally the black planet I think I think they're ripping pretty hard already. But yeah, they go and that's why It's like black guys always roast white guys cuz it's yeah fucking fuck you. Yeah, it's great true I mean, even though a lot of white guys weren't even involved whatsoever with their stuff, but yeah, I hear you. Exactly. I hear you though. It's true.

Yeah. So the riffs are like... True. Like imagine being a Russian guy in Kiev open mic right now. Yeah. And they find out you're Russian. It's going to be fire, dude. This crowd of clips, TikTok city, dude. But then if he can get up and defend himself, that might be kind of fire too. That's his fire too.

Yeah. Oh, imagine riffs in Moscow right now, Moscow, because they lost ATMs. They lost Apple pay. They're losing McDonald's, you know, the sanctions. They're losing porn. But imagine the rifts. The rifts are probably kind of weak in Moscow right now. Or no, I'll be like, we're going to nuke them. Yeah. We're coming back. We're coming back. I'll put the Russian anthem on. Yeah. Because they've also been, you know, kicked around after the union collapsed. They have. Yeah. So they're coming back. I'll put the Russian anthem on. Yeah. Because they've also been kicked around after the Union collapsed. They have, yeah.

So they're trying to... You think they'll actually unleash the nuke? I mean, I'm sure the comedians are literally chanting it as we speak. That's what my bit would be. If they nuke us successfully, they could win the war. I hope they don't. If you're listening, Russian propagandists, don't do that. They don't have the, listen, they don't have the, listen, listen.

I think they got the nukes. Listen. You think they're as bad as North Korea. If you go to St. Petersburg today, You'd say. If you go to St. Petersburg today, you're gonna see an iPhone 3GS. Remember 3GS?

Yeah. You're gonna see an iPhone, maybe four. So it's bullshit. So, this missile ain't gonna make it over to the greatest country. Listen, I like to hear that's good. That's good news. This missile. So why is America messing with them so bad?

This missile. Why do why do we have such an obsession with Russia? If they're just like, I mean, they're a big force. I mean, they're big. Yeah. They're an economy and all that. I guess they are kind of the biggest force next to Europe and China, obviously. I guess they're big. They're on economy and all that. I guess they are kind of the biggest force next to Europe and China, obviously. I guess they're here.

They have the manpower. That's what they're doing with Ukraine. Yeah. They have the manpower. I guess we gotta wait till they get older. They just go like, hey, 80 million, go. I'm sure you have all the cool missiles and drones, but I have 80 million shaved men running.

Yeah, true. Believe in every word I say. Yeah. For the motherland, you know. Dude. True, they do have the manpower. I'll get to your drones. Their population's aging, isn't it?

So I figured once they get old. They're sending everybody, there are two kids right now. There's a 76 year old grandma throwing a grenade. They have like little drummer boys. Everybody's going, brother. Fuck. They're pulling people off the bus. Look at the videos. There's a nerdy guy like Sean Gardini.

With the glasses, that's why nerdy. It's a stereotype. Like Sean, like imagine Sean on a bus and the army just puts a helmet on him and he's gotta fucking go in a ditch. Do you think Russia's gonna lose the war? They're definitely, are they losing pretty badly? I don't know, every news article tells me different.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know who to trust anymore, you know. I'm surprised they're winning, I mean. Hey, let's just stop killing and let's just make love. That's what I'm saying, man. Yeah. We gotta give them the TV show. They had the TV shows for a while, didn't they?

Russia had the TV shows. What do you mean? They, like, when Estonia got all the TV shows, did Russia not get the TV shows? So I feel like they got the jeans. No, no, no, no, they got all. They got the TV shows. What do you mean? They like when Estonia got all the TV shows the Russian knock at the TV shows so I feel like they jeans but but but but But they got their own shit going on. They're like Spanish people. They're not on fucking The Spanish people have their own app like Facebook or something. Yeah, Chinese. They do have like we walk or

Wewob, wewob. Wewob. Wewob. Isn't that a thing for China? It's called WeChat. And it has everything. It has the Instagram feature, it has the Twitter feature, it has the forum feature. Like when I was in Kuala Lumpur, you would go on WeChat and you just put in UFC tonight and it shows the bars and the people hanging out there. You can already join the chat of the people hanging out there you can be like what's up so that's where they always say that that's where the our apps also come that's where they test all those fucking things oh really on

the chinese population because they're so uh because they consume so much i want to see what's up with china are they really that is everyone in china really that into china or like sorry this is what i do if i meet anyone from another country I'm like you must know all about the world I don't know you never been in China. I've been to Beijing really I did a show there But it was only for expats, but when I was walking around the vibes were off the vibes were off. They're off You know I could see the vibe sucking in China. I really could the vibes fucking suck, dude I'm not rude. I don't want to be rude. For sure. But four days in Beijing, let me tell you, as a 21 year old hopeful kid with baby blue

eyes watching the world as it is, not judging anybody, you know. The vibe sucked. You can say. I go to Iran, eat a dumpling. I don't buy the hype. I could go to Afghanistan, get on a beach, you know. I could go anywhere. I don't buy the hype. Yeah, yeah. But I gotta tell you, the vibe is rough. In Beijing? Sucked. What's the craziest?

I go to a KFC, everyone's rude to me. Why? Because all the letters are fucked up. I mean. Yeah, true. No, no, I get it, I get it. It's your shit. But also.

The lines are tough, personal spaces. I'm pointing at the picture. You don't get that Yeah, man, cuz I don't speak Thai either but it's riff city. I'm fucking show the hands. I'll do a cook You know, I want chicken with rice. I do the fucking eyes the Asian eyes and I do That's chicken with rice. Am I correct? Am I correct? That's pretty close. Am I correct? But yeah that no that that can be that stuff if they're like Stonewall, you own the language. It's like, bro, I'm not going to study Space Invaders language.

They look like it looks like Space Invaders characters. You do, though. It's like, come on, man. Knock it off. It's a fucking words. So I feel your pain. I'd be like, come on, guys. I would try to lead it like a lead, like a revolution. But guys, we have words. You don't have to draw little symbols. That's crazy So yeah for stand-up. That was perfect for us, you know, like when

When I started and another guy Sander started It was we were like the first guys and the upside of that is our open mics Two three hundred people we have to go Our open mics, two, 300 people. We have to kick people out. Hundreds turned away from the open mic because they're coming for the novelty. Because stand-up comedy, they're like, they watch Louis CK, they watch Jimmy Carr, they're starting to get it.

And also all the TVs would still be stuck in the old Soviet ways, they're kind of bleeping stuff. They're not talking potty talk. They're not talking potty talk. They're not talking potty talk. YouTube came around, so we already see Kevin Hart talking about long ad day. And then I look at the TV, it's kind of boring for me. Then you find out, oh, we have also stand-up comedy,

Comedy Estonia, that was the organization. And the mics will be packed. And the upside of being a new culture in standup is that you don't have to pay for the sins of the previous generation, is what is the big problem in like Canada and America also. The clubs held you guys down, they will pay you shit, they will have to pay for stage time.

So people kept fucking you around, all the gatekeepers would pull the ladder up, not help anybody else. So you ended up with a big actually bullshit system that doesn't encourage talent, it kind of discourages, which also makes the diamond shine out, of course. For sure. But it also discourages.

I'm sure there's a lot of guys, I mean, I know a lot of guys who are fucking way funnier than me, but they're just stuck in a scene and they're kind of stuck in the politics of that. They can't do quite TikTok, they're trying, you know, and then every time they have that one showcase a month that the club gives, they get three minutes. So they don't really get to shine. But we got a big audience straight off the top. So you get a lot of, so you get a lot of like, so I don't want to, what's the word, not support, but like when the crowd is also growing with,

yeah, you get a lot of, yeah, you get real feedback, you're in real crowds, you're not doing like 10 angry comics being like, fuck this guy. And also I'm not saying we were the most original guys either. We went through, because we're the first ones at the well it's not like we discovered the water you know we're first ones so all the hack topics have has the first generation you know that's awesome though that's pretty cool I never thought about that yeah have you been in Finland yeah what's been about I'm half Finnish are you really my name is the most finished thing you've ever heard true True. Yeah. What's up with Finland? When I was a kid, I grew up the winters in Rovaniemi, which is where Lapland,

that's like near the Arctic Circle and shit. It's like bad out there. Sucks? What's the vibe like in Finland? They had the polar night, you know that? No. Just great. What? And you're just at a bar. Ah! What time is it? And you're

just low on vitamin. I thought Finland was like beautiful. No, it's a long ass country. So there's different areas. But you're in the gray zone. I mean we also, Estonia, we don't, we have like two to three months of the gray. Do you really of the gray? Maybe one piece of sunlight every two three weeks one piece where you get the cloud kind of shows you what? Damn, is it rainy or just kind of like a great gray and misty gray misty rainy? You ever move around the mist though like kind of like fuck. Yeah, I think blinders. Yeah Trust me. I've had my Peaky Blinders phase in Estonia. I got a toothpick I was a toothpick guy when I was like 19. Really? Moving around the mist that'd be kind of sick. That'd be pretty tight. Yeah but always sick because the the Peaky Blinders

clothing isn't actually proper winter wear. Like if you look at Peaky Blinders, he's full-blown suit, but it's the middle of winter. If you think about it, if you actually think about it. And those cars had no air conditioning back then. So if you think about it, he's actually freezing to death. He's having hypothermia. Yeah. You're exposed neck, your voice ain't gonna be that fucking smooth. Yeah, you're way chillier.

You're right. They're way chillier. So I would dress like Peaky Blinders and then end up in pneumonia. Well, goddamn, dude. Well, thanks for doing this, man. I think we're in now, right? 52, what the fuck, Lamar? Oh, you're already tired of me.

Or you know, I just I like to keep it. I keep it in hours. So a nice for I get that. Let's keep ripping, dude. I'm good to go. I'm ready to rip and grip, you know. So what's up with the show? You talk about what's up with me. I'll tell you what's up with over me do you don't want a 48-hour fast I told you that already

48-hour fast honestly, dude, I'm just trying to like, you know what? I'm trying to figure out right now Tell me how to just sit down like anywhere I am and just be kind of chilling. You know what I mean? It's hard. I've been trying to figure this out forever. There's got to be some combinations of words I can just put into my head where I'm like You're one of those guys who needs to say shut up brain. Yeah, I'm one of those guys to do a big time So I'm trying to learn how to just chill so hard, huh? Do you like it? I always live in the future. I can't even every moment of a Appreciated in my life has been in retrospect. Yeah.

And that's such a country thing of, hey God, what's up with that? That I can only be happy, happy about something when it's over? Yeah, take me to the now. What do I do? Every holiday I've ever had has always been like that. Really?

During COVID, I went to Barcelona for a few months, just didn't do comedy, disappeared. That's why I love Thailand too, you can just disappear. But then my mind, like I was the happiest I've ever been in Barcelona and I had no idea when it was happening. I was just walking around, when's my next gig? I wonder.

Yeah, that sucks. I, when you're, I've been depressed on a vacation before in like a beautiful area and that's like, that gets kind of rugged. When you're in like a beautiful tropical area and you're just kind of like, you're like, dude, I fucking suck. Yeah, sometimes I wish like when I was on a beach,

I just wish like on the boat, like the Somalian comes and then we have to fight to the Death and I barely make it. I'm in the hospital beep beep all over. Yeah, I come back Just to do something with my life. Yeah, I was that same book about the Irish immigrant. He's talking about a Native American guy Who they're all like working in a hotel and he was just like the Native American is like dude This shit is so embarrassing for us. Like we should be riding horses and just fucking like shooting each other with bows and arrows. He's like, that's the only thing a dude should do. He's

like, we're preparing a fucking banquet room. He's like, this is humiliating. We should be riding around taking each other scalps and chilling. Just chilling, you know? I mean, I see what he's saying. It's kind of a rough life. But like, yeah, I can see I do the same thing. I'm in my house. It's like, doesn't matter what your house looks like. I'm just waiting for someone to break in. I want to fight them to death. That's like, it's all I want to do.

Most exhilarating. I'm downstairs naked every night. And I'm like, please let this be the night. My dream in life is to be like a survivor. Like I'm on a bus with children, everybody dies. You want to be unbreakable. Exactly. What I want is the interview.

We're on the witness survivor. I'd love that interview. Are you still wounded? Do you still have wounds in the interview? I clean myself up. I mean, it's national exposure and promote the dates. Survivor would be nice.

Sometimes you see those survivors, you know when somebody witnesses something, they're always like, ah, ah, I saw a bomb. And I'm like, this is 45 minutes after it happened, nothing prepared. Dude, I'd have a full on, true, whole arc.

I would lie. I would be like, I saved the baby. But then the baby said, you go, be great. You know? And that's how the baby died, you know. I'd be like, I saved the baby. But then the baby said, you go, be great. And that's how the baby died. I'd say that. True, the baby told me to go. Estonia, the Estonia comedy scene, dude, cannot lose one of the real ones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now you're America, bro. But yeah, the- Do you have friends in Estonia reaching out? No, yeah, I have visitors all the time. And yeah, everyone's super supportive. That also used to be a big thing that when I tried to, because I did comedy in Canada,

then the Seattle competition. I've done some things on this side of the world. And I always felt like an outsider. And that's keeping me back. Because every time I watch my favorite comedians, like Bill Burr, he talks about the game he talks about football you know he knows all the references he goes the Philly Rat you know he goes yeah the Buffalo Eagles suck whatever you know I'm sorry I don't know the team. Oh you're good man I don't

really follow sports like that either. Yeah I don't care either. You know there's I love every time I see Shane he's literally talking about the game every time. Yeah yeah love sports most guys in America do love sports. Everybody loves sports, sir. Every green room, every day, every day, sports is in my face. I go out, you know the game, the fantasy. My fantasy is the win.

Would you tell people you don't care about it, or you just try to pretend to get along? No, I try to integrate. You try to get along in the conversation. Have you been busted doing fake sports talk at all? Very much so. You know, Shannon Sharpe, I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he jumped, he's a jumper,

you know, like, because I think it's some NBA guy. NBA guy. So I would always feel like I'm like I'm outside that I know try, you know, you watch American comedians, you try to recreate that I would be influenced and all that. I would just try, you know? But then I had that like snap of like what I realized, holy shit, I actually have an advantage of having a story that I'm not from here. I'm literally more rare than a gay black guy now. I know 72 gay black guys were comedians and they're funny as fuck, right?

I don't know, Estonian motherfucker out there. You're the only one I know. Yeah, I want to know. I don't think he was from Estonia. I knew one other guy. I'm picturing in my mind. I don't know. Now they think about it. I don't know much about this guy.

I assume he's from Eastern Europe. I don't know why. But that's fucking sick. Yeah, dude, it's better to be, you know, have the outside experience I think so sometimes I do feel lonely in the culture a little but then I just Talk to my stony friends or they come and visit everyone super support. What's the biggest difference in culture you would say? Estonia to America all right now. It's a personal thing. It's it's a personal thing

We went on the person but for me. Yeah, yeah, I got you trying to be a It's a personal thing. It depends on the person. But for me. Yeah, yeah, I got you. Trying to be a pedestrian in America, nothing's more disrespected in America. We do look down on pedestrians pretty hard. Hey. We need laws to protect. Hey. I'm walking over here.

Why am I next? Why am I on the I-35 with a truck going fucking 170 kilometers an hour next to my face this close? And why is it so loud? I can't relax on my walk, huh? And in America, if you don't have a driver's license like me, I don't have a driver's license. Really? I'm literally disabled. Bird scooter, yeah. I feel disabled, I'm literally, yeah, a bird scooter.

Dude, even the other day, I was hanging out with fucking Israel Adesanya, with Tony Hinchcliffe, everyone's superstar, everyone has Cadillacs, and then, ping, I'm next to them, ping, ping, ping, ping. I take the scooter, ping, ping, ping, ping. Dude, I ride the scooters back and forth all the time. They're awesome. And scooters, you do look like a scooter guy. It's dude. You ride past it. Yeah, dude. You need to be pretty jacked to handle those things. You can kick on. No, I ride scooters.

Yeah, I love them. And dude, that's my favorite thing. Riding from my house down to the mothership on a scooter and back. You know, yeah, but that's all I do, sir. It's awesome. Put headphones in riding away from a good set on the lime scooter people don't know It's fucking it's a nice feeling you know when people are outside the club you're like so Yeah, when people are you want to do a bump of coke no I'll put pink Floyd on think about what a superstar I'm becoming and riding the fresh air Ride by the creaking cave you're like oh I don't want to do that right by the creaking cave you're like oh

But there's a lot of things I can't do I even go to a best buy yeah Now you can order at ordering grocery socks as they pick up bullshit and they smell like cigarettes you get onions They smell like fucking they don't feel the avocados like I don't they don't know that's right. There's me with a tomato Yeah, true. Feel it. It's good vibes You're right though. They they pick bullshit fucking pros and then the dates they always pick their expiration dates Oh, thanks for bringing me milk that expires in six hours. Yeah, they don't reach the back shelf They always go for the back. I love that in a grocery store and you find an expiration date. That's like New or older and go nice try dickhead. You pull the milk from the back, it's the best.

I know you. And then you look into the other side of the shelf. Nice try. I know you fucking. Well, dude, we did it. We're at an hour. We did it. Thank you so much.

Thanks for doing this too, by the way. Sure, it was great. Also, I really like your comedy. Thank you, bro. You haven't been around recently. I've been traveling. But you were around a lot. I remember like your comedy. Thank you bro. You haven't been around recently. I've been traveling. But you were around a lot. I remember.

At first. And we did some bad shows together. Yeah man, you're funny as hell dude. You're killing it. Thanks man. You're a fucking man. You're very funny too. And also such a left turn for the chicks to be like,

cause I go who's pound for pound? Hottest guy in the city. Oh you're asking the women. I was asking, of course, it's seven women. I'm going to ask who's the hottest guy. That's a good that's a good move. And I'm expecting, you know, they go like, oh, you know, I'm like this. They didn't mention you, Sean.

But you play game. Yeah, there is Bennett. I get it. If I hear like a black guy with a hat, I get it. Darius Bennett. They're irresistible. Have you seen Darius Dress? He literally dresses like, Dolomite is shooting tonight.

This guy, swav every time. Yeah, a black guy with a cool bowler's hat is. Yeah. And then you show up all hocaker all comfortable with the Hawker shoes and And chicks are like that's I didn't know you're talking about me specifically. It's like fucking it's great. Oh my god He's so straight and unbalanced It's great. I don't say go around and talk about dumb shit Maybe you know, maybe I represent a doorway into the life they

see all make sense and that gives a lot of hope well I appreciate that I thank you for bringing me that piece of information I can't be black no I can't really you could put some hawkers on start fasting get like a nice wife kiss her on the lips all the time I could do that And then all the female comedians will cover you. Yeah, they'll cover it. They'll cover it more so what you represent. I'm just kind of like a symbol. Just love mystery, you know.

It's true. That's what you got going on to. I think I'm pretty good. And I'll see you at the mothership in the back. You just. Quiet, serve silent, strong, silent, tight, all in strong, silent, bro. Taking it all. I also have extreme social anxiety

So I'm just sitting there the whole time just like oh fuck. Yeah, but now that I know a lot of comedian babes are Liking my first thing about you, bro. No, I'll start walking around a little more confidence like one girl literally goes like this. Oh That's fucking awesome news. I'm gonna show this to my wife. I love that's the best thing I like to tell my wife this. Oh, he's so hot. Oh, I like that. That's nice. Thank you for telling me this, man.

Literally like just a wet through the jeans. Really? Damn. On you. That's crazy, bro. That's pretty hot, but I get it. I get it. I know, man.

I don't see it. I don't see it. But I mean, look. You're like a mysterious guy I do like to support your wife true they like that yeah yeah but dude yeah they like the idea of it and you get you know one-on-one it's just nothing but smoking mirrors and problems and bullshit so yeah they don't know it's actually the monkey with the thing. They're like, what's he... Well, thank you, dude. Thank you for telling me that. I'm going to take that information to my wife and rub it in her face.

Appreciate you, bro. Thank you for having me on. You're great. You're great. I would love to get married. You can do it, bro. You can do it. If you know some good guy. You hear that out there, you guys, everyone can get married. Girls want to get married so fucking bad. They're actually pretty annoying do it. If you know some good guy. You hear that out there you guys can get everyone can get married girls want to get married so fucking bad They're actually pretty annoying about it

So for everybody out there to get married so love you guys