Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 522 - Rock N' Roll Synagogue (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support the spunge & tombini @ https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good afternoon! We hope everyone is well. We back! Yippee. The Big Kahuna and our bros up north held it down this week - the spunge and steven gerbies!!!! They had some off time from Tires and recorded a little broadcast for you guys before the ND game! Woo hoo. God Bless our bros. God Bless the grool king. God Bless you all. Please enjoy. Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup The Mountain is calling, you should answer #DoTheDew #MTNDEW Shop now @ https://lets.shop/2141/dothedew

The sunroom, it's beautiful here, but I don't want to, we'd have to bring in like a couch in. I'm not gonna sit like this for eight hours of college football. Go. Bring some bar stools in. Irish. This chair is phenomenal.

It's game day, Steve. It's a comfy chair. Yeah. It really is great. But even in that chair, you can only get Maybe four hours of college football done. It's a lot That's why yeah You gotta lay down for the eight o'clock games, okay, especially Notre Dame Stanford's gonna be a nice boring one

My new friend is watching. Yeah. I guess this is where games today Your new friend is watching them. Yeah, I guess this is where games today Your new friend is watching football today I'm making all sorts of friends in this country club. You're making friends at the car They're just like very so you made a friend at the country club today and they told you they were gonna watch college football later Today was the first time are we are we? later today was the first time are we are we yeah we are recording yes we weren't this is not the first time that we've played this was the first time we scheduled to play together and you guys set that up you said hey do you want to play together yes yeah cuz it is actually if you could if you're playing

with people that aren't you know like me they're like man children or stuff like that like you could play with like real bummer of people. What do you mean by a man child? Like, like grown men that get like really upset when they start playing poorly. Oh, yeah. Really fucking uncomfortable. I thought you meant dudes that were out there having fun. No, no. Drinking a little.

No, like. They, they forbid that at your country club. No, no, no. Some guys very much do that. Get fucking hammered. Of course that's not me. I love it. You'd have such a golf's fun when you're drunk. No, no, no. It is for a little bit and then your

game falls apart. Yeah. One of my favorite stories of all time was you not playing and getting drunk with your friends. And you're talking shit to them all the time. My friends had a very serious golf competition. They split into two teams, and then me and my one friend, O'Leary, who wasn't playing, just drove a golf cart back and forth watching them. Just getting hammered, just screaming at them while they were playing.

They got like really, they became man children. They were like, fuck my fucking backswing, dude. Shut the fuck up. You hit like a 120, for real shot, like 120 shot like 120 and I was like you can't be upset Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, like you just put the cart in reverse during the backswing. It's so good That is the most for the backswing thing drives me crazy Especially when I like I've never played with anyone who's nearly good enough to be a justify. Yeah. Yeah It's like you're not that focused and you're not that good.

Yeah. But for that noise, you would have no. So anyway, but you made a friend. I did. He's living up to expectations. Yeah. He's just like, cool. I have like one other friend that I made more friends. Yeah. So tomorrow I'm going to come clubs, like a dog park. Yeah. So tomorrow I'm going to go. It's like a dog park. You're meeting friends. No, no, no, no. I was like, no, no, no. Yeah. So what were you saying before we got started about, you said something about sex. Oh, well, because you were talking about Tim waltz. Oh, Tim waltz being called a pedophile on the internet today. So what is that story? I don't I don't know I don't think it's I you know, it sounds like it's it's just a tweet. So you never know

I would say it's definitely not true, but Who knows? It's those guys seemed fucking he's got a little bit of that face going on That's a tough one That's a tough one I don't subscribe to that at all Cause I feel like I have that face going on If you were chubby, yeah If you were chubby you'd look fucked up

You got like dark eyelashes Looks like you're wearing eyeliner You look fucking insane I know, people like occasionally I get accused of that Very seriously Wearing eyeliner And there's no talking somebody out of that This guy, here's the source You pour water on it. What do you do?

You can't you just go like dude. I'm not but then you also don't want to Justify you know right feed feed into it this guy said Okay, Tim. I guess now would be a good time to drop my October surprise You remember him right the real person you walked, the real reason you walked away from teaching. The kid who spent the night at your home, the one you went to the gay bar with, the reason the school board had a meeting about you. What do you think Tim, should I drop that now

or should I wait another week or so? You know the student you were having sex with, the male student you were having sex with? They don't call you touchdown Timmy because you were the football coach. Oh wait, you lied about that also. You were the assistant coach, What do you think Tim? You remember the Indigo Girls concert, right?

The gay bar, spending the night, and of course the school board meeting. I think it's time Tim, touchdown Timmy. You were touchy all right. Did I write this? This is really good. Who wrote, was that like a screen guy just rewinding your special?

Perfect. You figured out how to write it? This, that was from the very reliable black insurrectionist. I follow back Patriots That's a reliable source does he follow you no I Check I didn't Jack Although he might have got a follow from me after this quality work touchdown Timmy But he's right. That's quality work. Touchdown, Timmy.

But he's right, that is the one thing that bothered me. Stealing head coach values, crazy. He said he was a head coach and he was assistant? Yeah, he was assistant. Who's a high school assistant football coach? Maybe. You wanna put one of those guys at the White House? Those are literally the biggest read dogs.

Tim Walz? Yeah, Tim Walz. Oh, the vice president. Yes. literally the biggest Tim Waltz. Yeah. Vice president. Yes. Vice president. I forgot your red. I thought you guys were talking about like a coach for a football. No, no, no, no. We're talking about touchdown. Timmy Walls. He was a coach for a football team and he looked at the championship. It was an offensive driven. He's offensive coordinator. They made this video where it looks like he was the coach. Oh no. Oh, sorry. This is not good for podcasting but watch. Oh, look at that balls. They found the one clip of him

touching kids like he won like he was the coach He did maybe maybe the head coach was just kind of a figurehead. You know he was like he was like late days paternal Gay pedophile could have been the defensive coordinator touchdown Timmy walls gay pedophile could have been the defensive coordinator touchdown Timmy Walls. That's a tough allegation. Was he the D coordinator? I don't know. I hope not for his sake. Little Sandusky action for you. What does a head coach do of football team? It depends on what they it varies. Okay. Sometimes they're the play callers. Sometimes they call the defense. Sometimes they don't do either. And they just kind of make the final call on things. Interesting. So like, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't know if Marcus Freeman for Notre Dame

calls plays at all. I think he was dead Brock on offense and golden. Right. He probably helps with the defense. Anyway, I thought he did for, I thought he took over last year or something calling defensive plays or something. I don't think, alcohol works pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Now what was the sexual thing, Steven? Because we were talking about Timmy Walls

being possibly a gay pedophile. Right, what I was saying, because you had mentioned that there was some- I think he was taking an LGBT club from his high school to China with him on some trips. These are all crazy allegations from Thailand. They're all LGBTQ. What was it?

Black patriot, black interactionist, sick name. I was just saying that it's very hard to not fool yourself into what you're doing to have sex with people. That didn't come out right. Yeah, not trick yourself. Yeah, to not lie to yourself about what your actual motives are to really it's like I'm trying to have sex with somebody. Yeah. And then you've got all this. The only thing I can do is put together an LG. Yeah, and then you've got all this I can do is put together an LG Yeah, you're like I'm doing this is a good And you hear that in the back your head you go no, yeah, that's not me that face so I

Like I was gonna have sex or what he gave me the kind of language that his girlfriend was coming coming to visit. Yeah, so I was a little conjugal and He just kept making that face It to me. You see that Between takes I was like when you're performing oral sex I said Stephen are you gonna? Steven are you gonna perform oral sex tonight? He was like yes It was like when you're doing it I want you to see this But you powered through and no and I didn't even power through I totally forgot about it because I was so and then After I was coming out of the bathroom, I was like, yes, because then I thought about it. And the woman hurt. Yeah. When you were cleaning up, she said, why did you just say yes?

You're cleaning up the mess. Yeah. Do you remember the story about Matt, like how you found out that he got a flashlight which was like yeah UPS showed up, and he was like yes, okay. What's that? Nothing they ran to the door goes. I got a flashlight. I got two of them do you want? And then we both went to our chambers and when we emerged we both kind of quietly were like This is too powerful I've never actually used one

You would go nuts Holy shit, can you imagine what he would do? Yeah, he loves devices do you way he puts puts his phone on a thing above his back, he has that thing. You'd have that thing attached to something. What this would be. Get rid of that mic. Put a light on it.

I don't mind bringing in things, yeah. I don't mind, but that's- I wonder if you could attach a flashlight to the boom arm. I'm sure you could. Now we're talking. Just fuck it. You should ask, ask touchdown Timmy walls That might be one he could answer go to a town hall and be like

Could you attach a flashlight to a boom mic? There was no yeah He does get crazy who's gonna win who's gonna win It's a coin flip. It's a coin. Come on, if it's a coin flip, you know they're stealing it. We're going to be shooting. We would get the old 2 a.m. All we found 900,000 votes. You challenge the election. Yeah, piece of shit. Dude, as the day after the election, I hope it's just all b-roll. Just you. Put yourself on set. Oh, man.

I don't want to reap the whirlwind. Yeah, true. Oh, yeah, we're gonna be on set. Yeah, election day. That's gonna be... That's gonna be so fun. Yeah. Either way, that's gonna be so fun. Yeah, either way

If Trump loses I'll get to make fun of you I'll be like nice going dude you ruined the country Right you got fuzzy on your cheek No, it's been good tires has been great tires has been incredible. You've been incredible, but It's yeah, you've been incredible. It's a week, but it's been a fun week nailed it God damn, I do you forget how hard to actually working is yeah, I feel like the biggest pussy of all time I can't believe you're actually doing it I think I'd be like guys. I'm sorry. I gotta be honest. I'm starting to be like, I'm not coming in. I'm like, I'm yelling at these poor people that are working there.

I'm like, dude, why would I get here at 5.30 in the morning? Yeah, like those long days, I have that in the back of my head where I'm like, he doesn't need to be doing this. You know what I'm like? No, I do. You're asking somebody to stay to party too long.

You're like, 12 hours. I definitely need I do. I do. You're asking somebody to stay to party too long. Yes. 12 hours. I definitely need to do it. It's the best. But the... That first day, 5.30, wake up. Stop. It was great. I was like... The first day, yeah, I was like, this is gonna be for four fucking months. I'm gonna kill myself.

Stav's been so good. Yeah. Schultz and Tommy were great. Everything's good. So Kyle's been fucking kill. Oh my god Yeah, if she wasn't asleep, she'd be on the pod We might be Yeah, thank you Say Chris Did we do that at the premiere? Yeah, literally would just up there. He was he was done

He was done it was full panic mode, but also no one was like, Oh yeah. Oh, Connor. Yeah. He's Chris was just sitting there at the end. I just brought up like a little stool for me to sit on. Uh, that was, yeah, that was a surreal experience though. I also like it when we got up on stage, I was like, what are we? I don't, we didn't have anything. What do you say? That was one of the worst pieces of shit? Poor Brandon from rough house just up there like So so yeah you guys where how do you get into character? Yeah, we none of us do these are all us One word answers. Yeah, the instinct is like turn it into a podcast

We're just talking about jerking off and like finger and pussy. We talked about Steve's sexual proclivities. That's all I got. But yeah, waking up early and then driving home tired. They're like, how the fuck did I forget how big of a pussy I was? Dude, people actually also were not even working.

Right. We're just there literally laying on a recliner until it's time to do three minutes of work Then you sit back on a recliner go. What the fuck are you doing? Fuck you o'connor bitch, and it's also not even a situation where there's no end in sight You know what I mean? Yeah, you're working a day job. You're like. Oh, this is my life. Yeah, this is forever until This you like no it will be over in December. I got that in the back of my head. The whole time.

I'm like, I don't want to do any more acting. Stand up so good. Stand up one hour and you go home. And this, but the staff too, they're showing up like an hour before we even get there. And then an hour after this fucking sound guys, that job actually is hard. Yeah. Oh, just holding the fucking thing all day. Yeah. Christian, I'd be cranky if I were

them. It reminds me of the temple owl guy who does this. St. Joe's hall. Yeah. Yeah. Just the whole game. Yes. The flapper's wings. The entire game. Just three hours. Yeah. Damn. And there's no point. There's no reason for him to do that. He's still doing it. That's the whole point. Someone goes, you know, he flaps his wings all game. Yeah. I love college. The tradition of college basketball. We got, there's a guy in the worstk costume. It's great. The hawk costume, 60 years old. It's just a couple of feathers coming off his arm. This is it's nice. It's not like a fun, big, like gritty or fanatic.

It's it's like almost skin tight. It's like a kid's Halloween costume that the parents made. It's. That'll actually be fun. I want to go to some, I want to go to some of those games. Oh, it's actually big five games fucking alpha. I was wrong. They must've got upgrade. Yeah. I mean it is shitty. Look at that that especially when he's just standing there by himself in the corner There looks like a big rug That's good stuff. What else is going on? I chose Hawk. I had a shitty morning Yeah, I woke up. I woke up. I went to I was trying to get like a

Like a cabinet that a TV can like rise out of oh Really? Yeah, why'd you do that for in here? But I was looking online I thought they would be like I thought they'd be like 500 bucks there $3,000 jeez yeah remote control thing So that'd be nice in the room it wouldn't block the windows and you could have a TV in here I see to watch some college football Right now we just have it sitting on the table. It's a it's an eyesore Yeah, we're definitely watching football. But then then oh fuck

He wants to put that on a glass table and have us Fucking board meeting because zoom call That's crazy nice. He's going to the bar with us. We have a couple that is that because Steve's got a X on all the more reason to get a little buzz. I Haven't had a drink in Filming is also ruined drinking I'm not drinking it sucks ruined drinking. You can't drink, dude. I'm not drinking. It sucks. Yeah. Cause I wasn't like the writer's room even just trying to come up with ideas. It

was, it's such like brain fog. So same thing. Bullshit, dude. Yeah. You can't. Yeah. I can't drink the night before I drink twice in two weeks. Yeah. That's, that's crazy. No, it blows and I'm not going to get any days off the rest, I don't think. There's a lot of days where I'm not off. Like. A lot of weeks, yeah. But do you feel good? Yeah, you feel good. Yeah.

But it's not worth it, dude. I don't know what the fuck all these people are talking about. It blows. Oh, God. Yeah, you get a clear head. It's nice. It's nice when you wake up.

Yeah, it's amazing. Going to sleep sucks. It does. Not like, cause it's hard to sleep without it It's just like what do you want to do tonight? No, you can watch Yeah, yeah, I watch more about the Menendez brothers I'm watching fucking 900 hours of the Menendez. What's going on with that one? Is that I don't know

I think I made the Dahmer thing. It's as horny as the domer one. Yeah, this one's pretty horny Because they said they got raped by their dad. No It's a good defense after you kill a guy. He was actually raping us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, did you tell anyone before that? That's the space you playbook I Just want everyone to know that I am gay. Yeah. It's also funny, women are always like, they're so hot. Because they're hot in the show.

And I was like, do you want to see what these guys like? Women love murders. Yeah. They want to be. I think there's a lot. Lyle and Eric are hot. I looked at a picture of them. I was like, these guys look like literal dipshits.

Oh man. Look at these dipshits. Yeah. But they're rich. They were rich for a week and then they got caught for blowing their parents' brains out. Is that how they do it? Oh yeah. They broke into their house with shotguns. Well, it was their house. They just walked downstairs and shot their parents while they were watching TV. God, that's terrifying. It is. Are we giving anything away if we talk about the thing that you had this or whatever in the show? I don't know. Yeah. Give it a shot. Well, you, you putting a gun at my face, a prop gun. Yeah. It's just terrible. It didn't know that. Click it clicking in you're like gone

gone just like maybe maybe you're on to a better place hope you yes you think you're going to have the same you'll be same time we get there and then John's like Steve Kerr I knew it. You want me to get set to hell? No! Just me first, me first. You think I'm gonna have to wait a little? No. You want to be out of a bit of a delay? They're gonna go hold on a second. The fantasy is so fun. That's an insane fantasy. I've never heard anyone really gates. Yeah, and God goes Steve I always liked you better Steve. You are better than change That shade I go hmm, I wonder who got it Little pride on those through the pearly gates. Yeah. Yeah, that's a sin. They would cast you down He does remind me of Lucifer Steve yeah the story how's that go being God's favorite angel and then Lucifer was like I should be God

I'm actually the best it's true. I did there's a degree of truth to that in so far as when you're not around I do act very differently Who knows I have you witnessed it what him being the fucking cocky guy when I'm not around would you describe as cocky? No, it's it's it's it's a roller coaster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's ever every once in a while I feel like everyone's prone to that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. When you're not around. I would love to see some confidence. You leave the room and someone's always going like, all right, fuckers. He's out. I'm in charge.

He's a shit. Yeah. My propensity to like walk by, so we've got clean that up, you know, it's a fun thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. It's really fun. Yeah. Just walk by someone to pick that up. Finish that script right now.

Turn that hat around. Turn your hat around. This is a good one. I was knocking Clay's hat off his head. And was doing some oh, I'm a clay's fart yesterday Shout out the clay on the The middle of me trying to do lot like I was in the middle of what are you a monologue? Yeah, I was no just dialogue I was trying to and he followed me into the room with the camera and then I'm in there talking and I just

Suddenly I couldn't think of any line because all I could smell was But why don't you Come out here and do this. I'm sorry. I can't talk somebody farted Sticks like shit, and he just goes that was me I didn't really fart it kind of just leaked out We're boys. He is the man. Yeah, we fart. Yeah, just fart. Is that a lax bro thing? You guys all just I don't know. But you and clay skunks walking around. Yeah,

you rip a fart and it stinks. You just go what is my friend today play lacrosse? Oh really? Yeah. Friend. Yeah. Yeah. How good a friend are you guys? Not not great. You know, we're just. It's a new friend. It's a new friend. Is he cool? Yeah. He seems. I mean, you never know. Is he handsome? Uh, yeah. You knew he's watching. No, no. No. A couple of Drexel dragons at the club. You got a couple of dragons alumni. Oh, OK.

Yeah. Well, I don't know. I'm sure he's told me. I don't know. Neri's floating around. Yeah. Damn. You went to Drexel too.

Yeah. Yeah. I went through that. I went to George Washington and failed out. Went to Delco Community College and failed out. Oh, shit. You and me were on the same path. You're not better than me at all.

You're literally not better than me at all. Delco community college I don't folk I can't pay attention were you partying too hard? No, I just I did not care and I just lose focus Yeah But you were not partying. No friends at all. What about the Drexel? No, because I was working on my dad. Quiet loser that wasn't good at school and like 25. It's failing out of college is like, yeah, at the age. When once you get older, it's the easiest thing in the world. Yeah. College is so easy. As long as you just turn things in on time. Yeah. Yeah. That, yeah. At the age, once you get older, it's the easiest thing in the world. College is so easy.

As long as you just turn things in on time. Yeah, yeah. Which is why I failed out. I stopped going for a full semester. I just didn't go to anything. Is that what you do at community college? I had to go back to community college. I was like, all right, dude.

We gotta turn this thing around. Oh, so you passed community college? I did. Okay. I failed. I did that. The summer of my freshman year, I had, because Drexel has like a quarter system,

I had to be in school for that summer. And I just didn't. Just didn't go. Just didn't go. I got like a 0.2. I was basically the. You shaved your head and started working out. That was later.

That was after junior year. That's a freak out. Yeah, yeah it later that was that was a freak out yeah yeah yeah I went home and yeah I freaked out I shaved my head I had my dad came home from work he goes what'd you do with all the hair oh I flushed it down the toilet he's a fucking great it clogged the toilet I I flush it down the toilet. He was like fucking great. It clogged the toilet. I was like, it was literally day one of my turnaround. It was just immediately already. I'm different now. I'm going to change. Nice going shit head. I'm going to go for a run you probably did

I did that I went for a run but I had a bowl of cereal I had a bowl of cereal before I went and I got a mile away from my house and just had explosive diarrhea I had to

clench you ever have milk and then go on a run? It just shakes. Holy fuck, dude. It turns directly into cheese. Where's your shit? Where's your shit? I waddled home like clenching my ass in full running gear.

You know, yeah, yeah. Was your dad home when you burst in the door to shit? No, he'd gone to work. Oh my God. That comment though, what'd you do with the hair? That would have like, that would have really, I would have seen red mist. Oh dude.

Can't you see I'm hurting? I don't know. You gotta see it from the dad's perspective. He was home from like an actual day of work. I'm like just living at the house. They tried to get me to paint like the deck and I couldn't do it Fucked it up so bad. It was yeah

Yeah, that was The end of the road. Yeah, I got At elon I quit football. So then I just literally just stopped doing everything. Okay, and then I went home for Christmas break and they were like you're expelled And then I went home for Christmas break and they were like, you're expelled. How's the guy at the bar? They're just like, you're expelled. I keep forgetting. I tried to do that yesterday. What? When like, you know, during the one scene where everybody's, hanging out for me, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like double down on the squid.

What? That's there was a drunk guy that got served right next to Shane. Was he asleep at that time when they hit him with it? No, he was fine. Just blacked out. Get the fuck out of here, you piece of shit. That's hilarious. It was beautiful.

Did I tell you the one thing, the second lip sync contest, did we talk about that last time? Because it was the Michael Jackson one, that was the freshman year. No. The sophomore year, because we were talking about like, you know, your parents. That was freshman Michael Jackson one. That was a freshman year. No, the software year. Cause we were talking about like it was freshman year. Yeah. You must've been the man in high school. You did a fucking Michael Jackson dance. I look for a slice. You see the picture. You got first. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

You also did a thing where you dressed up as Madonna. That was, so that was, that was software year. And that was, that was the one I was telling you because your dad, he just went like, that's the one thing my mom's still gets triggered by to this day. Cause I, I never liked like cross dress or whatever. And so before, of course, your dad told me, your dad told me, told me halfway through the performance, some guy yelled out, Oh no, it's so bad. Yeah. He told you about it. Oh no, it's a man. Yeah, he told you about it? Yeah.

Once he just walked around telling a story? You deceived them? You did that? Yeah, yeah. They thought it was a sexy lady up there. You know, big eyelashes I hadn't hit puberty. Yeah, it was like, I guess. And my mom, like, to this day, when you tell it, sorry,

she's just like, ah. She's like. Yeah, true. I could see it. Yeah. Put him in a dress and a wig. Yes. Well, what an unfortunate looking girl. Tall, tall, sl Yeah. Put him in a dress and a wig. Yes. Old and unfortunate looking girl.

Tall, tall, slender. No, I was five too. Ugly girl up there dancing. I support this ugly girl. Oh shit, it's a guy. God damn it. It's a gay guy. How'd it go? What happened with Madonna? It was really uncomfortable. It was not as funny as I thought it was going to be. Like a virgin. and then I did this move where I got down. It was like a virgin. My hand and I like humped

and that's what triggered the person yelling at me. The guy saw your penis. I don't think he saw my penis but I wasn't wearing tights. You can see right on my skirt. It was terrible. Oh my God. It was really, really, yeah.

Why did you do, this was for a talent show? Yeah. And you did this totally by yourself? It was a bad choice. Yeah, I thought it was gonna be funny. I thought it was gonna be funny. It wasn't funny. What, when you, right before you got on stage.

So, wait, no one was laughing? No. Holy shit. No, I'm bombed, really bad. But, right before you got on stage, were you like, I can't wait until they see this? Or did you start to? Or did you start to? Yeah, there's times you start to know.

Yeah, no, no, no. I don't remember all that clear outside of doing that move and feeling like getting beat red. Because you did get the response that I was kind of. Yeah, there's gotta be photos. If that doesn't hit. There's a video. I need this.

I need it, please. Just a dead silent auditorium. Can we please put it at the end of the credits of tires? I'll get my mom to start looking. Yeah. There's a couple different ones. It's going to tear the family apart. She's going to dig up this. Yes. Find is her trans son. Yeah. Well, my dad actually told a funny story to the writers because he was, you know, he was telling about different people he had hired. And he was like back in 83, this guy interviewed, he'd been in business for like four years, this guy interviewed and he asked like, why'd you leave your last job? And he was like, you ever worked for a fucking Jew?

And, you know, my dad being Jewish. And so, you know, the the writers asked him, so what did you do? And he's like, I hired him. Worked for me for four years. And so the writers asked him, so what'd you do? And he's like, I hired him. Worked for me for four years, great worker. We had a lot of fun with that though. Cause he told all the other techs, don't say anything about me being Jewish, wait till payday. And then tell them.

But it's just like, it's a hilarious response. That's wild. I hired him. That's good. There was also, didn't your dad play a prank on one of the techs where he had some lady call up? That's why I heard him. That's good. Yeah. There was also like, didn't your dad play a prank on one of the techs where he had some lady call up and try to fuck one of them? Oh yeah, that was terrible.

Like he got one of, there was like an attractive woman that worked in the office and he got her, you know, this was like before internet. Yeah. So she was gonna be it's me. Oh my God, he was married? Yeah, yeah. And then she was like, I'm not married. I'm married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married.

And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I'm not married. And then she was like, I don't have a lot of money. Maybe we could go in the back. And he was very much like, I can't do that.

I'm married. And then she was like, it's me. Oh my God, he was married? Yeah, yeah. Like, dad, why would you do it? Evil, a fucking trick. That's an evil Jewish trick. That's such a Jewish trick.

Go ruin that guy's life. Destroy that man's life. I sign his checks. I'll do whatever I want with his soul oh my god that was my reaction I was like are you crazy to do that? that's so fucked up it's so fucked up it's like it's fucked up in multiple ways yeah it's like you're getting me all roused and then I'm like making and then and then if and if he brought her back He's humiliated in front of the company and his wife

The story's gonna go around and she's gonna hear it eventually he's gonna get a divorce You can try it divorce destroy his soul he he he he my dad just like ah Stephen you know we're just having a little fun about Phil facetiming you oh my, that was like the joke of the day. That was nice. So my dad had a very serious hell scare. That's why I was, I had to go home a lot and check and see, go to the hospital

which was, that sucks. But when he came out of surgery we FaceTimed him. And he was like, how's everything going? He's got like tubes in his way. On the worst angle I've ever seen in a hospital bed. He looked like a harkening. But I was like Chris is doing good, John's doing great, Kyla's doing great, Steve sucks and he goes Steve sucks. I held the phone to Steve and he goes, Steve sucks.

He put it on his death bed. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah. I think you're like, Steve, is it doing too good? Yeah. Steve's ruined in it or something. Then he's like, Steve sucks. That was one of my favorite Phil moments of all.

Right out of the gate, everyone's like, Phil, I hope you're doing good. He goes, I don't need your fucking money. I'm being real. It was like, Phil, ultimate warrior. The first time I saw him in the hospital, he was bad. And my mom was, she didn't really tell us how bad it was. She didn't want everyone freaking out.

So I got in there and he was like, I was like, holy fuck, this could be it. Anyway, I kept it together, because I didn't want to fire him up, because he was on like, shit, I was just like, dad. Those would have been my last words. I was like, you got this, you're number one. But then I left and I started, you know,

I was tearing up a little, leaving the hospital. And while I'm leaving, I was wearing glasses, so the guy wouldn't have seen me visibly crying, but I'm leaving and a guy just goes are you Shane Gillis? That's gonna be one of the bizarre things about a picture People catching it at like all your entire range of emotions throughout a day tired wake up like feeling good People catching it all really it's good unless it's something like seeing your dad dying Yeah, and it's not that you don something like seeing your dad dying. Yeah.

And it's not, then you don't really wanna talk to people. Even then I was like, yeah, it's so bad. Yeah. Hey, how are you? Yeah. But then Phil miraculously, like the next day. Get that cheese, dude. Yeah, I know.

He's like, yeah. Yeah. Isn't that funny? Then I went back to the hospital the next day and he was fine. He was a lot better. They did. Yeah. He powered through that. I thought that was looking dicey. Yeah. That was so scary. 50 50 on that one early. How old is he? 68. Okay. But he got after it. He had that was funny. He was in the hospital, but I was like fucking good run though. I

guess a hell of a run. What an attitude. It was funny. Yeah. It that was funny. He was in the hospital, but I was like, you did a fucking good run though. I guess a hell of a run. I was like, hell yeah. Damn, what an attitude. It was funny, yeah. It was very funny. But that phone call was incredible. What, the FaceTime? I mean, it's like, damn, shut up.

Yeah. I don't need your fucking, Steve sucks. Yeah. That's right out of the game. That's just fucking. Yeah. I was literally thinking about getting him a card. I know, that's what you said. He was like, Steve sucks he gets. I was literally thinking about getting him a card. I know, that's what you said.

He was like, Steve sucks. You're like, I was gonna get him a card. I hope he's all right with me talking about his health, but whatever, he's fine now. He's doing great. Is he scared? Is he home yet? Tomorrow.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. So that, oh man. And he's not allowed to drive now for a while. He's just stuck with my mom Crazy he's gonna be crazy, and he's got a chill on the drinking Definitely saying you need to stop and he's like okay He was already like Couple of night

Couple he's like all right He was already like, I have a couple a night. He was like, you have a couple. He's like, all right. I'll bring it down to a couple a night and then work my way back up to where I'm at. Yes. That is a thing in the medical community. Is that coming back from injuries? I just gotta build myself and start from square one.

Yeah. I feel like the medical community does not appreciate how much regular people drink. They know. You think? Yes, yeah. Unless you get like an Indian doctor. I went, I told you this before I went,

because I had some rotten chicken fingers at a comedy club that fucking destroyed me. And I was like, oh, this is serious. So I went to a doctor and he was like, so how much do you drink? And I was like, probably, this is serious. So I went to a doctor and he was like, so how much do you drink? And I was like, probably like 50 beers a week. And he was like, oh my God, this is just failing. That's what that is.

And I was like, I don't, all right. Then we got the blood work. He was like, everything's fine. He was like, is that how much you drink? I was like, yeah. Yeah, it's like case of beer was like, some of the mechanics would drink a case of beer. Yeah, they'd put down a case. Yeah. It's like case of beer was like some of the mechanics would drink a case of beer Yeah, they put down a case. Yeah

That's when you die. You're gonna die at 60 probably. Yeah. Yep Apparently the general the younger generation doesn't drink as much Yeah, apparently they're finding out it's bad for you. Yeah, because everybody's parents is dead that fucking They're having fun they're doing everything else but yeah that was a that sucked seeing Phil yeah but whatever he's back he'll be back he knew he'd be back he had to lay there and watch the Phillies lose oh that's a tough one you know hospital bed watching those fucking games. Just watching the whole team not hit.

Dude, after the Sunday game though, I was like, they're back. I thought so too. I was like, they are back. Bryce is one of the fucking, yeah. They were flat. They were flat the whole, the next two games. They've subbed everyone out.

Just keep them in there. I didn't even like the fact, I guess Bones has been sucking, but I didn't like them benching them in. No. Just keep them in. Did they bench BOMB? They bench BOMB in game two. Oh really? Yeah.

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awesome dude I'm on a mountain right now for all my friends even if you don't have any friends dude you can just imagine them after you do the two. Well, that's good baseball talk. Back to finish by I did. I did an evil Jewish trick this morning, I think, where I kept this. I found like the cabinet thing I was looking for on Facebook Marketplace. And I kept saying I was going to pick it up for like two weeks and just not picking it up. And this lady was getting so pissed at me and then stopped responding.

And then I like Sadie called her and was like, Hey, like we're for real. We're going to come pick it up. And we went there today and we got in there and I was just like, it's too big. Oh, they had taken the TV out of the cat. They had unplugged everything. They got it ready to move. You got to just take it. I dude, I was this close. Huge. It would fit here. It would, but it would be, it'd be too big. I couldn't do it. I could, and it weighed 200 pounds and I had to lift it with the actors. no, yeah, we just couldn't have I felt really really bad shame, but I don't think we feel comfortable associating with you on Yeah, why? Take it and then do what then I just have it and then I got to get rid of it. That's how things work Then I'm just in their shoes. I got a

giant cabinet. The curse is on you. Fucking it. Dude, I walked away from it just being like, Wow, I can't believe I stood up for myself in that moment. I thought it was like a real achievement. It's kind of an achievement to be that big of a piece of real. I would have been like, I would have taken it. I thought about it. I thought about paying for it and taking it right to the dump.

Did you offer him a little money, like a little like holding money? Maybe? No, no, I said I had her guys. This is a Jewish shirt. This is a Jewish necklace. I think I'm going to start wearing it. Really? Yeah. Because the one because she was wearing a necklace. I think I'm gonna start wearing it. Really? Yeah. Because Shashe was wearing a necklace.

I was like, oh, you're wearing a fucking Jewish necklace. He was like, it's a thing for my dad. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, dang it. It felt like bad luck not to wear it. Yeah. But my grandma gave me like a, they're called a chai.

It's like a, you know. The Star of David? No. It's like Hebrew. Does it look like pie? Yes. OK. No, it's a it's like Hebrew. Does it look like pie? Yes. OK. Oh, yeah. I've seen that thing. Yeah. You're aware that I think you're going to start wearing it.

Yes. Why don't we just get you a patch for your sleeve? I was a little bored. I did look awesome in my neck. Yeah. Why did this look so cool? What is I don't know you know what though? I do have a hunchback from leaning my terrible posture so it shows that kind of sits. It's It sits in the crease. I thought like if you look like leaning forward. It's like sitting on top of it It's not good. It actually makes you work on your posture. Yeah, I have that

My posture is fucking terrible Yeah, that was you're trying to sit with good posture. Yes. Yeah, it's comfortable. It's what gay guys do It's for girls and gay guys Good posture is crazy This was this was making me when when I came to the chain, I was like, I gotta wear it, cause this all started. Phil's health scare. And I put the blame on myself.

Me and Nate Marshall were in Philly. We were walking around. We went to St. Patrick's Cathedral right in Rittenhouse. It's awesome. You can just go in. We were walking by and I was like, let's go in there. It was empty. It's awesome.

You can't just go in? Yeah. We went in and I was like, let's fucking say a prayer. So we're sitting in the pews and I was like, damn, I haven't had a church fart and haven't had a church fart in so long. And I let one go. And I was like, that is kind of disrespectful to just walk into a cathedral and fart, take one of the candles. And then the next day Phil was in the hospital and I was like, I know I shouldn't have farted in that church. the next day, Phil was in the hospital and I was like, ooh, I know I shouldn't have farted in that church.

There's probably nobody funnier to be at a church service with if you're gonna, with you. It was my, I couldn't, by the time I was senior year, I couldn't get through mass with my friends. I would be, the second I walked in, I was like, this could be the funniest thing that's ever happened every time. What would you every time kids would fart kids all of my friends would fart as loud as they could it was the funniest it was crazy church for it is nothing comes near it

yeah dude yeah I remember my brother we had to stop going because my brother and I couldn't stop laughing thing and they tried to sit us apart. But you had so many inside jokes already that you just feel the pew shaking. You can just feel my brother starting to just shake laugh and then I just lose control. So that was the punishment though, because it was me and my sisters and you would always try to sit not next to Phil,

because he would be like, motherfucker. Oh really? The whole mass, he was like, you fuck. He just went there to beat the fuck out of it. He would literally grab you by the back of your neck and be like, fuck, shut the fuck up. He didn't find it funny? No.

Although, if somebody hit a fart, he was like, ugh. Yeah. But school, we had to go every Thursday in school, so that's just a high school of kids farting right everyone's farting or like screaming somebody like yell shit The funny it was the best and then team mass for football. That was just the football team a chapel Saturdays Friday before the game. Okay, and it was chapel on Friday before the game. Okay. And it was, you got to listen to your dumb ass teammates try to read like, yeah. And today it's just like, Holy shit. Yeah. It was, I had to, they asked me to read. I was like, I literally, I will how I will be dying laughing

the entire time. Dude, I can't read. I went to it. When's the last time you went to mass? It's been a while. Yeah, I went. I went. We were up in New Hampshire. There was a, there's like a church island that I went to and I was like, I want to see what it's like. I want to see like what the Hamlet about five, 10 minutes in. You're like, dude, the guy was unbelievably bad. It sounded like he found out about Christianity the day before. Was it Catholic? Uh, no. Protestant. That's your problem.

Yeah. They have fucking a guitar. No, but they, they were close. It was close. It was like, yeah, I went to a Catholic, the last Catholic mass I was at, it was just, oh yeah, I flew down to Florida for my uncle's funeral and they didn't even have a service. They just, they mentioned us during the mass. It was just a regular mass.

Okay. I was in like a suit. It's like, why the fuck do we do? It was like the happy birthday. I thought it was a funeral. A baseball game? Yeah. And then towards the end they were like,

and also we pray for Don Bowie and his family. We were all just like. I flew to Florida? But it was weird. It was a Catholic mass and they had the fucking band Yeah guitar and a drum set trying to make church cool drives me crazy. Don't make it keep it scary Yeah, make it very scary is the way to go. What do you do in Jewish Church? I the last time I went synagogue was you guys from 9- 9 11. Ooh, did you guys high five in there? After 9 11 you went to the celebratory fucking synagogue.

Oh, you think it's the Jews? Okay. Uh, I didn't know if you were going to, if the argument was, it was justification then for Jews to do other, you know, whatever Do they have rock and roll synagogue? When I was growing up I went to a reform synagogue that there somebody did play guitar Tree of life to those who hold fast to it, and all of its forms are happy. Yeah. What? What was the Jewish song?

The Tree of Life. Tree of Life. How does it go? And then there's those like shallow, ah, my Israel are off the sea. Damn, you're really Jewish. That's good. I support all my Jewish friends.

In this hard time. You guys are going through it. Have you noticed a rise in anti-Semitism? Or is it just hanging out with me? You know what I have noticed? A rise in anti-Semitism. It's hilarious. But yeah.

Let's see if I start wearing my pendant. The pendant's going to be nice. I'm going to be on that. It's hilarious. Um, but yeah. We'll see how I start wearing my pendant. The pendant's gonna be nice. I'm gonna be on that one. I'm gonna be on that one. I almost wanna see what you do with it. I wish you didn't tell me. Yeah, I had to.

But if it's the Pi symbol I would've gotten it wrong. Yeah. I would've said the fucking Pi symbol you fucking math dork. I could actually do it. It would be like even worse! Got it wrong. Yeah, I was at the fucking pie symbol you fucking math door Yeah, that's that feels like I had a that if if I don't say it It's like a horror movie that I don't know when I'm gonna get attacked You know, what is this? What does the thing represent like good luck? Okay You know, what is this? What does the thing represent like good luck? Okay Wait, why could the quotes? That's my understanding. Oh, I haven't really looked that's what my grandma told me

So we'll see maybe Cuz you're supposed to do you guys have like pendants for specific things though, right? Oh, I don't know you've saints No, no or any like I don't even think what are the other characters? I don't even have a Messiah bro. They killed true. Yeah, they're not got one and they're like no This one's not good enough Hey guys, it's me the Messiah no Not you. Things are bad, we don't want good things.

We like being bad. They were bad boys. Yeah. Would you have done that? Would you have crucified him? If, well, listen, I'm very much a go at the flow. I probably would have. Oh yeah, some guy fucking yapping over.

Yeah, exes, dude. I said that, go ahead, I didn't mean to cut you off. What's that? After that nexium, you know like that sex call? Oh yeah. And there's a documentary and there's like all his supporters outside the jail and I'm like, I get being like, we gotta off this guy.

Could you imagine if you were Pontius Pilate and you had Jesus in your district? I used to do that joke. That was my, I had a Jesus joke about like, okay, like he didn't look like, he looked like shit. You ever see that rendering of me? Looked like fucking Dobby from Harry Potter. He was like four foot two wearing a potato sack

running around like, give money to the poor. I was like, I've never met a poor person that didn't say that. Every single sack running around like, give money to the poor. I've never met a poor person that didn't say that. Every single homeless guy's like, help. And he's hanging out with hookers. And everyone's like, why are you hanging out with hookers? He's like, fuck you, dude, you do bad shit too. I've never met someone who didn't do that.

Every single dude that gets with a hooker's like, who the fuck are you to judge, motherfuckerer like none of his messages were that special And then the Jews I get rid of it That like part of the passion of the Christ is like there Like this the Roman Empire too was on Pontius's ass about dude. Yeah, you gotta keep that place in order Yeah, and also it was during When they did crucify moves during like a religious holiday for Jewish people so the city was packed like hundred hundreds of thousands of people and there was like

200 Roman soldiers in a garrison and there was already like civil unrest and then they were like you got to kill this guy They had no they would have had to tinderbox. Yeah, if they were like no they were the Jews of and oh god Yeah, we're gonna get in there. We're gonna get you What's the story about Jesus flipping the tables the money chain? Hey, you guys were out front fucking selling shit in the temple and he was like get that shit out of here Oh, it's outside selling fucking merch at the temple Oh, it's outside of town. I'm selling fucking merch at the temple. I didn't know.

This is for God. Stop trying to fucking sell shit all the time. Just stop trying to make money. Yeah, go, God, our tables. What have we done? Help the world go round. Nobody wanted to do it. Everybody wanted the Jews to go to hell.

And suddenly the Jews got rich. And then all of a sudden we decided it was a bad idea. It was so money, yeah. It's a good point. Yeah. There's no banking, right? Banking was like illegal. I think it was loans. Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah. There's no banking, right? Banking was illegal. I think it was loans.

Yeah, usury. Some shit like that. Yeah, usury or usury. Yeah. That's like loans, but I also understand wanting to make it illegal, because you would money lend at 50%. People didn't understand interest,

so if you understood it, you would just. Yeah, I would have been taken for everything. Yeah. It'd be like, you want 50 bucks. I'm like, yeah, you owe us $290. I'm like, sure. Oh, fuck. What have I done? I remember hearing that somewhere where like the Pope was very close with the Jews and every time they decided to kill a bunch of Jews, he had to like meet with the guy and be like, Hey man, my hands are tied taxis. And every time they decided to kill a bunch of Jews he had to like meet with the guy and be like hey man You guys are good at that though what what bit money yeah the money stuff, it's a good thing to are good at that though. What bit? Money.

Yeah, the money stuff. That's a good thing to be good at. Yeah, I mean that's at least my understanding from one book that I read. Yeah. Was that it was sort of an illegal thing and because people thought you'd go to hell if you did it, they let the Jews do it.

Nice. Yeah. Good for the Jews on that one. I guess. Just being like, yeah. We'll do it. Yeah. They. Good for the Jews on that one. I guess. Just being like, yeah, we'll do it. They're afraid of ghosts. So we get to have all the money because they think they're going to go to a fire.

They think they're going to burn forever. I wonder if Jesus have that. Those guys had that thought, though, just like on their deathbed to be like, I hope those guys weren't right. I hope everybody I've ever met wasn't right. I bet they. I bet you they did. I don't know.

You don't think so? I don't have that thought. Yeah, I'm gonna have that thought. I'm gonna have it. Yeah, yeah. Oh no, no, wait, wait, no, no. Fuck. Let me say something nice real quick.

Fuck. I never say nice things. Sorry, I tried to feel smart. Oh, I remember like it went in my hardcore, like atheism days. I would be like, I would never really, they always talk about people like death, bed, confession. Oh, you're going to be crying like a bitch. Yeah. It's like my favorite norms Just being a coward at death like that coming to me and be like no

my grandson Me So far my like the The the two that I grant my Jewish grandparents has died the myeta, he handled it like a champ because he had an aortic aneurysm and they knew it was gonna go at some point. And so it went and he had like three days until they took him to the hospital.

And obviously they got him heavily medicated. But before that, kicked in, what he got? No, I was just thinking of my dad coming out of anesthesia. Apparently there was a nurse in an all blue. Somehow Phil thought he was on a cruise ship he thought he was talking to the captain he came out he was like I'm on a cruise ship smiling like I'm on a boat like I got bad news where you're in fucking Harrisburg it is also funny to think that in like in Phil's mind he's always on a cruise ship. Oh yeah. So he handled it well though?

He handled it really well. Then my Bubby, she was, she had sundowners so she was starting to lose it after she passed. So wait sundowners just get a little wacky at night? At night. That's fun. And then so scary. Why? It is.

Cause it's like a... Dude, old people doing weird shit when the sun goes down. That's awesome. It's so scary. It is because it's like, dude, old people doing weird shit when the sun goes down. That's awesome. It's the scariest thing there is. The freaks come out at night. My dad hired a woman to like live at the house with her. Yeah. And the woman called my dad at four in the morning was like, you have to come get me because it was getting so bad. And she had locked the door and then my body kicked it open and it was like, get out of my house.

Like frail. Oh my God. She, my mom's kept like, Oh my God, that'd be scary. But she went down how that the, uh, she was Jamaican maids. They're like Jamaican, uh, you know, to make it be crazy at night at the, um, like the, what are they called? Nursing homes? Dead legs. Yeah. She would act up. They'd go, boom, boom, boom. The one nurse that told my mom a funny story, she was laying like laying with her. Yeah. And then my bums goes, uh, what are they going to say about us? And she was like, what's that? And she's like, me, like here with a black man, just like a lady.

That's pretty fucking sexual. Yeah. Yeah. She was really like, she, there was like a fantasy. She's like, what are they going to say about us? She, well, I bet you. And I, I, um, I don't like that. I'm going to say this, but I do bet she had a fantasy. No, that like, I think some of the stuff that, you know how genetics, you know what I mean? What do you mean? Like I bet some of my sexual,

like I come from a grandma. You think your grandma being a freak, toss it down to you. I bet you there's some of it. she yeah, she's a sexual freak. She would just like talk about. Yeah. What would she talk to you about? Nothing like so after my data pass, like on the right now, great. Like she's grieving and she's old. Yeah. But she like we were just like,

and then she was like, we were warning lovers. And it was like, and then she was like, we were morning lovers. And it was like, well, I say it was gone. We fucked in the morning. That's actually a really sweet thing. Yeah. Her saying that it's really actually it is very sweet, but so gross. Why did she unload that at that moment?

She was old and, yeah, in the moment, who knows? It was probably a really beautiful memory. It's probably a really nice memory. Just thinking of all the times they fucked in the morning. Seeing the curtains and the wind breeze. I don't know why I can't talk whatever and the wind breeze It is yeah, it is I imagine it. It's kind of crazy. They fucked regularly in the mornings all the way to the Meme or whatever you call it what you call it

Because Bobby we couldn't see Bobby get Because Bobby and we couldn't see Bobby getting hiked down in the morning. Walk with a limp the rest of the day. She was always like she wore like leather pants. She had like bleach bonnet. Yeah, she was a sex freak. Yeah. And now you're a sex freak. She's the one thing that I know.

I'm trying to like just miss her. So do you think it's get the generation or I don't want to talk about that? No, I don't want to talk about that because it's because you know it's disgusting I don't think it's disgusting for you you think that's horny sex freak you'd better not be a horny sex freak did you ever walk in on your parents no never I didn't like walk in, but there was something about the get going. Yeah, I don't think I don't think I ever really, I don't think I ever heard them having, I think my sisters did. Okay. I was, I was the youngest. So by the time I was old, old enough to know

when someone was fucking, they were kind of old old got it old enough that they weren't like loudly fucking right Chris did you ever Know I think you and me probably had similar parents when it came to sex they never discussed we never talked about They're not they're not even like They're like warm to one another but there was ever, ever anything even remotely close to like a sexual guy. I do remember that. I remember that is crazy. I remember the making out on the couch when I was a kid. Really? I remember them making out and me seeing it be like, Oh, yeah, but I was so young. I was just like, what are you guys doing? There was there was one little gay son came in. It was like mind if I get a taste

Do you I had I did have one I've one memory like that where there was a sleepover with Come on my buddies and my dad came home from work on the Friday night or whatever. He's ready to go and he He must have had he must have had a few drinks or whatever But he came in and he kissed my mom And then howled like a wolf He went out That's good and now that my buddies and I were like I don't know my dad's nuts. I know that was the only thing you get older and you realize like

You want them to be you hope of course? Yeah course because that'd be tragic yeah yeah but I like that they they had outward facing nothing yeah you know what I mean your parents were sexual freaks I'm just having a lot of things I would like to hear about what happened. I don't want to talk about all right. You don't have to, but just sort of certain things that I mean, you walked in on it. I didn't walk in at the one time, but like the only thing I ever like walked in on was like him dry up in her kitchen. I was she on the phone. I Was she on the phone

He's being funny yeah, and he was like yeah, and then I turned her and then I was like Oh, she getting reaching down yeah, and he had a leg up on the counter And then uh I was like oh my god, and then he turned around his face was beat right he goes what it's natural and I was like But there's just so many times where he'd be like My kids are gonna see that the girl bends down. Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting in there. Oh You go It's fun. It is fun Now, I'm gonna you know, it's like to my mom. You're gonna go take a shower

You little touchdown Timmy walls You like real gross out yeah I was like, couldn't get, couldn't. Oh my god. Would you get like real grossed out? Yeah, yeah. And if I were him, I'd never stop. I was back from Little League and like, you know, what did you say?

If I were him, I would never, if you literally reacted like, ah, I would do it. Non-stop. Yeah. Yeah. What happened when you got back from Little League? I was like, my arthritis was less controlled at this time and I was in, they, my parents had a

jacuzzi. So I like went, what of course they had a jacuzzi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I went into the jacuzzi and then I guess they forgot that I was in there. And then like I heard them come into the bedroom because it wasn't like they're better, you know, and the jacuzzi was in their bedroom. Oh yeah. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's like a bathroom off their bedroom. I was thinking hot tub. Yes. Yeah. And then I just like this feels like such. But my mom was he goes, how much time do we have? And she's like, I have a like something in the oven.

It's like eight minutes. He's like, it's plenty of time. And then I just like, what do I do? And I unplug the water. You know, so it's like I unplug the water you just was like Yeah, then he was like and then they just scurried out. I was like, ah, you know, oh my god close call That's a real close That's really funny though his legs did you look good thanks Look at his legs, dude, you look good. Thanks.

Yeah, I think that would have scarred me up. That's fine. That's what you, you're gonna be so bad. I know. You're a sex freak. Yeah. Yeah. You're a little pervert.

Aren't you? No, I'm not a Jewish pervert. I don't see a woman to go. I mean, only my head. Just a nice guy. It does sort of feel you're not for out to. What is that? You ever see the vampire?

Not for now. I know the reference. I kind of look like him. I love you, man. But. That's mean. What do you mean? I said you kind of look like him

and I took it back immediately. That's fine. But you know, we have to go? No. I was just showing you Nosferatu. This is you in the doorway. I'm trying to go, can I have some pussy tonight? Yeah, that's what she sees when you go down on her. No, she's I know. I'm sorry.

That's fine. Being nasty. Does she touch your hair? Yeah, occasionally. That's when it doesn't suck when you're balding and they start touching your Man that's good stuff. What time is it? Oh the ice run in a half hour. Yeah, how long did we do an hour and five? Oh, yeah We can we can keep going though. I've been gone the boys Give me the blood give me the blood Steve

Steven you boy. I'm gonna bury you underground Stephen. That's good. Yeah, I love that movie. It's so good. Oh, we didn't even talk about Tampa Ham. We did not talk about Tampa Ham. The Beezerine was on one. Yeah. We went out on Wednesday. Tuesday. Tuesday night. And the Beez was fired up.

He was probably the funniest I've seen him. I was. It was so we were literally crying laughing. Yeah. It was Chris and Sadie and me and my girlfriend and Beezer was at the other end of the table. And the four of us were just having normal conversations. Beezer was at the end of the table,

didn't stop talking, just spewing hate. By himself, just going like, Chris, you fuck. Well, it started with. I'm sorry, I gotta go get a tissue. It started with it. Well, now we're telling it. We're gonna need you to tell you the story. Okay, okay, I'm ready.

He was, he was, the switch flipped. It was great. Oh yeah, at Ryan's. So we went to watch the, we were watching the Phillies game. We were at Ryan's after we filmed and Beezer was just dead silent. Yeah.

He was sitting on the end of the table by himself, not talking. Like I forgot he was there a couple of times. Except he kept going, except what are you? calling Francisco Alvarez a fat ball boy. Yeah. And he was. Which was amazing. He did order a car bomb for himself,

which I've never seen that move. Yeah. Like the waitress came by and he was like, I'll get a car bomb. And just went back to watch the game. I was like, you're not getting anyone else you're doing he got he's sitting by himself goes I've never seen anything like yeah But then he got another he bees you got hammered, okay

So then we go to another bar after the game and bees are sitting by him. He's at the end of the table We're having our own conversation. He didn't stop spewing hate towards Chris and Sadie occasionally Sadie and I'd be like, all right, it started a little over the line on this. It started with the picture. Oh, no, I took, or you took a picture. I took a picture of Beezer and I was like, God damn, you look good as fuck in that. And that's all it took. Cause then the rest of the night he was like, take a picture of Beezer and I was like god damn you look good as fuck in that and that's all it took Cuz then the rest of the night he was like take a picture of me. I look good as fuck If I was like Chris's hands, so I took a picture Chris not not your best

I thought it started with your picture getting taken of me and he was like why you fucking take it? You can't take pictures you fucking And then Shane goes, all right Be, these are take a picture of you I bet you you're gonna see what you look like and dude he was Amazing in every phase a nice photo. He just started posing We've 60 photos of him in different posts 43 was the bees 1044 Trying to answer. 1043 was the bees, 1044 the con man,

was the poor answer. It actually wasn't a bad picture, but it was just fun to tell Beezer how good he looked. He looks really good. He does, he's a dude. Oh, also he hadn't drank in like two weeks. So he got in there and just got fucking after it. But he's just sitting there spewing hatred

until occasionally it would hit and Chris would be like, what? The bees got you. He's just chum in the water the whole time. And then he was like, you fucking played lacrosse. You suck at sports. Fuck you. And I was like, you don't know. Okay. And then I was like, what the fuck did you ever do? It was like Tampa, Tampa and what is that ever heard of the day? And then we're like, what the fuck is the Tampa? And he's like, get me Tampa. And what is the Tampa? And he's like, giggle it. Like, dude, what is the Tampa? You got your fucking mind. You don't know what

the Tampa is. No, yeah. He goes, these guys know what the fucking Tampa is. Just two random dudes. Yeah, guys. No one knows what the Tampa is. Eventually we figured out it's a skateboarding competition that he did. That's hilarious. It was incredible. And Chris was like, what'd you do with the Tampa? And he's like fucking nose grind reverse. You hit him with the line of the century though, because he was like, you love Kamala. You fucking love Kamala. And he go, Kamala's cooler than a nose grind reverse at the Tampa Ham.

And he's like, I'll kill that bitch. He was going crazy. That is a good line. Yeah. Kamala is cooler than a reverse nose grind at the Tampa Ham. Yeah. Oh, you kidding me? Got it. He goes, you think she could nose grind on me?

I'll kill that bitch. And then I was talking shit to him about the nose grind thing, too. And he said, don't talk to me sweet. Oh, yeah, you talking to me sweet. Don't play me sweet. Don't play me sweet. That's good. It was it was.

We laughed for an hour straight. He did not stop for one straight hour. Just talking shit to everyone. There was real mean 30 minute junk where I was trying to tell a story about spilling pasta. He's just telling a story about spilling ordering a tray of ziti from Grubhub and you admit you did it. He was just telling a story about spilling, ordering a tray of ZD from Grubhub and just immediately dropping it. That's the whole story. And I was copping to the whole thing.

Yeah, he was just trying to tell the story and Beezer the whole time was like, admit you spilled it. Admit you fucking spilled it. He's trying to admit it. He's like, admit it. He's like, he did admit it. He's telling us how he did it.

And then I would start telling him, he'd go, watch him, watch him. He's not gonna do it. He's gonna lie. He's telling us how he did it. And then I would start telling him, he'd go, watch him, watch him. He's not going to do it. He's going to lie. He's going to fucking lie. He's playing me sweet. I don't know if it's as funny to anybody that wasn't there, but man. I would feel uncomfortable. No, he was being funny. He was intentionally.

He knew what he was doing. He was very intentionally being funny. He was just being wild. It was so funny. Yeah, it was a good night We don't need to talk about yes, I can spill the B. He took a beazer tumble Ding-dong He got dinged up. He took a Ruski double. He was so drunk while he was talking shit to Chris, he fell into my lap. He was still talking shit. He was like, you fucking piece of shit. Oh man. He kept offering cigarettes to people.

Yeah, no, the waitress came by and was like, what are you fucking vape? And she's just a sweet, nice waitress. She was like, yeah. And he's like, why don't you smoke a real cigarette? She was like, Oh, I'd love one. It goes, yeah, fucking right. It was an absolute clinic. And then he brought two, he went downstairs, found two college kids that bought him a shot. And then he was like, you want me to chain? And he brought them upstairs. So now there's just two boys a shot and then he was like you want me to chain and he brought him upstairs

So now there's just two boys with us. Yeah, and he's like you guys don't even know about the fucking Tampa He just started attacking them and I had to explain to them. I was like he's just joking. Yeah, he's totally joking right now Everybody was confused sure, but I loved it It was my favorite Beezer Tampa. M is November 7th. We gotta get down to the Tampa. I wonder if it's still going on Yeah, and then when you sent that I was like, I don't think he remembers talking about the Tampa ham He's got to he did he came around. Oh, I got the videos. They're so good play a little that audio I don't know. It's not gonna be good Play a little of that audio.

I don't know, it's not gonna be good. Right there he's demonstrating how he would grind. He'd get one leg reverse grind, you're done. You're out of the Tampa Am. I go to Banmar Jarre with the Tampa Am, he goes, no, Chris Colvin won the Tampa Am. Who the fuck is Chris Colvin? I don't know what you say. It was wonderful. Anyway, I don't know how great that story is. It's so good. It's vintage Beezer.

I wish you were there. You would have hated it. Yeah. You would have left. No, my taste. Yeah. We got to get you going a little. No, no, no.

We don't. No, no, no. We don't. I feel like you like a good dust up though. No. I like a nice, calm golf though. You know you know I like a nice call so funny though golf course You know Yeah, I'll stop trying to change. That's a Saturday morning thing no no

Saturday nights for the fellas no no no no games for the fellas That's when we go have a couple Bruce. I'm in the Irish in 20 minutes. We gotta go yeah Big game and Red River and the Red River rivalry Red River. It's a shootout. Yeah I hope it's the Red River school shooting today at 3 And you're coming we're gonna have fun I I'm going axe throwing So you go on fun dates and with other friends? So you have no idea how much I fought going on I can't yeah you got bullied into this question ever oops almost like this is just to get

back in the black with his lady for sure yeah you are scheming little fuck yeah I promise you I know I got it he has to do something bad to me so we can go out I'm mad at you Some leverage that we definitely I did the third the third year I did poverty in the fourth year I did Lord of the Dance, and I think we definitely have the Lord of the Dance as well. I need all of them Was the Gerben routine a thing at your high school? Were people pumped for it? Were they like? They were pumped for the, yeah.

What the fuck's Pavarotti? He was a, yeah, he was like a. Did you sing opera? No, no, it was a lip sync. So I was pulling stuff out of my. Yeah, there's no dancing. I like had a bunch of stuff tucked in my. Oh, you were doing.

I was doing a gag. You were doing gags. Yeah. I didn't know you were funny, man. Where did Madonna come in the order? Second. Sophomore year. It was Michael Jackson and Madonna. First time I've ever seen my dad,

a little sophomore slump, that happens. Sophomore slump, it's so hard. It's so hard to stay in the top. You probably got it back by Lord of the Dance. Lord of the Dance, I did. That must've killed. It did kill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I see? No, no, please. I don't even remember. I do. It was that's

in there that you don't lose that. It was fake. It was a lot of the day, but I don't know Lord of the S I'll do it, but it's fake. I don't know it. You just made your way. It made it the whole thing up. Yeah. you go give us an example fake Irish jig Yeah, that was pretty good though hands at the waist was nice Do you get the hop going and the leg kicks? Tear away pants Those my favorite bees yeah, that was I wish you understood how funny it was Now be nice guys, he was, nice guys. Now, Beez. Nice guys is the right phrase. Nice, he was being funny.

Like if you told it, like I would tell him, like, all right, that one was, you're getting a little close. He'd be like, ah. All right, we gotta watch the Irish. Yeah. Steven, thank you. We're gonna do this, hopefully regularly. Yeah.

We'll get McKeever on here. We'll talk tires a little. Yeah, ooh, that'd be nice. We'll have a little time. How about Matt McCusker carrying the load? Yeah. He's a workhorse right now. He's doing great. I keep meaning to watch the Glenn Lowry He's got some good stuff. Yeah, so Shout out to Matt. We love you. Yeah, I care about you. I miss you

Those are cool glasses there bifocals Those are yeah Those are? Yeah. Well, because do you remember when John put that thing on Instagram of like me reading the menu? Oh, my God. Terminator music.

It's because that was the funniest thing. Yeah.