Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 527 - The Pillow (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, ma'am It's gonna be here guys we're here live with Stavros what a Stevie Gerbe baby Oh Chris the O'Con man Oh, man, God damn what's going on in the world these days? What a fucking crew You know, I think I think we could all agree. The most important thing is that let's start a cult cult is out on VOD. In terms of what the country is going to be talking about and what's buzzing on everybody, Let's Start a Cult is out, a nice dumb comedy on VOD folks. That's what everybody's thinking about. And what's the date? November 12th I believe. I don't actually fucking know. I think get it on Amazon or

Starting point is 00:00:42 some shit. Apple, you know, wherever the fuck you rent the movie Yeah, and that's what you want to fucking think. Did you have did you have a lot of fun making a movie? Did you have fun making a movie Yeah, I mean was trying to avoid it but there's no avoiding it now right. Yep Yep. Ha! It's undeniably funny. It really is. Unfortunately it is really funny. T2 is hilarious. Da da da! Yes.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Well yeah, we all, you did give us the day off and force us to go vote in Pennsylvania about four times each. I did. You gave us the names, you told us to pick out gravestones, our four favorite ones, and cast votes for Trump. You could have voted for me.

Starting point is 00:01:27 That's true. Somebody should have voted for me. I wonder what your numbers were like in Pennsylvania. You probably got some nice write-ins for real. Yeah, I don't know. And they count those as Trump. No, I just went as me. I didn't vote.

Starting point is 00:01:39 Oh. I could have given someone my vote. That's wild. I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer. I could have given someone my vote. I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer. There's no denying that. Support. I'll let the other, you know, I'll let the troops handle that.

Starting point is 00:01:58 I'll let the patriots take care of that. You've got stolen Valor. You've got Trump stolen Valor. I'm the most values stolen valor on that Someone sees you in a MAGA hat. They're like, where did you surf? Where were you in January? Fucking sabaro's in the mall. Did you serve? Where did you vote for Donald Trump? Where's your official Donald Trump commemorative coin?

Starting point is 00:02:38 Definitely have a Donald Trump $1,000 bill. That's Trump on it. I've got two of those two separate people of giving that's all Gotta be going through Can't throw them out all the fucking like old people. They're like well It's something to leave my family Like did you guys remember those those people that were like they thought buying Iraqi dinar was gonna be like the next thing. That was like a big fox and you scam. Once democracy sets in, that currency is gonna be worth a lot. Oh shit, ISIS.

Starting point is 00:03:16 Fuck, they got ISIS. Did ISIS have a currency? ISIS is dead, dude. I don't know if you remember T1 got rid of them. Oh, is that so? They're still floating around, don't they? I don't think they're even floating around. Shadow, yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:28 There's gotta be one guy with a lair still. Yeah, he's probably hanging around. He's probably got all the currency now. He's probably got a pet and a cat and hatching plants. Where's their stronghold? Are they really done? I mean. They jump around. They went to Africa for a little bit, didn't they? Yeah, I mean, isn't that just Boca Haram or whatever? Yeah,

Starting point is 00:03:48 that's the yeah, isn't that that's the ISIS. That's how it always works. They always have branches like that. Wasn't ISIS, Al Qaeda and Al Qaeda was like, you guys are nuts. Yeah. Oh, damn. Is that what happened? I believe. Yeah, that's awesome. I believe yeah They thought they were crazy and then new guy came We're about to pick a fight with America We don't have anything Do you think there's any ISIS guys that are into the Joker?

Starting point is 00:04:23 Do you think there was a guy who came in and joke that Makeup. Yeah, it was like they still love movies and culture, you know, I mean That was it like what had been Latin had like what was his shit? Yeah. He had a movie Dude, where's my car in his collection itself? collection. He had self-portrait. I'm not even joking. I think that was one of the movies he had on DVD. It's like Kim Jong Un being like Kevin Costner. Yeah, yeah. Just a translator stand next to it. I swear Kim Jong Un was Kevin Costner. He was like obsessed with Kevin. He was like, this guy's incredible.

Starting point is 00:04:59 Bring him out. And they're like, we can't get him. He was like, you're dead. Wow. He executed the guy not bring our faces with wolves he was a huge Chicago Bulls fan did ever I know that was ill that was ill yeah mm-hmm he was Elvis right didn't he wasn't that like a big thing didn't he get to visit Graceland once who Kim Jong-un he can John Hill it was it was the new his dad. No, no Oh, he was the old one. Yeah, who knows the new one Kim Jong-il was no Kim Jong-un was I The new guy liked Dennis Rodman. I think love of the bulls go is like a family trait. Okay Yeah, I love a faddish it Emperor yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, That was Jim John Legs big legs flowy garments these Fucking dresses off think they're headed over to Ukraine Russia. Yes, they're all jacking off and they just got the internet So they're all jacking off the board

Starting point is 00:06:14 They lost an entire battalion I mean you saw those trenches I was showing you could catch a couple in there Yeah, catch a jack off in Ukraine easy in no problem. That guy peeks around the corner you go Having a drone fly over you as you're beating off Whole world's gonna see you going They feed the soldiers well? At least? No, right? Probably not that great.

Starting point is 00:06:49 I'm sure they have like 20 of them that are jacked. Yeah. And they march. Yeah. The Kingsguard, like the official guard, he probably has some sexy guys out there. But yeah, being deployed, cause they're the troops you can,

Starting point is 00:07:02 they're the troops that he can do without. He's not sending Russia his number one guys.. He's the guys that are gonna get addicted Oh, maybe it's a pornography purge true Maybe they fucking jettison their horny They'd get me Yeah, basically a seventh grader all over again true. you'd get there and be like, holy fuck dude Yeah, been able to jack off that you can watch it. You can see sex I mean remember bank like just taking off to bang bus like 30-second trailers on like yeah on

Starting point is 00:07:36 Dial-up. Yeah, these guys get on a phone broadband first time first time. Starlink? Starlink? Elon Musk is giving him the fucking satellites. Alright, alright. Rush has got to call him and be like, turn it off, turn it off. No, it's shorting Starlink. These guys jacking off for the first time. Yo, I saw, I saw, I've seen Starlink twice in the sky and it's terrifying. People get scared of it. What is, it's just a row of like a it. What is it's a row of? Like a ton of satellites in a straight line going across the sky Yeah, I've heard people like screaming when they saw it looks like a UFO. It's like the scariest thing I've ever seen damn You ever see it. Yeah, I've seen images of it. Yeah, it's really it's yeah, it's not a regular satellite

Starting point is 00:08:22 It's like no, it's a ton of satellites in the line interesting interesting I saw a homeless guy see spinners for the first time like Yeah, that's awesome, and yeah, I thought it was very funny what the fuck That's gotta feel so bad to be homeless and a guy just has like show off rims just like two pairs of rims on his car that you would kill to live in. He would kill to live inside that Lincoln and this motherfucker just has extra rims. You sell that Lincoln immediately for some drugs. Let's not act like these guys are just like, oh I wish I had a home.

Starting point is 00:09:00 Well he'd like to sleep inside. He'd like to jack off and sleep in. He would sleep inside for two days, right? Get warm and then be like, I could go for some pussy right now. Sell these spinners right now. The spinners would go first. Oh, me. It'd be high as shit in the back of that car.

Starting point is 00:09:17 That's a good night. The night you still have the car and you're getting pussy off the spinners money and maybe you take the radio out too. But you have shelter to get pussy I don't think those guys need shelter to get pussy. I guess They're gonna go find their best girl, but it must feel nice to fuck inside for a change You think those boys are getting a lot of pussy. I don't know. I don't think they get any ever but that's what I'm saying They're not getting it's on call.

Starting point is 00:09:46 No, no, of course not. What I'm saying is... Actually, yeah, I guess it is. They're all drug addict ladies. Yeah. And once you get shelter, a roof... Takes a little bit of heroin. You know, I got some heroin. Exactly. So what I'm saying is... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I take it back. Well, no, I don't think they're fucking that much, but once... I think those boys are getting sucked constantly.

Starting point is 00:10:02 No, no, stop. What is your theory? No, no, I'm just saying they getting sucked constantly. No, no. I think so. What is your theory? What? No, no. I'm just saying they don't fuck that much, but this guy with the Lincoln, his first night, sells the spinners. It's the best of both worlds. Before he has to sell the car whole cloth, he gets to have it buy pussy for $20. Or he might, maybe $40.

Starting point is 00:10:22 Maybe he's splurging. You just lie down. It's not like you have to buy it. You go, I have some heroin. She's in the car. You go, you're gonna have to give me a hit. I think that's understood. And then you go, you're not getting any heroin. I'll kill you, bitch. Get out of my Lincoln. Doing all the same stuff, you're like, this is gonna last forever.

Starting point is 00:10:41 From here on out, I'm turning things around. That's one more hit, one more blow job. If you could like bottle and put that into your head, like the happiness that guy feels the first time he does all like a nice, a good quality heroin and get sucked off That guy that feels better than anything we will ever experience. I don't know. I feel like i've experienced versions of that But addiction Oh now

Starting point is 00:11:17 Let me I guess giving into your vices i'm talking about just like the idea of like getting one paycheck and being like I'm talking about just like the idea of like getting one paycheck and being like I'm the richest guy Yeah, but you're going out getting pussy. Yes true But you don't have the extreme deprivation to like juxtapose it with Do you mean going from absolutely nothing the living on the street on the street getting no head whatsoever? To you know I mean unless you've done something awesome with your money these guys are making eyes at each other I'm just

Starting point is 00:11:49 smiling Stephen I'm happy to see him and I know he's probably spinning his head because he hasn't spoken yet rims. Thank you. I an FMRI machine in my brain, but he said that, and I thought of the spinners there, I was like, wha-la-la-la. Said it, yes. No, I'm so happy to be podded. On the record, I've been trying to get you clear of your, you've got like a, you're the USSR and he's subonus,

Starting point is 00:12:41 and you won't let him come over. No, it's not him. No, he's mine. No, no. If he does another podcast before he does mine, now he's free, he's so bonus and you will let him come over Before it does mine now he's free. All right. All right. I said on my own terms. Yeah, you make your own trying to get Steve Yes, yes, yes, you're a loyal man, that's true. Yeah, but man, I remember seeing seeing Steve for the first time Maybe it was the original tires pilot or maybe I was even That there's probably that right with the King sketch. What did you guys do that? Yeah, was that first? What two summers ago, right? I just remember seeing this motherfucker and being I'm like, that's a star, baby

Starting point is 00:13:18 I love that guy. I don't know I'm gonna take that as honest to some degree. I am honest. You have star qualities. Stop. You do. I'm trying to be nice dude. I can't tell. You just said I look like Tom Cruise. He didn't say look like Tom Cruise. Yeah but you wear cool jackets. You want like a leather Top Gun jacket. No I don't. In your head you're Tom Cruise. No I don't want a leather time in my Which is fine period of time my life, baby. Yeah Hold on 20 you thought you could ever pull off Tom Cruise

Starting point is 00:14:02 He's like do you actually think you're sexy? You still think you're Miss you think you're sexy I'm gonna be mad about why If we lose the bangles off I also distinctly remember that I was trying to shoot that you know some sort of shortness is again I was probably like in my late teens And I had a running sequence and then when I saw myself run like Chris's joke. It's like oh my god Yeah, he looks nothing like Dude I know I'm not even doing this just to plug the movie again,

Starting point is 00:15:06 but I didn't realize, I wrote this script, but I didn't realize I wrote myself to sprint like four times and I was so fucking fat that it was like, the first time I was like, I'm a fucking athlete. And I wake up the next day, my entire body's fucking sore from one sprint of like full speed. And we had to like turn it up on the you do like two times the film.

Starting point is 00:15:29 It's like, whoa, it looks like stuff booking it and I double the speed. I'm like, I see the movie just for that. It's like a Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. dude. It's like scurrying around. Jumping on a trolley. Dude it's so... You look so fucking stupid trying to run. I don't know man. I like Steve thinking he's sexy personally. Cause even though it's not

Starting point is 00:15:58 true, right? Let's put that on the record. It's important when... Physically! It's important when he fucks for him to think he's sexy. That is the zone I wish I could was going to think he's not sexy. Yeah. That is the zone I wish I could get into is thinking I'm sexy because it doesn't matter. Well fucking yeah. It's for yourself.

Starting point is 00:16:11 It's it's fuel while you fuck. Oh, cause in that moment, yeah, I've had a lot of fucks go wrong. Yeah. Getting in my own head for sure. Yeah. I've lost.

Starting point is 00:16:22 What happened? I've lost her. What happened there? I don't know. I don't know. I thought about what happened what happened there I thought about what we were doing yeah yeah I got outside of myself for one second and I completely collapsed you get in there and you get in the zone sexually I could see that absolutely and you go what we're having fun I like to have a little fun I like to have a little fun. I love that Steve is the most sensuous. I do too. Shane has your house bugged.

Starting point is 00:16:48 Shane has your house bugged. Shane has your house bugged. He does. I've got everything. I know everything. After Tyrus comes out, I'm going to black him out of all the photos. He's never going to have existed.

Starting point is 00:17:06 It also is fun to imagine that that is the conversation in Steve's head while he's doing that, is just you in there with him and he's going, what? He did dodge the bullet. Yeah, he tried to get me real good. And he dodged it. What happened? You know, I was going to probably... I knew his lady was coming to visit.

Starting point is 00:17:22 Okay. And I said, you're gonna perform oral sex, aren't you? And he was like, well, I like I enjoy oral sex Another eater I Knew Steve was gonna be face down ass up into some pussy You don't see that, right? Dude, really? Do you fucking keep your ass in the air? No, I don't keep my ass in the air. You idiot! I get down on the side of the bed! Do you lay flat?

Starting point is 00:18:12 No, no, no, no, no. Oh my god. Is that what you do? Yeah, I go... Oh my god. Do you lay down flat? Yeah, for sure yeah for sure. Oh, it depends how well do you do one leg? God yeah

Starting point is 00:18:32 On the side of the bed yes, because then you what if it's a really low bed pop up and stick it Stick it in and go and then go back down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This man's a sex demon, dude. He is a sex demon. Why? You pop up, stick it in, and then go, ooh, I want to taste it. I want to get back down. Holy fuck. He fucks and then eats again. You're awesome, dude.

Starting point is 00:18:54 What's that? Yeah. You got to get that rhythm of like, you got it going? You're a deer, dude. You are a pig in the trough. I love it, dude. I love it. Get in there, Steve.

Starting point is 00:19:02 That's how you should, you fuck like, you fuck like a R&B singer from the 90s Carpet you lay down you're prepared lover you lay down a blanket Sometimes no, yeah, I'm times. No, sometimes you say we're gonna part the pain is part of the pleasure the pain on his knees pleasure We're gonna part the pain is part of the pleasure the pain on his knees Pleasure so the moment that work. Hey, just so I knew it was gonna perform Good Lord, obviously I was gonna When it was over Came out of the bathroom Yes, and she was like what I was like I just didn't I told her what happened

Starting point is 00:19:46 And he I didn't remember while he was in the bath. He didn't think of it during the meeting he was lost Receiving nutrients Yeah, most juice not for Ratu You're a pussy man. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a pussy man. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. Yup, moth juice Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu.

Starting point is 00:20:10 You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. You need to get your vitamins. So you eat your vitamins on your knees, you stand up, you dip your dick in, you go back.

Starting point is 00:20:18 Don't say dip your dick in. You dip your dick in, you test the oil, you go back out. And I'm back to your chest. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nosferatu. You're a fucking Nos dick in. You dip your dick in, you check the oil, you go back out. And I'm back to you.

Starting point is 00:20:28 You're mocking this like it's awesome, dude. I support it. I support it. It's just funny that you do it. It is. Do you understand? But I love that. He's a liberate.

Starting point is 00:20:37 He's a sexually liberated man. Totally sexually liberated. I'm the opposite. I'm totally repressed. Yeah, yeah. Catholic. You're Jewish, right? Yeah, he has a little'm totally repressed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you you're you're Jewish, right? Yeah Love that

Starting point is 00:20:48 Respect did I grew up with Gordon X but I'm godless as well Yeah, and I I think it's but even a little early religion will repress you no matter what yeah I think it's probably a good thing to stay repressed. I think no day at least as a kid get a little repression there I don't know a little bit I don't like I don't get somewhere to grow the kids jacking off and being like I'm going to hell. Yes. That's a problem Yeah, yeah, yeah, but if you're like, what am I doing to this woman? If I'm like losing myself into eating her pussy every day sounds awesome That's good. It sounds nice. I wish I could do it

Starting point is 00:21:23 But I'm saying it's nice to know that there is a line and a limit where I'm not going to stand up, stick my dick in, put the pillow back on the ground and go back down to munching. That sounds cool, dude. Imagine losing yourself like that. But just the idea that you had a plane. The idea that you had a plane. No, but here, because it's... No, he envies you, Steve. Steve, he envies you Steve. I do. I envy your ability. Now do you ever

Starting point is 00:21:50 you ever hit a CP and then go ooh it's feeding time again. No. Have you considered it? No. Not that there's anything wrong with it. No. Have you ever tasted your own? No. That is next level. I know you've tasted it. You never looked at it.

Starting point is 00:22:05 Oh come on. Eww dude. Eww. Chicken tenders but no none of his own cum. He's pulling the cum apart. I'll only eat this part. Have you ever seen you do that? Everybody's seen you eat. You're like a fucking praying man. It's crazy.

Starting point is 00:22:23 You're gonna be so mad when my top comes off because you're ripped. Well, I can't. I've been working on my core. Awesome. I don't like the way I said that either. But you said, but what? Well, I regret saying all this.

Starting point is 00:22:37 No, I'd like to hear. I just saw myself today in the mirror. I was changing. I was like, Shane's going to be pissed at me when it comes time to when you wrote yourself in for taking your shirt off so you know I like that so you lifted your ass I know I write that I'm excited for it. What's yeah, I tell me after I don't remember Okay, what it is now we no spoilers we got folks. We got a great season attire season 2 It's good. It actually is fucking awesome. Yeah

Starting point is 00:23:01 And I love the part where you wrote in you eating pussy Awesome. Yeah, and I love the part where you wrote in you eating pussy We're showing it Vincent Gallo brown bunny style Occasionally talks to the camera. When he wrote dialogue, he'll pop up and go, hmm, now that's good. Delicious. Now that's good eating. He has one line of show and you gotta guess. It's fun, it's thrilling.

Starting point is 00:23:36 You never know what he's gonna say. It's like fleabag. Turn actually down the barrel of the camera. I know nobody likes this, I'm just gonna say very quick, you are so good in it, Stav. You're so good. Thanks, Stav. You're great. Stop it.

Starting point is 00:23:51 We are- I truly can't wait for everybody to see this. No, dude. We're fucking- let's suck our- not to suck our own dicks, but this is- everybody's- I'm surprised we're all good actors, honestly. It doesn't make any sense. Everyone's- what I do like is that we're... It's an ugly-ass show, and we're all surprisingly good actors.

Starting point is 00:24:08 Like, there's no sexy motherfuckers. You know, you blow the... You blow the neckline. That's what's also awesome about you, Steve, is that... Look, face-wise, it's a wild thing you got to do. You're like a young grandpa, you know what I mean? You've got like... You've got to twinkle... You've got a twinkle.

Starting point is 00:24:25 This is so mean. You've got a twinkle in your eye. Thank you, Shane. No, you've got a twinkle in your eye. You've got big doe eyes. I like that. They're beautiful eyes, but I'm saying you have an interesting juxtaposition that then when you... That's the second time I said that. You've got an interesting mix. And then when you take the titties out and you get you're ripped. That's even better

Starting point is 00:24:46 It's weird. I think that's good though. You're talking to a guy whose whole thing is dazzle camouflage Confusing women and not understanding what's going on. So they'll fuck with me. You know, there's so much going on They're like, well, it's something yeah, something If God didn't smite you with that arthritis, you'd be a demon. He needed to nerf you. He did. God needed to nerf you because you'd be fucking... You'd be a problem.

Starting point is 00:25:13 In what way? Think of what you do to a pussy. Think of the disastrous things you do. You wouldn't be doing this show. No. No. No. No? No. You definitely wouldn't be.

Starting point is 00:25:27 You wouldn't be incompetent. You'd be selling ribs to get pussy in the belly. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you'd be doing heroin. You'd already got a deal on heroin. You'd be selling your spinners. Fucking get a blow job from a heroin addict. Yeah, you'd honestly just be a successful small business

Starting point is 00:25:41 man that lived for pussy. You know? Which, nothing wrong, by some metrics, that's sort of what I am as well. I'm a podcaster, I sell and all I do is try and fuck, but it's awesome, dude. I love that. What were you doing before tires?

Starting point is 00:26:00 You mean like for work? Yeah. I was working for my brother. I still do it so thanks. What was your long term, did you have a long term? As a paral work? Yeah. I was working for my brother. I still do. What was your long-term, did you have a long-term? As a paralegal? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I did.

Starting point is 00:26:10 I mean my brother, Gerben Law Firm, best boss I've ever had. I love him so much. Hell yeah, dude. And yeah, I was doing that. And he was, I mean, I worked for him for 16 years. And like I said, still do to some degree, but he

Starting point is 00:26:30 Was so supportive of any time I would do something you give me time off and then yeah, you're a paralegal Yeah, me too, brother. Oh nice Dude I didn't even grab like I didn't technically get my degree from UMBC. I left with two language credits, and they were like, oh, you're just one of them fucking Greeks. Dude, I could've taken a test to get out of it, and I just, I was like, so what happened is they let me walk,

Starting point is 00:26:54 because they were like, oh, you'll get these in the summer, and I was like, sure, and then I walked, and my mom saw me walk, and I was like, that's what I went to fucking college for. I don't give a fuck about a diploma. So I didn't have a diploma. And then my friend was like, I work at this law firm. And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna say

Starting point is 00:27:10 I have my degree, see what happens. Didn't check. Turns out they didn't check because they were a completely unethical law firm. They're like, literally like two years later, the fucking, one of the partners blew his brains out on the parking lot because he was embezzling and shit. That's kind of funny.

Starting point is 00:27:26 Cause you ever see that like there's a comedy sketch where they take the sticker. You know how vans have stickers with their families on? Yeah. And they're like, it's funny to take off like Goldstein Schmidt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, take out Schneider.

Starting point is 00:27:40 Goldstein. Yeah. Schneider's out. Yeah. And it was a fucking foreclosure law firm. Andider's out. Yeah. And it was a fucking foreclosure law firm. And I didn't know that. And when I got there, I was like, well, I'm not helping these assholes take people's homes.

Starting point is 00:27:53 So I just was like, I'm just not going to work and see how long it takes them to fire me. It took them a year, dude. I just had a job. And it was awesome. That one guy had a lot going on. Yeah. He wasn't really worried. Maybe that's what did it. Maybe he was like, holy shit, had a lot going on. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:05 Maybe that's what did it. Maybe it was like, holy shit, this guy forged his resume. He's losing so much money. Gotta have principles. It was such a fucked up place. What did paralegals do? I was supposed to say hearing dates. That was my whole thing.

Starting point is 00:28:21 I was essentially a very specific secretary. What did you do? So as a trademark law firm So like I would do the trademark searches and then fill out the report then you give it to the attorneys And then they get all the fucking credit you don't know That's what paralegals do yeah, like all the grunt work. Mm-hmm. Did you ever think of becoming a lawyer? Yeah, like very briefly, but I was so bad like you might remain Apparently no it was to remain a parallel. No, it was to try and.

Starting point is 00:28:46 Eventually get a law degree. No, no, it was to try and do something in the entertainment business. Oh, okay. Yeah. Of course. Yeah, I also had like a 1.4 GPA from Drexel. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:00 You're an imperil student. Yeah, he's talking shit. He's being smart. Oh, we talked about this. I forgot. I guess that's like the old Simpsons joke about Millhouse where someone calls him a nerd and he's like, I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart. Just appearing nerd-coded, but being fucking dumb. It's an awesome thing.

Starting point is 00:29:20 Have we got a 1-4? 1-4 at Drexel, bro. Might have been a 1-7, but it was definitely... What did you fail? It was the end of my scholastic career. What was the like, do you remember any like particular scholastic failures? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean all of them.

Starting point is 00:29:36 We talked about it last time, but I had first gone to George Washington and I fell out of there. I went to Delco Community College and I fell out of there. You fell out of Delco Community College? Respect. Your classes are tough. Delco Community College filled up. Filled up Delco Community College. Hey, respect. Your classes are tough. Went delivered mail, then worked for my dad at the business. Delivered mail?

Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah, you were a mailman? Yeah, yeah, briefly. Isn't that hard to do? A mailman. Isn't that hard to get into? Yeah, especially because my vision was really bad at the time. Shoot it on the driving test. Everybody's getting mail.

Starting point is 00:30:04 Everyone's getting mail. Everyone's getting mail. I forget what they call, but it wasn't like I had a mail root. It was like I filled in for whoever was sick. So it was always new root. Auxiliary mailman, dude. Utility player. Casual carrier was the term.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Casual carrier sounds like AIDS. Yeah. Did you have like a jeweler's glass to read the addresses? No, it's like a screening glass that they put on and take off. Yeah. Casual care really does sound like the Johnny Apple seat of AIDS. They went from fucking public bathroom to public bathroom, hitting up Craigslist. Hey, Beyonce is taking a close up.

Starting point is 00:30:44 I've never seen this commercial. Hitting up Craigslist Beyonce's taking a close. Oh That's good to have sex and Okay, fuck use everybody dude fucking repressed Catholic do let's show those titties. Oh she now 45 that was my guess No, you know what actually hold on I don't know how old Beyonce is. I'm going to say 39. Yeah. I'm going to say 39. I'm good, bro. Just Google what age Beyonce is.

Starting point is 00:31:14 Yeah, I think I'm going 40. So wait, I'm 36. Exactly, that's kind of the math I did. Yeah, she's probably like 41. I'm 41. I'm not a repressed Catholic, so the commercial was the hottest woman in, she's probably like 41. Okay. Oh 41. Yeah, I definitely remember the Repressed Catholic and so the commercial was the hottest woman in the world taking her clothes off and it's like oh I'm getting hard a little and then they cut the two kids nothing

Starting point is 00:31:33 Okay Shouldn't be able to watch it. No kids are in it. Oh I children sitting there and I'm getting I'm starting to get hard and sitting there and I'm getting, I'm starting to get hard. And then the cut happens. You're digging hard and it cuts to two kids. Okay, okay. They're literally zooming in on Beyonce's ass while she takes her jeans off.

Starting point is 00:31:51 That's okay. I thought you meant little boys watching football aren't allowed to look at Beyonce. Two little girls, two twins. And you go, and just like that it's twins. It's like the Tyler Turner Flash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Subliminal messaging. Yeah, dude. If they've already got, yeah, yeah. Subliminal messaging.

Starting point is 00:32:05 Yeah, dude. If they've already got, oh, you're right. Twins. How'd you think not supposed to get Harley? When you see twins. 43. Oh, I was in. There you go.

Starting point is 00:32:15 Yeah. There you go, girls. That's pretty good. Yeah. I'm gonna say it, Beyonce is pretty. One of the, one of a legendary piece of ass I think we, and a beautiful woman who I definitely, ooh. Back in the days, we're of the generation where

Starting point is 00:32:31 we have a lot in common with those North Korean soldiers. Because internet wasn't that available. That's what I mean, those guys are literally what we were. And I jacked off to video, like MTV videos. I remember 03 Bonnie and Clyde jacking off to that. I remember, there's a Clyde jacking off to that I remember there's a video well that's that's where that's where it means to be in being horny that's where Oh my god. I did carry a 1-4 GBA.

Starting point is 00:33:05 Well that's where me and Steve, being horny, that's where actually this side of the podcast aligns. I think I have a little age on you because I was squiggle porn. Squiggle porn? Yeah. Me too. Yeah. I just didn't have cable. We didn't get cable until they got satellite TV from Greece and my dad got it and there was no squiggles on satellite so there's no way to look at like a floppy green tit or whatever through the squiggles you said the getaway yeah the getaway Alec Baldwin sure and who's the chick Kim Basinger oh yeah is that where they met and there was the other girl yeah the scene taped yes toilet screaming well Alec Baldwin like fucks Like

Starting point is 00:33:57 Not fully grasping what the fuck is going on I like fucks his girlfriend. Oh my god. And I was just like middle school, like not knowing really, not fully grasping what the fuck was going on. Just seeing tits. And being like, oh I can block this out.

Starting point is 00:34:16 My mom just kept coming home being like, is rewatching Getaway? Now did that fuck you up? Do you do it? Are you into any tough stuff? I don't know, it's in there somewhere. Oh yeah, you showed me this dude. This fucked me up. Yeah. Yeah, it's like this really like the guy Really girlfriend who he got kidnapped. Oh, they both got kidnapped I guess yeah, and the guys tied to a chair and hops down the hole and he's like no

Starting point is 00:34:39 Leans in and the girls on top. Yeah riding the guy It's her I mean I guess that's better than jacking off to someone getting raped Don't put the pill on the floor I Wrote no, but it works. Trust me, every kid in America is gonna be jacking off the tires. You gotta get him young. Oh, we want a season two of tires. Boys to jack off.

Starting point is 00:35:40 Boys to beat off, dude. There's tits in every episode. Oh, there was a bikini episode. I wonder if one kid in America caught a jack-off. Oh, somebody probably beat off the carrot. That's true. Yeah. I don't know, but I had trick-or-treaters and one, I mean he had to be like eight or nine talking to me about the show. That kid might have been kicked off the carrot.

Starting point is 00:35:59 Yeah, sounds like his dad sent him. Is his dad standing behind him? His dad was not, but he did say that like my dad. Yeah That's nice. Yeah, you're fucking neighborhood celeb. Yeah. All right This podcast is brought to you by prize picks the best place to get real money sports action prize picks run your game Shut the fuck up dude. Prize picks is the best place to get real money sports action with over 10 million members. It's crazy to be in the other room laughing.

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Starting point is 00:36:59 Christopher November 10th Eagles Cowboys I think Saquon Barkley is gonna get way more than 85 yards rushing. And good Lord, if that's the number, it's definitely that. Jalen more or less than 214 yards passing. Who the fuck's Jalen Moore? Jalen Moore or less.

Starting point is 00:37:20 Oh, oh, oh. Jalen. Yeah. I was like, what the fuck? Who the fuck is? When did he take on? I'd say Moore. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Anyway, uh Stav, you know basketball. Celtics Bucks on this side. Yeah, I know. So the fucking Sixers. Do you think Jason Tatum will get more or less than 29 points? You're saying less. Oh, Stav's pick, less. Sixers Hornets. Tyrese Maxey is going to go for more than 30.

Starting point is 00:38:06 He's the only one that can score. No, he just got hurt. Tyrese Maxey is going to go a little less. He just got hurt. He's out. Wait, for real? Yeah, yeah. When?

Starting point is 00:38:15 Last against the Clippers? Yeah, you got a hamstring thing. So he's down for it. Jesus Christ, they might not win a game. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. One and six? Yeah. You can six? Yeah.

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Starting point is 00:40:39 Ourselves it's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything, and in this crazy world, that isn't easy. Here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. That's a great thing. You should always say, Thanks. Every time I get out of bed, I go, Thanks, Matt. Good job, buddy. You're the fucking best! If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

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Starting point is 00:42:19 routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash drenched and use promo code drenched to get 20% off your first order Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind again That's Lucy dot co and use code drenched to get 20% off and here comes the fine print Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified Warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical You know what we all need to get more of off our ass Off of our asses with bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick Mountain dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain a

Starting point is 00:43:01 Mountain where the weather is always perfect your friends are ready to hang and A day of epic proportion awaits. I think crack might sue Mountain Dew for stealing the benefits I think that's what crack does but Also Mountain Dew does that as well It makes you feel like you're off your ass and that you're on a perfect mountain When in reality you might not be on a perfect mountain you very well may be on a very very very very shitty couch in a very dirty house guys what is my favorite flavor oh my god it's obviously bah-hah blast code red voltage in original I mixed them all together and I fucking chugged them all

Starting point is 00:43:38 day and I just bang shit out and get stuff done dude talk about what game slash activity I play with friends after drinking the blend of all the Mountain Dew flavors at once I mean obviously before we did a lot of wrestling last time like me and all my bros got together and just like just chug Some Mountain Dew and it's kind of like we had one of those like dinners You know a lot of people come together and just like like-minded people talk about like-minded conversation We had like steaks obviously and some fucking We had some salad and like you know the rule was that like nobody could be negative We all just got to like share how we're feeling and we always like lifted each other up

Starting point is 00:44:10 We did that kind of thing then afterwards we went in the brace the basement and we practiced this like It was again it wasn't if you were to see it from the top of the steps You would have thought we were making out but we weren't we were just Affirming each other like right up close to each other's faces and then tapping tongues just to seal the deal guys the mountain is calling you should answer grab your friends grab a nice cold mountain dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the dew hey new york city i have an announcement for you guys i will be at the legendary venue town hall for the New York Comedy Festival on November 16th 2024

Starting point is 00:44:50 Tickets are doing all right. I believe we're at 974 out of I believe 1400 it's not ideal that you know that if that show if any it's gonna be a big one So if you could come that would be great if you have other things to do I you know I'll submit myself to my fate and you know still like I have three-quarters whole theater in front of some industry bigwigs and they'll judge me thusly and that'll be what I get but thank you guys so much please come I don't know I'm thanking you just please come I shouldn't thank you come to the show right guys it's the Comedy Festival I thought New York City

Starting point is 00:45:22 would be so easy to sell fucking tickets in there I was like there's 25 million people. I don't fuck I'm gonna sell these tickets easily It's not the case dude. It's not the fucking case. So please guys, please come. Thank you. I Heard about I got some gossip from the country club. Oh you did about the woman. Oh, that's right The evil woman. Yeah, there's an evil woman at the country club Yeah, there's a woman that bullies Steve at the country Only once but I hear she bullies like everybody how old is she? I would put her at like 55 6. Okay. Okay. The bungles are on the board by the way fuck Seven nothing. Are you fucking kidding me? But it's not, it's so funny because.

Starting point is 00:46:05 I'm not gonna get enthralled, I'm gonna be a good podcast. You can fucking watch it the whole time. It's so. We got gurbies, dude. You're right, dude. Pull a string. He's our Derrick Henry, dude.

Starting point is 00:46:15 Just feed him the ball. I don't know what that is. No, no, tell me, tell me. Oh, what I was saying is like. Some old bitch at the fucking country club. Well, what I was saying is that, you know, doing this podcast, it's still a little surreal

Starting point is 00:46:28 of like how far the reach is of it. Cause I think I was like one of the first guests you ever had. You're up there. Yeah. And you abandoned us for several years. And it was like at the time he had like a thousand, I was like what?

Starting point is 00:46:41 We didn't think anyone was listening. Oh, believe me brother. And now like I went to the country club and people like that was really funny We're like, oh wow on the pod. Yeah tires like the literal pod. Yeah at the country club Jesus Christ He goes to the poor people Poor people I didn't think those exist sure, but it's not the rich one. It's definitely not I mean, it's it's pricey, but it's not like the elite It's definitely not I mean it's it's pricey, but it's not like the elite

Starting point is 00:47:30 95 soon you're gonna be there once season two comes out you're elite I Think so Steve No, but it is true that like we were talking about you a nice pillow That's and I'm gonna get you a Dude, okay, here's what it is That's the other commercial you do is MyPillow Pussy eating pillows Gerben Pussy Eating Edition MyPillow Hi, I'm Mike Lindell and I designed the perfect pillow

Starting point is 00:47:56 for Steve Gerben to eat his girlfriend's pussy Now Steve's girlfriend Steve Gerben's girlfriend snatches fucking three skittis ready to eat My bad as soon as I said it I was being disrespectful I know being disrespectful don't worry about it Yeah

Starting point is 00:48:15 Let me addition Gurbans my pillows That would sell dude I actually might give it a shot I might toss a pillow on the ground and go I'm gonna go Steve told me to do that's fucking awesome dude I'm like look so tell us about this woman the bully do you man

Starting point is 00:48:36 oh yeah my bad changes last time but my bad members of the country club a DMing and reaching out. That's wrong. Yeah, that lady's a bitch. Let me... Yeah. We could eliminate her. I do know her name now. Yeah, I don't. I'm not gonna.

Starting point is 00:48:50 I'm just gonna be like psychotic. Watch your back, bitch. Stop being mean to my friend Steve at the golf course. Having so fun to get locked in a libel lawsuit. Some crazy lady through the podcast. She's like, I am a bitch. They're talking about me again, though. And I said last time, though, it's a country club full of attorneys.

Starting point is 00:49:10 Everyone. What are we doing? Yeah. What's the point of being that if you can't make your life easier with regards to his work into the clubs? Of course. Yeah. You know, you don't razzle dazzle. You don't fucking put on a nice show at the country club. No, but Shane was hilarious. Bro, I know how you are when I'm not around. Oh yeah, I'm nice to people.

Starting point is 00:49:30 No. No, he's like. I love to have a good time. He likes to be like, yeah, so Netflix, I mean, they've been good to me. I know all the guys at Netflix and they've been great, yeah. Never once. We're working on season two.

Starting point is 00:49:44 Do I say, do I tell people about how season two is going? Of course, and they've been great. Yeah Do I say do I tell people about It's like a report in the community, you know what I mean? You're fucking putting John you're a small business Oh, you're a job creator in this community. What's just her economy has you to think boomin? Thanks to you. We move the whole show here It is a nice thing. I think to talk to people he can't stay sure I'm having fun and I'm talking to people he's got to come in and blow it up right interesting I don't think that's true well I'm curious about since you knew you always wanted to be in entertainment what was your first taste was it a school play was it a was it? Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear just like Madonna and dance in front of the whole school

Starting point is 00:50:40 It was a kid it was high school and that's a guy and my mom is just like Yeah, it was a kid, it was high school kid. It's a guy and my mom is just like They didn't know it first? Yeah, he's dainty I had to hit puberty, I was like 5'2", and someone's singing me in high school It's 5'2", senior year Whoa! That's fucking awesome When did you blow up? Like, oh that's why you got a fucking 1-4 on your body

Starting point is 00:50:58 You probably hurt like hell, you threw a foot You're going through growing pains Yeah, well In Western Civilization 101 Yeah You're going yeah, I'm going through growing pains. Yeah, well in Western civilization 101 Damn then you remember the story I got picked on Give it down syndrome down syndrome kid got your ass well Your brain went from 5'2 to 6'2? The Grinch's heart.

Starting point is 00:51:28 My brain went to... Awww! Aw shit! How should I fucking help that kid? Oh, that was a different one. You hit two different kids in the dance. You hit a bullied scene. No, no. He didn't. The guy, the guy helped me. That was a different one. Oh, you had two different kids at Dancer and Bullied Seekers. No, no. They're gonna help me.

Starting point is 00:51:46 That was a totally different. He had all his mental faculties? No, he had, no. He did not. No. All right. We've talked about him before, and I'm sorry. But it's fun to tell.

Starting point is 00:51:57 Stop, stop. This is the type of man he is. He wanted to show off for the girls. See, you always say, you always look at the work. OK. Did you or did you not say, I'm going He's the yeah, he wanted to show off for the Okay, did you did you not say I'm gonna play basketball with the special needs kid so maybe some people will see me do it No, so that's not that pillow and then you gotta hump to buy everybody know by that kid in front of everybody What what happened was? No, he's right in in the smallest degree is like when we started playing yes That was I noticed girls looking at me. Yes

Starting point is 00:52:30 My cousin had started your life for 11 at the time yeah Activity period right for the down, you know playing playing around with the specialties kids, so I did that in my school I want an award presidential or whatever Citizenship awards, okay, I took a picture of it because I found the plaque recently in case you don't believe it anyway I believe you so I wasn't representing, his name was like a house of representatives. Alright, anyway. Did you get signed? The lower house? The lower chamber? No, Senate, name is Senate. State Congress?

Starting point is 00:53:08 State Congress. I'll look it up in a second. Okay, okay. So I do have a phone number. So that was a different scenario. So then I was playing basketball and there was one student who was very heavily afflicted. Heavily afflicted. The boy was touched in the brain. Student who it was very

Starting point is 00:53:29 Brain and yeah, he was you know I noticed girls watching me And then he made a basket got excited gave me a big hug and then it turned into really really vigorous drive Oh, man, was it a car security guy had a break? You know You know. You know who it was. No, it's been so long. It's been so long. You knew it. Fuck your members. Do you remember the aggressive back rub I got at the Nils? It was a different student.

Starting point is 00:53:54 It was so fucking funny. It was a different student. And this one was not mentally challenged? No, no. This is a different dance from your breath. This is the third one, Ron. This is the third one, Ron. Yeah. Well, the third one comes later. I like it back because they're not attacking,

Starting point is 00:54:08 but just trying to make a connection. They're like, just you and me, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The third one comes later in high school. Oh, okay, okay, yeah. And this one, I mean, again, there's no ill intent. The one in high school had ill intent. Right.

Starting point is 00:54:20 He wanted to. The hump. The hump, no. No ill intent on the hump. Zero ill intent. Okay. What happened in high school? What was the other thing? That was Shorty.

Starting point is 00:54:26 He would just call me Shorty over and over again because I was short. Yeah. And, you know. But... Well, was he disabled? Yeah, oh yeah. But...

Starting point is 00:54:35 And I know you're a little nasty, I struck back one day. No. There's no way you let that slide. You put a bunch of candy under a box with a stick holding it up. No, everybody was... Everybody was very like... Pieces of was very nice to me in high school.

Starting point is 00:54:49 So they're like all the football players in the class. Wes. I shouldn't have said the name. Bleep it out. Okay, bleep that out. But anyway. Guard dog. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:54:58 So the one in Manila, I just got a back rub that just got way too intense. And that had to get broken up too. I'm sorry, security was called to break up a back rub? The security officer at the school was also the guy. What were you saying during the back rub? I wasn't voting. I was like, oh, that's really sweet. You know, and then it just, and then.

Starting point is 00:55:25 And this was where? Where? Manila's diner. Oh, at the diner. It was like a field trip. I see, I see. And the person was standing behind you? He got pumped.

Starting point is 00:55:34 You took a field trip to a diner? With special needs kids. Oh. Were you chaperoning? No, no, that was middle school. You're part of the gang. Yeah, no, I was that was middle school. You're part of the part of the gang. Yeah, no. It's just a shot.

Starting point is 00:55:51 Have you been special needs? Is that why people love tired? It is, bro. That's beautiful. It is. Damn. So? Yeah. That's beautiful. It is. Damn. So the Madonna dance, was there any dramatic though?

Starting point is 00:56:09 Did you ever act in a play or anything like that? Yeah. And that was, you caught the bug there? Yeah. You knew you had it. Well, I know I enjoyed it. You enjoyed being a showman. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:20 You did too. Don't act like you don't. I never did anything like that. You, if you were a showman you're cussing You're sure you never did any like it's not lame to like to act it is no. It's not we were just Conversation I was driving to the show today, and I was like we always sit around and like fucking stand-ups actually fucking lame It's so much better. It's much better. So acting is lame. No, it's too much waiting around I agree both are good. I like both of them. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm saying the way

Starting point is 00:56:52 Comedians, especially podcast comedians love to be like fucking stand-up. So stupid. I only do it for money Yeah, meanwhile, it's the best job in the world Turnaround yeah, I love yeah after acting which is still fine It's incredible. I had a total turnaround. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, after acting, which is still fine. Acting's fun, I love it. It's fun, and this show fucking rules, obviously. We get to fuck around, and this isn't like other bullshit, like, because we're real lucky on that. But like, I did, when I did the movie, which was fun,

Starting point is 00:57:18 and I loved it, and please buy it on fucking VOD, I really need you to, if you're listening. But it was so much harder, dude, stand stand up we just wake up they're fucking 12 Oh, so you do our act we stay and especially now we should go in good. They stay in a nice hotel You eat like a fucking I'll spend like $40 on breakfast Staking eggs now that we have t2 That's that's my there's no way they go up Steak and eggs. Not for long now that we have T2. Oh yeah. Price of groceries. You think prices are going down? That's my index.

Starting point is 00:57:47 I mean there's no way they go up. Who fucking knows? Of course there is a way. We could become Argentina. I guess we don't see. Yeah. Yeah it would be nice to, that's my, the steak and eggs metric.

Starting point is 00:58:01 The steak and egg matrix. That's how I view fucking. I mean that's actually a pretty fair, honest metric. Yeah. For real, that's how I view fucking that's a pretty fair honest metric yeah price of eggs is kind of a it's insane yeah it's gotten fucking insane no but I liked it it was fun what I liked it I like the price of eggs going up I like it was affecting you I like the price of eggs going up He was I like it was affecting you I like Hurt in your wallet was it hurting you price eggs. No, I don't notice. No, of course not you sound like a liberal Fuck the mobs angry about the price of eggs.

Starting point is 00:58:47 Yeah. Let them eat cake, Chris. Let them eat cake. Chris was throwing eggs at homeless people on the way over here. Yeah, yeah, that's me. Get a job, you second shit. Act on a fucking sitcom. Fuck, that egg was $3.

Starting point is 00:59:02 Fuck. Get a writing job on a sitcom, you fucking idiot. Did you do any fucking, any dramatic work, dude? I was like you, I did a little, I did some fucking, I was in the Backstreet Boys in 3rd grade, sang some Backstreet Boys tunes. Nice. What do you mean? At a school talent show. Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking. And then I thought I was the fucking man.

Starting point is 00:59:28 I thought I was like, dude, I'm fucking cool as shit. Were you cool in high school, or were you kind of funny? I was funny. No, like funny. Yeah, all right. Yeah. I was like, my school was a magnet school in Baltimore, so everybody was kind of dorks, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:59:43 So it was kind of easy to be a cool. And I played football and I was like, I was maybe the funniest white kid in the school. It was an 85% black school, so it was like, just being a funny white boy, phew, skyrockets you in terms of like, you just had to be the funniest white person, and that, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:00:03 Like. Hey, we're still doing that. Yeah. Oh, we did. We have to be the funniest white person and that yeah, you know what I mean? Like we're still doing that. Yeah We have to be the funniest white Like I lost funniest funniest like, you know person in the school to some guy that just like works at a bank now that just like works at a bank now. You know what I mean? And he deserved it. You know what I mean? It's like, that's the difference between white people

Starting point is 01:00:27 and black people funniness. But yeah, and then I was in plays, but then in sixth grade I was like, acting's gay, I'm a fucking jock. And I tried to be a fucking athlete, and I played soccer and football, and then I wrestled in chin But then obviously I should have stuck clearly. I should have stuck with lucky

Starting point is 01:00:54 I scored a couple goals. It was one of those like funny like hey the fat kids I did that and then I just kept getting fatter. So ninth grade I'm like the fact he just scored a couple goals and then 10th grade They're like you're much fatter You were barely not you were barely able to play soccer last year You know how fat you have to be as a ninth graders. I was yeah. Yeah Even as a child to be like you can't you're not gonna be able to move even with your child I was yeah, even with your child

Starting point is 01:01:30 Your body they can spring back from anything the amount of McDonald's you're fucking saddling it with But yeah, dude, and then so That was uh, and then I played I played football because the JB soccer coach Gave a kid pornography and they kind of ruined the season and they dissolved our team and they let us play football yeah not even enough The good news is you can matriculate onto the football team Can you keep a secret? That's how you get eligibility And you still might get a JV letter Fellas, they got us

Starting point is 01:02:04 You're gonna have to join the black football team You still might get a JV letter fellas they got us Join the black football team. I know you're trying to play the one sport Yeah, it's pretty great, but it was you you would have been of the you were a showman Oh, I was definitely showing Chris definitely. Please tell me you tried acting. I never tried acting I did I Was a stagehand in high school for a play that my girlfriend was in at church at church Yeah, play At church. Yeah, yeah play It's one of those every time and Yeah, I remember I showed the first night of the play I like that it was actually showing we like I was just working, you know

Starting point is 01:02:59 there from like weeks and then I did I did a ton of mushrooms And I showed up Chris is another secret This is a real secret dumb guy I guess if you I mean I guess it's been a while I'm an idiot. No Chris was I guess if you I mean I guess it's been a while What you I always thought you're very very intelligent, and then you tell me about your life I'm like holy shit. You probably met him when you were even dumber Yeah, you know I mean you guys were young and fucking stupid. Yeah, you know I mean Which makes sense I mean I?

Starting point is 01:03:41 Think I don't see I guess I just don't make a judge. I'm not being an asshole Chris. Yeah Wow Academia does not mean you're dumb obviously, but yeah, but that's awesome that you were did how old When I did this 16 yeah Respect so also this yeah my story of my whole athletic career is pretty similar. Well, coaches kept putting me in and be like, this kid is going to be amazing. And then I'd be bad. Did you just look kind of jacked for a kid? What?

Starting point is 01:04:13 Did you look, you know, I just was good. I just played bad. Interesting. I just like, and they would, they would like, I mean, the amount I drove coaches nuts, they would just be like, what is, how do we get through to this kid? What is going on? I like that problem It's a lifelong thing of just being like it doesn't make any sense interesting that you're you're not gonna get through I remember The most I can get out of him is angry

Starting point is 01:04:47 So I can get yeah Today I just went up there and laid on the he was upstairs in the office I just came upstairs late on the ground Ukraine's gonna be like flight. I wasn't even looking at him. I stared at the ceiling. I was like, you think Ukraine's gonna be like Afghanistan was? I don't think, dude. I think the withdrawal from Afghanistan was a disaster. Um, yeah. Fucking guys were hanging off the plane. Fucking, that was nuts.

Starting point is 01:05:23 How did they, how did they fucking, you gotta get a fence up, dude. Don't let bros hang on the plane on the way out. I'm not familiar with the footage. I just remember Vietnam hanging off the plane. Well, that was people on the helicopter grabbing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Afghanistan took off with hundreds of people underneath a giant plane.

Starting point is 01:05:43 Jesus Christ. Jumping onto the fucking landing gear. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, that sucks. That is a tough moment to be like, I hope this works. I don't know how landing gold the King of Faults in, but I hope I'm in the right spot.

Starting point is 01:05:58 Yeah, and be like, well, I have better odds of doing this than sticking around. I've seen a lot of these planes, never on the ground. They gotta get up there somehow. That's another guy that thinks he's Tom Cruise, dude. That's true. He did think he was making it possible. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Would you do a fucking big ass stunt, dude? Yes. For enough money? Yeah, sure. Fuck him. I want Tom Cruise to make a very small indie movie at some point and get off the action. I think All right, I'd love to hear this. I want to be I want to roll where I'm like Tom Arnold in true lies mmm

Starting point is 01:06:34 An action movie, but I'm the guy in the van. Absolutely. I think you will get that you'll crush that I don't think I've ever seen that movie. Have you seen true lies? Yeah, it's fucking good. It's so good Yeah, I've watched parts of it on like TBS But I've never gotten through the whole thing. It's a banger James Cameron Arnold's work. It's kind of Arnold's last Undisputed kind of title run, you know like defensive is action hero title and then it becomes all this So so stuff but that one is like one is like, it's good. It's crazy, it's got like crazy set pieces. Tia Carrera.

Starting point is 01:07:08 Tia Carrera, you want to throw up pieces of ass. She had a UPN show that I jacked off. Back to the day. Good for you. I jacked off to those kids. Was that the lady from Wayne's World? Yes. Oh yeah, brother.

Starting point is 01:07:20 What's her name? Tia Carrera. She was a real flash in the pen. She had a porn star, Asia Carrera. Of course, Asia Carrera. She was a real flash. And then she had a porn star, you know, Asia, Korea, Asia, Korea, knockoff, obviously. Yeah. But I missed that era. It was great. But Asia career is also incredibly beautiful. Yes, she was incredibly beautiful.

Starting point is 01:07:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of them are. Yeah, I remember. But if the more that was one of those early, you sound like a pervert knowing their name and describing them as incredibly beautiful. No, because that was one of the early days. sound like a pervert knowing their name and describing them as incredibly beautiful. That's what I'm saying. No, because that was one of the early days. Obviously, the whole point is they're beautiful.

Starting point is 01:07:49 That's a man that eats in dips, brother. That is. A man that eats in dips called Four Stars Incredibly Beautiful. You've got like a double dip. What does that mean? You know what I mean. I know. Sure, I guess I do.

Starting point is 01:08:01 But nothing wrong with a little double dip, bro. Sure, right. I with a little double dip bro One day you'll get there shake trust yourself enough to double dip Okay spit on I Don't know once I had a if I ever had a plan that would fuck my head up So you wouldn't need a plane it would just feel right in the moment. Right, and you're also playing to her rhythm. Yeah, absolutely. Her rhythm.

Starting point is 01:08:30 Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's not, you don't need to play it, she's going to give you a feedback. I saw that hit you, Shane. I saw that phrase just fucking wallop you in the face. Gervan talking about being in tune with a woman's orgasmic rhythm. He's a fucking maestro.

Starting point is 01:08:49 Destroyed you, dude. I'm not saying I'm a maestro. You are the maestro. Oh my God. The pussy maestro. The pussy maestro. Da da da da. And now I'm going to stick it back in.

Starting point is 01:08:57 Oh, and she enjoyed that. She gyrated. I'm going to get back down and taste her. Fucking pussy. I'm going to it back in and she enjoyed that she gyrated I'm gonna get back down and taste her She lost my show dude, that's awesome I just had a good day at the links Hey I hey honey I am 83. Oh, you don't break out the pillow

Starting point is 01:09:30 My mood is not depending on the score but Do you have a good one like a special pillow? No. No. Oh, oh wedge. Yes No, oh I mean obviously respect obviously this is all respect but it's so fucking weird that you're fucking... Nah dude, you gotta get the right angles. Absolutely. Yeah I mean I don't know, I think you probably got a nice piece on you but with a little ass dick you gotta know your angles. I don't know. I think you probably got a nice piece on you, but with a little ass dick You gotta go. You gotta know your angles. I don't have a big piece at all and yeah

Starting point is 01:10:16 It's a reasonable penis now you're saying it's bad. I Would imagine about you've got a reasonable size Well the length I think is fine. It's like five and a half. That's great. And then, but the girth could use a little gait. Oh, you got a skein? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:33 Oh, interesting. I got like a bulbous head. Man, it's not even that bulbous. Sure. Well, should I not be saying that? I would never ever. Oh, okay. No.

Starting point is 01:10:41 Delete it then. Don't delete it. Keep it in there. No, that doesn't... I have a very similar penis I have I wouldn't say it's long. Well, you got just have a skinny a little below Hearing that you think that you have a similar penis to mine because now It's what you kind of described right? Yeah, I don't know but you got me on the head you got me on the head though I gotta don't take a tool or all I said it's that Bulbous yeah, but just that's big fat head a lollipop stem

Starting point is 01:11:36 Many licks brother I'm free. So you have a bulbous head and you're lacking in grip and you're not afraid to break out the wedge. Well that's how you hit those, the deep inside of pussy dude. With a little ass dick you need the wedge. Dude I had a tough situation happen where I'm used to not being able to hit it, hit the back of the pussy with my dick

Starting point is 01:12:04 but I was fingered she said deeper one yeah what if we got you a splint We got you a pussy finger. Oh, that's where you break out the toys. Yeah, that's yeah. Hell. Yeah crazy inspector gadget pussy maestro Lector and the thing they used Wedge and array of toys yeah, and I wear a belt and I keep the toys on no I'm sorry to do this to you how many how many times have I been I've been in the

Starting point is 01:12:47 I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the

Starting point is 01:12:55 I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the

Starting point is 01:13:03 I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've been in the I've truly are the maestro. Not the maestro. I'm not saying for, I just want to. I'm sorry to do this to you. How many toys are we talking here? I just had to take a second to take inventory. I do that. Let's do that.

Starting point is 01:13:14 But no, let's act, because we're at time. But I also just want to say for the record, I just want to say for the record, I'm not claiming to be like a sexual dynamo. Of course you're not. Yeah, but you're doing everything. You're a humble guy. We, your know, sexual dynamo. Of course you're not. Yeah, but you're doing everything. You're a humble guy, but we, your friends, are reading, we're taking what you're saying, and we get paid

Starting point is 01:13:32 to analyze things for a living. Yeah, I mean, you taught this wedge talk, Scott. And you're the pussy maestro. It's exciting to be your friend. Yeah, absolutely, my friends, dude. And you're the pussy maestro. I think we're all in agreement, right, boys? Yeah, yeah. Three for three. I have nothing that supports me. Steve was the pussy maestro, I think we're all in agreement, right? Yeah. If I actually

Starting point is 01:13:47 thought it was bad, I wouldn't fucking film it. It's awesome. It's great that you do this, but could you answer the question of how many toys? I think, well, if we're talking, is the pillow count this one? No. Oh, there are probably three. Oh, it's nothing. They're good. What do we got? Vibe? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:10 You gotta get a vibe in the mix. Obviously vibes, yeah. If you got a girlfriend, it's weird to be a single guy in that toy. I can't just fucking bust out toys. Be like, yeah. No, that's a thing. Some other bitch's pussy was on this.

Starting point is 01:14:22 Right. You put them in the dishwasher. No, you have to buy new ones. You put him in Barbasol. That's gotta be sad though, throwing him out. Throwing him out, you just throw it out. Say goodbye, say goodbye to the pussy pie. It's like a real totem of the relationship, you know?

Starting point is 01:14:37 You toss the fucking vibe. You, yeah, you get rid of them. Yeah. And you go purchase new ones. Yeah. On the internet. Yeah. I've never used one.

Starting point is 01:14:49 Never? Really? Really? It's not bad. It's pretty awesome. It's like a Gundam suit. I can't, I just can't, I can't. Oh what?

Starting point is 01:14:57 It's like a Gundam suit. What's that? It's like when you fucking, you know what I mean? Like you have a blaster on your arm. You're like, and then you go. And you just blast the pussy. I did that. fucking you know what I mean like a blaster on your arm. And then you blast the pussy. I did that. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:10 You're lucky I gave you that orgasm. Yeah, it's just entirely that. You're holding it. That's what bothers me about it. I'm just like, what is that? No, no, you can't look at it as competition. No, it's an enhancement. Yeah. No, you can't look at it Yeah Putting a sight on a sniper rifle dude, you know what I mean? It's like it's all yeah talk to her

Starting point is 01:15:34 Yes, feel her rhythms You know I should be doing anything else I should be like learning to play guitar. Cause your thing is on a bus. What are you talking about? No, once you bring tools in and it's like, while I'm playing guitar, ever I would go, I should be fucking getting pussy. That's why people are playing guitar. Yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 01:15:59 No, no, you want to let the enjoy the- Everything you do is for pussy. That's the whole of mankind. No. Boiled down, it pretty much is. Well, I mean, you're not wrong. Explain asexuals. Oh, fuck, you got me there. I thought Mr. Fucking Open.

Starting point is 01:16:13 You got me there? That's a liberal open man. Oh, really? How do you explain the non-binary no-sex people? I guess they don't really accomplish that much. They're lying. Is that what you're saying? I think they're just probably watching anime. They've accomplished too much. Yeah, I just think they don't really accomplish their lunch. Is that what you're saying? I think they're just probably watching

Starting point is 01:16:31 I didn't think you're gonna give a real response a totally correct answer In their bedroom playing fucking stardew Valley, you know They're just hanging out in their bedroom playing fucking stardew Valley, but you know, yeah Yeah, you're you're you're like you're ace curious dude I've seen how I've seen some of your gaming sessions. Yeah, just like it's close. Yeah out the world. Yeah girlfriend They're just kind of hanging around watch Manchester United rebuild This is the group stage of Champions League. There's no time for us to talk. I did already secure the group. I'm trying to get young guys some playing time here.

Starting point is 01:17:13 That I do love. That's my favorite thing in the world. Yeah, it's exciting stuff. Making your girlfriend watch video games. No, just I do love the, like, building a team. Oh yeah. Franch franchise mode is so good. It is. And it's all scouting and getting the young guys up

Starting point is 01:17:29 for whatever reason. Yeah, no, you really enjoy it. It feels great. Yeah. It's because it's like we get to relive like how good potential feels. Yeah, you could be a kid again. You feel so much better.

Starting point is 01:17:40 Potential, potential's so much better than doing shit. We're doing shit now, and it's cool, but it's not as cool as being 20 and being like, someday I'm gonna do shit. Yeah. That was awesome. I don't know. The open mic days where you're drunk as fuck

Starting point is 01:17:54 and just like, you know what I mean? Like hanging out. Yeah, those were. And even through that video game, you get the feeling of like, you just listen to me, dude, you're gonna be great. Yeah, right, right. Right, right, right. You're going to be great. Yeah, right, right, right, right.

Starting point is 01:18:06 You're really talking to yourself in middle school, but you get a bunch of avatars of who you could have been. And you're like, if I get these guys, then maybe I would. Maybe I did get pussy. I'm going to put you in the right situation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Gary B. Havies.

Starting point is 01:18:23 You're not a quarterback. I feel. No. Moving you to wide out this. Stick with the pros. Those who stay will be champions. What your brain fills in, you're just pressing two buttons and in your head, you're calling over youth to sit at your desk Those games added a practice mode I would it's all I would do as a coach We literally just need to have families. We just need to have children.

Starting point is 01:19:05 Yeah, of course. McKeever hit me with that one. I was in Austin and I was like, I'm fucking drinking, fucking this is it. He's like, bro, I don't mean this mean, you just gotta have a family, dude. And I was like, yeah. I know.

Starting point is 01:19:22 You're such a good dad. Thanks, man. Unless he looks like you. Fuck dude, you're like, where'd that wedge come from honey? If my son, my son might be a Gerby. Nothing wrong with that. Straight Gerby baby breaking out the wedge. You'd be lucky to have a Gerby.

Starting point is 01:19:38 I've loved having a sweet Gerby in my life. Just keep sticking wedge blocks and putting dolls over. Yeah. Oh boy. You know I love you. Yeah, I love you too. What are you talking about? You said earlier today, you You know, I love you. Yeah, I love you too. We talked about this earlier today. You said I didn't like you.

Starting point is 01:19:49 Well, first of all, you like, oh, you know, my friends, I love you so much. You I mean, I actually said you're not my friend. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I'm your friend. I was like, you want to watch there's a football and he's like, I'm busy. We did figure out a good way to get him over

Starting point is 01:20:06 here and I'm pumped to be hanging out with the boys tonight I feel like very like I know like it's in the show you feel like family but I think it's also for like everything you've done for me so you are my family bro yeah that's fucking beautiful man I still don't want to go to a bar tonight. We're definitely not going to a bar. No one's going to a bar. Watch me for a bar. We're not going to a bar. We're going to watch.

Starting point is 01:20:28 I'm going to go home and make chicken. Let me say that again. We could order some pizzas. There you go. You're going to make chicken? That's good. And then I think all this talk about pillows and wedges. Uh-oh.

Starting point is 01:20:42 No, no. That's a no. How long does it take to make the chicken? Put it in the oven. You go, we've got 20 minutes. I look at my watch. No sex tonight. Wedge o'clock. Why not? I'm exhausted. Really? Yeah. You need to be prompt. Exactly. A real pussy fiend. True. That's cause he loves the pussy. He can't do it halfway.

Starting point is 01:21:07 I'll fucking get a fucking sideways leg. We're gonna just lay still and then we go, let's just stay still for a second. Yeah. And you're like, actually I'm not gonna come. I'm going with that. Why don't I just beat off while I feel your tits? This man's never done that.

Starting point is 01:21:21 I've done that. I've actually done that. I've done that hundreds of times. No, I can't believe I'm doing that. So I'm like... Getting hit with a no on that though is... That's really tough. You guys all done. I've never done that once.

Starting point is 01:21:31 Yeah. Done that. Great stuff. I mean, I'm fat as shit, obviously. I mean, you know, I'm so fat that you could even say you're not fat around me, Shane, and it wouldn't be that wild. You know what I mean? You'd be like, yeah, you look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have, and this is, I'm actually not as fat as I've been, which is crazy. Like, there was a year in my life where I was so fat and unhealthy, and I fucked a lot

Starting point is 01:21:53 because it was like, you know, pathological. There was a lot of jacking off of your fucking half-limp dick in those. But you know, I'm in there, I'm eating the pussy, you know what I mean? I'm going Gerbys on the pussy. I'm eating it like, you know, like it's Froot Loops. And so, they'll reward me with a jack off

Starting point is 01:22:10 while I suck on a titty. I am excited for you that you enjoy pleasure. Yeah. You love giving pleasure. Yeah. Is there, how often does the woman not orgasm when you're down there or working with your tools or using

Starting point is 01:22:25 your tools? They're like tools. It really depends on the woman. Of course it depends on the woman. What's your bad habit? Well, it also, it's like cycle dependent. Oh no, you know the menstrual cycle? That's awesome.

Starting point is 01:22:33 Hey, I'm talking to Matt right now. Matt knows. You just honestly push past me to the point where I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that.

Starting point is 01:22:41 I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. I'm like, oh, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. Oh no! You know the menstrual cycle! That's awesome! Hey! You're talking to Matt right now! Matt knows! You just honestly pushed past me, dude. We were neck and neck this whole time in terms of freak. The weirdest guy in freakism.

Starting point is 01:22:53 That's awesome, dude. You've never heard anything like it. The cycle! I have to go. Hold on. Explain to me when in the cycle. No, I want to learn because I don't know this at all. I haven't even considered this. Oh, well, every woman's different, but I think like I heard McCusker talking about it and I have a similar experience Which is like

Starting point is 01:23:12 After the period now again, this is like Peek ovulation. No, no peak. I have peak ovulation. I think it's like halfway through this. Oh fuck I would assume they're the horny when they're ovulating assuming not a neutral that was like his point Assuming depends on when in the cycle. Yeah, I'm again though back to what's your batting average on the lady coming? Probably 80 percent hold beautiful numbers. Yeah, beautiful numbers insane numbers. Yeah, I don't think so. Oh, trust me. But it's also the partner. It's also the partner. I'm back in 147. Mendoza's a lot. He's playing single A.

Starting point is 01:23:52 He better be in fielding. That's all I'm saying. I'm way below the Mendoza. That's crazy. 80% come. He's just fucked that many women and they've been partners. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah perfectly said It's pretty good at first

Starting point is 01:24:14 Little slump going yeah Swinging brother Just keep taking swings. Keep swinging brother. Yeah, I'm a playoff Aaron Judge. I'm fucking crazy. More of a glue guy. Yeah, locker room guy. I'm fucking up. 80% Respect. What do you think? Stop, stop. What do you think of you?

Starting point is 01:24:39 I mean these numbers are crazy. These are incredible numbers. If he's 50-50 I'd be happy. Again, not like, not with a ton of women in my life. In my experience, if you get, the awesomest thing is when a woman just busts easy and you can tell yourself, I did that. And then you fuck somebody who's like, I don't know, man. Takes a while to get there.

Starting point is 01:25:04 These numbers are truly, you're a fucking sa Yeah. Yeah, you know these numbers are truly You're a fucking survive the pussy my show he but he isn't much he's scientific. Yeah, the moniker is earned Tenfold yeah For four reasons I want merch you don't see my see my shirt you know that that was the first thing like the name he gave me the It's a fetish that every dude on earth has What did you call the girl? A wet pussy A wet pussy? You said that's a fetish you have It's a wet pussy Well no, I mean he was searching the wet pussy

Starting point is 01:25:54 He's searching the hot pink medical emergency No, no, there's a viscosity element to it Oh yeah, exactly Yeah, yeah, yeah Like Nickle-Lillian gack Yeah, yeah He yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, subreddit, rgrool, and so he started calling me the grool king and then he was like, grool king people have drawn paintings

Starting point is 01:26:32 yeah, it's a, what's his name? we should give a shout out cause he's so good oh man, I'm so sorry to the guy who's listening to this who really deserves a shout out you stop listening it's also so funny to be talking about his artwork like that. Just being like, no, it's beautiful. The guy, what is he drawing? Wet pussy? No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:26:53 It was like, it was kind of like a Hunter S. Thompson artwork style. And your mouth is glistening? No, no, no. Well, we need that. He's got class. He just put a crayon. He's just caught in a web of gruel.

Starting point is 01:27:02 Yeah. Anyway, I'm suspended. The little gruel fly about to die. He just put a crash just caught in a web I mean this with all due respect you need a fly She was saying like when Netflix, you know would start to see comments. I was like girl Yes, it's a it's an acronym The pussy my show girl king King I'll be breaking out his tools the woman must know she's in for it. Yeah I love red lights. Interesting.

Starting point is 01:28:10 In the house, like the lightbulb or during sexual intercourse. Oh, classic. You get Phillip's Hue and you make them red and it's just... You really are a freak, dude. That's what... Have you done it? I've definitely fucked under some red light conditions, but... That the girl had at her fucking...

Starting point is 01:28:23 I have a Phillip's Hue as well, actually. Oh, really? I do have the lights that turn color whatever color you want yeah yeah yeah just adding trying to pressure that's just what it's called in the end just fucking losing a boner in red light that's more house code it though that's like what a Bordello they would have red lights that was a classic that's how you knew it was a whorehouse back in the day. You may be Nosferatu. That is very vampiric of you.

Starting point is 01:28:50 Dude, I did. The red lights in there. And you know what? I had a hunch you were a fucking a pussy fiend, but I didn't know. I'm not a fiend. You are. You are, dude. It's awesome.

Starting point is 01:28:58 That's a positive. It is good. But this is some intense stuff. Red lights, toys, a fucking wedge. The Muff Gremlinremlin you are the monster November 12th. Please rent it, we could really use it. And check out Kyle Hamilton at safety.

Starting point is 01:29:29 Yeah, that's where we align. He fucking rules. Notre Dame and Ravens. He's the man. Van Noy came and did a spot at my show in Baltimore. That's awesome. Zibby Kasky was on the Ravens. Zibby was on the Ravens.

Starting point is 01:29:39 He was, yeah. They always get Notre Dame boys. Ron Stanley at Tackle. Yeah, although, you know, he's been better recently. Shout out to what can showed up for a minute. But yeah. And you can you can catch Steve on his knees on a pillow. Yes, sir. Worshiping. Take me to church. You have sex to know what? I don't mean that story from last year? What? I don't wanna say it, but... Wait, tell me the one.

Starting point is 01:30:08 No, cause it's you. Oh wow. We might be able to delete this, what is it? Oh, remember the experience that you had with the lady? Yes. That was the song? That was the song that you were singing when you were alive.

Starting point is 01:30:22 That's hilarious. Yeah. Remember I told you, I can't remember what song you were singing? That's really, really funny. Fill me in after post recording. Yeah, for sure. That's awesome. That's awesome.

Starting point is 01:30:34 All right, well, thank you. Thanks everyone. Go eat pussy, Gerben style.

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 527 - The Pillow (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

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