Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 532 - Dark Queen & Cuck King (feat. Adrienne Iapalucci)

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Watch Adrienne's new special 'The Dark Queen' on Netflix now!! Support Adrienne @ https://www.adrienneiapalucci.com/ Go See Matt Live in Irvine CA this Wknd @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com - New Tour Just Announced Good evening everyone. Here's another hot cast for you guys. Cusk and the dark queen at the podiums. Go check out Adrienne's new spesh on netflix now. No ads this week. It's a Thanksgiving treat! Please enjoy. God Bless. Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/ Go See Lemaire Lee @ https://lemairelee.fun/

Thank you for doing the podcast. Thanks for having me. Thank you for doing my professional broadcast. I love it. I'm counting this as exercise that I'm standing the whole time. You'll feel it tomorrow. I swear to God, I wake up the next morning,

I'm like, dude, did I work all day? I'm like, technically I worked, but I'm like, I never feel physically exerted. Like, I exerted myself. And I'm like, I feel like I'm putting in an honest day when I stand on the podium. Even just shifting weight from foot to foot. I feel like this is picking up me breathing.

I know. It's a whole fucking thing I had it took me forever to figure it out peas. I like it away. Yeah, can you still hear me if I move it away? Yeah Adrian Appaloochee Yes, Matt McCusker is Adrian or Adrian What do you prefer? I guess Adrian, but I know I'm open to Adrian Applewood I have a serious fear of mispronouncing people's names, so I just usually don't say I'm ever that's smart

Well people pick up on it. What do you call someone like dude for the fifth time? They're kind of like all right I just heard though me too. I don't think I don't think we need names. I like I meet everyone. I'm terrified I'm gonna mess their name up. I'm like hey, what's up, man? They're like hi Matt I'm like all right. They don't show off man. Just be like what's up? Hey, what's up, man? How you doing? Yeah? Also, someone doesn't know my name. It's like not offensive So I'm gonna find it you know comed like not offensive. Some people get offended. You know comedians get offended about that. Comedians get offended by everything, but it's like, I don't.

If you don't know my name, it's like, I have no idea who you are either. Exactly. It's perfect. Yeah. Perfect. It is nice. I will say, we were talking about this briefly, but the idea of like, luckily we met last night.

I was happy we got to hang. Yes, me too. Because it's like, dude, meeting for the first time. On a podcast is weird. And then filming it. That's the worst part. Then you're filming the encounter. It's like Love on the Spectrum the first time. On a podcast is weird. And then filming it, that's the worst part. Then you're filming the encounter. It's like Love on the Spectrum, where you have to just film

a terrible encounter and just be like, so what is your take? It's just, it's been a nightmare, man. I miss my co-hosts. Oh, I bet. He's going to come back. He's probably very excited to be back here. Yeah, I mean, again, I've gotten to the point now where I'm like I could just go get like I don't want to get a regular job, but I feel like I

If it happened I'd be like yeah, I had a good run You have like a huge following I know but I have closer to a day job than you yeah Perhaps but it's like this is the way I think it's like I'm you know What would you do would you go back to what you were doing before you would like try something new? I think I would try something new like what therapist I think you need like schooling. I have my social work masters I got my masters in social work. Yeah, excuse me Excuse me. I don't know anything about I know and that's good man. I know, I know.

And that's good, man. I think that is a good thing. I don't know, so you have, you just got the Netflix special, congratulations. That's fucking awesome. How do you feel? Do you feel like? I feel good about it. I honestly thought people would be more upset.

Why? I don't know. I guess because it's some touchy topics. I have gotten some like nasty DMs, which is fun. Did you really? Yeah, one lady I guess got upset by the Gaza stuff and she told me I was a disappointment to Hitler. Like I'm worse than Hitler.

He would be disappointed by my jokes. What are you saying? She's saying that you would have offended Hitler? She's saying that my joke, first of all she didn't even understand the joke. She's saying it's like egregious towards Jews. And I'm like, you don't even understand the joke. She's saying it's like egregious towards Jews. And I'm like, you don't even understand the joke. But also then she's like, you're so bad

that you would disappoint Hitler. Like, Hitler would think I was over the line. That's a bold claim. I was like, what a huge feat to disappoint Hitler. Yeah, true. Or just him being like, this lady's a menace. This lady's an absolute menace who needs to be stopped She needs to be stopped. Let's get me back there history will remember her for all time for the atrocity. She committed

Yeah, and then like some other lady told me I was she's like you're gonna get fucking canceled bitch. I'm like by who Yeah Yeah, true. Well, it's it so yeah, I guess tell me your situation. So is this your first foray into the public consciousness? Or you've been, how long you been doing stand up? I've been doing it about 20 years. Okay, yeah. So you've put an album out and then I did

The Degenerates like four years ago on Netflix. Which was just a short set. So you're no stranger to? No. Is this more of a swell of people hitting you up now? Or have you been dealing with people like that I mean I've always gotten people like even at a show being upset or like after telling me stuff. Yeah It is weird how everyone feels like they need to tell you what they think

Yeah, you know like that's a weird part I guess of social media that you didn't realize was oh I didn't realize I was gonna happen when we first got on that Everyone has an opinion. they think it matters. Oh yeah, big time. Especially when you're just like, did you get upset when you read like nasty messages or did it just kind of like hit you? I think maybe years ago when I first started

and I didn't understand it, but like I don't care now. They are, actually I enjoy them. You think it's kind of funny? Yeah, I think it's kind of funny. Also you give me so much power that you're so mad. Yeah. I've worked up that you have to tell me how you feel. Like what a compliment you leave my show.

Like you came to the show, you made plans to have someone watch your dumb kids, and you're so mad that you're going to go back home. Probably hit your kids too. You ever think about that? They're like, that lady fucking doesn't know shit about Gaza, and you're like, you're just taking a lot of your sleeping children. I don't know anything about Gaza. A lot of the stuff I make up. For sure. Everyone everyone makes up everything even like serious people make up stuff about Gaza nobody knows

We don't really know I don't know anything about Strain either, but like none of it. I know very little about it, and I'm talking about I'm not qualified to really talk dude. I try to read a book once big I'm gonna get to the bottom of like the whole Israel-Palestine situation. I just got bored. I was like I'm not doing this Why should I do even understand it? Like if I really if I'm bored I like tune out so quickly It's like very hard to keep my attention I'm just like out I the first chapter was like how Israel got founded and I made it through a little bit of that Then I was like, this is too many fucking dates. I'm done

Don't throw dates at me. Yeah, it was like, apparently they said that the, they said part of what made Israel, like, you know, nation states, part of like the thing driving America or whatever to help them out was that there were a group of Christians who believed that when Jesus came back,

he wanted the Holy Lands to be the way he left them. So they're like, we need some Jews there. Or else Jesus is gonna come back and be like, what the fuck? I mean, that's so funny. This neighborhood's going to shit. That's so funny. That's so funny.

I know. Where he's like, could you deport me somewhere else? This is bullshit. I need to go to another. Don't you think if he was gonna come back, who would've come back already? It's just like it's not gonna happen I don't know he might you could be waiting for the new you might be checking Zillow being like Tents are going fucking nothing right now. I thought my tent would be worth fucking ten million dollars by now

I believe in it more if he went back to like Flint Flint Michigan like I'm gonna turn this place into it. That would be so sick if Jesus did Jesus did come back We're like dude. We're just fucking kidding. Yeah would be so sick if Jesus did Jesus did come back Yeah, we're just kidding Jesus you fucking roll. Thank you so much for coming back Yeah, I think that is I don't I don't think he's uh, you know again, it's like I don't want to say it cuz if he comes Back he's gonna be like you hell fine. I don't care. It doesn't matter what you think privately All you have to do is say like yeah, he's definitely coming back But you also if you're like a Christian you could just be like I'm sorry right before You die and everything's forgiven. Yeah, you can you could do that But again, then it's like then you go into the afterlife and you're gonna spend eternity just being like sweet

I did it. I tricked him. He's like go around drinking like free Starbucks Like I still don't believe True actually think it's fake. Yeah hell's of it. Did you go to like Catholic school or like I went to Catholic school my whole life Did you say I'm here? Yeah, did you believe in hell when you were little I? Guess you know they drill it into your head pretty bad, and then at some point you're like church is boring I don't believe any of this yeah, so I Don't know I don't believe any I think it's all fake. Yeah, I think a lot of it is definitely fake I mean obviously say that to the picture behind you.

I was trying to get the most, like, just drawing artwork I could possibly find. Is that supposed to be Jesus? I don't know. I don't know if that's, like, the underworld boss. That might be Satan himself. Oh, OK. Up here is heaven?

No, is this? That's Earth. And that's heaven. It's the chorus of angels, yeah. Well, let me tell you, this is how this whole idea came to fruition, this whole like just stupid set I Just was like spinning out just trying to figure out like I just want to do like a different look while Shane's gone

This would be fun And I I like took I had off I used to do like mushroom micro dosing a lot and then I stopped for a while And then like I just got back at it and then the first day I was back on like the little mushroom micro dose I just came up with this idea and then I like ended up carrying it out now I'm kind of like this is a bad fuck. It's a terrible. What do you think is bad about it the pictures? I like the pictures are cool I just think it's just too weird like I don't know if it translates if people like this guy's a fucking People just like you it doesn't matter

Like fans when they like you will really just follow whatever you do. It is a crazy cult like thing Yeah, true like hey, I'm actually gonna go off the rails. You guys should not follow me I'm gonna do something fucked up. Please don't I can't wait for the moment I get to like betray their trust and just fall like so bad I just have like just still gonna have a lot of people that are gonna follow you Not if I smash the meth and young boys button That's the one. You still will. No way.

There'll still be five to 10 people who are like, let's hear him out. I'm not gonna make any decisions until I hear what Matt has to say. That would be cool if I had five, just five fans. Five fans. Diehards. But like, they'll come to everything you do

and eventually you'll hate them. True, yeah, I'd be living with them. I'd be like, guys, let's get an apartment, dude. Let's be real fancy. Let's... Yeah, it does set up. It's a... I do have like...

I have misgivings with the whole thing of like, the point of show business is to achieve fame. Sure, you need some level of success to pay your bills. Exactly, but it's bad. I think it's bad for you. I think it's not inherently bad, but I think it can be bad for you. And it's like, I just wish more people looked at it

like it's just a business. It's like, dude, if you're making more than a regular job, you did it, dude. Right, you're successful. And you should just be happy with that. Never the case. No, you always just want more. Yeah.

There's nothing where you're like, oh, this is nice. I think you're excited for something for a couple of days. Yeah, max. And then you're like, I mean, I'll still say, I'm going to quit comedy. I have still 20 years in. I can't wait.

I can't fucking wait. I'll still be like, I'm going to quit. I tell people that all the time. I threatened my wife with it. I'm like, I'm fucking quitting. Well, you have a family. Yeah, I'll threaten. I leverage it over the head. I threaten my wife with it. I'm like, I'm fucking quitting. Well, you have a family. Yeah, I'll threaten. I leverage it over the head.

I could quit. What would you do? I don't know. I guess I could, I did also somewhat social work. I didn't get my master's. I was a crime victims advocate for a while. Whoa. Yeah, but you get paid nothing.

Yeah, they don't pay very much at all. Yeah, and then somebody I was like advocating for stole my wallet and then I became a victim of crime. What? And you're like, I don't even want to help people. Yeah, I'll be sick of those a comedian origin story But then I came up I think I did my first open mic when I was there and then that guy stole my wallet and I quit like fuck this It is kind of miserable work man There's some I knew someone who worked with homeless people and I was like, how's that work? And I just like beat them

Places meet them on my street corners and just I was like, how do you like I was like, how does that work? And I just like beat them. I meet them on my street corners and just, I was like, how do you, like I was like genuinely curious, like how do you set appointments with them? He's like, you just, you know, you meet them. And then what do you do for them? I think you just kind of like try to hype them up. You're like, bro, you got this dude. Hey man, summer's coming.

Just stick with it. I think you hype them up. I think you hype them up on like, one day you can rent a room run by like an absolutely just disgusting slumlord. Right. With no electricity. Dude, I used to find housing for inmates and like, some of those rooms are like,

the rooming houses are like. Worse than probably a prison. Dude, terrible. Like it was for real. I went into one specifically and I called a landlord. I'm like, dude, you're a piece of shit. And he was like, they're fucking ruin everything anyway. like it was for real. I went into one specifically and I called a landlord I'm like dude. You're a piece of shit, and he was like they're they're fucking ruin everything anyway, but it was they're both right You're both right. It is a piece of shit, and they're yeah That is true. That is true. I was like dude fucking paint the place man. This is terrible

What did it look like would they have first of all I can't deal with like bugs if it has roaches and shit I'm out. I've seen place this place did not have any bugs to his credit I didn't see the bugs there were broke there was a missing window one of the windows there was just a it wasn't a window it was a hole in the wall that was fucking dry. Ventilation. True fresh air Benjamin Franklin breathes fresh air. Benjamin Franklin breathes fresh air every day he died from an abscess in the lung so Oh, bad. Wow. In the end, love kills you. But yeah, I walked into this entrance way and it was a tile floor that had been chipped up but just never finished. The floor had been chipped up and there were extension cords just everywhere because I don't know what was going on with the electricity.

But the most... And it was just like the one bathroom had like they like just jammed the toilet was just filled with like wood scraps, but then there was another bathroom. Thank God, but like the most jarring thing I saw was like a Old it was like an 80 something year old man is laying in a sleeping bag on the floor in his like room Just kind of just like sad kind of like not whimpering, but just he wasn't resting He was like moving around a lot and I just like looked in his room and was like Jesus fucking Christ And I was with a guy to like show him the place and I was there to like see the guy was like you need To see this shit. This is fucked up and I was like, this is certainly fucked up I was like how much money to make him off these like $400 a month from Social Security

I'm like you gotta keep living here dude. Go back on the street. There's a lady that's gonna hype you up Is it so much better than that place Dude, you're free now, man. Yeah, you could do whatever you want. I mean $400 a month is not a lot of money Yeah, it's it's yeah, it's not at all. I think the rooms went up to like six They started becoming like six hundred dollars a month So that was like a big deal when those rooms were like six hundred. Sorry my shits all fucked up Definitely doing lapel mics. I'm such a fucking idiot.

My stupid ideas. I believe in it. Thank you. You're the only one who does believe in it, man. I don't mind it. It's not that bad now. Once you get dialed in. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I appreciate that. I'd actually like to go on stage like this. I would fucking love it, man. A lot of TikTok comedians rock the fucking, Titus did it. He's not a TikTok comedian, but Titus had the fucking thing. I would love to be TikTok famous and not even have to do stand up and just be in my house behind his green screen and just doing whatever dumb shit I do.

Yeah, just do ranch. It's so much better. Just go another thing. Yeah, just another thing. Yeah, that's then you get those guys tour and they sell out. What do they do when they? Oh, my bad. I forgot to tell you. I forgot to tell you, you gotta clip this to yourself. I'm so sorry, dude. I'm against this.

He's pulled your hair. I was like, oh, this is great, until it's not. I guess this has to be clipped somewhere. That's my bad. I will fully accept responsibility for that. Listen, it's my fault. Please clip that. Don't forget to clip it. I will fully I will fully accept responsibility for that listen. It's my fault Please clip that don't forget. I'm gonna clip it. I'm gonna get lobs. This is this is bullshit. It's not that bad I don't know what I did

You just I should have told you to clip that thing when you just clip it on you can put it on this thing Depends on much range of movement you want Alright now I know about it now. You know it is I think fucking rip so when it falls. It's falling on it It's it rips. It's heavy things like six pounds Well dude, I was pumped I will say when I reached out I was like by the way We're gonna stand at podiums. I people really were like what the fuck like people get pissed when I tell them and you were Like so gracious. I've done podcasts in my car. That's when you said that I said all right, we got a real one on the line dude, thank God.

That's awesome. What's the, they like the standing up part? I don't know, I think there's a standing up aspect, there's the potential of looking somewhat foolish that I think some people don't like to do. I mean, I look foolish every night when I do stand up. Like, how much worse could it be? I think you have to move your...

I have to move a bad guy. Yeah, sorry. Adjust your technology. Sorry, I need a person. So you've been doing stand-up for 20 years. Isn't that fucked up you have to do it for so long for it to like maybe, maybe fucking start to work out? I mean, it's only started to kind of work out

because other comics have helped me. Like it's really taken a village. Yeah. Well, that's kind of, look, bro, you helped me. Like it's really taken a village. Yeah. Well that's kind of, look bro, you're preaching to the fucking choir. No I know, but I'm still nowhere. Like I have like 36,000 followers I think. It's still very sad. Really?

You got that Netflix, you got the Netflix special. Yeah, I think I've got like 4,000 followers from it. There you go. A Rogan, you got the Rogan bump? Yeah, but you know what's funny on the Rogan thing? I was looking at the comments and everyone was like, ugh, it was just men for three weeks. What a great run.

Everyone was bummed that I was there. Yeah, that can happen. You're the third female comic, third female guest we ever had. First one was a- So all your fans are gonna also hate me? No, I think they'll love you. I think they'll love you.

It's time, look. It's fine, I just don't wanna know the comments. It's like- Yeah, don't read the comments, but Woman no, I think they'll be chill other com who else have you had on that's a Weird Philadelphia during like 2016 the Philadelphia comedy scene got divided and everyone's fighting and fighting about what? It's fucking like Trump all that bullshit. I'm like, you know You know, whatever all the stuff associated with like the social justice warrior

Movement and I remember at a time. I think this was my idea. I'm almost positive It was and I was like Shane. Let's get this one comedian. We know she's like a super feminist We'll fucking argue and we'll own her with logic and we I just love this already I know it does our first female guess and I just kind of like clammed up and I was like, I don't want to be mean. This lady. So we just had like a terrible podcast where we like half argued. And it was just bad. The whole thing was bad. First female guest. People are furious.

People find it's like an old, old episode that like we like we like burned our back catalog because it was just too bad. It was terrible. It was like really problematic. But the and that's what I want to see the most now. It's still floating around and people will find that old episode like this fucking sucks. Oh, yeah I don't I don't want to hear I'll never come back, but they don't want people They're just not upset that you guys have that's bullshit. I think it's well, I think that's bullshit I think that's bullshit. Our second guest was a

Woman who made money by pretending She was a dog for like a sexual thing puppy girl Jenna It was how did that do It was interesting she. How did that do? It was interesting. She like walked into our house. It was my brother's house we were recording at. And as she stepped up, she had like, not a handler, her boyfriend was there, but he

was still like. That is her handler. He technically was. He had like a leash and everything. She didn't come in as a dog. She walked in and like somehow her boobs just fell out of her shirt. Of course they just fell out of her shirt. They came out of like the top.

She was a very, obviously she was scantily clad. Yeah. And they just spilled out upon entering. We were like, what the fuck? And then yeah, we just asked her about. Did she stay on the floor the whole time? No, she sat up. She was a good girl.

Like that? No, she sat in the chair and talked normal. Okay. But she had her stuff with her and was explaining how. She's had like an Olifans where they did like puppy play and that was like she made fucking millions of dollars, dude Just like licking water out of a bowl. That's not that bad. I could do that. Yeah, what else do you have to do? Her boyfriend was kind of a little weird. I don't know He was obviously having like dog sex with her I guess but so you have to have dog sex with like a fucking weird guy

the shaved head I Don't know she probably made enough money to leave him now. She chills Yeah, now she like she made enough where she just kind of like Just you know, it's like when you start a subscription based thing you can just after a while just stop Yeah, people are like I'm not gonna go my credit card and change this so right and how many times can you just like walk around? a room Like whatever dogs do exactly. Yeah, just yeah do a room, like whatever dogs do? I don't know. Exactly. Yeah, just do a little circle on your bed and go to lay down.

But I think she just kind of, from what I've heard, she just kind of chills now and like, doesn't even, I don't know if she got into like hardcore content. So that's kind of, I didn't look, I didn't want to cross. I wonder what the jump is from like being a dog to hardcore sex for money. I think it's pretty quick. I think it's like, especially you start seeing like,

Do you stop at some point acting like a dog and you're like, I'm back, I'm just me? True, I'm just me. It's like the liver, you familiar with the liver king? No. Liver King is a, he was an influencer who just ate organ meat and he was like very primal. Okay.

And he's got, yo, he was huge. And then he was lying about being on steroids, he was just on steroids. And he was eating liver to be fair. And he has the liver king and there's got yoked he was huge and then it all came he was lying about being on steroids He was just on steroids and he wasn't even liver to be fair and he has a little king and there's a liver queen Is his wife then he has a liver boys? So none of them eat like cupcakes or anything no and they don't even like they they don't have like technology in the house It's like supposed to be like this weird kind of like trad life porn where you could watch this guy Just like chopping firewood Can you just be a mailman? What are we doing here? Why are we living like this? Like it's crazy. Why are we doing this? That's not-

He wishes he was a mailman because the fame tore him apart. He became the liver king and then he admitted to being on steroids eventually. That was liver king 2.0 and now I think he's liver king 3.0 and he's just apparently just falling apart before now I think he's liver King 3.0 And he's just apparently just falling apart before everyone like he's like losing his mind on a YouTube channel I know at some point. We're like hey, we're gonna stop filming this. I don't know he'll never say he's filming himself So no one's gonna know but he should stop filming like once your family's life is ruined or whatever the fuck is happening Yeah, when you're crying every day or be like I'm I think we're done here. I think the show's over. I'm fully depressed.

What are the liver boys gonna do? I don't know. Go get a fucking job. I don't understand. Why do people care if they're just eating liver? I don't know. Why is that a thing? Well, because he got so jacked.

He was just doing steroids. Once that comes out, it's like the show's a sham. That's what, but now but not the liver kids at Trinity. I gotta watch this guy now you do It's pretty funny and it's like you got to start early and that is kind of fun though There was something like in a voyeuristic sense to watch somebody slowly lose them. I did that with another channel There's a channel called psych substance and the guy was like He would just like do massive amounts of mushrooms or LSD and like film himself doing it or like he would film the setup and then like talk about this is what happened but then he set up this business model where like in order to get money he had to like smoke DMT while

on acid and like just not a career you know it's not sustainable I'm sure and he fucking started kind of losing his mind like he like went nuts he got addicted to kratom his wife left him it. It was like- What is kratom exactly? I know it's like a dust. Just explain this. Oh sorry, was this redundant? I don't know. No, I'm excited because it's like, bam, the topic.

Is it like suboxone where like you take it to get off something else? So dude, it's like, it's a, just a plant, but then it has opioid properties. Okay. So yes, you can use it as like a transfer to like help ease withdrawal symptoms. And then some people take it as like in small doses it's energy. It can give you like an energy boost but it will create a physical

addiction like an opiate will eventually. So you will become addicted to it? Yeah. So my biological father was addicted to I guess is it meth? What do you take to get off heroin? Not meth well you can't use some people I've heard of people taking that but what is the thing that they give you like Methadone right I think but I don't think he ever did heroin I think he was just addicted to methadone that happens people if you're you know If you people who go to the methadone clinic keep their methadone a lot of times is if it's a liquid They'll put it in their mouth and spit it back out and then sell the methadone liquid because you'll get high as fuck if you and I were to party down on some methadone We would get rocked and then you spit it out and sell it. Yeah, that's crazy. Your body doesn't like take any of it in

Well, you're a heroin addict doesn't matter if you take a little methadone in your system It's you know, you're just gonna get more done that day I guess wait you put it in your nose and then spit it out mouth They used to give it now they give some people little pills, too I know people would have methadone pills, and you get sent home, you could sell those. But for a while, there was a liquid. They'd watch you put it in your mouth.

You have to just like walk out and spit it back in a little vial. And now you can sell some methadone. Crafty people. They are very crafty. They also figured out not to. I'm sorry to hear you got addicted to methadone. That is like, seems like.

I mean, he wasn't in my life. I wish he was actually on heroin and died. True. True, fair enough. Is he dead? He's not dead. It's very, it's a weird- What's he up to? He's got like five kids.

He lives upstate somewhere in New York. I met him and then he was like, you look just like your mom. And I was like, okay. He's like, yeah, your mom's beautiful. I was like, this is weird. Yeah, why are you trying to riz me up, dude? Yeah, it's weird. But I was like okay. He's like yeah, your mom's beautiful like This is weird. Yeah, why are you trying to riz me up? Yeah? But I remember like you I'm sorry to cut you off can you move this a little bit you're okay It's just back this way away from you a little bit like that perfect. Okay. Yeah

I'm just not gonna move. I think I know you're good. It's it's this is my problem It's not you're not doing anything. It was okay, and then I moved this thing No, it was I literally told you to move it closer and I'm like fuck it, I gotta move it back. But go on. It's not a big deal. So anyway, I met him one time. He was, it was nice.

He was actually pretty emotionally open. I was like, oh, I wonder what my life would have been like if I was raised by him and not my dad. And then he left and I guess I was like, I wanted to meet the kids or just like see him. I didn't want him to be my dad because he didn't raise me. And then his wife wrote me like an eight page letter to stay away

from her family whoa yeah it was very creepy she's probably talking about beautiful yours like I don't know it's just it's just well he so he married her she had two kids from a previous marriage and that girl who's like 50 now is jealous of me my whole life because I'm biologically his daughter. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're 50. Yeah. Let it go. So his wife was like, leave my Joey alone.

I was very like Amy Jo, but a fugo. So weird. She wrote me this letter. She was like, you know, you're an attractive woman. Why don't you get a boyfriend? It's like, I don't want to fuck your husband. I'm not going to. Yeah.

What the fuck? But I bet I could. You think you could take him down? I think I could take him down I'll fucking show you Don't make me if I put my head into anything I could do it. So don't make me do it Fucking family then as your stepmom. She would ground you for fucking your dad. I've never even met her really I never just sent you a fucking sent me in like a seven page seven or eight page letter handwritten So you only know her through like I only know her through that and pictures on like social media

Yeah, that's fucked man. And the second time I met him. He was like so nervous. He was like like he was cheating on his wife He's like, I hope she hasn't changed the locks. Nobody knows I'm here. I'm like, dude I don't need to like hang out with you. What a freaky family. It's so weird. Yeah, that's crazy. It's very crazy. So what? What a freaky family. It's so weird. Yeah, that's crazy. It's very crazy. So what? I haven't talked to him since.

No contact after that? No. So you respected the letter, or you're just like, I don't want anything to do with that? I mean, I think I said something to him that was probably not that nice. But I was like, I don't need to be in these people's lives. For sure.

Yeah. Especially if it's like, that's the dynamic. It's like, I'm good on this. You're 50, and you're jealous of me It's like I know it's like leaving my show. You're giving me so much power your whole life. Yeah, what a crazy person Yeah, that is crazy. Although you can't antagonize. I will say, you know with strange families one thing You can't antagonize the commenters. They will come they will come for you. If you antagonize them, they will absolutely. I don't care. Oh, I They will come for you if you antagonize them. They will absolutely I don't care. Oh, I

Fear them dude. I'm so scared of them. Why I don't know dude. I just like what do you think? They're gonna do like ruin Christmas. They could care. I could be on my phone all day like shut up kids Just turn them all off you have your own family. You don't need them anymore. That's true. That is true You created your own family. So I'm you know what? I'm so scared of it's's like And I'm not you know I'm not genuinely afraid of it. I'm kind of more That's how do I say? I'm still like in shock of That whole thing that happened with Brendan shop What what exactly dude it was a fucking they formed a reddit of like? 97,000 people literally it was 97,000 people strong who dedicated hours of their life to just like and you don't Have to read it of course, but it's like knowing that's out there just every day

I feel like he bought that on himself. You think your family's gonna do that? No, not my family dude if my family started a diss subreddit on me, dude, that would be it I'd be like fuck you guys. I'd be sending seven page I mean, I am scared of my daughter's grown up and you were scared of. I thought you were scared of your family doing it. I mean, I am scared of my daughter's growing up and eventually hating me, but that's a whole, that's a different thing. They'll hate you regardless.

You think so? And then they'll love you. It's like that weird dynamic where like, it's just chaotic for a bit and then you love your family. I know, I kind of was like that too. They're not gonna really hate you. It's just gonna be like teenage angst, I think. Yeah, like get the fuck away, dad.

Also like just have them like you more than your wife So then like she's the person I got that on lock. Yeah, I got that fucking on lock. I can I'm already ready I'm so ready to turn them all against each other. That's amazing. I'm gonna leave first All of us like to we never three can get along. It's always two against one. Is it really? Yeah, damn It's you're a fortune the flames. I mean, that's how I grew up. We're all just chaotic and arguing and not great Yeah This is what it is. My sister doesn't even know I have a special out and when she sees it, she's gonna be mad You think so? Yeah, I'm talking about her. Oh really? And personal stuff that she definitely would not want out there. I

Don't even know if I should say this but like whatever She's not gonna be thrilled. She won't be happy with it No, none of it's a lie. Okay, everyone's like when you say that though, that's bad. Yeah, that is bad That's the way you should be like though. I'm making it all up. It's not a lie. Really? It's all real Yeah, I mean look people look people move on though. She'll she'll heal. I'm sure from it. We're not really that close anyway I'm okay with it. So she's just, you're gonna get a, damn, so you're gearing up for a fucking nasty message. I'll just block her.

There you go. Like my biological father. I just blocked him too. I'll just block everyone. Yeah, that's nice. That's the best, when you just block someone and they have no idea. That is nice.

Yeah, you can also mute. Block is a, you're giving people satisfaction. If you block them, they go. But they don't know, because they have regular, my sister has not a she doesn't have an iPhone so she won't know Oh, I'm on the car. I thought you meant social media. Oh social media. You could restrict restrict is great Yeah, cuz then people don't know they don't know if you block they go It's supposed to you fucking block me out too much I'll block guys that I just don't want to hear from cuz I'm like I just wanted to be over this you know

But like yeah those people I'll just let you say whatever you want to the ether. I'll just restrict you It's kind of dastardly though to like send somebody just still just chirping into just nothing. I know it's kind of cowardly I should yeah, no no let him do it. I do uh Yeah, I really don't care the commenting stuff. I don't care. I have caught myself It's been a bit of a process, but like I would have like my kids in the bath Which you should be paying attention to yeah, and I'd be like let me check my email Okay, I got an eye on them And then I'm like I started going into comment stuff

And I do like catch myself with my heart rate racing and like oh yeah and I literally see my kids would just be like looking at me from the tub like Fuck are you doing? Where are you? That's gotten a bad comment We better swim out here, otherwise we're drowning. Someone told dad he ruins the podcast. I was like, fuck. Yeah, for real. And that was like a wake up call for me to be like, oh, this is real life. This is like a thing. Right. It exists only on the internet. Yeah. That was a big, that was a big...

Yeah. But you have to get used to it. I remember like in the old days, even on like Facebook, I would get like right a whole thing out and I'm like do I want to waste the whole day doing this? And then dude that was the I'll just erase it I'm like it's not worth it No Cuz then you think about it all day and then you check the comment is you like how many likes did it get it? Was this the one that took me to the top and it never is and you go fuck No, you still use Facebook. I do some it's mostly like friends on there. I think yeah

You still use Facebook I do sometimes it's mostly like friends on there. I think yeah So yeah, it's not like for fans. I guess for sure yeah mostly Instagram not professional I someone was like telling me to use Facebook professionally, and I was like I haven't I have a Facebook account obviously I haven't deleted one a long time ago, then I like revamped it. It's just two points two point. Oh, that's my 2.0 phase and I use that for There's people like you'd be surprised some markets are better in facebook for shows and I was like, I mean I know people do like facebook posts for to sell tickets. They do ads and that works I think that's something that makes sense I don't know if it's good to use it for like managers and stuff

I thought you were saying for my personal account like yo guys No, I think it's if you have like a business account like for your fans I think you can there you go put ads on there and that's I think it's if you have like a business account like for your fans I think you can there you go put ads on there, and that's I think helpful I didn't know people still used it man. I do my friend uses She says she gets a lot off of it. I think it depends where your fans are I don't know anything about that cuz I I used I was off when I I was off it for a while when I came back it felt like weird I was like cuz I used to be on it every day like living and dying by like this is a great status

And I'd write it and be like this is good This is the one that people are gonna make holy shit this guy's on another level and it's just like 12 likes someone one guy from high school being like shut up pussy and you're like fuck But I like when I got off it for a while I came back to see everyone still like doing that as part of their day and it was kind of like unsettling I was like damn dude. You guys are still here They're like leaving a hometown like leaving an old town and going back, like damn. And like the guy that you liked used to work

at the movie theater, still works at the movie theater. It's kind of that same idea. That's how it felt when I came back. I was like, damn dude. You need to move from where you live. Cause I've had that, I live in the same area my whole life. And like, you'll see a guy you had a crush on when he was like 18 or 22.

And now he's like falling off. It's become sad. It is sad. It is, my wife always made fun of me because I would never leave the Philadelphia area and like we came here and she's like, I'm so proud of you for leaving. How'd you guys meet?

Because she's from Chicago, right? Tinder. Tinder. Was she, were you there? No, she was in Philly for school. Okay. And we met on Tinder and I was recently divorced. Oh, I didn't know you were married before her.

Oh yeah. I got married, I don't know why I said oh yeah, it's kind of weird but like, oh yeah. got married. Uh, I don't know I said, oh, yeah It's kind of weird but like oh, yeah Like oh, yeah, oh yeah me to work I was definitely to work Um, I actually funny I had someone reach out like Between I did a show before this and a guy hit me up like, you know I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce, but I was talking about on a podcast like dude That's from like, oh do you think it was from recent?

Yeah, I was like dude. That's like 12 years ago, but yeah, thank you for your thank you for your It was yeah chill it was very very chill divorce I Chill divorce seems like the best it wasn't that chill. It wasn't that It wasn't that chill. It wasn't that chill. It wasn't that chill. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it was not chill. It was a big wake up call for me, man.

That was a big moment I realized other people weren't two dimensional characters for my personal enjoyment in the world. So it was mostly your fault. I would say, yeah, I would say 97%. I mean, at least you could say that now. I think some people never take accountability, which is hard. It was a big it was a big I was a big you know I was like barely a sentient creature before before like 30 something so that was like a very painful process of being like oh, this is all real thing

This is not like an accomplishment to actually grow up and like accountability and like work on yourself I don't think people realize how hard that is it's the worst thing in the world It's terrible sucks being like I it with my wife all the time where we'll be arguing about something and I'll say a thing and in my head I'm like, that's not really true. And I'll be like. But also you're like, that was a great line.

That was a good line and I've just gained an upper hand in this, let me just win this argument and then I'll work on being truthful and honest. But I was like, it sucks when you have to be like, like she recently told me something I did that bothered her and I was so dug in like fucking bullshit I was right and she explained it in a way where I was like at least you could hear that though Yeah, it hurts. Oh, it's good because I had to be like it hurts to hurt someone that you care about Yeah, or just realize you weren't right. That's kind of what I'm talking about right to realize you weren't right and be like yeah

I didn't have the moral upper hand that I thought I did and I actually was being a gigantic piece of shit You know like fuck thought I was right and I actually was being a gigantic piece of shit, and they're like, fuck. Thought I was right about that. Sometimes you lose, you know? True. I remember going to therapy, until I met a therapist, I had this great line I was gonna say to my ex-boyfriend at the time, and he was,

and I was like, I'm waiting until it's over, over to say this. Yeah, what was the line? The line was, I shouldn't have to stay because everyone else left, which I think is a great fucking, fuck you. That's a good line, especially saying that and then leaving, and he was like that's not like great that you have that planned I was like nobody's like such a good fuck you

Pretty much is yeah, but I was like I just held on to that. I thought I was so proud of it. It is good It's almost like pretty cinematic honestly. I know it's like then the curtains close the credits come on But he was like yeah, you shouldn't be aiming to do that aiming to hurt people pretty cinematic honestly. I know it's like then the curtains close, the credits come off. But he was like, yeah, you shouldn't be aiming to do that. Aiming to hurt people. Yeah. Cut them, yeah, find their like childhood traumas and just cut them down with it.

God, yeah, everyone I dated is so awful. They're just like, it's, yeah, it's just like, you know, everyone who's emotionally closed off and alcoholic, PTSD, there's some type of like first responder, they're fucking veterans, it's just like. So when did you start putting together your pattern of this is the person I'm getting attracted to? I think I've just seen what I'm doing

and I'm like, oh, this is actually a pattern. And then I'll date guys who are gonna kill themselves, they never kill themselves, I just stay in it longer. So I think I'm just gonna be single. I'm picking the worst people. Yeah, the suicide threats can be tough. And it's like what they all do. Or what the guys I am attracting do.

And then they never do it. Romantic types, the romantic types. Very romantic. They're like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. I'm like, well, let me see what you're doing. One time my ex-boyfriend had said that and I went home and he wasn't even really trying. He had Roach Killer, that thing that's like a syringe and it was just on the bed. It wasn't even like used at all.

He's gonna harm his reproductive capacities. I know but it was like such a thing where I was like I had to cancel shows to come here. You're not, this is very serious. Yeah, yeah. You didn't try even a little bit. Yeah, that's embarrassing actually. Yeah. And then he's like, alright well fucking hell I'm gonna do, all right, well fucking now I'm going to do it.

But he still, yeah, he still didn't do it. That's such a wild move, man, to just be like. I'm going to kill myself? Yeah, I mean, it's effective. It's a good tactic. Effective, yeah. It's a good tactic. So it's like, you got to live with this.

All you had to do was spend one afternoon, and I'd still be here. But you do get to the point where you're like, fucking do it. At some point, I don't care. You're like, OK, do it. I can't deal with this anymore. Yeah. There was that lady who once went to jail for coaching the kid into killing himself That's different. I wouldn't do that. You wouldn't coach you would just be like coach. I would sit by the sidelines Yeah, just wait no coaching just

Yes, never kill themselves. They never do if you're in a relationship like that just leave they're not gonna kill them They're not going to do it. And if they do they really wanted to do it You should be happy for them true And then you can go like I was actually a winner thought he was just a fucking pretender the whole time The guy was the real deal and I actually got him to do what he wanted to do so like I am partly like a hero I would say yeah, I'm doing the Lord's work. Yeah suicides one of those things It's like I think it's still going up right now. Is it? I mean, I would assume that. I feel like everything in this country is just harder. People can't pay for shit. You know what I mean? It's just like...

Suicide to me is always the first thing I go to when I want to add to something. Yeah. Like even a job, I'm like, I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself right now. Yeah. I'm too curious. I sometimes do get overwhelmed by life or I'm like, it's just so much and I'm like You know, it's I get the thought I think I'm gonna kill myself But it's a fun little like it would just be nice to even not kill yourself But like if you could put yourself into a coma for a little bit

That's like it it is nice. You should be able to do that. That would be nice to go into a medical coma and have like a doctor restrict your calories, use like, you know, the... If you could lose weight, save money on your rent. Like it could be great. Exactly. Yeah.

You stay in like your medical insurance basically covers your rent for a year. You're saving up money. You don't even need rent for a year. People are still... You're not going to even be there. Move your shit into a fucking storage unit. Page your own. There's still some dumbasses that left their Credit card on there you come out you got like 10 G's in the bank

It's funny cuz I do I do that as a joke and people are just like horrified I'm like you never just thought of going into coma for a little bit like maybe not six months like a month Like the pandemic was nice for a little bit for sure a couple months. You just you're not going it You're not like fighting traffic every day. You know what I mean? Yeah, I go to a job you hate especially if you could still dream that would be nice If you could like somehow have them like, you know, I don't even want to dream You know, I want to go do I want I don't cuz who knows what I'm gonna dream. We're gonna enjoy this That's true. I just want to time out. Yeah, I want no dreams

I just keep me alive and nothing and like, you you know I guess you have to have people work your limbs So they don't yeah, that's true. Yeah, I like turn you over You'd have to put you on like a rotisserie machine just kind of like rotate. Yeah, be kind of nice. Yeah, I don't uh The problem is it would go by like that. It'd be like when you get surgery you would they would put you out and you Just go home. You come up right away. That's why you need the dreamscape You need the dreams okay, or they have to have them like wake you up. You're convincing me wake you up The dreams would be nice or wake you up out of it like every two days like you just did two days We have to keep putting you back a quick like rundown like dude, uh, Trump just elected three guys

Just like okay cool and they put you back out and then depending on what they tell you decide how long you want to be out for That's not a very your ex-boyfriend has remarried, I'll go out for six months. I'll go out for six months. So what's the single phase gonna be like? I don't know, I'm not sure, I think I might, I always say I'm gonna just be single and I always end up dating somebody.

Panic and you get lonely, yeah. Or it's just so easy, people from your past just keep coming back, because they're so shitty that no one wants them, so they're just a roll of decks of garbage They're just coming back non-stop that was my pattern I will not not that specifically but I'd be in a relationship and like and I do think like when you live with a woman Specifically like they do make you better like you're like you're kind of more organized you're dressing better

So then I get to that point I'm like dude if I was single I'd get so much pussy Right because I'm a better version of myself I'm a better version myself and then I would get out of the relationship and then just devolve and be like Oh, and I always remember like oh, yeah I'm like an anxious loser and then I would like just become and I'd like I'm gonna work on myself and whatever and I would just like Slowly panic because I was so lonely and just slam the button again and just get right back to that thing. What you gotta do is be in a relationship while you're getting better and then also cheat.

That's how you get the best of both worlds. I'm not a fan of cheating. You're absolutely right. Yeah, it's like, I don't know, if you could cheat and get through it, it's like it kinda could make you better. Are you saying get away with it and then recommit and double down or just jump ship?

Have them find out, see how you guys can work through it. Like, nobody really works through anything anymore. Yeah, I know. Like back in the day there was like a genocide or a potato famine. Like that's hard and you guys gotta work through it. And it's like, can you and your wife work through her sleeping with a dude? No, I think the other way around is way more tolerable honestly. I mean you guys, you would never made it through the potato famine.

I got to be honest with that attitude. You're going to your whole family. I wonder. Well, I wonder about that because I'm always kind of like, would you prefer an emotional cheating or physical cheating? Emotional. Really? But that's so much more intricate.

You spend so much more time talking to somebody and getting to know them. There's like feelings like that's what girls do with all their friends. So it's like, yeah, I'm not going to be friends so it's like yeah I'm not gonna be like it's bullshit you're not jealous of her friends you're jealous of this guy that she just fucks if she thought another guy was funny I'd be I would be pissed about that she's like he doesn't have sex with him she just thinks he's hilarious she's like sneakily watching Brendan and he thought me obviously take her down um I I would be no sex would bother me the most

Yeah, that's what I was for sure sex bother me the most but like if she was like She was like confiding in somebody and telling them like secrets. Yeah, I'm serious me And I was a big Brendan jobs funnier than him that would be so brutal that would be tough but there is also part of me that wants to discover like a huge cache of just like Dastardly texts where it's like he fuck I fake it every time I can't wait and just read it. Just to make yourself feel bad. Yeah, and just be like motherfucker that would there's part of me like would like to stumble upon that. There's something to hurting your own feelings. Like I'll go read the comments. I mean I go on Reddit. I I Googled myself on Reddit and I was like,

that was not great. And it never stops. It doesn't matter. It never stops. And it's always like, this person sucks. I got five minutes into their special and you're like, you didn't even get to any of the good stuff. Dude, first five minutes of just settling in. I was pretty, I was kind of like, I had to be kind of detached a little bit cuz like you know like Shane was doing more the stand-up

He was really in the spotlight and in my head. I was like I'm just like kind of like a cool guy I don't even care about this stuff Then I put out a special on YouTube and the comments on podcast was like whatever when it was my special I would read the negative comments, and I was like breathing heavy. I was like oh It that really fucked me up. That's the thing too. It's like, I know I'm not gonna be for everybody. So it's like, that is part of it.

For sure, but I'm talking to the day, it was YouTube. One person was like, she was ugly with her other hair color and then she dyed it again. Now she's even uglier. That actually just made me laugh because I'm like, it's actually the same color. It's really funny. Yeah, you're even uglier.

That's fucked up. It's also fucked up when someone like studies you for six months and then slams you. It's like, dude, you've done way too, this was too much research. Right. They've spent a lot of time though. Yeah, you know, that is really funny. It is, every now and again you will get one that's so oddly specific you laugh. You're just kind of like, what the fuck?

That just makes you laugh. Some of it is just like, I remember when somebody said something mean to Sarah Silverman and she replied something like I could tell you're just hurting and then like she talked to this guy and then like he Was just hurting and like she got like there paid for him to get therapy I'm not gonna do that. I want you to be very unhealthy. Yeah, but like she did that It's like most these people are just hurt themselves and they had sex. Maybe I don't know I maybe I have no idea what their thing was like maybe someone and they had sex maybe I don't know like maybe I have no idea what they're Thinking like maybe someone died in their family. I don't know that happens

I've tried to go that route, but I've done that passive aggressively like yeah, you must be hurting in my head I'm like fuck you fuck you dude go get the help you seek no I do feel that way too genuinely I think responding to comments is the worst. I'm responding to any don't do't do it. But I do genuinely, and this is like the dilemma. I would say the Shabian dilemma where it's like if someone's attacking you online, he doubled down, pointed the finger back and he's like, you're actually the loser. And it's like, that's the worst fucking thing. And it's like, it takes two to tango. So it's like, you know- If somebody says that, you have to be like, I am a loser.

I am a loser. I'm a fucking pathetic worm. I'm thankful you acknowledge that. And you get to continue selling liquid death and, you know, making money. And that's the job. You have to be like, yes, I'm a pathetic worm. More politicians should do that. But you're right. I'm a disgusting pathetic worm. I'm a pervert. And I just want to just continue representing you guys. Somebody told me that somebody brought up to Trump, like somebody said this bad thing about you, and he was like, well, good luck to them. And I'm like, what a great response. And also you're like, good luck to them.

Yeah, true, good luck to them. It's like, sure, what else can you do? Yeah, true, good luck to them. It's like there's no way to really hurt you when you act like you're not hurt. You're like, yeah, good luck to them. Yeah, that's true. Then it's like, do you want, well yeah,

that's absolutely true, but then the fear is like, am I gonna become detached from reality then one day just by I Decline will be you know precipitous, and I think you'll probably just shoot up a mall I don't think you're gonna. I think one day you just push everything down and then yeah fucking killing spree Yeah, just kill my whole family. You have a whole family though, so that's, I think that will keep you in check a bit. I think so. I don't, I could really be rogue. Yeah, true.

I have no one. Yeah, you can really just kinda go nuts. Which is fun. You're gonna travel, it is, I actually like being alone a lot. Like I love having a family for real, I love. But it's great, you have the best of both worlds. You're with your family and then you get to escape.

True, I get to go and do stand up. And then you're wiced with these kids the whole time. Yeah, I know and I feel guilty but Less and less but I Quick announcement for Irvine, California Or really all of so Cal you guys know I'm so Cal as hell. I've been so Cal Yeah, I'll be at the Irvine improv 1129 that's this upcoming weekend. Well, I guess next weekend, whatever.

1129 and 1130th. And I've also added a show on 1131 or 12-1. I'm not sure how many days are in November, but you get the point. Next Friday, next Saturday, next Sunday, I'll be in Irvine, California. And let me just say for the record, fuck LA, dude. It's all about Irvine. I'm sick of people from LA being like, oh, you're going to Irvine?

I'd never go down. Fuck you, dude. Shut up. Irvine's where all the reels are, not a bunch of pretenders out in LA. I'm going to be a famous actor. No, you're fucking not. Grow up and move to Irvine I'll see you there. God bless you all

Pardon the interruption this mayor may not be Sean Gardini speaking, and this may or may not be Sean Gardini on camera. Who is speaking and who is on camera is not important. I've come to tell you that Sean Gardini is doing stand-up comedy shows. The upcoming shows are in Cleveland, Ohio, December 8th, Buffalo, New York, December 10th, and Baltimore, Maryland, December 11th. Please come to those shows if you can. The tickets are at SeanGardini.com. Thank you. Well, it's fucked up. As I try to explain this to her, I'm like, because she recently

went away and I was like, dude, this is my god man hard very hard, but I was my part my thing with her I was like yeah, but you're I was just saying this to bother her But I was like but you're like naturally more disposed to being able to do that She was what the fuck you talking about like this is like, but you're built for She didn't like being a woman or yeah specifically yeah, I said that to her just about I knew I was just fucking with her But I mean I could see where she gets her resentment. Yeah, why said that to her just to bother I knew I was just fucking with her but I mean I could see where she gets her resentment Yeah, why she can't? Why she's fucking this guy that fucks her better and she laughs at jobs jokes

I mean I get I'm on her side. I gotta be honest. You got it, but you have to pepper up You got to like constantly I don't know I do like fucking with her a lot. I'm just kidding I don't I don't know I'm not genuinely coming down on her but it is fun Yeah, but it is fun to like do that and like big no I'm dead serious and just kind of like get her gonna tizzy back. I'm just kidding. I don't I don't go I'm not genuinely coming down on her Yeah, but it is fun to like do that and like big no I'm dead serious and just kind of like get her gonna tizzy like I'm just fucking with you I gotta talk to her and especially if I think it's a little bit true Especially if I think it's a little bit true though if I'm like You know what I mean? Does she work like a full-time job? Oh

Then yeah, yeah, that's your job. That's your job taking care of these mom I always saw it my mom had six kids man. I would rather have a day job than have to take care of my kids. I'd rather think so. Yeah, I'd rather do that No way, dude, you can do like viral Instagram mama videos. Okay mamas That's what women started doing out of nowhere calling each other mamas on the internet. Hey mamas. Hey mama I guess but then you still you do that video and then after your stuff to take care of these kids true That kind of sucks. Yeah, I would have like a babysitter all the time we have it yeah that it's not that bad yeah if you can get a permanent babysitter you can get a no-payer for like fucking ten dollars yeah dude cheap cheap fucking snaker papers and just

like bro I remember snaker papers does that mean like pull the green card fucking anywhere damn I tell you well But you know people most people do that and sex traffic people you like no I just want you to take care of my kids, and I'll give them back when you're done And then you just have you just like fuck them Your eyes is out shopping. Yeah, she's a shop. I, that is kind of like a, it would be nice though, to like get so rich that you could just become complete, like the whole family could become completely apathetic

toward each other. And you can just like simultaneously like, Yeah, I mean I would have loved it, like my family would have like tried to buy my love. Yeah. Like throwing money at a situation sounds like the nicest thing. Yeah.

I would love that. People do get resentful about that. Like, you just only bought me presents. It's like, dude, some people don't buy you shit. And some people don't buy you shit, and they're not even there anyway. Yeah, true. So now you're getting nothing. Yeah, that's true.

I don't know. I'd prefer just buying. Or maybe you do need love. I try to like, I am like, I almost overindex. I like bother my like bother my little kids are two and four and I'm like, I love you guys and they're just like you shut up You don't even know what you're talking about Do they speak yet? Yeah, they talk Talks to yeah. Oh wow. I didn't realize that they talked that young. Yeah, they know it's kids Three kids the same lady

How old are they? Three kids with the same lady? Yeah. How old are they? 12 to 18. Wow, that's a big gap to start over. Yeah, that does. But no, they- Is that like a mistake?

Yeah, always. Okay. Three. Nice. Three mistakes each time you were like, fuck. I never wrap up. Yeah. Oh, yeah, then it's a-

I'm due for a mistake. Although, I've been pretty good about not, like, I would think, I was like, I've always banked on having one child by mistake, but both the two were like intentional planned, yeah. So you still have another mistake baby coming. That's right, that's kind of what I'm saying. I won't that for you.

You do? I think you're excited for it. I am. I always, I was- I want your wife to get the boy. That's, she wants the boy. She wants the boy. And then she could love the boy. You could love the girls. And that's how you start your fucking army.

That's how we start the fight, the battle. Either the girl, yeah, but the girls, they'd be older than the boy. And I would just train to just use like relational aggression. Yeah, but he's going to be stronger than them at some point. Eventually, yeah. But we'll put them in dresses and shit. We'll queer them up a little bit Sure I it is a frill like it's a sorry my nose is

It's a serious concern man. I uh your kids being trans not that I mean I would only probably be trans for a little bit bit It's kind of like a phase for most people I think I think so I do I do worry I don't worry that much about that, but that would that would kind of blow if like one of my daughters had like a full-on like basically a better mustache than me I'd be kind of like I Wouldn't like I just it's one of those things where I'm not like you know Ideologically like maybe don't do the drugs and stuff until they're like sure sure. Yes Well, that's but then it's like try it on for a bit

Well, just just like a boy and stuff and all girls just like boys now though. It's kind of normal I just like a boy for most of my childhood But like you I just think it's like okay then like let's see what else you want to do Yeah, don't take the drugs don't take the testosterone. So they the testosterone until you're sure you want to do. Yeah, don't take the drugs. Don't take the testosterone. Don't take the testosterone until you're sure you want like a dick. Yeah. Have you seen the dicks, by the way? I've looked them up.

It's not like great. Yeah. Just wear a strap on. It's like for your own, I've heard stories where people are like, so you still get that urge to come, but you can't now. I think that was a girl going to a boy or a boy going to a girl. I'm not sure which one it was, but they're like, you still get that urge and now you can't now I think that was a girl going to a boy or boy going to a girl I'm not sure which one it was but they're like you still get that urgent now. You can't even come fuck

I didn't think about that. Yeah, so they as if you're if you're a girl who became a guy you all the test is like Telling your body like we gotta call now, but there's not the means I guess so I don't know. Yeah, I think it's like a little pump. You have like one of your balls is a pump that you can't pump it up Maybe that's who my wife's cheating on me with the pump guy So I don't know. Yeah, I think it's like a little pump you have like one of your balls is a pump that okay Pump it up Maybe that's who my wife's cheating on me with the pump guy pump trans really form pump Do you think your wife's cheating on you? No, I don't I don't think I mean there's a thing You'll never know as a guy women are guys. I think get caught way easier and women could just they could get away with it forever There's no way especially you're on the road a lot You know you could both be cheating it takes a lot of trust from true. Yeah, I will say I can say it with a straight face

I it's like I don't cheat. I don't think you do and I do love that about you Thank you, I think you do love your wife. I do love that and I would hate to like have to ruin that for you guys Yeah, no better be good. I am I will be I it's I think you start cheating on your wife I'd be like Like I am I will be I it's I think you start cheating on your wife. I'd like I'm on your side actually I'll switch sides very easily. I have very little allegiance. Well, it's it is one of those things where it's like It's understandable and like I was I always judged I would like hear about that I'm like what a fucking moron like why you have family. Why would you and then as you get older you're like It's actually it can happen man. It's especially like if you're on the road

You're traveling the problem with you is you're pretty well known and it's so easy to probably get in touch with your wife And tell social media like it is harder for you I think I think so with the social media and all that stuff and it's just one of those things where you just know Is it worth it? It's like I might blow up my whole family is this worth it And it's just it's like you know that moment as soon as it's over a Just a fucking just an ocean of dread for the rest of my life and that's that kind of keeps me It's just not we're just you know you get to a point where it's like I

Have nothing to offer Like a woman it's like, I have nothing to offer a woman. It's like I'm married, I have kids. I would only be a debt, I'd be taking from that person and then just blowing up my own life. Yeah, that's what I tell myself. That's what I tell myself, I just go, that's. And I'm not really the kind of romance cover,

like one night stand, it's just. It's not gonna be beautiful. No, exactly, it's not gonna be, and that's not really what I offer You're not gonna like lay her down and put roses not gonna blow her mind Yeah, you're not gonna blow her mind either. That's what I'm saying It would just be so I'm very like both regret it It would be somebody trying to horn in on my life and resources and me foolishly You should give them money though. I would I'd have to yeah, I'd have to gag them

They'd be like money gag order whatever you need I'm just paying for your apartment Pay for your apartment. So you don't tell my wife I'm just being extorted. Well, yeah, it is I will say with the social media stuff It's like like did you used to be able to like start a family? You could like leave your family and just go 30 miles and just You could have another family and not even leave them. That's what I'm saying Yeah, now it's like social media fucking 23 and me you get a DNA test It's like BAM that it all will come out in the wash eventually That's the one thing I've told my wife that I say if you do end up cheating on me. You're gonna find out. I'll find out

Yeah, I'll find out. Oh, yeah, she'd be pregnant so I would be able to see that but if I were to do it you think she wouldn't automatically get pregnant She cheated on you. I don't know I mean I'm saying there'd be somehow there be proof like if I say I was some credit that she's not gonna get fucking knocked up She can't do it she has to get like a load blown in her Little credit true, that's true. That's true, but I did explain that to my wife I was like it's not it's obviously not worse for a woman to cheat or anything like that But there is a biological component to it where it's like a guy can't get like a woman can never be a cuckold a guy could be a cuckold like the the end of female cheating could

Result in you like spending 20 years raising a kid. That's not yours. That's the cuckold like the end of female cheating could result in you like spending 20 years raising a kid that's not yours. That's the cuckold? That's what a cuckold is. A cuckold is just anyone whose wife has sex. Right. I think the woman version is called a cuck queen. Oh okay. Which is funny terminology but it's not as like you know. Just make her not come also. That will make me come. You're disappointing another person. I'm getting off on this. This is so hot that you can't please either of us. They're just both mad at me. Eventually.

But yeah, it's like I've told her, I'm like, it is, there's something that is like extra sinister about like a woman can cheat, get pregnant and then just be like, yo, this is yours, which is like, that's a different level or different layer of like monstrosity. But if she, if she cheated on you with a black eye, it would probably come out a little darker. Yeah, but here's the thing. or a different layer of like monstrosity. But if she cheated on you with a black eye,

it would probably come out a little darker. Yeah, but here's the thing. This is true, but it's like, once you're like an interracial kind of mix, the shades do differ. So if it was like, if the kid was like black as hell, I could maybe ask some questions, but like the hues can be wildly different.

Like if you go to like South America, where it's like everyone's been kind of like mixed up a lot Very lights and then very and it exactly comes out a little Asian Then I would know that I would say like but the Hughes are in between the Hughes there That is my favorite thing though, I've met a couple people where I'll be like Oh, you have kids and I'll show them a picture and I'll be like oh is Is your wife Puerto Rican? I was like I always I'm like my wife's from Sweden. They'll be like I'll watch him be like fucking I like that I was getting my wife's back, but the it's a fun trick. I like to do

But yeah, the she like says our kids look like they're Puerto Rican. That's her she likes to say that out loud as my Puerto Rican babies, and I it's funny is we're in like a pretty liberal like well-to-do white area and it's like people get kind of like oh no I was saying my Puerto Rican baby like that she's allowed she can do whatever she wants but it's like it is funny watching people get kind of uptight like fuck that she has Puerto Rican kids she's well they're just white and black so they look like the Puerto Rican right. She's well, they're just white and black. So they look like the Puerto Rican, right? They are they're not People are kind of uncomfortable with like like

Irreverent references of race. Yeah, that's like and I've noticed that it's more like a kind of like a white liberal thing Where it's kind of like what the fuck I always find like whenever white people get uncomfortable about race It means their families had lots of slaves. Definitely. Because you're like, ugh. Yeah, dude, for sure. If you're white and rich, that's what I was saying with reparations, it's like, let's just find out whoever had slaves

and just make them pay a bunch of money. And then, you know. I'm not against that. Me either, I think that'd be fair. I'd be like, dude, you guys had them, fork the money and just fucking. I wish my family had lots of slaves. Sure, you'd be killing it. So I could have been rich. You'd be fair big dude you guys you guys had them fork the money and just fucking I wish my family had lots Of slaves sure I could have been rich. Yeah, we were very poor unfortunately

We didn't even have one you didn't have a single one I don't think we had them I like don't want to find out he would make my situation very awkward if I found out I know you're providing for these kids and having a better life for them. It's actually like the best come-up true This is true. Just spin it how you want Matt. This is true. Yeah, I've come a long way but yeah, I don't I don't think we've had slaves but the It's got to be crazy though to find that out. Some people like do learn that and they're like fuck just sucks You know, I mean, I don't know. It's like you didn't do it, but it's also just kind of like everyone was doing it true It's like everyone was doing it. True. It's like Molly. Yeah, true, it's like Molly.

I don't know, it was just trying to fit in. I didn't want any. Yeah, it was just the summer of 1869. It was just everyone. My friend got me one for my birthday. They say a slave was as expensive as a car basically. So that was like, everyone's like, yeah, that's like not everybody.

It was like- Not everyone could afford it. That's what I'm saying. That was basically when you adjusted the price, it was like a brand like yeah, that's like not everybody it was like everyone could afford it That's what I'm saying. That was basically that when you adjusted the price was like a brand new car. That's expensive I didn't know like That's pricey very pricey. But like what kind of new car like a Civic? I Don't know. I would yeah, I would imagine I don't know. Maybe there's there's different, you know Maybe there's different ones but like I think it was kind of like, you know, it was the equivalent to like $25,000 I think I could be wrong about that. That's what I heard

No, I'm probably couldn't really afford it, but they got one and made them do the work like six true Yeah, oh my god, it's been crazy. Yeah, I do I worked with a guy one time when I was in a How old was I was in high school and the it was a pool company so we're just like digging pools and like, you know painting pools all this stuff and Maintaining digging pool seems like brutal where it fucking sucked so bad, but I remember it was literally it was the worst job I've ever had by far the guy would stand on the edge of a pool that you were like they used a machine for a lot of it then you had a hand shovel like the edges to like kind of cut it in and He would stand on the edge of this like fucking hole and just be like why is your shovel stop and he would just like

A fucking like prison line. He would just be like and you had to do it the whole time You got to move you stop for a second. He'd be like, why is that shovel not moving? Like I think you're looking for you craniums do well eventually his brother for real They're gonna do the most work. I'm actually not so this is what you get His brother showed up one day and his brother came to the pool Yard and he had like a Mexican dude with him He was like he like showed this Mexican guy off like he was like a fucking Tesla robot Oh, I bet cuz he was like yo, dude

You got to get yourself one of these and he was just like these motherfuckers are crazy And you just like that's what you're looking for But yeah, he like showed he like introduced this guy to Mexicans like it was like a new technology was crazy But did he hire a bunch of Mexicans? No, it was me. I want these outdated models He's like I want these shitty white guys. Yeah, it was me and the one guy who had seniority It turned out to be a bit of a freak. He was like he I went with him on his like Whatever was like a maintenance route.

And he was like, we go in his car and we get to like smoke weed all day. And he was like, yeah, it's like, otherwise you'd be digging holes. So I got to do the maintenance thing. But then like, we like would smoke weed and play Tiger Woods Golf at his house. We were like finish our jobs quickly

and then do, he like made this guy a lot of money so he could do whatever he wanted. And then he like, when we were playing Tiger Woods Golf and just smoking weed, I was like in high school. And he like came to the, he did something he like, when we were playing Tiger Woods golf and just smoking weed, I was like in high school, and he like came to the, he did something where like he was just washing his clothes. It sounds like it's getting sexual. Well here's the thing, it never got fully sexual,

but I remember like him just like walking to the laundry machine in his boxers, I mean like fucking weird. Right, that's how it starts out. Exactly, but there was another guy I worked with who was there who the, he was like, we had a similar status, it was me and him, we were bottom of the totem pole, then he had I worked with who was there who the the he was like we had a similar status was me And him were bottom the totem pole

Then he had this like guy who was like journeyman who could you know actually know what the pool machines did That guy the boss hated him so much He would dump they flip the dumpster over every day and make him pick up the trash because he wanted him to quit so we Didn't have to pay him unemployment But that guy as I'm really like he's like his we've like married together, like his family married into my family. So I was talking to his brother and I'm like, dude, I worked with your brother and he was like, you know, that guy was like one day pulled his pants down and was like shaking his ass to his brother. And I'm like, dude, he was kind of giving some weird freaky shit to me, but it wasn't that bad.

Unless I just blocked it. Unless we made out and I blocked it out of my head. You probably did. You're playing golf and then you're making out. You know, like, hey, can you do my laundry also? Bad unless I just blocked it unless we'd like made out and I blocked it out Okay, can you do my laundry also Say I'll wash your clothes. Just take them all off. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, you only ever like walked in his boxers in my head I'm like, I think I fuck that guy one time No, it was it was pretty tame, but I was like, yeah, it was a it was too good to be true It was like just fucking plying me with weed and PlayStation. Oh you were like so close to getting your butt fingered I was so close you got out of there. What happened? I just quit I was like yeah

I was uh It was like a summer job and I was like trying to work all summer then eventually I went to the beach for like a week With my aunt and uncle and I was like I quit they pulled you out of it Yeah, I just like grabbed money I could from that place and just fucking took off, but it was so close. I was so close. I was on the chopping block to get fingered. And I think he was planning on fingering me right before I went to the beach, maybe. I don't know. He's like, well, if you don't say anything about me and my boxers, then I know you're kind of cool with it. I think so. Yeah, it was a have you ever had any like really fucked up jobs like that? Where there's like a sexual component? I remember I did stupid things like me and my friend

would go on a boat with guys we didn't know and I'm like, oh, we could have definitely gotten raped. And we were young, we were like 17 or 18. So it's like, you think facts that you're like, that was pretty dumb. Just getting in cars with guys you don't know and going to movies. Yeah, that's kind of terrifying.

Yeah. Yeah, there was, we used to hang out, it was like a movie, everyone would tell their parents we were going to the movie theaters, it's called to hang out, it was like a movie, everyone would tell their parents we were going to the movie theaters, it's called Painters Crossing, it was just like a shopping center at a movie theater, and you would just hang,

tell your parents to go to the movies, and instead you would stand in a parking lot and be like, fucking dumbasses. They have no idea. They think about the movies, we're out on the corner freezing. Yeah, it was freezing outside, but the eating ice cream friendlies,

but they, I remember that, there was always older, older, older dudes that could come up in a cool civic and just absolutely prey on the eighth grade girls and you're like, please don't go with them. Oh God, yeah. Yeah, there was like four old high school guys who would pull up and you're like,

dude, can you guys please get the fuck out of here. Me and my friends went to the movies to go CB4. Do you remember that Chris Rock movie? Yeah. Okay, it was pretty bad, but anyway, this guy has like a- Wait, hold on, CB4, I'm thinking of MIB. I don't know what I'm thinking of MIB. No, CB4 is like, I think Chris Rock's maybe first movie.

It's pretty bad. What year was this? Probably 94, 95. I didn't see that. I have a thing when people ask me about a movie, I lie and say I saw it and then I catch myself- I actually like that. I like that you do that.

Sorry, I do that every time. Someone says that you see this movie, oh yes. Yeah, and then when they start asking you like well Maybe I'm misremembering. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I just I don't know what it is And I'll be like yeah, and it'll be like remember this part I'll be like I used to be like yeah, and then I don't laugh and they'll be like I feel dumb for being honest You were talking at one point. I spaced out like you know I mean Something in my brain just started going for sure I appreciate the honesty dude. Yeah, it's not because I wasn't interested. You said something and my brain just started going on the trail. I appreciate the honesty, dude.

Yeah, it's like everyone lies about everything. So what was up with CB4? Anyway, so me and my friends meet these guys on the street. He has like a civic wagon. He's like Hispanic, Puerto Rican, Raul. And he has like Christmas lights in it. We all go to the movies in this guy's car. And it's like thinking back, you're like,

these guys are like decent guys. They didn't like attack us or rape us or anything. And then you're like, that was pretty dumb. Yeah, man't like attack us or rape. Yeah anything and then you're like that was pretty dumb Yeah, man. It's I'm terrified and you have daughters too. I dude I am absolutely fucking terrible exotic cuz they're Puerto Rican I know and they're they're they're beautiful girls, man. Yeah, they're beautiful. My wife reminds me. Yep Yeah, I I spent a lot of my day fantasizing about just like beating a young man to death as an old man, just being like, ugh.

I've already thought about setting aside resources to just what I would do to a person if they were hitting her or did anything terrible. It's like, one thing is I'd like to hire a bunch of homeless people or crackheads and just throw a brick at somebody for the rest of his life. For the rest of his life. I'm like, dude, you'll get pelted with a rock for the rest of your life at any given time.

Right. And it's private investigators. I was thinking about, I was like awake last night thinking about this. There's a whole system where you could do it and get away with it. Exactly. Oh, I would definitely get away with it. If I just paid like homeless guys to throw rocks at somebody, like just like once every two years. Unless you start paying them too much and then they start their own life.

True. You got to pay them just enough to keep them on the streets. Oh for sure I would like giving them like heroin and shit Keep them like yeah, I'd keep them highly addictive highly poor The private I would be nice out the private I really want to start I'm like I could like you could I could follow one person I could like put out the money to like follow, just get the full detail. Like one of my brothers is like, what are they really up to?

You could just even pay one of them to do it. True. Got private eye for me. Cause they're gonna be like on the, you know, on the road doing shows. I'd have to, for my alibi, I'd have to, I'd probably try to leave the country. But I would like to private eye.

I don't think you should leave the country now your kids are really abandoned. No, that's true. Yeah, it's true. They're gonna be strippers now. No, I'm saying for like a week while whatever crime I order, I want to leave the country while it happens. So I come back. That's very obvious.

Just go to Minneapolis. You're fine. A good point, yeah. That's true. I'll do Hilarities in Cleveland. Go do Hilarities in Cleveland. Some guys getting pelted with stones. But yeah, I thought about that last night.

Would it be an overreach if I had a private investigator follow? No. Yeah, right? I wouldn't be crazy not like not like out of a almost as a precautionary Or is like she started dating someone is sure look at their family Yeah, look the whole family you're not gonna want to know what she's doing that because there's a certain like sexual component You're not I don't want that. I'm saying the guy I'm not gonna like spy on that. That would be oh, yeah Just finally guy. Yeah his whole family. Do you see the black mirror episode where the mom has the thing where she can watch the daughter? Yes, there's a thing on black mirror where they had a the mom can like see her daughter at all times And it just like that's like not her daughter have sex. That's not something you want. It was rough. Yeah, that's that's not good

Yeah, I don't want that but I just want to let just keep tabs on because like, you know dudes can be just fucking Disasterly. Yeah, like a very there's like guys out there. I'd like to believe maybe one will be gay That'd be ideal Women are also crazy though. Yeah a little physical abuse. I would take over emotional abuse. Yeah true Yeah, women can really fuck you up like mentally for sure. That's the weapon. I specialize in it Can you relate you can fuck with somebody? What's your what's your go-to move? Break up with you block you come back And then what the breakup they come back it's like this cycle it's like a cyclical cycle

It's mostly I'm doing that because they're not good for me, but then I'm also just in this chaotic So it's like kind of like my childhood, you know, right? I'm going back fighting but how's that weaponized against the other person? Do you know deep down like like how would you like just try to absolutely like wreck someone mentally? It depends what I want to like make them like more into me or make them miss me like, you know, this is so scary What is my mission tell me my mission just to like knock them down Just like try to devastate them or make them feel bad. I mean you could just do jokes about them sucks, yeah, I

Like talking to this door man, and I remember one time he's like I don't just open doors That's pretty fucking funny yeah, I mean like you could it's so easy to do yeah, cuz men's egos are so fragile Yeah, well also it's like do you like your dick is the second bed? I think there's just so many penis your penis sucks as a new that's like nuclear option like I and I It's one thing as a man you have to wander like what does she really think about this and it's like you don't want to know obviously, I've I've like I've went into that cave before in previous relationships I just tell me and it's just like Crippling you're like wait what what did you ask them in terms of what I what they think about you as a person?

No, I don't care about that. I was like how big is my dick compared all? I thought I wanted the answers and I was like really just the last guy you're with okay And I was like, really? This is the last guy you're with. OK. Fuck. What? These are huge dicks. Usually you're not great in bed, though.

I will say that. I'd rather an average size dick, a guy. I'd rather an average size guy that does all this stuff than a guy that sticks a finger in for a second and then has sex with you. And you graduate. You just won over our entire fan base, dude. If you're worried about it for a second, then I love you.

Can you put this to the beginning of the Ash? Can you move this to the beginning? I'll I'll do that from like nobody wants a big dick scrolls makes a lot of sense man I also look and I could be I could just be you know I'm not like trying to talk about guys with big dicks like they're like bad but I feel like they do carry carry more of a Machiavellian kind of personality. Yeah, because they have this big dick, but usually that's all they do is have a big dick. So it's like if you just have that and don't do foreplay,

you don't do anything for someone else, it's like it just sucks, it's not great. Eventually at all. I knew one guy in my life who was, it was like someone we what are you doing? We had like a professional relationship and he apparently had a giant dick and he remember him telling me,

bro he's living with this lady and I remember being like, man she's really putting up with a lot and he's like, I'm controlling her mind with my dick and that was what he told me and for a minute I was like, maybe he is and I was like, good for him. Some girls are size queens and they want a huge dick.

But it all fell apart. Eventually I I think she found maybe found a bigger day That's a problem someone finds another big dick You know I guess you got to like flip a lot of stones But eventually you find another one but now this guy could do more damage than the other guy true If you're like really into big decks you I guess you would put up with a lot Yeah, but it all came crashing down because I remember being like man. That's a thing I didn't know that and then eventually like he got kicked out of the house And I was like well

Mind control MK ultra is apparently seized to his fucking yeah, but yeah, it was uh, it was kind of a it was like a weird That's never really been my play. I've never tried to like, you know, control a woman's mind. I Didn't know it was an option. I didn't know if this guy was controlling her mind either I don't think you did I got kicked out of her house. Yeah, and she called the police on him Sound like we him All this money Well, I've dated some Pennsylvania trash really keep going He didn't have a huge dick though. Yeah this guy he called it. Yeah But he yeah, it was always a I've always been kind of fascinating as a guy too like

You'll just be like chillin with the guy for a long time Then you just learn he has a huge dick and you're like what the fuck You can care's that's like I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore, but it was just it's well Sorry, what were you saying? You don't think it's a thing? I don't like I get it some people really love huge dicks But to me it's like what you can do with it like what your other skills are kind of are better than just having like this One thing you're Yeah, true. Like you're not even necessarily good at you just have it. Okay

So like when it goes like all the way to the back you're saying like take it or leave it I told the guy I was like, hey, I don't come like that and he's like, oh, what should I do? He's like cuz girls just be coming from that so like he didn't even know Almost 40 and like he did not even know that he He's like, oh, I just, I have girls just becoming like that. I'm like, yeah, not most of them. That's a sick answer though. I'm gonna do my wife that. I'd be like, girls usually just be coming from that, dude.

I don't know what to do. He's like, so what should I do? It's like, so this guy doesn't even know. Yeah. What, he didn't know to like put it in and go fast as possible? Jack, the jackhammer move? That's actually his only move. What you know to like put it in and go fast as possible Like in another world like this isn't for you. This is for me. I know for sure it's for him. Yeah

Yeah, that is a that is very funny. Yeah, I don't know man. I don't I don't have I used to be like as a younger man I was very like hung up. I'd be like, oh my god, like, you know, where do I stand? You get older like what the fuck man? I don't care, but it doesn't like as a younger man, I was very like hung up, I'd be like, oh my God, like you know, where do I stand? And then you get older, you're like, what the fuck man, I don't care, but it doesn't matter. It's one of those things too, it's like there's an expiration date on that. If you're like priding yourself at being awesome at sex, it's like, well guess what dude? Yeah and also this guy was like,

well the one thing you shouldn't talk about is how a guy has sex and I'm like, that should have tipped me off that he's not good. What do you mean you need to talk about? He's like, you shouldn't like, I guess, criticize how a man is in bed. And then I was like, I should probably think this is not's not good. What do you mean to talk about? He's like, you shouldn't, like, I guess criticize how a man is in bed. And then I was like, I should probably think this is not going to be good. Like if you don't want to hear any feedback.

Yeah, that's also such a funny thing to be like, look, I just kind of employed for you to like tell me. Can you please not leave me in bed? Yelp for you actually. That's not going to be great for me. I went on one online date with a person. This was the most, I mean, this was diabolical. And I don't think they genuinely did it on purpose,

but this lady was very into LSD. She was like, you know, she was working with kids with disabilities and she was like, I want to give it to them. And I remember being like, that's pretty nuts. You shouldn't do that. But she told me this, I was like, I always would, that was like my big icebreaker.

I'm like, what's like the weirdest date you ever went on? And this lady was like, one time I brought some acid to this guy's apartment and like, he never did it before. And we were like tri big icebreaker. I'm like what like what's like the weirdest date you ever went on and this lady was like one time I brought some acid to this guy's apartment and like you never did it before and we were like tripping on acid and We started having sex and halfway through I stopped and I was like, I'm sorry, but you have the smallest penis She's like I gotta stop and she just like got off and just chilled in his apartment and like finished the acid or whatever And then she said the guy the whole time was watching like motivational videos on his YouTube while she just kind of just like got off and just chilled in his apartment and like finished the acid or whatever and Then she said the guy the whole time was watching like motivational videos on his YouTube while she just kind of like sat on her Why didn't he just leave it was his apartment? Why didn't she just leave? She's a fucking psycho I don't know, but she like broke this down to him being like bro. Like you don't understand like this is crazy I've never encountered anything like this a dick so small

I think it's like I can't like we just have to stop right now. And then I think she did some guys with small dicks. Really? I went on a streak of small dicks for a lot of years. It's kind of sick. It was. At one point, you just look at it. You're like, I feel almost like a pedophile. This is like, this is like kind of gross. It's very small.

You just lost half the fan base. Fog. Aren't they pedophiles? Guys, I'm kidding. That is very small. You just lost out of the fan base. Fug, aren't they pedophiles? Guys. I'm kidding, that is very funny. Yeah, that's gotta be, well that's a... I mean, it is the old Louis bit where he's like, you don't know what it is until you get, you have to go on an entire day. Did he, I think he did. I don't know. Maybe I wrote that. I'm a fucking comedic genius, but the... Is that what the podium is for.

Well, did you notice my podium is so big and this is a big dick energy move. This is a very small energy. But I did do that consciously because it made me laugh to be like at a gigantic. I love it. But the maybe subconsciously, it is a conversation. But the what the fuck? I don't remember the maybe subconsciously this thing a conversation but

The what the fuck I don't remember the fuck I say oh that is that is crazy Just going to streak and then it's like you can't trying it was happening seeking it out would be crazy though I was just matching them up. It was just Small how accurately do you think you can predict just looking at a person? I have no idea So it's just a total I have no idea question mark mark Yeah, I've not you can't go by feet size. You really can't for me. I have no idea my friend can tell pretty accurately But I have no idea that's crazy. Yeah, how does your friend? I don't know she just has a gift. I think she's gifted Yeah, because the thing is you can't then like you have a responsibility You can't like leave the guy and be like dude your dick's just not cutting the mustard because then it's like that's That's terrible. So you have to like just kind of wait What do you have to wait it out for a little bit and eventually big look?

I don't think no, I mean I remember one time I was like talking this guy and he was like Oh, I just want you to have a small dick like we're at a place and then like I was like, all right Well, I like jerk you off, but like I'm not gonna like take a number and have that Yeah to my roster true true Bring down the mean average. But listen, when a guy tells you he has a small dick, he does, usually. Yeah, the power move is when it's average and you go super small.

And then they go, it's not that bad. It's like three inches. You're like, oh, it's six, that's great. Yeah, that's exactly. That's kind of my move, to be like, it's so small. And they go, it's not that bad. Well, whatever. Right, they're like pleasantly surprised.

Exactly. Especially the whole time on the date, like you're eating, like how's your food? Like, by the way, my fucking dick is tiny, dude. But then sometimes it is tiny and you're like, oh, you were not lying. Honest Dave, at that point you're honest Dave, yeah. I told you what you were in for is not good.

I think that's actually, that's a good, that's a noble thing though, to be like, look, I got a small fucking dick. It's kind of freeing I would think so and then you could also if you date this person just like get away with so much Oh you're saying you can like denigrate them or or just cheat Finding another person to put up with that yeah true like look I would love you if your dick was bigger But it's not I have to do you know But I don't like you So I do have to I have to do this because of you

If you have a small dick you have to be good at other stuff for sure and that's why these big dick guys are Not yeah, that's true. You got to be very good. I have a the one thing that is crushing in terms of from a celebrity perspective then you get well-known celebrities with small penises and that kind of hits the streets. What was that guy's name that cheated on his wife with a nanny and he had a small dick? White guy, curly hair? I don't know. I was thinking, I know Arnold Schwarzenegger took down his nanny, but I don't know.

I'd imagine he doesn't have a micropede. That'd be crazy. The talented Mr. Ripley he was in. Who's that guy? Not Matt Damon, the other one. Ben Affleck. No, no, no, no. J.Lo wouldn't put up with that.

Probably not. Probably would have been a size queen. I don't know. I'm trying to think of the- No, it's the other, it's the guy in it. The talented, so it's not Ben Affleck. Who's the other guy? Jude Law. Jude Law. Jude Law. Really?

He's a hunk. I know. And he's got a small dick from what I what I've heard. I don't know. Okay. That's yeah. But he's so handsome though, right? Wouldn't it be kind of like that would really be a small and thin is bad. At least be thick. Just not like a finger. Okay. More like one and a half. Like two at a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy.

I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy.

I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not a big guy. I'm not improved is that out there for all my I'm not I'm not dick-bragging at all

Is that out there? I don't know that's crazy. I've never okay. I've never come across damn I was feeling real good about myself There are some guys with that yeah, that's have they done this smallest in the planet. I think the smallest in the planet Some guys like wait have you gone to Jupiter? Have they done smalls in the planet yeah, he's got he's known for the smallest piece So how does that work they didn't have like a car? Oh, they had a contest didn't they they actually had a I actually yeah I'd read about this they had a small dick contest and they get found the guy who had like the smallest dick in the world So I think it was like trying to raise awareness

Be like look guys. Let's do stick. That's just gonna make him want to kill himself more small stick in the world at that point Though you'd have to just laugh Smallest dick and then you'd know for you know where you stand half the torture is not knowing where You stand right if you're just the worst you're like, but I have huge balls my balls are just huge Yeah, that would be You spray like a ungodly Yeah, that is a It's an issue and that's one that's one guys are sensitive about,

and you know, it's, man, I just wish my brothers out there could just, you know, just be free and be who they are. Average is the best. I think so, too. It's best of both worlds, best of all worlds. Average is the best. Hard worker, hard worker, you know, you can get a little something going in sweatpants, something crazy, nothing to brag about.

Right, if there's nothing there, that's a real turn off. But also for women, you really don't know, I mean, I guess there's no way to know either if a woman's vagina is like huge. Yeah, there's no way. That's a absolute, you can't tell at all. Right, so you just have to go in. You're both like this.

Fingers crossed. We have no idea if this is going to be a match or not. Yeah, I mean, yeah, people should, I would like to think people should be more like just kind of gracious about it and be like hey, you know, I I didn't really think that worked out very well I'll take I'll be willing to accept my half the responsibility and you know It's I wish you the best and maybe find a good match I had a boy an ex-boyfriend who said that like he had sex with a woman and it was just like hollow inside

Mm-hmm. He also didn't have a big dick and I was like, so what do you do? He's like you just try and hit the walls You gotta lean yeah, I guess you'd have to lean to either side That's all right, yeah, that's all coming off good you caught yourself on that but yeah, that is a Feel bad. That's the thing too. Like, you know, cuz it's I feel bad for there could be a lady that has a like literally gigantic vagina I think there are yeah I've dated guys who've said that I'm like is that a real thing like yeah I've only ever come across one in my entire life, and it was I was gracious about it

I was like thank you for letting me you know inside you that yeah like thank you You've obviously you know I'm in the Hall of the Titans, but Like thank you for letting me in here You were just like I'm out cuz you're loose puss. It was there's a lot of other stuff going on You just make it about something else. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I would just kind of just not respond but the Kind of dastardly but no I would I would really just be like yeah, you know I don't I'd wait like a week or two then be like dude. I'm you know, it's just isn't I'm so busy You're a great person, but the yeah, you know it's torn pretty hard

You were actually I just need to find someone with a bigger Exactly I like to be completely lost Completely thoughts and disoriented like a float tank. I just get in there, and I'm like what the fuck's going on start meditating Yeah, which people would I the problem is is like I'll argue with my wife And then I'll come in from the shower naked and just like a tiny flask of penis And it's like you coming from an argument like that. Yeah, I walk in there. I'm begging for it I'm begging I love to be punished, but I'm like coming in I'll do that. I like get a little thing going Mmm, if I have it if I have like the time to do if I'm like thinking about I mean

I'll always get a little thing that's like good first step but the sometimes I'll just be like, you know, I get ready for bed and we'll like Being that like silent zone if I huffing and puffing and I'll just like I'll walk in in my head I'm like I dare I know she's like this fucking look at this piece of shit Like and she's definitely I know you're smiling. She's She's definitely someone does that and you're like I fucking hate you so much right now. There's no way I would ever touch you I'd rather you go fuck a homeless person But is she like sometimes she gives in cuz she just knows What do you say give it? I'm talking about cheese man

I'm talking about she's looking at me and I know she's mad at me already So she's seeing me naked and just like why I have like fucking pimples on my butt a tiny flaccid penis I know she's being like gross. Yeah, but I'm like and I'm looking at her like say something I fucking dare you are you talking about me being like trying to parlay that into a sexual advance? Yeah like you have to be and then you come in and you're like we got Like she's mad at you and then you come in and you're like, huh? We got to be fighting really bad for it to kind of go to like sexuals. It has happened. I've had sex with people where I'm like, this is almost rape, where you're like, I'm so not into this.

I hate this. Just like praying for it to end. Yeah. Yeah. That's that also hurts a guy's ego, but the... Not enough to stop. He's like, this hurts, but the not enough to stop Like this hurts, but I'm gonna keep going that's where you got that's where you guys

That's for you guys But I I've always been a bit of a brat about that if I if like if I'm getting like kind of maintenance sex of like Look, I know you need this do it. I used to be very like you're not even into it. But now I'm kind of be gracious I'm like dude. thanks, you know. I know this isn't on the top of your agenda, but thanks for letting me do that. I was actually. Well, thanks for letting me master being with you, vagina. That's kind of what that sex feels like

when you're not into it. I don't know what's going on with this thing. That's what it feels like where you're like, I'm just gonna let you masturbate my pussy. Yeah, I still, I'll be honest though. It's like I've gotten more gracious, but there's part of me that gets resentful. It's like, seriously, dude? Like, you're not feeling this at all and that's kind of but then it's like what a nice thing

To do so I'm kind of torn. I should get it It's also nice to like if you are doing it from behind you're really disconnected from it If you could just be on your phone doing something. Yeah, I would be like the nice part for her Just watching just real Emails because she has a lot to do just watching fighter in the kid clips Just thinking about him So wait, is he not doing stand-up anymore? I don't really know I think he's gonna get back into fighting I've also I've heard by the way. I'm not trying to trash the guy

I think him as his fun as a phenomenon. That's kind of what I'm interested in I I'm not I love the first. I don't't know him So I don't like dislike him or anything I put someone sent me of videos where he's just like in podcasts lying about stuff and then he's on another podcast contradicting it That's what happens when you have 95,000 people auditing your every word they write you would tell you to shreds Yeah, I think he said like he didn't grow up with dogs and then someone's like he did grow up with dogs And then he said he had a parrot and then he didn't have a parrot or something. It's just of great. It is pretty funny. I do love that and that's what I what I love about him Is that yeah, it is a cool story. It's like he got kind of like he was an MMA fighter He got like launched into the you know, I would say semi-national spotlight got absolutely

Yes, I got yeah, he was he was an MMA guy I think he knew Rogan from MMA and then he got launched into like, you know, like the role of a comedian But just was like right at the top and just got at dude Imagine like two years in just getting yours recording. They liked gringo poppy better than my special It's probably my wife Yeah, it was alright, but I just prefer the energy brought in GP That's funny. Yeah, it was all right, but I just prefer the energy brought in GP And I turn hurt my feelings back. So that made me laugh. Yeah, it also made me that is like that's one of those ones You're like nuts, you know, yeah, it's fucking with me

I just mean mean but yeah, I I don't know what the fuck I was even talking about But yeah, I just I don't want to throw shade to the shop man But it is it was kind of a I've heard he's nice. There is a nice guy But it was just a very I think about it a's nice, I've heard he's a nice guy, but it was just a very, I think about it a lot, like just like, how do you deal with people, they're like kind of paying for your livelihood. And part of that is them getting to say like horrible shitty things to you.

And it's like, there's like a dad who pays your bills and every now and again, they just lash it. People get drunk too online, you forget, you read this stuff. Oh, that's true, a lot of them, that's where they get their courage. Yeah, or a lot of people, like they'll be blacked out. You'll like read something big How could somebody possibly say that and you get a message later being bro? I blacked out. I'm so I was hammered last night I apologize, but that is how you truly feel

You're apologizing for sending it but that is how you feel about me. Yeah true you exposed me to your truth and Yeah, I don't know it gets weird cuz then you get into the territory of like well You know it's like this is kind of this is what I like to tell myself like maybe I'm just listening something They see in themselves, and they they hate it. Yeah That's true to their lot of times. They're going through shit. They need someone to take it out on yeah That's what I like about New York City is that like if you're having a bad day There's so many people telling leash your anger on that's kind of nice Yeah, and everyone's just mad so it doesn't really matter that I do miss that the road rage in Philly

It was like you could like come up to a stop sign someone starts to go and you're just like hanging out your window like Sir, like fuck you just me and just like a Muslim black lady. We're fighting and I'm like this is we'd never would have talked Otherwise right nice bringing us together. It's a scream at each other Yeah, that was a I do miss that. Texas is like weirdly nice. I didn't know it would be so nice down here. Do you think that's just Austin or do you think it's? Could just be Austin.

I've never I've only ever been in Austin, so I don't know. But I think people are generally a little more. A little bit slower and nicer. Yeah, a little dumber. Do you think somebody said it has something to do with everyone having a gun? True here. No one has a gun. Yeah, I agree you can kind of pop off right so here. It's like hey we both have guns Yeah, let's not look at each other. Yeah, that's that's another one of my recent like just pointless fantasies I have now of like getting in a road rage altercation and just being like totally gracious and being like dude I fully apologize for what I just did yeah

I'd like for us to move forward through this and just try to like really change some of my wife. Just fucking upset. She just really told me something that's upsetting. My wife. I'm taking it out on you and you don't deserve that. True. I'd be nice to just trap the guy. Go from road rage to being like. You know, I just need someone to talk to. I don't think my dick's that good. I don't think my dick's that good.

And I don't think I'll ever be able to truly please a woman. And I'm just fucking I just want someone to talk to you. I don't think my dick's that good I don't think my dick's that good I I don't think I'll ever be able to truly please a woman and I'm just fucking I just want to go first Can you go back to like shooting me please? I'd actually prefer that than whatever we're doing right now I think I'll be born and die and I'll truly never please a woman It just hurts me There are some guys that have never pleased a woman Yeah, probably a lot. It's kind of cool But I feel like at that point you just like wear an eye patch and just become like a poke

You know what I mean? I think that'd be kind of cool to like know like I'll never Never just become like a bad guy. You're like, I'm actually trying not to make you come so if you feel close Let me know I'm gonna stop you're gonna mess up my mystique. Yeah But you know, whatever it's not all about that. I'll be honest, you know what I mean? What do you what would you say? It's all about if you had to pick a thing? It's a mix of things you mean like making a relationship work. No, just enjoy like I mean? What would you say it's all about if you had to pick a thing? It's a mix of things. You mean like making a relationship work? No, just in general. Like in life, what makes you happy?

Yeah, I'm just... Money. You think so? Yeah. Definitely money? Probably money and I guess some people you do love. Yeah. Those two things.

I think you're right. If you had to only pick one, I'm sure most people just say like family that you love. But also money is pretty great. Yeah, it is. It is one of the things I don't I don't think it is the root of all evil. I would say it's not now. And it does at some point when you have so much money and you can like control things, that's not great. But if you have just enough for yourself and pay your bills,

pay your bills and like go on vacation if you need to. Like you should have enough money to possibly have to to go off the grid and yeah, I agree man I think there is like the problem is is like once you get enough to pay your bills go on vacation and like have a nice normal life the problem is I would you know I have that and I'll still get like Miserable and that's when I'm like dude. I'm just fucked And that's what I've been trying to work on that a lot because it's very shitty because you're like dude what the fuck nothing brings me you might just like need to get cancer and almost die and that's back from it so then you're like oh shit I do

really appreciate this now we just haven't had cancer yet that's true I am looking forward to that that would be a total game-changer were you like almost gonna die and then you're like I love life Yeah, that's what I need. I and I have a pretty everyone needs that I think so almost near-death experience Yeah, enjoy life again. It's a good idea That's that's what kind of like, you know You can also do like a ton of mushrooms that kind of does help if you if you're like want to get I'm just scared of drugs and I don't respond great to them And I just think I feel like anytime I did something crazy like I've only smoked pot and had great and awful experiences

I think I did mushrooms or something. I'd be like I could fly and I know I'd fall out a window Yeah, I try to climb a water tower when I was little right Climate no no I mean well I shouldn't say little I was like fucking 18 years old But I I was you know younger. I was new but I was a fresh boy people were showing me their butts in the fucking apartment Life was really opening up for you. The opportunities that you were really getting between seeing guys' butts and climbing water. Yeah, I was like, I remember just being like,

on mushrooms and being like, I'm definitely gonna climb that. And my friends were like, don't do that. And I was like, I couldn't comprehend the idea of like, her getting hurt or getting in trouble. I was like, dude, I'll get to the top, like watch this. And they were like, dude, for real, don't. And you still did it. I didn't do it. Thank fucking God. Because that's not smart. No, and, dude, I'll get to the top. I watched this and they're like, dude, for real, don't. And you still did it.

I didn't do it. Thank fucking God. That's not smart. No, and that's why I am a little bit nervous about that. Like, yeah, I might jump off some shit, but I try to stay ground level, stay ground level. Yeah, but I think I'd probably be like, let me see if I could dart across this eight lane highway.

Yeah. That's another thing I could see myself doing. I've driven them. Oh, look, I've done it. I know, I just think I would do stupid stuff like that. I drove on mushrooms against my guitar teacher's advice. He was like, I told him I was going to do

mushrooms. He was like sick. And he was like, don't like whatever you do. He's like, just create some cool riffs. He's like, whatever you do, do not drive. And I was like, Roger, that first time I did him, I was like, I want to get out of here and just got on the road. I thought I was fine.

I got on the road. I can imagine dude it was Terrifying yeah, I don't think that's great. Yeah, don't ever do that. Don't drive on mushrooms It's not unless you think you could do it unless it's a micro dose. Well, if it's a micro dose you can do fine Does my courage does help out like depression? What does micro does actually do so I would argue? Yeah, it does it's one of those things where it's like You take like point one, you're supposed to take like a sub perceptual dose.

So you're not supposed to, if you're like feeling high, it's like, it's too much. Some people still do that because they're like, oh, this is better. But you take a little bit to the point where you don't really notice it as much, but you're, it will almost alter your thought patterns in a way where you'll be thinking differently.

And then the days you're off of it, you get to kind of start to compare and be like, okay, on this day I was presented with this situation and like my brain, you just have like more serotonin. So you're going, all right, I kind of worked this problem out differently. And then you should try it. You should, I think it's a good idea, man.

It's not going to hurt. Microdosing is one of those things. And it's one of those, if like, what can happen when I would do it initially, like I would get nervous. Like I'm like, oh, I'm going to take too much and like freak out. Or like it's going to. Yeah, I'm just worried I'm going to freak out. It's just the those, if like, what can happen when I would do it initially, like I would get nervous, like I'm like, oh, I'm gonna take too much and like freak out. Or like it's gonna-

Yeah, I'm just worried I'm gonna freak out. It's just the first couple days. You take it on like a day, you have nothing to do, and like, you know, just go do stuff, walk, go for a walk. And I think it's good, like, and I would go off and on, I still go off and on and on. This is my on cycle, I'm on them right now, but the- But you seem like fine.

Yeah, it's totally fine, it really is. How long does it like last for? Takes about, you take it, and then like fine. Yeah, it's totally fine. It really is. How long does it like last for? Takes about you take it and then like an hour later, you might start to feel like an onset. But ideally, you barely even feel it. All you drive on it. Oh, big time. Oh, OK. I should drive Uber on them all the time.

No, is it like legal to drive on it? Not what you're doing. Not whatever crazy shit you're doing there. Well, yeah, it is because it's like you're not gonna get breath a lot. You're not gonna be like, are you one point one of fucking golden wizards? Golden wizards make you tell the truth. We're like, yeah, no, you would be fine. I'm telling you if like if you were to take a actual mic, the problem is with mushrooms, they can be like five times

stronger than other things. So like like but if you find a good batch I took one edible at my friend. We were in Austin for moon tower my friend my best friend does edible She's like this is actually very low Yeah, and I took it and I woke up to the ocean and it was I was off the rails anytime I do it and it goes bad I'm like in a situation where I think someone's trying to kill me or I'm dead and I need to wake myself up. I'm like in a coma. What did you take near the ocean? Where were you?

Oh no, I heard the ocean. I was in a hotel room. Oh god. Yeah, I was like... Edibles, dude. That's one thing people will act like I would rather... I only took one and my friend was like, how many did you take? And I counted them and I was like, I think I took all of them. I was like, they keep disappearing. It was like wild. Really? Yeah. And your friend find my friend didn't take it. She's like, I'll, I guess by whatever the percentage was, she was like, this is a very low dose.

And then I took one and I was like, I thought it was Russell Crowe and that a beautiful mind. Like I'm always go towards schizophrenia. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, I think I'm doing one thing, but this is like reality. Yeah, that the weed edibles can, I'd honestly rather take a small amount of mushrooms to take a weed edible. They like freak me out. They get like my heart rate kind of going

and I get like panicky. It's just like, I always go to like, I'm in a mental institution, no one will tell me the truth. I'm stuck here, people are visiting me. It's like, my mind is not good. One of my thought always trying to kill me the whole night. Yeah. And we were staying together and he was going back to this Airbnb and he chose a different way.

And I was like, are you gonna come in that hotel? He's like, no. I was like, but wouldn't you say you're not gonna kill me if you're gonna come in? He's like, yeah, I guess that's right. And I went to open the door and go back. He's like, don't jump out. But I freaked him out where he got back to the Airbnb

and locked the door. He's like, I don't want you trying to come in. I was like, I'm locking my door. You're trying to come in. He locked you in? We had our my door. You're locked you in. We locked you in our own door. We had our own bedrooms. So he locked himself in his bedroom and I locked mine out of my bedroom because I was like, you might be trying to kill me. I have no idea. That was when you did the weed edibles last. That was that was another time that we the first night we did, we smoked and it was the most fun. And then it was that the

edibles are hold of that wasn't even edibles. That was regular pot. And I was like, what is this? Because yeah, this like makes you a little more like hypochondria. I'm like, why wouldn't you tell me that he is you with a hypochondria weed? I don't know whatever it is. It was not good. I was I was succeeding to the most on hypochondria. You're swap. I'm so thank you so much for putting up with this. I'm trying to yeah, taking mushrooms is sick. It was my fucking setup sucks. Yeah, I think we did it without. Yo, for real. Thank you so much. Let's let's. OK. You absolutely did it. I don't know.

You absolutely did it. I'm like eating the microphone. Dude, for real, thank you so much for doing this. Women are so stupid. I, for real, thank you, Ruel. I'm very happy you did this. Me too. And I hope everyone doesn't hate me on your podcast.

But if they do, it's like not my problem. I got a good sixth sense, dude. I got a good sixth sense. I would say they'll say, welcome to the halls of Amenti. I hope so they'll say absolute They'll say the dark queen has arrived is go watch the dark cream go get upset Yeah, watch the dark queen these guys are gonna get upset these are they want fucking this is my fan base probably I think it might be honest. I think you might have found I'm also garbage so it makes sense

Yeah, you're rather get tapped in the worst dudes. I have data guy from Philly. I'm also garbage, so it makes sense. Yeah, you're about to get tapped in. The worst dudes. I have data guy from Philly. I'm already there. Yeah, I know what that's like. Now, they're very they're my my own. My family are fiercely loyal, dude. I know my energized communities. It weights you.

I love it. But no, thank you for doing this. You're cool. Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun despite this thing. Well, I'm going to love Mike's guys. Go to Netflix, watch the Dark Queen. Thank you you you have like a website or tickets or anything oh yeah go check me out on a Instagram Adrian Appaloochee come see me on the

road I'm gonna go do some gigs with Ari January February March right on my own headline date so goes come out all right love you guys