Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Jeff @ https://jeffdye.com/ Go see Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com yoooo. We hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. we back at the podiums. Cusky and meez are joined by the bro jeff dye. Check him out on social media and on the road. Please enjoy. God Bless. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://auraframes.com/. Use code MSSP at checkout to save! Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup The Mountain is calling, you should answer #DoTheDew #MTNDEW Shop now @ https://lets.shop/2141/dothedew Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED

She's going and we're live Jeff die. Thank you for joining the podcast. Thanks for having me Dude, I'm telling you standing podcasts of the future. This is another the sitting enough sitting and talking I think it's giving it just podcasters are getting lazy I agree podcasts are more important than ever dude after this election nailed it. Also most of us are stand-up comics That's what I'm standing. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you rock the stool at all on stage. Never me either, bro You know what that stool is? It's a tiny fucking table for my drink and setlist That's not it. It's not a seat. I agree table. I agree I think it is some people like the stool some people like the stool

I I could never I couldn't even some people love the stool some people love the stool But I I couldn't I couldn't imagine sitting like that. You know it also seems so arrogant when a comic sits down Like it like it can play it can play well if you sit a few young comics. I'm going what are you doing? Yeah, you're fucking what are you talking about jerking off and you're sitting if true if you're a fat black guy For some reason it's just like it kind of works right sit on the stool You also have a towel Patrice waited 20 years before he sat on the fucking stool true true. It is a pretty nuts move He waited 20 years before he sat on the fucking stool. True, true. It is a pretty nuts move.

Are you telling me to stand up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no we already established all everything. And I'm like, Lamar, it killed him. He wanted to be standing with us. Well, also, what do you think about these becoming a part of standup comedy? I mean, you might introduce that. How nice would this be? It's clear. You can still see what's going on. You can have all your stuff. I like, I'll throw a laptop under here sometimes access all my stuff. I think about how poignant it would be to walk out in front of the podium. Now it'd be like, yeah, man. Oh yeah, you're like I have something to say you know They can still see you I can be like yeah I never know what to do with my other hands

I know that's a will ferrell thing like what do I do with my hands, but have you noticed like? Even your boy. It's very it's like he's always on to me Yeah, like I do it behind my back that I hate I hate that I do that you're a magician Yeah, like I do it behind my back that I hate I hate that I do that you're a magician I fucking suck. Why am I doing this long enough? I should know what to do with this hand. Yeah, I do I for a while I stopped doing stand-up for a while and I came back and I noticed I was I was aping the double hand Oh for sure a signature So then I used to have like a power like PC principle just one hand right here One hand and I've gotten back to that where one hands by my side

And I just kind of move around with this and yeah, I hate the pocket I did it recently I did it on Sunday, and I go what am I doing to immediately took it out? Rogan holds the mic hate it. I think Rogan holds the mic the worst like a snow cone. Yeah, you know What are we doing the bottom the very bottom like on the actual cable here to touch that part of the microphone Yeah, that's the connection. Yep. I choke up right around. I guess it's called the head of the microphone Oh, you do the head the glands She's like a hip-hop artist you know, what are you doing? No, I just hold it right in the middle dude right grip and I just keep it right here and I talk the entire time

Yeah, I've tried to do like Mike in the mic stand kind of talk That's tough, too. I started fucking with the stand and then I yeah It's like I do the two I've done the two hands most of my career I think Gillis is ruining it for us cuz now everyone now everyone goes all you're doing Gillis again I'm just holding the fucking mic I don't know what to do with his other hand to hit two hands when I'm like really dying if I feel like I'm dying On stage, I'll throw that other hand on the line Just like hello guys But yeah, I am dude. So you did it you did a bunch of you were with the campaign with Trump

I was like talking how well how many people were there first congratulations? True man, you're like things I could talk about on this I wasn't with Trump himself as far as those are like the actual presidential campaign, but there's all these other organizations that do things to campaign. Got you. You won't believe the group I was with. Well, I'd be curious to learn about them. They're called log cabin gay Republicans. Whoa. Did you know that was a thing you're getting gay Republicans fired up? Oh dude, it was what they were doing too were doing to your handsome tall man. I was like gay Republicans. That's a thing. We're growing near us. Damn dude. Gay Republicans. And they used to hate black people. They're new. Black people

are new to Republican Party. I don't know if you know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Yeah. But then for a while there, I don't know if you know about his work. What is this idea that we get about all of our grandparents? Abraham Lincoln was Republican slavery had nothing to do with racism. It's free work. It's a leverage of power. That's all it is. Money. You go, wait, now I have to pay these fuckers. Look at Amazon right now. They just got a, but okay. I mean, I hear your logic, but I do think when you go, those guys are all the slaves. It's kind of racist. Like, yeah, I hear your logic, but I do think when you go, those guys are all the slaves, it's kind of racist. I was like a poverty thing.

Guess who sold us the slaves? Black people, rich black people. Come on, Jeff, I agree with you. Slavery is the perfect way to build an economy. Yes, but like, you know. It's still terrible. We agreed it's bad and got rid of it. It's fucking sad.

When are we gonna let these Chinese ones that we got, when are we gonna let these Chinese children slaves go? are there are a lot of one thing at a time You know, we've been true to it. There is still there are still a lot of slaves. Oh You know, like I said if you're out if you're you know, if you're gonna set this up, there's a lot of slay I love that like LeBron James is like The civil rights he's reading Malcolm X upside down and he's acting like he cares about slavery while he's dripping in Nike. Yeah, yeah.

You're wearing the third world countries. It's not slavery. It's just there's just not enough money. So everyone's a slave by default. Yes. Yeah, like they would pay. They'll take the job. They're like five cents a day. Yeah, please. There's just no money. So it's like they're just slaves by default. Although some of them are probably honestly slaves if you're like a factory guy in a third world

You could probably have like a head stash of slaves. It's like you'll go in there with my paid workers, dude. Yeah Lot there's still a lot of slaves sex lives. Yeah, like we have we have sex trafficking in our own country Like those are slaves and that's just a leverage of power I mean, it's a sad, you know, it's yeah, we all agree slavery is bad But when people try to pretend like it only happens to black people grow up read some things. Yeah, that's true They just they're the hot potato. They got caught with hot potato like the cool slaves. Yeah They got caught last For real that's like that like yeah, it is totally

Native-americans had slaves like like like India like every place you I dare you to find me a place that didn't have slave Oh, it was a global institution. Yeah for sure that was less than a hundred years and got rid of it It was ended by the British. Yeah, we tried it on we said we said this feels icky. I was claiming I'm Christian I said ended by the British. Yes, it was it was an end about a British We ended it who ended slavery who chased other ships down. It's like who who? A dude our boy now the British for real like they went at to war data guys just like they were like Who ended slavery? Who chased other ships down? Who? Who? Abe, dude, oh boy. Nah, the British, for real, like, they went at to war. Weren't they the guys, just like, they were like, alright, we colonized the world, now let's save it.

Well, colonization, yeah, like, that's a tricky one too. I can't believe we're getting into all this. It's the podium. It's the podium. It is the podium. But yeah, I swear to God, the British, like, Mexico stopped slavery, but they didn't, like, get ships and, like, chase slave ships is the podium. Yeah, it was I swear to God the British like like Mexico stopped slavery But they didn't like get ships and like chase slave ships around the fucking ocean like yeah, Britain like persecuted But I also think it could have been like we're stopping slaves You can't have them because they didn't want anyone gaining the fucking there also might not be anything more diverse than slavery What's every land every person? Yeah?

Leverage of power yeah, yeah, person. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a leverage of power. Yeah. Yeah. Hardly racial at all. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's crazy to be like it wasn't a... I can't wait till the republic start saying leverage of power next year. Yeah, I know.

I start a whole thing. And I'm going to know what you mean. Well, what I will say is working for the log cabin guys, it breaks my liberal friends brains. Yeah. What do you mean? Because I'm like, oh, I'm working with log cabin. Like, what's that? I'm like gay Republicans and they're like, but gay is good, but Republican bad Like they can't get their mind around. Why are they called the log cabin? I don't know Lincoln

Lincoln Logs There's a bunch of dicks in a cabin It's the log cabin. They're the greatest group of dudes ever. They have best sense of humor and like I think they're also New Republicans. Yeah, they're like sick of this new shit. Yeah. Yeah, so they're just like gay guys all about the paper No, they're like the bread. They're all just like tired of trans people be considered the same community as theirs Yeah, like that's annoying. Yeah What do you think that seems like? That seems minuscule. What do you think they're they're gay Luddites? Yeah

Fangled technology. No. No, they're saying like why is this guy pretending like he's with us? I Think they're just conservative gay like we're LGBTQ That's kind of it. What's this new tea thing? Why is tea here? Yeah, why is tea here? What's going on? Yeah true? I mean, you know to be fair. They're losing dudes becoming women. They're probably as a gay block This is not all right Numbers are dwindling right now. Yeah, cuz it is kind of like, you know, I could see that if you're like an old gay guy You can get a total revamp. Yeah, you know, well if you get a sex change you become straight again. That's the rules Those are kind of yeah, they go now. I'm a straight. Oh, yeah, this is confusing

Yeah, yeah, take the lock heaven and be like boys I think the trans things really smart like if you're trying to like you know the whole deadname rule Yeah, like it's not you like if you become a woman and I go I fucking loved man Yeah, I'm out with him in Austin better not they would go Don't you better not don't you fear? Me right that's the rules. Yeah, but like, you know, Caitlyn Jenner like did some you know some crimes You know, we talked about the car car thing. Yeah, but like in court they could be like mr. Jenner and be like that was Bruce Baby, that wasn't me. Don't name me. I think it wants you to court. They're like alright timeout

Let's go to do that. Yeah, they go timeout, and then they can just totally just hit you with you know they call you Or that yeah, they could be like can I do timeout? I love this Official position yeah Can I do challenge flags like challenge flag? I can we can we go to someone that can call timeout? Potentially like that you could do whatever you want right now. We should adopt timeout and podiums. You're really gonna change the world Yeah, so how so how was what was the experience you did like a bunch of just like so there's like Trump is like It's like almost like a mega church like Trump is the main pastor and a lot of them have satellite churches Yeah, so you were just ripping at all these things you did all I did comedy and just told them what I think about

Why they should vote for Donald Trump? Yeah, it was awesome At what point did they stuff dollar bills in your pants? We'll do the conservative flag has wildly extended now Yes, where it's like now it's they really don't care what you're up to if you just at least are like yeah We agree with you. They're like fuck it. That's why it's great. I'm a 2001 liberal, which is just now Republican Yeah, yeah, it's pretty much. Yeah, that's all it is. Oh, so you did a damn exit. Oh, yeah for sure So wait, okay, so in 2001 I didn't change any of my views and he just became a robot like now Well, like I seem like a crazy person. I was like I didn't change anything you guys changed

Yeah, yeah, well you get you get your flack for that cuz you live in LA, right? Yeah, I get a lot of flack for it But I also I didn't get much flack people were just like that's how Jeff thinks until I endorsed Trump That's what was it was over the line for them. Yeah, they were fine with me being Republican conservative Jeff They weren't fine with me being pro Trump for them. Yeah, they were fine with me being Republican conservative Jeff They weren't fine with me being pro Trump. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like girls don't really care though All the girls are like closet Lee obsessed with it. Why they like message me They like they'll like secretly message me like hey, just so you know, I think this is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of tight

What are you saying? The mayor white girls love Trump? Mm-hmm. Yeahas. Yeah, and Latinas Latinas and White girls love true. A lot of people are kind of coming around to him, dude Yeah, the best even on CNN. I've noticed they'll be like the best. This is the rare. He won already He's not the best I agree, dude, but that's not a guy the only guy in the WWE Hall of Fame I want to be my president's man McMahon, okay? Vince McMahon will be the best president. See, that's- You guys love wrestling? You guys love wrestling?

Yeah, it's our thing. That's great, that's where you guys bonded. It's our thing together, yeah. You guys love wrestling? Because I know I look like this, but then people go, Oh, he likes wrestling? He's actually a fucking- Yeah. Makes sense on a pub thing now.

He's just big and retarded. No, I love- I love- I think it's also that one of the newest things that's happened to me is like like there's a comedy like Finesse Mitchell And I got a great guy. I thought we were friends and we're I was at the laughter He's like you've gotten real political lately. I think what? He's like you really like people keep accusing me of like oh, you're really chosen Elaine. Oh, you've really You are you're pandering. It's like no. It's just what I think yeah, why do why does it have to be pandering? Yeah, that's a fair point because a lot of people a lot of comedians were like you know hitting their cells with all kinds of Like you like all the Facebook trends or you know Instagram of like I'm gonna put my profile this that and this everyone was doing shit

But yeah, I did comedy in Seattle, Washington, that's where I'm from and every show every open mic every showcase was like Jesus sucks anti-religion fuck George W Bush You know abortion this abortion that I didn't once go. Wow, you guys are really leaning into this whole Democrat bullshit Yeah, I didn't once accuse them of grifting or anything. But then I say a thing and they go, oh, look, he's trying to get that Republican coin. It's like, no, no, these are just how I feel.

My thing too is like, dude, it's also, I'm in a big, I just look at it like a small business owner. It's like, bro, I run a small business. I'll go get whoever's fucking money I want to. You're going to be like, you're making that money. It's like, OK, dude. Yeah. Goodbye.

You're on SNL for a year. Shut up, Ines. But in my mind, it's like, okay, dude. Yeah But in my mind it's like we're gonna make the money either way, yeah, right But but I think it's the accusation is insane to me, you know Like when I was like saying nice things about Barack Obama all I got was little pats on the bottom like good job Jeff that was you were then kind of that was like the accepted view of the yeah I wasn't a Pandering to them, but now that I'm endorsing a guy that's like like doesn't think we should cut our kids dicks off like everyone Thinks I'm nuts. Yeah, that's apparently that's coming to a nurse Or prisoners we get a couple of those guys down a little bit

Don't hack them the way they like Yeah, I do I think it is kind of, I don't know, I feel like, I just feel like, I don't know, you shouldn't really worry too much about what anyone else is doing. It's like, dude, if you get paid for it, God bless you, this is awesome, you know, make your money, you know, people are like, just fucking bullshit. I, you know, but you're right though, because everyone was like wildly political, being like, fuck this, fuck that. The whole late night itself was just every show was like fucking Yeah, you're only allowed to be political if you're left Yeah, and like then if you're a little bit right you better be real You know you better be careful over there. Yeah, and like why I'm just gonna say what I think we're comics who gives a shit

Yeah, I'm all about getting that bread anyway, dude. Yeah, your painter is like bro. I'm getting that bread Well like I'm not getting the bread from it like I go when I do Greg Gutfeld on Fox News I get zero dollars. They pay me nothing. They put me up in a hotel I change the ticket sales. Oh, you don't you're telling me the biggest show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No People to come to my show. Yeah for sure So I guess there is a way to make money of that on that back end for yeah for sure And that does it change the demo are you getting like are you getting geezies up there? I get some old, well, that's yeah, dude. Fuck it, dude. That's the point. Absolutely. And also like late night. Godfell's

the king of late night, by the way, when I used to, huh? He can't give gas. He's the king. He's the king of late night free. Give me gas money, bro. That is fucked up. They don't give you a dollar. That's crazy. SNL pays like $5,000. Well, like podcasts are free. True. Yeah. Joe Rogan's the biggest show in the world. I've never been paid to be on Joe Rogan, but it's worth it. I want to be on it. Have you asked him to pay me? Yeah. But hey, Joe, wait, dude, cool. And all we can get 2,500 bucks. When Joe, that'd be amazing. Hey Joe, my time's kind of now will be valuable man. I wouldn't mind getting a little side. You might hurt you make a lot of money.

Just send a memo request. Just say, hey man, I did your whole show. There's a few hours. I'll do the million dollars, but no, I yet nobody. It makes perfect sense. Yeah, it's just worth it. You do the things you want to do. Yeah Yeah, when Joe really replies to a text for me, I'm like Like it's like what like if we had phones when we're in have you have you can see like amber shoemaker reply That when Joe replies Yeah, he holds a really unique position and just like especially I would I would say popular consciousness But for dudes in general a lot of dudes I've talked to other people about this people have like a part of your brain that like while you're

showering like it just goes into a mode where it's like well Joe let me tell you about this and you start like text you you're like well cuz you're so cool to like I've never like I don't know people that are like Apollo descending upon you. You're like, holy shit Yeah, or like Xerxes you think Xerxes? That's why Austin's got a little too comfy with Joe They'll be up in that green room and I'm like you guys not fucking Joe Rogan's here tighten up. I Still get kind of frill. I do I get a little shuttered. I'm awesome. Yeah, it makes me happy He's getting more every time. I think I've gotten a little jacked I see him like a month later. Yeah

Actual thing from huh? He's turning it to the thing from Fantastic Four But it is he is a for sure like an absolute power broker and it's like it is tough to like Yeah, not let that sway your interaction cuz you're like did you play sports grown up? Yeah, yeah, do you remember being like rugby? Oh real sports fuck That wasn't for basketball that was for rugby No, like on my baseball team like there'd be like an older boy, you know Like I'm legit, you know And then there'd be like a cool older guy like that's how I feel when I see Joe like if I say something stupid my fuck

Just said a stupid thing. Yeah, like like we would showing me his compound You know and he was like, this is the cold plunge and then this is the and he's like in this where I shoot my arrows or whatever the fucking was and so then I was like I was like, oh cool and I said something stupid about the Elk or Whatever that was up there and he looked at me like like it was a question He'd never heard before and then I was just like I beat myself up about it for like the next two minutes yeah yeah actually I saw the archery range I sat in front of the bullseye and let him shoot an apple off my head I was like you didn't film that I'd only have

stupid questions for Joe Rogan yeah I don't think Lamar you you had some you're cooking with a lot of them man, and they're good I think they're good though every now and again just dumb questions. What would be the first question you asked Joe Rogan? Well, it was like hey, yeah, he said you'd ask you a lot of dumb ones. What's what would be like? Thanks for having me may I have a job? Yeah, he'd be like I had no. All right. What did you ask? What did you ask those NFL players at one time? Oh, I can't remember. I think it was Stefan Diggs. I asked him, cause I didn't realize they're younger than me. I was 30 and they're like, that is kind of weird. That's a crippling feeling. I just said, I was like,

what do you watch on YouTube? That's a good question? Do you think they were honest? Oh, I also said outside of being black, what else do you think we have in common? That was the first question. It's good ice breaker. That's funny. That's usually my go to besides being black. What do we, um, that's interesting. Yeah. The, uh, the athletes being our age, I always wondered if it was, cause I think there's

nothing cooler to me than a baseball player or like, like, like a football player. I mean, I to me is like that's God. Yeah, it went Griffey then God then my dad like it was Griffey's number one. So you're a big baseball guy. Yeah. What did you play? What do you play baseball until? Yeah, I wasn't great. What your what was your position high school baseball is pretty serious shortstop. Yeah, I played shortstop. That's awesome Yeah, it's fun. But like when you when you go they're gonna be young now. Yeah Yeah, and Jack there's like people a decade younger than me then could just beat the fuck out of it It's kind of shitty. Well, I have a gun Yeah, I would fuck Aaron judge up with my gun dude. Yeah, but it's like Yeah, but still if you hesitate for one second if he closes that's true. He closed the disk Yeah, I get him while he was sleeping like McNair You start proactively killing all the young athletes what things cool about being older than them though is

You know at least if you're if if you're in our world of comedy comedy's kind of become cool now Which was not the case for a long time? You can just DM them and they'll be like holy shit, dude Like I love your stuff and they'll like give you take like that's a better part about being older than them for sure Is that now I'm not the boy asking for the autograph. I'm they think I'm cool. Yeah, that's a nice switch What's up kid? Yeah, where you at? You awake? I'm they think I'm cool. Yeah, that's a nice switch. What's up kid? Yeah, where you at you awake? I'm gonna come through Yeah, it is nice. Oh, yeah, it's I get blown away when people like hey, I'm like what the fuck Hey, what's going on? I gotta get JD Martinez story. You know that is still plays

I think he's one of the most I think at this point. He's probably one of the older guys in No, he played for the Boston Red Sox. I think he's on the Dodgers So he's been playing for a long time. Handsome guy, really really good looking guy. Baseball players are sleepers, bro. A lot of baseball players are pretty handsome. A lot of hunks out there on the baseball field. He's a good-looking fella. And so this girl goes, you're going to Boston? So yeah, I'm playing this comedy club. She goes, you want to go to Fenway? I was like, I love Fenway. I'd love it. It's hard to get tickets, but I've been before, but I'll take you up on that.

She worked at William Morris. And so she's like, she's like, I can get left me tickets. I go to the box office but I've been before but I'll take you up on that she worked at William Morris And so she's like she's like I get left me tickets I go to the box office to do the whole thing when I sit in the seats there They're good seats and then it says at the top zero dollars Compt, you know, and then I said JD Martinez. I was like, I wonder if that's like related. Yeah, that's weird So then I DM JD Martinez on Instagram while we're sitting there. I go. Hey, dude. Thanks for the tickets This is rad, you know, I've been a fan of you for a long time or whatever And I just showed a photo of the thing I don't remember what he said but it was something nice and flattering about my comedy and then he was like hang out after the game

I'll come say what's up. He was texting you during the game. It was before I'm like an eight-year-old I'll get to the game two hours early have 75 beers So I guess after it'll get to the game two hours early, have 75 beers. So I get so after, so then after the game, I'm like, this is pretty cool. And we're just hanging out with all these skanks. It's like me, my friend, Maddie chamber is a comic and then just a bunch of girls who are like banging the players or whatever. And they're trying to get everyone out of there. I'm like, ah, I got a DM to stay. So then there you're at the front of the nets and it's funny. Some guys, the clipboard is like, who's fucking

this guy? Why who's fucking this guy It's more like that in NBA games After the NBA games, there's tons of whores like it's amazing. It's kind of a cool life though It'd be like a professional sports groupie and just dude kind of nice. Yeah, you don't pay for anything do anything There's lined up like ubers at the airport. Not a good shelf life. Yeah There's a new one that just got wasn't Brittany Grignere. She got worn out by a bunch of NBA players and now she's poor and crying online. She's in her job. Wait, this is a, we've got a separate that it isn't Brittany Grinnell, Brittany Reiner. Okay. That would be breaking news. That's the lady who was in Russia. Famously lesbian, allegedly trans, Brittany Griner has been banging all these dudes. She's just intersex.

So we know something about JD Martinez. This is the end of the story. So we're at the Nets and he goes, you know, he's like, oh man, it's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. We're talking through the Net. And he's like, how do you know? I'm going to use a fake name. How do you know Christine? And I and he's like, he's a county, you know, you know, he's a fake name How do you know Christine and I was like, oh, she's the best dude. Yeah, she just set me up with these and then we kind

of looked at each other But he was cool that I was good we're like, oh my god, like it was cuz she is a cool chick She's not trying to be our girlfriend and for sure weren't you know, I say our girlfriend She's not trying to be our girlfriend and for sure weren't you know, I say our girlfriend Going I'm with Jeff die or JD Martinis and we're not going on she's our girlfriend, you know It's just two grown-ups, you know You think that was kind of a Machiavellian kind of ploy on her part to be like I got you maybe Flex yeah, like bro. Don't get comfortable. Yeah, that is I get I'm getting exquisite pipe You don't get it or trying to make us jealous of each other. So we step up our commitment game. Who else do you think is on that list

for this chick? Could be anybody. Yeah, true. She worked at William Morris and she was like an 11 like she was so beautiful and really nice. What is it? I think it's an agency. Yeah. Oh, okay. I got you guys. Okay. So she oh wow. Yeah. Yeah. The guys who first I thought was like a law firm. I was like, I think it's an agency. I think it's the guys for a second. I thought I was like a law firm was like I think it's an agency I think one of the big five accounting firms It sounded like it they own WWE and UFC. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, I knew they're big cuz they don't rep me Must be something good With the tickets. Yeah, it was pretty cool. It's cool of him. I cool her the whole story is positive But it was like a very funny like modern story, you know

Yeah, that is kind of not to slowly be like Fucker it's like it wasn't like a some gross guy that I think sucks or something It's just like oh JD Martinez and he's going this comedian guy that I know you know Were you wrapping it up not to ask too much details were you going raw dogging? They're like I just want to know how close your guys's kinship is. Oh, yeah, I don't I don't wrap it up Okay, cool. It's not my stuff. I thought You're about to say I don't go wrong. Yeah Okay, the opposite so you guys are free of link. Yeah, it's up forever for life You look like you were exclusively red condoms

Condoms are crazy dude. I don't know any adults who use them. I'm kind of like ridiculous fuck I do think it is weird. We just started giving them to kids like I was like the early 90s I'd like just look into the condom program recently Because I was trying to like get to the bottom of like just like where the party especially like the left just went like Kind of like a little weird and it's like whatever it was like a response apparently to the AIDS HIV thing Yeah So I was trying to figure out like where like at what point did like you know go from like Bill Clinton to like it Is now and I didn't I can't answer that question. I just got distracted on the school condom program

I'm like, oh, yeah, that was condom programs are strange. Yeah, it's similar to the homeless thing where they're like give them clean needles I worked at this homeless shelter in Seattle. We would give them like clean needles to go Do drugs with they hook them up and I'm like and they were like they're gonna find them anyway So just guys like I don't think this is a good idea. Yeah, just providing them all the shit like it seems strange Apparently they said I read a book about it's called chasing the scream by I fear the guy's name But um he what he said worked is when you do not just the needles But they have to go to a center and you also give them the clean tested heroin and it takes away all of the other Like thrilling aspects where it's like I got to buy heroin. I do this. Well, so you like you like here's free heroin

It's you know, it's almost a prescription It's like such a little amount you mass produce it and then while they're doing it you're like so How's this working out for you? And it's like it takes away all like this. I've been around the neighborhood. It's not working Program sucks. They have more homeless than ever. They don't do it. They don't do it here. Oh, okay. Did it. And I think London before and it actually curbed heroin use. Oh, God, I wish they'd do it. Giving just needles is kind of like, it's like lazy. Yeah, it's like it's whatever. But it's like if you if you legalize the heroin, it takes away from the black market sales. Yeah. And then you have them in a center. And he's like, they've done studies.

That works to reduce the number of A, overdoses by far, and B, people just, they stop. Cause dude, I'm so insensitive about the homeless situation. Like I used to be like, I worked at a homeless shelter, like I care. And then like after 7,000 interactions with homeless people a day in Los Angeles, you just lose all your sympathy I could never do it I knew somebody who was working with homeless people and I was like how that would be There's no really like, you know, the progress would be few and far between it's it's exhausting

Like you see like like I think when I make fun of the homeless on the internet or like in my act of around These towns they're picturing some lovable boxcar hobo with like a bindle stick and and you know They think that that's what I'm they go leave them alone Jeff No, it is go to LA go to downtown LA for just a morning walk around you go. Oh, I get it Yeah, these people is a lot. Yeah, nobody Die for sure Yeah, it's well, it's one of those things you like nobody is like, oh sweet. Yeah, you're like This is such a bummer. There's no way to like

Differentiate either between like the people who are choosing to be there sure have to be there and then like the people I have to But like and the people who like are like crazy They're like ill or the drug addicted. Yeah, it's become one big circle of people at a certain point It doesn't matter. you know what I mean? No one's sifting through them like I'll take those guys for today for work with me. You're just going, you're seeing it. There are people I've seen who are hanging, they're like homeless adjacent

where I'm like, you're definitely not homeless but these are like kind of your bros and you're slowly I think becoming homeless. So there is like a pajama pants face everyone goes through where you're kind of like just leaving your house and hanging with homeless people before you get totally sucked into it what's the show me your friends saying what you know something about like oh yeah you are the five people you hang around yeah I hate that cuz then it just

makes my loser friends get nervous you know Jeff's gonna leave. And I want to let them know I won't. I love you boys. I got your back. Yeah, I do. That is kind of a weird rule. Be like, you are the five people you hang out with the most. Yeah. Oh, I'm not?

What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, we got to tell my buddy Aaron, like, you're out, dude. Yeah, I hang. Well, also I hang around. You're not succeeding enough. It's my room, bro. I hang around two toddlers constantly. That's bullshit constantly You are yeah

They do kind of open up your eyes of some sweet shit though Yeah We found our like sprinkler system went off and made like a little river and we got to like I just watched them Playing that thing. I'm like, it's kind of cool. Yeah, kids are good that way They're kind of cool to like yeah She's like the waters like she was going to like a crack in the sidewalk and she was just like this is a river Yeah, it's not a fucking river but i'm like i can see why you're kind of but you wouldn't have cared at all about that like the wonderment of a child is like that because i used to go to disneyland drunk all the time with all

my buddies and it rules it rules dude you're strong recommend it is but uh then my buddy once goes oh my family's uh my nieces and nephews they want to go to disneyland i was going to take them do you want to come with us so i just kind of like came with them totally different experience. Yeah, it was awesome I was like, oh my god They're like, you know like tease the kids and like make jokes and they think I'm cool cuz I'm an older guy or whatever Like I was like, oh, this is like a really wholesome version of what I've been doing. Yeah, it's better So when you get hammered at Disneyland, are you like are you trying to like pick up babes or like? No, I just having a good time. Just chillin. Okay. Yeah, I'm curious what's kind of exciting to sneak the booze in you know don't serve it in there

Well, no you have to go to like California Adventure or go to this one club That's called club 33 that you have to be like the Pope to get into so I'm not getting into club 33 damn Disney World They let it fly you can get really hammered at Disney World. It's great. It's in Florida Yeah, that's great Disney World alcohol is abundant. You can just get shit faced. You can go to Disneyland and get dinner and you can just, I didn't know that. It's part of the rebellion. True.

Sneaking it in. West Coast, how the fuck did you get it in? Well, we would like take these plastic flasks that would, you know, whatever. Or the way that doesn't work, don't do this, we took like half Gatorade, like just dumped out half and then filled the rest with like vodka or tequila for sure They've seen that a million times I guess because they've caught us before we even got to like the thing They're like that's alcohol like shit. Yeah

Yeah, dude I will say having bringing little kids to Disney World is one of the most tiring for sure It's it's they like there's like an internet joke of like training for Disney World with kids because you have to like carry them. Yeah. You end up walking like six miles or just getting blazed in the sun. There's no fat people at Disney, dude. You should at Disney World. There are plenty of fat people. Oh, really? Not at our Disney.

Disneyland's beautiful. You're just going to walk for eight hours. Disneyland's beautiful and it's in California too, but like, you know, at Disney World in Florida, there are fats, bro. Sounds like it's right up my alley then. Many fats. Fat people, you can be hammered there. Yeah, you are fats, bro. Sounds like it's right up my alley then. Many fats. Fat people, you can be hammered there? Yeah, you can be hammered, you can be as fat as you want. You can not move a muscle all day,

you can get hammered on a mobility chair. Oh, I didn't even think about the mobility chairs. You can ride your mobility chair right to a little boat, and it ferries you across, under, like, literally the Magic Kingdom. Interesting. Yeah, there was plenty of fats walking around there. I was actually, there was, I wanted to ask, like, I was actually there's as I was I wanted to ask

Like some of the rides I'm like dude if you're like too big to fit on this like what the fuck do they do like how do you? Because there's you could be waiting for like an hour. Yeah get there and be like also by the way It's amazing you brought this up get rid of these in front of everyone Practice seats where they bring a big person over they go you fat so hey come here we Sit in this to make sure you're gonna they treat them like luggage at the airport What do they give them like a practice chair where they'll put the thing in and if the person doesn't fit in it

That means they won't make it on the ride So that they don't want them to have to wait in the line or get disappointed when they get to the front So they have like this kind of like example chair like, you know It's kind of like the are you? Do an actual chair. Are you too fat for this? I saw this young man in there and I was mortified for him because they were like trying to pull the thing down and these Like, you know teenagers that work. They're like, yeah, I think you're too big and I was just going all these shit Why didn't they make the seats bigger for the Harry Potter ride? A lot of fat people love Harry Potter. I couldn't believe how for the Harry Potter ride a lot of fat people love Harry Potter I couldn't believe how

They they they have it did he try to suck in and did they push was that the suck in and he was doing everything He was also mortified because we're just all waiting line going like that fat kid over there. He can't ride He's too fat also aren't there fat characters in Harry Potter like that Yeah, they should if you're too fat for the if you're a kid too fat for the ride They should just make you like go get a job. You gotta like You're done school. You're not a child anymore. You should like join the army They should be like all right. You're in the army now. Yeah Haggard wouldn't even be able to ride the ride His own ride they gotta do something man. You know they gotta they gotta cut it somewhere. It's like dude I I fly every now and again I'll fly southwest if I can't get a direct flight and I try to pay the extra so I can Get in that first seat so I can sit in the very front. You know Matt's doing well

He's like I used to fly so sometimes I'll fly so Sometimes I will Like the fact that you framed it like that. I love you. Sometimes I will he's like American time. I don't like to admit this Sometimes I'm on Southwest. I do I'm a man of means it is weird that I'm every now and again and fly But if you get that front seat, it's so good Yeah, so I'm like alright I pay the extra bucks so I can be you know a one through three sure I'm gonna get the front seat and Then like every now and again, I'll like be watching my guy here in a wheelchair obviously like I'm not saying anything You then it'll just be like a fat guy will get ahead of me

I know a medical pre-board, and I just want to be like dude a two drives me crazy There's a little dude. You're just fat you better not take their front seat Yes, I know you will because you're fat and you'll definitely want the extra space. Yeah, they just fuck me out of the front seat I'm always like motherfucker. Also, you're being very conservative saying that it's like a fat guy and then like a guy in a wheelchair They'll say does anyone need any extra time boarding? That's a very vague question Yeah, that's kind of now just two parents with like three kids You've got a you know guy That's got like a lamp or something and there's like a deaf lady

You're like she's all these handicapped people are always gone. We're just like everyone else we can do anything you can do Yeah, what's with the special treatment early boarding bullshit? Dude if you're here's they've given family I can see that you got a you have strollers all this shit if you're in a wheelchair Whatever you gotta do go down there feel like an old person with a cane for sure Every now and again, I'll just see you like and I'm not trying to be dick It must be a fat loser right you take a guy who's like standing there in a monster energy shirt I'm like bro you get the fuck out of here you also Sounded like a dick. I'm gonna take it to a next level fuck all of them

You're just like us you don't get to get on there early. Everyone's taking their time you you can go Like us you don't get to get on there early everyone's taking their time you you can go B56 just cuz your legs don't work. I have to let you board first. Yeah, why does it matter? I don't know they're not like us though Jeff What though I know it's bullshit. Yeah, I do it again if you're if you're me. Oh, I'm missing an arm I have to be on the plane before you who gives a shit. Yeah that Like I'll give all missing arms you go right ahead. I'll give everyone that there's just dudes who are just like That'll pre-board. I'm like where dude show me your element. Is you call the duty? Yeah, I got a fucking three dude If I said front seat, I'm just a big fat guy. I got the sugar

Yeah, but that's a slow one that takes a long time Yes, all this guy recently and I was trying I always try to figure out like what's your medical condition? I oh, yeah unfortunate was like damn that guy's just such a loser When also have you seen this happen? It sounds mean it sounds mean, but he got a medical grade the doctor's like dude You're fucking It's over for you. It's like just get on the plane Have you ever had this happen they do the pre-board right there or they'll do the thing they need extra time, right? There's some sort of they need more time on the airplane

They're really just hogging the overhead space and but anyways, so they'll get on but then they'll sit in the exit row I'm sorry. I thought that you were some sort of handicapped person, but yeah, you got assistant an emergency gonna lead the charge Yeah, true. So that's that's conflicting. Yeah I didn't know they did that that's because usually they ask you like are you okay? Oh yeah Southwest is they're trying to get that exit row. Did you ever save a seat on Southwest for somebody when the plane comes on? No but recently yelled at a guy for doing it and turns out he was telling the truth. What was the truth? I said hey guys sit there because there's like very few seats left I'm one of the last on the plane. He goes well I he goes. Well. I'm oh no. I said hey. Do you mind if I sit there?

He goes yes instead of just saying what else that kind of caught me off Yeah, and then he goes I was like Okay, and he's like I'm saving it for my wife, and then I was like I'm the last on the plane So I'm like looking around like this guy's full of shit So I find like just another one cuz there's like four seats on the whole plane available and I'm sitting there fuming like fuck this Guy yeah, he was his wife was like in the bathroom or something. She came out He was right. Yes, that is crazy. Not just be like him. I was in the bathroom. He was kind of chippy. Yes Yeah, I didn't like that. It's something kind of well

I get I get spaz out when people hog up the overhead We're not the one just put it in this walk. I'm just kind of like that's exactly where I'm sitting here Take it drives me crazy. I know that'll chat my ass, but yeah, I've been trying to chill in plane zone I say you can there's so many battles. Yes with with like lining up It's like try to line up someone comes from this way or yeah, you go. It's a line I know there's some No, pretend I understand lines Yeah, or people just do the masses like you'll get like it'll get people in us be like People hit the horizontal line and then it'll just become a crowd and then it's like well

I don't want to be like excuse me and like edging in and then if you know you're boarding group six Why are you in the fucking way? while people are trying to board one two three four and five you want to both six is life or death because then you want To be you want to be the very first person in six because only one of you is going to get overhead space Yeah, so that's where the battle comes in But yeah, it just becomes turns into a clusterfuck like first class and and then literally there's people just standing there Just wait and you can you move a little make a lane Well, I think my biggest battle on airplanes is the flight attendants.

That's who my battle's with. They're mean now. They've gotten so mean, dude. Why are you angry with us? I don't know. They've gotten... I was on there recently and my wife, like, in the morning, on a morning flight, snapped her nail on accident, like fucked it up.

And she just asked... The lady was busy doing stuff. She was, hey, when you get a minute, can I get a Band-Aid? Like, no rush, blah, blah, blah. And the lady's like, I'll have was hey when you get a minute can I get a band-aid like show? rush blah blah blah the ladies like I'll have to go to the back and she was like whatever you need okay Well, you know take your time. You know rush. You know get the plane seated We don't this isn't like bleeding or anything and the lady was just like heavy sigh does her thing and then After the plane was all seated. I was like yo

Can I get that band-aid please very nicely was sure the fuck's our band-aid dude she literally went? And then walked to the back to get the band-aid and I was like, whoa What was all that? Fuck I've heard they don't get paid until the break gets released and the plane moves backwards Yeah, but I don't give a shit when they get paid. I think that's terrible. They suck. Why don't they get paid? They think they're plane police. Yeah, some of them are nasty, especially during covid that drives me crazy That was tough. That was annoying now now that like covid's not happening and they're not like like now letting you get that like Breath of fresh air through your nose. I'm like whatever I'm putting it all behind. Don't like yell it

I'll put like I'll check a you know for the overhead space I'll open the thing and she like if it's closed It means it's full and I was like I see people mindlessly Close these things all the time. That's not true. There's often a lot of space Mine in and just close to see if it closes. I'll leave it closed and there's two actually, you know Yeah, they don't need to do that. I don't understand I guess they're like repeating the same scenario over and over but they still don't have to like I don't understand why like TSA does That yeah, I'd be like it's not it's like dude. You don't see I'm right here, right?

I mean, I I don't know the rules. It's a change Yeah, it's like a disease of like if it's obvious to you you think everyone should know it yeah You know it's like not everyone flies every day Some old ladies like do I need to take my iPad out and they're like everybody electronics come out you like She doesn't fly that off they do best But I'm telling you is because they when you're a flight attendant you have to wake up and you're in like a queue It's like you just wake up. You're in a queue Then you just stand at the airport till your number gets called and then you go works like uber

Yeah, you should you wake up and just like chillin and then they're like BAM We I think if you have like seniority they'll call you like you know you're going in but there's a lot of them We're like just like I don't know if I'm gonna get to work today And they pull your number and you're like rushing to the flight you're getting there You got to do all this shit, and then it's if it gets delayed at all Yeah, you're just standing there for 45 minutes on the runway And if he doesn't like back up as soon as the door closes, and they've released that break Yeah, then your clock starts getting paid Here's that would piss me off. How's that work?

Yeah, I had to do all that shit that didn't get paid everyone who didn't sit down. I'd be like well you sit the fuck down Yeah, but here's the thing. Here's the thing Being criminals are difficult to deal with but I won't tolerate a fucking grumpy shitty bad cop And kids are a lot but that doesn't mean teachers get to be mean to the kids That's true. And yeah, oh it must be real hard to be a gay guy or a hot chick That's a flight attendant, but you still got to do the job True that this is very true. They're totally right. But in terms of hot chicks and gay guys I guess it's got to be devastated be a hot chick with a annoying job. Oh, yeah has to suck

Well, they don't understand it. They shouldn't have a go. What is this? Hot chick job because they can fly anywhere for free. Yeah, but dude it ages a man Yeah, it's so hot that they're in the sky, but it fucks you up if you fly that much It's it's going to fucking drain your life force. Oh, it's right. Yeah, cuz you're time-traveling. Yeah, pretty much you're up high It's fucking with your blood circulation. Yeah, and you definitely all gassy. You're just looking for a husband. You definitely got a suck the pilots do you guys fart a lot when you fly? Well, no recently I made the switch yes for the answer question Unbelievable unbelievable to the point now or like it again if I'm flying with my wife should be like did you just fart? I'm trying to have a conversation. I'm like

Even like to me I'm like look don't shut the fuck up? You just said that loud, honey. Even to me, I'm like, look, don't worry about that. You grab her arm. What the fuck are you doing? So now I take shits on the plane. Oh, nice. If I'm farting, I just go and I just take a dump on the plane. I think it's the right thing to do. Because I'm not like a gassy guy.

Oh, I am. But when I'm flying, a lot of farts. And I'm so embarrassed. I'm doing the blow thing. And a boner. You have a boner and you're farting the entire time. Yeah, a lot of boners and a lot of farting But if I catch myself if I do more than like, you know

I have like one or two farts whatever but if I catch myself like Repeating it every like 10 minutes and I'm like, I'll just get up and take a shit and it like It's kind of harrowing to like go in there sit down There's like a lady on like the other side of the wall and just huffing and puffing over coffee cups It is weird shitting next to her. I like that little bathroom though on the air. I've gotten used to shitting in them and it's kind of I kind of like them. Cozy.

It's cozy. You're boxed in. You know what you're doing. You're just all business. You're taking a little hard for me. I'm six five. So when I pee, the walls going like this, you know, I got to do like a strange limbo. Yes.

I can't imagine because I'm only like five, ten. I'm in a bath. I'm in those airplane bathrooms. I feel like fucking a strange limbo. Yes, I can't imagine cuz I'm only like five ten. I'm in a bath I'm in those airplane bathrooms. I feel like fucking Alice in Wonderland I was like my cousin I have a lot of cousins or your height like six five six six And I'm like how the fuck do they even I feel like slender man Cuz you know that the middle of the door is like a fold so that open the door will open My knees are right on that thing and I'm like, oh this will be a Impossible for you might not be able to shit in there Door will open my knees are right on that thing and I'm like, oh this will be a Impossible for you might not be able to shit in there I've shit in there but it's like it'd be like my worst nightmare if that just pops over the people waiting

They're like, I walked in on somebody one time. They didn't lock the door I walked in on a young young lady who I believe had just gotten her period Oh, no, I walked in and she went and I just slammed his shot I had the flooded that it grilled me like you fucking pervert. I had to be like dude. I just opened the door It's not my fault. It she went and I just slammed it shut I thought it didn't grilled me like you fucking pervert I had to be like dude. I just opened the door. It's not my fault. It's hot I just So I just opened a fucking door and then she was like she came to her senses and was like yeah actually that's Kind of on her and it was it was a big deal, bro. She left a fucking glob of toilet paper Oh, that's why I had to come out cuz I followed her up I followed her up, and I had to come out and be like,

Someone's got a tail. That wasn't me, by the way. Yeah, I'd be like, yo, I didn't do that. There's a bit of a situation over there. And it was like a big deal, and like another girl made a big stink about it, and like, dude, I felt bad for a little girl, because another girl came out after me,

and was like, ew, someone got their period in the bathroom. And I was just sitting there like, holy fuck, dude, that sucks. That's rude. That was rude, but it was a young girl. You got your period in the bathroom. Yeah, someone just got their period in there, and I was like sitting there like holy fuck dude that sucks. That's rude. That was rude But it's usually young girl. You got your period in the bathroom. Yeah, someone just got her period in there I was like that'd be hilarious if they're like Matt had his period in there I didn't throw it. I didn't throw it. No, it's a fuck baby. It could have been a popped hemorrhoid.

I didn't want to get like the like this guy just fucking have like an open sore Yeah, I just wanted to come out and beg by the way. I went to the ladies like that was not me. What a legend He made having a popped hemorrhoid sound cool By the way, I went to the ladies like that was not me. I don't want a legend Having a popped hemorrhoid sound cool He was able to go pop a hemmy, you know Sound rad you could fucking red. Yeah, that guy's got fucking nasty hemorrhoids like no that was a young girl getting her period I just popped a hemmy dude. I sleep on a phone. He's before it's not good. Oh I don't even know what a hemorrhoid is. Well, butt cyst, pilondial cyst.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like a... It's no walk in the park, I'm guessing. It is not a walk in the park. Dude, imagine if a thing just, you know, your butthole's, you know, perfect little butthole, you got to poop out of it. Yeah. It's clear, everything's fine.

Imagine if just something grew in front of that. Is that what it is? Yeah. Well, there's different types of hemorrho But the thing we both got, the same one, was just like some part of your asshole just balloons full of liquid. Like an inflamed kind of thing? Like a nerve or something?

It's a sinus tract. It's a sinus tract in your asshole. Yeah. Sinus tract? Is there a way to avoid this? Like, is there something you did that, you know? Don't push too hard. I was straining a little bit.

And the number one is don't sit on the toilet and fuck around For a long period of time interesting Yeah, so I would sit there and I'm guilty of the first one not guilty of the second you're all but you pop right up It's cuz I'm pushing so much. I'm like a little rabbit man. You should if I went to the shit right now None of you would believe I took a shit. You're quick. You're a go zero chance. Die. Just shit But like I'm I'm in like a rabbit pop up. I'm fucking out really I like to read I'll sit there read a book. I'll read on my phone Oh interesting well your family guy trying to get away from the way that's a big one, too

And the shit break for real is serious because it's like and it's like I we both you both police each other It's like you don't want to go back because you're sitting there like I got a shit And you're just free because it's like you're at a job all the time So then you're like I got a shit my wife is like I got a shit. You're just like you mother I'll be like don't be fucking around your phone Hey, it's perfect don't be told me fucking you know you start be like are you almost done? You know you start. Yeah, I'd be like you know get her ten minutes max. You're like alright. Let's go I have a cute show big while you turn up there. Yeah, yeah'm like yeah I'm done. We know what you're doing in there you're on Candy Crush I can hear

it going excellent or whatever. If you're reading a book I'll get like engrossed in it you just forget you're just like damn this is awesome and all of a sudden I'm just like oh shit I got down there but yeah dude I got that one and it like I was at I was in school I went to school for social work like years ago in 2020 which is kind of fun but the uh I remember I was at I was in school. I went to school for social work like years ago in 2020, which is kind of fun. But the I remember I was like doing had to go to a test and I had to like jam. I think it popped, but I was worried. No, I was. I was waiting for it to pop and so I had to like put toilet paper between my ass cheeks. I had to like do something that day in front of the class little man pond exactly. So it really was and I like to get the smell.

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That's AuraFrames.com promo code MSSP. This deal is exclusive to listeners so get yours now in time for the holidays terms and conditions apply wait so how do you is I don't know if you guys want to even talk about this but do you have to get like surgery to get rid of it or you can't just wait I can I last time I had one I had to go who was a I was thinking I was Shane and Tony and they were doing a thing for next in line not the NFL whatever and I L bills and It was just so big I was just sitting on it. It's terrible. Yeah, I went to the hospital I went to the Urgent care. Yeah, and I like popped in the urgent care

So the guy was like luckily it popped before I had to do anything. It was like crazy. Yeah, I feel real lucky doc. Thank you It was just like squeezing my ass the whole time Yeah, I'm such a bitch about these kind of things like it hurt I I just was washing my ass too thoroughly yeah, so it was just dry But it was so itchy that I was like I've got to go to a professional You know that's 40 now I want to see what's going on and he was like you just are you're you're washing your ass too much Like what's your ass watching regimen? Well? I was just getting the shower

I would just use like shower gel or or soap to just wash make sure my ass Like I'm using all these soaps and things and it was so once I saw him he's like your assholes fine You know he's like you just need to not be how did you show the doctor your asshole? I had to do the whole thing like bend over I laid on I laid on the bed thing cuz he gave me the whole 40 year old check after that I figured like I'm at the age. Let's just check my assholes my assholes fuck right I've never had a dry asshole. I'm more of a humid guy. Oh so dry. It was like You're the chap that yeah would itch it so much that would like bleed and I was like I need to go because I'm itching You know, but what I was gonna say is like I if you could have yeah, I'm a confident guy

I was such a bitch when I was like in there. I'm like I was I kept saying sorry to him I was like, I'm sorry, you know, yeah, I do this every day and then I was like he's like it's just dried out I was like, I'm sorry. He's like you don't have to keep Just holding your dick Gruber like I'll suck your dick dude. Sorry. I fucked my ass Job to keep my ass I was like I feel terrible. I had to come in here waste your time. I don't even have a Press yeah, I like my whole fucking life, so I don't know why I treated it felt so strange

Do you know I had a show show Yeah, I had a show So I was getting eczema. I didn't realize was eczema and it fucking hit my dick So and both the problem was it was like it was around that area so I started just I thought it was a ringworm So I was just bombing it with like a German cream and I fucked I wrecked my dick for like two months And it was just dry and red. That's terrible terrible feeling. And I had to go to it finally. I was like, fuck, I gotta go to an urgent care. And I go in and it was first the nurse had to look at just my shriveled tiny red penis. It's the worst, dude.

I was like, all right, I did that. I'm like, whatever. I think I had showed it dermatologist earlier who had no idea. I think the dermatologist I just did. This was before you had a family and all that. I had a family. Oh, you did? Yeah, I had a family.

So I'm like, it was terrible. But I had to, so I do that. I go to the urgent care and nurse looks at it. Like, oh let me bring someone in. Dude, biggest black guy I've ever met in my life. I swear to God. He's like, I gotta take a look at that. And I was like, okay it was him. And then two nurses, because they were arguing whether it was Ringworm or something else. Oh no. And then so it's just this dude and just two ladies had all be like, having like, I don't think it's that. Like, I'm just sitting there like. They're using democracy. Let's take a vote.

I'll be like why having like I don't think it's that like I'm just sitting there using democracy Then eventually I went to and that like nothing came of that they gave me whatever then I had to go to a dermatologist They were the ones who prescribed the steroid ointment. They were like no This is it's not what this is at all and then they cleared up That's great How good was that feeling to not every time you go to the bathroom? Reminded of the problem that you have Like just come in it was it was itchy and dry Yeah, but my dick and it was dude it was tear it would it would like go away and flare up and go

It was just kind of like it was shit I was eating I think but yeah, and then the dermatologist was also a beautiful woman Oh and just had a like and I had to go back and be like I got kicked out of an STD clinic because I refused To like cooperate with the nurse. What do you read? I wanted to just get so like sometimes Yeah I would just randomly go get STD checks because like I would break up with a girl and then hook up with a couple other Girls and then that girl would be like I know you were fucking around when we broke up like I want you to go

Prove you don't have anything and it always comes back clear I'm not gonna put those checks you get a test and if you don't have anything I don't have anything why do I have to prove the paperwork? But they'll be like well, I haven't something I was like, all right, then I'll just say that too Like we're just using an all that makes that makes sense. You took a break and then yeah, so I'm in there and She just was asking all these questions and I was like in one of my Jeff Dye moods, you know She was like she's like how many partners have you had? Don't worry about it She's like I need to know I was like no you don't you don't need to know and then there's like I have to

Ask you this. Yeah, I was like, I know damn she hit you with like you probably sleep with a lot of girls Don't you that's what it felt like to me? Yeah, maybe it was because I was projecting on her from like the conversation I just had with my girlfriend or something She's like fuck guys. How many partners have you had and I was like if It's more than zero check my dick and she goes sir and I was gonna but that's that's true Yeah, just check my penis. You want to know your body count, dude Well, that's the thing bro your body counts high as hell. Yeah check. Yeah, if I have let's say I checked with a thousand women Are you gonna check it more thoroughly? Yeah, just check my cock. Like what's the problem for the government? I mean why you need to know that is a fair question. Yeah, just check my cock. Like what's the problem for the government?

Why you need to know that is a fair question No, that is a fair don't need to know any of all they need to know is like did you ever have sex before you? Know you're right and they go. I will check your dick. Yeah, I'm good cuz I said if you're a girl There's no way they would do that Yeah, you're a girl and they're like how many people have sex with that'd be kind of like offensive any any number one strangely My guy be kind of like offensive. Any number one strangely my guy. Yeah, I was just it was so it was so weird and they didn't want any of my bullshit. And so you got kicked out. I got kicked out before they did the test. What'd you have to do then? I lied to my girlfriend. The guy got checked. We'll see. Pretty cool. A lot of good people. Great. Great spot. You were done quick. I know I know

Yeah, why is the date on this STD thing wrong? Why didn't why didn't you just say like I don't know five you should have been like a girl like like four Yeah, I guess I wanted to check too. You know in my mind. I might maybe I do have something you should like I only eat pussy You never eat my pussy my It's kind of another girl thing I uh yeah, only I gotta say I've been to the doctor in years I can't wait to go back and answer the hard questions dude. I tell my do crystal math. I'm like yeah I do crystal math. Yeah, that's what we should be lying over Exaggerate everything to our physicians to see if they'll check us

Yeah, or if it's like you know you give blood like have you had sex with a man in Africa after 1975 just be like oh Yeah, yeah Run that twice Put it in the center fumble. Yeah, I want to go back to the doctor just while out is like, oh, yeah the questions are in strange orders to thinking about that one's because I went to before we went to Africa we had to get like a bunch of shots and stuff and not for kovat don't worry and They were like they're like have you had sex with anyone oh No, have you been to Africa and we're like no we're going to Africa and the next question is like have you had sex With anyone in Africa as it will know I haven't been to Africa like the question is like strangely worded. Yeah

In to get into Africa you got to be like a virgin or you gotta be like worded yeah Get into Africa you got to be like a virgin or you got to be like I've never Know it's maybe a part of the thousand questions. They asked me. That's fucked up though There's no other country is like have you fucked anyone from here before? They asked you that on blood tests like fuck somebody from Africa and I think it's a racist question It's kind of fucked up. Yeah, you're gonna give your blood. They're like and this African fucker Fuck an African man in 1975 you don't want Jeff's blood. He's fucking all these people in Africa had one summer

Had a hot African summer good old it's ruined my medical history Me and Jane good all is the fucking best example I've ever heard Yeah Yeah, I've been to the doctor in such a long time. I stopped going around COVID. I was just done with it Yeah, they're real pushy and I was just kind of like Every time I go there like oh your cholesterol looks good. And I'm like, yeah fucking I don't care about that Doctors are just pill salesman now. Well, they are they are that yeah Well, I'm gonna try to find one that I liked it like just like dude run my blood look for stuff

That's actually important, right? Like that didn't I don't give I find myself being Dishonest with my doctor everybody they they account for that and they ask you about good They kind of like triple it usually yeah, they'd be like how much you are you drinking? I was like, I don't know He's like well like three times a week and I almost like laughed out loud like what a fucking pussy Thinks I drink three times a week and I almost like laughed out loud like what a fucking pussy Thinks I drink three times a week He's like oh more and I was like yeah, how about every day since 2001 is that a lot? Yeah true That'll do it. I'm actually a 20-year bender. I kind of keep them on the outs about everything. I'm like nah

Oh really? I don't really drink that much, but I'm'm always like I don't the fuck you don't need to know this Yeah, just check our bodies. Yes. You what I'm these questions are very intrusive. Yeah, even like do you smoke weed? I'm like actually lately I've been like Sometimes sometimes I do sometimes get high and I freaked the fuck out You guys like weed you guys good at it. Yeah, I was and then recently it's been like kind of it Well for it's been like a back-and-forth thing It's like a it's like rushing roulette every now and again I can have like an amazing time and then I can just have like the most

Harrowing afternoon where I'm just freaked out. Yes. Yeah, I hate it racing and all my friends that smoke weed fucking Love you boys, but you're losers, you know, like like it's a guy don't like how do you figure? They're not like high achieving You know, they're just doing nothing. That's some people can smoke weed and and do nothing some people don't know anyone That's thriving such a lame take all my all my alcohol friends Fine successful all my friends that like doing mushrooms. They won't shut the fuck up about it. They're happy as hell They're making Relationship connections there. They're doing beautiful things with their mind and then all my weed is fucking not doing shit it can happen that people can burn out I think I mean our founding father smoked weed definitely not a patriot, but the

Then they smoked weed no way dude, dude. Here's the thing the weeds gotten too strong I got it's gotten way too strong, and it's like I have found I like to get a the tight It's called type 2 cannabis. It's half CBD half THC. I guess chill if you smoke dabs and stuff I do think that kind of can fuck people up interesting there are some people that can do it that are low All right, maybe here's where I'll adjust I'm teachable People that can do it that are lower. Maybe here's where I'll adjust. I'm teachable Just enjoy it right like I had to ask you I didn't come in here and you're like Fucking we got the weed painting. Yeah, I got a marijuana leaf on my laptop

Those are the guys I'm talking about Who can't even talk to me at a fucking smoothie place without taking a rip off some mechanical weed thing? That's what I'm talking about. You're absolutely right. There's a Kevin Smith, these fucking losers that have some teenage obsession with weed. That's who I'm criticizing. Not a man with a wife and kids and a successful career. No, I do that. There is no, here's the thing. It is fair because there is It does fuck up your, for me it does fuck up productivity. I have to wait till I'm done everything.

If I'm like, I'm gonna smoke weed and get creative and write, I'll just go for a walk. The kids fall off the balcony and you're like, no, sorry. The dabs were where I kind of, there was like, I smoked weed since I was little and then there was the dabs and that's where I was like, I stopped. I was like, that's too much.

When the dudes just like blast the thing on a, you ever see that? Just like a concentrated wax. I watched that occur and I was like, that's too much. Dab is weed crack basically. It is. 100%. But I will say smoking a little bit of weed and watching a movie. Going to the movies and smoking weed, it's the best.

I like starting a project and then start smoking so that I'm in it already, so that I just keep going through. OK. Yeah, that is another. What kind of project, though? Give me an example. I just edit videos. OK.

Yeah. I will say. Oh, yeah, it's something you got to get done. I see. Yeah. Yeah. I will say that does help. I will say if you smoke weed while you're not doing anything,

for me, I'll bug out sometimes. And then it's like, I'm just like, why did I do this? I'm bugging out. But if I have a task, I will still be bugging out. But I'll be so engrossed in the thing it can have like an Energizing effect. Okay, where I'm like kind of bugging where I'm like, I gotta get this done They just kind of ride out the physical discomfort But it is one of those things where you smoke weed I got to the point where I'd be like, why am I higher? I don't even enjoy this. I would be high and like

Freaking out and thinking about stuff that I would forget instantly and I'd be like, why do I like this? And then you just freak out about that. And it's like, so I do agree. I, I think so optimistic too. Like, like, I like until bedtime. Well, no, they'll say, no, I mean, they're a lot, they're optimistic about pot. Like I'll be like, Oh, I hated that. And they're like, you got to try a different strand. And I was like, all right, and then we to try a different strand and I was like, all right And then we'll try a different I'm from Seattle. So it's been legal my whole life Yeah, so they'll be like I try this and as I've had like after 30 times I'm like, I think I just don't like this. This is not for me. I'm like, but try if you try

Guys I can't and all that's bullshit too. They're so like mixed together now, too And they're like dude know like there's like you're more of this if you have now It's like the ultimate well, yeah, probably a terpene probably doesn't now like and they're like dude No, like there's like you're more of this if you have now it's like the ultimate well Yeah, probably a terpene probably doesn't now like you need more humaline right dude You have no fucking idea when I got a DUI they weren't like maybe try brandy What was it scotch you were drunk on scotch? Yeah? Yeah, it is it is one of those things where it's like I like I've been smoking weed since I was like 14 I like it, but it's like as I've gotten older to become less and less

And I used to be high all day like really three years. Oh my dude. You're like a rapper pretty much Yeah, yeah, I was just high and I was also selling weed just stoned all the time It's kind of I was a lot like you're in the market. I was a lot like a rapper, but it was uh It is weird I will say there's a point when you smoke weed and you're younger and it's like before you have like stuff to bug out About as much you feel like you're on the limitless drug. You're really like dude. I'm so fucking smart Then you forget it all though you go home and you're literally like what the fuck was I thinking about? But there was like a four-year period of my life that I was high all the time selling weed

No, yeah, dude. I might be the smartest guy ever. Do you like mushrooms? I love mushrooms Yeah, I think are greater than weed. I I was way better and also I feel like that made me smarter Yeah, my friends all say to me. dude you came back different like it like changed something in there What did you what was your mushroom experience? Like what did you do? Um, so like how much or like where was I? Yeah, my whole thing. Okay, so my first time ever I knew I wanted to do it for a long time and my boy Randy Valeria was like he's like King mushroom guy So he was like I got you like you know Just tell me when so we've planned this trip out to like

What's the hottest desert in the world? It's in California? The Gobi no, it's a it doesn't really matter. It's like this valley. It's like where they film like Star Wars some of the things I can't remember yeah So we go to Death Valley and we wait until nighttime And then we just all took a shit ton of mushrooms It was just three of us dudes who like trust each other know each other and it was the most beautiful experience of my life It's awesome. It was absolutely incredible We took a lot and then and then so after that every couple months, right? It wasn't like a daily thing

Slowly built up to like four and a half grams is like what we would that's like the dose We yeah, we only go like full journey We're not doing like a little yeah. Yeah, where'd you sleep in the dead? You like camp in there? We had a hotel room, but we were rampant you guys were glamping. No that yeah for sure Ramping guy and walked across the street to our hotel. I'm a glamping guy myself Yeah, I kind of I enjoy you know give me an indoor. No one's ever taken me real camping neither I want to go real camping. I've never done it either on yeah, I kind of I enjoy you know give me an indoor you know one's ever taking me real camping neither I want to go real camping. I've never done it either on yeah, I What is it? Yeah, it's overrated sleeping a tent and shit

I would rather be outside all day and then hit like a yurt But I just want to do it for a couple days or something I or even just one day Yeah, cuz there's things like my buddies ago I will take a camping and if I girls go we'll take a camp and then they take me to some National Park where I can see other people like me you know setting up their stupid kit What do you know I want to be like in a movie like when yeah? You're like here's where we have to set the tent down dude I agree

I've never gone camping and I I've like we were like put a tent in my backyard and I sleep back there doesn't count But like I want to go But I have two daughters so I'm like waiting to see if either of them want to go camping and I'm gonna I want to go but I have two daughters so I'm like waiting to see if either of them want to go camping Yeah, that's my wife has no interest in it. Really? I don't want to do it for like a month I don't want to like, you know, not even a night if I can if I can speak on behalf of your wife City blacks hate like grass. I know I know My wife's black from Chicago. She does not want to camp at whatsoever. Yeah, but my daughter's

White side of a might whisper. Yeah, might crave it. That's like mom was right. This is fucking bullshit. Yeah. Bare feet. I like you said city blacks. That's a funny. I was at a term city blacks, country blacks, rural blacks. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah. I'm gonna make some of a city in a rural black. Interesting. You are the perfect blend Man I had to do a pro and I didn't have to I got to do a project in in Atlanta, yeah, and it like changed my perspective on black people

I was like God did this to keep me from being racist, but I don't know Atlanta all my favorite people in the world Yeah, what was the project? It was a like a Atlanta all my favorite people in the world. Yeah. What was the project? It was a like a game show where we would shoot like 10 episodes a day. It was like kind of quite a grind of work but I made me there for like like six weeks. Yeah. And like I had to live in a hotel. So every day I would see black women that like you know southern black women who worked at the front. I'd have you know if I was going to eat food at a restaurant it was just all these like southern Atlanta black people. And I was like, my favorite group of humans.

This is the, this is amazing. Yeah. I like church city black people. You know, Atlanta has the highest percentage of black people it eats. Really? How do you know that? Jesus, LaMare.

It's a strange stat. Yeah, cause I don't know, I don't know why,'t know why but those download brothers went to Atlanta. I could guess Yeah, but the what you nailed it. What the downloads on the Atlanta? It's ready. Go really go down low I was just going off if there was a ton of gay black dudes. Oh, well, they're all in Atlanta, too Yeah, I'm just going off the Bravo Network. Yeah Network is just gay Black guys in Atlanta on every show. Dude, Atlanta rules. This is the best city.

Damn, so that's where homothugs go to have sex with men on the low, Atlanta? Yeah. Shit. Doesn't look good for Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry. He's fucking Bill. He's bricks and mortar down there, dude. And you know, in this studio is every building is named after other

Famous black people really it's probably not looking good for those guys either. There's like a Will Smith studio Jamie Foxx. Oh really? Yeah, it's like a ditty party alum Yeah, what am I gonna get this list? Yeah, they're not gonna give also There's like once the list comes out, no one will care. Yeah, did you? They did that Epstein Island list. People were interested in about it for like 30 minutes. Well, Stephen Hawking's was a revelation. That was crazy. That's a big one. David Copperfield, but then it was like, but nothing happened. David Copperfield. He did a show last night in Vegas. It changed nothing. I know that's that didn't change

it. And then the Diddy party stuff, everyone's going, well, I was there, but I left at three a.m. and then after I leave that's what I sure like was like hey How do you know be? Yeah, it's also do no one's gonna care. It's also kind of bullshit in my opinion to be like if you're in the 90s getting freaky As hell yeah, you're gonna accuse now. It's like dude the 90s were genuinely totally different So yeah, one of those things where it's like yeah, it's like it sucks But it's also like well and also people just inconsistent the real rule though the way or not rule But the real way people navigate their minds is if you like the person you're fine with it

And if you don't like them then you're outraged yeah burn them on a cross Yeah, David Bowie like admitted in his book to like banging 13 year olds yeah, but it's David Bowie So they go yes that kid is Anthony Kiedis isn't in his book He was like he had sex with a 16 or 17, but it's David Bowie. So they go. Yeah that guy rules Anthony Kiedis isn't in his book He was like he had sex with a 16 or 17, but he wrote it. It's like I feel when people telling themselves You're like, all right, bro. Yeah good for you. Yes, like fuck dude. That's a six door guys owning it. Why? Really looks good. He's doing the eight mile man. He's trying to get ahead of it. What are you gonna say now? Yeah, oh, so I gave quail ouds to a girl. It also there's also an aspect. There's an You think Cosby's bad check out my book. Yeah, yeah, so I gave quail ouds to a girl. It also there's also an aspect. There's an You think Cosby's bad check out my book. Yeah, I think there is an aspect to it depends on what you have

like if you have you're in command of like Like an important cultural job that other people want there's more of an uproar around your misdeeds Then if you like don't really have much going on, that's why the diddy list is so interesting Yeah, because if he was just guilty of being nefarious as like a rock star or thug rapper would be it would be no story But black people are still working on the gay shit, you know, the every group's got their own things They're working on so this one is encroaching into a new territory for them. Yeah This one is encroaching into a new territory for them. Yeah, yeah Well, he also like He was also like not only that but apparently according to all like the court stuff

He would like like imagine if I brought you in here and I was like, oh dude This would be a sick podcast and the whole time during breaks. I was just like goosing you He was like doing that would rule and being like but then holding like a genuine like you know like I'm gonna Give you a million dollars to produce his project. Yeah, oh fuck. Yeah, but then the whole time he'd be like I know Let me see that chap little fucking it is weird. I'm You're like that was his real. Yeah, it wasn't even just you know much oil It wasn't even just the gay freaky stuff It was like I mean that is obviously for sure nobody likes that at all

But it's like especially talking about like the black community. It's like yeah, you can't don't fuck around They don't fuck around about gay stuff at all. Yeah, it was like the power of being like basically holding someone prisoner I always think about that like I always like to think that like if my boss of anything I had I mean this is it's hard for me to try to pretend to be someone else That's why I struggle with it. Yeah, but it's like if my boss was like doing things I'm such a impulsive person that I'd be like what the fuck like I would just like blow it up I wouldn't be able to keep a secret to keep a career or job then and I'll enter this into the equation You're going to the parties. He's like you're getting blown. He's hooking you up. It's crazy and then at the end

Oh, yeah, you know he slept a little something in your drink, and then he just fucking started goose Yeah, like boy with the fire one part was weird. I like all this other stuff Well, I'll just bottle that up for later when I can kill my wife at age 55 Yeah, yeah true. It's uh it's it's kind of going away now though. I feel like people don't really they use I think it might have been a kind of heightened during the election's it's kind of going away now though I feel like people don't really they use I think it might have been a Kind of heightened during the election because it was kind of like shame on the libs sure that was lib shame I've seen I've seen was like a little everyone was calling that but the diddy stuff was kind of like shame on the libs Yeah, but yeah, it does suck. You don't get there's no closure on it

It's just kind of like yeah that guy was raping kids and uh anyway back to work everybody It's crazy like The what people care about or pretend to care about because of the diddy list too. They'll just go hey He was at a party. You can't prove he did anything. Well, that's Chris Tucker went to Epstein Island I know like a few like three times and he's like I played golf I didn't even know they were doing that there, you know, but I mean maybe he's telling the truth Maybe he's not but it's like you'll always have that out. Like I just went there because they're rich guys. So like who wouldn't have wanted to go to a P Diddy party before you knew what a P Diddy party was doing. Everyone would have went every single person who's being like fucking weird bullshit and they had gotten

invited in 1997 because I only learned the consequences. Maybe you know maybe start throwing keep it alive. Yeah. It's like when I go to parties now and I'm like, I don't drink. Yeah Oh, no, I'm not doing the raping thing. Yeah, you guys have fun though. I'm just happy to be here Got a pic with JLo how's not drinking bin? You're off. You're off. Yeah. Yeah, totally sober. Yeah, I feel great. It's been amazing I said it's really it's one of those things that is like everywhere. But once you don't do it, you're like It's great for you. Everyone else has a problem. They go like Yeah, I feel like cuz it was such a big part of my lifestyle then like there's some disappointment

But then also like my buddies have been kind of supportive of like dude You're way more fun to be around like you don't just ditch us for a chick at like 10 p.m. But like yeah, like we're having actual conversations and cigars and you know We're connecting in a ways that we didn't used to So it's been mostly positive. It occasionally rears its head. Yeah, like I think I've dodged a real last night I did kill Tony and afterwards everyone hangs out of the bar called Mitzi's and there was like this girl who might have been One of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, but she was just so intoxicated That like I I left she terrified me just her being near me was so scary and

If but if I was old Jeff we would have definitely been well you'd have been so hammered that yeah You would have drunk and been like that's it. That is such a tricky one man They're like drunk women were like boons back in the day. Yeah, what a glorious bounty why the universe provided now? You're like yes, like dude get the fuck away from exactly exactly I wanted nothing to do it. She kept grabbing my face. I was like hey, don't fucking tell me get up I was normally yes, I you but like you're so drunk Yeah, that's the bad part about being a guy too in modern times at least in America It's like not only if I'm drunk do I have to be responsible for drunk Jeff's behavior And it will be held accountable in a court of law, but I have to also be responsible for her drunkenness

Yeah, it's like I'm responsible for both of us. I do it. Someone's got to do it. Yeah, that's how I look at it It's like yeah, dude. You shouldn't be that drunk right? So if you're a girl It's like yeah, you should just you should in theory just be like let me get you home you later You seem pretty a lot of bad guys out here. It's tough to be responsible for both of us when I'm hammered it is bullshit That's the thing. It's somebody's got to pull their pants up so last night. I had to be responsible Okay, we can't I'm not gonna even touch you. That's the thing as every drunk Jeff I'd have we'd have fucked in the bathroom like that. That's why it's a sin to be that drunk No, you should be punished for that somebody else

You all took a real turn you should as if you shouldn't get that drunk. It's it's unbecoming of anyone I know what as a woman. It's like it's understandable. Yeah, I'm a busy guy It's like yeah, it's completely ridiculous to be that drunk. I know it is crazy to my worst behavior We're both blacked out and I go to jail right it's crazy. It is bullshit That is the rules, but I'm just trying to take dudes to the next level right now. It's beautiful You shouldn't be yeah, you know one should be that with this headset and this it does feel like a church It does like the earlier analogy is perfect. You know like it is that's why I send to be that drunk Jeff It's an absolute sin. You shouldn't be that drunk. You know where you should if you should always be have your wits

You know what? That's where coffee came That's like coffee caught on in America because it was like a total counterpoint to alcohol Interesting is alcohol was so prevalent in everyday everyday life where like the water quality wasn't great So you would just chug like a pint of ale and go hit the farm Wow And then people started being like dude alcohol is bullshit and they started drinking like people didn't know the numbers on coffee So they'd have like nine cups of coffee a day. Yeah, and just coffee shops. Europe must be pissed about that espresso martini Like these fucking idiots is supposed to be for the yeah, dude No, even in America you would like coffee shops before computers

You would drink like 12 espressos and just stand there and be like I'm from Michigan I'm in the lumber company and you would network with other just jacked up entrepreneurs. That's why I shit so fast, dude I'm having like ten cops that'll get you. Yeah, I've already had two coffees this morning before I got here Did you really? Yeah, there's my I'm gonna hit fuck you up. I'm off caffeine off of that totally off Okay, I'm I have like I think that's harder to get rid of than alcohol. I would say a thousand percent Yeah, I would much rather get crushed coffee early in the morning than drink any day of the week I fucking love caffeine and I'm a central. I'm sensitive to it I wouldn't even know what to do with my day if I didn't have coffee

Well, let me tell you about cuz I like the whole process So do I yeah, I drink decaf. So I'll drink totally decaf coffee. I started drinking raw milk recently Real milk raw milk. What is raw milk? Raw milk is when they don't pasteurize it you don't do you don't get that get it from a farmer Okay, you got to sign up in Texas fucking farmers Google brother in Texas you just Google You know we have a farmer's market, but you have to order it a week before because they don't like you can't buy it on The spot dude. I'm not lying. I know I don't care about raw milk. I never cared

I was like let me just try it because I was curious. I heard it helps with like dairy intolerance. Yeah Dude, I've been I started drinking this four days ago. I Feel amazing really and I looked it up because I was like the fuck's in this shit Yeah, all the vitamins. It's a complete food all the vitamins and minerals They have I think every like if you took a vitamin Raw milk has every single thing in that vitamin they have you know vitamin a B's well, right? There's a couple they don't have a lot of and every mineral and it's all wildly by drinking this shit I just straight

out of a great out of a glass like I make decaf coffee and I pour a ton of raw milk in there and dude I swear to God yeah I'm not making this up I you know whatever if I feel amazing really I'm sleeping better it's insane apparently has like hormone effects it does all kinds of shit that is the next part I got shook the booze thing which I feel great about I'm very proud of it. It's been a year and two weeks But the the thing with I'm eating trash dude in bed. I've been eating bad for a long time. It's tough You're trying your travel. Yeah McDonald's is available, you know Yeah, you know I mean dude when I know what I do

No, I don't Nice you know what I do though. I I don't get the air. You don't have to collect the points? You know what I do though? When I go away for the weekend, I'll go food shopping, get a rotisserie chicken and some fruit. But I don't even do that at my own home, let alone if I was on the road. True, true. But no, I'm telling you dude, get on the Roll Milk Train dude. Yeah, I'll check it out. You could probably get it in LA.

I swear, I want someone else to drink this shit because it's like I Can't believe how superfood it is do yeah it is although it is tied to we talked about this on the patreon thing It's tied to neo-nazi so you can't like Apparently milk has like connections to like white supremacy Due to like the legend that like the ancient Aryans were the only people who could I just make it sound cooler They kind of thought it's a kind of like my friend like you gotta be careful they're all milk is like Nazi stuff I was like how and explain it to me. I'm like fuck you that sounds so But also it's ridiculous. It's crazy. Yeah, they also drank water. Oh god

I don't want to drink water cuz they well there's been articles written about is milk racist and they're saying Apparently anyone white people can tolerate dairy as a group combined better than any other group and they say That that's what the area is pretty easy to make those statistics when you just lump it as white True many countries are white yeah, but I think like all of them can have milk. I think Like Eastern Europe, maybe I get like the bubble guts for milk. I was Jews Jews are pretty white They can't have anything the cheese. Yeah true. Yeah, not even a country So it's like the white is so vague But I think yeah, I think it's again. It's like one of those things like as a group

It was like I think black people get crushed with lactose intolerance and you guys crush the dairy to I got hurt right now. Yeah, dude I'm doing it for his country though. Yeah, and Asian people can't fuck with dairy either really I didn't know that about them That's I didn't know anything. All right. What about Indian guys? They love creamy things They do like creamy things and spicy things, but they use coconut milk. There's a lot of coconut strong guts over there. Yeah. Yeah true Well, they use coconut milk and like yogurt a lot of their stuff's yogurt based, which probably lessens the sting. I'm dude, I'm crushing like in the morning, eight ounces of whole milk. And you enjoy it. It was, it's not like you're trying to get through it to, for the superfood. Oh my God, I love it dude. The day I drank it, I again, I'm like, I have no ties to any sort of milk company. I had like, I was taking

Zyrtec. So I had, you know, when you take allergy medicine, you're kind of like, oh, like I would have like heavy brain fog I wasn't planning on this I crushed as soon as I got back from the farmers market I was like yes, I poured up a huge glass of milk crushed it and do within like 10 minutes I was like what the fuck my brain just like kicked on it was nuts. I'm definitely trying it dude I'm telling you I live in a city that'll be the easiest to find for sure if you just google raw milk, right? They'll bring it right to my door. They probably have in 15 minutes. He's going a week before not in LA Yeah, it's on go. Yeah, they got some bullshit for Texas. It is bullshit. I guess the way to week

They don't want them like kind of like letting it sit around for you long So they want you like fresh to order whatever but my thing is it's it's a you know They it's always like thing like you you can get sick. With our technology now, they have to be able to test a batch of raw milk to see if it has tuberculosis or all these other things. You can just test it and it's fine. You could get really sick. Who said that? Internet.

They're like, you can also get this and that. It's like, dude, I'm just going to chug this shit. If it's more natural, that should be better. But I get it. I get it like if it's you know when you're milking a cow like you know The cow can just take a shit. They're not like gonna be like excuse me sir I always rip a dump right the worry is if it fucking gets into the those calves are so strong You know I want to be strong as a calf, but yeah exactly today I it's like breast milk do you feel fucking I mean I'll stop talking about it, but Jesus Christ It's been a revelation for me, dude. I like it. I'll try. I'll be in, dude. You're

going to get a text from me like in a week. Like I tried it, dude. My brain's on. You're going to be firing. I'm excited. I mean, like I'm going to be pissed. It'd be like this shit's not working. I got like a thick milk mustard on the couch. Gone. I've been fooled again. You're just farting nonstop. The first, the first told me Nazis did this that's a is all part of his Get Jeff to do it thing Now you're gonna I'm telling you man, I I'm trying to make every like I'm trying to make everyone my house drinking and everyone's like Yeah, I'm feeling it but because it is tough to drink like immediately my brain went to can I put chocolate syrup in it? You could if you want or like if I steam it does that take some? Of the no it's a passion

so if you Like you have to steam it for it There's a certain temp and then I think you'd have to do it for a certain period of time But I forget what it is, but I think I was worried like if I dump it in a hot coffee Does it like I change it? Yeah, totally? Interesting it's got to hit like 150 I think to curdle Not to curdle but like I used to crush like eggnog and people like that's disgusting I was like yeah, but it's so good eggnog rules

Yeah, but it's so flavory and that's the thing is like if I can make it taste like eggnog I would crush whole you know really you can put in a smooth I'm about to make a raw milk smoothie when we get home, but it's not talking But you only have like five days, so I'm gonna charge up And then I'm gonna have to go off the juice for a little bit Yeah, you're in rogue towns Sipping from the other yeah Well, yeah

I like I didn't know dairy was like such a big thing where like most people are allergic to it now because the way They do it now apparently like nobody can really stomach it. Oh really yeah, they like destroy it destroys everything It's like breast milk how breast milk is really good for you But if you just fucking like boiled it in a microwave you've destroyed like it literally like an elixir Yeah, so that is the new hunting trying to find things that are good for you Yeah Our ancestors had to be like go shoot an animal and skin it and the whatever and keep it cold and then cook it now Our hunting is going to the grocery store and finding anything that's good for you

Yeah, literally you could go to Whole Foods doesn't matter half That's trash dude 90 if you go to say you go to like a convenience store 99% of the stuff in there is terrible for you It's all garbage. We're eating garbage even Whole Foods Yeah, a lot of it's just like shit and seed oil Yeah in the grocery store if you stay that the thing is if you stay on the outer aisles It's like produce and then meat but even that produce they found a way to like inject it into all this shit Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you'll go to like a real health place where they're like everything in here is good for you

And the carrots like $20 like what the fuck is yes? Yeah, that's the new hunting it is Well, here's the thing too and when people like the food like say like organic produce is too expensive It's like dude. You'll die if you don't have it hundred percent. It should take up You know it should be I it does suck but it's also like like even before like you know I did well I would always spend way more money on food than anything. People spend money on fucking bullshit it's like dude food. Do you think they're gonna murder us after this podcast for like talking about the food industry like that? Dude yeah I think the jigs up dude I think hopefully someone cracks down on them. They have the new chair lady you ever see if Lena something she's been cracking down on it

She's getting really easy. Really was like there was like a maybe like a good FDA Yeah, she was like there's like a big kind of shit. They kind of shit the bed pretty hard No, she's she was like there was a presentation of them with like it was like here's the European version of oh, yes I'm a here's the American Yeah, yeah, she's doing that with like all the Michelle Obama's original thing was like food yeah she was like I'm gonna make healthy and all these young kids but we got to do something about it and it's like someone took her in her back room is like listen bitch you know much money fucking and

then she was like maybe just go outside and run a little bit maybe just run outside maybe it's about fitness ten minutes a day what happened to the food And then she was like maybe just go outside and run a little bit Maybe just run outside About fitness ten minutes a day what happened to the food part you were talking about yeah I don't think they had nothing happened with that really she changed she immediately turned it into like a fitness As opposed to a food thing really immediately well, dude They've they have somehow sigh up dudes to be like It's like pussy shit to worry about food They have somehow Psy-Up dudes to be like, it's like pussy shit to worry about food. Cause everyone dude I know, my dad was like, what's in that?

They're like, don't give a fuck, look at this right now. It's like dude, you're gonna die. Yeah. You're going to die. They're eating the cardboard that it came in, you're like, no dude, I'm a real man. My whole family's like that. All my dads and uncles are like, what are you a fucking girl? I don't give a shit, like 40 cheese steaks and it's just like, dude, you're going to

fucking die. I don't know why it's like crazy I'm trying to ask my own self. Why is that cool? It's a sign up. I just is a style. It's just that Masculinity is not caring if you die. It's lazy. Yeah, that's fair, but also like what about what about peak performance? What about the DaVinci man? What about going peak performance taking yourself to the highest level? I got like five brews before he took that pic. Yeah that painting. Yeah It is like kind of like what it what makes it cool to be a man, you know Yeah, like just like the lap. Yeah, just dilapidate yourself

Some people think a man has got like a big beard and he doesn't give a shit and he always he's got an axe You know, and then some people think like James Bond is cool Yeah, but James Bond is like wearing this fucking three-piece suit, and he's drinking fine Vodka, you know yeah, so it's kind of like killing people so that's the thing if you kill Yeah, you can dress kind of gay, but he's got to eat right you know like that You've got bond gone. Well. You guys don't drink real milk, and they go what a fucking faggot over there So it's like kind of they're both men like you got to decide which man true, you know, you want to be it's a fair point It is. Yeah, it's a I feel like most people though

It's like if you if you even bring up like it is a lot of times in private conversation Like yeah, what what what does that some of stuff? But like you get a bunch of dudes together like don't give a shit. I know there's something like when girls go out They go like pamper themselves when dudes get together that just try to like destroy Try to destroy them. Yeah, it's kind of sick. Oh, maybe it's a test actually I think I know the answer to it, but go I was gonna say all my friends They always like go for like the easiest option. It's like bro. There's better options Don't just pick the first one cuz it's easy. Yeah. Yeah hundred percent. That's true. Yeah, it's a lazy

Yeah, people are dumb and lazy. They're right about that. I think that the reason Men would do that to each other is it is a test of toughness. It's a test of like Can we you know all you care about that like we're tough, you know tough and that's that's healthy Cuz I've always had to be tough. That's true But it's like my thing is like why because I've done that like I don't give a fuck I'll eat that then I said like a quiet tummy ache Had to like not care about how cold it is cuz he had to kill a wolf, you know so like there was there's this idea of like

not Caring about your well-being to be your fucking yeah true, but it's I Still in there. I'll be real good. I think I'm doing well eating I feel great, and then I'll be like I can relax and I'll just get the biggest tummy Oh, you're like why do I do this to myself nothing less masculine than having a tummy? Laying in the hotel room, burping by myself. But my tummy. What the fuck did I eat yet? Fuck! I gotta tighten up.

I've never had fish and chips at like a pub and not had a stomach ache. Yeah, it's every time. And I've like, I go, I'm never ordering this again. I fucking forget, like six months later. It's the worst. Every time, you're like, fuck dude. It was so good, and I'm hurting. Every fucking time.

Well, I think we covered a lot of topics I think we got to the bottom of a lot of things things are too man. Just die. Thank you for coming Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on man. Thanks for thanks for withstanding this format What did you think is standing? I prefer it. It's kind of nice, right? The future I think it's absolutely the future podcasting now dude after this election who made them Some guy on Amazon really?, Chinese guy. Oh wow. Yeah, also too. I don't know if I even have the remote on me.

I didn't even show you this feature, but yeah, dude, these things go fucking nuts, bro. Let me see. Yeah, nuts. Oh, there we go. No, he wasn't lying. This is sweet. You should get some Pyro in there. It'd be amazing.

And if it goes bad, it'll just be funnier. Hilarious. Like get fucking I was screws up We could get some baby pyro probably no probably not amazing It's just the smoke is collecting in here is not even that grandiose true. Well, dude. Thank you so much Thanks for having me, but dude appreciate it. Let me thank you brother. You guys have anything you want to plug by the way Oh, yes, go for it, please go for December 20th at 21st. I'm gonna be at Raleigh and good nights Please come and then January 15th at the Philly Hill and please go to hell. Yeah, great club Yeah, you can go to Jeff died calm or follow me on my socials and all my live dates are there right on love you guys