Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 550 - Blazer Tag

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Blazer Tag Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Yup. We casted LIVE (to tape) from Blazer Tag. Hot Cast in the Pizza Party Room. How great is our God. We're joined by all the broz Adam E Jimby Meezy Unc Terminator Pat etc etc. I wore a go pro while we tagged - so I'm going to try to edit together a video and put it on the patreon. Anyways, please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes you said it couldn't be done. I know they said it could not be done Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from blazer tag. I know I know you can pull it off, dude This is yeah, it turns out was pretty easy to pull Yeah, true, what are you guys doing at one o'clock in the after yeah on a day they're closed we got blazer tag What are you guys doing at 1 o'clock in the afternoon on a day? They're closed. We got blazer tag laser tag Got that blood taking out your little fucking week. I Mean, yeah, it's it's hard to cut podcasts knowing laser tags on the back end. What do you thinking about? We're going to be taking breaks, hit the tag,

come back and report. I'm thinking, what were you thinking about teams? I'm thinking Fats versus Thins. That's not bad. Fats versus Thins is going to be nice. No, you might be, you're close to Thins. There's some true Fats. Do we have enough Fats?

We have enough Fats. Is Onk's coming? I think we have enough F we have enough fat is But the fats are gonna be camping You're gonna have to breach that room. We're not leaving although. We could gas ourselves out one of the fats spider could hit another Is friendly fire we might send blade we might send spider in his little suicide bomb Get a fire see him reloading on the cheetah Burrito before you game. Oh, thank God. What did you eat? I'm sure it was fucking catastrophic. I didn't eat. I didn't eat.

One empty belly with Cheetos? That's a good recipe. Can we empty belly with Cheetos? Dude, he gasped out my house the other day. Did he really? He took a shit in the far room. And I was like, fucking, the sewer just fucked again. I just had plumbers here that fucking... And it was so bad that I was like...

And it really fucked the whole house up. It was an impressive dump. Was that when we thought he died that no that was this is the second dump He's taken recently. Where's someone my dog diarrhea in your house? Yes, whoa that was clearly dog shit out of water till I mean it who knows what he did in there Damn, dude. Oh There's my fucking gym shorts Spiders where What was going on with that dump well, I got led up to that Dropped an insane one.

There was the girls were there. They were screaming. People were upset. Oh my God. We opened the doors. We had to open the doors of the house. You crushed the girls? Crushed the girls.

Crushed the babes. Was it a giant log or like a pile? No, that was a pile. It was, it had pile. It had to go back. How many flushers? Just one flush. That was a one flusher? It's impressive to clear back. Just one flush. Just one flush. That was a one flush?

Yeah. It's impressive to clear out a house in a one flush. I mean. Yeah, we thought he was dead. We were joking around, we were in the pool and we were like, maybe he's dead. And then we all kind of like thought about it for a while and we were like, somebody should check on him.

Did he do a two hour dump for real? He might have Elvis'd out. It was a long dump. And then we had the realization that one of us is gonna Elvis out. It was a long dump. And then we had the realization that one of us is going to Elvis out. True. Between the squad I think we have a pretty high, speaking of Elvis and Al, there's Al. Someone's dying on the shitter in that. Reporting for duty, Team Pat. Team Pat reporting for duty. It's going to be tough for Pat because he's been losing weight.

Still reporting for duty. Reporting for duty, Team Fat. Team Fat's gonna be camped though. That's gonna be tough to breach. You're gonna have to breach the roof, yes. You guys gotta get the tactical position. Another reporting for duty. What up, Pat? Yes. You guys got to get the tactical. Another reported for duty.

What a pet. Be fun. We're splitting up the. Someone dies, they respond. Nice. So what? I'm good. I what do I do to my initiative? Oh shit. Oh I'm good. Oh I guess I am on the skinny team.

Holy shit. I thought I was fucked. It's literally just Gardini, Matt and O'Connor. There's no one else. We're outnumbered. You and me are competing truthfully. We gotta have a BMI. It's gotta be a BMI cutoff.

This is crazy. We got to have a BMI. It's going to be a BMI cut off. This is crazy. You guys are legion right now. Literally on the drive over, I was like, I'm close. I'm on the cut off. There's some units on the squad. All line. This is great. She should be a tough squad. Have you thought about your name? Yeah, I was going to do a cool name.

I was going to do TS cool shooter. That's awesome. TS cool shooter is awesome. We got to see you got to get past their filter. They don't like it. Dr. Hits. Someone's got to see you got to get past their filter. They don't like Dr. Hitz. Someone's got to be General Fett.

That's great. He's fighting. General Fett. I was thinking of cool names last night. I was going to slide through. Yeah. Last night, last game. Dr. Mr. Hits, Dr. Hits.

Chairman Pau. Chairman Pau is pretty good. Yeah, I'll be good. Yeah, you be Netanyahu. Netanyahu, BB would be nice. Don't get him. I might be BB actually. You know, that's BB. BB Net. Yeah. Don't get him Bb-net yeah, how many terms has he done as president of Israel fucking 92,000? Yeah

You can feel it is a blazer tag the air now that the boys reported the duty the air got fucking Lamar's gonna fart in there we're all gonna for it I mean you guys are once they bring us the rations a lot the movie's ass he's gonna once they bring the movie theaterations This is gonna be Humidity 87% guys are gonna lose their minds Yeah, they're gonna be able to find us from our breath on the other side of the wall Goddamn, it's not fair. You guys are gonna have radar. What do you mean? Yeah, true. You're gonna know exactly who it is.

The smell, the snores. Guys are gonna be taking naps. We're gonna be running night shifts. Guys are gonna have to watch the wire at night. Guys are gonna be sleeping. In Blazer Trap, no one can hear you. Hold on, hold on. Hold on.

James might be... James, you thin team, fat team. Which team? Oh, fat team. That shirt's looking straight down, bro. Is that the definition? You lose your weight, bro. He's slouched. This, it's not bad. This is not a, this is a trick name.

But James has lost an up wave. James been losing man. In this group he's right there. This is true. I didn't know we were filming the laser tag today. Did they give you lipo with that haircut? Not a damn. I'll not be mocked.

It's no, all right I'll sit under that. James. Look at how quickly James takes a mic Thanks for coming James, it's good to have you I'm in I'm focused I'm ready you might be thin team, dude I think you're saying you've reached the honor of my life We know this is on the thin team? I might start doing thin propaganda. You're thin? No offense.

You are down right now, PG. You're down. You're on a weight loss journey. Last 115, gained 70 back. How'd you gain the 70 back? God damn. How? Yeah. Oh, Jack in the box you're just putting a lot of chips on the table yeah both ways yeah I stopped intermittent fasting and training exercising all together and Jack in the box what's the time span on that where you gain a hundred seventy it was bad as I was 413 yo, I got down

Lemmy's what's the highest you touched I had to be like 420 plus Like we were doing mics and likes and Mezee has a photo of him. It's crazy. He doesn't have arms That would be that is nice though. That is the dream to move to like truly the middle of America and just get as big as you can. That'd be awesome. For real, I'm not kidding. That would be so nice. And like your president wins,

you're as fat as you can possibly get. I knew I was right about everything. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. This is exciting stuff. Do we have anybody else here? So Con Man's out there. This is somewhere. Other than that, I don't know. We got a son, a son of Steve Skinny, although I don't know where his loyalties lie. Yeah. True.

Something about him. I don't know if I trust him in there. We don't have to send waves at each other. So, LaMare and Nate, you guys go first. Clear out some mines. Operation New and Shield. I'm going to see if we can get a school bus in here for a size. Oh, man. Sorry, hysterical. I got a feeling I'm going to be we can get a school bus in here for a sign. Sorry, it's terrible. I got a feeling I'm gonna be really bad at this.

You might be nice, man. I'm not gonna try. There's a couple of tactical perches. If you grab it, it's tough to get you out of there. Yeah. You have to focus on the rules beforehand. They're very important. Yeah.

Because there's secret things you could shoot and they give you power-ups. Oh, yeah, I'm not gonna. I don't really fuck with that I know that but it's like I got too many ops out there to be fucking with the power-ups we're gonna have to divide these teams I know we can't do we're gonna have to do We'll just do the fattest Darkest conflection to lightest. Ooh, I like it. What do shirts and skin? Some shame I do have some level of shame. Oh man. Yeah, we'll have to go, we'll have to assemble the troops and just look at, you know, give everyone a good up down.

See what's going on. Has anyone here got flat feet? I'm sure you're out. You can't do it. Chris is colorblind. He's out. Oh yeah, shit. I'm gay.

I'm out. You're all gay. I'm not I'm out Not a lot to talk about it, where's Chris he's out playing video games Oh, he's preparing probably the arcade probably fucking time crisis right now getting ready That's cheating. Yeah, so I can't play time. I they can't play until we get ready. That'll be bullshit They can't run like two video games here. Yeah time crisis and guitar hero Tar heroes got nice and they have the basketball basketball hoop

football tall skee ball But yeah, they have a couple things man. It sounds like a woman. That's my wife my wife found out Oh great. Hey. Hey. All right. Oh. All right. Here we go. Hey. We're podcasting, man.

We'll be right there. We're in a good place right now, dude. Come on. Dude, we're podcasting for real. You motherfucker. I what? It's like when the Raptors found out how to open the doors. I love you, man. Dude we're podcasting for real you motherfucker So the Raptors found out how to

This is a funny joke Hang tight you can play a game wait till we cast you can blaze. I love you. Love you, babe Love you so much. She's just off a period right now. It's gonna be so sick tonight Love you, love you babe, love you so much. She's just off her period your style, there's something every NBA fan will love about BedMGM. Download the app today and discover why BedMGM is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BedMGM, a sportsbook worth a slam dunk, an authorized gaming partner of the NBA.

BedMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Dude, I actually, this cracked me up the other day. We were at home and she was washing my and Chloe's hair. She was washing Chloe's hair, maybe Maya's.

Chloe wanted to watch TV and she was like, I want to watch Gabby's Dollhouse and she clapped with every word and I was like, did you see that? And Brittany was like, yeah, she's black. And Chloe looked at Brittany and went, I'm not black, you're black. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Just for a two year old to be like, you're fucking black, I'm not black. She's so mad, she doesn't know what it means.

My sister's kids have struggled with this. My sister's kids have been like, why is she, when's she gonna turn black? To the white kid. It's going to be a while. Yeah, it's real. How come she's not black yet? That's so sick.

Just wait. Like, I can't wait to my sister. My sister's going to be black soon. It's going to be so. So let's turn black around to three. That's when I first remember being black. Oh, man. God damn. That's why you tech pizzas calling my they're gonna be Yeah, people were tearing them up. They're gonna be I'm gonna fucking yes Well, I

I've been to a lot of kids parties and I've been like just play place pizza And it's it does fucking slapped it hit you eat a first slice and you're like All right. Yeah, yeah this fucking rules. Oh I haven't done this since I was 12 so laser tag. Yeah, she's like dude You're good. This is it's been probably a decade for me last time I was here. Yes. My dad's calm was all over his pants Literally thought about it as soon as I put these pants on I was like I was driving over driving over like I've been wearing these for a while. Yeah That black lights not gonna be kind to us my t-shirt. That's gonna be in camera

That's gonna be full camos Also, why who's coming in their jeans? I don't Sure, it's come. No, It turned out my dad had prostate cancer Yeah, I was like would you come your pants he was like no Like a month later. He was like I have cancer was like sorry. I was making fun. Yeah, that's a perfect There's no Wait, so whiz and cum shows up in the It looked it looked like it was a whiz any the boy probably wasn't washing the trousers very often. Oh, yeah

That was probably like three months worth of well if he was just coming like a lodge He was just coming like that. I want prostate cancer true Should knock on the straws creaseer loads with cancer Max prostate cancer God I can't wait. I fucking can't wait dude. You want to get in there. Let's tag. Let's tag Let's tag and see what happens. Yeah for sure come back right back right back. We right back Hello to the audio listener I just wanted to let you know that these sounds are from a video,

a GoPro video of the Blazer Tag match. And I will try to edit together and put out a full video from the Blazer Tag GoPro footage on the patreon soon Hey, we're back dude. It feels like a lifetime ago. That was Didn't think I was gonna be that sweaty Fucking god Fucking literally immediately everybody sprinting around ever. I mean dude. You can't not run It's fucking it's absolute war long penis with the cheating one of the all-time cheats cheating Long penis is Sean Gardini. He called us not cheating you were not cheating. No, it's playing by the rules. Okay running running

No, I was moving swiftly running they're walking swiftly I will say I was I was I had a trick where people get too close to me I do my fucking guns not even working. Sorry. I didn't do any Also, Andy really held down the Terminator 2 His moniker he really lived up to it. He just you just fucking walking around It's walking right at people There's a movie go do my fucking shits off. And as soon as they walk as soon as any walk past my back. Bye bye. Total snake. Sorry. And I did it to like five people. I think fucking shit's

not even working. I was. Yeah. Someone got the drop on me. I'm like what the fuck. This shit sucks. Every alliance went out the window. This was the only one that stayed true. Who betrayed you right away. I asked him to ally. never shot you once spider did not ally Mother spider he's about spied Give you that funk on it site So let me see betrayed. I didn't I didn't there was no real alliance. I said okay, and then I just know my position I tagged big uncle couple times. I know on cop brought I saw out of the mix. I'm like now. I'm gonna grab a couple points off of

That was a man dude speaking of laser tag rules if laser tag Damn, I want dude. I want to formally challenge dr. Marta laser tag Really? Yeah, he's in hot water right now. Why would he do dude is his alleged although he did His alleged daughter although I've reason to believe it could possibly be his daughter because he claimed to have paid child support her whole life Came out and was like you're a fucking deadbeat. Just give me my sister's number like complete Oh, you know dr. Mars. Yeah, he's like doesn't like interracial dating all that stuff doesn't really like white people I get the feeling now. He seems to very openly dislike with the dude He his daughter for real crushed him came out was like you're a fucking deadbeat. You're a loser

You shouldn't be nobody should be listening to you And then he came back rather than being like I don't know who you are which that'd be Devastating to your strange daughter to do that, but he goes He was saying something like get your mom on the phone We can hash this out and he was saying like I'm sick of first of all he goes either with me or against me on This no more frenemies. He doesn't want any more frenemies. I appreciate that Next time it yeah, if my daughter ever confronts me for being Debbie. I would be like I have no time you're either with me or against me Called her a struggle streamer trying to get clout Call it a strange daughter struggle she knows a fucking struggle

Phil's always trying to get clout Every time we do the podcast in my house, he would walk down You want a cloud now? He gives away tickets every show I go to there's fucking eight guys from the Elks in the green room Fucking unbelievable. I was fucking how about a little meet-and-greet the guy is one of the top sales guys in Tampa. Could you meet him? No That was the list was crazy Yeah, the list he handed my my manager a list that is 40 people at every show That was a wild night tampa was it was awesome tampa and jackson tampa was

Wonderful. Yeah, it was all those fucking studs were there. Yeah, true. Aaron judge's fucking big ass was there He was fucking huge. He's still a unit. I was less starstruck this time Yeah, that was the first time. Yeah, the last time when I met him at that game. Didn't you see him at a baseball game? Yeah, I said, full Yankees uniform. Just hit a giant home run. Yeah.

In batting practice. Came over. He was like, what are you doing back there, big man? I was like, I saw you. You just drilled that ball. I've never spaz like that. Seeing him at the game would fuck. I would fuck you.

But talking to Bubbles here, I was a little. Bubbles was fucking me up. Taking him back. True. I was a little bubbles is fucking it back true, I mean Yeah, he was fucking that guy was he's on the fucking videos outside the bar watch the videos. It's him fucking mixing drinks Bubbles is the man gave me some good pointers. We might get bubbles in this next game. I'm on his team. I call bubbles team Did he talk about the zombie game? Yeah, that sounds for me sounds sick Everyone's green one red zombie and then you spread if you get hit by the zombie you become a zombie as well

It's kind of sick. Oh, I don't know how you would cheat in that game. Yeah, how you gonna cheat? I wasn't cheating you you were cheating. No, I wasn't cheating. I watched you. You got a bleep to go pro Everyone got it was screaming The doors open every dude Screaming and running Everyone got tired go five minutes left, you hear everyone go, oh fuck, that was the longest fucking game of my life. Dude. What was your strategy, Gardini?

You were running, running, running. It was run, it was run, right out of the room. Stick and move. Stick and move? Mm-hmm. Stick and move fast. Yeah. You were running.

That was swift, swift walk. You were running. I might have been running. I saw you run, That's fine. And On your ass for the next game Well, that's concerning. Yeah, he's gonna personally follow. I came here for a good time Guys take advantage of the rules Man I finished seventh. That's not bad. That's pretty good socks

first game spider I lost a big oh First game, son. I beat Spider? Fuck it. I lost a big, oh, I lost a Nicky Blazer. Nicky Blazer. Adam Eaget, I lost a Nicky Blazer by probably one shot. It was close, it was a close one. And you were camping. I was fully camping.

After fucking two minutes I was camped and now a running gun. I just get hit 50 fucking times you hit the lay down, which is a nice my fucking pack doesn't work. Yeah. That's what Chris keeps saying. Chris keeps saying his gun was broken. That's why he didn't do it. He was RoboCop. They changed his name to RoboCop. Wait, his gun wasn't working, but he didn't come in very last place, did he?

Yeah, that was interesting. It happened to be the one female that was brought on. The pregnant female. Dead last by a wide margin. I don't think She must not have been holding she's eight months pregnant which is I felt I felt terrible I was I was late. I was away with the running around Someone's gonna bump into it the worst thing you want is it something terrible. I like I starled the shit out of her. I was laying down behind a corner. She walked I went

So you Sorry about that She does give birth in a laser tag, that's our that's America's next emperor It's chosen by God's true if you give birth under the artificial fog and Blacklights of the awesome just just being that your that's your first image coming out into the world around about the team Fats Everyone sweaty with packs on my thing is I'd be still racking up major points I'd be sitting there hitting their fucking sensors while she's given every single person

That's a boogie respect You know my packs deactivated you can't even shoot me I shot you at the buzzer you betrayed James there they're going three One of them hit me no that was me at the buzzer I shot you I betrayed you Wow I just want you to know that this is me coming clean. I appreciate you obviously blazer tag is a game of nothing but treachery I was obviously there was one ultimate cheater Just so happened to be the champion bro you cheated it was crazy bubbles even said so bubbles watching the footage

He's like, yo for I might kick him out bubbles did bring it up. So we'll see. Yeah. He might address it. James. Interesting technique. Yeah, James is big hiding behind the stinking shit. I blind my enemies. It was body odor. It's my great. I did find something out. So I think the reason there was a corner in the top and if you try and shoot across the whole arena looks like you're shooting somebody But then you don't actually get to tag him and the guy I asked the guy that who's bass bubbles

Yeah, he said a lot of top professional players do notice that Perfect feel pretty good a lot of professional he said there's two lasers There's an invisible laser that does the hitting and it doesn't work at distance So where you two were if you're shooting people on the other side, you're not getting points for it That's why you see the laser. Yeah, I was wondering. I was wondering I knew there was a glitch because I was definitely killing people. Yeah Yeah, I was can you know now we know that teams Close quarters new rules of somebody is running you are allowed to tackle. Yeah for sure Trip trip or chat trip or tackle for sure if they're laying on their stomach

You can step on their running t If you're running, T2, T2's gonna walk over to where you are. And fucking smash you. Andy, what was your rank? T2 was flying. I was like at the, how many was there, 13? Yeah. Yeah, I was probably at like eight or nine. Okay.

But that was pretty good for a guy who was standing You weren't even crouching remotely slowly walking Like a red coat the whole time yeah the lights were bouncing on my skin perfectly You guys were camping the whole time we did can't yeah We took a strong cuz I kept doing laps and I'm like you guys are still here cool Yeah, I was I was patrolling like an L shape. I would come here come there come here And then I'd water wander off run back. Yeah, please sure don't be confident John I'm gonna frill follow you the whole time now. Yeah, I'm gonna say I'm gonna sacrifice my whole game

I'll be last place and I'm just gonna take you down to like fourth place. That's okay. I'm gonna do that I'm godawks confident dude. He knows there's nothing wrong with if I thought if I shadowed him, dude Fourth place is nice. Huh fourth place. I'm happy with One first my shadow. It wouldn't be fourth one first place on fourth bubbles bubbles scrub that from the record Bubbles did bring up he was like long penis. he had his eye on you. Just so you know. He was like guys, he's a guy that appreciates. He was all over long penis.

Yes. He took us aside, he was like guys, for real I'm glad you guys aren't falling shit, but that guy's, like if this wasn't a private event, we'd be fine. It was a pregnant woman. Yeah. It's the battlefield.

He fucking knocks her over, I saw you knock her over. She didn't wanna talk about it because you were like, you fucking do it, I'm gonna pull you and kill you. You held her at laser. I saw you knock her over. She didn't want to talk about it because you were like you fucking told her You tell me what about this will fucking kill you One actual kill Bubbles is walking by his covered her mouth and shh Yeah, you were I didn't ever seen that side of you man it was like fucked up It's a weird side to see like you bring your friend you put him in any type of competitive situation. He instantly cheats

It's fucking crazy the two who would have thought the two biggest cheaters James cheated my birthday. I was fucking pissed about it. I did not cheat one time. You do have that dork scamper though. You run around. He's got full dork run. It's a beautiful movement that pays off. Happy with a strong second. It's daylight between the two of us and I didn't cheat. Second, third, whatever. I guess we'll see. You two are the captains for next game. strong second is daylight between the two of us and I didn't cheat so third

whatever I guess we'll see you two are the captains for next game yeah you got to pick teams it can't be random that would not be fair if the guys who cheat versus the Fats cheaters versus Terminators that's actually a strong move. Everyone behind Terminator. That's not a bad idea. There's a new form of cheating that we just invented. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. We're all gonna cheat and scream as soon as everybody,

as soon as we got out of the room. By the way, shout out to Blazer Tag Pizza. Yeah, I told you dude. That hit the spot. It fucking hits. We did it. How long have we been going? We gotta get back in 15 minutes 13

minutes 16 16 minutes for the first ones were about a are you fucking kidding me oh I got here I know this is a week next time we need like an eight hour all day pass yeah need a tag for so an hour and a half three hours Bubbles is not afraid to give you a speech This episode is brought to you by better help We love but better is love butter help as nice as it would be to help with the butter Butter help as nice as it would be you don't have all the answers prompt for a host rift I struggled with dot dot dot

I personally I don't like to get into this but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians Until I got help from but better And we overcame that struggle because they were like it was like a stern father like oh you want to cigarettes? Well, how about you do 100 of them? Tell you don't like them anymore. Yeah, I said, hey, you wanna have sex with frogs all the time? Butter help said, how about you do 100 of them, tough guy? Box him 100 frogs and you don't come out of that room until you creep by every one of those fuckers' mouths.

I said, but butter help? It's important. It's important that you have a good support system. You know, people you can go to when the going gets tough, like a therapist from Butthill. They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends. You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that. You got't go to your family or friends. You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that.

You got to go to butter hell. I should get on a zoom call and go, I want to fuck frogs. They go, holy shit, we got to help. Trust the professional. Oh, my God. Yes, we already rift. We've written our things that helped us. Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, after I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians,

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Possibility of a frog if you know send me into a friend You know bro trust me when you're on the edge of a pond and you don't even see the frog But you hear it jump in the water. I go. I just want to fucking oh yeah Catch it thing out. Hopefully I kiss it it turns into a prince I kiss and it turns into a prince Guys check out better help It's fully online so easy to get started and they have access to a wide range of credential Therapists over 30,000 with all sorts of different special. That's good. Yeah guys guys It's alright check out build your support Build your support system with better help visit better help comm slash

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that's been causing women to do like horrible sexual stuff. So like, there's just like- I know someone that's taking some restlessness. Really, watch them dude. It's like, they'll like, there was ladies who were taking it, like 50, 40, 60 year old ladies who were on this medication And then like they would fake go to work and just like show their tits to strangers and like

Troll they would start trolling for sex restless tits. They have restless tits You gotta get those things out there to be like it would be like one of your aunts would just take this met take these meds and just like leave Sunday mass and start like trolling a City and trying to get blowjobs and strangers Off the meds for like a couple years out to Big Pharma for that one. That's what I'm saying Thank you big and then they came off of it and they were just like Symptoms went away immediately Imagine dude if like three of your ants were just gobbling dude for like three years hitting like the L in Philly and just fucking

years hitting like the L in Philly and just fucking It's a nice lady that just normal lady dude kids are in college You take the restless leg meds and you just cheat on your fucking husband like 45 times in a year Just meet dudes at the Home Depot bathroom and just fucking blow Yeah, I read a whole thing about it was pretty crazy Yeah, I had RLS. Thank it. It was pretty crazy. Yeah. I had RLS, thank fucking God. I think actually maybe I did take that for a while. I might have been on the RLS for my entire 20s.

Some of my teens. Some of my teens. Got damn restless legs in here. I'm throwing the whole room off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ain't even gonna talk about that every day.

You guys aren't together? What the fuck? Why touching elbows you throwing me off you throwing the whole room Just finally getting out of like a multi-mom he spilled fucking water in my eye I Know yeah, it's not the first time the other time I just straight-up missed my mouth and just poured it all down my shirt and a little boy I was like that was our last medicine that might have been the RLS medicine. You took a face. I was thinking about my next victim Yeah, my next suck Yeah, so we got that going on that's hilarious yeah, I was pretty pumped about that I Watch you buy on your fucking altis y'all

Keep it out your motherfucking altis. Dump that medicine right down the drain. For real. They don't know about that. I mean dude imagine you're just watching the VMAs with your altis and they're just seeing like JT's fucking tennis dude flying through the air. They're seeing that guy flip. Who's that guy who does flips off the piano? Oh Blazer Tag. Nicky Blazer ripped his clothes off at the VMAs. I forget his name. The guy who sings... I know you're talking about... The beautiful day that I've died... It's like, yeah, it's like girl rock.

It's like a girl rock. It's fairly accurate. Passionate girl rock. It is girl rock, yeah. Benson Boom. That's kind of an unfair... Now you can just take a formula and just create those songs and like Girls will like every like literally every single one. Yeah

I like this song. I like this song listen listen to the words Song fucking sucks. You listen to the words you listen the words of Edmund Fitzgerald You think about the chef? Think about the cook coming in saying fellas. It's been good to know you The main hatchway gave in you dumb bitch Final listen, but we're actually gonna sink up dark side of the moon to the wizard of Oz after this and you've got to watch the whole fucking thing I Yeah, I'm trying to listen to audiobooks at night and women women don't exactly like it

No, it's trying to listen to audiobooks at night and women women don't exactly like it now It's not listen to the guns of August last night put it on Not a big hit what the hell? What happened just a sleepy woman going? What is she talking about? King George died and it was kind of last time all the Royals were together in London and you know, they're all related kind of last time all the Royals were together in London and they're all related. Turnin' the fuck off. No.

No. Yeah, the mutual audio book is tough. I listened to, my girlfriend's friend stayed in our hotel room. Nothin'. Little restless like, they were on the meds. They were on the meds. They were on the meds.

But it was after SNL and she was like, I'm gonna take a nap before I go home. So she, cause it was six a.m. And I was like, all right, this is what I listen to when I sleep. And I put on rain noises. And her friend honestly thought I was listening to applause. She thought I was, and she didn't really mention it.

He thought you needed to stand and know to fall asleep? She genuinely thought I was going to sleep to applause. And now I can't listen to the fucking rain thing anymore because it sounds exactly like applause you fucking right you need to stand in over to pass out I need a stand it's rain you're the trickle obviously rain maybe across the room in a hotel. Oh, there you go. Fucking applause with some distance. It sounds like applause because you can hear the trickles. Yeah, that's maybe a babbling brook. I'm going to have to switch it up.

Get some thunder in there or something. Yeah, true. We said I need splendidly mounted princes. You observe his eyes for the night-ski. He's achieved greatness as a man, despite his great height and perfect horsemanship. There's nothing wrong with listening to that at bedtime.

Dude, that could trigger an exorcism. Yeah, I've done that. I've done the audio book at nighttime. It's like what is this? Fine it's about how World War one started. I want to have a better understanding. How long are you still listening? So we don't fucking fall into it again. Yeah Are you still listening to that like yes, it's fucking on I'm still listening to it Oh, I had a fucking bug crawl across me the middle of the night You know, this is one of my deepest fears. Yeah, what happened fucking woke me up. The thing was huge. Was it in the hotel? No You know up the side I was like oh

Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't like a night. I don't think it was nice. I felt it. I like woke me up I could feel it on me kind of bug kind of creepy crawler. I didn't get to see the crawler, which was made for a worst evening. It's at long. Because then I was flashlight out, looking under the blankets and laying down. I was like, I didn't want to tell her. I couldn't be like a giant spiders in our bed.

In that way. Because there has been a giant spider in the pool houses. That'd be a hot new cuck genre where spider just fucking literally lays on your back. Spider just runs. Spider no. Spider. I just hold the camera like yeah spider.

Then you suck the cream pie. Oh fuck I need you to fart spider. Oh fuck dude. You love that fucking smell babe. I'm not having fun anymore. It's not even that fun. Me and Adam and James had a nice date yesterday. Oh, what'd you do?

We went and saw Friendship, the new. O.A. said it was good. It's the funniest. It's going to be the funniest movie. When's it come out? May. Well, I'm looking forward to May. I can't wait to see it again.

Yeah, I'm going to see that again. That was friendship and French onion boys. No, no, no. Don't tell them. Don't tell them that we all got French onion soup after we saw a movie and discussed the movie. We had DeRosa in there. It was a good squad. I was everyone else was laughing and having a good time. I was so sad. James took it to heart.

Yeah, I took it to heart. And then I spoke to the director came up afterwards. I said I was I was very, everyone else was laughing and having a good time. I was so sad. James took it to heart. Yeah. I took it to heart. And then I spoke to the director came up afterwards. I said, I was, I was devastated and he was so happy. Really? I said, your comedy made me very upset. And he was like, Oh, he was, he was really pleased. It's a very, it's like a very eight 24 drama set, but very, it's so funny. It's very funny.

I got a sad. It's unbelievably funny. I might be oversensitive. I feel I have mild PTSD after doing the shooting. After being in that room with the light, there was so much killing. There was like seven minutes there where I was like, ha! So I might just be experiencing everything in a sensitive way. I'm a sensitive boy. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but to see that movie and be like,

that fucked me up is crazy. The movie's hilarious. It's real. It looks awesome. But to see that movie and be like that fucked me up is crazy the movies Hilarious it looked a trailer looks everything. It's for you. Yeah, I can't you're gonna fucking I saw the trailer I was like this is this looks phenomenal Yeah, it's gotta be it's up there. It's yeah Comedy movies are back true in a big way pendulum swung pendulum swung pendulums fully swung maybe too far Head down to the mothership you go. Yeah pendulums. Maybe it's swung a little too far not everyone has to say it true every single set

Dude, yeah, I think we're in like the seven. We're in like the new version of the 70s now We've left like that We had like a version of the 60s like the hippie dream Which was just like state-sponsored basically propaganda this point was just like the super woke stuff it's completely falling apart now we're in the 70s now I got evil hippies exactly and then we're about to hit the 80s pretty soon which will be sweet yes we're about to have a new 80s and 30s you're gonna be the 80s we're gonna die in the 90s which is a good time

to nice of the best one exactly it's a good time to die So when we're 50, we're all gonna be in the 90s. It's gonna be sick as hell 60 yeah 11 is gonna be really rough. It's gonna be maybe we'll do it though. Maybe it'll be ours. He's a downer. I'm sorry Dude you think the Middle East will still be there in the new 90s, dude? It's going to be casinos. It's going to be Trump casinos. It's going to be the other Riviera of the Mediterranean. You'll probably have to do a VR night.

9-11 will be like a ride at Universal Studios. You'll be in the building. If you have the lightning pass, you'll be like, hey, we actually know about an attack. We're going to get you guys out. Yeah. It's coming. Yeah. Tower seven will be the haunted one.

Drop out of nowhere. Tower of terror. Tower of terror. You just go, oh, we're dropping. Somehow. Tower seven of terror. Against all odds, we're dropping. Oh my God.

Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah, yeah, it's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. It tower seven of terror. Against all odds, we're dropping. Oh my God.

Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah, yeah, definitely it's heartening news. We are, the pendulum's fully swung. Pendulum swung. The dream broke, but the residue of it, just like the hippie dream will still, you know, kind of saturate the culture, but it'll just be like breakfast. It'll like blend into like ice cream stuff.

Damn, the hipsters were kind of fun at first. Huh? You remember like 2010? Yeah, it was kind of nice nice group. It was Nick and Nora's infinite playlist It was and then they and I was at the right age to be gay enough for I fucking loved that shit And then what would you love about it? I just liked all the music freedom Yeah, the dawn of a new age the gay music LCD sound system still rules shit does fucking roll all it. Yeah, that shit rules Yeah, I don't know what happened. I'm telling you dude. It was Occupy Wall Street, and then it just total sigh up and they turned into still still wearing masks today, which is

It's unsettling We see a guy just a dude by it's like it's like maybe you're visiting your grandma But like I don't know said it before if you're great If you're like a grandmom or grandfather and you're worried about that. It's like I think you've kind of failed it Yeah, aren't you shut up? It was just a pussy like if you're 80 and you're worried about cover you you're a pussy Even if you don't die of COVID you're gonna be a pussy definitely people should be worried about For sure. Yeah, but it's you magic you want to die like that you don't die

Well, I guess they all do die of pneumonia Yeah, eventually yeah, you can't be scared of death by the time you're 80. I mean it's close It's easier said than done obviously yeah, I did when you're like making your grandkids Get like experimental therapeutics. Yeah, so they can chill with you. I don't think that many grandparents were doing that I think the grandparents were like why can't they come inside true? I want to hold my grandson. He's outside of the window because of that's your house Yeah, I did my part what up Nate what up big o We're just all coming clean here. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry

I shouldn't I shouldn't rag on 80 year olds, but I just I the time I'm 80. I'm not gonna be scared of some fucking bullshit When I was 80 if I was ever a transgression no shot I Hope by the time I'm 80. I'm truly not afraid of death. I hope I will be trying to 40 be trying to get the 40s. Oh, yeah. You got to get on the fucking good foot. It's time. It's time. It's time to get a blood panel. That's going to be a real bummer. Yeah, trust me. I got mine. Mine was not great. It's gonna be a bummer. Although right now I've said it before, but I always stray from this. I don't care about aesthetics. I'm going just performance. I go, I toggle back and forth. It's like, can I always stray from this. I don't care about aesthetics, I'm going just performance. I toggle back and forth, it's like,

can I just be coming to Donnis? And then I just get fatter every day and I go, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So I'm going just pure performance now. I don't, doesn't care, weight, don't care, I don't care about anything, I'm just caring about mile times, hang time, I mean, I think I got like a one, think 140 hang time, whatever, it's not a big deal,

but it's fucking hard. I believe you, yeah, it's cool. I mean I think I got like a one think 140 hang time whatever somebody do but It's fucking hard. I believe you. Yeah, it's cool Probably talk about finish it Hang times tough that does blow hang times. It's hard. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna stiff competition with Billy right now Billy You might get him on the hang time Now you ever see his fucking hands. He was big. Yeah, but he's got fucking fat He doesn't pause. Yeah, he is for real like dog paws So I got right now. I'm we're tied, but I got to overtake him for sure In the hang time it's weird. They're saying like that's all that matters everyone's worried about kovat But they're like if your thighs are jacked and you can squeeze stuff really hard. You're not gonna die

So I actually believe that I'm telling you they're saying if you have like Jack those grip guys exactly they're saying grip strength and like muscle density in your legs are a bigger indicator guys win the grip strength every time at Rogan's other than Rogan not a big deal yeah man so fuck you looking at Adam your ass lost well what's the poundage on the grip strength I think I got it was like 145 last time that's good and then no one could beat it so I only went once I was like all right good that's good first try I'm on your bumper right now I believe it your bumper better not be on my bumper I'm on your

bumper any Democrats out there say something about Donald Trump I'm on your bumper. You better not be on my bumper. I'm on your bumper right now. If any Democrats out there say something mean about Donald Trump, I'm on your bumper. They better chill with making that kid famous because... What do you think's gonna happen? Same thing that happens to everybody. I might hire... It's gonna be a nasty story about that sweet angel. Oh God. He's gonna shoot an unarmed white kid.

True. That'd be fair. Joe God Shooter non-armed white kid True to be fair I could see that I could see them doing some nasty false flag like that against it I'd be on their bumper. I'd be on the CIA's bumper if that happens You're already on the CIA probably on your bumper after they found out that fucking hang time. They're like holy shit is Jason Sleeper so Now I'm definitely on the CIA's bumper. I just got a fucking laser tag on the brain. I do too. Yeah, let's get one more tag.

We'll be right back. One more laser tag. We don't gotta watch a video again. Yeah, it is. Here we go. All right, I believe this is everybody. So, before we continue, I do this is everybody So I Before we continue

Announce I have an ungood authority long penis did in fact Oh Just a smell vibe in here right now, that's the blazer room postgame locker room. We need showers here We gotta get a pro team going we could put in the work. I mean we got two of the best cheaters in America Cheating what what's the what's like? Straight game. Yeah, what do you do? What's like the game plan the game plan is so the rules are you now? Instantly leaves the floor. Yeah, somebody went to the towers big time Wasn't me

You weren't up there. I defend how did I see you up there? I don't know. You must have been a mirage or something You must have been loopy from the bed. Oh, that sucks, and I'm not against cheating. That's disgusting. You're a liar If you ain't cheating you ain't trying. Except when we had to move up. Yeah well you can move up. Yeah the floor was lava then you had to move up. The floor was lava. Yeah the floor was lava.

The balconies were lava. Somebody is lava proof. LaMare dude they went five minute warning LaMare was on level three already. I was like I was. LaMare was cheating. I was on level two. Yeah exactly. LaMare was cheating up there. I was on level two exactly the mayor was cheating

I was on level two cheating thanks for being a man and admitting it I started walking up the ramp like 30 seconds before and then it was five minutes warning you shot me from the ramp I watched you do it yeah I did defensively that was weird I was just trying to be jibber

you went up early? I thought it was funny Sean this is not how the blue team does it dude That's not bad openers. I thought it'd be fun. I thought about I was tempted, but I waited that guy was like stuck in that corner I couldn't get up there. I kept trying to go to that ramp corner was nice True corner wasn't the guy was policing the ramp too. I was like I'd be like I'm taking it I would see that guy. I'm like fuck next time Next time I'm putting bubbles in there, get him on the ramp. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, what else is going on? Not much, man. Fuck, what else is going on? Dude, how was SNL? There we go. Let's talk about that. I got that. There we go.

It was a weekend laser tag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser tag is more important. It was easier the second time. But the one thing that sucks is you know what's coming the second time. So the first time you go through and you're like, all right, Monday, that was easy.

Tuesday, that was easy. And then all of a sudden you do everything on Friday. You film all those pre-recorded sketches, you film. So you're there, we had to get there at like six. Six a.m. so you gotta pick up at 5.30 and then you get done at fuckin' 2 a.m. And then you gotta do the real thing. and then you wake up the next day. Oh Why do they do it that way? I don't know

That's how I do that first. I did rest up. Yeah, maybe just get you jacked up and like juiced up. I Don't know. Yeah, you know It was it was actually I mean it doesn't matter how late you stay up when you do the rehearsal live Yeah, it's the scariest if they ever showed that monologue. I did It's the most nervous I've ever been and then the real show I was Uncomfortably not nervous. That's that's a good idea. Oh, this isn't yeah giving you the run-through is a genuine. Yeah good idea Yeah, every sketch you're nervous. You're like, fuck, I can't read. That's, dude, that would,

reading off the card, everyone's, I've talked to people before, like, yeah, you can read off a card. I'm like, dude, I can hardly read books to my kids. You gotta read the card like you're telling a joke. That's tough. You're like, no, I don't know. And then they change the lines in between rehearsal and the real show.

I'll tell you what I would do. I would fuck the first, I'd fuck the first card up immediately and then I'd think about it the rest of the time and I'd fuck up every single card after that. So's that's my prediction for sure So we did rehearsal and we did another Jamaican Church sketch and I think I fucked it up so bad They were like, it's not that good. Oh, yeah, that's what happened You do a sketch and then they're like, all right, we're not gonna use that and you're like fuck

That was my fault cuz that was definitely funny now that you're gonna went back to the well Did you make it well? gonna use it and you're like fuck that was my fault cuz that was definitely funny now they shouldn't went back to the well yeah Jamaican well I like this right well it's I love it's funny every single time damn right said Jamaican part too they did have Jamaican part too and I think I fucked it up okay you know they're not gonna tell you you never know but you should get on like an m.r. vibe dude what's that m.r. Vibe dude What's that m.r.? Is a white English guy who just does dance all and he does it really well? Oh You've ever make a dance hall guys. No turn red. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that was his name turn a pussy red Yeah, yeah, dude. You should

something consider Just do like a year. Just take a year off of everything and just huge making stuff on Instagram. Take one year off and rebuild and it's like, let me tell you about this. Yeah, the monologue though is the scariest. And it was like there's Tate McCray fans in the front. Oh God. It's like, oh man, they're not going to fucking like me talking about Ken Burns. Yeah. Just like young. How Ken Burns. Yeah, just like young How did that what did they were they just they didn't like it? They did my one well, but that's cool the rehearsal Who were the who were the fan? It was just was it just like?

attractive ladies sitting up front They're the fucking worst If you had to pick a demographic that you didn't want like two rows of in the front is just hot ladies hot Young women there now and in the way that set up you saw it was like two sections And then everyone else is just in the back of the room. Yeah It's not conducive for stand-up. No unless you have like a point they like that Yeah, if the comedian goes out there and makes it fucking good point sure. Yeah, everyone's like that's incredible You can get the hot young babes with good points

Even if they don't fully understand a bit Awesome, I never thought of it like that. Yeah hot young babes are Lasting what you think you want them? You'll give me a roomful hot young babes I'll fucking spin their heads. I'll make them very unhappy They also have don't have the best attention spans either No, I did the worst show I ever did was this small room at the stand Upstairs it was five different tables of hot young women the whole room was out Then they brought food in like ten waiters at once

Just fed everyone at once while I was standing up there immediately. It was on to the every waiters I'll be like, okay. Yeah, I'll pick that one up. Okay. Yeah, I was just up there like alright. We're done listening. Everyone's eating. Yeah perfect And they're like no you're doing good didn't you go? I mean, it's got to be just crazy being in like a hot lady's body. I couldn't think of anything else Yeah, I was just a hot lady in a hot lady's body. I'd be like God. I'm so fucking hot right now Sorry for me rude. I'm literally I just I just be so turned on by myself. I'm like dude I'm just so I'm just way too horny to listen. I think it's waiting for it Why isn't this guy a billionaire and why isn't he just fucking picking me up on my head and taking me to his house?

That's what I would think about if I was a hot lady in the city of New York the one the one thing that was funny With SNL was the first time tape mccray by the way extremely nice lady Yes, like nice Canadian lady came in she was very like hey She was so the the host screen room here the musical artist is right across the hall Yeah, and I was like sitting on the couch trying to fucking read freaking out. Yeah, and then she walked in I was like Yeah, and I was like sitting on the couch trying to fucking read freaking out. Yeah, and then she walked in I was like She kept walking and I was like, oh that hurts but then she came right back in it was like Hey, did you read I was like? But then the first thing we did was a sketch where I was in a fucking like motorized scooter dressed like an animal and

She had to sit on my lap. And right before they were like, Tate, are you okay with this? Is everything okay? Are you all right with sitting on his lap? She was like, yeah, I don't care. And I was like, no one asked me. And they're like, Shane, are you all right?

I was like, yes. Which seemed really funny at the time until it's literally just me, her, and the director. And I was like, I hope you understand, I was kidding. She didn't laugh? I think she laughed, but I was immediately embarrassed that I did that. She's like 21, and I'm sitting was like, I hope you understand. I was kidding. She didn't laugh. I think she laughed, but I was immediately embarrassed that I did that. She's like 21.

And I'm sitting there like, yes, I'm good with it. I mean, to be fair, it was very funny. Yeah. Funny thing you possibly do, but yeah, the aftermath of that would have been like, nah, I'm just fucking around. And it was like, we just got done filming the first sketch and I had to rush to that one. And they were like, hurry up, she's gotta leave.

And so I was like sweaty it was a nightmare and then it was she's like her character was supposed to flirt with me and so she was like we have such a nice thing and she like rubbed my chest and in my head I was like damn my chest is definitely soaked. She was sitting on me I must have been 400 degrees. I must've been laying on just a hot pillow that was like, I'm really sorry about this. I'm sorry. I was just kidding when I said I was super hot. I was just joking about that.

She was like, what? I'm like, it's a joke I told. I don't even know if you heard it. What? Yeah, covered in- Fucking bullshit what Trump's doing about Canada. I don't even understand that fucking bullshit. Fucking terrorists are fucking bullshit, man.

I was, definitely felt sweat on my chest. Damn. Yeah. You're in the presence of a diva. She's a diva, dude. No. That's so sick though. I keep hearing about new divas. There's new divas.

I am completely. There's divas, yeah, we're too old. I'm out of the diva loop. I'll be back in the diva loop. Be careful. I'll be back in like six years, seven years. Be careful when you get out of the diva loop. I'll be back in the diva loop Be careful back in like six years seven years. I'll get back in the diva loop. Why takes over your algorithm Well, I'm saying I followed tape mcrae on Instagram here in the diva loop. My diva loops fucking insane What are the other divas right now?

Sabrina carpenter is a diva. Okay docci Diva docci's chapel ron is diva number one currently for sure. What? Chaperone is dominating. Oh, we were talking about... Oh, wrestling divas? No, no, no.

Chaperone does rule though. They have to be cute? They have to be the hot ones? I mean, now you're making us the bad guys, but yeah. Is Chaperone not... You don't like it when she presents like a... You know, I've never seen Chaperone. I've never seen Chaperone. I've never seen Chapel Rune.

I think Chapel Rune is a very sexually appealing... She is. Yeah. That is also right up your alley. Chapel Rune dresses like a drag queen. Yes, it's very all... You gotta think for that. But yeah, I just learned this weekend,

girls will dress as drag queens. Which is... Dressing as? It's got a dong face. It's got a dong face. It's got a dong face That's bullshit Yeah, yeah, I wasn't just watching RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday Where you really it was on at my house and Whitney Cummings was on it really she was one of the yeah, they did a roast

It was great roast the drags. That's yeah to ruin RuPaul's Drag Race while my girlfriend's trying to watch it. Yeah. What the fuck are these uncles talking about? She's like, what? I was like, those are all uncles. Those are all somebody's fucking uncle.

You're saying RuPaul's like a staunch guy? Yeah. RuPaul's got some conservative ideas. She's anti-trans. I think trans people are not allowed on the show. She did a thing. What? He did a thing. I think he, yeah. Yeah, he refuses to put the dress on unless someone pays him money.

That's the thing, he'll go on late night talk shows and they'll go, where's the woman outfit? And he goes, pay me. If you want me to wear a dress, you gotta pay me. I thought that was cool. Yeah, RuPaul kind of rules for that. Damn, that's pretty cool. Just like every other black media. I was, dude, I did it again. Yeah, I did it again this time. I was like, they're like, do you have anything you don't want to do?

I was like, I'm just not going to wear a dress. Well, they just I can't do it. Yeah. From cat. You can't, but otherwise I would be like, yeah, whatever. It's funny. I'm not doing anything wrong. You can't do it. Yeah from cat you can't realize I would be like, yeah, whatever. It's funny. I'm not doing anything wrong You can't now now it's There's too much that dress on it's over, dude It's tough though, it's tough to speak up at NBC it's weird to be in an office and they're like do you have anything?

Yeah, I'm just not gonna wear a dress Okay Okay, dude, I mean, you know You don't need him on your bumper for sure fuck no, I wouldn't want him on my bumper Yeah, dude, especially Yeah, and also it really is like what would the what would a good enough scenario or joke be for you to be in the dress? Would have to be a dynamite fucking sketch. Yeah.

Mrs. Doubtfire. Doubtfire. There was... Although Robin Williams couldn't handle it. I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil sketches. I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil it, but there was a very funny Mrs. Doubtfire sketch. The problem, maybe they'll use it again because it was good, because we didn't use it. Really?

Really funny. Why, they didn't use it again because it was good because we didn't use it really really funny Why they didn't use it because of your no no no the character would the character would not have been wearing a dress But he would have been it was a guy getting confronted that he was mrs. Dalf iron Hilarious that is funny. I hope I didn't spoil it They'll still rip it. They'll rip it. They'll rip it and you can go. That was my fucking idea I said on my fucking podcast. I said that on my podcast dibs I would start trying to start I'm gonna start fake comedy beefs Expect that was my joke and eat anyone puts out a clip like bro. I've been doing that dude People do that. I know I Actually tweeted that six years ago. Yeah, of course. Yeah, every single joke is on Twitter

You can find it. Yeah, I fucking did that other thing with three likes from 2013. Yeah, I saw that and I stole it And I made it a full joke What is it John you're one one one of those beefs what's happened? Yeah, so I did a joke during covert It was the first time I've done it It's like a fool me once shame on me fool me twice me twice, shame on you. And it just goes on. And people came and they said, this is a David Cross bit, which I didn't know. He has the same premise. And then it goes in another direction. And I felt bad about that. But what made me feel a lot better is there's a guy who I'd never heard of who's from LA, who's been doing comedy

for 30 years. And he's like in 1994, that was my joke. And he's uploading out and he goes, this Australian and David Cross is stealing my act. Made me feel so much more relaxed about doing the same bit. Yeah, it's crazy. There's got to be a statute of limitations. Bernie Mac's materials up for grabs as far as I'm concerned. I'll do it on you and understand. It's up for grabs.

I got milk and cookies. You got milk and cookies. True. I got these bad ass kids. my dude true. I got these badass kids I'm ashamed your family fucked up, too But yeah, that's awesome. That's nice. That's gotta be so nice to be done with that again. Yeah, it's the most stressful fucking thing Yeah possible then yeah, especially a diva throwing the diva on the mix is like that would that might fuck me up a little I wish it was 21 and he got to sit on my lap Both you guys are wearing dresses You should push for the next time you do it push for like in all every sketch has to be get like just gay stuff

Yeah, I have to kiss a cast member every single. Yeah, like your bet who was uh was it not been half like Matt Damon He just went hog wild on that one movie Liberace Matt Damon crystal the behind the candle out behind the candle Oh, yeah, he just went fucking hog wild dudes been acting for like 25 years And he was like I'll do full gay like total total gay It's got to be there after you've done it all. I think I came out in a year that People weren't that critical. What do you mean? It was early. It was before the culture wars. It was so it was right that yeah It was on the table. It was a bag obviously. Denzel went for it in gladiator. He got gay bag

How gay was he in gladiator? I think they cut out a scene where he was like making out guys and Denzel chill No, stop stop I swear to God Cut out a scene where he was like making out guys and then it ends up chill Swear to God Yeah He was going why do what he was just playing a is it gotta be there's well there's two like crowning achievements for every actor, it's gay and Gilbert great Gilbert Grape. That's the height of that.

Just a thousand year craft. It's like, okay, we can see you play a cop, but can you play Gilbert Grape? Can you play a gay guy or Gilbert Grape? Gay Gilbert Grape is the ultimate. That would be nice. Why haven't we had that yet? Probably have. Really? Just gotta be one. Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet. Why haven't we had that yet? Probably have.

Really? It's gotta be one. Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet? I don't think so, man. Maybe Uncle Lee. Force Combat straight Aids. Yeah, but he would bust it. Yeah, good rate. Jenny busted open for him, that's why.

He didn't do anything. Him and Bubba might have fucked around a little bit. Gets lonely on the high seas though gum yeah Bubba never made it to the ice he's he also might have looked at it Dan. Yeah, he probably sucked Dan Well, I'll be man I'm tired from all that laser tag bro that shit we didn't talk about the final match we got two minutes we could get one more blaze we could we need one more blaze honestly that last night one more after I was fucking you need one more Matt I need this is devastating I need revenge at the end they give you who you killed the most

you kill me I was getting I was getting yeah, I only killed Matt 15 I keep forgetting you're in that corner 3 4 4 0 4 1 15 now you got me I got you 10 I eat and I kept thinking our alliance was still on I just the last second would Hesitate at the beginning. I was not I didn't know what color my team was really yeah, I was shooting right I saw you Yeah, I heard you getting kind of confused. Yeah So I'm surrounded by blues. I'm green team the blues were swarming man it leaves me believe where the rest of the reds were what was your strat by the end we did we set up on that first platform that was nice well

dog was sneaking behind cheap shit we had like a line hanging over the balcony cheap shit. No House having fun. Yeah, but your gun has a big fucking sensor on it. So you can't hang the gun over trying to shot James never discloses uh, what was your strategy? Drag me down to you I did not it was no cheating Like what's your strategy? This is what I figured out. I didn't realize that this was happening But I've got a very high kill rate as well as a very high death rate So you get 25 points for killing somebody but you only lose five when you are killed yourself

Oh, so if you get out there you can take it even sometimes you'll shoot each other at the same time when you're coming back from a Chime at 25. Yeah, still get the extra points. So I think you've got to leave reckless out there. You got to go. Why you got to get into full blood? Don't get, don't be scared to get shot. Don't be scared to get. It's the opposite of real war. Yeah.

Let's change that. I want it inverted. That would be nice. That would be a better game play. Yeah. Well, there you have it. I've been all fucking tactical and shit. I love killing.

Oh boy. When you're out there about five minutes in All right, I was screaming if I hit somebody back fuck you That's why I felt so good when they're like red team one we were doing was all that I felt so good when they're like red team won a weird dude was all that That we won by 400 points on the bubbles ass bubbles, dude. We won by 400 points. It's dude That's nothing bro. That was all your charge up some power That's true, bro, can we please talk about we can look at the scores All right check out woman did get dead last but I was not that far above her and Either was to me in terminator two were anchors holding the squad down

Yeah Yeah, I don't know I do know that when I was playing against her I hit her like 40 fucking times I didn't shoot her once she shot me once really yeah, what else what else everybody get be honest? She said there was somebody who was just on her bumper shooting here the whole time Several condo yeah, you're gonna do Donald Schwarzenegger son in white lotus Unbelievable yeah, he's really funny. Out of nowhere. I don't know why if this was like unscripted, but they're like on a yacht and they're about to approach these girls and out of nowhere go swastika. And they just for no reason as they're walking.

I was in bed holding my stomach laughing. Really? I don't remember that part. Dude right on the yacht. Listen, he goes back and they're about to watch it go over to the girls and go swastika and just it was like what the fuck So funny seeing you yell ad-lib. Yeah, I'm interested to see where that goes. Oh, it's gonna be fun So good the girls turn on each other wonderful. Yep finding out one of them's a Republican the other two being like It's so awesome

Yeah, dude, we think we did it we had a bit of we've done., we got time for one more blood do the ads in the parking lot. No problem What are the edges? Yeah, yeah, Matt McCuster calm, please come to the shows will be in Omaha. That's a big one. Please come Manchester, England next week come on