Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Live @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Good afternoon everyone. Hope you're all having a great week so far. Here we are again with our weekly cast. It was a hot one this week I'm not gonna lie to you. Just da fambly this week. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP ps. the special patreon treat is coming soon thats a gg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes. Yes, my legs feel so smooth right now. Why I don't know just my skin just feels fucking Your skin's gone. I haven't sat like this I guess since last week Now start at the beginning there There that's good. My skin. Yeah, that's good stuff. That works true. That's a good I don't I'm saying I'm surprised by my my leg Usually my legs hit my other leg And I go you get that the fuck off. Yes, Rob. My skin's dry shit My teeth is it high right now. I got fucked for I was in Omaha last weekend

I got all dried out in the cold yeah back like I had that alligator skin but Yeah, I was uh I've got it right now. I was staring at my skin the entire meeting. I was just having for one straight hour I was going got there my god dry skin. Yeah, I do that every now and again. I can staring at my skin the entire meeting I was just having for one straight hour. I was going, damn, I got dry skin. Yeah, I do that every now and again. I catch like, Shane, what do you think of that? And I go, yeah. For sure.

You can like see individual skin cells. I wasn't staring at my skin. I know, I've been pretty spacey today too. I wasn't staring at how red my face is the entire Zoom meeting, just going, Jesus Christ. They let you do a different background. They should let you just do a whole different face. That way you're not staring at your own face.

I know I should do cat face. Just put the cat. You ever see that lawyer? It was during COVID and the old guy had to call in for a thing and his grandkids were fucking with the computer and it was like a cat. Like when he talked it was talking he was like I'm not a cat.

And they're like yeah yeah, we know. It's a classic. That is pretty good. I've been fired up. There's too many skeeters. The skeeters, Texas, the skeeters. They do, they don't. Hell here.

I feel bad, because I know my wife gets crushed. They don't touch me, man. I don't know what it is. They don't like. Yeah, they get me. That sucks. I know a couple people I think it's a blood type thing also just they're everywhere

They're fucking everywhere here like they're in my house. I was I tried to get in the hot tub last night There's 20 of them. Yeah. Yeah, you're around that water. Yeah fucking swamp back there on the bayou Yeah, I'm down here on the bayou. Yeah, I don't I'm I don't do that the mosquitoes. I swear up on the high plains I'm on the high't, dude, the mosquitoes, I swear to God. You guys are up on the high plains. I'm on the high plains, I'm in the grasslands. I really am kind of in the grasslands, but I will say I'm battling a neon green spider right now. It's kind of my bro right now, it's in my blueberry bush. What's he up to?

Do you know what kind of, have you figured out what kind of spider it is? Yeah, I did, I did it right away. Let me see, I'll show you a picture of this guy. He's pretty spooky, dude. You gotta let him chill. I am, he's- Jackson, or just Jackson's gonna eat it. Bro, picture of this guy. He's pretty spooky, dude. You gotta let him chill. I am, he's- Jackson, or just Jackson's gonna eat it.

Bro, look at that guy. Neon green spider. Oh, he's great. He's a good guy. He looks like a little shamrock spider. What kind of spider is that? I forget what it's called. At least I have my family.

I sent it to my little nephew. He gives me my bug- He gets ideas. He ideas it. Let me see what I got here right now. Go hit the family chat. Man, it's been active actually in here. Oh, here it is.

Sphinx, he called it a Sphinx spider although he is like seven so he could be fucking yeah Sphinx he might be wrong sounded like thanks dude I found yeah you would love this book I found the book on Amazon I was sitting there I don't know what I was doing I was like watching TV with my family and I was like, dude has anyone ever written a book exclusively about farts? Like the science? And nobody has, I haven't seen it at least. Like a scientific. Yeah, like how do they start?

Like what exactly, what are they? What happens if you hold them in? Like just stuff you'd want, everything you'd want to know about them. Which by the way, I don't think that book exists. But I did find a book about, this guy self- guy self published a book on Amazon called Never Trust a fart. And it's six, it's six, six short stories. It's a yes. That's all just his like bros.

They're like best shit themselves story. Dude, I was cackling. It's a great idea. It's unbelievable. And it's like the guy is the guy who wrote it. It's very like, I don's unbelievable and it's like the guy is a guy who wrote it. It's very like I Don't know how to explain it. You know one like I Can't you I honestly can't think of a way to explain it?

But he just I guess he's not like uses cliches But he uses like and like Dale's a red blood like any red blooded American Close brush with you know, you like it dude. It's so people sitting themselves stories are like the best dude. They hold up I don't know who it was. I'm trying to remember who it was. You remember the guy he shit himself on a train and then had to throw his pants out the window of the No one no one remembers this was this somebody we know like it's either somebody we know or a barstool guy And I can't remember at least he got rid of his underwear. It's on it dude the stories the stories. I'm reading Everyone fails to ditch the shitty underwear one guy goes on a date. He's like in college

He's like on a date with this girl, and it's like Set long enough ago. Okay, who the fuck is shitting who's risking a fart on a date? Dude, this is crazy man. Everybody does the same thing you wait until the dates over and then you uncork one He was on his way to the date. He was walking over and it's like yeah I right before the day. Yeah And he was late. He was running late and you get enough backstory where he builds up the characters He's like he was Dale's a hard-working man. He's working two jobs any hard-working man has to eat fast food There's no way around it and his stomach was like he uses a lot of like gurgle gurgle block

He's Hemingway. Oh, dude Short sentences forward sentences, they're so good. It'll be like and then he gambled He thought he could get away with it. He goes I got this one licked It was like splat, and he just shit himself already late goes into the door. This is the first story I won't give away the other ones there. I've read ford after the fourth like I think I get it. I started reading the next one I'm like, this is so fucking funny, but he shit himself heading up to the day It was already late the girl was all made up in the dorm room with her roommate, and he was like oh guys I'm sorry I hit the bathroom, and he took off his shitty underwear was all contained and he saw this big window out of the dorm

He could have thrown the shitty underwear out try to flush it Underwear the toilet backs up of course climbed out the window Got on a tree and just escaped and the girls thought he was in the bathroom the whole time So then they after like 35 minutes. He wasn't answering so I called the fire department the fire department kicked out There was just shitty underwear floating in the toilet and he just never talked to the girl ever again. He was an apparition.

He literally, there was a fire demon. There was a shit demon. He's like, now Steve's a family man, through and through, and he's like a guy taking his family to a football game and he shits his pants. It's so funny, dude. It's so funny.

I shit my pants before the Super Bowl. Did you? In sixth grade. funny, dude. It's so funny. I shit my pants before the Super Bowl. Did you? In sixth grade. Oh shit. Yeah, I was trying to cut weight. Got vicious diarrhea from not eating or eating some crazy shit. And then right when we got to, right when we drove the whole way to the to the field, I shit.

You went to the Super Bowl in sixth grade? It was what we call the Super Bowl in sixth grade it was what we call the Super Bowl it was just oh pony pony football and shit yeah I was in sixth grade I was playing in the Super Bowl trying to cut weight for the bowl I thought you were just at the Super Bowl no the Rams Rams Titans that was six great super bowl Titans weren't gonna let me play unless I cut weight no I had to lose weight and I uh you're about to play in the bowl yeah I was a sixth grade Super Bowl. Titans weren't gonna let me play unless I cut weight. No, I had to lose weight and I... You were about to play in the bowl.

Yeah, I was about to play in the bowl. First bowl game. That was my first Super Bowl. Damn. And I shit. And then I tied a hoodie around my waist. I was wearing white. Dude, everyone does it.

I was wearing white shorts. And I knew it had to have gone through. It was a spurt. It was a spurt. It was right when I was getting out of the car. So people were just watching me walk away. And I tied my hoodie around my waist. Oh.

Like a fucking weirdo. No, dude, I'm telling you, it's a class. It's an archetype. It's an absolute. I mean, what else can you do? Dude, a guy who was taking his family in, this is, I will spoil another story. He was taking his family in the game

He's like I got to get dumped and he's doing like a quick walk away and his wife had just given him a talk About like no letting kids pull your finger and farting like we got to set a better example for yes He's like for sure no more of it for sure and he goes to run and every the funniest part is every guy The way he describes like guys getting away with it being like yeah, I didn't shit myself this time And then he's be like oh no and it was like cold out and he just tied his sweatshirt around his waist and just sat he like ditched his boxers sat like that and it's like his whole family are you cold he's like I'm fine he's had it he was contained in the mass. Come on man it's football weather. But even him dude he didn't what would you do if you shit your pants in a

parking lot you'd throw them somewhere else yeah stashed him under the driver seat of his car, and then his daughter, who was a teenager, has her learner's permit, she's like, I'll drive home, and she opens the door and everyone's like, oh my God. And he just kept being like, must be a dirty diaper, I don't know what it is, and she reached back to pull the seat back and just hit the shitty drawers,

and was like, dude, how mad the wives get in these stories. It's so funny. I sympathize with the wives. I'd be furious. Dude, just go throw your fucking underwear somewhere else. Yeah, it is, I mean, dude, I'd never trust a fart. It might be a literary masterpiece. So good.

Yeah, I have to check that out. I wanted to bring it so I could just give you, the passages are so funny. Yeah, it'd be nice. But I won't spoil it for you. We probably got some good Shave Your Pants stories out of this crew. It looks like we got some bruises in this squad. Yeah I well me's once more come on man You never shit your pants I

Really shit my pants like that you don't really know when you say you don't really I mean last time I shit my pants Was like sixth grade. It's not like I really shit my pants last By the way last year carnivore diet shit my pants As I was saying it I realized that's a complete lie We got to save the tails for the book true you should take this Nothing on me take this is Simon Schuster I feel like there's guys that shit their their pants a lot like didn't del Kahlo talk about it a lot I think so dude the these these stats on it are staggering, dude It's like 10% of the adult population shits himself like every couple months. It's something insane

One's last time you shot yourself Proud to be part of the 10% you're a 10%er I'm a temper center and I it happened so often. I can't even recall like the last time really yeah But not like turds are no one's drop. It's a little logs. It's just I don't think I've ever dropped a full log But I've squirted out some diarrhea Probably on a month once I bet you guys drop I bet you guys are shitting your pants at the creek in the cave a lot when you guys are out yeah, I probably shit my man. Why are you acting like this isn't you? I don't shit my pants when's the last time you did you were just had a messy fart that was accounts a messy fart is What we're basically we're talking about I?

Fart in my sleep. Yeah, this is There you we there you stink fucking rooms. You can't even think of a last time you heard me fart. Last week we stopped the podcast and he had his shit for a half an hour. We had to wait. And he tried to go across the street to shit. But that was because I was poisoned by Nate. We got poisoned by Nate.

I feel like you have to be poisoned a lot. You gotta get poisoned a lot. No, dude, I'm good at holding it and like not pooing before I... You have to be poisoned a lot No, I'm good at holding it and like not pulling before I go out except for last week Two shit breaks try to go across the street the shit on the clock try to go across the street We had a bathroom right there like no no no you got a shit on how was it how was the episode received I thought it was a felt yeah because it was supposed to be a patreon episode yeah I know we've got me guard dog and we let the squad down a little no I don't think so we had it I thought we had one you guys went into the fucking we were at Chappelle's we had it we

recorded it the ask is cry dude I'm so scared of asking. I was so, I've asked him, I've asked Chappelle to do so many things. It's so, it's so honorable to be like, to go there and be like, I'd literally rather shit my pants than be like, hey, can you do my podcast Dave? I know.

I was there, I was like, Dave, this is crazy, feel free to say no, we gotta do a podcast. Depends when you ask him. Yeah, true. Yeah, and then in the morning you go, there's no, we gotta do a podcast. Depends when you ask him. Yeah, true. Yeah. And then in the morning you go, there's no way he's gonna do that. And then he was like, I don't wanna do it.

And I was like, Fair. Fine. And then I waited like 20 minutes, I called him back and I was like, dude, just do the fucking podcast. Podcasts are, yeah, but dude, they're like fucking kinda swaying elections.

They're not fucking. But then we did it and the audio is, not God dog's fault, but the audio is horrendous. Maybe we'll put it out on Patreon, but it's not... I listened to some, the audio was not... It's just... I was just nervous. And the conversations just kind of... Me... It's one of those podcasts we do where you go,

I'm just gonna tell him these stories. I'm talking only to him. Everybody that's listened to it has heard me tell these stories 900 times. But I'm just trying talking only to him. Yeah, everybody that's listening to it has heard me tell these stories Yeah, 900 times, but I'm just trying to talk to him. I don't know that makes no make sense. I Don't know being a dud you think so All right. I mean, it's also it's fucking sick cuz it's you know, yeah So Dave Chappelle time Mike was on the bar and he was just walking around such a power. So you can't really hear him Hop in sometimes that's such a sick move though. you can't really hear him. Yeah. He'll hop in sometimes. That's such a sick move though.

Yeah. Because he knows how, he knows how mics work. Yeah, he's very familiar with mics. Just asking him to keep it a fist away from his face. No one, no one can do it. Everyone just, literally I'm just sitting there going, no one's gonna be able to hear this. He's just walking around.

It's such a sick move though to just be like Yeah, I'm gonna take a fuck although. Maybe he's just used to being lobbed up I Yeah, I don't know you should have loved him with the mic I think he rightfully doesn't doesn't give a fuck And I was you know I was like we're not gonna film it. There's no video. Yeah, you know that's sick I was worried about getting clipped. Yeah, for sure. Everything he says, someone's gonna clip. Yeah, true.

And it's like, yeah, he was in the crossfire for a while, or the crosshairs for a while there with Netflix. Yeah. He made out all right, but. Yeah, I think he is every time he puts anything out. They're on his ass. He's back in the crosshairs. Yeah, they're on his fucking ass.

I watched the Damon Waynes Club Che Che. Yeah, and he anything out there on his back in the crosshairs? Yeah, they're on his fucking ass. I watched the I watched the Damon Waynes Club Shasheh. Yeah, and he was like saying how you know He's like he was basically saying he's like Dave was the only one out of our like our group who just kept doing he Goes I can't do it anymore. He's like if I do he's like I can't say all those guys Steve Harvey They want us they're like if I did a special right now. It just ruined my whole life So I just do it dude do it. Yeah, do it Fucking do it. I actually talked about that. We talked about Steve Harvey for a little did you really how great is he is the man? Yeah, although he got a lot of people people like to shit on Harvey dude. He's the man

His morning show is so fucking good. I love his morning show. I didn't know he had a Morning show dude. He's not the biggest morning radio didn't know you had one. Oh a morning show Dude, he's not the biggest morning radio. He's not like one of the biggest morning radio shows of like all time Yeah, oh, yeah, what is it? What's it called Steve Harvey the morning? Is it on the radio it's on the radio. It's on yeah, it's on like FM radio, but it's like it's like really catered Dude, he's got like he's the radio god dude Steve Harvey in the morning What was that is it still on WD? It's all like it's on like old Like you know it's like power 99 young black people. He's on old black people rake WD accept WDSF

I never had access to all black people radio. It's fucking sick. It's it's all it's like four songs Central PA did not even It's fucking sick. It's all, it's like four songs. Central PA did not even close. Yeah. I mean, I remember being excited when we got Pop. Yeah, true. For real. We had Country the whole time and it was like,

I didn't like it. Dude, WDSS. We had Classic Rock though. It's Brian McKnight, 40,000 times a day, and then it's that one guy goes, I can't stop loving you. That plays a thousand times. And then it's just Steve Harvey all morning.

It's two songs and Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey rules. Yeah, he does rule. Club Shaysay, man. How long can it go, dude? I think he's trying to recapture the Cat Williams episode, but like, cause you can tell, he wants the beef, dude. He wants, nobody wants all the smoke.

I got asked to do Club Shaysay. I was wondering about that. When's it coming? I didn't, I'm not, I haven't done it yet I gotta ask to do club shay-shay. I was wondering about that. When's it coming? I didn't, I'm not, I haven't done it yet. You have to do shay-shay. I'm just gonna say my friend Matt's a Hollywood pedophile. That's all I'm gonna do. He's gonna go, what?

I'm gonna say, yeah, I'm talking about that. You gotta do shay-shay. No, I just, I would love to. Whenever I'm, hopefully I can be in town for it. Where is he? Where is Shae Shae? I don't know. They were talking about doing it in Vegas at one point.

But I don't know where it is. Me either. It's probably LA or Atlanta. I was thinking, yeah where do they film Shae Shae? Yeah, I've been to Atlanta. I can probably get in there. Bro. I'll go full cat one.

Shit, you got it, you got it. LA? Yeah. Damn, Shaysha would be sick. I'm gonna head out LA way very often. You gotta do it. I noticed Andrew Schultz was in, he did like a lot. He did this one podcast where he had to like,

it was like him versus, it was like, him just versus like four black dudes and they're trying to attack him for, I don't know if that was the whole thing. Oh, it's Ryan Clark. Who's that? Ryan Clark, he's he's actually the man. Yeah, he's he's live but he's good, bro. It's a good bro Yeah, yeah, they were good. They were trying to get him and he was like, dude You've literally had people that that thing he said about like he's like you literally have people Black women. Well, we repressed him on it, but you know they asked the editor

So we let them that was it's pretty smart of them It was funny though doing it, but just watching him do battle just black black podcast battle is like it's pretty sick She'll also go in yeah, he did he fully did it was pretty it was fun to watch So I was following it loosely, and I was like damn. They're fucking really giving it to me. It's tough to go in there and battle. I mean what but if you have he had the you know Going into a black podcast and battling is nuts dude. Yeah dude. You get me on the breakfast club or any of these I'm gonna be like fucking yeah I hate racism.

Fucking Trump racist piece of shit. That's the funniest first thing. I like Biden. Obviously I hate racism. Like we didn't ask you any questions. racist piece of shit. I like funny is first thing like obviously Like we didn't ask you any questions. I hate racism and yeah, come on. This was great Although they could go to you into an epic white spaz That show is designed to evoke crazy white spaces. I don't think they would give me a spaz But I think they would get me to finally be like What you're saying is wrong.

They'll bring the lady that lady who zooms in is design. She's like an agent crafted perfectly. Breakfast club. That lady is not Angela Yee. Is it? No, who is it? No, it's just this lady who's I know who it is. They bring her into battle like Rama Swami.

I know who it is. They bring her in for a ramen swap. She zooms into battle like Rama Swami. Rama Swami eats her lunch. He always have Rama Swami and he fucks her up. To be fair, she has, to be fair, she's arguing with zero facts, which is impressive. She just cuts off. She just cuts off and just goes like, does the classic,

like, no, no, no, just answer my question. You're like, yeah, well, obviously. Like, like okay that's all I gotta say like what the fuck yeah. Argue with zero facts? Come on man. What? She does I've watched like four interviews. It's so funny.

Did you see the view? Did you tell me ladies argue with zero facts? True that kind of is their thing Fuck you there does nothing but dr. Strange portals the whole time. Wait a second. How the fuck did we get to this object? Where am I? But yeah that uh, that's what that was that was kind of my week at YouTube. How was fucking how was I? Did a great week. Yeah, how was the fucking ranch? Chappelle's was fucking awesome. It sounded sick as hell. First night, some members of Wu Tang were there

and performed. That's awesome. And then we got to hand, Talib Kweli was up there, that was good. Nice. Sick. It was awesome, I mean, it was the whole time. And I brought Guard Dog and James came the next day,

and they, you know, rightfully they were nervous to be like holy shit we're gonna hang out Dave Chappelle I was telling the whole time I was like wait till you meet this guy he's literally the nicest yeah dude I'm man two people have truly stunned me it was Louis CK I was like whatever I was like I couldn't think I was like holy fuck dude and then I when you did that show in the garden I was just in the same room as Dave Chappelle and as soon as he's like how you you doing? I was like, oh fuck, completely blanked out. I was like, dude, whatever, I'm pretty normal, pretty natural.

As soon as he- No, I just added a third to the people that have stunned me. Who? Caitlin Clark, dude. What? Caitlin Clark was at the show. I don't know if she was a fan or her boyfriend or I don't know who, you know.

But before the show, we were in Indianapolis on Saturday and we were like, this is the house that Caitlin Clark built. We were talking about the Pacers Arena. And then we were at lunch and I was like, it'd be fucking sick if Caitlin Clark came to the show. That'd be nice. And I was like pacing back and forth between the show and the green room.

And then I just, Caitlin Clark walked by. That's just where she paces to. Do you want to hang out in the green room? She was like, yeah, sure. What? Yeah. That's sick. And I walked in and it was like,

it's awesome. James brought his friend, James brought his friend to fly back with us to Austin, who was a priest. Okay. Which is great, he was awesome. But I did have a priest in the green room. It was me, Big Jay, who Soder was making fun of.

Looks like my goth stylist and my road priest. Road priest would be sick. I'm having to explain to people, like, I don't bring a priest all the time. Caitlin Clark, I don't bring a chaplain on the road. Kind of the move, though. But yeah, she was one I was like, got me a little. If you start moving like a military platoon,

like you have a chaplain, you have a coach. Chaplain, cook, goth stylist. Dude, you had Caitlin Clark, a priest. That's like a, it sounds like a bar joke. It really is. It's like an Australian, a priest, and Caitlin Clark walked into a green room. Green room and watched me play UFC.

You should have had either Nata LaMare just walk by her and go space invaders. I'd be a six space invaders. I had another good invite to the green room, which is very fun. So in Columbus, right before we're leaving the green room, a bunch of the Columbus Blue Jackets wives came back to say hi. So it was literally just for professional athletes wives came walking back. Literally first thing I said I was like what are you guys doing here? Because there were no husband for sure it was literally just four beautiful women. Yeah, I was like what can I help you? What are you guys doing here? They're like can we get a picture? I was like yeah, and then I was trying to be polite But it looked like I was being a sex pervert

Now so I was like do you guys want to there's drinks in there if you guys want to hang out They're like no, all right. I was like, if you want, you can hang out. And then I walked away like, probably looked like a fucking psycho. You're just being hospitable. I know, I know, but when it's for hot ladies and you're like, do you guys want to hang out in the green room?

You guys want some alcohol now? There's alcohol in there. If you guys need anything, I got it, you know. There's chicken tenders and nachos and Bud Light if you guys want it. You know, typical hot lady stuff. We got an Xbox and chicken fingers. Where were their hubbies?

I don't know. Maybe they were on the road. Maybe the Blue Jackets, they were probably in a way game. Oh, I got what you're saying. So they weren't like out, like, you know, they were not there for real. Must have been rained out or some shit. Dang, so they were not there at all. There have been rained out or some shit. Dang, so they were not there at all.

There's a Biggie Smalls reference. What was? What I said, must have been rained out. Biggie Smalls don't wear the rain out? Yeah, nothing. It's a song he sings about fucking an NBA player's wife. Oh, Jesus. And then the NBA player comes home.

He's like, what happened? He's like, I don't know, this shit must have been rained out or something. Which one? Now you're showing your true hand. I don't know, shit must've been rained out or something. Which one? He's like, I don't know, you're showing your true hand. Now you're showing your true hand. You're just talking about refreshments, cool refreshments. And now you're like, yeah, fucking.

Yeah, the players are gone, and the wives. And the wags, when the players are gone, the wags will play. The wags will play. The wags of Columbus. Come play. Then they saw like, damn, he has the queen babe of the Midwest here. No that was the next night. That was Indianapolis.

Oh, it was Indianapolis. Yeah, in the house that Katelyn built. I forgot you're the aviator, dude. You're jumping. Yeah, I jumped. So you were in, how long did they hang? They just came back to peek on you? Like what was up? That's not on you. you literally just came back for a picture and then left

Oh, yeah, it was just one of those things where I was like do you guys want to hang out? Yeah, no, we have to leave and I was like you could hang out good. There's a giant couch right there Dang dudes what who are the blue jackets? NHL I got you Joe that sounds like a name though because it's it's for the Union It's not civil war. Yeah Okay, okay. They were they change it from the gray jackets. Well That was the Atlanta team and they got canceled. So they're the blue jet. They're the Union blue jackets. Yeah, that's cool Yeah, it's like a cannon. There's a logo spree site. I think they actually have like a pretend yellow jacket

Like a wasp that's blue That's about her union. I thought it was some sort of B reference I was like I gotta get up on my fucking bees. I'm kind of Imagine like a blue bee I was like, I don't know if I know about that. Yeah, that sounds like a good weekend Great weekend very chill weekend got to take him. Look Mary. You like it We went to st. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis, and the whole time I was like, I can't wait till these guys get this fucking cocktail sauce.

Yeah, the horse ride is shit. It's devastating. I was like, I cannot wait. And then the waiter comes over and I was like, don't, you know, don't spoil it. He was like, it's the hottest cocktail sauce in the world. And I was like, that was what I was talking about. Oh fuck. I tried. And I was like, that was what I was talking about. The fuck.

I tried it when I was there. Guard dog cowered it out. Admittedly he cowered it. It's not that, dude. And we kept being like, all right dude, get it for real. We've all done it. Like I got it and almost died. Yeah.

And then a guard dog took a big one and I was like, all right, this is it. Soon as he picks it up, 90% falls off. He's like, what, I did it. right. This is it soon as he picks it up 90% falls off Everyone at the table gave you guff he asked the shrimp and now he's gonna yeah, yeah Seven shrimps you did have a lot, but you kept not putting the cocktail sauce on it. No it was on it You were glazed you take some off, and then you didn'd go I'm Zendini it doesn't affect me. Oh man. It goes yeah because you're not doing it. You gotta scoop it dude. I had a lot. It hurt my belly really badly. Yeah everyone in the

squad got sick. I was fine. I was like this is, I was born in this darkness. I don't like horseradish it just like hits your nose and then goes away. It was so yummy. It was so good I don't like it man. I'm I like habanero. I like peppers I went to say no most and just kind of like bother them I was like I just want to have the shrimp thing and I ate that and left Upon recommendation eating the whole thing and that's tough. Who was I with I maybe Yes, I went there I had one of those yeah had one of those. Yeah, those were nuts. Yeah. Not for me.

Yeah, it'll fuck you up. Good for the science. It's great for the science. Me and Lamiz went to town on them. We had about two cocktails. Me and Lamiz went nuts on them. Then I went to the airport the next day and there's a there's one there and I ate some at the airport.

I ate some before departure at like 11 a.m. I was like, good. And it's one of those like where the restaurants like basically in the walkway, like there's just a tiny fence separating you. So people were just walking by at 11 a.m. I'm like, Fuck! Just going back for it? Just kept going for it. I don't know, horseradish doesn't fuck my stomach up. Yeah, I was probably just nervous.

I feel like the spice just goes away right away. It does, that's what I'm saying. And it doesn't affect me. Like if I eat like really spicy food, that can fuck you up. Oh for sure, but yeah that stuff, I mean to ash a shrimp of cocktail sauce. That's disrespectful. It's great. No think the last time you did it It was a mistake, but a big glob fell off and everyone's a table notice

And I would scoop it with the crack, but then you put that away with the crackers. It's easier. That's what the crackers are there for That's fair. I mean you and then bragging while you're doing it We got this is nothing to me. I'm zandini What's that website where you can order food? You hate how Zandini... What's the Uber Eats where you can send a dish from across the country? I forget. Golden house or something?

Gold belly. We got a gold belly. What is this? What is this? What is this? This is a behind the music downfall. I'm finding out about a lot of rich things. I'm just finding out about rich things. I just found about auctions that you can buy

from people's estates. I told you about the OJ. Oh, estate sales are sweet. I bought a bunch of the OJ gear. I didn't tell you this? I thought you were talking about estate sales on the corner where you can just go to a dead guy's house and buy his chair.

No, not like a yard sale, like a garage sale. No, literally like OJ Simpson's estate auctioned a bunch of his stuff and I got it. You got some of his stuff? What'd you get? The other glove? They were up for sale. There was a couple sets with gloves. I did not get them. I got all of his ties though. You got OJ Simpson's ties? I got his tie collection.

Dude, if you wear his ties and gold and go yeah exactly I'm gonna find out what this gold belly is I Can ship that stuff to my house yes you get food from anywhere anywhere? I think it's like frozen though. It's frozen It's shrimps, but scripts would be easy. They were just all you need is the sauce you can get like a cheese Scrims would be easy. They were just all you needs the sauce you could get like a cheese stick from Philadelphia I'll probably stick with Chipotle bowls. Yeah, yeah true. I was talking to uh Who are we kidding? I was talking to like one of our friends and they were he was he was putting me on a gold belly a couple months

Ago, and he's like dude. We're gonna get this cake made out of doughnuts He's like tell me all the shit. He was gonna get and then like within the next we like change topics He's like dude. They're telling me I fucking high blood pressure It's like it's probably just genetics on it He's like yeah, I mean, it's just you know we can't really do anything about it It's like bro. You're scheming across you're like trafficking fucking doughnut cakes Such a sick move though to be like bro. It's out of my hands. I don't know but anyway this gold belly I'm gonna get a cheeseste steak from Philadelphia sent to my house. That's another one. Yeah, I'm fully against this. Yeah. You do got to make they say you take is the easiest.

Dry ice. Yeah. And then you just take it out. It has it up. Ingredients put together. You make it. Have you ever gold bellied? Yeah.

Gold belly. The shit I saw on Top Chef. It was like cheeseburger dumplings. It was fire. I'm gonna get a cheese steak from Philadelphia sent to my house. I'm gonna get a cheese steak from Philadelphia sent to my house. It up ingredients put together you make it have you ever gold-bellied? Yeah, go Billy the this shit I saw on Top Chef. It was like cheeseburger dumplings. It was fire It's like price is like it was like 60 bucks like yeah It's like FedEx next day delivery with dry ice basically basically. It's like over these prices

Yeah, the fact you got to cook it kind of pisses me. Oh, yeah, I'm serving huh. I think they're serving you think it's just yeah I think they're serving what do you think? Oh, you think you're gonna cheese? It's like a fucking ghost. It's really a ghost kitchen that sends it to your house with dry ice Not the I it was good like the sauce was it tasted high and it was just worried about the dry ice for the next Part I didn't know what to do with a box of dry. I'm sorry throwing the homeless encampment Back in Jersey, I got disease. That's right years ago. Dang you go, but you're on the frontier of Goldbell Yeah, yeah, oh gee go, but I think I saw like a half for watching the top shit Yeah, I heard about this.

It was cracking me up to be like, dude, I don't know. I think it just takes all the joy out of it. It's like, you know, especially if you want something. Yeah. If I want to feel like a cheese steak from Philadelphia, then it just sits in dry ice and I have to assemble it myself. It's like, you know, Deuce, just fucking go take a walk, man. Go outside. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something? What's something you bought? Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic. So they have a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two. What type of bugs are you gonna put in there?

Right now we've only gotten some roly-polys. So you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kinda like. I'd like to see what roly-polys are up to. Bro, I got, I catch like, me and my daughters catch like four roly-polys a day and put them in my garden.

It's really nice. It's awesome, I have so many roly-polys. So yeah, I gotta, the bug tank's nice, man, because otherwise you gotta carry them in your, you ever try to carry a Rolly-Polly in your hand for yeah They fucking they get their their escape artists So yeah, I got some bug tanks been you know 30 years Since I've tried it's just as hard they so I bought a bug light you got a bug light I got a bug zapper out there. That's you know kind kind of the opposite of what you're doing, but just as fun.

You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden, you get some of these big bugs out here, so big. My dad's big on bugs. And they die, they go, You hear them hit the fucking bug light, and they go, Jesus! Oh, fuck!

God damn! Another great investment, taking care of yourself, you know, you're talking about these bugs. and they go, Jesus! God damn. Another great investment, taking care of yourself. You're talking about these bugs. Matt, why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it though,

and you do have options like better help, the help with the bet on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself and take care of myself. I like therapy because I've benefited from therapy. Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do. Everyone could learn something from therapy because it teaches you positive just learn how. Because it teaches you positive coping skills.

Like how dumb your family is. And set boundaries. How you're doomed. Yeah, basically you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Age-breaking, your family are idiots and you're doomed. With better help, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money.

And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that. With just a few clicks, you can be talking to one of the therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSP.

And also you can't use the tokens for those either. No tokens. You cannot use tokens for them. You're stuck with those, you made a mistake, you bought some tokens. But you can talk to BetterHelp, the help with the betta on it. Hello everybody. Pardon the interruption. This is Sean Gardini.

I just wanted to let you know that Matt McCusker will be performing in San Antonio this weekend, Thursday through Saturday, April 10th through April 12th at the LOL Comedy Club. That's short for Laugh Out Loud. Matt McCusker will be in San Antonio this weekend. If you want to get tickets, go MattMcCusker.com. Also I, Sean Gardini, will be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on May 6th. It's coming up so please get tickets if you can. I, Sean Gardini, will be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia on May 6th. I'm coming back to Philadelphia. All of our friends will be there. It will be a nice time. And that's a Gardini guarantee. So please, if you want to come to those shows, get tickets at SeanGardini.com. Please come if you can. Thank you. And lastly, Shane Gillis will be in Cleveland, Ohio and Washington, D.C. this weekend. Tickets for those shows, if they're not sold out,

are available at shanemgillis.com. Thank you for your time. Pardon the interruption. Now let's get back to the show. But yeah, I don't hanker for stuff like that. I could honestly eat the same thing every day, it'd be fine. But if you give me five.

Give me five. I'm sorry. Maybe I won't. Chipotle bowl. You should go belly Chipotle from Philly. Ooh, may get the worst Chipotle. I only want Chipotle made by black teenagers with disdain. I want to hate in every scoop you order extra

guac and it comes back it's that much you know perfect I'm furious what's this Jess Romaine perfect I didn't ask for that that's so funny guys man... Can you guys... Lamar and Nate, can you guys acknowledge what you've done to our Chipotle? What you're... hold on. You guys put a lot on us. Alright? We get a lot of guff. The way we took rock and roll and ruined it...

Can you guys admit you took Chipotle from us and absolutely nosedived it? To be fair, come on. It's not the black people. This is Hispanics. Is that? No, I'll say this. You're out of your mind. I'm not going to blaze.

You got your pass on the block. Wait, have you ever tried to go with overly polite? You're going to pass the block on the buck. What? Wait, have you ever tried to go with overly polite? Are you going to pass the buck on back of the house? I can guarantee it's front of the house. They got caught being racist. You're pulling a cop being racist. What do you mean? What?

What are you just hiding? The portions. They were being racist with the portions. On the portions? Yes. What? They're giving the honkeys small portions? Yes.

I swear to God. I don't know. I don't know if it was. I didn't need an article or a court case. I lived it. I lived it. And I had a march. I arranged a march. We did Selma across the bridge by 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.

Yeah, ERC resume testing investigation finds racial disparities at Chipotle restaurants. Jesus Christ. Yeah, bro. You guys took from us everything. We got the lick back, dude. You took Chipotle. It's such a small lick. No, that's huge.

I'll be back to my life constantly. I gotta be fair. This is not about portions. It is about there being way more white managers Hold on you saw that article like I know it's about I swear to God I saw I swear to God I saw Matt I believe you 100% they definitely fuck us on the portions I saw a Matt I believe you 100% they definitely fuck us on the portions Dude, I maybe it's not Chipotle But I swear to God one of those like build your own things came under investigation because they were giving white people less portions

I swear to God. I swear to God you head into a allegedly on to a sweet green and Philly God bless good luck. What do you mean? They're gonna fuck you in your face You're gonna stand there go. I got you mean? They're gonna fuck you in your face. You're gonna stand there and go, I got extra chicken, they're gonna go. Yeah. There's one more piece. Oh, I would mad dog them and go, make it triple then.

And just be like, let's get the meat going. I also, I'm not bragging, but if it's like a slightly older fat black lady, I can definitely massage some extra portions. I'm pretty good at it. I'm pretty good at going, oh God bless, on the first one, you go, God bless you. Oh man, God bless you.

Then they, can I get double? They hit you with double, you go, oh my God, you're the best, thank you so much. Because I face, you know, I face discrimination as well while at the other side of the counter and being like, you know, now I really gotta, you know, you gotta sing and dance for them to get your portion. You gotta run it. That's what a sing and dance for them to get your portion

That's what a white man has to do to get a portion It's like a jungle so I get his macros Let a white man get his fucking protein I Really hope I got this right about Chipotle Allegedly is Chipotle dude. I I know. Sweet green's crazy. Dude, it's like a teaspoon of food. Don't order sweet green. Don't order.

You got to go in the building to get it. I've ordered sweet green and gotten just lettuce. Yeah, I go in there. I go to sweet green. I have the white Panthers behind me. Yeah, the white Panthers coming in. Just filming. Sorry, they're not called the white. I should take it. They then I call the white.

I should call the white. I even think about that. I even think about that. I forgot we already had a group. Although, do we even have a group? I don't even have that many groups anymore. I don't have that many groups anymore. I'm gonna get a sit-in going at a Chipotle. I'm gonna fucking sit at the bar and go, I'm not leaving.

I'm gonna get bit by a dog. I'm gonna get bit by like a fucking fat gender studies major. Actually you think that's me though. I swear to God this is true. I gotta call Spud. Spud told me about this. Oh man, he's a member of the White Panthers. The White Panther Party. God damn it, dude.

Anyways. He's still not accountable. What? I didn't get one apology out of you guys. The LeMare. LeMare. I wanted it from LeMare. LeMare is the most stubborn.

He's a mule. He's a donkey. He he's a mule. He's a donkey, he's just a little donkey. Did I gotta say, most recently, the most recent Chipoles I've been, has been full of honks. Those are good Chipolts. I don't know, man.

What was that, Nate? He said, they're pretty good Chipotle's. Chipotle's brown. They are pretty, man. You see honkies. They're pretty, they're lad heavy though. Lad heavy's great, of course. Chipotle faced a viral backlash in a shareholder lawsuit over inconsistent portion sizes at

his restaurants. I do remember that. They were getting in trouble for the portions. That was one of the few news stories I've followed. Oh, Chipotle's in the news. Every once in a while Chipotle will be in the news for like a, is it E. coli or Ebola? Yeah, dude. E. coli outbreak and I go, I'm going today, you gotta buy low.

Oh yeah. I go, they're gonna have a, you gotta buy the dip on this bolt left. True. They're gonna be dishing out the portions Yep, and then you go in after holding them down through the whole E. Coli outbreak and being like you're rewarded Yeah, I was here the whole time. Mm-hmm. You hit with a half a ladle of meat you go, bro Look me in the eye Look me in the eye with that half fuck me if you're gonna fuck me look me in the ass You're gonna ask the ash the ladle dude worse than ashen the shrimp when they go like

That is like bro. Why? Why I know is it your chicken are you taking it like yeah half of this fucking chicken half of this is soybeans Anyway, just fucking give me all of it Yeah, their pork was apparently for a while. I believe they had like Their chicken had soy for some I don't maybe it was like this sauce or something, but the pork was just Pure the carnitas was so good. Mm-hmm And that's a lot of times you got to eye the meat levels too and go on a steak something a little low I don't see that guy working on in the back

Let me get the chicken because they got to ration out the steak, you know You do got it. You got to move around there, too But I feel your pain. How do you feel about Kava? I don't dude that's crazy I can't believe you're about to be against Kava. I think it's all right. I think it's all right. I don't uh. Oh man I'm getting Kava. I'm gonna order Kava right now. That is that is white rebellion against Chipotle to order Kava. Yeah how about some hummus? What are you gonna do about it? You know what keep your fucking ball I'm gonna Kava right now. What was it you have something negative to say about Kava?

Kavas just like poop poop poop fuel But Kavas like it like speeds it up, that's great. Yeah, you know like dropping a pile of Kava pile Build a great pyramid Kavas are bad. That's what if I'm near my parents house, and I got an uber eats. I'll get a kava Because they don't only I think they had the chipotle near them, but kava kava's all right I just I don't know man that something about their hummus. I don't really don't fucks with hummus has been sitting No hummus has been chilling yeah, I kind of especially when they hummus to like I think hummus can chill it can But it's just like I don't know something about it. I don't I don't love kind of like the hot hummus has been chilling yeah, especially when they hummus to like I think hummus can chill it can but it's just like I don't know

Something about it. I don't I don't love kind of like the hot hummus they have there. Yes, that's Stuff I would just build your own balls, dude I actually I had a million dollar idea about restaurants Have you considered starting a viral like just like a chain restaurant? I have not dude I don't want to get into any bar restaurant bullshit, dude You're talking about like you're calling wall burgers fucking bullshit How dare you well burgers is good Fucking rules is really good wall burgers was my spot dude, but the I was thinking instead of Shake Shack

You start a restaurant that it's only standing counters and it's just the thinnest shitty steaks. So it's like instead of a burger you get a thin like six ounce steak and beans. And there's no, there's only cold beers. Cold beers are the only refreshment. If you're a girl you can have white clothes. Not bad. Yeah. You do a fast food steakhouse of just stand only and eat steaks on a counter and eat beans and drink beer. Yeah, sick. I'm interested. Not bad. I'm interested. What's it called?

Beans. It's called steak. No, but it'll be Shane Gillis presents take a big means. Are you talking about this strictly my diet? Yeah. Steak, beans and beer and you stand at the counter And then you and then every everything a big we there be a little razzle-dazzle where we just put like a

Get some like crazy like a Lambo in every parking lot parked crooked and then you go everyone You know like you're working at big. Yo, Shane's actually upstairs Everyone you know like you're working up a yo shades. I just use upstairs Some stairs is taking a nap if you wait, he'll be down to eat steak and beans he personally bad go back upstairs That'd be kind of sick though Stays like the corner of like 23rd and Samson in Philly just like Shake Shack, but you walk in It's just all people standing ice-cold lagers We're in Philly like right where Shake Shack is that like like 22nd and Samson like a corner, but it's just all people standing, ice cold lagers. Where in Philly? Like right where Shake Shack is, that like 22nd and Sampson, like a quarter.

But it's just, you go in, it's fast, no bullshit, it's just steak, and there's like two or three types of beans. And it's like, you ever a steak at like a Mexican restaurant? Yeah. It's like, and it's not like the primus cut, it's just like a fucking thin, just like almost gray, just a shitty, very bad steak.

Sometimes though, it can be good. Yeah, but yeah, it's a cafeteria burger. Yeah You do the Salisbury you do the Salisbury steak Salisbury steak and beans I don't buy last week. Did you really? You know big beans Gonna be you know gonna be big beans you guys all you beans baked beans rock you don't understand this I ate those beans so you all could run I was in Philly eating beans and now look at us. We made it off the beans dude, trust me. We wouldn't be here without Bush's baked beans from my parents house that I drove two hours to get.

And drove back to Philly with a grocery bag of baked beans and chunky soup. It's gonna be the new margaritaville, dude. Steak and beans. You should, delicacy could be some chunky soup. Oh. Dang, just like a serve yourself ladle of some chunky. Bro, just nothing but diarrhea.

Yeah, you're going to get diarrhea. It's actually like a cleanse. Yeah, true. Oh, and I was also since Steak and Beans. And also you don't get to play, but we do have Xbox there. Yeah. We're going to hire another big guy to just play Xbox. Go like Disney World was animatronic, like the Chuck E. Cheese guy. This is a guy playing Xbox.

That's gay. That's gay. Nice kids She use AI to hear stuff that's like slightly sus and he's like an animatronic like Chuck E cheese type It's like that's actually very gay Back to the game. Yeah, we get the whole band though. We get all the boys Dream live stream your seasons Where you're playing and they all broadcast it the fucking damn I would like the Chuck E Cheese animatronic though of these three coming out

You on the flute and a truck man on the flute you three in the back playing keyboards and shit Tell me bro's a million dollar.? It is. You fucking... Steak and beans. Shane's steak and beans. Ice cold beer, the coldest beer allowed by law. Don't talk about that. I'm talking borderline slushy. Don't talk about that. I get brewskis tomorrow,

I'm trying to stay off the brewskis. I gotta wait till tomorrow. And I know I got a six pack of BLs in that fridge. Oh man, where you going tomorrow? I gotta go Pittsburgh way. I got a long ass fucking week, I gotta go to Pittsburgh. And then I'm gonna stay in Pittsburgh Thursday, Cleveland Friday, DC Saturday, and then Sunday,

I'm gonna go to the Masters. What? Yes. That'll be sick. And they gave me one extra ticket. I'm gonna go to the Masters. What? Yes. That'll be sick. And they gave me one extra ticket and they were like, my manager was like, you should take Gerben, he loves golf. I was like, that hang is gonna suck dick.

And I called him. What are you gonna do? Cause he loves golf, so I called him and I was like, bro, I got us tickets to the Masters on Sunday, which is, that's the day. And he was like, oh my God, thank you, whoa. And I was like, all you have to do is drink six beers. And he was like, I can't do it, what?

I just, I can't, I don't know what to tell you. I can't do it. He was practicing, he does drink. He's just a little fuck. What? Everybody that talks to you is like, yeah, Gervin was wrecked. I saw. Like, that fucking asshole won't drink with me. Why? He does every single time. He always drinks. Yeah, you're gonna get him again.

But he's always a little reluctant baby. Yeah, I can't do it. I can't do it with you, Shane. I don't think. I thought he was drinking two beers a night and practicing. He was drinking three Bud Lights and watching the Phillies. That was last baseball season. I'm sure this baseball season, especially the Phillies are off to a red hot start. What's going on with him? He's just being a baby.

He just does that. It's like his nature. To be like, I'll take you to the Masters if you drink a six pack of light beer throughout the day. It's like six ounces. Yeah, it's not that bad. It's nothing. Yeah.

And he's like, I just can't. And I don't want to bring you down. I know you're going to have fun on the trip. He's got to do it. I was like, you just can't. And I don't wanna bring you down. I know you're gonna have fun on the trip. He's gotta do it. I was like, you have one hour to respond. And I hung up. And then he never responded. So I was like, you're coming, I got you the ticket.

That's so fucking funny. He called my bluff. That's so funny. So me and Gertie Babies at the Masters. I had to buy outfits. Oh yeah, you can't just. I had to buy, yeah, you can't wear this. Where do you gotta wear it? Like a polo, like a golf course?

Yeah, I just gotta find pants that aren't jeans. Go to Dick's. I'll go to Dick's Sporting Goods. Hey, get some golf pants, some Dick's. I ordered a bunch of Under Armour golf gear, but I hope it's not skin tight, because I'm not wearing tight pants. And walking around all day in fucking Georgia.

Yeah. I didn't even think about it from that angle. Yeah. When you said the Masters, I didn't think you'd maybe be walking around tight pants in Georgia the whole time. Yeah. I think it'll actually be nice weather though. Probably. Can you look that up?

Yeah. Augusta weather Sunday. Oh, dude. Just having that loom over the gerb so all day of just the eyes He's gonna be so he's gonna make sure I ruin this I'm bringing him there to ruin the masters 69 oh, that's gonna be perfect. That's good fucking steak and beans weather I might treat myself to some steak and beans

I might treat myself to some steak and beans down Augusta way I Mean you might go take the shot think I'm not eating beans and the masters Billions fun talking about your dad used to call poor parties I Your space shuttles is so fucking funny Yeah, I bet the Masters has good shuttles. Oh probably probably at those trailers. Yeah, they're probably the trailers Well, I know that's a lot of fucking people out there. Yeah, you're gonna get wrecked at the Masters Isn't it supposed to be like I would imagine dude dude golfers are no offense to them, but total degenerates for sure So they're gonna be yeah people get fucking hammered, but I'm sure they are

But I feel like that's the one it's like I Don't know if it's gonna be like Kentucky Derby where everyone just gets dressed up and gets fucking obliterated Yeah golfers. This is Mecca. Mm-hmm. This is like a genuine true but in honor to order or honor golfers, this is Mecca. This is like a genuine. True. But in honor to order or honor the golf gods, you do get wrecked, but I'm sure they're very strict about it there. What'd they say? This says you're allowed to drink, of course,

at the Masters, but it couldn't be more opposite than the Waste Management Invitational. Yeah, the Waste Management's intentionally, you just get fucked up. Oh, really? Yeah, it's awesome. They build like Stadium around the course and they just get fucking like they build like big stands Oh like NASCAR looking thing kind of young on certain holes. I think what 17th I Think the 17th at the waste management

What's the waste management thing? That's just like a tournament just a PGA tournament in Phoenix Dang or down. Yeah, so they people go nuts there people get probably quiet I mean do those like scotch and sodas are probably going around you'll see a lot of for sure. Yeah Towards the end of it people are gonna be probably pretty shitty, but you gotta be quiet. That's the problem So he came That's the problem. So you can't be like, yeah, son of a fucking bitch. Steve, drink a fucking beer. You're a fucking pussy.

And do you move, like if you're the crowd at the Masters, you just move hole to hole? Some people post up. You get a good spot at all. Just chill. I don't know how you don't get fucking obliterated at this thing. Just sitting outside in a beautiful area. Just waiting for another golfer to come by.

Bro, I'm telling you to sit, just stand there all day, not even watching, but waiting for golf, it'd be insane. Yeah, I think, I don't give a fuck about golf. Yeah. It's fun to be there and play. It'll be cool watching people that good at it, from like a close shoot from a close range. That'll be really sick.

Gerbys is gonna be. He'll be in heaven. He's gonna be in heaven. He's got the golf, doesn't he have the indoor golf setup? Yeah. It's so fucking funny. He's spending his tires money on a sick indoor golf thing in his garage. The video of him practicing is so funny. Him losing his club

into the trees. One time we were at the bar and he was like, he's one of those guys that once he started playing golf, it's the only fucking thing he talks about. Literally it's the only thing he talks about at all fucking times. And we're at the bar and he was like, could you put on the tournament?

And they're like, sure. So we're just watching golf and he's like, God, I'd just love to be like a commentator for one of these things. I think I could do it. And I was like, well. So we're just watching golf. And he's like, God, I'd just love to be like a commentator for one of these things. I think I could do it. And I was like, well, until I'm mute now, just commentate. Just commentate now. And I made him sit next to me and commentate on the golf.

It was so good. He's like, and Rory, Rory, he's looking good today. He's, that was a good shot. And it's good for him. He's off. So the next golfer. It was just cause he was like, that's my dream. And then I made him do it and I was like, see how bad you are. You can't do your dream.

Yeah. I mean, on the spot in a bar, commentating golf would be so fucking hard. It's impossible, but he went for it. He believed in himself. That's good. What was he like, oh, Rory, real taking it, oh, the nine iron. Here we go. Yeah, he was trying his best.

Yeah, that's a good choice for club. Should be the course layout. That's a bit of a dog leg to the right. I don't know. Does he go golfing a lot or does he stay? Yeah, he goes. Well, he's up in PA now, so he's been on the indoor for a while. Oh.

But I'm sure he's ready to break loose. Spring has sprung. True. The Gerbys is out. And much of us are just nice courses. Yeah, I'm actually pretty happy to hear about it. He's just crushing the indoor. Indoor golf, that screen is fun.

After a little, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, if you had one. It gets pretty old. Yeah, I guess, right. I got to do it for like 20 minutes at one time only this is fucking fun yeah hit the golf balls one yeah although my when I was doing it wasn't like picking up on the screen was pissing me off but you supposed to keep the front foot stable I've learned yeah I don't believe in those screens you think they're just

fucking yeah that makes sense I think they're crud yeah being like bro you crushed that fucking two yards yeah why don't you keep playing? This is the best round of your life. Put 20 bucks in. Yeah. They have the indoor, they have that indoor, you think that's fixed? Indoor golf league? Yeah, that shit's terrible.

Yeah, they're trying to make a big push. They're trying to push it. ESPN's really pushing it. Yeah, but I mean, if you think about it from a view, it's so nice, because it's like, you just put some cameras, let them hit the screen, you're like, holy yeah and God and me it really is like guys who like to watch golf that you know if you have another

excuse to sit there it kind of bothers me when I see people watching off on TV I'll be honest I've come in it's just like you see your uncle and you're come on bro yeah this is something else also Also. This is just nap. This is nap time Which I understand like my dad watched a lot of golf naps to it perfect. It's the best nap Yeah, but if other people around and you're like put on Go PGA tour Also, it's not Sunday. It's you're watching fucking Friday It's crazy, yeah, throw the British open.'s like, dude, your wife's not here. You don't have to talk to her.

You don't have to watch golf. Yeah, you don't have to talk. Yeah, she's on vacation. We can chill. Yeah, we don't have to be dead. We can watch fucking remodeling shows. Yeah, that's the ultimate one, dude. That is a wife crusher.

Just a Sunday golf show. Yeah. Just watch it, fall asleep. I ran into a wife crusher last night. What? Put on Interstellar. Really? Not for the babes.

There's a lot going on. You got to explain relativity. Yeah. In the middle of a movie. But it's emotionally charged. What's going on there with relativity? And I go, well, I know what it is, but I can't explain it to you. I can't explain this to you.

But I understand relativity. You should have been like, just Google Newtonian physics. Master those. I'll bring you to the quantum realm. Yeah, that uh, I feel like it's emotionally charged though. It was, yeah, but it worked. It worked eventually, but there was a lot of questions. Yeah, wait, wait. There was a lot of questions. He's behind the fucking bookshelf because he's in another dimension.

Yeah, somehow humans built the other dimension within the black hole to guide him there from the future because we figured it Yeah, it's called superposition Jesus fucking Christ What will go watch what the bleep? Please do you ever see that no what the bleep came out? It was like about quantum physics and everyone like holy shit, and it got like completely debunked You guys didn't get stoked on quantum physics when you were younger? You didn't see What the Bleep? No. It's called What the Bleep Do We Know? And it was like, do you know that two particles can be in the same place at the same time? Or like two different

places at the same time? And I was just like, I was like 25, just always high being like, holy shit. Then I watched the thing five years later,, that was totally debunked. I was like, God damn it. Yeah. No, superposition is real. They just... It is real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were trying to say like... I can't believe you guys have smoked enough weed to think you understand quantum physics.

Dude, I'm telling you, it's entangled. It's very simple. I know both of you are like, no, I get it. It's very simple. You don't. You don't understand it. It's so simple. He's caught up in particle duality right now. I know you remember the words. You can neither of you can explain any of it.

It's okay. I can explain right now. You can explain quantum mechanics to me. Not all of it, but I get the basic fundamentals. Please do. So the main thing it rests upon is the double slit. You already have a good start with rest upon. Look the foundation. You're already brainiac. I've explained it I've explained a double slit experiment to you before where this guy yeah and if you're looking it's there if you're not looking that one yeah and it was it was a it's a wave and a particle at the same time yes and then he found out that like it's just all about clouds of probability and that like even like things you think are

solid at their most fundamental the quantum level which just means like the smallest thing possible it's just a every physical object that is very rude is a cloud of possibility that it could be Is it like seven different places? Yeah, so it's like if like the according to that like the smallest particle like if you take like an atom and break it Down break it down break it down It just turns into like a basically a wave that can be simultaneously in multiple places until you observe it and fixes it there. Yeah. I don't know.

That's that's that's a nutshell. Yeah. And you've you've wrapped your head around that. I've just the basics. I just I mean, if you really get into it, you have to be able to do like the most insane math. And the problem is, is like, it actually technically has like predictive they can use it I don't know how to do this, but scientists can use quantum mechanics to predict things But they still don't understand how it works, so it has predictive capabilities But we still can't for the Boston scientific community still can't wrap your heads around it. I get

But no, I don't know it's just cool Without a doubt just super cool, but yeah, I just never got high enough to be like you got to get high as I fully understand this I don't feel that's a thing. It's a bottomless thing while you're high you feel like you fully understand it You just you're in all that's the thing. I mean, I'm just in all I know he believes he understands it and that's fine Look Mary Jam. I'll get on this quantum. Yeah, I'm going to quantum jam myself. Yeah. Yeah, I'm more of a quantum computing guy What's like it's just for sure storage and infinite memory. Where it's just like, it's just infinite storage and infinite memory. There we go.

Yeah. What is it? It's just infinite storage and infinite memory. That's basically what quantum computing is. Yeah, I could say things like this. Anybody can say things like this. This is true. It's just like unlimited energy and waves.

I gave a decent run down. That was good, that was a good run down. It's quantum mechanics, I'm telling you, but I don't understand it I Just at the very root physical reality is just like Matter breaks down into something that people don't even know what the fuck it is and it's like yeah, you know pretty cute Yeah, that's why it's basically it's proof of like spirituality and stuff It's a lot of spiritual dudes go heavy on quantum stuff.

It's really funny. Dude, don't even get Matt started on dark matter. There's been a lot of dark matter discoveries. I don't know anything about dark matter. I read those fucking articles all the time on Google News. It's like, scientists just came out, and you read it, and you're like, this, they didn't say anything. Yeah.

It fucking got me again. Yeah. Finally, we understand. They did that with the, what's that fucking thing in the ocean that's like the blue spot and It's like in South America There's this thing in the ocean is like this deep super deep blue spot that just out of nowhere goes in there like They've studied the blue spot and found out that there's more tornadoes now. Thanks to global warming

It's like how the fuck did you guys come up with that? They're like the dust the sediment on the ocean says that there's been way more tornadoes It's like dude where how are you coming up? Yeah, I think I honestly think scientists are on if you want my honest opinion I think a lot of them are on some mega bullshit, and they're just fake working so hard I Think that's fair dude everything I read I have National Geographic comes to my house every time I read I'm like Fucking guys guys you say anything I also just kind of skim it but shit fucking bullshit yeah right you get Nat Geo yeah that's sick that you see a good Nat Geo and forever yeah I get I should be so pumped when I

Nat Geo's got a hold of a Nat Geo I get him I get in my house my wife gets mad I just get in my house and I never read it like Scientific American Nat Geo? I get them, I get them in my house. My wife gets mad, I just get them in my house and I never read them. I get like Scientific American, Nat Geo. Are you sure you didn't get hit by the magazine guy? Huh? No, I do this to myself. Every two years I spaz and I go, I need to start learning about what's going on. I need to read The Economist.

I send The Economist, I send them all to my house and I just ignore, I go, not right now. I just ignore them. If it's good to have and it's good to tell people you have I know I actually have the Atlanta Nat Geo. I'll do with my kids I'll flip through that Geo like look at that fucking thing and it's like point to a left He was a good kids that Geo sick scientific

It's alright, but they do they really they're just capping about space it pisses me off Always, but they they come out with shit about space or like we still don't understand it It's like we'll stop writing this fucking article. Yeah, you've said nothing this whole time. You got me stoked I'm on the edge of my seat about dark matter Still don't know what the fuck it is pisses me off The papers are to put out a theory out there so everyone else can start working on it and like figure it out So there's like a trail, you know?

Yeah. Steak and beans, steak and beans. Lamar, you need to stop focusing on quantum physics and focus on getting your jack off computer out of a kitchen. I mean, though, if you think about it though, imagine the fucking- Two things can exist at the same time. And your shoe fell off.

Imagine the quantum goon station. Imagine the quantum goon. Two guys can jack off in the same apartment at once. Two male roommates can jack off in the same apartment at once. It's in, he's just on the other side of the wall, like interstellar, like, dude. Lamar, stop! Lamar, stop! Not the kitchen! It's the gravity, he's sending me coordinates. I learned about dark matter today.

Their house has just as much dust in it. The dust storm. We can't keep going on like this. All right, all right. We gotta switch over to the Patreon. God bless. Peace, I'm bad.