Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Good morning everybody. Hope you're all having a good week. The King hath returned. Steve Gerbies blesses the cast yet again. Praise Be. Tires season 2 comes out June 5th on Netflix. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wild West. Yes. Okay, let's go. Yeah, do you see the Terence Howard thing where we talked about how the man's like, uh, kind of center of structural integrity is his butthole? And he claims P. Diddy was trying to compromise him and make him like fluid. Say once you get,

he's like, once you compromise your center of integrity, which is your butthole, you become fluid and like nothing. You get all fucked up. Center of not physical integrity. Oh, man. Your manhood.

actual integrity. actual integrity. Yeah, he's a mathematician. So he was saying like you're like the geometry, like the underpinning of your structural manhood is your butt hole. Yeah. Like yeah. But it's also, it's mental too.

The center of gravity, he thinks is your butt hole. And once you. Which by the way, I can't prove him wrong. It's something to do it. Sounds like he's right again. You see? Terrence Howard, mathematician. Hustle and flow.

Oh. Oh, oh boy. A hustle and flow guy that's now a super genius. Okay. He claims. Diddy went for his behole Under like the thing of like lessons He was giving him like you know

Acting lessons He said Diddy was just like looking at him wrong He's like this guy's trying to fuck my ass Take away the geometry of my manhood So What do you think about that? Nightmare story to have to listen to Saying to you

You don't think he went for Terrence Howard's buttoll But it doesn't sound like it sounds like Terrence Howard thinks that he wanted to he might have if there's anybody out there that might have wanted to I would say Diddy's a prime suspect I can't follow what's going on because

it sounds a lot of people saying he tried to fuck him in the ass yeah what do you think free Diddy no a lot of rumors going around that Diddy's trying to destroy men's structural integrity I understand those rumors it sounded like the way that the story was being told was that Terrence Howard

assumed it right assumed it yeah well he had like a assistant he was like what's up with him he's like oh did he's trying to fuck you so his assistant was the one who told him like yo this is what this is all that guy's not mr bentley what was that guy that guy's it just gets more complicated

Fonsworth Bentley it's like my boss is trying to fuck your ass get the fuck out of you run go now that's a fair point though maybe he wasn't trying to fuck his ass do you think if someone gets their ass do you think if someone gets their ass fuck

that does compromise like their manhood to where it like affects your posture and shit like you move differently after that do I think that no really yeah no do any proof I have a counter argument yeah

gay guys walk different it's true I think it actually helps you structural integrity the posture goes way up yeah once you get far off That's true. True, you just start wearing that sweater vest differently.

Yeah. It starts looking way different on you. We had a thing in grade school that like, if like, did you ever have it with like kids where it's like, you know, a lady's walking? Like if a lady walked a certain way, like she had sex before. Yeah. We would just do it with all the moms, but yeah. Like all the moms become a special lunch, but yo, she definitely had sex before. Yeah, if you walk with your feet a little bit more apart, that's all you can tell a girl had sex.

once again these are tough to refute I do I kind of hold to it yeah if I see a woman go yeah anywhere near shoulder

with apart I'm going what the fuck yeah what are you doing what do you think yeah your mom's here

to help with Pete's lunch like yo your mom got fucked dude speaking of slots how about the space slots

dude how did I not know about that I don't know I think I saw it this morning and it's been bothering me Yeah, that's affected me a lot.

Also, Bezos, for all of that work, he just looks like a trash man. He's like the body of like a throw-out. He does. He's on like billions of dollars of TRT and gene therapies. Just to become a Wop. He's transformed. He's fully just a guy at Wawa. I know.

That's all he is. That might have been the biggest attempt to get rid of your wife ever. Yeah. Just being like, I built a spaceship. I'm going to launch. you up there. Yeah, man. Gail King.

Yeah, it's fucked up because he'd have another wife pretty fast. If he blew his wife up in outer space. Yeah, he'd have a wife before the rubble hit Earth. Yeah, sending your wife in outer space is crazy. But yeah, dude, I don't know. He needs to tighten up his program. He was probably bummed out when he saw that thing landing. Yeah.

Fuck, I was almost out of that one. It's also annoying. Because then that hits like girl consciousness. Like, man, when he get out of space, you know, like, you'll never go to fucking... Jeff took his wife down his space. She got a lunch with him. Yeah, I don't like this thing of sending ladies of space at all. It's also not historic.

It's not like a historical... It's not. You did say that. Yeah, they sent a fucking chimp. The Russians said chips to space. Sorry, ladies. You guys missed the fucking boat. Is that dog's name?

It was like a owl. Fuck, I know that dog. So it's with the L, the Russian dog? What's that dog's name? The dog that went to space? Yeah. Laca. Laca.

Space bud? Space dog. The doll with the space dog. Yeah. It's also sad that they went to space and just did like Instagram. Yeah. There's in there going like, Kitty Perry is standing in front of a camera instead of looking out at the universe.

Yeah. She's like, it's not about me. And then she's up in space, literally staring directly into a camera. I know. Especially once you say it's not about me Like for the fifth time It's like all right It might actually be all about you

Did her singing up there? Yeah she got up there and sang What a wonderful world Yeah It's Good That's what we need Although what kind of

Is that like Is that trending on Twitter right now That song? Yeah no I'm saying just like going to space The fact that they went to space Yeah I think it was pretty It's pretty big Yeah and I think people are more just

they have our opinion about it yeah that's stunk they're like that stinks that sucked that we did that yeah and it also yeah it's just to be like we're going to go to space just to like for a movement for women to take up more space it's like dude did you ever live with a woman they fuck they're doing all right yeah

space is instantly there's yeah they're taking up space already it's like living with a mayor yeah and goes oh the office is my room now yeah all right Well, it's just not even a call. It's not a real cause.

It's like, this is for women to take up more space. Like, what do you mean by that? It'd be like, I don't know, man. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health. From the big milestones to the quiet wins. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. And may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer.

The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Why, you ask you know, what do you think about that? Do you think women, you think they need to be more confined? Do you think they should be confined or occupy more space? I don't like, I don't like, you can do it.

Occupy more space. Yeah? In what regard? True. True, tires, June 5th. True what? Tires, June 5th. Oh, yeah, tires, June 5th.

Yeah. Women need to occupy more space. Of course. Tires, watch tires. They should be, they should, if they choose, if they want to. Of course. You know, if they want to take up more space. You don't want to confine them?

No. You don't ever want to confine your woman? No. What are your thoughts on foot training? What? Foot training. Yeah. What's that?

They're binding their feet. I don't support forcible foot training. If somebody wants to foot train? Yeah. Sure. Their daughter? No. What if your two-year-old said, I want a foot train?

Would you say yes? No. Why? So you're against trains. What if your public school teacher came and told you your daughter wants to foot train? I would say, let's just wrap the foot gently. You know, like wearing a cape. Trick them.

Did you see that soft white underbelly where the guy lost, like, he had a son? And his wife was like, our son's a daughter. He's like, no, it's not. And then she just got, she divorced him. And then the schools was like, you know, it's on. Schools are going. Bro, they need to chill, dude. They need to chill.

I don't understand, like, the hype up on it. If I'm a teacher and I'm like trying to like just get them to pay attention to geography, the last thing I need on my plate is like, what are we doing? Yeah, I got that. Yeah, but there could be. a deeper like you're trying to get them to pay attention to geography and they are acting up every day and you go okay yeah and the girls are all being so good fuck your shit up it's just a class i think they're just being lazy because girls are easier at school like if you're a boy school sucks

if you're a girl you're like i actually like i have all my pencils organized so i could if i was if i was a teacher i'd be like we need more of these girls that's very true they tried to add her all for years You know what? Fuck it. The teachers are just on Adderall, organizing the class. I could be much more efficient if these are all women in here. I don't see the point. I don't see what's wrong with that. And also, yeah, the sports.

I was on PITM yesterday. We were talking about... What's that? Panties in the Mouth podcast. Okay. Premier America podcast. It sounds like it's right up your alley, doesn't it? Yes.

You've been known to stuff some PITM. Yeah, I love you. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's a mouth. It's good. He actually does. Penny's in the mouth on Patreon. What happened?

I've just been saying it for years That's a pretty cool thing to do. Stuff of girls. Yeah. She's in. Yeah. Stuffing girls under pants into her mouth. If they're into it.

Yeah. While you're poorly fucking her. What if you're just working at their house? You see them on the floor and you're just going. Which is my own. But that's kind of. It's snack time. Yeah.

They're going to get washed. They're about to get washed. What does that matter? I mean, they're about to get washed. So like theoretically you're like, say you're working at. You say you're working at a house, like you're doing like, you know, you're a plumber. And you come, you're going to like to fix the laundry machine. You just see dirty underwear.

Do you think a person has a right to stuff? You say, I could gobble these. Yeah, yeah. You don't ask for a tip, though. No tip. You gobble the panties when no one was looking. No tip. I also don't know if you tip.

Even if you don't even know the woman. Even if I've never even seen her. Really? So you don't even know her age. They got to be pretty big. You got to be giant. I plead the fifth. But yeah.

Turn the mic off on that. But we were talking about coaches starting a competitive in women's sports and just like, like how college coaches hear up, like a player's good and they go and kind of scout the house. Yeah. Just like there's like a fucking fast gay kid in your neighborhood and you're like, I can get him on the girls. Oh yeah. You get him on the girls far. Seat.

Fast gay kid. Just you're running like Forrest Gump in front of a truck. People are like, get out of here. You bring the briefcase to his family's house. You're like, let's have. dinner. This kid could dominate. But what do you

thoughts on that kind of stuff? I, on what kind of stuff? I didn't even see what happened over there. It turns into like if she's there on a job site and what? So who's... We're talking about how there's a thing going on right now

where all of these girls are becoming boys and dominating men's sports. Right. Causing a fucking uprores. And it's huge in the podcast sphere. Okay. This is what we talk about. Yeah. I thought, wasn't this like, a year ago?

No, it's still having. No, it was girl. It was boys. It's been a few years of us talking about it. Boys becoming girls. Boys becoming girls. Now there's a lot of girls becoming boys and just cleaning up fucking boys in men's sports. No way.

Oh, thank you. That's not true. That's Russian disinformation. That is Russian. That's actually Russian. Unfortunately, this is on camera. It's just a deep, you know, it's a deep. Okay.

Couch. If anybody was just listening to this, I try to get up to get to that. Yeah. How was the Masters? You laid on the ground. That's what I'd like to talk about. Yeah, how was the Masters? Well, I, you know, really, so we should start by saying how much I appreciate.

No, no, it's. Like what Shane did to get us to the Masters. True. Because, and I did say, like, a year and a half ago, I was like, if you could ever use your powers for me, I'd love to go to the Masters. And then he made that happen. That's awesome. And it's unbelievable. And what did I ask for in return?

Six beers. Oh, God. No. I don't even want. By the way, everyone at the Masters. had heard that. Everywhere we went, dudes were like, how many beers is he had?

To the point where I started defending him, where I was like, guys, just leave him alone. He's only ever one. And then he would laugh at because then, like, the moment guys would come up to him, I would just walk away. And then he would be like, looking him over there,

applying sunscreen, trying to act like, he's really, pretend no, no, no, not even, not even a spray. Wathering. Deodorant stick of sunscreen. No, no, no. It doesn't get all under her hands. It's fucking crazy.

You're doing like the Ugg from Camp Onuana. What? Campanano, we don't do in our heart. What? Did you ever see Salute your shorts? What? Did you ever see Salute your shorts? The show.

No. All right. Honestly, it sounds like Madlips. No, it's not. It was a show on Nickelodeon when we were younger. Oh, I didn't have cable until I was like 13. Damn. Yeah.

What? Why did you have cable? We got cable and it was the X games and that was incredibly excited. You got to see the X games right. right away that was the first thing you're like a soviet you got everything it wants you turned 13 and we're like holy shit yeah uh but no the master's i didn't so i was trying to hold my tongue yeah because i knew it was big for kirby's yeah yeah i just i don't give a fuck about golf yeah i really want to you can't see anything yeah how does that work you pick a spot i don't know how anybody

You just, like, the best you could do is park up at a hole. And then you get to watch that if you could see. And then, you know, like a hit on the green. We were, we were at 16. There were some awesome spots. Like, was that six? That was a par three. Yeah.

That was great. But I couldn't see anything. Oh. So, like, if you could see. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So we did get to 16.

He took a fucking blind guy to the master's. He couldn't see a single thing. I was like, it's beautiful out. He was like, is it? The O'Conman last second got a ticket. What? Yeah, the O'Conn Man got in with us. Nice.

Yeah, it was a miracle. That's awesome. The people at CAA just were like... Give him the ticket. All right, here you go. You can have this. That's tight. So he, you know, but he was planning on not going.

So he had already started drinking a little... Yeah. He was ready to lock down by himself at Hooters for the entire day. Which I couldn't have been more jealous. That's kind of nice. I could not have been more jealous. It's also nice to be at the bar and like my buddy's there. Yeah.

And also be like, I have to be here. Yeah. There's nowhere else I can. I just, they drop me off. I got to stay here until the sun goes down from noon to fucking 8 p.m. at a hooters. And then you can't have cell phones, which sounds great.

But you, like, it's almost like a movie where, you know, you're with somebody and then the bus passes and then that person's gone. Yeah, we got lost a couple times. Did you really? Yeah.

It's just 100,000 people moving around. And everybody's dressed alike. Everybody's dressed like golfers. Every single person is dressed like a golfer. Yeah, yeah, I figured that. Everyone was extremely nice. Yeah. Everyone was great.

The staff, everybody that worked there was awesome. Other than the bathroom, you go in there. That was a very different experience. It's prison in there. It literally became prison. So the only black people I saw were people, the bathroom attendance, that the second you go on the bathroom, It's like, one or two, one or two, one or two, get in.

Like, just hurry up, go. Yeah. And then they yelled at me because there's like a wall, walls of urinals. And I'm like walking down the, you know, the set. And then one would open up and they'd be like, keep going all the way to the end. And then I'd try and bank again, keep going all the way to the end. They just can yell at you. And then they were yelling at the next person.

The stalls were like a cell block. Like, man. No, it was for real. It was crazy. Yeah. What the fuck. walk back outside and it's paradise it's the most beautiful place you've ever seen hold on i'm going to go to the bathroom yeah get the fuck down go why do they need that level of

organization there they love they it was very organized that's kind of cool yeah damn it was intense the bathroom lines were quick though they were quick yeah it's very efficient yeah it does feel like a trick a lot of people are kind of because they're like it's this unbelievable experience and the foods you know inexpensive could go fuck itself yeah it was like wait till you try it a cheese sandwich. It's only a dollar 50. Turns out they got that price exactly right.

That thing was a dollar fucking 50 cheese sandwich. It sucks. Chicken sandwich. It's a wonderful brand freezing cold. That's so fucking funny. I don't want to shit on the Masters because it was awesome. Yeah. And everyone there was nice.

It would have been amazing to watch. Yeah. On TV. I actually caught a bunch of it. I was in San Antonio in the green room. It was just on the TV. Yeah. It looks great.

Rose was dominating. one guy got stuck in like a bush you see that where you got like stuck in a fucking bush and had to sit down for a while was O'Connor O'Connor O'Connor and laying down

Yeah we're at the 18th So they went into extra I guess playoffs at the end Because it was died So apparently it was they play the 18th again And then the 10th and then the 18th Or just 18th then 10th and then 18th Yeah

Who won? Roy Oh wow okay But So we posted up at the 18th T-box just in case it went to an extra round and we could see them tee off. So we were at the end, a mile away, the guy won. And there was like five of, Chris was laying on the grass farting. And we were like, get up, dude.

He's just rolling around on it. Yeah, it was a fucking disastrous trip. John said it was like a bachelor's party Because Chris got hammered We would get lost We'd be like, where did you go? Where did you go? There's a lot of lost fights

When we went back to the plane I cried on the plane That's so Some lost fights He cried on the plane No I got I had a panic attack Right before takeoff

I'm gonna just get a hotel here and drive I gotta go No Sit down gervy baby Yeah But you were so helpful John and Chris and then Then the pilot.

The pilot was very helpful. But during his panic attack, I was like, would it help if I blast Drake? And he's like, no. He's just completely honest. He fucking hate Drake and you play it all the time and you play it too loud. He did.

He plays it too loud. All his music's too loud. Have you ever been in a car? It's nuts. That is not good for a panic attack. for paying for me. That's why I said it though. I was like, would it help you if I blast music? And you were the first like, because I had a like a racist, you know, theory, which was like, what? Well, I mean, it was just like, those just like black people take a while to like get a car, like when you get in the car, you know, like getting out of car.

I'm sorry. It just thought of the thing that I thought. That's fine. Black people take a long time getting in and out of cars. Yeah, there's like a lot of like rigour roll. I don't know. And then you did it. And I was like, what the fuck's going on? You start the car. You're waiting for a parking spot at the mall. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? What?

You're like waiting for a parking spot you're saying? No, no, it's like with him. This was back when you had your corolla. And I didn't know how bad it was to critique you. You got in it. And then I got in and I buckled up. We were going to go get coffee. And then you like take out your phone.

And you're like doing this. you guys get the music going right and I was like what are you doing you're like picking a song let's go and so anyway it just abused me in that I said here's a white guy does it

oh nice yeah I do a lot of black stereotypes think of one think of one yeah no no one of them fiddling around their cars

is so funny they fiddle you do critique my driving. You critique the parking? Can you imagine me in a lot of huge? I talked shit the other day. I would love to see you drive. Well, you've seen me drive. It's probably chaos. No, but you nailed exactly the, because you, when I drive, because, you know, with my vision and I almost, and I know, I know. You can't see. But it's just like I'd like to be doubly sure. And you were like, you're looking way too far to, you know, like if I'm going to pull out. I really make sure there's no people.

I gave someone to scare one time. And then I, you know. So. In Los Angeles. And what music do you listen to? The engine. I just. Silence.

Yeah. You don't listen to music in your car. Occasionally I do. Like what? You know what? I honestly don't. Oh, it's like, you know. Pirates of the Caribbean.

Pirates of the Caribbean. Be like, I got, you know, I get in with like, what do I get here? Four fucking real, dude. You know. That's so cool. NBA theme song. The John Tesh, yes. Discover Weekly is phenomenal.

You're Discover Weekly. What? You're Discover Weekly as Bachelor of Caribbean in the NBA theme song. Yeah. And, yeah, that John Tesh song is great. But da da da da da da da, da, da, you know. Damn, that was probably right when you got cable, too.

They were using it back then. Yeah. There is a YouTube channel that plays like soft jazz. at all. Just like a piano and... Yeah. It's not bad. So it's just like chill.

Yes. Nice. I guess coming from that, which is the whitest way on earth to drive, I'd probably seem black as hell in my car. That's... You drive too white. Quiet is nuts.

Quiet's nuts. I'm just kidding. What? Silence is crazy to me in a car. No, no, no. I don't think so. I mean, I get it. I get it.

But listening to the Pirates of the Caribbean. theme song and driving around I know I mean it's just that's not the other thing and also like a Hans Zimmer mix but it's Hans Zimmer mix You know tell me how Zimmer is it amazing

I do think that's like maybe like while I'm watching a movie Yeah Yeah It is nice to be in a parking lot I have like a dramatic like soundtrack swell They're so they take for fucking ever Oh, no, I'm gone.

I'm somewhere else. Man, you must, driving in Philly, you must have had a tough time. Yeah, driving. Because the killer bees are out. I don't know what you're talking about. The bees. I don't know what that is. Shee.

But listen, but hold on. I did have, you know, there were some teenagers on bicycles. and holy Toledo because you know what you're coming into that you know you're coming in on bikes yes were they bees or W's

so you're coming to the AR museum no there's bees by the ARVs children children it doesn't matter so but you know but it's what it is and they're on their bikes and then like right as the green light

and I start going one like hardcore darts at the truck and then I like whoa and then yeah and then I was saying to my girl I'm like if he collided with the car I'm finished

I'm in like because I can't stop it's going to be like you're going to be LA riots it's going to be over you know or then I'm I'm just got to drive then I'm in a hit and run so then I'm I was like I would drive to a police station then I started going through all that but yeah it's

terrifying yeah yeah you have to turn yourself in yeah damn I was like I'm never driving in this city I ruined that afternoon yeah you gotta be careful that's yeah you can you get really if you hit one of those kids you're in a lot of trouble yes and like a lot of businesses could you explode and I have I I I'm very like uh blizz like like I get you know picked on you get harassed I remember when I got candy mugged at Halloween

yes yeah yeah I got candy mug the ghetto boys when I was I was even close to Halloween did you hold out the bowl

yeah no yeah I learned in my left and hard way you can't do that you cannot hold out what happened to you I did fucking just seized a lot of candy

yeah you got it you got it well how did it go down I just was like here grab a couple I was like oh you got to pull it down and like boys man

then it was just just W neighborhood and that happened. Oh, okay. Still happened. Yeah, especially if you do leave, like take one. If you try to leave a dish outside, that gets destroyed anywhere. How did you get mugged? I come out.

I had a pot for, you know. Yep. And I was like, here's some apples. Yeah. And I was like, candy re-dishing out. That's no question. It was everything. It was like I spent the money on the candy.

Yeah, you know, Amazon. And I had this whole. You're excited. I wouldn't say I was excited. I felt an obligation to do it. Because I think it's an awesome holiday. and I'm new to the neighborhood. Holland's an awesome holiday.

Yeah. Yeah. And he had a backpack on any time. Tell me your address is Jack Sparrow. I was dressed. I was not dressed up. Oh, I did wear like orange and black. You wore orange and black.

Yeah, like, you know, that I had in my wardrobe already. For sure, yeah. Yeah. What was it? I don't remember. I don't remember. Orange polo, black pants. Don't recall.

Pumpkin suit. What were you wearing? I don't recall. Did you dress your cat up? No. All right. and he turned his backpack around so it was like frontways and unzipped it and started putting and he went like and then they all started doing it and I was like guys guys and then one kid they took it all

and then one kid was like I'm sorry bro and I was like sorry and then that was it I was out of candy so then I had to shut off all my lights and then any other kids that came out of it was like well are they going to be pissed you know they ruined that sucks Yeah. Yeah, I had to like run to write it. 5.9. I didn't even. In the description.

220. Yeah, I got crushed one year. I held the bowl out and I was like never again. You can't do it. Yeah. It's big handfuls. You have to grab dump in the bag. And I said, I'm out of here.

And then I moved to the sloppers. Anyway, just kidding. But I did. I did, but anyway, we got involved. Yeah, we talked about that. I got involved in like a high level crime.

Oh yeah, yeah. Yep. That was pretty wild. It was, yeah. Terrifying. True.

Yeah. So, the masters were good. The masters, it was good. I'm happy we went, but yeah, it was awesome to go.

And again, just like you taking me was so special. And it meant so much to me. It's because you're special. Well, not drinking six beers. That was a fucking crime. No, no, it's not a crime.

It's not a crime. How many would you have just won, right? Well, I had vodka on the plane ride there because I was freaking out. And then I had, I mean, technically at the end of the day. At the end of the day, you turn it on during that panic attack. Yep. That was nice. Oh, you guys went there and back.

Yeah. Yeah. Got you. So you had it. You hit your six. Yeah. Alcohol affects me different. And people that don't have that, they can't get.

I know it affects you different. Yeah. That's why I wanted it. No, no. what does it do is like to hang over and all that stuff afterwards there's a point so like there's an hour where it feels nice and then it's just like inflammation so then I just start to feel like crap yeah yeah and then it's like the amount that I would have to drink to get through that is like

no but then then I'm gonna feel so bad yeah the next day that I can't even enjoy it while it's happening and I'm just like yeah you have an unbelievable constitution the fact that the next day you were like in the mood that you were in is insane we're having fun you did have fun no I can be grumpy in the morning you weren't grumpy at all you woke up and you were like hey guys

and then you took a shower and then you were you which is nuts yeah thank you yeah I can't handle the hangovers man I fucking I hate them no the Ocom man rallied yesterday I thought there was no shot he was going to be all right oh yeah he's got he's got no problem

I'm crushing pills. I had one pill, one lorizapam, because, you know, for fear of flying. Yeah. Oh, oops. Allegedly. You could do it. Is you right? I remember the first time I heard you say allegedly. It killed me. I remember like, you know how when somebody said something really funny? I knew where I was standing in helium. But anyway, just in case my doctor's watching. I don't combine it. You can drink. I was going to tell you, just take pills. Then if you can't drink, just take like two larasopams and like a little bit of mushroom. and just go to the masters. Right. The- Mushrooms would have rocked.

The issue here was... It would have been really overwhelming, though. Yeah. Shane was treating me to... I would lay down. When I got lost the first time, I would just... But the problem was,

I was trying to get their attention because I lost them. I thought they were in front of me when we were walking. It turns out they just stopped next to me. And I kept walking. Because people kept talking to me.

Yeah, yeah. And then I was trying to find them, and I was just, like, standing on a hill just trying to gain attention so they could maybe see me so just everyone saw me yeah and all of them like yo bro fucking chug his beer

I was like get out of taking me the fucking beer it was the Georgia Bulldogs football team was it really? Yeah it was the Georgia players came up and they were the ones

who got me to chug a beer because it was while I was lost and I was like I'll chug it with you but now it's a real race against the clock for me to find these guys because I was on the cusp

of being hammered And then we were like going search parties in different directions. And I was going his where he ended up where he was. I was like for real 30 yards away just standing. And then you took the hill. Yeah. Then you took the hill. Yeah.

Dang. But we ran into JJ Watt, who it's just an awesome. Yeah, he was a man. Him and his boys. Yeah. He had two high school friends. I think they were that they were. I could be 100% friends with.

They were so nice. How about that dude, O'Connor was battling with? Oh, yeah. It was just a guy behind us. There was a roofer from Florida that was just so obnoxious. Yeah. What was he doing? He was yelling?

It was really funny. Was he yelling out? They were just being Latin. If somebody's hitting, you've got to be really quiet. We were right next to the green. So dudes were like putting and he was like, yo, dude, this fucking, where are all the squirrels? They fucking killed all the squirrels.

And O'Connor was hammered next. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Nobody fucking likes you, dude, because I'll fuck. And the guy would be like, fuck you. He's like, fuck you, pussy. He didn't like to chat. Somebody farted during a putt,

which was a former NFL quarterback. I want to name him now. He farted at the Masters. Oh, my God. It was extremely funny. I mean, that was a fun time. Sitting at the 16th, when we were all.

Yes. It was kids in class. You had to be quiet. And everyone there was just like, that's so good. Yeah, we got to see Rose make a pot that like brought him right back into the mix. And then Rory comes through.

And that's the thing, though, it's like, oh, well, what's going to happen? But then. Yeah, you don't know. There's no phone. So you can't check. You got to like literally stand in front of an actual scoreboard they're putting up, which is kind of cool. It's kind of cool.

I don't like the scoring system with golf. They got to flip that. Like negative seven wins. It should be. You should just give you like 40,000 points. That would make it more exciting. Yeah. It's fucking embarrassing.

Awesome shot. 25,000. Yeah. Like a crazy tag. Exactly. That's a weird thing too. They try and make courses longer because they're like, oh,

everybody's scoring solo. It's like, but they're all playing the same course. Who cares? Yeah. Who cares if it's 30 under as opposed to 10 under? Yeah. I don't know.

Is it true that like even if someone plays there and gets like 20th place, they still get like $300,000, $400,000? Yeah. That's kind of cool. 20th probably makes that. Really? Pretty easily, yeah.

That's pretty tight. Yeah. What do you shoot right now? Well, my handicaps in 113, but it's probably going to go up because I'm making some swing changes and I'm not good. So how does that work?

Does your handicap, like, affect the score if you play against somebody else? Is that like, you know what I mean? I don't know how that system works. It's like, it's kind of a weird system, but you just, it prompts me to, to enter it after I play around. I thought that's exactly what it was designed for.

Right. So if you're competing. Yeah. Right. Why do they call it a handicap, though? That's what I don't understand. I don't know. Because it's a disability.

True. You're handicapped by your score versus whoever you're playing. But does that affect the score? I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. If you got like a four and I got a five and I'd have a higher handicap, we'd have like the same. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I guess it keeps it somewhat fair. Somewhat. seems communist to me yeah it's kind of crazy actually I like that

can you get the tags if your hand if your handicap gets like high enough what's that like the parking tags you can park you depart closer at the golf course I got busted in a handicapped spot where I get my wings I never I don't take up handicapped spots where I go to

nandoes get they have like great wings like wood grilled way they're so fucking good I should actually They're delicious. But they're, like, the only parking spots out front of it, and everywhere else is kind of busy is like two or three giant handicapped. It's like a lane of just handicapped spots.

I always like pop in there, grab my wings and leave. How many spots? It's like three. It's just, but it's right in front of the place. There's never three of them at once. Dude, it's just, it wants all of it's handicapped. If you want to go to Nando's and pick up an order, you want to park out front, you have to be handicapped.

Or in that, in front of that's valet for the hotel next to it. And I'll pull in the valet and they're like, you can't park here right now. So I'm like, fine. back into a handicap spot. I'm like, you made me do it. And then I went to get my wings. I'm like, they won't be there. Dude, a car pulls behind me.

I'm like, no way's handicapped. So all the tags are like, burning with shame just hopped in my car. That's worse than dumping. I limped out. I was like, dumping in the handicap. Yeah. And you come out and you're like, there's no chance there's a guy in a wheelchair. Have you ever encountered?

I have. It's devastating. I took a family dump, the family bathroom. And I've opened that after a dump in this. in a family that needs to like change diapers and shit. Those things get hit hard. Although they're kind of rolling those family bathroom is like, I think that's been the solution for like the trans stuff. It's just like families or whoever.

And then you can kind of, you know. That's what I do. Yeah. Instead of like limping out, I'll go, excuse me. I'm handicapped. I'm a family. I'm a fucking family. That was the only thing they could do.

Because it was such an insult. You can't solve that problem. Because then if you have a just trans bathroom, you can't do that. So it has to just be family and friends. Just trans bathroom would be nice. Yeah, that'd be fun. Party. Fun.

People would be getting in there. Anyone could go. Bro, think if you hit it. You had to hit. There's the only toilet open. You got the walk of shame coming out. True. I'd put my family in a family room.

Like, I'll be back. You just hit the train's bathroom. But yeah, that is a, that's a thing at the airport I've seen. I've seen people go in and crush the, uh, almost the family bathroom. Yeah. And you just see a family waiting outside. I've done. And then I'm, I'm in there.

You got to just be like, I'm taking my time on this. Yeah. It's a lone, it's a single bathroom. It's perfect. You can, you can lose yourself in there. You can take some time. You can look at Instagram. You can fuck around.

Yeah. That's a big. Yeah. I've taken a long time and then come out and seen two fans, like a line of things. You got to come out and go. You got to come out of that. and go, well, fuck, where the hell they go? The fuck's my family.

Is anyone see my child? Where's my family? This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought? Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic.

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I got a bug zapper out there. That's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing. But hey, just as fun. You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and I was in, God damn, that guy, you get some of these big, the bugs out here are so big. My dad's big home bug. They die.

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Hey, everybody. Dude Dwight's Day Rip. But it's me, La Mare Lee. Please come to my shows on May 9th and May 10th, at Coastal Creative in Dang Tampa. And May 28th, we're doing a small-time comedy hikes here. And also, Texas at Roscoe's Comedy Club.

Please come. It'll be nice. Tell them a joke. Give me a little taste. A small-time comedy heist? No, dude, one of your jokes. Like a bit? Do a joke.

to so people know what they're going to get. Give them a little taste. I have to find one. Do crowd work. Do crowdwork. Where are you from? Philadelphia? That's nice.

It's cool out there. I like Philly. What's your favorite cheese steak? Chicken chicken. The fuck off the stage. I'm going to get a little gas for tennis. You can see me I mean we should just put that out

As a special notice Yeah I'm excited to fly with my family tomorrow That's always an operation And gerby Engerbs dude I can't believe Yes They're gonna have so much fun

Great I can't wait Absolutely sick You're gonna scare the fuck out of Matt's kids Promise I won't No They're gonna have First of all

No Yeah You know what you do Oh we're freaking out Yeah I won't do that all right good definitely not in front of kids

they'll hold your hand they'll hold your hand the whole time oh that's great they're not I'm not saying about I do it all the time I'm always like hold your father's hand now it makes me feel a lot better

that's adorable yeah but yeah they have no idea they starts bumping and they're just like but even if I was like it was so nice having you there like when you know you're going through something your friends are there

and like talking you through it it was I was trying my best to make things worse for you you weren't You're saying that. On the takeoff, I didn't know how bad it was until we left. On the way there, it was pretty funny. Yeah, the way there I had it.

Oh, shit, we're really high up. Once I get up, I'm all right. Yeah. And the way that the pilot, like, explained it to me. And I think, like, this really made sense was he's like, you're not used to being in 3D like that. He's South African. Do the South African. I really can't.

You guys can. You can do it. He's like, hey, br is there? Yeah. He's like, I can't do accents. It's funny. It's, uh,

Hey, what did you get up there? Uh, yeah, uh, not used to being in 3D. So your, your hairs are like,

hey, this is totally destabilizing. Yeah. And you're trying to, you know, for me, exert control over what feels like an out of control feeling.

Yeah. Can't. And then that starts to spin that de-realization feeling. And I'm like, well, I feel like I'm losing my mind. So that's what he's. I just thought it was a nice thing for him to say,

which is like, it feels weird and as it should, because you're not used to it and your ears are telling you there's a problem, but there's no problem. I never thought about the ear hair. So your ear hairs just start getting like what the fuck's going on. You start to spas. Equilibrium, yeah. Yeah.

Because you're suddenly back and, yeah. But again, I really appreciated. I think the news has not been great. The news has not been great. No, man. Another helicopter was exploded. Yeah. I watched that.

I saw that one. Yeah. I don't think I'll be on a helicopter Dude yeah I don't Not a good time for helicopter charters No You know I wasn't interested to learn that you can land a helicopter With no power to the rotors

But unfortunately it sounds like that one They actually have like lost the whole fucking thing fell up Yeah hold on so you're talking about if the fucking The engine dies they can turn the rotors such that There's enough Yeah yeah yeah air being pushed through to like come down not super soft but you it's not a death sentence damn it was uh there's a youtube channel called smarter every day that did a whole thing this is like

10 years ago but yeah that's pretty cool it was cool still not getting in one of those things man they've just they've caught too much negative press yeah that last one was like Jesus Christ do they hit the water yeah oh poor souls hang there's my theater yeah true whole fam Oh, I got a... Straight to Davey Jones Locker. Damn. Now, I'm not making fun of them because I fly a lot

and I really don't want to die that way. No. It was making it thinking about if that Space Channel with Katie Perry did explode. And her hit song was, You're a firework. It would have been good.

yeah man i mean that's that's criminal dude sending all those babes into space is launching the babes that's reckless they died he could wouldn't it technically be like reckless endangerment or yeah no he'd probably get off he'd be right yeah he'd get off he'd be like change the law yeah true true for sure some bunch of chicks somebody can survive up there then we'll go Babes are in space now.

That's not good. Especially just... Launch the space, babes. But the babes in space? Put the babes up there. Cool them off a little. True. I mean, how long do you think it takes for them to land back on Earth and slowly, like, get...

Like, their ear hair is probably slowly get back to normal and they're like, why are you doing it? What are you doing that way? Dude, think about having that over your babe. We don't go anywhere anymore. Oh yeah, it took you to fucking space, bitch. Yeah. I didn't like the astronaut food. The astronaut food suck.

You're up there for 10 fucking minutes. What'd you eat? I was hungry. What? You didn't feel good. Because you kept me up all night with your fucking snoring. Yeah, that would... You'd get like maybe a nice afternoon.

I guarantee the car ride home. One of them was like, Gail was being a bitch. Gail was a fucking bitch the whole time we were in space. She thought it was all about her. Not that it's all about me. Not that it's all about me, but like, let's be honest. It was Katie Perry's trip.

Do you think that would be cool if you're Jeff Bezos? You have a wife and you send her and Katie Perry and Gail on a space, Do you think you actually felt anything or just like, all right? Yeah, it was probably just another day for that guy. He probably woke up like, oh, fuck, I got to launch those women in his space. I don't think so. I think he's exciting. You think so?

Yeah. You like Jeff Bezos. Sure. Bezos versus Musk. If you had to pick one, Bezos versus Musk. If I had, oh, geez. I'd have to say Elon. You like Elon better than Bezos?

I think, you know, I think right now we're in Iraqi. you know yeah yeah what why do you like it why do you like Elon better than Bezos Bezos it seems is I'd like uh SpaceX was before Blue Origin right yeah yeah he's copying his swag pretty badly on this yeah yeah and that the first time they landed that falcon booster is that's an unbelievable video to watch it's so because you know everybody would say can't do it this is a joke blah blah blah and then they did it and everybody starts chanting USA It was like back in this. Yeah.

Yeah. And you had to see this thing come down. And you've been jacking off to going to Mars for years. Okay. I remember that. I'd go hang out with you and Chris. All you guys talked about was fucking Mars. Well, yes.

Shut up about Mars. No. You need to worry about Halloween. True. You got to focus on Halloween before we can focus on Mars. Mars bars. Yeah. What did you say?

Mars bars. Barge. Oh, man. Damn, dude. So the Falcon was Elon's. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, you think he takes space more seriously because, yeah,

Bezos is just popping out of Straths. Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of just pulsing. I'm sorry. No. Oh, there's this YouTube video. I just found it again recently,

but I loved it because when they landed two of those, there's like a guy filming it. It's just the way he says it because you're watching him from afar. And then as they're reentering the, the light up to slow it down, like the engines light up. And so he's like, two candlesticks coming down.

And then it's like, you hear the sonic booms. And he's like, double sonic booms. It's just a, yeah, it's just a wild. Yeah, it's cool.

Yeah. The guy who got to say that probably felt so cool would be like, double sonic booms. Yeah. I got to say that into a headset around people,

I'd be like, fuck. That would be awesome. We're initiating double sonic booms. I was down there for some space launches. Did you really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

There's nothing. It's the coolest thing possible. It has to be. Yeah. It's great. Although the last time I was there, it got rained out. I'm going to sat on the beach all day, waiting for it. They were like, 2 p.m.

2 p.m. launch. I was like, I'm going to have a good buzz. Like, 2 p.m. They got delayed eight hours. And I was like, that's fine. I'm in the zone. My fucking sun's going down. I was like, oh, shit.

Fuck that rocket fucking bullshit. And then a giant thunderstorm came. That's pretty, it was awesome. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Listen to fucking, not for whom the belt. Fuck it. Listen to a Metallica song. Do you want to Tho song?

Yeah. It's got a sick. Yeah, it was awesome. It was a great day. That is awesome. It sucks to the rocket didn't launch. Now my family that lives there sends me rocket launches every day. Really?

Yeah, we got another video for you. I think there was a rocket launch in San Antonio. Or like it was visible from San Antonio. Maybe it was from Houston. But yeah, the guy. When? Like Saturday. It's probably the fucking Katie Perry.

You probably saw Katie Perry. You saw Katie? Maybe. I don't know where they launched that thing. I don't know. Probably somewhere else. Well, I don't know. Where do the fuck can they do that?

I'm sure they're all in LA. So maybe they just hit like fucking New Mexico or something. Roswell. Remember the guy who tried to prove the earth was flat? And he made himself a rocket? No. He just fucking died.

He just blew up. I'd be sick if he got vindicated. He's like, I'm falling off the edge. Clearly I'm coming right off the edge of this. Probably I did think that on the way down. Yeah. Seems pretty fly. I'm about to fucking hit it.

Flat as hell. It was in Texas. Would they launch? That was Katie Perry. He saw Perry. You saw Perry. I didn't see it. Oh, dang.

Yeah, yeah, I was fucking slated away. Just to take the counter, then you got guts to go up there. That's scary. Who? There's six ladies. Those ladies. I don't think so.

No? Not at all. Would you go? Yeah, easily. Not with six ladies. I don't know, dude. You get up there. Space rules.

True. Oops, sorry. I floated right into your butt again. Oh, I float into all of your butts. God, there's not a lot of room up here. I keep floating right into all of you guys' boobs the whole time. I'd be like a Japanese pervert on the subway. Being a pervert with zero gravity coming at someone like.

Whoa. Whoa, I'm not used to this. Oh shit The Japanese bus porn Yeah That was good What What

Yeah do you know Do you watch Japanese Bus porn I mean yes Yeah I do I do That's what they do They kind of like

I mean You know It's it's It's pretty You know It's not But they yeah They just

They ride the bus And they're all close They just start like You know Bumper J his whole bus ride is I'm a bit of a closeted frauderist myself man

I just I mean you know when you're on like the thing at the airport it gets packed you're just like hey man it's not up to me at this point is hold on space rules yeah it is yeah if you're if you can do whatever you want

international waters in space it's like it's there are yeah there's a mutiny on this ship and now I'm on the moon true I'm taking the ship we're flying somewhere else me and the space base we're going to start a new colony

we're going to have to repopulate true how many times is Bezos has been to space I don't know he's probably been at least like 20 times also what do you think it costs just to like send those babes up in the air

I think they said it was a million dollars a million bucks every time a minute a million a minute is what someone was talking about yeah yeah yeah he's just fucking around

blue words G, dude. Get out there. He's definitely got head in space. I would imagine. You have to. Yeah, he has. He's definitely got head in space.

And you got to go, I'm the first guy to ever do it. It's like, brother, no, you're not. Sure. Who do you think did, Neil? Neil and Buzz. Probably the guy who brought that dog up. Damn, you think he really, he probably ejected in space. That's tough.

Get to do, like, the full 3D rendering of, like, How big is my... You can load max and be like... It's actually a pretty powerful shot. Please slurp that. Please float over to that and slurp that. Please slurp that out. You gotta do it.

Just for me, one time, baby. Slurp that. Slurp that down. That's gonna be the best moment of my life. That'd be actually really cool. I mean, that guy and lady was stuck in the space station for, Like, really?

I wonder if they slurped. You would, you'd have to. You got stranded in space. It would just activate something. Your ears are going nuts. You'd be like, I need a dick. It's way worse than a hotel. Yeah, you'd have to, if you were stuck in space.

Somebody's slurping. So, somebody's got to slurper. You probably, yeah, never mind. I got a whiz, actually. Yeah, true. Let's take a break. Time out. Oh, good.

Oh, dude, I have my restaurant review. nice i this is we're good huh steak and beans is back i was actually doing a little research for the giant uh steak and beans yeah dude i i didn't know there's such a thing as a mexican steakhouse dude on yeah mexican steakhouse in san antonio two two assadores huh yeah that's how

i mean that was my yeah that was my oh we are yeah we're chatting this just guys chat dude mexicans you ever been like a steakhouse it is always just like you know it's like sparragous steak yeah dude i've never even thought about it's like every steakhouse i've been like what if they had guacamole at the steakhouse and it's dude it's called two osadores in san antonio and they just hand you order whatever you want and they hand you a fucking cutting board that's just like salt on it they give you warm corn tortillas on the side and you can get guacamole whatever you want and make yourself like 14 just steak tacos it's it's right up your alley

oh my god dude oh my god oh my god it was so good dude i've i've never it was unbelievable so good so check that out dude it's it's a is it an awesome where was it's in san antonio it's for real my favorite place dude i want i ate there a few days in a row san Antonio way yeah san Antonio is a very rough and tumbled town i like san Antonio yeah it's kind of cool Walks fucking very nice. I didn't see it. I was just up by the airport the entire time. I did see too awesome.

You got to go to the alma? No, I didn't do. You got to check the alma someday. I do got to check that out. It's pretty sick. I was going to threaten if the ticket sales didn't rise up. I was going to hear guys,

you're going to come fucking get me. Felt the almo's bad. You're going to have to come and get me. It was fun. But yeah, dude, that shit fucking ruled. I also liked, like, I just kind of would pop back and forth, but I kind of was really enjoying the, feeling of like i was like i might just like live in san antonio and just kind of like not like leave

my family but like be present but just living like an apartment in san antonio yeah like being an hour away it was nice i could pop up standing outside of school sometimes in there when they go to recess you stand by the fence i kind of want to do that so bad just one day but yeah san thursday i got to like you know kind of larp being like a semi distant father in san antonio and it was kind of cool Because I was just a drive away So I'd pop back on Friday morning See you guys Yeah

You know what I mean Get a nice cowboy hat Yeah That's been fucking cool yeah That would help If you left your family But you dressed as a cowboy That would somehow ease the sting

I feel like That would help yeah It would My dad's a cowboy My dad couldn't be here He's a cowboy My dad's at the Mexican steakhouse He's at two Osadores

Also too I was like I was reading the website And I was like every website you know they have like our story it's like here's our story and it was like it's always like the kid who's like when I was for my my grandfather would have the cattle on the ranch of northern Mexico yeah and I was like all stoked on the way there I was like it's fucking bullshit it's gonna be like just all just from restaurant depot it's all a bunch of bullshit got there and they're like no our steaks are all from northern Mexico I was like oh fuck yes

because we're close enough close enough to notonios yeah so yeah I was eating that northern the Mexican cattle is nice. It worked. As soon as he told me that, I was like, I knew this was fucking awesome. And the guy wears a cowboy hat. I was trying my best to figure that out. The what? Cows from the north.

Vaca de del norte. True. You're a fucking Norteño. What's that? You're a fucking junkie. You're a gringo, boy. Gringo, yeah. You're a nasty little gringo.

You can get pills for cheap. You can move down here and start to hate DMs. No. No. No. You're going to have the M's on your ass. No, no. Let's, no.

What are they up to in their cars? Oh, you'll see. Oh, you'll see. The M's. They're tough drivers. They test my racism. Really? Yeah, I've maintained for a while that A's get a bad rap, that it's actually the B's.

Mm-hmm. Turns out the M's are right there. I do like those little. like, do you ever see like the flags people dangle from their rearview mirrors? They're kind of nice if you want to like really hone in. Wait, who is this cutting me off? Like, okay. I got some.

Venezuelan. Like, okay, I'll me break this out. They do fly the flag. Very pirates. True. You should get one of those for your rearview. Yeah. No. Why not? They, I'm not obstructing my view.

It's dangerous. What would you hang? Yeah, go to Jolly Roger on the back. What's the Jolly Roger? A pirate flag. No, no. You should get the actual Pirates of the Caribbean logo on the... Just get your car wrapped.

And strictly Pirates of the Caribbean. If I pay for it, will you do that? No. Would you, in terms of you were living in a Pirates... I just like the song. You don't like the Pirates Life at all? No. No. I'm not trying to be a pirate.

Yeah. You're telling me if you would like, the song pumps me up. The song is awesome. We've talked about, I listen to the song, I fantasize about like saving people. It doesn't want to make you swashbuckle at all.

No. When you listen to it? No. No adventures on the high seas or anything. If I'm going to be totally honest. I know what I think about. What do you think about? It did, you know,

being on the Japanese subway. Sometimes I'm like throwing a pitch. Oh, you listen. You. You. dream about throwing it. I listen to the song and I daydream. It's like saving people or like, it's like hero shit. It's stupid. You listen to Pirates of the Caribbean while you're driving and daydream about being a hero? Yes. I can't help it. It's my brain. True. Thank you.

All right. I think, I think you've talked about this before. Why does that bother you? It's not, it doesn't bother me. I'm jealous. I just sit there and go, I'm a fucking piece of shit. I think those thoughts too. I just daydream about failures. yeah well it's not that I don't have those those are the pirates of the Caribbean and think about failures it's so funny like I let everybody down if I was in that mental stay I would never listen to it I would never listen to it if you're feeling sad

yeah I wouldn't bring you up a little though no no if I'm like judgmental or anything about no do you have like sad music you ever listen to it when you're kind of sad oh yeah uh I'm trying to think Like radio head or something like that? No, no, no, no. I don't have anything. It'd be more like if I, if I need to have a cry, I have like movies that I can watch.

I think we talked about this. 50-50. 50-50. What's 50-50? There's just this scene at the end of it where he's about to go into surgery and he's just like trying to ask the doctor questions about what the surer. And then he just goes, mom, and he puts his hand out. And it just got me. Yeah.

I've told the story. I was on like a first date with a girl. We saw that movie. Really? And my arm around there. And I was trying to hold in a cry so bad that I was like, my body was shaking. I was crying.

I saw it. I bought it. And I said if I ever need to like just get a cry out, watch that scene. It's been very effective. That's kind of nice. Yeah. Can you cry while acting? That's the thing I always think about.

I don't know. Yeah. It's, I don't know. It's hard. I imagine. That'd be like a real weird Even if you did it right It would feel kind of weird too

Or you'd be like fucking crying In front of all these fucking people I'm sure I feel like pissed about that Yeah That's pretty funny Being in like a very serious scene Being worried about like

Everyone here's gonna think I'm Fucking pussy Cut I'm not fucking crying For real I don't even care about the script Yeah I like

I really can't wrap my head around that That's such a wild thing to be able I mean I guess you could do it if you think of something sad enough, but being able to do that in front of all those people, I'm always like, I'm just, like, fascinated by that. Yeah. It's kind of nuts. Yeah, I don't think I can do it.

You could definitely do it. I could. You could definitely do it. You downplay your at you. So good. Steve. All right. But we did really appreciate going to the Masters. I know you did.

Yeah. I appreciated the way you handled yourself on the flight. Oh. No, you did great. I got to turn it around because I got to fly and I want to fly anyway. Yeah. We're going to be good. That's a cure for panic attack.

So if you just tell one person you're having a panic attack, it does lessen it. It does help. You try to keep it to yourself. You're fucked. Chris, Shane, everybody talking to me. Yep. Yeah, you can't keep it to yourself. The way they tried to get you to not be afraid of flying, I think probably did more damage.

By making you fly a Cessna with a guy? Oh, a sample. Well, I did that on my own. I thought that would, I thought that would help. So, because I was going to go to internship. in Los Angeles when I was at Drexel. And I had had like a problem flying. So, you know, I had to go.

I got the internship. I had a family friend that had a, like a two-seater plane. Yeah. And so I asked him, I was, would you mind taking me up to sort of try and break me out of this? So scary. It was terrifying.

Yeah. He pulled it out. How did he? He pulled it out with his hands. He was like a 55-year-old guy. Hey, yo. And he, he was the hanger. He just, like, puts a hook around the front wheel.

and is wheeling the thing out and I'm like I was telling them it's like one of the most embarrassing things I've ever said but he's so he gets it out he's going through his whole flight plan or whatever checking it and then you can only get in through one door sure hey yo what

the guy you can only get it in through one door you're set up a crazy in you right now so the 55 year old pulled it out yeah Sweet man Sweet man Taste or No

And Yeah so he just like literally Like yanked it out of a shed And it was like let's hop in this thing and fly Yeah so we go through the whole thing Of like he's explaining me what he's doing He's really patient He's you know

There's nobody around for you Claire yells it out of the thing And we start the engine And it starts going And you know My heart You're wearing headphones So that's helping

But I was like Is it going to be this loud And he's like, no, it's going to be louder. And I'm like, okay. And then we got to the, you know, he's taxiing. And we get to the end of the runway and he calls out his tail sign or whatever it is. I'm waiting for, in my head, I'm going, I'm getting out of this fucking thing. And he says, you know, preparing it apart.

It says this thing. And then I think, oh, somebody's going to come back, give him clearance. And then he'll, I'll say, Don, I'm not doing this. the moment he said it he was just putting that out to like any other pilot yeah i'm going and he just goes and so then we're like you know this and then uh the moment we start taking off i go i'm doing it dog i'm doing it nods and he goes shh he shushed me and then there was like some ordinance where because you know there's like i'm really doing it not And then there's some ordinance because we were like flying right over a neighborhood.

So you had to bank at a certain degree. So I was like, and then I was like, G. And I had these two, oh man, I had these two water bottles. They were crushed.

And then I remember. You were squeezing water bottles? Yeah. But now I'm remembering another embarrassing thing I said on a flight once because. This, so after that, I went to Florida and I was coming back to my friend. And we were sitting there and the pilot gets on and he goes, just want to let everybody know we're going to hit some turbulence coming in. We're going to rock and roll.

And so then I look over. I'm obviously petrified. And then we start hitting some turbulence. And my friend just starts laughing hysterically. And I was like, you're going to laugh at your friend at a time like this? And that's really embarrassing. You lashed out against him the way you lashed out against Sweet Drake. it's not my it's my opinion i don't like it's a totally fair opinion i play it a lot and loud

i like i like my music loud dude yeah you do so we're all yelling now yeah so do you guys do you guys do you guys do you guys do you guys do you guys do you guys did double take like the loud music on the plane oh that seemed like a bunch of nose yeah it wasn't really committal we liked the music thought you guys were b guys i was just trying to play loud music they just said double take what the fuck's you I just watched him go, huh? I got some bees. Yeah, I like the loud music gonna play. It kind of, it actually calms me down.

It gets me thinking about other shit. Yeah, I can see it kind of taking the edge off in the way. Just blasting it. It's just a party time. It just sucks. If you crash, I guess you might as well be blasting music while you crush. Yeah. It's a difference.

See, that I listen to him, howling. What's really happening, dog? It's really happening, Don. How was landing? How did Don treat you? Landing? Landing was cool. I mean, it just was.

I mean, when you're watching from the cockpit. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, it was scary, but it was an interesting experience. Yeah, that's kind of nice. Yeah. Those little planes are terrified. I would never do it again. Yeah.

That's what I feel about skydiving. Like my wife's always like we had to go. I'm like I'm never going skydiving. Of course not. Yeah. What the fuck? Why would I do that? It's fun.

I'm like, no, not never in my life. No desire. No, me neither. Of course not. I can't.

Just. I never. Yeah, I don't like mind heights that much, but I'm like, I don't feel like it seems like a lot of, I want to jump out of the fucking plane. That's what I'm saying.

Obviously I get nervous like jumping out of a plane, but it's just like, why even risk it at all? It's indescribable. It's fine. She's done it Yeah She loved it

I had a friend He used to skydive He got like license To like do it by himself And he would Literally like smoke a blunt And jump out of a plane Oh my goodness

And then he would complain He's like they're fucking saying I smell like weed It's fucking bullshit It's like dude It's a huge liability That'd be high At their place

Jumping out of a plane See they're fucking really All my ass about this And he would give the guy Who packed his parachute He would like pay him in weed I'm like not a good idea dude Oh my goodness

God damn But he got license. He was doing it by himself all the time. He, like, loved it. But I don't know if I, I'd want, I, that's the one thing I would say. I definitely want a guy strapped to my back. Yeah. I want a dude on me.

Yeah, I want a dude on me. I for real want a dude. I want a daddy in this guy. I want a daddy. You can do this yourself. I'm like, nah, man. Yeah. I want daddy.

Also, that way if things go wrong, we just fully smash. For sure. On impact. For sure. You get to experience the hardest fucking plow. Oh my God. True. From the fucking stratosphere.

Just your skull starts to cave in. You're like, hold on. Just give you. Fuck, I wish I knew I liked this while I was alive. Yeah, true. Imagine how much of a blast you could have if you figured out. You love that. Getting smashed?

Yeah. World would be your oyster. Yeah. Crazy. You know what I wonder about too? Actually, we'll save it for the Patreon. Yeah, let's switch over the Patreon. Yes.

God bless. Bye. What a cliffhanger