Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 556 - Spud Sucker

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello everyone. Good Morning. Hope you're all having a good start to your day. Fambly ep this week - just the D.A.W.G.Z. We talk all the hot topix, current events, and happenings. And everything is alleged. Please Enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Get $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com with code: MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes. Yeah, yes. What a man, what a little what a week. What a crazy week. What a absolutely crazy week. I'll say this about Shannon. Yeah. The funniest thing to me about Shajay defending himself was being like, you only have a 30 second video.

Release the full 10 minutes. It's like he's like, I didn't fuck for 30 seconds. I'm off for 10 minutes. the whole sex tape out he's on it he's on a mission for like some male sex award he's always he's been talking about this for years like I'm a deep-sea fisherman I plumb to depth he's like always talking about his dong game it's a dangerous world eventually get caught up yeah man you gotta you gotta you know dude I was reading a high seas true you know I mean you can't be deep-sea fisherman he can't be man it's gotta to you got to, you know, dude, I was reading a high seas. True. You know, I mean, you can't be deep sea fisherman. You can't be mad. It's got to be, you know, he's too old for that, dude.

I read it. I like you don't like articles now. They include Internet comments. One of them I was reading on the route. Do you read that publication? Yeah. The route that's usually. Yeah, it's a lot of it's a click baity stuff. But one of the. Oh, it gets me. It takes some of the bass, by the it takes some back by the way you back

I'll let you fit I'm back though back in my right wing it's all sinners last night I'm back dude the funniest takes one of them was you know you have like the whole situation going on and then it's like one of the top takes is like no way like a BM will allow a WW to talk to him this way Never allow a BW to talk. It's like just someone who's pissed being like they'd never let a black woman. Talk. They're using the Kirby's terms BW BW BMS will let BW or WWs talk to them however they want but they'll never let a BW talk to them like that It's like dude. That's your takeaway on this. I

Haven't looked into any anything about it at all one of them. I just saw a little bit of yeah And defending himself be but at least it just cracked me up being like it wasn't 30 seconds, dude Yeah, it was ten minutes or yeah, we'll just be also like release the fucking all relate to that at least the full tape It's like bro Come on, man. He wants tape. I mean I get I get it here painting in the corner it's a bad corner to repaint it in but it's a Faulty all calling one of the girls on ESPN a whore who

Yeah, who called no one's saying shit about Shannon sharps out here putting out sex tapes What skip get fired for he was being a horny ass. Oh They put out sex tapes. What did Skip get fired for? He was being a horny ass. Oh, yeah. I saw Skip do that debate about LeBron. He looked like he was gonna get gang banged. What happened?

He just did like one of those things where you sit down and people argue with you. First like 25 people. Yeah, it was like LeBron versus Jordan, but it started with he was like, I'm Skip, and I'm gonna. And there was just a bunch of dudes standing behind him. It looked nuts. These people are out there bonkers yeah I

don't understand the need for like that level of discourse where it's like it having two people have a conversation is not enough I need to see somebody verse 25 it's a fetish it's fully porn it's literally it's bukkake yeah it's literally bukkake by the way we've all been there you go I'd like to see her take on more than just one guy Let's see what 25 looks like I wish I hadn't done that I'm not the man. I thought I was yeah They did someone said that was an ancestral dragon like a dragging for like you know for sharp mess around these snow bunnies

Leave them leave them buddies alone, bro. I said you need to see centers dr. Dr. Martin he's there fucking worried about his own house man. You need to see Sorry Don't talk about him did okay? Let him bro. He defends he defends Shannon, but on one condition that he leaves them snow bunnies alone from now on That's what he's gonna leave the bunnies alone. I got it bro. Especially I can't. No. Nate? Nate?

Big no from me. I'd like you to leave the snow bunnies alone. That's something me and Dr. Umar can agree on. I got triggered last night dude. What happened? Saw Sinners. It's about evil Irish vampires attacking black people to steal their souls and music.

To steal their rock and roll. What was this on? It's a huge movie. Obviously 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, obviously. Yeah. No, the movie fucking does rule. It was a very good movie. Irish vampires?

It kind of hyped me up. At one point they sang Rocky Road to Dublin outside of the... It was... I mean, it was it's basically Dusk Till Dawn with... Django. There's a Django scene. There's a Django scene. You'll see when you see it. Where does it take place? Uh, you're never going to guess.

Jim Crow, Mississippi. No, you're never going to guess. One of our proudest moments. Yeah. There's running back to hits. There's a running back. Big time hits. Now it was the movie was good. But again, it was I'm working on not being able to not getting triggered by

race, race, mating. But that's not the movie was good. It was a good movie. Yeah, it was I'm working on not being able to not getting triggered by Yeah, race-baiting, but that's not the movie was good. It was a good movie. Yeah, it was good But why were they fucking Irish vampires evil white vampires did kind of piss me off and the only white people in the movie were evil Nasty folks dang. Yeah, do you think it's strategic at all? Cuz they're the people make that argument a lot Obviously, it's strategic. Well, I'm'm saying right now one native Americans and Asians into the good side what so it was everybody against the honks dude the honks were outside gonna so the the 1800s Asians were like hey my black brother yeah they still won't do that it's 2025 it's I guess into that communities or they fell apart I don't know, but I guess-

They had it figured out back then. It's a thing in the Delta, I guess, Mississippi where Asians did go there and due to Jim Crow laws opened bodegas and shit. Yeah. To be like, you guys can fucking- Yeah, they're a middle man minority. That's their whole thing.

And they did that, I guess, back then. I don't know how prevalent it was that it needed to be in the movie I don't know how many fucking chalk tall Indians were running around in 1930, but you know, fuck it. There's vampires So what was it? What was it? What was the vibe in like the vibe in the theater? No, the vibe you in the theater watch I saw last night. Oh shit. Yep I was one of the few honks on by in the in the the bodega. Whenever they'd make a point in the movie, I'd hear a lot of, mm-hmm. And it didn't piss me off until I got on.

Well, actually. I almost was standing up and going, uh. If you look into the actual history, I don't know. I don't know. What do I know? You've never been there? Fuck, I wish't know. What do I know? You never been there? Fire. I wish it did. The only thing that bothers me is not that movie. It's just that that's how people get their history.

Yeah, that's what they think was real. Like always. No, not the Irish vampire. But like I got on Twitter and someone was like, that's why black people don't have welcome mats to let vampires in. That's just old Mississippi voodoo. There you go. Yep, for sure.

Every single thing that we do today was from that. What? I think that was just one dumb person, but you know. What the fuck the welcome mats? You're telling me that- It's about vampires, not letting them into your house. Does that let a vampire enter if you have a welcome mat? Technically, you welcome me into your house.

Yeah, I guess. What? I don't know, you'll see. The movie does, Michael B. Jordan fucking rules. He rules in it? He fucking rules. And he plays a twin brother, as he plays himself twice. What?

Which normally I fucking hate. Yeah. He did a great job. He nutty professored. He nutty professored out out and it was pretty good That's all When they told me he was playing his brother. I was like, oh that sucks. Yeah, and I saw it I was like, man, he's pretty fuck. You did a good job fuck

Damn good cool. I hope he kills all the white devils He got them. He did get the white devils. How do you how do you kill? What do you shove like a potato in the heart? Potato day want to suck your sports. I Know you're keeping the spots back there Yeah I know you're keeping us phones back there. Let me in there Yeah Music scenes were fucking sick. And I yeah, you'll see whatever I'm complimenting a lot cuz I got frustrated You guys are gonna I'm really looking forward to seeing it actually I would love it they need let's get a white movie I mean think you get sick of the story after a while

Where we kill all the other races Why you guys do every single fucking day? Let's get a white movie. I mean, I think you get sick of the story after a while. What do you mean, let's get a white movie? Where we kill all the other races. Oh, you can't do that. Why? You guys do every single fucking time. We used to do it. We had those movies. I know.

They were a big hit. I swear to God, I think they showed Birth of a Nation at the White House. Yeah, remake Song of the South. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Yes. The basketball playoffs are here and the action is heating up on PrizePix, the best place to cash in on your favorite sports. I mean, dude, what are you excited about for the start of the playoffs?

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Did they really? They're fucking killing them. That's awesome. Every game, it's two games but good god. Crushing them? Yeah. Beautiful. First game was by like 50.

What? It was over, I turned it on, they were down fucking 50. I was like this is out of control. Jesus Christ. Alright. So I would just pick a random player from the Thunder and say more or more more. Well you heard our picks. You heard our picks. Now it's time to lock in your playoff picks with prize picks. Sign up today and get $50 instantly

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I mean, you guys were the bad guys. You guys are some bad guys for you. They're a good run of being Not really Well, yeah, they were portrayed pretty flatly and one-dimensionally for a while in the early early 90s 20th century early 90s They were hits though Yeah Like we would just like stop Being this is the first like Irish vampire movie.

Like black people just stop being portrayed as bad guys necessarily all the time. I don't remember them being a bad guy in a movie. In the last 30 years. Since I've been alive. If they're a bad guy in a movie, they're still like the star of the movie. Like a training day.

Like Denzel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, training day. Or I guess John Q, he was kind of the bad guy. It's always Denzel being a hero. Yes, Denzel being kind of a hero, bad guy. I guess John Q. He was kind of the bad guy. It's always Denzel. Denzel being a hero. Yes, this will be kind of a hero. Because I guess it was more the Russians were the bad Russians and bad guys for since 1980. I feel like you could.

There's got to be some black bad guy movies or maybe they just portrayed like Thug Henchman all the time. I don't know. Thug Henchman are always white. It's like a fucking home alarm system commercial. Yeah, true. So he's two white guys breaking into your house. Like, give me your potatoes.

Maybe I'm just thinking, maybe I might, I might just be thinking of the news in the 90s. That might be what I'm thinking. The news. The news was crazy. Now that's a horse of a different color. Yeah. Might be in movies mixed up with the news.

Yeah, movies since I've been alive. Now I will say they did hit black people with cool black friend sidekick for a while. Yeah. Which, come on man, we're trying. Yeah, I'm going right now. This is the honks trying their best. Movies?

Now it's white friend sidekick in black movies. That's nice. We switched, yeah, I watched G20. You guys are gonna love that. G20? Oh, come on man. It's to love that. What's G20? Oh, come on, man. It's the it's the best film. What's what's G20?

It's Michelle Obama biopic. What? No, it's not. It's it's a vile. Davis plays a kickass war hero that becomes president and saves everyone's lives, saves time to save the whole world again. It's good. It's good. It's awesome. What's it based on? It's based on evil white guys break in to try to kill the coolest black lady

and the coolest black husband and their kids. Enough, dude. It's very good. Enough. Enough. I've had it up to here. Dang. Meanwhile, Un he's sweating right on some young apocalypse, dude. It's the old fucking Kanye Kanye has on Kapala's right now. He might be a vampire. He sucked his cousin Wanted to suck his cousin. Well, I love how they're like he allegedly sucked his cut. It's like he said it himself. I Mean, I will also know it could he allegedly sucked his cut. It's like he said it himself. I mean, it could be. It could be just just chatting, but that one seems

that's a tough one to put on. It's the weirdest troll. Yeah. And I was like, maybe this I listen to the song. I'm like, this is so disturbing, dude. Because Blizz tricked me. Blizz is like, the song's actually pretty good. And I was like, how could that? And I listened to it. I'm like, no, this is not.

Make me feel weird. I'm on an airplane right now, dude. I didn't listen to the song yet It's just him in auto-tune being like I suck It's crazy says that in the song I think oh this song fucking rules my cousin head that's oh, yeah I gave my cousin head. Yeah, my cousin head It's crazy, dude. It's you sound like Big Daddy Mark. I love Big Daddy Mark.

But too bad. You know who? Which one called Nate Dawgs not around. I'll give my cousin. Yeah, because the hook master suck his dick every day. That could have been the summer banger, dude. We were talking. Yeah, we need that.

Instead, we got cousins. Is that what it's called? Cousins. That's the summer banger. Sucking cuz were talking about. Yeah, we need that. Instead, we got cousins. Is that what it's called? Cousins. That's the summer banger. Sucking cuz yeah, they could be playing that. I mean, it's just I'm rarely disturbed. And I was like, yep, you got me, man.

I'm I'm genuinely fucking disturbed and whacked out listening to this. This is a crazy admission. And maybe he's just really purging everything. He probably saw White Lopes. True. It's probably like I could do that. Yeah, true. That is his his pulse on the culture. He's got the pulse of the culture, man. Yeah, that was Nate. Are you skinny?

Do you lose some weight? I haven't been drinking as much and I've been in the gym. I might have lost a little. You lost a lot of weight. You're trying to avoid after I'm in trouble. You're trying to distance yourself. No, I want to leave the onks for you. I'm trying to avoid after on got in trouble. You're trying to distance yourself. Try this. No, I'm trying to leave the onks fear. I would never leave the onks for you. You're still in the onks fear.

I don't think I can leave it. I think I'm too dug in now. Yeah. Although you know, there's a lot of snow bunnies not taking up right now. It might snow bunnies up for grabs season. Onk had himself a little rabbit hutch, bro. He did. Yeah. Little ways web it's

Does kind of talk like he does Poor unk dude, I mean Steven A. Smith played the fence pretty well. He's just like we're looking in the matter very very very seriously Very he got like real into the hierarchy of ESPN. He goes, I'm authorized to say that right now by the higher ups. He's like, there's there's levels to this. There's people even higher than me and ESPN. They're telling me I can tell you this. Yeah. They're looking into it very, very soon. Goes all the way to the top.

The very curb street goes all the way to the top. Lee Corso said we could do it. He said I could be very vague about this. beach breaks, city breaks and bucket list trips to choose from. Air Canada has you covered. Start planning your trip to over 180 destinations today at air Canada dot com or contact your travel agent Air Canada. Nice travels. Yeah, I mean, we'll see. Yeah, man, I mean, dude, it's like hopefully it's all fabrication. You know, I mean, they have the phone call, which again,

it's like I was listening to it being like, damn bro, you're walking right into this. The phone call was the one you just played where you said, black eye chokes white girl. No, no, no. That was a goof. There's no, there was a legit one. I'm going to say on that, but that's all I heard. She was like, I don't know how I feel about this.

He's like, stop. She was like, stop manipulating me. If you say that word one more time, I'm going to choke the shit out you. And he goes, she's like, you think I want that? He goes me goes if you say that word one more time I'm gonna choke the shit out you and he goes and she's like you think I want that he goes I know you want it. It was kind of like damn awkward. You stopped me. It's so damn sexual. He's so freaky, dude Yeah, that's just being a freak bull. That's that's what it was like I don't know if it was some weird BDSM play. Wait, you don't say you're gonna choke someone on the phone. I Think you can unless they are suing you in court for saying you're not on a seagull and choke someone on the phone. I think you can, unless they are suing you in court for saying

you're going to show you're assaulting them. That's you know, that going yeah, that going for sure. You're a wask we were the wask we were in front of the 12 of my peers. So, yeah, it's you know, we'll

see. I mean, if he releases, that's going to be crazy to sit in court and watch just texts oh Just getting freaky bro. That might be not his night. I was gonna say that's everybody's nightmare I might be like yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, dude for sure. Yeah, he already got caught up with the fucking audio recording which Kind of those bizarre an audio recording, which kind of those bizarre. The last year, yeah, my bad. The audio was live stream.

And now he's like, he's just so hot. It's like, dude, you start doing porn, man. Dude, I this is way off topic, but saying how bizarre remind me of I've definitely said on here before Bob Lazar on Joe Rogan with UFOs. It's gone Bob Lazar. I was out in area 51 Bob Lazar. Anyway. Yeah, there's more dude apparently also Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo.

Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo are beefing right now. They were brothers, dude. They're not. He said I love you every day. I watched it every day during the peaceful. I'm glad you're sitting down. I'm glad you're sitting down right now. You're telling me that was fake?

It was fake, bro. According to Chris Cuomo, he was the one leading it. I watched it every night. Cuomo was overly like, I love you, brother. We're going to get through this. Dong Lemon was always the one that was kind of like, all right, I love you too, bud. Well, according to Cuomo, he's coming out being like,

that was all bullshit, dude. That was all fake as hell. I watch it, I'm siding with Dong. You're siding with Dong? I never thought I'd say it. Maybe sinners change me. I'm siding with Dong, I'm siding with Unc. I'm siding with OJ Simpson, I'm back.

If you ever got home out of there, you go. In the spirit of an innocent man. Drew. In the spirit of an innocent man true No, he's uh yeah, he's saying it was all fucking fake and because he didn't dong didn't have his back When Chris Cuomo's brother this is all allegedly it's very messy Everything's very well everything alleged huge alleged over the whole thing quotes everything quotes in italics. Yeah, we are legally speaking bold print quotes in parentheses sick whatever that means etc period yeah so the situation if you don't recall the situation at hand was Chris Cuomo's brother grabbed ass in an Italian way. Grabbed ass. Yes, but that's Italian culture.

Yeah, he had a little some boo. Little sweet the lemon cella but Don Lemos, Don Gimone didn't have his back who also an alleged hot dog snatcher. He has hot dogs. That's no, you know, hot dog snatch allegedly at the Hamptons. He allegedly hot dog snatched capital of hot dog snatching. I would imagine a major. It was one of the great hot dog snatch allegedly at the Hamptons. He allegedly hot dog snatched. Capital of hot dog snatching, I would imagine. A major, it was one of the great hot dog offense. It was one of the old time, what are you selling?

Hot dogs? Snatch a hot dog at a bar, allegedly. So you'd think your brother, they were podcasters, to be fair, they were fellow podcasters. And I think what happened was, it was floated. Like all great podcasts, dude. They flew too high flew too high they explode exactly but they were floating the idea of him and dong doing the podcast together And Chris just spasms was like he's not my brother He was all fake. It was all contrived

It's like damn dude the fuck I watched him do it. Yeah, it was like night after night I swear to God dong was the one going Yeah, all right, man. Yeah. But I think the beef came when he defended his brother live on air and Dong was like, nah, bro. Oh, yeah. Brutus'ed him.

Which understandable Brutus. Not gonna be like, yeah, I got your back. I'll get your brother's back. Why would you, why like, Yeah, it's a tough time to get your brother's back there. I know. You just gotta wait a year. Pum was all about loyalty. True. It's the Italian there. I know. You just gotta

wait a year. One was all about loyalty. True. It's the Italian way. Very Italian. Yeah. Loyalty's in my blood. Yeah. My brother grabs ass. I grab ass. Allegedly. True. Double allegedly dot dot dot. I wonder if he had Dong's back when Dong

went through the hot dog scandal. I mean, he didn't. The great dog scandal. The great fucking Sag Harbor, Don scandal. A good weenie caper. Classic, the lights went out. They said, who did it? Lights went out. Who done it? So we grabbed my hot dog in the parlor.

What a mystery night. Lights came back on. Don was gone. Oh, it was you, Don.'t dog don't do that yeah man everyone's fighting man just I just want a little bit of peace man just want peace yes a little bit of peace oh I mean I don't know hopefully I think I'll bounce back and I think it'll be the tapes that's the problem though the tapes gonna get leaked too there's no way he also might wanted it he might he said leak the tape

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. It's like I was almost like stop fucking filming yourself stop with the stop with the bunnies But it's also like he might have to film every encounter. He has no She was a wasco you have it you're saying she was a fine rabbit She might have been she might have been baby the week if under different circumstances. She's a little bunny Still could be I don't see you know, I don't see that your eyes light up like that when you talk about Lola bunny I know you want to fuck cartoons, dude Bunny's unbelievably hot and again, they took it from us the woke left took that from us I'm a Jessica Wabbit kind of guy. Yes. I mean obviously. I'll tell you what I'm also back on my

Libs shit. What's up? I watched just a video today of It was at the UFC when Trump's cabinet was there and they did that thing where the camera gets in front of you every single one of them was like Trump's cab? All the bros. Fucking Marco Rubio was like It genuinely pissed me off. They're drinking that Zucker juice, bros. Makes me wanna. Why are they all the bros now? They're the bros now.

They're all acting bros out. They are on T. That's probably just at the fight like, ugh. I didn't know they were broing out. I'll show you, it's gonna fucking piss you off You can't be you can't be a repub after you see this really Daddy That's tough. He stole Trump still gets the big fucking ovation at the UFC. He does not he disrespect the Cheryl Hines too. I saw that yeah

These are the bros. Mark Ingram being funny. Sick. Dion Dawkins beast. Yeah. Licks his wife's face. Nice. Awesome. Now RFK keeps it classy. Yeah he does. He's how politicians should do it. Yeah true. Uncomfortable waves. Here's the head of the FBI cash Patel Gabs Anglers who's that bowl? Allegedly on T For his tech duty. Let's share our cabinet doing that now. They can't you gotta keep the cabinet locked away, dude You get the you should be like Supreme Court's. Yes be justices like I never thought of it cash fatale is an Indian in the cupboard He truly is the FBI director

What's going on? Fucking kidding. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we should all take a step back man Everyone needs to get back in the fuck those guys aren't as cool as they think No, the libs are probably as gay as they are being accused. Yeah for sure, but Keep classy RFK did the right thing. He did Yes, sir. Yeah Next to his back next that's what I want to have a politician

Yeah, just I was going. They also all did that. That might have been a little I think Patel ruined it because Tulsi's Hawaiian. So that's probably that was that's her jam and Patel beater to the punch. It's good. It's gonna be an ancient Hindu simple.

They do have the best. It's gonna be an ancient Hindu simple. You don't know. Yeah, man. It's what a what a week Yeah, what's going on with you personally? Going out of the macro level. Let's go back to the micro I had a fun experience a Guy gave my girlfriend

His number like right in front of me Which is pretty funny the hell but then I? Got his number so he left so I started texting him my catfished him for a while As long as I as long as I could and then I said you're probably good at it, too I was really good And then I was like can we hang out tonight, and he was like I can't hang out tonight But soon and I was like Are you awake and he was like yeah, I was like can I at least call you he was like, can we hang out tonight? And he was like, I can't hang out tonight, but soon. And I was like, are you awake?

And he was like, yeah. I was like, can I at least call you? And he was like, yeah. Called him, I go, it's me, pussy, you dumb fuck. You gave my girlfriend your number right in front of me, you dumb bitch. And he was like, oh, dude, I didn't know. Oh my God.

So that was the other night. That was fun. What a beast. I mean, I respect him too. And he wasn't, now here's the way I was looking at it, because he wasn't a great looking guy. He was kind of an older drunkard. Which he probably saw me with him and was like, fuck it, she'll fuck anyone. Fuck it, I'll give this thing a shot

Or he thought the discrepancy between me and her was so great that we were just friends sitting there Or he saw you chatting. I was sitting with her What the fuck he's probably an old drunk horny devil. He was a beast I'll give him I'll give him credit for a lot of old drunk horny devils like shamelessly Yeah, he was I I respected it and then I got I got my gun I got an mpx nice Perfect timing I got a gun so that I can come fucking find out Yeah, dude, if he literally steps in your house you could you could catfish him under false premise I know and say come over here. Oh what the fuck but shoot him in the back as he runs

I don't want to make fun of them because the gun is awesome, they it was a gift and it's really cool, but they painted it and It's Eagles colors with an Eagles logo by the clip and They gave me a fucking call of duty. They gave me a fortnight gun. That's and that It's cool, but you know Just shoot him. Is it Nate's all it me and they went and fired it. It's a great gun Did you get to shoot it? Yeah, it's an awesome gun. It shoots like it doesn't know you can't miss it So it was it was sick this house

Guys dick when you were trying to shoot wait what the target I was blown his dick. Oh, yeah, it was crazy fucking 20 shots straight to the dick Literally cannot miss center grab. That's where you gotta go do right to the center Yeah, that's what we were told to get no dick shots dick shots are off the table Turns out that's actually a good place to shoot someone it's perfect you got the dick and all these arteries there and You know if you shoot you're shooting to kill bro. Yeah, but if I discharge my firearm, I'm I'm trying to dispatch you into the next. Yeah, but I'm not. If I discharge my firearm, I'm, I mean. You're going for the dick.

I'm trying to dispatch you into the next world. For sure. I'm not, you know, I'm not trying to find out. He's still in the fight if he's wounded. I'm going for his teeth. I want to make sure he's not in the fight. Take out the sidearm. Yeah, you still get you.

You got to have a right dick. All right. No dick shooting for me. No dick shooting. Even if someone's breaking into your house to disturb you. You're shooting them right in the dick. Oh, I'm so sorry, dude. I didn't mean to do that to you.

But you deserved it. But I got, yeah, I got a gun, but they painted it. So it's kind of a silly... I mean, if you do murder someone defending your home, and then the guns... Just like being the victim of the gunshot wound, and they show like an eagle's gun on the news, the whole family like god fucking damn Yeah, shot him with a fucking Eagles and their Cowboys fans cuz they're gonna be down here. They're definitely gonna be Cowboys fans Man, how do you feel about that? It's really you like it. You got to do a dance after you kill somebody with your now

I have to yeah Or just jump just just jump in the corner. Just like you like in the corner. Yeah Just jump in the corner. Just like the corner. Yeah Yeah, I hope it doesn't happen I had something like that very early on when me and Brittany both like came off the apps cuz there's always those like weird That's that gray period. We're like, did you delete like tinder? Yeah, you got to delete tender and she like, you know, she had a guy when we were first together Messaged her on snapchat. She fell asleep. I saw the notification go off I went what the fuck?

Opened it up. A dude did like a check out my ab shot and I just responded back. I'm like, dude, what's wrong with your stomach? Closed it out to leave the message. Fuck you. Sent him into a tizzy. Would you have like a hernia or something? You actually felt bad after I catfished the guy.

No, you do the right thing, man. Fuck that. I hope he knows it was all in good fun. I mean, was it? It was pretty, although I did go get thing man. Fuck that guy. I hope he knows it was all in good fun. I mean, was it? It was pretty good, although I did go get up and look for him immediately. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be pissed man. Okay Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it.

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At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeys, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila. Your groceries delivered. Just like that.

I run into the problem when I would like go to places. We went to like some kind of fucking street festival in like South Philly and like young black dudes sometimes will see me and just be like fuck this guy and just it's pure total Disrespect and I just go total white boy crazy every time you have full spazz and they're like, what the fuck dude relax To be fair they got this all your random old white guy Fucking right now like now there's now they're scared of us true now. They know we're vampires right now like now there's now they're scared of us true now they know we're vampires the Irish vampires are coming to get you or taking your music true still your french fries are on the table too oh yeah grab your fries bro I

taters I might grab a hot dog then shoot the dog and then go Stop making me grab your dick. Yeah, I'd have your back too Yeah, I'd have you I'd fully have your back. I know you would bullshit. We're not some fucking dong lemon Familia bro, I also I do want to say this because people are going to be gay about me talking about sinners. The Irish vampires might have been a little nod to Irish oppression. What happened? Because that's how they became vampires. They, there's certain people that can play music so good that it communes with the otherworldly

and the Irish are one of them. So they could play the music. There's yeah. Rocky road to Dublin gets the evil ghouls coming. Just so you know That's so funny. Well, I was saying it's kind of strategic a little bit because they're really pushing There's a lot of like unrest in Ireland with the immigration but Ireland's being like bro We're bearded. We're literally an oppressed minority being displaced

You know, we're an oppressed like country whatever being displaced. Why can't why can't we be cool the problem with Ireland? They better fucking let immigrants in Yeah, true the the fuck have they been up to their entire fucking immigrants. Yeah, that's all I do. They go Saved up enough money. I'm getting the fuck out of here Headed to america. I hear they have black potatoes I mean you are entering into an absolute cauldron of overt racism. You're like an immigrant. Like, go to Ireland. It's like, bro, pick another one.

These guys truly don't give a fuck. I was at a comedy show one time, like a long time ago. It was like an open micro showcase. And there was like Irish immigrants there. And I was with Sid, the kid. And as soon as Sid left, he's like, this guy to steal your shoes off your feet. Be careful. And I'm like, no, relax. Chill. Yeah, I did that in Dublin when I did a joke and they I was like,

I'm like black football teams and the whole crowd went boo. And I was like, you know, I had to move black people. I know you guys are allowed over here because there's like six of you, but chill, chill. We're just having a piss. They were having a piss and they knew it was funny and everyone in the room knew it was funny so everyone was laughing. Truly the capital of funny.

Those are some funny, funny vamps, bro. They're the funniest vampires. One, two, three, four, five. A rocky road to Dublin. That'd be nice to host a screening right. You're gonna be scared of the Irish after you see this. Rightfully so. Oh I mean they are pure spazzes. No spazzes are they? Yeah they're definite spazzes. Scotland and Ireland have the scariest spazzes. Yeah we've talked about it before just through the gridded teeth spat quiet spaz My cousin you can't poop in the basement toilet, it's not for pooping. It's not for pooping. You keep pooping in the basement toilet.

I told you a hundred times. What was with the plumbing? Because we had a toilet that was like that. Like, don't shit in the basement. I'm not. It's so good. I don't know what it is because that's like all the plumbing is right there. You think it would like, you know, mash the turds up right into the ground or wherever

the plumbing goes. But yeah, you shit in the basement toilet, man. You got to be careful. It's the gravity. I don't know we got to ask those ladies from the spaceship. They probably understand physics I'm back on that to fire me up. I'm getting hit with videos of Katy Perry's dumb ass Yeah, that was I was a I It was like cracking me up the defense of it I was watching gail king because they got back in there they thought for real thought I'm sure we'd be like, my heroes.

They thought shit was sweet, dude. They came down and literally the whole world was like, shut the fuck up. And they were mad. And they were like, well, just for your information, the Blue Origin mission is to get like trash from Earth and send it into outer space. So jokes on you.

And we were raising awareness. It's like, bro, Bezos owns a fucking newspaper. He can raise awareness. He doesn't have to send. Could have been in WAPO. I mean, dude, if he's going to try, yeah, or if he's going to really grab attention, there's other, no offense to them, dude, but there's other babes.

It'd be like me going somewhere and being like, we're just raising awareness. They'd be like, okay, dude. like, we're just raising awareness. They'd be like, yeah, OK, dude. Yeah, that could have been. There could have been better babes, better babes, better babes. That's what we wanted. Different bunnies. They could have grabbed some different bunnies. What if they just took the last six babes of the week?

Just launched 10 deformed ladies with huge asses. But yeah, that's you know, so that's jokes on us. They're they're raising awareness about sending trash to outer space It's also like see how that works Yeah, send send the fucking trash then if you guys want to raise awareness blast trash in outer space. I'd be sick And although that I don't like how much trash you're gonna get up in outer space. Yeah, it doesn't seem too feasible Yeah, like a duty. I just one fucking dump. You just keep dumping in the ocean fuck it true Now we need to get the dolphin consciousness, dude. I have dolphin consciousness true fully

Did you see it? Gardini sent me a video about dolphin consciousness? It's so good. What about they're a bit of a Kanye They'll fucking suck their cousins Dolphins will suck their cousins. Yeah, I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was very informative. It was just a black guy rapping about how we need dolphin consciousness because they can like heal us if we approach. I was dumb. Huh? I thought it was like a real thing. No, it was just a sick video of a guy doing a dolphin consciousness rap.

That is good. Just hitting you with just like pyramid facts and he's like, dude, fuck you. So I'm talking about... What? It's hard. It's the craziest thing of all time. Well, we're not allowed to say it you can go ahead Dude, there's a lot. There's a lot. There's you know there's a lot about dolphins We don't understand the brains are just as big as ours brains are just as big. I think they might be a little bigger

true all right Is that why they rape What the fuck Lamar we're talking dolphins Yeah, every animal in the fucking yeah, how do you think animals mate? Oh, no, they're according. I know don't rape guys Dolphins rape other male dolphins. They all stick their dicks like their blowholes and shit And they take the dolphin away before they do it cuz they know it's bad. They know it's a rapist. They know it's rape.

Raper. Like the other dolphins will take it away or like they're using their fucking that's probably a telekinesis. But damn bros about to go nuts. Bros. Apparently the dolphins are there slide devils. I think there's like a lady that live with dolphins and ended up jacking them off. Yeah.

Yeah. There's people get a little fucking horny around. Well, there's that whole, huh? Dolphin killed itself because the lady had to leave. Really? They found out about her drink off the dolphin. They reassigned her and then the dolphin just like drowned. Yeah. John Lilly, John Lilly got like, that's pretty nice. The dolphin drowned.

They got John Lilly was like, he's just like, I'm not going back up. I'm not getting jacked off. It's been a fucking week since I got jacked off. I'm staying at the bottom of this tank. Fuck it. Fuck it. Dude, there's that dude. John Lilly wrote a whole book. He got a giant grant, I think, in the 70s from like the National Institute of Health. I think like millions of dollars.

And he just did LSD in a float tank and like fucked with dolphins. And then wrote a book to like because he had to like come up there, like, give us something. What did you find? He even said he admitted to it He's like dude the first hundred pages of this book are pure nonsense Then like in the last chapter he wrote about how sick it was to do LSD with dolphins and they got there like you ran for that Coolest fucking thing in the world. I know to one turns on and fucking bends you over a barrel Fucking dickheads that would be nuts if you're just like tripping so hard

with dolphins just like this is amazing and then yeah you fucking. There was a guy who claimed he would fuck the same female dolphin and he would swim out and fuck this dolphin. What? Fuck. I gotta find that, that was a great story.

Yeah. It was disgusting, he should be executed. They're sonars. Their sonar heals us. Yeah true, that's's the other thing and they think they're extraterrestrial. I Mean dude for 32 Hertz. What do we fucking know? What the hell do we know? our healers Just does just that's don't

They might well then we need to get to that bridge in Austin yeah we true Margaret how love it was a lady who jacked off dolphins jacked off the Dolphs I think so Margaret love at I think she was with Lily I think Lily was Lily had a sick John Lily how did a sick op go on Peter the dolphin his name is Peter the dolphin. Peter? Oh, Lilly was, yeah, Lilly was with him. Was with the jack-off lady.

That was his whole operation. The National Institute of Health gave this guy millions of dollars, and he had a lady jerking off dolphins, and he was just tripping in a float tank, being like, I'm about to figure it out. You know? The dude is a man.

I'm gonna put it all together in a couple minutes. Hey, jack-off Pete Hey, Jack off Pete again. He's horny. That's funny. Be like, let's see if Pete can tell you before he's going to come. Is she really? She's still alive.

Dolphins still alive. She works at SeaWorld. Yeah, she works at SeaWorld. No, she's like 80 something. Dang. She was known for living with and attempting to teach Peter a bottlenose dolphin to speak in the 1960s. Part of the John C. Lilly project.

She was trying to teach the dolphin to talk. They taught the fucking gorilla how to do sign language. What the fuck's a dolphin to talk to speak? It said speak not like communicate. I think they make a lot of different noises, so maybe they just figured they'd try it out. I've been so sick. If a dolphin actually talked. I think she wanted to go, oh fuck.

They're trying to teach a dolphin, I'm gonna bust. She did. Eventually Peter, being an adolescent dolphin, frequently had sexual urges. Hold up. She was jerking off a juvenile dolphin? Yep. Not cool, not cool. Which disrupted his lessons and taking Peter to a downstairs pool with two female dolphins

proved to be a logistical issue for Lovett. Eventually Lovett relieved Peter's urges herself, stating, it wasn't sexual on my part, sensuous perhaps. It seemed to me that it made the bond closer, not because of the sexual activity, but because of the lack of having to keep taking breaks. And that's really all it was. Wait, is she saying jerking them off, decrease the amount of breaks?

Do you think that would increase the breaks? Little dolphin siestas. That's pretty hot. That was part of Peter. It would just become part of what was going on like an itch. Just get rid of that scratch and we can be done and move on. She's not wrong about that. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I mean. That's the hot part. That's and it's government money well spent. Yes, I feel like that is a piece of knowledge. A lot of people, you know, you it could just be like, you know, love. It might be the only cool lady on earth. She might be the only one that understands it's just an itch. It's just a fucking scratch the itch and then we can move on. It's just an itch man. Then I'll go to the Charlie XCX concert. I'm not going to the fucking Charlie XCX

concert unless you scratch the itch a little. Yeah true. You might get a little antsy at the XCX. What if I get antsy in my pants? XCX only sing. I got a, da, da, da, da, da. I don't care. I love it. Love it. Jerking dolphins. Yeah, I love it. She's right about that.

It's just like, dude, I, yeah. I mean, that's, again, that's been my cause forever. It's like, bro, just, I'm a machine. You are a machine. Just treat me like a machine. You're a complete machine. Every three days, I told my babe, I was like, bro, three days passes, and you haven't even just gripped me something's wrong

I need to be just check in just grip me up. Give me the anus. How's this? I come the squid Give me a squeeze. Oh man Matt if you know me look guys If you want to make your mom happy this Mother's Day, it's simple call her But if you want to go the extra mile and you should to make your mom happy this Mother's Day, it's simple. Call her. But if you want to go the extra mile, and you should, it's your mom, get her an Aura digital picture frame and send her some meaningful photos. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. We'll just snip it up and send it in there. They didn't say when it has to be read verbatim. True. That's true.

So, I'm a fine print guy, man. True that. I can't wait to show my mom this picture of me, flexing shirtless. Oh yeah, from behind, flexing from behind, shirtless, showing my back, traps, glutes. My mom needs to see my gains. Close up on my glutes.

It's actually a good idea to aura frame out and send your mom befores and afters of your gains. For sure. She probably hasn't seen you in a while, go, this is what I worked on. Yeah, man. Wait till you've done the gains. Don't just send her a whole before album.

Eighth grade to now, just being like, I'm such a fucking bitch. That's actually a great idea. That'd be nice, yeah. Just flexing hard. I'm gonna start taking the same picture every year. Compiling an aura frame for her. That'd be nice.

What would you do? What would you do? What would you send your mom? I would send my mom a picture of me doing like male cheerleader moves. Ooh. Yeah, just like supporting Brittany from underneath. And it's also like, you know, with cheerleading,

I'd hope she'd be mature enough to know that my hands are gonna be. They're gonna be in there, but. That's what it is. Come on, man. But that's male cheerleading. I think my mom would understand that. She would understand that.

An Aura frame is exactly what she needs to store and display all those pictures. You can even send her a picture the next time you're talking to her on the phone, telling her about that game you went to. There's a reason Aura frame was named best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. That's no joke, folks.

That was in Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides this year. What? Plus Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best selling Carver Mat Frame. That's crazy. That's AuraU-R-A frames dot com promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at check out. Terms and conditions apply. Mother's Day's on lock.

Also, you guys can catch me at Cobbs Comedy Club, San Francisco, California, Crest Theater, Sacramento, California, Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington, and then Hollywood improv Hollywood California so yeah go to Shane M Gillis comm for tickets I'll be in a bunch of cities goodbye oh wait guard dog do you ever show you'd like to promote yes you know to get in front of camera you know that okay do you like to join me are you

coming man oh Nate's not allowed it, Nate, do you want to come too? To promote the shows? Hello, everybody, it's us, Lamar, Sean, and Nate, and we're here to promote the Optimum Noctus. May 6th at the Creek in the Cave, and also April 27th. Are there any good guests? Oh, yeah. And also, if you're not in Austin, Texas

Please join me for a night of stand-up comedy in Philadelphia because I went to the show and it wasn't good. I Went to optimum knocked this and the lineup stunk and there was 20 people in the crowd No, that was just no that's just it seems more like an excuse for you three to go fuck off the no That's not true. It's the first Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave. Please join us and then I'll be at Philadelphia Helium on May 6th. SeanGuardini.com. Please come. This Sunday, April 27th, life panties in the mouth. Speak easy. We got a special guest.

And then, yeah, panties in the mouth. That's it. All right. Sorry, guys. God bless you. Thank you. You are machine. You're a little dinged up right now, huh? Yeah, oh my god, dude. I fucking I it's a Easter miracle that I didn't get for real. It's an Easter miracle Seriously injured we were at an Airbnb in our parents house and dude from a rental perspective Like insurance wise, you know shout out to them. It's I like seeing people take chances, but they have a like seven foot six, seven foot high. Just a zip line. You just, you know, the kids are doing it. And last

year I would do it. I'm like, watch this. And I, you know, when you jump up, you went to the same Airbnb last year. Same place. Exactly. They have a tub full of Legos like this deep. It was so fucking fun. I mean, they have a piano in the first room, keyboard in the basement, guitars throughout. It's just for real, the best house. It's awesome. And we're doing Legos or whatever. They have the zip line. And like when you do a zip line, you know, it's like, you know, pause. But you have to pull your legs all the way up.

So I like I was like, watch this, guys. And I can jumped up ass first dude I'd be like standing on a six-foot ladder. It's as high as these fucking things And I jumped off that kicked my legs up and landed flat up Is it the thing just completely disconnected when I jumped off? So I just out of nowhere just it happens in an instant Cannonball directly on the cannonball dry cannonball onto my left ass cheek, thank God.

Onto moss too because this zip line, it's like right away it's a soft patch of moss and then it's like these giant boulders that are just fixed in the ground. Holy shit. If I fell on the boulder, I would have broke my fucking tailbone. If I even landed on my tailbone, I could have broken it.

So I jump off like six feet high and then land on my ass and then smash my elbow I did heal up my head some scratch on my elbow This was all fucked up and then the final was my neck just went like that and I was like I broke my neck I totally definitely broke my neck and my brother's like dude. You're alright and the kids are like And my little fucking nephew was like pop up You know what the science

Your uncle fell from the city You're like I didn't hit the rocks I landed on some soft moss Some soft peat moss and then I and then I got up and did like a like a just a circular just spaz walk Where I was like just waiting for just something to like I don't know I was like dude. I for this is hospital time Yes, what noise did you make when you hit the ground? I don't remember Out of the wind knocked out a type like it was like Joe It was a jump and then like Shocked where I was coming to like what the fuck happened. I was like, oh my god, I fell

Got up it like, you know, everything kind of hurt But I was like I don't think of the hospital it might do my brother even like, you know When your brother's like you like he was like nice talking like are you all right? He when I finally like got to it like came to he was like nice talking like are you all right? You can tell how far you thought I was. He when I finally like came to he was like bro for real I thought you were gonna be doing Hey Buddies at Wawa for the rest of your life. He's like I for real was like well Matt's done. Good run he's over.

He's fucking done. I was gonna be stamping hoagie recedes. You were in a chair this would be a sick pop. That would be nasty. You'd be smarter. True. Then you be smarter. True. Then you could understand quantum physics. For real, I was like, it would have been Hawking.

So I would just have to Hawking's out. You'd have to. Or Reeves. What did Reeves do? Reeves didn't really get into physics. Was it true? But did he fall off a horse or hit a ski? Fall off a horse.

Yeah. What happened to the fucking Hawking's? It was a degenerative disease. Okay, so he didn't like fall. He's not this guy shit got fucked up Yeah, bro. I for real I for a second was like I fucked myself up. I broke my neck something's wrong My you know my spines fucked up Totally fine my knees right now the only thing still made me is this goddamn knee I think I twisted it when I went down, but other than that dude miraculous survival Yeah, and imagine if the dude like apparently first of all imagine if the kids fell yeah Which some would argue like well, they wouldn't have because they're not a hundred and eighty something pounds

But it's like my brother We like re hooked it back up and Billy was saying when you jump on it like the thread comes out Little tiny bit at a time, and I just really accelerated Maybe popped out eight threads at once You for breaking the zip line True I might counter so Christ like right don't sue me. I'm on the yep. I'll settle out of court You don't bring it to the public Release the fucking tape release the full phase all ten minutes. I don't fuck for 30 seconds

The fucking tape release the full tape is all ten minutes. I don't fuck for 30 seconds Release the tape from last year when I shredded the zipline like five times Then you got to like yeah, it comes up against a tree so you got to like kick the tree at the end It's fucking so tight, dude. I Literally could have sued I was total grounds for sue yeah, but my like that man No, these guys open their house to me, and I you know I am I didn't I shouldn't have been on a zipline, so yeah Did you read the rule book in the house? It doesn't say anything about not being on the zipline? You've ever even read the guidebook I mean dude it was a Christlike sacrifice on my part because if the kids fell

You know it was Good Friday, dude. I thought we didn't talk about our fucking beautiful papa our pope passed away. I know sweet sweet papa Papa's going What I? Don't think that was real. Oh, I thought I don't think that was a real New York Hey, whatever forgive me somebody in our group chat posted a thing from the New York Post trust me. I checked I was like there's no way that's fucking real. Do I have to be the fucking Pope? Am I gonna be the Pope that would be nasty you would make a good Pope

Thanks, man. I don't know what I would do for your Eagles gun on the balcony The Green Goblin I Was I was so excited when I got the Green Goblin and I took pictures and I sent it to everybody just cuz I was so excited when I got to Green Goblin and I took pictures and I sent it to everybody just because I was very excited. And then instantly started getting negative feedback. What? And then I realized fuck, they're kind of right, it is gay.

And then it took me a while to come back around and be like, no, this guy's fucking sick. What was the negative feedback? Lev Furs, fucking bitch ass. Who? Lev, you know Lev? You'd like him. We call him heavy levy. He's a big, he's a guy who ballooned during COVID beast. He was a handsome devil. Really? And then COVID

happened. He for real, it was before and after La Mer on the Green Bay trip. He just beefed up. He beefed up. Not his fault. Government did that to him Kind of I Wish I I want to tell that story about That it's a love personal story. Yeah true making his girlfriend cry. It was One of the funniest stories I've heard Fuck I want to tell it I'll tell it I'll tell it and then text him and if he says no we we can edit it out. But he gets he gets a lot of guff for being heavy. And he said one time he ate so much that he made his girlfriend cry. And I guess what happened, guard dog?

I think he got two foot long from so. Well, yeah, they're in the middle of an argument about him having to be healthier. Yes. And in the middle of the fight about him having to be healthier. Yes. And in the middle of the fight, he had just ordered two Subway footlongs. And they arrived. And arrived and he sat down and grubbed 24 inches.

Two feet. 0.67 yards of subs. Of hoggy. Of hoggy. Of hoggy right in front of his babe. They're Buffalo, Subway's Buffalo chicken. Subway rules. Everyone tries to shit on Subway, it's great. Subway's Buffalo chicken subway rules everyone tries to shit on subway

It's great subway smell still fucks me up if I smell I used to crush subway so boys great You know we're all trying to get back in shape on the child predator diet back in the day Dude, I used to crush their footlong Buffalo chicken sandwich These are all chicken man really yeah, I'll go buffalo chicken on the cheese, whatever toasted cheese roll. And it was like, yeah, motherfucking dammit. Yeah, I doubt Lev wants us to air that out. That's a truly devastating story.

I mean, it's a beast move. That's probably care, but that's holding frame, though. That's you got to lose weight. It's like, watch me two fucking feet of hoagies, dude. Almost a yard. Yeah, so long as yard. For real the longest yard, your babe crying. My dad was a.

Dude if I grubbed so hard that my woman left the room crying. Such a damn. We can only aspire. Well I still operate under the assumption that like it turns women on when you eat like all your food really fast. Anytime I'm at a restaurant and I crush my plate,

I'm like, yeah, I'm already done. This lady's so horny right now. Everyone's horny, I just ate fucking 70,000 calories. I don't know why in my head, I'm like every time I crush, just like a breakfast, I'll get a double breakfast where it's like classic eggs, whatever, potatoes, bacon, and a side dish.

Just smash both and be like, yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, man. Go ahead babe. Take this away from me Sorry, but you see the ring. I Don't know if you're wrong I Think it yeah, I guess it could I think it depends on the dish if you sit down and smash it cake They're gonna be yeah, please. Yeah, that was yummy. Oh Yeah ice cream. that's another one. Yeah. Two subway footlongs.

That's like 150 grams of protein. It's fucked up. God, that makes me so hungry right now. I know, I am pretty hungry. I did Decadent Weekend. Last place I was into in stand-up, I kept crushing pizza. San Antonio kept crushing pizzas before the show. That's nice.

Couldn't stop it. What type is that? Via 313. Detroit style. Detroit style is so fucking good. And then this is actually a bit, this maybe could have made May cry. I also got a rotisserie, I got a rotisserie chicken while the Uber Eats was coming and just laid like a huge topping of rotisserie chicken while the uber eats was coming and just laid like a huge

Topping of rotisserie chicken on the pizza. It was just crushing it backstage It's so that would make a babe proud. I think so too. Yeah, they'd be hyped on they'd be like damn You're definitely hitting your macros today and Judy She's a handyman. It's I yearn for another Detroit style with the tis on top I yearn for another Detroit style with the tis on top The right thick layer of tis man. It's so fucking good. It's A few left. That is okay. Yes be obvious beast. He is be I've never seen someone that doesn't care more About yeah, and he talks shit to everybody. He's very funny animal. He's a nasty fuck I must. I must have met this guy, I never.

Yeah, for sure. I'm not a namesake. But you weren't really that much in New York. Oh, he's in New York, huh? Yeah. Oh, there he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this was a mothership brew.

No, he's not a mothership brew. What an animal, dude. He's just in the Big Apple, just crushing. The Big Apple. He became the Big Apple. King Kong. King motherfucking Kong. Yeah, it's a good group chat.

Dude, ticking out, that's the move. Hang around Charlie. Just fully ticking out and just gaining tons of weight is the fucking move. I was playing, we played Halo, me and him would play video games together and one night it was like 3am. We were playing Halo and he's like, I'm kind of hungry. I think I'm going to get a chicken parm sub and I was like dude Just go to bed. Yeah, it's 3 a.m. Let's just go to bed

You do not need to or you need to stay up until 5 like 4 to get that warm sub Don't get me wrong I was jealous of the man's freedom I know I wish I was willing to go. Yeah, fuck it. Palm sub 3am. The wake up sober. The wake up stuff. He was sober hitting these orders. Oh, I mean, look, I can't legend. That's such a beast. And he had a motorcycle. Gained 500 pounds. He drove a motorcycle. He drove a motorcycle. That is it. That is like, dude, I just found out on the hog.

No, dude, would be made of the sweet love. No, dude, I just found out apparently that's the only time a anaconda or not. Anaconda is a pythons. My nephew is a bit of a snake man. He's got a python. Yeah, watch that. Yeah, dude. He's got Kanye's nephew was a bit of a snake man. He's got a python. I watch that. Yeah, dude. He's got Kanye's nephew

That was his cousin dude, oh yeah true this is just his cousin and Closest cousin They he was saying so he like the anaconda you can like her python Sorry, I don't want to get you know, I don't want to cause a stir in the reptile community But he he was telling my brother like yo you got a chill You can't pet him when it when the only time a python gets aggressive. It's when it's it's digesting its food Yeah, so like when they eat and they just have this giant fucking not there's so many self at that point Yeah, they will and my brother was like dude

It'll be fine and the fucking thing bit my brother scared the shit out of him I've probably heard like hell He said it didn't hurt as bad as you think cuz he had they only have teeth pythons have teeth In the back of their mouth, but it did leave a mark and he's like bro. I like it. It's something about a snake Striking you he's like I can't can't even reach my hair fine. It was so scary So it's funny why he was like shut up. Do you watch this my nephew? No, see? I think you got bit by a python. When was this? This weekend? It was right before I came. What are the McCuskers doing?

Well, we got some rep. There's a lot of reptiles going on. That's just scored the bearded dragon. Bearded dragon is nice. That's a really good score. Bearded dragon is nice. You got to keep the tiles in there, get them warm for the day.

That's a very good score. Yeah, we had, here's the python. There's a little baby corn snake bearded dragon. Corn snake's nice. Corn snake's great. Yeah. I was holding the baby corn snake And dude, they they'll like hold my bro

Corsake is I'm gonna I'm gonna take that one. I might use that tonight My use it tonight with my my woman all the baby courses I might use that tonight with my my one. Oh, the baby corn says, you know what time it is? What? What time? It's time to hold the baby corn snake. The baby corn snakes hungry. Do my niece and nephew will like hold dead mice and let this snake strike out of the air and be out of their minds.

Bro, they're fucking fearless. They're going to be nuts. We have a video of it. They just my my niece is holding a dead mouse and the baby corn snake goes right out of her hands. I'm like, dude, I can't. I'd flinch. I'd be like Darwin in front of the glass Yeah, he couldn't do it. He would stand in front of a snake even behind the glass and would strike at him He's like I would flinch 100% of the time He's like something about these motherfuckers, dude, Charles Darwin Yeah, he would stand in front of like a snake tank and be like this is the day

I'm gonna have nerves of steel let it strike at me he goes I'm oh for a hundred every every day the snake would strike and he go oh they're scary guys yeah man scary as hell but yeah we got the reptiles are popping over on the compound it's pretty tight bearded dragons bro he came down that we had the family used to party came down with the bearded dragon is on him just like yeah, yeah, who does that Mac? How old is he he's like six? It's a sick. That's a fucking flex for a kid. It was a pretty sick flex Yeah, Easter was Easter was sick, dude. I was uh I kept teasing all my nieces and nephews

They did the big Easter egg. I'm gonna fucking bite his ass to the bearded dragon. Yes. He's a fucker Do they're big he's bearded dragons lived till 20 so he's got a good 14 years on this bearded dragon Or you know puberty might shake that up a little bit. Yeah, he might drop a girlfriend might come in between him and his bearded dragon Yeah, he might yeah, he might put down the bearded dragon and try to put down the bearded dragon another reptile Touch another reptile. Yeah. Touch another slimy creature. The slimy-as-slivius. Bearded vagina.

Hopefully be carrying out a nice bearded vagina in 14 years. He'll be carrying it down at Easter gone. Everyone. Carrying out a bearded vagina. Lamise, we could get you a bearded dragon. I love a bearded dragon. They don't, they're like, they don't like shed or nothing, right?

Damn, I didn't know they were this chill. They're chill as hell. They're the king of chill. They are, dude, they're for real chill as fuck. There's a YouTube video about bearded dragon, the king of chill. My nephew's like confused why I don't have a ton of reptiles.

He's like, bro, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, you could have one of these right now. Reptiles suck. What the fuck, dude? I swear. Don't get me wrong, being a dragon's cool, but I mean. I know what you mean. I don't want a pet that's nothing.

You're talking about being a reptile adult? Yeah. Yeah, it's tricky, Terry. I knew a reptile adult. A dear friend of mine, I think I might have talked about it. My cousin was dating a reptile adult a Dear friend of mine. I think I might have talked about it Mike. My cousin was dating a rep a reptile adult She had a giant fucking like iguana She had a huge lizard that they would she would like put in bed with them what yeah Big dog you got to put that thing away when it's time to fucking smash now. You guys say let the boy

I You gotta put that thing away when it's time to fucking smash. No, you gotta say, let the boy watch. I got absolutely, I got totally aura robbed by, we fed, there's like a little Shetland pony. You got aura robbed on that zipline, dude. I mean, zipline. That's devastating. Crush. That was all your coins. And then all my coins.

I was already zero, I think I died then because I had zero coins. And then we went, I brought like everyone up to feed the little Shetland There's a little Shetland show me now. That's a good animal great animal Yeah, Cody is 31 years old with 31 year old Shetland bone the compound kicking around 31 year old Shetland and a mini pony And I brought everyone out Brittany was with me and we went and fed the pony and we were I was just giving a grass Muggles like oh, I got like horse feed you can dump it in the thing So we dumped horse feed in and do this the pony and I was just giving it grass. My uncle was like, oh, I got like horse feed. You can dump it in the thing. So we dumped horse feed in and dude,

this pony was so excited. Its dong just came out and I was just watching my fucking wife be like, oh my God. And I was like, dude, that's the fucking dong on a Shetland pony. It was thickums. It was thick and long. Fuck.

He just dropped like a fucking, not quite a Coke yet, Cody, the code master dude. Cody Rhodes. Cody, Cody came down, bro Cody just dropped. While he was eating, dropped dong while eating as soon as he finished, it was just like, sucked back in. My wife was like, what the hell?

And I was like, yeah. He's glancing, I was like, oh my God. Flas. Just like, it was weird, oh my God. Flas. Just like, it was weird, it wasn't bricked up, it was just dropped like swollen flaccid dung. Just mottled. That's way more enviable, yeah. Yeah, and it was a Shetland too, it was like, bro,

it's not even a full horse, and I was just like, not even in my dreams, bro. This thing was crazy. Just dropped like an HBO. Lord of the just a full fucking flash dog showstopper. Total showstopper. It was my wife and her friend. It's like, oh, my God.

And I was like, all right, guys, come on, let's go see some other parts of this place. This is fucking. Yeah, it's funny that men have that. And women, you know, you never see like a fucking dog's pussy and go, yeah, jeez. Pussy on their dogs, what is hell? Things glistening. Just a nice, nice buttery mini butter.

All right. All right. All right. That's good. That's the end of the podcast. We'll go to the Patreon. Sinners was great. I'm not racist. Thank you.

That's a puffy.