Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 558 - Ay Caramba

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Yo0o0o0o. Hope you're all having a good week. Here's the cast, classic ep. Just the fambly D.A.W.G.Z. and of course it's pipin' hot. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Get $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com with code: MSSP ps this is shawn if you came to the show in philly thank you I really appreciate it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow Wow Wes you slap bro What a mother. That was a powerful slap of me that was Dan you come for a Gordini's job. I know man surprised everything syncs up properly with his little slap We'll see that we'll see usually you're about Lamar's about 50% on his Producing producing skills. Yeah, there could be a major technical fall. There's a solid chance that this does not have a video. So we'll see.

We shall see. It is a woman's world, man. I mean, we're lucky to be living in it. We're lucky to be living in Elk. I can't wait till she comes here. I'm going on the tour. Katy Perry's, that was a good, I was expecting that to be terrible the music video was great Can do yourself a favor and watch?

It's always world music video I thought the one part was really powerful one part that was extremely powerful and me and the crew ran it back And started chanting women women Yes, a woman's world very it was a very powerful just that shot in general. She's trying to tap into the drags Yeah, you're talking about just by no not that just making that song. Yeah, that's a little song She also was a host on a RuPaul's drag race Trust me daddy. I know all about the drag Every once while when it's a woman's TV choice,

I have to watch fucking RuPaul Drag Race. You should remake Grease. That'd be a good movie. Remake Grease, but it's really all just drag queens and doing drag racing. But instead of the cars, they're just walking towards each other and being like. One of the drag queens on the last season

was a bit of a greaser. Really? You're not far off, man. You've got a keen eye for the drag. La Mer would obviously be the most powerful drag here. I would be number two. It is about size and girth. I'd be a mean fucking queen, dude. You think La Mer would take the throne as the number one queen? If you watch the show, you'll see who who they like they like a portly fellow that does that I'd be a giant though

Cuz they were like giant. Yeah, I'd be six seven. Oh god How big how big of a bitch do you think you could be I can be if you know I can be You've seen me be a little nasty bitch. You've been around people when I was being a little nasty bitch to them. You go, God damn, that guy's being a nasty. I could probably be one of the nastier bitches. That's so funny.

I know deep down I'd be a nasty queen, dude. I gotta get my flexibility up though. True. I gotta work on that. Just being a girl and being mad and just being like... I have no repercussions. I'm just gonna say the most off the wall shit right now. It's gotta feel so good.

And I'm...he'll forgive me in a day. All I have to do is say sorry once. In fact, I don't even have to say sorry. I have to just be kind of nice the a day. All I have to do is say sorry once. In fact, I don't even have to say sorry. I have to just be kind of nice the next day. I know. I have to vaguely acknowledge it. And the guy that I'm dating or married to will just go,

eh, fuck it. Yeah, I don't give a shit. I know you're fucking dumb. No, that wasn't directed at anyone. That was a joke. It is funny though, just to like be brewing, wake up. Dude, ever since I got my gun, I've just been so sassy. Really?

Ever since the gun's been in the house, I've just been going, who wants it? Yeah, what's up? What's going on? Any bump in the night last night, clip was loaded. Yeah, you like literally wake up feeling sorry for whoever it is. I might be scared, I just feel sorry.

It'd be insane what would happen to them. I feel sorry for whoever it is. Like I might be scared. I just feel sorry. It'd be insane what would happen to them. I feel sorry for you right now. Yeah, I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna do one day where I just wake up and just. No, the cops will get called. I'm not gonna hit her. No, I know, but if you said. Not even say, no, no, no.

If you talk the way they talk to us, the police would be there. I'd be, true, I'll be way would be there. I'd be subtle, true. I'll be way more subtle though. It'll be like, what's the matter? And I'll be like, no. I'll be like that all day. Just wake up and it's like, my arm's hot.

Like what? My arm's hot. I didn't get good sleep. Something's going on. My right hand's really warm right now. No, get off of it. Leave it alone. I don't want you to touch it

I want you to look at my arm You see how long I can make it you would crack you start laughing Whoa if you do it to me no not you I wouldn't do it to you. Yeah You might hit some civilians though. I think the kids might be some collateral damage on that one. You do have a target of the strike in response to pure terrorism. I'm getting a coffee and I'm like, there's too much syrup in here. I got this coffee today and I was laughing.

I want to start going to coffee, like the same coffee shop every day getting the Same thing and every like as I sip it walking out the door. I'm gonna go. I taste like shit Tastes like shit sick of eating this shit come on. Let's go Let's go Jesus create his throw down and walk out and just do it every day Just go, Jesus Christ, just throw it out and walk out and just do it every day. Oh man. I just hope Katy Perry recovers. Me too.

I'm starting to join KP's side now. Good. You're a paraplegic. The space landing, not good optics. That's a learning moment. Then she linked up with, what was it? Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke.

Dr. Luke. Question of the past. That's where I draw the line. No, Katie, no hanging out with Dr. Luke. I don't hang out with Dr. Luke. It's sick to team up with Dr. Luke and then make a powerful woman song. She's calculated.

That's where I draw the line. Yeah, I don't know. It's one of those things where it's like, yeah, a bunch of ladies went into space and acted like idiots. Yeah. So what did you think was gonna happen? Are we all?

Yeah, they were just. They were fucking ladies. They might as well have rode one of those like. Six wives got launched into space. How did you think that was? They should have launched them on one of those like bicycles where you all face each other and blast them.

That's all that was. They could have hit them with Peloton Blast. The bar crawl bike. Oh that one? The batch lap party where they're all like eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Why do fintechs like Float choose Visa? As a more trusted, more secure payments network, Visa provides scale, expertise, and innovative payment

solutions. Learn more at visa.ca slash fintech. I just hope they raise enough awareness for Bezos' mission to launch trash into space. He started by launching a Why you guys laughing trash? Have any of those bicycle things been hit by a truck yet? Had to have been, bro. Had to have been. I've been on one before and it's like after riding one, I'm like,

these things got to get clipped, man, because you're just in the street. There's just a guy like looks over shoulder and just hits the street. This guy hitting an on ramp and you're out there going oh shit into the wrong side of the highway yeah I'd like to know tonight he's riding in the fucking that's good yeah that would be funny suicide. Yeah suicide bike ride ladies hop on especially You just drive in and just like and then so I fucking daughter. He's like I can't man Something you don't know pack You don't put right into the river you don't even pedal

You don't pedal at all you just sit your peddling doesn't nothing on those things Dude, that's how ladies used to kill themselves back in the day, you just hop in the river. You're just ready for the river and you would just be like fuck it and jump in. Yeah, that's usually how they got rid of their kids too. Oh Jesus, I didn't think about that. They overtake you straight to the lake.

Why don't you sit in the back of the car? I'm gonna put it in neutral. Right down the boat ramp. I'm tired of you crying, I wanna go out with my friends. Yeah, I wanna hang out. I want to go out with my friends. Yeah, I want to hang out. I Want to go I'm gonna be a flapper Did you ever like it really going at the way? No, the flapper that was a nice

Beginning of this is all been like fucking women are fucking annoying. I like we're on Katy Perry We're having fun. We support them. We do dude. We're lucky we're living in one as well. One of those bike things get clipped yet? I'm trying to make sure. No, this thing get clipped, it just fell. It just fell over? Yeah, it just never going too fast. Never flying? Yeah. Well, I appreciate that.

And it tipped over? Yeah. Dang. Damn, they probably got pretty hurt. Oh yeah. I saw the Skybar, you ever see those things? They put like a bar on a crane. What?

Yeah, really just high in the air. No? I saw one of the cables snapped on one of those and it like... Oh they didn't, it turned into the fucking fun house dude. Turned into a real fun house. Damn, see? That seemed like the scariest thing I've ever seen. I think it was in Puerto Rico, I could be okay maybe difference your father damn I didn't know they do

that they just lift you up in a crew do when you're up that high to the wind catches you and you're swaying like seems like shit it's a terrible idea yeah I want nothing to piss the entire time true. They're drinking. Oh, I didn't think about that Where do you I guess they have like a little commode up? What do you even do? piss Hey now now actually you could sell me on going up this I have a Puerto Rican ladies pee on me and fuck You guys are selling tickets to the underneath Little side hustle.

Just drowning in white claw piss. Now we're talking. That thing's no holds barred, dude. True. I gotta head to San Juan. I got a business trip. That's the women's world I dream of. Just get a poncho like you're the lady of the mist.

I would be voguing up there, dude, if I was in the fucking Puerto Rican sky P bar. Yeah, well, you look up this Puerto Rican sky P bar. We got to fact check this. True. We have an all black crew today. They're both preoccupied with the NBA playoffs. Checking stats. Dude, the NBA playoffs need to chill on the commercials. What are they doing? Bro, they are targeting the African-American community with intensity. Wait, how so?

Every single commercial is catered to black people. Gotcha, gotcha. But it's almost like. It's not race war stuff. No, it's not race war stuff but it's a little like Wingstops taking up a bunch of really You're watching a lot of wingstops Spread it out shame on them put one on the PGA tour

Yeah, off a little tossing the pet boys that shame on them. Yeah, it's fucking literally it's sprite. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, somebody was saying the other day. It's there like a it's crazy that the Wingstop commercial isn't racist cuz it's just a black Commercials the most racist I've ever seen cool black I Just you describe it I can't even describe the Wingstop commercial without sounding racist. It's a trap.

He's trying to pull out a Jenga piece and then they put a piece of chicken in his face and he's like whoa and his eyes knock over the Jenga. Oh that's the other one, that's the no flex zone. Yeah, that's a good one though. I'm talking there's a new Wingstop commercial where it's a base, I think it's supposed to be an NBA player and he's Lee he's doing the whole fashion fucking Walk through that they do and then he hops in a limo and just crush his chicken

And every white guy on earth cuz I knew that's what they're doing. I Knew that's what was going on in those cool limos That's what was going on in those cool limos. In case you still want to know it was Puerto Rico, it was a, it was one of the bars. They said it, there's a thing snapped and all of the bartenders just started screaming. All at once. And they just, no shit. Yeah. It's like that. They're not like pilots. They're not going to be like, Oh, okay. We've got, uh, we've got a, uh,

cable. Yeah Pray, oh, yeah, they're Puerto Rican sky bartenders President screaming praying from the start That's a major Icarum, but dude If one cable snaps in my Puerto Rican sky bar, that's when my accent comes out God damn, I didn't know they did that. That's awesome cuz you could spin that thing around too. You can do whatever you want. You gotta get a hold of that. Terror. Terror of the timbre. Mucho miedo.

I believe it's important to take care of mental health issues because... Oh yeah. Well, you gotta be careful. You gotta get your mental health in line otherwise you can really take off. Next thing you know you're wearing a fucking cool necklace you think everyone's gonna like You gotta get your mental health in line, otherwise you can really take off, man. Next thing you know, you're wearing a fucking, a cool necklace you think everyone's gonna like, and then everyone's fucking mad at you.

It's true. Turns out you should just went through a therapist instead of. I should've went to a therapist and said, would it be cool if I got a dragon medallion? Yeah. And they would go, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

They would say, are you the man? You go, ah, I don't think. Actually, we have a camp, I think your dad's been trying to sign you up for, and we're straightening you out. I'm gonna pray. Yeah, I mean, we used to think that dragon medallions were cool,

and then we went to therapy, and the therapist actually, he beat me. Therapist beat it out of me. That's why we don't go to that therapist anymore, and that's why we use. Better help, guys. How we look at and treat mental health issues has come a long way, but there's room for improvement.

In a recent survey, 26% claimed they've avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. For Mental Health Awareness Month, let's break that stigma and encourage people to get help when they need it. May's Mental Health Awareness Month. Dang, that's pretty cool. That's nice.

Yeah, we can do it in May and then, you know. I wasn't even aware. Yeah, I didn't know that. That's a huge problem. So yeah, it just helped me just feel more comfortable. I have really fat thighs and I've been uncomfortable about them. Now you have very nice thighs, Matt. I mean, they used to be fat.

I've turned them purely, I've turned my fat now. God, what I'd do to those fucking thighs. We should go to a couples therapy and just talk about what you would do to my thighs. And should go to couples therapy and just talk about what you would do to my thighs. And they've actually, we have done that. They've benefited greatly from couples therapy. Shane's made me feel like my thighs are beautiful. Well, they are.

Things he's done to them. I've wrapped them around my fucking ears. Guys, if you're ready to start therapy, but not entirely sure where to begin, check out BetterHelp. It's affordable and convenient since everything is fully online, and they currently serve over five million people worldwide,

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They're gonna love that. Yeah, the commercials, the only time you see like purely white commercials is Fox. Yeah. And at the heart of white commercials is MyPillow, Gold Coins. What else? They do like fucking help the Jews commercials. Yeah. I like the right wing take on coffee.

There's always a right wing coffee, that makes me laugh. Oh yeah, true. Because you never see a right wing coffee shop. I just got these coffees. Dude, it's, man, it's pretty wild in there. The right wing coffee is, it's a good move. Yeah.

Because it's only the gayest coffee. I know, every coffee shop is above and beyond. It's one thing to be like, hey, come on in and have some coffee It's like by entering this you were sworn you are now you were an ally Yeah, and you just like an antifa black and a face mask that'd be nice to have a coffee shop Where it's just like you know no balls and girls sports I

Saw I saw a sign that had that the other day There was a guy running for like local office I don't forget where I was but it was like keep the balls out of girls sports once and for all Hire me to City Council's like fire Let me tell you if he gets elected and it's like alright, dude, like let's go get rid of the balls She's like I'm hitting the locker room right now turns out there was one in a neighboring district Yeah, so that problem was already solved here. Time for me to focus on infrastructure.

I wasn't ready for that. I was more of the balls guy. So I'm a little in over my head on this one. I ran on children's genitals. Yeah, I ran on a campaign of entirely children's genitals. Turns out it wasn't as prevalent as I thought Pretty much everyone in this district agrees. You got to set up a false flag. Yeah, you have your 13 year old son You're like look. It's for the good of the truth. It's for the fucking dynasty. It's the family the City Council dynasty

We could be the next Bush's Yeah, that's a that's a while. I mean he probably got elected. I forgot where the fuck was I don't remember Oh, you know I think it was in um no wasn't it was in Alabama. We were down there. We were driving That's a fucking layup. Yeah, right Holy shit 360 Tomahawk dude. I was in San Francisco this weekend and It was a that we drove through like the Mission District. I think that's like they're like Kensington dude. It's fucking wild I can't but it's not as like big and thick as Kensington, but it's it's insane. I drove Shoot balls my bad. I drove through and do they have like

Like dense with people Sound is like big and thick as veiny as Kenzie Throbbing as Kensington. It's not oozing pre-cum. But they have a different drug guy. You know Kensington has the Ben Dover guys? In San Francisco there's these guys and they just walk around like, it's crazy. Oh, there's a new guy.

Stuck walking. Yeah, stuck walkers. Stuck walkers. They're just like this, they're like this, and they just kind of like scramble around. I've never seen those guys. It is nice, it is nice that it's like a zombie video game. Where you're like, why are there different zombies

in every level? But it actually is like that. I don't know what that drug is. The final stop is fucking LA, San Diego, with the screaming runners. Screaming runners. Austin Diego with the screaming runners Austin's got the screaming runners did screaming runners I Don't know if that's like the meth fighting the heroin and they just get like stuck

Could be because it was why and they weren't like if they're older guys. I'm I got just like scoliosis untreated They were like you on the younger side like in their 30s just hunched and then twisted to Nice I want to poke a bad level Low man wins I want to get a Pokedex where I can just identify them which yeah a twisted bendy we If mild aggressiveness if America declines enough and we bring back basically the Coliseum we need to toss these boys in True I got a feeling the heroin boys in Northeast are gonna be tough. I Think the the screaming runners here are all talk Yeah, then for like the card like the round girls we can just get like street prostitutes

Yeah, like toothless street street prostitutes. Like toothless street prostitutes. How tough do you think the Midwest zombies are gonna be? Midwest zombies are, they're not even zombies. They're like white meth. Yeah. I don't know. They'd be technicians for sure. Yeah, they'd be working on the crafts.

Cause we would have to get into pod racing. We would have to let these boys operate some motor vehicles. We need the weight class. We need like the 95 pound to like 97. All 95 pounds. 110, 115 is heavy weights. Heavy weights 110. And you got to watch the women's league because you would have a lot of sleep would be nice

Yeah, but you'd have to be careful with the you have a lot of Juana man Keep the balls out of Who's your pick to win the screaming screaming runners on paper, they could be a paper guy, but... Yeah, they'd be more of like Xbox. They'd be off the ropes. They'd be more off the ropes. I saw him at an airport.

You almost got me. No, you didn't. I did. I saw a pop, dude. I for real saw an Xbox. I'm starting to come back around on that, too. I think you might have saw a pop. I did pop dude. I for real. I'm sorry to come back around on that dude. I think you might have saw I did dude I Swear, I saw pop You need to start screaming Xbox

With long hair you gotta go X-box He was wearing a bandana and cool glasses in a tank top it was definitely Xbox Every single white dude with long hair with dresses like x-box. I Swear dude, I think I was on my way to Puerto Rico when I saw like pockets. He's got to do a sky ball for sure Fucking black eye with dreads and tattoos would be like John Moran It's like dude they all that's every dude with dreads that skinny looks like that Never know I have to call my friend cuz he was there Like you remember when we saw Pac? That used to be our dreads

Yeah, curly hair like that. Wet curly hair. Yeah true. That was much more prevalent. It was it really was like every other guy Yeah, just part right down the middle. It's pretty sick. That was fucking tight. Whites had swag back then, dude. Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. Come on, man. Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. Crunch, we were going nuts. That might have been y'all worst look ever.

What? What? The long hair, like. Crazy little barbed wire tattoo. Yeah. That shit's sick. Reflective glasses. That was nasty as hell. Y'all are off the rails. tattoo

To be fair we were in like a weird incubating stages that's kind of when white people started trying to dress like black people So we were in like a weird we were sure what to be. Yeah, we were still yeah, we were still transitioning Guys kept switching it up so fast on us like give us time man Then you guys copied us Kanye brought out the polo and we that fucked us That reset us, but we untapped them. It made it a little more free You guys always kept the polo tucked. It's a whole different thing Don't get me started on a race war, dude Right now talking is tough as soon as I got my gun, dude Did you have you been on X in a while? Uh, yeah.

Mine is for real. Me and Nate were just having this argument. Not an argument, just a nice discussion. Dude, mine is full on. Yeah, mine's full on race war, like race baiting. And not even like, you know, like it's like go back to Africa level. Like, it's insane, man. The lady who gave the finger and said the N word

has raised like 600,000 bucks. And then there's like, but she's against the guy who murdered a guy. Yeah. Allegedly murdered a, No, he did. He stabbed a kid in the heart in front of everyone and the kid died in his brother's arms.

Yeah. And people are more offended that the lady who said a word has a GoFundMe. But she has more, that's the problem. Oh, she made more, the lady who said a word? Yeah. Or the guy who stabbed, well, the kid who stabbed in the heart? Yeah, he didn't make enough.

That's a problem. He didn't make enough money? No, he only made like $400,000. No, I think they made more than that because he got an escalator in like a house. Yeah, he did. Allegedly. No, I saw that report as well. Yeah, but who knows about these reports, dude. I'm getting hit with... I'm for them

having like somewhat of an equitable share of their funds. I think they should get married. I feel like one crime is more severe than the other. Saying a word or stabbing someone in their heart. Yeah, I mean, I could see you thinking that. That's where I get a little, that's my, that's my little hangup on this. Is one person talked. Yeah. And the other person stabs more in the heart. The craziest part, I don't know how people even researched it.

The guy videoing the lady is apparently a pedophile. Of course. He's a pedophile, I don't know if this is true. Why do pedophiles keep filming people? They keep getting involved in things. They're like, he's a pedophile. I don't know how they, even, I had a pedophiles keep filming people. They keep getting involved. They're like he's a pedophile I don't know how they even you can't even see the guy's face and like he's a pedophile and Then the they might be tossing these pedophile charges out willy-nilly cuz you can literally Lay on the ground at a protest and shoot a guy

Chances are he's gonna be a pedophile He's gonna be a better file I watched a clip of I think I think it was on the Sean Ryan podcast He had a guy on who like does busts pedophiles and he's like dude It is so much more prevalent than you think mmm child born specifically he goes dude Blah you should I don't we got interested, but you know the stuff yeah, whatever But the yeah, he goes do the amount of like the sheer volume We're tracking of people accessing it is super high and according to him He was like and it's all it's high and like 20 year olds So he's like you get a lot of you get a lot of younger dudes hitting the fucking C. Yeah, yeah, man fucked up

Now how do you even find that stuff? How do you find? Ios I do Daya, so I've been blessed a funny. It's a funny bit. Yeah, just be like we're Where do you even find something like that? I think it's like a reverse runner situation how like kids ask like guys like us to buy them alcohol You got to go to a school and be like just hang outside and be like, you know, can you? They go into school get away outside school from the come out like you know, they score Somebody comes out goes get the fuck out of you My dad's gonna beat the fuck out of you My dad's gonna be so pissed I'm trying to score child born at a school

Didn't do it. I said no music on in the car at home That is fucking bullshit, it's not true Fucking liar it was my friends. I was just there. I Was just skateboarding there are you wanted fucking yourself It's like going out the world and like at 35 getting rounded up for some CP and having to crash land back in the parents nest man You got to move in and kill your dad You can't you first step is like I gotta kill my dad. I gotta go back to get it get a get a win in the Get one in the wind column and then let's build from there step one. I gotta kill my dad before that first breakfast together

Jesus Christ, your mom trying to smooth it over a little bit. It's fine, all the kids are doing it. I just read a report that said it's a lot more prevalent than you think. Thanks mom, it is. Well, that would be rough stuff, it's a tough bit. I mean, it is funny to think about your dad just going, what the hell are you thinking? I don't know what he's doing. I don't know.

I learned it from you. I only looked. I only looked at one. One? All right, four. All right, I was looking at one one Can I take your car You're not going anywhere I I fucking hate this place. I make one mistake and my whole summer's ruined.

Your wife and kids are living with you. Yeah, the wife and kids. Oh, man. There are some true ride or die bitches, though. Yeah. The ladies that stick around with a fucking convicted battle. It's crazy. I knew a guy. Mrs. Sandusky, I think, held it down. Did she, really? Yeah. The ladies that stick around with the fucking convicted battle. It's crazy. I knew a guy. Like Mrs. Sandalski I think held it down.

Did she really? Yeah. Dang bro. I think she held it down big time. Did she really? Yeah. Yeah. She was like oh come on. According to the Netflix film and the Suns, Mrs. Menendez held it down. Dang. I mean if Mrs. Sandalski... She literally ride or die she died

She did she fucking was there till the end eating ice cream watching TV I mean, mr. Sandusky probably like went to a priest and was like, I don't know what to do and he was like Fucking small potatoes Nothing he's probably just gonna switch schools and I'm gonna be fine. This is nothing, he's probably just gonna switch schools and just do it again, dude, it's fucking sick. Hopefully the new pope cracks down. Hopefully we need the black pope,

we need Africa core pope. I thought we, do we not get a pope? I thought we got one. Oh, we got one? I think, did we get a pope? I feel like I wanna, I feel, I feel fatherless right now. I thought we would've heard about that.

Smoke didn't change, bro. Smoke didn't change? We would've heard about that. They're still in there chiefin'. They're still in there chiefin', dude. Chiefin' frankincense. Hot box in the fucking 16, dude. AP News says 13 minutes ago, the conclave to elect the new pope has officially begun.

Yo. Let's go. That's sick. What, there's like a cardinal hold it down in the meantime? No. There's gotta be some dude that's calling, I guess not, yeah. I guess there's the guy, the head guy that runs the conclave. Yeah. Yeah. Dang, that's gotta be so tight dude. Just like finally we get to burn all this incense and do all the shit. True and they're mostly geezers, so like

this is probably my last one. Yeah. This shit rocks. Fuck. It looks scary. It's like all the cardinals descending upon like the Vatican. It looks scary. It's like all the cardinals descending upon the Vatican. It looks scary. You should be scared. You should fear God, homie. Yeah, dude. I fear God, homie. Yeah, that'd be tight.

Just to listen to those conversations. You guys need to become Catholic. Look who it is. Oh, baby Billy. Little baby Billy. not gonna answer that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me, who's in the running for the, for the. Yeah, what do we got? The holy, the holy see.

I look it up. I didn't know they told you that. It was like, like, like this young Catholic prospect from Minnesota. No, they did, they did. I swear there's they told you that. It's like, this is a young Catholic prospect from Minnesota. No, they did. I swear there's an African priest there. Dang, do you think they have an error rating for how many times they touch kids? He's got like a.23. .23 errors on field.

They gotta fire up somebody. Pivotal candidates, let's go. This is a pivotal moment for the Catholic Church. They need to fire up. They need to break the mold. They'd be sick if Obama was just the Pope. You get out there, he's like, come on brothers, come to church. That's what he did last time. That was the most recent one. He goes, come on brother. Yeah, the brother, you're looking at my own brother.

Yo, here he is. What is it? Damn, the black cardinal's name is Peter Turkson. Peter Turkson? He's got the easiest name out of everybody to try to, I was trying to tell him to. They're all Italian. Yeah.

Matteo Zupi. Did you ever get like like one like the African missionary priests to come to your church on like a random Sunday? Yeah, I still love when those guys came we had a guy fucking stay as our priests for like way too long Did you really mechanics where people get a little tired of it? I can't even understand the fucking homily One thing this guy's Yeah, he was a good brother. What are you, he's like lifting one of the order boys up in front of everyone in the accident? No!

This is a new key. No, Africa Corp Pope would be sick, dude. That would be so tight. I don't want peace. I want problems. All the time. You hit the fucking Nigerian who wants to be a millionaire. Hit a motherfucking, it's okay to be gay now.

No! Yeah, we need that. We need to switch it up. If we get another like, yeah, like an aged Italian guy, it's time to switch it up a little bit. I agree. What you got? Filipino Pope.

Filipino Pope? I don't mind that. There's a Filipino guy in the running. I like the Philippines. A couple Filipino guys it looks like. What? A guy from Jerusalem. Uh oh.

Is he back? Is he back? Should he be? He says he's a Cardinal and I can't even begin. His last name is Pizzaballa. Oh yeah. That's the one. That's the one people are hyped on. Pizzaballa? Pirbatista Pizzaballa. What's Pizzaballa up to? Pizzaballa. It says he's a Cardinal, he's 60, so he's kind of young. Oh damn, he's from Jerusalem.

But he's the Bishop of Jerusalem. Whoa. He enjoyed a simple country life, uh oh. It's a bottle. I don't know about that, but I think it's simple. This is crazy, look at the advertisement for this. Is this a yodeling? This is the lady on all fours. I think it's simple crazy. Look at the advertisement for this

Guy colleges baffled simple stretch relieves bladder leakage Fuck are they talking to me with that? USA today, dude Just a lady leaking out in the fucking downward dog Yes, that's true that's's a thing. I mean. Oh, Pizza Bala's got a good, he studied at a Hebrew university and was able to absorb non-Christian points of view

and learn the Hebrew language. He earned a reputation as a trusted emissary among the Christian, Muslim, and Jewish communities in the Holy Land. What? Could be the bro to unite the bros. Yeah, Pizza Bala could be nice. You could definitely form a-

Oh, dude. What you got? In the wake of October 7th, the attacks by Hamas, Pizza Bala called for prayer and even offered himself as a hostage. Oh, that was the guy. In exchange for the release of children. Shit. I know that guy.

Pizza Bala's the mo- Pizza Bala's kind of a beast for that. Yeah, he is. They didn't take pizza ball? Hamas is fucking dumb as shit. They should have took him up on that and cut his head off right away. If Hamas was really about that life.

Now, if he cut off a Cardinal's head, they would have gotten crushed. Yeah, they got to assemble the army. It is funny him standing there and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, dude, we're gonna keep these kids. Yeah they're like, no, no, no, no, dude. We're going to keep these kids. Yeah, be like, no, dude, we do not want the fucking smoke. Damn, he went crazy on the Muslims. You know what?

Crazy. You can kill me. You know, take me right now. Just carried a grudge to crucifix down to the Gaza. Take me fucking posses. Oh, pizza ball. I remember hearing about that man I want to learn about the the African fellow yeah I would like to learn that I'm not talking about the Algerian dude that's bullshit who's the Algerian guy oh that guy who's on my gasoline yeah he's trying to say he's the Pope he's the real Pope it's like no pope. It's like no dude, you're the real Jews, chill.

You can't have everything. I'm the Jews and the pope, it's like all right. Hold on, there's a guy named Joe Tobin from New Jersey. Joe Tobin. Yo, Joe Tobin all the way from fucking Newark. He's just a deacon that threw his hat in the ring. We've never had an American bull. We haven't actually.

Could you be my American bull? Damn, Italy really is like the New York City of the fucking, if you wanna really make it in the pope business, you gotta go to Italy. American pope would be dope. I think it'd be sick. Yeah, it'd be the young pope. Yeah. Yeah.

They're not gonna do Joe Tobinin Joe Tobin from Tom's River New Jersey damn Peter Turks in native Ghana let's see let's see who else we got Ghana could be nice credentials on issues of poverty climate change Climate change, but Beat it clap the church has been hard on they've been like going hard for climate change Oh, but Turks and Leans conservative on matters as such as homosexuality and Dang do they know deception motherfucker do I have a fucking meeting right now? Oh, no, that'd be nice if they vote? Contraception. Motherfucker, do I have a fucking meeting right now? Oh no. That'd be nice if they vote like,

what do we think about gay stuff and there's some guys like, man, whatever. That's a big part of it. Yeah, true. Yeah, you gotta stand up and go, shows. It is funny, just have a room full of- I'm full of fuck with that. Just, wow.

Also, a ton of those dudes in there are gay. Yeah. Just like, bro, I don't know, I don't ever heard of that. What the fuck is that shit? Now how would somebody go about finding out about something How do you even do that I'm curious guys, please come I think next weekend may 16th and the 17th I'll be in i'll be at the crest theater in sacramento, california Then the neptune theater at seattle, washington and then the hollywood improv at hollywood, california in june 25th but next weekend is a big one. Please come to that. Yeah May 31st, Des Moines, Iowa. Come on, what are you waiting for?

Hey everybody, it's me, LaMare again. What you guys? You're full of shit, dude, that's crazy. This is the squad. Hey, would you come to my show in Florida at Close to Creative on May 9th? Let me test the fucking resistance. On May 9th.

Hey, you're strong as a rock, bro. Solid as a rock. May 9th, and on Friday, Saturday, May 7th, where I'm cool headlining with John Ratnitsky or whatever. Solid as a, don't say or whatever, like you're fucking better. I'm not better, but I didn't like that it happened.

This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. You know when you give someone something and they just light up because they love it? That's a great feeling. Well, this Mother's Day you can make that happen and be crowned best gift ever in your family with an Aura digital picture frame. And to really seal the deal you can give it to mom preloaded with all her favorite family pictures. I love thoughtful gifts like

that, you know? Yeah man, I think my mom, I actually I'm like damn I gotta send something back from Mother's Day. True, when the fuck is it? This Sunday. Oh yeah. I might send a priest to bless the house. That's a good move. That'd be cool. Well it's not as good as an ore frame, Matt. No,, he could have, they can take pictures. Of the priest. Of the priest just like sternly staring at the family. Oriframe says lots of cool features. It's easy to see why it was named

the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. There's unlimited storage so you can add as many photos, videos, and funny memes as you can find. Wouldn't it be nice to send your father and mother a meme? That'd be nice. You could trick them. And setting everything up is ridiculously simple. You can literally just plug it in and share away.

Plus, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off, plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's Aura R A frames.com promo code MSSP support the show by mentioning us a checkout terms and conditions apply Now let's get back to the show. What do you say? Let's do it. Yeah, that's uh, I saw a cool priest in San Francisco I went down to hate Ashbury, whatever it's called like the hippie area and there was a cool priest and Doc Martens walking around

like there was like the like laying on the ground hippies on like the corner and he was like chopping it up with them they were fighting they literally we were there for maybe an hour just walking around and like within that hour they all spaz and freaked out at each other he's not fucking cool man you think he gave it he started freaking out on each other. I was like, dang it. This is what hippies always do. They always spazz on each other.

They were like jamming on acoustic guitars. It was sick. I'm big into hippies lately. Really? Watching a lot of Vietnam. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm reading a Vietnam book, watching Vietnam documentaries.

That's tight. You know what pisses me off about Vietnam documentaries? Well, they always cover. They always have Ken Burns did it and now this Netflix one does it where they interview North North Vietnamese like civilians that and they always cover American atrocities I've never seen one where they focus on what the fucking Viet Cong were doing to people. Yeah, what did they do? What they tortured?

Fucking horrific shit. Yeah, they kidnapped and murdered everyone. Dang. Priests, they're butt fucking priests. Oh yeah, I think Tich Nhat Hong or that guy who wrote all those books, he like escaped from there, he said it was pretty bad. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah, it was bad. I mean, the only thing they ever really cover is like John McCain and this one pilot, I think his name was Alvarez. He got shot down like day one and stayed in prison the entire fucking war damn Yeah, it's a tough time. Yeah, I do from what I've heard. They didn't treat the prisoners well one You got how long is this war gonna be there should be a couple days It's a decade isn't it it's gonna be a decade he made it out of there. Yeah, holy shit Yeah, he's a freak bull. Yeah

Freak bull ten years not even like a shitty hostile either you're in yeah Vietnamese I could be wrong. He might be the one one of the bros is getting interviewed because they They always do they the Vietnamese the North Vietnamese would film the prisoners to be like tell them we're treating you good That's and the one guy did fucking Morse code with his eyes to be like they're torturing us It's pretty so ding. Yeah, and then even notice he was doing it. No Shit, what a genius too. Yeah, it's crazy Fuck I fucked up. It'd be funny if you just did like I'm doing nothing, but a lot of gay stuff here He's doing a lot of gay stuff

Yeah that uh that would suck especially if you're there for ten years like I Mean that you know you're like unless you're doing like a legendary Sr. You're going to one point break and you start you're like cranking them out in like an underground Vietnamese bunker. Yeah you're cranking them out. Cranking them out would be crazy. Getting caught too. Oh jeez. Don't come in here.

You guys gonna rip my fucking fingernails off again? I'm trying to jack off. You're like an underground hobbit hole. I told you everything. I was here day one. I don't know what's happening. I have no more information. I don't know what's happening. I have no more information. I have no idea what year it is.

I got nothing to tell you. Dang dude. Wait, he's probably moved back to like some Midwest town and just settled back down and chilled. Yeah, probably kept that one to himself for a while. Yeah, sure. Yo, you in Vietnam? No.

Yeah, or he'd just be like, not not really sort of. Kind of, yeah. Dang. That fucking stinks. It is sick surviving a plane crash is like I always hope I'm like there's gotta be a way. Yeah, you got shot down I think he ejected over water landed in water bunch of guys on a fishing boat came out with guns Damn fuck that stinks fuck that fucking stinks it'd be cool though once another guy shows up you're like thank god yeah having you mean another guy that got captured yeah he was the first guy he was by himself for a minute yeah just sitting there like this is so boring yeah another guy shows up, you're like, yo! Yo, it's not that bad. Hey, my name's Joe Manitoba from New Jersey.

Hey, I'm Joe Tobin. Joe Tobin. From Newark. Joe Tobin from Newark, that's crazy. Joe Tobin the Pope. Newark is crazy. Yeah, it's tough. When you were in New York, I had like almost ran out of gas.

Lamar, were you with me that one time in New York. I like got I had like almost ran out of gas Well, Mary, were you with me that one time in the car? I think it might have been Gardini We got stuck in Newark and I almost ran out of gas and we always like I was like There's got to be a gas station my GPS took me to a fake one and I ended up a like Deep in a refinery that like I couldn't get out. It was it was terrible But you can't find people in those places. It was just industrial Terrible I Like you can't find people in those places. It was just industrial. Terrible.

I was so scared. You were spooked. Yeah, cause I was like, if I- Fireies are scary. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna have to like walk. I'm gonna have to like get buzzed into like a barbed wire fence and explain to like all the dudes in the refinery. I ran out of gas like a housewife.

Just be like, guys. Yeah. You know what happens next, dude. You get in the oil rig You can deep drilled they would take they would give me something big and thick Yeah, that's uh, but yeah the Vietnam thing I don't know America loves hating itself yeah every one of these doc I mean don't get me wrong. We should definitely be like what the fuck was Vietnam. We should have never been there that sucked. Yeah for sure, but yeah, let's not act like we were just over there Fucking up the nicest guys on earth. Yeah, they're pretty bad

Yeah, when you put the magnifying glass on anyone you're like, oh Jesus Christ Yeah, it turns out these guys are up to bad stuff, too And you never know here's the thing you never know's like, say America didn't totally rise to power. If you give, if I, like think of any other country right now, if they rose to the level of American power, like how bad would they be? The Soviets won the Cold War? Yeah dude, Soviets.

That's rough time. China fucking rose to absolute power. You think for a second. LeMare would love it. He wants it, he begs for it. Do you know any of those intellectual socialist type guys? No.

They love China. They're like, China's going to beat our ass, dude. China's so fucking sick. Ew. They're just subbed out. They're like, think they're going to kill us. They sub out so hard for China. That's so weird.

Me and Nate were talking about it, because we were arguing about the, not arguing again, having a nice racial discussion about the algorithm. But it's like, dude, if something happens, like India, Pakistan, let's say, somehow that pops off and the world goes to war. Yeah. Americans, you know how we've spent the last,

definitely the last 15 years really trying to suppress the racism and hatred in this country, obviously fueling it, but making a real concerted effort for it. Dude, the second we flip that switch to World War III, it's gonna be like, let it fly, dude, let the hatred. Now we have a fucking enemy? Go nuts, dude. Dr. Seuss is gonna be drawing up some racial cartoons

like dude America can flip that switch and I Don't think I don't think people know how fucking rotten America can be yeah Cuz then the floodgates will break and they'll just be like racist caricatures of like black people for no reason Hey, hold on a second. I just got a ready case walk up and roll to war three. They went on time for this fucking bullshit Yeah, that's gonna be if we get like a cuz what the last time we got like a national hate vibe going was 9-eleven I don't love yeah, it was on now that and that was not even on Yeah, I think if it was really on like there was an actual enemy. Oh, yeah, you can exit real threat Yeah, but it aren't it. wait, who's part of the bricks? Who's part of the bricks thing?

Cause is India part of the bricks? No, they're with us. Who's the I? Maybe they are bricks, but they're our bros. Yeah, I thought India was our bros. We're with India. Okay, cause I know the bricks. Brazil, Russia, I thought, are you sure it's not Iran?

It's India? It's not Iran, you're right. Oh, it is in India. Yeah, India is know the bricks ill Russia. I thought are you sure it's not Iran? It's a rain You're right. Oh, it is an India is our fuck is X Dude I think China stands with India right now do they yeah We would do yeah, I think India's India's our bros. Yeah, Pakistan's going full fucking Muslim crazy on I mean, how does Pakistan even figure they can attack India? That's not even close India's gonna destroy give Muslim countries credit. They punch above their weight class What the fuck is you what are you looking at motherfuckers Palestine went dumb on them. They really are crazy. I was like what the

fuck are you gonna do dude? Yeah dude they for real went nuts on the fortnight attack Yeah, and Israel's like we're gonna redo the maps here we're redoing the game For tonight's done you are yeah Pakistan who is gas in Pakistan? I was like no no dude dude dude you fucking got it. That's cause they said I will dive into Pakistan. Pakistan is day one that you taught that and they got nukes they both have nukes so both of them are going dude we can do it right now. I don't know why I feel like Pakistan gets their nukes from where like the coyote gets them from. For sure. They have acme's. They have acme's. They have acme nukes. The North Korean Rockets? That was the best. Kim Jong will go up there and be like, everyone check this shit out.

It just explodes. The North Korean World Fair has got to be awesome. They just show like food, they're like, yo, we got some fucking food. 2040, the land of the future, this is gonna be fucking grog. Would you ever hear of the dudes who escape and go to South Korea and are just like like literally Blade Runner? They're just living like the village

Leave you go. There's trucks living in the future. Just be like what the fuck Yes, I just read a nice book this weekend on the plane. I found it in a bookstore Just it was just like a lady who I? Guess like in the 70s something fucked up happened in Korea in South Korea where a was just like a lady who, I guess like in the 70s, something fucked up happened in South Korea where a guy just declared himself lifelong president. He just smashed it. Where was it?

Korea, I think it was South, or maybe it was like right before the war that divided South and North Korea. Was that in the 70s I think? No, that was 50s. The Korean War, yeah, so the Korean War split in half and I think in like the next 20 years, there was a little bit of obviously some tumult Yeah, and and this guy was just like I'm the president forever

And it just set off as like horrible wave of violence and poverty And then the lady got adopted to an American family and just like got out of there and like the Korean government allowed Parents to just be like yo if your kids like too much just we're shipping a bunch of kids to America So I think that was like a huge wave of yeah They were just like and you would just they would declare you as an orphan your parents would be like good Korean adopted kids They rock. Yep, and no there was nothing like you your paperwork You'd hit America and like you would have blank birth certificate They had no you couldn't find your parents ever and this lady just wrote like a

it was like a book of like kind of like poetry and essays just about like Getting beached in America It wasn't even really about that. She was just writing about like the Big Bang. It's pretty sick. Actually. She's just writing about the Big Bang Is that her fucking dad's name? The dumb racist Big Bang, that's Little Bang. The dumb racist jokes are so good. Dad racist joke. Big Bang is so funny. We're firing today, dude.

This feels like a Patreon. The temperature is cooking all this. Yeah, I'm heating up a little. The temperature is cooking on this. Yeah, I'm eating up a little. Big bang was too good to pull back on. Pull up, pull up. Terrain, terrain. Straight for the mountains. Hot diggity darn.

No, guys aren't allowed are not that fun dude. You know I actually, dude I did the mothership last night at a good time but afterwards I got off and just smoked like a giant joint in the green room and then went home like I'll pass out. Like in no dice at all. I'm wide awake. I was just laying there I had you know I don't know I had this idea where like I want to come up with a

company or some sort of technology that like you you can send your dad a painting and The painting already it comes Get this so it comes like wrapped in cellophane because what happens is it has some sort of like technology when like when like Like the moisture in the air hits it It slowly transforms the photo so your dad hangs it on the wall Yes, so pumped on it and like slowly little big a general like standing like a battle scenes And then like the general day after day slowly transforms into a giant throbbing veiny dick Just playing waste or just like or some of a battle scene

It turns into just like guys having sex and or just like, or instead of a battle scene, it turns into just like guys having sex and your dad just walks into his house one day, he's like, what the fuck? God damn it. Yeah. The technology's gotta exist. That reminds me, I haven't sent a picture

of a hot guy's ass to my dad in a while. Oh. If you just Google guy's naked ass, I remember this. You can send it right to your dad, he's gonna love it. And you can put the invisible ink on it now. Oh exactly. Yeah they get very confused.

And it just slowly, day by day, they don't even notice until one day they're like, what the fuck? Yeah, or you can get like a, almost like, you know how when you're looking at porn, there's like those Simpson, like family guy, you could do one of those with Nancy Pelosi, fucking Donald Trump in the ass

Explode that'd be India first Pakistan They would spaz I will talk about bucket done Especially your dad's like a mechanic. He's got like hanging up on his wall He's like, you know the calipers and the guys like what the fuck is that? Some fucking punk must have done that. God damn it. Fucking asshole punk.

That's a great idea. Wouldn't that be fun? I mean, that's aura frames. Aura you could, yeah. If you could stack the deck. Toss one in. Yeah, you could, that would be, digitally would be the easiest.

Like day by day, like pixel by pixel by pixel it transforms that way you're like nah It's just like a cool photo electronic photo It was great or it's just that would be nice if you could do this easily where it's like a nice picture of you And your dad need you an AI slow-mo transfer, which is you guys making out Do my dad would like yeah, my dad would you fall, my dad might fall over. Yeah, that'd be bad. If he was just one of those like gifts. Tony Soprano looking at the Uncle Benz.

Yeah, that's a great idea. That was keeping me up last night. I'm like, that would be so funny. And then I came up with an idea for immigration we could do where you could sponsor. So it was like adults. It's a hard it's hard for adults in this country. But I was thinking about that lady getting adopted and like, that's the move.

Like babies have the ultimate rights, like babies. Boom. Instant citizenship. If you can adopt. So what I want to do is set up an adoption program where you adopt a child from like El Salvador. But then the deal is the child's whole family comes, like whole extended, like mom, dad, uncles, aunts, all the kids come. So as part of the deal is you can adopt the kid,

but you can sponsor a whole El Salvadorian family, but you have to have the means, but then it becomes like a vassal thing, where they become your vassals. And it cool, hold on, hear the whole idea out. So they come, you set them up, they have citizenship, they have total citizenship, it's more of like a denture service, dude.

They have citizenship, they can rock, they can do their thing, they're free citizens, but you tax them. But they have to be the producers on this podcast. Yeah. They have to sell merch after shows. But no, you get to tax them. So you grant citizenship, you pay what it is,

you grant, you now, you have like, imagine that dude, you have like a casita and you have your vassals, they're free to work, do their thing, they can build their own empire. And what the ultimate showdown is, the adopted kid, as soon as he turns 18, if he outperforms your own bio kid, the whole empire goes to the El Salvadorian kingdom and your kid has to fight back then, he becomes that vassal to the El Salvadorian kingdom and your kid has

to fight back then he becomes that vassal for the El Salvadorian family if he out produces their offspring it goes back and forth it's like a kind of like a kingdom kind of tight yeah I mean I don't know what to tell you there's a lot of holes I couldn't sleep last night. I know it sounds rough. Slavery for a generation and then you switch? Not slavery, dude, they're free market players. They're just getting taxed.

They're your subjects. They're your subjects. But they are free market players. It's feudalism. It's feudalism. Yeah. Modern feudalism, but with the opportunity. They would light a fire under your kid's ass.

You'd be like, bro. I don't know. Modern feudalism, but with the opportunity, they would light a fire under your kid's ass. You'd be like, bro. I don't know, I feel like every kid, get crushed. Every feudal kid would be like, yeah. Yeah, tell them to sell the marriage. Yeah, but they couldn't if they did that. Papa, they're not selling the marriage.

They gave me nothing to talk about on my podcast, papa. I don't know, it was just an idea. We don't have to do it. No, we don't, we shouldn't, but it's not a bad plan. It's fair to be like, bro, I'm gonna foot the bill, you guys are total citizens, but I'm gonna tax you. You have to pay tax on tax, my tax, for one generation. I'm gonna tax you.

It's like a pyramid scheme with immigration. Yeah, wouldn't be bad. That's how the pyramids were built pyramid scheme with immigration. Yeah, what'd it be bad? How the pyramids were built Literally you're reverting back to ancient ideas I Own this family Yeah, you wouldn't own them. You would be sponsoring them and taxing them fair. I'm sure the good what the guy said back then You're making it sound worse than it is. True.

I built them a house, they live in a house I built. You'd be excited for the wedding, you're like, oh, wedding, huh? Let me go by and see what's going on here. As the lord of it. No, technically. Yeah. It's optimum noxus.

Yeah. How was optimum noxus last night? Sick. It was a good one, you went and did it? Yeah. You did it after motherfucking shit. The crowd, they were happy, they were excited to be there. It was a good one.

Yeah, yeah, I was happy with that one. You had no Gardini. We were missing Gardini. Well yeah, we had Andy be fat Gardini. We just brought him up as Gardini. We were like Gardini's he's sad right now He had a rough whole month put on some pounds Back there be like what the fuck yeah, we didn't tell him back there. Fuck you too. Fucked off

Yeah, we didn't tell him before we did. We just like to stay here. We'll bring you up as like a special guest Oh, you told him Okay, you're gonna bring him told him yesterday. Oh, okay. You're gonna bring him as Fat Gardini? Yeah. How did he do as Fat Gardini? He did great. Did he do a Gardini imitation or?

He's a Gardini imprint. Impression is also what I probably should have said. He just said, I'm Gardini. He was like, I'm Sean Gardini stronger Dini anywhere. Oh, so no Yeah, I short-circuited I had a line last night I forget what it was but I like just botched it retried it re botched it And then finally just wave the white flag and was like, guys, we're skipping that one. Completely. Joke's done.

Yeah, joke's out, right? It would have been good, but I ruined it. But yeah, I had an ambitious night, Santa Pai, so I got done and I just smoked a giant joint and I was like, ooh, I said I would do ophthalminoctus and I just ran over there and was like, yeah, what's up, guys? Yeah, it's always fun. I did that for a few years in New York. Yeah. Oh shit. I have four more spots Oh shit, I'm fucking hammered. Oh

Crap I didn't think about this Yeah, it's that's fun I tried some dude Albany was nuts what was up with all I did Albany and Buffalo this weekend the crowds were yeah, they were Albany was nuts. What was up with Albany? I did Albany and Buffalo this weekend. The crowds were... Oh yeah. They were fucking crazy people. Yeah, Buffalo. Buffalo's always great. I've never done Albany. They were...

I did the Albany Funny Bone, but... Okay. This was... They were going crazy. Yeah, Buffalo's wild. I don't know much about Albany. At the end of my show, when I was like, thank you guys very much,

I saw a guy running down an aisle, like, to the crowd, like, Yo. Let's go. that's got to be. They were going crazy. Yeah, dude, that's Bill's mafia. I found out they lost the River Rats, their AHL team. No. I was like, you guys need to bring back the River Rats.

And the whole place was like, ah. Oh. The fact that you know about Buffalo minor league hockey is truly impressive. Well then I hit them with, I was a Hershey Bears fan, they all started booing the Hershey Bears, I was like bro, 12 Calder Cubs going for a 13th. You guys don't even have a team right now, we're literally in the playoffs right now. I'm trying to fucking help you guys.

I'm trying to be nice to you guys, but don't compare the River Rats to the Hershey Bears ever. You're talking fucking Yankees Expos dude, but don't compare the River Rats to the Hershey Bears ever. You're talking fucking Yankees Expos. You don't even have a team. The Bears. I think I've seen the Bears. I think I've seen the Hershey Bears play before. Yeah, give it to the Phantoms. Yeah, you know what I- They own the Phantoms. I can see them crushing the Phantoms. The fights in minor league hockey are awesome.

Yeah, they will. They fight nonstop. Although the Bears Phantoms is going on right now. Really? I gotta check that scene. Dang, I didn't know those Phantoms were just completely crushed by the Bears. I mean that is like our Canada. Oh, actually it was 1-0 when I made that claim. It's now 2-1. Phantoms? Yeah, let's go. I've been following the Phantoms program. We've made a lot of changes in the Phantoms program. Still haven't changed the logo. They like that logo. What's what are the phantoms have just like a weird

Looks like the Phoenix Suns kind of does color scheme from what I remember. It's like two different flyers symbols combined Yeah, it's like the pizza game each other Piece of cake's not a bears need to get a cup What's the cup called is all the cup called her the Calder Cup? I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. It's a story program. Hershey P.A. Come on man. That's awesome. I didn't know that. I think the Phantoms were late to the party too. Yeah the Phantoms were late. They split off. The Hershey Bears have been playing since fucking the 20s. That's great. What's going on over there? Also. A racist meme? Let me hear about it. Yeah, true. Come on, guys. Also, minor league, nobody hits their wife more than minor league sports players. In like, back in the day.

That's a fair assessment. I feel like they really... Yeah. It's like a minor league baseball. Yeah, you're physically, you're like on the cusp of major leagues, you're fucking, you know, a well-tuned athlete. Oh you sent it to me Fellas you guys are putting me in the you put me in the jackpot It's just

It's a play on protesting the Vietnam War and it's people saying no Pakistani ever called my grandparents pretending to be Microsoft. Do you think the, where do you think? Oh you got a video of the crash. What? I didn't know. You should have told me you sent that. The pedal pump crash.

Oh. It's a good pedal pump crash. I didn't know you should have told me you sent that the pedal It's a good pedal bump crash Oh, no Sucks to be on the left side Stein brothers bagels. Oh No, it went on the one side too. Oh We got a DUI Damn yeah, I'm telling you man I was on one once and I'm like these things gotta get fucked up every down again cuz it's not there's not like a It's just a guy like ripping and running. It's like, you know the dudes who have bicycles with like a card on the back

It's like those guys getting the CDL and they're right. I'm gonna fucking yeah I'm just gonna step up drive a bigger craft Some of those dudes on the fucking those like little pedal bikes. Yeah drive like fucking mania They do a couple times like bro, like in between cars and shit dude slow down. I'm cool. I don't need to be at this place that fast Actually, you drive. Yeah, I got on yeah, I could have gone on an uber if I was trying yeah This is this is a fun trip. Yeah, but chill chill if I was one with my kids in there I was like bro, and I was like no no extra points for me from the speed like slow it down. I Appreciate you know you working on this this hard, but like fucking relax cuz they're like tailgate cut in you're like yo, dude

Yeah, don't need this sir and like it like they'll drive like people will be there and they'll speed at them like they better move Yeah, terrible all right well we're in an hour let's get over to the patreon let Let's do it. Bye. Oh, I got a pee.