Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 561 - Beautiful Things

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ https://www.patreon.com/MSsecretpod Tires Season 2 is out June 5th on Netflix Go See Matt Live @ https://mattmccusker.com/ - Special Taping in June !! Go See Shane Live @ https://www.shanemgillis.com/ - New Dates added Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want Cap City This wknd @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello everybody. Hope you all had an amazing memorial day weekend. Classic ep this week for you. Just 2 D.A.W.G.Z. in the loop. Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes. I'm fully in the loop. Are you in the loop right now? I've been home for two days three days So you're just completely caught up full internet for two days. What's going on in the internet? Well, Matt turns out I'm a giant Wow Kept looking it up Don't like me very much. But that's not all. There's plenty of other people getting called that going around. MGK has a new music video that sucks and fucking made me want to bring a gun to school.

What else is going on? That'd be a good, you know that Roddy Dangerfieldfield thing where he goes back to college, he's like, hey, is this a shooter? Yeah. Hey, you're pickin' on me. Take that. Yeah, Drew. He's not getting enough respect

from the bullies and the jocks. But now I've been fully plugged in, I watched, I was really involved in pop culture. There's a guy who screams things that he says, and I'll be dancing out in California, the kid who got it all wrong. Whoa. You gotta check this kid out.

You're gonna like him. I got all types of stuff going on. It's called white, it's been dubbed white hootin' andoting and hollering music and it's led by Benson Boone. He's the lead to hooting and hollering guy Yeah, it's like girl movie music yeah, yeah, Bernie's hit me with that song Bro, I've been all over the internet the last two days Yeah, Bernie just hit me with that song. I'm just listening. Bro, I've been all over the internet the last two days. Then somebody filmed Steph Curry at a Benson Moon concert

with a cowboy hat singing along, and someone was going, oh, fuck, Steph Curry sucks. But in Steph Curry's defense, I was thinking about this. If I got dragged to a, I've done it. Sure. I've gone to a concert, I've been like, this shit sucks. I'm not going to this shit. Then I'm up there singing at the top of my lungs,

just mumping songs. It could happen to anybody. You could take me to an Imagine Dragons concert. I was trying to think of the corniest one to be like a major fan of. I would sing along. For sure. I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones.

Just stomping to the beat. Yeah, I'd be going nuts. Actually, speaking of concerts, I heard some good news. I talked to two people who had gone to a Katy Perry concert recently. And said she held it down? Said it was fucking fire, dude. They said, don't believe the fake news. They said the Katy Perry concerts are,

he said, what a performance. That's good. Yeah. That's good. So yeah. Who told you that? What am I bro? So they saw KP I could see how it was seeing KP live would would be a treat I said it was charged up. Not he was running around. I saw her running around around almost naked Yeah, I saw all types of stuff.

I saw Jennifer Lopez did a very long dance at an award show. What? Yeah, I watched it. Seven and a half minutes I watched her dance. She did a seven and a half minute dance? Shit sucked. Dude, a lot of this,

this could be a media narrative, but. Shit fucking sucked. Dude, a lot. It sucked to watch. I was mad the whole time. But then I was getting a little more disappointed myself of how much I just hate dancing Yeah, like choreographed and just came off like a real loser Why when someone's like I hate music?

Yeah, I was sitting there and I was just like I fuck I just hate dancing dude It's it's kind of a miserable life. Honestly dance like it's a like I my kids go to dance class and it's like dude you forget like ballerinas are like Evil like when they get older they've been like screamed at since they were a child and beaten. Yeah, they've been dude It's like I I've dealt I've been dealing with some aged ballerina types and it's like not the friendliest bunch, dude Yeah, it's not all like tutus and fucking pilates dude. They're fucking mean man and I'm like sitting there like damn I like watch them. A couple black swans.

What? A couple black swans. Dude for real. I'm taking them out of this dance school dude. It's like I don't like it at all. They're just fucking mean dude. Like Mike, so if you fill up your card you get like it's like six little stars.

If you get six of them you go in the office and they give you like a your card you get lights like six little stars if you get six of them You go in the office and they give you like a present like a little prize and dude We're talking like you know fucking alibaba some sort of like finger puppet for two cents bullshit temporary tattoos and Chloe wasn't able to go to that one was just Maya But they both had filled up their cards and she was like can I get one for my sister's her cards full? She couldn't come she's sick and the lady's like one toy per card and just was like, can I get one for my sister? Her card's full, she couldn't come, she's sick. And the lady's like, one toy per card. And just, dude, you're talking like this thing might have been four cents. Jesus.

And I was just like, Jesus Christ. You should've assaulted her. I should've dumped the bag and like, pick him up. You should've crawled across the desk. Pick him up. Stand on your toes for 25 minutes and if you move, I'll slap you in the fucking head. She said, you've gained weight.

We're sending you back to fucking Siberia. You've gained too much weight, you slob. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long

way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile, different is calling. Dude, when we turn on my TV upstairs it's like always on a channel. Now the channels, I don't know how old TV even works anymore, but they pick one show. There's the Baywatch channel. There's the Dance Mop.

I'm on Saved by the Bell channel right now. We were just watching some Saved by the Bell. Zach was dating a girl in a wheelchair. Yeah, he was like. Living the dream. We've all discussed it. Hey, we can't go to the fucking, what's the guy's beautiful thing?

Yeah, the beautiful Ben's Boon. They don't have the Ben's Boon in the realm of fucking RAM. There's no fucking steps. We gotta stay in again and watch movies. We're gonna have to watch Thin Red Line again. You can relate to that. A couple of these guys ended up in some chairs. Turns out we have the same time to do BJ's all day.

We're gonna have to do blowjobs again and we're gonna have to watch war movies. I'm sorry. I wish you could walk. We're gonna build a ramp at the stadium in about three years. I sent a letter. I wish this wasn't the case. I feel like we're trapped in purgatory right now. Yeah, that's living the dream.

So Zach pulled it off. I guarantee the wheelchair trick was so hot in the show. She was a little nerdy looking, but back for a 90s babe. They hit the 90s babe for sure. What season was it? I hope I'm not going too early on this. No, it was, I know what you mean though. It was, you know, you're certainly a pretty girl.

I've been watching, my my channel stuck on dance moms So I put it on and my kids fucking love it, but it's just it's not like I don't know it's like a I Don't know what version of this is Was dance moms like white ladies or black ladies because this is only black lady dance moms, and it's just them I told you I'd blam's black ass Netflix, right? No, no. They just have a totally different Netflix than us. That's crazy.

It's actually crazy, because I don't think you watch the, do you watch all those shows? No, my grandma does. Oh, that's right, we've discovered this, yes. The algo goes nuts. Me and LaMare's grandmother are battling for Netflix supremacy

Yes, dude the dance moms is so funny It's just literally like ladies standing outside like you like of the dance studio looking into their kids Trying to figure out like which ones are any to pick for the audition It's just them just in each other's faces like you wait to use my girls the best. He's like and it's just not that's fun It's pretty fun Was watching that this was watching little dance moms this morning. We're getting ready for good. What's the one? It's not it might not be dance moms. Is it a Pageant what's that one where the girls are in pageants? I think it's pageant moms or something like that. Yeah, that's a whole other thing It's a really great clip where a fat lady

gets told to be quiet. She's in a scooter. One of the other moms is like, you need to put your phone down and pay attention. And she just instantly throws her scooter into reverse and drives outside and goes straight to a police station to report an assault. It's the funniest video.

Just her hitting the fucking, she's like, you need to be quiet. She's like, oh. Bzzzz. Hits the reverse. I saw a video of a guy on a scooter menacing the block. He was like, zoomed up on somebody, choked, like grabbed them by their throat and put them down

and a lady tried to break it up and he hit the reverse and just banged, like just bumped it. Who the fuck was he, Professor X? He was so nice. He was dominating people on a scooter? Dominating. This guy must have been a menace back when he was bipedal. He choked the person from the scooter.

Swear to God. This guy must have been an absolute menace. When he was bipedal, total menace. Because he like gripped the guy, dragged him down with one hand. I mean, he was like fighting fighting heroin addict, but you know That must be nice Dude dominating the block just dominating the but yeah If you just if you were like a loser enough to be homeless without heroin

Exactly you stayed sober and just dominated all the fucking Skeletor's Talking to you You could toss those guys Come here fuck get the fuck out of here. You could toss those guys around Toss them around like crazy. They really could and they probably wouldn't get hurt. It'd be kind of it'd be fun Yeah, be nice, especially I mean, yeah, you could just blame them for whatever it is, but I know you fucking used it And they probably did. They probably did. They definitely stole everything you have They are like little kids if you're like, hey, come here. They're like going through 20 different things like fuck fuck fuck fuck

I'm busted. Fuck you man. Fuck you. They are like little kids if you're like hey come here. They're like going through 20 different things like fuck fuck Yeah, he was getting it in he was and dude backing over the lady was yeah, and then he ran over one Just right into her. Where was this? I don't know. It's just on the internet Oh, I thought you sold it. Oh, yeah, I saw a homeless guy with a fucking sword cane in Austin recently that was freaking me out I think I've seen that guy really see by the mothership. He was close. He was by like the black rabbit Okay, he had like I was just like carrying a box of stuff and heard a lady like don't poke anyone with that I was like I looked over this guy had a like dude the blade was like that long and I was like Jesus freaking Christ Dan's is It's a cool homeless.

I'm still waiting for the day, like, if they, four of them test me and they're like, every time I pass them, I'm like, today could be the day. They're gonna test you eventually. I'm gonna test my survival skills. I must've been crazy back in the day when you've like, been through like four or five life or death battles. The swag would be crazy.

I was like thinking about that the other day. I was like, dude, my swag would just be different. If you had survived several beatings like several fights to the death Swag would be nuts dude. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Do you know ball? There's only a few games left in the playoffs and the championship is officially on the line That means time is running out for you to put your final takes to test That means time is running out for you to put your final takes to test to the test on Prize picks the best place to cash in on your favorite sports

Riffing point, please talk about what you think of the playoffs so far Matt please talk about what you think of the playoffs I'm thinking about these championships right now. Are there any particular teams or fixtures that you've enjoyed? Right now for me, dude. The Phillies are red hot. The Phillies are red hot. The Phillies are red hot. I think they might be talking about basketball or hockey, but... For sure. But you're not wrong to be thinking about October right now.

Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking about... A lot of guys get lost in the dog days of summer, and that's where teams start to rise and fall. I mean, I like where your head's at, though. The red hot Phillies need to focus on a red October. But in terms of basketball, I'm trying to think who I think could take it all in basketball. Not the Knicks. They lost.

No, they lost last night. But it's 3-1 Indiana. Exactly. So I think Indiana's going to take that. I like the Pacers myself. I do too. I don't like the way the Knicks handled themselves when they finally won a fucking playoff series. The fans. Yeah. I'm going for the way the next handled themselves when they finally won a fucking playoff series the fans. Yeah I'm going for the pace that's coming from the Eagles

Have some class The okay sees looking good thunder. Yeah thunder looking good. Yeah, that's who I like Yeah, I think so, but it's fun to watch Halliburton. What, the Hattie? Oh yeah. More on him. These playoffs have been unreal, with crazy things happening almost every night. Crazy things are happening all the time. Do you have the vision to know what will happen next? Let's see what we are cooking up heading into the last few games.

I'm gonna go playoff matchup I have my eyes on. Yeah. I like Indiana headed to the garden for the win. For the sentient. So if I had to pick, I'd say Moore or Moore Halliburton. There we go. All right, you heard our picks. Now it's time to lock in your playoff picks and prize picks.

This app is really easy to use. Create a lineup. All you have to do is pick more or less on a few player stats. You're shot to win up to 2,000 times your money. You could win real money with your best takes. You got get in on this price picks the best place to win cash While watching sports join millions of users inside of today Download the app today and use code drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup that's drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup price picks run your game

No, I'm good. I added a bunch of dates. So July, I'm gonna do Oklahoma City, Kansas City. August, I'm gonna do Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee. And in September, I'm gonna do Houston, Tulsa, Hollywood, Florida, and Orlando. Please come. Hell yeah.

And don't be confused by the ticket pricing. Old DJ T, old Kid Rock signed a little bill that kinda fucked me in the ass if I'm being honest. It takes all the hidden fees and includes them in the ticket price. Yeah, so like it shows up as that. It's like, god damn, I was trying to make my prices cheap. People were paying that anyway, but they were getting.

They were paying it anyway, but you get a little sticker shock when you see. Yeah. What the hell is this guy? It better be funny. Yeah, sure. It's not that funny. God damn.

I'll be at the Hollywood Improv June 25th and then the Ontario Improv Ontario California June 26th to the 28th. Film in a special special please come and then this is a big one Ovation Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey August 16th. Yeah, I'm gonna try to come up with some newer stuff Is that at oceans? Yeah, fuck it. It'll be sick. So I'm kind of excited for that So I'm gonna try to blend in some new stuff in case people travel down from Philadelphia. So nice. That's it All right. Goodbye. Told you I was reading about the mines recently.

Yeah, I like that. Dude. They used to build temples in the ocean. So it would be like a stone's throw away. Like you like they would say that's their units of measurement. They would measure the depth of holes by forget the word, but it was like the average height of a man. It's seven, a lot of it was deep and they would just be like, it's like six guys deep. That's good. It was really nice. But yeah, they would build these like temples out, like, you know, 10 feet out in the ocean out of limestone.

I don't know how the fuck they did this. And then the, uh, they were wasting a lot of time. I think they really were they should have been focused on other things they yeah they could have figured some other stuff out instead of temples in the ocean well they would they were to really focus they were just like cutting people's heads off and letting the blood drip down the steps they were like have like a cool statue of a snake and be like this thing's it would be like a snake eating a lion like we got to get some blood on you're gonna have to cut some people's heads off we got to cut some people's

heads off who's that village next door that we hate? Yeah, let's sacrifice those fuckers They'll never join up with anybody that shows up They'll never finally join up I didn't know there was like three or four unsuccessful expeditions before cortez like a couple dudes rolled up and got Fucking smoked by the mayans. I didn't know that yeah They would they'd roll up like 40 deep and be like, come here guys, and these dudes would just go bonkers. And they're like, we had the weaponry,

we thought we could get them, but they were just, we were firing shit off our boats at them, and they were like, we don't, they just kept sending guys. And then they would take your boy, and they would fatten him up. So the dudes who were in POW, can't be your girlfriends.

They would capture you and you would just be getting fed nonstop and then you'd slowly be like shit They're fucking they would eat one of your boys and you go. Oh, no, dude I thought they're treating me like a king over here. They would fatten. They were just like they have dudes They captured and he's looking pretty good He's getting pretty good guys. no offense to any Mayans listening, but these guys deserved what they had in common. Yeah, I didn't know the Spanish got crushed a couple times. Couple times, it was like they would launch these

like expeditions and just end up on the shore and it would just be cannibals fucking freaking out at you. As soon as you rolled up, they'd be blowing darts, fucking throwing shit at you. But that's, yeah. Just, it was like, they were like more explorer types. They'd be blowing darts fucking throwing shit at you, but that's yeah Just it was like they were like more Explorer types They would hang out roll up and be like oh, this is sick, and that's a small amount took down everybody Oh, yeah, Cortez Cortez a parent. I don't know if this is I don't there's multiple Cortez's But this was a his name was Cortez

I forget his first name But like after like two or three dudes rolled up and got kind of what for? He was like fuck this and brought like 11 ships and 500 dudes and then he showed up and they just thought like you know They wasn't even just about like his beard he I feel he oh he rolled up and he took the whole village He took everything and then he found a guy's it was like a nobleman's wife one of the Lord's wives And he was like he and they plundered everything and contacted, he was like go back and tell them like, we're gonna give you back all your stuff

and the villagers all came back and they all, the Spaniards were like, here's all your shit, we're not trying to fuck with you, we're just trying to like, we're trying to chill with you guys and they were like, fuck this dude rules and I think eventually he fucking crushed all of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I forget, it's the beginning of guns, germs, and steel which is pretty funny, It's like that. They just rolled in on horses and shit. And they just opened fire. Everybody started spazzing. They immediately captured the king. Yeah, that was like when they told him.

It might have been the Aztecs. It was one of them where they brought him in. It was just him and six dudes in the king's inner sanctum. They were like, dude, you guys are so cool. Your beards are so fucking sick, and then they're like yeah cool, man That's awesome. You know swords the one Cortez. I heard he like was kind of chillin with him I mean you know yeah getting down eventually they gave him a Mayan bride and he like that was like his lady. He started like sailing with her and she was like Yeah, I don't know if it was the Cortez the killer

or just another Cortez. But yeah, the flag was sick, dude. It was just the cross. They'd be like, all who worship this symbol, like worship this symbol and have faith in it and we will conquer. They would just fly in. They actually, this Cortez was a big missionary.

He would go in their temples and just knock their statues down and be like, you guys gotta praise the Virgin Mary. And apparently a lot of them were like, for sure. they would go other Spaniards are passed by some of the villages on boats They would just go Maria Maria Nice, they loved Mary dude. That's good. Yeah, it's pretty chill Yeah, I guess you'd have to kind of believe them You know I mean if you spent your whole life watching everybody get their head cut off and you're throwing rocks in the ocean to try

To build a temple. Yeah. Somebody shows up on a fucking spaceship. Someone shows up on a giant, 11 giant boats and they ride horses off the boat onto the beach. You're just like, bro. Yeah, I'm with them. I trust them. What's your story?

And they're like, no dude, it turns, and they're just like, that's so fucking sick. Cause their guy, Kitsil Quotl was like their big, that was like their big dude Do you know what his name was originally? Kikulin Just like the Irish mythological guy Kikulin I didn't know that yeah kind of nuts remember that lady. I tried to book for the podcast

It was yes ancient alien specialist. She wrote a whole book about how the Mayans were Irish And we was we was mine Irish and we was we was mine I knew we was mine but I'm gonna keep reading that book it's pretty it's pretty tight it was written by this guy Diego Landa who was just a missionary who was documenting like just kind of how they got down and they just kind of like studied outer space really hard and then they just like cut people's heads off just chilled pretty cool yeah it's awesome. But yeah, they were, they were, I wish I knew more about, I never really got into the Aztecs or the Mayans. The Incas I was big for a little. I like the Incas. I'm always, I never know where the fuck they live. The Mayans

or the Yucatan. The Incas are like Peru. Okay, so they're in Peru. The Andes Mountains. And where were the Aztecs? They were Mexico. The Aztecs from Mexico as well Okay, yeah, cuz they do have stuff like they were in Mayans and Aztecs didn't really overlap But apparently there were Mexicans that weren't Mayans that would come down. They would battle the Mayans a lot, too They had they were battling the lads like way back when Who knows but yeah, it's pretty cool the Spaniards would come down and like getting a fight and they like would name the places the one Bayes is called like the Malo Pilar which just means the bad fight It was really sick They were cities sometimes I see

Mayan yeah, the Mayans were into independent city states Yeah, it's it wasn't like one Empire. No, they weren't like a group of people They just or there wasn't like it they were just kind of a bunch of different flourished until 900 AD So like 500 years before the Spanish got there. Yeah, but then I think they just became like I just chilling there Is the other is chillers they had one central town? They all like joined in allegedly after fucking kids a quarter like showed them how to get down and they all like hung out But they would always be three brothers who were chilled and like they would just turn evil and kill each other Every time three brothers. They'd start a podcast

turn on each other There's be three dudes being like yeah, we're in charge of all this and then one day want to be like I want 75 fucking wives It's usually how it goes. Yeah, Hernan Cortez. Yeah, dude was the bro. I didn't get to the part where they, I mean it was written by the Spaniards, so the guy was just like, yeah dude, he was pretty chill. Everyone liked him, I don't know what else happened.

He's pretty fucking cool. Yeah, but yeah, they had a guy who was, there was like two kind of like bishop type dudes and one guy was like we have to torture these guys Because they keep worshipping snakes and cutting people's heads off So we got to torture them to like it's the only way these guys and the guys that we can't torture him And then one dude he's like trying he came to convince the guy like we shouldn't be doing this thing I was like no watch this and just like torture the guy in front of him. He's like it works I was like, no, watch this. And just like torture the guy in front of him.

He's like, it works. We were like, fuck it. He's like pulling a dude's teeth out of his head. Like, see? See, he doesn't like it. Now he'll do whatever I want. He doesn't like it at all. Now he's really afraid of us.

I was trying to think about like the different races of human beings and which one are like air, water, earth, fire. I like thought about this the other day. I was at the beach. Like the different races of human beings and which one are like air water earth fire I like thought about this the other day. I was at the beach I was just high at the beach and I was like damn dude. I kind of figured it out it's like white people are water people I believe Asians are air and Then you go down to like black people month. No no Latinos are fire for sure

That was the kind of the back. No, it's Earth. There's nothing wrong with Earth. No, there's nothing wrong at all. My thing was, but then someone gets- So sick to control the sea. Someone gets left out, though. I thought I had it mapped out.

I'm like, wait a second. Because then you have Indians. Indians are definitely Earth. It could be fire, dude. Indians are Earth, for sure. Indians are, I It could be fire dude Indians earth for sure Indians are I had that because I was like yeah, cuz I forgot about Latinos. I'm like, okay, they're fire for sure But then it's like earth but I was going what about my African brothers? What would they be? Because then I'm like I was like maybe the ether I could throw in the fifth. It could be the ether

What do you guys think? But then what about any of you guys someone's getting left out then what are Indian guys? They're with Asians they can be there mine true earth earth there Maybe farts All right, try to keep it respectful whose farts then You're forgetting Arabs in it. That's like You say it is there's a fart Your words I was really hoping to keep this

Your words I was really hoping to keep this Bunching my teeth. I was like yeah, this can actually go really Do you guys have any would you like to help us here would do any african-american fellows We're trying to create space for different voices like to say I Just know definitely not water. I kind of thought fire. Why aren't we fire? Do you we're more fire than Latinos, bro? Come on Yeah, no way, how are you guys fire leave it you guys on fire you guys are earth Latino heat. Yeah, it's Latino heat. Yeah, bro. I don't know man. Look, I don't want to speak for you guys I like to elevate your voices in the matter, but Yeah, we do want to hold space for

black podcasters But yeah earth dude you guys got a claim Earth's probably the best one. I think we're plasma plasma plasma the fifth element I was like that's I was like ether is the best Indian guys are earth for sure can't believe you're pleading the fifth on this No, it's good for you guys yeah, no, they're all elements Because every I don't know everybody claims the first humans were from Africa just just came, you know. True. It's nice, I like that.

And it's one of those things where like, Asians are definitely air. Let's do process of elimination. Can I say something? They run on the trees, they're airbenders. Black people are avatars, man. We fucking get all four, I think. If we're from Africa.

You get all four water? We get all four. I know if that's- Just spraying water out of your hands, like, oh shit! Air? Did you ever see those like Jamaican guys Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no offense. Just spraying water out of your hands like, oh shit, air? Did you ever see those like Jamaican guys jump off the barge into the water? It's in the name.

Yeah, it's between you guys and Asians. I think air, you guys are confusing air with just jumping. We're talking about air supremacy that the Hawkees have achieved. Do you want Chinese air? That stuff's bad. Don't turn this on me. I don't have a cheat you want Chinese air. That's not bad Forget I even brought this up

Let's just drop it and drop it dude You guys can't be mature enough to have earth earth's the best if. If we would have said white people are Earth, you would have been like, no, we're Earth. For sure. Yeah, all the elements are, none of them are more essential than the others. Don't make us take Earth. We can take it all. That's the reason I'm not saying we can't.

We can draw water, we can take everything. I know if we said we had Earth, you guys would come and take it. That's why I was being quiet about it. Fine, we'll give you guys air, white people are the avatars. Fine, white people are the avatars. Never even thought of that as a good answer. You're right, we definitely are avatars.

I just wanted to hear a reply. People said, no, that's ours. Yeah, actually that's ours. That's a good idea, but we're going to hear a reply. People said, no, that's ours. Actually, that's ours. That's a good idea, but we're going to take that. We're going to take that idea. It's really cool. I can't believe you said Indians and Arabs are farts. That's fucking wrong, dude.

I didn't think about the gas element. They could be gas. Gas. Dude. Oh, dude. Switch of gears. Dude, oh dude, I wanted to tell you dude, I went through, I think I told you this yesterday, but I was at Port Aransas, Texas, the beach. Oh yeah. Dude, it is, at first glance, sickest setup.

You ever been to a 4x4 beach? Cars pull up. Oh, no, I don't know if I have. The sickest setup you ever been to a four by four beach cars pull up. Oh No, I don't know if I have dude. This was for real It was insane man. It was like fucking only during kovat 19 When you worry I was in Hilton head, but it's not typically you know But there's COVID do this the beach was a road like that upper Was like a outer banks has that yeah, okay, dude. It was kind of sick. Just like you just bop around golf carts

Faded on a golf cart blasting you the music from your phone. That's water stuff the speaker true for a ton of water For sure also dude it was the Texas Beach everyone pulls up and like sets up like pretty sick setups like a truck It's like tailgate barbecues Everyone pulls up and like sets up like pretty sick setups like a truck. It's like tailgate barbecues Trump flags everywhere got me thinking. It's like nobody parties under the Biden banner people party under the Trump flag I've never seen someone just get down under a Biden flag That would suck Holy shit, I mean it'd be really funny. Just turkey burgers.

You should do it at that beach. Do it at that beach. See how long before you get your fucking ass beat, dude. Just like turkey burgers and fucking Impossible. Just blasting Kendrick's new album. They not like us. They not like us. Never seen it.

You never seen somebody flying a Biden banner and just partying. Get a nice Kamala flag too. That's important. That'd be tight. A Harris Walls flag. Just getting wrecked. Just having so much, just blasting NPR.

I'm like, that's actually very important. I never thought of it like that. I didn't think about that. Just kissing a guy. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't a very inviting party flag, the Biden. No, you couldn't have any fun. Yes, it wasn't very fun.

Was not fun. You couldn't blast Kid Rocks summer anthem. I'm whiskey out the bottle. Turn this off. He shot the bottle. Turn this off. Turn that off right now. Yeah man, I'm telling you, I wanna see somebody do it.

I want everyone to have fun. But it turns out the Trump flags are, it's kind of corner of the party. They are kind of a beacon for a good party. Kind of dude. Yeah, you have a good time. It was kind of, it was making me sad. But it's at nighttime.

It is funny. It was, my friend was pointing it out. It's like, it is Fury Road. You go on the beach at nighttime and it's just kids hanging off golf carts like war boys like, it was fun. But dude, the, Were there some fires going at night? Yep. You got a beach fire. hanging off golf carts like war boys like it was fun but dude the were there some fires going at night yep you had a beach fire it would come out the the thing was called cinnamon cinnamon shorts so like you go to Port Aransas

and it's like the town by the way bleak it's a I went to the grocery store like ten minutes away to grab some supplies for last night dude I'm I'm not exaggerating this at all there was an older lady cashier, and she was just kinda sitting there, and I'm like, hey, how you doing? Normal stuff. Yeah. She just sighed, and she was like,

ah, not good. I'm like, okay. Good for her. Dude, it was actually refreshing, and I was like, oh, dude, and then she took it even further. She was like, yeah, I just, I don't like this job at all. And I was like, oh dude and then she took you took it even further she was like Yeah, I just I don't like this job at all. And I was like, okay, I was like fair enough and I was you know What let me shut up. It's probably annoying

You know, it's a 50th because she was like it's just the same thing as people come and over and over and I'm like, yeah You know, I let me shut up. It's I'm probably the 50th guy to ask you how your day is She's like, yeah, I just I just remember my like my like you know my life used to have meaning I was like okay Wow she said oh, yeah, dude, and then she goes she was like I used to be an assistant Assistant librarian in Samoa. I was like okay cool. She's like yeah, then a flood took the place out really bad flood killed A lot of children. I'm just like Jesus fucking Christ. She goes there were families of children that died She says luckily this was why, this made the other person lie next to me turn around.

She goes, luckily it wasn't on the tour side. And I was like, oh fuck. Oh man. Damn. Damn, she had a little Cortez in her. Yeah, luckily it didn't get the pale faces. Dude, I think she was kind of fated, dude. There was a display of buzz balls next to her.

I'm like, she must be crushing these buzz balls. I would do yeah, I know if you're sitting there going You know what I don't have any meaning in my life. I'm a cashier here. I'm sick of this Yeah, what's that a buzz ball? I said Bob and take down is gonna notice was that a butterscotch buzz ball? Sounds like fucking hell she kept dude. She kept going she was like yeah, man She was like you know could you imagine the funerals are sad, but imagine a funeral for multiple children at the same time. I'm like, Jesus Christ. She's like, and you gotta put the bodies up high,

because if you put them down low, they just wash away. I'm like, okay. Dude, it was a 10-minute exchange. She's like, yeah, my ex-husband, we met out there. He's a drunk. All the guys in Samoa, by the time they're 60, they're drunks, They have nothing to do They're just drunks probably drunks before that she was like and she just broke down her ex-husband. She's like smart guy no common sense

It's probably drunk right now, and I'm like looking at like you're probably drunk right now lady, but Went on for ten and then I started finally like it got I got the last thing bagged up And I was like all right have a good one, and then she just like just smiled Such a big smile, and I was like okay. Thank you. She is so how are you doing? Yeah? So what's up with you? It's all right. It's going well. Just sign a Spotify deal It's pretty easy. I just do podcasts. It's pretty good. I actually haven't beat off in like seven days I'm getting raging boners every morning should have have fired back. That's good. Dude, I've been fucking, I don't know what happened. I've turned a corner. We'll see if I can keep it, but I'm just bro. FanDuel

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Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. I'm just like, I'm not even trying to have sex. terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not at, I'm not even trying to have sex. Not trying to, I'm not fapping. I'm just like, just going to be really, I've tried this so many times, but I think I've turned the corner, right? I've been getting charged up that like when I'm like, you don't, I mean, obviously you all, you know, and you have to come really bad. I've just been like reveling in that feeling and I'm just like, dude,

I'm just going to charge myself up as much as I can in that feeling and I'm just like, dude, I'm just gonna charge myself up as much as I can. Every once in a while when I'm hungover, I get the ultimate, you need to come right now. Yes, dude. Yeah. I drove home kinda like that and I was not lying. It happens on a drive sometimes.

Dude, I was rock hard. You got rock hard for an entire drive. Dude, it was a three hour, 45 minute drive, no cap. I think I might've been hard for two and a half hours straight. Yes just non-stop It was like I was driving and britney would like put her hand on my thigh and I was real going like I was trying to shift it I was fucking I was in a state dude. It was crazy

But yeah, i'm gonna i'm gonna try to keep it up and just see if I can get charged up off the life energy Cuz it's a huge difference man when you're ramped like that if you can like just Power through it. Yeah, you have energy Don't all these people say they're tired. It's like bro. It's holding off. Yeah for real I want to try to like not do it for a month and then get my t-checked and just see what my levels are So I would imagine they'd be fucking high. Mmm. If you just held if you held in your goop You know, I'm like a broken record on this but I for real I might have turned the corner it's a good thing

you're You're very interested in the goop and goop retention. I am well, it's like you goop on the brain I get goop on the brain. I get it's goop retention group release. I you know, I like it everything goop and goop retention. I am. Well, it's like you got goop on the brain. I got goop on the brain. It's goop retention, goop release. You know, I like it. Everything goop. All things goop. I'm here to discuss goop.

So, yeah, that's been a that's been a welcome to me. And I like I keep taking the maca. I'm just feeding the beast. Yeah. So, yeah, I've been I've been waking up. Really? I'm feeling these boys have not retained any goop. These guys, they don't like the mayor. He's still jacking off. Mayor got a blanket over himself when I came in. Oh, man You were in this room for five minutes before you laid down with a blanket goop

No goop Yeah, that's a goopless man. There's no goop in the system. You probably got rid of your goop this morning, didn't you? No, see the lie like a rose this This morning count is three in the morning. Oh, you got your fucking goop out of three? Yeah. Did you, I heard you had a little bit of a... Do you have a partner here? No.

You had a hot date? It wasn't a date. There's no partners. Huh? No, you individually gooped at three a.m. Yeah. It's a late night goop session. It was a drunk goop.

It was a drunk goop? Yeah. Whew. Some of the nast night goop session. It was rich an hour. It was a drunk goop? Yeah. Whew. Some of the nastiest goops possible. For sure. A drunk goop is fucking weird. Just throw your phone in a fire afterwards. Yeah, a drunk goop.

That's no good. I always throw my phone, there's like a pile of clothes, I always throw my phone on a pile of clothes and I'm done. Get out of here. I was doing Be gone Has anyone gotten like freaky with AI we mean just been like fine find me the freakiest vids or like You could get no one's ever gotten freaky with it. I don't think I never even considered asking AI for a pern

Never asked AI one thing I've never used it once Never I don't even know what chat GBT is I was looked at it dude I was never in way like three weeks ago, and I've started using it. It's like a very ball. It's like Google on stereo I guess I do with Google because now that that just automatically comes up but whatever the fucking I don't know I'm not worried about AI dude I'm holding it down I'm not at all dude I don't know why everyone's spazzing out about it it's like I don't know I don't like the well the thing is if you have a job where you're a toast. Good. I mean, yes. If I was doing admin work, I'd be like, release me from this. I know, true.

My life, I'd rather be a cashier next to a fucking. At least you get to talk to people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're gonna have to figure it out because it will erase. They're only gonna, man. What?

I was gonna say they're gonna make cashiers automated, but that's where the earth people are really helping No, you know they do now with the automated cashiers They wait until you're just on camera and they wait until you get up to like $500 of theft and they just come to your house So you can have a field day and eventually you get a knock on the door and they're like, yo bro. They wait till it gets to whatever the limit is for like larceny and then you just get a knock on the dough. Damn.

Yeah, that's how they get you now. But they are like, the last, they're fighting against the AI. I fought the cashiers. Say if you guys wanna automate this, yeah you've been. I waged war against them and I got, and I dude I'm telling you it's, I've waged war against them, and I got and I dude. I'm telling you It's I knew I was like they just came out They budget for billions of loss even like any store does there's like the theft the loss prevention is like they're like we're gonna lose

At least a billion this year like in Walmart. They know they're like we're losing whatever it is hundred million Yeah, so I was like bro. These are just rolling out and I went ham and then eventually I was like alright I'm gonna quit. I was like this is ridiculous You got out of the game how crazy does it steal like rotisserie chickens when your patreon's poppin it felt bad Like I can't anymore. This is a crime Is the crime dude like number three on patreon of my I was reading I was reading the back I'd be back. I was your little fucking you were feeding me. I would lay back home. You'd go I stole this right this way I put these vitamins in a box at Whole Foods and pretended it was scrambled eggs

They were two dollars Yeah, that was a lady got caught doing my method Which was you take a price tag off of a smaller price item hold it under like it I would get a whole like sheet cover for like 200 bucks scan like a Walmart t-shirt Over it so on camera. I'm scanning this thing. Mm-hmm, but it would come up as like four seven bucks But yeah, I stop I retired my Jersey It's good. I was like I Mean dude the meat I would get fucking like ten pounds of meat

It's just not right We need that meat you just bag it all up we need it. Oh Man, you really can marry that's one pound of meat last night You really can marry that's one pound of meat last night He was tenderizing last night That's disgusting on Mary 3 o'clock goop man, and then you're laying on the couch goop says no coming here and lay on my I know I'm certain you didn't shower Dribbling on the couch. Yeah, goop man, the big goop. You guys have any goop in you?

What's your guys' deal? Yeah, I gooped last night. Jesus Christ. The whole squad's just dropping goops. I also gooped. Goopless. I wasn't going to fall asleep early enough without gooping. Did you have to scurry away to goop? just dropping goops. I also gooped. Goopless. I wasn't gonna fall asleep early enough without gooping.

Did you have to scurry away to goop? I had to put my dog in his kennel, throw a sheet, a blanket over him. I can't, he can't see me. It'll devastate me. Where'd you catch the goop sesh? Living room. Yo, bro.

That's all I got, living room, bedroom. Bathroom, bro, bathroom. I was telling LaMare the other day. You wanted to goof without making love. I wouldn't make any love. It's that time of the month when you can't. Yeah, I just entered that period right now. I hate to goof.

God damn it. She's a witch. Yeah, I just entered into that right now. We'll see. I think I'm about to. Yeah. Yeah, they're all based on recent attitudes. The forecast got a little cloudy. Storms coming.

There has to be a thing Actually, some women go on SSRIs during their periods. There's like a there's a they like diagnose a mental condition. That's like menstrual induced Depression or whatever it is menstrual induced fucking mean as hell Yeah, and some women now take Paxil and shit while on their periods. But, you know, that sucks. That's a good move.

I might start tossing in. I'm worried about you. I made you some tea. Eight Xanax. She's gonna sleep for a week. They should be able to go into a mini coma for a week. They should be able to go into a mini coma for a week. That's fucking bullshit. They kind of do.

True. They really do. They hibernate for three days. True. Just some movie on Netflix like, These beautiful things that I've done. I will say this. Shut the door. I Will say this shut the door In defensive old Benson Boone. Yeah, I was trying to hate the boy. What I watched his American Idol

Killed it. It's kind of nice. He crushed it. Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, I just don't like the like the outfits very much. They're not for me. What are the what's going on? This is a giant honker and a fucking fucking bell bottoms onesie Does a flip off a piano and goes? Yeah, it's just not for me. I know you're talking about now. Yeah. Yeah that uh, I mean dude when you enter into girl Have you become like a female entertainer? It's like Times up you got a dress You know kind of yeah, you know like a gay guy

Because if you if you're just like try to be a female entertainer You just wore like cool normal shit like we wear like fucking alpha stuff Like alpha shit like some reason they're sure it's not a big deal Something cash and light like nothing crazy, but it's definitely like... Something totally cash. Let's everyone in the room know I don't care. Yeah, for sure. I don't care that you guys are dressing up.

I dress like this. Yeah, like you guys are so worried about gooping. If you don't even worry about gooping, you don't have to wear anything, dude. If you don't worry about gooping, the goop comes to you. Girls see you, they go, that guy's dressed like a fucking dumbass. I'm gonna get his goop out of it. Oh Dude also, I only get goop from guys that dress like fifth graders Dude on the drive from Austin down to Port Aransas He's gonna cut through these small Texas towns and

Every dude there'd be a town of like, you know when you come through and you're like how I got like this is crazy Like how do you even like this here? You know, it could be a town of like four people DQ DQ's like user. Yeah, bro. It's like spice. It's on Arrakis Like whoever controls the fucking the big news ever controls the blizzard controls the whole town So hot down there, bro. I know you get a nice blizzard and there dude every town It's like they there's just like nothing DQ sticking up you're like fuck bro. It's funny. You notice I noticed that when I was down in Arizona Did you every single small town?

Thank you. Yeah, man. That's like it's the it's the Taco Bell's too. And usually yeah. Del tacos. But yeah, DQ for sure. Might might have to get into the DQ Small Town game. Just lording over small towns with the DQ. We had one of them in Canxburg.

It was a pretty big deal. Yeah, dude. They're fucking. Yeah. Every kids sports game is it right straight to DQ. Yeah. They do the hot food to fucking yeah every kid sports game is it rock straight to DQ Yeah, they do the hot food to the little chili dogs got something to say about the do say Matt would be a great ice cream I did work in a ice cream place before yeah my my my hygiene wasn't good I'd be the best. Oh, bro. I'd be like itching my butt in the back They get out there make some cones. I'm like alright. I

Used to walk by like the gallons open the thing and just scoop it with my hands and eat the ice cream It was so gross Matt. I worked in an ice cream factory and my hygiene wasn't great either Fucking sleep on the floor in the locker room and wake up and stick my hands straight in the ice cream You ate Hershey's ice cream in 2010 oh Yeah, I was at Brewster's Brewster's fucking rules. That's a good place. Yeah, it was a it was a sick job man, but you know, whatever I'll be honest I was coming to think of it, the hygiene was low in the factory. Yeah.

It was poor hygiene. Yeah, dude, yeah, it's not the best. Yeah, I remember like for real coming out of the bathroom from taking a dump and like handling a cone and the manager being like, did you wash your hands in the bathroom? And I'd be like, yes. Yes, dude, there's a sign, of course.

Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? I just scratched my balls afterwards, I was like, yeah, what, what the hell you talking about love seeing that sign at a place I don't work at oh, yeah, yeah Suck for the employees I can go straight back out to the public with the dump on my hands Straight back to the beer pong table I straight back to the beer pong table I

Don't think I like as a child I know for a fact I never wash my hands after dumping Yeah, even even never sadly even as an adult. It's like if I wash my hands after I take a piss. I'm like Yeah, that's really turned a corner. Am I a doctor? I know. May used to not wipe his butt. Oh my God. What? I didn't see your butt. What the heck? You might be fart.

You might be fart. You're not Earth, dude. I saw it coming. I was like five or six. It was, I didn't have time. I had to get back, I had to get back to my Power Rangers and my Beast Wars. So you would just not wipe your ass?

I would just get right up. I learned my lesson quickly. It only takes a short amount of not wipes until you're one, your underwear devastated. Oh, holy shit, you must have full dumps in there. You must have had full dumps in there. You must have had insane dumps. Did somebody step in on this or you just naturally? I think my mom might have said something because at that age I was still wearing straight, tidy whiteies. Yep. She was getting the laundry was fucking chaos. Yeah. She would hit me with the are you white, but I'd be like, yes. Shit.

I just wouldn't. Yes? I would like a full, full like maybe a year. Damn. But it, maybe, maybe. It must've been free though. That must've been nice just like popping up being like suckers. I was still like, you know, I learned I was doing it myself.

That's big once you start doing that. Yeah. I'll be honest, as an adult, I've tried it a couple times. I'm like, you know, you're wiping, you're like, man, this is really getting me nowhere. Oh yeah, I mean, you can hit a fucking give up. Yeah. You can definitely, look, that happens to everybody.

You know, I've wiped seven times. Yeah. I gotta go about my day. I can't sit here wiping my ass for 20 fucking minutes The give-up never works you end up going back Or you just forget like I'll be like before bed I'll be like moving I'm like what the fuck the hell's going on My ass is itchy is literally last night. I was walking by I took a nice I took a nice dump during the day and I thought it was fine enough. I was like, alright, good to go

I like was about to get ready for bed and I was like something's not right And I took I like it was I took a piss and I like just like the father's intuition Let me just let me see what let me just get one little ass wet before bed dude You would have thought I just yet. I was like oh no There my I heard Brittany come up the steps of it Real fun about this show when she catches me just wiping my ass at night time. What are you doing? I'm like nothing are I'm getting ready for bed Yeah

Get my goop out Get in my goop out Get in my goop out But yeah, I've unfortunately yeah, I had a five-year-old's ass last night before bedtime. I Thought I was like I didn't even you know I didn't thought I'd give up I was like thought I was good to go thought I was Gucci Turns out not the case. I uh No, we've all there's nothing to be ashamed of. No. Yeah, I get it hard I had to give up the other day that straight to the shower

That's that's the move. That is the move man. Yeah, this isn't working. Yeah, straight to the shower I walked past my whole family. I was in like the downstairs bathroom breeze. Are you done pooping? I was like taking it to the shower This was a disaster This was a complete disaster, I've got to wash my ass. I've got to power wash my asshole. What are we having for breakfast? Prepare breakfast. I'll be done washing my ass in a minute. Next time she catches me wiping my ass at night time, I'm going to turn her and go,

These beautiful things in I like Eh Eh Eh Do a backflip off the toilet and land on my back You gotta hear the other guy, I forget the way it uh It's like you'll be married in the suburbs In the American dream Who's that? There's another, there's another sexy crooner right now? It's a white guy on Instagram, they call it Kyle Kor, this type of music

Yeah Yeah Those It's a white guy on Instagram. They call it Kyle Kor, this type of music. Yeah, those... It's Kyle Kor. All you need is one good girl hit, man. You're good to go. He's kind of getting clowned though, everyone saying this is not it. What do you mean? It's just super corny. If Shane files, I'll look for I heard this He seems old to be that whimsical and gay

Yeah, I mean how old that boy is probably late 20s. I would say That's when you're just getting old enough to become honestly even gayer True some guys do double down. Oh, yeah for sure. Yeah, he has he knows like one person who had a kid he's like And I'll be dancing you'll be fucking going to the grocery store, you stupid bitch. And I'll be singing and gooping everywhere. He might have gooped that night though. There were some people filming that that looked like they were ready for some goop. Women love nothing more than a guy who keeps the guitar and be like, it's so hard for you.

And I'll be gooping out in California I'm telling you guys, Machine Gun Galley put out the goop anthem this summer too What was the goop anthem he put out? He put out a full on fucking goop sesh for the broads What was it? It was a screamo goop sesh? Or is it more pop punk? It's pop uh...

It's just pop Yeah, he put out a nice goop sash for everyone. That guy is like the perfect celebrity though. Just like, he'll like, one of those guys will just wear like Frankenstein boots. Oh, he's like going full Backstreet Boys. Yeah. Whoa! He's got a good goop. Backstreet's back.

Alright. Backstreet's fucking back. Yeah, time stamp that. We're not allowed to play cool goop music. I think we play, we're talking about it, it's cross-country. Backstreet's back. All right. Backstreet's fucking back. Yeah, time stamp that. We're not allowed to play cool goop music. I think we play, we're talking about it, it's common license or whatever or something. Allegedly, I don't know.

Allegedly, yeah. Put out a goop anthem. It's him and the dancing California guy that are battling for the goop shot of the summer. True, what about fucking the dude at the piano back flipper? He's got some goop stuff coming. Yeah, thanks. He's gotta get this goop pop thing. He's got a couple goop shot of the summer. True. What about fucking the dude at the piano back flipper? He's got some goop stuff coming. He's got to get this goop pop thing. He's got a couple goop songs.

He needs a goop. He needs to release a song so he can. I think he's got some new goop shit coming. Yeah, I wonder who's battling for the song of the summer. Kanye threw down the gauntlet. Kanye's still leading. I'd say, I guess Nokia from Drake is hanging on. He gooped too early with that though

Yeah, you should have saved that for the summer. It's not too late for him to release a summer There's no great summer anthem right now besides I Mean, what do we have last year last year? We had some fucking bang. We that guy the tipsy the guy Shaboozy, that was a good one. He fucking oh Really was that the summertime that was a song of the year. Yeah, but you can't part This is you are just whoopee from Dance to it He's goopy you love a dance to it

Dude you couldn't turn on anything without hearing not like us last year for sure that was summer So that was something was that the summer anthem though. It's not really a summer anthem. It's not in any way Song is what made gingers black As soon as you hit the certified level, boy. I think that song is what made Gingers black. It actually might be. Hold on a second. Yeah, maybe I could have been Summer Anthem, maybe. That was definitely the most played. That was not a stop.

For Fo Show. But again, like, dude, I'm thinking Kid Rock Summer Anthem. That was a real Summer Anthem. That's like party time. I guess you can I don't know Nobody partied to that song other than for real the DNC. Yeah, exactly We're in need of a fucking summer banger Shaboosie debt was that last year like two years ago Yeah, that was the summer anthem do let's be let's all get real let's have a reality check here

It's time for reality. What's the fuck? Can we please get back down to fucking earth right now. It's time to get done there. That was You found a summer anthem? Well, what let's say what are they? I just typed it in you about some help by Morgan while had some help was big one Oh, yeah, I was hot to go. Chapel Some Help was a big one. Oh yeah, that was a huge one. Hot To Go, Chapel Rowan was a big one. That was last summer. These are all great summer anthems. Million Dollar Baby by Tommy Richmond.

Yeah, that was one you couldn't escape either. Shaboos. Yeah. Oh, and I found out the guy who sings that song in the backyard is Brendan Abernathy, an indie musician. Nice. Nice. I've been Googling him. Good luck, Brandon. He's, an indie musician. Oh, nice. Nice. I've been Googling him.

Good luck, Brandon. He seemed like a nice, he seemed to be a good sport about it. He made a funny video with that Kyle Gordon guy about it. Yeah. About people roasting him? Yeah, he seemed funny about it. People are climbing him pretty hard. Seems to be the price you pay, man.

If you wanna get a big follow on Instagram, you have to deal with people fucking hating on you you like hard kind of the price you pay you know it's good to it's good to check the comments before you do a press run for tires. Why did you do that? I don't know, I was bored. I just kept looking at shit. It's good. Yeah, I think I'm doing too much and then you read all these comments, the top comment is like, he's doing too much.

I know. Fuck. That's exactly what I thought. Well, it's a good thing I have a press run for tires. Oh, I blew it with Gerbys. Well, I had them. I told you they wanted me to do late night. I said I won I blew it with Gerbys. What? I had them. I told you they wanted me to do late night. I said, I won't do it without Gerbys.

That way I can pants him. Yeah, for sure. And then I had him. I was like, we gotta wear a tuxedo for Seth Meyers. And he was gonna wear a tuxedo. And he called me and he was like, do we really have to wear a tuxedo? I was like, no. Oh, that was nice of you. I should have done it

No, that's nice I've got some things up my sleeve for him true. I mean dude Honestly, it's kind of 40 chest cuz now you're going now ma'am. No I could do that to you Yeah, I couldn't do that to you guess what sweatpants turns't do that to you. Guess what? Sweatpants, turns out you gotta wear sweatpants. We have to wear sweatpants. Ha ha ha ha. That'll be so fucking funny. Fuck, I gotta get an outfit. I don't have any.

Shit. Yeah, what are you gonna go with? Do you have to wear nice stuff to late night? I feel like at least a golf shirt and some jeans. Got it, got it, done. Golf shirt and jeans. Golf shirt and jeans jeans, throw on some dungarees. Oh man, I'm also nervous about that, I don't like that. Late night television, you gotta walk out

through the curtain to the desk, you know? That would be cool. Have you ever seen the thing? Have you ever seen late night television in any way? I've never seen it live, no. Like when they bring out a guest, you gotta walk out. Yeah, well people will be happy will come out people go Then you can go out dude if any all else fails they might not be that happy Don't be stoked

Kurt was just watching her visit Kirby's is gonna lose his mind. It'll be stoked. Just watching. Gerbys is going to lose his mind. It'll be so funny. It'll be so fucking funny sitting there. It's going to be really bad. There's no way it's good. The best was last year when you guys did the Tires premiere and they tried to do a serious interview. A serious interview after the premiere and then Gerbys sat next to me and was just going he's just staring I was like Kermit he's talking he asked you a

question he's like what what's wrong with you he's like you gotta hit him with his cocktail before he goes up he's gonna get some cocktail oh bro you gotta get you gotta let him drink on that drink on that Xanax. I Looked back when we were flying. I was like just looking back at him He's a fucking cat you go Yeah, he's a cat you gotta literally inject him with drugs to get him on a fucking plane Yeah, give him the Zans bro Give him like double the dose and let him just wear shades the whole time.

That would be so nice. I'm just, I know what I'm doing. You should get one of those like fake press bars in Ketterton. Just give him Fet. Just give him some Fet. I should just fucking kill him. You can arcana him on Seth Meyers. I could get in a fight with him on Seth Meyers.

That'd be sick. Just get in a fist fight with him. That'd be so funny, dude. Kirby's getting jacked. He might be a problem. He's ripped, dude. He's absolutely ripped. But you've been training, so... I have, uh, took a little week off there. Things are back in motion. Yeah, you're adjusting. Your muscles are just building back up there. True. So you need some recovery. Yeah, it'll be very fun. Ah!

How is Seth Meyers? You ever met him before? I actually met him. He came at SNL. He came down to my green room just to say what's up. He was very nice. Yeah, but I've heard that about a lot of the late night guys who are like very nice.

Yeah, I think they're all kind of the bros. Yeah. Are you gonna get hammered with him? I feel like Jimmy gets hammered. Well, Jimmy gets hammered Jimmy Fallon It's allegedly Jimmy gets Would be sick though. I've always that's allegedly How would you not I would have to be hammered every night to do that you're out that job Yeah, no offense to the late night guys. That's a yes, dude

I'd be some I'd have to do something man that'd be crazy dudes that get that job they'll always wanted that job yeah every single one of them's like I grew up watching like Carson or all that they're like this is all I've ever wanted I always wonder when I hear people say that cuz I've like I don't have any version of that at all I've never watched a thing and was a child and been like this is all I want I just would sit there and just be like fuck dude I can't wait to smoke a cigarette in the woods. It's gonna be so sick. I never looked at a thing I was like a one day. I'll do that

I'll just sit there going damn Hiding a boner under a pillow. I don't really have a choice. Yeah, the only thing we watched like as a family was just football Yeah, and I was like I'll play football and then even by like eighth grade, I was like, I'm not gonna be good enough. Yeah, I had the opposite. I was in eighth grade. That was the one thing I was like, I'll definitely be in the NFL. It's just a matter of time. I told you about that. In our school, you wrote a letter to yourself when you graduate from eighth grade, like a little

time to give it to you when you're graduating. What'd you say my letter was like, dude, obviously you're getting offers from Florida State, Notre Dame,? My letter was like, dude, obviously you're getting offers from Florida State, Notre Dame, Miami. And then it was like, the next paragraph was like, yeah right, you suck, you're probably going D2. And I was like, all right, nice. That's so funny.

You're just a bully from the past. You suck. Yeah, it's like, yeah right, dude, you're not going D1, you suck. That's so fucking funny. For real, remember, as an adult, you're not going to the one you suck That's so fucking funny for real remember in as an adult like not an adult But as a senior reading it being like god damn it. I didn't live up to my expectations. Oh, never mind. I knew Wise beyond your years Yeah, the late night things give me anxiety

But that'll be it'll be fun. Yeah, that seems kind of low-presh. I'm just gonna talk about Garvey's a superstar now. If season two is a success, Garvey's gonna be... He's gonna be lost in the sauce. Oh yeah, for sure. He'll be whole out of his own little top golf castle. He's the king of Westchester golf. It's true.

He really is. He made guys film him hit golf balls the other day. What? It was actually pretty exciting. Who was filming him? Just his country club boys. That's so fucking tight. That is so easy. He's the man there. He runs that. He's like, Shane, I got to tell you, I think I'm the most famous guy at the country club. He broke 80 though. He broke 80. Damn, really? Yeah, no, Kirby's is fucking good. That's really good.

And he filmed it, it was kinda nice. It was on his Instagram story, so he was like, I'm about to break 80 on this hole. What? This could be it. Would he shoot like a 79 or something? He'd try a 79. Dang, he's been really golfing. Fuck it, yeah.

That's awesome. I was pumped on myself. I did an under eight minute mile this morning. That's tough. 7.55. I was fucking dying. Sick. Ever since you told me about the Murphy workout, I was like, I gotta do that.

Murphy workout blows dick. Yeah. Don't do it. What is it? A mile? It's a mile and then like 300 push-ups, 500. It's fucking crazy. Never mind.

I did a baby version. I just did a mile. No, I did the, that's the one I did, yeah. It's fucking crazy. I did a baby version. I just did a mile No, I did that's the one I did. Yeah, it's crazy. So yeah hundred push-ups and I was like, that's a lot That's what I did. He's like 50 pull-ups. I was like, yeah bad news for you You have to do 50 I'm gonna rip my shoulders trying to get one. Yeah, you'll get fucked up, man. But yeah, that's the one thing I do like, having a little test going on where I'm trying to get stuff like that down

over and over. It's pretty chill. 7.55 was huge. I was a 10-minute miler for a while. 10 minutes nice. 10 minutes chill. 10 minutes attainable. 10 minutes fucking chill.

Yeah, I got to 8.11 a week before and I was like, I gotta break eight eight and I looked and I was at like Seven on the fourth lap coming like halfway around and I just was like I want to get a 730 I looked at it was like 757. I was like I'll take it. That's great. It was not. Yeah, it was nice I'm gonna try to break it. I'm gonna try to break that seven. I could get I could get like Low sevens is my girl. I'd be chill Low sevens would be sick and then I'm again dude. Just fucking hard Robbed hard

Rock hard in fantastic shape. It just that's it. That's all I'll do for us in my life Just have boners and have boners have boners and run and not common run. Yeah, that's my that's kind of my plan And I'm gonna try your plan dude, you'll be living the American dream, but you know what I'll be Let's go to the patreon Thanks for watching!