Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com yo0o0o. We're back. Devilishly hot cast with the O conn man and Dave in Matt's bop house. Check out Tires Season 2 NOW on Netflix. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes. Hey, welcome to Matt and Shane secret podcast here today with comedian Dave Temple and Chris O'Connor Nice. Thanks for coming guys. Is it first time in this setup? Never been in my I've done stuff in my like office office Yeah, I don't think it was well received Revealing my office apartment. Yeah apartment office a little bop house Office apartment. Yeah apartment office a little bop house It's what I really do I come here and I just masturbate for gay men, right? Yeah, only fans is popping. Yeah huge. I just show my butthole You know dudes get into that are fascinating like guy sex workers

Cuz I don't know I don't know how you get into faking sex as a man. Like I get it for ladies. I don't think you do. I think you just fucking come and you're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so jealous. I meant that. It's all about just getting paid. I actually, I saw one of those things

where you know they take like a super high res picture of like your eye and make it like art. Yeah. Yeah. I to do that with my butt So close up and so detailed yeah, they kind of don't know what it is like a knot is that a nautilus show? In a way, yes, just a bunch of capillaries Grand Canyon? This is a giant hemorrhoid. It's the Colorado River, right?

Just get that put in like MoMA. You could get that picture taken to see what you're working with. Yeah. If you had a super close zoom on the new iPhone, you could probably get a good portrait mode. Portrait mode would be nice. Have any of you guys actually seen your butthole?

No. Like, have never taken the time to actually bend over in front of a mirror and split your cheeks? I'm pretty sure I have. Wait, into the mirror you're saying? Yeah, because I always wonder, I used to do a joke about this about like, how did they come up with the concept of anal bleaching?

Yeah. You know what I mean, like, who saw their asshole to be dissatisfied with that? Probably a girl, yeah, that's kind of nuts. It's a girl for sure. Absolutely. She just saw she had a disgusting like hairy asshole It was like I gotta I don't get it wax Why would you bleach you bleach the hairs or the whole itself? No, cuz your butthole gets stained with poo. I think yeah over time An absolute abyss. Yeah.

Just in rings of Saturn. It darkens up. I haven't checked mine, I don't know if it has. What happens to me is I'll bend down, I'll just, as soon as I'm done, I just get naked. In my bedroom, I'm naked, and then I'll go to plug up my phone charger and bend over in front of my wife, and I'll just be,

I'll feel like the air enter my asshole, and I'll be like, fuck, she's looking right at my asshole, and I'll be like fuck She's looking right at That you miss he runs up and blows in it Little hand fans yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah, I don't I don't know I think I did look at my asshole once cuz like I got a hairy asshole like late In life again. Yeah, yeah, you know like I don't hairy asshole like late in the game. Yeah. Yeah. You know how like, I don't know, like in college, I didn't have like chest hair. Yeah. And now I do. Yeah. You know,

I don't know. Yeah. So, and I, I think there was at one point why I was like, you know, wipe my ass and it was like real hairy and I was like, well, that's weird. And I want to get a look at like what, what the, you know, what it looked like. Yeah. Take, yeah, you probably could sneak in there. Yeah, I didn't know if it was like a you know if it was patchy or whether it was Like a nice just clean So wait you're saying fecal matter really smooth Is your asshole actually stained from I don't think it's stained from poop Wait, you're saying fecal matter is really smooth? Yeah. It does. It's a nice shine. Is your asshole actually stained from poop?

I don't think it's stained from poop. I don't think it's stained from poop. I think the skin just stretches and stuff like that and kind of like, you know, that's what makes it dark. I don't know. True. I think it's brown. It's not brown.

Your asshole's like, I think it's the color of like vagina lips. You know what I mean? There's like color concentration in those things I think but you can't like bleach a vagina can you yeah Yeah, those people put bleach you can do Vaginoplasties that's a new thing women are doing to like reduce their they're like to get like a certain look on their lips My labia no meat curtains. You're talking about the tuck them back exactly. Yeah rejuvenation vaginal rejuvenation. I'm against it, bro Are you yes? Yeah, you gotta leave those things if you like you like a good ham and cheese sandwich, huh? Crazy nobody cares it's like Nobody gives a fuck. I don't know. I was a girl. I dated once that had like a flap

You know like one side one side had a flap and it made it like it made entry more difficult. Yeah, I know you talk about it's like that thing that hangs off a side of a tree's beak. I don't think I'd mind that if I got to like LARP and be like, God damn, give me a second babe I can't get it in. Holy shit. Yeah. No, I think on her part it was more like, ow. Oh yeah.

You got things in the way. Worst, that's dude. part. It was more like ow. Oh, yeah things It's the worst yeah once a woman feels comfortable enough to complain during sex yeah It's a sexual version of biting your lip Catch you one of those during sex is not Alright I'm done. I can't you know yeah. Yeah, just furious. Yeah, really good to say like that All right, sorry done this before a hundred times never had a problem never what's the fucking problem now? dude, yeah That was yeah, I get it. I don't know. I'll get a picture of my I'll get a picture of my butthole tonight. Oh

Yeah, that was yeah, I get it. I don't know. I'll get a picture my I'll get a picture of my butthole tonight. Oh I think I should get it though with the the retina camp, you know, like the hi. Yes What lens is the best for that you want it you want to be able to blow it up and put it on a billboard? You want that level of resolution? That would be dope to just have it hanging like over your couch Yeah, just don't say anything to anyone at all as far as what it what it is just like a star explode if you made it like a negative image Yeah, that'd be cool And then just have a very clear shot of your penis Just slowly just slowly

Zoom out little by little throughout your house when we finally like this is my bedroom like oh This is a been your fucking asshole the entire time yeah You'd have to do a little Photoshop have it like like bursting out of like a sand or something so it's like doom yeah true Dude, I was a I was just in Mexico all weekend might be my favorite country right now. Yeah, Mexico's sick, dude Really? I'm like seriously considering like I kept telling my wife the whole time I was like I'm gonna get chug a gallon of water and just fully trans Just because I like a Mexican belly. Yeah. Yeah, I want I just want to just like I just want to completely switch over Mexican belly. Yeah, just like whatever is in their water. I want that I'm gonna go through

I'm gonna go through shitting. I'm gonna shit for like a month And just I want to like keep drinking the water here get it imported and just have a Mexican belly. Yeah dude I get a Mexican belly every once in a while. Yeah if I go on like a straight beer bender you know I mean like no hard alcohol three four days and I get a Mexican belly. You really? Yeah. Get matazumas revenge It's probably it's I might be my favorite place I've been like traveled outside the US in a while it was fucking awesome We're in Mexico. Yeah, we'll see we're here. We're via Ramaya. So I was in the Yucatan Peninsula And I didn't know that I was just like cuz I've been reading about the Mayans just getting absolutely butt-fucked by the Spaniards Just devastated they like devastated themselves beforehand. I didn't know that

Yeah, but I was reading about that so I like knew all the towns They were like campaign all these towns and I'm like, I know where that is This is Yucatan Peninsula like dude, you're in the Yucatan Peninsula. All right, my bad. Oh, yeah But dude, it was a dude was so sick. It was in the jungle. I get nighttime like little they weren't monkeys. They're called like cape capers or Capuchins something I don't know what the fuck they were but they look like raccoons mixed with monkeys And they just come out at nighttime and scurry. It was fucking sad. It's awesome I hired a bunch of guys in the Yucatan to try to build a

healthcare website for the Christopher Are you a Spaniard? Christopher Cortez. I'm not kidding. Hold on. I swear to God. You hired a bunch of people from the Yucatan to build a Chinese website? Yeah. It's like a crazy triangulation. Right.

It was like, I don't know, it was early on in stand up and I was like, you know, you just do any job you could possibly find. And I was like coaching youth lacrosse. And one of the dads put me in touch with his doctor who is Chinese. And he was like, I need a website made. And I was like, I can do that. Yeah, no doubt.

I had no idea how to do that. So I found these dudes in the Yucatan that would build websites for like super cheap. And I hired them and they just built like kind of the shittiest where wait were they like standing outside of a Home Depot with a Chinese doctor website sees Yeah, this episode of Matt and Shane secret podcast is brought to you by dude wipes That's fine now. Chinese doctor website, see you soon. Yeah. Yeah. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

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Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude I it's there. I mean especially when I travel when I'm in a hotel. It's like I'm always just cursing myself I don't have the wipes on me cuz in a hotel my when I travel my ass I can talk about this for an hour Dude, my ass just goes haywire when I travel. Well, this is the first time I ever had like chronic itchy asshole No, really getting it. Yes. Yeah. Wow. This was like Yeah, just had a sorry plaguing me. You know what I mean? We're early in the morning. You're trying to get a sleep an extra hour. You just can't cuz you're Squirming in bed

Guys dude wipes best clean pants down available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. I was laughing about the immigrant Which McCall it the it wasn't a parade the protests on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. I was laughing about the immigrant, which I'm gonna call it, the, it wasn't a parade, the protests. I was laughing about that the other day. It was just. The fire parade? No way there was fucking Mexican dudes at that, at that not parade, protest.

No way. No way. They're never anywhere like fun. They're always like at work. Yeah. Which is, that's what they've been getting. Most of them is like at work. And then like pulling up on them at graduation was cold blooded, but also genius.

They heard them at graduation. They were getting them at like high school graduations in LA. What? Yeah. Like literally they would just wait for like you'd shake all your teacher's hand or just be an ice agent and like, Hey, congratulations. It was just like, apparently like ice like pulled up to the graduation and they're just like making note of who's clapping at Spanish names

And then like people kind of became aware of it And then they you just saw a mass exodus people just started running off the fucking graduation What people are like really upset? Yeah, I wonder how much of that because I've actually Arden wasn't our neighbors in Philly that well there was our neighbors But they're they're like friends or cousins our ice agents, and I've talked to them and they're like dude. It's nowhere. We're not doing any of this stuff. They're saying we're doing oh really they've claimed They're like it's all the internet skits Give you wrong. I don't know. It's just Drew ski They could be biased I don't know it would be funny to just buy an ice agent costume.

We don't know what an ice agent looks like. We all just heard these terms five years ago. I think they're dressed like Stryker from Mortal Kombat. That's the exact, it's like, yeah. That's it, dude, if that protest, if they did get immigrants there, that would be genius. But guys, we're going gonna go surround ICE agents, they just drop a giant fucking net. I got you motherfuckers, I got you.

Fucking like find a nemo that's just a little Mexican kid. Swim down, swim down a boho. I love Mexican immigrants, I think they're fucking sick. I like them. Every one I've ever met has been awesome. I've never met a murderer or a rapist. No, no. I'm sure sure it's all bar backs. Yeah It's all dudes just working hard as hell. Yeah, man. So although yeah, so I've never met a murderous

They're very usually very uptight about the law I remember I was driving this Mexican guy when I was working I just started smoking a joint in my car and he looked at me like the fuck are you doing? I was like man relax. He's like no, dude. I'm we get pulled the fuck are you doing? I was like, man, relax. He's like, no, dude, we get pulled over. I'm fucked. And I was like, oh yeah, my bad. Yeah, they're scared. Then he tried to rape me.

I said, hey buddy, we don't like that kind of stuff in this country. That's enough of that, man. He didn't know that was against the law. He did not. I thought that was, this is what we do. I wonder where they hide all of the hot Mexican women. I know they have to exist because like Selena was hot.

Yes. But like where do you get more Selena's? You know what I mean? I saw some babes down in the Yucatan. Yeah? I'm being honest, yeah. Just was saying, I think the hot ones, they don't come here.

We get the workhorses. Right, right. Yeah, we get there. And they're on an American diet and they just, you know what I mean? That's the other thing. I was just in San Antonio. Everyone down here is fucking fat as shit.

And it's just like, it's not from Mexican food though. Oh, you guys came over here and started eating our shit to excess, you know what I mean? You're not cooking. Because I don't think, like I get it, rice and beans is kind of starchy, but not like that. Yeah, it's not gonna blue you like that. Yeah Yeah, it's uh, I think their bodies can't handle it too

I think that's like an actual thing like they didn't they didn't evolve with our shitty food. They were like over there Yeah, and then we just showed up and their bodies like don't they're like they're used to like storing fat for like a really long time You still like starving. Yeah Yeah, the more keto like storing fat for like a really long time. They're used to like starving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're more keto. Yeah. Yeah. They're intermittent fasting for like months at a time.

I swear to God, I don't know when I saw like a PBS documentary that was just like. The Mexican. For real. For real. And it was just showing like, it was just, you know, when they like cut people's heads off and they just show their fat bodies. It was just showing like Mexicans and stuff walking around and they're just there like the fat is in all weird places Yeah, I mean it there I swear

True, I swear to God is PBS. They hit a point if they have enough American food that become like Russian nesting dolls But no I was in when I was in the Yucatan, I, you know, I didn't see a lot of them, man. It was just, it was like kind of like slender Mexican babes. Yeah, so tight ponytails. Oh yeah. And I'm not lusting after them. I was just saying it was, it was, yeah, you didn't see, you didn't see the linemen women, you know what I mean?

Like the offensive line ladies. They had the tortoise. You didn't see tortoise, I didn't see any tortoise. But there are, it is interesting because I feel like, I'm gonna confuse, are there indigenous Mexicans or indigenous Mexicans, the Indians who are down there? That's what I was kind of confused.

Yeah. The Mayans were like Indians though. Yeah, they were Indians. But then there was like Mexicans. what I was kind of. Yeah. So, huh? The Mayans were like Indians. Yeah, they're Indians. Yeah, yeah. There was like Mexicans. So I'm like confused. I'm trying to I'm going to get a clear understanding. Are they all Indians? Spaniards. Yeah. Then there's some Mexicans that are so Mexican. They look Asian. Do you ever get a load of those guys? So I lived in Bushwick for years and it's mostly Mexicans, but they all look so Asian. And they got the same kind of haircut, that bowl cut,

you know what I mean? Where you're like. Yeah, because the Asians just walked up over that. You got the math cut, you got the mathletes cut. The Asians walked up over that, the land bridge. Did they really? Yeah. In New Mexico?

Yeah, and that's, they became Indians. Of the Bering Strait. I swear, it's your eyes shifting around. It's what I'm like. That's what baby go like. I'm looking for some level of confirmation here. You with me? Knock if you're with me.

I'm thinking you're looking for us to add or tag on to this. And I'm like, fuck, I don't know if he's serious or not. I mean, what is an Indian, really? Just a guy that walks from China. Yeah, once you're looking for food long enough, I think you just become an Indian. If you walk like 20 miles for a meal, I think they do like I man Think about how badass they must they out walked the Chinese Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, cuz everyone's going I guess east at their time escape. What the cold or something like fucking

Let's check shit out that is tight. If like a continent kind of emerges in the ocean. I or something like fucking let's check shit out That is tight if like a continent kind of emerges in the ocean. I'd be like, let's go check this out. Yeah Yeah, they just came they just come and go like the water levels rise. Yeah Apparently there was a time you used to be able to like walk to Australia. Yeah from like China it was like a set of Polynesian islands. Oh yeah, yeah. That they've all just kind of been submerged. Right. You know, those places.

It's kind of nuts. I was reading the other day about the Indo-European language, like how like, I didn't realize the English language is linked to like Arabic, all those like Indian dialects. It's all the same root language. Yeah. So like they said that every other person alive today speaks some form of Indo-european like languages. It's like English French Italian all those ones

Iranian they're all based on the same root language Sanskrit as well, which is a dead language now. Yeah I mean, I've always I've always said English is the best language. It is it's a word is good enough. It'll become English But yeah, yeah, we'll just take it. It's or not. It's a mark language. Yeah Well do language they said every like 800 years languages are completely like old English is totally unrecognizable now That was the English language it changes all the time. Yeah, it evolved. Yeah Should we should just all knock it off and just go English everywhere I'm not not like I'm not saying in a way like where I'm angry about it or whatever I don't care. No, no, but it is the most convenient language saying we won't use those words. Just show us the good ones

We'll use them. Yeah I could go Spanish during like lovemaking maybe Yeah, I'm learning Spanish now, I'm like two years into Duolingo, but it sucks because they're like, they're teaching me such an old Spaniard version of Spanish. Like my wife is Puerto Rican, so she speaks Caribbean slang. And she's like, you're talking like the way someone would talk in the Bible.

Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you're- It's kind of sick though. Yeah, like you're speaking Spanish, but it's like no one talks like that Spain I was talking to we went out and did like snorkeling I talked to the tour guide and he was saying that like people from Spain come there

They're like their version of British people basically the way they talk is just kind of like she sounds like snobby. I guess Yeah, I got put on that at my first one of my earlier times coming up Texas I was in Houston and I met this Mexican girl who was just talking about how like, they think Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, their Spanish is trash. They're like, what the fuck? But they say people in Spanish think Mexicans are trash, like the way they talk.

Yeah, they hold it down. I think having like a long colonial empire for a while, you start to kind of look down on everybody is like kind of sucking. Well, here's the other crazy thing. Apparently- It sucks to spend two years learning a language and realize you've been learning like the snootiest version Yeah, yeah, this is like when I was in college learning two years working on becoming a condescending Yeah, you turned me into an asshole I paid thousands of dollars now I sound like an asshole. No, I was just trying to, yeah. Yeah, you turned me into an asshole. I paid thousands of dollars.

Now I sound like an absolute jerk off. I could lean into that though, dude. Just fuck him up with some vosotros. You guys don't know about that? Yeah, you know about those vosotros? Yeah, it's formal. It's like the formal saying we, vosotros, but it's only used in Spain, I believe.

Okay. I don't even think they use it anymore. Really? Yeah, I think it's just an old, it's like an old computer language Yeah, it's the basis of shit, but no one uses it's like they're indubitably basically I used to tell my teacher my Spanish teacher in high school. She's like you got to hit like the accent I'd be like no if I if I'm gonna use this language

I'm gonna try to get babes and I want my accent because I never get to use an accent. I can have a foreign accent. Why would I? That's also insane. Like, suuu. At some point it becomes almost like a total impression. I know, could you imagine a Mexican person just doing a white accent to nail English? And you'd be like, dude.

Yeah, relax, man. Yeah. I don't know. Chill the fuck out. If you matched an outfit to it, if you started dressing like the Count of Monte Cristo or something Mexican bars yeah

Darned skippy like all right Fuck down Chinese to aren't they getting rid all the characters which you mean the like the Workable Yeah, yeah. You know when it's time to draw a tiny waterfall. And it's like, you can't. Exactly. How do I say this?

You have to draw like the sun and the sun. You also can't put a tiny waterfall like on a keyboard. Yeah. I know, when I see like Chinese people texting on the train in New York, I'm just like, what the fuck? I know, dude. It's like, how do you, especially from like, you don't even know where to begin.

I understand they don't read, like we do left to right, but you're like, wait a minute, is this The Matrix? What are they reading? Bottom to the top? I think they read up and down, and then also left to right. Seriously? Yeah.

I think it's right to left. They're just playing Sudoku all day long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all for, know just like we'll pick a language and just all rock with it. We kind of have a little bit English kind of dude literally well that doesn't count cuz like Arabic and all that stuff whatever

but yeah I'd say English just you know it's the best I'd say. It's the best because it can become anything. Yeah. Yeah. And we don't have weird sounds that require like your throat and tongue and nose to get involved. True, true. It's a lazy.

Yeah, yeah. It's a lazy language. Dude, I have a, I was, I got a haircut the other day and I was, it was at like a place my wife goes to so it was Like just it was a very gay play a very gay establishment. Yeah, it's a salon. Yeah, it's a literally hair salon and Like yeah gaze barbershop It was it was literally a hair salon Such a man, I don't even know what this is fucking gay. I'll tell you that why dude. I was sitting there

Dudes are the best. I got it. He gave me a strictly gave me a strict lectures like you put product here I was like now really and he was like dude gay to straight It's time. It's time. You put something. Yes. It's good. So but I was watching Ladies turn it on so hard when they like see gay guys. I watched all like act like like hi, it's weird. They like do this whole They kind of really sell this whole voice and I came up with the theory I really think like they are connected on like a soul level I think like if you live a lifetime as a woman once you like nail it Carmically, I think you come back as a gay man. It's gay man. Yeah

Yeah, I think women after like six lifet you come back as a gay man. I think women after like six lifetimes come back as a gay man. That's like their reward. And they get to fuck dudes. Yes. With a penis. That's the reward. And still get all decked out with clothes

and all that stuff. I don't know, women know they're like that. They're so disingenuous. They'll take on anyone that they're talking to. They really, really, really. They do the same thing with babies, you know what I mean? Women, they'll put on a totally different facade and voice and bend down and talk to a child

completely different. It's like, hey bitch, I just saw you talk like an adult right there and now you're gonna come down and put on kid voice for me? Like, you're here. Women are psycho like that. Yeah, what even are you? They are shape-shifters, for sure.

Absolutely. They are. They're all in... I've been working with this concept now that like... It's crawling on the ceiling. I've been working with this concept now that like a blowjob is such a disingenuous act. How so?

No. Because they're done with so much enthusiasm up front. Yeah, for sure. But the enthusiasm only gets less and less and less as time goes on. So clearly you were never really into this. That's fair. And it's like, you can imagine,

the more you've been with a woman, she loves you more. So you should be doing that more, or at least with more enthusiasm, because the love has gone up. But it doesn't. So somehow it's like, oh, this is not an act of love. Yeah. This is more an act of manipulation. I believe you. They are at root kind of those like Egyptian guys outside of the Gamal Chias to like polish your one nail really well. Then it's just it's a scam.

Polish it my nail. They'll get one and'll get one and they'll smooth it up. And you're like, that's nice. Give me $500. I hate those things too because they don't come off for like a month. Everyday you look at this one shiny nail. And you're like, what does that say about me? What is that? I gotta imagine on some level for them the thrill is gone.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I don't understand. But what I'm saying is, if they needed something, they could turn it on the same way they turn on Baby Talk or the same way they turn on Gay Talk. True.

For sure. Yeah, I've been starting. That requires some strategy on our part. Yeah, true. You've got to create things that they need. Uh oh. That only a blowjob will give them access to. This is turning into a Red Pill podcast real fast. I want to start doing that, just listening to Red Pill reels in bed next to my wife.

Because I caught one the other day, it's like, if your wife, as soon as a girl you're with stops giving you head, she doesn't love you anymore. And you're now a beta. And I was just like, dude, I'm sending this to her right now. Fuck that. It's so funny. She has lost all attraction for you. And she's thinking about another more successful man. She wants to suck their penis.

Those guys are just nonstop, man. Right, right. It's such a wild, like the men's rights movement. It's like exhausting. Yeah. It's like, dude, I get it's rights movement. It's like exhausting. It's like dude, I get it. Oh yeah, we die in war for sure. It's like, geez, take a fucking breath, man. I just also like the fact that they are hiring street walkers.

They literally just find prostitutes on the street. Like, yo, how much for your time for the next two hours? Do you want to come in and debate? It's insane. Just 12 women. You guys are whores. They're like, yeah, you're paying come in and debate like it's insane just 12 women and it's being you guys are whores No, yeah, you're paying me. I can't right there just sitting there falling in nails like yeah, okay

I'm a whore and then like one is like actually trying to argue but wait and it's like no just yeah Sit and get your money love. Those are the Wildest by I do feel like that would be a cool experience to just talk to 12 escorts at one time I would simp out so I don't I couldn't I would simp But you guys lives are actually really hard. Yeah, that's a good point actually Yeah, yeah sex work is weird. It's weird how sex work became like a lot of like very educated Kind of white ladies got into this whole thing

They're like I'm a sex worker and they you know like with the only they like show their their tits on only fans Like we're united. It's like dude. You're not a sex worker. Yeah sex work when sex workers are like women who have no choice Yeah, being like I'll do this for a month. It's like dude knock it off They just want to justify making the money. Yeah true. You know it's an internal conflict. That's being externalized Yeah, well a lot of women have gone the other way with a soft girl lifestyle being externalized. Yeah, well, a lot of women have gone the other way with a soft girl lifestyle. Are you familiar with soft girl versus soft girl? So there was girl boss. Girl, we grew up in an era of girl boss. Sex in the city. It was all about bossing up. A lot of them are now going soft girl lifestyle. And I looked into it. It's actually was started by Nigerian women who do to like just rampant inflation. We're like, we got to learn how to like get along without stuff.

And it's all about just like focusing on pampering yourself, letting go of like your drive for success and just going full self care. So it's a whole it's a whole it's like a whole trend on TikTok. Yeah, we just wear like past that you just get super girly. Yep. And you're like, no, I'm totally okay with the man. I'm starting to get that way. Now. That's what this long hair is about. So I've never had long hair in my life. Like, yeah, dude, I'm totally okay with the man. I'm starting to get that way now. That's what this long hair is about So I've never had long hair

Like yeah, dude. I'm like taking care of myself I used to have I used to have like a low Caesar because I had like alopecia spots from just being a grizzled man I'm here to no one cares about Now I'm like I have a loofah, you know Moisturize and I'm like wow like yeah knew you could just be a softie and still be fine. Well it's like tied into like politics apparently. Like the self care was big because they're like taking a nap. The girls are just taking naps again.

Yeah. And it's like a whole thing on TikTok. Like it's actually a political act to rejuvenate myself. So I continue to fight. And it's like, dude, go take a nap. Turning a nap into a cause. Yeah, for real. That's insane

I was reading an article about Sabrina carpenter because there it was actually pretty it was a decent article was written I think by like a gender studies major So it was like all this like other it got like super complicated unnecessarily, but they're saying she is like a They're saying white women have appropriated the soft girl lifestyle Which was like Nigerian black American women more so and white girls are just starting to do it more Just like I'm going to the spa. I'm a soft girl, but they're saying she is Girl lifestyle which is like just stolen. Yeah, they're saying yeah, they're saying they're like warping it It was all about like political naps

And like eggs costing 50 million jubilose or whatever Whatever silly currency That is a sick move for things like just rampant inflation and be like dude, I'm gonna do a trick to our tick-tock trend I don't need I'm done trying to get stuff. It's funny. Just that's how you deal with inflation. Just take a nap Yeah, yeah take a political nap That's how you deal with inflation is take a nap. Yeah, yeah take a political nap Do your nails and just kind of like think about plot your next move how to battle? Yeah taking pictures of your asshole Guys this episode is brought to you by better help you might not realize it But guys face tons of pressure talk about any stick was men face tons of stigmas

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You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. They're saying Sabrina Carpenter, not, well, I guess her, because she's like, her whole thing is she's like a small petite. You know what I'm talking about? I know her. Yeah. I didn't, I'm just learning about this person, is she's like a small petite. You know I'm talking about I know her Yeah, I didn't I'm just learning about this person But she's a very small petite lady and they're saying and it's actually kind of overt her cover to her I can think her new album is the same as the book cover of Lolita She's about that man who was obsessed sexually with a 12 year old girl

Okay, and her album cover does kind of copy that and this lady who's like I think like a feminist lady Who's she's like she's selling pedophilia And everyone's eating it up. Wow. It's like yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's fair It's a it's a right fair analysis Then she did like a big thing about the soft girl lifestyle and how it was stolen I was like, oh Sabrina Carpenter did or the other lady. Yeah, she's saying she's like a Warped version they did that with me to me too was black ladies black ladies started me, too And it was just yeah, it was like it was like factory workers and so yeah

Cuz there'd be the person that will actually speak up Yeah, like especially the era that we came out of like if some if someone was sexually assaulted It's gonna be a black woman to be like ah ah ah nah that nigga raped me. Okay? No girl you need to stand up for yourself. For real, it was in like factories. Women were getting like their asses grabbed and stuff in factories. Finally they were like fuck this.

And then like Gwyneth Paltrow was like yeah, I'm uncomfortable on movie sets. It became this whole thing. Well I mean a lot of them. Aubrey Weinstein was. Did you ever see, remember that movie To Wong Fu? To Wong Fu was Mm-mm. Oh, Two Wong Fu was like Wesley Snipes

and John Leguizamo and the other. Yeah, isn't it like Phil and Louise? They were in drag. What? It's fucking Wesley Snipes, what's the white guy from Roadhouse? Patrick Swayze? Patrick Swayze, yes.

All wore the dress? They were all drag queens or trans people, but they're driving a Cadillac across country, stopping through small town America and changing things, just making things fabulous, but also teaching middle America white women how to stand up to their husbands. Because it's cartoonish evil. The man is beating the woman around the house because he put pepper in the sauce. You know what I mean?

And they're like, uh-uh, girl, you gotta stand up for yourself. Like at one point, Patrick Swayze goes in and kicks the guy's ass in a dress, you know what I mean? It was like weird, yeah, man. It was like a Ms. Doubtfire kind of situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He enters a swim meet and just crashes everybody.

Them in drag beating up husbands? Yeah, yeah. It's kinda sick, actually. Yeah. I didn't know that existed. It's kinda sick actually. Yeah. I didn't know that existed. That'd be such a bummer. You didn't know that existed? No.

Yeah, it's called Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. It's a very long title, like don't be a menace. Pfft. And it was Snipes too. Yeah, Wesley Snipes, man. Like yeah, and he's like. Who looked the most like a woman?

John, like Wazama. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, he's all like, uh. Who looked the most like a woman? John like was Limo. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, he's all like Puerto Rican down, you know what I mean? Ooh, Papi, and you're like, okay. You get a BBL. Like, I still can't unsee John so feminine that way. He did a lot of like drag stuff back in the early 90s.

Really? Yeah, he was like okay in the dress and makeup. Yeah. Because he's a theater man. And he's not even Puerto Rican, that's fake, he's Italian actually. Yeah, yeah, I've heard. What?

Yeah, yeah. He's Italian? Yeah. Yeah, my wife is. I'm surprised he goes into that movie and be like, no, this is how you hit your wife, you're fucking faint laughing. That's crazy, man, yeah, that's a fucking insane movie.

How'd you find that out? The internet. Is he like all Italian or is it like a? No, he's not Puerto Rican. I think he did something like anti-Trump or something and everybody dug in. They always know though. My wife is Puerto Rican, she knows who's what.

They keep track. Yeah, yeah. No, he's Filipino, that doesn't count. He's Cuban, okay? I'm like, holy shit. Yeah, they're very racist. I do like inter-group beef. Like, it just makes me laugh when it's like,

Mexicans are like, fuck Puerto Ricans. Like, damn, you guys are beefing? I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. Makes you feel, you're like, all right, well. Yeah, like. Maybe white guys aren't the worst. That's what I'm about to say.

Do white guys do that? Do white guys have any inter-white guy beef? I mean. guy beef I mean fading it was like my dad like held it down like fuck Italians like yeah He was kind of I mean it wouldn't be like over Italians used to hate each other we sort of different was like that me not me, but my dad grew up Yeah, it was Southwest Philly. They moved to Havertown, but they in Southwest Philly was like he's like you wouldn't go to Italian neighborhoods It was just kind of like Fuck that yeah, we were kind of like, fuck that. Yeah, I guess we were kind of squashing the beef.

Catholic school, I feel like. You go to Catholic school and like, all right. But I think it was also because most Irish dudes, and back in the day, all went into law enforcement. Yeah, a lot of them. And a lot of Italian guys were up to no good. Yeah, true. So I think that's kind of where that beef is gonna start.

True, I can see that. There was a lot of Irish guys up to no good as well But I think there was quite a nice flashy. Yeah telling guys were way too flashy. Yeah Yeah, although I felt bad for the Philly mob You know what when they all got like last article I saw about the Philly mob was like they caught them They had like counterfeit like cigarette machines and like Jukeboxes yeah really slumming it I Was like oh man, just let them have just

They got busted for being fake arcades Tokens Tokens Lost in time because like the last like standing organized group was like the Mummers, right? Also, Just Like Girls. Yeah, right? Yeah, I remember in the early 2000s, a lot of the bookies got busted. There was like Nicky the Hat was a big one and they all just got crushed.

He has a sick name. But they all just got sick crush He has a sick name But they all just got like crushed a lot of them lived out in like the Ridley Park area like the suburbs surrounding Philly I like Italian club. There's like in a club when I worked for this guy We should go to this like one Italian club and they're all they all claim to be kind of like mobbed up But they're all geezers. Yeah, they don't like floor shops and stuff. They're kind of sick They all started doing that kind of it's sopranos thing. We're like guys that were not in the mob or like I'm in the mob. Yeah, that's the Italian curse It's like your nephew's like muggles or every fucking Italian things. Your uncle's not Guys, so he's just yeah, he's got one

jukebox Yeah, he's in the mob dude My dad is brother Yeah, he's in the mob dude. The touch of tunes, the touch of tunes. Yeah. Dude, my dad and his brother. So did like all the gambling websites just put them out. There's nothing, I guess they can still like import women maybe, shipping cargoes, shipping containers, but. True.

I think the Ruski's got that under control. Yeah, I guess like funeral homes are still kind of the play. Yeah. containers but true I think the Ruski's got that under control so yeah yeah I guess like funeral homes are still kind of the play yeah there's got to be some way to do something with funeral homes but I know that's got to struggle also because from what I'm understanding like my family owns a funeral home in um in Atlantic City nice and they struggling now because it used booming. Yes. It used to be. Oh my god. It used to be. Geniuses. But they're saying younger people don't value. They're coming in like, all right, my grandmother died.

What is the cheapest way we can get this done? Cinerator, move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's expensive, man. Yeah, you go in there. A lot of my dad and his brothers were family-owned trash company, which was like a red flag for people who say organized crime.

They weren't at all. But they dealt with, like, trash company, which was like a red flag for like people say organized crime They weren't at all, but they dealt with like my Trash company was largely controlled by the mob and they would get like their dumpster stolen all the time by mob guys Yeah, they'd have to go up and like give me my fucking dumpster, but I understand that now man Especially after living in a city like New York where it's just like hey, man If we don't pick up the trash things are gonna get bad. Oh, yeah, so, you know, it's a good business Well, that's yeah, that's sanitation These were like dumpsters are more like private because like the city sanitation is kind of just like that's just kind of like city workers but then if like dumpsters like dropping dropping dumpsters off it like

Hospitals and shit and picking them back up and you just have a yard where you just dump all your trash and separate it Yeah, that was you could get rid of anything or anybody, you know of anything. That's why the trash was like super, and the cement, that's why all the Italians did cement, because you could just fucking pour cement over people. It's true. My dad would get, they would get dumpsters from the hospital and like when people would come in with injuries, they would just throw their weapons away.

So they would get like guns and shit in the trash. They were like, fuck yeah. It's kind of sick. I know, and then they got weird because instead of selling them, right, in these younger generations. They were like, fuck yeah. It's kinda sick. I know, and then they got weird because instead of selling them, right, in these younger generations, they were like, oh, I'll just sell these to my black friends, you know what I mean?

So now you got black kids walking around with guns with bodies on them. Yeah, dude, the switches thing is terrifying. Yeah. You put it in, you turn it on automatic. Yeah, man. That was scary. What is that? Yeah, you can put a switch on a gun.

There's a switch extended clips where now instead of 16 shots, you have like 32 and you just squeeze the button and it just Automatic and it's just children running around what extend those and no aim. They don't go to the range ever Cuz their motto is just like I'm just squeezing at the whole area and we'll see what yeah Yeah, that's crazy how that got caught up in the YouTube algorithm too. It's like financially, if you have a cool drill rap thing and you can prove that you've

murdered lots of people, it does well on YouTube. Oh yeah, do young rappers, I don't even know any of their music. I only hear about them shooting people or going to jail because like this person has confirmed They murdered someone and yeah, they do minute long. So every songs one minute long. Yeah, it's just them being like yeah I definitely killed that guy That's fucking crazy It's yeah, it's fucked up

I've gone down those rabbit holes so many times where I like, I'll get like invested in those guys and they die, like you'll find out they died. You're like, damn. We're talking about that last night too, that that has become the genius of the music business pushing hip hop. It was like, let's just find a young crash out with no family that hopefully they'll get big enough

where we could just collect their royalties forever. You know what I mean? Like they'll just die, they don't have children, no one cares. And just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a pretty sinister model. Yeah, you hire a new artist to kill off the old artists. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you need it for the credit. For your next album. Yeah. You're not a rebel. Yeah, it's insane. Don't worry. He's only going to shoot you a little bit.

You won't die. Also, I mean, even if it's not intentional, it's like, you know, you're running a music label and yeah once it happens once you're like that worked out pretty well for us I could see it being like that guy's a surefire bet that guy's a good pick oh you want to sell heroin we'll give you a little bit of money how about you get it get in there get active dude I would I could definitely see that happen going in for a meeting,

do you have anyone you could kill or? Right, yeah, do you have any active beefs with anyone? Well there's like subreddits where people go on and give the scoop, like this person is against this person, it's all, because there's so much upside. If you're like, if you pop off on the algorithm, you can make hundreds of thousands of dollars. That is also scary to me where, like you said,

these reaction videos where those videos also have like a quarter million views just reacting to what someone did on their live. Yeah. You know, people just sit there and watch people go live and screen record and be like, all right, cool, I got content now. Yeah, I do like the streams.

Like the young black streamers where it's just dudes standing in a room with a fucking scroll of just people commenting. Yeah. That shit's fucking sick. Yeah. And they're just sitting there like eating a sandwich. Yeah, it's insane. It's fucking great.

Like, who's the one guy? Kaisanat. Kaisanat, yeah. He's huge. He's like a, his platform is massive. To the point where Kamala Harris was like begging to get on the show during her run for election and he wouldn't let her It is crazy there are podcasters who seem genuinely more powerful than the presidential candidates

Like I'm good on her. Who else we got your booking service With lot of say that he's like your Secret Service keeps calling my, trying to get me to have Kamala on. I don't want to be political getter, but I knew that he was gonna be, I knew he was gonna be in those crosshairs when he did that stunt in Union Square. What'd he do? He said he was gonna give out like a few PlayStation 5s and like 250,000 kids showed up to Union Square

and it was like a massive riot. They destroyed the place and it was like, there was no brand that didn't see that, that was like, get that kid on the floor. That's kind of chum in the waters, putting out a bunch of PS5s. That's a fuck ass recipe for disaster. 250,000 people?

And they just tore the place apart. Like, he had to be, his team had to get him out of there in an SUV and there was like helicopter footage of like people are hanging on the SUV as it's speeding away. Like you know, they're like hanging on for dear life. It was like the Iraqi extraction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll never forget the day that that happened.

We were in the city. I was actually in Washington Square Park recording content, man on the street content for my podcast, and there's just like a helicopter just kind of like hovering. And I remember my wife, she was like, those are police helicopters. Like something crazy is happening right now, you know what I mean?

And then we got home and saw the news, and it was like, oh yeah. Damn. Yeah, that is wild, man. That is so funny for just podcasts just dudes in a room like it'd be nice if Kamala went on and did the Kodak black where she just like tossed a pill up in the air caught it Caught perks out of it. Yeah, he was that's the my favorite appearance on any kind of show Yeah, we just threw a perk in the air caught in his mouth

He goes a little glitch for the twitch and just like lay there like all that dude those dudes I love that they they're just like lay there and like, fuck him all that, dude. Those dudes, I love that they, they're just like by themselves going live all the time. Yeah. To the point, I'm not even sure whether they're real people anymore. Yeah. Like, I don't know. They're not.

There's no way Soldier Boy is a human being. Dude, well we, I got an opportunity to hang out with Kais and I once, and it's like, they just filmed his girlfriend beating him up and then they stopped and he was like, nice. Yeah, it's insane. Oh, wow.

It was just like a made up scene. Yeah, it's like the littlest things go, he's going viral right now as we speak because he was at the BET Awards. Saw that. And he was just in the parking lot and fucking Wale is walking in the parking lot and he sees him

and he doesn't know who he is but he was nice. He was like, oh hey, how you doing? And then he gets in the thing and the chat is just going crazy like, oh Wale, Wale. And he's like Wale, who the fuck is Wale? And then like the guy filming is like Wale, that's the guy you just, and he's like, oh what'd he do? And fucking then like everyone's like,

yo you don't know Wale? And Wale, he's kind of petty for this because he does this a lot. He's like online and he's always reading comments of what people are saying about him. So then he goes and approaches Kai, so now like in the award show to be like, yo, that interaction got me looking crazy on the lawn

right now, man, but we'll talk later. Like, and Kai is like sitting there talking to Snoop Dogg, like what? Like what are you talking about? It's also now you look crazy It'd be like it's also insane to be like Like if he knew you that's just how it works like if somebody doesn't know you it's not that person's fault Right, and he's got to let it go right especially if you were probably didn't know

If I saw this unbelievable the distance you'd be surprised what 21 and 22 year olds don't know. No dude. No. Kai knows. No man. Kai knows. He's the most plugged in guy. He's the guy who almost had Kamala Harris on his back. No because here's the thing. It's been going on for the rest of the night of other older black celebrities that he didn't know. Yeah. It's gotta be a test now.. He's doing a bit dude. He's fucking with these guys I mean you have the inside track unbelievable. Yeah the inside track. I'm sick and tired of it Shelf to the beat divorce you don't know anyone there bullshit It's too much. Who else do you need to know? When's the last time while they put out a song I? Don't know a single song. I know a song from like 12 years ago. Okay, but here's the other thing, right?

Now, you know Wale, right? And you know, remember when he was doing his stuff with Seinfeld? No, what have? He had an album about nothing, the mixtape about nothing. So, all of his albums. I thought he was making stuff with Seinfeld.

I thought he made it. He did, he did. He would do skits with Seinfeld in between the songs. But the way the project worked, he reached out, like he would do these mixtapes about nothing where he would play excerpts from the show to lead in the songs that he wrote. This is why Kaisanat doesn't know who he is. Exactly. But then he actually reached out to Seinfeld to see if he could get Seinfeld to do these

things. And when literally when Seinfeld got the notice, same thing, what the hell is Wale? And Seinfeld's wife happened to know, she was in the room like, oh Wale, I love Wale, he's great. He actually uses clips from your show to do the thing. And if that didn't happen, Jerry would have said no. Jerry only said yes because his wife was like,

oh, is it good? She's like, yeah, you should do it. But Jerry didn't know who the fuck he was. Damn. But Jerry's wife knows who he is? Isn't she? It's surprising since she's 19. And kies and hot dogs.

Yeah. What a little song. It's interesting. He didn't marry his young girlfriend, though, I don't think. Who? Seinfeld. Seinfeld came under fire. No young girlfriend. No, I don't think who? Seinfeld came under fire. No. Yeah. No, they were just dating Shoshana. Is that her name? Like McCrone set up where he is married to a woman like 20 years older than him or something Do you see she like choked him out? Yeah, I saw I think they were fucking around

Yeah, you catch me getting I think they were fucking around. You can catch me getting my hands or hands to the throat all the time. He was live streaming the whole thing. Comments are going nuts. I saw it. Well, there's like a for real, did you ever hear about this,

how they say the president of France's wife is a man? Yeah. There's like a serious thing into that, but apparently she met him allegedly when he was like a schoolboy She was like his teacher and like they got married and now he's the president of France Very fresh she really she very scouted very yeah. Yeah for real. We should high for talent He's like addressed it. I thought hadn't had didn't he like talk about how it was like he's one super French

He's like our love was like no another But there's like Candice Owens like for real there's like French. She's like our love was like no not there But there's like Candice Owens like for real. There's like court. She's mad about it She did like a full documentary. She thinks she's like convinced that the dude's wife is a man Yeah, yeah Yeah, like when full in like requested one of those things where it's like they like gave her a deposition like yo You got to stop saying that because like I think the press in Europe works We're like if you say something about someone you have to prove It's true, but the United States you can allege anything kind of you want. Yeah, and it's on them to prove. It's not true

Yeah, so she sent a thing being or they said a thing being like Stop and she was like prove I'm wrong and I'll stop and they're like yeah, we're done. Yeah Huh 15 they started dating? They met in 1990 when Brigitte was teaching the drama club and Macron was 15 years old. Now they're married. Yeah, but that doesn't mean, they didn't start dating

when they first, they met, like that was their first interaction and that's fucked up that they're trying to show it that way, you know what I mean? Like yeah, you can meet somebody. I think they are on record saying we had a romance when I was 15. Like, I think so. Maybe shortly after.

I thought it was. Well you know what, yeah, I guess it is possible. It's also in France. I'm talking about it as if my, okay so like my mother-in-law, she had my wife when she was 15. Okay. And here's the crazy thing,

I'm closer in age to my mother-in-law than I am to my wife. Whoa. Yeah, so there's like a weird dynamic of how we all hang out. Like I'm nine years older than my wife, but seven years younger than my mother. Now can I ask you, is your wife like healthy as a horse? I feel like you're healthier when you're born poor like that. Yes. But there's like a lot of psychological stuff that happened where

like I can't tell whether this is like from being poor or just being Latina. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that is like the ideal. Why is Candace so mad does she feel like she's being tricked? She's just a journalist can't Like I feel like hey, she knows the game. She's just trolling all day long I'm always like I don't watch all of her shit, but when I do I'm always looking for her to go Yeah, well there's a guy you remember the guy Timothy Leary from Harvard who like did a bunch of acid and like got kicked out in like the 60s or whatever he like came to the conclusion like dude we should be having kids at like 16 the grandparent your parents should be raising your kids and when you're your grandparents age your kids should have kids when they're 16 He's like it just makes the healthiest humans

16 17. Yeah, it's probably true. Maybe he said 18. I don't know. You're not putting my name, but you said 14 Something something like that. Yeah, cuz you know cuz there's a thing man. It's like autism is on like the rise We don't we're not producing the healthiest kids right cuz you think we're making old babies old babies. Yeah soft come old babies Old babies. Soft shell crabs. Soft shell crabs. So it might be something. Maybe you just gotta have 16 year olds

and you know just freeze their eggs and jizz. Yeah. And just keep it you know. True. And make a necklace. Break it when you're ready. That's not bad. You know. I don't think kids have sex anymore even. No. I heard it's like all in this dropping off. It's not bad. It's, you know, it's got, I think, I don't think kids have sex anymore, even. No.

I heard it's like, oh, it's dropping off. It's not as, as like it was. They're all just jacking off and on the computer. Yeah. They're working. Yeah. They're working on the computer. They're jacking off on the computer.

God bless them, man. It's tough. Okay, okay. A quick break from the show for a special segment called More or Less Finals Edition. And it's brought to you by PrizePix. The finals are on and we're not just talking about basketball here, we're talking hockey

too. Twice the chance for players to show what they've got and twice the chance for you to get in on the fun. Further prompts to riff. NBA Finals basketball thoughts. Hot takes about who's going to win. Is Shy just a foul merchant? I'm wondering that. He is a foul merchant but he's going to win is shy just a foul merchant. I'm wondering that he is a foul merchant, but he's

going to get buckets. I would take more every time on more shit more more every time on shit more on shot shit. Yeah, every time more on Shayla booth. You just heard that. Good call Stanley Cup finals thoughts hot takes about who's going to win is it the Oilers year? Oilers gonna make a comeback. I believe it So you think Canada is gonna take it finally last time they won believe it or not was 1993 I know it's a long time ago Canadians 93. I want Edmund to come back and win it

I think I think dry Seidel and McDavid Are gonna turn it on I want Canada to lose Canada In the in the catbird seat. I think they're up 2-1. Really? Yeah. Alright. We'll see about that. When were you way too confident about making a pick that fell apart? Oilers to win the cup. Okay, which team in the NBA finals do you care more or could care less about? Pacers care more, Thunder care less, but they're both good. You want the Pacers to win? I think I want Pacers to win a little more.

They're the underdog. I always go for the underdog. Yeah, I kind of want the Pacers to win as well. I want them to win too because I was just in that city and my god They need it. That's it They need a win Oklahoma City right he's Canadian. Yeah, he's against Canada on the Canadian as well They had a Canadian on the team. Yeah, he's like one of the best players in the league. Is he really? Yeah less Let us buy their country.

I know. I'm pissed off already. Yeah. Come on. Join the fucking fold, man. It would be kind of sick. Owning Canada would be awesome. Can't we buy it from the British? Wouldn't it? It would also if they were just one state

and it's 51, like this settles that like election thing, right? Because it's like now it's an odd number of states Wait why does it matter how many states I don't understand because then it's not like an even divide of like 25 went this way 25 with you. It has to go one way because it's an even Yeah, so every state just gets one vote I see you're saying yeah, so every stage just gets one vote Be hard damn too, they'd be yeah, probably be pretty hard damn. I know

Yeah, there's truckers. Oh, yeah, you're fired up. Yeah, Calgary is like there. They're like Texas and Calgary. Yeah, well We'll have to see what happens guys any particular players teams or matchups that you've enjoyed is anything surprise you do you have any predictions for the rest? Of the playoffs. I think we got into it. I think we the Pacers Yeah, I think the pay I mean I don't actually I think my prediction is the Thunder's gonna win every single of the next game You think I don't want to see that yeah, didn't the Thunder just lose recently. Yeah, they lost Recently by like one and like a crazy loss and then they blew them out the next game by like 20 damn damn So let's get into it. How do our hot takes fit into the prize picks lineups? Did I mention how easy this app is to use guys? Please begin with your picks. I think we made them the we're gonna go you think the Thunder's gonna win. I think that is going

More more on certain players more on Shay more on Halliburton There we go more on us. I will go less on Jalen. All right And less on check. Oh he rebounds more. What do they got hockey wise over there? I don't see Okay I'm gonna go more on Matias Yanmark. There you go. Yeah I'm gonna go more on it. Matthias Janmark. There you go. Yeah. Let's lock those two picks in guys. So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours too with prize picks. Win real money with your best takes whether it's points, rebounds, assists.

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That's code Drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Yeah, I don't know, man. I wish I got into sex early. I wish I would have waited. Wow, early, you're talking? I lost my virginity at 14.

You were in the drama club? Huh? You were in the drama club. You were in the drama club. What do you think waiting would have done? I think even to this day, sex is still such a big, big priority. Like it's like, it's too much of a focal point.

And I see other people who don't have it as bad as me and how much more stuff they get done. We're just like, yeah, and I'm so busy just trying to chase. I was talking about that last night. I was laughing about how the other night, I'm hanging at the creek and there was one girl there. One girl. And I stayed fully one girl there. One girl. And I stayed fully occupied and talked to this girl.

The minute she left, I was like, alright, well, see you guys later. You know what I mean? I love the mayor, all those guys. I'm like, well, I guess there's no reason to hang out with you guys. Well, I got real sleepy all the time. Yeah, yeah. It's still pointless now. Yeah, I know.

There really is no point. If you're like not trying to have sex, there's really no point of going out. I try to tell my wife this. I'm like, why are we going out? Right, but it's also bad with me on even interacting with women in general. Like if there's no potential of having sex, you're like, okay,

what is the point of this conversation again? I'm not trying to be rude, but like. I can't even understand you anymore. Where are we going? Are we gonna be friends? I don't get it. Yeah, I don't think you can do that. I genuinely think being like,

it's one thing to be friendly with a woman, but to be like, let's chill. I still do my, it's like, how? Why would you do that? Even because of the age proximity with my mother-in-law, I don't talk to her on the phone. I go through her husband for everything. Just because in my mind, there's still that chance.

Yeah, for sure. And it's probably all in my head, it's not real, but that's what I'm saying. That's definitely all in your head. That's insane. Oh yeah, I can't afford her. You crazy? Like, no.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I suffer from the same thing. I can I call my mother-in-law FaceTime with your shirt off I Suffer from the same exact thing of like the that small voice being like is she trying to fuck me? I think every time I'll get like an uber heat slippery. I'm like was she trying to fuck me? I think every time I'll get like an Uber Eats delivery,

I'm like, was she trying to fuck me? Oh yeah, yeah. I used to go through that as a kid, like well as a young adult, going to see the doctor and like the nurse will say some shit like, okay, take your pants off and hop up on the table and you're like. Yeah.

That is so funny. Right, you trying to get it in real quick before the doctor comes? Like what are we doing here? It is so funny, even when're like 11, and you just think the nurse is gonna walk in and be like we've never seen it Yeah Specimen Dude when I was younger I I assumed Assumed wrongly I had a huge dick. I didn't know. Yeah. And then obviously I eventually learned, came to grips with reality.

I did not. But I just assumed I was just crushing it. Yeah. And then I became an adult and I was like, all right. Yeah, definitely not. Definitely not. Standard issue for sure. I still catch it every once in a while and I go, that's looking good today.

Yeah. The Austin Heat is definitely on my side. But I've turned that leaf where I now I'm like, you know Hopefully it stays because I suffer from the same thing where it was just like especially in a relationship I'm like I'm counting the days and we're gonna six and fucking four days and I start just being really unpleasant I've been saying right turn to leaf now where I'm like and it's kind of a total reverse psychology I think it's just a deeper ploy. But I've been hitting my wife with like, nah man, I'm trying to retain,

I'm trying to retain. Like maybe once a week max. I even told her, I was like, I'll just flip the script on you. But I have, we were laughing about this, but I have done a thing where I'm just like, you let me know, I'm just gonna keep this shit to myself, and just, I don't look at porn anymore.

People are sick of hearing me talk about this, but it's like, I just, I'm just not even, you know, it gets to the point, after like a nine day kind of hold in, I'll start just getting like Terminator vision, and I think my wife starts to pick up on it, like, all right, dude, I'll fucking crank you off. Just fuck it. Just saying.

You're so pretty. She's paying attention to you, which she should. That's the thing that pisses me off sometimes, when I see that in marriages where it's like, a woman is hyper-focused on the kids, she's hyper-focused even on the animals and their need, and it's like, hey, you're not noticing the guy walking around with a fucking chip on his shoulder.

I'm breathing like Dark Vane in the corner. Just holding her. Just holding her. My wife, she, thank God, she, and I hope she can keep this up, but like, she's even gotten good at giving me sex before attending events that she knows I don't want to be at. That's nice. You know what I mean?

So it's like, oh, your grandmother's 69th birthday party? All right, I'm gonna go, but like, you know, she's like, don't worry, we'll have sex before you go. And now I'm just here at the party relax It's good to see you all yeah That I did have the opposite effect on me if you talked to me before the party. I'd be like I'm not going No way I'm going to the party you need to care Party yeah, yeah, that's actually but you got to do it before because women they always somehow get tired or get Yes, like that's the interesting thing. I see now why women get so many headaches. Is your wife forget to eat a lot?

Yes, it's the dumbest thing in the world really Infuriating yeah, it's absolutely fucking in fear and I'm like, all right, it's classic like well we have this in the fridge I don't want that is like then you're not fucking hungry Yeah, we have a bowl of fruit right there, yeah, I'm not hungry for that Yeah that uh It has been freeing though just being like like I'll catch myself in that same feedback loop where I'm like, I should be having sex, and I'm just like, no man, just let it go, and it's like, been very freeing. It's such a funny strategy to hold and come until there's like a real threat of violence.

You know, like, I'm gonna hold this in until I become so dangerous, she has to Jag me off. Dude after a while, she just wakes up and finds I'm sitting on the foot of the bed fucking 5.30 in the morning staring at the wall. Yeah dude, you start talking in like three word answers and match like yes, that'll be fine. It's like when pigs

become like feral and turn into a fucking starts throwing tusks in like feral. Now if I wake up at like 5.30, I'm like fuck it, I'm up, my day started. Before I would kind of linger around in bed and be like, mm, let's see if she's awake. And now I just pop right up.

And that's another one where they're like, lay back down. You're like, for what? Yeah. If we're not doing anything, I'm going. Yeah, that is the, that That is fascinating that lay around in bed Letting the morning go because you're hoping that she'll wake up at some point and just be in the mood. That's my prime time She's yeah, it's a morning. She's a morning gal. So it's like nighttime. She shattered. She's like going to bed Yeah warning is like, you know when I can really get her going right right but yeah now just get up and I go before the devil knows your dad

I get up and go you awake. She's like no you're well by morning though is also dangerous because It's easy to stop dating if you're getting it in the morning because you don't have to get dressed up for that You don't have to you know what I mean, and even now wash your teeth Yeah, it's just like and then you you're not going to get dressed afterwards. Like I'm, I've already achieved everything in life that I wanted today at six 30 in the morning. Yeah, I'm done. There's no reason to do anything else.

Yeah, but that will. I don't even need to go to work. I already got late. Yeah, I'm done. That will, I feel like that will set, for me it would, I'm bad. I'm trying to get better with this with like married dates. Like we haven't been on a date in a while. It's like, we're done dating. We're done with that. And I'm like, I'm, to get better with this with like married dates like we haven't been on a date in a while It's like we're done dating. We were done with that. Yeah, and I'm like, I know I just me being autistic

I'm like I need to get in my office and right. Yeah, and then we need to go out the minute you try to Reintroduce it you don't even like you don't even like it anymore Because it's like as older especially as a married couple trying to date It's like and we have to deal with shit like parking and it's just like so many reasons to not do it once you stop doing it. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, there's not There's only only reservations 8 p.m. I'm like I'm done. I can't do that. Let's do a 530 dinner Come back with the babysitter off it's also. Yeah, I don't know going out to dinner I don't like being in a room with other people out to dinner like a restaurant

Being in a room with other people out to dinner like a restaurant That's that's like the worst I've gone out on Valentine's Day with her like a few years ago And it's just like couples that have just met like pulling the chair out for each other. I'm like Take it easy. Take it easy, dude. Take it easy Yeah, it's the word you're sitting at the bar cuz you make a reservation in time yeah, oh everyone else is an actual table Yeah, I fucked up this yeah, I totally put it off the last minute and try to do a last-minute thing I'm like there's like a food hall we can I'm trying to get better with the dates.

I got to get better. I don't think Terry blacks will be packed. Many options. It's pretty cool. Small food court. Go shopping afterwards. Yeah, I'm trying to get much better with that. What's also the dates feel?

I don't know. Dates feel unnatural. You know what I mean? know, dates feel unnatural. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. They always feel weird, because I've talked to you all day.

Well yeah, that's the other thing. I think dates, you're being fake on a date, and now if you're married, you're real. So it's like, I'm not turning on the fake thing. Yeah. Like, what are we gonna do, you know? Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I come from a big family.

Yeah, it's just us talking about our kids. Right, right. We're both being like, yeah exactly like yeah, I come from a big family Yeah, you're just it just us talking about our kids right both being like fuck. I'm so tired Yeah, and we have like two drinks and eat dinner, and we're like let's get the fuck out of here Yeah, yeah, but I'm taking her out for a birthday this weekend. I saw that be nice We're going to Napa Really yeah Yeah, that's fun. It'll be cool. Let really? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, that's fun. It'll be cool. Yeah, let's go get fucked up.

Yeah, get hammered. We need to fight. It's in the cards. It's in the fucking cards. It's just two beers is all it takes to just rip the veneer off. Yeah, we're fighting. We'll be in the back of one of those little party vans has been like no idea just why did I do this? Why the fuck did you say that shit? Yeah, yeah place?

Yeah, it'll be it'll be yeah shit starts coming up from Years or weeks ago or goes the other way or it's just like totally lovey-dovey You can go either way that when the alcohol kicks in that's when if you're like nine ten days deep it comes out You're're fucking touch You think I'm a beta and you hate me secretly And you've secretly been I wasn't called Lily pad hopping You just fucking look at how many gets to a high target alpha male It is funny. It is funny than their minds that it's like a girl does want to suck a dick. That's what they're saying at all times

Yeah, obviously, so if they're not sucking your dick, they're thinking about another dick Is their logic? Yeah, I Yeah, I mean or what I think that could be like there's no way they could just be living their life There's no way they can just be content and thank God. I don't this suck a guy's dick I'm on the account. I'm on the mortgage. I don't have to suck a guy's dick anymore. This is heaven Yeah, I'm like for real trying to work my way into like kind of asexuality Yeah, I heard you talking about this. I saw a clue Would you say into what a sexual is when it's just like. Just being non, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it'll never happen, because it's like, I will still, I'm still a red-blooded guy. Like it builds up quick in me. That's why I wonder what it was to be like, to be like one of those eunuchs back in the day. So sick. Like we're like a, you know, like a king with just like castrated dude, and it'd be like, all right, now you stay and hang out with my wife and keep her company while I'm on the road conquering shit. No, that's suck. It's the choice being able to like the

The total denial of sexual desire does seem like it's like a the ultimate power. You're so clear That's why they were like the advisors like they were like the most trusted advisor. You'd be like bro hit me with like clear You're just trying to fuck the princess in Siberia and you're like you're right you're right I don't have to go invade that place You're right I live in a state of total post nut clarity I know It's literally no nut clarity

Complete just like you know what is that really necessary? Like yeah I'm just gonna spin it out dude I'm gonna go It's like every time they're probably like uh your sire I you should just go rub one out. I think you'll feel that So funny a guy being like guys are nuts. It's like well. Maybe we should hire a woman advisors Get a guy cut his dick Maybe we shall consult with the Duchess. It's like, dude, relax. Relax.

We'll figure this out. That, and I think they were, that was like an esteemed position. So if you were like, if you just got conquered, you know, and they like cut your dick off, dudes would be like, lucky. You were just headed to be like a galley slave. You're like, dude, for real, cut my dick off. Just the bottom of a boat for your whole life just Yeah, just rowing. Yeah, come in and show your loyalty sir. I'm here to serve you forever

I wonder if you get just tucked phantom boners, you know Yeah, or like they at least dream that they still have a I feel like at that point your nipples would just get really hard. Your nipples would just stick out. But I don't think you would even really protect, like, uh, you wouldn't have a lot of testosterone I don't think at that point. I don't know, but you still gotta be, I don't know, right? You still gotta be able to feel it. In a dream situation, you could, you know, you could have like a, man, having a wet dream with no...

You know, have you ever seen your dick in a dream? No, I don't think I ever have it's crazy Which is weird to remember as a kid you would have like those like other people have seen my dick Yeah, I've never seen my dick in a dream they say you don't see cell phones in dreams typically It's very rare to see a cell phone in a dream Yeah, yeah, but I've just started dreaming again. I think it's cuz I've reduced my weed Yeah, and man, he's I've been having nightmares like full-on nightmares comes back hard. Yeah, man, but uh, yeah I had that I went through a run of that

I went on like a three-day bender watching baseball games And then I came back and I like like six six nights in a row had every bullshit Dream you could have teeth falling out falling off a cliff and they get stuck in a wedge Naked come in a wedge naked covered a wedge sucks I've done stuck in a wedge where it's almost like a lucid dream And it like fucking I'm like trapped under a staircase being like dude get me the fuck out of here Yeah, it sucks covered in bees. It was covered in bees Here's waking up and watching the Phillies again the next day It was so sad. What's a three-day baseball bender like that sounds kind of nice It was fucking awesome. My lady accidentally bought tickets to the entire like college baseball regional

Final and so there was this was live. Yeah. Yeah, so we and we live right next to the base baseball stadium So we were just wake up walk over the baseball stadium start drinking watching like Houston Christian versus University of Texas, San Antonio. It was great. I thought you were in front of the tube. What? I thought you were in front of the tube.

I thought you were going full pop-up mode. I'm like, that's powerful. No, no, no. We were going to the game, just getting hammered. That's fun. Yeah, it was great. I like that. But then, you know, the dreams afterwards.

Normally I'll get crazy dreams, but this was just like straight out of the textbook Yeah, she falling out bullshit. I get he falling out jumping and floating That's a good cool one. I get every now and again where I can jump and like hover in the air Yeah, or just somehow like jump and then like fly like I'm like a plastic bag I get those a lot where I can jump and it's kind of like and it's I'm like Showing everyone like dudes I can find new I could do this. That's why around I feel like flying is the hardest thing to do in a dream. I fly I do I get like not like pure flight, but I can jump and I can learn I can like float my body

Yeah over buildings and come back down. It's like really realistic. I'm like fuck. I'm coming down hard I'm able to like it's pretty cool cool It does feel like a measure of your confidence Maybe you know what I mean like somewhere in your brain. You're still going there's no way I could actually fly But I'll sail along like a bag I am doing it just my brain telling me I'm just drifting pointlessly through life I've had those because I can never have never flown in a dream ever, but I've tried I Didn't say I jumped super high, but then I just come back down then I wake up And I'm like it was fucking dream, and I couldn't fly

Time time is appointed for the clean Raiders to play We had a motherfucking hour all right, let's stop and slide in the page you're on.