Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 564 - Cuddle Puddle (feat. James McCann, Tim Butterly, & Egan Robinson)

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Jim @ ⁠https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann⁠ Support Tim @ ⁠https://www.patreon.com/timbutterly⁠ Follow Egan @eganism @egan_robinson Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See James Live @ https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigs Yo0o0o0o0o. wutz good every buddy. Hope you're all having a good week. The Kahuna's away on biz but we're still in his home. We got new Texas resident Timmy b, Egg, and Jimmy this week. Smokin hot cast. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes dude, we start over my voice crack dude Leave it in. Hey Hey guys, um, thank you guys. Thanks for coming man. Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming. I Yeah, I did wear a tank top. I wasn't you know, it's not a good thing I'm just trying to had a mogul in us. I'm not moggin at all I really I'm humbly asking for notes from the viewership You guys I need to work on just let me know You know Arnold used to wear belly shirts when he was bulking just to give himself the motivation

Is that like it cuts off like right here? Yeah, that's kind of nice laid-back jacked is such a statement Almost overpowering down nonchalant you're trying to be about it. I saw you at the pool two weeks ago. Your back is out of control. Are you serious? You've got a huge muscular back. Everybody noticed that you turned around. The people I was with said, oh, that's from carrying this goddamn podcast. I don't even think they knew about comedy.

People were going, you know a guy with a big back. Are you serious? I never got to check my back. it going like like Cobra style like man I've seen earlier pictures of you. No one accidentally gets a huge Manta ray a manta ray good. It's just Maka. My stack is just Maka and Sheila jeet yo I just I just got on the jeet today. Did you really first time it's gross it tastes nasty I was like it's like it's like scary how bad it is. Well, I was sniffing, I got it also from like a sketchy

like online web store. And so I was like, I don't even know. It's just like a black like tar in a, I don't even know what it is. I'm like, it smells like gross. I'm like, let me just put it in. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I guess I put it in water and just drink it, but it was really nasty. It's gross. You gotta kind of put it in coffee, I feel like. Okay. Yeah. It said to put it in water and just drink it, but it was really nice. Gross. You got to kind of put it in coffee. I feel like, okay. Yeah. It said to put it in milk. People put it in milk. I was like, that sounds like a weird. Yeah. I've tried to put it right under my tongue and it's just like, yeah, me and the guys at the gym, we just go raw. You've load maxed for a while. Oh, is that why you're doing it for low? I'm just going just kind of a male enhancement all around. Yeah, I'm going Supplement. Yeah zinc

L arginine And I'm doing two more that I forget the name. Are you still LM? I haven't since I started the move, but yeah, I was doing it for about a month or two Yeah, what's what's like the ideal amount of time to like load max before it's like now I'm gonna let the load out like, you know it's I'd say you're probably not gonna see any results until like like probably a week or two in okay like the first day you take it it's like who gives a fuck and then like two weeks in you're just like I can never go back and then you fall off one day and you go I'll get back to it and then you never take it

again and then all the supplements expire in your cabinet you do get that one time experience with loading that one time yeah you kind of like, I don't know, it's not sustainable. You're not going to be impressed by your load, because then you're just like, well, now I need to go bigger. I did, I did. I just raised the bar. I raised the bar for your load. It's the secret to having a large amount of ejaculate, not just to wait a couple of days. If you just wait a couple of days, don't you have a lot of work? You have time. But if you do both of those things in conjunction, then...

What, you just have every day a huge got every day you you save it for like this is what I do now I just go like I've started telling my wife I've talked about this before but it's like I have completely lifted my off my like sexual offense has I've retired it completely game now no I just I'm just I tell her like look I'm just here I'm not gonna pressure you about it I was like I'm trying to retain if you need to break the glass you go right ahead but try not to do it more than once a week. And now is this having the reverse psychological effect that you're hoping it does? For sure. Or are you just withering away? No dude I'm just retaining seed and just getting... That's what's up that's what's up I'm I'm full the full year. Are you? Not a away? No, dude, I'm just retaining seed is getting. That's what's up. That's what's up. I'm, I'm, I'm full, the full year. Are you not a full year, but since I haven't, I haven't jaded off since 2024, because I, I love to tell people like, oh, you jerk off at so 2024.

You've been off the nog since 2024. Yeah. I've been off the nog off, uh, no porn, no Jane off. No PMO. What's PMO porn masturbation orgasm? I thought it was piss me off My daughter's been saying PMO all the time. That's what she means She keeps saying TSP MO and now now She piss me off And now Went wrong somewhere maybe six years ago

No, we okay, but yeah, I'm so far past I I don't even, I mean, I think about it. Do you ever feel the urge? You ever feel the pull? Just constantly. Well, it's really mainly like, it is kind of nice, because I feel the urge only when I'm in my apartment not doing anything, because it's literally just an indication that I should go out and do something. But only when I'm like, yeah,

when I'm just like wallowing away. Have a vlog. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the hotel rooms on the road are very scary, yeah. I just download, I just download like a dating app and just swipe to see like is someone sexually interested in me at all I'm like it's yeah, it's crazy. I'm just like basically gooning on tinder. It's like who wants to fuck me If you if you're completely resisting the urge, what are what are your social media algorithms looking like so I have been I will say I'm the type of guy that I have been slowly like unfollowing like any kind of like

Hot girl account and then if anyone even posts anything that has like good like a girl like a bikini or anything I'm just like I don't need to see this filth on my time So it's a lot more it's basically my algorithm is all just like just like anime videos like Catholic bullshit basically I was following no fly honeys and the algorithm found me out basically. I was following no fly honeys and the algorithm found me out. Yeah, they turn your busses into your timeline all the time. But I found you can reset it. You can fully default. What's no fly honey? What is that? Hmm. I wasn't following any fly honeys on my Instagram. Oh, you said babes.

I thought you were babes are going to get off the ground. I'm like, that's what I'm saying. So you have no fly babes. No, but then the algorithm still goes, you've lingered on this you like obviously you like this Yeah, but I found you can you do a hard reset on it where you go Yeah, take me back today one of the algorithm before you knew anything Yeah, from the baby out bath water then I was getting women making sourdough with huge breasts. Yeah, and Well, that's crazy. We were just watching them paintings in the mouth. Yeah

Yeah, that there was like porn warm-up girls. I'm always kind of like Sketched out like is it like do they stop? Is that like a woman dipping her toe in like sexual entertainment like oh all my Instagram and stuff Yeah, the ones who aren't doing like poor. Yes digital fluffers. It's sometimes the Ecosystem of yeah, I like they make like soft like... Big ecosystem. Yes.

I think they try and butter you up, they try and calm you down, try and go, this is alright, all that gets you going. They know, they're trying to, I believe, on the X, I had to get off the X because then... That's all porn. It was all porn, but then I would find that at other times when I was... I think they geotag it as well. I noticed the algorithm was different. when I was out and about in public I was getting different things recommended to when I was alone

In a room. Yes. What do you mean? You're just walking down the street. He's like fuck Like there's nothing erotic here really nice Room and it was very erotic and I thought they know where I am and they you might just be in a room getting Horny too though that to be fair you could be right you could be right But that could be I I know that because I get in a hotel room And I'm like I look like Britney Spears from like an early music video. I'm just laying on the bed like I'm just gyrating my hips I've chum bound and James like the algorithms crazy

I've chum bound and change the emotions with the algorithms crazy I did I've bought a new phone though. I'm trying again with a dumb phone. Oh really I've got the minimalist fine It's a normal crime fine a flip no this it just has a e-reader Kindle screen So you can do everything on it, but it looks terrible Why I'm gonna text you still get oh eight five text you eight oh eight five that's not bad you're going for the kind of like somewhat dumb phone but it'll give you maps and stuff though maps uber Spotify that's all you need and then I think I'm safe and then I think I can just live a normal life of grayscale tits that's gonna change everything now you're like I'm gonna get a fucking but I'll be chasing that in real life device that

we're in weird glasses in the bedroom to start getting at your sketches shipped from Vietnam No, it's my egg rolls Hell yeah Thank you time out Paul's the podcast we got it finally get your egg rolls. No, I can wait I can hold off I can delay gradation serious if you can go without ejaculating in almost a year, then I can you have your soft mode basically What's what soft mode is when a woman can get it out of you? Oh, no, so I'm I'm trying to do I'm hard mode I mean, I'm the heart all the time mode basically, but I am yourself it Yeah, I'm trying to be because I'm trying to be like a good like Catholic Catholic means

Desert desert Catholic desert. Yeah, I'm like a desert like a good like Catholic Catholic man. Yes desert desert Catholic desert. Yeah I'm like a desert. Yeah desert father right now. Just fucking yeah, just just in my exodus Just roaming around the desert getting lost, but I'm jacked as well what you oh, yeah Yeah, I thought you meant I was getting nothing. No, I'm not I'm I've been here to get checked one way or the other dude. That's the thing. I've been trying to let my back is just You gotta get jacked one way or the other. Dude, well that's the thing I've been trying to like. My back is just full of fucking cum. I'm like a camel.

Bitch is nuts. I was like, what's your secret? I was like, well you gotta not jerk off for six months that you start there. You're never gonna believe it guys. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper,

it's time to show your B-hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Why? Because Dude Wipes are wet and extra moisture cleans away that dry that never could. They leave no room for dingleberries and stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra large and designed for adults. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss and flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. No more endless rolls or settling for less than perfect wipes.

Think about the last time you really could have used dude wipes. The good for cleaning up cum. Dude wipes, best clean, pants down. Available on Amazon and major retailers nationwide. But, yeah man, I wouldn't suggest it to everybody, but it's been good. What do you do if you're walking down the street and you see an attractive woman? I just fall in love immediately. Open up, open up, open up.

I have a giant heart pound out of my chest, my tongue unrolls and God forbid I'm wearing glasses because those eyeballs are gonna shoot through and break. I've read you're supposed to from desert Catholic training, you're supposed to just see them and as soon as you feel your like body chemistry change you just wish them the best. You go I just really hope she has a good life. It was a tale. I'm just like sailing a hill, marry my brain, it's like I can't think of her like that. I think it's two monks walking along and the old monk and the young monk and they see a beautiful woman and the young monk shields his eyes and looks away and the old monk is

able to look at her and the young monk is like, oh, are you a pervert? You're able to look at a woman? And the old monk's like, I'm so ordered. I'm able to look at a woman and just move on with my day. I don't have on with my day I don't have to hate myself I don't have to hate God's beautiful creation in that woman's huge lovely breasts and that's what I do when I see women like I'm so ordered I don't even think you're hot sleeping in a bed with girls I'm in bed with young concubines I guess cuz he could avoid the temptation he never even weren't they? He was like nieces. Yeah.

You know, you gotta take what you get. Small village. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. He heard Gandhi did that. Yeah. He would lay in bed and not do anything. I just cuddle puddle.

Cuddle. He probably went arms at his size, completely rigid. Just like, I'm not even, I don't even feel anything about this. I don't feel your flesh. I mean, we need you to write legislation for the country. You've got a job to do. No, I'm have to be in the bed with the needs of starving, starving, a cuddle puddle. I mean, zooming out, you know, he didn't know people would know about that.

He was just, it was just, right. How old was he when he did that? That's the question. He was older, right? Well, when he was younger, I think his, I might get this this wrong i think his father died and he was having sex with his wife wait the time like he was meant to be in there with his dad but he said oh i might have sex with my wife and then go and visit dad but first sex with the wife and then he died and he felt so ashamed that he stopped uh oh his father died and he yeah like it was some something like he

could have seen his father one more time if only he hadn't Lanes is why that was why I never jacked on holidays as a child because I thought my grandparents were going to die on a Holiday on like Thanksgiving or something and it would be like oh man. I God was busy watching me jack off instead of saving my grandmother's life for Thanksgiving dinner. That's true. So I me jack off instead of saving my grandmother's life for Thanksgiving dinner. That's true. So I avoided it every single time. And eventually I broke and it was just every day for the rest of my life. Yeah, I used to torture myself over the Easter beat.

That was the one that like really I would do. I'd be like, come on dude, don't do it. And it was just, I'd be on autopilot with the Coles catalog bra section, like, forgive me father. I know it's also rough because then you actually have to go to like mass and be like I just I was post-mass Oh, I should get torqued at Easter. Yes Like wildly so it was crazy see everybody there Sunday's best beautiful my god So I'm a racist bring his sprung. Yeah, you know hair styles

You know the girls are trying out new new looks that you don't not really getting in there dude class I mean genetically I was a pagan. I was just the goddess Freya dude was just. You really interpret it's Austin for you. You're having the full pagans fertility festival. What's Austin? Austin was the original. But that's the, that's like, that's all the, we never Dan Brown's like,

did you know that Easter was actually a sex festival? Hmm. It was called Austin and the Viking. I don called Austin the Viking I don't believe that dude neither the Aphrodite crazy the temple of Aphrodite I don't know anything about the temple of it was uh when it was like around the time when Paul was riding around being like trying to get everyone to become Christians are you sending his letters yeah we send all his epistles and and uh, and they were like, he's like, come to a church with us and they had, there was one place I forget where it was, but they were like, we have a temple that just sells meat and then there's just, it

was like literally only fans in real life. Yeah. It would just be a temple of maidens. This is a big thing in the ancient world was the priestess whore. Yes. Cause I know in Gilgamesh, they, There's the, ah, this might not be exciting. No, I like to hear it. I'm all ears. Gilgamesh is too powerful. My gods want to crush him. So they sent for him a, uh,

I think his name is Eridu or something, but he's a big hairy guy who's crazy. And, uh, and then he's the whole town is ruined by this hairy man who's meant to get in Gilgamesh's way is too powerful It's a very strange introduction this year But then the townspeople get together and they go take him to the priestess hooker Yeah, that's like and he'll have sex with her and then he'll be civilized because he'll be ashamed from having oh the hairy guy I'll be yeah, he loses his and then he comes and then immediately goes. What have I been doing? I got to get my life together. Oh, that's the start of the Epic of Gilgamesh.

He lost his strength. But that they would have the strip club and the temple were one. Yeah. Which also at a strip club, that is the vibe of the men at a woman strip club. Everyone's hooting and hollering and they're going woo. And they're trying to bite people. And in a men's strip club, usually just very sad, lonely guys sitting there alone staring into the temple of the flesh.

Oblivion. Yes. Yeah, true. That's true. It's a lot more reverent, I would say. Except yeah, but then you get like when you're throwing money at them, I guess, I don't know. Different races, different strip clubs, I would say would be it. You never, you never tossed bills? Oh no. In Australia, we don't. That's a regular. Really? That's a regular strip club. That's America. I mean, you, I'm sorry. We don't have dollar bills might be a big difference. Throwing a big fiver is, how long am I going to be here for? That sounds like a, I've got college tuition to prepare for. Yeah, we throw money. I saw someone throw a quarter at a stripper's butthole one time. That was you getting coins are like no-go. Okay

Yeah, you get in trouble for that. I had a dark time back when I was like a wee lad I used to I did the fold on the They clap their ass chicken fucking little mousetrap Do the whole time the DJ was like yo give it up for Bieber Dude the whole time that DJ was like, yo give it up for Bieber! Hold on, so you would put it on your face? I'd go to lipsticks, 3X's lipsticks and then You would just try to catch the snail? They would catch it with their ass cheeks

I just got fucking pink eye or something You were playing like claw game Yeah, but they're very accurate claw game Whoa And the prize was pink eye Did you ever go to Thailand? You were playing like claw game. Yeah, but they're very accurate claw game. Whoa. And the prize was pink. Did you ever go to Thailand? No, I went to Japan. I went to Japan only. I'll never make it to Thailand. There's nothing taking me there.

Why are you trying to go to a private place? I always wonder about the, you know, people have, and a whole bird came out of there. You know, at the Thai sex, you know, the Thai, they have the weird sex show Maybe this is just the thing we know about in Australia because that's where everybody goes but in Thailand That's where that's the spot ladies shooting ping pong balls and having live creatures come out What's the other thing about Thailand that people want to go for Great rock and roll music of the late 60s, early 70s.

Australia, yeah, you guys are close to Thailand, so that's where you guys go. It's where a lot of our more, sometimes though, often in Australia, there's a man who loves going to Thailand. Because you guys are gap years of stuff. Yeah, but you'll know a guy at the office always, you'll be working somewhere. And there's a guy who just goes to Thailand twice a year. Is everybody suspicious of him? He's like, I'm going back to Thailand.

There are comedians who are like, I can't wait to get back. I do my podcast in Thailand all the time. It's frowned upon in America. If you know anyone who goes to Thailand, it's kind of like. If you're not Thai, if you are Thai, fine. You're allowed to go back to Thailand.

If you're white and going to Thailand. You gotta get over there so people can fuck you. Once every four years is the absolute maximum, I think. Four years? Yeah, you're somebody you know in Thailand you got to get over there so people can fuck you once every four years Is the absolute maximum I think four years? Yeah, you're right. I think going there at all. I'll never I'll never go there Yeah, I can't say I'm gonna go to Thailand ever there Dubai my wife's trying to go to Dubai And I was like Brittany I'll never ever go to fucking Dubai In my life just hang up some sheiks. I just have no interest. I'm like it's like Atlantic City run by Muslims And then it's like I'm gonna I'll get arrested if I have a vape pen in Atlantic City 15 years in the future It's also like I'm and if I have a vape cartridge in my bag, I'll go to jail for seven years

Yeah, bro. No fucking. Thanks. I Mean you think Brittany will Observe enough enough decorum so that she doesn't end up in like an underground prison She'll be like that lady remember that one muscle lady So black lady tried to take over Pakistan for a hundred thousand There were just a black lady in Pakistan catfished all the way to Pakistan. And then showed up and did like a press conference that made like national news.

And she said, I need the government to give me $100,000. The roads aren't paved. I don't know if I've seen a bathroom since I got here. I'm going to fix this. Y'all need to give me the money. And I think she disappeared for a while after that. I haven't heard from her yet.

They just like, stoned her. It was a failed campaign. They didn't want to solve the problem. Someone must have got, I think Beyonce went over there and rescued her. They sent the Britney Griner Defense Force to extract her. I did see in the clip, the Pakistani dudes were kind of laughing. I didn't know if they'd be like spazzing. You could see them in there like like they thought she was playing.

Wait, did she want the money to fix the country for them or as we can give it to me, I'll make it happen. I, yeah, I think she wanted money too. She, I think she was wanting for herself too. I'll pay myself out, but then I'll pave all the roads and uh, I don't know. And then I'll have 80,000. She needed like three grand a And then I'll have 80,000. It's just like a huts. She needed like three grand a week, I think she wanted. She was like, I want three grand a week.

And then maybe I think it was like, all right, give me a fucking love son. I can fix Pakistan for three grand a week, I think. Also, can anyone just like have a press conference? It's like, just I need to call a press conference in Pakistan. It was just a, they had a black lady wilding out. I don't believe they've ever had a black lady wilding out in Pakistan.

It's like, we're gonna put her on the news. This is crazy. It's like, we gotta put her on the news. This is crazy. It's just insane. I mean, you know what the divorce rate is in Pakistan? No. It's like zero one or zero percent. Respect. That's at least my Uber driver told me that.

They probably can't. I think that's not true. I swear to God, dude. Isn't it? Cause in Islam, it's usually very easy to get a divorce. Yeah, they do like one hour divorce and then you go back. In Iran. I thought that, are they not able to have multiple, is that another thing

that they do? You can, you gotta afford, you gotta prove you can afford them. And you are not allowed to have a threesome, I found out. The wives are not allowed to be in a bedroom together and they get you on different days. So if you have two wives you get to pick a four day a week wife and a three day a week wife. Really? And it's a split marriage. Wait, you can't mix wives. No, the wives don't get to get up to any time This is a situation. They're both married to you, but they're not married to each other I did a lot of reading about this when I was thinking about Islam Really as a viable and then I saw that and I thought nice

Not as fun as it's 0.3 to 0.7 divorce rate. Yeah, bro. What's the rate of killing your wife? Yeah, bro. What's the rate of killing your wife? It's probably matches the divorce rate in the US. 53%. Probably don't have accurate numbers for that because of the way they are. Yeah, I told you. I told you, man. What are the rates of freak wife accidents? Now, if I was in Pakistan, say I had three wives, could I have one wife where all we did is I brought her around and had a bag of toys and then I got to have my friends have sex with her?

That's what apparently Kanye West was doing. I think that's her. It's called a freak bag. It's a freak bag. You bring a freak bag for your wife. There's a term for it. It's called, oh God. What's the name? It's like it's it's like an elevated cucking where it's like you're way more proactive Fuck what's I gotta find the term for that? Well, you're like you're pimping your wife. It's sort of no. There's no money

There's no money. Oh, you're a pro boner. It's all play. It's all play You bring a freak bag you show up and you bring a freak bag Let me see if I can find the video Wifing it's not hot wiping. It's a whole Kanye's journey along the road to Christianity has taken a couple of he took a hard each left turn. He did. Yeah, I'll find this Those are God's favorite The prodigal the article he's got to come back, you know What greater proof than

someone on a journey like break bag it's called like a here we go here we go stag vixen just cuz it has a cool name doesn't make it right yeah it's it's a name yeah it's called a hoe bag that's what you bring a bag full of toys and you go to a party and you just kind of like and it's just I don't know that's it that's what They said Kanye and Diddy were doing I heard a rumor that he suspected She was some sort of federal agents and to spy on him and he was embarrassing her on purpose Kind of like you can push it and I bringing a bag where other men will stag vixen. Yes

Again, I this is all this is all obviously here. She really like it's definitely evidence in it It kind of makes sense why he spent so much time in Japan if it that's something they'd be they'd be kind of into over There you know yeah who that kind of play the Japanese. Yeah, yeah true. They kind of had they kind of sexually Unusual before the atomic explosions or did that kick that off I Think there's like ancient scrolls of like a middle-aged Japanese man smoking a cigarette and fucking with this girl cries There is an ice mat. There is a genuine. There's an octopus print. Yeah Like early early being entered by an octopus I Think I think they have the Hawaiians have that with like an eel There's a giant eel that was fucking ladies in like the Polynesian culture where the wines aren't they got Maui Maui killed him

We didn't make it into Moana Moana three that's like the X and XX version of it Hey, you're going to fucking like Disney cut porn's dude Sometimes a pop so I don't look at that I'm back in my early days back in my dark day Just watching it just being like yeah, I remember this movie. It's be so much better I was got into like the cartoon cartoon like Simpsons porn. I never got into that never never all you missed out That was that was Curiosity in the back of your mind that kind of never goes away no matter how

Sometimes it's cool to indulge man. That was my first day we're working with Pecking hate I would guess They didn't hog out anybody on the real porn no yeah anybody is it I'm gonna be singing of the Bart's boner right now, but I don't think I saw anyone with a huge on any Parts in the fourth grade. That's CP. Yeah, well. So you're saying they all worked with kind of regular me.

I'm going to barricade myself in my home with Simpsons Bart. Come and take it, pigs. It's just Marge sucking off Bart. I always found that The Simpsons was fairly erotic enough. You always think that they have a good healthy sex life in their marriage. Like a lot of shows you can't pick the sexual dynamic of the characters, but Marge and Homer are I think very satisfied in one another. You never get the sense that... No?

I've never once thought that, I don't. Like Hank and Peggy, I go, I don't know what they're getting up to, I don't know how the King of the Hill sex life is, but I always think. Marge struck me as kind of a freak actually. Yes. No, Marge and Homer, they have a very sensual relationship. It is very sensual.

It's communicated very clearly. There's little moments where Marge and Homer, they have a very sensual relationship. It is very sensual. It's communicated very clearly. There's little moments where Marge will, you know, Homer will say something like, oh, I'll do that thing where I, you know, nibble on your elbow or whatever, and Marge goes, mm. Also, the homie. The homie, that was like, that's, yeah.

I kinda like her little pet name from like, she called me, mm, homie. That's, that's her intention. Yeah, now you mention it. Did you think Homer ever sucks Marge's tits Yes, got it, right? Well, she's given birth very recently She'd still be breastfeeding. He's probably not allowed to touch him because for the entirety of the Simpsons They have a they have a one-year-old one-year-old baby. Mm-hmm But never seen Marge nurse and now this is suddenly bothering

Marge doesn't breastfeed. How do they not tackle that topic when that became a big thing and women started breastfeeding at restaurants? How did they not do a Marge episode where she was like, Yeah, man. Yeah. I feel like women used to like, didn't you still like hide a woman in the basement to breastfeed? Cause I never saw women trying to do that.

Actually, I feel like when I had the, I had little brothers and sisters, I feel like I might've walked into the room one time and like, Jesus fucking Christ. There's a lot of, I mean, at the airport, they have those pods. The pods are nice. Which I assume guys are using for jacking off. Featuring lactation.

Yeah, lagoon pods. I shamed somebody recently in the airport for a family bathroom. I was waiting outside, the whole family, and I'm like, taken for fucking ever. And I don't hear any kids I'm like there. This is a mother. This is someone taking a shit Yeah, and I waited and waited he's like girl

I'm in here took a sweet time and I was just boiling dude It's like my kid like there's lit and there was like a line for the other the girls bathroom Yeah, so it was just like long as fuck and my kids were like the boys bathroom is disgusting I kind of drove in their heads I'm like you guys don't want to be in here this place is fucked up And then I the guy opens the door and I was like What the fuck dude, where's your kids and he was like the ones like grumbled away fully shamed him It's great. You got to feel handicapped for the first time. Yes

I've made the argument if you have two kids in your car you can park in a handicapped You're fully handicapped. I Get around in a handicapped spot. You're fully handicapped. It'd be easier to get around in a wheelchair. Put me in a fucking wheelchair for a week. Piece of cake, dude. Too many handicapped spots now in America. I went to a theme park. I went to Kings Island in Cincinnati.

It was a theme park. You can't get it. I paid extra for the premium parking. Well behind the handicapped. All fucking handicapped. That's all Okay, I will say this reduce the number of handicapped spots or start checking. Here's what I say It's the number of handicapped. Well, if it should be if you want the classic blue and white logo You yeah

You have to have like some sort of proof on your windshield of like what you're working with if you're just fat handicapped There should be a handicap with a there's a small FAT so just there should be regular handicap and then just purely fat handicap. It's just they should make you watch ads too They help you change it should be a slightly smaller they do that on um fuck what is it a It should be a slightly smaller part. They do that on um fuck. What is it? Southwest Airlines because you can pay to get on first to try to get those first four seats We have super legroom, but then it's like you want people in wheelchairs It's like whatever is you know I don't think they're even allowed in those front seats But then you'll get fat handicap, and you're just like you son of a bitch

I know you're taking those two front seats you motherfuckers just standing there. nothing just no wheelchair no cane just just crushing some new balances leaning forward you know you actually had the experience of getting stuck next to a like significantly obese person on a flight no I've had people two seats just in case. Please stop flexing your lats. It's too small. I've got to move on Southwest now. That I do. What do you do? Because you're walking down the aisle and everyone's window seat, aisle seat in the middle, you look for people who look like they know each other who are spread out and you sit in between them and then they feel uncomfortable with the stranger sitting between them that they will give you either the aisle or the window usually

Yes, I do I do late. I do like I don't ever upgrade it I personally do late like boarding group C or whatever is single man. I'm trying to I go in there and just like scope out There's like a girl Well, it's so crazy we sat next to each other Well, I said it's also a lot I said it's like a pretty like like Latin lady which is kind of my favorite and I have like I carry a rosary with me usually and I had my pocket I thought I left it I thought I like dropped it I was like very loud did I drop my rosary? No, it's in my pocket. Thank goodness. Oh, hey, I'm sorry. They're uncomfortable pushing up against your enormous Latina ass Did you just let it drop out of the side of your hands like this

first tattoo Yes, I just have it kind of dangling out of one pocket. Like, Oh, what's oh, rosary. What'd she say? Oh, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. She didn't say anything. But do you give you a Dio Smeo? No, no. That would have that would have been it for me. I would have probably come up. Thank God she didn't tempt you. I'm gonna go to Southwest and just stand next to the stewardess the whole time, like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought we could just sit wherever he wanted. Just sit over there. I'm sitting in the cockpit.

I'm going to the cockpit. I want to finally get, I wonder if I dress my son up, or one of them, like a little pilot, and I say, he loves this. Oh, he loves pilots. They wouldn't let you fly though No, but maybe they'd let him in there and I'd get to accompany him into the company You can do that if you bored you can be like my kid wants to look in you

That's my plan. They don't let you in there just him was like, whoa, what the hell? I wouldn't allow that true I'm not letting those pilots fool there dude. Every pilot looks exactly the same For the most I would say yeah, I sent a pilot's looks exactly the same. For the most, I would say 80% of pilots look exactly the same. Same haircut, same salt and pepper. Same build. It's crazy. Same voice on the intercom.

Same exact, talking exactly the same. That might be some sort of thing they learned to do for air traffic control, because they talk all. You guys watched the rehearsal, right? I loved it. I haven't seen it. I loved it. I heard it's good.

All right, so there's kind of an explanation for it. Why? If you express any kind of like personal shortcomings people start to look at you because it's like That leads down a path of like is this guy suffering from like a mental health thing. Spoiler alert. They're all very autistic. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Maybe it attracts a certain type or maybe you mold yourself into the right type. But in the last episode Nathan actually does a commercial flight in a 737 with an actual pilot as his co-pilot. And the guy completely goes like normal SpongeBob and seems to not even have a thought the entire time.

Whoa! Yeah, they're showing him, like try to talk to him. The guy's like, what? And they're just doing what? Back and forth. And Nathan was like, I thought you were about to say something. And the guy goes, no, if I think anything that I have to say, I'll say it out loud. And then just eyes forward the entire flight. There's no like, what's up, man? You see the game? Yeah, it's just none of that.

They they either do not think or they are able to suppress every thought that they have Whoa, very weird dude. I I've been watching the accountant one and two do you house too? I want to see real things pretty sick It leans into kind of like the bromance between him and his brother a lot but I'm I've been wondering if like all tests are kind of like an adaptation to live and kind of a more like computerized society because I was in the end too they are using the altist kids from the Academy as like kind of like

Like their own little powerhouse like gather information on my dude. We're gonna be these guys gonna be hot we farms for these people Yeah, these guys like Bill Gates is vaccinating Africa to give us his own little autistic army He wants the altis fucking squad if we're gonna finally turn this into a techno futurist regime Yeah, but then of the autistic he's got to be careful because then they can hit they can hit him with a little Dragon Ball Z take the whole place down drop the power grid. They'll be in there fucking Trying to move water bottles with them I want to get that video last night of the dude really like showing his progress of like moving water bottles

And I was like how is he doing that? This episode of Matt and Shane secret podcast is brought to you by dude wipes Riff prompts when you wipe are you sitting or standing I started out sitting today, and then I actually actually I'm not lying I got saved by dude wipes today. I was in the bathroom taking a dump at Shane's house and I Had you know what like clings to the side of your butt kind of I had a large deposit cling to my butt And it like literally you don't have to ever get it on your hand at all and you wipe I don't know gross you guys out has like accidentally have you have you ever get it on your hand at all in your wife I don't know gross you guys out has accidentally have you have you ever got it on your hand I? Did it literally happen to me today like I got it just a tiny bit on my hand

I was like fuck that's the joy of the dude wipe an XL wipe for an XL man No, it was it came in handy. I would have had it gone home. It was such a disaster that I mean God I did that guys Whichever way you wipe it's time to to show your beehole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss and the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra large and designed for adults. So no more endless rolls or setting for less, or sorry.

So no more endless rolls or setting for less or sorry So no more endless rolls or settling for less than perfect wipes dude wipes best clean pants down Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide But yeah the I've been going around for last like three days pretending on the account pretty much the whole time is pretty sick The account is such a big W for white guys. Yeah white dorks. It's huge The accountant's such a big W for white guys. Yeah. For white dorks. It's huge. It's crazy. I'll watch any bro movie with Bernthal.

Like, he's really good in that role. He's great. Like Fury, that was... I rewatch Fury pretty often too. That's a great bro movie if you guys have never seen that. He's... Bernthal's a... Yeah, I was trying to tell Brittany, I was like, dude, he's like, maybe... He's like the best... He's really good. Everything I've ever seen him in, he's...

Yeah. Just spazzing, does a good job. I don't like the lollipops in the accountant too. He's really good everything. I've ever seen him in yeah, just spazzing does a good job I don't like the lollipops and they countin to that's my one gripe. What's he says lollipops in his mouth all the time? It's like a just a thing. I'm like Fucking lollipop out here. It's like a toothpick. I wonder if he made that as his own like like I'm gonna method What if he what if he sucked lollipops? That's what I was thinking about. I'm like dude if he put this in himself on me I was wondering if. I'm like, dude, if he put this in himself, I'm going to piss.

I was wondering if Bernthal is, well, all right, you remember when the Shia LaBeouf stuff happened? Yeah. And Bernthal was like his bro in his corner the whole time. Yeah. And he was doing podcasts. Bernthal actually thinks he is the punisher in real life. I know.

He thinks he is the hard- in real life. I know. He thinks he is like the hard nose grit man. Yeah. And not just like a... A thespian? A bisexual theatre kid? Well no one else is a mask actor. There's a big absence of masculine. Timothy Chalamet is the leading man for everything.

He's a womanly girl. He's not that mask. Yeah, he's a waif. Who's the Spider-Man now? Tom Holland. Tom Holland's very effaced. I'm fond of Tom. He's a womanly. He's not that mask. Yeah, he's a way Who's the spider-man now Tom Holland Tom Holland's very? I'm fond of Tom. He's British and yeah, Bernthal's man These guys are all the same Well, here's the thing to be fair every movie. I watch I'm like yeah I'm that guy for at least two weeks and wears off if I was the character that it would I would warp me dude

I would completely think I'm a Navy SEAL. So I think it's a hazard of the industry. He's been so method for so long. He's been so method. I think he's lost in the role. I think he's tough now. I guess so, man. I swear to God.

I'm still watching the rest of the accountant, too. I haven't finished it yet. So in my head, I'm like, nah, he's tough as fuck, dude. He has no idea. He could beat up a whole room of people Basically perfectly manifesting his brain just him doing these like tough guy roles has just like became like his inner monologue He's like he I'm the tough guy. Well, you watch the podcast you're talking about him and Shia LaBoeuf. They do talk like I Mean, it's like a mix of like Navy Seals and like

Trollow Think about yourself brother, you know as a man then I'm coming to you as a man and you're bad your man Is it just the only word they're saying is man for you know upwards of three minutes? How long we've been brothers for brother Let me tell you something As long as I've been a man One of the all time great podcasts. So relatively recently. It's one of the greatest podcasts ever recorded. Look, I'm not down with you hitting

and pushing your wife, brother, but I get it, brother. I'm here for you in the corner. I'll grab you, when you go to hit your wife, I'm that kind of guy that's grabbing your arms, driving my dick into your back. But I'm not right with that. If you want to punch your wife in the face look man, man, I get it Brother that's a different story. I'm gonna jump in front of the fist and if my head hits her head that's on her

Clink me in the corner, maybe I'll bounce off and catch her in the fucking nose, but look brother Yeah, it's the best those who want to jack off in a chair while I punch her in the face, brother. That's all. That's your prerogative, man. Actually, Tombstone, my ex wife and killer. There's an accident. A tragic accident. I threw my wife off a hill to sell, brother. I was actually thinking about that. I think yesterday I was thinking about. My wife off of hell to sell brother. I was actually thinking about that. I think yesterday I was thinking about

I was thinking about Shia LaBeouf and you know, I like Shia LaBeouf. I like Shia a lot. I like him a lot. But I was thinking like. I think he's still with that lady. I don't know. I could be wrong. The FK, the Twix. No, he got back with his wife.

Oh, so that wasn't his wife. He didn't hit his girlfriend He I did he like it FK twigs that he yeah, and again, I don't know if it was like a push. I don't know he Intentionally gave her a sexually transmitted disease. I think that also and then she wrote a great album about it called you sexual Which is you know, it's not even it's about movements. movements it's great album great art has come out of that intentional list yeah I don't okay so that's on the record that he just didn't tell her I don't know she he apologized but he was very vague about it it's not clear what he's fully converted it fully converted to Catholicism apologize I kind of like

his art so far he was but he was out in he came to the club he was at the mothership like a couple months ago his arc. But he was out in, he came to the club. He was at the mothership, like a couple months ago. Really? I watched the show and he was lovely and he had his dad there. And then I was looking him up on the internet and I think the night before he was arrested for jaywalking because he kept calling a policeman silly. He went to cross the main road and the policeman said, you can't do that. And he said, you're being silly.

You're a silly policeman. He said the word silly. That'll piss off a cop, you're being silly. You're a silly policeman. He said the word silly a bunch of times. That'll piss off a cop. Call a cop silly. They're not going for silly. Yeah, I think silly is one of the, I mean, it's a great thing to call a cop, isn't it? Yeah, it's literally the last thing they wanna hear.

Don't be silly. Oh, you're being silly, man. That actually- Because they're not silly at all. They're serious. It's the most serious men, usually. Yeah, it's much better than pig. Yeah, they'd rather pig. Everyone hears pig, pig. At least there's like anger behind pig. If're like dude. You're being a little silly

Also, pigs is such a standard like go to the silly is like wow this guy has some beef with me This guy's fucking with my head Yeah, I just knew something went down I don't know what happened, but I just thought about my thought was like say you did say you were on record though Cuz you know you like people the details come out people just assume And they hear there was any sort of egg assault or aggravation there They assume you like beat the hell out of her yes, and you know court of public opinion kind of thing When you jump back into the dating pool I wonder like if a girl dates you after hearing publicly that you're a fiend

Or is it like what's up with that like you, you know, is it like, are they like, okay, well, I know what I'm signing up for. Like, are there girls out there being like, oh, she was being a pussy. Of course your boyfriend shoves you. That's what I was wondering about. There's got to be girls out there that are like, yeah, for sure. It's Italian women. Yeah. That was all, it was just a stupid thought in my car. I'm sure there's girls that are about it like that though getting shoved Yeah, and they'll give it back Yeah, Chris Brown's Reputation has not been hurt with his

And his Wikipedia page is nuts if you go to the controversies page on Chris Brown Yeah, that wasn't an isolated Rihanna incident. We're hitting heaps of ladies really they're so horny for him though He's like have you seen the videos of him like just like at his shows just humping girls on stage? Yeah, the meet and greet. By the way, women are getting pregnant taking pictures with Chris Brown. They love that he's socking girls because it's like that means eventually enough of these girls are going to get socked and dropped out then I'm gonna have a chance. I'm like 230 thousandth in line if he could just all I know I gotta just be able to take one good one and I'm set for life. He's gonna be dancing on me. Yeah that's his lawyer must have like the the fund that like just one savings account just for like smacking the lady fund. The smack fund? Smack funds. He was getting kind of low low Chris it wasn't even just girls it

was dating it was like someone who was looking after his dog someone who did his hair wait what have you read this he beat his dog everyone can get it Chris Brown is his dog early as dog his dog allegedly sorry leg you I have to keep saying allegedly but it's a big controversies Wikipedia page and it's almost all what is the controversy it's a big controversy's Wikipedia page. And it's almost all. What is the controversy? What's the alleged controversy? There's one after another. There's like 20. Oh, assaults like. Allegedly, really?

Oh, yeah, he just got re-arrested recently. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like a big one. It like one of those I think it was fat square boys Could be wrong It was either tall and long or fat one at this point if you piss off Chris Brown isn't it kind of your fault You know what I mean? It's like obviously he has a history being a bit of a hothead You know it's like maybe just keep your distance from him. I don't know that would suck You're just recording like very sexual R&B. You're like kind of chubbed up. You're like this is kind of weird. I just keep your distance from him, I don't know. That would suck, you're just recording like very sexual R&B, you're just like kind of chubbed up, you're like this is kinda weird, the guy just beats your ass.

That'd be getting your ass kicked as a sound engineer to R&B would be crazy. Yeah. That would suck dude. Imagine if Boys of Men just stomped you dude. Just DP'd you. They had to. Think Boys of Men were stomping you? Oh yeah, you're getting had to. I think boys of men were stomped. Oh yeah

you're getting punched with like very extravagant rings on their hands and shit. That shit sucks. That one guy comes in the back like you're gonna kick with a loafer that's softer than anything you've ever felt before. They're like damn I'm gonna grab one from my like my pillow case. Yeah I never thought about that. That sucks. Well, hopefully Chris Brown figures it out, man. Can't be doing recording studios. See a lot of fights. I think a lot. And it's like a guy comes in for, you know, maybe a verse or maybe, you know, he brought in a beat. Yeah. And then like another guy doesn't like him. And it just, it just turns into like a Kaisa net stream, sure. Probably pretty frequently. It's good point. It was just girls tweaking, twerking and guys screaming and no one understands what's going

on. It's got to be such a stressful environment. You get a platinum record out of it. It's like the formula worked once again. Pressure makes diamonds. It's true. Pressure makes diamonds. True.

You got to have, you have a cool, easy recording studio. Yeah. I've always wanted to be in the studio like that. I've never been, I never got the... Being in the stew, cooking in the stew. Cooking in the stew. Yeah. You got all your jewelry on you're wearing sunglasses

You got like a cup of something and you're just like vibing to the beat and no one is sure if they like the song yet Or not, but everyone is just like we got to keep up. We got to keep the vibe going true That's a lot of pressure. Yeah, man If you're the guys like this is kind of ass you might get turned on by everyone else in the room I saw a video of Tupac blowing up Because he thought there was too much of this going on in the green room. This was recently on a reel. He comes in and goes, quit messing around. We got girls dancing. We've got people popping champagne. Let's make some music. We're going to do it one at a time. You can produce it later. Get my verse now. And it was sort of prophetic because he had

so many verses recorded when he died. he didn't know how much time he had Left yes, dude apparently rappers now all of them have like hundreds and hundreds of songs till you provide for your loved ones after Take too many drugs on a plane to Australia rest in peace They should just release all those songs as like podcasts like if you're just rapping juice watch you might as well Just do park us. Yeah, exactly Well a lot of rappers are juice world had a bunch of songs juice worlds had like three albums come out off and he died On a plane to Australia. I think he was worried about a drug dog and he had some drugs on him So he took all of them to get off the plane

So he said what? Yeah Yeah, I think that's how he Had a ton of drugs on him. He goes he's already gotten through you got nervous I think he put private and he came down and they said this country's very uptight about drugs. He went well I better have every pill that's on me right now and then he took them and then he was out what I Australia strikes again. Sorry said they weren't I don't know I went there that one time. I had a fake Fake Vax card you guys didn't catch that Probably had a weed pen if I had a guess Australia you can get anything through Australia. We put up a bit of signs are very spooky

I think it's easy to get things in then yeah, we have a whole TV show about it Which is a border patrol. I think it's called where we get It's a whole TV show about Chinese people coming to the border. There's Australian guys staring at the ocean like, ah, ah, ah. They're at the airport and they just go through like Chinese people's bags and like, what is this? You can't have this fish.

Yeah, you can't bring a lot of fruit. I did notice that, like fruit and all that other stuff you can't bring. Contraband. Very big on fruit. Whereas here. I accidentally brought a stick home from Australia. And then they say something about it or were you able to bring it with you? It passed bro. I've got those things through dude.

It's my stick. It was in my pocket. I forgot it was in there. It was a cool stick. It was like a bare, very bare smooth stick and I brought it back from Australia. Probably crippled the stick. Excuse me, that's my hoe bag? This would sound silly but the first time I was in America I did see a cool rock and I brought it home. Did you? I wanted to bring home a piece of American rock. Did you? Are you allowed to bring rocks from America?

No one questioned the... It was like a pebble. It was like a nice pebble. I brought a pebble. I brought a nice pebble from Italy back to America. It was nice. That's nice. You see a handsome rock, you're like, I'm gonna bring this back with me. There's an energy here. There's a lot of accomplice geo-smugglers around here. It's amazing. You're not supposed to take them from Hawaii though. I'm gonna bring this back with me. There's an energy here. There's a lot of accomplice geo smugglers

You're not supposed to take them from Hawaii though, I heard the Capunas or something like that. What's the puna? What's the spirits you you take nothing from our take it to be like? I don't believe in caponis you'd be fucked then Zuckerberg must be in trouble with the caponis Doesn't have like a giant volcanic fucking bunker in Hawaii I hope so I don't know he does I think so Yeah, apparently scored a lot of property over there Is the underground cities that the richer building to keep them safe from whatever's happening right now? Yeah, I'll be a topside You gotta put your topside mutant will be kid now We have to be a topside mutant and torture the underground rich people banging on the manhole covers We're gonna come down there

Think America might be going to war now you think so with Iran. I think it's happening now. Yeah, USA officially joins war It's just happened. Oh man Against Iran against Iran What the freaking hell? Hmm. Hope they don't use any dirty bombs. That's what I'm worried about. This goddamn bio weapons. Also them. Also them, you mean? I mean, none of them. You want to fair? I hope COVID doesn't break out again during this war. This is so much worse than the declaration of, I mean, like Churchill gets to go, we will fight them on the beaches. Trump's going are these guys have a bunch of guys and

plenty of it it doesn't compare to American made manufactured stuff yeah nobody does it better than the good old US of a in terms of war I mean dude we would absolutely smash Iran obviously but it's like can we just say we're not going to war and then just kind of send like secret agents to do it or no? Thanks the way we've been doing it. Yeah, can we just destabilize their economy like gentlemen use like a proxy be like Be polite use proxies. Wait. Why are we doing it? Not just having Israel do it and being like I Don't think Trump got too excited

I think the clock was obviously just provided Israel everything they need to I don't think Trump got too excited. I think the clock was obviously just provided Israel everything they need to De-stabilize the part of the Muslim world that we don't like forever And he thinks maybe I could win a war just like Ukraine and Russia Yeah, and then he was just like we should actually jump in there and see what what if BB just has crazy Riz and nobody knows About it. Yes, he's like, come on Trump. Come on Very charismatic brother. It'll go so sick. It is funny that a dude named BB like started a Baby I mean who would join Iran China's not joining with Iran Russia Russia Russia Russia god dang it I Think China recorded but China's so tied up with Africa right now. Are they yeah, they're they're gonna milk Africa

They really need to stay focused. They don't want to get into a war Yeah, they're not set up for it either Good. That's well, that's good. So be Russia. I ran what a fucking screw you know who I mean if they turn the lights off and Played their music it would get a big pop in the main event if North Korea woke up right now Off the ropes You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think that media comes. It's like North Korea.

I just don't think their missiles can reach. I don't think they can do anything, but who cares? Maybe sick if they just dropped in Fortnite style. Yeah, that's the Rey Mysterio of small guy. You don't think you should have an impact. But it could be in theory, Iran and Russia versus You don't think you should have an impact. But don't let him get a woman out of town. So it could be in theory, Iran and Russia versus Israel. The United States.

The United States. Well then like also probably like France and like kind of EU countries are probably going to join. Oh, you mean all of our pets? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You think? Yeah, I guess they'd have to.

I would assume. Yeah. Yeah. Germany, Germany all those guys the classics they can send their 15 bicycles fire fire up Egypt Is what countries are we tight with that are in that area? It's Egypt Huge this gives a golden jet. Yeah, I think you've probably got a rock left of Iraq is probably They just gave us a golden jet. Yeah, I think you probably got a rock of Iraq is probably the Jordan on our side, too I think Jordan it's always the king of Jordan. I think is like chillin. Yeah, so I think you'll be that's dude. That'll be crazy I've been thinking about how badly if I was Leaving high school this year. Mm-hmm. I Robbed a and my circumstances were the same as when I actually graduated high school

I probably would find a way to enlist and become a drone operator. I think it's yeah It's the same I Actually, it sucks that I didn't get to fantasize that the same way I got to fantasize about being an army sniper where it was completely unrealistic and would have never happened in but now they've seen your rocket league abilities Different kind of use like Xbox controllers Yeah I I and and then the reality of it is also cool where you're like kind of just in the back of a truck wearing A headset and all of like the actual grunts are laughing at you and no one respects you, but it's like yeah, whatever dude

Locked in right now And you can twitch it. Yeah. Yeah. You're like one of those. What are the guys? Let's go check. Really? Like the dudes in do with like the pink. I mean, the blue eyes like. Yeah. Yeah.

The navigators. The men tap like the quants or whatever. That's probably happens. Every professional Twitter that gets caught saying the N word on the stream. The government knocks up like we've got two options. We have a job. Come here now Tape to put me in the back of the truck and let the got the squad humiliate me while I drone strike people

That would be so sick. It's nothing but kill streaks. It's kind of fucking rock, man You get the cult you have the cold-blooded perk on you like all my perks. I just prestige actually You have your gamer clan just like xx whatever yeah, man you bad is actually the the clan tag I Think we did an hour dude right guardians We did an hour dude, right Gordines? I get a pee. I can tell. 53, let's fucking, let's power through. 53. I've had a pee

for the last 30 minutes. I smell really bad. Do you smell? Yeah. I made sure to go, I thought when you told me to come by I was like I gotta immediately go shower, I can't smell bad. Really? Well no, I showered, I did everything and I'm on a new kick, I'm trying to take care of myself. I'm trying to make, I've started sleeping.

Well, dude, sleeping with the TV on for 40 years. 40 years. So I'm taking the television out of our bedroom. Oh, nice. And we're on, I haven't even completed a week of it yet, but so far so good. And then I got a mattress topper. It turns out my bed was very uncomfortable.

That was probably a part of it. So now I'm sleeping like a fucking king. How's your stack? I haven't got I haven't gotten to the Tupperware bin full of supplements yet. Okay, still being unpacked But I was at Walmart, and I grabbed the same deodorant I get but aluminum-free It's not working at all. I smell so bad right now I'd rather not wear deodorant at all than the aluminum free I'm sticky and it bleeds in your shirts and stuff. It's yeah, dude. I don't wear I rarely wear it in the summer I'll like slap it on every now and again just cuz like yeah, one of my kids will be like dude you fucking stink But there's my pheromones just fucking blast. I would be better off going raw. I swear. I think you are man

I go I pretty much Everyone said stop wearing deodorant and everyone I was just talking about this What a psychopathic move? He did said did six months no deodorant and was in complete denial about how bad he reeked it was filling rooms I was doing that changing shirts me the conversation or is just a levels like though You know did he get his the anti-griff for deciliter is checked. They're probably high if I guess I was doing that. He was changing shirts mid-conversation. Or his T-levels like though. You know, did he get his data grades for desk leaders checked? They're probably high, if I had to guess.

Sids are probably off the charts, dude, if I had to guess. Judging from just the smell. We drove to Atlantic City together to do a podcast, and it was like the windows in the car were bulging out from the smell. It was so fucking bad. And you'd be like, yo, dude, you stink. He'd be like, I don't think it's me and we were it went nowhere so far. It was like a can of soup

People started to leave his personal life No, it was it was the green room and helium the one time like people were coming up to him They did you stay in this green room, and he was he finally accepted it it He's like I think I fucking I stink I've been stinking for six months Well, I'll give it to him is he wanted the no deodorant life so bad yeah, I can respect But he for real stung he was kicking off a stink. There's no excuse to which is what use alpha Yeah, I'm ashamed by the fact that I don't like if you powered through It's like yes, I do stay that's what I do stink, that's a completely different story. Hey, that's your... you can just say, hey, that's your problem, man. Deal with it.

I love every aspect of myself. Sometimes I feel like the stink comes when I don't rock the inner and I feel like when I'm really stressed out, that's when the stink comes. I feel like it's a response to like the way that I am inside. So if you say you stink inside, you stink outside. Exactly. If you lose frame, you just start to stink. Sorry, I'm super, sorry, I smell guys. I'm super anxious right now.

That'll definitely, dude, sit down on the plane, bust out the rosary beads, but hopefully it'll smell. I've been worried all morning. That is a big worry. I keep a stick of deodorant whenever I fly. It's like, dude, you didn't notice it when we were like going to like Sacramento and shit. I was hitting the, I was in the deode, like like just on a in the waiting area. Were you really?

Yeah, anytime I get on a plane. I have to reapply is that escape so worried that people like what's up with that? Guys do you do I say I don't wear do you turn it on the plane I fart I Don't if I'll give us a told me you told a story about me farting The little kid turning around and butterly was it was so they were so bad and this you got over the sound of the jet Engine no no the smell the smells were fucking horrendous and this little boy in front of us would smell them and get so excited and turn around and just wide smile between the seats He was like telling his mom or dad and they kept me like dude stop it's like they did it again mom

Was he able to clock who it was like specifically from just like we were blaming each other And even the the mom in front was laughing pretty hard I saw our shoulders quake and it was what a good sport the mom was probably started a lifelong perversion for that This kid he couldn't have been happy was the only one on the plane couldn't been happy That's a core memory of his oh he was dude and part of the core memory into his into his brain Just sitting in the smell be like no's cool it's cool and then you see that fucking smile like fuck mom mom they did it again mom it's all about it now could you shut your child up no I

give myself like 10 farts and then if I have to I'll take it down in the plane tends the plane Too much If I'm sitting next to a lady guys infinite, I'll fart Okay, I'll fart ten times next to a lady It's crabby lady the farts are the worst punishment. She can receive I'm not allowed to strike her or raise my voice at her, but I can almost shit my pants raise my voice at her, but I can almost shit my pants at her.

I've had some times recently where I'll be like, you know, end of the night, Brittany's in the bathroom doing whatever, and I'll be like naked and like there's, she's in the bathroom. I'm in the bedroom, just naked farting in the bed. And I'll be like sitting there like, she has to hate me. She must just be disgusted. There's literally just a creature. Well, the rage has to come out somewhere. You know, they don't say this about Chris Brown. He never farts in front of a woman. That's where he starts swinging. That we know of.

That we know of. Yeah. That might be where all the farts come from. He just fucking rips. Like, oh my God. Shut the fuck up, bitch. He was in a car with three of them. He wasn't in a car.

Oh yeah, the big one was in the car with your hand in it. Yeah. Whoa. Just crushed the car. Steamed the glass. The glass was melting. On the shit and on a flight, there is a hack I've found. I don't know if people know this.

You're allowed to use the toilet before the plane takes off. So when they're doing that, I didn't know it for years. I thought you had to wait until you were in the sky and the seat plane takes off. So when they're doing that, I didn't know for years, I thought you had to wait until you were in the sky and the seat belts off. If you're on the tarmac, you can. Yeah. And no one's in there. No one's ever contesting for the first poop on the plane.

It's everyone knows. Like if you do stick it up, the rest of the flight, or if you, if you take a brutal dump and they're like waiting to take off and then you got to walk out of the whole plane, like what the fuck? What we've had to cancel the flight someone's left an awful mess in here brinney told me she's like go ask the stewardess for some coffee to bring into the bathroom with you it'll kill the smells like i'm not fucking i'm gonna get fecal matter in the coffee that's gross yeah that's a tough sell a i'm not wasting the coffee and b it's like no i'm just gonna take your shit i'm not

gonna be like hey it's gonna smell really bad when I poop can I have some coffee, please? Absolutely, no, so this coffee drive out the smell of poop or would it just my poop and coffee The way I cut it, but yeah, you need a lot You need some strong beans and you should peel an orange while you shit in the bag. That's not a bad idea It's like a yucca. I mean the match the match and toilet papers Are just lighting a match and throwing it in that for real crushes the smell they should let you vape on the plane Just in the bathroom though like to cover up the shit with like over the yeah a little dreamsicle

All right, we made it now I have to pee so fucking bad my Thank you, bro. Sick. Thanks for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.