Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 566 - Destroying The Ark

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Yes. Shang blessed the podiums. How great is our God. Please enjoy. Have a great rest of your week. Other hour will be on the paytch. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow Wow Wes you Dude hey, what the hell is crazy? What's going on chillin dude? Just just chillin up. What is all this shit? Just the fuck is this shit. This is my stuff. It was my setup. This is the boat while you're going ahead Okay, I had to construct the art. This is the arc. It's the art What are you doing down there? The podcast. The podcast. What are you doing? Yeah, thank you, bro. That's what he wants to do to his penis right now.

So bad, but he can't. Have you guys discussed your testicles? Would you like to keep your medicals? Yeah, Sean, can you talk about you should raise awareness about your swollen epididymus. You think it has to do with your giant dick banging against it? Obviously, it does. It does. It does.

It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. Yeah, Sean, can you talk about... You should raise awareness about your swollen epididymis. You think it has to do with your giant dick banging against it? I don't know. It obviously does have a giant dick, people. But we can put the rest, we can put the rest of the idea that TSA scans you

if you have a big dick, because I got scanned. What? Full penis. So far, the only people I know that happened to are you, Nate and Shannon Sharp. So I've seen guard dog get it and Nate and Sean both have a world renowned giant hogs.

It could have just been your aura. You might have been crazy that day. It is uncomfortable. I've never had the guy do the back of the hands thing and they really do it. They really stroke you. It's fucked up. Yeah, thank really stroke you what it's fucked up Yeah, thank you. That would have hurt if it happened to me right now. My testicles are so swollen and tender

That would have sucked whenever I go when I have to say pre-checks I have to go through the scanner, but I would walk out the scanner. They go have a good day ma'am I bet what the fuck The ultrasound was nice though. I've had it. You had that right? I've had a test to do an ultrasound once. Warm jelly?

It's warm jelly. The guy was a nurse and I was joking the whole time and he did not like it. He was wearing a Steelers bandana. I remember that. I was just wondering, he was wearing a Steelers bandana and rubbing gel on my nuts. I was like, Steelers look good this year, right? He was like, just be quiet during the procedure. Yeah, he was like, he was one word dismissive answers.

That sucks. Yeah. But he warmed the jelly for you. That's kind of weird. It wasn't warm. Oh, you got cold jelly. Yeah, I got regular jelly. He had a voluptuous.

Mine was warm and sensual, and there was low lighting and candles lit and nice music playing the whole time. I was in the basement of a hospital. Mine was warm and sensual and there was low lighting and candles lit and nice music playing. I was in the basement of a hospital. What'd you have? It turned out nothing. Mine was just at a ultrasound place like a CAT scan ultrasound place. It was just you and pregnant ladies? Like a baby place that's why it was like that. Yeah a baby. I kept my baby. It wasn't for your balls it was for women. Well they did it on my balls. Turns out they're twins. How are your balls? They're okay, I am suffering from Epididymitis.

I'm suffering from Epididymitis right now, which seems to be more common than I thought it was. But just not a lot of people are vocal about it, so I'm happy to be vocal about it and say that I'm struggling with it right now, raise awareness for Epididymitis. I'm almost done with my antibiotics and it still kind of hurts, so that makes me nervous. Shit.

That sucks. I tried to be sexually active this morning and the pain came right back. Wait, what'd you say you tried? How far did you get in the process? I was, well, I don't want to be graphic. I had a boner and I started Outer course no intercourse was it did you start with petting with a partner? There was some heavy petting and then I Was with my partner You were aroused during heavy petting. Yes, so then I was like, hell, hell, you know, I feel pretty good now,

why not just give it a shot? And he's like, oh! And then I was like, oh, we have to stop right now. So you made sure she was on board for sexual penetration? You're like, hey, I'm gonna penetrate you, are you okay with this? Yes, I made sure everything was okay.

It's fucking podiums. Just looking over at you with that dumb ass shit, going, I'm gonna penetrate you. fucking podiums. Just looking over at you with that dumb ass shit. I'm going to penetrate you. I mean, it's truly definitely when the Roman Empire was like falling apart and they were like throw a giant festivus. It was trot out some bullshit. Dude, I was reading about the well, I'm glad glad you're, what do you want to continue? What happened though? So you were in your, your.

Oh, well, we don't have to continue. I was in the throes of petty and then turned to passion. And then turned to penetration. It's nice when petting leads to passion. It usually does does but when it doesn't and all you did was pet a little then you get angry That's how I am right. I'm very charged up right now because I Engaged in sexual sexual act, but I didn't get to finish the sexual act. So now I'm sort of just Angry and in pain in my test score. I'm sorry. That's TMI. I'm taking to the bottle at all No, because the probiotics I'm sort of just angry and in pain in my test scores. Dude, I'm telling you, I've been there. I'm sorry that's TMI.

Have you taken to the bottle at all? No, because the probiotics, I'm a week off of booze right now. Which is a pretty long time for me. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. So that feels good. I just did a week and it sucked. Why?

Oh, you were working though. I did like two weeks, I hated it. Really? That whole time you were gone, you didn't drink? I got the one night in. And you hated it? I hated not drinking. Yeah, you didn't drink? I got the one night in. And you hated it? I hated not drinking, yeah, it was fucking boring, dude. You wake up at six a.m. and work.

You feel so good. Not when you're working, I'm so tired. I'm just going home and sleeping. True, you're like, I should be hungover. If I'm gonna be suffering. Yeah, if I'm gonna, yeah. Kind of is pointless suffering if you're not hungover. You're like, I could just be hungover and feel bad.

I did have probably the best break in the sobriety though I worked for a week and then the one night I had off went to a bar in Atlanta Was sitting upstairs and they were like, hey Charles Barkley just got here I was like I'm gonna have to I gotta say hi to him before we leave Yeah, it's like there's no way he knows who I am got down. He's like, hey tires It was like let's go and then me and Charles Barkley got fucked up. That's so awesome. For like two hours, it was awesome. That's awesome. That's the drinking guys rewarding you.

It was honestly, yeah, it was. It was the Blue Knight. Get the blue knight. Laid him a bed. Yeah, it was, I was thinking about it. If I could pick one person to go get fucked up with, it probably would have been Charles Barkley. For sure.

Was he as awesome as he seems? He was the fucking man. One of my friends, I did electrical work in his house like years ago and was like he's the coolest dude. Yes coolest, dude Yeah, he was like, let's talk about race. I was like, let's fucking do it Chuck Do anything you want check turns out maybe I'm agree on a lot That's awesome, so that was a good. Yeah, it was a good night. Tell you.

But you penetrated a little this morning and then and I had to give up because it just hurt so bad and I felt so much shame. I kind of I felt like less of a man because I couldn't continue that happens. I felt like that happens. The blue night. Give us the blue night. Yeah, you feel less of a man. It's the worst when the girl's like, that's okay. Shut the fuck up. It was your fault.

So I got out of ice pack. I was like, I had to stop and then get an ice pack and sit by myself. Did she get to nurse you or did you get to nurse yourself? I didn't want to be nursed. I was kind of just ashamed of myself. So I just sat on the couch and iced my testicle. you had to nurse yourself? I didn't want to be nursed. I was kind of just ashamed of myself. So I just sat on the couch and iced my testicle. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel

Casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly. Hey a sober losing a boner has got to be tough. I didn't even lose the boner it was just my nut hurt really bad. So I just couldn't keep going. You're just icing your giant dick on the couch? You're just... No, my testicle, not my penis. It was so pathetic, I just had to ice

my giant hard dick on the couch. No, no, no, it wasn't hard at the time of the icing. I was just hot giant, soft, sick. Fucking piece of shit. That's not what I'm saying. I'm embarrassed. I had to ice my languorous genitals. I'm embarrassed, but I am happy. I don't have to suffer in silence anymore.

True. I'm happy to get the word out. You must feel better. I'm 11 days in. I mean, I get that people don't want to hear about this anymore. I couldn't do it. I'm 11 days in right now, just rocking. I'd rather chop it off.

11 days without a comp. Nice. Just rocking. There's no big deal. I don't give a fuck. I was talking to my- Yeah, that sucks. Dude, I'm telling you, flip-switched.

I'm like every day- You like it? Yeah, I'm just like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like Mm-hmm. Nice just rocking this nobody don't give a fuck. I was talking to my socks I do not tell you flips. I'm like every day like it. Yeah, I'm just charged up and I know it's coming So it's like it'll come eventually I just don't I'm just like unburden myself from thinking about it all the time But my I won't say who this was but I have an ally in my you know, kind of my chastity and Was that full?

But he was saying if he sees a attracted woman in my, you know, kind of my chastity. And it was not full chastity. But he was saying if he sees an attractive woman, he just stops and goes, thank you for the energy boost. And he just keeps it moving. Good Lord. I mean, if I had to guess, it's James. There's a lot of weird fucking guys. True.

There's a lot of weirdos out there. You say Egan? Egan. Oh, I was going to say Egan. Egan get Egan I was gonna say you get Egan's Egan well we already talked about this. This is his business not mine. Yeah, Egan's on like a hundred days again. Yeah, he's easy I Hope he's not lying though if it turns out I thought about that if you lie about just go to confession every week. It could be I'm lying about no fact I'm masturbating if you lie about no fact. That's how you end up like smoking meth with little boys at a youth camp Once you start lying about sex stuff. It just that feel like the wheels come off Yeah, yeah, if you you got to give up lying about sex stuff probably freshman year high school. Yeah, that's when you're everyone's at their peak

fucking titty fucker One brother lied about titty fucking a girl Great lie. Yeah, we didn't we didn't have sex but we did I titty fucked her. I've always admired those guys We were all friends. We like to eat titty fuck you she was like no That's such a sick move I never occurred to me to just lie about having sex with a lady It's never my move. I never I remember I used to lie about saying there's a stretch of time where everybody I grew up with would be like nah I don't masturbate. That's weird. Really? Yeah, and like really some other shit Eventually, but there's like a better year when we were like 13 or 12 where everyone's like nah nah that's that's lame or gay or whatever we don't do that it's crazy but then we all started

did the wrestling buddies no just buddies buddies just sodomizing wrestling buddies I thought you're talking about the like the pillow wrestling buddies oh no it's not like my wrestling buddy once for why I'm stabbed Hulk Hogan what I? Don't know from a tree. Yeah, my parents were very they're upset. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I ripped the stuffing out of a teddy bear and hung it from a tree when I was little and my parents are similarly Like the fuck are you doing? I'm like funny. They're like that's not funny at all. It's disturbing. I was like whatever I was done with it They shouldn't have gave me a pocketknife true, you know Hit Hulk Hogan with the fucking hall you kept taking bottom bunk

I'm just me and him. I'm like, no, you go up top. Fine. You're getting comfortable by your wrestling skill. Fuck, fuck, Hulk. One night I said, enough is enough. Took a Swiss army to the guns. You're one of Hulk's boys, dude. The cell.

Yeah, he had a whole stable. My dad, my dad, he would get my dad at night. He was like a Chucky dog. Except he was, he would rape me. My dad. Your dad was shot calling on the arch. He was trying a Chucky dog Definitely a brother. Brother. That'd be nice watching like WWE with like the Aryan Brotherhood and like a white wrestler wins are probably like they're probably going nuts during the right on DX versus domination days.

I know I was that got me that stirred some races. I didn't know I had yet. DX all did blackface. I was like, yeah, let's rock it. Dad, what is this feeling? When I see the nation, I get so upset. You're growing up, son. Ew, let's take a walk, son.

Oh, fudge. Yeah, that's the birds and the bees combo. True. They're different. The bees. This episode of Matt and Shane's secret podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes. Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time. Yeah, every single time. Yeah, I did it all week. It's a fucking disaster. I left a, I mean, I literally

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designed for adults. So no more endless rolls or settling for a less than perfect wipe. Dude wipes, best clean pants down. Available, these guys are really funny. Amazon, it's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. Nice. Dude, I was reading about the Aztecs last night before I went to bed and they had a game, you know like all those places, all those like places had like a sacred game they would play. I didn't, I've like heard of it mentioned, I never, I like looked it up, like what exactly

was it? They used to play kind of those like soccer mixed with basketball where it was like human head. No No, they play with a actually a giant rubber It was a 15 pound bouncy ball the size of a soccer ball and you couldn't touch it with your hands or feet and they would Just they would put it in play They would throw it down like it was like a stone Courtyard with like stone walls and you had to just like run and just fucking hit it with your hip Or your elbows or your shoulders and dudes were like break their bones on it

And you had to try to like bounce it Without using your hands or feet get it through a net that was terror hoop ten feet above I think I might have seen like a modern version of this on Instagram or something. That's fucking insane I think they're still doing yeah, you just you hit the ball shoulder it and they can hit like little like targets on the wall But then if like the losers would a lot of times you'd sacrifice if it was like an important game. Mm-hmm Hey, that's fucking nuts. That is nuts Cortez was none too pleased. He saw it. I said shut this down Stop you guys play football. Well, it's funny as I was reading it

It was like they're like dude the Aztecs were arguably just as advanced as the Spaniards. Like the city. I think we found out. Yeah. Well, they were too darn nice. That's what keeps happening. All these. Everybody that's ever been conquered was just too nice. Too nice, man. They were too crazy. Even the who are the people on Hispaniola? It's now the Dominican Republic and Haiti, but they were like the Taoni or something and they apparently Christopher Columbus rolled up on him. He goes he wrote in his own journal Yeah, he's like you guys make good slaves. They're docile. Yeah, well. He's like. They're just so nice

He called him naked basically naked and afraid because they're so naked. It's like they're naked and timid He's like I'm definitely gonna smat and he like they helped him build a settlement and then something happened it got fucked up, and he came back and And he like they helped him build a settlement and then something happened. It got fucked up and he came back and Literally destroyed the entire population damn although a lot of disease kind of was like 80% of it But yeah, that sucks bro to be like at the zenith of your setup and just you're literally slaves for the Spaniards Worst they were probably like dude when is fucking 1400 gonna be over? Did you hear 14? I do. What?

I do. So I'm going to be in the 30s. 14. I'm going to be my year. This was not a 14. Our population is decreased by 80 percent. I can't wait for this year to be over. I'm so done with 14.

I did. I must. Yeah, it was. It was a tough time. Yeah, especially when you find out later on that you called you naked and timid I'd be so mad if they're all naked and fucking scared Miss me off Fucking naked and afraid they were naked. They were literally naked and afraid they were at the show. Yeah would have been scared Yeah, but it was I was naked and afraid this morning when my testicles

Yeah, but it was I was naked and afraid this morning when my testicles started You're all timid on the couch. There's nothing worse than being naked and afraid. Yeah every night when I go to bed Yeah, you're bumping in the night. You're you're naked sleeping. I am a naked sleeper. I don't know how you do that. That's how you scare off criminals With the assault rifle with the Sunday Eagles assault rifle and a tiny penis yeah get out of here yeah that would be terrifying I'd rather just 5 dogs

attack me if I saw his favorite team on the gun I'd be like I'm dead this guy's gonna kill me yeah I used to be a naked sleeper now I have to wear at least boxer shorts now cuz like my kids you gotta get up. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I gotta get up with them and they just now they just fucking crawl to that

They can climb over their gates now So last I literally woke up last night like two in the morning Chloe was in my bed I'm like, what the fuck did you get it all down for? She climbed you show me how she did it this morning She climbs up crawls over and I have like a you know, like the decorative pillows on the bed Yeah, I always swipe those off. I it's like a minefield of pillows. She navigated it all somehow I'm just like walking through the pitch black over pillows climbed over me didn't wake me up I know it's played out but the decorative pillows dude. Yeah big pillow got our bitches with that

Yeah tricked all the bitches crazy dude. That's the dumbest thing. It's so fucking annoying, dude You can't even sleep with them. Have you tried to sleep with one like on your house? They're something it's the most uncomfortable. It's the most rough jagged edged pillow tassels on the side. They're the dumbest They're the Hey Fucking that they were so annoying especially like in the mornings where my babe will be like help me make the bed Fucking they're so annoying especially like in the mornings where my babe will be like help me make the bed We got a stack eight pillows. Don't put him like that. I'm like dude I'm gonna fucking burn the house down with our whole family

Telling me how to arrange these pillows Decorative blankets are rough too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we got some scratchy ass blankets They're like three feet wide. They're just scarves Put them on the back of your couch. You're laying down you go. There's a blanket right there never mind Yeah, I I am gonna need women to kind of get together stop getting tricked by fucking marketing and shit My wife reads her marketing emails. I'm like, you know, you can separate your inbox dude Oh like the deals Adidas 10% off. Yes. I've watched her do it. That's bro. That's terrifying You can separate your inbox

She's like no. No, it's just I'm gonna see what the deals are I'll see her in bed. I'm like stop looking at that stuff. Holy shit. She reads her whole inbox That's crazy. That's who those are for then. I've always wondered. I was like, why do they do this? It's girls girls and they hear the deals bro, and it just triggers something for them It's it's like they're they're forgers bro. We're out for the hunt They're foragers true and then they it just gets like a little forging like there's berries in the pasture they go and fucking collect them and Yes, that shit's been that shit fucking freaks me out when I see you're like 10% off now and I'm like, bro

Shut it down shut down the spam Yes, it's 100% off for you everywhere. True. Yeah. So stop worrying about deals. All of a sudden, you're frugal with my money. You spend $900 on pillows that no one's put their head on once. Yes, a travesty. And then they'll see, that's the problem.

They'll see other pointless pillows and be like, those are nice. Where did you get those from? Guys, I've moved these things around a lot. You know, they've taken a lot of back and forth. It's the most of the

sturdy-ish blow. I should destroy the podium. I should have not told you. I'll be like, yeah, I'll do the podiums. You got here, they're all smashed. Who did this? Ending by just putting your fist through that painting would be make sure What do you think of that painting I

Discussed a couple times man. I mean I It looks like he's kind of freaks selling him on this lady Some I think someone's like discovering them. It looks like she might be forging to she might be getting a 10% on that lady. I'll tell you what that lady's doing right now. She's being a fucking whore. Definitely. Look, they even moved the picnic basket out the way. What do you think they're going to do right there?

That picnic blanket is all bunched up, bro. True. Yeah, it could be done. She could be washing off back there. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it could be done. She could be washing off back there. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I didn't think about that. It looks like there's a burning canoe in the background too.

What's up with that burning canoe? It's not burning. It kind of looks like it's burning. It's got all the ships, dude. True, they got to burn the boats. The women are here on the island. You guys aren't going anywhere. Trying to get those women naked and timid, dude.

I think that water's coming from her. You think she's gushing, bro? You think she's sopping? Anyway, trying to get those women naked and timid dude You think she's gushing bro, she's just stopping First time anyone's ever interpreted that I think that there's a lot of interpretations Yes, I think that lady's gushing created upon 20. You're the first guy to go. I think that the creek is coming out of the woman Congratulations you the dumbest guy who's ever seen this painting. Dogs have looked at that painting and understood that that was a body of water. I would like to take you to an art museum. Just have you look at paintings.

That would be nice. See, La Mer's interpretation of art. True. Yeah, this thing, what do you think about that? I think it's dumb as hell. You don't like that? No, I don't like the painting. What do you think about the one behind you? I like these two the most. I like that the most. Yeah, I think Sick as Hell. That one's my favorite. That one's my second favorite. I usually would put that behind guest. It was just nice to have like... The rainbow imagery is confusing though What why in this day and age?

Harboring what's to come never mind resurrection. What the fuck you talking about never mind? Well, I'm his past Rays overseas basically gray true Forgive me. It's okay. Oh, dude. I'm talking about Obviously, I will obviously not forgive you right now. Thank you people forget man. They'll show not judge is also a commandment. That's right Not judging my saying that I've been on sub stack lately Dude, I'm trying to replace sub stack with any like social media scrolling and I pretty much have done it

It's so tight. Substack? Just random people. Random people, articles. I read a lady. I didn't read the whole thing. I read the paragraph and just kind of started laughing. So just longer Twitter posts.

Yes. Well, like proofread. But it was a lady being like, basically, why is everyone telling us to not want so much? If I want to be touched, if I want to eat. And it's just like, dude, okay, like sick take. It's like, I want to have sex more and eat more. It's like, obviously, dude, everybody,

that's everybody in the world. But clearly if you follow that logic, you know. You'd be a fat slut. I want to be a fat slut. Why is it so wrong? You'd be a big fat whore, so. You'd be a fat whore, dude, literally, that'd be you. That'd be you. You'd be a big fat whore. You'd be a giant fat whore. Literally, that'd be you. That'd be you.

You'd be naked in the woods surrounded by food being like, uh, maybe this was a bit... It was just a funny take to be like, everyone's holding women back telling us we shouldn't want so much. It's like, yeah, that's... We've been talking about this for thousands of years. Yeah. What are you talking about? Thank God we're doing that.

If we weren't doing that, it'd be a disaster. Every dude wasn't like, don't be a slut. Why are you talking about? Thank God we're doing that. I know. If we weren't doing that, it'd be a disaster. Yeah. Every dude wasn't like, don't be a slut, why are you wearing that? Every girl would be in a, they'd be dressed like Kanye's wife. They'd be like, why? This is what I like to wear.

I don't know. I actually, I think the women, and again, I'm not gonna talk about like porn, PMO, or whatever, but I think the carb now, because I've been going to talk about like porn PMO or whatever, but I think the the carb now because I've been going to this one gym in Austin and it's like dude, it's Unbelievable, yes front and back wedgies

Spandex that cut the butt cheeks as small as a sports bra. Yeah, your spandex is crazy. Bro. I like a thong Yes, literally built into it and it's like I do think it's like so what the question would be Why why do women like why did it? Why is it escalating to the point where it's like it's almost Bianca censori or whatever Bianca censori That's not gonna be that crazy. Yeah, if it doesn't you know if the trend doesn't reverse and it is it's good brain It's goon brain, dude. I think they need to stimulate past the goon brain, the hardening, callousness of, you know.

You wanna stick with coaches, polos, and gym shorts? Well, obviously you're- I've been rocking this coaches, polo for 15 years. Yeah, you're doing the right thing. You understand that? Imagine if you started hot-dogging out here, dude. If you started dressing like Bruno, there was a guy at the gym dressed like Bruno, dude.

He had, for real real a leotard You know I'm fucking tank top I bought We did a little stick it out I'm never gonna wear this rock the rock designed it. I had a tank top yesterday. I was actually the rock rock design that I had a tank top yesterday. I was actually the rock. Did you my nipples are I got called out yesterday for my nipples popping out of a tank. My daughter is for some reason, like really monitor

of my nipples popping like that. Your nipple show. And I'm like, all right, bro. I was in the emergency room last night because Maya, it's wasn't that serious. She got a giant splinter and we couldn't get it out of her foot. And it was like a fucking exorcism. She was like, ah, so I was like, we'll go. We'll tell the E.R. and the like nummit and whatever. And I was like fucking exorcism. She was like so I was like we'll get we'll tell you the ER and they'll like numb it and whatever and

I was just at the thing there. Just like the whole time like dad your nipples are out. I'm talking to the doctor Right now trying to get out of here we had Pete's on the way to adjust it You guys fucking stretch my shirts out, that's why my nipples take out some fucking And be like you guys fucking stretch my shirts out. That's why my nipples take out. So I'm fucking put your arm down my shirt There was a nightmare we were leaving we left the pool we got rained out of the pool went to the playground We need shoes. I'm like, yes, I need fucking shoes. We're on mulch who cares and Dude, it was a spinner was like for real It wasn't even a splinters a chunk of wood was in her foot and yeah, we like held her down try to get her out and the guy actually took a

But and yeah, we like held her down try to get her out the guy actually took a Like a needle and he dug it was we tried tweezers didn't work So we used a syringe and like dig in and pop it up and it was They have cream now they can numb like the spot before they give you like a shot. Basically. They put a patch on you I was like bro. Give me that I'm gonna start putting that on myself when I get needles. I hate what They have it they don't like why don't you guys give this everybody dude? That's when you get news You try to say I'm on bro. Just wondering I did I'm not juice at all What are you talking about man? What other cycle for this you're in a shark-tooth necklace dude obviously

As the telltale sign of being juiced up step one shark tooth. I promise I'm not a big... You got a cut on your head. You're the liver king, dude. You're fucked up. Sorry, I've been training. I've just been training ourselves to be creepy. We're gonna fuck end it with love. We're gonna mosh pit in the middle. I've watched every single bit.

I've watched 20 hours of the liver. I wanted to get him on you. Dude, you called it. I was like, we got to get him on. You're like, I don't know, man. It's a loose cannon. Yeah, he is. He's loose cannon. You know, I don't want him

coming for I don't want going for our families next. That'd be terrible. He's not like he's going to kill you, though. You've got a family. You wouldn't take you away from them. Is that what his defense was? Yeah, he's not trying to kill any checks out Box to the comedy club No, I cuz I was wondering too I'm like, all right, he's making weird videos why they arrest him there was one where it was Like very dark

Rolls up and down the hallway the four seasons be like Joe Rogan But no there was one like something about like I can't wait to meet your family or something It was like open-ended and very threatening. I was like, okay, never mind. I can see why they fucking I would not want that guy on my ass If that guy was all my fucking ass, I would tough one have on your ass. It's the toughest So yeah, you know fuck else would be Joe Rogan tap him on your ass Joe Borgen was like Fuck else would be Joe Rogan tap him on your ass Was doing bear crawls in a hallway Fucking kill you I Mean I will say I was disappointed because the jiu-jitsu match would have been so tight

Yeah, it would have It would have been crazy. It would have been sad, but that's what Liver King was kinda asking for. He was mad dogging. He was like, break every bone in my body. You wanted to worsen his death? Yeah, he did. He wanted a warrior's death.

I kind of, I don't know, it's so funny to be like, beat my ass for my fucking family, I need this. It's so funny. Borker. Morgan. The pay-per-view would have been crazy, bro. Pay-per-view would have won.

Joe Rogan versus the Holy Trinity liver King 3.0 You gotta watch all it's fucking incredible. I gotta watch the same He says the same thing over and over again on repeat. What'd you say? pound pound and lock it down I don't know. He knows everything he's just repeating it over and over again at one point He does a Instagram live with a jug of coffee in his and an enema Yeah, I saw that tube going from the jug into his ass and he's in the shower like oh

Just hanging out Yeah, he does a coffee animal I did one of those myself indirectly today. No, I just drank a ton of coffee, went for a walk, and just fucking blasted. You're the king. That's it. You're the living king. I haven't taken creatine in a week, bro. The creatine was pumping me up.

I've been on the teen pretty hard, Paul. I swear to God, I think you guys are just fucking shy off on me. I'm not that jacked. You're pretty jacked. My men's warehouse pictures, right? Yes. They are. So when I'm hosting the Aspys, you got to do like promo for it. They put me in a tuxedo and I'm like, I can't do a photo shoot. It's the most uncomfortable. So uncomfortable. They try to make you do stuff. They get you at the mothership They'll make just lean against the wall. I've Escaped all mothers photos good. That's a good man came up with the best pose when they do that. What do you do? Yeah, I hate cool photos, please don't ever take my picture. Yeah, cool photos. And he's nice about it.

That's cool. He doesn't do it. I don't mind a regular shot. It's like, hey, smile, candid, but they're like, we need to get to the wall. They're posting too much. Yeah. It's the same fucking five people every single day.

They go, hey, look at Tony again. He took a fucking tough one the other day. What happened? They hit him with the gayest photo possible. God damn it. Where'd they get him? He was like Back to right right behind the stage, but he had like a hand on a railing

Why they put that up because I think is it a son who does it yeah, there's a little hateful Somebody running it is he finds wherever you look fattest Tommy Tommy looks like he's 250 pounds, that's crazy Yeah, it was they got us they got a sauce that out there's some I Don't want to fuck with anybody's money. Somebody's making money on taking these pictures every day. It is nice having the photoc. I will say really. Sometimes you get a nice one. It's a nice memory. Sure. Yeah, I use those for flyers and shit. Oh, yeah.

Pro photos, man. You can just rip those things and you know, it is useful to have. Mm hmm. So is the video recordings but, you can do that too. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. The help with the better. I've been so stressed with everything that is stressing me out at work.

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That's better, H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSP. Hey guys, hey real quick, I just wanted to tell you, I have a big show coming up in Atlantic City It's in Ocean Casino, Atlantic City August 18th the tickets are on my website Matt McCusker comm Could be the biggest show of my life and I'll be in the area at the beach for that week which will be pretty sick and brigantine but Guys, please come to the show. This is gonna be a huge one and you know if I fail to sell tickets I'll be I'll be pretty

bucked up so please please please please please please come Ocean Casino August 18th it'll be a good time there no it's not 16th it's 18th man Check your phone fool What is it? Is it the 16th? It's August 16th Now I'm finna break her off just for being a good girl guys. Thank you so much, please August 16th my bad It is August 16th that August 18th. Thank you guys Atlantic City, please come. I'm gonna try to do a bunch of new stuff Come on, how's your uh. How was your taping? Dude, it was so sick.

Such a pressure cooker, man. I brought my whole family with me like a fucking dumb ass. Insane move. Crazy fucking move. Wife, obviously, I'm not gonna get into detail, but it was like the un-fun half of the month going on there. Brought a babysitter with us. Times two. So I was rocking with my wife got sick right away.

So I had a sick wife. It was hell. Obviously. It was crazy. Yeah, sick. Oh, I said it's a huge weekend for me. Oh, I'm sick and me. Oh, all right. The most important weekend of my life. Well, my stomach hurts.

She had like a 101 fever, dude. She had a 101 just rock is in there just like, Weekend of my life well my stomach hurts Get a 101 just rock is in there just like Then she came she champed it came out to the lunch it to you were so mellow the whole time bro I Was gonna freak out I was freaking out leading up to it I told you when I freaked out dude at fucking. I was going to freak out. I was freaking out leading up to it. I told you when I freaked out, dude, it's fucking three days before. I don't freak out. It was. Yeah, true. It was. Actually, I'm happy. I kind of did.

I actually connected to some sort of normal feelings, but I was like just sitting there in my office being like, should I switch this to the third third person? I'm going to change on my book. I've been trying to write for like nine years. Oh, dude, I'd be sick going third person. And first to the book I've been trying to write for like nine years. Oh, dude, that'd be sick, going third person. And then he saw his wife.

I just had like, and I was like, wait a second, I have to prepare for this special and I haven't performed in three weeks. And I was like, what the fuck am I doing? And I just literally walked to Nando's and just got wings. And I knew I wasn't hungry. I was like, I'm eating for comfort. You followed my path. I literally did. You followed my absolute free-cap path. I literally did. I was completely. You I knew I wasn't hungry. I was like, I'm eating for comfort. You're following my path.

I literally did. You're following my absolute free-cap path. I literally did. I was completely- You know, I gotta change everything. You know what? I'm gonna eat wings. I'm good.

I texted you right away. I was like, it made me laugh. I sat on a thing and I was like, this is exactly what he does. And I just, I was eating them outside in the heat and just sweat stinging my eyes. And I just, as I got more full, I was like, I feel okay now. Yeah, you gotta get sick and hot and then you go

Yeah, I'm ready to go on stage and I felt much better and then I like, you know got it together But I was still nervous because I had to do shows at the Hollywood improv Of course, they're gonna bring it there's like a small room like we're gonna bring a bunch of people out from the industry I'm like, ah, great. Thanks great haven't you know, I've designed I like at least got to perform at the mothership I ran it. I was like, all right, I still remember it. That's good did the improv It was cool. And then but yeah, then the taping dude, I was like First night I saw I was like freaking and I kept flubbing lines like the sets were fine kept flubbing I was loving them, bro. It's all in your head

Slight it was a slight fuck up and in your head you like at one point'm fucking blue dog. At one point I literally, it was kind of funny I was like fuck start over. And it was fun but the uh one I did flub so bad a couple I did and then uh but the second but then so the first night they were like yeah it's good we got it and I was like I didn't love any of the sets I was like fine enough and then the second night leading up to it I literally cracked my head on a camera dude and you know what was funny though because I was like going in the second night leading up to it. I literally cracked my head on a camera Dude, and you know, it was funny though because I was like going in the second night the whole thing Especially when it's like I don't know if you ever dealt with this when they can see the whole camera set up You're like all these people here to fill me. You're like, I'm gonna fucking blow it dude. Yeah Just bugging out and I was like, I'm gonna over my head fuck

But then when I hit my head they were like just trying to fix it It was like literally a bleeding wounds They had to put liquid bandage on it and just cover it with makeup He's trying to do the blood that occasionally have an edit where you're Yeah, I would have been kind of sick awesome especially because they would kind of play with the intro too But the the one thing I want to do is put myself in the audience That would be nice over and over again Because they would kind of play with the intro too, but the the one thing I want to do is put myself in the audience This one's not good. I'll do something weird I'll do something goofy

Dude the so I'm like the second night is like alright You have to nail it this night like all this you know all this fucking hoopla to film it And then I was sitting backstage and just the fact that I'd cracked my head on a camera was like weirdly reassuring I was like dude. You're literally a dumbass like yeah, stop worrying about anything. You're a fucking Just a dumb moron you cracked your head the day before a sp- I was like doing jumps too because they're like Just for like all it takes. I was like jumping off the stage clearing Trying to like clear people at a table Jump so far too You're doing crazy shit. He jumped so far too.

Bro, I literally... He was so far. I was fucking... They were like, you gotta stop. You gotta stop. You get twisted ankle and you ruin the whole thing. And I was like, I don't care. Like, I'm gonna jump as high as I can.

Like, I wanna break every bone in front of my family. Destroy me in front of my family. Honor. It turned out good, so I was happy. But it was funny, it was such a dumb epiphany. Be like, I was a fucking moron. Like I can't even try to pretend to, you know. Take this seriously. Yeah, or myself whatsoever.

Be like, do I really have what it takes? It's like, no, you're a moron, dude. Just go. Just do your stupid thing. All these cameras. Yeah, the cameras, when I filmed the Netflix special, Just go. Just do your stupid thing. All these cameras. Yeah, the cameras, when I filmed the Netflix special, they had the big one on the crane. My whole first hour I was just...

I just stared at it. It would fly through the air, so I'd be like... This has to be ruining the show for anybody anybody around this my second night I had a giant white like a spackle patch on my forehead. Yeah, because he got red but the makeup was his original skin tone. I'd be like, I'd turn red and it was just bright white. Now go to like make facial expressions it would just be a smooth circle. It was so fun. The movie I was just filming, the director would be like,

find the lens, look into the lens when you say your line. I didn't know he meant like near the lens. I spent three days going, hey. He didn't catch it, he didn't catch it. So I might not be in this movie. Every scene I'm going, but what do we do now? Like it was SNL. Straight, I was directly into the lens. Every single day, and then.

Dude, they can just edit your eyes now. The fucking, the shit now, the effects are crazy. I eventually like day four of staring into the lens, I was like, when you say at the, he's like, no, don't look into the lens. I was like, when you say at the at the he's like, no, don't look into the lens. I was like, I got bad news for you. Every scene.

They're going to eye your eyes where they're just kind of like this way. He's a blind guy. That's what I have to do. I think they're going to have to like use like editing to kind of like make it look like it's just half a giant. The second one looks better though. I saw it. It did.

But it was still like a purple bruise on my head that wasn't there the first night. So yeah, if I put makeup on the red, they never get my ears in my neck. Dark red. My face is white. I look like a Japanese lady. Your ears are white. The red they never get my ears in my neck Your ears are just crimson dark red Yeah, man, it was it was sick. It was a lot of fun. That was some fucking wife, dude I'm dead. It was a whole week We did a whole week out there and I would just get woken up at like 7 o'clock by my kids

So I'd be out doing that wake up early. I was running on literally fumes the whole time. I was like, the whole time I'm like, I'm such a fucking idiot. This is the worst way you could possibly do this. It was tight. Our Airbnb was filthy. The second one. It was a frat house, dude.

It was disgusting. I got like a cold from it, I think. Cause they had air pur, the place dude, they didn't clean it. Like they, there was like cans next to one of the beds beds just like wine coolers and a pack of peanut M&Ms Just laying there is like did I get it if you don't like hit all the nooks and crannies, but you guys don't Do we bought the house my family and I bought in the Poconos? Filled with trash was it really yeah, I've lifted up the couch. They were like beer cans and condoms and jettos

What the fuck is this? Oh, they're probably Planet Poconos strippers too. Yeah, yeah. Ugh, yeah, this was for real bachelor party heaven. It was like just filthy. It had a cool stereo room with like, just like, like Spencer's gift card lights. It was like so fucking dumb. Yeah, it would be dumb, wouldn't it? I mean, the family, for the family, I was vibing in there.

But if you walked around with your bare feet, your bottom of your feet would be black. Like it was disgusting. They had air purifiers, they didn't do anything, but they did have air purifiers everywhere, so I was like, they must have mold in this fucking place. No, brother. It sucked, but other than that, it was pretty cool.

At least your balls don't hurt. Yeah, true. At least you don't have epididymitis. Have you been grumpy about it? Not you haven't let lash out at your partner. No not at my partner this morning I was more so just ashamed of myself. I was kind of yeah, I did a little lash out this morning But why'd you make me upset with your vagina? Okay, I think you know

What's going on your fault? Yeah, what you fucking do to me? What you give me? I was saying this that the same urgent care that I got Diagnosed with epididymitis set was the one that I got my rectal abscess treated at So I've gone to this urgent care with just butthole and nutsack problems and they probably think I'm a fucking freak Especially when they see a giant dick It's kind of like a gay freak They got that big clipboard and they're just going, oh we got a case of a freaky ass bull It's that weird guy with the huge dick again

The huge dick and the asshole And his asshole is wrecked again. His asshole is like Rainbow Road from Mario Kart. Defies the laws of gravity. I told you guys about that right when I was screaming in the urgent care when they lanced my abscess. They gave me like five shots of numbing, which is what I thought about when you said the patch. I wish they would have just done that. That was the most painful. It was on the lump in the jabbed it sorry

this gross but they jabbed it with a bunch of needles and I was screaming like is loud Oh, oh. What a day. I was in a little pain. It's a 10. It was a 10. It's like a 10. That was a 10.

No, I was going, fuck, fuck. I'm screaming, fuck. Fuck 10, dude, that's terrible. I'd rather die. Yeah, I want you. You'd have to kill me if I have an abscess. How many shots? It was really painful.

I lost count, probably like four or five. La Mer's ass. His popped down his stomach. It's probably my favorite. It's my favorite thing that's ever happened. I had to, yeah. His bubble exploding and stinking up an entire urgent. Yeah.

His ass fucking bubble exploded. Oh my God. I would fucking hate you. If I was in that room, I would fucking, I'd still hate you. I would think about it every day'd be a nice episode of House. I would think about it every day. Big episode of House, of House coming in like, some black guy's ass exploded. That's a black ass explosion guys, move over right now.

Oh man. It hurts my testy to laugh. It hurts your balls to laugh. Oh no! Just Robbie's squad. Squad down dude. It hurts my testy to laugh. It hits your balls too hard. Oh no! Squat down, dude. I got the bust down all right now. It's true.

You got the bust up there and your head's blocked. Who would have thought that this lifestyle would lead us to severe health issues? I did have kind of a panic attack in my car. I haven't microdosed in a while and it hit me this morning like a ton of bricks I was driving over here and like my pinky was touching my ring finger. I just didn't like it I was like, I don't like the way my finger Bothers me now you mentioned I was like my hands started feeling fuzzy. I was like, I'm gonna die fuck this sucks

I finally overdid it the Cali weed was freaking me out. Yeah after the first night of your taping I was like, dude Oh, yeah, I was so high after maybe the Thursday show I think yeah And there's it was like a mall So there's a bunch of hotels and we just stopped at a hotel and I was so high I was like, alright So you met and I got out and I just smoked a cigarette out front of it for like Five ten minutes before I realized I was in the wrong place. I was driving away being like dude. I can't believe I navigated right back to the right hotel

I didn't even use my phone. I was like that was pretty good And he called I was at a light and he called me like dude. I'm at the wrong hotel Fuck Up and trying to get into a hotel is I've done it ten thousand times Check it. I'm like I left my key in my room. How's you guys night going? The worst one was I was in a K-hole. Oh Lord.

I was like I can't move. I got to sit in the lobby. I can't walk. Oh no. And then Chrysler showed up and was like you can walk. I easily could walk. Whoa. no. And then Chrysler showed up and was like, you can walk. And just I easily could walk. Well, I could have walked the whole time. I sat in the lobby like you might be the best person in the world to be like,

you can walk to a cable. Trust me. I've been for a cable. Get up, Shane. Yeah. Go to the wrong. You can do it. He might be the blue knight. That's what he's a blue knight. He could. God. That's so funny. He was like, blue night, dude. He could be the blue night. He could. God, that's so funny. He was like, just laid there.

I was sitting in a chair in the lobby in front of the desk. Everyone was just kind of like, this guy's chilling. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, it's basically a homeless guy. Just came in and sat. And everyone was like, all right, I guess he's doing something. Sat there for at least an hour. Did you try to like, I guess you went on your phone

or what did you do? No, I was literally on ketamine. Oh, you were fucked. For an hour. Oh. Were you drinking on the ketamine too? I needed help. Oh man.

Yeah, that's a heavy depressant. Depressant dissociative. It's pretty nice. It went away. It went away quick. It's literally as soon as he was like, you can walk, I was like, oh, all right. Turns out I can.

Yeah. Sick. Yeah, I've heard of people thinking they were doing like, Coke and it turns out it's ketamine and just being like, what the fuck? You would have to do a pretty. It was liquid. They said they thought it was liquid cocaine. That's what I had. I had the nasal? You would have to do a pretty. It was liquid. Yes. They said they thought it was liquid cocaine.

That's what I had. I had the nasal spray. That's what happened. The prescription nasal ketamine. Yeah. How do you get your hands on that? Like what's it prescribed for? I don't know.

You can get it online, dude. You can get like. Yeah, you can get ketamine pretty easy, I think. Yeah. Through a doctor. Interesting. Verified. You can get lozenges. You can get like. I think. Yeah. Through a doctor. Interesting. Verified. You can get lozenges. You can

get like. I never did it. It's sounds kind of fun. I can get it for you if you want. It's not that fun. Stick to blow. Alright. If you say so. If you say so. Alright, I guess I have to now. It's either this or ketamine. So, I had to do one.

Sure. Yeah. Stick to the company culture. We don't want internal problems. Okay. Sean, just coming to our attention, you've stopped doing cocaine. We need to talk. Sean, you've been sober for a week? We need to talk about this.

We don't like that. When Mee's got to witness, me and the O'Con man have a true battle. Do you wanna step in, Lameez? Yeah, let's get Lame's in here for this because. May I pee real quick? Yeah, right back. I'll just hold it down.

Not a mother file down the arc. This doesn't even plug in anything. Hey, man. Hello. How are you? I'm good, dude. I'm feeling all right. I feel pretty good.

Yeah. Slept nice. I feel pretty good. Yeah. Slept nice. I had a nice sleep myself. Yeah. I slept like 10 hours. Ooh, that's beast dude. Fucking great.

10 hours is good. Yeah. And I woke up like right when I had to wake up. You know what I mean? Yeah. Wasn't like 8 a.m. You didn't even get an alarm? I did have an alarm.

No, I woke up before the alarm. But it was, usually I wake up and I'm like, fuck, it's so early wake up and I'm like Fuck it's so early a check. It's like 8 a.m. 7 a.m. Yeah 10 a.m. Today. Perfect. Perfect Did that's that going back to sleep when you wake up early? It's the worst like it's the most risky sleep in the world It is cuz you feel good. Yeah the first time when you wake up when it's early Yeah, I'm actually I could get up now if I wanted but I might as well sleep for three more hours Then you sleep for three hours, you wake up like,

oh, shit. How did I do that? Man, you're talking about that at the bar, the hangover sleep? That shit rocks. Yeah. When you sleep, when you wake up at fucking nine, and you're like, I'm so hungover,

and then you sleep until one, and you go, I got away with that. Can't believe I got away with that one The O'Con man must be You must literally be dead I didn't I didn't know how bad he was Comment argued for seven battle seven Oh, politics straight. Seven hours. Was it like Iran stuff?

Kind of. It was everything. OK, but it was it just kept going back to Donald Trump's a giant piece of shit. And we were screaming, arguing every time he would say something. I'd be like, we can look that up. And I guarantee you, it happened like five different times. He said something. And then I would look it up and go, this didn't happen. And he would go,

that's not what I meant. And then he would change the argument. Oh, no. It was crazy. The one I remember was he was like popular vote means winning 50 percent. Yeah, more than 50. More than 50 percent. I was like, no, it doesn't. Yeah. Popular votes is the total vote. He's like, no, it's not.

I didn't know. I didn't know that either. Then you pulled it out. Yeah, Trump won the popular vote. Yeah. For the, the Republican won the popular vote for the first time in forever. Yeah, I thought it was like a landslide the last one. For a Republican, that was a landslide, yeah.

It was about to be. But it was nice to look up and go, see? And he was like. Dude's best feeling in the world. Googling something in the middle of an argument. This is, he, kind of the reverse happened to me and him before when I fell down in the airport at JFK We have a long argument. I ended up falling down. I lost the argument This time it was Chris Chris

So we're sitting there for so long arguing and I was like man Chris is fucking at one point I had to be like watch how you're talking to me At one point I had to be like, watch how you're talking to me. Yeah. Like this is crazy. He was screaming. He did say, all right, my bad on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was full.

And then Lamar agreed with me on something. He was like, of course, you fucking suck his fucking dick. Fucking ball wash him. It was like, Lamar never does that. Lamar disagrees with everything I say. He literally does. Yeah, he's a cocksucker. But he was like mad at LaMare, then he got mad, then he stood up and fell over a chair.

He kept his balance, but as soon as he stood up, I was like, oh, all right. Yeah. And then he came back and called me. I was like, I forgive you. And then he called Nate for way too long. He kept talking to him. What'd he call you for, Nate?

Well, Nate sold us out. Nate sold us out, yeah. Nate sold us out Nate sold us out Nate sold us out and then you left Lamar in a very uncomfortable spot if Lamar's here if Lamar's around me without you guys It's very weird. What happens? He's just as quiet and we live with me would just walk through that I don't want to activate you Yeah, you're around with some tough ones. I'd be hungover. I'd be like, get the fuck out of my house. You're so quiet around. Oh, great. You again. What the fuck, dude?

I keep thinking about the plane. The plane? I was one. Getting drunk on the plane. You'd be like, whatever. Yeah, on the way there. You're you know Terrified yeah, you're sober way back you for drinks. You're like kill me Beat God's ass for this right talking about getting to the pearly gates in St. Peter being like, oh Shane Gillis, it looks like you're in St. Peter.

Just fucking. Shut the fuck up, dude. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off. God lives in a townhouse. He's running through his screen door while he's watching TV. Just. You fucking bitch. Why'd you kill me on a plane? What if you went there and you're like, Shane, you are my strongest angel. He's like, yeah, I figured.

That's why I beat the shit out of St. Peter like that. The fuck, dude? Yeah, St. Peter's kind of excuse my French Lord a bitch whoa whoa whoa what are you talking about dude? you're talking about the rock of the church dude yeah what the hell are you talking about? I mean dude the rock of the church is Jesus but like you know that's much of my idea no Jesus is the fucking church Jesus is the body of the church

Peter's a rock Peter's a rock that it's built upon yeah come on man it's not as sophisticated as Paul but wait Peter lied or Peter you're fucking Peter him. What would you have done? You're about to get crucified upside down man I don't even know that fucking guy Was just like oh alright Saw you hanging out every day. I hated him, too I'm Judas I've been reading about the desert fathers. You ever get down with those guys? No, dude

There was these guys in like I think the fourth century who once I think Constantine was a guy who like made it the Roman You know Roman Catholic Church, whatever the official religion There are these guys that were just already Catholics or Christians that were like fuck this They're like, this is not good. This went to the desert desert Mmm, just fucking got mainstream. You got to my got to nation. I like the old I think the guy was like using it for battles He was like I saw you know He saw the Sun split into a silver cross and he had the dream These guys that were like I guess like, you know hermits are like in a monastery. We're like fuck. This is not what we're doing here

What the hell we're not you're not supposed to use our stuff for Roman battles Takes one to the desert and they just like I should have talked about punching God He knows you can he knows you do it all now. I'm definitely gonna die in a fucking plant It's gonna be so scary that would be You do it all now. But now I'm definitely gonna die in a fucking plant crust. No, he knows. Fuck. It's gonna be so scary. That would be. It's gonna be so scary. God is in the townhouse.

He's like, you think you can beat me up motherfucker? God's gonna be like, God hit me up motherfucker. I'm gonna fucking show up then, pull up then. You are going to start over from the beginning of evolution now. Jerk. God sending me a show like this. Smashing the button. You're gonna get a call like, Shane, how do you feel about doing a show this weekend?

Actually, uh, uh. Yeah, it was, it's tight. They just went to the desert and just fucking fired up. They were asking me to go to the Middle East soon. What? Where? Why? Saudi Arabia and UAE or Dubai. Dubai? I think I'm gonna pass. For the troops, is it for the troops? Not for the troops. It's for the Saudis. For the Saudi princes? Yeah and everyone's like yeah you

should do it. Everyone's doing it. For Saudis? Yeah. What does the 9-11 guys? Exactly the 9-11 guys. It was Iran, wasn't it? Yeah. It's all been Iran this whole time. Convenient. Fucking Iran. Hello everybody. That concludes this week's regular episode.

If you'd like to hear the rest, please join us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash MSssecretpod. Thank you, have a great week. ["The Last Supper"]