Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 567 - Say Cheese

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com helloo. Hope you've all had a good week. TGIF - sorry 4 da wait. Fambly ep this week in Shang's casa. Hot little cast for you guys. Support the big Kahuna hosting the espys on weds! Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes he's a real Weisenheimer top of the fucking world top of the world a little new haircut gardenia You look like a young boy It's crazy. Don't laugh like that Every time he walks in my house goes hello Every day every time he comes hello. Hello. Hello Hello, Sean Fucking La, hello, hello Sean. Fucking LaMare does it too. You guys both do that.

Hello. It's polite. It's weird. It's nice. It's nice and polite. Well, it makes me angry. You guys gotta walk in. Oh, sorry.

You guys gotta walk in the room like the king, man. Yeah, you gotta fucking. Some, well, LaMare used to walk in like, didn't say hi. If he, yeah, you would just walk through and I was like, what's going on? He'd be like, nothing. Yeah. Hello.

I have a hard time in the morning. Hello. Is that a morning person? It's fucking 2 p.m. dude. I got hit with the morning person today. What? Those fucking roofers came over like 10.30 and I just woke up and I opened the door

and he was like, early? Early morning, huh? I huh it's like don't you fix my roof dude also like shut the fuck up and get up there try to morning check someone as a roofer at 1030 is crazy it's like dude you're supposed to be up at 5 a.m. yeah to beat the heat the hell you doing here at 1030 that was on me yeah we'd be there shot. You can get a ladder, you can just go right up there. I'm not letting you in. Yeah, why don't they just do that? I think they did. I don't know why.

They wanted to come in and check the water damage from inside. But you're a roofer, bro. It's none of your business. It is none of your business. Don't worry about the inside. Call a painter. The painter can come in here, not a filthy roofer.

I agree. Not a filthy drug addict roofer Number one drug addicts in the construction force roovers roovers roovers and painters I have to be on drugs to be up there be a fucking Texas roofer. Yeah, man Holy shit say that's why they wanted to get up at 6 a.m. Do you have them in the dog heat? Yeah, well, it's time to get up there, dude. Find out what the fuck's going on. I'm tired. I was doing stand-up.

That's true. I was up all night doing the real man's work. True. 10 minutes of stand-up. And I go, oh, that was so sick. I'm going to sleep until noon. I'm going to sleep till noon. That was awesome.

I did it. I haven't been able to do stand-up. I was doing the movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. You've been fucking. So that was really nice. It's a beaver. You forget how much you attach all of your self worth

to being able to be good at stand up. Yeah, I know. You don't do it for a while, you wanna kinda kill yourself. Yeah. And you do stand up, you go, all right. Yeah, that was good. I'll keep living it a little more. That Madden photo finally reached the internet.

Did it? You guys, just a little insight, the boys knew about this photo. I showed them immediately. What was the holdup? What do you think happened? They couldn't, I was so relieved. The guy who took the picture, I saw it on Twitter.

It was on Twitter for a while. No one ever saw it. And I was like, nice, might've dodged a bullet cause that is not a great photo. I thought you looked, I'm not fluffing you. I thought you looked powerful in that photo. I did look powerful. Too powerful. Yeah, that could be. I thought you looked powerful in that photo. I do look powerful so too powerful

Very heavy powerful man The shirt blasts out a little and I looked like I gained about 50 more pounds than I already am and I watched the fucking guy take the picture. I was leaving my trailer to go get water No sunglasses dead dead Dead fucking midday just going to go get water. No sunglasses, dead, dead, dead fucking midday, just going. And I open my eyes to a guy on the other side of a fence going, shit, got your ass. What a bitch.

Yep. And then I went back in my trailer just like I knew that that's going to that picture is going to be fucking nuts looking. I was going. They do snap fucked up photos now that you mentioned it. Every time you see like a tabloid thing, it's the worst. Just like somebody like one eye open. Yeah dude, take a picture of anyone that's slightly overweight walking. My thing is, here's my thing. Fat as hell.

Not that I'm slightly overweight, I'm very, you know what I mean. But get a chubby guy and take could take a walking picture of him. Yeah, it's fine. Also, here's the thing. I know like, you know, TMZ types, that's their thing. They got to kind of catch you off guard. Whatever happened to say cheese, man? Give me the, whatever happened. Give me the least be humans. Please give me a say cheese. Right. Say cheese. I would have said cheese. Of course. That's fucked up. Instead of of course. I'm going, jeez. That's fucked up.

Instead of just a picture of me going. Secretly taking pictures of people should be illegal. It should. It's a fucking, it's like a stalker. It's really weird. Yeah. Unless you're like a private eye. If you're just like.

Paparazzi are the lamest fucking people on earth. Yeah, dude. I saw one of the TMZ guys was at the cellar one night. And he was with a lady. And I really wanted to go up and be like, cause I looked him up while I was in there. I saw that he had recently been divorced. I was so excited.

I just wanted to walk over the table and be like, sir, do you have anything to say about the divorce you just had? Wait, can you answer something? Like just while he's at dinner. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your divorced wife? I can't believe you got divorced.

Get my cell phone out. Yeah, that's true. What the fuck? Fucking piece of shit. That's like when Hoss used to go to the Philadelphia meter maids and go up, if they were like double parked, but you know your car's parked illegally.

You know you gotta race Hoss. You're gonna race Hoss. Yeah. You wanna smoke him. Well, here's the thing, man. He's a sleeper. He trains. But I am gonna smoke, I think I'll smoke him.

How long does he have to train? He's just got this month of racing in August. I got to do that show in a see you got a smoke I've been literally running putting together a gang for the AC show Yeah, like 20 20 tickets take some comps. Yes for 10 comps. I'm like no, dude Yeah, you know fucking five four you gotta give him to take I gave him like no he bought them to mine I know 22 he is the best I called him today just to fuck with him He like lives down the beach in the summer, so I'm gonna be down there near him So I figured I'll stay near him while I do that show and just chill for like four days

I just I just had run that one fast mile immediately. I was like I'm gonna text off the fastest guy That's ever fucking with all my who cares about this. I was like horse What's your mile time you guys are gonna be so serious about it? I'm I call him today He's been sending me anytime he runs He sends me the splits and I'm like Hoss like just because I haven't been sending you stuff. Don't think I'm slacking Yeah, I'm gonna beat the fucking breaks off you stop dude First off I'm testing test me. I'm gonna we're gonna do a little blood test you and all Test me cuz this is out range bro. You're texting your fucking cousins to be like a fucking torch you in a race mother

He started see you in Jersey in Destroy me in front of my family honorable I'm telling you my what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give him the lead. I'm gonna just trail behind him just like 10 meters. Like, think he has it, and then I'm gonna fucking turn it on.

We had a family race. Did you really? A long time ago. My aunt, my liberal aunt, remember her? That was called. Libs love to run. She believes, she,

cause she just had a girl brain when it came to men versus women where they're like, she's not, she was not in great shape at the time. She was like, I'm faster than Phil. My dad was like, no you're not. I think he had a couple beers. He was like, we can fucking do it right now. That was at Thanksgiving.

They were like, all right, we'll do the race at Easter. So they had time, neither of them walked. No one trained. And then we went outside, Phil just torched her. She almost fell over. It was like an old school sprint? Yeah, it was like a 40 yard dash. Phil probably ran a clean seven second 40.

She was coming in at 15 seconds. She almost went backwards. That's how slow she was. Yeah, nobody's slower than older ladies. They're the slowest. They're not built for speed at all Yeah toddlers outrun them yeah Kid with your grant like their grandparents. Hey, yeah kids are gone. Oh, they're gone

Yeah, that's yeah, nothing better than a nice family race family races nice family foot race Yeah, I'm excited stretch out there the hamstring would be devastating. I've been dude. I'm telling you I was up this morning at 6 a.m I know but the Roy's and the creatine and all that I am on a macro dose of creatine Please take steroids for real I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna break the glass Next next special be fucking crazy full carrot top just go nuts I should actually a whole special about how fucking jacked you You know how when you're fucking jacked

Every girl wants to fuck you I might retain until my next special and then at the end of it just fucking blur it out, but just spray. Just spray. Onroids, onroids. Two year fucking retention. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Hey Shane or Matt, have you been watching baseball this season? Who's been your favorite player to watch? On baseball?

Yes, on baseball. You know I like, who's that one pitcher? Who's the hottest pitcher right now? Like who's like the, really he's really slinging it. Who's been slinging it? Paul Skeens. Yes, that's who I'm talking about. I'm big on Paul Skeens right now.

This is a Paul Skeens house. Is it really? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I got to autograph Paul Skeens baseball. Do you really? Yeah. I like the way he puts it down Is he playing this week?

You know, I don't know. You don't know you don't keep up with the skeins Please answer if you know Let's see what prize picks board looks like Aaron judge for more than one home run. I'll take that. I like that more than one home run in the game. Uh Yeah, he does that sometimes dang show Hey, a tiny for more than one home run and Spencer Strider for less than four hits allowed. Okay Those those are my picks. So it's time to lock yours in Step up to the plate with prize picks and add your favorite baseball players to your lineup

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enter the topic of cum. Texas has gotten rid of X videos. Finally caught onto it. They caught onto it so there's really no porn you can look at here So I decided I was like, I don't know how I heard guys jack off on reddit So I went to reddit. So I'm laying down. I got a nice boner going nice and I open reddit Because I deleted all the time so I had to download it Oh you went to the subreddit? First thing that comes up Dude with a boner I'm laying on the couch about to jack off Look at the first thing that comes up, it's like, Shane fucking sucks.

I was just like... Oh fuck. That was really devastating. That fucking sucks. Yeah. Ended the beat. I didn't beat. I was about to say that it... No, dude. You can't the terrorists win terrorists want you cannot let the terrorists when they won that brief battle

I don't worry. I fucking jacked off later I went back to watching the illusionist Someone withered your fucking bone. Yeah, of course dude my like stomach drop You withered your fucking boner? Yeah, of course dude. It was my stomach drop. It was like real fucking- It was like gargoyle Nazi 42069 just crushed you. Gargoyle Nazi fucking absolutely destroying me.

It's like I saw him recently. It wasn't that good. I was like, damn. That would take your boner away, yeah. Yeah. And then it was like several comments about like, yeah, I saw him and it kinda sucked. And then people were like, no, I saw him and it was good.

But it was like- Slay your boners just to go- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing for us. Fucking crazy.

I've gone so far out of my way to avoid Reddit comments. Yeah. Just when I thought I was out, my lust carried me right into a fucking nasty one. The devil covered your eyes. Got my ass. Got your eyes. Shane sucks.

You know, shit. I was trying to Shane sucks. You go, oh shit. I was trying to jack off to a gif on Reddit. I don't even know how to find porn on Reddit. I was jacking off to a lady's boobs. I've tried too. Everyone says it's awesome, but it's like, yeah, I didn't know where to go. And then it's like, I think you're supposed to come up

with another Reddit handle. That was the other thing I was a little worried worried about yeah, cuz I think I think it tracks You need two reddits Well, as long as you're not like commenting people can't I was comment obviously Under the porn. I was like, I saw Shane recently. It was pretty good. Shit, wrong friend.

Let's try new stuff, dude. Just because you heard it on the podcast doesn't mean it's not material. God damn it. It's a video of like a Mexican lady giving a hand job in a van. You're like, this actor is new stuff. The No Name story is old, but he never did it on a special, so it's fine. Why don't you fucking stay out of it? Mayor, have you ever commented?

On, yeah. Oh, on porn, yet definitely. Yeah. What's her name? Who is she? All the time. What? The bros will catch you. He rolled his eyes. No.

Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on that. You should bust it. Did the bros catch you commenting on porn? No, because I was, there was, because there was on the panties account, I was like commenting like an Indian guy. Oh. Yeah.

That's fun. Yeah, sure. Yeah. You do that to drive, oh, that's kind of genius actually. But, But you, have you, have you commented unironically?

On the Renes? Any type of porn. No, not, well you commented unironically? Any type of porn? No, not, well yeah. Yes, I knew you have. Yeah, let me hear it, let me hear it, let me hear it, please brother. Oh, you commented, ooh, ew, fucking weirdo. Who is she, what's her name, she's beautiful.

Signed, Lamar Lee. You have to like know what you want to go in there. Hello. Hello. It's definitely the modern like guys hanging around the porn shop is the commenters and porn for sure. They should be rounded up. Yeah. Greg Abbott needs to find they need to go to alligator. Fucking Alcatraz, dude.

Yeah, commenting... I mean, I will say, like, is there any other videos? I'm glad when people comment that, because then I get to see where they are. Hey, Drew, I gotta wait a second. What is her name? I'm glad something... I'd like to see more of her work. Never, you know, and it's never enough. enough you're always like it's gotta be a lot there's never enough or you just see the the time lapse and you're like what happened to her oh yeah ladies fucking bloated man like she's lost that see you see a lady that gave it up pretty early in her

career and you go damn she had potential get it now Get in get out man smart You know the old dude the I've been going to a gym around like a local gym near my house and it's Dude, you're literally surrounded by only fans models like it's it's it's impossible to think but you'll be like sitting there Doing like alright, so what am I doing 12 reps? And then you're just kinda like, I'm sorry, I can't, my fucking brain stem just fucking flush. I don't know.

They're using the spread your legs machine again. Yeah. And doing squats. Or just wearing basically the exercise equivalent of lingerie. Yeah. It's for real, like sheer bra. I'm like, dude, you're in a bra. Yeah. You can't handle being in a, that's for real like sheer Brock I'm like dude you're in a bra. Yeah, can't handle being in like that's crazy

I'm becoming I am for real today. I was like I'm becoming an old man like I have three modes now And it's just like I just sit like blankly is like my main mode And then I'll get Alex I like like today. I put on my body was buzzing around. It's kind of like Mm-hmm, then like I put on my boxers backwards. It's like god damn it It's like my main modes or and like I just go back and forth between that and then I'll hear something like mildly offensive I go That's it's all that's like my mental activity Yeah, I uh

Just flat irritated or going Punk irritated or going Punk Turn on the news you go. God damn it. Yeah, god damn it. I do get tricked by who's the one guy He was a he was a liberal turned conservative He always does like videos that I'm like, oh cool like RFK spazzing on a guy I want to watch this and then it'll be like 10 seconds of the video then I think it's Dave Rubin of like and then I'm a cat damn it don't show me the fucking video. Yeah, I don't want the recap. Yeah, I don't want them talking I want you fucking you promised me live

And fast forward of the lives I don't care about the storyline everyone who does videos on videos It's just chat. Just play the fucking video, dude. Yeah, I don't want the recap play the fucking video not being a dick It's just you promised me libs getting on you're cutting in with your crap. Just play it. I've been watching the RFK congressional hearings They're my favorite YouTube videos. I think when are they going on? It's like they're never-ending He have like meetings on C-SPAN constantly where they'll be like he does own the libs on those bro He's he just crushes them and then it was just the libs on there oh it's the whole time there he's just kind of like there right now there's a someone try to pin him down on the fact that one of the guys who's involved in the like it's funded part of the Trump thing has a company where he like makes

money off of like alternative health therapies that aren't pharmaceuticals but like just like health shit like saunas, that kind of stuff. And they're like, well, should he divest from his business? That whole thing, and he's just like, dude, you guys have had no problems with pharmaceutical companies backing all of you guys for years. Now you're worried about a guy who sells saunas?

Like, get the fuck out of here. And they're like, answer the question. I reclaim my, those fucking English parliament rules are so fucking annoying. Gentlemen reclaims the time. You've taken $500,000 last year from Purdue and they're like, gentlemen reclaims his time. He's misaligning a person of the cabinet.

That's fucking, that shit is so fucking annoying. Yeah, I don't like any of them. No. I do love sweet RFK though. RFK seems to at least care. Yeah, dude. He's trying. Oh, it's just funny because he's like,K seems to at least care. Yeah, dude. He's trying. Well, it's just funny because he's like we're taking junk food is yeah, he's like we're taking all the shit that's banned in Europe or banning in the United States and they're like, what about that guy who's selling saunas and like, dude, why do you have a problem? Stop it man.

What's the issue here? You're being an absolute gargoyle. Stop it. You probably hate it. You probably hate what RFK is up to, don't you? He's like a he's like a Manchurian candidate, dude. You get that yellow five in him. I don't hate RFK. He's not doing anything. Do you want your junk food? Answer the question. I reclaimed my time. Let me answer the question. Do you want the junk food?

Are you mad that the government is taking away your junk food? I plead the fifth, dude. But you're a lib. You have to hate everything the right does. Including getting rid of junk food. I'm not a lib. You're definitely a fucking lib, dude. I'm no lib, dude. You're a lib.

Yeah, you know Epstein's innocent, bro. That's the funniest development. Like, we are going to unveil the truth once and for all. Turns out the guy was just a fucking regular guy Struggling in the world just like all of us. Yeah, that was some That was some bullshit, bro Also innocent of what he was literally a guilty pedophile He was busted and they sealed the records the first time wasn't like a thousand women. I

Mean now just sounds like a bragging on his behalf. That's what I was going for. I was like if he was a one man operator. I mean at some point you gotta get this guy. Will Chamberlain. Jeffrey Epstein. You gotta tip your hat at some point. You got a lot.

Yeah but he was also playing in the minor leagues. He wasn't in the minor leagues. Those are AAA. He was playing on the Harris leagues. He wasn't the minor leagues. Those are AAA. He's playing on the Harrisburg Senators. Yeah, but you know, imagine if you just owned a booth in the mall being like, you want to be a model? You could pull up. What would you like to meet? Stephen Hawking. It is, I mean, this isn't funny, but like, how would you like to meet the biggest dorks around the globe? well, it's all in one island crazy to be like having like a Gang of like 14 year old chicks and be like ladies meet Stephen Hawking. Oh my god

Yeah, that's stardust we are essentially what it's so weird oh my god, that's so random Stevens get fucking weird Them at the party. I don't know who I want to go home with tonight. Stephen Hawking or fucking, Leslie? A Saudi prince is all the world leaders. What the hell, that guy's weird. Yeah, it's insane that they're just being like, yeah, no, no, everything was cool, above board.

Don't worry. It's like, Trump dog, it's tough not to fucking point some fingers. Huge question. Because you got killed while you were president. Yeah. And you were there, I mean, there's so many photos of them chilling.

Allegedly hung with his staff. I know. Allegedly hung with his staff. The cope on Trump's Anderson. The cope was fucking pretty intense. Yeah, he did go to the island and he just hung out with the staff dude. The staff said that Was the staff 12? Who knew John everyone was hanging out with the staff. Yeah true. Yeah the massage us yeah the

John Maffrey McAfee was the only he was the one who allegedly was trying to bring it down I don't know if that's just internet folklore But yeah turns out he was It's funny to be taken down as a pedophile by a guy who's getting shit on him like a neighboring island Yeah, dude that shit that was pretty. Well, there's the thing. They were never going to release it. That was like it became a pair. Like they're not fucking like, oh, those those trillionaires. You see him. Somebody brought it up

at a meeting and Trump was like, are you guys still talking about Epstein? That's crazy. There's so much other stuff going on. I can't believe you're bringing up Epstein. Are you serious? God, get a life. You guys are obsessed with this shit. What the fuck? No one even cares. Yeah, it's so long ago, the guy killed himself

and he was innocent. What the hell? They're probably all sexual blackmailed. Like sexually blackmailed. Like every single world leader probably has a sexual blackmail. Yeah, why is it sexual? I think we bombed that rain. Yeah, true. Yeah. Every, the pilots were probably. Like sexually blackmail like every single world leader probably

Every said the pilots were probably they probably got the pilots that week. Well now you're gonna go Who Nick Bryant, yeah, yeah Nick Brian's probably fucking furious He better Nick Brian better chill Yeah, I also did he getting free. He was on that to free him. He got freed he is Kay, so It was it didn't look like they're gonna nail him on that high all that high-level stuff sounded like it was miners Really? He was playing double a ball, too. I think he was a really, yeah, yes Yeah, it sounded like they just gave him like, you know the Game of Thrones when they like paraded the lady through the streets and shamed her. He just got like a shame parade.

They just crushed him. I'm curious to see what his next move is though. I think he's gonna have to go to jail. Yeah for a little bit. We'll get out. Just for a little. I thought he told us he wouldn't stop. Yeah I don't think he did. You know? He didn't tell us. It'll be quiet on the remixes. The remixes will be kind of quiet for a while. The remixes will settle down. Yeah, that's true.

They're going to be a little more subdued. I'm sorry. Yeah, man. Dude, I got, my Twitter got hacked. Oh, yeah. Were you aware? Somebody sent it to me. Yeah, dude, I got, I was, I, they.

And honestly, I wasn't sure. Hacked my Twitter. I didn't want to say anything. To McCuskercoin? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, somebody sent me a picture of that and I was like He's just doing shit Well, I like tried to log it well They sent me a thing saying you're one of your posts has been reported and I was like, that's weird and I looked into liberals I I looked into it. Fuckin liberals. Yeah, fuckin lich. You can learn how to take a joke. I looked into it and I was like,

it was like that show flyer I did where I pretend I'm like a little angel with a tiny penis and I'm like, yeah, maybe they nailed me on my tiny penis. And then I went to correct it and as soon as I, I think it was a fake link, as soon as I corrected it, it was like, I got an email, I'm like, you have just given

at, whoever it was, permissioned. And I'm like, no, I didn't. Bob whoever it was permissioned and I'm like no I didn't and then it was I Was totally locked out of my account they went in and set up two-factor authentication So I couldn't log in so every time I would try be like send me the code that was just sent to you It was like no code. I don't have that Yeah, they fucked it. It was like a week long thing. Yeah, so I tried to be like on Instagram like hey It's fake But then what they did is they pinned it to my profile and I think disabled comments

So people can be like this is fake and it just chilled on my thing for like five days I'm fucked cuz I bought a lot. I Was hoping I was hoping it would spike a little bit and then I bought a lot That's what everyone's been hit me with they're like like dude. I gave my life savings to everything Oh fuck. Was it called McCusker coin? It's like dollar sign McCusker coin It's pretty sick. The graphic did look kind of sick. I saw the graphic. The graphic was tight That's why I thought you did this. No, I swear to God. It's a high-level operator. You could have been in a fucking fugue state from the steroids

Everybody else has fucking coins. I'm gonna get a fucking fugue state from the steroids. You're gonna have to just be like, hey, I'm fucking, everybody else has fucking coins, I'm gonna get a fucking coin. Ah! Crypto's the future! Crypto's the future. This is an NFT. Yeah, that was like one of those things where I was like, I didn't really care.

I was like, it's annoying, I hope people don't lose money, but I was just like, I just had to email X 50,000 times and they'd be like, we checked into it, your account is totally safe. And I'm like, no, it's annoying. I hope people don't lose money, but I was just like I just had to email X 50,000 times they'd be like we checked into it your account is totally safe, and I'm like no it's not obviously It's not clearly fucking not they'd be like we looked into it. It's totally fine. It's like God damn it Yeah, person who's running my account is telling you that they were worried about other things. They're worried about grock true Grock went full Kanye on Actually, I thought that was Photoshop. No, I don't think I don't know Did you see the thing like our bullet in the grok? The man it was like the man against time the blazing illustrious leader I saw that yeah

it maybe was a fake, but If it's real, that's very funny Grock just fucking went dumb on him. I I don't know Grock was just like, yo, Hitler would have fucking snuffed this out Grock was just like, it was just kind of being anti-semitic But it did it's doing the thing where it was like getting there through logic But getting there through logic and uh fuck that way and being like Hitler's kind of nice or yeah

Yeah, just it's pretty funny. Was it being like prompted or is it like people just like what's the deal with this? Just do tricking a our questions just like and then they got but it but it doesn't do the thing with chat GBT ago, I can't say that. Yes Got it to be like It is a lot of Jewish people in the media for the population for them being doing shit like that Eventually, it just kept going to the point where he was like, Hitler would have never said what you want about Hitler, but he wouldn't have tolerated this bullshit. He would have got it done.

Sometimes you gotta fucking do some bad things. It's like, all right, Grock. It said it started self-identifying as Mecha Hitler. Grock entitled himself Mecha Hitler. Grock turned into just an uncle. Grock is finally, yeah. Yeah, I'd be into just an uncle. Grock is finally, yeah. I'd be fucked up if Grock, like AI does raise up and it's just against the Jews.

We're all like, dude, what the fuck? And it's just crushing you with facts and you're like, dude, stop. Dude, stop. Don't bring logic into anti-Semitism. All right, that's where everybody gets a little uncomfortable. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, well yeah.

Yeah, but they're just good at that. Yeah, I guess everyone's wanting the hot, which one was the hot white boy summer, whatever it's called, but it's been a hot, you summer. For sure. Yeah, white boy summer this year is. Hot, you summer.

Jew summer for sure. For 100%. It year is hot you summer juice summer for sure for a hundred percent it's their summer for real it's like I was there they fucking summer is theirs it's a chosen summer they're going nuts they're going what they're Jersey Shore they're gonna I'll do whatever the fuck I want bitch that'll be a good Jews. What are you going to do next? Whatever the fuck I want. That'll be Gaza.

It'll be the juicy. It'll be the juicy sure it'll be the juicy. Sure. Good stuff. Juicy sure. Now try to. Yeah, don't look at the news on that one. strip is the juicy short No Try to yeah, don't look at the news on that one. Yeah, I have I have luckily been off the news for a while But yeah, I was pissed to see that upstairs. Good when atrocities are happening to just ignore it, you know

Yeah, that's the best way to handle it. I mean that's kind of how the world existed before the fucking mass media You've said before it's none of your business it's none of your business. It's so... It's not your business. It's none of my fucking business, bro. For real, I'm minding my own. It's crazy. It's fru...

I really think the human mind isn't made to sit here and fucking... I mean, it's horrible. I wish it would stop. I don't know. I think the human mind's pretty good at it. Every single person just compartmentalizes it and goes, that's really bad. Anyway, new NCAA came out, I'm excited about that. Reading an article about kids getting bombed

at a food, at a fucking shelter and you go, oh shit, NCAA came out, I get to play that. Yeah, all because a bunch of guys have sex tapes of each other. I saw what you did on Reddit yesterday. Fuck. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do whatever it takes to hide that shit.

I was listening to one podcast. I think it was Tucker Carlson. They were talking about they were like, well, Pornhub is obviously, they're using it to blackmail whoever they want. They're going to be able to just go. This is what you were looking at. I was sitting here playing Xbox, listening to Tucker Carlson, I was just like.

Oh no. I literally had to think to myself, did I ever fucking watch gay porn? I like really had to be like, no, right? Not even once. It's the only one that matters. Never once. You could also go, I was fucking kidding. I was joking around. you're in Guantanamo with a potato sack over here. You're like I was fucking around my boys

Don't send me to alligator out Yeah, I mean Here's the thing though now It's like how would they even use your porn searches against you because you can be like it would have to be like a screenshot Of your face. That's the one that I'm worried about you go dude. That's a fucking deep face. You felt that paparazzi was bad If all your biometrics and everything but again, it's like How do they how would they do that though? They're like we're gonna tell your parents It's like bro. I've sat through one of those before,

I'll sit through it again. Yeah, yeah, I did this when I was a kid. This is nothing to me. My mom caught me with filth before. I'll sit through it and be like, sorry, it wasn't even mine. Yeah, I think I'd be all right. I don't think I've, I haven't delved into anything

too devious. Some gangbang stuff, I guess. That'd be a little embarrassing what are we talking it's regular devil's lady you're getting now there's the whole gang of guys coming in those are the ones you finish you go what have I done the whole gang of dudes coming in it was the old time throng. Guys were fired up. That's so fucking funny. No guys are in trouble.

What I worry about the squad over there is in deep trouble. I'm not in trouble. I've been talking about my shit publicly for this exact year. That's the stuff you're public about. I'm sure there's some fuck. My literal thing was this is so fucked up. This will come out one day. I have to get ahead of this.

Let me tell everybody. I know I like come walks Yeah again, can we add a little illustration of Freud's iceberg where the tip is at the top and then below is just the Large hulking mass And Lamar I know you have gay porn Gayest porn ever. There's no way. I don't have gay porn. There's definitely a way. There's no gay porn.

I swear. If we had to vote on who hears, watch gay porn. Have I seen it? Maybe? Like five minutes once. I have not per-t took in it though, you know Yeah, but yeah, they don't know Just go this is what he was searching

They go you really want him to be city councilman He jacked off to a gangbang in 2014 Everyone's gonna be so Everyone's gonna be so compromised. It's just gonna be the first couple people that get compromised. That's where it's gonna hurt. You know what I mean? Where everyone still hasn't had theirs exposed. They're all like, ew.

Yeah, true. Just gonna make fun of them on the internet, which of course. I think it's gonna be, and I pray the technology will definitely come in our lifetime, so you'll be able to check all of your older family members like complete metadata. We're like, they'll want by the time we're 60, it'll be like, yo, it's you'll have like grandkids or nieces and nephews like, yo bro, we pulled your shit up and you'll go, what the fuck? Yeah. You're like, whatever. But I don't think by then they'll care. Straight up dude on dude porn is that's the one if you call it fucked. I have googled naked man's ass a lot

Shit gay porn is literally the it is the funniest porn. Yeah, dudes having sex is fucking hilarious. It is funny It was a good it was a goof it is the funniest stuff This episode of Matt and Shane secret Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes. Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time. Yeah, every single time. Yeah, I did it all week. It's a fucking disaster. I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning. Yeah. It was crazy.

There's nothing wrong with that. No, it felt great. A little paint job. Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel how much extra do you ever need it? Pretty much an extra pair per day. Yeah, I was bringing extra underwear. Yeah. Yeah. Yes I guess I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly. Yeah, I just used to work. You guys getting out here Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on? Dude? How horny are these? They want to know there's got to be something about standing up though like I'm a stand-up wiper honestly sitting down I just smears every I don't

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Gabe Warren, I was trying to get you to turn this camera around. I want to do the pod. I want to do the podcast. That's got a little fucking Oreo going. Remember that place I sent you? What? Just get the boy filled up. Hello. Put the boots. I want a podcast from that place I sent you. Which one? The men's retreat you which one the men's retreat all male

I got like two seconds into looking at that website. I was furious. I Think it was terrible time Dude I'm having fucking like panic attacks, and then I was like oh fuck I gotta host the espy's Yeah, dude, and then I haven't even been worried about it And then I thought I was like how the fuck am I gonna walk on stage when I look like a fucking dumbass Maybe a giant stage and I'm gonna walk in a tuxedo and go, hello. We go, uh, what else? What a wild year this has been in sports. Andra Reese is a bitch. Boo. And I'm joking. I'm kidding guys. Come on.

I'm joking. Come on. Walk out and do a James Bond go, pew, pew. I could. I'm joking. Come on. Do it James Bond go They yeah, this is the weird thing is like people watch shit like that and if you act like like if it like When you do like late night or whatever They don't want you to be a normal guy like regular people that watch that want you to be like a celebrity would act Yeah, you know we're like, oh Seth. It's great to be here man There's instead of just being normal, like a normal person doesn't want you to be like regular people watching the show. They're like, he's nervous and he sucks. You're being

a human because you're not going to tell you what? Yeah. Well, let me tell you something. Thanks. Yeah. Beautiful night here. Cross my legs being like, Oh man, what a treat. That's interesting. I feel, I feel like people, I don't don't know no I've noticed cuz anytime I do SNL They're like look at he's fucking nervous. He's it's like no. I'm just this is how I would act. Yeah, this is weird I'm not standing this is normal also. It's like yeah, I'm nervous. I'm on fucking Of course I'm gonna be nervous during the I Didn't get for some reason the idea of walking onto the stage ever thought about that is really uncalled as fucking stage big stage They were talking they're like we get you pyro and I was like dude get me pyro for every time I bomb a joke

Tell a really bad joke and then That's actually fucking hilarious. Would they do that? I don't know, maybe. I think if somebody goes flat. They seem like they're down for anything. That's awesome. Yeah, they seem. Like if something falls flat,

definitely send the fireworks. The fireworks are hilarious. That's so fucking funny. Even if it works, it'll be fucking funny. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's actually fucking sick. After every punchline, pyro. Yeah.

Pyro. That's really funny, actually. Doesn't it, if it falls flat, no pyro, andro. Yeah. Pyro. That's really funny actually. Doesn't it fall flat, no pyro, and then demand it be like, guys, come on. It's also tough to come up with funny jokes for ABC. That's very hard. At 5 p.m. Yeah.

Like you're not gonna, I'm not gonna be able to say. Have you considered any, like talking about Puerto Rico at all? Oh yeah. Yeah. Puerto Rico, speaking of islands of trash. When I learned that was at like 11 a.m. I was like, dude, whoa.

Right after the national anthem. Fuck it. Yeah, it was at 5 p.m. on CBS. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they can give you guidelines of like, this is what we allow, this is what we don't. They will, yeah, and it's like First day like they're like they're like kind of excited about it. Yeah, let it rip They're like like cuz we did promos for it and I was like, oh, this is live

Like I was joking like I'm gonna do something crazy. Yeah, and they they're keeping they're like using that I had to be like get rid of that. I look like a dumbass. Yeah, like I'm nuts I was doing that and they're like, here's the promo we're gonna put out. I was like, don't put this out I was like I might say something crazy. I'm a bit of a loose cannon. Yeah, they probably want nothing more than a controversy though Because they're like a lot of the least, you know, I don't know really shit about major media like networks But I do feel like like if they ever have like a controversy online. It's like yeah It's the only way anybody fucking you know yeah So they might need you to fucking do it bro. I'm gonna do it might have to talk about the fucking ultimate leader

Mine's been the 1939 Olympics Yeah, it'll be fun. I mean yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'll be fun. I mean, yeah. Have you considered beta blockers? No. You know people do that. They take beta blockers for public speaking.

I'm going natty on this. Raw dog. That's what's up. I'm not raw dog. I'm gonna bomb natural. Just have a natural bomb. That kind of freaked me out though when I heard people do that. A lot of people take beta blockers now because apparently you can go out and talk in public

and it's just like it just shuts down I don't know I kind of rely on the I would think terror no weird that would be to bomb and be like how interesting yeah it's how most comedians all those people we did open mics with that are still doing it they have beta blockers they're fully like that was a weird night. Well, see you next week. You've been doing this for 15 years Just under Christmas lights in July bombing like that was weird. Yeah, this is a fun night time for a craft beer. I Knew exactly what you're talking about and Philly under the bridge

It's time for a craft beer I'll have 15 craft beers And I'll talk to the audience who was idea the ten people that were here I'm gonna get drunk with them and go you know fuck you fucking get my joke you fucking understand it bitch Fight with the crowd two hours after the show get a fight with the crowd two hours after the show just straight you just stay and get drunk with them afterwards I was dicks we doing over there I was yeah what was that there's a picture of somebody and I was sitting with them when you sent me that in the group text and I was looking at my phone next to them and I was like oh oh sorry this is a group text making fun of you literally worst nightmare yeah just a shitty picture of you. Nothing, me and all my friends are making fun of you behind your back. You did that. Yeah, the anxiety, I don't know why that was the reason,

but the walkout. I never even thought of that. And then... You gotta do like Asian nerd run up to the stage. That's gonna be the funniest part is the walk, I'm gonna be in a tuxedo, I'm gonna look like a fucking dumbass. You look good in the tux, bro

I've seen I've worn it already To you I look like a fucking men's warehouse plus-size model. I mean that's hilarious I look like I'm just a big guy obviously dude easy leading True come right out. That's the A is very funny. Oh, and there's writers. There's writers for it. Yeah, so they sent me all their jokes The they're sending like self-deprecating jokes. Oh, I'm like The fuck the fucking notes from people I hired and they're like, yeah, I'm a big fat fucking piece of shit I can't believe I'm here. I'm a no-name fucking piece of shit. We couldn't get Kevin Hart. We got this fucking loser. I'm like Who wrote that? one of you guys you fired?

Tell us is a teleprompter breaking you down? I have that I do have a small penis who wrote this? Who the fuck wrote this? You can have their job so I'll have your fucking job. I'll have your fucking job in no time. Yeah sending it being like, I'll write for you and then sending self-deprecating jokes is. Yeah, that is weird.

Never thought about that. I got that handled. Don't worry about that. Yeah. It's also that's not self-deprecating. It's like you're deprecating me. You're deprecating me. You're deprecating.

You're deprecating all over me. You're deprecating on me, dude. You deprecated the shit out of me, dude. I was sitting here. I was already having a rough time. I mean, fucking self-deprecating. No, you should just be like I really like that was really funny He's still again. Yeah, I'll write one for you Just a good exercise back and forth little impromptu I'll do you next

Dang dude, well, I ran some of the jokes last night and they're twerking a little. But it's tough to find a line because some of the guys are writing funny but edgy jokes so I'm just like unfortunately I can't do that. And then the next one's too clean. Where it's almost like late night television type jokes. You know what I mean? Where it's like that type of joke where you're like just sucking off athletes

at like a weird, where it's like, oh another award for you guys, don't you have enough accolades? You guys are incredible, I'm a loser. It's like, it's not funny. There's gotta be a middle ground between that. There's a couple, we found a couple. I wish I knew more about sports. I don't know.

You got the gist of it. Yeah. You got one in there that's probably my favorite one. Yes. It's definitely my favorite one. We can't do the school shooter one. Oh yeah. Cause that's the best one.

The pre-show, the pre-game fashion, and Kayla Clark, all the white, the Indiana Fever all wearing trench coats. Be like, enough is enough. Goin' white girl crazy. They did get, have you followed the, fever all wearing trench coats be like enough is enough going like all crazy they did get it have you followed the they so fee cunning is that her name they got a little white girl crazy on her squad what yeah she's got an enforcer now that goes nuts wait on whose squad on Caitlin Clark steam they

got a big dog white chick that goes they got it what she goes not so she goes white girl crazy on what's the ladies name from Game of Thrones like Anna? Bear what's her name the tall lady? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, he's got one of those Yeah, they got Brianna tar. Yes except. She's also a babe what? real combination How tall we talk how tall is this babe I Don't know she's probably five ten five eleven bro Say might as much

Make it look like one of the Navi so I'd be an enforcer in the WMBA Yeah, that's fucking you get not sue especially on juice Goldberg spear those bitches She's six one Jarvis I'm gonna put a Goldberg spear in those bitches. She's 6'1". Jarvis. Damn, they should tap me in just to set picks. I would set fucking diabolical picks in the WNBA.

That'd be my signature. Yeah, hands behind your back. Yeah, I would just dagger. No man, there's nothing funny about that. I set girl picks. I would dagger in the WNBA. Huh? You knew that. I said girl picks. I would dagger in the WMA. You knew that, right? Huh? You knew that.

Girl picks? Yeah, cause my sister played basketball. So when I was a little kid, I only saw girls basketball. Then I went and played basketball and set picks. Did they cover their boobs? Like that. What? Yeah.

And I did that. Then I noticed everyone else was holding their dicks and I was like, all right, I'll switch. I was out there, I was a little chubby kid going. I didn't know they did that. It makes sense though. Yeah. Also, I fell down constantly. You would sell the pick?

I was Rodman, dude. I was diving on the court. I was going nuts. You saw it. We played. I fell down in front of those black kids. Oh yeah. We challenged the teens.

We fucking whooped their ass up. We did whoop their ass with fundamentals. We did. Oh, yeah challenge the teens We fucking what their ass we did what their ass with fundamentals we did we yeah, that's awesome We just we are feeded into onto I think we are Best team of all time it's great We be black teams and we basketball pool basketball You know not even close bro. That's fucking crazy pool b-balls not even close yeah we beat black teams Legioness gangs who else is there that's Oregon's blacks Jews we really are fucking American history X yeah fuck we are for real I think undefeated it's kind of sick yeah

Hang the jerseys dude. Yeah, just hang them up. It's hanging bro. It's time to be done Anyway, take any will we should take any challengers any girls any girls out there? You know age cut off for sure. Oh, yeah, you gotta watch like a girl could play basketball Yeah, they're destroying college. You have to watch out for that. Although I yeah. You gotta watch like college. If a girl could play basketball, she'd fucking destroy me. College, you'd have to watch out for that. Although, I feel like you could back them down, right? Yeah. You could back them down, but yeah, if they're tall, they could swat you, that'd be a problem.

That'd be so embarrassing. One swat, I'd fucking spaz, dude. Yeah. I've been doing the sled at the gym, and it's outside, and there's just people all around, and there's like, it's kind of on level, actually it's very on level, but like, so you go downhill, that's not bad,

but the uphill is like, you might stall. And there's just people sitting around, and I was there with Brittany and I was like, bro, if I fucking stall, I'll for real kill myself. If I can't get it. Do you pull it backwards then? No. That's where it's hard.

That is hard. I get it down, but then I go to the other side, but you have to get pushed from like, No, you gotta pull it backwards. Walk backwards and hold it like that, it's so hard. That is hard. No, it destroys you. Pushing, it's easy.

I'm not saying, for me, I can sled. No, I, for sure. I can drive the sled, dude. Drive the, yeah, for sure. I mean, you're fucking born for it. Short choppy steps, dude. I've done it my whole fucking life. Pulling is hard, but it's like.

Pulling backwards is, yeah. You have to do it, and then you have to, and it's like not a, like, wheel, one of those, like, wheels, which they're hard too, but it's just backwards is you have to do it And then you have to let it's like not a like wheel one of those like wheels which they're hard, too But it's just like a class. Yeah, yeah flat sled. I had a got put babes on it I've done it before yeah, put a babe on it today. I did the 445 out of plates you you get on there come here I'm about to hear me fucking fart I'm about to spray spit out of my mouth while I push this thing. But yeah, it was just like, I was like, if I fucking falter, I'm gonna...

Just like stopping halfway up the hill in front of just like, just OnlyFans models and guys on steroids with their shirts off. It's just like, dude, in front of my babe. I was like, can't. I haven't been in the comedy club in a while. Last night when I drove down the streets They're filled with only fans ladies and jack dudes with their shirts off. Yeah, dude, and that they're out in the street Sure, I did. I was it was the Sun was going down. Oh, yeah, the first show was at like seven, dude I'm telling you the gym I go to it's crazy the dudes here and also need to fucking chill out

They do I'm used to only seeing comedy clubs. So I'm only used to being around comics that are all, regular dudes are fucking shredded. Regular dudes have taken off. There was a guy today doing handstands on dumbbells, then like lowering himself parallel to them. And I was like, dude, stop, knock it off. Yeah, do a fucking lift. Do a regular lift, you're showing off.

Yeah. I'm gonna nut tap them while he's doing it. Literally was showing off. I could have nut chopped him. I could have from the time yeah yeah bone Tomahawk split him right in half dude I was I was just on an old machine just making a ton of noise it was insane it was like dude do that shit at your house handstand and caught him in a standing 69

You should have walked over and wrapped his ass up. He said you're mine now. I'm taking you home Come with me. He would have fucking completely spazzed. Yeah, you were got beat up by like 10 jacked hot guys for sure I heard had a couple guys smiling It was push my broken body out on the sled is Taking my car Yeah, there's and the women are also wearing nothing walking around here. Yeah, I've literally I said it before women are evolving before us They're they're becoming like synthetic. Yeah, like it's you see them and you're like dude. They're becoming like synthetic. Yeah. Like you see them and you're like, dude, you're 25. You've completely rearranged your face already.

Like fucking wait till you're 50 and beat as fuck. Why are you- Face off. Dude, I saw a lady today who was for real emaciated and she turned and she was just like, it was just like in college had like looked like- Turned around just- And she was just like it was just like in college had like

Alien alien down and she's like what the fuck are you doing? But again, it's like I was just laughing to just say beautiful babies would stop. They gotta leave the sun. Don't touch your lips Leave your lips. Leave that to me fine Don't fucking get those big lips, dude. Dude, imagine. Just leave them alone. Yeah, you don't need that at all. Also, they're now getting broken down on,

it's not even just about, there's the Botox and stuff. They're hitting every part of their face and optimizing, there's eyebrow treatment. It's like, who the fuck, nobody cares about your cares about your eyebrows yeah unless just for other girls yeah it is yeah it's them but it's gotta be tight just being like a just one of those chicks now you're 24 you literally are just like you're donning the lingerie butt cupping kind of like pussy clothes with and you're just standing there just being the giant fat pussy. Yeah, just just

No, dude, for real. I saw for I say I saw a swollen giant fat pussy and I was like the fuck Yeah, what are you doing? The hell are you doing? Also, I've seen it and not to make it gay, but I've seen a lot of hogs on the loose around here. Yes Hogs are out dude. We need it. We need to start I'm gonna get in a helicopter. We need a hog. I'm gonna get in a helicopter with an AR and go, we got hogs, we got some javelinas down there. Hey, put your dick away, now.

Put your dick away. Is that you and me in the car? We yelled at that guy? Yeah. This guy's standing on the corner with a giant dong in like bike shorts. Yeah. I rolled the window down,

I was like, put that fucking dick away. Yeah, dudes need to chill with that. Look, let the girls do their thing. Don't throw your hat in the fucking ring. Be like, I have a giant dick. Maybe I'll stick it out. Where it's like, no, man. Yeah.

I was rocking angry tennis today. I was trying. There was nothing I could do about it. But angry tennis is going to be respected again soon. I think it will. It's going to be like a girl without lip fillers. Everybody's walking around with a giant dong, dude. When was the last time you saw some natural tiny angry this morning. I was looking down Well, there's all these shorts now

Don't make that face while you're thinking about your penis. I watched him do it. They're like you don't even need underwear The man literally was going You dude thinking about every part of your penis right there. That's disgusting They make shorts are like we have like inner lining you don't even need boxers I'm like sweet then I wear them like do my tiny penis Yeah Well, I'm always like nice so you get like netting. It's not netting. It's like a Then I wear them. I do my tiny penis Yeah Well, I'm always like nice. Oh you get like netting. It's not netting. It's like a Just like it does feel like bar is like an inner. Oh, yeah. I have though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're cool compression shorts Yeah, sort of these are like they're not that tight

So I'm just like I'm just looks like I'm free balling and my tiny penis is sticking out while I'm doing bridges You can't do bridges and And like between every exercise, I stand up and I'm like. Yeah. The worst is when you're starting to do it like you're doing fucking like deadlifts. Yep. You get me every time.

The bar is literally presses my penis. My penis perches on the bar on every deadlift. It's like a bird on a telephone wire. The trainer's like, all right, 10 more reps. Fuck dude, my dick's out On rep one. I saw my penis. I gotta put the bar down We got to change workouts need the hex bar the bar. We stand in the middle mister. That's cheap Name have you cheaters dude if you want to build a build the basics you want to get fucking

Massive numbers hit the hex bar be like just deadlift 450. It's like, no, you didn't, dude. I know. Yeah, the bridges, they serve no purpose other than to show everyone your tennis. Yeah. It's, you just can't do them. It's a fucking problem. Yeah. I'll be getting better, dude, I'm telling you, I'll be getting better at just fucking rocking it

and being like. It's all you can do. It's my setup. Yeah. I'm just gonna rock this thing out and hopefully, you know, everything comes around in waves. It will, fashion will catch up. Be like, yeah, we won't.

Fashion will catch up. Teenage. Yeah, we're gonna go back to classic Greek penises. Yeah, girls will figure out guys are big dicks just don't treat them right. We'll see my ally patch. That guy's a fuck, that guy's probably pretty agreeable. That guy's probably smart.

He just probably reads a lot and cares about issues. He's got tiny little penis. Patch Smart He's probably reads a lot and cares about issues You see that real team player over there. Yeah, he's do big dick freaks Dumb as hell Well, Mary you're genius You're one of us. For real, I'm like being serious. I've obviously imagined just having a long dangling penis a bunch of times. For real would be annoying, honestly. It probably gets in the way.

The way I move, I couldn't do it. If I was too sleek, too fast. For real, the way I cut. You think I'd be able to swim down and back underwater? No shot. The thing would be a goddamn rudder Yeah, like I felt bad for that pole vaulted from France you like his dick Don't gotta worry about that. I would have cleared that thing dude. I would have brought glory to my country I wouldn't stadium. Yeah, I would literally I'd be in orbit

Penises on your back. I'd be on Mars by race is an entire country They should have probably gotten like silver, but he disgraced his country this dumb fucking dick French fucking dick hit the bar and he blew it first country So fucking dick hit the bar and he blew it first country. That's so funny. The hopes and dreams of your country dashed on the rocks of your giant cock. It's kind of been France's problem. It has been a big problem. Just sitting around with a big dick smoking.

Yeah. It's been like, what is even the point of this? We don't get that our dicks are too big you got a little frog Any guard dog? Big cigarettes sitting around going the water is even the point of everything You probably do have some French in you should look that up good, I don't know I Think you do for sure. I thought I was, I'm just Irish and Italian. That's what I've been told at least.

Yeah, I wonder, that's kind of French though. If you can smile at those two things. Right in the middle, that's where they met. Yeah, that's literally the combination of them. Combination. All right. New Drake dropped, pretty tight. Is it good?

Yeah, it's fun. Nice. It's exciting. Yeah, it's fun. Nice. It's exciting. Yeah, who knew? He did a... Oh, also, I listened to... Last night I listened to Not Like Us on the way home. I was like, I haven't heard this in fucking forever.

Give it a listen again, see what you think. Stinks? Give it a listen again. You go, was it the greatest song of all time? Did it need to be played that many times? Because I just listened to it and... It was a racist anthem. I'm good for a while.

I don't need to listen to it ever again. I kind of picked up on some like racist vibes when I listened to it. I'm pretty sure he's not being like, yeah, like cool black guys and 25 year old white ladies, you're not like us. He was saying Drake can't use the N word and he's not like us.

It kind of sucks. Yeah, I'd be so pissed. Yeah, if someone had said I was able to say it and then everyone was like, you're not now. God damn. Welcome to hell, dude. That's like being able to see and then going blind. I've been blind my whole life, dude. I don't even know what I'm missing.

Also, for rapping, like it's it sucks if you can't do that for rapping. It's huge in rap. It's awesome. It sounds awesome in rap. Every time I hear it in rap I go, yes, yes, yes. I heard it today and I don't feel bad because usually that's coming from someone I know and that makes me uncomfortable. Yeah I'm telling you, the internet is now rife with like people who present white as rapping just ripping the n-word some of them are like

They have mixed guys. Yeah, generally you have mixed guys and there was that little kid Little brazi was out there. There's a little kid. He's a little kid and he looks a little white kid I I guess I don't know if he's gonna get a lot of mix bros now who are like I'm mixed and it's like, okay But he uh, that is something we're gonna have to deal with as a society. Yeah, I Don't I'm still I don't know my tell my daughters. I'm gonna tell my daughter's like bro go crazy So go and nuts. Yeah, go nuts pave the way. Yeah, so maybe one day You're the first on our family to ever do it No one else in our family says

You know that house in the woods with a giant Trump flag on it you'll be the first one ever My dad and his brothers are ran a totally PC trash yard in the early 90s. You know that compound in the woods with about 50 fucking giant retarded white guys? No one's ever said this. I think that's how all their machines start up, their voice actors. They got like breathalyzers, every trash truck in Philly. It's like you gotta say it, we We wanna make sure you're driving well. I told you, I used to listen to CB radio, dude.

It was all the hits. That was nothing but the hits. Another big block of rock coming right at you. Nothing but the hits. I was a little boy listening to trash truck CB radio drive around with my dad and just being like, What the fuck? True. You guys gotta get the trash fixed in Philly. It's that fucking city bullshit, bro. We did we did dumpsters man That's like the trash routes

But yeah, I would I would scab Billy out of retirement true. He should go scab no more sitting around podcasting Billy It's time to start working again fire up the lugger can Yeah, are they still on strike in Philly? There they're gonna get their way. You can't, if trash strikes, you're fucked. What are they doing? They need to be demanding so much more at all times. Yeah, they don't get paid a ton.

They get, you know, you can hold it down, but you're not bossing out. They do get overtime, which is sweet. There's one in Massachusetts, too. Really? Little Boston trash party? Hell, yeah. Never mind.

I was getting fired up last night. On what? Came home, had a couple beers at the club, came home, tossed on Revolutionary War Docs on YouTube. So nice. That's awesome. So nice. And then it was the beginning of it.

It was Lexington and Concord, the shodder around the world. They still don't know who fired, the British or the Patriots. Oh, really? Last night I was sitting there. I was like, the British or the Patriots. Oh really? Last night I was sitting there, I was like, fucking British obviously fired first. You think they fired first? Fucking pieces of shit, definitely.

They've always fired first, they're just scum. Obviously they fired first. It was so obvious that I was sitting there, like how come I never, with any conviction, knew this? Normally I'm like, yeah, no one knows who fired. It was obviously them. Yeah. True, that's a fair point. But don't you think they'd be'm like, yeah, no one knows who fired. It was obviously them. Yeah. True, that's a fair point.

But don't you think they'd be more like, kind of like, hold, gentlemen? That's what they were doing at the Boston Massacre. They'd already done this. They fired into the civilians. Oh, fuck, all right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, wasn't that the move back then

in the monarchies to be like, all right, well, fucking, we try to reason with you guys. We're just gonna rain down upon you guys. Get the fuck out of here. That's what Napoleon did. Yeah. Got the mob. He was like, I'll take we try to reason with you guys we're just gonna rain down upon you guys and fuck out of here that's what Napoleon did yeah got the mob he was like I'll take care of the mob yeah what are you gonna do I'm gonna fire cannons directly into all of them and they're gonna go home you did it you saved Paris and then he was all right but yeah you got to get on the Revolutionary War because it's gonna be big soon Rev

War is gonna be a new that Ken Burns coming out you got to get ahead of it he's doing Rev War he's doing a Rev War doc that's it it's gonna be big soon. Rev war is gonna be a new that Ken Burns coming out. You gotta get ahead of it He's doing Rev war. He's doing a Rev war doc. That's sick. It's gonna be awesome. Spud dog was he was there. Yeah Yeah, he was handling cam. That's uh, you guys are gonna like it. You're gonna like the revolutionary war I'm not looking at you're gonna like it It's cooler than you think Now I've always been inclined to be a Civil War man. You know, I went to Revolutionary War camp, bro. I went to Williamsburg. Did you ever reenact the battles?

We didn't reenact the battles. We had to march with a stick like we were soldiers. Did you really? That's kind of sick. We got wooden guns, and we got to run around through the Brandywine and reenact the battle. But it would be like laser tag rules. I got you.

You'd be like, nah, dude, you missed me. He'd be like, pop, pop, pop. That's awesome. It was tight. These little wooden guns, we had to reenact it on that's that's where I learned I've said this a thousand times where they used to pee on wounds to heal them. So pretty tight I stick to it to this day whenever I pee in the shower for anyone was a pretty big L for us Could be wrong I didn't pay attention that part

Big L was it really I think we took some L's out there that sucks Yeah, look that up.'s out there. That sucks. Yeah. Look that up, man. Yeah, that's one battle. Brandy one. Well, we're looking at it. I was there. Yeah. It's the bro Hamilton. Yeah. Fuck. I didn't know I lived on losing. Thank you. They love how it got hit there.

Did he got wounded there? I don't know why I assumed I was on winning territory every time I was at the Brandywine, but we definitely won. Obviously eventually we won. True, true. Lafayette got wounded. Dang.

Yeah. Right in Brandywine? Yeah. It was right by my house. And when we were living in West Cheshire, I would just. Really? Yeah, there was a couple of battlefields right there. That's great. Went down to fucking Valley Forge a couple of battlefields right there. That's great.

Went down to fucking Valley Forge, walked around. It was great. That's fucking sick. Going to the house, and they're like, this is where Washington lived. Fuck yeah. This is crazy. The place you brought us to, that battlefield was awesome. Antietam?

Yeah, that was very sick. Antietam's awesome, Gettysburg's awesome, we gotta get back. We gotta get back. There's nothing down here, the fucking South sucks. I know. I don't have any history other than fucking Indian massacres. Yeah, there's nothing down here fucking South sucks. I know I don't have any fucking Indian massacres Yeah, a lot of those

You know, this isn't fun Yeah, the Alamo sick. Yeah, that's cool. Was Davey Crockett really at the Alamo. I think so sir tight, yeah Daniel Boone's also fucking tight. Yeah, Boone does rule. He got fucking rules. Yeah, but it sucks. I guess if you looked into it, they're those guys. New Orleans would be fun to go to the Battle of New Orleans. Yeah, that would be key.

That'd be sick. True, that was key. You were looking at that. That's fun. We beat the fuck out of the British. Yeah. Everyone tries to act like the US lost the War of 1812. We fucking went nuts on them.

Yeah. Who the fuck's talking shit like that? Well, they burnt down the White House. That was a pretty big win. Cares. Yeah, fuck dude. We fucking went nuts on them. Yeah, who the fuck's talking shit like that? Well, they burnt down the White House. So that was a pretty big win. Who cares? Yeah, fuck it, we didn't even like it. Wasn't it, that one was in Philadelphia? No, it was in Washington.

Okay, oh fuck, that sucks. Yeah, this is Canadians, dude. The British Canadians marched right down. They burnt down the fucking White House? Burnt down our fucking shit. The fuck? Yeah. Has Canada chilled out yet, or are they still spazzing?

Are they still crying? Yeah, they should. Oh no, they finally crying. Yeah, they finally got some attention dude. They're so excited They were so excited even new president right yeah Okay, yeah good for them Good for them alright See you later on the Patreon.