Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 573 - Angry Jets

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live NJ/ PA/ MD and more! @ https://lemairelee.fun/ hey guyzz. Hope you're all having a good week. Here's your weekly podcast. Pipin' hot (as per usual) and ready for listening / viewing. We also included some video of Matt's race from this weekend so check that out if you wish. Please enjoy. God Bless. Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, Wow, Wes. Those fat boys, run. Oh, come on, Matt. Hello, this is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to chime in to let the audio listener know that I'm currently playing a video of Matt's race with Haas. So if you'd like to see that, switch over to the video. Keep going, Matt! He's catching up!

Some words of encouragement from Mrs. McCusker. For those of you don't know, Matt was racing his cousin, Haas, this weekend on the Jersey Shore, so this is the footage of that. I think the end is coming now, and Matt wins, so it was a good effort by both of them. But congratulations to Matt. He finished with about his seven minute.

30-second mile on the sand, too, by the way. And I think Haas was about 15, 20 seconds behind him. So, congrats to both competitors. And congrats to Matt for winning the race. Maya, get over here. Enjoy the podcast, everybody. Goodbye. Finish! You're all firing on all cylinders right now.

Press record, dude. The console war is over. The black nerds have broken the story. The black nerds are on it. That's a big deal, dude. It's been a 20-year war. It has. It's been our whole lives. Since PS-1, Xbox? And PlayStation was in the... Bunderoo, PlayStation had the big Bunderoo

To try to win the war Wait, so what crossed over? Both of their like two biggest franchises Spider-Man and Halo Halo is Xbox only, right? Yeah, it does feel like PlayStation kind of won, though Like, if it would have been uncharted or Last of Us Switched, that is true, Halo

Halo is the biggest one. Halo's the biggest one on Xbox. Spider-Man's big, but I don't think it's their biggest. Yeah, I feel like I don't know anyone who plays fucking Spider-Man. They all, everybody plays Spider-Man, really? They love Spider-Man What are you, it's just you, uh, Spidey, rolling around. That's your favorite part of the game

is playing his marriage game. I hate it, dude, right. I couldn't beat the game because of that part. It made me check out for like a week. Spider-Man was, isn't it like just Grand Theft Auto? Kind of, wasn't like an open world? You get to just. Yeah, it's open world.

That's kind of swing around. That's show. Sodor would play it. If you smoke weed and like wrestling, Spider-Man is for you. I mean, Spider-Man's for anybody. You didn't, if you had a PlayStation, you'd play Spider-Man.

No, I wouldn't. You could play Spider-Man now. Yeah, you can play Spider-Man now. I bet you I don't. That's your loss, brother. I'm just waiting for Vietnam, hell that loose. I mean, that does look sick. Oh.

Wait, so is it like, so it's like GTA, but like, why wouldn't you? GTA has got to be better than Spider-Man. Definitely. Sell me on why are you to play Spider-Man over G-T-A. Swinging through the city. They perfect the swinging through the city. That's kind of, and it's so sick. I would watch show to play.

Swinging was nice. Yeah, okay. I get it. I go, when it first came out, because I didn't buy it. but I went on YouTube and just watched like 10 minutes or somebody just swinging from end to end. That makes sense. Swinging through the city and even just kind of...

And Soder was high as shit. We didn't talk. I was just watch him play a video game silently. He was so high. He got high as fuck, dude. I forgot how high he got. I would just go sit at his house and he would just get high as far.

We had a dynasty we were playing together. I'd be defense or he'd play defense. I was offense. That's nice. It was nice. It was a good bro time. Yeah. Except if he'd get high as shit.

Sometimes I'd show up after a couple bruskeys The Colorado Buffaloes would lose Dude the dinosaur game I believe it was I believe it was Gabe Who broke the news of the dinosaur game Dinosaur game's pretty sick What is that game called? Where you started as a tiny little baby dinosaur

And he's slowly Yeah it's pretty great I was when I did What you were called Dr. Phil alive Soda was on the show And like backstage I told him about that dinosaur game And he was like, yo what the fuck And I was like showing him videos

He's like I gotta get this I figured he would appreciate it. He would. Dude, just laying up at like two in the morning, just being a baby dinosaur and trying to get bigger. It's a dream. Catch me in that. I could get caught up in that.

It's a dream for sure in that life. I've watched videos about it. It's pretty great. It looks so tight. Yeah. Wasn't there a game where you started off as like a little amoeba and you had a, I might just be thinking of an episode of like a fucking, huh? The aisle, right?

You start off as a little baby amoeba. You got to fucking become like a dominant life form. That's also. That's a good game. It's all, huh? It's called Spore. No, I think it was the Isle. The Amoeba game I meant.

Or is that the same game where you start as an amoeba and turn into a dinosaur? I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out there. I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out. Toad J. M. Earl ruled. Yeah, shit rule. Battle Tows.

I never realized Toad J. M and Earl were black. I never, I should have put that together. Are they? They got to be. They're walking around with fucking boomboxes on their shoulders. They did that in Puerto Rican. This is the council were... To J. M. Earl.

Like, it's crazy. Yeah. Tadjian and Earl are definitely black. Do you think Mario's going to come to Nintendo and Xbox? I mean, plays his next box. Do you think Mario's going to come into the Xbox? That's all they got. They just came out with a new system.

They can't. Nintendo's not giving up the goods on the area. He's bigger than ever right now. That Mario movie fucking rules, dude. I still haven't seen it. Dude, I'm telling you. I was like trying, I think I said it before. I was trying to hate on it watching a guy watch it in front of me on a flight.

And I was like, fucking grown, man, watch the Mario movie. And I watched the entire, he had headphones in. I watched no sound Mario movie for a whole flight. It's like, yo, this is sick. Yeah. Starts in Brooklyn. You fucking fall through a pipe. It's good.

The Wops? They're in Brooklyn. Yeah. Wops are in Brooklyn. The Mary Brother losers in Brooklyn, dude. Nobody believes in the business. Classic Waps. Dude, their fucking families.

What's the business, Pullman. They say they do their own, like, TV commercial. and they're like, I can't even find the live action one anymore. I searched for it. Who was in the live action? John Leguizamo, bro. What?

The past was. Fucking Bob, uh, Bob Haskins. Okay. What the fuck is Bob Haskins? I love the. You guys know. Bob Haskins. You guys know.

Bob Haskins. What do you play, Luigi? Oh, he played Smee. What? He played Smee and Hook. That's Bob Haskins. That guy, he crushed me, dude. Yeah, he did.

I'll get Bob Haskins. He played Smey and Mario. He was from fucking a British actor. Yeah, he's a beast. He was also in Who Frame Roger Rabbit. Really? He was the detective. Yeah, we should have known Hoskins.

Hell of a run. Yeah, hell of a run, dude. Fair enough. Super Mario Bros. He was Mario. I don't remember the live action. He was. It was the one where the gumbas looked exactly like Chris Wood.

It looked exactly like them The cupas Yes It's the wood man Let me see it I'm gonna see this live action man But now I'm kind of Live action Mario movie was funny

Because their last names was Mario He was like I'm Mario Mario And I'm Luigi Mario That was pretty funny I just remember being a kid Watching it getting hyped I liked it I can't believe

The Council Wars are over This is like for real life Changing Yeah, I feel like the wave of relief The woodman Yeah, I see them Damn, this shit looked fucking sick actually It was sick

I don't think it's streaming anywhere It's streaming on Amazon Well, Amazon has everything That's what chat CPP said Those fuckers I'm gonna watch that tonight This is a big night Oh

I'm just watching people run routes can't wait for football dude you know what uh lamare last week we're at the creek and lamare tossed on soap like the best of soapbox racing ever watched that before yeah like the Red Bull and the dudes do their own cars

I was fucking awesome we just missed it in Iowa when are you guys with me in Iowa Nebraska and Iowa bro that shit's fucking rules it might have just been in Nebraska I forget which one or Iowa it was that day we got in too late

they were like I just cleared the street time dude I was watching like heavy critiques. I'm like, what the fuck are they doing? They're like, dude, it's soapbox, right? Like, just have fun and watch it. And I was like, no, I need to see what these guys. Do you remind you because Mario and Luigi? Huh? Yeah, I don't know. No, Mario and Luigi's a box one of the cars. Do they really? Yeah, I've seen Mario and Luigi get wrecked and

Red Bull. Oh shit. I swear to God. They had some cool ones, man. One of them was just like a giant castle. They get fucked up, dude. Yeah, they get launched. Yeah, how do you like practice that? Because you must get, like, I could see like the crowd. If you put up the Red Bull decals, obviously I'll go all out. But like, just practicing that, you can get so fucking hurt doing that. Yeah, I doubt they even like practice that much. True. I think you have a couple beers and go, fuck it. We built this thing.

I'm going to slide it down the road in fucking Des Moines, Iowa. That's a good day. I was getting kind of frustrated where I was like, dude, like, you think these things would have better steer? I guess, you know, it's just people building them. But like, I was getting like kind of pissed. You're like, right brothers level cars.

Yeah, they are. Like, this thing's fucking never going to work. Yeah, I was like, dude, can I see one guy smoke this course? And it was like, nobody does it. I mean, it's, you know, hats off to doing it but have you ever seen the bobby a bobby barbie car races no the guys it's uh it's like in texas these guys they go down this big hill and bobby barbie cars yeah yeah and they just crash like a power wheel kind of thing yeah the power wheels yeah like barbies and power wheels yeah the little jeep things yeah it's a jeep thing yeah they take it down a hill and they fucking wipe out oh those things would roll yeah if you just put them on a

hill they would start moving yeah i've watched tons of videos of just kids getting fucked up on those things whipping it around hitting a curb that's great yeah now what a lot of people do get ejected from the cars the kids stay in the high wheels they go forward they'd never get ejected they're not like the saudis we have one we have a power wheel and uh my my is pretty good at driving it but then chloe will go gremlin mode and put her foot on the gas or my like stop it's my turn to drive yeah from the past she's already practicing her fucking crazy girlfriend she's already gonna be a crazy girlfriend

just like what did you do yeah I hope we died tonight they're pulling into the garage you might as being all careful and Chloe's went bang gremlin mode they almost hit the car it was so fucking funny stop stop total gremlin mode

yeah now a lot of parents have them on remote control but you're kidding like the power wheel but you sit and control it remotely that'd be so fun I know it's not great parenting. It'd be fun.

Well, it's like safer. Yeah, I know. But you got to let him ride, bro. Yeah, you got to let them ride. But that'd be nice. Dude, it'd be so funny fucking with them. Yeah. Just forward, backwards, forward backwards.

That's a good DUI. True. You can just sit in a long chair, have a couple drinks. Fucking race kids. Just one eye in your kids. Yeah, get me a controller. We got it. We got it.

We can fucking Mario car with actual kids. That would be fun. That's awesome. fuck that'd be so fun good call this episode of matt and Shane's secret podcast is brought to you by dude wipes Matt take it from there well let me tell you something about these dude wipes right now man I'll love to take it right here here we go

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This is disgusting stuff. Yeah, jalapeno poppers, root beer floats. That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do to my butt. Root beer floats? Yeah, and also they put in here two foot double-ended deal. Yeah, that's bad for your butt. Corner store chili cheese dogs.

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Good morass. Available at retailers nationwide and Amazon. Yeah. We support this product. For sure. dude I'm a I got crushed the other day by a piece of I'm not even to say it's bad information I think I didn't take it in properly but I was I've been trying to like cut down on my caffeine because it's been getting a little bit out of control so I'm just like my brain's just looking for reasons like keep taking in lots of caffeine and I saw I didn't even watch the video I saw like the thumbnail of a human video where he's like you want to you want to skyrocket your cortisol it was like a chart on his Instagram I don't think it was a video showing like why you want to skyrocket your cortisol so I was like he's right I should drink as much coffee as fast as I can

as soon as I wake up and dude I like had a whale of a day I had like you ever drink so much you feel like you're just like your innards are just like I almost feel like mechanical all the time dude I had it's my second cold brew today maybe you can relate that yeah because I had like I was

I'd spike to my cortisol I'm like all right I'm totally on protocol with Heberman right now I mean maybe he was like do it through exercise I didn't listen to the thing I was just like I'm just gonna crush coffee cold brew right in the morning and then I ended up having like a genuinely stressful day and was like I thought it was gonna fucking die I was it fucked me up I'm trying to get back off the bean I abused it you're good at tracking what's doing what I'll just be like I had a good day I don't know what the fuck calls that yeah this is a good day this is a terrible

I knew it was the coffee though because I I have down kind of to a science and then it was just like I was like taking a walk with my wife. You want to get some coffee? I was like, yeah, I'll fucking chug your cold brew. Heverman told me I need to spike my cortisol. After I already had like a 24 ounce cup, I was like, it's time to spike the cortisol. That's my problem. Are you guys walking in the morning in your neighborhood?

Nice walk, yeah. You're living a real life. Yeah. That's crazy. Taking a while, I'm just walking with my babe. Yeah. I want to start going full old Indian men staying like 10 steps behind her with my hands behind my back. That's the dream.

Taking your babe for a walk. American women could never stand for that. No. No way. Joe mad if you were 10 feet behind them. Yeah, they have to walk side by side. That's literally the only time I'm 10 feet behind her

when she's already mad at me and she storms ahead. They have to be side by side. Even in New York where everyone's on the sidewalk. You're like getting single file. Yeah, single file is up. All people are passing. Yeah, babes like to keep you right at their hip.

Yeah. They'll like bump into you. They'll, like, walk ahead of you. They're really bad at walking. Oh, they'll pop. They'll be a little bump. They can't stay in a straight line. Yeah.

They can't. That's why they need you next to them. Yeah. I'm happy to help my baby will hit the fucking she'll hit the jets on me she'll hit turbo if she's mad she'll fucking speed ahead and so it's always just like bro you slow your little fucking ass down she gets mad walks as fast as you can I'm like bro I can fucking smoke you right now you ever hit the slow down when they speed up that's my move yeah that's good move she gets mad and speeds up I go slow and I'm like we'll just part ways well it's nice when you go slow and then they turn around you go you're all the way up there what the fuck you're doing all the way up there I didn't see you back there yeah you fucking you know what you're done you know exactly what the fuck you're up to you yeah they hit this the jets it's so funny angry jets is crazy oh angry jets is so funny i see i see you hit the angry jets i'll hit him video game angry jets i'll run i'll run away angry jets is she hit me with a diabolical angry jets because we were like heading into like a preschool thing like a you know like two nights

before school started how much i fucking hate angry jets bro we're late we're late for a dinner she's rush in before me. Oh, it gets me out of the car into the front door. You're going to run through the front yard to get there. We got to walk in together. Yes, this is how diabolical was because I'm driving and we get into the fucking parking lot. I don't know why. And I've talked to other people. Babes do this. Well, they'll be like, there's a spot right. And it's like, yo, man, I'm driving. When I don't like, without you, I don't circle parking lots helplessly. Like, I know how to pull in a fucking spot. If you say it, I'm not going to park in that's now that's the worst spot. Yeah, I'm just, no, I'm not. I'm not, I'll park all the fuck over

here. So I started just being like, I can park the car. I don't need your input. You I know where I'm going because it's like it's a new place I don't know I really don't know where I'm going I have no idea so she hit the angry

jetter to the conquistore you know I know I know shit she hit the angry jets on me and I like kind of could have gotten lost

and I had no choice but the fucking hurry up I was like fucking bitch I had to fucking hurry up real quick behind her she could have lost if I got lost I would never found

lost in a parking lot he'd be the dumbest guy ever I would have found it eventually but I was just like she hit the angry jets and I was like god damn and I actually do got to speed up right now so I don't know where the hell I'm going they like sat out a video of like exactly where you go and I just like do watch it I was like yeah I'll watch it I don't watch it so I don't know where to go but yeah that was the last set of angry jets I got but then it was cool she chilled out yeah angry jets yeah I had a girl I had a girlfriend

that would be so mad if we were late for anything yeah like lose her mind like it was like a mental issue if we were like 10 minutes like we're were late to go to my parents house for dinner is your parents like we can be three hours late yeah it's all good doesn't matter she lost her mind in the car silent car ride angry jets to the front door and then right when you walk in hey how are you guys

you go you're fucking psycho nothing bro that's crazy when you're fighting and they get a phone call and they're like hey he's like yeah where's that fucking energy towards me yeah give me that energy yeah why can I get fucking hey but we hit that they get that from us though yeah they hear me talk

on the phone with having a blast one of you guys yeah yeah then she answers the phone was like yeah

all right no nothing what did you talk about on the podcast nothing I swear to God I don't remember I don't remember

I don't remember no idea okay well if you're rushing me off the phone I'm not I'm not rushing off the phone I'm not dude it can be a

fucking hour long phone call if I'm like yeah all right I'm gonna head out it's like fine

what what say goodbye. I know. Yeah. The baby has to say goodbye. Oh, okay. What are you doing? I just, I don't want to be on the phone. I had the bros here this week. We were hitting some pretty hard good nights. Really? Gave in those guys. A couple good nights that week. It was uncomfortable. What do you mean? It's like, everybody goes. Oh, you're just chilling. Watching Sicario. Sikario ends. You go, all right. Good night. Good night. Yeah. It's like, all right, good night, bro. And you close the door behind you in your bedroom and you go, what the fuck?

that guy did that guy put a hit on me it's queered into blazes yeah that was I remember sharing the hotel room with Sid the kid because I would go to get some good night to light out sharing the room

and it's have to be like good night dude because it gets weird to do the silence now you got whisper at night yeah you go hey Matt good night

what are you thinking about sleep died good night dude because we watched that documentary it's nice you said the kid though Sid the kid was great I had the bees are in me and bees were sharing rooms it's just drunk dude snoring it was crazy yeah me it said the kid got

stoned and watched uh that HBO documentary about the heroin addicts followed over 30 years and the guy at the end he dies and explodes his body apparently if a dead dead body is he melts at the end he melts and we just watched a guy turn into a puddle and then just like turn it off we're like good night man good shit tonight in the little room in st louis good for you i mean it's so funny the difference of you and said the kid. Yeah. It was me O'Connor

and Beezer. There wasn't one good night. Yeah. No one remembered one night. Every night, people were like, you know what? Fuck you.

Although that's three's company. That's someone sharing. Someone's sharing. Usually I started stacking those two at the end. Yeah, you can get those. But I would split rooms with the guys. My favorite story I've said a million times is me and Beezer were sleeping

twin beds. No, I woke up in the middle of the night and he was facing the same way as me the distance was less than this we were laying on our sides and he was awake and I was like dude what the fuck

I had to roll over nothing worse than being like 30 30 something in the shit dude staring at each other in a hotel room in fucking like Cleveland just my dad would hold it down like when he was also I'm sorry I keep cut you all it was also dark enough that it took me a second to be like

His eyes open? Oh, are we making eye contact? It's just the beast's face. He's like, you know, dude, what's all? I was like, God damn it, dude. I fucking, my life sucks. My dad would have to get, like, he would get, like, a job somewhere kind of far away. Dude, it would be like a three-hour drive, so he would get the shittiest fucking motels.

He would just be, like, me, my dad, my brother, my uncle Doc, one of my cousins and, like, four Peruvian dudes and we would all be in like shitty motels and I would just like share a room with like one of my uncles and be it's hell

it's disgusting it's being like 27 sharing a shitty motel with your own talking through fucking sucks waking you up at 5 a in with them going like

the loudest shit you've ever heard I'm just sunburnt for being outside all day we ate at the worst possible place just in the middle of like nowhere Delaware

trash people my dad's like you believe how big this fucking steak is just eats a 20 for out steak it was 12 bucks man that was great he just lays in a room was like

he was fucking farting his ass off damn me and bees we were like a couple he would snore I'd throw pillows at him it was yeah great times yeah my dad still held down

like if he went away to work by himself he would just eat ice cream and steak every night he was like complete bad kid ice cream steak milkshakes no one's around yeah it's just you in the ice cream There's nothing else in the universe You got his atrial fibrillation, whatever

Atrial fibrillation, you got to fix He's like, I'm like, dude, you got to start chilling. He's like, I got a brand new heart. Fixed his AFB? They go up through your leg. Oh, okay. Send a thing and like cauterize the vein. They go like through your whole body and cauterize the vein.

And apparently I was talking to one of my friends who does like medical stuff. And he said if you, they're doing surgery and they have like your heart open. Sometimes you'll just go into like aphib. and he said they just take a little thing and tap it with a tool and it sends it back in a regular beating oh shit what do we got here ambi oh crap well missing child yeah if you see her black shirt black shorts wears glasses fucked up why are you looking around oh the description was Nate Nate's girlfriend put on Amber Alert what was the description Kind of us, but it was a girl

Glasses, jesty Be on the lookout for a zesty guy 18 year old white guy Be on the lookout for a zesty guy And a rickshall I wish just wants to like Finally see a guy I get those Amber alerts all the time

I feel helpless They put it out a fucking wide net Dude that's probably in like Houston It's in like yeah It's in like Salado Texas So hopefully nothing bad happens then we'll be on video being like pooh it's fucking date yeah it's usually it's usually a parent yeah the amber looks usually uh that's a youngster for that though what do you

mean they said the guy the suspect who has the uh the child is only 18 oh never mind so maybe maybe he's a you know fucking that's not great it could be an older brother older brothers i'm getting my sister but usually it is a parent as being like that's usually a dad yeah or mom I'm going without custody. Usually dad. Yeah. Moms have to fuck up so bad in Aki Custody. It's not even funny.

It's how you end up on an Amber alert though. True. True. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to do that crazy bitch. I'm going to call the cops. I'm doing it.

That ride would be tight though. You're getting iced out. When you're driving, you see the fucking description of your car on a fucking road sign. You go, woo. You're at the aquarium. You're like, just giving 10 more minutes, man. I'm just trying to take the kid to the aquarium. That is such a fucking hellhole of a situation, man.

losing your kids yeah like yeah it's awful having the state do all that stuff and the state go you're literally not allowed to see them yeah I was too much partying I was a I like volunteered briefly way way way back as like a volunteer for like assisting in like family court where like you had to like I'd like go talk to kids who were like up for foster stuff

and there was one dude there was dad who I mean he was he you know he needed to do better but the funniest part was he failed the drug test for cocaine but he knew the exact like parts per million in your bloodstream that it was allowed to be. He goes, what are you talking about? My levels are fine. And the judge was like, no, I gave you mine, which is like, if you have any, it's over.

He's like, well, that's unfair. Well, that's not right. Cocaine's going to get in there. I know. Fuck. He was like, I had the fucking bump. He goes, I took a drug test and it didn't come up. He's like, that's why I gave you mine. He was like, this is bullshit, this is fucking unfair. That is kind of bullshit.

That's the boy I have a bump. I know. Can't even see his kid, dude. Obviously, he's going to do a bump. He's wanting to bump. Can you imagine not being able to see a kid? You're at the bar. Someone's like, I got some coke.

Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, for sure. Shit sucks. Yeah, or... I feel good for 10 minutes. Although he might have been at the bar two years before where he had his kid and was like, yeah, I'd love some fucking cook. That's where it started.

But at this point, it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, at this point, once you get, yeah, once you're not allowed. It's a bump city. It's bump time. It's bump time. But, I mean, he's supposed to be, I think he was in trouble for not making enough money to give to his kids, Jared. That's even more bump time.

I don't have any money and someone goes, do you want a bump? You go, yes. That's why he doesn't have money. I know. True. I mean, it's a chicken. It's a chicken in the egg. It's not.

It's definitely the bump's fault. But once the bump's taken over, dude, you go, fucking. Yeah, true. I got it just mean the bump. Yeah, or just be like, yo, let's get this Coke up and see you fucking get a job on a forklift. Like, let's fucking move this. Let's go. That's nice.

Yeah, let's get the bumps up. You go bumps aligned. Yeah. Get your warehouse. job. We'll be doing fucking lines. Yeah, the judge is sending you, like, when bro has the bag, Schmeagle meefs. The Schmeagle memes are nice. That would be nice to get, like, because you do have, like, deadbeat fathers and just

be like, yo, put them on amphetamines, bro. Get these guys cranked up. Get a broom in their hands. Get them on the fucking construction sites sweeping up. Yeah. Get them methed out. Go the opposite. Yeah, they did it and almost worked.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, meth the boys up and said, we love Czechoslovakia. Checkless Rocky is ours, dude That would be, yeah It's like meth these guys up And get them on Get them in some grind set mentality Because you know

Maybe they're going the complete different You know, wrong direction with it If you're in an office Not doing meth What are you doing? It's a fair point That's crazy You gotta be stamped up

Offices I've stimmed up and gone to work And it was the best day of my life It's awesome I was walking fast around Yeah I was fucking I was being mad walking fast everywhere

Going to you know what I like working at this garage i can work here the rest of my life that doing doing demo with the coffee was the best just crushing like a 24 out 24 ounce uh speaking of the devil there's some coffee here oh he's quick to his i used to work for my dad and just crush coffee and just like break stuff it's fucking fucking sick yeah just drop in tire drop ceilings let him fall yeah i was busy gave me adderall and i was at toyota selling fucking crush mufflers shit i acted like i knew what i was talking about when i was on adderall i knew cars you're a Elliott army

Yeah, I was fully Andy L. I was going to go, were you fucking not going to take this? Listen to what I say. The son just inducted my fucking wife, you asshole. Shout to the bro. True. I need to fucking, we need to get him in here, man.

He'll come. Yeah, we got to get him in here, bro. Get people get our fuck. Get the bag up, man. We can all get shredded. We should take our shirts off for him and just fucking smother him. Dude, I would, he would murder me. You think so?

If he was like, pop your top off? Devastating. he might change my life though that's what he does he motivates people I could give him a hug and be like thank you bro yeah I needed to be publicly humiliated on the internet I saw a guy who popped his shirt off and then proposed to his girlfriend

at the army convention proposed to his girlfriend at the Andy Elliott with his shirt off yeah he popped the shirt off Andy big up to him which I will say you know everyone likes to say you know the dark side of it is the body shaming all that stuff that's not great but imagine

Elliot being like bro you're so fucking jacked right now that would be nice and then you proposed to your wife And Elliot's just like, let's fucking go. That would be sick. I'd be so sick. Yeah. You watched the video like 10 years later and, oh, yeah, this was a good idea.

Having Andy Elliott get hyped on you would be so sick. But yeah, when she leaves you, you're back to being fat. You're watching your fucking wedding tape. Time to grind. You're sitting there. No, that is bump time, dude. Dude, I used to be so skinny, Andy Elliott said I was jacked at my wedding. Yeah, I'll have a bump.

Having your marriage fall apart and all you have left is your video abuse shirt. said the Elliott Army prosing to your wife that'd be devastating although that guy's fucking probably making six figures a month dude so you know

shut the fuck up six figs grinding he's grinding his fucking ass off my hard work paid off man dude I didn't so I started to say I didn't finish the race oh yeah

I'll stop cutting you off no dude stimmed up dude I'm bumped up it's Tim versus Tim right now it's bump city but yeah dude It was supposed to be hard sand.

So I show up and I was kind of nervous. I was like, fuck, man. He ran the 630 on a treadmill, which I knew like, you know, he's not bad on the element. So I had that on my side. But I was like, still 15 seconds ahead of me. But we get there. And there's like this hurricane that's just like bouncing around the ocean right now. And apparently there was a storm, I guess a week or two before I came there that like transformed the entire beach.

Yeah. So like he was, you know, he stays there all summer. So he was like, he knew it was like, yeah, it's hard sand will be fine. I show up, dude, it was like soft, like inches of soft sand. So we had to run like three lifeguard stands down, which is a half a mile, then back. It was like a whole mile. Dude, the first quarter mile was fucking soft, super, super soft, like top of the beach

soft sand. That was, I don't know if it was dry. I can even, I don't know if it was dry or wet or what, but it was fucking like your whole foot sank down. So we did a quarter mile in that. And I'm checking my pace. he was pushing like a five minute 30 second mile and fucking like these softest sand imaginable and I'm just trailing him like there's no way like this is yeah if he gets that you got

tip your hat yeah I was like this is suicide so I kind of slowed down behind him and he eventually slowed down and then we got to that third life card stand and we came around and I was just gonna follow him the whole way but I was like let me push the pace a little bit and see what's got in the tank push the pace turned around and he was he was lagging so I was like oh he's playing with my head man he's gonna fucking come flying up behind me so i like gave it a good quarter mile push again turn around i was like oh my god he was back there yeah and then i forgot there i had pushed the pace but now i have to do a whole other quarter mile and like the soft this fucking sand imaginable so i was dying and then i was like all right i see the finish line

and plowy was like pick me up and i i obviously picked her up of course wholesome as hell it was it was it was it was a quiet it was a quiet flex though it was it was wholesome but the flex Coming off the mile. You got to come from his perspective on this. It's a flex. The flex of a guy holding his child. Picking up. Crossing the finish line.

She's 35 pounds. Going, thank you, God. Thank you. I love my beautiful family. And you're back there dying and fucking shit. He was in the Saracha singlet. He was in a saratja singlet. But he had the shorts.

I also, I was telling you props to him for not. I would have, second, you took the lead. Dude, he would have sat in the sand. That's what I laid in the sand and gone in the water. That's what I said. dude you took that seriously that's so gay i was just fucking with you to try to make you run a mile no i i had nothing but respect because he he pushed it so hard finished it out after coming off of like a pretty serious medical thing yeah and it was like dude you are a fucking psycho he's

training for a month yeah dude it was real the hardest shit it was the hardest kind of race i've ever done yeah just running in sand your your wife sent me some videos it was nice then she did the start off and start off was so mean start off is so funny she was like these two fat boys running. I was like, she's so mean to me, dude. Yeah, that's funny. She's so my breath all the time. She was so proud of you, though. She was proud. When you came back. She was pumped, but it was also like... But yeah, if you're an onlooker, you gotta be like, damn.

This guy's an insane person. We were getting some weird looks because we were like right with each other running and like trudging through the sand. But then afterwards, there was like a... I guess he was a lifeguards there. He's a fan of the cast. He's a man. But there was another guy who was fucking sprinting after we were done. I think one of the lifeguards got him charged up. Got him charged up and he was sprinting. He said, nobody's going to outwork me. nobody's going to outwork me today he was sprinting in the fucking sand but yeah the race was sick

but dude i watched the thing today on twitter where a marathon mom like the you know runner lady her whole family was there and her kid same situation was like reached out like mom picked me up and she blew past her whole family yeah fuck you like fuck off and cross the finish line it was like couldn't do that because it was in there's a part of me being like i don't want to fuck up my time but i was like i got to pick up my sweet angel trotter across the finish but i think i did probably like seven something i think let me check i think i did like seven something in the sand it's not bad you're moving bro i was i was i felt so fucking slow but it was cool it was a good uh you know it was all to me i was like ready to

trash talk but i was like no it was it was all all props to the hoss man because that was for real like an insane display that he was able to do that i can't find my fucking workouts It was about seven something That's something to be proud of Whatever Now you should be proud I hit the track I got back to Monday

I hit the Tuesday Hit the track hard again I just thought I was gonna die I was after my cortisol spike I was like I got to hit the I ran the day after my cortisol spas And for real thought I was having a heart attack What is cortisol

It's a stress hormone It's just like a spike your stress with Dude I should read the whole post I just saw the graphic See it again did any excuse to fucking And chug some Joe in the morning. I was like, you know what, Heberman, you're making a lot of sense right now. Let me just crush.

So I need to drink more coffee earlier that way. It's the same. It's all crashes. It's the same excuse, people like, you're supposed to drink wine. It's good for you. I know. Not you're not. Apparently that study.

You didn't read the rest of the study. Well, the study apparently was completely funded by like alcohol. Wine. Yeah. Like 100. Wine did the reservatrol. That was their big thing. There was an antioxidant in grapes called reservatrol.

That's apparently good for you. Yeah. And they always go to your. up there like this is why you're peeing is so healthy they drink wine with every meal i think it's probably also a social thing you know if you're hanging out with people you're going to have a happier yeah better life you're less likely to that's what they say lay around it's the hangout yeah it's the chill it's the vibe it's the bdubs it's the bdubs council in uh grand rapids michigan did you really yeah how was it hit the council for the ufc on saturday that's nice yeah it was great you went to the dubs

yeah assembled the council that's nice the council was me sam talland Samar Hill. Good counsel. That is good. Also, B-dubs is approved by RFK Jr. They use the towel. They use the towel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do the beef towel. It was approved. Yeah, so. You're just following orders. Here's the soldier following order. I was listening to the fucking, fine, I'll go to B-dubs. What's your, uh, what's your stance on 32-ounce Bud Lights? And you're obviously, you're good for you. There's no seed oils. Dude, I mean, if two a day are good for you, why not 18? Why don't I have two pitchers? Yeah. That's good.

But yeah, man That was a sick week, man We did the we did the beach The beach was very fun Like hanging with the fam And then just did the dreaded show At the Atlantic City Ocean Casino Resort

Why was it so dreaded Dude it was great It was fun I sure you did great It was good It was just new stuff dude It was I picked out Trying to do that much new

It was a psycho It was an absolute psycho move Yeah But it was fun My heart was in it Yeah I just got too I got too pumped

on the John Martin documentary because the whole time they would talk about how like he was he was like a really good musician and he would work with like labels and stuff and they'd be like bro you're you got the goods just make this one album

you're good and he would go couldn't do it I'd have to make what I wanted and make the weirdest bullshit and it would never work out fuck yeah it was tight though he was just like yeah why I could have done that

why would I do that he's like I'd rather just play what I want and then he's like it just is what I'm not I'm not liking myself to JM, obviously. No, I see it. But it was, it heartened me. It was like, just do the stuff you like doing and just have fun. So, it's cool.

Yeah. He was, it was, him and his bro would hit the bar, just crush pints, play a show in like a theater hall. And he goes, we couldn't get back to the pub fast enough. They would go back, crush the Guinnesses. Yeah. I was thinking about, I kept sending you all the things on the plane. That shit fires me up.

Eventually, yeah, but it ended, the ending was rough. It was definitely a cautionary tale. It's going to be a crash landing. it was a complete crash landing his diet so like the funny part was was like they started the documentary the starting point was that like he was laid up in a neck brace because he had been driving drunk and crashed a fucking neck brace he had the brace and he crashed into a cow on the countryside and got like fucked up he's drunk he drunkenly sick dude it's a hell of a run dude I know and then he just drunk hit a cow in a neck brace drunk no the neck brace is from hitting the cow he got fucked no I know no I know I'm sorry I'm saying that's how like i mean that's a legend and then there's like pancreas one of them something exploded is spleen couldn't drink and then all he would do is drink whiskey and eat uh pickled eggs that was the doctor like you got to get it together and he's like all right whiskey and a whiskey and a pickled egg diet just farting himself in her blimp he died the farts the worst

farts of all time he was a big guy at the end yeah he was a big boy big dog eating fucking eggs and whiskey he was like a if you look up old videos of john martin he was just like a like a thin rock star type and he became a real big dog. Dude, whiskey and eggs is crazy. He'd be a freak. Whiskeyed eggs and he had like a mangled foot and that they chopped off at the end of the documentary. He was a smell so bad. Oh, it's crazy.

Dude, they wheel. He was doing like, he was for real like a huge musician and he like was off the road for a while and it ends with him just doing a show in a pub. He was like a, like a, he had like a cold follow. Exactly where he wanted to be. Awesome. Dude, it's for real. He just goes back to a small Irish pub and just fucking rips a show for a show for a

like 40 people. I can't get up. It really was. Sitting down, he can't stand up anymore. I'm sure everything hurt, but. No, dude,

he couldn't get there. And then the funniest, the funniest part was he didn't think of any of the legit. So he just showed up and like, no one had any idea where to plug anything in. He just was like, oh, fuck, I didn't plan this out at all.

Dude is dying day. It'll work out, though. Dude's, I mean, he's a fucking man. If I, if I end up back at Kelly's, great run.

Huge, bro. Yeah. Sit down at the stool. Sit there. go missing foot you guys want to hear a trump impression give me another goodness i'll do a trump impression yeah he's the fucking bro dude john martin's absolute beast

he was i think eric clapton covered one of his songs and then him he was like he hung with like the big dogs and also uh dude who was he phil collins him and phil collins got divorced at the same time oh nice and just lived in a house together and both worked on separate albums and they would be in like recording and they'd have to take turns like fighting with their ex-wives and Phil Collins was like it was honestly like one of the saddest periods of my life hanging out with that guy but he goes I got a great album out of it and the guy

was a fucking man they would both be in the was that yeah that's dude look at that give that bro to give him his respects to show him to the cam man John Martin final form absolute fucking beast let me take a look at that one fucking foot in the pub in the chair he's so fuck dude's so fucking sick I've been studying all the songs he does like crazy every song's in like the weirdest

he just completely rearranged what he's hammered and his live performances let me see that John let me let me let the bro fucking glimpse this bro

that is absolute heaven bro that's Kelly's ball wheelchair at the pump that's Kelly's bomb he's the best he's for real the best best let me show you the before the before and after is crazy yeah there he was there he was just slowly fill himself a ton of those eggs oh bro he got so big

he must have eaten so many eggs well i think one of his organs you know one of his organs exploded he turned into robotic dude yeah he's truly the fucking man all of his live performances he's like you can hear how coked out he is the entire time he's like hello and all that whatever okay now yeah I've been wearing this shirt for seven days in a row you want to sit down wind from me come on now let's do it dude him and his

bro did an album for a or like a promo for an album where they were like supposed to be like boxers in a ring just that was like the picture and then out of nowhere like while they're taking pictures she just slugged his boy obviously he was absolutely

yeah he was absolutely the fucking may own yeah John Martin he's I've been getting real deep into his stuff. Are you excited for The Oasis? Yeah, I'm fucking pumped. I'm very pumped on those guys. We're gonna go see Oasis in Chicago.

Yeah, that'll be nice. Very exciting. That's the best part. I like when guys do, like in between songs, they just talk and fuck around. They're like the funniest. Yeah, I caught him doing it. He's got it down.

He's nice. They're both, I watch their videos as much as I watch their listen to their music. Yeah, it's awesome. They're YouTube videos of them just talking shit. So fucking funny. They want to interview with it. I love it when he's like, how do you handle a hangover? He's back to the pub.

Don't dwell on it. Fuck you. Yeah, English guys get after it, dude. English guys don't fuck around. Apparently, the points in America I've learned are, they're a lost art. In England, it's like a whole thing. It's like as much of detail as we put into like latte art. Over there, like getting that foam top on the beer is like a whole different thing.

Their beer's more carbonated apparently. So they want to, they fill, they overfill the beer on purpose to get that fucking. All this talk's make we want to split the G a little. I have an English bro who tasked me He goes if you showed me a picture of a pint He goes if you know anywhere that serves a pint like this Let me know I need I need it bro But yeah

I have a I do like the I'm on a big English kick right now It's good they're funny They are very funny Do you see the meme of like the archetypal English life Or life of an English guy And it's like No it's just like a it's like a true

A true Brexit giza Dude it's just like a seven step pointless or a checklist where it's like you know go to uni graduate Thailand trip with the boys job here beat wife die it's so shit rocks yeah they're good bros the english are good bros we definitely check out the uh there i think there's a couple john martin documentaries but dude it's fuck this one is like i watched it i was like damn this is fucked this episode is brought to you by prize picks

matt what was your favorite part of last football season super bowl Yeah. What are you most excited about for the upcoming season? Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Can't wait for the Super Bowl guy. I'll tell you what. Josh Allen, he's going to have a heck of a year. I'm excited to see what Aaron Rogers does with the Steelers. I'm a big fan of Aaron Rogers and he's a great guy. I've met him personally and he's extremely nice. And if you don't cheer for him, you're just being a punk. True. All this football talk is getting me pumped and plump. Thankfully, the football season is already underway on prize picks. Prize picks is offering season long stat picks that we can take right now before the season even starts. I'll tell you what. prize picks is the best way to get on uh get action in sports in more than 30 states including california texas and georgia so now that you and me are texans this is a good good opportunity for us to use our sports knowledge all we have to do is pick more or less on athletes staff injections all we have to do is download the app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup that's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play

your first $5 lineup prize picks run your game yes uh lemiz plug bro plug you your magic show look at this hey everybody it's me LaBear I'm going to be coming to you out New Jersey on the 26 Enough of this cute shit I'm just

This is what I do All right New Jersey on the 26 I'm trying to 7th MPA Boston Providence Rhode Island And then there's another place off of Baltimore

I'm going to be around Please come watch the shows Lamarley dot fun you also please go to my YouTube channel go to my YouTube channel and just check it out please you fall every time every time you get up

from your fucking little cutesy thing hey guys I just added a bunch of shows just now buy tickets by tickets please that's like four feet away from where you were it's a crazy size he was trying to get out of the camera

the camera got he saw that red light it got to him uh yeah goodbye I'm going to repeat that But that's what he loved to do I watched a way worse documentary Did I tell you this last week

About the cameraman in Iraq No Don't watch it I forget what it's called It was this guy who like It's a good documentary But the way it ends is fucking horrific What happens

He's following soldiers around They shoot an Iraqi And let him die Okay Like they like drag him Because by law we're supposed to The United States is supposed to Try to revive someone

They like helped them Was it a civilian? No, he had a gun He was shooting at them Oh, all right So they were like Yeah, but it's on camera He just sits there and films this guy die

And you see the guy like Like it's fucked That's the enemy Of course, but you know Watching it's fucked up Filming it's crazy But you have to revive the guy? Yeah, yeah

What? We're supposed to at least give him medical attention We are the nicest dude Yeah We could destroy Yeah What's so weird It is weird.

Like, you have to shoot them, but you also have to try to revive them. I mean, it's nice. I get the point. It's nice. But that's also fucking weird. Like,

I guess you don't, I guess you want to just shoot. Well, these guys didn't. You were sitting there like, fuck you, dude. While he's laying there dying,

the guy, one of the troops comes over, he's like, oh, yo, you thought you were fucking cool a second ago. Now look at you. You're fucking dead. Yeah,

if someone was shooting at me, I'd be angry as well, though. I'd be furious, yeah, especially after all the things they've seen. Yeah. Like you saw your friends get shot? Yes, exactly.

That's such a weird rule. Yeah, if somebody harmed you and I saw them dying, I wouldn't be like, help him. If somebody tried to end my life, I wouldn't be like, all right, guys, timeout. Because then you can also get shot while you're helping the guy. Yeah. Unless I mean, did they have another show? They pull him into the shelter and just talk shit to him. Yeah.

Put a blanket over his head. They're like, he's dead. Clearly not dead. Well, you can, but you can still talk shit to them and try to like put a bandaid on them. Yeah. And this guy just filmed the whole thing. Yeah. So that was his, I thought your guy was fucked though.

He was, he was an Australian dude, and he was, he got to Iraq right away, like, right before the war started. Yeah? And he got like embedded with a bunch of people, but he became like a liaison between al-Qaeda. So Al-Qaeda was giving him their tapes to give to the press. And he would go out with them at night. What? And film them firing mortars into like U.S. bases. They were scary as fucking.

He was scary. I thought you were going to tell me this guy dies. He makes it. yeah that's crazy yeah what's it called no it's older yeah it's older yeah i'm gonna yeah i see one called the cameraman story from 2003 and another one called on no that can't be right on not i'm not i saying it hondores that's kind of how the fuck do you even set that up like yo guys i'm gonna can i have some of your yeah i guess it is only the dead yeah michael wares yeah Must be it, unless there's a different Australian version of that.

Does that how that ends? Yeah, Al-Arcoi's in it. Yeah, that's it. That's how it ends. It's him filming a guy die for like 10 minutes. Does the soldiers get in trouble? I bet the soldiers got in trouble. Oh, man, what a dick.

Yeah. Why do you film that? I don't know, but. I guess it's his job to like, when you watch it, you, there's, I know you can't understand, we can't understand what it's like getting shy, but watching a guy die and seeing dudes be like, fuck him. It's like, yeah. Some harsh.

Yeah. I mean, it's literally the harshest. It's the worst thing. penis you can be. It's the worst. I was just laying on the couch, watch it like, oh, fuck.

I got to play with the Toledo Rockets. So we gotta get some action. Yeah, but if you're like, I mean, it's not even competitive, would not even be the word, but like, I'd be,

you'd be so charged up, dude, you're in a firefight. Yeah. I couldn't, you're not even thinking clearly. That's when people talk about like cops and shit. It's like,

dude, so they just got shot at. Yeah. It's like, yeah, he emptied a clip in them. It's like, it's not nice.

You shouldn't do that. But it's like, bro, I'd be, I'd spazz the fuck out. Yeah. I can hardly not spaz, like, driving with my wife. Dude, they, the footage of him filming, it's like night vision of all the Al-Qaeda guys is like, it's scary, bro. Yeah, dude. And it was right when David, his name was David Pearl, right? The guy got his head, the journalist.

Oh, no. They got beheaded. So this guy, this guy was crazy. He was, like, willing to, he's like, yeah, I'll meet up with you guys. They might cut my head off, but. Oh. Yeah. Damn.

Yeah, they show that a little. They show the Pearl thing a little in the documentary. That's a tough one. Yeah, that's fucked up. It's really, they, like, show it right before they cut his head, and then you hear the audio of it. Oh. It's so bad. Oh.

It's like the most, no. Oh. It's never a clean sweat. It's a knife. It's literally a, oh, Jesus, man. It's a saw every time. Oh. Yeah, it's really bad.

Oh, that's still. I don't know if you guys knew that. The Iraq War was bad. Yeah. So I just found out. It's 2025. I'm still confused how I even like fight wars now with all the technology it's like it's crazy like you have satellites giving you all the imaging but Ukraine Russia is fried trench warfare

just with shitty like Walmart drones god damn just come in and blow you up yeah but like oh man I guess every I guess everyone not everyone but I guess the major powers have competing technology so yeah you can like do like say Russia would be going wild you would think are they not it didn't hundreds of thousands of people die no they yeah a lot but i just mean like the technology it's so weird the technology now is like you set up fucking like fishing wire above your line so drones can't come in really just like lines yeah there's just wires everywhere what yeah it's it's fucked up oh to branch warfare so it's a little like yeah it's like trench warfare with a canopy of like tiny wires stop the drones yeah it's it's

it's crazy that's fucking scary the scariest yeah dude watch i mean don't watch it i guess it's like the canopy would have to be like the sides blockaded too so you have like a tunnel every once in while i've seen drone footage of one getting into like a tunnel oh no yeah and the drones are just like doing little robots they're literally like yeah yeah like the shitty walmart drones but they are they weaponized yeah they just tie a fucking grenade to it ah it's so scary oh man yeah yeah i mean dude let's yeah we got all come to the table, dude. They came to the table this week. I heard.

Yeah. That's good. It was nice. I watched the Trump dog, Zelensky, Macron. I watched them at a table. They were buddies. But there was no Russians at the table. Putin was not there.

They're trying to get Putin. He sent one of his bros? No. It was just, I think it was like a securities guarantee. I forget exactly what that is with Ukraine. Isn't it going in the way of like Russia is going to get a little bit of Ukraine? I don't think they're going to take it over completely. That's the, that's like the problem.

Yeah. Zelensky is saying we're not going to consider. seed that territory. Yeah. And, but also we won't join NATO. That's kind of the, it's kind of the big thing. All right. And I think Russia wants Ukraine to demilitarize, which.

Yeah. If I'm Ukraine, I'm going not so fast. Hold on a second. Yeah, true. They're just like, completely coming in with tanks. Russia's just like, yeah, yeah, we're going to leave, but you don't, you don't get to have guns anymore. Oh.

We'll be back in five years. Yeah, true. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, yeah. That's why I like seeing Trump on the roof, dude, when he was walking around on the roof. What was he doing on the roof? He was just up there taking a walk.

He was on the roof of the White House. He was on the reporter was like, Mr. President, what are you doing? He was just going for a walk. I like that. Before you go to the negotiating table, stroll around on the roof like fucking Zeus at Spud's house. Yeah, dude, this guy's retarded as fuck. You just took a roof stroll? Took a mad dog walk, dude.

Was it like a... There's nothing up there. There's no like garden or anything. The roof is like HVac units. He was just walking around up there. What are you up there? Hopefully they figure it out, man. That's good though before a meeting.

Yeah, get on the roof. Stand on the roof. Watch your guests come in. Yeah. Like Batman. I mean, dude, and I'm still mystified. Like how much... It's a dumb question, but like, how much say does the president really have...

Do they have? like the final word for real or are there people being like yo bro like no you have to because i guess they're just getting advised and then we're talking deep state i guess he's not yeah yeah i don't know you know what i mean but it is tight just get up on the roof and i'm making a big decision right now i'm just thinking up here he didn't even say he was thinking he literally a reporter yelled and he goes just taking a walk i'm back though that's all it takes give me one fucking shot of him walking on the roof i'm like yeah that's the bro guys if i said guys the list i forgot about epstein oh yeah yeah yeah forget about the fucking list dude yeah the letter the

letter is hopefully it's not real they did trump continues to just do the best work of all time never bring it up yeah just gonna this will pass it will these fuckers are forget about it it will it'll pass it'll it will it is it is funny just to be like bro like man that's such fucking old that's old hat that's crazy that's such old news yeah i've been i've been seeing uh It reminded me of that because they used, a lot of the Dems used, like, weirdo on a lot of the pubs. Yeah, they're weird. They're weird. Yeah. I, now there's, I get a lot of, like, parenting stuff, and now there's people going viral, and they all do it. There's, like, they all see one thing and then they start copying it, but there's a bunch of, like, parenting experts being, like, don't make your kid weird.

You know what I'm talking about. And everyone's like, yeah, it's just like a weird, like, what are you talking about? He's going to be weird. Yeah. If you're a parent watching TikToks about not making. him weird that's what I'm saying you got a weird kid I think my kid who's been sitting on a couch watching me play a dynasty with Toledo he's gonna beat the fuck out of your kids dude chill he's been watching grind the film but it's like it is weird they're coming out being and it's like I don't know if it's like purposely like to get people like argue in the comments but it's like you need to make them not weird it's your responsibility and you know what I'm talking about is people being like

oh I know what he's talking about it's like they're all fucking weird as hell is it like homophobic No, I don't think it is. I mean like, dude, don't make your kid. Maybe that would be fun. You know what the fuck I'm talking about, dude. Don't make me say it. Your kid better not be weird. I don't know what they're talking about.

I want to get that gay shit at my school. That's been coming up for me a lot, just being like, it's your job to correct that. Teachers have to deal with weird kids, and it's not fair. It's like, what are you saying? I get it. I'm with the teachers on that. I, I, there's,

if you're having fucking weird ass kids show up to school. yeah but they're like you can't that's just like your parents are I always I always equated it to if you had like super nerd parents yeah you're gonna raise a nerd same with fat fat families are a thing

there's no harm in the the nerd kid I mean he's gonna just I mean as a teacher as long as he's a smart nerd yeah that was a big revelation dumb nerds bro dumb nerds they're mostly dumb it's not fucking big bang theory they're dumb as shit yeah

and they're mean mean dumb fuckers I got fucked in college I cheated off the nerdiest looking kid and he was a dumb nerd He both got like 74s I was like what the fuck dude

Why do you look like that? You can't even walk normal I figured you would ace this test You walk fast as hell dude I thought you were the smartest kid alive You walk in a 45-degree incline So fast Yeah I was just like this kid

It was like such a wretched nerd That I was like bingo Here's my ticket through this class I got a 75 Tom Harris laughing Because he was a dumb nerd I would have thought you were a super genius dude.

They're a 45 degree angle guy, man. He got me. 90 pound fucking book bag. Yeah. On his tippy toes at all times. Tibby toe walker, no friends, giant book bag. This kid's going to get a 95.

You'd think you would crush the bio exam. My mom gave me a booklet of like basically grade school of like all my report cards, pictures, all this stuff. Dude, I did so good from like first to third grade. I didn't really I was like crushing it in school I I didn't even I don't even remember this I had like in first grade I was in like the Garnet Valley newspaper for fucking spelling bee apparently I was a spelling whiz when I was little I can't so I can't spell diarrhea still to save my life every time I might get it impossible I might get a private tutor just to teach me how to spell diarrhea every time I try to write it the text message I try to write it like four times a week so badly it's not even no one's close spell check's not even close I can't treat it's like no every time diarrhea I'm like dude come on you know what I'm talking about yeah exactly what I'm talking about dude it's been really funny just going back through all my report cards I was such a

good little kid I was bro I was the number one kid oh you were you were good boy till 7th or 8th till puberty I think fourth I think I got straight A's until like 7th or 8th grade I turned bad in like 4th I remember I got to see my last report card ever in 8th grade really had to call my parents I was getting O's I got a fucking C And they were like I don't give a fuck dude I was getting O's and VGs

Religion I was BGs bro I think when I was Real young like First and third I was getting some I was a bad kid Really

Yeah I was a good boy bro I thought I was like bad When I remember getting in trouble But I was getting like It was kind of like bad Yeah I was just getting like Redirected a lot

Yeah But no I also And it's funny It wasn't like getting kicked out of school For being a sex program No that was off the table I do it's funny seeing like reading the shit you wrote as a kid I keep cutting you off I'm so sorry please my dad would beat the fuck out of me

if I got kicked out of a school for being a sex pervert wasn't it wasn't an option bro I would get fucking dude I would get beat I would yeah he beat me up no that was it wouldn't be like a belt or anything it would be like a fist fight yeah beating this disrespect was a big one if I like if I dress code violations he'd be like come on man yeah if I was like disrespectful I would get my ass kicked no offense to you your parenting I'm just putting myself

in the shoes of them finding porn at school I'm getting the fuck beat out of that teacher shouldn't know went through my thing for sure

and she was always that guy's counselor she was always on my ass it was a whole long thing that might be that's a positive of having African American parents what

like did you even have a warrant to go through his phone my parents would have been like you did the right thing sir yeah my mom neither one of them did that they were they were mad at it but uh do you have a war my son ain't that fucking

sex perfect no it wasn't it wasn't i don't remember man yeah i didn't that big i was i was 16 16 yeah he 10th grade 16 yeah 16 yeah i guess that's old enough that i wouldn't have got my ass beat yeah and the pictures was just it was just pictures yeah yeah yeah picture picks getting kicked out of school though i would have got it would have been the Apocalypse. If I got kicked out, it would have been game over. I got in school suspension. My dad belted me. Yeah, you get in trouble. When did you get in school

suspension? Seventh, eighth. Oh, grade school in school suspension. Eighth grade. Yeah, that's a death sentence. Got the belt. By the time I got in high school, it wasn't... I didn't do anything that bad. What'd you do? Fucking laughed because my friend farted during Stations of the Cross. That's bullshit. And then when I got detention, I yelled, he farted.

And she was like, that's two and one day. That's in school suspension you're out get out stood in the hallway cried just going my dad's going to beat the fuck out of me I called it yeah yeah my dad chill by the time we got to high school it was just you just got trouble yeah it wasn't

getting like you weren't getting like because I got suspended in high school. I was like 6 3 27 by then yeah by then you're too big by then like especially like you know me and my three brothers could have ganged up try to fucking do some damn I started beating Phil's ass did you junior and senior year. He would have won in a fistfight, but wrestling, I could tackle him and hold him down.

I thought I could. I stepped up to my dad freshman year and he like picked me up. Freshman year. Freshman sophomore year, he was still hitting me. Yeah, I told you. I got slapped in the face for drinking. He was like, did you drink? No. When the fuck dad. Took my shirt off. I was like, I'll fucking fight you right now. You fucking pussy. And I'd run back upstairs and cry. Cry to my mom that I'd run back downstairs and go, I'll fucking beat your fucking ass. You're a fucking drunk. I'm not a drunk. I'm not a drunk. Just having like four fruit punch and vodka For real I was wearing a white Michael Victor's he

He's covered in fruit punch And I kept coming down the steps Like all you fucking piece of shit He was drunk enough that he was talking shit back He was like yeah right pussy I'll fuck you up He's like as a dad You gotta be like shut up

I think he actually tried to shut up like five times I stepped to my dad one time I think freshman year I was like what dude What are you really gonna do And he was he just like stared at me for several seconds It was like get the fuck out of my and go upstairs and I was like yeah I was like thank fucking God yeah I was so I was like

swaying on my feet drunk and he was probably just tidy whites just being like bro let I'm now especially knowing how fucking angry they were like dude there wasn't they were fucking dying six kids just working one of them taking a shirt off being like you piece of shit I'll beat your ass just go to bed just doing I was shed I was full shed I was full shed dude hard physical labor the body cam video the guy at the hospital or the the guy at the hotel we didn't watch that no oh you would have loved it's just some chris o'connor showed me it's just this extremely drunk guy at a hotel and the cops just keeping like shad go to bed his name shad s jad is crazy and he's like no no i'm not going to bed you motherfuckers and like shadd come on

dude just go to bed he's like no i'm not doing it it's an hour of this guy when you left you put on A big body cam footage right now. You left for a good video. The guy probably was beating his girlfriend. They were both kind of like coked up and drunk. And he was sitting outside. And they were just like, dude, just all you got to do is leave. All you got to do is leave.

I'm not leaving. Fucking out of here. And he would take his sneaker and be like, fuck. He just throw it on the ground. And then finally they like, he starts to walk away. And then one cop is like kind of known. Like, dude, we can't send this. This guy's a loose cannon.

They're like, come on. He's like, come on. He's like, I thought he said I could leave. And they're like, now you're under arrest. He's like, fine. And he just goes, the car just goes, bang, and he slams his head. He goes, why did you guys make me do that? They love doing that.

Yeah, that's a sick move. There's my favorite one I just watched recently. It was a domestic dispute. But it looked like it was clearly the lady. Because the guy was all fucked up and she was fine. Cops are good at sniffing that out by the head. She had a couple before that with different guys. But they go inside, they interview everybody and then they come back outside.

She's the one who was like, get him. Get him right now. She, like, walked up to the cops. I feel like that's a rule of thumb. the first person you see in a domestic dispute was the beater. Yes. I swear to every time. They spin her around to put the cuffs on the back of her shirt's a giant logo

of a twisted tee and it says it's a bad day to be a twisted tea. It's so nice. Getting arrested in the bad day to be a twisted. I mean, you know how many people across the country caught the twisted fury from their wives and girlfriends? Just to hit you and call the cops.

Full twisted metal, dude. Full twisted metal. hits you and calls the cops cops come you're just like Jesus fucking Christ yeah just got off of work yeah it's hell that's truly hell yeah I've never like

I constantly marvel at how hard the wheels can come off in a home life and it's not that hard dude it can happen so easily just like it's just not that hard especially if you grow up and you have like no decent example yeah and you just now you're

married and you're like hold on a second. I remember what to do. Yeah, if she yells, I can make her stop yelling. Maybe my stepdad was right after all these years. Yeah, maybe my mom was a bitch and my stepdad was the fucking man. Yeah, I'm going to hit her. I'm going to see what happens. I'm going to throw a fucking jab. Throw a combo in the kitchen. I mean, it's crazy. There's no classes on that. If you grow up... I'm not hitting. Just on like how to like coexist peacefully. Like nobody knows how to do it even. No one could calm the lady down. Nobody can do it. No one on earth.

But you said like if you you could barely read, you have you're just, it's just your daily experience. You have like maybe an old grandfather who was like in the picture or worked at a factory. Now you've got to deal with an angry drunk lady. And also also you're wrecked. You're hammered.

You're hammered. It's a bad day to be a twisted. It was a terrible day to be a twisted. I'm not saying it's right, but it's like that's like it's an impot It's an impossible situation for anyone to figure out, let alone somebody on, like, maybe a seventh grade reading level, being like you're getting absolutely mind fucked by a lady after you're working at a job that sucks and she's drunk and you're a drunk. To try to peacefully figure your way out of that maze, I would say, is impossible. It's going to be some physical violence.

And again, you can't hit up obviously. Especially she swings first. It kind of hurts. Yeah. You go, I didn't think that was going to hurt. You've fucking scratch my. face. It hurts. Now you go, I can't let you get close. You shoot the legs. Yeah, you're just reacting. You're reacting. I can't let you get close. Shoot the legs.

Fucking full on fucking hams out of him. The cops come and just beat the shit out of you. Then you get your ass beat by the cops. Cops going to kick your ass. Although I'm telling you cops, I've just heard enough stories where they're pretty good at ferreting out when it was just a lady going nuts. Yeah. Because they'll come, I've heard enough people. Think of a guy goes nuts. It's obvious. That's kind of. I think that's the case. Fucking damaged. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's their indicator.

It's like, yeah, you know if this guy hit you, you'd be like for real fucked up. Yeah. I don't know. I could be wrong. And usually those guys aren't fucking suddenly smart enough to be playing it cool in front of the cops. No. Yeah. Usually they're back in the house and they're like, I have a gun in here.

You have to fuck it, kill me. Get the fuck out of my house. Yeah. I have a gun. I think if you just come up and just see a dude sitting on the front porch just like holding his head, you're like, all right, here's a victim, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If someone's just like pacing their porch, like. I didn't do shit. The fuck off my property. You got a warrant. Yeah, that's hell, man. It can really descend into a hellscape so easily. Yeah.

It's terrible. Yeah. And it's, I feel like it's, I'm not going to say that norm, but it's like, if you're like a bad neighborhood, the house is a lot of times. Well, now that it's criminalized. True. You know? True.

That's true. Back in the day, it was fully legal. It was legalized it, bro. We were a little quiet. Yeah. Then they said legalized. Yeah, he's it. We got legalize it, dude.

I'm tired of this fucking government regulation. That must have been crazy to be the first group of dudes where they're like, no, no, no, no. I think it was like the 90s, dude. I think it was our parents. It was. Yeah. Yeah, they're true. Yeah.

True. We deal with pronouns. They have to deal with fucking not, fucking absolutely gut punch. Not thought it was in the combo. Not going straight to the body. Going straight to the body hooks. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're deep into the, you're deep in the ninth inning of an argument.

It's like, no, you said this. And you're like, I can't remember what I said. I'm going to do the annexation of Puerto Rico, dude. It's time. It's time for my trick play. The Philly Special. Philly, Philly, dude. You get hitting the headset, talking to the coat.

Philly, Philly, you want to run it? Yep. Let's run it. I still think we should legalize bouncer protocol. Because if you're a bouncer, they get to deal with angry drunk women. You know how you have to do it? You have to get them on the side of your hip, fold their arms across their breast, and you can physically remove them from the establishment.

that's legal yeah if you don't feel like arguing anymore you should be able to come here fold her arms across her chest we're gonna do another bounce her into another room backyard and then just fucking backyard here sprint bro yeah you can't back you can't back you'll be howling at the moon you can't backyard but it's like that's riding the tiger though you know what I mean that's holding the tiger's ears on the tiger by the years you go I can't let go I got toss you in the backyard you should just have two safe rooms where you You should just get a panic room A panic next time

You fight your wife Press a button A bookshelf closes Pannocker is nice That's nice And I like people Who barricade themselves Barricators are nice

When you just fucking For some reason Stack like four mattresses In front of your door In the cops Come kick it I know I've talked about it before But it makes me laugh every time

Barricading Barricators are so funny It's a sick move It's just like a mental, it's like some form of mental break where you're like, I don't want anyone to get in here ever again, but you don't have like enough stuff. The door ends up opening out. You go, oh, shit. Fuck. I got right through my fucking barricade.

It's just one piss-soaked mattress. You're like, go-oh. Yeah, door opens out. You get tased. It fucking sucks. I always forget, though, watching cops and seeing dudes get chased down, man. It's like the gear those cops have on them. It's crazy that you get caught.

I don't know if I'm just cocky from hitting the track, but it's like... I'd get hawked down by anybody. They're not, a lot of them aren't running like that, though. Doesn't matter. I'm getting hawked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for sure.

I'm going to shed some tackles, though. True. Pad level. Yeah, you're going to get some dirty yards. I'm going to watch it. Dude, I'm nice in the... They knew I had fucking top speed. They didn't know.

I could also beat you in the shuttle. You would get dirty yards, for sure. I get a lot of dirty yards. Bounce recovery. That backside coming, come on, man. You get arm tackle from a backside d'n. You can't run on my team True

That's what I'm saying I do I still want to do a community day Where you do a thing Where like you can have cops Try to catch you They have all their gear on And you just go to like a big football field

And like maybe some like obstacles And you run an obstacle course With cops trying to like use their radios To catch you That would be so fun I think you can arrange that Yeah that'd be sick Don't bring those fucking honk ass firefighters

No I'm keeping them Bring them and you can fucking Have them block for me Yeah Or you can sneak on You can join the cops We're tasing firefighters Firefighters are going to try to escape

You should put up a battle You should get a battle going Cops or his firefighters That would be nice Firefighters get hoses Cops get tasers I think cops or firefighters Flag football game would be nice

I can be steady cue Tackle Yeah tackle foot would be nice They all have good insurance If they like get hurt He cares It'll be fine Yeah I might

I don't know Speaking of ball though I got to address the Yes I wore Texas gear In a commercial dude So what what are people coming down on you for that yeah christoph waltz is not actually a nazi sometimes actors take on roles dude what the fuck wait what's you have to fill me in i don't know a bud light commercial

just came out i mean it's we're supposed to be texas fans yeah so what what's where's the nazi trader for not wearing no well like i'm saying i'm actually a nondayne fan yeah for sure but you know i'm an actor dude it's a bud light commercial oh right right right right right i'm acting i'm a the spian dude yeah you're playing the whole you're gonna get deep into the character I had to pretend. I actually said that because when we were filming Madden, I'm obviously a Raiders. I support the Raiders.

And they were like, you have to do interviews and stuff there. And they're like, how do you think the Eagles fans are going to feel about this? I was like, I don't know, guys play Nazis in movies. What the fuck? Matt Damon, like, sucked the guy's dick in a movie. Yeah, he didn't actually sight well. I mean, he didn't do it. He straddled a guy.

That's worse. Oh, true. You know about straddling The old Rick show Nate was a stunt double And Nate was Matt Damon Stunt double He might have had a gay stunt double

He could have had a gay stunt double He could have had a gay stunt double No You do your own stunts You're Jackie Chan, bro You're Jackie Chan when it comes to the stunts You have Matt Damon rocked that role I will say

Candelabra I never saw it Behind the Candelabra I heard it was good It's so good. He's so gay in it, bro. It's like, it's genuinely impressive. Yeah. Like, the gayest one I watched was the one you told me to watch the Liberacee. That was fantastic. That was a great show. He crushed it. Yeah. Who was the, what's the who was that? That's, um, played it. That guy. Andrew Cananan. Yes. Who played him though? That guy has like a major. He's a phenomenal actor. Yeah, the Andrew Kinnonan still. Did you watch the Menendez brothers one? No. It's the same show. Like they did O.J. Who played? Who played him?

I don't know, but they, they was great. You're going to really like it. Yeah. It's right up your alley, dude. And you got to watch Eddington. What's Eddington? It's a new movie that came out. It's, again, perfect for you.

Really? It sounds like one at something you would write. Yes. Oh, you're just, I think I know you're talking about. You're talking about this. Yeah, I got to, uh, I gotta get to it, man. I've been. The ending is like you wrote it.

Really? Yeah. That's fucking pumping me up. For real. I was thinking it while I was watching. I was like, this is exactly a Ariaster. Don't care. Beast.

Yeah, true. Fuck directors No he's a beast He wrote hereditary dude He'll pay him in Did he really? Yeah Payman

No Arias there's a craziest student film It's called What's up with the Johnsons I don't know I don't want to How much does it cost to just like film a short Like a 25 minute movie

Probably not that much Yeah right Yeah I guess some of the equipment I've been thinking about trying to write and direct a short. Dude, probably 40 G's. Really? Yeah, if you, yeah.

Nothing crazy. We'd just be, yeah, we'd just be talking, some. Hmm, interesting. Watch Eddington. Watch the end of editing. I'll check it out. I'll check it out. Do me of kindness.

Try to peep it tonight. I will, uh, no, no, I'm not. Stay up late, dude. There's no, I'm going to be, I can't get the motherfucking chip. Oh, fuck. Late as hell. Yeah. But I do have a flight.

I have a flight coming up. So I'll download it on my phones. Yeah. I'll watch on my phones. You don't like it. I think if it's a movie you described to me, I think I would. Yeah, it's Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, I love him, dude.

He's the best. One of the goats. He's the best. I'll watch Eddington on the flight. You have my word. Yeah. All right. Good stuff.

Bye. It's not testing. Not at all. He is not.