Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 577 - Bags On You (feat. Adam Eget)

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com yo0o0oo0o. Buongiorno. Here's the cast everybody. We got our dear friend Adam E on this week. Lemeezy had to hold down the 1s and 2s, and I'm posting it now from the motherland - so we apologize for the lateness. We're trying our best. Anyways, please enjoy. God Bless you all. A presto! Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wow, Wow, Wes. We can start on that. That was hilarious. Yeah. The show, dude, also that one girl who just caught astray in the middle of that where they're like, it turns out it was the mom who was texting the girl the entire time of bullying her. But then they were like, that one girl was always a bitch. We thought it was her. And then they just interviewed this other high school girl.

And they're like, so you were a cunt, right? And she was like, I guess. I guess I was mean. A little bit. Yeah, it was probably that bitch, Courtney. Yeah, nobody came out of that unscathed. That was pretty fucked up, man. Did anything happen to the kids?

Did they end up, like, doing anything bad? Yeah, the daughter, it was real sad to see the daughter like that. Like, they have the body camel when the cops go to the house and be like, we've traced the number. It's coming from your mom. It's really fucking sad. Heartbreaking. Yeah, devastating. Yeah.

Did they hit her with a Joe? Like, Joe who? Like, Joe, Mama. It was Joe. Missed opportunity, big time. Oh, my God. Joe, my mom. That was right.

I was just home. That's my niece's number one joke. My niece with Down syndrome, that's literally who's a great joke. Knock, nah. Who's there? Joe. You go, Joe, who? She goes, do, mama.

But she switched it up. Now she knows. Her best joke is, not, not. You go, who's there? She goes, Joe. Joe who? She goes, Joe Biden. Damn.

Joe Biden. Joe Biden's a nice joke. That's a nice joke. That's a nice twist. Joe Biden. Come on, man. It's a modern twist on an old classic. That's fucking great.

She's killing. Joe Biden is such a lot. And then she claps because everyone laughs. She's like, oh, dude, that kid's fucking awesome. She's adorable. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. I got to go home and spend time with those animals this week.

It was nice. Got to see little kids football. I didn't know they play that young. It was hilarious. Like fucking six years old, five and six. People pancaking? No one cares about concussions weren't. my god these kids are getting

fucking leveled dude they don't know how to hit so they sprint into each other and no one has balanced so it's just hit stick after hit stick but they break runs dude I bet oh that's awesome yeah there's like three kids that can run they get the ball they're gone that's awesome they weren't keeping score though I was a little pissed you should they don't you should yeah I kept the school

I kept the school it was shamrocks won yeah because you fucking jambrocks beat the CV Eagles yeah I didn't know they put that I thought it was all flag until flag football. So did I. Suiting them up, wait, what are you doing weigh-ins or what?

Also, there's no fucking lay-ins anymore. I saw a kid, a unit on, like a fucking, this kid must have been 200 pounds.

Wait, shut up. There was the next, the next kids up, the next team, like ponies or pee-wees were warming up and there's no weight limit now.

They just have to play on the interior offensive line. Gotcha. So the interior line is like, for real. What? A kid that was like six feet, 250,

How old are these kids? He was huge. That's crazy. Yeah, he was just a very, very obese kid. That's awesome. He was fucking bringing it. I'm glad they're getting their shine. That's kind of nice.

Yeah, it is pretty great. Yeah. Like the greatest kindergartner, right tackle, or right guard there ever was. Yeah. They said he threatened to shoot a kid. What? Yeah, he had never played sports. They just got him off the couch.

And the first person that hit him, he was like, I'm going to put two in your head. Where his words. Second grader? Yeah. Oh, honky. He's pulled him off the cod, though. If you pull a kid off the cod, it's going to lash out. That's literally exactly what they said.

They were like, dude, this isn't called, dude. Oh, wow. He's like, I'm going to fucking shoot you in the head. So I got that going on. Yeah, that's a lot of stress. What was a flat? Do you get a flag, personal foul for death threats? No, that was a practice.

That was against his own teammate, yeah. One of his coaches told me. He's going to channel that to the other teams. It's time for him to start wailing on it. I don't mind having a little Jalen Carter on your squad. No, I mean, somebody who's willing to die. First play of the game, spit on the quarterback. That's great.

That's great. That's great. You liked it? I saw that Did you see it first? Wasn't there a reason for that? Yeah. Dack did spit at him first, which we didn't know during the game.

Yeah, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, he got kicked out of the game, right? Before the first snap, yeah. Before the first play, he walked into the Cowboys' Huddl and spit on the quarterback. Yeah, but I saw, you're out. Yeah, you can't do that. You were fired out. I was furious.

Did he go face or like, where he spit right on his chest? But Dax spit towards him. Dack spit from a distance towards him. Just a cowboy. which is a good move if you're going to fire someone up yeah i think it's easy to get nick's on the side i'm like okay i like it i think jalen though that's a guy you got a target yeah if you're an opposing quarterback you can get him kicked out of the game you can get him fired up if he stays in the game you're in trouble yeah that's why you felt that's why he dropped so far

in the draft you guys always fucking everybody falls right in your fucking lap it's unbelievable you guys had a good draft yeah but the g men yeah yeah yeah we we always seem to have a good draft It just doesn't pay out. You guys lost again this weekend, right? Uh-huh. Dude, I mean... And the Dodgers are on the bridge. Yeah.

Better get swept, huh? A lot of tough losses this month. I'm with you. It's all right. I know this is all... We're talking sports. Yeah, yeah. Notre Dame going on, too.

I know. I'm a curse. I'm a curse on whatever team I love. Really? Actually, never mind. The Eagles won the Super Bowl. Phillies look pretty fucking good. Phillies are good.

But Notre Dame. Oh, and two. They're two. They're losses you can take, though. They're going to go 10 and 2. I'm channeling what you did last year. Mm-hmm. So what if they just, you know,

this galvanizes the team and they come back and win? I was like, Matt, you're being a girl right now. See, you're too emotional. I checked back in like 13 weeks later, he's like they've won literally every single game. Every single game since you said that. You just pull off a huge upset against Penn State. Well, now we're talking my North Texas College Football Dynasty.

You don't we watch so many else where you take the ball into your own hands. I had to with the quarterback. I had to do it. I still can't believe I bet on Penn State today. That was a good game. That was exciting. I walked in.

I rode my bike five and a half miles, charge it up, and then I walk into you playing. Walking into North Texas, game winning drive. Screaming Eagles. It was incredible. The mean,

the mean greens. Yeah, I mean, they look good. Taking North Texas to the promised land on Hizman, good luck. True. Not many can do it. You don't hide.

Right there? Obviously, I'm on Heisman. And you're cutting through the defense like that? That's what I do. A lot of guys have hobbies and families. Play the computer on hard. It's crazy. I'm just playing with North Texas focused on recruiting.

A lot of guys have a fulfilling life. I'm just trying to take the Mean Green. React Clemson in the Rose Bowl as soon as this podcast is over. I'm just proud of my guys no matter what. I don't think it's looking good Clemson on Heisman and the Rose Bowl But The way this team came together

Yeah, it was pretty impressive to see Yeah, I appreciate that I was hyped The coaching offers I thought were kind of a slap in the face Coaching offers were slap in the face Yeah, I took the mean green to the Whatever The Rose Bowl

I don't get started, I got a fucking Purdue head coach Go fuck It wasn't like New Mexico too? I am the offensive coordinator for the mean green I'm not even the head coach Oh, you're O coordinator. I'm just the O.C. Dude, my cousin was fucking quarterback from Mexico.

Oh, yeah, that's crazy. One of them, dude. He's a cousin against Texas. He's got two. He's got two. The EGitt Dynasty. That's what they're saying on fucking. And they're Jewish, too?

Yeah. Jewish quarterbacks. Unbelievable. Yeah. Who knew? That's why. But they're not running up the score. Arch Manning.

They're the only Jews not running up the score are the Egets in D-1. That's true. Well, maybe they'll play the Cumberland Valley peewee football team and dropped 40,000 on it. No, but it's serious, yeah. I checked, I checked the news big. Is that over yet? Not at all. No.

It's ripping. It's ripping. It's ripping. Just got ruled by the UN like an official genocide. No, it's really bad. Yeah. But we went to Chicago. We did.

Yeah. There's some harsh videos. Yeah, whatever. Really, really fucking. oh yes yeah it's a genocide yeah well you and ruled officially i've been waiting for that to call it out yeah and the u.n. really well you don't know i don't know it's funny somebody was like you don't even say free palest and i looked it up i've been saying it what too much i'm saying before the conflict like i feel like a compilation to me on rogan hammered like free palest i was like all right

Slow down. Yeah. The Jays will get you. They could. They're good? They could. I mean, they literally good. Have you ever seen me texting any of you guys?

Never mind. What? Nothing. My love. I love my bold fashion rifle. I was pointing some figures for something I shouldn't even. I love. Chicago was incredible.

My love. I was so excited. You got back to me. My love. Matt, this episode is brought to you by prize picks. Man, I'm so happy we've gotten football back. Like, what was I doing before? Having a life?

Doubt it, bro. True. Happy as I am. Nothing brings down the Sunday vibes like an injury. Sure, the players that feel the pain, but the pain I feel for my picks, that hurts so much more than pain from a guy that's trying. That's why you got to play on prize picks Give me that

They offer injury reboots So if one of your players leaves the game In the first half and doesn't return Prize picks So I felt playing at Penn State Won't count It has a loss I'm going to have a seizure dude

Sorry They were the first half To offer injury reboots I was trying to read that They offer injury reboots Okay So that gives me some freedom him on my picks. So I'm thinking more on Jalen Hertz rush yards. And let's go with more on

Christian McCaffrey's rush and receiving yards. I like the way he runs the ball. It's how a white man runs him. He just plays the game the right way. What the fuck? Always like adding a guy like to my lineup. This is how prize picks adds an extra layer of fun of the game. It's a simple way and you can get it done in 60 seconds. What's there not to like? Millions of users can't be wrong. Download the app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.

Price picks. It's good to be right. Also, guys, I'm about to start hitting the comedy clubs again pretty soon. I got a bunch of stuff coming out. Right now, the only thing that's nailed down is off the hook comedy club in Naples, Florida, on November 7th, 2025. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be tight.

I have a couple others that will be coming out, so stay tuned. All right. I have Houston and Tulsa this weekend. Then I'm in Florida, the 25th, 26, 27th. Then October 3rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 17th through the... October 17th and 18th, I'm at Resorts World in Las Vegas. And then November 7th, San Francisco.

November 8th, Sacramento. So go to those. Thank you. Bye. So we get into Chicago. Chicago was nice. Dude, that was one of the best, seriously one of the best weekends of my... For real.

Go see Oasis. Yeah. Oasis rolled. I forgot I saw them. Exactly, dude. Of course. It's so much other going on. Too much.

It was, for real. I'm with him, though. I kind of barely saw it. I know. I saw it. I saw too much of it. Yeah. It just got washed out.

I was jamming harder than anyone possibly. You were jamming. I was jamming harder than anyone. Dude. But Noel, Noel coming down saying what's up before the show. taking a group picture maybe the fattest photo I've ever taken

ruined the photo I was like no one's getting this photo no one can have this I look like a fucking fat the fattest photo possible and I ruined it I'm a huge like it can't be that bad and I looked at it I was like I can see the

redaction let's let's not put that one out I was just praying I wouldn't embarrass myself and I did you did I know I said epic like 14 times He was a full-on, full-on Chris Farley, S&L interviews. He was like, do you remember when you did, like, Wonderwall, Wembley? It was just so epic.

And I was just standing there, like, what the fuck are you, why are you doing this? That was nothing compared to the plan was, what was, what were you going to do? Oh, right. No, they wouldn't get it. But there was, he did an interview with this guy, Alan Partridge, and he says, his catchphrase was knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Noel Gallagher, aha. And I was going to do that, but say Atomiga, and it would have been infinitely worse. I would have been so upset. Yeah.

So be thankful I decided against my better judgment. Epic was fair. Epic was sick. In all fairness, the fucking shows at Wembley were epic. Bro, I agree. I stand by it. Yeah, they were for the win. I shouldn't have said it 14 times.

But he was the person I've always been most nervous. I've always wanted to meet him more than anybody in the world. He was so nice, too. That was awesome. He was the coolest fucking, even cooler. and I thought he would be and I thought he would be the coolest man alive.

He was also crazy knowing he had to go to a concert. That was his chill level before having to go do a concert for fucking 80,000 people. He still remained pretty chill. Then you'd see him singing and you'd be like, holy shit in.

Yeah. Yeah. They're the shit, dude. No, they were, that was awesome. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, but the real thing that happened was Adam Egett, Mr. fucking sobriety or one guy who's supposed to be the soberman on the trip.

Also, Matt was with me and Billy in Spud. Yeah. I figured I was like, we're going to drink a little bit like for sure this will be an easy laid back time yeah you know i mean like nobody's gonna get that crazy spud maybe yeah i don't drink you don't drink no i don't drink a lot but you're mr sober my wheels my wheels i would my the boulder was rolling downhill for me at that point though it was nice well for the flight was fucking intense man the the uh what do they call oh what do bubble booies that was that was scared i'm singing the big bopper that was yeah you shouldn't do that

yeah that was terrible uh oh baby that's the one i like Oh, baby, that's what I like. But Mr. Sobriety, we're up in a box, which, thank you to Noel for giving us that wonderful sweet. That was very nice. But it's tough to watch the Oasis. You don't want to watch it from a suite. The vibe was due contained. It was too contained.

You can't even, there was the plate of glass and the music would seep in through a little tiny window. So Mr. Sobridey goes, hey, I got some acid. And it was like, no, I'm not taking that. We have a couple drinks ago. Yeah. I'll take half. Matt will take hat. We'll split one.

Yeah. I knew it's coming down. And then I'll do three. Matt buys a bottle of tequila. Sneaks it down to the floor where we're all standing. By the way, the biggest bottle of Casa of the Soul I've ever seen. It's like Costco Casa Azul. It's huge.

Look like that fucking Eiffel tower. The half of acid had probably started. Yeah. And we were like, this isn't doing much. Let's take another full one. Yeah. So now we're both on a tab and a half. Yeah.

And then it kicked in. Yeah. And I was just. I was just standing still watching but Matt was fucking going wild Every time I looked over He's got the cornhole He's got the fucking smoking weed

Under his shirt A full bottle of Casasol I look over at one point And he's literally drinking the fucking Cazazzo Every creature gathered around this bottle of tequila on the ground Literally like six different

Big Fat white guys We'd all just And occasionally Matt would come about I pick it up and chug it, pass it in a circle. I'd have to prove. There was just the bottle on the ground and I had a tea. I had my sweatshirt over it. And then eventually my sweatshirt just got kicked.

And people would look at it and I'd go, dude, you can have some. And they think it was a trap. And they'd be like, what is it? And I'm visibly tripping like, dude, drink that. It's totally fine. And they were like, is there anything in it? And I'd like, no, there's nothing in it. And I would show them by taking a sip, not realizing I was taking like half a shot every time it had no effect on me.

Yeah. Well, of course. Yeah. I was just, I was like, check it out. Yeah. Yeah, it was, I smoked the bat. The bat did nothing. Oh, yeah, then I looked over.

It all culminated. It culminated eventually. Every time I look over. And then at one point he's got the shirt over his head. You never put the shirt over your head to let it joint the wind? It's a classic trick. It was a side of Matt. I've almost never seen it.

It was like Matt was in 19, we kept being like 99 Woodson. soccer it was 2025 oasis just oh yeah because I I felt like I wasn't tripping that much

because I'm not used to that so I was just like staring I was definitely high as fuck I was just staring at the wall the graphics just literal wonder wall just yeah

but Matt would be like literally Hillary with the balloons every second and I was doing that thing where I'm like, I'm not even that fucked up. Look at Matt. Look at Matt, dude. That's crazy.

I was the highest I've ever been in my life. Every two seconds, I'm like, did it kick in for you? I would look back and you'd be like, yes. Yeah, I was just, I was like, eventually I was like, yo, play Wonderwall. I'm going to hurry this shit off, dude. I got to go home. During the Volvo Fall Experience event,

discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autism. adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute this September lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 biweekly at 3.99% during the Volvo fall experience event condition supply visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com the concert was my music was my favorite part yeah I got in there and there was when it started kicking in on me I was like I just noticed that I was doing that same stuff

where I'd be like I don't know man Who the fuck designed this artwork on the back This shit's weird And everything I'd see it Like that's weird This sucks

Why is this guy doing that I'm like Damn these guys are like Kind of old And then all of a sudden I was like I'm not gonna make it Unless I shut down

This negative thinking And I complete I don't know what happened I flipped the switch And I just was no negative thinking The entire It was so nice Oh you saved our ass

Oh exactly I got to access To my brain And I was like all right Every three songs This fucking hero This legend goes Walks up there

and gets us a big case of bottle of water. He caught me. That's the man. I went up to try to go to the bathroom and had to take a thousand photos. And then Matt came behind me with a case of a whole case of water. And he was like, I got water. I was like, oh, my God, you're an angel. You're a complete angel.

He sent an email to himself at one point. Yeah. The email was sick. Oh, that was so funny. Matt's like, dude, check out this email. I was like, he was literally in the middle of Wonderwall. They were like, ladies gentlemen, Wonderwall, Matt was like, look at this email. Like, dude, please

I sent it to myself Send an email to himself About like, we are all vibrations Your flower is beautiful Check out this email You showed me your phone And I was like, I can't It was just squiggly

I was like, oh shit I didn't think I was that high Dude, when I first broke off for a water mission It was like there was a On the, I guess like the ground level There was like a little water stand The line was so long And I was in line

And I couldn't stop laughing about how much it sucks to stand in line there's a part of you that believes you're so important then you stand in line it's just like a knife just hitting that part for the whole time then this guy next to me was like I don't know if he's like a Mexican guy or what but he was just like you know I heard there we can go up the

steps and get water and I was like nice move Is that how we found it? That's how we found it. Hey man I heard you look at him. He seemed like he was like Mexican but then he stopped but then it can't he was just like yeah I'm trying to score some fucking Coke man and I was like oh cool dude let's go get some water and we'll talk about that

And that's what I discovered you Just get people like Yeah that was actually That helped me though with the line They're like Go go go Yeah that's nice And I was like thank you

I'm on acid Thank you hi I'm on acid I'm on acid I told to every single I told everyone for three straight days I'm on acid Hi I'm on acid I didn't kick in for me

Until literally the fireworks The fireworks was where I realized How severe it was Yeah Yeah I didn't know Once the fireworks I was like okay this is intense and then the music stopped and I went oh okay well now what's my brain gonna do and that's when KG elephant saved us yeah true

literally like in here hurry so KG elephant opened for him and we were hanging out of them a little which they were very nice like yeah when he like jumped on me and I was like I'm on acid this is like kind of the first time I've ever taken acid he was like I got you man don't know how much you're helping me he's like whoa check out that shit right yeah it's pretty I didn't even even noticed that yeah i didn't i didn't care for the purposeful like heaviness of conversation they kept doing which i i would be like i know what you guys are doing oh yeah it was you can bringing up like rape and shit somebody did what somebody in the room oh yeah there was like and it was like

and i think it was doing it to like purposely fuck with us i don't know it was just they were being really nice they were super nice everybody else was being super nice they saved us they're being they're being trickster dude i had to walk out in that crowd that would have been i couldn't even my legs were like yeah vibrating. Yes. No homo. I was just sounds gay. I just was sweating so profusely.

I went through so many napkins and I just That was the best. You were dying on it because you're sitting in their greener. They bring us, KG Liven saves us and just go, here, don't just run straight back to the locker. They're the best. Right behind the stage. So then we're sitting there and they're all being very nice and that you were cracking me up with just like trying to be in

control like this is it? This is a highs we're going to get everything's down from here i was like matt we're going to be high for a day this is just starting we're so fuck i thought for sure it's about to wear off this kept getting worse and i was like no it was like two hours ago just started you're like that's fine this is as high as we're going to get i thought it was 150 degrees my feet felt like they were like fish tanks my glass i was wearing glasses they were fogged up it was so hot there's like food he gets trying to egot's trying to have conversation too oh this is that's what you're They were like, man, Chicago is great.

You're like, Chicago, what a great city. I look over and he's got a pile of paper towels because he's sweating just going, oh yeah, Chicago, what a fucking town. Man, it's a, is this Chicago? Hell of a town. Hell of the town. I love it. There really were, like, not exaggerating, maybe like 20 paper towels.

Yeah, it was disgusting. Yeah, it was so funny. I really tried for a second to hide them, but everyone was like, dude. Where were they in your pocket? Were they in your pocket? Just on the table next to the couch. It was like a box of food there and a stack of napkins.

And I used literally all... Sweat napkins. Oh, there were so many, dude. But there was, uh, all of his, all the cagey elephant bros were like old Kentucky guys. Yeah, they were nice. They were old musicians. So when we were like, we're on acid,

this is kind of where this is my first time getting this high. And they were like, oh, you can have a good night. Yeah. Like, they were like real. Oh, yeah. And that one dude was fucking awesome. He's like, show me.

He's like, what do you got? I was like, I got one left. He's like, okay, yeah, it's going to be about seven hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. he like told you exactly what you were going to experience and he was right i think i think it was more like the entire day leading in the next day a little bit he said 12 and i remember sitting there being like oh no uh then we escaped the stadium on the way out they brought in the cleaning crew oh my god how funny was that that was crazy it was like a parade it was just all the the people

that come in to clean so it looked like just 40 it was 40 to 50 Mexicans it was it was a small door with a like a very narrow stairway where they came from like an opening above down a little tiny stairway and it's like you know you see a cleaning crew maybe 12 people it just kept going it just kept going and we just had to wait there and then what it was like shangoon sorry no it was it was 40 it was literally like 45 Mexicans and then a black guy in the very end of the procession went god damn shanguel is that you and it was just like oh no I think he used I think he used the end word which was very excited which was awesome, which was very funny. And then we died laughing. And then it was like, we should have used that opportunity to go up the stairs. And then they immediately turned around and went and we had to wait for the 40 people to go back up the stairs. Yeah, they were shuffling those. He was like a military procession.

It was like they just were showing us. And they were like, all right. Yeah, it was a show of force. There was a show of force. They were back up and they just went straight back up. Billy, Billy was leading the way. But favorite, one of my favorite moments of the night is we get outside of the same. stadium and Matt's like

God damn I'm telling you that fucking caffeine that coffee I shouldn't have that caffeine it got me all jittery I was Matt I just watched you party harder than anyone I've ever seen chugging tequila smoking it was like to see acid

it wasn't the cup of Joe it was a second cup it was espresso martini in a cup of Joe yeah I know dude it was the fucking acid and tequila and the weed that was the only hell to me

dude I think those oysters were off. Matt's diet that day was oysters acid, marini, tequila, weed, and then acid. And he was like, fucking coffee. I'm telling you, coffee just just, I think like, stop.

Caffeine's not good. I'm telling you, man. It was, I knew. I knew you were going to double down and be like, I'm telling you, it was the caffeine. I've been telling you. I don't put you. I don't, I try not to touch stuff anymore. And we went, And Billy leads us to middle of nowhere.

Yeah. To get to the Uber location. Oh, we walked for a while. Until we get under the tree. I tried to take a picture of a spider and it's just... Oh, yeah, you're trying to identify a spider. I'm like, oh, cool. That literally was the coolest spider web.

That's what we were in my life. That was awesome. Remember there was a whole gang of people under the trees? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we kept walking and then... That was pretty weird. It was just an encampment of people. Yeah. And we got into like a crossover sedan.

Then we just got into a regular guy's car. You know, we got a random car. It wasn't even an Uber. It was just a guy. Yeah, it was a hacktack. He was, yeah. Yeah. It was huge.

It felt like a clown car. I don't know how we all fit in that car, but I'm in the very back with you. Yeah, it was fucked up. I couldn't see shit. And it felt like he was going 200 miles in a house. It was like a station wagon with a third row that you can barely, like, that car was I had the, I sat shock and I had the nicest. Sat shoddy with the man.

I just saw the skyline of Chicago and it was all moving. That's awesome. It looked like the lights were all flickering. I was like, this is the best moment of my life. It's a great town. It's a great town. It's a great town to have a cup of Joe and relax. It's really fucking great.

Oh, God. Just having a nice cup of Joe in Chicago and relaxing. A cup of Joe got you fucked up. I don't know what they're putting in the bean in Chicago, but God damn. I still hold it. I was like LSD, not a problem. It's caffeine man. That's what was cracking me.

Like literally when you said it, I had a montage of, what I saw you doing It was one of those joints that has like an eighth of wheat It was enormous I thought it was a lot It was huge Remember the ones?

The ones I gave you from Detroit That are just like, they're bats Absolutely They're for real docks It was so good big donics in Chicago Oasis 2025 It was so fun But then we go back to the hotel

We're in my room We're just staring at one painting free beer free beer you can find that painting I mean

yeah I have a photo the free beer painting was but it it looked like it should have been hanging in the loo

like it was fucking gorgeous I did the dimensions and depth and it were crazy it was stunning

and then remember there was one I thought it was a swan and then Billy's like you fucking retard that's a rose

she's holding a rose it looks like a swan it looked like a swan yeah thank God for Billy for but I'll maybe I can send it

to you after I'm gonna see if I can find the painting free beer painting this is nope all right yep nope we're not getting this that might be just one of a kind that was probably an original yeah i believe so but i did wake up the next day and realize uh it was a dull sack of shit painting it literally looked like it was from marshals like that's i guarantee you that's where they got it i think it's seared into my brain because adam showed me like several days later on his phone and i was like god that's such a nice painting yeah it was epic it was fucking epic chicago what a tantal

The funny is, towards the end, I knew it. The writing was on the wall. I was like, oh, these guys are ready to go to bed. I was keeping the chat alive as long as possible. You're trying to keep the chat alive. Because I'm telling, dude, I'm telling you, when I have too much caffeine, when it wears off, the fucking, I just get like horrible knots in my chest. And I could feel it coming for me. And I was like, me alone in this room while I'm kind of tripping.

Oh, I know. Kind of tripping. True. We were tripping. Oh, nice. There's free beer, dude. God, the painting's fucking awesome. I still like it.

it's so shit i just don't like it it does look like a swan though yeah of course it does look like a swan right yeah we're in like a white dress yeah we'll show it we'll get up there home yeah what are you doing there mezy okay

I got back to my room it was just like nothing just pack your clothes just normal stuff dude just do normal stuff I don't know I started packing my clothes I'm like this is taking a long time and I would stop and be like what are you so what are you freaking out about dude I'm like nothing dude don't want to worry about it

I like that your internal monologue is an actual conversation with yourself. Oh, big time. That's pretty crazy. It's kind of nice. It was just kind of like, dude, we got this, everything's cool. And I'd be like, hey, why wouldn't it be cool, dude? Shut the fuck up. Totally.

Wait, wasn't that? Didn't you have internal monologue at the mirror or something? Dude, I was like, I'm putting my stuff away and I'm like, this is fucked up. Dude, you're overthinking this, chill, relax. And I, like, went to go to the bathroom and it's caught my reflection. I was like, it's all been leading to this. And I just stared at myself. And the whole time, there was like this, it was hard to explain.

It was like a flash of just like a flash of just. like it wasn't even really insight it was just like dude i'm going to look myself in the eye i'm going to show up for myself i'm going to be present in my own body and i was just like you got this dude i'm finally here and my first thought was like shut the fuck up and i was like god damn it fuck yeah i was i was in a fun house dude i went back to my room i was avoiding those mirrors like a plane dude i was like oh no no no no i got caught in it dude i got fully caught in it and oh it was that was that was a rugged one and i just laid in bed with just like it felt like my insides were completely constricted i held off as long as i could

fine i was like hey shan hell you're making out dude i'm fucking not doing so hot i just fell asleep i didn't want to go to bed i'm so sorry i was like dude i don't care nothing that's i was having such a nice time i was i just went and started my own shitty painting in my hotel room for about two hours and then i couldn't sleep and i just did some mock drafts see i tried to go to bed that was my problem i tried to go to bed and it was just like the feeling in my chest was just horrific just like super tense and then there was like i was listening to youtube to calm myself down so it was like meditation youtubes all the stuff relaxation i'm playing i'm just laying there nothing's working and eventually they're like like whatever feeling you have give it a shape

and i was like give it a color and i'm like red and it's like give it a shape and i'm like i close my eyes and it's just like this amorphous shiny blob going into it's like yeah yeah It was the Twix box. The shape completely turned on me. It was just like, and I was like, fuck, this isn't working. Yeah, it was fun. Oh, my God.

We laughed so fucking hard in that hotel. You need to tell the drive's dead. The bag was so fucking. You need to tell the dries dead. I don't care how long it takes to set up. I love this story. Yeah, true. Please, from the very beginning.

Fellas, get off your phones and pay attention. I can't recall. Somebody needs to hear this for the first time. I can't recall. I feel like Norm told it somewhere, but we went to go see back in like 2007. seven maybe we went and saw legendary

baseball player commentator and actor um uh uh uh yuker bob yuker

uh and by the way he's in the miller like commercial he's in the miller like what i was we're on it that's where they met no I mean

there's a new one oh yeah so the next the next day we're talking about fucking the the bag's on you yeah and I'm in the

I'm in a sports bar and you see you're like that's the fucking guy he's What are the odds? Yeah, Yucre, he was on a famous sitcom in the 80s, Mr. Belvedere, and he was in Major League. And so that's Bob Yucer. And he's literally the funniest man I've ever met in my life.

So Norm and I went to go visit him when I was living in Arizona, and he was doing the improv. We went down to see a spring training game, and Yucer for many years has been calling the Brewer's games. He's from Milwaukee. And he told us the funniest story I've ever heard in my fucking life. And he was saying that back in, I think it was. Tell him the Carson story, too. Oh, the Carson story. So there was a brief time where Yucre did stand-up, and he did the Johnny Carson show back in the 70s.

And Yucer, he had like his five-minute set. He kept running it. And then he went to go do it on Carson, and he was walking backstage before he was supposed to go up. And he's like, yeah, man, I'm fucking. And he cursed like a sailor. And he has a thick accent. And he's like, yeah, man, I fucking went to go do Carson back in whatever he was, 76 or something. And the band leader for Carson back in the day was Doc Severnson. And he's like,

I walked by and fucking Doc Severnson's, uh, his dressing room doors open. And he's sitting in there with this fucking mountain of white shit on the table. And he's like, hey, Euker, come in here and fucking do some of the shit. I didn't even know what the fuck it was. I said, I don't give a fuck. I'll do it. So I go in there and I, it turns out it was obviously cocaine. I didn't fucking no and then uh so i'm in i'm doing my fucking seventh line i think at this point and the fucking showrunner for carson he says hey yuker you're on so i fucking go out there and i do five minutes of material in about 30 seconds and they've given me the sign to fucking stretch i didn't know what the fuck i was doing just see it apollo go fuck it i'll do it i don't even what the

I got to do national television. It's so funny. I'll do it. So the best story he told us in my I've ever heard was he's like, yeah, man, I used to play for the fucking brewers and we used to pull bags on each other all the time back in the day on other guys from other ball clubs. And by the way, a bag is a prank. And he called them bags.

The bag is the funniest thing. It's going to be, yeah, that'll be in the language name. This is going to be in the vernacular forever, absolutely. So he's like, so one day we decide, oh, this weekend, we got the fucking Dodgers coming to Milwaukee. And we said, oh, this is a perfect opportunity to pull a fucking bag on old Don Drysdale. So fucking Don Drysdale had a, he had a fucking whore in every city. But his fucking Primo whore was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. So we decided, oh, perfect opportunity for a fucking bag on Drysdale.

So we decided he didn't know a little to Don Dreysdale. I'm friends with the fucking chief of police in Milwaukee. So he's in this fucking hotel room with his primo whore. We paid that fucking bitch off and pretend like she died and had the fucking chief of police and come over some of his cops come bang down his fucking hotel room in the in the fucking middle of the night. And he thinks he killed this fucking bitch. And so they cuff him naked as the fucking day he was born.

And he's crying in the fucking hallway thinks his life's over. And I walk by. I say, hey, Drysdale, the bag's on you. Any minute, anyway. So 20 minutes later, I'm down in the fucking lobby having a drink, and Drysdale comes down, the fucker's still mad. I said, relax. It's a fucking bag.

Hey, Drysdale, the bag's on you. Relax, it's a bag. The fucker's still pissed. So Norman, I used to always do this. bit where we would talk about like how it would be great to do a uh a sitcom like candid camera called the bags on you with bob yuker where he just the most horrific he just pulls these terrible awful your wife and kids are dead bags on you but it's all because he was on mr belvedere oh my because he was on mr belvedere for some reason we just kept using these old obscure actors from

sitcoms in the 80s so like hey this week on the bags on you we pull a fucking bag on uh prince building like you we told me we got evidence that you raped a fucking 14 year old

but the turns out the bags on you the bags on you now that's all allegedly we don't know

if Drysdale had a whore in every city that's just a fun story it's all a funny made up story it's a bag

it was just a bag and then drivesdale pulled the bag he thought it was the well I don't know yeah

this is the most intense bags I've ever heard He keeps going. Allegedly, uh, the, the,

the Driesdale thought that he's like, fucking Driesdale didn't realize I was the one that fucking pulled the bag. It was my idea, but he thought it was the third baseman. Uh, and so we didn't know that, uh,

Dreisdale's buddies with these fucking gumbas, these fucking Italian gumbas. Uh, yeah. He calls them a couple of the wops. A couple of these fuckers. And, uh,

and, uh, and, uh, we're going down and we're going to go play in, in Los Angeles. And he gets a couple of these fuckers to go take the third baseman out in a fucking limousine by gunpoint they drive them out into the fucking middle of the desert and they hand him a shovel and they say hey start digging

and uh this guy's fucking crying digging what he thinks is going to be his own grave and we go hey now the bags on you just uh just for just uh the most evil pranks those are serious bags just some baseball players so shit so fucking funny 70s baseball bags probably 60s Yeah, probably. Maybe even, yeah, it's probably 60s. Jesus Christ. Relax. I looked up Drysdale after that.

Oh, yeah, 60s. It's very funny to see a picture of Drysdale. Oh, yeah. It looks like a Don Drysdale. I didn't realize Don Trisdale was like a man. Yeah, he was nasty. He's an all-American. Oh, no. I think of the bag getting pulled on old Drysdale.

He was probably furious. Yeah, he wasn't thrilled. That hooker. Yeah, he's a motherfucker. Yeah, dude. That hooker was passed out. He's probably like, oh, right. rats.

The broad is dead. I killed the goddamn broad. Just what I need. This broad was sick. His broad came down with the hebi-jibis. The jig is up. Just you look, Drysdale. I'm going to the big house for sure.

Oh, Drysdale, you're in a pickle this time. A real pickle now. Now, get out of it. Oh, fuck. Police, asshole. Oh, shit. You have to shoot my way out. Just my luck.

My Primo Hoare craps out on me. Honestly, these bags could go really, really bad. He could jump out of the hotel. Primo Hoare is such a funny bag. Primo Hoare croaking on you. The textbook, Primo Horback. That's gone wild, dude. That was honestly probably in the best western in Milwaukee.

The bag got pulled on Old LaMere. Oh, is that right? You had a bag? Yeah. A couple of fellas in Reddit. pulled the old bag on La Mare Lee. Oh, what happened? Reading, playing, learning.

Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at SLOR.com. And ask your family eye care professional for SLOR Stellist lenses at your child's next visit. Ontario, the wait is over. The gold standard of online casinos has arrived.

Golden Nugget online casino is live. Bringing Vegas-style excitement and a world-class gaming experience right to your fingertips. Whether you're a seasoned player or just starting, signing up is fast and simple. And in just a few clicks, you can have access to our exclusive library of the best slots and top-tier table games. Make the most of your downtime with unbeatable promotions and jackpots that can turn any. any mundane moment into a golden opportunity at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Take a spin on the slots, challenge yourself at the tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices.

Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling Problem Call connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com. for details. Please play responsibly. You got to tell it like you. Are you with your premon war? So I'm in Milwaukee. I just get

off stage. I get on Reddit and I find Milwaukee's gone wild. Now it's a little subreddit where they're selling orgies in Milwaukee. I say 75 bucks for an orgy, yeah, I'll fucking take a razor scooter over to the best western. I get in there. They say

we're not in here. Thanks for the 75 bucks. The bag's on you. My favorite We're back in New York We're back in New York We're back in New York Who bear's just taking off

For the fucking rock hard cock $75 slider Oh Jesus You waited for how long did you wait In the lobby I waited like 30, 40 minutes I went to like 30, 40 minutes So we're like

We can't come down now We're too busy fucking Get back to New York And he tries to confront Milwaukee's going wild And they're like Actually, it's funny you ask We have an orgy in New York tonight It's 45 once

They're trying to pull them again Oh, good for you man The bag's been pulled on him a couple times On the internet Bagging dick Bagged me once Shame on you Bag me twice

This sounds of bags all me Yeah, the bag Well, Mayor's been hit with the internet bag It'll get you Jacking off bag Send it to your friends bag You better be careful You're gonna want to hear this

Which one I sent my dick to a dude on Snapchat I thought it was a lady Oh yeah It happens to the best of us Yeah But you, I admire the fact You were like

Go ahead and release it to all my friends They're cool Nothing You literally So they get your information So they see who your friends are And then they go, this is who I'm about to send it to If you don't give me $2,000.

Yeah. And you go, fucking black. You go, well, you got to send it because you can't negotiate. They're going to go, all right, here's another list. 2,000 more. I'm saying it. Yeah. You can't negotiate with terrorists.

You can't negotiate with these dick terrorists. He didn't even send it, did he? Oh, he sent it. What? He sent it out? He did send it out? Yeah, but nobody answered it. Like, everybody was like, this guy sent me a message about you.

I was like, don't. Don't look. Everyone opened it. Just so you know, every single, I would fucking open it. Everyone's open to that. Yeah, true. We were talking about this recently. A girl told me, because we were sharing stories about this, how it happens to people.

And a girl was like, happened to my brother. And it got sent to every single member of my family. Oh, my God. He was like 18 when he did it. He got sent to his sister. And it was a video of him jacking off. Oh, my God. With his face in it.

Like, oh. But he survived. People are evil. People are evil. Yeah, that's shitty. That's like that Black Mirror episode. And they made him do all that crazy shit. They fucked a pig?

No, that was a different episode. The bag's on me. The back's on my dick before it goes under that pig. It wasn't even a black mirror episode. I was just fucking a pig. I would almost rather have like a, if it could be like a side profile fucking the pig, then like an eye contact POV of me jerking off on the stream. I disagree.

Side profile fucking a pig. That's pretty wild, man. Vicious. That is wild. Well, you can at least deny some culpability, be like, bro, if your eye contact into the camera, like, fuck, I'm going to fucking come. They're both awful options, but I still go, like, yeah, checking off, yeah, jacking off everybody does. Fucking a pig is nuts.

Yeah, that's an odd choice. A real pig. Yeah, you know, an actual pig, not a lady. Oh, that's different. Oh, well, yeah. A pig of a different color. Obviously, the dead pig. It's a dead pig.

It's a dead pig. They're about the, they could sell it later. Kill it anyway. A bunch of Italians Turns out, we just fucking paint that pig off To pretend it was dead The bags on you He's upstairs with his fucking

Primo pig I didn't even have to send the video To my family I don't even know why I did that I like that Dude, show the fucking terrorist Who's boss? True, I might start sending my family

Just non-stop wave I got to get ahead of this Dude, they got me again Yeah Fuckers got me Keep saying videos, are you jacking off to your dad? Dad, don't open it. Dude, I got catfish terribly once back in, yeah, I mean, 10 years ago.

No. And my friend told, I was like, I got a bad feeling about this. This girl invited me over. It's late at night on Tinder or something. And I was like, I got a weird feeling about this. A boat. Dude, he's like, yeah. Yeah.

And something's wrong. I'm like, I could get laid, but I might be murdered. Yeah. And my buddy. He's like, oh, you know what you can do is you can put the phone number into the Facebook search bar at the time, and it'll show if there's a profile link to that account, I swear to God, I typed in the phone number, and it's literally, it doesn't matter that they're black, but they happen to be black, and wearing a ski mask. Whoa, it was literally just three profile pictures, and he definitely had a gun in another one, and I'm like, I'm glad I looked that up. That's really nice. I still went. I still went, you know.

What? No, I didn't go. When you get horny, it's like, yeah. It's probably a mistake on the website. Well, now I don't you're going to work out. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, you got robbed for sure. Yeah.

It's a good way to rob people. Yeah. Yeah. It's better than seduce. Fucking Reddit orgies. You got seduce like a married guy into coming to your house. That way he can't tell him. Oh, yeah.

You just rob them. There you go. Take acid. Rob people. It's a good podcast. No, the horny trap. the best yeah you get someone in yeah and you're just kind of you can't be like oh I was why were you there be like but you needed help moving stuff in the fridge yeah it's

brandy fridge yeah that was an easy one to come up with yeah the government's do it yeah honey pot yeah yeah it was a classic it was literally a little great honey potted yeah damn that would have sucked though just to go in the apartment it's a black israel it's a scheme ass up yeah possible I've had I've got honey too I literally could get honey potted yeah I'm fucking weed too yeah that's right I do. Oh, bother.

Oh, bother. No, pussy. Just a fucking guy in a ski mask. I also feel like now, if they want to honeypot you, because they have your whole internet porn search history, they can, like, craft a scenario out of, like, a porn you watch. You go, quickly, grow, my stepmom's stuck in a dryer.

It seems fishy, but I got to take this chance. You got the massage written all over it. It says massage written all over it, but what if she is stuck? She needs my help. Having a stuck honeypot would be so fucking funny. What is this? Go to a party.

Someone would be like, oh, that room? Oh, my fucking stepmom's stuck in the dryer. Don't worry about that mirror that looks like a camera could be behind it. He's walk up to the mirror. I know you guys are watching. I'm doing it. yeah my step my step sister's frozen in the kitchen you can do whatever it's just this new

thing it's just crazy thing it's called free use she's just bent over the kitchen counter anyway don't mind the Jewish cameras everywhere you go home you're like dad your dad's like uh Shane I got a divorce this is a new stepmom she's like a fucking 23 year old Brazilian lady you're like, this seems fishy. I've seen videos about this. Fucking Massad. Massad keeps getting. She's so nice to me.

Yeah, honeypot is the best. I mean, it is a good trap, I'll say. Yeah. If you're going to get trapped. You might as well get fucking honeypot. Yeah. True. Legally.

Yeah. You know. That's right. You know, for sure. I'm not. Because then it's like, my thing is if I'm, if I got caught into the honey pot, I would start to be. like can we do

another one can we do those like I don't know if you made my mind up yet I'll never talk these guys keep sending fucking chicks to suck my day to the worst spies ever I'm just lying

just keep making shit up because if you get caught with one bad photo that would that'd be crazy to be indebted for like years and years and years it's got to be a real bad one yeah you got it really has to be yeah it's almost like

it's almost like something like this is happening in the world right now. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely is. No. Yeah, I'm talking about the Epstein list. Yeah.

Dude, the letters. Also, now, though, you can just claim deep fake. Oh, shit. I never thought of that. You never thought of that? You never thought of that? They said, the bag's on you, Stephen Hawking. Dude, Epstein was a master bag.

So we cut his fucking down to the beach. You can't even walk. Put a couple kids on him and take a picture. We go, hey, Stephen, the bag. The bag's on you What do you mean the bag's on me Enough of your universe bullshit You got to support Israel

They pulled a bag on the fucker We decided to pull a bag on him We're back at the fucking We're back at the bar Fucking three hours later Hawking rolls in He's still pissed Fucker's still pissed

I'm in the fucking limbo line. I'm in the Congo line with five, 10-year-old and fucking Hawking rolls in. The fucker's still alive, right? He's he dead? When did he die?

Two, three, two years ago? Wait, didn't Stephen Hawking just die? I think it was like three or four years. Really? That was kind of during all the Epstein stuff. Yeah. That must have been nice to be an assassin and be like who you got to kill today. Like Stephen Hawke and you're like, easy.

Easy. Just turn them off. You just like, just power down. Yeah, he's saying, and dangerous things how do we stop him I got it I broke his charger last night snuck into his house broke his charger it's almost too

easy it's just crazy enough to yeah Hawking being on the Epstein on the island yeah yeah that's tough he was probably old as fuck too I know oh bother

true they really fucked him on that And why did only, like, two people? It was him and, like, a magician that got released. There's only two people there. Oh, David Copperfield? I think Copperfield. I think the mysterious Mr. Copperfield.

I bet you wish you could make that list disappear. 2015 email from Epstein. The email mentioned allegation from Epstein accuser Virginia Guffrey concerning a supposed underage orgy involving Hawking. Yep. In the Virgin Islands. Oh, I thought you were going to say the best Western in Milwaukee. That's the one, Lamar got locked.

out of, thank God. Stephen Hawking Stephen Hawking rolled himself home $75 lighter and pissed off. You promised me, I'm there. They had the whole thing set up on like a 40-screen computer.

They almost got you. Fuck you, bitches. I'm on my way to NASA. Oh, it's funny. There's actually going to be an orgy at NASA later this afternoon. 75 bucks. That's a deal.

Oh, man. sick deal wasn't that the only two people I feel like it was I don't want to put smut on Copperfield but I feel like his name came up It was like a famous magician Yeah I remember

I remember you're in there Oh Hmm It was just those two The names I heard I could be wrong I don't want to get sued by David Copper Exactly

I don't know Or his estate Yeah Maybe it was Houdini Yeah that's a ticket Dan It was Houdini That's good

I'm wrong I'm wrong Hawkins would have Having a blast This is him on the island There's a photo There's a photo There's a photo

They said he would, uh, they said Steven Hawking's would like, uh, he would go into a room with like midgets and make them do math naked. I heard that. Yeah. I don't know where else, uh, I haven't seen any sources pick that up, but that was the rumor. Naked math for midgets? He would make, uh, little people do math.

He put you at them in the math castle. Did you ever play that game? Yeah. Yeah. What, dude, the lit things are too funny. Oh my God, that's so fun There's some really Yeah, he's got some incriminating stuff

Why are the only pictures of him? Interesting He was just probably Stoked to be at the party Yeah, he's just happy to be invited He's just happy to get out of the house Yeah, I don't think Because I think a lot of the other people

Might have been in big power players And Hawking was just probably like You know, did ever see like the coming of age Like high school tales And the nerd gets invited to the party I can't believe I'll finally hear It was not cool. Did you guys now that the universe say it's fucking

Shut the fuck up, throw him in the pool. Toga. It was Can't hardly wait for sure. God. That's crazy. Yeah, that's wild. It's also crazy to think about how that happens.

Because if you become like a millionaire, multi-millionaire, you're like, you know, you're getting into like more and more kind of like rarefied circles and all of a sudden it's just like, dude I have an island we're going to have sex with children you're like oh what the fuck there's no way they lay it out I don't know yeah maybe I did

me that's another one fool me twice yeah second you get on this the second jet you go it better not be any kids here Jeff you fucker last time I didn't like that during the Clinton era that was like the 90s dude jail bait was like that was like a funny popular thing like dude she's jailbate yeah it was not like now it's like pedophile that made it late. Yeah, dude. It was during like Obama.

That was like... Dude, I say it all the time. The first... Jail Bay was like... Watch the pilot of Californication. It starts with him having sex with a high school girl and being like, oh shit, I'm such a crazy writer. And that's the pilot episode.

That's what happens in the old school. Yeah. He fucks a high school chick. Pine Ample Express, his girlfriend's in high school. Yeah. What was he like? How old was he? What the fuck?

I wonder who wrote all those. Who's doing this to us? Why are they doing this stuff? Speaking of which, remember when you saw the Twix canister? Twix was full star David. We were hitting the hotel candy. I was like, bro, I'm not joking. This Twix is the star of Davis.

And it really did. It was exactly. I saw it into Kanye. West's mind. He's then I remembered immediately Kanye's been ranting about Twix and I was like, that's why, dude. The star of David.

Twix. Twix. Twix. That makes you... Twix bigger to make us fat. Twix. Shut up before you get ex-out, bitch. That's my... That's still the best, Kanye. It's like, I'm doing this alone. None of you are with me at all. And it's like, I'm with you guys.

Shut up before you get exiled. He's in someone's house. Calling everybody into my hotel room to be like, I'm the only one doing it. I'm by myself. None of you were with me. Shooks looks like the star David. Are you allowed to tell a story about

the one that made me laugh harder than anything. Well, the other thing that made me laugh so hard was that fucking dumb Elton John means. Elton John memes been making me laugh. Dude, that is one of the best. Go ahead. Elderly couple attacked. It was like a news headline.

And it said elderly couple attacked at Elton John concert. And then the comment above it. And stay out of the fucking pit, bitch. Yeah, that had us That had us crying, laughing for 45 minutes Yeah, that was very funny Now, what was the story you are now sure?

About the guys that you worked with? Just say it, we can edit it. Oh, we've already told them on here. The classic, that was classic. Concrete pit. The text we've never, I need to get the text from Billy. Yeah, you got to get all the text and tell that at a different, another episode. Billy is brilliant.

It's crazy. It's so good. He rattles it off like the Gettysburg Address. He really did. It's crazy. Yeah, it was a great night. It's a classic text from just like a horrible employee, just obviously high and up at 40.

Extremely high. Just a nine. It's like a nine foot text. Yeah, it's a meth text. It reeks of meth. Yeah, meth texts are actually like 30 paragraphs. I would never lie to you for real. I love this job so fucking much.

Trust me, okay? I'm not a liar. Okay? What I said was going on at that time, okay? Like, it's that for 10 minutes. I'm an idiot, okay. Yeah, I'm an idiot, okay. We'll see.

I will win. I always win. By the way, did you know that when you Google tips for coming down off of LSD, they give you the suicide helpline? Jesus. I swear to go. That's crazy. Yeah, imagine. That's terrible.

I wonder if there's any, like, maybe tips and tricks, like a blanket or warm shower. It was like, help is available. I was like, oh, my God. And we're back. And we're back. I'm reading a book right now called Drunks and Monks. which it's about a guy. It's a really good book.

He's about a guy who's an entertainment lawyer in Southern California and he was like kind of killing it and his wife divorces him and he spirals for like six years he had never drank

he had an alcoholic mom so he never drank a day and his life and at 34 just starts hitting the paint harder than anybody yeah it's got to be so sick it was dude

well it was you remember how fun it was the first time he drank? I sure do it was awesome imagine me in 34 I'm being like oh fuck

yeah I've been missing this my entire the problem was he was showing his ass so he was going through divorce he would like go to weddings he was like making out and grinding on a lady like literally yeah and his mom was like his mom actually then like his mom got diagnosed with cancer then she relapsed you got to hit the and got dementia so he was like his mom they didn't realize the mom was already like kind of a drunk who would like fall down but the mom started shitting herself all the time so at one point he gets like kicked out of his second wife's house and he's just with his like mom who's like you know

is going to die pretty soon but she actually rallied for like six years and the dad would just freak out so he was like 34 in his childhood bedroom and he had a horrible childhood but at 34 he's in there with his mom dad being like what the fuck's wrong with you shit in your fucking pants

and like screaming breaking shit something happened does anything good happen yeah I think he becomes a monk I think he eventually oh okay yeah I think I haven't finished the book he becomes like a devout Catholic you haven't finished the book so you're just guessing I'm pretty sure he becomes a devout Catholic monk because I watch some interviews after

Last time you read Bukowski. Not for a couple of years. You would really like Bukowski. I remember like it. I read his, I forget the one book. It was good. His whole, yeah. Ham on Rye.

Ham on Rye. And post office. This is nice because it's that, but then it has kind of like a theological undertext because he's constantly, he just starts singing in a choir like a Latin mass. It's really funny.

He's just a drunk. It's really funny. It's really funny. I used to drink at Bukkowski's bar a lot. Really? Yeah, the frolic room. That's nice. I miss drinking, but not really, but yeah.

I can see how you would not miss it. But there's days, there's good days and bad, yeah. Yeah. I just read, like, he had that book of shorts. I read that one about that girl he was fucking, like she was like a prostitute, but he, like, loved her. It was, I don't know, it's kind of beautiful. It was like a, he's really, yeah.

Cowsky fucking rules, but if you're into just a guy who's a drunk fucking mess, that's, 90% of the stories are him. Yeah, it's drunk in a bar, eating a lady's posted, you get knocked out by another guy. Yeah, it's pretty great. All those fucking great writers were. Getting knocked out. They were all literally the biggest drunk.

Yeah, Hemingway fucking, um, uh, Yeah, Hemingway was like, Faulkner. He was a good drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Until he took a shotgun into his fucking own ass. That wasn't out of him. Till he got the Eagles gun. No, that was, uh, that was, I think he had dementia.

Did he? Yeah, I think he started to have, uh, oh, no. He did he did he have dementia of Parkinson's, I forget. Yeah, but didn't, like, I think a lot of his family, he's like a family curse. He's a lot of his family killed himself. Also, I think he might have been, you know, throwing some jabs at women. Yeah. So maybe it wasn't the best drunk.

Oh, he was a bunch of ladies? He'd have a couple and go. He's drinking mojitos, too, which is funny. Yeah. He was like an adventurous drunk. He'd be like, I'm in a war or I'm fishing or something. Foukowski's literally just like. Yeah, bar fly.

He was fucking ugly motherfuckers looking at me. So I was like, fuck you, you ugly bitch. And he knocked me the fuck out. Then I woke up in a puddle of my own puking. Shakespeare. And then I raped a lady. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's rough.

He's not afraid to, yeah? Jesus. Wow. That's in the book. Jesus. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Maybe the greatest writer of all time.

What's some pros? Ah, he was fucking drunk at a bar and this fucking ugly motherfucker. I punched him in the face. No, he puts out little gay poems. He writes little poems that I like. Yeah. Yeah. It was cool.

That's a good episode. That was fun. Thank you, guys. See you soon. on the Patreon.