Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See James Live @ https://www.jdfmccann.com/ Go See Optimum Noctis Next Week or another week if you want @ https://www.creekandcave.com/events/optimumnoctis hello0o0ooo. Happy Halloween!!!!!! Here's the cast for this week. The D.A.W.G.Z. w/ Jimmy Mack. Hot cast, hot paytch too. What else is new hehe. Hope you all have a good fright tonight! And a good weekend too. Please enjoy. God Bless. Battlefield REDSEC is the ultimate Free to Play FPS Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wow, West. Hey. What's up, guys? What's up, everybody? How are we doing? This is just awesome stuff. This is awesome. This is great stuff.

I love this, man. What's that? Just this podcast and chilling. I'm right now, I'm dealing with all the haters on Twitter right now. What are the haters doing? Dude, I sent like a friendly tweet out yesterday saying like how much I can't believe. I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg with my hat backwards. Everyone's tacking me saying like, yeah, Mark Wahlberg quotes.

and they just give me pictures of Fred Durst. I'm like, yo, what the hell, guys? It's got to be nicer than the handsome young boys. That's a nice compliment. I remember. No, you see the picture. There's rules. I'm going for Walberg, bro.

I'm going for, I was Joe. Obviously, I was kidding. I was like, damn, I can't believe how much I look at Mark Wahlberg. Can I see? I look exactly like, Mark. I know. I know. You look exactly.

I look exactly. Can you do a Walberg impression? I'll have to think about it. What did you do that thing? Yeah, you got to show him. What's the fucking name of the brand? Municipal. How on?

My jeans are too short. My wife made fun of me this morning. Oh, yeah, you do have those. I got the project. You got the Shalties on. You got the Caprize, dude. Municipal, look at the swag. Did you see him with a...

Did you pray this morning at 5 a.m.? Did I what? Did you pray at 5 a.m? I probably did. Did you stay prayed up? If I always, I stay very prayed up. Did you in A.C. Slater, stay straight. Prayed up?

A.C. Slater stays prayed up? Yes, I didn't know that Slater and fucking Walberg are boys Are they boys? Yes, and they're tough I saw him, Mogg and Drusky, bro You see him, Mark Wahlberg Oh yeah, I did see that

Boy, what you think I'm from? That's what he said on Drewski show That boy, what you think I'm from It's pretty sick You ever see Eminem, Mogg, Walberg Yes, I saw that That was, he mug the shit Well, Walberg was trying to switch lanes, I think

Walgware was probably like Man, you catch me 10 years ago when I was wowing out we see about this but yeah Eminem mugged Walberg on TRL I was mean to him well he was just kind of like it's killing him I don't know what what was what was wallberg doing that he didn't like he was probably partied out him I think hated every white rapper yeah well also it was Marky Mark so he was getting compared to Marky Mark all the time it was kind of like a dis he hated so he had to bring it to him he always talks shit on vanilla ice Mark Orrberg true all of them that's that's our problem is white rappers dude just grabs in a bucket

I know We got to change the culture We got to stop the violence and vote As white rappers We need to stop the violence and vote White rappers Probably do need to stop the violence and vote They do

The non-Jewish white rappers I believe the Jewish white rappers are nice Yeah they're fine You think the Beastie boys They're definitely cool Dude I was at a Fuck where was I recently Buffalo

I was in Buffalo walking in was shown a guy was like yo check it out it's ad rock's jacket he was like i think he used to drive limos and ad rock left his jet it literally said ad rock was an old beastie boy's jacket it's it's incredible it's awesome he let me wear it he goes put i didn't he's like put it on i'm like that's how you started feeling like mark walberg what the hell you're talking about what they're talking about you you felt the fucking ad rock flowed through you and the dead actually of the white rapper kings i really felt i really felt the power man you felt our ancestors i did i felt good man i put on the ad rock jacket you know but he you know i had to give it right

back but I was kind of hoping he let me keep it but it was actually it's a sick possession yeah driving a limo and ad rock leaves a jacket he's like dude I've been wearing this thing for like 10 years I think it was sick but yeah oh you're a white rapper oh shit hmm I'd be rapping I'm a very good rapper I'll be out there I'm just waiting I'm trying to do production now trying to get other people to do the rapping and no one will buy the beats really zero beats purchased you know it's hard to sell beats now so you can just go yeah you can just go on and be like, you could make like $250,000 for beats and now it's like, you just do a whatever Swiss beat style. There's a million things on YouTube. I may have to pay for a feature.

It may come to it. What I would like to do is get a street rapper. What's your hook? You got to yell something out. You yell something out. Like we the best. I'm like, I'm Lupe Fiesco. I got no hooks. Yeah, you need a cool, you need a cool hook that everyone has to have. Oh, like a producer tag? Yes. Wasn't Lupe's first and 15th or was that just the album? I think it was, like, the crew. First day. First and 15, I think, was like, the crew. Just, you know, head.

It's kind of a hope. Those are the days that the welfare checks would arrive in the neighborhood. Yes, that's true. But you need, like, if Young Metro, don't, something like that. Yeah, you need something like that. I mean, if Young Metro, yeah, trust you, I'm going to shoot you in this, man. One time, we were in a car. Yeah.

I'm not going to name the perpetrator. Yeah. Because I ain't no snitch. Yeah. But it's me, Nate, and another white comedian. in the car and out of nowhere he yelled take heat fuck these and he did it whoa i think he forgot that he was in the backseat and we all had to just be like all right we all agree that was a mistake sorry everybody sorry you i feel like you handled it well no it was it was it was a classic

mistake it was so loud it was out of nowhere i do feel like the rap i feel like the rap excitement nward gets a song wasn't even playing Oh, okay I think the song was playing. It was not. It was not. I vividly remember.

What was the guy trying to create that part in my mind? No. No, it was we were in traffic. Traffic.

Traffic, exactly. I think that's what jarred it loose for him. At that childish Gambino gig, he did the stay woke song

which has a very prominent inn in it, but the audience is mostly white. Yeah. Oh, rap concerts. And it's at the, it was very strange

though, at the peak of the chorus, the energy comes right down for two seconds when everyone respectfully leaves the words out and goes back to sing in the course. Oh yeah. Stay work. Creeping. They leave it. That's, I've seen white people at rap concerts fully get their money's worth for sure. You saw Woodstock. Yeah. You saw Woodstock 99. You saw DMX Woodstock 99. I think I was at a Kanye concert where he was, about 10 million whites getting it in. I was given permission by Kanye from the stage to participate, I believe. Really? When he was doing his tours, he would always, he would say get

into it to say that. Oh, he'd be like, don't hold back. I think schoolboy Q had things as well. Remember when Kendrick tricked to that poor honky woman? It's not right. Yeah. That evil bastards.

Wait, so Nate, what was it, was it like, do you just give the guy a yellow card or like, what was the... He got yellow. He was yellow card? One more, it was red, but... It's like anything we've ever seen before. At Desjardin, we speak business. We speak equipment modernization.

We're fluent. in data digitization and expansion into foreign markets. And we can talk all day about streamlining manufacturing processes. Because at Desjardin Business, we speak the same language you do. Business. So join the more than 400,000

Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us and contact Desjardin today. We'd love to talk business. Yeah, it was a tough one. Yeah. It's just so funny out of nowhere. Screamed it.

Tykey Fuck these I was like It woke me up I was half asleep back here I was coming to I think that was it You were quiet for a while

I think you were sleepy in the car Yeah We had like a two hour driver So yeah I was a I was talking to an Uber driver In Tulsa this weekend Who said he picked up this like

Old black lady Like an old like church lady It was driving her From the airport somewhere Like kind of far away And the ride was so long That he had forgotten he had an Uber passenger

and he's like dude so I'm like thinking I'm going home I have a joint in my mouth I'm fucking blasting too and just fucking chilling and he said someone cut him off

he didn't say what he said he goes bro I let out every word in the book and just just everything's screaming and I turn around to see this little

black lady just staring from the back he went oh Jesus Christ man I forgot you were back there I'm so sorry about that he's scared of a passenger he got terrified

he was like you should have seen the look on your face, ma'am. She's like, you should have seen the look on your face. And he goes, yeah, I was scared. And then he, uh, he dropped her off. She goes, I'll pray for you, young man, who just walked away. Thank you, ma'am. Yeah, forgetting you have a passenger in Uber is so funny.

He goes, dude, I was like, almost home. I almost brought this lady to my house. Tell me, happy to chat features where it's at. You get the good story. I literally can't. Couldn't disagree more. I know you're getting good stories for the pod. I get great stories.

You get good stories for the pod. But that sucks. You can set happy to chat on your Uber. Yeah, but you're still selecting comfort to get happy to chat. You don't get that option at the lower down Uber. You don't want those stories. You don't get happy to chat on UberX? No, it's just, they're going to be chatting.

I think it's default. They're not getting paid as much. They want to make their time valuable. They'll be chatting. I've chatted them up in some UberX. I've had some of the worst UberX chats of my, a guy explain his movie ideas to me. And then I felt like, we just. Just get to the end of it.

Don't interrupt. And then I noticed he had started going like 12 miles an hour. He slowed right down so that he could explain the full extent of the movie idea. His idea was to get homeless people to work in a hotel and make a documentary about it. And have the documentary. Who's your driver, Matt? That's a fucking mad idea. The homeless hotel.

Yeah, obviously. What a cruel, but they can't stay there. I don't. Yeah. We're making so much money from working in the basement for him. But also, who's choosing to stay at... When you're looking up all the Yelp reviews or the hotels or whatever, you're going, I think this homeless hotel, that's a good...

Yeah, that's a terrible idea. What else did he elaborate, anything? There was going to be a sequel. He was going to hire one as a manager. It was going to open a chain and solve homelessness in America. To be fair, man, they're already equipped. They got the shopping carts. You'd have them lined up like the Uber for your stuff.

You'd have like a line of like 20 of them. come up put them in they watch him just walk away with all of your stuff just take it immediately homeless hotel will be nice i think the answer is the military the more i think about it military military wing for the homeless they need jobs this is how mouts etung fixed the opium crisis in china he just took everyone who was an opium addict and he put them in the army and he said you have purpose you have a uniform this is what you do now i honestly don't think that's in the national guard turn them into the national guard it would be a very scary brigade they could just there's a ton of work they could do in the military that wouldn't be bad he would have

that. He took, like, insane people and criminals and shit and was just like, just go kill as many people as you can, civilians on the eastern front. Yeah, I forget the name of that. I'm thinking more like having a people. What was the name of that group? I don't know. This is the first time I'm hearing about that.

Yes, look that up. Although, like a berserkers? No, they were just the worst people and their job was to kill civilians. Well, the problem is, too, once you put homeless people in the military, now they're, they have to answer to like military court. So I think you could like beat them up and stuff. If they try to run all I think they try to run away, I think you'd be able to like

get in their face and be like, maggot. Baggett, where are you going? That became wish for filming. They'd be right back at the girls on today. I'm not a maggot. I have maggots in my skin. There's bugs everywhere. I might start a street military

like just like a like a cadre where I go out and I'm like, get up. Wake up. You'll be the pie. If you're your mother, boys. Just get to wake them off. That'd be a good service. Just to wake up homeless guys?

You got to play taps to put them to bed. You got to put them to bed at night. You got to hit taps at like noon when they're nodding out. Dan, that would be so funny. Blass him with the bugle. Wake up, boys. Welcome to hell. It just reminds me my time at the point.

Yeah, my bad. No, that's all right. There was a time. They do play taps before you go to bed. Do they? And I was laying there like, I can do this. yeah it's fucking nice dude going to bed here in taps you're like

what is tabs playing tabs they play you into bed the sad one yeah I didn't know that they they tuck you in it night what was that what was that Hitler brigade get in there

it's hard to pronounce but I think it's the Dirlwanger Brigade Dirlwangers yeah they were laid by a child the child sex criminal and sociopath

named Oscar Dirlwanger Nice So that was his group of Merry Men And what did he lead He led just like He was beating people Another group of

Yeah they would do like Rapists and Drunks And war crimes Damn And they just went around And committed war crimes In Belarus He had the pedophiles

I think that's what it is At least There's a few And what was the deal Afterwards If he survived it Was it like Clean slate

I'm not sure I'll check it out Yeah I don't think they were I don't think they were looking to the future at that point With that squad True Well anyway

That's a fun topic Yeah I always think so you think something's a good idea And it turns out Hitler did it And you go You're at a crossroad You have to either be like I take it back

Before you go Well I like the automobile You think the auto barn is cool Fast Highway We'll give them that Big stadiums That's great

We like big stadiums What? What else he got? It says after the war they were just sent back to jail. They were just reconvicted. That guy Hitler really was a bastard, huh? I don't trust the word he says. Back to the clink, fellas.

Good luck sleeping. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm sure the Soviets did that too. Everybody was scraping the barrel. True. In America was nothing but like those YouTube pedophile hunter guys being like, Hey, what the hell you doing?

Hey! He's running past the tomatoes. This episode is brought to you by Battlefield RedSec. Yes. A free-to-play FPS destination built on Battlefield's iconic DNA. Yes. Drop into Fort Lyndon for a Battle Royale only Battlefield can deliver. Mm-hmm.

Featuring massive scale destruction, fast-paced squad play in the deadliest ring in BR. Survive in advance in gauntlet. Oh, yeah. An all-new knockout style elimination mode where squad, the race to complete missions. Oh, yeah. Then redraw the lines of battle with portal. Battlefield RedSec is available on PC,

PlayStation 5, and Xbox X, and S. Play free now. I love it. I have a hoot playing that game. And is there, I think, I haven't seen any pedophile. That was, like, in my algorithm for a while.

It's kind of, like, falling out. What? The belly punch. Yeah, the belly punch. The belly punch guys. Body check into the deodorant guys. Because now we need a new task force To police those guys specifically

Hey, stop bunch of that bill for Yeah, once you get the taste of body checking somebody In the CVS That's tough to get out Checking someone into the fucking aisle It's so funny Especially when you're like Because they're watching videos of their work

So you're like studying technique You're like, I could have laid into that guy Could fucking get him harder I'm glad you guys are here You guys, I'm doing the same thing I was trying to get The kid. So nice.

They're like, yeah, are you sure? Oh, no. That would be nice to, you know, it would be good. And this would be, this would be a very delicate kind of line to walk where you go online as a joke and you try to find or entice these guys you can tell our operatives. So it'd be risky because you would have to do like lewd talk with who could be a teenager. But then, like you get trapped on purpose by one of these guys and you meet them in the Walmart. And then you have a big.

guy than him there to be like fuck you what I heard you're a fucking pedophile and like no I'm not I'm here to get the pedophiles you're talking about entrapping these guys with a squad to beat the fuck out of the pet owners for no good reason just pedophiles were just for YouTube views just so that's where my heart you want the pedophiles to get a win on one of these videos no no I don't want the pedophiles get away they are the fucking Washington generals I want I want to trick them I would hire a pedophile and I'd be yo if you got any meanups let me go and I'd be like I wouldn't I want to talk to kids like you want to be the guardian angels for The pedophiles.

No, I just want to get big YouTube views for pedophile hunter hunter, where I hunt out pedophile hunters. I like it. And then accuse them of pedophilia as a prank. Just to go, it's just a dude, relax. It's a prank. You want to rumble in the Walgreens. I don't even want to do it.

I'm going to hire a giant man. I hire like five. Yeah, exactly. And then we'd be like, we got a fuck. And you're like, yo brothers, I'm not a fucking pedophile. What the fuck? Should honestly just start doing that to random dudes at the shopping. exactly you're like you're here to meet a 15 year old be like what

it's got you're to meet a 15 year old you know now you say it that's a way better way to do it rather than you know rather than having to risk it all because you'd have to like talk to local law enforcement like hey I'm going to prank we're going to be you know pretending to talk to kids online yeah I'm going to hire like AI bots to do that for me I'm not going to do myself it's not bad well it's a terrible plan but it's a funny joke

Yeah, James, what do you have to say? No, I think the market is, because that was to catch a predator, and people just took that and made that a YouTube show. Yep. But none of the other great, weird, early 2000s TV shows that you couldn't make today have made the jump to. Like, someone could make the biggest loser now. Just get a fat house and force them to run.

You're talking about a blob farm. Yes. But there were like heaps of those shows that you go, you can't do that. We were addicted to getting the fat house. bats to shrink for a while. Oh, I would watch it. They would release it just after dinner time.

You'd be eating your dessert and you'd watch the workouts. My wife went in a deep dive on Biggest Loser and found there was someone who died on the show briefly. They were resuscitated. The biggest loser. On the biggest losers. The ultimate loser. But then they were brought back to life and the doctor said, I'll train you.

You don't do any work with these trainers now. They're trying to kill you. And then they lost more weight than anybody on the show. But everyone hated them. Maybe was she watching that? She was watching the Netflix fat people documentary. I loved that show. yeah that's awesome

but yeah so you're saying they haven't remade enough of these shows I think they're bringing back Fear Factor right now yeah who's gonna be the host I don't know

Tony I was gonna say eat that ox penis yeah you like that that'd be sick if he hosted the new Fear Factor he'd be awesome he's got to get swollen though bro

that's the only thing Tony can get Tony Swole the first time I came to awesome he was swollen his flogged yeah he's ripped for sure i do want to see him bulk yeah you can bulk up i want to see him bulk and then do fear factor that'd be sick be tight what else was there back then what shows oh in terms of like what other shows couldn't we do there were i mean there were little ones on odd channels there was like uh like wife swap oh yeah have a different woman come and live you for the week i'm still watching that there was the season of survivor where they

I watched that last night. There's a season of Survivor where they divided the tribes by race. Really? Yeah, it was Parvety's first season. There was a black tribe, white tribe, an Asian tribe and a Hispanic tribe. It was like the 15th season. What? And they divide them all up by race.

Did you catch the whole thing? I'm about halfway through it. The Asians all hate the Vietnamese guy because Asians don't get along. The black people are not. Also, none of them know before the season starts if this is what's going to be happening. So they get there and they go, all right, you're all over there. and then you see people looking around going, oh, fuck. No.

Hispanics are very happy about it. I think I remember that season. It's a great. Because there was, on the island, there was a white guy, a black guy, and an Asian guy at first. And the white guy was like, all right, I'm going to start building the shelter. The black dude, he was like, all right, you go, like, start hunting, try to gather some food. And he was like, Asian dude, go search for supplies. And after, like, three hours, they couldn't find the Asian guy.

And they went out, and he jumped out from behind a tree and went, surprise. I think his name is Cowboy He was playing tricks No, that's just a classic joke An Asian guy I think in supplies was surprised I was glad to get it That's just an old

That's a throwback joke I was like, wait what You said it with such confidence Yeah, that's part of the joke I was fully doubt it I was like That's a great joke That's a great joke

How did you hear that from Probably Phil It's about to say That sounds like the Elks Lodge Yeah that was an Elks Lodge Killer dude That was ten minutes of laughing or another round let's go boys we got a good racist joke out yeah i'll get the

well dude that was uh that vietnam book i was reading they were saying how much of an effect that just that stuff had on the war itself where like because apparently men in vietnam would hold hands it was very customary and like very chill for two men to hold hands in public and walk of your friends you hold your boy's hand you walk down the street but if you held like your wife's hand it was considered like crazy so like the uh the american soldiers would just pester those guys all the time they should call them homos like that they said in the book they're just a guy well they had a guy uh one of one of the sergeants was vietnamese and his like family had been just decimated and he'd been fighting since he was like a 10 year old boy so by the time he was like 20 something he was like

dude i'm i'm done he like just resigned he's like i'm not fighting together we're in a court marshalo and he's like i don't care and he was complaining the guy's like you guys all call us fucking homoes you know why we hold hands it's actually really cool and i'm curious now to vietnamese people still hold hands can you look up at vietnamese men still hold hands because that would be a devastating effect of the war if vietnamese that's how you know we lost yeah yeah if they're still holding hands we're still holding hands we definitely lost yeah if we i mean if that was kind of the whole point of the fight stop holding hands they still hold hands they still hold hands they will They won, bro.

We did our best. We got in there like, knock it off. Link arms. I don't mind that. Skipping down the streets of Huchemin City. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's completely. I really despise holding hands while walking.

I don't like either. I fucking hate it. Oh, I don't like it, man. You got to sink your pace up. I, dude. Sink your pace up. I get flack about holding hands all the time. I just.

I can't stand it. Especially when like, if you're going to do it up. dead fish. Women will fucking dead fish during the hold hands. I'm doing all the work here. And then somebody else is walking down the sidewalk and we got to... Yeah, I'm like, fucking get out of the way. Sing the file.

Yeah, get in front of me. I haven't gotten to do it in a long time because I'm always holding a child's hand. Yeah. And now that my daughter is almost seven and she'll do weird, she'll be like stepping on the cracks while holding the hand. We'll try not to step on the cracks. And it feels like my arm is going to get yanked out of the socket. Or she wants to be lifted in the air and do a swing with the...

The no warning, like, I'm going to swing from your arm shit, makes me so angry. It's like walking a dog when they run. Dude. Fucking kills. It hurts. It's the exact same thing. You just feel complete dead weight. Then I'm like, you can't do that.

I get so mad. And they're like, just having fun. I don't know why you're being such a dick about this. It's like, dude, that fuck. That sucks when you do that. It hurt your father's shoulder. You do feel like a bitch where you're like, Vietnamese? Click on my hands.

What do you VC? I do feel like a bitch because she's having. a nice type she's having an expressing you know she's expressing love to man and i go just be normal walk like a normal person get off me all right you're ready for australia with that fucking do true that crow boy the real crow boy it'll grow back it'll grow back it'll be i just wanted a normal mullet i didn't know i froze up because i think there was a very muscular woman cutting the hair could have been a trans person i don't no judgment no for sure i don't know i don't know what happened if you shave that beard.

Yeah, better or worse? No, I'm just saying. I wouldn't be throwing around that. Could be trans. Oh, you think I'll be trans if I get on my beard? I'm saying, you got the fucking Starbucks do right now. You got the fucking barista. We've got an outreach to the progressives.

We've got to expand the audience. You got the complete barista. They gave me a neck massage afterwards. I didn't ask for it. It's kind of nice, though. They put a warm towel on me and got a machine out and stuff. But it was... That's nice.

As I felt sad about my hair. And I was, Paul. I was very upset, but then I realized my mouth could be seen through the towel. She wrapped the towel around my face and I thought my expression was hidden. Then I realized my mouth was twisted into a disgusted. Just a grimace. And I closed it up. Did they ask you to go down that far? Did you go like, because that's like a two. This was the first thing they did. They just want damn. And then there was, I couldn't say stuff now. Welcome to the resistance brother. I like it. I do like it. It looks good. I am waiting for it to

grow. I think it's sick. I think it's fucking thing. I get the wings at the back. The worst is that they took photos of me. I said yes. I think I'm on their Instagram page somewhere. Oh no. She goes and lovely, lovely lady. Lovely lady. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it.

But they go, I don't know if they post it. Do you want it before and after? I couldn't. I don't. I looked up open now on a Sunday. I tried to hide how upset I was. It was in this town or another. It was in this town. I tried to get, I tried to go and get when I was in, I don't know, Tacoma.

And then I sat for an hour and I had to go to the airport. It's a bit of a Tacoma, too. I'd listened in Tacoma, waiting for a haircut, and then I just had to leave because the car was there. But this man was complaining about his girlfriend and how she was recovering from a C-section. Yeah. Men open up in her barbershop, and they tell you how they really feel.

It was the least sympathetic man I've ever overheard. He was literally complaining. My wife's recovering from a C-section, she can't walk, and she's getting angry at me for going skiing too much. I need to go ski. so I can be there for a family. Was he getting his haircut? Yeah.

Yeah. There's nothing bothers me more because I'm dead silent during a haircut, which I guess is psychotic. I look at myself in the eyes the entire time. It's kind of fucking crazy.

I think it was a bodybuilding woman. But then there's somebody else. There's always a loud fucking douche. A very loud man. There's always a loud douche. The barber can't go shut up. Yeah. The barber has to go,

oh, it's hard about not being able to ski while your wife recovers from. Yeah, I don't tell them shit, man. I'm a vault. I'll tell you. I had a lot. a bit of a bad haircut myself. I shaved my mustache and I forgot how small my mouth was.

I forgot I don't have an upper lip. You know, they can fix that. As soon as I, yeah, I should get lip injections. It's almost time. Shave my mouth and I was like, oh, fuck. Fuck, I forgot I looked like this. I just wanted my face to look, you know, I wanted less features. Why? Because I have a completely featureless face. I feel this is, I feel. My beard and my glasses are doing a lot to help me in.

That's nice. But as, yeah, you've got the Irish small nose, big head, small features. Yeah, it's tough. It's all face. I need my goat now. Fuck you laughing at, Nate. Ugly fuck. We don't know what Nate really looks like.

I've never seen Nate's chin. Yeah, I don't even know what it looks like anymore. Do we have pics with you with a butt face? With me and my butt face? No, I'm saying, like, when you shave, it's called a butt face. No, he was skinny before the beard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't grow this out of fatness.

I'd love to see, I'd like to see that chin under the way. Oh, it's definitely. I want to see what's going on. Clean, I can feel it. You're not ugly, by the way. You're a handsome. Clean shaving is called a butt face.

That's a universal. I wasn't calling your face a butt face. I thought you thought I. No, no, clean shaving face is called a butt face. Okay, okay. I think I will look good. That's universal. I have to, I have to admit while I was shaving.

I did. You hit it? Wait. You did the Alex Johns? You just got hit it for one second. I go, oh, it's too powerful. It's too powerful. It was actually an accident.

I just... I just accidentally did it and I was like, oh, shit. No, every time. Yeah. I've given it to myself many, me. You do have. You're...

It really works. It's one of my better moustaches. Mullen with a Hitler stash would be fucking crazy. Hitler with a beard combo would be nice too because you're like, well, I have a beard. I'm not fucking... I'm taking away its power. Yeah.

I'm an ally. Yeah, true. That's a good point. The wife wouldn't allow it, I don't think. But I do like to come out and show her. Let me show her. Yeah. Yeah. Always. I've been cursed, man. I have a scar right here, so my mustache doesn't connect. So I can never, can't get it.

Never feel the true power. Never felt the power. Never stepped in. Well, you start doing the speeches in the no, no, no, it was quick. It was very quick. I looked at it. Whoa. Because it was accidental. I got the accidental stash. You started on the end, started shaving down the ends. You went, wait a second. Whoopsie. Wait a goddamn second here. Plus, it's the epic return of Mayor of Kingstown. Warden? You know who I am. Starring Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner.

I swear in these walls. Emmy Award winner Edie Falco. You're an ex-con who ran this place for years. And now, now you can't do that. And Bafto Award winner Lenny James. You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town. Let me tell you this. It's got to be consequences.

Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus. You know what's better than the world. One big thing? Two big things. Exactly. The new iPhone 17 Pro on TELUS' five-year rate plan price lock. Yep, it's the most powerful iPhone ever, plus more peace of mind with your bill over five years. This is big.

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro at TELUS.com slash iPhone 17 Pro on select plans. Conditions and exclusions apply. I can't believe you negged my dream the other day. I mean. Open up for Shane told him. I had a nice dream, dude. I had a dream. It was, usually my dreams are all like, you know, I'm in like a scary house that's all fucked up.

This was me just chilling in a nice shop, eating an ice cream cone. I had a dream. I wonder what that means. The scary house? I don't know, dude. I'm in the same house. It's a worn down, fucked up house in a bad neighborhood. You've never been in this house before?

I mean, I mean, it reminds me of Mellon Street. What I used to live in this house in West Philly. It reminds me of it, but it's not that, you know, it's like a slight, like, you know, whatever. But it's, that's my recurring dream. I finally got a break and I was just eating an ice cream cone and there's the lady who made me the ice cream cone was like

describing when I was about to find there's a chocolate ice cream cone she goes oh there's peanut butter in there and I'd bite and go ooh there is peanut butter and I just ate the ice cream cone it was a pleasant dream Shane's like dude

you're a fucking pervert it's a sexual dream clearly that was my only pleasant dream I've ever had that wasn't all wait did Shana Peter you in the dream in the dream the service or no no he called me

to let me know about it I was just telling him about my peanut butter ice cream dream I was like You're being down about men holding hands, but you're calling people with your ice cream drink? I could never. We were talking about other stuff. We were talking for a while. He called me during my constitutional.

He was taking a constitutional. I had just gotten done mine. And yeah, I was just like, I was like, dude, you'll never believe it. I had like an actual plain, like, dog dream of just eating a cone. Pause. But it was just eating an ice cream cone and it was just so enjoyable. It was like, it was not sexual. It was like, it was not sexual.

It was purely... What did the woman look like? I don't even remember. It was like a shadow. I swear to God. It was a shadowy figure Just being like There you know there's peanut butter in there

As soon as you'd say it I'd bite the cone and go There is peanut butter She kept just giving me Anything she would Any treat she would mention Would just pop up She was completely non-sacial

Satiating you It's completely non-sexual Dude sweet treats Clearly I was focused on the ice cream cone More than anything So it was nice I had a good one for you

This was making me laugh And I don't think it's gonna be that funny I just wrote it down of my notes pretty late one night this week. I thought it was very funny, but I don't think it'll translate to sobriety. But I was laughing at me going to a Halloween party in a Braveheart outfit. And paparazzi getting a upskirt from the kilt, getting, stepping out and just having the sitting upright tinnis in a kilt, the sitting upright penis.

getting the Lindsay Lohan basically and then try to defend myself and the skirt keeps blowing up so there's just pictures the skirt up with the brave heart face paint the classic Marilyn Monroe be so nice

if you're over the great just down in Monroe Tinas like it would be the most devastating getting out of a car sitting upright picture of my penis would be it's also so funny

just a free ball under the kilt for no reason you got free ball dude there's a musician in Australia called Kieran J. Callanan, who went to an award show and wore a kilt. And, you know, you go press the press photography and they're all taking pictures. And someone goes, lift the kilt. And he does it. And he showed his penis. Beautiful penis. But the fury on the left was huge. What? The left was mad. The left was really mad that he flashed his penis.

Was the left who asked him to flash it, obviously. Well, as the photographer. But people started lying. People started saying kids were there. Kids could have seen that penis. It was the first time I realized that many progressives are afraid of the penis. There is a fear. You know, it's always get the nipples out to show the woman body, but a penis is somehow threatening.

People are afraid of our bodies. Also, why would there be kids that are in a war? No, they definitely weren't. This is an insane. It's the Nickelodeon. It was a Nick Joseph words. People were getting slimed in a different way.

Show us your dick. You want to see your dick. Take your dick out. Yeah, it's all the person who asked. Somebody asked to see it, and he showed him. Photos came out, and all of them were censored. No one other than that saw the real penis. Yeah.

But I remember he had to apologize for having his penis out at an award show. There should be more penises at awards shows, I think. That seems like a decent apology, though. To say sorry? Forget my dick. Sorry my dick was out at the award show. We had a long history. I say sorry my dick was out any time it's out.

We had a long history of people getting their dicks out at that award show. I go, I'm really sorry my penis is out. I think we should normalize. That's gay, too. Full frontal malnity. I'm from a, I did a lot of comedy festivals. Fringe festivals. It was a very important part of the show to get the penis out at some point in the show.

That's how people knew that you were taking risks and doing exciting things. Really? Dan Rathbone would get his penis out, Dr. Brown. Goliere trained clown. He would get his penis out a lot. It was huge. And in America, no one ever gets the, no one, I've never seen anyone. Bobby Lee's still holding it down sometimes.

You gets a dick out on stage? Yeah. It's a less threatening. No. Yeah. It's not very threatening. But he's taking chances. My whole one gets, dog.

That's a good move. Material's not working. You go, I got this old base of my sleeve. He's ready to see a wild looking dick. I thought it would be funny to record a comedy special shot from the waist. You come out, you do the whole hour. It's all shot from the waist up. The dick is out the whole show.

And then in the final shot, the good night, everybody. You pull back and you reveal the penis has been out the whole time. And that maybe explains how the audience is reacting for the rest of the. Wouldn't that be a fun? I'll never do it. It is funny. It is funny. People screaming mad the entire show.

But you never address it. You just keep doing the act. Yeah. The cuts to the audience be hilarious if the audience is going. I did. I started, I've never had an erection on stage before. I don't, I don't think. Yeah, nobody has.

No, but I did a gig in Omaha and a woman stood up, a very drunk woman. And she got her boobs out. for no real reason and then later she did it again i was questioning why she wasn't removed after the first time but people left her there and there was a slight you must have been killing dude yeah people have taken their tits out it's the sort of thing you always hope is going to happen and then it does and you go now it's not the time yeah i'm trying to you've actually ruined the anecdote who who is she with uh very embarrassed man oh no i had to kick a lady out this weekend I had a kick an elderly lady out.

What if she doing? Well, hold on. Did you get hard? Yeah, true. It was the very faintest. You pulse. I had a, there was, it moved. There was a pulse.

Of course, the body cannot help, but a woman is standing and doing and showing. Is she attracted? She was a long way away. I would imagine no. Yeah, I feel like I get adrenaline. I just saw tits while I was doing stand up. I did that. I tried not to, I said, madam.

Put your tits away. But it was a. I couldn't believe they left it. The gentleman should have jumped in front of her tits. Yeah. Should have blocked and say, come on. Excuse me. Taking the bullet for the president.

Yeah, usually a lady flashing her tits in public is not great. Yes. Yeah. But I think if it had only happened one time, I would have been fine. I could have moved on. But then when it repeated, she just kept standing up and pulling them out. It happened to me in Westchester. Tits flashed.

I was walking past the bar. and I was with O'Connor and we were walking by and I guess people in there saw me and they're like, come in, come in, come in. So we were like, all right, we'll come in for one and a lady just ran outside and showed her tits.

Whoa. And she wasn't, it wasn't great. Yeah. It was terrible. That stinks. It was actually like scary. Yes. Yeah.

But if you think that that would be very nice. You know? I mean, how are you supposed to even respond? Like somebody on the street showing you their tits, you go, all right. Yeah. Nice. Good job.

Thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah, really, there's a lot. There's no way to be like, oh, cool. Great tits. Yeah, nice job. Thank you. You got to like, and then like, well, you get what you're supposed to chat that person up or just be like?

Yeah, just literally just walked as fast as I could, pastor. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, that's devastating. If you showed your tits and the person was like, anyway. I wish I had another set of hands. It's like, give those tities. Pull a thumbs down.

The milk's gone bad. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry, man. What do you want me to do with that? that oh titty fuck you right here thank you on the street should have for real called the cops like sir i've just been flashed it's against the law yeah sir i'd like to report a sexual crime my girlfriend was with me and she was mad really i was nothing to be mad at she was a yeah

she was nasty yeah well although i'd be furious if a dude showed his dick to my girlfriend I guess the equivalent for a dude would just be butt cheeks. Yeah, if he just showed his butt cheeks, I'd be fucking pretty peeved. Yeah, but if it was a hideous butt, you'd go. Fuck out. Kick him on the ass. Kick his ass. Dude, if someone presented their hideous ass to my wife, yeah, that would be really mixed feelings about that.

You'd laugh. That'd be a good time. I don't know. I might be upset. If I was walking and there was just a big, hairy butt presented to my wife, I'd be like, sir, I might get a little resentful and like, sir. We're talking to an Arab butt. An air of butt, yeah.

A full beard. A little scarab beetle. A scuttle butt. We're talking about a guard dog butt. Talk about red long hair. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with having a big red hairy butt.

You got a cleverer? There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with having. it but if it just got presented you can't show it dude no i keep it discreet yeah you keep it you got a hairy butt you know i i suppose not globally but i it more hairy than it used to be yeah it gets a hair yeah it's because we've talked about that you don't touch those hairs they've been growing since the fucking 2002 i'm not getting it waxed no i'm not having any man so what was it at first just like ball hair that moved up and now you're getting ass cheek hair

yeah yeah You get the ball head. You get the tuft. I get the tuft up here. It's the shaft here that I want to know what's the top of the crack? Like a butt, yeah, like a rabbit tail. A little tuft, yeah.

My dad always called an ass hair extension. My, I have a pretty hairless butt though. My, my, like, we're blessed with Irish being in it. True.

We do have a hairless Irish butts. We're like those cats with no hair. Hors. We're like those cats with no hair. Yeah. But yeah, no, I had a lady.

I didn't kick a lady out. I felt terrible. was like an older lady she just wouldn't stop talking and they had to be like all right dude like for real you have to go and i always give a lot of chances and i eventually was like dude you're pissing everyone off you got to go and she was like acting like i don't give a fuck i'm like well just beat it then she was like i'm a pillar of my community i'm not started tearing up and i was like instantly i fold i go oh never mind ma'am you can stay and then they're like the bouncer's like now fuck it we're getting her out of here

and her husband tried to stay and i kicked him out of here you fucking piece of shit Get out of here. No way. I always encourage the male. The male to stay. Yeah, but that lady couldn't be out there by herself. She was going to cause problems. I'm like, get out there, bro.

That's your problem. Go deal with that. Let her cause problems. Sean was on stage this week and I removed a man from the room. Did you? It was a very drunk child. He seemed very young. He might have been of age.

And he was drunk before he got there. But it was at the Velvita room. And Sean, he had been very chatty during my set. And then he was saying bizarre things to you. he didn't like you at all so i took him out and he you have that effect on people front it up yeah i'm not very likable he was getting rid of fight he puffed his butt hairs at you oh yeah he gave me a little he didn't do like a fake i'm gonna hit you but he did he made himself large he was is it squabbling up yeah he brist he started to bristle but what'd you do

how'd you get him out i said i asked the audience to give him a round of applause i thought that would soften the blow and i said we got to come on personally kicked him out yeah no one else was someone else was running the bar and then it was me and he left what was he saying to you he kept calling me a bitch and say this is a problem

yeah that sucks to him calling me a bitch yeah he kept calling me a bitch and he was just mad I couldn't even really guess why he was so mad the woman he was with was very upset yeah I think that's I think I kind of went too hard at that well dude there's a lot of young guys

I wasn't mean but I was like a lot of guys on coke at the shows I've noticed I was saying hi to people after the shows. Oh, yeah. You want to do some blow? No, thanks. Yeah.

I don't even get asked, but you look at these dudes. You're like, damn, bro, you're gagged out. You catch the fucking, like, the white ring around the nostrils. It's like, young guy. I was with you in Pittsburgh where a guy wanted to do. Yeah. Blah. He was very upfront about it.

Yeah, yeah. You get that a lot. You were very discreet. You said, thank you so much. I'm doing it right now. I'm not joking. I get offered Coke at 90% of the bars I go to. every time

every time someone goes yo yo come on man it's a blow come on me it's such a funny way I'm not even doing

shots I'm enjoying a couple of bruskees come on now no cocaine take it easy boys I mean you know once in a blue moon I'll go

yeah yeah yeah let's see what happens and then uh severe depression kicks in yeah it's good stuff

yeah that's that's the it's really all it does yeah just makes you it pretty say you're fun you're having a good time for a minute and then just sad yeah sounds not sounds not fun

I'm glad Sean's got off of it he had a bad problem with it Sean had a real issue with it every fucking other week he was like yeah I did some coke glad he's clean up his act I was really worried about it's time to clean it up what would your mommy and daddy say

they'd be devastated no their little Sean was down here snoring up lines like he's scarface thinking he's a tough guy around town someone's gonna show them this No one's going to show them, Russ. Someone, someone. Well, you beat the habit.

They're going to be proud of you. They're going to say, our sons are recovering. They're going to believe you. There's moles out there in my family friends and just circles that tell my parents everything. Yeah. That's said about them. That stinks. Yeah.

My dad gets reports. So, whenever I say anything gay about my dad and he hears about it. What's that? Whenever I say anything gay involving my dad, it'll eventually, like, two months later, he'll be like, heard you're saying a bunch of weird stuff. yeah yeah yeah you're talking about some weird shit you were saying I'm like I don't what are you talking about

and I'll have to go back I'm like oh fuck yeah my bad yeah they all they all listen and then you go please stop listening it's like I miss you it's the only time I get to hear your voice and goes dead it's a classic mystery it's comedy 101 I saw that that was nice

I was like grandma that was like grandma that was good stuff right there This episode is brought to you by prize picks. You and I make decisions every day, Matt, but on prize picks, being right, can get you paid, baby. Don't forget, prize picks is also available in 40 plus states, including Texas, California, and Georgia.

Make sure to check it out. Download the app and get your basketball picks in today. With the basketball season starting, some players have been looking real scary on the court. Please riff about any players and picks you might take. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh, I like, Vijay Edgecom has been very fun to watch.

Yeah, I can see that. He's a young fellow on the, on the Philadelphia 76ers, and I like watching him. I would like to pick him. Oh, I'd like to pick Anthony Edwards. That's, I would just go with him, yeah. I'm feeling spooky today, so I'm going to mix that basketball pick with a football pick. That's spooky. That makes sense.

Let's go with Kay. Oh, they wanted me to say Cam Scataboo. He's been a menace, but he got severely injured this past week. Oh, no. So they were wrong. Oh, yeah, you've got to take that back. Hmm. So who would you go with instead of Cam Skeeter?

Matt, you've missed your line, dude. Yeah, these picks are spooky as, I would say, a giant skeleton, the 10-foot skeletons. Those are spooky. Oh, boy. Those picks are as scary as 10-foot skeletons. Yeah. Download the Price Picks app today and use Code Drench

to get $50 in lineups after your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 in lineups if you play your first $5 lineup. Price Picks. It's good to be right. take it away matt guys here's where you can see me perform live i'll be uh off the hook comedy club in naples florida 117 118 that's gonna be fun comedy on state madison wisconsin i believe the i believe friday sold out we'll see but 1114 1115 come to that and then the funny bone

comedy club syracuse new york 1219 1220 guys please come that i have a i'm gonna announce a larger tour very soon so oh that's exciting yeah stay november 7th i'll be in san francisco november 8th'll be in sacramento come on y'all please oh november 1st and 2nd i'll be in buffalo november 5th oklahoma city and then the next night Tulsa then huntsville nashville and washington dc and then asleep please come to optimum noctus november 4 please optimum noctus november 4th in the cave. Thank you very much. Thank you. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween.

Tomorrow. Very spooky laugh, Sean. It was Halloween night. I just want to have a little friend. Jines. Jai. Fend out this week. Fully activated them. I found out I was talking to an LSU fan.

Is it LSU, the Louisiana? LSU just lost, didn't they? They did lost and they fired their coach and they paid him $54 million. dollars but i found out about what the the music they would play suck that tiger suck that they bring out a tiger yeah and and a hundred thousand people scream suck that tiger dick bitch it's very catchy it's a good song but it's i didn't the variance of the i mean at notadame they lift people up and they take a little child and they lift it up and down they say well well no name's a you know good family friendly school yeah this isn't fucking louisiana suck that tiger dick bitch it's very

catchy and they banned it and then i found out lamar what's his name odel odell beckham yeah there was a man who used to play for them he went and conducted the band and paid the fine because he was so he wanted to hear them scream mac if he did it at game to i did it's pretty fun all he did was sing the opening notes yeah he knew he knew what he knew what he knew what but no their coach they fired was brian kelly yes he used to be notre dame's coach and now he has 54 million he said i'm going to go somewhere else where I can compete and to win a national title and I can't do it here at no day and he went to LSU and he stunk he shit the bed yeah didn't they just I just saw him lose terribly the game was on this weekend you know what you'd like they have a the governor of louisiana

gave like a press conference about it it's I had no idea he sounded the way he does he's got full Creole does he really what we need to do here I find new coach now yeah I call down his money's going from the people to it's incredible C.J. It's C.J. Lander, who's a big LSU fan, and he told me about Coach O. Actually, I think the governor's name is Landry. Well, I'm sure there are, he's part of the noble French families of that state. But this, Coach O wants to come back. I love this man. Who's that real jacked up? Yeah, you should. Oh, yeah. He's got the Creole as well.

We need him. Oh, Traudor. Yeah, go to toggle. Turn to the press conference here. But he was, I think he was laying with women, which was. I saw the photo. Which was pretty awesome. Students. Some students. Turns out a lot of those. SEC coaches. I've heard rumblings.

Oh, no. They're not afraid to kiss some of the students. Really? Some of the Southern bells. It's tough. Allegedly. Actually. Well, it's also because, like, I could see them being like, babe, I'm on the road.

It's like, we live there. You're kissing the girls where we live. You're like, well, okay. Now that you bring that up. I guess you got a point there. Yeah. Kiss the coach. I'm not accusing anybody, but Lane Kiffin took a very interesting photo.

Let me say. he took uh he took some hot yoga on campus i believe yeah they got to bring those guys to guantanamo bro i've look i've done hot yoga before and i've never had good intentions i'll be honest no of course perving the entire time i needed someone to put a sack over my head and drag me out on instagram brada it's a real bad man yeah yeah man i mean it's yeah man it's yeah man it's yeah man it's yeah man it's yeah in there. Good Lord.

I've been down that, I've been down that horny path before. It does it a lot. It's funny in the class, too, they will say, guys,

they'll be like, everyone eyes forward and you're just like, ooh, my bad. Do they say that in the class? Yeah. No accusations to the kiff, man.

Obviously. Obviously. We got our eye on you right now. Posting the yoga pick is the hot yoga pick. Did he post that or if someone posted that? Bruh. Thirst trap.

I believe he posted that. Damn. He's got a tight body, though. Yeah, he's shredded. He shredded. Definitely. I guess he'd be an ectomorph, I believe.

No, perhaps. It's probably an ectomor if I had a guess. Or maybe endo, I forget. A bit of an honor. I'm on a, I'm on a powerlifting journey right now. That's awesome. Yeah, I've been beefing with my wife. I really think my T's getting raised from power, powerlifting.

Oh, good. She's been like, dude, what the fuck? She's been more angry. She's been getting, yeah, I've been, dude, I've been laying down the wall. Laying down the law. She's really, she's pissed at me as you speak. I was, I don't even know what was going on. I was just like, I was asking her order Uber Eats for me on the, like, when we were coming back.

And I was like, do you get this? And there was like an option they couldn't do to customize. And she's like, we already ordered it because I was like, fuck that. I'll just go to Sprouse and grab food. She already ordered it. And I looked at her phone. She had hit by, but you got to hit like two more things. And I was like, you're lying.

You didn't buy it. You can hit back. She was like, why are you saying I'm lying? I was like, I don't know. But yeah, I'm jacked out. Maybe that's where your dream came from. Ice cream? Just a woman just giving you whatever treats you wanted.

No, you know what it's probably now that you... Meanwhile, you're struggling with Grubhub, you know? Could be. Although there is a thing called ice cream matching, which you eat ice cream to like bowl. Could be that too. I've been doing that for some time. It's probably that. Yeah, now that you mentioned it.

I'm getting down to the ice cream parlor. Really? Lovely waffle cones. It's a good walk with the children and then you have a little ice cream. Stuff with kids because you're like, let's get you guys a treat. We'll get you guys a treat. It's good time I'm home. Nise's nephews, I'm like, dude, you guys want to go to fucking Dairy Queen?

let's go i've only been to dairy queen once and i didn't realize that they did that for everybody the uh the milkshake upside down i just thought it was an incredible display of faith in the product but they all do this i can't think of another fast food place where they give you a little show the blizzard the way out the door blizzards are nice too yeah blizzards rule fucker blizzards did you see the man who went to get a mcflurry and they told him the mixing machine was broken they're always fucking broken but then he sneaks back there and he uses the mixing machine and goes,

oh, is it broken? No. That's got to be staged. How the fuck do you get back? Actually, you could probably get past there. You just walk right? Because no one's at the counter anymore because it's all the screens.

Yeah. Videos of the people jumping through the drive-thru window. Yes. That's a good trend lately. They jump back there and they play loud music and they just dance with all the fast food employees. Did you have the trend here where people were buying soft serve ice creams and then throwing them through the window?

Fire in the hole. That was old school, dude. My friends participated in that. It's not right. It's not right. Actually, I did not participate, but they took my mom's car. And I got in trouble for it. Did a fire a hole?

They do have cameras. And they go, there's the license plate. Send the cops to his house. Damn. Mom, it wasn't me. They took my car. I was like 20. Yeah, that was, I don't think we ever did a firing hole.

There could have been one. I don't know. Yeah, you got a, the biggest. soda you can get. Yep. You get like a 68 ounce fucking coat. It might after. After CKY came out, it must have happened.

Yeah. It's like an epidemic for sure. So mean. CKY hit the fucking throwing a body off a bridge under car to cars. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah, that's really dangerous.

Yeah, they would just make a dummy, throw it over a bridge so it would hit a car when it was coming by. Who's CKY? Bamar Jar Jar Jarrett. It was like their early video of their stunts. shopping cart you know shit like like rolling yeah it was awesome i used to throw golf balls in the highway that's fun that's not a good one that's a bad one that's a real bad one it's fun when you're a kid it's fun snowballs was the best snowballs i mean we've covered it i think a million times but

unbelievable hitting cars of snowballs yeah fucking rules so fun to get out and chase you you got to run away it is funny because i know a couple people have gotten tackled and i witnessed a guy getting his ass kicked but i was i was in the car as the adult and this guy got out and was like fuck that and we just chase his kid down and just push his face in the snow made him cry nice yeah it's pretty fucked how much are you allowed to retaliate against a child because you got to be able to do something you guys watch the guy kick their ass i think you can kick a kid's ass you guys wash them you know how you know when there's like a gang of children and you think that's a risk if i get into a fight with this gang of children i think some of them are 14 yeah if i win the fight i look

very bad or if i even do any damage in the fight if they beat me up that's much worse you Just body, body, you gotta just go to the body the whole time. Yeah. It was on, it was on site. When I was like, growing up, we were like walk down the street and like older kids are drive by, call us names. If you, like, threw something at their car, they'd pop the doors and chase you down and they'll beat your ass.

So I think there's something good about that. Yeah. Suppose you have like young punks. If they're like young punks doing stuff, you can get out of the car, I think and just whoop their ass. Yeah. It's good. Their parents will probably side with you.

Back then for sure. Yeah. Now, I don't know. Now they're pressing chariologists. Yeah. If you whip the young punk's ass now, I think. Yeah, their mom would be all up in your face. I was, I was looking into Curtis Slewa.

Who did? The guy running for mayor in New York. Yes, yeah. He might be one of the funniest people alive. I didn't, I didn't realize, breakfast club interview yesterday. What? He fucking rules.

I didn't know what you did the breakfast club. He did, dude, he's awesome on it. He also, he kind of makes you want to vote for him. Really? Yeah, he's pretty, he's hilarious. He got shot by, he was, talking shit on the Gotti's he had like an AM radio show where he would just be like he would talk about the mob in New York like it was sports he would like cover it he would just name

everybody he'd be like this is the guy this is the restaurant they blew up yeah this is what they're like he just he knew everything and uh so one day Gotti sent a bunch of guys with baseball bats to his house and they beat him they beat him with bats dude then he kept doing it so they had a guy pretend to be a cab driver wait outside his house pick him up and turn around and fucking shoot him. He got shot five times and jumped out of the cab. According to him, out of the window of the cab. This guy rules.

Yeah, he's a fucking man. And I didn't know he's running too. Here's the thing that tops it off. He was a night manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx. Unbelievable. You don't talk about fire in the hole. Yeah. That's fucking, that might be the worst job I've ever heard.

It's unbelievable. And so that's where he, so he founded the Guardian Angels because they had, uh, like, They started defunding police back then. I think it was the 70s or 80s. So there was no cops on the subways at night. So everyone in the Bronx was just getting really fucked up. So his night shift crew and him, Mickey D's workers, after they clocked out,

would ride the subway trains and fuck people up that were out of line, dude. They rule. He rules. What's the fucking rules. Yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, dude, the bad attack is hilarious. And he loves animals. that he hates kill shelters he's like that's one of my platforms we're shutting that down oh that's awesome he's adopted 17 cats i think it's a lot of cats a lot of cats dude yeah he's the man new york

doesn't deserve him they won't get behind they won't rally around this great man yeah that's kind of bullshit but he's gonna it's gonna cost quomo the election because he won't drop out quomo's no way quomo will win anyway if he dropped out there'd be a chance you think yeah because i think most of the people that would vote. He, Slee was running as a Republican. Yeah, I got you. Most of them would side with Cuomo over. Mamdani. Mamdami. Mammie. Oh, Mamdami. Yeah. My, I think Mamdami probably will win. Yeah, definitely. I don't, I don't, I don't know. It's got all the celebs back in him, dude. I know. I didn't like, man. I think it's cool when comedians support politicians publicly. Yeah, I just think he's a fucking cry baby, dude. It's a cry baby. I saw him

cry baby and I was like what was he cry baby oh 9-11 9-11 cry baby I'm like bro shut up man oh just like dude we have problems I get it that must have sucked at the time but also like bro way to make 9-11 all about you man like I just don't like that shit it's 20 years ago man you got stuffed in a locker because you know people didn't understand the difference in the middle east I don't know I mean that'd be yeah I get it it wasn't my dad my dad had the terrorist hunting permit on his bumper for a while. But I didn't bully any Indian kids after 9-11.

A lot of Indian guys love to fucking cry about post 9-11. It's like, dude, we were all hurting, all right? I had one difficult post-9-11 moment at school. What happened to you? I mean, we were all finding out about what Islam was at the same time. It hadn't been a real cause to know

about it. And I think my mom said, you know, she was trying to do a nice thing, but she didn't really, she said something like you know it's not all Muslims but she didn't know the word for it the Muslims who were so she said there's you know there's the good Muslims and there's the Allah Muslims she was just associating she's going the Allah Muslims and there was a Muslim girl at our school I said to her you're a Muslim or one of these Allah Muslims she goes no we love Allah and I was that point I was like

I can't believe this girl is allowed to be here with us she's an Allah Muslim everybody did you need charge against her I just I was shocked and I her know i don't think that's good i would have been in this you know year seven you six i was 12 11 8 it's so important i've never even thought of you as a young boy before that's so fun to think about it's just this it's this no it's this is a more relaxed version yeah oh are you one of those ala muslims yes i love allah get out of here just seemed like a safety problem yeah that was the one thing though

when I saw him hitting that it was like bro come on man hit me with some city plans don't hit me with 20 years ago fucking I look forward to seeing his grocery store actually the thing that got me furious I didn't realize they want to shut down

gifted and talented programs at public schools that's one of his policies you have a poor school you have a poor school for a poor kids you get one kid who's like I like reading and I'm good at maths.

And so you just, you have one teacher at these schools usually who can go, all right, you're the only one who wants a future we're going to try

and give it to you. Yeah. And they're going to shut it down. That's his plan. I mean, this is. Because I guess he's saying it's not. Yeah,

he's probably going to give it to like free lunch program and said. I mean, what? Was that a fart? Is it an excitement part of free lunch? Free lunch.

Fart. He farted off the free lunch. What the hell was that? That was nothing. Well, Mary, He definitely love Mom Dami. I don't know.

I don't like him. You don't like him? No. What the hell? He's out of nowhere. He's out of nowhere? He's just random. He's just random.

He's just random. He's just out of nowhere. I don't like him. He's out of nowhere. He's mad new. He's too new. Why? He's green.

He's just too new. Yeah, he's green. That's what Sleeva hit him with. He's green. Slewa hit him with it in the debate. Sliwa was dominating the debate. Yeah, they, I only heard like secondhand accounts. He was like, you could write down all of Mamdami's accomplishments on a single napkin.

You could write, you couldn't write down all of Cuomo's failures if you had the entire New York public library. Everyone was like, oh, because everyone hates Cuomo. So Slewa's kind of like, Slewa's not going to win. So he's kind of everybody's boy. Everyone's like, dude, fuck yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I honestly, I don't know anything. No, the, for the public growth.

grocery store i'll be interested to see how that works out because i'm not inherently against it i just want to see if it works i know they've tried this a bunch of times and i feel like it's kind of ended disastrously but i'm curious to see if you can get the like because i don't know what that would do to like you know a private grocery store if you're just like yeah we got apples for fucking 47 i mean you just have the one affordable butter i'm sure there's there's got be a requirement to be able to get access to the free grocery store true which will probably just be snap which is isn't that all right already it's winding up i don't know anything about it government is still shut down still

shut down you're talking about the democrat shut down yes every day trump's working so hard during the government should the democrat shut down yeah dude japan gave him some golf clubs he's fired up i got i saw one of the white house things they put out i think they did like an every day i'm hustling thing which is trump walking around the halls they really need to during the government they really need just stop making fucking hype videos. So many heart things. The ice hype videos bother me so much. Yeah.

Well, it's just funny too. Like if say like, you know, you're fucked from the shutdown to just like all of a sudden get like a cool song with Trump walking through the hallway and be like, never mind. We got this. This is sick. Yeah, never mind. It's so tight. I don't need to eat in November.

But yeah, public grocery store. I'll be curious. One of the, one of the elections for. isn't that cut isn't that wouldn't that be November it could be a good move for the Dems to keep the shutdown going

yeah I mean whatever it takes I can't go to our sweet national parks yeah yeah that's right on the serious complaints will run out

I think you can definitely go during the election yeah I think they run out in November it's a good move to keep those clothed and get people out the vote. So what? It's a classic move. Starve the poor. Starve the poor. It's a classic. Get them out the vote. They need to stop the violence of vote. Yeah, true. Dang, that'd be crazy if it really was like that level of tactics where it's like we're going to start hitting like medieval French shit. It truly probably is.

Just starve, get some people, some people hangaring. Yeah, because I was listening. The hangary populace would be. I think Democrats are honestly voting for the shutdown. That's weird, man. I think a few of them are to make sure it's still going. I could be wrong because I don't think the Republicans have enough votes to keep the shutdown going I mean it does require a few

Democrats to vote whatever I don't again the Republicans are voting to pass it you need 60% is my understanding yeah yeah what I've seen is that I don't know well I think the pubs were like

yo let's there's a bill they're trying to do and the Dems are like no we need you know we need to fire the all that's I think the stuff they took out from Doja or like fire that shit back up

so I don't fucking know either. But if, if, if that is the case, where it's some classic, like, let the people get a little hungry. I don't know. That'd be pretty fucked. I think air traffic controllers are going to have to start working for free? Really? That was, I think that was the next step. No. It's not good. That's a bit of a difficulty. I'm guessing it'd be a big I with you. I guess they'd get their money. Which is a big lump sum? Well, good luck to everybody, dealing with the government shutdown. Is the government shutdown still costing us flyovers? That's the real thing.

I'm not worried about the hungry, the 40 million people... They'll figure it out. Not getting food. But it is flyovers for sure. I need flyovers. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. That's bullshit. And I also, I need war with Venezuela.

Those are the things I need. Yeah. We're gonna, we're thinking we're... Dude, remember I said we're going to go to war with the cartels? That's not Venezuela, but they're talking like cartel wars. They're blown up boats saying those are cartel. loads yeah man that's that's coming right yeah i knew that was down the pike man you're saying you called it i called it when dude like a year ago i was like we're gonna go to war with the cartels

i think he did that a year ago i think he named them terrorists really like yeah well i guess it would have been this administration my my my my prediction was that that way the united states can control the opioid production and then legalize heroin here and then cure homelessness opioid crisis by handing out basically government-controlled heroin so i was like They're going to have, they're going to attack the, you know, all the people down in Mexico doing the cartels and they're going to take over the supply and just be like, look, let's just like legalize this and control it. You want to legalize it.

They don't legalize. Legalize the Caracadale, man. You need the Charlie Sheen, the homeless. Start fucking slowly, you know, making it less potent. Yeah. They don't respond well of that. They usually. Yeah, I mean, it's also, there's no way it's getting less potent.

They have something stronger than fentanyl now. They have the new thing that's like 50 times stronger than fentanyl, which was like 50 times stronger than heroin. So, yeah, they're still rocking. They're rocking in the free world for sure. They are. They really are. Imagine getting to the point where heroin's not enough.

I just, I mean, heroin seems, what, heroin is that easygoing, relaxed one now? It's just heroin. Yeah, I think heroin's like, yeah, I guess it's not enough. I guess it's more of a gentleman's drug now. Sophisticate. There was also, people say when you have things illegal and you crank the pressure up in terms of like, you know, you get so much jail time for heroin. So then it incentivizes making things stronger in smaller doses so you can sneak less of it but get more bang for your buck. So I think as long as it's illegal, they're going to keep ramping that up.

I've been watching Singapore video, Lee Kuan Yew, I think was his name, but the Singaporei Prime Minister for like he ran a one party state in Singapore for a long time. People were saying you've got to stop executing people who come to the country with drugs. How many families are lost to these trucks. How many people are killed because we don't kill? He was a hard man. You love that. Why? I don't approve.

You love a strong man. He loves a strong man. I do love a strong man. I've been in trouble for this before. I don't know what it is that comes out of me. Every time I see a strong charismatic man, say, bold steps have to be taken, I think. I like that. Trump is getting into that now where he's talking about,

like killing drug traffickers he's like we'll kill him he'll be dead and it's just he's getting into that back he mentioned that a while ago yeah he's he did that recently too bringing it back yeah he brought it back yeah because that guy yeah that one guy gets to do it all the time where he's just like we they started killing all like the drug traffickers duerte whatever the fuck his name is uh du terte i don't he's gone now though is yeah but yeah trump's talking he wants to get in on that action but he wants the bold man like kill him i've been fucking bombing some boats have you seen that no the cartel That's a big hot video. It's just fucking drone striking any, yeah.

I didn't know if Venezuela was a big cartel hub as well. I don't know. Columbia is at the border area, I think. I guess, yeah. But no, it's all, I think it's an excuse for some reason to go to war with Venezuela. Fucking, what's his name? Who's the gay guy from South Carolina? Lindy Graham was just calling for it.

Really? Yeah. They really want, I think I'm full. is going to Venezuela right now Oh crap What the hell That would be They better not

It's not good Yeah we don't need to be stoking up What would we fight them for Yeah especially with all China and Russia Then buddying up If Israel has come down You've got You know

Need another war somewhere You can't just have one war going Yeah is Israel done I thought that was still There's still some stuff going on with that I think Israel's not afraid To break a ceasefire Yeah I think they're still fired up

On the either side It's really afraid to break a ceasefire down there. True. They're living in the free world. Hopefully, maybe Israel will send us aid if we, you know, all the benefits get taken away. Maybe Israel will send some aid here.

That'd be nice. I did just find out they didn't get involved in Iraq. Who? I thought Israel would have sent troops to Iraq with you. Israel does not send troops to any American war. Well, they're busy. They're all used up. They are busy.

They've got a lot on. Yeah. The one thing I like that the IDF does is they post, or just Israel, they post like, hot chicks. Oh, the hot, the fine. And they're like, I'm Jewish. What do you have to say about me? It's like, what the hell? What the fuck is that all about? You've never seen the hot IDF? I feel like I've seen that, but I know they're going that's, that I thought it'd be like join the IDF, like, check out our babes. They got a little bit of that, but they're also like, I'm Israeli. Do you hate me? It's just the hottest chick you've ever seen. It's like,

no. You're like, well, no, I love you. Yeah, clearly than not. No, they had it coming. You're not doing the wrong thing. Fuckers. Yeah, that's also weird to be on the offensive as a military you know what i mean like our united states military it's not like what are you racist bitch and just show like a jacked black guy it's like i think they did do that for a little while yeah i think yeah 20 20 they were hitting some wild shit that's crazy i never i would never just weird as a military to be like obsessed with like what do you guys mad at me it's like dude do your job honestly they're posting hot checks and be like are you still mad and they're like no it's work come here come here i forget

give you IDF let's keep posting babes did did you find some seems like they're pivoting a little at least on Instagram no more baby couldn't find many babes it's more just like a other stuff like what tanks videos being like that video you saw of a baby getting his head ripped off it's fake yeah yeah I don't they hit those videos it's literally like it's just like soldiers what they host like yeah that's crazy man what the hell is that all about dude they're so hot

dude he found the babes in two seconds all you have to do is Google hot IDF female soldiers I was looking for the official I was looking on Instagram but I have seen the bays they were doing TikTok dances for a while yeah in their fatigues it is funny to be like kind of

coming to some sort of like the idea babes are that's a good move it's a good brainwash that's good propaganda yeah because I stay out of things And you're like, you know what? A lot of people are saying... I don't want to get involved in this politically. Cash Patel is married to one, isn't he?

An IDF babe? Pretty sure. I think. Yeah. What? That's their strongest weapon is their babes. Yeah. One of them, at least.

They do use babes. Sometimes underage, and then they film you. Gotcha. True. Gotcha. All right. That's a good, Ender. On to the Patreon.

Jynes. Bye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.