Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 585 - Son of a Governor

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. Hope you're all having a good week so far. The D.A.W.G.Z. have reunited, they created a podcast just for you, and lord ... it's a hot one. Hope the rest of your week goes well :) Please enjoy. God Bless. $45 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wild West Yes Hello Hey What's up dude Nothing Dude can we all make an agreement Just to like grow all of our hair together

Damn I'll look fucking crazy It looks so sick Dude if you went full If you went like Val Kilmer It wouldn't be valid I'm bald up front dude I could get a Tony Supranan I could go slick back

I'd go bald slick back That would be nice When I get out of the shower I'd do it Do you slick it up I go oh That doesn't look so bad Yeah I'm telling you

A slick back is Charles Smeddetti, it looks good. Pull your pants up high. Yeah, like one of those dressy kind of t-shirts. But then I'm naked and I see my tinnis and I go, I'll never be Tony. I'm always going to be AJ with this fucking time. God damn it, I'm always going to be a tiny tinnus man. I think I guess Tony definitely had the meat.

Tony had a hog, dude. Yeah, true. That'd be funny if that was like the real thing, the real finale of the whole season for the whole thing. He goes into the band. You got pants at the diner? Oh, Tony, what the hell? Tony, you had a teenist this whole time. You got a dick like an Irish man.

You're not the boss anymore. He just goes, takes a pee, and looks at his pants and just shows it. And the screen goes black? Don't stop. Yeah. No way. Tony's got a fat fucking dish. Yeah, Tony had a fat hog.

You can tell. Yeah, for sure. You can tell. He's the boss. He's the boss. Obviously, you have a fat dong. He's obviously the boss. tall guys naturally the boss i was researching that this week

dude tall guys make more than short guys like 150 000 more over 30 year period average they just get paid more money you just see a tall guy you go yeah you're the boss there's something inside of all of us that go tall guys get paid the most yeah that's why they got george washington yeah he couldn't he didn't even speak and they were like dude you're president yeah man you didn't talk at the fucking first continental congress no he's just tall's ill they were just like dude you gotta be

he did wear his military uniforms so everyone was like yeah that's kind of boss everyone else is dressed like quaker oz guy oh kind of gay high socks and shit he rolled up he rolled up what's up man full military what did he just been involved in before that he was in the french in anymore french in yeah i thought it was some french stuff and he was trying to become uh a british officer he just kept getting passed up because he was an american he like slowly started oh he was like an ogy american yeah and he slowly started to resent them going like damn dude who are that why can we You guys discriminate? Why you never hear about his parents?

You never hear about George Washington's daddy or mommy. That's true. You know what I'm saying? You're out of Martha. I think they gave, I think he was the heir to Mount Vernon. I could be wrong. I'd never heard about this parents, man. So they must have been British.

Yeah. And then he was one of the, yeah, he was like the original American. He's the ultimate patriot. I think he was born in Virginia. What? Augustine, Washington. Yeah, because I know his family. Wait, his dad might have been born in Virginia.

what damn his dad got wow his dad was born in 1694 in virginia whoa damn that's crazy Washington rules because I feel like the like that's getting close to the point where they just like in the very beginning they just threw a bunch of criminals here yeah we're like yo fucking figure it out so his daddy was either the governor I'm not sure he's he might have been the son of a gullman son of a governor because it'd be like one governor you would come here in like the 1600s and you'd be the governor and your whole town

would be shitty criminals Yeah, it'd be a bunch of wooden pikes Like you had the one house And everyone was in mud dying Yeah, we need more fucking poor guys From England Yeah, really They sent them prostitutes for watch

Yeah, it was just a planter and merchant Whoa Okay Planter's a nice way to say it The planter? Yeah That's just a lowly planter Well, that's good stuff

I wonder if he had any help Because I know the Washington I think he had some help I think he went to ZipRecruiter The powerful technology Made them an excellent match I think he went to ZipRecruiter.com

And found some matches Across the Pond Yeah Well, again, aside from that Shout out George Washington Yeah Leading this country To Independence

Shame on him for What he did all elsewise You know Having his slaves whatever I would have went back in time if you had to go back in time honestly

whatever dude I guess no one's ever asked a question you guys don't have to answer this but no one's ever asked anyone if you had a time machine would you go back in time and stop slavery or would you stop Hitler

it's a tough choice you do both how so what the hell Oh, what do you have a one-time use, dude. It's one-time use, dude. It's a throw-way. It's a throw-away. Throw-away time-dusty. Yeah, you've got to find another one. No, there's just no way back out. You've got to stay back in whatever time it is.

What am I doing? How do the fuck do you stop slavery? I guess you have to go to the dawn of time. Yeah, it started at like... Yeah. Okay. The beginning. You can stop it in America or stop Hitler.

I don't know. I know. It's tough. No one wants to answer a question on record. It's kind of, you know, you're not going to be. make any friends the worst part i think i think yeah i think we know the worst part of the answer i was like say you say slavery right and then uh but then you think about like well will america exist oh god yes obviously yes is it is it yes yes obviously yes no you're saying it like it's just you think it's that simple would we exist we would exist hey matt it's play we'd have we'd have

more time machines this place we'd be we'd be we'd be we that flying gorse. Guys, forget to ask this question. It's a bad question, all right? We'd be living on Mars by now, dude. That was a great question. That was free labor. It was helping us grow.

Economy-wise. I'm putting the mic down. No, no, no, no. I need you involved. Nate, we'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never know.

I feel like an idiot for asking, right? No, that's a good question. That's a great question. We'll never know. We'll never, ever know. You know, it happened, right? It happened. A lot of bad stuff happened, right?

Look, let's just have fun. Let's go on to more lighthearted comics. Let's forget about, oh, no, we'll never, don't forget about it. Never forget about it. Conversationally, let's move past this subject. Yeah. You're right. Yeah, the classic, which one's worse?

Yeah. That's good. Good start to the day. Not which. one's worse, which is your personal preference. Everyone has personal preferences. Oh, you say, which one do you prefer? You're saying you have to stop one. You don't want to stop one. You don't what would you mean better suited to stop? You might be like, you might put me in a time machine to stop the Nazis. And I might be like, oh, I don't speak this language. I don't know how they're

talking about. I can't tell who's who. You know, I would like to make myself the most useful as well. I think, yeah. Now if you're putting it that way, yes, I think I could go back to the beginning of America. Yeah. And just run shit. Exactly. But if I went to Nazi Germany, they'd be like, get them out of here. Yeah, I'm telling the difference between German Jews and Germans, and I'm going, I'm going, I don't know who that would help here. Like this, this Philly's jersey, if I was wearing this, way back, they'd be like, wow. Holy shit, how do you get blue?

True, sure. If I wore this in Nazi Germany, they'd go, get them out of here. Yeah, get them. Yeah. I'd be, I might be one of the bros. Well, you'd have to put on that suit you show me before we did the podcast. What? You have to put on all your...

My memorabilia? I don't have any memorabilia. Remember that military shirt? Dude, people will believe that. 100% people will believe that. Did I tell you, after the show in Florida, someone handed me a penny, and I didn't know what they said.

They said it has the heart or something. I'm going, what? And he leaves, and I flip it around. I was a fucking swastika. Oh, shit. You gave you a swastika a penny? He gave a swastika a penny. I gave it to my wife.

I said, here, babe. Here's a swastick of penny. What the fuck? I just did Florida. Here's a swastick of penny. Now, ah, never mind. So I'm projecting because I have. I was going to be real anti-Semitic.

That's a nasty prank. I would like to apologize. No. I would. All right. This is. I would like to apologize. You did this.

You know I can't stop. You know I can't stop. I'll like to apologize because I was projecting on you because I have memorabilia. Yeah, you have memorabilia. people got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph I don't fucking see I really don't see the problem when did you say that I said it like 10 times I said it on here I said it on Rogan I want a Hitler autograph that's fucking historically it's a sick that's what I mean

yeah dude don't that's crazy people are just jealous of your Hitler autograph I'd get a solid autograph I'd get a yeah that's actually pretty cool yeah that and that's crazy to conflate the two things being like I have OJ Simpson shit no one gives a fuck I know that was just one lady allegedly yeah I don't know you can get a bad guy's autograph I think so I don't fucking say I like this exactly you go look at this this is crazy you put in your basement yeah you know there's nothing else in your basement it's just a spotlight on a fucking anytime I have a first date I go I want to show you something take her down to the basement go what do you think that autograph reads

Turn out the lasered grid of security. Try to read that. Oh, boy. Well, look, that's all my fault. I apologize for this topic. It was a terrible way to start. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great fooding, the gifts.

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I don't think you got out of that. Yeah. That happens. How was you, how was S-A-L? Oh, sick. We haven't done. Yeah, fuck. I was going around, dude.

I had to travel a lot. It kind of sucked. I'd go New York to L.A. To San Francisco, Sacramento. Shee. Yeah. Dang, that's fucking good. It was a lot.

The coast to coast is brutal. That's no fucking ruled, especially because all I had to do was the opening. Yeah. It was great. All the fun. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Also, they write all the jokes.

Yeah. I was delighted to see the Rob Zombie reference. I got a Rob Zombie in there. Did you really? Yeah, it was nice. Which one? Called him. Zaltan Rob Zombie

Yes, I saw, okay I don't know why I was singing Dragula for some reason But no, it was sick I just had the Game 7 of the World Series On in my green room I did so stress-free When all you have to do is one Well actually, hold on, I take that back

Because the rehearsal, my hands are on this podium And anytime I let go, I just did Trump My hands, every single time I let go I was talking like I couldn't stop So then I had to just hold the podium like as hard as I could and I don't know why but my hands were the sweatiest that makes sense they've ever like dripped my hands were dripping sweat no dude I've never experienced anything like that I had it when I was flying home I was carrying a single coin in my hand

through oh yeah but no that would fuck you up yeah yeah yeah yeah right I was clenching Serious on your hand I was clutching and corin tightly But no If you hold Yeah if you're like It was a plastic

It was just like Forget it So sweaty And Yeah it was It is still Extremely nerve-wracking Oh man

Doing S&Ls At least it's over Like I was next to Rami And Miles Teller And they were just Chilling This is cool And I was like

Yeah I'm fine Oh shit At least you didn't have to do it the whole time You did the one, then it was over He said to do that one thing That was like... But we did have... I was going to be in a sketch at the end

And it got cut last second And I was very happy. Yeah Yeah Like, all right, I'm done And then I got to, yeah Just watch Game 7 in the World Series It was a good time

Yeah I had Ron and Sass with me Nice Fidance Finance Fidance lingered Impressive lingering from Fidance He asked me to go

And I was like yeah which I didn't want to ask for tickets for sure so I had to ask for tickets just for finance and then he went to the rehearsal and then just sat my green room for the real show and then for the after party classic it was a good linger that's good actually yeah he dug down I said do you have to then I feel bad I'd be like finance get the fuck out of it because it's a real small green room like five people in there was like 85 degrees in there I'm like sweating like fight it get the fuck out of it because it's a real small green room I'm like five people in there it's like out of here. And he'd be like, do you really want me to leave him? I'm like, well, no. Now I feel

bad, no. Yeah, it is admirable to dig in that long. He can fucking dig it. Yeah, man. That's awesome. Yeah, he's just like, I want to be here. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. As soon as somebody even looks at me, I'm like, I'm out, man. I'm fucking going. For sure. I can't handle it. Uh, but yeah, S&L ruled. Then, uh, San Francisco was sick. Really? I like San Francisco. Got to goof off on the By the way, they're not kidding. That place is fucked. Yeah, that one area is.

That one areas, which is where my hotel was. What? Fucked up. You got to stay at the top of the hill. We did not. My assistant booked it because she thought it was a funny hotel name. What was it called? It was the Zeppelin.

It was a lead zeppelin themed hotel. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, I was a little like, what are we doing? Yeah. She was like, I thought this was a funny name. I was like, you're fired. No, we had a nice night at the Zeppelin Hotel. because me and Tommy and James went out

and got some drinks after the show and then Tommy said he was sleepwalking. I don't think so. I think he was blacked out. Called some of Roseanne's ambient? He thought it was the bathroom and just walked out his front door of the hotel in his tidy-whitties.

So he's just in the hallway in his tidy-wities, no card. He used to go down to the lobby in his tighties and ask for another key. And I was like, dude, you're lucky it was San Francisco. they were probably like yeah this happens yeah this is pretty long fucking clearly a gay guy were they blast and zep on like in the in any of the no but they did have records in the room

it was pretty cool that's cool but uh i was to we we talked about after he was like it was so embarrassing i was like dude at least you're like in shape yeah if i had to go down to the lobby in just tidy whitey they would like call the police you'd had it going out to like the mission district and just stayed outside don't know sprint down the street never would be like all right he's fine. Indoors, in just tighties, people would be terrified. No, that sucks. I would be mortified.

Yeah, he handled it well. I think he was probably hammered when it was happening. True. So. Yeah, fuck. That's crazy. Sacramento ruled. Sackdown?

Yeah. Yeah, Sacramento is tough. It's very, it looks very much like a GTA video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Sometimes the best gifts aren't gifts at all. Their experiences, journeys, something, that unwraps them.

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Oh, I got to say this. We went down to the Warriors facility and shot around. I got you beat, Nate. I think I missed. I think I airballed 30 straight threes. Do you have the footage? No, but they do. And I was begging them.

I was like, you can't. And they're like right above the rim there. There's an AI camera that captures everything. It captures your shooting motion. Does all that. And I was like, and he was like, yeah, we might show this to the team. And I was like, you can't show anyone. This is the most embarrassing.

I missed air ball 30 straight. Dang. It was crazy. Yeah. People were filming and shit. I was like, please don't film. No, that's, yeah, no way. It took me forever to work up the courage to go shoot

because there were cameras around. For sure, yeah. Finally, I had enough beers to go, all right, I'll take a free throw. Oh, dude, you're... Airboat a free throw? It was all... And I was like, please don't put that out. I swear to God, please.

Please, I'll do anything. Oh, it's devastating. Yeah. I mean, with the cameras on you, that makes sense, man. That would really... That would throw me off. Especially when, like, James started making threes. Yeah.

Doesn't even know how she's shooting fucking underhand. my assistant hit a three he was shooting underhand at the warriors he doesn't know how to shoot but underhand is well i can't talk i'm gonna shut up yeah yeah it was all it was very embarrassing dang yeah so that was a good trip Tommy was just naked doing lambs that's awesome hello lemaire nice of you to join us why were you late i got poop block you got poop lock you're stuck on the I got down and take a dump and it didn't take it. It took, but I had to took another one. It took another one.

See what? You had like a bad, messy ass and you couldn't leave. You knew it was unfinished bids. No, I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 7-Eleven wings, and that's a, that's a Travis Jesus Christ, all my guts, yeah. The mayor went nuts on a bottle of whiskey yesterday. Like, why? I'm, we were just hanging out drinking, but he had like a chalice cup, and I

I swear. Chalice Cup will get you. Yeah, Chalice Cup was like... Chalice Cup's fun. Yeah. Goblet during D&D. Yeah. He had a goblet of whiskey. Bring forth your wizards. You guys still doing fucking gay D&D?

We did yesterday. No, no, no. I mean, like, literally. Like gay? Actually, homosexual. Because Jebri was here telling me all about the way these guys play. They have, like, roll the dice to see how, like, what part you finish on the other guy. This is, that happened one.

Andy did it one time as a fucking crazy. fun bit. It was a fun bit. Bad guy walked in, Andy rolled to to call him to death. It was a long time ago. He didn't know the rules. We take it seriously now. We were on an adventure. So you blacked out on whiskey playing D&D. It was kind of the best day. And then eight, seven, eleven wings. And then you're late to this because you're taking a bunch of shit. My car got towed last night, too. It was a terrible day.

Well, probably for the best. Yeah. from the report it sounds like that was like the best possible outcome where were you at the creek no it was uh parked in a friend's house in the pat duces place in the uh complex and they took it dang did you get back yeah yeah so what's your party score on right now out of 10 are you like out of nine out of 10 of the party or like what do you mean if you had to like score your personal party right now like how hard you're party oh i didn't party that hard oh it's probably like a three four was a three i thought you drank a ton of whiskey

that was a nine at least we crushed like a case of beer and a bottle of whiskey in like four hours well man what would your 10 be if that's your three what's a 10 there has to be a fire somewhere like a fire an active fire going on that's a 10 10? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Fucking. Whatever.

Who are the fuck, huh? Well, that's good stuff. All right. What else is going on? Not much, man. What's all going on with me right now? Oh, dude, I'm trying to get in a thousand pound club right now. That's nice.

You know, I never heard of the thousand pound club. I had a thousand pound club t-shirt, bro. High school, dude. Deadlift squat bench? High school, I probably was $1,000 a club in high school, too, but I'm trying to go. We cheated. We had the fucking, we had the, uh, we had the, uh, we had the hex bar for deadlift. Yeah, look, I'm not against the hex bar.

I, it's, you can get way more. You can. Yeah, that's true. You can get a lot more. But yeah, I'm sure that's my goal by my 40th birthday, a thousand pound club. So I'm at 7.50. I'll do, I'll get it for sure. I'll get that.

I'll get it for show. Squat's tough. Squat, I kind of fucking sucks. I kind of like, dude. I'll be honest. You do have thick fucking cheeks. I have, you're probably good. leg so i kind of like it but it my back man like yeah kind of hurts i did like 265 and that was like

i'll be able to get three plates i think that's nice true if i do three plates three three plates and i don't know i have to do a lot more bench is not that bench is my weakness so it's just my i'm like a centaur dude puny that's good though yeah it'll be fun it's exciting stuff it has been man it's been really a, I'm eating now like I'm in the NFL. I'm eating so much. Welcome to the club, dude. Yeah. You've joined the boys. I was already eating preheartedly, dude. Instead of powerlifting, we're playing D&D and drinking a goblet of whiskey and then going, I need more calories. I need to bulk up. I'm just worried my bulk doesn't turn to the Hulk, man. I hear you. I'm telling you, I might turn into the Hulk right now. You might turn it into the Bull. You might turn it into the

I'd give anything for you to just just get thick as fuck, dude. Pause. Pause. I want you thick. I might have never lifted this heavy, so I might fucking balloon out. It'd be nice. Are you taking creatine? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're going to balloon out. I'm taking creatine. I'm taking my natural tea booster, so I'm all endogenous, dude. Fuck you. I'm all endo, so. It's not really doing anything. I'm just getting it. I just wake up.

up fucking crazy hard it's like Tongat Ali and all that stuff wake up just rocked it's nice to be ripped ripped up it's good to hear

sore legs sore legs stiff that's good wake up and go fuck yeah yeah can't wait to get

to the 1,000 pound club no one can stop me I'm Jack it's time to read politics on the internet I'm so strong but now it has been nice

that's been a fun one goes to my head if i lift for like two weeks i'm just like dude have i people notice how jacked i am right i think i saw i'm like an eight year old at walberg immediately you lifted for two weeks i know i know i can lift once and be like dude for real i think people might be able to tell right now dude i was watching uh i had some fox news on tv and uh there's a walberg commercial for the what's the prayer app called he's a prayer app does you have a prayer app yeah and he just goes hi i'm mark walberg pray with me and then he just says a prayer it's kind of it's a television commercial that's crazy what's it called yeah like h a lallel be that name dang how do how does it work i'd be curious to see how it works i think it starts asking for some tiths

tiths tiths yeah i think eventually that's a little pay to pray really just like christ intended I'd be in, I might do indulgences. I like those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get yourself out of hell. You can pay to the church, you get you out of there. But it's good, he's trying to get people to pray. That's good. It's nice.

It is weird to try to get, are you sure of those tiths? I think there might be tides. I don't know. That'd be nuts. I feel like they were to steal your information. I'd like to know what people are confessing. I'd start an app for that. Ooh, confess your nap?

Yeah, you can confess. That's nice. And I'll sell that third party information to somewhere else. That's nice. As soon as they confess, one thing, you go, all right, Venmo me. That would me $300. Yeah, I started listening to the Bible on audiobook. Me too.

Did you really? Fell asleep pretty quick. Yeah, Genesis is a slot. Just gets you. Starting with all those fucking names. The names, dude. He bequeathed him, and fucking he had him. I finally made it through the names to Abraham.

And, yeah, a lot of debauchery going on, dude. I didn't realize. I thought they, I thought, you know, who was it, Lott? when Lott's wife turned to salt Yeah And then his daughters Trick him and have sex with him Get pregnant

I was just like All right here comes God's wrath They're like Now man they're actually doing really well And you're like All right What the hell's that all about Yeah that's where a lot's like

Fuck my daughters Instead of this angel Yes Lot offers up his daughters To the angel It's so sick God's like That's actually pretty

Fucking hot ass angel Came down the whole town Was like Outside of Lott's door Like let us fuck that guy We're gonna fuck that guy It was crazy. Yeah.

They had that common, dude. They deserve it. They need to be salt. There's a new guy town. I need some booty relief. Booty relief is such a nice term. Do you ever see an old black guy? He was in prison for a long time, who's on Instagram now?

Somebody's talking about booty relief? He's about booty relief? What is that? You guys know what I'm talking about? He's, uh? Yeah, Felice Johnson. I'm talking about booty relief. What's going on?

What is that? Oh, this guy has a 12-inch penis. He's been in jail for a long time. Oh, no. He just says Hit the America You ever watch the boondocks There's that one episode

The Booty Warrior Or the guy was like I see you I like you He's a real guy And he's out of jail And he's a menace Yeah he's out now

He's out He's out Hitting people of booty relief Outside of these I'm saying The confriles Dude he said he's He's like

He also holds it down And he's like I'm not gay He's like I was just in jail Then he'll be like Salt I swear to God

Some booty's better They're the best Ever had He needs to be turned into a pillar of salt someone needs to raise his wherever he lives really bad oh yeah he raise his lamb his own needs to raise his 12 inch booty relief

god damn yeah he would just say you were just like you would tap dude him explaining it is the funniest shit in the world like i'll just tap him i said hey man i'm gonna need some booty relief he's like the guy goes god and that's all it is damn it okay just don't fucking hit me again please Please stop hitting me It's all he said he did He said he fought gambled booty

Those three things Sounds like he didn't rehabilitate at all He was committed Grievous sins The entire time He truly didn't rehabilitate whatsoever But he is very funny It's very funny

It's very funny watching It's like missing his front teeth Just like man Some booty that had better than any mother girl I haven't had no booty I had some good booty in that jail But he said ever since he's out of jail No more booty relief

That's good Strictly for the ladies right now Yeah he was in jail for what Like 15 years He's in jail for a long time It's not funny but I've talked about it before But I always think of me and Blizz were just dying laughing Because this guy got

It's not funny He got some booty relief But they packed his ass with peanut butter For like lube I guess What? And we were just He got like knocked out and he woke up with peanut butter in his ass and it's just like

just somebody knocking somebody out and somebody else be like get the peanut butter it's not funny never mind i'll take it back but you know what i mean it's not funny having your puthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny lube i'm questioning is like peanut butter for lube i don't know it's it's like doesn't even go down your throat you know what i mean you can choke on peanut butter so i wonder maybe it was just a mean thing to do afterwards true just a little prank Yeah, maybe it was natural peanut butter It was just the oil

Get that Get that organic peanut butter Is it? Quick, get the peanut butter The motherfucker's knocked out Go Not the shit with the palms The ass

Getting packed up with peanut butter, man That's tough Take forever to get that out of your butt You know what I'm saying? Yeah That'd be tough Some chunky Yeah

May God smite Whoever packs me with a chunky Peanut butter, bro Please I would cry onto him, dude Pray for a peanut allergy and go jokes on bags on you This episode is brought to you by prize picks

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That sounds perfect. Download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get. $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. It's good to be right. Yes. Oh, yeah. I think this weekend at Madison, Wisconsin, I believe there's an early show for sale. Everything else is all sold out, but let me see here. Let's check it out, guys. Yep, Comedy

Allstate Madison, Wisconsin. I believe there's an early show. Springfield Comedy Club, back on the map. Back on the map. They're going to honor the tickets that people bought before the place imploded. Springfield Comedy Club, the righteous people of Springfield Comedy Club have come and they've brought me back to Springfield, Missouri honoring all previous tickets. Yeah, it's going to be awesome. Funny Bone Comedy

Club, Syracuse, New York. I'll be there also. Please come out, guys, Mavockew.com. Thank you. December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho. December 13th, I'll be in Portland, Oregon. And then the next... Then I'm on a little break until the January Madison Square Garden.

so yeah hopefully those hopefully I don't choke and ruin it and blow it fuck up no if you can handle it if you can handle gaming on the screen fucking that's squirt going fuck well you guys got anything you want to say

you got any shows where you got brother we got optimum we got optimum noctus coming up next week and it's the first and third Tuesday of every month at the creek in the cave in Austin, Texas. First and third, now you guys doubled the optimum noxas.

Yes, sir. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Optimum nocti. Yeah, now it's optimum nocti. Yeah, I think about that. And then I'm going to Chicago and Atlanta in December. I forget when they are, but the tickets will be up soon. So if you want to come to that, please come.

Thank you very much. All right, good job, Sean. Thank you. All right, thank you, everybody. That's a wrap on the set. That's a wrap on John Gardnery. Hall set me up. He's all mad.

He's claiming there is a company that is selling medicine for peanut allergies. Guess what the medicine is? Peanuts. He said it's 100% they're 100% selling peanuts. So it's like a vaccine. Kind of, yeah. That's how vaccines. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty much. Give him a small dose of peanuts. Yeah. Give them peanuts breath. All right. He was fired up. He texted me, he goes, can you fucking believe this shit? And it's like, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, that's how that works. Yeah, I could definitely see them. Yeah. But yeah, that was really the kind of solution to the whole peanut allergy. It was like, let them eat peanuts. Give them peanuts. Yes. So, were you worried about that with your children?

No. Because I didn't have a peanut allergy, so I was like, they'll be fine. And I gave it to them super early where I was just like... See what happened. Yeah. We'll see what's good. That shit is annoying, dude. Like, trying to pack lunches for them, you can't have any peanut products.

It's like... Yeah. Because then it's like... tree nuts versus coconut it's like the point we're like bro like they got to they got to do this yeah that sucks you got to eat this shit but if if my kid had a peanut allergy i would i would give them like a prophylactic tongue cover like a dental dam like a dental dam but for peanuts for peanuts for peanuts of course you know that would be the safest that's the only thing you can do i would do a mask and a dental dam on my toddler

And that would just kind of grease their whole body so that, like, they would, you know, that way, if they slipped, it would fall. They'd be totally safe. You know what I mean? Yeah, fully. I'm saying if someone tried to abduct your kid, if you had them covered in baby oil. Because if they see that, if they see that dental dam, they're going to go, they're fucking, they're ready. And then you loob them up. You go, good luck, catch them.

Yeah, they make a bar so pop it right out of their hands. Watch out. That might get them going, too. all right yeah anyway i'm telling you man the caffeine had me fucked up i've been subdued under the heel of fucking evil caffeine yeah caffeine is dude that shit is not where it's at for me personally i can't speak for everybody for me it was like stealing my energy man i would it does yeah you do crash dude i crash so hard then it's like either drink another coffee then you get bad sleep for me again personally i would get bad sleep and then i would get bad sleep and then i wake

up and chase the dragon again and it was like i got to the point where i was like dude i this shit isn't for me yeah and i feel so much better well that's good yeah because i knew you were struggling with that i was it's good yeah i'm free i'm free from the clutches although the demon nicotine still has it so because i was off that as well nicotine rules but i was crying to shone the whole time this weekend i was like man i'd really like my nicotine tablets before the show it's really nice having those just makes my mind a lot sharper and i kept being like you know he was just I think I have one of those things you gave me before and then he didn't have

him. He built me up and fucking slam me down. Fucker. Yeah. You fuck. Oh, good call, Amir. He's clearly done talking. He says hands him a mic. Yeah, I might start taking 7-0-H. Do you ever take that before?

Never even hoight of it. Dude, apparently there's this shit. It's Cratum. But they turn it into like a super concentrated... Don't start taking fucking crap. I'm obviously not. This is... No, it's a bit, dude. This is a bit.

Yeah, that's the thing about me, man. You don't know when I'm being serious. That's what it's like... It gets me in a lot of trouble. I hear you. Sometimes I'm just... There's like a term for that when like, you know, you don't really know the person's serious.

And it's like a dramatic term. Something from, you know... Being a cunt. This guy sucks. It's tough to talk to him. I don't know if he's fucking with me. No, if that doesn't work, then I slip into a British accent. And usually the party goes crazy.

Party goes nuts Let me hear that Dude Let me hear that British accent Hello That's good I tried to watch Peaky Blinders again

Oh dude That's all you need It sucks I used to love it Well knowing what it Turn dudes into It's kind of tough as well It's like sex in the city

Sex and the city Ruin a generation of women Peaky Blinders One generation It's crushed Sex and the city is continued True Still gone

Yeah Pecky Bliner is probably still gone Yeah So people still on the Peeky Blondeer shit The one episode Because I remember season two being awesome Isn't that the one with Tom Hardy? Yes

So I started that The first they go into like a party in London And like beat the fuck out of everyone in there Of course On the way out The young one kiss is one of the babes And they're just like Let's have a fucking night on the town

Peakey Blonde style Ah I was like damn this is crazy They're leaving Birmingham And they're in a car And the brother Stands up and he's like buy all of the pinky blinders what going on holiday

that's that's so arthur that's yeah arthur yeah yeah that uh yeah i i don't like the like constant slow cool walks in that show a lot of them they walk through industrial london there's sparks flying they're just like yeah we get it these guys are the coolest guys fucking yeah they're the coolest guys industrial london i'll give it another shot because it did rule yeah it was fun to watch it did rule but i'm saying now that i've just no there's dudes dressing like him. I can't watch the show. It's the Biggie Biner's wedding. Damn, they gotta regret that so much.

Like a cool show, you go, that's what we're going to do. The groomsmen are going to dress like the current cool show. Fuck, that show stinks. We're going to dress up all these these fat tree guys. It's a Bikie Blyder.

Damn, it sucks to be the one groomsman that has like half a brain that's like this is so embarrassing you know but everyone else is doing it so i got to wear a trench coat and a fucking jeff cap and a vest with a fucking watch a pocket watch you got to try to talk to the women after the wedding yeah some of the bridesmaids are probably hot i wonder if any of the guys ever like went to their head definitely i'm sure someone got stuck they just get completely you put that fucking you put that outfit on there's no way you're not doing it you're drinking a fucking goblet of whiskey going you're in a wedding with your girlfriend a six let goad oh you're with her girlfriend in a wedding she's you know it for six months

and the night you're like there's got to be some black peaky blinders oh for sure i'd like to take a look at that sinners yeah sinners was just an excuse for black dudes to do piki blinders yeah i never thought about that lemaer good point you're on fire black peekie blinders Yeah. Fuck yeah. It's just showing me pictures of the black eye and peekie blinders.

You're going to come across Lamar in between. Yeah, let's actually... Damn, these PG blinders outfits suck ass. They fucking suck ass, dude. I'm actually an accountant. Bro.

Oh, my God, dude. The full Airbnb apartment. Oh, my God. Rocking the peekie blind. Imagine popping off the peekie blinders car, but then you just can't get hard. Oh, yeah. Trust me. I can imagine that.

That's why I'm not allowed to wear the peekie blinders, dude. I would just lean into it. I would just lean into it. Oh, I've seen a lot of things. Yeah, I was in World War I. I breathed in mustard. Also, they're chugging whiskey all the time. There's no way any of these dudes had boners.

The beaky blinders are soft. I know. You can't get a boner and drink that much whiskey. You really can't. I'm with my brothers I mean all my brothers are soft right now We drank too much

Duhus It happens But I guess the Wops did The fucking Sopranos too Yeah Sopranos Suits and shit for your wedding Oh yeah yeah

That's fair I didn't think about that I think they just Don't they just dress like that Anyway I think they kind of do But I bet they I bet they wop it up

It's kind of like Sopranos gave me a license Yeah He did some things Yeah that's their I've said it a hundred times That's their favorite thing I would love to just really investigate

every Italian's connections of the mafia Start a documentary, it turns out They're all lying Do you watch that Philly versus the mob at all? No It's pretty great The guy One of the investigators at the start of it

One of the detectives He's just like All they talk about is how loyal And all that they are Every single one of them is a fucking rat Yeah It's devastating They did all telling each other for sure

Yeah Who do they talk about Like Nikki the Hat and all those guys I forget the guy's name He's still alive Yeah i think he owns a steak thing he's he's kind of the man so i remember there was um who was the yeah there was like the main guy who got jerry joey marlino got busted that's him yeah

marlino got busted and then there was all these he's out he's out he's kind of the cool that it's about like the young guys going up against the yeah sicilians like the original the o g wops and then the philly wops are kind of i remember hearing rumors in like 20 yeah around like 2014 2017 the mob was coming back everyone kept trying to say that like yo the mob's coming back is the mot like whenever they bust these guys they let them they have to get

so much on them before they arrest them yeah and I never understood that they sit there and watch them do like they like let them do pretty serious crimes and finally they're like we got you you murdered 12 people we got you on the 12 fucking guy

you get them on the first thing I guess they're trying to go for the godfather Trying to get the godfather Because there was a big one When I was in college They got a bunch of bookies And they were all They were saying like

That's the last of the mob They all got bought And they got like Crushed on They got caught with like Hundreds of thousands of dollars In cash And they just

I think they were like They were like they were like Laughing like they were just like laughing Getting walked out They're like you know They're awesome Yeah like we're fine I know

They kind of did rule It could be wrong But aren't they saying That NBA gambling Scandal has to do with the mob and maybe the UFC fixing fights and things like that. Really? Still?

Yeah, there's a lot of gambling scandals that are coming out now. There's a pitcher that just got busted. Oh, no. And it was, he was just throwing the first pit. You can bet on the first pitch being a ball or a strike. Yeah. They offered this guy like fucking 500 bucks. He got no money for this.

Really? Somebody was probably like, yeah, I'll give you a grand if you just throw a ball. He was like, all right. And he got busted. Now he's facing like 60 years in prison. How do they bust him? I'm sure whoever was doing it was probably, it was like a bigger scheme, but I think he probably, you know. Yeah, you're fucked.

Sorry, I's purped so loud. No, I'm trying not to cough. Sorry, so while you're doing that, I'm like, yeah. We're officially an old man podcast. Yeah, I guess this is obviously how this is going to go. By the end of it, I go, what the hell are you talking about? I don't have any fucking memorabilia. Shut up.

You don't fucking say that. Dude, my parents, speaking of geeseers, my parents surprised me in Florida. That's nice. It surprised me at the show. It was sweet. Although it was my least favorite show the weekend. That sucks. It popped up, and I was just like, guys.

Yeah, surprise of the show they think is very nice. It's just That was nice We chilled Sean We all hung out We went on a boat It was nice Oh I heard the boat was sick

Yeah It was pretty tight My dad was showing off of Sean He was driving very fast Yeah he was going Very fast on the boat Yeah You seem scared Sean

You're smoking that cigarette Like it's your last one And he gave me some new lingo He called cigarettes Hot snacks Which I love Hot snacks That is good lingo

Step outside for hot snack Yeah it was nice We got to hang out It was very sweet It was chilling It is nice Yeah My dad was trying to extend the chill

Too long though And I was like bro I must go back And take my little How did your How did your mother Feel about your material She told me to stop being fresh

Yeah She said Matt Stop being fresh There's some stuff in there man Who boy I didn't not know That I'm very glad They surprised me

Because I would have pulled back Because some of that stuff Is a little blue Yeah I'm trying to clean it up But right now It's just a little blue It's a little blue

Just why I'm cleaning It's gonna be squeaky clean by the time it's done but right now it's just a teeny bit blue ain't nothing funier than some blue i kind of like it too it's fun yeah especially yeah when you make people deeply uncomfortable about something they don't want to think about but yeah we were doing some battle there were some geysers there i battled you know drunk lady i don't know if i even battle uh no i battled a big titted drunk lady a little bit she was so far away it was like what did she strike from afar she just started yelling stuff out yeah yeah i'm trying to make my new hour i'm

trying to make it more for everybody but i just i'm pissing girls off. I'm trying to talk about girl stuff and they're getting fucking mad at me. Yeah, they don't like it. I'm trying to include them. Talk about stuff they're interested in, too. Well, when it's a room full of... Like, they're furious. When it's a room full of mostly dudes and you're like, women are dumb

as fuck. And every dude in there is like, yeah. No, I've done that. I'm not saying you. Yeah, yeah. I don't do that. I don't do that. But I do talk about stuff. I think they get uncomfortable. You talk about, you know, they're pussies and stuff. I talk with their pussies. Yeah, you got to talk about everybody's

Pussies. Yeah. Excuse me, man. I'm just trying to, and I tell everyone, I'm making it very, you know, trying to keep everyone engaged and talk about guy stuff. Now we're doing girl stuff, and we'll go back to guy stuff. Yeah. So, he had a large, adoring female crowd still alludes me.

So, some, it's my quest. Yeah. It'd be nice. Yeah, man. Seven arena of white men. Which don't get me wrong. I love my white brothers. Yeah, for sure.

Some babes would be nice. For sure, man. I've seen, there's been. and babes that shows that are just from S&L. Yeah. And I've seen them. And I've seen them be extremely uncomfortable. You go, this is not that guy.

He was so charming. Hold on. What is this? You're basing that off of just seeing them. They'll wear like shirts. Oh. Like designed like a couple of beers shirts or like a sketch from S&L. You guys are here from S&M.

And you watch him hit the wall. Last show, I think it was Sacramento. There was just four. They weren't old. They were like older women. And they were furious. In the front row. So I kept, like, looking over out of them and going.

They were like, nope. But then they started laughing at some inappropriate stuff, and I would turn around and go, you like that? You like pedophile stuff? That's crazy. Yeah, there was a lady I thought I could have sworn hated me the, like, through this whole show. And then I finally went to talk to her. And she was like, blah.

I'm like, oh, you're fucking hammered. Yeah, yeah. I was like, the whole time I was over here fucking worried. I thought you were pissed off. You're just so drunk. I'll never forget at bananas. I had the meanest woman She had like a

She had like a Buzzcut almost She was like an older She had that like old lady like short hair And she was big She was like strong too And her friends were A little unhappy

But she was furious And I was like Oh you're the one who arranged this huh Because you feel terrible About how bad this is And she was like yeah And I was like I just remember calling her Mike Dica

I said If you're here Who's coaching the 1980 five Chicago Bears and obviously she didn't get it but I was like trust me when the lights come on you're gonna see how much

this lady looks like Mike Dica and we're all gonna have a laugh this is like five minutes into my set the rest of the shit it was so bad dude that's fucking devastating yeah

yeah did the audience support the Mike Dica joke when the lights came on at the end of the show everyone honestly laughed it was Nate I think you were at that yeah and that was O'Connor

O'Connor was that the one O'Connor just did my jokes twice It was really funny. I forget what he was doing, but he kept this. He was going, yeah, you guys like Trump? Hell yeah. Like, he said something like that.

During the first show and I was like, what the fuck? All right. That's a little close. And then he gets off stage. He's like, dude, my bad. I was just talking. I didn't even think about it. And I was like, no, it's fine.

I don't give a shit. Second show. Yo, what on? Hell yeah, dude. You guys fucking love drinking beers, blah, blah. I was like, damn, dude, this is my whole fucking shit. Yeah, it was a. bad show then got up there called a lady mike dicka that's awesome i think i fought with the manager

i was looking at the wall and there was like a good comedian i forget who it was i was like damn you guys had him here she's like yeah i wish he was here tonight and it was like i wish he was here i was like i wish i was somewhere else yeah the fuck ding in the middle of you said a different club no no it was right before the show even still that's even worse yeah it's in the hall and they had like pictures of comedians she was like oh you guys had him she was like yeah i'm actually remember you tell me that that's fucking what the hell's wrong with that lady man yeah i remember back in the day i remember back in the day i remember back in the day i made fun of an older lady it was like i was doing like a bar show in new jersey i made fun of an older

lady's shirt and it was like a crazy like shiny shirt this lady had on and just i it was i thought it was pretty funny but like she got really sad and the whole crowd turned on me yeah and i was like yeah you can't make fun of older ladies can't slam their gear her gear i like kind she i think she started it to be fair that it's kind of like crushed her gear and she yeah they always started yeah you're never just out of nowhere being like look at this ugly big and it's kind of like bitch no no i wouldn't do that and she was i was just making fun of her shirt but yeah i've been i've been attacked here and there i've been i've been getting kind of there's been some uprisings against me here in these weekends but we'd been having fun i've been holding it down i'm on a new

frontier right now just go fuck it fuck this show fuck you no i've been having a bad i've been having a good time i honestly have but yeah a couple i have a couple of mutinies on my hands a couple of ladies spazzing on me right now i'm i'm glad i listen in sacramento natea was just like circling the stage he was like he's like you didn't see me out there i was like no i didn't see you he was like dude i was right there i was like what do you mean he was like i walked around the stage and then he walked around the upper ring and just took pictures with people the whole time i was like dude you're dickhead that's so fucking yeah if i would have seen him i'd be like oh that's hilarious yeah he's very funny that's his squad was rowdy they were very

squad's nice i beat them in action before they were so funny one of them showed up the drunkest i've ever seen really yeah and he he stayed alive the entire time dang he showed up like and i was like holy fuck dude i've never seen him like this and then he he was like what are you doing right now and i was like i'm about to go on stage he's like oh shit i forgot i was like yeah dude this is the show i like i like when that kid projectile vomited the one time last time i was with you. Oh, in the green room. Yeah. After the show. Projectile vomited. I think that was my cousin's, like, nephew or some shit. And then stayed. Yeah. Just hung the whole time. Yeah. That was, that was one where people like, is it cool if he comes? And I was like, yeah, that's fine.

Fucking threw up everywhere in the green room. Came back. I mean, it was literally, it was a trail that was like 20-something feet long. Yeah, no one cleaned it. Everyone just put paper plates. I know. Like, be careful. Just put paper plates over the vomit. Dude, it was like 15-foot trail that he then, I think, just threw up into his hands. He projectile while he was walking and then just like trying to hold it in his hands so it dripped all the way to the bathroom. It was long. I think he stayed, yeah.

Yeah, he just chilled. Just walked right back in. I couldn't believe it. I was like, well, where is the kid now? Like, oh, he's right out there. And I was like, you didn't leave? You'd think someone would either make him leave or he would want to leave? That was such a wild move.

Yeah. Just sit there like, oh, man. Fucking threw up all over the party. I was going to sit here. that sucks dude the moment because i i would be in denial if i was about to throw up i'm not me never never not at the after show not at the green room not happening no way no now no for like seven feet in front of me trying to run to the toilet i can still get trying to get to the turlet thrown up yeah that's that's awful you should have brought him before you yeah just bring me the boy bring me that boy yeah

i would have paused the x-box and said where is that you that's awful you should have brought him before you yeah i would have paused the x-box And said, where is he? Bring me this boy. Neil. Rise of night. Yeah, dude. Me and Gardini's Goom Sesh in the, for no, G-O-O-O-M, in the airport with the switch. So nice.

Yeah, you can't get, you got a hold of a switch on the way to Australia and played 15 straight hours of Mario tennis. I mean, sure. I don't want this? Yeah, I'm all right. I kept asking him. I'm like, yeah, you can have this. No, I can see how much you enjoy it. Oh, my God.

I was having a ball. I know how you get on the switch Dude true I get that little switchy Mm-hmm but yeah we had the We were sitting there playing and it like I would be like all right dude chill And as soon as I get knocked out of like third place I'm like just packed airport

Bullshit how many red shells you're gonna fucking get Dude I'm only getting green I know I thought it's funny because we saw the guy with the Oculus Yeah Austin airport and we were both like look at this fucking piece of shit He's literally wearing an Oculus

Yes and he was going like this And he was scrolling with his finger Like literally hit him It was, dude I got a picture of him But it was LaMere would have no problem Hitting the Oculus

No In public I was thinking about it Last time I was on the airplane I was like I should pull my Hit an Oculus on the flight Yeah

It's in my seat You should do it And next time go like this Anytime you hit Yeah Yeah Yeah Put the Oculus on

And then just be like It's a little 9-11 Simulator Yeah I was laughing though because then we were in Florida flying home and I was like these old people are looking at us at us the same way for playing the switch that we were looking at that guy for now that old man was loving it dude how who were you playing with

you struck me as a toadman I do like toad a lot and I got the hamburger head in the new Mario cart so I really like that costume but I like Lakitu too who's that he's just a little turtle guy but I have a fisherman costume for him so I've oh nice dude Oh my God He was got a ball tap This fucking guy He was going like this I think there was like a function

Where you go like this with your fingers He was just going I was like Drew Take it off Yeah Play a little Mario cart In the airport

It's nothing That was crazy Plugged into a chart Dude he's from the future He's got AirPods Yeah He's plugged into A portable charger

In his suitcase it looks like He was literally going Yeah he was elsewhere yeah this is a future man yeah it was pretty crazy man a cool vest yeah it was pretty nice it pissed me off so i think he was a military guy though so i was like maybe he's like could have been like drone striking palenteer yeah he could have been just getting ready good for him that one was wild man hit me yeah that's and he held it for a while i wouldn't i didn't put an oculus on unless i locked my door it was in my room yeah you would that's if anyone saw that

yeah it's so wearing a fucking virtual mask especially if i had one on what I'd be doing with it. I'd have to definitely lock the door. Yeah, Chris and Tommy had no problem playing it. That's so funny. I mean, that is fun. And it does sound kind of fun. Oh, no, he was on, these were Apple Pro Vision.

So he was doing Apple Pro augmented reality so he could see you. But it was just like his apps. He was just. he yeah if somebody's winning an oculus in public you can ball tap yeah you have to no he was these are vision pros but yeah oculus would be crazy yeah he being totally blind

but he would just go Jesus Christ he was just bringing his text closer to enhance yeah it was tough it was a tough look I don't know maybe maybe there's you know I think there's might be babes that are into that kind of shit if you're just fucking completely futuristic

Maybe, you know, we'll see Someone, there's someone for everybody Yeah, there is Just another babe with Vision Pro You see each other's big moji screens At each other, it'd be nice Yeah I didn't realize he was plugged in the whole time

Yeah, he's plugged in Dang, dude Connected to the grid It's fucking crazy Yeah, the Apple Pro Or even Oculus in public I would definitely steer away That's crazy

No Switch, two players switch with the screen on a suitcase totally fine yeah it was fine there's an old man he was 80 years old just watching us play just completely blown away but like what is that thing we're like trying to explain to him he's like

that is so cool that's nice it was really nice and we ended up sitting next him on the plane he was a man he was like an almond farmer in sacktown actually from sack town everyone he was like you guys have to join the space force because I think you're going to be able to get to the moon pretty soon yeah he was telling us to go to the moon

Oh man It's pretty sweet I was like bro I'm 40 I'm 40 much I'm gonna fucking space force Yeah Half as old as you

He's very optimistic I liked it He was The future is bright I'm so sad I'm not young Yeah That's why

Yeah He's about to die Yeah He's gonna damn The future's gonna be so sick I mean Yeah he saw FOMO

True He did have He did a He did massive foam He was playing Mario card At the fucking airport Yeah dude He saw me

And he saw me He saw me like Blue Shell He'd be going what the fuck is a blues show you go and hits the guy in first he's like how do they come up with this shit we're going to be

at Mars in no time yeah because I'd be sitting there like dude I hit a shortcut and he's probably like what the fuck this guy's a fucking freak it was so this guy must be top gun

that was so fun that was man I was sad to be had to put that thing away yeah it's unbelievable Got to get the switchy. Especially to the stranger, be like, yo, take the controller. Sean was nice, too. He was kind of killing it, man.

What? You're a sweaty gamer? Sweaty gamer when it comes to car. Yeah, you get serious. It's just a gamer. The UFC losses send you home every time. Anytime we play UFC is a great easy, he loses like three. And he goes, I have to go, actually.

It's just a game. Rips a hot. snack and screen screams we do got a reestablish rank we haven't reestablished rank the ranks are settled dude i just put on a power vacuum did you no there's no power vacuum it's it's a blood death dude someone at the naples shows was asking us to pod pod tournament UFC again oh well their their wish could be granted yeah we could do that right now yeah uh no Nate and I stayed up had a couple cocktails on Sunday and I might have beat him 20 straight game

it was bad it was a bad one it was a bad one but I was hammered I showed up drunk at like six that was like 2 30

I showed up I was drunk true I was drinking on the plane true shit yeah no handicap

yeah nice try damn that is my favorite though when you get drunk someone's beating you in a video game you go yeah

you fucking like you feel good about this I did that I got soda with that in like a real way soda couldn't beat me in NCAA way and then we came home from the bar and I was hammered and he's sober yeah he just beat this

shit out of me it was like 3 a.m i'm just sitting there i was like you feel real good about this oh you're fucking going yeah oh running up the score you feel cool and he was like honestly no he's like i don't like this and i was like all right let's go to bed dude you won i don't like yeah he was like dude this sucks you're being like really mean just losing and being so nasty it's such you think you're fucking tough dude fucking beat me when I'm drunk dude

meanwhile I was like yo let's play NCAA he did run the score of it was fucking brutal it's just to have like your remaining faculties and just be like you're a fucking piece of shit

you can barely see it's just a so nice and so you fucking cock sucker dude you think you're really fucking cool your brain is just like fizzing out and it's just like you know you're real piece of shit the last four centers are lit up

yeah that's so fucking funny but that is yeah that'll get you yeah if you're uh you're trying to if you're drunk in gaming it's not at your best yeah it must be he you handled it well he had he was like he was like rudy rudigar he kept being like dude one more play

run it back same matcho it was like dude these are first round knockouts with like insane knockouts he would try to go to the ground I had moments where I was locking in. I had moments and I kept thinking I was like the next little bit of the one. Obviously there was 20 games. You're going to get close. I agree though.

If you get knocked out fast, I have the same thing where I'm like, I know where I'm like, I know what I did. I know what I did. I got your game mapped out. Let's fire it up. And then you get knocked out again.

You go, fuck. What am I not thinking of right now? That's what I, maybe when I'm focused enough that I like look hard, scratch up. my, and do more getting knocked out.

You just see your guy get knocked out in more clarity. That's all it is. I know. I was real focused to get my ass whooped. Yeah, and then he wouldn't leave.

He was a leaving. He lingered. I went to bed while he was still in my house. Are you practicing? I was having a good time. I was watching. He put on sixers' highlights and they was like, oh shit, my Uber's 18 minutes away.

I was like, I'm going to bed, bro. And then I laid in there and the fucking, it was so loud. I'm just listening to the lady announcer from the 76ers screaming. She's the best. She is actually really great. Kate's the best. I'm usually very opposed to that. She's very good.

She's a man. She's like one of the talk. Oh, really? Yeah, she's good. Yeah, Kate. Oh, no, man. Don't talk about Kate Scott like that. Don't talk about my sweet age of Kate Scott.

Yeah, no, she rules. She's the best. I've yet to see her. Well, it's probably an hour, huh? Yeah, it's got to be. Yeah. Don't worry about it, Nate. What are you going to say no?

Where are we at? Well, why the fuck would you do that? Why the fuck would you do that? Well, actually, no. Not an hour. Well, you did it. Well, what are you thinking? A little UFC.

Now the listeners are going to go, oh, that's an hour. Now I finished. They're going to bust at the end. Everybody finished. Go fast. right now we need you to go fast don't go so ooh you're about to do it yes well goodbye nice watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify do it