Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 586 Shift Work Feat Nate Marshall

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support P*nties in the Mouth @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live yo0oo00o0o0oo0o. Wutz guddy. Hope you're all having a good week. Have a hot cast for you. Fambly ep with Nathan. We talk about our time together in Nawlins and much more :) Please enjoy. God Bless. ps lemeez does a physical and artistic little activity in the paytch this week Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! $45 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The wow, wow, Wes. Hey. Hey, how's it going? Hey, how's it going? Good, man. Just chilling. I got a nap. I usually I'm a little tired.

I know you've got a nice little nap today. Thanks to my extension. Your extension was great. My giant extension. Yeah, there's a little gap in the sketch. It was nice. I was all, I was all, and I was, I was sleepy today, too. I did not get good sleep last night.

Yeah, I was out doing stand-ups. So I couldn't fall asleep. So I was just back to the audiobook Bible before bedtime, which is a nice bedtime read, by the way. On Jacob and Esau right now. What's the book? The Bible? Ever hear of the Bible?

You ever hear of the Bible? You ever hear that? I also didn't hear about that. As popular as Christiana Ronaldo. He didn't know who Cristiano Ronaldo was. Yeah, that's why I really did. I told you I feel good about not knowing that. Why?

Can we like investigate why you feel good about that? I'm kind of curious. It just kind of feels like the way, y'all explained it's like not knowing knowing LeBron or something, and that just kind of feels cool to get in a different. I'm kind of different out here. I'm just moving different.

I can see that. No, I can appreciate it. You're doing well. I thought you'd be less active on this pod. It's going to be, my voice is going to go halfway through. That's because you've been going too fast, you know.

I know. Slow down. You introduce us to the purple drinks while we were at that bar. I didn't touch one of those. What was the devil drink? At Lafitte. It's in New Orleans.

It's just another. That's like in New Orleans fucking a daccary type I don't know how to describe it just an icy sugary liquor thing Those things will get you Yeah it's called purple drank so Yeah

So I went crazy on like flies on shit They said they even misspelled drink on the cup It's for me Maybe it made me feel better Because I was I was like shit in neon green And we talked for a second And I was telling him about it He was like I'm still shit neon green

I was like all right So it is the purple drink It's not I'm not dying. Dude. Well, I ate candy as a similar trap for me a long time ago, but I ate this candy from Hot Topic one time. Yeah.

And I shit. It's the white man's. It's the white man's drank. That's the white man's drank. I was a teenager in Hot Topic and they sold this like neon weird candy shit. And I remember ate it and I got like scared I was dying when I did shit. I had Plato was coming out of my butt. Did you know?

You came with, uh, so you stayed Sunday. Yeah, we stay. You guys must have been. They were dead. They sucked so bad. I sold them Sunday. I flew in at 5 p.m. Sunday. I saw Nate.

I was going to the hotel. I looked in the window. I see the bar. I see Nate at the bar. I'm like, oh, we're going to say how to Nate. I'm like, what's up? Nate's like, oh. I'm like, what's going on, man?

Can you fucking talk. Skankfest's day four is fucking hell. That day I had went to bed with the sun up. And then when I finally came out the hotel, it was dark again. Like, it was a, evil thing he was on some vamp shit

I saw him at the bar and I he was like he was going on man I was like Jesus Christ Jesus man Where are the others I don't know His voice is just gone He was chalky dude I saw him he was chalky

Yeah I had nothing I was I was trying to rally He was trying to go pole boy He was like oh it was going on Yeah I was happy to see you I just had nothing. I know. You know, you bump into someone at a bar. You're like, oh, what got?

What are you doing here? It's like, uh, it's going to all the time. I get to a bar, O'Connor's, oh, fuck, man. The stuff Island boys will hit you with one of those. See him in a bar. They're like, I've been out for eight hours ago. Jesus Christ. It's 4 p.m.

Go to bed. Yeah, Nate wasn't drunk. He was just viciously hung over. Yeah, I was. I think, I think. I didn't go and hair of the dog. Yeah, I had one. And I didn't even finish it.

I couldn't. I was like, I'm not ready yet. I waited until I got to the venue to Mardi Gras world. Yeah. Squad was fucking in rough shape. I got there at a big stand-up show at Skang Festival. You guys, anyone did some time? No.

I mean, geez, guys. Friday was great. Yeah, I heard. Saturday, half energy. Sunday must have been. Sunday was chill. It was definitely chill mode. Everyone was chill mode.

Yeah. It was pizza and eagles. Everyone was just ordered dominoes. I saw the domoes come through. I kind of turned up by the end. I can't remember if, oh, my fault. Yeah, I kind of turned up by the end. Oh.

Oh. Oh. I went to, that was the only night I went to the after party. Was that one just because I, I don't know, wanted to do it once. Yeah. I ordered a thing the whole way home. Just a badge that said barely legal on it the whole way of hope Oh man

Name of the strip club that the after part was called barely legal But every I didn't go Every lady there was kind of old So it was kind of nice Like you're very very legal Yeah they were like obviously they were clearly legal Undeniably legal I wonder if you could do a class action suit

You guys should be perpetrating the illusion That I am committing a great crime It's statutory. I didn't feel like a pedophile at our one. He was helping to catch a little bucks. You might be able to make some bucks. What did you say? I might be able to make some bucks.

Take some pictures of them and go out to a judge and be like, do any of these look like they could be of the questionable age? I was fooled. Oh, my $15. ATM feedback. Yeah, that's funny. Well, I guess that was the brand. Oh, no, the ATM just had a super high.

Oh, wow. You know how to do you know how to do. Yeah. Yeah. The ATM and a strip club. They watch. They're like sharks. No desperation from every guy in there.

Yeah. I think they have one of those ATMs. They have that thing when you go into a gas station. It's like, d'lily, when you run over the thing. It's a bell that goes off. He's back. So all the strippers go. There is.

Yeah, they're like this. They go. There's our market. Yeah. Yeah. I got invited to the after party. I was like, no way, bro. No shot.

Not going to barely. Zero shot. I'm going to stay in a way. Strip Club on Bourbon Street with Legion of Skanks. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. You and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season.

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It's good to be right. Yeah, well, that's fun. It's a fun time. It was actually, I think it was probably my favorite one of those. Yeah, it was in a long time. That was a really good one. I was curious how they're going to work it in New Orleans. And man, they truly did find the perfect place.

Yeah. So that place right on the waterfront, it was cool. Yeah, it was buried in a back on. It was a bad botry at that fucking thing, though. Yeah. You hear a story. Everybody comes in and goes, yeah, fucking, I just got jacked off on a fairer wheel. You're like, oh, man. Yeah, it's

kind of nice. Crazy, what's going on? Oh, yeah, it is fully debauchous. Yeah. It's a buck and all. I got eyes on the ass slapping contest. You know, I had to get there. But not just, I was there early. The first night, Friday, well, you know we were out. We were out until like, how long were we at the casino?

What guys were a computer? What are you attacking? Why you attack me? You were the fellas slapping. It was guys? No, I was just busted this chance. Just being mean. Skank Fest usually tosses.

Some guy did something crazy while I was on stage at the live Legion of Skanks show. What happened? What do you do? I don't know. I didn't look, but I heard about it. He kissed a dick. There was two guys that, like, kissed a dick. And it didn't even take much convincing.

No, they were brought it up. They're like, yeah, we'll fight tomorrow. The loser has to suck a dick. I'll do it. It was like, no one's making you do that. They're like, we'll do it right now. Of course, the entire crowd's like, do it. Just sitting there with David Tell like, Jesus Christ.

It was just a dick? Whose dick was it? A guy who just proposed. Oh, what? Yeah. Sin. Yeah, that's crazy. I know a guy who just proposed in the room, right?

And also got his dick kissed in the lines by a fellow. I don't know. Guy's butt slapping contest. I'm sorry, Dave. Then he sheds lime green. It is funny to be on the phone with your babe Like what are you doing down there? I was that the other guy's butt slapping contest

And then well I got double dog dare to kiss a man's penis And it's going pretty good otherwise She was in the crowd The girl he proposed to it. They did it live And then he kissed it he got his penis kissed He got his kiss Yeah that's kind of powerful dude If you just proposed

You just proposed then you're also off to a terrible start She cheated on it within three minutes He got his dick touched by a guy immediately And it was just like a peck on the helmet Allegedly I didn't see it Two pecks you watched oh you were up close Wait who went for you were up close and person Yeah you had eyes on I was in a balcony

I couldn't believe it was happening To be a bunch of beads Yeah that is a funny like That's a big thing like oh tell me the proposal story It's like well we and then Then somebody kissed his penis And then Lamergo's not once but twice Twice

Two pecks Very European It was two different guys. He went, you're respectful. It was two different guys because the one guy was like, Lewis, you said for me to fight, I have to suck a trans dick. And I'm looking forward to that. And Lewis was like, we're going to let that go.

Yeah, so you don't have to actually do that. He was like, no, man, fuck that. And then the other guy was like, that's gay. All you told me I had to do was kiss a dick. And he was like, also, I'd like, I'll do that. right now to prove it is this an audience member yeah everyone was kind of like you don't really have to do that

please don't yeah and he's like mom it's nice though that's a good uh it's good move but yeah I was asking who won that fight? Those two fought fucking uh yeah Skinnerd versus the ukulelea Hawaiian

interesting I missed all that I got there it was just like everyone was just dragon yeah were tired from that. It's Friday and Saturday. Saturday was... If I was wrestling and kissing penises all day, I would...

It's a full day. It's a full day. They gotta top it next year. The cruise is going to be just like... The cruise? Human centipede. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

I would... It would cost more than the Riyadh comedy festival to get me on the Skank Fest cruise. Oh, my God. yeah true you guys don't think I'll jerk off and shit in this pool right now it'll be the poop cruise

just without the boat will be fine there's gonna be shit and homeless shelters on deck oh my god fucking they should do a cruise and just never set sail just be on a docked boat the whole time

people are gonna be jumping off the only way you don't lose a person is if you stay docked if they take off they will lose someone Yeah Yeah oh dude for sure You ever see those videos

Where people do that shit Just think it's gonna be hilarious Jump off a cruise ship And then There'd be a new like Indigenous population In like the St. Peter Island Yeah yeah yeah

It's a bunch of fucking Chubby white guys Yeah We found here This land came to us Yeah They feel like They need a couple skankettes

To repopulate But they would Although those guys might just hatch I don't even think they They come out of each other's backs Like nematodes They just sit on a monster energy drink It comes out like

Brand shop sucks Yeah Yeah they'd have to hit like the Small convenience stores Take it they completely control the supply of funnions They control the funnions Yeah We control the funnions

now. But yeah, that's fucking sick. It was a good time. It was a grand old time. I saw some of my friends there. I always see him when I'm there. Yeah. Dan the Rantman, Linda.

And I'm like sitting there talking to them. And while I'm trying to have a conversation with him, a lady just pulled her pants down. It was just showing Zach and Miko her pretty gargantuan butt. It was like, there's no, you know, no disrespect towards the butt. It was like full in proportions. It was just larger, larger than life. And I was like directly in my line. vision. I'm like, and I was like, oh, there's literally a giant butt behind you guys. And they were like, yeah, oh, okay. And I was like, I literally can't. Yeah, that's, I can't focus. How am I supposed to put?

Yeah. Focus. I thought they turn and have a laugh of me. They're like, yeah, there's a lot of, uh, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's, this was, I will say, this was a pleasant giant butt. I think I know exactly you're talking about it was a very nice, gigantic butt. Yeah, it was Talking. Yep. Yeah. Beyond Paul. It was beyond pod.

Yeah, it was a wide load. It was beyond POG. There has to be something beyond a pod because this was like. Blob. Blob? No, it wasn't blob. It wasn't blob. Like it was fully rotund.

Yeah, it was like shapely, but it's like she was great. It just kept expanding, but kept everything. Like a tree, like it grew from the inside and kind of each year was like a ring. I would like a core sample. to see the age of that butt. I'd be curious. I'm curious. It sure it was like a mighty sequoia.

Yeah, the naked roast, I stuck around for two of those. Nice. And I'd seen more than enough. So a couple penises. So, yeah, that's all you see. Yeah. And then, yeah.

That was the extent of the nudity, I think. I just saw a couple guys' tiny penises. Perfect. I don't, dude, I'm still trying to figure out the, like the why someone would do the reason somebody would be like yeah I can't figure that out I'll stand up there and do stand up and show my time I have a hard enough time like just doing stand up with all my clothes on yeah yeah yeah remove my clothes I'd like no absolutely fucking not I feel like I get it for ladies especially if they're hot like you stand up there

you're like just hot but these would do it like with their little dicks yes obviously for ladies it's a great thing it's kind of coolest thing yeah but we're they're not even really naked I feel like maybe there they are but I feel like a lot of naked roast I've seen or the naked stand-ups I've seen is like women wear bra and underwear men pull out the tiny flasces. So, which is, I think that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be like, you can't bar women from not being able to show their nipples in regular life and then be like, all right.

Yeah. Plus them out. Actually, yeah, you could. Now the thing about it, but. Yeah, quite the opposite. Now's the time. True. It's been sanctioned.

That law will never change. You think it'll ever change when women can just finally go, I think we could be close to like all topless. They can in Austin. They can or they do? They can, like legally in specifically Austin. Like, I'm not, I'm pretty sure in Austin you can legally be. Yeah, Bucking Springs, you could. Yeah.

Okay. But I think you can just like walk down six feet. I told you, I saw a lady one time in my neighborhood and she wasn't, she didn't look crazy, but it was just naked from the top. I'm pretty sure it's, it's legal here. What? Yes. So why are more exercising they're right? I feel like it's, I don't know.

It's aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of fucking, it's aggressive for a guy to walk around, Sherlock. Yeah, I'm sick of that. It makes me mad as hell. Although, dude, the sunlight hits your chest.

It increases the tea. Yeah, but I'm driving around with my girlfriend. Sick of these six-six dudes with the abs jogging around. Yeah, that's, that's tough. You were, like, trying to, like, you're driving with your lady. You're, like, peeking to see if she, like, you can see her tired. Like, I fucking dare you. Yeah, yeah.

Dare you look at that guy. Yeah. Fucking pussy. That guy sucks. It is funny. Oh, you see something you like? Yeah, that's cool. asshole

why the fuck would your eyes dart over there the same way mine did I looked longer yeah I'm gonna fucking guy fucking making me fucking insecure

fuck is his problem I will say though it's like when you swim naked it is a nice feeling same if you have no shirt on it does feel I don't think I've uh hit the old

I would hope you do I'm so mad they built that house back there I've been hitting so many dips solo skinny dips dude it feels amazing it's really nice I just go Oh, it's amazing.

It's so good. Yeah, now they can make you kind of peeve in there. You can float on your back. I take up the entire pool. It's crazy. I'm furious about that house. Although, can they see it? Yeah, I'm sure the kid's rooms up there.

There's going to be a boy looking out the window. Oh, even a bunk bed. Oh, no. Bunk bed. It'll be like the crows nest. It's going to be so scary. It'd be really scary. That's on them, though.

My whole thing, if I'm on my property. and you see me naked, look, that's your problem. Yeah. They're building houses behind mine, like, windows straight across. And it's, I am naked in my house a lot. So I'm like, damn, they're going to catch me. Yeah. I'm pretty sure because there's been a lot of building going on.

And I just, I love having just gigantic windows here. Yeah. I think you're looking at every single fucking house. I go on my constitutional. So I'm just looking, I'm watching people eat dinner. Straight in. Ooh, yeah. You're seeing people like,

it's me again making progress at a snail's pace I finish look up you're just still right there still slowly just going what you guys haven't in there

you got any extra hamburger helper I've noticed you guys eat that on Tuesdays our house in Philly was literally like the kitchen where we ate was right next to a window that was right next to the sidewalk so people would literally just be walking by and be like right in on us all reading you'd be like two feet from every city anytime i'm in a city

there's nothing you can do drive me crazy i'm looking into your house yeah you have to too if you see people at a table so i'm like what you got going on yeah what are they watching what the show is that fucking idiots i can't believe they're watching that i do i don't know why i do like when i see like a giant tv in the window and i can see what they're watching i'm always kind of like damn do you watch an independence day right now it's tuesday it fucking nine p.m i'm walking my dog i fucking rocks i know it's just like damn you just chucked on i ade four and i was like What am I doing in my life? Yeah.

I didn't even think to watch ID4 right now. ID4 is fucking sick. ID4 is. It is. Yeah, I do love that. ID4. Independence Day. Bro,

don't act like you don't know. I didn't know why I was quite that different, but I was like, I didn't you become. I was like you were saying it was the fourth one. Purple drank changed. You don't remember anything. The green turred transformed. My brain hasn't been working right since Skagfisk.

I, like, I'm moving slow. You took Monday off. least? Tell me you took one day. No, we drove all day. Oh, fuck. Yeah, we drove for like eight hours. That must be the worst hangover drive possible.

It was pretty bad. I did the first four. Sean did the last four. My girl, she picked me up from Sean's, and, like, she hugged us all. She said we all smelled like ass, and we just did notice it in an eight-hour car. You must have stunk. Was it just you and Sean, or did you pack the meas in there, too? Butterly.

What's wrong with you, Miss? What'd you do? He left. He left early, didn't he? Where'd you go? How'd you get home? I just left it. Took an airplane.

Nice. Yeah, I left on Sunday night. I always leave Sunday night. How were the farts on the airplane? No farts. I kept them to myself, yeah. That's cool. Right.

I did, I did. Did you shower before the flight? No. I mean, I showered before. Somebody right now is telling everybody at work. Somebody's gone, I sat next to the fucking biggest piece of shit. He farted.

He stunk like shit. He smelled like ass and vodka. I didn't fall asleep this time, so I don't think I fart it. That's fair. That's the Lameese guarantee. I fell asleep. I don't think I farted. Oh.

Do you know what's fucking that I'm getting hip to right now is that apparently sports viewing is like it's impossible to watch sports now? they've like scattered all the games across different apps. Like how does it? They have done that. Yeah. It's fucking, that's wrong,

dude. It's hard to get a hold of the Sixers. Yeah, it's kind of wrong. They're just basically making you buy a season pass for whatever your favorite team is. Everyone has to pay like $100 a month. Yeah,

that's wrong. And then they took ESPN off YouTube TV for like two weeks. Isn't it still? That was devastating. Yeah, I heard that. Oh, I got fuck because I had,

I like, Changed everybody went bought fucking Disney Plus and all that shit. I had like the old legacy. My version. It was a little cheap. Quiet, piggy. What? I just remembered.

I wanted to break that out. Sorry. Wait, who got hit with a quiet? Some fucking piggy on Air Force One got crossed by Donald Trump. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Do you think he's getting dementia? I don't know.

I don't think. He just seems a little slower than usual, but Spud says, Spud thinks he's getting dementia. Spud said his daddy got dementia, Trump, meaning Trump senior. Yeah. They see their speculation that T-Dog might be rocking Biden brains. He's definitely not,

he's not apine brains yet. No, no, no, not yet. But he's circling the drain. Yeah, because I... Quiet Piggy was fucking crazy. It's pretty wild. I just can't think of how like embarrassed that lady must have been.

That must have been so funny to be... And you're on AF1. Think of you were next to her and you hated her. Why didn't you think about that? Did he his injury? He's out Bill Clinton's dick. Quiet, piggy.

You go... Oh. Got that bitch. Yes. I'm waiting for someone to kill her. Yeah, on the plane, too, it would stink. It's like, you can't get up. You're stuck on the flight being like,

I'm going to write about this. I'm going to write about this. Quiet, piggy. Do they know, do they identify the journalist that was... I don't know. They got to keep her named Quiet. You think it was definitely a babe? Because you can't...

Yeah, he wouldn't call... Yeah, it was a lady. Quiet Piggy. Can you hear? Although, calling a guy, quiet piggy. It's hilarious. Piggy. He called a guy and piggyes.

It's quiet piggy. especially if it's a fat guy quiet can we see who this person was is that that definitely can I see I see I kind of want to get the visual more so than the name would be

kind of meaningless to me because that's fucking that's a wild move man Catherine Lucy from Bloomberg I'd like to take a look at her yeah I would like to she doesn't really look too big who says she was

I was just curious she might have had a piggy's demeanor. Yeah, it could have been. Damn, bro. That's a piggy's demeanor. Quiet, piggy. Pointed it.

Pointed it. Leaning over. You know, if the allegations are false, I'd be furious, too. What was she asking him? I think it was about Epstein. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a quagmire right now. The one guy who got busted, the guy who was the Harvard president and that sat on the board of Open AI, did you know exactly what his, emails what he was saying i was reading a lot of them yeah did you about it kind of using uh epstein as like a dating coach i didn't see that one yeah he was apparently bank i need a girlfriend i'm married but i need a girlfriend like how do i talk it was like kind of pua shit like how do i talk how do i talk to these kids like what are some tips how do i reach these keys he had to neg them he had to be like bro your geometry's trash bro what's your sotc what's your sot squirm yeah

that's uh stuff stuff that's the war to not only be associating with a pedophile, but also to be seeking romantic guidance. I'm going to scream to quiet piggy yesterday. When? I was ready to fucking explode, dude. I went to Starbucks and a woman in front of me. It's a pretty crowded Starbucks.

It was early in the morning. There's a woman up front. She's trying samples. There's a line of people. Samples and Starbucks? There's a woman going, oh, that's a new flavor. And the maniac girl behind the register was like, would you like to try a sample and she's like yeah I would

took five minutes to get the fucking sample what was a sample of like one of those foamy bullshit drinks it bro that's crazy and then she was like uh yeah I'll take it oh my god I mean it was like that would fucking because he was close the Starbucks lines always I was close to go what the fuck are you thinking oh my god especially to be like even a sample of coffee it's like oh that's a new varietal it's like piping hot you can't even just order it order the It's sugar whipped cream.

You're going to like it. Yeah. Drink it. Yeah. I almost broke. I don't see. If I can get it, get it, buy it. Get out of the way.

I'm getting a fucking black coffee. It's going to take one second. You're up here ordering it. It's 10 minutes. You do feel like an absolute mastermind in Starbucks when you just get black coffee. You see everyone waiting for other drinks. You go, I have a black coffee. Get you instantly right away.

Dumbasses. Fucking idiots. Piggys. and then as soon as she got out of the way and I ordered I was very relieved I didn't have a Oh yeah I almost had a like an airport breakdown I'm not afraid To take us dance

You almost Arianna Grande Everybody What did she do? What did Ariano Grande do like spazzed about donuts or something I don't know that one I think you're I believe I believe I should say I could have bagel boss I could have bagel boss

Yeah I think I think allegedly Ariana girl I think she's been one of them some pop divas spazz about donuts like very aggressively so you deserve one come on give yourself one diva moment

what are you talking about? I'll get a good diva moment move! I'm bad enough take the sample you fucking bitch you stupid fucking bitch what are you thinking? That'd be a nice remake of the Purge

where people just said whatever they wanted to each other just one day of Twitter I can tell you exactly where that goes It's just the N-word and Nazi shit It's right away Immediately It's Twitter

Right away Holy fuck I never even thought about that Twitter is just the verbal purge It's crazy Yeah Well how damn Yeah that's That was the closest I've come in a while Have you had any?

Spazes? Yeah When there was the last one? No, you're not afraid to spaz. I've seen you. All spas, yeah. When we went to Barton Springs and those two girls were like,

we need cash, you were a little like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? I was with you kind of like, all right. I mean, I'm gonna be on your side, but man,

you're really laying into these two fucking teenagers. I didn't do it with the WTF. I went, bro, when they went, once I was like, you don't have cash. And I do Vemma, they went, oh my God, is you serious?

And they were like, no, like you gotta get an app. I got to download a fucking app. Maybe I didn't hit him with that pop. Trust me, I remember it. You know what picks me off? I was getting chirpy for sure. Yeah.

But on within one sentence. Yes, because it's like there's a- You didn't give them time to be rude. They were, don't get you wrong. They were fucking rude. They were young girls working like the end of their summer job. They weren't that young. That one lady was like 50.

No, they were both. One was young. One was definitely young. Old enough and not, dude. And it's like, there's a beautiful way. Let me just go with old enough to get it. Yeah. I'm going to go download a fucking app.

I'm trying to swim in a lake. It's a God-created lake. It was on site, dude. I see why it was a purple-haired lady reading a book in a tent going, no, we don't do that. I can't stand with bureaucrat energy when it was just kind of like, you need to download an app. And I was like, I got to download an app to go in the thing. It was like, come on, man.

Let me in this fucking lake. Who are you to stop me from going to this lake? All the way back to our car to get some cash. Yeah. And I was pissed because I didn't have my goddamn. wallet on me. I forgot. I was like, fuck. Yeah, that pissed me off. That was nothing. I almost like, for real, where was I recently? You almost flipped the tables at Bart Spring. That was Christ. You're like, this is a natural lake. God gave us this. Be gone with your

jewelry. I was like, Matt, they're not Jewish. The lesbians. Yeah, that was a, yeah, that's that got me. That got me fired up, but yeah, luckily you were there to cool me out a little. I was, I was, I was long for the ride. I was going to, I was step in. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was like okay no cash or no no anymore if I can't just tap with my phone I'm like casual only is nuts what are you fucking doing why you making it so hard it's not 1985 like let me get in here I have my phone I can do Apple pay come on and they're like you need a doubt when she said download the app I don't know what it is when I fucking download apps I'm like fuck yeah I say you a thing we have to download an app I'm

like dude you completely correct fuck you downloading an app's crazy I hate that shit I've seen another that one other person who's not afraid to go is Ari Shafir with TSA. I've never seen anything like it, dude. A guy took his lighter out of his bag, of course. Yeah. And he was like, oh, cool, dude, dude, you fucking feel good. And I was like, dude, you're TSA.

Like, you're gonna get fucking beat up. We're gonna get arrested right now. I'm scared of the no-fly on TSA for sure. I'm just kind of like, all right. Shafir went right away. That's really funny. Over nothing. It was like a $2 fucking lighter.

Yeah, yeah. Crazy. Yeah. And then once we got through, he walked over to the guy was like yeah I was like you can't fight at the airport you're going to jail for like 10 years yeah this episode is brought to you by aura frames the part the best part of the holidays aside from the great fooding the gifts because be honest we all love a good gift love a good gift is getting to spend time with everyone with everyone getting to spend time with everyone I love I love spending time with

you. And I want this our time together to be so special. True, dude. The holiday season is ours. The way I make you feel special. Dude, around the holidays, I'm like walking on air. I sent Matt an aura frame stocked with photos of he and I. It's awesome. And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments? Give the gifts of togetherness with aura frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive.

I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you needs the R app and a Wi-Fi connection. Dang. So as you keep making memories, you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add? What's that? This memory right now.

A picture of this? Yeah, of us doing an ad read, take a picture and I put it up there. It'll just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have. Yes. The high-resolution photos, you know what makes me the most hard? Is the high-resolution photos look like real prints? And they really help you relive the moment. and you can try interacting with the photo right there.

So, you know, you can get any photos you want on there. Brief message like, congrats. When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them aura frames. For a limited time. Oh, my God. Let's get a picture of that. Oh, my God. For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 on our best selling Carver Matt frames.

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Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. I don't think you got out of that. Yeah. I should do that, huh? Oh, yeah, the big tour. The big tour. The big tour.

When's this? Oh, no, my. December 4th, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona, December 5th, I'll be in Phoenix. December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, December 13th, Portland, Oregon. Guys, please come to the, so I'm the Springfield Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri now. We got it. We got a fire back up, new ownership. Everything's good. Everything's smooth. I think the tickets, I know they are, actually, will all be honored if you bought your tickets and didn't get refunded at the other place. Yeah, really nice stuff. I'll be there 1212, 12. 1213. That's December.

Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York. That's 1219. And then, A, the big theater tour starts 116 in Houston, Texas, go to Dallas, Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, and many more cities. And if your city's not on there, don't worry, I'll do another stretch of cities after you. So, thank you. We go to Matt McCusker.com, please. Yes. Hello, everybody. This is Sean Gardini.

I just wanted to let you know that I'll be playing while I'll be doing stand-up at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois on Sunday, December. December 7th. Tickets are at shangardini.com or at the Comedy Vault website please on December 7th please dang yeah I forgot all about that there was I don't know where I was recently though but there was one where someone was doing that shit where they were like trying a million things or fuck I think it was at the grocery store and someone was doing something like that where they kept just like asking a million questions I'm like dude they're fucking eggs man that's where it is. Farmer's market.

So the fucking farmer's market, dude, and everyone goes there. I was getting just, that's one of the chicken. I was going to put it in the crockbot. And there's like a chicken farmer guy who has like, you know, a tent. And this guy's like, so how do you think I should cook this chicken? I'm like, Jesus, fucking Christ, dude, just put in the fucking oven or Google it. I'm sitting there. He's like two people in front of me.

The next guy's like, I don't know, man. These chicken went and I'm like, shut the fuck up. Just buy the shit. It took me 10 minutes to buy a chicken. And there's two people in front of me. And I was just like, I was so close to being like, dude, just buy the fucking chicken and move. Please. Yeah, you put your head up a little.

You go. Yeah. And farmers, people at farmers markets think they can like have a half an hour discussion with the vendor. That makes sense to me. It's fucking annoying. Yeah. You got to go get my raw milk.

Raw milk, I get it because there's, there are questions to have. There's people. That one, it's like understandable. But good God, it's just a story. Farmers market is, is happy and willing to chat. Every single person Every single person I always have my kids there

I'm in and out Every second is agony I'm trying to get my stuff They're running They're like Can we please get a balloon Like there's like a balloon Twister lady

I'm like no They're broken I see you right there I'm like yeah you can't get one That's the last one They're getting broken My kids are just yelling As I'm like

Shut the fuck up about chicken dude Please let me buy this Please I'm like Guys they're like We're like we're like I'm here 15 minutes into the fucking

Farmers Market I had a nice spaz yesterday. You would have liked it. I told you briefly about it, but I didn't get the stickers for my registration for my car. And I figured they did that at the dealership when they did your emissions and inspection. And they don't. So then I'm just, I was like, where the fuck is it? And I called the dealership.

And they were like, yeah, you can go to a tax assessors. You go to your local tax place. That's fucking crazy. and then I Googled it on the Texas DMV and it was like they also do it at HEBs here's a list of HEBs

in Austin you can go to and there's one right by me I'm in the parking lot and I'm like I can't go in there and go up to a register and be like do you guys do inspections

for cars because there's no way they do like what the fuck is going and I drove and I sat in the spot for like five minutes of like this is how this is going to go I'm also wearing these fucking like slippers and jill.

I'm wearing this. I'm wearing slippers and socks. It's like, dude, if I go in and go, do you guys, I have my car registered. Here's the paperwork. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you know, dude. What the fuck are you thinking?

Don't know an AGB, like, you guys make my car street legal, please? Yeah. Get the fuck out. And I drove home and I looked it up. I had to download the app. I had to join a fucking thing. Oh.

And sure enough, they were like, we mailed it and it was in my mailbox. That's nice. that was a big one that's huge the day I went and searched for it it's when it arrived thing yeah that's cool yeah it was nice that's really nice yeah that's that shit pisses me off

I that's shout out to wives for that because I yeah that's cool shit dude I fucking can't man can't do that shit if it's like you have to renew any piece of paperwork well you need your social security cards like I don't have well I don't know where it is I don't know where any of that shit is I went to the post office to ship some shit

yeah that sucks chaos I've no idea what I'm in public I'm I have no idea what I'm ever doing I don't I stand there I wait in line I waited in like a fucking 30 minute line and got to the front I was like how do I ship this

and he was like do you have the address written on it I was like no do you have any tape for the boxes I was like no he was like here's tape here's a Sharpie write the address I did huge box and then fucking go to the end of the line

and hold a 35 pound box it's fucking crazy you go back to the end yeah I didn't want to butt Yeah, that's fair to get to the front Do your work and then go ahead You're taking so long up there Oh dude

I used to I used to do all the merch stuff I used to be in the post office All the time and it fucking sucked Although once you get like When you're a regular at the post office You kind of start feeling a star Yeah So I had a PO box

So if you had a PO box I let you skip the line And go straight to the counter Like yeah guys Excuse me guys I'm I was feeling a little different With the PEO box Like yeah you guys

You guys are doing that To tape it loudly In front of the line The whole line's watching me from five minutes easy of just taping shit it's completely crud trying to sharpie an address misspelling shit it sucks yeah that shit sucks so bad

I got crushed it I was getting a renting a car recently actually me and Sean had a nice little time in our Jeep I ran in a Jeep ringer show and Sean the Jeep life it was awesome ducks they called some ducks I we could have we stopped one time at a gas station there were some ducks I'm like dude I should line this thing up Yeah. My brother has a Jeep, but he got like, you know, they put the ducks in the front of your car. He had like six of them up there.

And then one day he was having a bad day. It just was like getting in the car. I was like, why don't I got these fucking ducks in here and knocked them all off? They're still like on the bottom of it. Just a bad day ducks, man. I had to rent that Jeep and I, like, got there. Car rental places, by the way, too. You'll show up and I'm like, oh, I just need a car.

They're like, did you do a reservation? And I was like, no, I just wanted to see if you guys have anything. We don't have anything. We don't have anything. I'm like, but then I had talked to Brittany before because she was like, oh, I already like let me know because I put it in the shopping cart. And I'm like, well, my wife says you guys have like a Jeep wrangler and like, yeah, we can do that for $69.99 a day.

I'm like, why did you just lie to my fucking face? But I let that was a spide. I just went, you know what? I might have going to argue with this lady. I was like, yeah, I'll have that one then since that is available. There was fucking 40 jeeps in line. I'm like, why did you tell me you don't have them? Yeah.

It was pretty nuts. They were trying to hear the house shitty running a car is. Oh, it's crazy. the one usually it's all like you know bring you'll take care of all that stuff she didn't that one time i was like she's like you should rent a car i'm like i'll be fine i'll be i'm gonna run a car and then i got there it's like i want to rent a car and she's like she's like i'll do it it's like a child i know how to do that i get there and i'm like she doesn't have any fucking car she's lying there's one in my car i was like yeah you have a jeep she's lying she's great and then uh and then

i i'm like doing all the paperwork stuff and she's like what's your what kind of car insurance you have and i have no idea i just skip all that i Every single time I have to email my insurance coming, be like, can you send me another card? We did this a week ago. They're in your emails. Just send it right now. I can't. I don't know your name.

I don't know anyone's name. I don't know how to find it in there. Yeah, it almost makes it like you hear about all this facial recognition shit. And part of me is kind of like, whatever, man. You can just scan my dumb face and get all my papers. That'd be great. I fucking, I can't stand that stuff. Yeah.

Because I told you, when I wanted to get my license, it was a, or transfer my tags to Texas here. The guy was just like, I was like, thought I was going to be in and out. I'm like, here we go. And the guy was like, yeah, your license got suspended in Connecticut. I'm like, that was like fucking 10 years ago. He's like, yeah, you missed the last payment. So now, like, I can't do anything. And I was just like, I had a call Connecticut.

And I was just like, just full spas. I didn't know what to do. I had to get Connecticut on the phone. It was crazy. It was impossible. Getting, getting, getting. It was impossible. Texas driver's license here.

I called the Connecticut State Police. It was like, hello. I was like, dude. And they were just like, I don't know what to do for you. And I was like, well, that's your guy's fault. You're telling me it's fucking I did it. I know I didn't pay it.

I know I paid it. And then, dude, then I spelled, they gave me my ID and it was MC space C, USK, ER. I get home, I'm like, bang, got my ID. Bernie's like, why is there a gap between your letters? I'm like,

who gives you? a fuck and then she's like no it actually will affect stuff i'm like dude will you shut up about this and they're going to apply for like some sort of thing and they're like yeah they reject you right to you yeah yeah that's uh when the the trying to get a texas license took fucking forever took me took me a year of going i would go to the dmv sometimes i'd be like it's time for me to get this done today yeah drive 30 minutes outside of the city to try to find a shitty one that no one's at yeah yeah yeah chock full of Mexicans in there.

Me and them are just getting IDs together. We're new Texas residents. They're like the wait list is, can you come back in six months? I'm like, all right. I'll be there. Sleep right through that. I have no idea. Like, I should have put that on my calendar.

April 6th, I got to go there. Dude, every doctor's type appointment I go to. They go, okay, so I'm going to be good for you. How about six months from now? I go, perfect. And I just leave. Great. I'll definitely remote.

I was at the gym recently and there was a chiropractor who were like set up and I'm like oh I could be nice It's like close to my house I paid for an initial appointment Never The lady went to hand me her business card

And I was like I don't need your fucking business card So selling Britney like You know I found this new chiropractor It's gonna be awesome And she was like What's the name of the place? And I was like I don't know

She's like how are you gonna go to your appointment If you don't know the name of it I was like Oh fuck I just I just miss I just paid for an appointment Never gone And you gotta stop doing that

I'm like, don't tell me, I don't give a fuck If I miss it or not She's like, well, it's crazy Pay for an appointment You don't know where to go And I was like, well, that's for me to worry about Not for you. Shut up.

People with business cards can get fucked That's what I said. I'm like, I don't need your business card But I don't, you know, I'm tired of people handing me a fucking business card It just is trash I'm never gonna sit down and go Give me your number.

Give me your fucking number. Type it in. Yeah, that was my bad though Not to verify the name of the business before because I was like I'll get an email like an onboard email being like hey you have an appointment that's what I banked on but no such luck I got I got uh yeah

down 65 books Did I talk? I'll crack your back It's all good I'll make it for you Yeah we'll make it back Of Lamar Nuruu you Did I? True

Nothing You got to fix my back Did I tell you all about my uh my bar spas Oh I heard you almost got Oh yeah I uh I don't remember the name of the bar

Sorry, I was looking at a cup Does it say Wonder Shosen? Yeah Who wrote that? That's just what the name of the drink is Wonder Shosen? Yeah, that's it? Oh, fuck you.

That's a great, do you remember that show? That's the Purple Drang! Yeah. Wonder Shosen was wild. I can't. What is Wondershowson? I didn't know. It was an old, like, MTV, like fake kids show

that was like, there's a lot of really good stuff on there. Nice. Yeah. That's awesome. Check it out. A lot of really good stuff in here. No, that was stupid. that's more like it that's what I wanted that I wanted you to sit here and bomb

that is nice I want the comments to go nuts on you Nate's on his Dr. CB shit right now I'm trying to recover I'm trying to give my poop back to like normal greed normal greed will be better than bright knee on that was the drag bro damn I'm all right

so what happened to the bars pass what happened This is like 4 a.m. I might overreacted a little bit, but I was saying something. Why are you laughing at me like that? You definitely overreacting. I overreacted, but dude was a big. So we went to a bar on Saturday that was about to close. Yeah, I heard.

And the guy kept it open for us. Yeah. And then when I left and there was just a group of people there that were with me, he was ready. You know what I mean? He was like, all right. Yeah. Let's go. We were supposed to be closed three hours ago.

He never. It was like four. I can't believe you guys stayed that late. Well, he kept drinking. He was giving out, well, they didn't happen to me, but he was giving other people there, like, free drinks. He was, like, in his own little, I think he got hammered while, like, while we were there. And at some point, he, I forget, I'm talking to Chris Fagan, and he says something to me. And, like, I wish I could remember what I said back because, like, not knowing what I said back makes it sound like I'm definitely the asshole.

But he takes my beer and he goes, all right, you're done. And just, like, pours it out, like, look at me in the eyes, like, I'm a big. But you said something to him that you don't remember. I don't think I said anything crazy. I think I was like talking to Chris and he just kind of came in like hopping into what we were talking about is how I remember. You're getting him with a quiet piggy probably. Could have been a quiet piggy. I would have to guess it was homophobic or transphobic.

It might have been. I don't know. But he just came into the topic and you were just kind of like. That's how I remember. What do you think it was, LeMay? Well, I was just waiting for the after the incident. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So after he poured the, poured the beer, it did make me mad as hell. And I was like, what the fuck was that about? And then I like knocked the empty off, which I'm saying is a spas. It is a spas. It's a total spas. But then I wasn't. Glass shattered.

Glass definitely shattered. Dang. But still, you look, somebody in the eyes and poured her beer out. Like, that's, I'm out. Yeah. Also, huge chance he had gone, hey guys, wrap it up and got ignored seven times. Did he do that? I don't think he did that.

I don't know. Because also what was happening at that time is their regulars were there. He was like a lot of the regulars because their bar was still open. They were like, oh, shit, my bar's open. So they were, I think literally one of them said was like, we don't know who all these white people are, but we're happy. Regularers were, yeah. We're talking like third ward, Nola.

Yeah, I got you. And, uh, Nate, those guys didn't show up until after you were like, me and fake, we're not leaving. No, they were there. Because I had saw them. I definitely saw them. I think you were outside, but they were there. But yeah, after that happened, it was definitely like the locals at their bar.

You got your black lady on. I didn't get my black lady on. You got your black lady on. You took something off the counter, threw it behind the counter. I didn't get my bag. Started screaming on. I'm not going anywhere. I've seen every Denny's video.

When things go wrong, you start throwing plates and shit. No, no, no. I did it. I just did a little bit. Nobody pours out my drink. No, but they had you fucked They had you fucked up, they did have me Fucked up

They did have me fucked up And LeVair was trying to get out And it was because of how You were trying to get like Skaddle Skadano and I didn't like the way That felt And that's what it looked at Yeah, I was like

They're about to fight you You keep you keep slurring At the bartender to his face I didn't? Did I? Yes You were dropping a lot And I was like, bro,

we got to leave. Hold on, he still poured his beer out. Looking in the eye and pouring your beer out is... It's crazy. But then I did kind of peep dudes that started like position themselves and ways to like... Oh, your dreams. Huh? It's all part of a plan.

You go, what are you fellas going to do to take me in the alley and rough me up? Yeah, right. None of you could wrestle me in the alley. You wish you got a wrestling match. I mean... I knew there's more to it. I knew he was obviously unruly. You break a glass.

I was a little, honestly, I didn't, I was, that was, I was there, I would have joined their side. I said, let's get him, fellas. Wait, let me, let me, let me tell you. I didn't come up behind you going. So after you smash the glass, what was, what was the next move? So I start people that there's like, like, people starting to eye me in the ball, like,

like staring at me and like, getting a little close. serious shit. And I saw one of them. And he was looking at me. I just went over to talk to him. I was like, I'm going to just fucking figure it out. I was like, and I said what happened. I talked about to like, you know, stare me in the eyes, pouring the beer out, blah, blah, blah.

And he was like, he kind of just was like, ah, yeah, that's fucked up. And he probably knew that, like, he, this guy was hammered. They know, you know, it's their bar. They also know that he probably like, they know he can be a dickhead and just smoothed it over, he dabbed me up. He was like, all good. And, like, follow me on Instagram. He followed you on Instagram.

He followed you on Instagram. I'm probably for real. I knew you guys get, yeah. It was probably that. Who's that guy on Instagram right now? The guy with no front teeth. He's always talking about juicy booties. It's probably Fleece Johnson.

Don't worry about it, young blood. You probably heard you fart at the bar. Oh my God. Oh, my God. That's a juicy booty. That's a wet mussy. That's nice. So you shut the bar down. You left on your terms. We're fucking good, right?

No, no, no. It gets worse. No. So I did try to squat. I squashed with everybody, like, around me that was, you know. Man, I would love to have seen that. He was like, ah, you know, we're good, right? Yeah, we're going to look.

We're all right. What's your Instagram? They were probably like, man, get this weird fucking guy out of here. What happened? What happened was, I forget who else was there, but somebody else was like, no, he's, I think other people who there was like, no, he's, he's not like this. This is a little out of character for him. He's not a dickhead, blah, blah. And that's what the guy said to me.

He was like, everybody here's saying, you cool, you know, that type of shit. And then I went to the bartender to apologize because I was like, you know, I did knock the thing down, like, you know, it was glass or that. I went to like, yo, my bad. Maybe we had a misunderstanding with that beer pouring out thing, blah, I didn't mean to do all that. He was like, no, you saw my boys and then you coming around you and then you got scared. Oh.

And then I was like, no. I didn't get scared. I'm just trying to do the right thing now and apologize to you. I'm dying this part. I started. And then that's when Lamaris tried to get me out. He was like, come on eight, you got to go.

And eventually, I was like, you're the five-o-fobos on you. I mean, that's a bad place to do that. Yeah, I know. And I, like, I wasn't saying to, like, kill me in this bar. I was saying, no, I'm not scared. No, I didn't.

I don't even talk like that. Bro, you literally? said I'll die in here. They're going to have to kill me. They're going to have to kill me to get me out of here. I don't think I said that. I think Le Maire is lying on me right now. Le Maire was,

you were close to saying exactly that until he. But I do think I said what were you saying this whole time? I was saying, Nate, we need the fucking go. He was trying to go. He was trying to get out of it. I was like, why are you spending money at a bar where the guy doesn't like you? That's actually a good appeal to a drunk brain. Yeah.

Fuck him. I'll show it. Motherfucker. What was the takeaway? That's the most important. What's the takeaway? Yeah, what did you learn? Not a goddamn.

Not a goddamn thing. That's bullshit. That whole night you had been talking about Christian Renato the entire night. This guy sounds amazing. You didn't learn anything. I don't like your behavior. I'm not.

I would be annoyed. I was all. If I was the bartender. I mean, I was doing, I made some mistakes, but then I still tried to make it right in all the right ways. Yeah, but after you saw his boys show up, and he was right again.

That was extremely funny. Sean told me at one point you got up, he went, you know what the fuck I do a podcast way? Yeah. Do you have any of you who my podcast partner is? I heard they poured out the drink because you tried to coyote ugly.

You got out who said, let's go, girls. You tried to twerk on the bar and they said, get him the fuck out of here. smashing the glasses sick it's too much it is too much it's not I really didn't I don't think I was expecting it to like fall and shatter I wasn't thinking that I just was like come on oh oh shit yeah now we done done it clear the counter yeah but pulling out I'm pulling off like not getting my ass whooped I am pretty happy like I got proud of that because you survived that would have been a rough one

it would have been it would have been a hot I'd have been hospitalized yeah Orleans. Especially after I'm ready to die. And as soon as like someone cracks me. You're fucking fucking. I don't really want to die. You're like a misunderstanding. I don't really want to die.

Are you saying that? That would have sucked. I mean, when we got out of the Uber to go into the bar, I was like, yeah. This is a real place. Yeah. This is the real. This is a real deal.

This is the Wild West. We're going to have to act right. Yeah. You're going to have to be polite. Yeah. It was nice. It was a good bar. It was a good time.

just saying when we pulled up it was it was it was black as hell he couldn't be acting a fool yeah they were what they played a lot of usher across the street that's how black it was yeah it was very black cross what was going on across the street it was like a it's like a clerk okay dance club is rip and usher yeah yeah true those are the only places you can hear like usher and Chris Brown is like a black dance club. Yeah. Certainly. Although, yeah, I feel like if you're at a true bar in the hood, it'd be plastic cups

everywhere. There would be no glass to smash. A lot of plastic cups going on. Yeah. Yeah, we did have bottles. I didn't even think about that. There's a lot of plastic. When I used to go to the bars and west, there was like bars.

No, it definitely wasn't like that. It wasn't like that hood. Yeah. Okay. But the patrons. Yeah. Visibly, guys, you don't want to bother. Was it grown?

Were they grown and sexy? No. They were not grown and sexy, but they were... No. They looked like 17th or more minutes. So you're like a little netherland, basically. Yeah, you didn't just... I can't even imagine doing that.

Wasn't for messing around. Yeah, it wasn't for messing around. Yeah. So I used to go... There was like bars when I went to school at Drexel in West Philly that would serve. Like, you could be a baby and they'd be like, yeah, whatever. And I just thankfully remember only ever drinking out of clear plastic cups. You know, like, fuck, this place is the best bar I can have to.

I've been in two bars. This is my favorite one ever. Two for one shot night. That's exactly how I am. That's still my favorite bar. I got to the bar I worked at when I was 21. This is the best. There is, I will say, there is something so fun about walking into a bar,

pretty much stone sober, and then just kind of really digging in for like hours at a bar stool. Yeah. It's so nice. Talk about clocking in. Yes. Putting in a real shift. You put in a real shift in a bar. We put in one of the strongest.

shifts in Chicago the day after Oasis. Me, Billy Spud and Eaget put in a monster shift. Yeah. It was really nice. That's fun. Egot had to skedaddle because the beers were looking. Yeah.

They were calling him. That would absolutely kill me. Spud's willing to put in a shift. I was surprised how willing Billy was to put in a shift. Put in the shift? It was a great shift. Yeah. People love to change bars.

No, it's nice to dig in for a while. You go, we sit at this table, we talk. Then it got a little guys at the next table. We're like, you guys want some blow. And it was like, shift's over. Yeah, we're out. Clock it out. Because that's how.

Yeah. That's the night crew coming in. Yeah. All right. You got it. Yeah, it was my favorite thing. When I used to get work for an electrician, we would get paid in a bar and cash every Friday.

That was a big thing. You're digging in. We're going to dig in the whole. Basically, like, most of the company would just sit at that part. You didn't talk about a shift is fire. I mean. I love it, dude. I'm going to Westchester this weekend.

I'll be putting in a shift. Saturday, college football, Notre Dame at 3.30? That's shift time. Oh, yeah, true. The whistle's gone. Oh, yeah. I got my lunch pail.

My lunch pail. Of wings. That'd be a sick bar. If you could just sit on iron beams. True. Like four feet up. Have a little lunch pail and they give you your drinks. You can pretend you're an iron worker in the 1920s.

Yeah. Dude, I'm reading a, speaking of, uh, infrastructure in the 1920s. I'm reading a book right now called The Titan by Theodore Dreiser, Dreisder, whatever's name is. And it's all about like the robber baron age of like 1890 to 1920. But it's a guy from Philadelphia who does some white collar financial crime, goes to jail, but still has like, you know, a cool million bucks. And then he goes out to Chicago to like really ramp up. It's just him and his mistress. He just abandoned his family with his mistress, goes to Chicago and just starts monopolizing like gas works and railroads and it's so fucking good it's all about like 19 i anything like

turn of the 20th century high society the vernacular is so fucking funny they all just attack each other and it's it's the best yeah like uh great cats yeah it's very similar like oh he's he's they're quite so quite so also the sun also rises is very like that yeah like uh yeah i just love they just hate each other. They all went to Ivy League. They're all like, he thinks he's a good fighter. He's a Jew. It's exactly that. He's like, I'll tell you what, that Jew can fight. I wouldn't want to try him. That man's rotten from the top of his head

to the souls of his feet. I'm about to try this on for size and he socked him right in the jaw. They made up. And like, dude, his wife like bucks, because he's just completely he's like nonstop mistresses. He's constantly like he'll like meet a guy. He'd like, I noticed, I knew his child when she was,

in younger years and she turned into a beautiful woman, so I decided to bed her in the car. It was my business associate, but whatever. That's none of his business anyway. And dude, at one point, his wife obviously gets wise to one of his,

or he marries his mistress and his wife now. And she gets wise to it. And she just attacks a lady. And he just comes and like, he's like talking about how he's just, obviously like he's like, hold still. He's like, you've lost your mind.

You've lost your mind. What are you doing? And it's like, back then he's like, he could have just committed. He could have fully. He'd been like center to the institution But at one point the guy was just like

Thinking about it And he goes he had to like hold her down and he was just like In an elder day I could have choked her to death And son her up in a burlap sack and thrown her in the river Jesus man It's so funny to be like a three piece suit And be like in elder times I could choke this woman and kill her

On the way on the ride back I ever had felt asleep when I was driving So I put her on post office By Kowalski and it was like out of nowhere to be just like talking about you know going on his route and then this lady he just like yeah it's a good scene it was it was real uncomfortable because shaw's ladies in the car so i don't know why that made it worse but it's like a woman in the car listening to it was like i didn't see that coming yeah he got sucked by a nasty old one no wait which one when he jacks off no he took a lady oh yeah

yeah and he was like he was like i finished her off and then i left and it's like damn Yeah. Yeah. I had this guy's posters on my wall. Vigowski's not great. Yeah. That will call me up guard. Usually he's just drinking and fight.

Oh, it's the post office. All right, yeah. Yeah, those guys got him on right. They really let it air out. Yeah, now it's like you don't have any strong women of color in your book. And then back then it'd be like, I fucking killed that lady. This is based on my life. Yeah, one time on my post office route, I saw a lady that kind of insinuated to have sex.

I went inside and raped her. And anyway, then I got a handoffer. hammered and fistfalled another guy. Yeah, those dudes are wowing out for sure. Yeah. How are we doing on this? I think we're good. I think it's time for the Patreon.

Yeah, true. I have so many salacious stories. Ooh, yeah. I mean, nothing but headlines right now. True. All right. Dirty gossip. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

Do it.