Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 587 Phil Feat Steve Gerben Chris Oconnor

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Kiss @ https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland WATCH 'Tires' on NETFLIX Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Yes. Phil. Fambly cast at Casa de Gillis haha. Happy Thanksgiving everybody. We're thankful for all of you - Love you all very much. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit dosedaily.co/MSSP and use code MSSP to get 41% off Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! $45 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP p.s. I think it's OK but sorry if it's a little choppy I was rushing to get it up before the holiday:) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, Wow, Wes. Darling, you send me. Check, check. I know who you. You're nervous. Get your breath. You're all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

All right. Yeah, we're rocking and rolling. I mean, this, this. Is it recording? Yeah. I'm already mad. Why? This coffee is three hours old.

It's from Westchester. It is. He doesn't. This is what? he does. Yeah, yeah. We'll go to a bar, we'll order wings, we'll eat three wings, and then have a plate

of wings in front of him for three more hours, till the game's over. And then they come by, and they go, do you want us to take this? And he's like, yeah. Fucking insane. A lot of times I'll finish it. This was a situation, my lady got me a coffee. Even this, it's like a coffee, takes two sips, and then

brings it to Harrisburg. Well, someone brings it to the mechanics. Someone got me the coffee. Just drink the fucking coffee. I wasn't ready for it. Phil, how are you? We're here live with Phil. Phil, you got talking to the mic? I'm doing great.

I knew you'd get nervous when that light came on. I didn't even see the light. Some guys aren't built for this. Yeah, some are. Podcasting's tough. It is tough. I've seen it. It's hard work.

I don't know how you do it. Yeah. Well, you're sitting next to the mayor of Westchester. I know. The king. I'm honored. You're not. Did you wind up bringing?

in the hat? Did you have hats? Well, I forgot them. Oh, you forgot them. You were going to dress up like pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving. It was a... I agree. I agree. I was fully against it. Then I realized Phil wearing a pilgrim hat. What do you do for Easter? That's where I got bombing from.

Funny outfits. People ask me how I got my comedy. Phil taught me how to bomb regularly. But you can walk through a bomb. Uh-huh. That's like one of your... You tell a bad joke and just go. He's hilarious.

He is. Yeah. What was the line that he had when we were in the golf tournament with Billy? Where he was saying, Billy was like... It's because you were talking to my back swing. Yeah. And Billy's back swings really quick. Billy goes, you're talking to my back swing, Phil.

And Phil goes, I'd have to be a fucking auctioneer. Oh, my God. He swings so hard. and the results are never any good. Yeah, he's new. He's new to golf. I know. I know.

When he connects, he kills it, but we're not sure where it's gone, right? Yeah. Well, he's jacked. Of course,

the first couple holes, Gerbys didn't know we were playing the scramble. So all of a sudden, he'd go up and play his ball, and then we'd all drive up. And he's like, looking at us,

like, what are you hitting from here for? This is my shot. And, of course, we didn't have to hit after he hit because it was always right on the green. Yeah, he's a very good golf. He's a very good.

He took the game very seriously. A couple cart bumps at the end sent him packing. I hate cart bumps. O'Connor was in there with you just going, don't, don't do it. Don't let him win. He got out of the cart. He was on it just turned straight for him walking. Oh, yeah, I asked him to let out of the card.

I can't stand it. Last thing you want to do is get out of the car. We were also, we were starting to find it at the end. We were starting to find it. It was a whole 18. Yeah. And we were. It was crunch time and that's what I found you.

It was perfect. Just a nightmare. No, when the ride of the Valkyries started playing. I think it was around 16. Valkyries playing on the Bluetooth, chasing Gervis. You had to have Dan O'Leary in the car with you? Yeah. Good.

I might have been by myself at that point. Or O'Leary could have been in there. Regardless, yeah. We were six hours into a round of golf. Just trying to finish strong. You came in. Well, I'm sorry about that, Steve. I didn't.

I felt bad when you were very upset. It's perfectly fine. All right. My mom notice. Your mom noticed? Yeah, she was like, hey, aren't you going to come say hello to all the people here? And you're like, nope, I have to go. Yeah, of course.

No, that's not really for me. Well, it's the killer. It's the killer style. You guys, nobody can leave. Every time you try and go, you just, well, just what do you? Why you have one more. Yeah, exactly. It's like you just got to leave.

And in the next day, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry left. Your mom was on me on Instagram message because she was like, promise you'll come up with. My mom d-end you? What the fuck? Here we DM sometimes. Oh, my God. Your wife's in his DMs.

How do you do that? How do I do it? You know how to DM. You send me. Is that what that's called? Yeah. Like a tweet. Direct message.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm doing it. You send me those Instagram reels. It's very nice. Okay. What kind of stuff is he sending?

It was like drinking Instagram rules, which was really funny. But then he'll clearly be drunk and send me like an inspirational one. Nice. Which is nice. Keep you on track. That's how, yeah. We don't really talk much. I just get a drunk DM from my dad that's like Michael Jordan highlights.

Yeah, yeah. I toss those out this weekend. Yeah, you were hitting me with this. Yeah, well, you know, you got to find inspiration during dark times. It's just 4 a.m. The bars closed. Fuck it. Yeah.

Maybe it's my fault. But Phil, what's going on, man? How are you feeling? Starting our basketball season right now. I think you're going to get fired. No, I can't get fired. I'm a volunteer. I can't get fired.

Other people have to go before they get to me. All these, come on, man. Are you going to fire that? No, I mean. There's too many rings. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff up there that we've... There's too many championships. Hardware.

Yeah. Yep. What's that five gold medals up there? Well. Two with Trinity, three with... No, I got three with Cumberland Valley and one with Trinity as far as state titles.

And that's, again, just coaching, helping coach kids. Believe me, it's all the kids and the head coach. I mean, just, just coach speak. You're just a humble guy. I am. I want everyone to know behind closed doors,

this guy's a menace. When the mic's off, he's going, those motherfuckers would be nothing without me. Yeah. Right, right. No, it takes good kids to win for sure. It makes you look smart. Yeah.

Well, what's the hope for this year? Do you think you got a championship? Well, we've, no, we're going to. We're going to have to work for everything. Yeah. Got a great group of girls, but, you know, there was a couple kids that were going to come out that played for us, and now we're going to stick with another sport.

So they're not going to play basketball. and that hurts us a little bit. But the kids that we have, we're going to go with them. And they're great. This is good stuff. Why? Well, I'm sure we got a lot of 6A girls' B ball fans. Now with the number one women's 6A basketball podcast.

Yeah. District 3, girls hoops. This is good. This is good press conference material. You're talking about the old press conference? Sure. Phil, now, what do you say those people that found out your dad killed a bunch of cats? What kind of question is that?

What do you have, what do the Costa Ricans think about this? Don't think that. You can't handle the press conference? Yeah. So to answer his question about cats. When I was growing up, we lived out in the rural area and... Talk to Steve and us. We had, you know, we had a few cats and they all got pregnant at the same time.

So we had like 25 kittens running around. and it was just too many and my dad put them in a box, a cardboard box and put them in the creek and they went down over the dam and about three hours later about five or six of them

came walking back and he said okay you can stay. That was it. The other ones never made it back or they said we're not going back even though they survived the creek and the dam but just got the five dumbest kittens.

Yeah, no. Let's go back. Yeah, let's go back. Maybe he'll do it again. But didn't you say they were like getting, the horse was stepping on them? Well, the horse stepped on one kitten. One time I started the lawnmower and the kitten the kitten crawled under the lawnmower while I went to get gas because it was hot in

the summer and he thought that was the nice shade place. I didn't know he was under there. I started the lawnmower. Your dad getting rid of them was, it was time. They were everywhere. They were. They were a lot. cats.

A lot of cats. Just 30 cats? We had a lot of cats. We had dogs. We had a Shetland pony. Oh, nice. I didn't know you had a Shetland pony. Yeah.

What is a Shetland pony? It's a little adorable tony ponies? Yeah. What happened there? What happened there? We sold him. Stepped on a cat. Sold him for stepping on a cat.

We sold the Shetland? Things got tough. Things are tough. You got to sell a Shetland pony. Right. We had a steer named Sambo and we had him butchered. A tough name. Sambo.

He was butchered. You butchered it? Yeah. How old were you? Did you like all these animals? Not Sambo because he would chase. He had horns. He would chase you and you'd have to run and yeah.

The horse or the Shetland pony was fine. Dusty was fine. Dusty? What do you get for a Shetland pony? I have no idea. Back then, ten bucks. I don't know. It wasn't much.

What do you do with it? Well, we had a cart and like a trotter. Oh, okay. And it would, yeah, he would take rides with it on Sundays and stuff. There was no traffic on the road back then. You would ride a Shetland pony? In a cart, like a trotter. Yeah.

Yeah. That's fucking insane. Ben Hurd. That's fun. It was fun. All right. It's fun. Yeah.

No, I thought I didn't. The blinkers on them or the blinders, whatever they're called, and you just get down the road and go and go about a mile and then come back. Yeah. All right. Well, that's fun. I thought you were like literally using it as transportation. No.

I was like, it's crazy. Go-com. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. All right, I'd take it back. That rules. I wish I had a Shetland pony. That'd be nice.

Yeah. Just go out for a Sunday drive. I'd need a team. I would need a team. I need the Clydesdales. Yeah, you'd have to get like the spike, like the Roman spike coming off the cart, too. That'd be a nice DUI on the back of a Shetland. Yeah.

Yeah, can you get a DUI in the cart? Yeah. I feel like the Amish get DUIs all the time. You can get them on a bike. You can get it walking. You can get a DUI. Yeah. Well. Well. Seriously.

Trust me if he's dodged. All right. Well, they must not have been out. If they haven't got him yet. That's just drunk in public, right? You can walk drunk. I think you can present danger to other people while you're out there besides just being drunk in public. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's you guys. You get a little bit bigger than me. No, I've seen you. I'm not a danger.

You're definitely a threat. You run. That's true. He starts running and shit. But I'm safe for running than walking. Where are you running? I just home as fast as possible. What is he running from?

That's the real question. 3 a.m. when you're like, I need to get out of here and sprint. Something's going on. When you know you got kind of a long trip and your full stumble bum, you speed it up. I do understand moving quicker when you're that drunk helps. I do know what you mean. Yeah, yeah.

You want like the shortest amount of. time out in public. Nothing worse than stumbling. Yeah. When you can't stop a stumble. Yeah, that's tough. Speed it up. Anyway.

Phil, what else you got for us? This is your big debut. People have been clamoring for this. Yeah, I know they are. I don't know. Just getting ready for the holidays here. Yeah. Just closed the pool.

Realized I screwed that up. How? I had a submersible pump. I stuck it on top of, you know, the enclosure that they put over the pool and the guy came out yesterday to close the spa down and uh he said did did you put that submersible pump on top of the the netting there like and i said well yeah he said well the water goes right through you've got to put the submersible pump underneath that on the step i didn't know that i thought man this thing's really working i never saw any water on top there phil here's

just going right into the pool you got to get a podcast man this is top fucking shit. Wait, how can you're shutting the spa down? You got to keep the spa open for... You got to keep the spa for winter. I kept it open for an extra month and Joan got in at one time. Remember when you got drunk and fell onto the tarp? And how was that? You were sober?

I was... No, but I wasn't drunk, right? No, what happened is the pavers weren't down far enough and I leaned in to put the submersible pump and the pavers lifted up and I went right into the tarp. And I thought, oh my God, This is a weird way to die.

I'm just going to get engulfed with this whole thing, and Joan won't even know I'm missing for a couple days. But fortunately, I crawled out. Clawed out. Oh my God. I had to crawl out. But fortunately, I crawled out. Yep.

It was soaking wet. It was in the middle of the thunderstorm. Oh, my God. Yeah. But I made it. Yeah, I got the phone call immediately. My mom called me. It was like, Phil fell in the pool, a fucking idiot.

And he was like, I didn't. not the damn pavers off they got to hear him in the back he was mad you gotta get some cameras out there in the yard just in case that's that's great footage yeah yeah that would have been incredible

so you got that going on yep yeah and Kirby's how about you you're you're what are you up to well you know we're writing season three yeah and then personally you know single life

now and uh to find special someone. It's kind of a nightmare. Feels a lot like being on the pool time. Uncle Frank's here. All right. My dad's brother. All right, Frank.

Uncle Frank, get in here. We're doing a podcast. Steve, look at the hell, yeah. It's good to see it. Oh, is you? Yeah, my squawl. Yeah, my squawl. All right, well, we'll go say hi to her.

Can we pause? Yeah, yeah. All right, take a quick break. Sure. Well, I don't want a real here for here. No, no. No, no. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames.

Mm-hmm. The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great fooding, the gifts. Because, be honest, we all love a good gift. Love a good gift. Is getting to spend time with everyone. With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone. I love.

Matt, I love spending time with you. Oh. And I want this, our time together, to be so special. True, dude. the holiday season. And the way I make you feel special. Dude, around the holidays. An aura frame.

I sent Matt an aura frame stocked with photos of he and I. That's awesome. And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments? Give the gifts of togetherness with aura frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive. I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want.

All you needs is your app and a Wi-Fi. connection. Dang. So as you keep making memories, you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add? What's that? This memory right now. A picture of this? Yeah, of us doing an ad read, take a picture and put it up there. Going, yeah. It would just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have. Yes. The high resolution photos, you know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints. And they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there. So, you know, you can get any photos you want on there. Brief message, like, congrats.

When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them Aura Frames. For a limited time. Oh, my God. Let's get a picture of that. Oh, my God. For a limited time, visit AuraFraimbs.com and get $45 on all of order's best selling Carver Mad Frames. Name number one by wirecutter.

That's huge. Hold on. By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's AURAFrams.com, promo code MSSP. This exclusive Black Friday Black Friday's Cyber Monday deal Is their best of the year So order it now before it ends

Support the show by mentioning us at checkout Terms and conditions apply I don't think you got out of that Yeah All right hey we're back on the air Hey we're back All right all right Let's get a little

Let's get a little energy Sure I got it All right remember the mic you got talking to the mic Yeah What's going on, gang? Well, I'm back on the dating scene. We were talking about that. Any good dating advice?

You're looking at me? Yeah. Christ, I've been married for 46 years. How'd you and Joe meet? In grade school, sixth grade. She moved in from New Jersey. And I was, you know, just started talking with her. We became good friends and actually dated her twin sister for a while.

No. No. What? How'd you make the switch? It sounds like a Falldown. Yeah. Yeah.

It's going to check things out a little bit. You have to have something to compare it to. But that didn't happen until later, like, eighth or ninth grade. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode about the switch? No. It's the roommate switch. So how you're dating one roommate, you want to get to the other one. Oh.

And so there's a whole banja twat. I mean, obviously, would you? working this to her. Jesus Christ, man. I was just saying, you know. Don't bring that up. So you broke up with her and then later got with. With Joan.

Yeah. Yeah. I think she broke up with me. But anyhow. What the hell? Their mom was a good cook. They had steak every like Sunday. So I'd get down there and eat and sort of became part of the family.

It's Rod the Shetland. Right. Oh, but they had this dog, this little schnauzer. And I hated that dog. His name was Otto. And whenever I walked in that room, it would just come up and start biting my feet. And they would put like me in like sort of a staging area, like a waiting area for them to come down the steps or whatever. And I would hear that dog's toenails running towards me.

And then at the end, he became blind. So as he's getting real close, I would shut the pocket door. and just hear his face hitting the door. And it was just, I would just sit in there and laugh. I thought it was great because that dog tormented me for years. And finally at the end, I got back to him. Yeah. There you go.

You got revenge on a show. It was good. Yeah. Yep. That's good stuff. Yeah. So you guys started dating in sixth grade. No, no.

That's when I met your mother in sixth grade. Were you in the friend zone for a while? Oh, yeah. How do you get out of the friends? You get married. That's how you get out of it. Then you're done being friends. Yeah.

Yeah. Really? That's how you get out of it. No, I'm just kidding about that. To some degree. Yeah. So, Gervyn, is that good advice? No.

Not applicable. I wouldn't say it's bad advice. You don't want to hurt a blind dog? That's Phil's advice. What are your advice for dating? I used to fuck with this dog. All right. Yeah. So.

No, but you're out there. You're on the apps? I'm on an app. Okay. And yeah, it's going well for you. It's going well in so far as I get dates now. Yeah. Which is the really sad and upsetting thing about this is like I was on the apps, I don't know, six years ago. Yeah?

And nothing. Nothing was dry. Absolutely nobody would go on me. Well, now they know you're funny. I guess. That's the tough part about it. When you look like us, you get on a dating app. Yeah, just immediate.

Oh, my God. Right. I tried a dating app for like 24 hours once. It was the most depressing. Crushes yourself. Because I downloaded it because I was going through a breakup. And I was like, I'll, I'll show her. Zero for 24 hours.

Fuck. I just deleted it. I don't think a lot of women understand that that's men's experience on dating sites, which is zero. Yeah. Like I had a friend, she was like, all the guys on here are weird. I'm like, all the, all,

try zero girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's way worse. Yeah. I got somebody DMing me like, I'll show you my dick, you bitch, fuck you. That's at least something. You get in,

you feel something. Getting a reaction. Yeah, this is, you get on there. You look like us. You get on a dating app. It's nothing. No. So.

And then you get picky, which is very funny. You get zero and you're sitting there going, yeah, I'm, Yeah, right. Yeah, right. You go, oh, a 10. She's going to like me. Right. She's not.

So now at least I'm getting dates. So I'm out there and, you know, getting to take people out and... And you're getting into line dancing. I'm getting into line dancing. I'm really into that. There's a place by us. Should I need... No, I shouldn't. Well, it doesn't matter. What is that? Go ahead.

I'm not going to do it. They're going to be there now. Who? the weird guys. They're there. They're there anyway. The weird guys are going to be there waiting for you to lie dance. They're already there.

They've always been there. That's on you. Well, they will keep the name out of it. Yeah, it's going to be tough to find. It's going to be real hard to find. This is a great place. Everybody there is so nice. Yeah.

The bartenders are great. The bouncers. And, you know, they're big fans of tires. So they're all coming and like showing me how to do moves. Yeah. Yeah. Which also, for the record, I have nothing but support for the weird guys. Of course.

I don't want you to, yeah. No, no, of course. Nothing but support for the weird guys. We're weird. Yeah, so I got cowboy boots. I just went all in. Yeah. And, yeah.

I just want you to know how much this sucks. I know you hate it. I actually don't hate it as much as you think. Well, I don't like that you're practicing line dancing in the office at tires. So that did happen. That, I was telling Joe, that because I'm typically cold. Of course, my mom loves it.

Yeah, because she, that's so nice. She's a. Good soul. And like, you know, so typically I run really cold. And the other day we were getting lunch and Chris is all bundled up and I was in a t-shirt. I was like, why are you bundled up? And I was like, oh, I mean, of course caught that. The door was closed.

What were you doing? Why is your blood flowing? What were you doing? Working on this move in the boot scoot boogie where like you can kind of, when you make a turn, you hop up and click your heels. Oh. Yeah. Which is what I really like about. line dancing which is the improvisational aspect of it once you get down you can be creative yes

yeah i like that too you like the boot scoot boogie i love that one yeah that's fun yeah cotton i jo that's a good one that's a fucking great song but it's frowned upon by the line dancing community cotton i joe because it's so simple or yeah i think it's probably just it's like hack right i would imagine it's hack yeah well they probably have deep cuts in there they're like oh this guy knows what he's doing yeah i suppose but you got to come to Austin. You got to start with Cotton Nogel. It's all they're doing down there.

I've heard. You can get down there and cut a rug on a nice southern bell. Yeah, I would love a southern bed. Texas Bade. Yeah. She'll kiss you. Okay. Phil, you don't know anything about this guy. He's his sexual. Well, of course I'm a sexual purpose.

But that's a thing that I have to get over is like, you really are, you're meant to kiss on the first date. What do you mean? That's like a thing. that you're sort of supposed to do. On a hinged, on a... On a date, on a first date. You kiss.

Yeah. Yeah. Because if you're the guy, you don't go for that, it's kind of seen as, like, lack of interest and lack of confidence. So that was something I had to get over. So even if you had one, you really didn't want a kiss, you'd still go through with it?

No, I probably wouldn't. Oh. But, you know, like all these FaceTime dates beforehand. This is the thing that bothers me. I don't know why it bothers you. I just... Didn't mean to yell at you that much, right? No, no, that's totally fine.

I get real sad about how the informality or like how or the formality of online dating. Yeah. It makes me sad that there's no like. Kismet. There's, it's just like, okay. And then we FaceTime and we talk to each other. And then we say, I'd like to meet it this time. And we'll see if we like each other.

I don't know. You got to do the FaceTime thing, though, because otherwise you're going out, you're shelling out date money all over the place. And time with people. boy, as rich as hell. Dude. Bootskin, boogies, a big shot. He's got a big belt buckle with diamonds on it?

I don't have a big belt buckle. They have a private parking space for you or anything? They do not have a private parking space for you or anything. They do not have a private park. The FaceTime date works because then you very quickly can determine is this person lying via their pictures and then also are they weird? And you just, so it just saves a whole bunch of like, I would hate to have to be on a date

and instantly know you don't want to be there and then have to like have the full drink. You're like, I gotta go. Yeah. That sounds kind of fun though. Yeah, I'd love to be on just a horrendous date that I know. And then you exit.

I wouldn't, I'd fucking, you know, man. Stick around. I know, we're gonna be here till three. I know the bartenders, they're gonna stay open. We're gonna be here till four. And you try to get an Uber out of fucking the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. Fuck, 45 minutes.

we gotta stay yeah that's uh i don't i don't envy the online dating it's not great i do hope to i mean it's i shouldn't say it's not great like i've already met sure yeah yeah yeah but uh i would like to meet in person and i need to get

a little more comfortable where do you even do that that's line dancing line dancing maybe right yeah your country club yeah well it's just all guys it's just all jewish man is it all jewish man it's a jewish it was originally jewish uh the younger Water interactions or anything like that? I've had none of those. Okay.

Yeah. No, it's just... Keep your eyes open. You're out there. It's just Jewish men. Is there a pool? There's a pool. That's where you...

Yeah. You gotta take a lap around the pool after one of your... After a round of golf. A round of Jewish golf. It's not Jewish now. They don't... It's just at the time. When I was there, there was a big star David on the wall.

Was there? No, in the window. It was like a wreath for the pro shop. Oh. Which is great. Yeah, I think they, well, they do all the... I only saw a start, David. Oh, they got a Christmas tree?

Well, they should understand the Christ is king. But it is interesting because it started off as a Jewish only. So all the older guys. Yeah, yeah. God damn. Because they couldn't get into the other ones in the area. Yeah, so they had to start their own. They started their own.

Sure. That's very common. Yeah. And then... What do you got? Nothing. And go-ghi, what he got? I got nothing.

All right. Got something. But the, so, yeah, it's just the older guys are all very Jewish. Yeah. How can you tell? Their voices. What do they sound like? Oh, God, a bogey.

Oh, Lord. This club in my hands. It hurts. I'll take a six. Yeah. There you go, Phil. Phil. You're fired from your job, but...

Fuck it. It was time to retire anyway. Getting there. Yeah. It's good to go out getting fired at your age. Yeah. Getting fired is funny.

For an old man to get fired from his job, for doing a Jewish impression on a podcast. It's fucking hilarious. I'll thank you, Phil, can we talk? We need you to come into the office. You're fired. Yeah.

But it's also extremely accurate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how about your Thanksgiving? You were talking a little bit about your some of your participants I don't want to I don't want to throw anybody

Phil you're nuts on here you're crazy on here I don't know no you'd I mean you can I'd prefer not to yeah that's what you'd be I'm happy to throw myself under the bus for anything

no no no no that's that's one of yeah that should be off limits hopefully we get some of that though I'd love some political fighting at Thanksgiving well we got the participants I'm down to do it

I love it I love it. Yep. We'll get you going and then... We get both sides. We do have a nice mix. Yep. I like the...

But everyone drinks. Everyone really gets out of pocket at night. Okay. I had a nice battle with my uncle and my aunt one year. It was wonderful. But it feels like everybody would be very communicative. Like it wouldn't be passive aggressive. It would just be aggressive.

Oh. It's just... Yeah, it's pretty aggressive. What happened is this is Jones... Okay. But again, they're going to hear that. Well, they can hear it. But so she and Shane are going after each other on the political stuff, you know.

And all of a sudden, you know, this is after like three or four hours of drinking. And this is three or four hours after the Thanksgiving meal. And Shane is arguing with her talking. And all of a sudden he starts talking like Trump. And she's like a dog. Like she turns her head. Like she's trying to understand. Like, is this really Trump talking?

Like she's all screwed up. Yeah. It was hilarious. It was hilarious. Yeah, it was fun to argue with her as trunk. Well, she was hammered on wine. Yeah. Like, she was like, oh.

Oh. Shut up. I'm going to get a little quiet piggy at Thanksgiving. At the table, at the table, quiet piggy. That'll be chaos. You should gamify it. You should just have, like, little cards around the house. Yeah.

Hot button issues. Yeah. I'll find it myself. Oh, yeah. Ukraine. You love that. The bottom of every glass is just... That'd be nice.

Me and Chris got in... We had a nice political debate again. Same one. So we do. We go out, we hang out for hours. And then a fifth hour in, we go. You suck. And I just have a political debate

about illegal immigration for four hours. Yeah. And we were with the other writers on the show on tires. And like, he was... I mean, I hate, I don't even want to say what you said to me. It was so hurtful. He went low. And I went high.

You came back. I went back with it. I'll beat the fuck out of you. Obviously, I would never hit him, and he knows that. But the people were with were all like, oh, my God. What are these guys doing? Take a smoke brink. I say some shit like that to me.

I'll fucking punch you in the fucking mouth, dude. The whole staff left. Well, just a bunch of drunk guys are like. Shane! Yeah, yeah. That's been tough trying to have like fucking heart to hearts with people. Yeah. Someone just comes up.

I was like, dude, what's up? I'm like, what's up, man? I'm good. Yeah. We also didn't even notice that they left. We were arguing for like 20 minutes. 21 minutes. They're fucking left.

Fucking losers. They don't want to have fun like us. I was saying I truly think I understand what like hot women go through now, given my daily experience. Like, when we go out, I don't know how Shane takes it. Not that, again, it's not that... They're all staring at my jokes. It's not that I'm not like unbelievably grateful for people to be fans of the show and all that and want to meet and take pictures. But then once they get to a level of intoxication, they're just like, don't leave you.

You should have seen the squad. We assembled at Ryan. I'm sure. And they're right here. We had a rough squad. Yeah. It was a girl. Okay.

So they're the ones that are like, this is a problem. okay like a guy you can be like dude get the fuck out of here right if they're if they're like hammered and being like rude this was a girl that was just like kept taking her phone out and sticking her face and just like come on make a fucking TikTok with me and I was like you got to stop and then Chris kept taking her phone and dropping it in the other booth she's like oh man Chris stop stop that is yeah the women are sometimes the most aggressive like the the one that was they love pretending they don't know what they're doing okay you know But anyway, it's just something that I

You get that experience of like when I When I was working out at the gym Which I had to stop doing because it's just like guys would come up Guys yeah we're in a conversation I can't get out of Yeah You know There you're equating that to being a hot chick If you go to a bar and having everybody

Everybody in your face and whatever But no hot chicks are Yeah they got it worse It's 100% the whole time Right All that's outside of the bar Right walking down the street and your friend's dad is going

13 and a guy's fucking staring at your test right that's yeah that's weird it's just a totally different reality that worst I don't get it that much but if I'm like if I'm hung over as hell oh yeah unshowered stinky just trying to get grab a coffee just trying to slip it and slip out business is like hey can we get a picture review for our Instagram page and you're like yeah fuck it yeah

just the worst they have it on the wall next time you're there just dark red face like yeah oh shit you're so gracious about it I don't know how people are not

you have to be right it's not that you have to be it's just what other what are you a fucking psycho yeah somebody comes up and they're like a big fan of tires yeah can we get a picture it's like absolutely

of course yeah it's awesome you know it's weird to me when people say no but maybe maybe I'll get there I don't know. I don't think I will. I don't have...

You think you'd be there already. I don't like... Yeah. Yeah, saying no would, like, ruin my night. I'd feel so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Phil, how do you handle it?

Because now you're a big man. No. Oh, yeah, you are. You're tossing out tickets left and right to all my shows. Well, I can't get rid of them. I can't get rid of it. That's crazy to do that. And they'd be like, I don't know, they're not selling.

Today, you gave out six. tickets to this. I'm going to tonight. I can't give tickets to my friends. Your friends are already, they already know you're, they know what you're like and seen you and hang out with you. These are some other people that are nice people and they went to buy tickets. Talking to the mic, talking to the mic. Yeah. So they didn't have a chance to buy tickets. I mean, I guess it sold out real quick and it's a small venue. Yeah. You don't get near Mechanicsburg, Harrisburg, too often anymore. So I said I'll give Gracia call and see what she can do.

Expanding the fan base. Yeah. He's not. He's giving out tickets to guys from the local bar. That's all he does. There's fucking five of these guys at every show. They're in my green room. I get done with the show and I go, those are guys from Mechanicsburg.

But he's got to be able to do that. That's community stuff. That's right. If it's a big venue, I'm all for it. Tonight's like a 150, 200 seats. Yeah. It's a lot. I said, I said,

Put them in the back or have him stand. That's what I said to Grace. Yeah. They just wanted to get in. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's all right. I appreciate what you.

Did they get fired up getting into the show? Huh? Do they get fired up when they get into the show? They don't give a fuck. They don't? They come to the show. They go, yeah, that was good. No, they take all my beer.

They like it. And they take all my beer. And they go, that's how I knew you were back on the booze, by the way. Did I tell you that? Uh-uh. I think it might have been Pittsburgh or something. Some of your boys from the bar. we're at the show

and I was they were like how's your dad doing and I was like he's good he'd lost a lot of weight that's you know whatever that's in the past now but that's quick turnaround

dude yeah I went up a weight class yeah you went down you fought middle weight for a week I was getting beat up so I went back up

but uh no I was like it's good he's healthy and he's not drinking which is great and they were like we were at the bar with him last night I was like that mother No, I didn't.

I didn't have a drink for over a hundred and some days. Whoa. After my surgery. I didn't even want to drink. Nothing. But things change. That's football season. Yeah, football season.

Pretty soon it'll be NBA's coming on. Yeah. And then, you know, there's no sports on. What the fuck of what are you going to watch? That's my problem. Like, if I could take time off of it, I go, I don't even need this. And then I have it one night. And I go, every single night now.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. It's kind of a spectrum on this couch. That's the spectrum. We had a three-game stretch.

Me and Chris had a nice road trip. Three days straight. Yeah. That was tough. I'm regretting this Tuesday night. We're going to have a couple drinks tonight. But Friday was wonderful. Saturday was wonderful.

Saturday was wonderful. But Sunday was. Sunday was the one you should have skipped. Sunday was definitely one we should have skipped And we knew from the start That it was exactly where it was gonna go And we kept talking to ourselves like, all right We're not gonna drink, we're gonna just get lunch

Yeah Then we leave lunch and it's like, all right, let's go to the fucking pub We'll have two and watch the first half of the game Right Then I gotta leave, I gotta train to catch Three beers there and we go Ooh, I'm starting to feel like myself again We're back

Yeah, it was a good night though Four your, yeah, four of the dyes cast. Four of the dyes. It's out of our hands. Yeah. There's nothing we can do. Going down the bad road. Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's kind of pathetic and sad, but. Fuck it. What's not? It was nice at the time. It was great. Bringing people out to a show. I remember there was, back when I was doing stand-up, I was opening for Paul Mooney. I was like the guy that opened for Paul Mooney at helium.

That's crazy. Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah. Yeah, he's awesome. He is, he's, yeah. He's not somebody I would, like, go back and listen to that much. Yeah.

Yeah, I like, I like his appearances, though, on, like, radio and, like, he's just bothering people. Right. And it worked on me. The first couple times I heard him, I was like, this fucking racist. Like, it worked on me. I was like, this guy fucking hates white people. And then you get older and you realize he's literally just fucking with people. Don't get me wrong.

I'm sure he didn't like white people. But it's funny. Yeah. I mean, anyway, you were over and for him. to bring me back. But so there was a hairdresser that I liked, so I had invited her out. To the Paul Mooney show.

Yeah. And I didn't know too much about him, and then she brought a guy, which was already horrible. And then he, I forget exactly what he screamed, but he would like literally scream during the show. Like, you're a fucking racist.

And then he got, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can get you. So it was like kind of a double whammy. on me that night? Yeah. Did you ever speak to her again? I don't recall. It's been so long. That does suck though. You invited a girl to your show and she brought a fucking guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's wrong. Yeah. But I also did it all wrong. I mean,

I should have, you know, I've tried to basically, Joan Dillisor. I tried to be like hang out with her for a while, you know, like go get my haircut for a year and then be like, oh, try to come to a show. As opposed to just like, you got to go right for it. Yeah. It's funny when you start doing stand-up. That is like I was like not excited to tell people but I would drop that. You know what I mean? That you're doing it. I can imagine getting a haircut from a cute girl and just being like

yeah I gotta have a show tonight. What do you do? It's like I'm a stand-up comedian. Not a big deal. When she comes to the show I just bomb. Yeah. You gotta use it. Yeah. It's hot if it goes well. It's hot. I hate the way you talk. It's also it's also the only thing He calls things sexy.

I can't help. That's my vernacular. I got, you know, why satisfied customers is not that. You what? Stop with the satisfied customers. God, he has a book about how to go down on women. What? Yeah, he reads it.

Jesus. What? Why do you need instructions? Well, hold on. I don't want to get two kilos. No, no. I don't want to be a part of this at all. What do you mean?

Now, hold on. enough, let's not talk about it. Is it, Phil saying he's natural? Shut the fuck up. I know, he is. Wait, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Shut the fuck up.

Your daddy's pussy. Your daddy's pussy. Your daddy's pussy ass up. Ass up, dude. I don't think so. I don't think so. My dad doesn't. What the hell are you talking about?

You wouldn't be like, who needs a book? I bet you would. Any single guy. Any single guy who was going, you read a book. The book, now the worst is the red lighting. Hold on a second. He has lighting, Phil, he changes his bedroom lighting to red.

Okay, hold on a second. On his phone, he goes, Alexa, make it. Chinatown. Shut up. Shut up. Hold on, hang on. Oh, hold on. Now.

Is that fucking nuts? Breathe it, Abby. Hold on a second. The red lights is a real thing. However, they're not like auxiliary lights that I'm setting. up, don't get mad about it. People do it. You can literally Google it that it's a thing. And plays techno.

No, I don't play techno. You told me you played techno. I said I... Why do? I've liked to. I tried it once. It doesn't work. Hold on. We're gonna go... Playing techno. Yes. It's fucking crazy. It is crazy. I agree with that. It's so great. I agree with that. Doesn't work.

Because the, what I found... What I scared the fuck out of them. It's a fucking hinge date and you go, Alexa, make it Chinatown. I don't. Do you do that. Hey, Siri, can you put a nine-inch nail? That's fucking crazy. All right, hang on. I don't do it.

Especially because you're like a sweater golf guy. Well, that's, so I think that a little freak in there. Yes. And you like that. You think that's sexy. I do like 50 shades of gray. Hold on. Let's go back for a second. Do you ever play any Motown? I haven't played Motown.

Oh, Chris, thank you. I'll give you that. It's very funny. Yeah. But my dad and you are fans of Motown. I definitely am. We'll come back to it. I'd be doing the same. The techno music, I tried one time I told you that.

It doesn't work because the buildup. Motown doesn't work because the techno. The techno. Yeah, yeah. Because it's, you know, lovemaking is like a story unfolding. This is like playing. Tell you what, I'm putting out some short stories. A lot of hikus.

Yeah, I'm not the clif notes. A lot of hikus, you go, and I'm done. That's five. Right. We're going to take a quick break from the show now because we've got something for the sports lovers out there. This is a special segment called More or Less, and it's brought to you by prize picks.

You and I make decisions every day. Like right now, we're all thinking about what to buy for whom and whether we really want to hang out with that weird cousin again this holiday season. But on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Yep, the holidays come with so much sports action and on prize picks, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both like me, it always feels good to be right. Now let's get into this. Who's looking good and who is on the sports naughty list right now? All right, please begin with your picks. And they said, make sure these players are playing this week.

Obviously, there's a ton of football. This is what I'm excited about right now, guys. A ton of football on Thanksgiving. I'm focusing on the Green Bay Packers right now. I'm thinking Romeo dubs more. But then you have Matthew Golden, and I'm going, less. Same name as me.

That's not a good sign. Who else do we have here? Ooh, Luke Musgraves. more. I'm thinking more for old Luke Musgrave for sure. And then we have Jordan Love and I mean, let's be honest guys, less. So yeah, those are my picks personally. You can disagree. That's fine. That's what I love about sports. It's just guys can come together and, you know, talk about stuff like this. But that's where I'm coming from. So I love to hear your guys just drop some comments below about your comments about who's going to be

or who's going to be less? Because, you know, this is the sports and audio list right now. Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. And what better time, because new feature alert, Price Pix now has early payouts. And if your lineup gets off to a hot start, you may now have the option to cash out those winnings

before the game even finishes. Download the app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right. So anyway, how it? Where did you get that lovemaking is like a story?

Because that has to be in one of your books. Yeah, yeah. There's a book called, I think this one's called Come as You Are. It's written to women. It's all puns. It's all puns. The other one, she comes first. Yeah, I know.

I'm not naming them, Shane. I'm looking at Reddit and asking Reddit, what are good books about lovemaking or, you know, whatever. And then they listen. That's where you want to go for sex tips. Why not? The guys from Reddit. Those pussy hounds on Reddit. So what's the, what's the come as you are is like written for women that struggle with, you know, or.

Sure, bud. Are there testimonials in the book? I didn't think the conversation was heading. in that direction or I really wouldn't be participating right now. That's just what he does. Well, then I'll, that's what I do? Keep going, though. What are you doing?

No, then, well, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. That's the whole point. Yeah, I'm not going to be staying that much longer, but, uh, anyhow, when we were in Pittsburgh last week for the, for the football games, we stayed at the William Penn Omni. Nice. And they put us up in this suite because friends of ours had a connection. It was fantastic. It was.

Yeah, yeah. It really was. You see it in a nice hotel. Oh, the William Pan Amni is beautiful, old historic hotel downtown Pittsburgh. And what it happened is they have what's called the governor suite and they convert it to the Santa suite in November. And the first night we were there, November 14th, we walk in. There's all kinds. Everything is Santa.

They got his boots laying there. Oh, that's nice. They got gingerbread men out. They've got shower curtains. changed everything the bed sheets and there's two extra common rooms so there was like 2,000 square feet of hotel that we had for three nights that's really great and it was it was fantastic yeah i just wanted to get away from what he was talking about that's fine what he was talking about no i get it he says him and he is open about this stuff you read a lot i well about certain

he's at fault you it's fun though what are you looking at me for he's the one he's the instigator Is he? Yes! He lit the fuse. Yeah. He made you an offer you. I regretted the fuse. I also regretted the fuse.

He didn't regret? Yeah. That's not what I want. I would like to stay in a Santa hotel room, though. That'd be nice. It's unbelievable. How big were the boots? The actually, the guy that was taking our luggage out actually thought we left the boots like they were ours.

So he brings the boots down to put them in the car. I said, buddy, no, that's part of the room. mine, there's Santa's. Yeah. You saw the pit Notre Dame game. What'd you think of that, Phil? I thought... Was Hunter able to say what's up to you? Who? Hunter Biven? I didn't see him there. Okay. I didn't see him there.

You told me to get the word out that you were there. Yeah, I was looking for him. I didn't see him. Phil acts like he's not like a glory hound. He's a complete glory hound. No. We had... You guys have a lot in common. No, my friends set us up with great seats right behind the Notre Dame bench on the 40-45-yard line. We were three rows from the wall. Phil texted me. He goes, let them know, I'm here.

Let them know. Well, they're nice guys. Hunter would have said, what's up? Yeah, and I saw Ron Paulus and some of the other guys, but I didn't have a chance to say hello. They probably wouldn't know me. They would know you. They'd remember you from the commercial.

Anyhow. So we saw that Pitnutter Dame on Saturday, and then Sunday we saw the Steelers and the Bengals play. And that was, you know, just. Wait, was that? That wasn't Flackover's Rogers. That was an incredible deal. You were there for that?

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but Rogers got hurt. And then the other guy came in and he did a great job. But that was fun. I was amazed, truthfully, at how much support those Steelers fans give that team. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that stadium, they are 100% for the Steelers and they cheer every play. Yeah. Even though, you know, people may not like this or that, they support that team. I would love to play for the Steelers after. I mean, seriously, as far as an NFL team, I would love to go to Pittsburgh and play for the Steelers. They really do a great job with them. I've always wanted to see a game in that stadium.

I've never seen a game in that. I don't think I've ever seen the Steelers play. Yeah. How about that? Yep. I don't think I have either. We've got to get out there. Those are the best fan bases, though.

Yeah, they are. There's small towns. Cincinnati's got a good fan base. Blue Bay. Buffalo is great. Green Bay. Buffalo's great. Yeah.

The Eagles are great. Eagles are such a fun fanbiz. They're like an evil version of the Bill's Mafia. Evil fans. They really are. They're just the fucking devil. It's fun, though. Yeah, they sort of had a thuggish reputation, the Eagles fans.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, but I think they're getting away from that because they raise ticket prices so much that some of the... The riff-rass? They're outside. They're outside. They're outside of the stadium. They're not going in. No.

Yeah. I went there once. I went there. I saw the Eagles Niners a few years ago. I went into the game. I had $9 to my name. I bought a Bud Light. It was nine bucks.

I was, fuck. I have zero dollars. I went with, it was Big J. and Soter. And they were like, do you want to come to this game with us?

And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. And they were like, here, we got you tickets. You can't say, we don't have any more with us. I was up in the nosebleeds with Big J's sister and brother-in-law.

just me and them freezing it was cold and rainy I got one beer I was like well yeah down to zero dollars I don't know how I'm getting back to West Philly unreal yeah

and I always I've told this story a thousand times when you were overdrafting Chipotle I love how you say it what Chipotle oh Chipotle yeah overdraft and chipotle for sure yep but the reason I brought that up

is because the riffraff are still outside so my buddies are like Philly trash and they were out there they're snort and shit off their dashboard Their tailgate was like Let's snort oxies No thanks Yeah they're getting after it

A couple of pain pills in the parking lot Oh my I'd cry If I had to be around If I had a I'll tell you what I wasn't too comfortable Yeah Watching guys snort Pain pills

Oh my God Now just go Eagles Right you know what's gonna happen Game's not for two hours You're gonna get tired You're not feel your body and go into Xfinity live and try to fight someone.

Ride the bull, just get locked off the bull. Yeah, no, they're still there. They're not going anywhere. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough getting back to your car. There's a new class of plumbers, snorting pills out there. Uh-huh.

Waiting for somebody in another jersey. What the fuck is that? Jeez. Yeah. No, it was a great weekend, though. It was. That's good. What do you got next, Phil? What's going on? What do you got on the docket? I know your knee's bothering you. I might send you down to Austin and get some stem cells in there.

I took a shot of cortisone yesterday. Oh. It's helping. Yeah. It takes a while. Steve's got arthritis. Yeah. Do you? I haven't gotten cortisone yet, though, because it's apparently only so many you can get of those.

Well, at my age, they can give me one of you. Load it up. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I definitely noticed a difference. and she said it could take two or three days before you really notice a difference and she said sometimes it'll last for a couple weeks,

sometimes a couple months, and sometimes several years. Depends on the individual. They don't really know how to determine that. The science is out. Yeah. How about would you get stem cells? I don't know what the fuck they do, but...

Yeah, well, I'd have to do some research on it. Yeah. If you need to work, right? I think they work. these guys are good at the people in austin are the people who did uh rogers achilles oh yeah yeah we get you in there whoa yeah yeah i don't know what it does i mean right now the the guy that i had a torn meniscus he operated on it and then said there's a lot of arthritis in there's so funny if i sent phil down there they just kill them stem cells we don't know what to fuck this shit does no i want

it it never really improved my knee it did briefly been in the last two months it's just been killing me and plus i'm coaching basketball so i'm walking on it all the time even driving the car i mean i can't if if it's positioned incorrectly it just pain shooting through my knee wakes me up at night constantly i can't i have to see that's really terrible it sucks it really does so that's why i took the cortisone shot i do have a an appointment in december with the surgeon remember the mic into the mic yes no my voice character Some guys aren't for showbiz, Phil. I think I'm getting like a hip thing.

I think I get like a hip pointer. I think you and me are drinking. That's what I'm saying. I think I drank my way into a sports injury. Yeah. I'll wake up with just a dead arm. Just passed out on it. Yeah.

Fuck. That happened a couple times in my 20s. Woken up. Oh, you're falling asleep on your arm? Yeah. And woke up with like the deadest arms I've ever felt in my life. It was just like, this has to be permanent. Yeah.

This has to be a permanent injury. There's got to be like nerve damage. Phil, the last time I was here, you were fucking hammered. When? Like, seriously. That's crazy. That's very funny. We got home.

Were you there? I don't think so. We got home late. I don't think you expected us until the morning. You thought you were all safe up on that deck by yourself. We opened the door. Phil goes, hey, guys. How are you?

I'm like, damn, you were getting wasted out of you. That was after the golf tournament. No, it was the day before. No. You were out there getting ripped. Well, if you can't do it in your own home, where can you? And then he went and got a Kit Kat bar before bedtime. Ooh, that's good.

I saw him reach to the candy drawer on the way up to bed. He ate a fucking Kit Kat bar. What's wrong with that? Candy bar before bed. And then he was in the hallway. I was like, Phil, you got to be quiet. He was like, shh. He was like laughing.

Don't make things up. I don't really go for candy. when I'm boozing. More of a chicken parm. Chicken parm's crazy. Taco Bell kind of guy. I don't know how you're getting chicken parm. Well, what time are you drunk?

Who's making chicken parm when you get that hour? Well, at least in Philly, there were a couple late-night spots that stay open. You get a chicken parm at any hour at night. You get greedy at night with the grub. Yeah. This guy would order 1,000 Big Macs, eat four of them in one sitting. You'd watch them do it. Didn't even take a breath.

Two Big Macs was the move. Two Big Macs was crazy. Yeah. But I was reaping all the benefits. He would pass out. There's a third Big Mac in here. Yeah. Yeah.

I think there was a lot of times I only ate one Big Mac and I'd come out and I'd be like, I ate two Big Macs last night and you were like, yeah, man, it's nuts. I think that was three. You definitely ate two. You always ate two. Yeah. That's good stuff. What else?

What else do we got here, Phil? You're going to tell us some fun fight story? You ever beat anybody up? Nope. You ever hear? Why not? Nope. Clean cheat.

Any funny childhood stories? Yeah. How about the story when I had to walk that girl home? I don't know about it. Yeah. Well, I don't even know if you were born then. But this sticks out of my mind as one of the funnier stories. We lived about 10 miles from here or five miles from here.

and back then in the mid-80s we had a landline, you know, phone. Okay, so I would answer this phone and say, hello, Gillises, and I would hear this, ah, ha, ha, ha, like this pervert on the other end. And I would just go nuts. I'd say, you son of a bit, if I ever find out who you are, I'm going to kill you. Because Katie and Sarah were both like six and seven at the time, and Joan, you know, know, she was, you know, still hot. And so I'm thinking there's some perverts just watching what's going on here.

And I don't know if they're after the girls or after Joan. But then like a week later, I'd pick up the phone and say, hello, Gillis is. And I'd hear this. Oh, I guess. And I say, and I would swear I'd go nuts. Yeah. So this went on for like six weeks, like once a week. and then one Sunday afternoon, Sarah's girlfriend comes up in a baby stroller,

and she's some little overweight Greek kid, all right? So Joan says to me about three hours later, will you walk her home? Right? Because she was putting Katie and Sarah getting them in the baths or whatever. So I said, sure. So I start walking with this kid, and she's got her baby carriage, and we walk, and I take about 10 steps, and I hear that. I go, it's you, isn't it?

The kid had asthma. I didn't know it. Every time I answered the phone, I scared her so much she would never say anything. And then I'm swearing that. And that's what I was saying. Yeah. That's great. That's a true story, that poor kid.

That's great. I remember when Mike Connolly hit puberty, that was a tough one. Yeah. My buddy Mike hit puberty like real early. He would call me like, is Shane there? Yeah. And they're like, who is this? You fucking permanent.

Fuck you. He was a grown man He wasn't allowed to play football With us anymore We did hide our backyard football games from Because he was just that bad He was a fucking monster He would kill us

Yeah My friends had no jump rule against me When we played basketball You were not allowed to shoot No they weren't allowed to jump Oh To block me because I was so tiny That's nice

Yeah That is nice Yeah He got humped by a down syndrome guy Playing basketball That's right Yeah It was just yeah

Do you want me to tell Fuck it. What else are we doing? We don't have to have you. Obviously, he didn't, you know, he just was a little over-excited and, you know, sort of tossed me around a little bit. Here, let me tell him for you. Would you make a tough shot or something? He got to browse? He knew the other.

He knew the pretty girls were going to be at recess watching. And he said, they were already there. And he said, watch this. I'm a good guy. I'm going to help this special needs boy play some basketball. I won an award, which I said you a photo of. Of course you did. Nice.

What's it? The nicest guy award. But do you remember I was like, I think it was something with Congress, and then it was like a state. Yeah, yeah. I got a word from Congress. It was like a judge from Westchester. Right.

But no, he was trying to show off for the ladies and be like, look how good at a guy. I wasn't trying to show off for the ladies. My cousin. You know you were. Well, it's a byproduct. You know, it wasn't like I sat there and said, how can I get a date in middle school? It was my cousin started doing it at his school.

So I was like, that would be a cool thing to do here. Yeah. Yeah. But once he saw the ladies watching, you were kind of... Dude, everyone... Of course, the mess on the middle school. It was all about our ladies watching. Yeah, of course.

There's nothing wrong with it, but it's just a funny thing to have backfire. Yeah. You're trying to be a good guy, and the fucking guy starts humping you. They can't pull him off. Yeah, chicky. Yeah, he had to pull him off. Got you. Yeah.

I remember the stress is just like running the mile in gym class. Oh, brother. You have no idea. You got no fucking idea. No, that's when you hit the fucking, I'm too cool for this. Yeah, yeah. Go fuck that. I'm walking, dude.

I'm not, wow. Too cool for it's a great move. Yeah, there's no way. I'm going to fucking do that. Right. Run and lose to a fucking, like, all the girls. Yeah. No, that's, I'm too cool for this.

That's funny. I'll hit the, I'm too cool for this button. Basketball tryouts instantly. Shirts, skins. You got to do that. There's no. Okay. You got to take the skins.

You can't. You can't even fight it. Okay. You can't even, when they go shirts and skins, you're on skins. In your head, you go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You got to play that cool. You got to get it. Fuck it.

You got to get it. Who cares? No, I'm talking about like, once I knew I sucked at basketball, that's when I was like, layup line, try out. I'm just fucking launching it against the backboard going, fuck it. I don't even care. And I'd get home and go, oh, I wish I could play. with my friends. It's so funny.

I sucked so bad at best. Because yeah, I would just I wouldn't go through the cool thing. Just go right to the crying. Skins was tough, but it was nice was there was a couple guys that had we were all going through puberty, so they all had some of the guys just had giant tits.

You remember those like puffy nipples kids got? No. Yeah. You didn't play enough sports. Trust me. When you go skins, like 20% of the kids have giant fat nipples. So that's they distracted everybody. Everybody goes, yo, why do you have tits? One of my friends's nickname was tits from that. And it was just puffy nipples. It's just puffy nipples. He was in perfectly good shape. He was skinny. He just had a rack. Dude,

yeah. I told you I drained him. Oh, yeah, that's the worst, man. I pierced him. Oh. Yeah, I didn't know what the... I thought I was growing tits. I was freaking out. I was going to talk to anyone about it. Yeah, you can't tell anyone about that. I was just fucking how it was just fucking. I was like put a needle in that. Oh, what happened? I don't know. I guess I'm maybe a couple of inches shorter than I should have been, but I don't know. True.

That's like you're doing. I know. I know. I think that was like important chemistry that I just knew. All the power was in your nipples. You were about to be six, eight. Yeah. But it wasn't worth the risk.

You'd be a problem. Six eight with tints. If you were tall, you would have been a real problem. Yeah. You're billed? Yeah. Yep. Man, that would be so fun.

all right jane you're gonna wrap it up gotta wrap it up gotta get ready for our basketball okay you got anything to say the guys have been waiting for you to be on the pot for well i don't really know who the guys are everybody everybody it's like fight club dude it's like your fucking your chef

good to be with you today yeah this is nice pop in before thanksgiving good to see everybody yeah all right i'm out of here All right. We'll keep going. Yeah, sure.

What are we at time, guys? It's a tough couch to fucking get out of. This episode is brought to you by dose. Supporting your liver daily with dose is one of those small things that can make a huge difference in how you feel overall. You're going to reduce sluggishness, get rid of midday crashes, support your metabolism, and aid digestion. Plus, it tastes like freshly squeezed orange juice. How about that, Matt? That's nice.

Get ready to give your liver the support it deserves. Head to dosedaily.co slash MSSP or enter MSSP to get 41% off your first subscription. I like it. That's great. Yeah. It's good for you. It's good for you. Do it.

Can I use not to derail what you guys are talking about, but when you were yelling at him, like your daddy, he's a pussy ass off. I didn't hear that to like the third time. Chris knew exactly what he was doing. Of course. Phil hit me with it. That would have hurt. When he was like, you need a book? I was like, I don't know how I didn't think this through.

I'm talking about eating pussy with my dad. That's a fucking crazy thing. Yeah, I didn't know if you wanted him to dive in or not. No, absolutely not. Obviously, it would be funny, but I don't need that. No. And I'd feel bad for him, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think he understands a podcast. Just how many people watch. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing down there with your fucking friends? Yeah. Weirdos. Yeah. He comes down.

He's like, I think we got a good team this year. You know, you can't win without good kids in coaching. Yeah. To go deep into the pussy eating conversation. Straight to pussy eating. They just pour 60 beers on top of that. Wake up tomorrow. Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah, that would be sad. It'd be nice to take it easy tonight. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm. I'm taking it easy, dude. I'm dead I yeah yeah I got burnt I walked too close I got too close to the son I yeah I got

I got to stop doing that to you I was yeah you can't go into deep waters I mean I've been in the deep I I've been in the deep I he goes yeah but it's not he's not built for it no no no no no no the wheels come off you start going yeah well also your your depth is so much I'm just drinking bruskey's oh but they they're bringing out the green teas. Green teas are all right. Yeah, but if you have to.

No, I can't, I can't, you know, once a single, I can go, I don't even think they're alcoholic. What?

I don't even know what's in there. Enough. Enough to change. You start hitting that brown. The brown is, that's, that's when he's going for a run. Sure.

That's when he's fighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. But I, I don't think I asked for the brown

all weekend that every once in a while. Oh, it found its one. Yeah. Somebody offered me a shot. I go, Chris will fucking do it. Yeah. I was saying no.

We said no to a, a twisted tea chug. Oh, yeah. It's an insane offer. Hey, you want to chug a twisted tea? Oh, no, thank you. And then they were like, I'm going to look like a dick if you don't do it. Yeah, yeah. Well, here, we'll film it.

Chug this. You go, yeah, that's good. Let's get that out there. My fat neck chugging a fucking... She's looking into a camera. Like, hey, Westchester. And kids come up and be like, yo, can you shout out fucking Sigma Kai, whatever the fucking frat is? Yeah.

I usually say no, but every once in a while I'm drunk enough to be like, yo, Sigma Kai! I'm a loser, dude. I get into town, I become a fucking embarrassment. Oh, man. It's really embarrassing. You're so nice about it. I'm nice to people, but then you hang out too late. It's too late.

Right. There's a bunch of college kids coming in and be like, Shane. Just be a beer breath. Right. Your face spitting on you. Yeah. But I get it.

I remember. Sure. If I was a college kid, I'd be so happy. Sure. Yeah. Oh, it was a dream. What? College is, yeah.

Man, it was a dream. It was a dream. I was getting fucking wasted. It was a drinking. Oh, it was so fun. Then we might have lost the Com, man. He went through hell this weekend. I did.

He's on a different. from playing. He's ascended. No, I've descended. He's ascended. I descended. I need to ascend. We do. I need a big dryout. You and me are going to be in complete control. Don't worry. It's only the holiday season.

I need a big dry out. It's only the holiday season. We're probably not going to be drinking that much and not depressed at all. Yeah, well, my family goes light on the booze. So I can, I can get in. We'll go light at a, uh, Thanksgiving. Yeah. It's, well, they won't, but I will.

I don't like getting drunk in front of them. No, I guess. My family? Yeah, yeah. No. For real. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bad look.

Yeah, especially the way I actually drink. Oh, yeah. If I showed up, it was like, watch this. I'm at 25 fucking beers. Actually, that would be funny. They treated like the medical emergency. That it is. It's like.

Yeah. Like wait, so what you're doing this when you're not around? Yeah. This is what you're doing? No, this is just, no, this is for Thanksgiving. I miss you guys. Just I miss you so damn much. I don't want to remember it.

I don't even remember seeing you. That's good stuff. Yeah. That's fine. We're in complete control. Now, are you excited for tires? I couldn't be more excited. Yeah, I'm excited.

It's going to be so much fun. I'm excited. It's the best. It's incredible. Just filming together, goofing off. You'll get mad. Oh, it's going to be cold. You're going to be such a bitch the whole time.

I think I'm going to be a bitch, too. It's cold. It is cold as fucking there. We only got a little lick of the winter last year. We're going to be in the depths. My understanding is that there's, like, heating elements outside now, and they're going to be a little bit better about having places for me to go personally warm up that would not affect your... You ruin a room.

Accidentally, I did that once. You set it to 95 degrees. He does have a nice trick to keep me out of his office. at the writing room, yeah. I go in there, I take two steps into the room, and I go, oh, my God. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I'm like cold-blooded. I run, my temperature runs low.

I do great in the summer. Yeah. I like walking around the office and seeing what you guys are up to. Yeah. Walk past yours. You're laying on a inflatable mattress. Walk, Chris is asleep on a fucking beanbag. It's fucking crazy.

Everyone's asleep Dude The whole staff's asleep It's exhausted If you come in at like two Yeah dude I hear you Four hours are hard thinking

You gotta lay it down A lot of guys napping You got a lot of naps in there You gotta lay it down We need the scripts by Thursday Everyone's Oh fuck John

John hurry up Please John But yeah this is It's just so exciting. And that is the one thing I was saying is, like, to be famous for, like, small, famous than I am for, like, this reason. Well, you know what I mean? Sure. No, not you.

I'm just saying I don't like even talking about it. But, yeah. Oh. Well, I mean, it is a factor. Yeah. Yeah. But for this reason, like, it's just so nice. Because it's about a show.

Yeah. You and John. And it's like, for sure. People that really care about each other. I couldn't imagine being like... Who the fuck would want to be famous? Well... That shit's wild.

That's my point. It's like if you were a reality show famous. Yeah. What a nightmare. Just trying to be famous. Oh, man. You don't want to have talent at all. You just want to be famous.

Right. Gross. Nightmare. Nightmare. Yeah, but it is, it is fun. I do like seeing you be the big man on campus. I like watching you walk around and go, oh, yeah, that's me.

That's not what I do. Oh, yeah. I don't do that. Oh, yeah. But I'll tell you what, it is rewiring my brain, you know, like, because bars, I used to never. So I'm trying to get back. Shane's trying to get me out of my comfort so, which I'm eternally grateful for. And, like, went to the Eagles Halloween thing.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Just me. Dressed as Jafar. Yeah. I can't see. I'm kind of blind. I'm doing my lot of hitting you in this state.

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Right out of the gate. Yeah. Well, it was a picture. I thought we were, I thought he wanted us in the picture. Yeah.

So I was like, Steve, let's go. Oh, no. But he was saying, get out. He was saying, not you. But I was like, no, yeah. Not yet. No, yeah. No, yeah.

No, I guess. Hi, I'm Steve. The fuck are you, bro. Hey, the fuck out of here, brew. I mean, I'm not dog in Andre. He is a really awesome guy. Yeah. How fucking nice is he?

Yeah. Great. Everyone was so nice. Obviously, everyone's great, but I went to, me and him after the Halloween party went to Bonners. Yeah. I just sat with him at the bar at Bonners. He's huge. He's dressed like the vampire.

The Witcher. Oh, was that one of us? And he was just getting into singing. He was talking about his singing. He loves singing. Yeah. He started singing. It was very funny.

That's fantastic. See what? See what? The difference between you and Jordan my lot of singing? If I was just gigantic, and I said, I want to dance, you would be, oh, I get to be. Oh, you're saying, it's so cool. If you were, first of all, I wasn't saying, oh, it's so cool. I thought it was funny.

It's funny to hear a guy that it's that big. Yeah. You're like, thinking about getting into singing, bro. Yeah, man. Fuck here. I wish I had a really good voice. Yeah, he does. That's the difference also.

If you had a great voice and good moves, I can support it. Okay, you'll have to work on the moves. The moves are actually pretty good. No, no. I will say that. You go of good moves. They got a couple. They're going to get better.

And you got long legs. You can fucking look good out there. Yeah. Like some type of bug on the dance floor. I don't look good. Fucking bug out there. I know. I wish there's more proportioned.

No, I think long legs is good for square dance. All three of us are pretty fucked in the proportion. What are you talking about? You're a shot to my mouth. I'm the ideal, man. I'm the ideal, man. Talk to my ex.

Oh. Hey, you thought of that. That's what I think I'm going to do. I think I'm going to dry it out. I'm going to get big into yoga. You got to dry it out before we film. I'm going to get flexible. For sure.

Yeah. And while we're filming, we've got to. Thankfully, it's going to be early enough days because of the lighting. So you're not going to, we're not going to be able. No, yeah. I just, we go ahead. No, that's it. Yeah.

It's kind of like a little bit of identity crisis to think about how different I would be if I was Jordan Mila's size. Yeah. God, I'd love it if you were the exact same. There's just a giant version of you. I would probably say, hey, I don't like parties. I'm going home. Six, eight, jacked. I'm gone as Jafar to the Eagles Halloween party.

I have to leave. I'm blind. Well, it's because, yeah, you know, my pupils don't dilate to it. It's like, I can't see anything. And I think I asked you at one point, I was like, who's that over there? And you're like, Jayquam Barkley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dang it.

I can't see him. Yeah. And then just a bunch of giants. John Cena was there? Oh, he was? Yeah. Wow. No.

Yeah, Steve couldn't see him. Folks. Nice. Nice. Folks. I got plenty more. Very nice. Come see me at the link.

For more fucking gold like that. I would genuinely if I couldn't see I would freak out in those environments too yeah because like when Shane came in then Jordan my lot I was like dancing yeah like I don't know I just got dancing and then there was some movement back towards me and then there was literally nowhere to go I was against the bar yeah so then then you know yeah slowly it was nice that we were the only trash we were the only ones there yeah other than the team team it was very well weird. Yeah. It was awesome. It was really

nice with the Dickerson's. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, they put it together. He couldn't be. How great is he? Yeah. Man. Yeah. It's funny when you get to know the guys that play football. Like it changes the way I watch the game. Like last night

Christian McCaffrey running the ball 30 times. Every time he runs the ball, I'm like, don't be safe. Be safe. Please don't get hurt. Please. I just you become a girlfriend. Oh, no, he's down. Yeah, get up, get up, get up. He's up, he's good.

He's having a hell of a game. And at the end of the game, you're like, I'm so proud of you. He did great, man. Yeah, like, I watch Bill's games now. I'm back to that because Gabe, Gabe Davis is bad. I watch it again. I'm like a fucking girlfriend watching this shit. Yeah, the whole time.

I'm like, yeah, it's a Gabriel. Anytime he doesn't get thrown. You're like, he was open. He was open. Yeah. But injuries. football it's sad it's so sad for the guys yeah because it really you know it makes them sad yeah yeah it's such it's just your entire career can be yeah done in a second yeah i don't i don't

i genuinely don't know how there aren't eight broken legs every running play me neither it's obviously i would i just ran if no one tackled me i just pull up tear your killies that's surprised the line guys don't wear the double leg braces. Yeah. Also, I feel like the arm, the arm brace thing, it feels like when the D guys wear it, it feels like cheating. Why? You just got a metal weapon you can hit.

Dude, when we were playing like indoor lacrosse, there'd be these fucking Canadian guys and they would build like their own, like, armor. They would just, like, they would, like, heat up plastic and build just like a shield. And then they'd just fucking crush you. Canadians are fucking you up. They're nuts. Are they better than you? Well, who's better?

Skill level. Who's better? The Americans are the Canadians? I think the Canadians, yeah. Really? I mean... Damn, it is like a clash of the pussies who can play the real sport. It's our non-football guys versus their non-hockey guys.

That's a battle. Dude. Who are the pussy guys? This is our best group of pussy guys. No, the Canadians, because everyone, when I was growing up, was like, you got to have like be like good and with both hands and all this stuff and Canadian guys went fuck that.

Yeah. They just got so good with one hand. And then they, no, New York has the Native Americans. Yeah, yeah, Onondaga. Yeah. Yeah. We laughed about... Jim Brown playing. He was like nasty at lacrosse. Yeah. Jim Brown? Yeah. He played lacrosse at Syracuse.

Okay. Yeah. There must have been ten people on earth playing lacrosse. He must have just trucked the fuck out those kids. Yeah. So I was asking him. I was like, you just lower your shoulder with the ball. He's like, yeah. That must have been fucking terrifying. Yeah, he just...

I'd be racist. Sure. One of those white guys out there. I'd go, get him off the field. This is fucking crazy. Yeah, that feels like a sport ripe to have somebody come in and just dominate like that. Yeah. Yeah, Jim Brown.

I'd love to see it. Holy fuck. I would love to see it. I'd love to see like a LeBron kind of guy out there. Yeah. He's so scary. Jordan Milato with a lacrosstick. No.

Jordan... He would shoot the ball 200 miles an hour. It's great. Jordan Milana needs to be nowhere near any other sport. Yeah. Dude, I remember... He's scary out there. Yeah.

He shakes your hand after the game. He'd straight the girlfriend mode again. Oh my God. Your hands are so gay. He's so fucking gay the whole time. And you can sing and he's handsome. He's dressed like a vampire. He is.

He was. He was dressed like a vampire's. He is. He was kind of crazy. fucking squad of mutants in the corner just like a fucking ninja turtle and Jafar.

Blind going home. We've got a whole team of pugs in the corner. These are my buddies. We're all fucking pieces of shit. The hat, the Jafar hat was like two foot and it still wasn't Blizz. Blizz showing up with the fucking

whatever that face paint was. Yeah, mine. It was fucking horrifying. That's high level move. The bees, dressed as a bee. That was nice. Yeah,

it was a good costumes. I thought I had a good turtle costume. You did have a good, I had no costume. Classic. No,

no, it wasn't too cool. I just didn't have time. It should have gotten you one. We went to the store right before. Should have gotten you.

I got the Jason mask. Yeah. It's classic. But it would be nice. Nice to get you a Power Ranger. Yeah, I'm not. Get your big Power Ranger jumpsuit.

I don't know how I physically am for a body suit. Well, it's baggy. It better be. It better be baggy. There's a lot of problems with a latex suit with me. And the tiniest might be number two. The love handles is where we're running into some real fucking chaos.

Just a belt, a Power Ranger belt, sagging underneath my gut. I mean, that's, I'd be with you. I go, I'm going home too. This fucking blows. I think that would be such a sick look. If I pulled it, yeah. If I wore it with confidence. But there's no way I would.

There's no way I could. I'd be doing the adjust my fucking shirt. The entire time. Pulling the tinnis out this time the whole time. Don't get that spandex off my dick. This is crazy. Jordan my life was going to see my tiny penis. Dude, I remember when we were in,

when we were in like, I think late middle school, early high school, Casey Powell was like the best player in the world at the time came. And we were hanging out. And he was like shooting. he was shooting like 95 miles an hour and Sullivan just picked up a stick he was in eighth grade he just picked up a stick and shot like 1 10

Gizzy Powell was 25 Sullivan was a horse though he's a monster I can't imagine an NFL lineman like actually playing lacrosse and shooting the ball fucking funny if you're allowed to just truck people it would kill goalies Yeah, they'd have to start actually wearing pads

Like way more pads Like a thick like hockey chest protector Those guys must be crazy They're nuts They're nuts They're nuts Yeah I like those positions in sports

That are real weird Yeah Like MLB pitchers Yes Are just insane people I would imagine hockey goalies Are fucking weird dudes Hockey goalies, yeah

Yeah They're supposed to be Every single golfer Weird dork Yeah they got I don't know any of I've only met a couple and they were all very normal and nice.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Just trying to belittle your sport, your favorite. I just wanted to take your favorite thing and say it sucked. Okay. Even though it doesn't. No, but it has to do it a little bit because it's such a head game position. I would imagine those are weird people.

Yeah. Like you have to do all these like weird mental stuff to like keep from absolutely melting down. Yeah. So I have goalies like talking of pipes and stuff. Thanking pipes. Dude, my favorite was just during COVID going to baseball games where the stadium was empty. could just listen to the pitchers. They're fucking insane, dude.

What are they saying? Every time they put that glove over their face, like, you motherfucker, fuck, fuck, fuck. They're just back to the game. You're like, holy shit. Whoa. Yeah, no, they're mental patience. Wow, that's really interesting.

I mean, I get it. Yeah, giving up a home run. Yeah. You can just hear it. As soon as it leaves the bat, you hear the pitcher, fuck! Son of a fucking bitch! Give me the ball.

It's just winging the next pitch. I can't imagine, like, having the confidence to just throw the pitch over the plate. Tommy put me on to that. It's very funny. When someone gives up a home run, usually the next pitch is 95 fastball down the middle. They're like, fuck you. Fuck you. Gone again.

Gone. Shit. That's got to be the worst feeling in the world. Giving up a homer? Yeah. It's a tough one. Giving up a sack sucked. Oh, my God.

That was really shitty. Yeah. Especially your friends with the quarterback. He's your buddy. He's just getting killed. I don't know who the fuck this guy is. I'm gone. This game.

Run away. What can you do? If you're just getting smoked, what do you... Nothing. Just lunge at him? Hopefully the coach can make an adjustment and help... Yeah. Help with the clock.

Yeah. Yeah. But... We didn't have that. Oh. So it was just, you're going to get fucked up today. Yeah. All day.

Shit. How many times did that happen? It happened once. Yeah. Happened to me once. It was my last game in my senior year. Oh, no. And the guy across me, you just play one.

You were like, he's. Yeah, I never gave up a sack. And then this one game, this guy was just killing me. Oh. Final game. Yeah. Never played another game. Yeah.

Oh, no. That's all right. Fuck it. I got a memory. I got, I don't care. I got a memory like that. In college. I thought you were going to your hockey story.

It's my favorite. Oh, that's a tough one. He retired from hockey. That's a tough one. He's like deeply troubled by it. Dude, conference championship, my senior year of college, they, like, they dialed it up. They called a play to me. Oh.

Like, take this guy to the rack, had a shorty. Dude stripped me. And I, like, never turned the ball over. Yeah. Never stripped me. down the other way, didn't see the field again. Oh, man. It was, yeah, it was like a fourth quarter games like, it's like seven, seven.

Yeah. Run the play. O'Connor, you ready? Yeah. Yes. And I went into it real like, I'm going to smoke this kid. And he just twigged me. You go, yeah, all right, motherfucker.

Here we go. Gosh, shit them off the field. Dude, it was like, it's like, it's like one of those things to scream about and the hour because it was a thing where it was like like I hadn't been playing well in the like the last quarter of the season but the coach is still like I know he literally pulled me aside and was like I know you still got goals oh no yeah yeah and I was like hell yeah dude that's nice though yeah no he's great yeah and then uh turn out I didn't have goals left that's all right but it was that's what it was like so painful he literally like game on the line gave me a shot to make a difference

that's tough you never told me that story oh it was brutal it's literally like the last play in my yeah yeah hard break that's really hurting you guys yeah that's a tough one it's all right that's how sports ends no you don't end on top no unless you got humiliated you know fuck it i'm i'm not doing this when was your last uh sport that would be uh probably little league baseball and it was yeah just couldn't but you were just short yeah when did you grow

when did those fucking legs take off uh freshman year of college holy shit that must have been crazy it was pretty nuts how much did you grow uh for six inches seven inches in a year uh over the time yeah god that wasn't the hurt it was it was crazy it was crazy to have to like buy new pants in a Yeah. Yeah. That's a dream, though. That was, I always held out hope. Yeah.

I would, yeah, I would learn about people growing in college and be like, it's still, I still, is what happened? Yeah. I saw an endocrinologist and they, they, you know, said five, six, five, seven tops. Really? Yeah. And then. I don't think they know shit. I don't know.

They get that wrong all the time. Right. You're just looking at an x-ray. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a scam. Endocrinologists. I'm coming for you.

You fucking love it. I remember it was so humiliating because they had like a bead of testicles. Did I tell you about that? It was like like a size chart. A size chart. But it was like on a rope like a butt plug rope. Yep. And then my mom like so they checked me.

And then my mom came back in the room. You were showing where my testicles were on the. On the big balls. Yeah. What? Yeah. Is that how they'd see how tall you're going to be? No, I think it was the x-rays.

But they were just checking that to see. This is just to show you where you stab. up. What doctor is this, dude? Get rid of that fucker. My recollection. Just so you know, also you have small, tiny balls. There's no medical difference. You're going to be able to have kids, all that. This is just for you. It has no bearing on anything else. Just want you to know, you got a little tiny dick. Thanks for that. You're like matching up to the age group that typically... That's a doctor with small tiny balls. Yeah. And he's got his little little

he's got a notch on there. Right. He's going to, got you. Not so small. The 99th percentile balls. Yeah. All right.

Well, yeah, what's the biggest, what was the biggest ball on the chart, would you say? Don't recall. That would have stuck out to me. I would have been like, holy shit. Poor fucking guy. That's crazy.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think they were like abnormalities. I think it was like, once you got up to average male is based where it ended. Yeah. Well, never really think about the size of my balls to keep trying to end the past but yeah what do you

never think about the size of yeah that's we had we had way bigger fish to fry right next door we got a real problem we got a real problem above and below those things there's stuff going on that we need to take care of balls are on the back burner for for concern gervyn you're a sweet boy I wish you could come do the show tonight but have me on this. Yeah. It's good to see you. Sorry. So I didn't want to make your dad super uncomfortable. No, he does it. It was funny.

Okay. He thinks it's funny. He just doesn't want to talk about it. You can post you around me. If I wasn't here, he'd be like, that's what I do. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, my family's not Uh, got it. Never talk about sex. Got it. Yeah. I think it's weird when families do. I couldn't

agree more. Yeah. I agree with that. You know any final, uh, phone thoughts here? anything you want to get off your chest no no I think I think I'm glad I made it through I was really up against it yesterday I thought you were dead yeah yeah

you don't respond when you're like that that's annoying I know but I get it sometimes you got to I couldn't face reality shut it down yeah yeah shut it down shut it down you get it yeah it's communication gone for sure

all right well that's a good podcast yeah thank you Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.