Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 591 M A Double Hockey Sticks Mall

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live Ho Ho Ho. Merry Christmas!!!!! I hope you didn't think we'd take a week off for the holiday ... neva dat. Santy Clause came early with a hot cast for all the good D.A.W.G.Z. and gurs. Please have a Merry Christmas. Please enjoy the episode. God Bless. Visit https://rocketmoney.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The wild wow, Wes. All right, here we go. Yo, speaking of hot mics. Got all that venom out. Yeah, true. There was a principal at some school in Delaware County that was leaving a voicemail for a parent. And he didn't realize the thing was still going. And just kind of like he got in trouble because it was a Jewish parent.

And he was after like he thought he'd hung up, I think someone was like, who was that? He goes, this guy. He's a fucking asshole. He's like a big hot head. I think you mentioned he's like some Jewish guy He's like he always wears fucking sweatpants all the time He comes in here Oh my god wearing sweatpants

And a lady goes what does he do for living? He goes I don't know controls all the banks or whatever And they put that This guy's funny as shit The comments are half split between like This man is a scumbag Needs to be removed

And people being like I'm signing my kids up For the school right now That is like that's like the worst nightmare I know Especially if somebody was like not really bad You know what I mean? If you like overheard a voicemail They're like dude he just wears sweatpants all the thing kind of like smells like he's like nice But he's like just a gross he'd been totally fine if he didn't do the I don't know

Probably controls the banks or whatever I mean he had to hit that home run It's a home run dude There's nothing he can do about it so he loved one right across the plate he's the principal bro He's gonna have to become a gym teacher now he's gonna promote him to gym teacher will be good though Five year that's that's a gym teacher and energy. That is gym teacher. He should be a gym teacher.

Principle's crazy for that type of thing. Yeah, true. Yeah. But yeah, he got busted. But yeah, you know, whatever. That's what you always got to hang up before you talk shop about the Jews at work. Yeah. If you decide, yeah.

And then a lady, too, it's just like a total delco lady. Like, what does he do? What is it just firing away the questions? I don't know. Probably controls the banks or something. It's just, all right. So that was a fun, that was a fun thing to see. That's great.

Yeah. I thought it was funny. It was a funny. It's a funny thing. It's without a doubt funny. I guess he's going to get fired. He has to get fired. There's no way.

He's out. I believe he's out on the main line. He might be Chester County boy. Oh, if he's mainline, that's trouble. Yellow. Yeah. That's literally the home of... Yeah.

That's where BB's from. Bebe's from. Bibi's chilling out there. True. He's all right down, dude. I'm surprised. Yeah, he can't have a Goy principal popping off like that. Fuck no.

You can have the goy popping off. On the voice, dude, I don't like leaving voicemails at all. the thought of having it run unnecessarily long. I listen to everybody. When some, when people call me and it stays on, I listen to the whole thing. I know this motherfucker's talking shit.

I know. It's my mom. Someone like, no. Just like, I know they're saying something fucked up about me. I always spy like that. If someone calls me,

doesn't realize or just, I'll sit there for an hour and just wait and get some stuff. I, dude, I was. It's just in their pocket. I can't really hear anything. Yeah, true. You just,

you don't get much good stuff. I was phone screen. I'll be honest, this isn't good, but I was on the plane yesterday, phone screen spying. So hard not to. Bro, I was catching, like, crazy shit on this dude's screen next to me. So it was like, I don't want to say, but it was a... What was he hitting? Sexual stuff?

Some love stuff, yeah. Nice. S-E-X stuff. That happens up there. Yeah, it's kind of nice. You get up in the sky. Yeah, man was horned up, but, yeah, it was pretty tight. So I was, like, kind of just, like, I, like, caught one thing.

I went, what the fuck? And then I kept looking over, and I was watching him go back and forth between, like, the some lady and then there's a guy asking about some lady it was like this guy's having fun dude was being a beast yeah he was an older gentleman too i was surprised oh it's a big font were you able to see it i could see it i could i could read everything and i was just i was just stare straight ahead and just literally it's just go oh he's next to you yeah oh i thought he was in front no i was going i was going next to me i know i thought at one point i was ready for him to one point to be like could you fucking not please because i just kept me like you're not very sly either

You're not slick, dude. You were definitely like, dude, I literally, yeah. I was sitting with a haunted mansion painting. Yeah. I couldn't stop. Once I caught one juicy detail, I went. You're going to need the deeds.

Dude, it was, yeah, it was pretty sweet, man. I was loving that. I also, I had a nice flight on the way home, but I got a million good boy points because we got on the plane and I put an old lady's bag up for her. So I'm like, all right, cool. So that's good boy points for the day.

And then I sat across from her and then a mom and daughter got on and the mom sat next to me and the daughter sat over and they were kind of like talking I was like do you guys want to swap seats? I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just thinking there's so much because I get fucking hammered on these flights. I try to get the good boy points I've smashed people with bags You got the blue one's yours? I got you hit some lady in the shoulder that's sitting down oh my God I'm so sorry they all watched me get 10 fucking vodka's the entire flight sorry no you gotta get the GPPs on the fuck I try to get the GBPs

but sometimes there's too many Vakisodes no but an accidental smash with the bag is totally I've done it I'm not kidding at least four times just full just let go deadweight a bag onto somebody Nate got negative 500 GbPs flying out it wasn't his fault I had kind of set him up but the whole well long story short is the lady I just kind of switch seats and I sat next to the old lady who's bag

I helped get up dude for like five minutes you're such a nice boy and I was like thank you it was the best it was amazing so I got a million I'm sorry I'm sorry one more I'm thinking of the worst GbP I've ever seen at the airport my uncle I've told this story before it kills me I love

thinking about we just land we're in JFK and so this lady tried to pick up her suitcase a girl tried to pick up her suitcase but it was stuck and my uncle thought she just couldn't lift it So he goes and literally fucking deadlifts this thing and just rips it apart at the seams. And her fucking laundry her panties go everywhere. And then he just walked back and stood next to me like, oh shit.

And then you watch it come back around to the lady and her bag just got ripped apart. Anyway, it was great. It was so fun to watch him do it. Oh, shit. Anyway, I'll stop cutting you on. No, that's hilarious. It's so fucking. It's just immediately in my head.

Just coming back Coming back and going Oh fuck man He just ripped that lady's bag in half He did dude I don't know how he did it He ripped the suitcase Shout out to him

That's awesome Yeah he's a beast What a fucking animal man I know why he did it though I know Because every time if a woman's struggling It's the best thing in the world It is but got you

No what I'm saying Like you feel a little Like all this thing's clearly stuck You must have thought the bag Was 800 pounds I think he just I've done that hard He probably

went up and was like full steam ahead he might have just been like watch because I'll do that every now and again when I'm like grabbing my bag down I'll like one hand it and pull it down so sometimes you pull with like too much force that's when you hit people yeah true or the baggage claim when I'm there and I get a bag I'll try to really like

just fucking beast it that's strong boy points there's a lot of jeeps and strong you wing a strong boy points at the baggage claim is you're going to want to but it because it's always you're so nervous like dude I got to get this thing quick it's moving it's moving a little fast Yep.

This thing's heavy as hell. Yeah. It's not ever. You go up and fucking lift it over your head like a fucking... I get... True. Well, the problem is, though, I'll fly... When me and Brittany fly with the kids, we'll do one combined suitcase.

So both of our stuff's in there. Dude, it weighs like fucking 65 pounds. So that thing can get kind of beefy. But, yeah, usually it's... Yeah, if it's just yours, it's not that heavy. But Nate got negative 500 good boy points at the airport. It wasn't your fault. So we go in there.

First of all, we were flying out. Now, Nate was, he was running a little late and the airport was slammed. So he almost missed the flight, which that's not, that's not your fault. That's not, you know, they were, I think they were racist against Nate. They wouldn't let him in the priority lane. He had priority, but it wasn't on the boarding pass. So he went up, I might just go through priority. It'll be faster.

They're like, no. And then he tried to go to clear, nothing doing. Back to priority. They're like, no. And then he, I was like, dude, we're going to board in like five minutes. He just beasted under the line, snuck in, cut. It was like a sneak in cut, which is that's right. You had to do that.

Why are you making that face? That was survival. That was, yeah. I had no choice. If I saw that, if I was standing in line and just saw that, three weeks of racism. Three weeks. I saw people. Three weeks straight of racism.

People peeking out the clear line were hitting that like, no, he's fucking not. I can see him behind me like watching me get through successfully. Like, guys, although you had to do it. I had no choice. Yeah, it was survival. All those clear scumbags looking at you. I don't know why I hate Clear. I might be done with it.

I used to be clear. I've switched up on them. Yep, you had to. Pre-check all. Also, the Clear would set you up for failure big time. Yeah, man. If you hit Clear at JFK, you got to walk past a thousand Indians that are in line that they don't know what Clear is. They get furious.

Oh, they get in and then they get stopped. They're in the line. And then you're going through Clear and somebody's just going like, get out of the way. You've got to walk through their line. Yeah. And they're like, no. They try to stop you. And you're like, dude, fucking get off.

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You got to start reading, dude. I can't. Download the prize picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5. dollar lineup prize picks it's good to be right yes yeah dude so he goes he gets through he you know he beats his way through

I was like good job on that but then I had already been in there and dude the airport was fucking mobbed so I go in and I'm at like the very very far end of the airport at like 36 or it's just like there's nowhere to be and I'm like fuck man you know it was like we're about the board

and I'm like I'm gonna get on I wanted to get on first because we had a connection I was in group one so I'm like let me like get up there I don't like the butt but I was like peeping out fucking screens and I would see three, four and I keep kind of popping up I just wanted to be in position and I had like there's nowhere to go

but I finally weasel next to this guy he's got like a fucking cowboy hat on and just standing there with this bank and my plan was to stand like they have like a little market there but that was roped off so I was like fuck so I just stood right next to this guy and I just heard him start going

yeah of course I'd be so mad God damn you guys are pissing me off He was so mad. I'd be so, dude, if somebody stood right next to me? There was nowhere to go. Is this for boarding?

I would have had to, we were about to board. Who cares? Wait till everyone else boards. You're in first class. No, wait, but here's the thing, because then people fill up the overhead slots. We're in a small plane. People fill up the overhead slots. Now I've got to put my bag five rows back, but then I have to jump off and get a quick

connection. Our connection was tight, I think. Yeah, it was tight, I think, on the way there. And we were delayed. So I was like, bro, I got to get on this thing, get my stuff and be ready to get off its plane. But I still, I wasn't bugging. I've got like I've like started bugging about that

I was chilling but I was like let me just get in a position everything's cool saying next to this guy dude literally starts like I'm not I'm exaggerating starts to make that noise I would do that I would do that well then I stop and I like I would say something I would be like oh hello I excuse me well he was I think he was working that up

I didn't touch him I didn't I just got next to my How close are we talking? I was fucking right everyone's right next to each other Dude get to fuck out of here You're crazy He goes like this. And I stop. I'm like,

bro, are you okay? Not even like me and me. That would help. I was like, are you okay, dude? Like, for real,

like, what's going on? He was just like, everybody's fucking bumping into each other. He's like, full spas. He's totally correct.

But I was like, he's totally correct. I was like, there's nowhere to go. I was like, there's nowhere to go. I was like, there's just fucking stand in the back

until they announce here and fucking group. Yeah, but then you got to push out, you got to get up there anyway. So I'm like, I'm not going to stand all way there and then have to like because then you try that. I've done that before where then they go, okay, now it's this group. I'm like, wait, I didn't even get on.

It's just like, then I have to like, I just, I'm like, let me just get in a position. And I'll like, I try not to ever like, but where I'm like in front of you, but I'll try to get to the side by myself. It's a whole like system I have. So this guy is just like, everyone's just bumping into each other. Full spas, dude. I was like, dude. I'm like, oh, man, everything's fine. He literally goes, I was like, what are you even talking about? I didn't touch the guy. And he was like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm like, all right, fine. Dude, but it's like,

whenever someone's about this spas, I'm just like, I have to push you. What's wrong? I know. I was laughing. Like, what's the matter with you? Yeah, that's good stuff. And then so I'm sitting there, all of a sudden, here comes Nate.

I go, oh, boy. Oh, boy. I got a red face guy in a cowboy hat who's already fucking brewing. He's ready to swap that hat. He said, he's going to be mad. He's going to break out that BK. I know.

I was like, but Nate comes up. It sounds like Nate him over here. I'm watching Nate come through. By the way, no one else had a fucking problem. Nate comes up

and I go, this guy is, I might pop the top, dude. This guy might fucking go. Nate comes up. He accidentally bumped his luggage. Dude,

this guy's luggage was stacked like that high. It fell in Italy. Oh my God. Just watch him go. Oh. And I'm sure it bothered him a little bit

that day. while it's black because it's like you're like, how can this get any worse than a black guy butts in front of you and knocks your luggage into a the lady was like, oh,

dude, I could have been happier. Yeah, fuck you guys. I'm fully with the cowboy. I'm fully with the cowboy. That's what you got. You got to start hitting the M&M right away.

If you're the cowboy, you just go, I'm not afraid. I dished out that was my bad I dished out a double dose of punishment and it was like and he was already fuming I think security was crazy so he was completely fumed out and he was like prior what was it called a concierge key they're like the very very he's a top flyer total top flyer and he was you know surrounded by the holy ploy of group one and two so I don't think he was very happy I mean he's still talking about it he's going to

Christmas. He's going to be like, you know what? The airlines in this country have just gone to hell. What happened? His bag fell and hid in like an older lady and she was like, oh, he was like, oh, oh, I couldn't even talk. He was so mad. And then I kind of like followed him at the next airport. I was, oh, praying he would be on our plane. Yeah. Because I just wanted, I was just like, damn, this guy's going to freak out. Where was your connection? Where did we go to? I doubt. Oh, yeah, we went to D.C. He was headed to D.C. Well, we went to DC, and then he was, we were going to Syracuse, he was still in our little wing, because we all, like, split off, but he came to our thing. I'm like, dude, is he going to be on our flight? That'd be awesome. Yeah. And, uh, and I was, I was observing it. But at one point, we made it all over. You're observing them? Yeah. That's also in my head, if that's going on with me, I'm going on, is somebody, are they fucking with me? And you were, there was actually a malevolent force around him. Like, what's wrong with you?

Bro. I was laughing because I was like, dude, he was. literally going, I was like, bro, are you okay? Just like laughing. Be like, what's going on?

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. It's totally fit. What time was this flight? I know you guys love, I know you guys love 5 a.m. It was 6.30 in the morning. This guy couldn't be more correct.

You guys are the ones that are wrong. We made it all the way to Washington, D.C. And I had been like kind of followed him. I hope he's on her plane. And then. It went to the red plum market in the airport And I got some chicken And then at one point

Because I had been like kind of tailing him And I was like damn I lost him We go We go to the red plum market I'm getting my chicken He comes from the kiosk It's just like a little It's like a little place in a bunch of airports

I've been grubbing at airports So hard lately Red plum market is good They got some good chicken But I grabbed my tray And I was like damn I lost it I turn around

Who is it but the cowboy right in front of me And I went I just all like Oh fuck I was so happy. Like, there you are. And he just was like, I just kind of, yeah. He wasn't excited to you?

No, not at all. I don't think so at all. I ruined his day. I didn't mean to, dude. I got plenty of space. I didn't bump. I know I didn't bump this guy. But I saw Nate coming.

I did. I'll be honest. I was that evil part of me. It's like, hmm. Here we go. Here it comes. Moving my knight to F7, please. Dude.

Five. in the morning. Bro, it was... Yeah, I could. I had my red light glasses on. I was like, are you okay? Were you wearing red light glasses?

Dude. He got hit with the whack back. First thing in the morning. Imagine if you were genuinely mad and some dude was laughing next to you going, dude, are you okay? I know.

It's fucking, and he's wearing fucking red glasses. You're in a cowboy outfit. And Nate was sweaty from sneaking in. I know you're dripping sweat. I know he's dripping sweat. Yeah, you're dripping sweat.

He was so sweaty. And that's such a gross-ass sweat. You didn't shower in the morning at 6 a.m. That was the first thing Matt said when I walked up. After he told me about the guy, he laughed. You're sweaty. You're sweaty yourself. Yeah, that was my Friday morning.

I was, man, I was on just cloud nine. It's been like, this is a funny shit. Yeah, it is a treat. It was. I love seeing spats. Dude, once people spazze at the airport. And again, it could be me. It could be anybody. I could spas for sure. But it was like, when I see someone else spazing, there's just a part of me. It's like, bro, I want to see how far you can go.

You want to see a real spas. Yeah. Yeah. You want to see a bottle of spas. I want to see. I don't direct them. I'm like, you have lots of potential. Let's see. But, yeah, he kept it in. Good for him. He didn't fully spas. Maybe. True. Who knows? True. Wherever the fuck he went. The middle of the next flight is like,

Man, the weekend was good, though. It was a good time. Syracuse. It's a good start to the weekend. Great start to the weekend. Good club, too. What's not bad, dude, that is the sickest mall. It has a Dave and Busters.

It has a Dick's sporting goods. What else that have escape room? I think that's every single mall. What? It's every single mall has a Dave and Buster's D. Go car track? That now you're talking, now you're talking. next level.

In the mall, though, dude, I never seen it in the mall. Wait until you go to the Capitol City Mall in Harris. True. Christ, what are you talking about? That's the Capitol City Mall. True, I didn't. I've never seen, I only had just seen, like, retail malls with, like, a food court. I didn't know they're putting the fucking good stuff in there now.

Malls are fighting back. Everyone wants to fucking say malls are dead. Yeah, right, dude. You got to see the, what was that place called Destiny USA Mall? Moll's got hit with a bit of the same thing that happened to water parks. And they did, dude. The Capitol City Mall is not my Capitol City Mall, dude. It's changed.

Well, they did the, they did the, what you're going to call it, parental escort thing. What's that? If you're a, if you're a teenager of any kind, nobody cares. If you're a teenager. If you're a YT, you're just a young teen. Your parents have to be with you. So they cracked down on the cheering and running around.

that kind of ruins them all. I know. It's got it stinks. But I don't think they really enforce it. I think it's there if they need to drop the hammer. They can go, hey, teenagers aren't allowed in here by themselves. You know what I mean? Teenagers dressed in sports jerseys and sneakers are not allowed in here by themselves.

Old people used to go and walk. The ball? Yeah. You see it? I've seen old people hit the fucking shuffle back in the day. Yeah. I think they would just bring like old folks homes and be like, here, just walk around. Yeah.

Yeah, I think a lot of old people too They would get like coffee at McDonald's in the morning And then just stretch your legs For exercise just walk through the mall Hit the fucking M-A-Double L But that thing was, that mall was nice And MA double hockey sticks So yeah, it was victorious man

But I did not eat well man this weekend Nothing but fucking fried wings And flatbreads from the mall Dropped a pile That's a pile P-I hockey stick E dude Yes. Big time.

I woke up this morning, dude. First thing in the morning, just. Be ice a clock. I mean, yeah, you put together a recipe. I did. Yeah. I did. That's why, yeah, I was telling you earlier,

fucking goddamn family has pinworms right now. So. Yeah, it's good to pile out. If you got a pinworm epidemic going through the house. I was telling my wife, it's, you got to take the fucking shit. I was like, bro, you think these things are fucking hanging in here? What is the shit you got to take?

It's like this, it's like this, it's like banana, flavored. It's like a chalky syrup. I had to chug like three tablespoons of it before I came here. That it kills if I have anything. I mean, I could have, who knows? I could have other parasites. It'll fucking kill whatever's in your body. It's good. Then you got to wait a week because pinworms lay eggs. Oh my God. So you got to wait a week and then you have to take it. So in case the eggs hatch, you kill those. I really hope you don't have any pinworms because I really sit in that chair a lot. We don't, I don't think they like come out of you, they come out of your butt at

nighttime too. During the, during the day, my little wormies are sleeping. I, I, I, Yeah, I've heard a lot of stories about this. You've got to take a flashlight to your kid's asshole at night. Yep. Look for worms. Yeah, man. That's literally what you have to do. You got to find the night crawlers.

You got to find the creepy crawlers. You got to hit them with the flashlight and just wait. Yeah, they come out of the little guys. They're like, yeah. Yeah, man. Yep. That's really fucked up. My cat got worms and I was sad about it.

Yeah. Watch him crawling out of his butt. I was going, no, terrible. Yeah, man. They say you can put tape over your butt when you sleep. and wake up. I swear God. And then you wake up, you check the tape.

Oh, like, the tape off. That's like a fun thing to do. I might start doing that anyway. Do it like, you know, people do that with a door to see if anyone's been sneaking in your room, just put a piece of tape over your butt and wake up. Still, there you go.

Nice. Good. Nobody's accessed me while I was sleeping. Damn, the flashlight into a butt. And wait, just waiting to see if your kids got worms. Yeah, man. But I was at the, uh, Destiny Mall at the time.

So I didn't have to deal with that. But yeah, shout out to Brittany for holding down the fort and taking care of all the worms. Worms situation. She was freaking, bro. Yeah, of course. And I get it. It's the grossest thing possible.

It's disgusting. Yeah. It's truly disgusting. It's my nightmare. She's scared of bugs. Like, she's scared of regular bugs. You know I got a thing with fucking whatever these types of bugs are. Parasites.

There's something wrong with me. It's a very, yeah. It is like a sign of like schizophrenia. I don't, no, I think it's, pretty normal to have like, no, it's always like there's bugs on my skin. What do you think? There's bugs on you? Yeah, I thought that I think there's bugs. Yeah, okay. That's not now, but now I'm going to be worried about pinworms. Yeah. I'm going to my parents' basement for Christmas. I'm going to have enough drinks to work up the courage to go, mom, when I fall asleep tonight, I need you to come in here with a

flashlight. Check my butt. And just check my butt for worms. Your mom would do. Oh, no, you have worms? My son has worms You're 40 You have worms It can happen to anybody, mom She would check for sure I don't know if she would

She would check your boss If you were like mom We came to her in earnest And was like mom I really need you to check for me They would do it in a heartbeat I guess She would honestly We don't have that

What do you mean? I don't think she's one of those ladies That like enjoys that shit What what? gross shit with their kids. Not like that, but I'm saying just like, you know, she just probably remembers you as like a little tiny baby. She's like, probably, she would find out the hard way. I'm all man now. She'd be staring down the barrel of a man's ass with worms. Sarlack pit. Coming right at you. Well, America does have this thing where like the rest of the world

constantly takes dewormers and all this stuff. We think that we don't have like parasites and shit. I think we, I think a lot of people have parasites. So I can give you some a dose too. You can take some of the banana flavor just in case. Yeah, what the fuck? Why not? It's not going to hurt you. It's not going to hurt you. Probably stop COVID too if you get COVID in the Christmas. I think it does. Probably does. Hmm. Yeah, my immune system's on fire right now that I've taken to dewormer. I believe it. Yeah, that shit was nasty. But yes, that was that was my fucking deal, dude. It flew home to an empty house. All my worm girls were gone. It is. Where's my worm girls?

The worm sisters All my worm girls are gone I almost didn't take it And I was talking to a FaceTime and I'm like I forgot shit of the medicine I'm like what is this? It's like that's your Dwormmer Take it right now

I was like fucking Chugged it I'm paranoid about taking a new thing If I take like a new medicine For the first 40 minutes I'm like oh dude What if has a weird side effect With just me and I just die

So that was like my half an hour Before I left just being like Am I feeling this right now? I was probably feeling that you know that didn't do shit I'm taking another one I'm not even fucking high do warmer sucked yeah that was our weekend man we just fucking it was the spas was a highlight then we just had two fun shows and uh I don't think anything else really fun happened I think we just kind of had a good old time shit it's just fucking freezing cold I did work out

in a the gym I went to the gym you know or not the hotel gym and there was a basketball team full of like fourth graders with one adult so I went in there and fucking mugged him lifting them they were like kind of playing around with all this one guy was just like oh oh be careful be careful and he was just like I walked in you should have you should

are you still powerless and you should have been screaming in that I wanted to it only had was 50 pound dumbbells I couldn't even have slammed them on the ground I should have I don't want to fucking grab them these kids I did mug them with the treadmill I put it on 14% I put it on 14 incline No You became the cowboy.

There's little kids running around. Little kids running around the gym. You go, I don't want to talk about it. Especially you juiced up. You probably spas and all of them. They shouldn't be in here. No, I didn't even care. The guy was super apologetic.

And I'm like, bro, I needs my little corner. And then I hit the 15% incline on the treadmill. And I was running sprinting hills on the treadmill. Damn. Just mogging the kids. Of course. Just letting them know. You guys think shit's fucking sweet, bro.

I'm about to turn 40. It warms in my butt. I'm fucking running. Yeah, life sucks. I'm in Syracuse on a treadmill with worms in my butt. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup

that provides a clear picture of your health today, and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Yeah, I'm trying to think.

I don't even know what I did this weekend. I had a nice weekend off. Yeah, you chilled. Just watch some football. It was a good time. Nice. Watch the Jake Paul fight. Dude, you guys get to watch that?

No, I didn't even know what was going on until I woke up the next morning. I said, Jake Paul got knocked out. I said, so what? Yeah. Why don't he fight that guy? That guy's enormous. Probably for $100 million. Yeah.

I mean, that's really what people wanted to see. Is him get knocked out? Yeah. It looked like he was. It looked like Anthony Joshua was kind of letting it go a little further. Yeah. But he also could have just been waiting to tire him out. True.

But I saw the highlights. You got to get Jake Paul some credit. He was fully gassed, like falling on the ground constantly. Kept getting up. Good for him. It's also. People love hating on that guy. And I get it.

Yeah. He acts a fool. Yeah. He's like a YouTube guy. But it's also. He did stand up, I think, with a fucking shattered jaw. And, dude, I mean, fighting that guy. That guy's,

fucking terrifying. Nasty boxer, but he's also way bigger. He was a heavyweight champ. Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, you gotta give credit words, dude, even if they were like, we had an agreement to not do a lot of damage, it's like, dude, if I'd block the body shot... You started going for damage. Yeah, he fucking broke his draw.

Yeah. If I were to block one of that guy's body shots with my arms, I would still quit the fight. Yeah, kill. It would hurt so bad. It would, fuck, I'd probably fall out. Punching the fucking arm? Oh, yeah. Ow! I do like everybody that doesn't know how to fight in these fights just turns around and tries to walk away.

You get a hit. You're like, okay, that's it. You're hooked in the back of the head. It was seriously just like, yeah. Yeah, I had to give credit where it was due. I was like, bro, just even fighting that guy. Because I guess everyone was being lugged, you know how to real boxer. Dude, fighting that, just fighting somebody at that skill level is crazy.

And that side, the size difference. The size was crazy. It's crazy. That dude, mocked Paul. It was interesting to me because before they signed this deal, he was supposed to fight Giovante Davis, who's significantly smaller than him. So maybe that had something to do with it

trying to fight someone bigger than him after he got a bunch of backlash for trying to fight a small guy. I mean, I was thinking about that. Well, Javante would be a problem. Yeah, he would be a big problem. He would be a real problem for him. But that was an interesting, they called it off.

Like, yeah, Jervante was alluding to there being, like, shady business going on and stuff. Really? I think so. I don't know. I think that's every single boxing match ever. True. Yeah.

Every single time. Yeah, that's, that was like kind of the rumor stuff I heard online that they, they believe there was like a, you know, a contract clause or like not do a lot of damage. I think they at least let it go three or four rounds before you start. Yeah, before you start. What do you mean? You can bet on how long the fight lasts. Like my friend bet on it to go over two and a half rounds.

And like, that's a lot. If you know that they're doing that. sort of like it's pretty shady. Yeah. When you bring the sports book into it. True. I mean, that was, yeah, credit to him for even just taking the damage because that was like, he was fucking whaling him, bro.

But they said he'd never throw him straight right the whole time. I think he hooked him. Was that a hooker? I think it was a hook. I think he just fucking hooked him. Yeah, that was crazy. All my heroes fell, dude. Yeah.

Paul fell. Cuber Tate fell. Cobert Tate. I might have to step up into the manosphere. Wes Watson lost 80 pounds of muscle I was telling you about that I don't know if it's 80 but he lost a lot of muscle And fucking

There's a guy who makes There's a dude on YouTube on Wes Watson's ass bro His name is Johnny something I forget his name but he Dude he makes like real time documentary He's like he doesn't have any fucking muscle anymore Those little twerb Just attacks him the whole time

But yeah West Watson isn't even about muscles anymore He doesn't even care He's on the other shit He's too busy He's way too busy Yeah So, but yeah, the guy's on his ass right now. He's like, you're not even jacked anymore.

Oh, I saw his cover take getting hit with uppercuts. Yeah. Kind of just wild-ass uppercuts. Yeah. I mean, it happens, bro. He's stepping in the ring, obviously. You know, who am I to even talk? Of course.

I don't have any dust. I'm not the man in the arena, but. No. My heroes have fallen. Now I don't have any idea what to say to girls. Fuck. I didn't even think about that. Exactly.

I got to hit with that guy who beat him up. I need to hear what he thinks about girls. What does he think about how to approach women? I don't know. I'm waiting to hear. Probably throw a drink on him, spit on him. That's usually the message. I'm waiting instructions for my new sense.

We'll find him. We'll find a new sense of. Who's going to be? Show me one guy in the Manosphere is still fucking standing strong. Milo Unopoulos. True. Yeah, I guess he could talk about what to say to girls too now. He's straight as hell.

Yeah, he's a fucking arrow. So, talk to, yeah, we talked to Milo about girls. I don't know. That'd be nice. he knows about girls what are you talking about dude he's a YouTube celebrity you don't think he gets a ton of girls relax

I don't know or maybe it could be Nikki Minaj might be my new hero that's a good hero it's a good one dude she's I don't know I believe her I think she's been super right wing this whole time I think yeah I mean when little Wayne met Trump she was probably

she probably got okay yeah and again she was a absolute you know She broke the story about her cousin's gigantic balls from the COVID vaccine. That would probably, yeah, that would Red Pillar. Because everyone's like, shut the fuck up, bitch. You can't go against the Vax badge. I know. She went against it.

She was the only person. But I don't know. I don't know what that's all about, though. I'm kind of curious. What? I don't know. I don't know if it's like a rebranding thing. I don't know if she's see it peeping the Candace bag.

Candice's bag is up right now. I'm sure. Nicky Minaj has a substantial bag. She probably still has the bag Probably has the bag for sure But dude The Candace bag is crazy Is it?

Yeah bro I think she I think her show is like enormous I think I could be wrong Yeah it's like she has like one of the biggest shows Her podcast is like for real one of the biggest podcasts That makes sense

Yeah I think since Charlie Kirk died Like she's been talking about it a lot And it's blown up since then She also has I watched a couple of those episodes Yeah she adds a little

She's got her secret recipe She has her secret ingredient She's been adding to her show right now I'm just feeling like Plaming the juice That shit's hot right now It is hot I mean bro you give me the word

We can take this show to the top That is hot It's so fucking hot right now To be just go crazy To go dumb on the on the J-EWs But no I just want to do a comedy podcast Dude I'm telling you

Of course it is The biggest pods Yeah The biggest pods. Every single one of them. It's crazy. I mean, we're just fucking leaving money on the goddamn table. We are.

We got to get in there. We got to do our, we got to do independent research. True. I don't know. I'll just make stuff up to. On what? She's number one, like at the end of this year, she hit number one globally for downloads and views.

Fuck. 3.6 million daily streams. People want to know. I looked up her net worth, though. Well, I guess you can't really. I don't know. What you mean? I'm true it is.

Those things are wrong. Yeah, it says like 20 mil for Candice Owens and Nikki Minaj is like $150 million. Okay. Well, I'll shut the fuck up then. You're probably right now. Barbie, bro. Yeah, she had a lot of hits.

You're probably right. Yeah, you're probably right. I don't know. And she was on Little Wayne's music label, too, so. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

Probably. I mean. Young money. Come on, bro. Yo. Come on, how big. What are we talking about?

True. I guess it's not on. Yeah. Why is it not on Spotify? It is. Pete number nine. Oh. Peep number seven.

Uh-oh. True. And we don't have to be nasty like that. That's true. We're just number seven. We're just good boys. Good boys. Sure.

We're just getting GBPs around here. Getting GBPs. You know, also telling on ourselves. I wasn't wrong with the airport. That's my bad. No, you weren't wrong. You weren't wrong. I wasn't wrong initially,

but the amount of glee I was taking and following this man and peeped. I was peeping on him. I would have also followed him. I'd like to see what he's doing. There's nothing else to do with the airport. If you're watching a potential spas, it's so nice because I see him online all the time. I rarely get to see him in person.

He kept it to, I'll be, you know, I'll give him credit where it's due. He did keep it contained pretty well. Yeah. I saw one other good spas. What do you disagree?

I mean, when I bumped his bag, he hit an out loud like, like he did. That was what I pulled up to. I didn't even like, but dude, if you're fucking grumbling,

if you're hitting audible grumbles. A sweaty dude comes and fucking knocks your shit over. He had the biggest bags of all the time. His bag was crazy. They were like stacked up like, for real for real, for almost as tall as me. It was crazy.

And it was just fucking nailed a lady. But, oh man, yeah, I just, you know, I didn't push the envelope any further, but I was trying to get as close as possible to him all the time. You can't spazle like that. I mean, you really should. You can grumble, dude. This was a grumble. You can grumble, but you can't grab. Do you have headphones on?

No. Oh, so, all right. No, I know what you're saying. He was like, you didn't realize how loud he was talking. This was a grumble. growl, dude. This is a headphoneless grumble. Headphoneless grumble growl.

Oh, man. That's fucking crazy. It's so funny, dude. I literally, I'll just, it's such a joy in my heart. Yeah, I become like a mask wearing liberal in there. I'm very passive aggressive. Oh, that's nice. Oh, knocked over my back.

Great. Thank you. I guess I'll pick it up then. Oh, I'll pick it up. No problem. You know what. time it is. Everybody at home, it's time. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Matt, I need you to riff from me, Daddy, on how much, you know, what do you fucking do with Rocket

Money? How much time were you spending each month trying to manage your finances before Rocky Money? What do you do with that extra time now? Yeah. What do you do with that extra time? And every, once I got my, it took me a while. When I had my budget all over the place, I didn't have a lot of time, you know, to just, like, do this stuff I needed to do, take care of my own. Personal stuff. Yeah, personal health, reproductive health. And now that I've organized my budget with rocket money, let's just say I've been launching some rockets of my own. And it's fun.

I'll tell you this, man, when you launch, when you launch a rocket, it's fun to go, here comes rocket money. Your babe walks in and you go, What are you doing? Rockin money is a personal finance app. It helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Take it away, Matt.

With... Rocket money. You can see all of your transactions automatically categorized across accounts and set up customizable categories and tags to reveal your spending patterns. You can use it to set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and even receive real-time alerts for large transactions. Sometimes, sometimes, I thought it was transactions as well.

I had a transaction joke. What did you say? Sometimes you got to give somebody a real personal alert for a large transaction that's headed their way. You know what I mean? You got to go, get out of way. It's a big rocket money. What do you want me to do with this? Rocket money.

upcoming bills refunds and low balances and rocket money can even automate savings to grow towards your goals with adjustable amounts and frequency just set it up and let it do its thing Shane give me one more you do the rocket money the best

let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join at rockin money.com slash msop that's ragged money dot com slash mssp raggedmoney dot com slash mssp Hey guys, please catch me doing stand-up.

I'll be in a Houston Texan, January 16th. I'll be in Dallas. Did I what the fuck that is? I'll be redo it. You'll be inside of a Houston Texan. Hey, guys, it's me. January 16th, I'll be at Houston, Texas, at Performance Hall. January 17th, I'll be at the Majestic Theater in Dallas.

And then on to Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, New York, Las Vegas, Denver, Boise, go, and a bunch more places. Matt McCuster.com for details. Also, Tuesday, the day this is out at the Creek, I'll be doing the show Algonauts where we go through people's cell phones. This is the debut? Yeah, the debut show. It's going to be good. It's going to be fun. So if you're still around in town coming to that at the creek and cave, I believe it's at 8 o'clock. It could be a hit new show. I think it could be fun. I think it could be a hit. Go through people's cell phones, project their algorithm onto a screen and then see what the algorithm says about them. And, you know, we'll show, we'll show our own

algorithms too. So. Nice. Yeah. I just add. I just. I added Chicago, Nashville, Charlotte, and Boston. So check those out. And then, of course, the show at the link in Philadelphia. Please go to that. Let's go. I swear it's going to be good. So we sick.

Thank you. Hello, sorry for the interruption. This is Sean Gardini, and I'll be in Atlanta. But sorry. Hello, sorry for the interruption. I just wanted to let you know I'll be in Atlanta. January 22 and 24 and we have the Noctus

January 6th and then the third Tuesday of January as well please come if you can't thank you I saw a guy riding his bike wearing a mask yesterday really and it fucking pissed me off

I was just on my constitutional I saw a guy riding a bike wearing a fucking M95 that's crazy and 95 I wanted to I wanted to yell

unless he was I grumbled. I grumbled. You think he was trying to get his V-O-2 max up? No. That's crazy to worry. No, he definitely wasn't. The K-95.

It's crazy, man. On the bike? They're putting up some wild signs around here in my park. What'd you get? They just keep posting these signs that say queer kids fight back. Whoa.

They're getting fired up. Queer kids fight back? Yeah, and then it's a picture of a dog like biting someone. I guess queer kids are dogs in. What the hell? Was there an event that kicked this?

off? I don't know. No, they keep popping up. They're getting big signs. We're going to fight back. I don't know about this. Yeah, man. Hold on a second. They're making signs for Nate. I was about to say we're tired of getting called Zesty. We're going to start biting people. Start growling and biting people.

Oh, okay. What is it? I don't know, honestly. is at my park. Queer kids fight back. Isn't that wild? Yeah. It just includes various forms of activism

from grassroots organizing and protests to legal challenges and working with supportive organizations. Well, how about say queer kids get political? You know what I mean? Queer kids are cool. There's also a house by me

that somebody spray painted adulterous on the fence. And then a little further down you see her full name is a solid. slut spray painted somewhere else. What? Some drama. A little drama amongst the Austin Housewives. Yeah. Yeah.

Adulterous, real big a... It's like, get out there and paint over that. True. Been there for fucking two weeks. Maybe she likes it. True. Might get her off. I stopped by. I hit the old Wilson. Go right over the fence. I go, Hey. Heard there's an adulteress in these bars.

There's a slut in here. Saw the sign out front. I'm here for the slut. You go spray pit your phone number right now. Call me, slut. Yeah, that's pretty wild, dude. Yeah. How far is it from here?

I can walk there, so pretty close. We should take a gander at that between the episodes. I'd like to see this slut. Yeah. Just knock up and be like, you know you have a disparaging message on your, uh, on your thing. Dude, we were, we were driving recently and someone had the, uh, you know, like the windshield gets dusty and people were right. Someone had just wrote the N-word on this person's car. and so me and Brittany are driving back from the gym

and Brittany pulls up and it's like Hey It was funny until then Sorry Well it's two Mexican ladies in the car Because I was like I want to see who's car this is And then we pull up And I didn't even know what it said

I just want to see like what are we working with here Just two Mexican ladies Just sitting there and Brittany like Try to tell them You have the end and then they were like No Antiennes and then she like Google translated to them They went

Oh, I'm just kind of skeptical driving. They can give a fuck. I was like, it's so funny. I just want to tell them. Yeah, go ahead, knock yourself out. I think that's a reasonable thing to tell someone. Yeah, you have the N-word on your car. Yeah, yeah.

You know, you should get a car wash. Yeah, really. Or just wipe it. Yeah. Someone pranked them. They got punked. It's a classic prank. That happened to my parents, like, right after we moved here.

That was like the first thing my mom told me. It was like, because they're old. They don't be taking their car out all the time, but it's like somebody got them with it. On the block, too. Oh, no. In Redding? Yeah. I don't know.

It's probably a Puerto Rican person, though. Like, just. Damn. Or one of you guys. I'm not taking you guys. That's, no offense. I'm not trying to claim innocence without knowing anything. Seems like it wasn't us.

In Redding? Yeah. Y'all are in there? Y'all are there? Never even been to Redding, personally. There's like 12 white people. It's about, it's about, you all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a lot. Yeah, yeah. How big, how big if we're talking on the back windshield? That's fucking crazy. I didn't add, I didn't get, my mom didn't give me the details. She waited for like a while before she even told me, apparently. Really? Yeah, she was like, yeah, it's all, it was all done and said, you know,

said and done when I heard about it. Yeah, but. Rough start today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what nasty. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Hard R.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd they write it? It was the same way, like in a dirty, on a dirty car, hit a dirty part of the car. They're old. No, I'm not mad that they're a dirty car. I'm more upset about the slur against your parents. Oh, no, I thought he would just be a funny... No, I wasn't like, oh, you got a dirty car.

I mean, yeah, something's going to happen. My man, my man. What the fuck, dude? My man. I like to joke around. You think I'm actually racist? No, but... Come on, man.

It's kind of funny. Well, dirty car. Well, man. Yeah, someone tagged you up? Yeah, man. Because also, that's like, you really gotta... You can't just wipe with your hand. Your fucking hands.

get all dirty and shit so then you got to like just drive with that on there and then you gotta go get a paper towel true I guess yeah you're right and thinking about a paper towel I'd have to drive man you have to drive but you have to go to the

gas station thing and dunk that thing there'd be one second you'd go squeegee yeah maybe I should just keep this on the back of my car it's my car I'm gonna do whatever it's a free country

it's a free country I do whatever I want but yeah I can do anything No, he doesn't wipe that off stat. I feel bad for the adulterous ladies. Why? I just feel bad.

The whole situation. Yeah, I mean, dude, that's... Look, dude, it gets... It does... That's what happens. That's the drama and the fucking burbs, dude. You get to be the ladies. They do a lot of yoga.

They get a little horny. Mm-hmm. You know? They're married to an engineer. What would it be like to have sex with an architect? Switch it up. Oh, same thing. Oops.

Now you're bust. It turns out. The exact same thing. Oops. Now you're... busted an architect's just kind of a gay engineer I couldn't even get hard for me now I have a slut on my fence

Sleut on your fence is not great Yeah I lady and tramp the soft noodle Now I have slut on my fence Slurp the nude Slurped it It is funny to be like a 45 year old lady And cheat on your 45 year old husband

With a 45 year old man It's like bro does use a vibrator Like what do you think is What do you think this other 45 year old man's about to do to you Not a lot He's probably so swab though. At the bar, it was probably like, oh, man, you and me could do something special. Dude, the guy's phone I was peeping.

He was a bit of an elder statesman. I said, man, I know you guys are getting all freaky like that. You know, a freaking diggy. I'm over here getting GPPs. I should have told him to the lady next to me. Should have the stortis. Texting about fucking people. I think he was, might have been texting a stewardess.

Not going to say anything more, but, you know. Is it true that Nate was taking a nap and then the mailstorstor just came over and woke him up and he tried to kiss him when he woke up. Straight out of his sleep. It's every time. Yeah. He tapped on the shoulder. I put my jacket over his head.

Tapped him on the shoulder and they went. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. That's all right. You don't have to keep the bed going. You can defend yourself if you want. You did try to kiss a guy on the plane, but that's it. Can't believe you bumped into the cowboy.

No. Dude, it was. I mean, it was just so early in the morning. It was just, man, amazing. Oh, I had a good night last night. What'd you do? Me and the O'Connman got on hell let loose for a while. Oh, that's awesome. Got a little tank crew. And O'Connor was the driver. I was the gunner. We had a good time. We were doing well. And then I realized his driving was a little erratic. I was just waiting. I'm like, there's no way this lasted for morning. I realized his driving was erratic.

and then I was like dude are you fucking drunk he was drunk dude he was hammered I was like you're getting us killed dude you're getting fucking

I didn't respond to it no no he was like yeah no I go dude are you fucking drunk he goes no did you drink today he goes yeah I was on a flight

I had a couple drinks I was like you're fucking wasted dude we're getting killed out here it's so funny to be on a tank just like, whoa, what the hell? Yeah, the driving was a little erratic. And then I'd be like, oh, stop, stop. Because I'm trying to aim the fucking thing.

Yeah. There'd be another tank. I'd be like, dude, fucking stop the tank. He'd be, I couldn't get a shot. I was like, I can't get a fucking shot, Chris. The headset on. I was sitting right here. It was fucking great.

That's so funny. We finally played for like three or four hours. It was awesome. That is amazing. Yeah. Tank crew's nice, too. Tank crew's very fun. How'd you guys do overall?

We had some really good games and then some towards the end, the last game. It was fucking terrible. Pizza pride came for O'Connor. I will say Chipotle came for me at one point. There was a couple times. I had the mic off. I was fucking grubbing. He'd be like, fuck, tank.

I'm like, oh, shit. It's a good time. True. That sounds fucking really fun, though. Yeah, it was wholesome. Oh, that's awesome. Very nice. We also, we finally have to clear the record for Amy's ice cream.

Oh, yeah. Amy's ice cream does rule. Sorry, made fun of the ice cream cake. It was just a simple mistake. They sent us a tiny ice cream cake. Told you. I took some bites of the ice cream. that was fucking delicious.

Yep. Yeah, that was funny to get the report. I got the reported day later. He was like, yeah, Shane actually liked the cake. Cake was so good. So, it was delicious cake. I was on the telephone and I was trying to throw it out. And I was like, oh, I'm not just going to waste it.

I'll take a bite. So while I'm talking to somebody, I was like, oh yeah, man, for sure. I'll get another bite here and just ate like half that fucking thing in 20 seconds. Standing eating ice cream cake on the phone with. Tony Yeo It was with G unit I was on the phone with him

It was your birthday too And it was my B day It was your fucking B day Tony called me on my B day It was nice Yeah Hello Mr. Yeo Yeah that's

It's pretty awesome I felt bad We just smacked And Amy's ice cream cake That was all you I can't believe I followed through With your nasty plan It was such a funny idea

I feel so guilty about slapping out That was such a funny thing To smack your birthday cake Out of Sean's hand It is funny but You know. It was hilarious. That's what keeps me up at night.

Fuck, man. Snop being an asshole for fucking ten seconds. Your friends hate you. And then I get a text that says, it's Tony Yeo, Jijijijit, G unit. I go, this is how he texts.

Yes. This is fucking awesome. That's so tight. Yeah, I was pretty excited about that. I need to see G unit come back. 50 star has re-risen. Yeah, another great black Republican. Oh, yeah, true.

That's true. Maybe an age 50, little Wayne. Yeah. Think Kodak Black? Codac Black for sure. He loves Toronto. That's his unc, dude. This is a Gemini twin.

Yeah, exactly. He loves it. We got, there's a good group. Black Republicans might rule. Obviously. The only way we got to get Jay Z, he's the ultimate damn, though. He is, bro. Jay's such a damn.

Morphed into a damn. Yeah, he's like an Anderson Cooper, damn. Yeah. but he's like become a damn he's yeah he's them hair

yeah you got the Basquiat isn't that there yeah I'll be yeah I don't want to trash some of his art but I just I don't like that crap Basquiat

not a fan I don't really know much about it Just like cool I don't it's like pop art I don't like pop art I should say I shouldn't fairly attack Baskiat I don't like pop art

Or whatever fuck I don't even know I'm talking about But that like very modern looking art Like Warhol Mm hmm like Andy Warhol's shit. Yeah, I'm not a huge. It's like.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, dude, I like a beautiful, I have heard, though, that those guys that do that stuff can usually technically, like are like perfect technical painters. They just get bored and do that stuff. They're like old comics. Yeah. Like, we could do comedy, but I'm just kind of kind of trash the form, you know what I'm saying? I don't know.

I'm just here to trash the whole thing. I don't know if those guys could technically. Of course they can't. But I've heard, because I was like talking to someone, I was talking to my friend Ray about that. And I was like, dude, like. how do people not recognize like there's a beautiful landscape painting and you have this

they're like oh they can do that they just choose to do something else I like that but it's like why don't you that's what I'm saying man give me some go ahead bro I love it but I don't know

I'm not gonna sit here and just be a fucking Debbie Downer about anything I try to watch a documentary on the Spanish Civil War I still don't understand it I've read so many books about it I've done the research I can't figure it out

was it north and south still or east and west a little north and south it was kind of the whole country like just random parts everyone just beefing yeah what year was this late 20s early 30s oh shit oh shit it was like it was like they were testing out world war two in there like the germans were given the fascists some weapons and shit okay so they were like trying everybody was kind of trying it russia was helping the commies yeah so it was a fascist versus commies a little bit yeah but then that's where it gets fucked up because then there's like a bunch of different factions. That's great.

Anarchists, communists were kind of on the same team. Fascists and like... So all the political parties just attacked each other basically. Fuck. That sucks. Well, it was... And then occasionally they'd turn on each other. What?

I don't know what the fuck happened. I think there was a spas. I still don't know what happened. It was a nationwide spas. There was a full spas for... I don't know. I still don't know what happened. That's crazy.

I like have vague... I'm like vaguely familiar with it. I like didn't really know that in a big civil war. But they were just massacering each other. All the time. Yeah, it was pretty vicious. In the village, you'd be like, yo, that guy's a fucking fascist.

Let's go fucking rip his head off. Damn. Yeah. What the hell you think that was about? When was TV invented? After. So after the 20s? I don't know.

You think they saw a couple of John Wayne flicks and we're like, no, John Wayne, it was later. But it was close. Yeah, 20s is way early. 20s is TV. They might have had like real early TVs. but not in Spain, bro. Yeah, right.

That was also like, they had radios, though. So that was big band was a soundtrack. It was a swing. Yeah. The Roaring 20s, and then in Spain they were going in a lot. Oh, man. That stinks. Yeah, it's, I don't know, it's weird to, this is a jump,

but did I talk about that Ukraine video, the doc I watched? No. Bro. It's fucking terrible. What, like, just what about? It's called 2,000 meters to, I forget the name of the town. It's a PBS. PBS doc

They just follow These Ukrainian fighters And it's all like body camp shit Like you see them all fighting And then it was last year Oh really? Yeah I mean it was like So it's just war footage

You're watching it and you're like damn I was at a Notre Dame game during this Oh what are these What the fuck? Is it pretty brutal? Yeah it's really brutal Jesus early very early on in the documentary A guy gets shot you hear him screaming

His boys just drag him into a fucking trench. And they're like, we got to get out of here. And he's like, dude, just leave me. They're like, don't fucking blow yourself up, dude. You promise? He's like, yeah. And they're like, we're coming back. He was like, don't come back. And then you see his body cam footage from the trench he's laying in. Just like looking up at the shitty sky. Yeah, it's really terrible. Just blows himself up? I don't know if he did. Oh, he just chills and he was kind of talking shit like he was about to. Which he did get shot through

the arms and legs. So he was. Yeah. It's either that or you wait for a fucking drone or they come over and stab you some shit. Oh, God. It's a really terrible, obviously. Yeah, you don't, like, you kind of died down. Israel, Palestine and stuff took over on that front. You don't hear it. Now, like, you're still hearing about it.

I guess they're, you know, going to be talking about peace. Be nice, a little peace for Christmas. That'd be nice. That'd be nice, a little piece for Christmas. Yeah, give it a watch. What's it called? Andrievka. It's a tough one.

Dude, I, yeah, I don't know. Two thousand meters, yeah. Rugged stuff. It's crazy, like, The battlefield's fucking crazy. It's like two sides of it are fields that are covered in mines. So you can't go through it. And then there's just little stretch of forest that's just a straight line to the town.

That's 2,000 meters. So they're on one side. They're on the other side. Yeah. You just got to keep setting guys through this forest. But they always do like five on five. It's very weird. You never see like a major battle there.

It's always like 10 guys. It looks like paintball. Yeah, that's crazy. It's weird, yeah. Because I know that was a big worry from Russia. There's those like open planes that you can easily go from Ukraine right to like one of their capital cities. That's like their weak point as a country. So they got that just loaded with mines now.

So it's like kind of takes care of that problem. Yeah. And it's all cratered out. It looks like World War I. It's fucking, it's weird. It's weird that it's just going on right now. That's what I've said it before.

It's like, I know that's a fucking eighth grader's brain. No. Like it's crazy wars are happening. There is as technology increases, it does become kind of embarrassing where it's like, well, you could just all blow ourselves up. Like we could just, you know, it's like, this is kind of crazy. We're still murdering each other to be like these five miles or ours.

It's like, split it or something. I don't know. Fucking split it in half. Don't fucking shoot each other, you psychos. It's just, it just seems like an insane way. It's the way we handle it. It literally is the highest court in the land. Yeah.

So like, you know, you go through everything and nothing works. It's like, I'll just fucking shoot this guy. They're talking about some shit with Venezuela right now, and I think they're supposed to make an announcement today. I don't know why they're beefing with Venezuela right now. Oil. She's talking about oil. True.

Cooking bitch? True. It's gone me to Earls. They better not. Better not what? They better not fucking... Attacked. Go to war with fucking Venezuela.

Is that even like... Yeah, what's that called? Gunboat democracy? Or gunboat... Fuck. We just park a bunch of shit outside of a country. We pull up on the coast.

Oh. And go, let's talk. Yeah, yeah. Let's negotiate. Oh, those? Fuck it. Don't worry about those. Those are, yeah. Hopefully this goes well.

I mean, is that even like remotely fair fight U.S. versus Venezuela? It would be shitty for us. Yeah. It'd be like Vietnam. It's in the jungle and there's all these fucking, I forgot. Yeah, Vietnam was bad. You could get bogged down there very easily. That's all so crazy, dude. Be like, let's repeat Vietnam.

I'd like for somebody to give me like a case why we should start aggressing Venezuela. Is it, is it the fucking oil? Or are they saying they're like a communist country? You're saying a communist and... Bro. they're they're they're that's that's that's kind of an excuse i think yeah bring it out here i think they're maduro that's his name right maduro i think he's starting to deal little with russia and china instead of us we're trying to maintain our sphere of influence he's on that bricks he's on that

bricks thing talking some shit dude i've told you before we should join bricks as america like we're in bricks too now you guys are with us yeah just collapsed dumb ass well dumbass now you're part of my Coalition tricked you. Yeah, we're, now we're bricks. And then they leave bricks. What do you think of that? They leave bricks and you go back to the dollar. I knew you'd get out of bricks.

New bricks sucked. You guys knew bricks sucked. Yeah, that's, uh, I mean, I don't know. I just, it's just, it is, it does become embarrassing at a point to be like, you have a bunch of guys just shooting each other in the face. It's like, dude, you're just not allowed to do that. Like, don't, don't make an exception to be like, well, you can settle that. But then someone shoots you in the face.

You go, fucking shoot him in the fucking face. Yeah, well, you can't shoot him. What the, what the fuck is that? I know. Well, whatever. We're, like, commandeering oil tankers. Why? He's pulling them over?

We're going, these are ours. We're just stealing their fucking oil tankers, bro. We're going, nope, you know, let's do that. Maybe they're like, yeah, I guess they're going to say they're probably, like, maybe using them to smuggle stuff. No, it's just funny. You'd be like, no, they're just smuggling with oil tankers. It's fully just us stealing their oil.

What the hell? Is there, like, a Trump and the secretary of, war speech tonight? Oh, it's happening right now? Yeah. I guess oil, too, is like so... Hopefully, that's nothing. Yeah, that'd be nice if I stopped it.

Because it's like, if you can... Because oil is like the one commodity, you really can to start, like, blowing people up over. You don't really... Usually don't fight people over, like, bananas and shit. So I think there is that one. I know there was that... We used to.

Yeah, I knew there was that one... Fuck, what was that called? It was like a horrible thing the government did that had... It was like the banana company or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, the Dulleses were helping the... Yeah. Fuck, what is it called?

The fruit company? It was like... But there's banana republics. That's what that's about. Like, they would try to like nationalize their own... Yeah, that's what it was. They would try to nationalize their own shit, and we'd be like, no, that's ours. Yeah, we need a regime change.

Your bananas are our bananas. We go, all right, put in this fucking insane guy who promised us to give us the bananas. That's so crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. Just to be the bar, like the boss, big banana boss. There were some big banana bosses. You're Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong, yeah, we installed Donkey Kong as their dictator.

He went, ah, er, ah, yeah, get him donkey, get him, DK. Yeah, be the president of a banana company and just being like, kill that guy. Think of the dumbest product you can think of. That's what was like sugar. That's crazy. We're like, bro, we need to kill a million people for this fucking sugar. Bro, imagine the... I need tea.

Imagine getting an attack. hanker of already freckled bananas and you're the banana boss you go someone's got to pay for this someone's got to pay these bananas we need our bananas to sell these naners you call the papers like do some articles about banana bread all right we're going to use right bananas for banana bread the bread the bread that going we're going to kill this guy yeah that was like the foundation of the CIA yeah i remember those brothers they were lawyers in new york they were corporate lawyers who works for the United Fruit Company. And then they were like,

I guess still boys with them. So they're like, we're gonna found the CIA and then like, bro, you got problems? Oh, yeah. Now we can fucking do shit about it. Get some bananas flying. We'll get the bananas going. Well, heck, freaking, yeah.

Whatever, I could be wrong about all that. No, I think you're right. I remember as I said that, I was like, oh yeah, I remember hearing something like a United Fruit Co thing. Well, that's a good episode. Yes. One hour.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.