Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 592 2025 A Year In Review

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello0oo0oo0. Happy New year!!!!! Here's to 2026!!! We put together some of our favorite 2025 moments for you guyz. Please enjoy. God Bless. See you next year! haha thank you PROSECUTE for the wubs Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wow, Wow, Wes. Hey, guys, happy New Year. We're here. Kind of an off week, but figured we'd hit you guys with a little best of 2025. We've got some great stuff, man, some good clips lined up. Before we get into that, I just want to say, again, happy New Year. Thanks for watching. We are entering the, unfortunately, that kind of podcast Crucible.

Again, Shane is going to be gone filming for a little bit. But that's nothing to get glum about. We're going to be jam-packed with super hot gulfed. guests and a lot of good times. It'll probably make the next year's best of 2026. We'll see. However, you know, I mean, let's just recap. What would happen in 20206, man? Fucking, you know, we got a lot of wars going on. There's that. We have a lot of wars, which, you know, not good. It's not good. There's been Israel, Palestine, which I believe is a ceasefire. So shout out to politicians for the ceasefire on that. And also Russia, Ukraine, maybe that'll come to an end.

and hopefully not Venezuela, but, you know, bright-siding it. It's like, look, guys were getting busy, all right? Guys were doing stuff. No one was sitting on their ass this year. People were unfortunately fighting and killing hundreds of thousands of people. But, you know, that's maybe next year we can just kind of like do other stuff instead, but keep that same can-do fire and spirit. But guys, I didn't come here to talk about war.

I'm just recapping the year. 2025 wars, okay, fair enough. Um, what else happened? What else happened this year? Big things that happened. We had, uh, you know, Donald Trump is still the president and we'll see, man. I think, I think his sizzle is starting to kind of fade. It's like, you know, he, the quiet piggy, that was definitely him pushing himself up there in the headlines. Aside from that, it's like, DJT's not hitting as hard as he used to. I think we're finally used to him. So he's got, I don't know, a couple more years. left and I don't know. I think I think we're we're on the cusp and again I'm just bright siding New Year's time horizon. I think we're on the cusp of finally as a country stepping out from under Trump's shadow which has really you know if you love him or hate him whatever but he has loomed over this country for a decade as long as this podcast has been going on which is crazy 10 years Trump has been just you know a central fixture in the news and I think he's going to fade man

And it's like, as much as people love them or hate them, it's like, I honestly don't know what it's going to be like without the guy. Because in my opinion is like, are we going to get like a Trump 2.0 or, you know, what are we going to get? We don't know. I'm excited. I can't wait to find out in 2028. But we'll have to wait for two more New Year's to find that out. So we'll see about that. Stay tuned for two more years.

In other news, we also have AI is booming right now. And, uh, who boy, another hotbed of controversy as well. apparently it's getting better. There's billions, maybe even trillions of dollars being spent on AI research. And, you know, again, another thing, people love, people hate. My thing is if you're worried about AI coming and taking your job, I don't, you hear all this all the time. It's like, well, what if AI takes my job?

What am I going to do then? It's like, dude, let it take your job. There's no shame in a machine built by billionaires taking your job. taking your job from you. You think you're not going to do better than that. It's like let it have your job. You'll just be like let the state figure out your life for you. You know, if you if I'm saying if AI takes your job,

that is nothing to stay awake at night about being like, oh, it's like there's nothing you can do. Like you just let it come take your job. And it's also like most, most of the jobs it would take would probably be like office jobs, which are mostly fake jobs anyway. So why would you worry about a machine built by billionaires taking a fake job from it?

You're not even really working. Let it have your fake job. Just give it. Say, here you go, computer. You can have my job. I'm going to go outside now. And now you go from sitting like a fat ghost in an office to now you're outside. You get the sunlight on you.

And now you've got to go find food, which in my opinion is much more exciting than sitting in front of a computer. and pretending to work in front of pictures of your kids. Which imagine if those kids could actually see you pretending to have a job to pay for them. That's fucking embarrassing, dude. Let the machines have your job. Say, hey, machines, come and get it. Let them come in and take it.

Now you're on the outside. You've got to go find food. And here's my thing. You're going to say, well, how the fuck am I going to find food? It's like, I don't know. But if the AI came and took my job and like all my work friends job and, you know, unfortunately, even my work wives jobs as well. I'd start a militia, you know, you start a peaceful militia, obviously, but it's like you go from sitting on your ass in an office every day with that just groveling to your fucking boss, hoping they give you a little promotion. And it's, that's fucking hell. Let the computer wipe that out. Now you're outside. You're doing pushups. You're doing burpees. You and your friends can set up a little barbed wire crawl space. You can crawl through, do drills. If you get like a few hundred people to do military drills in your front yard with you,

I, my prediction is the government will start giving you food because they'll be like, hey guys, just here. Here's some food. And you don't have to be like a, you know, I'm not saying become like a terrorist cell. That is not what I'm saying at all. We don't need any more of that. I'm saying do pushups in your front yard with all of your office friends. You guys are all in the office. Now you're in front yard.

You're working. You're maybe digging little trenches and just kind of like, I don't know, just fucking find food. It'd be so much more fun to go and find food than sit in an office. You know, that's if AI takes your job. That's my whole point. So don't worry about that. We had AI. We had endless wars. And what else do we have? I don't know. I think they cloned. They didn't clone. They made a false embryo in a or a false womb in Australia. So science is going. You know, we have a false womb for a kangaroo to be born in. That's nice. Why don't we take it to one of these beautiful clips. Hold on guys. Check this out. I didn't know you got you were that drunk. We were on the plane together.

Do you know why scuba diversers? You know how they sit on the boat and fall back? Do you know why they do that? Look cool. No, because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat. Come all, guys. Classic. Highlight reel, 2025. Mark that.

Joke world, clip it. Joke world. Highlight reel, 2025. Just run that back 25 times. Yep. That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode. Just that joke. Over and over for three hours.

You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep. You go. Oh, man. That was hilarious. And now we're back to the special New Year's edition. Guys, we talked about, we recap 2026, you know, whatever, or 2025.

I'm sorry about that. Sorry, sponsors. Recap 2025. I don't know, man. Like, what else is out there? Recently, I actually just discovered that there's a thing that women experience. It's called a false pregnancy syndrome. or a woman will convince herself that she's pregnant to the point where her breasts start to lactate

and her belly expands as if there were a child inside of it. There was recently a case. It was this year, actually. Shout out 2025. There was a case this year of a widow. Her husband had died. She was an old lady going through menopause and her husband unfortunately died. And somehow her body convinced her that she was pregnant.

So her breast swelled with milk. her stomach started sticking out and she even thought she felt kicks and uh and the lady went to a doctor to be like what the hell this is a miracle my maybe it's my dead husband being reincarnated in my old withered womb and uh turns out she went to the doctor and she just her stomach was full of gas and it was moving around her stomach but she thinking those were baby kicks stimulated her milk gland somehow to produce milk for this baby that didn't exist and the doctor had to tell her like No, you just have a bunch of farts. You don't have a child.

You have a bunch of farts in your stomach and your husband's dead. Get over it. You're not pregnant, you old bitch. Go home. And like, damn, that person for sure is probably like, I can't wait until 2025's over. 2025 is kicking my ass. I missed my husband so much that it became fake pregnant and farted in the ER. Just to be told that I don't have a baby, I just have a big fart in my stomach.

Oh man Poor lady And they also have this thing too called Cuvade syndrome where guys now You know we got to be talked about the girls now it's guys time Guys apparently I've never met a guy like this But apparently it's a real thing

Where when a woman becomes pregnant The man starts to like biologically mimic Some of the pregnancy response And the women like for instance when a woman gets pregnant There's this thing called nesting where like when they're pregnant they'll go around it's it's like a real instinct they'll go around and start like setting up the house like they organize the house like a bird with a bird's nest will start like moving stuff redoing the closets they get like bins and they start fucking putting things in bins

stuff like that and um and guys now apparently will like or they're saying they'll start mimicking those responses even to the point where the guys will gain weight some of the guys even claim they feel a baby kicking in their belly which is like Like, dude, don't, first of all, it's definitely gas. Second of all, never. That's, even if you're mimicking your wife's pregnancy response, never say that out loud, dude. Just fucking just, it's not, it's not real. And second of all, like, dude, don't never be like, I think I'm pregnant too.

They don't respect that. Just be like, nah, I'm not even, if anything, I'm just like harder than ever looking at that fucking baby in your belly. That's something women can respect, honestly. Don't tell them like, my nipples are kind of. sensitive too dude that's fucking disgusting take it to the grave man if your wife's pregnant and you're like i think i'm sort of pregnant don't do that man got these guys going to the doctor it's called cuvade syndrome which is like oh it's fucking brutal i'd rather have a guy hold me down and finger my butt and tell someone about that then come up to my friends and be like you know i started actually

mimicking my wife's pregnancy symptoms as well you know just don't do don't talk about that to anybody Keep that to yourself. All right. Like, oh, my breasts are actually a little swollen. Dudes will gain weight along. There's guys waking up with morning sickness. It's like, dude, what the, it's not, you're just, your stomach hurts. Stop pretending you have a fucking baby.

I don't know why people, guys and girls are like are having fake pregnancies. It's like, just stop, man. It's fucking, that's really weird and it's really unbecoming of a man to try to get in on pregnancy glory. That's all I'm saying. It's not your stuff. Again, just to recap, I would rather have a guy hold me down, whether he, you know, pin me down by my arms on top of me or just kind of like knocked me over like a stone cold stunner came around my back and just started fucking blasting my

butt with his fan. I don't know. However he gets it, he gets it. Maybe we're just both lying on our side. He trips me. We're like lying on our side and like on some side doggy or whatever. I don't know. Guys, let's take it to a clip.

I didn't know you got drunk. We were all in the plane together. Do you know why scuba diversers, you know how they sit on the boat and fall backwards? Yeah. Do you know why they do that? Look cool. No,

because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat. Come on, guys. Classic. Highlight reel, 2025. Mark that. Joke world, clip it.

Joe Road. Highlight reel, 2025. Just run that back 25 times. Yep. That's what we'll do for the new. New Year's episode. Just that joke.

Over and over for three hours. You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep. You go. All right. Guys, that was something else. Hey, let me tell you guys about something.

On the way here, right? I'm coming to my office. I'm like, you know, driving peacefully. But I can't wait to do this best of 2025 compilation for, you know, the fans out there. They're going to love this. Can't wait. As I'm driving.

I also got a Christmas present from my brother. Shout out Billy. I got a nice stratacaster. So that was, yeah, stratacaster. No, telecaster, my bad. And so, yeah, I'm driving my telecaster, my new Princeton Reverb amp that I went and got from a guitar center. Shout out to the guys down in guitar center.

That's really, dude, I'm not trying to act like the man, but I know when I walk into a guitar center, there's my true core fans. Every time I go into a guitar store, Sam Ash, Guitar Center. It's nothing but the bros, dude. Nothing but the bros. Always hook it up. Thank you guys. And yeah, so that was nice. Walked in there. And I got my Princeton reverb amp, which is what Billy told me to get. And so, you know, I'm driving. It was at my house. I'm driving it to my office so I could have it here in my creative workspace. And, and I'm driving it.

So I had to drive kind of slow because I have an amp, a pretty big amp. It's sitting on my seat. I don't want to like hit my brakes really hard because, you know, it's like a tube amp. They explained to me and they can break easy. So I'm like, all right, let me drive carefully. So I'm coming to a four-way stop sign on the way to my creative workspace for my living space. And so I'm driving here. And I hit the brakes like coming up to the stop sign slow because I didn't want to jam them and have it fall over and, you know, break one of those tubes. So I'm like kind of easing on the break. And meanwhile, at the intersection like across from me, there was an old man in a Subaru. And he, no, he was coming like perpendicular. So he was this way. So I came to a stop like too slow for his.

liking and I'd like pulled up to an intersection with an old man the Subaru giving me the stank eye and I don't know what it was about that but it just like I you know I was already it's been the holidays I'm like me and my wife and kids are just fucking crammed in the house it's all day nonstop blah blah blah so I'm a little cranky you know I'm a little bit cranky obviously I'm stoked to come here and do the best of 2025 but like I'm a little cranky man I'm a little fired up and I take a taking a 40 plus vitamin that has Tom got a lease and my tea is kind of going and like I pull up to this intersection with this old man in a Subaru looking at me like he's about to beat my ass and I just like he was giving me this he was going like sitting there he's just going like I pull up to this guy just going and I fucking look at him like the fuck are you going to do and I literally out my window I said what the fuck are you going to do old man you bitch ass Subaru fuck you up in that fucking Subaru and I was like that's not me I'm leaving that me behind me behind. in 2025 because I really for a second was hoping that the old man would get out of the Subaru

and I would do it I would literally fucking bash his head into the winch I would have killed this guy I know it's disgusting I don't want to I'm not trying to do that kind of shit in 2026 but like for a second I was like dude if this old man gets out of the Subaru I'm not saying I'm the toughest guy in the world but an old man in a Subaru in Austin dude I could British bulldog his head right through the fucking passenger window easy I would have left this guy in a bloody discarded heap on the side. I would have drove over his uncuncust body. I was so fucking angry.

But he drove off and, you know, I calmed down, cooled off, made it to my creative workspace. And I don't know, man. It was just something about that old man and a Subaru flexed on me. I'm like, bro, like, again, not the toughest guy in the world. I'm not out here looking to fight people, but like an old man in the Subaru just giving me the nastiest look. And what I wanted to tell him was like, dude, I have a fucking tube amp in the back of my CRV. If it falls over, it's going to be pretty costly to repair this.

And all I'm doing is breaking slowly, taking my time to get to the stop sign. And you're looking at me like I'd already run it. You're charging me of a crime. I didn't even commit. And now you're looking like you want to fight. It's like, I'll fucking fight you right now, dude. 2025, leave the shit behind. We'll both move on.

Maybe you won't make it to 2026. It was a pure lib spas. that's all it was. And again, I'm not, you know, whatever about politics. We're done with those. But like, an old man lib and a Subaru probably has 47 potted plants in front. Old libs love putting 97 potted plants in front of their fucking houses. It's another thing, man. Get them out of the fucking sidewalk. I'm trying to walk. Fucking put them in your backyard. You don't need 40 fucking fern plants outside of your house. Nobody gives a shit. It's 40 fern plants of Ruth Bader Ginsburg sticker.

on your window. Get a fucking garden. Put it in your backyard. Put those plants. You have a backyard. I know the layout of the whole neighborhood. Put them in your fucking backyard. Don't have 40 potted plants and drive around your Subaru giving everyone the stank face because you clearly see, I mean, dare I say a silver fox alpha coming. You know I have a Princeton reverb in the back of my

CRV. You want me to break a fucking tube. And I'm like, let me just come to an easy stop. You're going, fuck you. I'm like, excuse me, sir? fucking excuse me or anyway guys that's not good guys let's go to a

fucking clip that story sucked I didn't know you got you were that drunk we were on the plane together do you know why scuba divers you know how they sit on the boat and fall backwards

yeah do you know why they do that look cool no because if they fell forward they would land in the boat come all guys classic highlight reel 2025

Mark that. Joke world. Claim it. Joke Road. Highlight Reel, 2025. Just run that back 25 times.

Yep. That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode. Just that joke. Over and over for three hours. You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep.

You go. Oh, man. We're back. Dude. Also, guys, please make sure to like, comment and subscribe. And when you comment,

it really helps the algorithm. It just boosts. us into the algorithm and makes us more visible so more people can access this kind of content you love and know-in-love. So, all right. So we talked about the old man in the Subaru and it's like, I've already moved past it, man. I forgave him instantly. It's just, you know, it's just, God damn it. I hate that face when you pull up and someone goes, it's like, how dare you question my, you don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, dude. Acting like I'm, I should, I should have just fucking veered my car, ran it, like, no, you go ahead and this one.

fucking crashed your Subaru. Fucking asshole. Anyway, guys, enough about that. What else I want to talk about? Also, I played basketball yesterday. First time and, man, I can't remember. It's been a long time. But as you know, I've been training, man.

Look, I don't talk about my training that much, but I've been training pretty intensely. And, you know, so I'm just up at the basketball court yesterday. It's a little cold, little windy, not ideal conditions for, you know, an outdoor basketball court. But my goal this year in 2026 has become something of like a streetball legend in my white and Asian neighborhood, which I honestly think I could, man. I was up there yesterday shooting around on a windy day. Just totally stroking myself. Like, I don't even know why.

Just being like, of course, I'm the only person out here shooting on a windy cold day. Just different. Every car that would drive by in my head, I'm like, this is the hottest housewife possible. I'm going between my legs. I'm shooting the three. I'm airballing. I'm like, fuck, all right. Let me just, you know, maybe she didn't see that. It was, it was pretty pathetic display now that I'm saying it out loud. But I'm out there and, you know, I'm shooting around. I'm getting warmed up and, you know, the Apple Watch on burning a surprising amount of calories. And I'm like, this is, you know, this is not a bad little workout, man. I'm going to try to like, you know, get to really know this court, kind of feel these rims out so that, you know, I can become a streetball legend just up there all the time. And I'm playing, shooting around. And these two young whippersnaps. These two kids come up.

I didn't realize they're in high school. They're seniors in high school. Came up. I see him shooting around. And I'm like, you know, again, nothing against them. They just weren't really that good at all. And I was like, bingo. So I'm going to play these kids in 21.

Just fucking demolish them. Go as hard as I fucking can. Because I'm finally. And again, I've, I've always like, I remember being young and seeing the old man on the basketball court. And even back then, I'd wonder, like, I had enough weird, I don't know, foresight or curiosity to be like, it's got to be crazy playing basketball as like an old guy and i'm finally like yesterday absolutely

confirmed it i'm finally the old man of the basketball court dude it felt kind of it's everything i thought it would be put it that way i've always wondered like what's that like dude it's it's it can't get better so i'm sitting there i'm shooting around i see the young kids i let them warm up i'm not gonna fucking i know i'm not gonna be all warmed up 20 minutes in shooting around running back and forth full court really going behind my back whatever a Volvo passed me just hoping it was like a super hot house away for their kids. Behand my back through the legs, pulling up threes, dude,

just fucking raining them. And I see these kids, let them get warmed up. And, you know, and again, I'm thinking I'm going, I should ask them to play 21.

I do this a lot. This is something I'm getting away from in 2026. But in 2025, I'll like want to ask, they're fucking kids. I want to play basketball with them. It takes me like 10 minutes to work up the gumption to be like,

hey, you kids want to play some 21. So I'm like, you know, I'm sitting there. I'm shooting around. It was like a, my,

my mind, to like hijack my body. I didn't even know what I was doing. I was like, you guys want to play some 21. I just yelled it across the court. And I just, they just both look at me like, uh, and like, we don't know how to play that. And I'm like, oh, here, like, game the rules. It's, it's pretty much like one on two when you have the ball. And then if you make it, you go to the foul line, shoot, you know, from the wherever is a two. If you shoot from the three, that's a three, foul, foul shots are one point. If you make three foul shots in the row, it's your ball and you get to go again. Start playing 21. And, um, I don't think here's, here's the thing. This is the joy of being the old

man at the basketball court, those kids were playing. I wasn't playing. I was like, I was like fighting time and death itself. When you're an old man at the basketball court, you're battling time. The kids are like, oh, we're playing each other. It doesn't matter who I'm playing against my mortality, playing these kids on the basketball court. I went so, so fucking hard on these kids. I feel bad. Looking back on it, I was like, I shouldn't have done that. I went so fucking hard driving. There was one point, again, this is where my training comes in. You think like, oh, why should I train? I'm 40 years old. I'll tell you why you should train, you know, lift weights and do all that shit. There was one point I'm driving in. It's two on one,

obviously. It's the nature of the game of 21. I'm going to lay it up. Both of them fail me. And again, I'm not bragging. This is just what happened. Both of them failed me. I lifted both children up on my arm and laid it up, no problem. And it took everything in me not to look them in the face and go, fire! You fucking like that, you little fuck. I didn't. I said, oh, man, I don't worry about it. Went to the point, you know, I might have done a little N1, but whatever. I was fucking, you would have thought I got shot out of a volcano, just flossing through the air with children on my arm. These were fucking high school seniors. Hold on, maybe, well, you know, my head, I might be dramatizing a little bit. But it was.

like I felt them try to pull me down and I just fucking ripped through these children and laid it up made it and won and God I ended up winning again it's not about that if I lost whatever but I did win by a lot and um no actually that little one little kid started coming back I started getting nervous but I was like wildly and completely out of breath and after I finally won I got to I got to 21. I think the second place kid had like, he was creeping on me. He had like 15. So he was, I had a sizable lead for a while and I just gassed. And I eventually got it back to kind of, you know, it was pretty windy. So my, my jump shot was getting taken by the wind as well as me missing. So I was kind of just like pulling up like four feet away and hitting little like

floaters. So finally, I finally win. And I'm completely out of breath. I'm shattered. dude my Apple watch i don't know if you track you know your fucking calories you burn dude i burnt 668 calories in less than an hour which go test it for yourself it's it's really that's a that's a lot like if you do a standard hour 20 minute lifting thing you might burn like 350 400 i burn 668 on these kids 668 calories of megawatts whatever the fuck they are fucking fat molecules exploding in my body to just defeat these children. Again, wasn't even about them. I'm battling fucking time, death, my body failing. I could feel like my ankles like, oh, fuck, like everything hurts the whole time. And I beat these kids and, um, and I don't know what possessed me to do this,

but I went and got my ball. And I was like, thanks for playing guys. And I was like, oh, man, uh, I'm turning 40 this year, guys. And they just both looked at me like, oh, whoa. That's cool. And I was like, yeah. They're like, well, man, that was a, you played pretty good. And I was like, thanks, guys. Well, I'll see you up here again. And, uh, I don't know why. I just like told these children I was 40. It was a very, it reminds me of the time when me and my cousin sold lemonade at the bottom of our, we had a shared driveway. And, uh, we like a mailman pulled over, bought lemonade off us and just told us his like life story, all of his troubles. Now I'm like, yeah, I get it, man. Something about it, man. You just want to like, I don't know. It's a shame you get such a bad rap for hanging out with kids. Because honestly, if I, and again, it's like, I'm not like that. Like, I know that funny stuff. But like, I don't know, man. I wouldn't mind chilling with kids. If I'm being honest. Like, I feel weird around adults. I do. If I'm like at a party with adults, it's like, yeah, I don't know. But if like, dude, if you could just drop me at like, you know, like a 12 year olds, I don't know, 12 year old's birthday party, I would for real,

so hard with like 12, 14, 17 year old kids and just like, you know, play flag football, do a slip and slide, you know, if we got to wrestle, whatever. I would wrestle them on my knees to be fair. But like, I don't know. I, like, no pito on me. I'm just like, it's so, it was so fun, just fucking bawling out with these kids yesterday. And, uh, you know, I hope I see him again on the court. I hope I ignited a little fire in their bellies because I mean, dude, if I was, if I was a high school senior and some 40 year old was giving me the motherfucking business. And I, I, I, I'll be honest, I could have been a lot more physical, but I let them taste it every now and again.

I would drive and be like, okay, you want to get, how you fucking like that? But I did my best not to just try to like physically overpower because that's, you know, it's kind of coward shit. I'm not sitting here, tuting my own horn, but I'm stronger than a couple of kids.

But like, they did try to hold me down from jumping and I leapt through the air with them holding on to me. And I'll never forget that. That was so nice, dude, just to go home. That was a nice feeling. But guys,

let's check out one of these fucking clips. what do you say? Best of 2025. I didn't know you got, you were that drunk. We were all in the plane together. Do you know why scuba diversers, you know how they sit on the boat

and fall backwards? Yeah. Do you know why they do that? Look cool? No, because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat. Come on, guys. Classic.

Highlight reel, 2025. Mark that. Joke world, clip it. Joke road. Highlight reel, 2025. Just run that back 25 times.

Yep. That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode. That was just that joke. Over and over for three hours. You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep. You go.

All right, guys, and we're back. Big year 2025. What else we had? We talked about some of the geopolitical stuff. Also, the comedy world. A bit of a hotbed. A lot of turmoil going around the comedy world. A lot of comedian infighting.

which I'll say one thing I'm grateful for in 2025 is to not have gotten caught up in any of that kind of turmoil and kind of just like this guy, that guy. It's like man, I feel like a younger me could have. You know, because you see that.

That stuff gets a lot of attention. And unfortunately, you know, I am in the business of fucking eyeball flickers myself and it's tempting to be like, you know who I fucking hate and you know and all that stuff. But a lot of that stuff going on man. It's been a, there's like comedian versus comedian. There's YouTuber versus comedian. There's

comedian versus YouTuber. And it's like this endless swirl of just kind of negativity that we can't fucking keep our eyes off. And I've said it before. Kat Williams, I mean, he's, you know, obviously this is older than him. It predates Kat Williams and probably stand-up comedy itself. But like, he blew the lid off the jar when he's fucking spilled the tea. It was a, that was that 2024, 2025? I don't know. I let's, I'm going to put that in 2020 in the 2025 bucket because that couldn't have been more than a year ago that seems like that was so 2025 that is not so 2024 but i think man we might have even like started the year that might have been like the dude that we started 2025 because it was the will smith slap that was so that was

24 the thing that finally stopped that was the cat williams t that set the tone for 2025 and dude i don't think we've ever recovered that got 30 zillion views on the Shannon Sharp podcast um which you know kind of launched his podcast and then Shannon Sharp had a bit of a strange year as well a lot of sexual stuff and uh I think he's that's crazy it's crazy to get so much pussy that Disney's like dude we got to cut ties that's way too much pussy unc we're fucking you're killing it right now he got so much pussy that Disney was like he's getting so much pussy that he's like hitting his phone you know when you fake call somebody or you have accidentally pocket dial. Yeah, it's just usually you just like walking through the grocery store,

like fumbling your keys in your pocket. Shannon Sharp's getting so much pussy that when his phone bumps to like call somebody or go live, which was suspicious, it's just him digging out a lady. I mean like, oh God. Oh, God. Dana. Shannon Sharp got so much pussy in 2025 that Disney dropped him. And I think he's fine. But my whole point was Kat Williams on the podcast, blue lit off it. And I don't, I don't know if it was that or what. But. But I did start to see that show. I saw people come on that show trying to get their Cat Williams moment where people are trying to like, you know, give the sensational take and like this guy, that guy, blah, blah, blah.

And no one ever, you know, it was lightning in a bottle. No one ever recaptured the cat fucking crack off on the tea. But then I noticed, you know, there was a lot of other little comedian beefs and, you know, this and that. And a lot of people just like, even when I meet people who don't do comedy, they're always asking me. Like, you know, what's this guy like? And who's your favorite? Who don't you like? blah blah blah blah and i i gotta say man like i do find it unfortunate that there is this fascination

with comedians as like i like any sense like they're this guy's a piece of shit because they did this this guy's like the best because it's like dude comedians for real are they're just like i don't know they're like fucking mostly myself included they're just like theater dorks they're like a strain of theater dork that it's like yeah you didn't go full theater dork and do like musicals, but that's in you. That's your thing. And it's just like, whatever that is has gotten mutated to where now you do stand up instead of like musicals.

But it's like you're kind of the same guy as like a musical theater dork. You just, you know, you wear a leather jacket and smoke and stay up late. And you're like, I'm a fucking comic. You'd never understand my life. But you're a theater dork, man. And it's just so funny to have all this attention trying to dissect comedians and be like, this is what they're really thinking. It's like in 2025, I get it.

But for 2026, it's like, dude, this is. This is, for real, you have to look at every comedian. Like, this is what it's like. When people, like, comment and want to be like, this guy said this. And they're a fucking hypocrite and all no longer support. Look, man, I hate to break it to you. But it's like, it'd be like if you watch the special Olympics and you're like, what the hell?

That guy's not even, it's like, yeah, dude, they're retarded. Just let them swim, all right? Just fucking let them swim. High five them. And if you don't like it, just turn it off. You don't watch the special Olympics and be like, what the fuck? Fuck, man. This guy's not even, that's not how you do the backstroke. Yeah, dude. His fuck, he's missing a leg, dude, all right? This guy's not all there. Let him do his thing. If you don't like it,

tune it out. But it's like you're, you're barking up a fucking burnt down tree, man. You're not going to get anywhere by tracking them thoughts and opinions of committee. They flitter and fly around. This is a guy panicking, saying whatever it is that'll just get him through another hour of the week or the show or whatever so he can sell fucking digital picture frames. Don't look into it that much. That's all I'm saying. It's like watching the fucking Special Olympics or, you know, the WMBA or whatever.

Let's fire up a clip, guys. Go to it, like, comment, and subscribe. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Trying something new can be intimidating, whether it's building a new routine or making your first team pick. But when it clicks, when you're right, it feels incredible. On prize picks, it's good to be right. With high-pressure playoff matchups every weekend

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lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Hey guys, we're back. All right. So we're back here. Classic. We never get sold. What else? You know what I want to talk about

today? I was reading about the Soviet calendar back under Stalin when they eliminated all the days of the week. They still had like the months and stuff. But instead of the days of the week, They did a five-day work week where they took away like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and replaced the days of the week. This was, you know, Soviets, the Soviet Union or Stalin.

They replaced the days of the week with like, fucking like instead of Monday, it would just be like loaf of bread. Tuesday was Star. Then Wednesday was hammer and sickle. Thursday was just like burlap sack. And then Friday, I sort of got Friday was like. it was called a pointed wool military cap that was your friday and what they did i swear to god look it up and what they did was it was this five-day work week and the idea was for the machines to never stop they're like hey man if we want to make this dream come true we we can't be like all taking off

on saturday and sunday and having the machine stop we got to keep this you know the industrialization or whatever just fucking plugging along so they purposely gave like wives and husbands and brothers and sisters and families different days off. So like if your day off, you didn't have like a weekend, you just work all the time. It's never ending shift work. And then let's say like a on like, you know, loaf of bread day, you were given off. But your wife was off on woolen military cap day. And for like a couple of years, everyone just lived this weird existence where the, the calendar

was purposely stripped from like any religious connotation. They didn't want Sunday because that like, you know, Sunday technically. was about God and resting and that put something above the state. So they took all that stuff away. For a couple years, no one got to really even see each other. All of the holidays were stripped out. They would give you a day off for like the day of fucking the day Lenin was born. I don't know some bullshit. But he might have came later. I don't even know. But my whole point is they had this thing where they tried to genuinely replace a calendar for several years. Several years. And it's just everyone is fucking miserable. No one could see anybody. You would have off.

and no one else you really knew would have off. You would just sit there. You'd just sit by yourself alone on your day off. And eventually what happened was the machines from never like getting to stop basically and like cool down, the machines all started to falter and break. And eventually the machines started getting fucked up. So the Soviet government was like, all right, guys, we're going to let you see your loved ones again.

And they allowed people to start seeing each other. And then, you know, it's kind of fake. as hell, you know what I mean? They're like, we see you, we heard you, but it was just the machines collapsed. That's so sad that like, they like pretty much dehumanized their population just to have the machines never stop producing crap, which is funny because I thought communism was more about like chilling, just like kicking up, you know, kicking with the homies and, uh, no, it was just all about the machines and the machines collapsed. And then they got to go back to the standard Gregorian calendar. So I don't know, pretty chill, I guess. But then the whole fucking society

collapsed after that shortly after and uh i don't know now it's russia's just fucking russia fighting i guess you know i guess from russia i don't think they had a good year at all a lot of people died so a million they say a million fucking people geez louise that would piss me off if i was russian like that wasn't even true someone just talking mess being like you know like a million guys died in russia and i'm like no you fucking didn't probably you think it's a million i'm under the impression that russia's winning the war but look let's not get bogged down in 2025 conflicts guys i just thought that was cool the idea of just like trying to as a government up and time itself to be like we're in charge

of how you view time and it's like what a fucking crazy thing to do it's just so crazy to get that into politics i was recently we had a nice little game night you know, me, my wife, some other couples. And someone there found out that I had never voted before ever until like my wife dragged me to do it this year. And they were like, they had a pretty serious like that's like fucked up. You've never voted. And it's like, look, if you want to vote, fucking vote. But like this whole idea that like you can somehow embed politics into like your identity and the core of your being.

I don't know, dude. It's like it's fucking weird. just don't just fucking don't do it the whole point of the government is to make sure there's like food and roads so you can go and do the stuff you need to do to get food being into that it's it's like being fucking stoked on the DMV that's the government it's the fucking DMV it's the capital and it's just like all of the weird human beings were like I represent that and it's like okay dude like cool go do that I'm glad you do that but all these people thinking they can like wrap themselves up in like any political identity left and right it's like oh man i hope that

stuff falls by the wayside soon because it is fucking so unbelievably lame to just get into that i don't know people ask you never voted it's like yeah because i've never every single president i've seen i've been like this person's a freak i you know and it's like i guess i'm kind of a freak but not like that man If I was president, I don't know. I would go classic like school president style soda machines everywhere. That's probably why we're in debt. That's probably why we're in debt. We're in debt.

I don't know. What's the debt like $90 trillion? It just keeps growing and growing. The first thing I would do as president is say, hey, guys, we've been in debt long enough. Let's cancel the debt. They could do that. I think they could do that. and they don't.

So it's like, I'm not voting for anyone until they say, hey guys, you know that $90 trillion dollars were in debt? Let's just say, fuck it.

I'm the government. The debt is to the cut. Now, it's probably to other countries. Whatever. Just call the other countries and be like, dude,

you really gonna fucking hold me to the fire on this, man. 90 trill. Can we just forget about this? Can we just all chill? Please. It's fucking so lame. 40 trillion?

Yeah, $40 trillion. dollars the interest on that every year is gotta be there's no way once you're once you're in a loan set up for 40 trillion dollars like what is that if i'm guessing these people who own this debt are getting at least three percent so let's let's do let's let's see if we ever can get out of this because i don't i honestly don't think we can so here we go so we have i don't even know if my calculate i got to hold it sideways these are big dog numbers here hold on we're entering big dog numbers 40, 1, 2, 3.

Okay, 40,000, 1, 2, 3. 40 million, 1, 2, 3. 40 billion, 1, 2, 3. Okay, I'm at $40 trillion. Let's go times 0.03. Let's say we're doing 3% interest. Huh? Let's see.

3% interest equals, oh, oh, okay. The interest we're accruing, on 40 trillion dollars of debt is 1.2 trillion dollars a year. We're never getting out of this. This is embarrassing, dude. $1.2 trillion. And you're going to have a guy every four years be like,

I'll tell you what, I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy. And I get it, shut the fuck up. Every year, we owe one, the debt grows. If we just pay our payments, we pay the minimum, which we probably do, 1.2 million more dollars 1.2 trillion more dollars. So, you know, next time someone's going to be like, well, you should vote. It's like, dude, get the debt down. Then I'll fucking think about it.

Right. Otherwise, what am I voted? It's a fucking bullshit puppet show unless we can get out of, I'm embarrassed. Every time I travel to another country, it's all I can think about. I just go, fuck, we're really in the whole 40 trill. Is that really? That's 3%. 1.1.2 would be 3% of 40 trill.

Dude. How much? Chewis. Oh, and how? How does it, fuck? I've said this forever. If you're in,

if you're in charge of running any enterprise, and if you fell into, let's just say you're in a company and you fell into $1 billion of debt, you would think people would start looking around and go, well, hold on a second here. We were $1 billion in debt. And,

no one's going to stop at we were 40 trillion dollars in debt once we hit a trillion you're telling me nobody in this highly capable like million person machine turned and went hmm we got to figure out how to get and if they didn't it tells me that debt is just a contrived thing that's totally meaningless anyway because you always hear that you're like well you know your grandkids are going to be you know 350 million people with that you're just a the 40 trillion dollars. Our great current kids are going to owe 20 bazillion dollars. And it's like, what the fuck?

No, they're not. They're never going to. Like, it makes absolutely zero sense to say that's going to stop us in any way, shape, or form unless it's like all, does our tax money go to paying the debt? I have no fucking clue. All I'm saying is when AI takes your job, right? Forget about the debt. At that point, you should say, all right, like, AI taking your job.

I was thinking about today, and I don't know if this is like a good thing or not. It's sad. It's scary. It's kind of like, what am I going to do with myself? But then maybe, you know, I'm brightsiding, obviously. The cotton gin kind of freed the slaves. It wasn't like the bleeding hearts of people. It was that we came up with the machine that kind of were like, okay, we don't need all these slaves.

AI could be the cotton gin of fat, frumpy office workers. That's all I'm saying. How nice would that be? How nice would that be? I don't know Whatever Anyway guys Yeah I think that's

Yeah let's do the final clip And guys This is a good one check this out I didn't know you got You were that drunk We were on the plane together Do you know why scuba divers You know how they sit on the boat

And fall backwards? Yeah Do you know why they do that? Look cool No because if they fell forward They would land in the boat Come on guys Classic

Highlight Reel, 2025. Mark that. Joke world, clip it. Joke road. Highlight Real, 2025. Just run that back 25 times. Yep. That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode.

Just that joke. Over and over for three hours. You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep. You go. Guys, 2025 is amazing. We recapped it.

We had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun. Everyone had a lot of fun and we also cried. 2025, we cried. We cried. We grew. You know, um, in 2026, you know, my goal is to really become more social. I'm going to get out there. You know, and here's the thing.

Like being more social, it's not about just going to parties and getting fucked up. It's about genuinely getting to know other people and embedding themselves, embedding yourself into their lives in a real way, um, which I plan to do. I just, my problem with that is, I, I'm just really only interested in my own life. So that's an obstacle I'm trying to overcome just because when I talk to people, I don't even think I hear them. They talk to me and I'm just going like, dude, fuck.

I got to drop like 10 pounds and get shredded. I don't hear anything anyone says to me ever. Every time someone talks to me, I can do like 30 seconds of another person talking to me before I'm like, dude, if I get my bench to fucking 280 and I get my squat to fucking 350, I'll be at the 1,000 pound club pretty soon. guys but let's end this on a nice on a nice note enough about that um you know it's the new year it's one of those things where we start thinking about time a year has passed and we start going what's going to happen in the next year uh st augustine or saint augustine however you say his name

he has a famous quote on time he wrote a whole essay on it i'm going to read you guys a little selection on uh we're going to close this out big with a quote from st augustine on time so here Here's the quote, what then is time? If no one asks me, I know. If I wish to explain it to one that asketh, I know not. Yet confidently I say I know that if nothing passed away, there would be no past time. And if nothing were coming, there would be no future time. And if nothing were, there would be no present time.

Those two times then, past and future, how are they when the past is no more and the future is not yet? asked for the present, if it were always present and never passed into past time, it would not be time but eternity. If then, the present is time only because it passes into the past. How can we say that it is, since the reason why it is will not be? In other words, can we truly say that time is only because it tends toward non-being? Hmm. And yet we speak of, quote, a long time and a, quote, short time. And we say this only of the past or future.

We call 100 years ago, for example, a long time in the past, and a hundred years hence a long time in the future. But a short time in the past we might call, say, 10 days ago, and 10 days ago, hence a short time in the future, but in what sense is something long or short that does not exist? He's saying the future and past does not exist. For the past is not now and the future is not yet. We should not say of the past, quote, it is long, but it was long, and of the future it will be long.

Let's jump down here. Hmm. Okay. Behold the present time, which alone we found, could be called long, is narrowed to the space of scarcely one day. But let us discuss even this, for not even one day is entirely present. All the hours of night and day 24 make it up. The first of them has the rest future, the last has the rest past.

and one in the middle has past hours before it future after it. And that one hour passes in fleeting moments. Whatever of it has flown away is past, what remains is future. If any portion of time be conceived, which cannot now be divided into even the minutenest particles of moments, this alone is what we call the present, which yet flies so swiftly from future into past that it cannot be extended by any delay. For if it is extended, it is divided into past and future, the present has no space. Where then is the time which we call long? Is it future? You do not say it is long,

for it is not yet. So as to be long, we say it will be long, when then will it be? For even then, when it is still future, it will not be long because what may be long is not yet. But it will be long when from the future, which is not yet, it shall have begun to be and shall have become present, so that then if it can be something long, but instead, as we said before, the present cries that it cannot be long. Hmm. What then do I measure? Where is the short syllable by which I measure? Where the long which I measure both have sounded, flown, passed away, or no more, and yet I measure and confidently answer inasmuch as the rule of measure, as there is a rule of measurement. That as to the space of time, the syllable is single, that double. And I could not do this unless they had

passed and ended. I measure not themselves, therefore, which are no more, but something in my memory which remains fixed. In thee, oh, my mind, I measure times. Do not overwhelm me with noise. Do not overwhelm myself with a multitude of thy impressions. In thee, I say, measure times, the impression which passing things make on thee, and which abides when they have passed, that I measure as time present. That is what I measure, or perhaps I do not measure times, but the impressions. Behold how my life is at extension, and thine right hand hath upholded me in my lord, the son of man, mediator between thee, the one, and us the many, who are in many ways distracted, that through him I may apprehend, in whom I have been apprehended and may be gathered together again

from my old days following the one, forgetting the things that are behind, not distended, but extended, but to things which shall be and shall pass away, but to those things which are before, not distended, but extended, I pressed toward the prize of the high calling. Wow. What a quote. Did you get that? Makes perfect sense.

Guys, have a great new year. Let's get it one more time. Fire back up. I didn't know you got, you were that drunk. We were all on the plane together. Do you know why scuba diversers, you know how they sit on the boat and fall backwards? Yeah. Do you know why they do that?

Look cool. No, because if they. fell forward they would land in the boat. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, Wes. Come all, guys. Classic. Highlight Real 2025. Mark that.

Joke world. Claim it. Joke world. Highlight reel, 2025. Just run that back 25 times. Yep. That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode. Just that joke.

Over and over for three hours. You can fall asleep to it. But you're going to laugh every time. You're going to try to sleep, but you go. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.