Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 593 Nollywood Feat Ben Avery Kevin Iso

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Ben Devan and Jace @ https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live y00o0oo. Dang we haven't casted since 2025. haha just a joke. Podes are back - nbd nbd. We got Benny while he's in town and Iso - two of our great broz. We talk somalis and some other things. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wow, Wes. Chinese girl, man. Just lead with it. Just lead with it. A Chinese girlfriend. Hey, oh, fuck, this guy's a genius. I heard it for three seconds. I can't forget it.

I know. Chinese girlfriend. How sad would you be, though? Dude, you're like a maybe 55-year-old black dude and you lose your Chinese girlfriend. That would kill me. I just feel like more so. And again, you'd correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like, you know, if I had a Chinese girlfriend, I mean, I married. My family would probably disapprove. But if I had a Chinese girlfriend, I might get a couple of Chinese girlfriend. But I feel like in a black family to have a Chinese girlfriend, you'd get a mega high five. Correct me if I'm wrong. From the yonks. From the, oh, from the men. Oh, from the men. Oh, yeah, the men would. They'd be like, you did it right. Yeah. The man would definitely. Women. Nah. They don't like that, do they?

I think all women don't like seeing their man of race date a other race. Women are quietly racist against. They don't like interracial stuff. You think white women in mine? Oh, they do. I know they do. Oh, they do? Oh, I don't think they care.

No, they get mad. They'll tease. They'll get like three glasses of wine and be like, so. Dang, a black girl. Are you afraid she's going to, like, beat you up? They get, like, a couple of glass of white wine. and all the dad's information just trickles out. I'm afraid he's going to beat you off.

Is you going to hit you? I've been, you know, I'm in an age gap interracial relationship, so I know. Is it, you think it's harder, you think it's harder to lose your girlfriend when you older or younger? You mean lose? Yeah, because you say it's pretty rough on a 55-year-old dude. To lose your Asian girlfriend. Yeah.

I think it's rough when you're younger. Younger, yeah, you lose them easier when you're younger. Yeah, you get it. Five, you lose the eye. Yeah. I mean, pre 30, every girl's a kind of free aging. Once they kind of hit 30, then they start going like, all right, let me nestle into this ditch.

Right. Because, you know. But then when you're young and you lose them, you didn't really ever really have them, even though you thought you did. True. When you're old and you lose them, you had that. Yeah. And it's gone.

And that's your final form. She was like, I've seen the flower has fully bloomed. and no thank you for me I'm gonna take my chances dating as a 50 year old woman which probably is no picnic if I had to imagine yeah people say like

you know before you date a woman just like look at her mother yeah I'm like I'm not gonna do that I thought the saying was fap to her mother oh yeah I thought it was before you date a woman try to fap to her mother and if you Frank one off

the night before the wedding pool up a big photo over on an iPad you all heard them before Facebook. That's what I thought they're saying. I never heard that. I think that's a bachelor. That's the last hurrah of your bachelor's party. You and all your boys. But does that mean you truly love your wife that you fuck your mom?

You go, baby, I love you so much. I would eat your mom's spicy. I mean, I don't know. I mean, that is one form, I guess. But that is the saying. Like, you know, if you think her mom's hot, that's what her daughters are, that's what her daughter's going to look like. Yeah. Yeah. and sometimes they don't pan out. I would like the opposite.

I like to have a very attractive woman with an absolutely busted mom and just sit on the edge of my seat for like 15 years. Waiting for it. Just to watch the same. Just to see the transformation. That's Italians.

Yeah, true. It's Italians. You just wait for that meatball to cook in the oven, you know? True. She looks like that. Oh, is it all fucked up. That's okay.

We got a little technical difficulties. We have phone books maybe to, or I can do this. No, we can't have that. You got a cowboy mic? Hey, yo. Yeah, Pauls, Paul. Oh, you got it.

I'm not having, am I having problems because I'm tall as hell either or no? Now my mic's fine. I think I have a different mic to catch us. Dude, thanks for doing it, man. Ben Avery, Kevin Isso. Thank you, Matt. Hell yeah, man. Thank you guys for coming.

Sean was telling me that you had some hot takes on the Ethiopian scandal. See, you don't even got the right. No, Somali, my bet. Dude, I know, I did. I'm more Ethiopian. I think. Somali and Samoian. Yeah, they all kidding.

Sorry, I just, dude, I get a little nervous sometimes for 10 years. It's a hot button issue. Yeah. The Somalian, as a Gardini pitched me, he goes, the isotope has some takes on the, I feel like they've all been said at this point. No, no.

But my thing with it is, it's twofold, right? One is like, they definitely scamming. But. It's a matter of fact, I think. Yeah. I mean, it's happening. But at the same time,

that doesn't exclude dude from being racist about going about the way he did it. Talking about the dude, surely. Yeah. Well, dude, that was, so I watched the video. So I didn't know anything about it. So I'm like, all right, let's see what you have here. And I read up on it first. And it was like, yeah, for sure.

There's, there's like, matter of record scams going on for sure. Uh-huh. But that dude was pulling on daycare doors. Right. And being like, where are the children? And they're like, bro, get out of here. And he's like, I fucking told you this was a. You're legally, they're supposed to be locked.

Right. You have a kid in daycare. It's locked doors and you're like, please don't let them see into this building. For sure. I don't want weirdos staring in. I've never been allowed in a daycare. You have kids. You know what I mean?

You got to come with that right energy and be like, where the fuck are the kids or the tax payer money? Exactly. And filming the kids too. It's illegal. Which is like, you can't do that. I don't think, I really don't think you allow. I mean, I guess you could technically film them, but you can't do anything with the footage. Like even a daycare has to as a parent ask you if it's okay if they take pictures of your kids.

Right. So if I roll in with the medas and I'm like, show me the fucking children. Let me hit now with like a 60 year old guy next to me. He's just waving documents. The video was insane. I watched it being like, oh man, they're going to blow my socks off of the scandal and I was like, this guy's out of his fucking mind. You're not, he's wrong. You're not allowed. And again, it's like, yes, there's clearly massive fraud in Minnesota. Yeah. He's acting like he blew the lid off it's like bro you're like a year and a half late right because they already caught the lady that was originally doing it well dude there was that there was also there was the autism

centers that what happened in autism centers it's just a big a building like this imagine if we all down here like yeah we're working on autism kids and they came down we're just doing a podcast making like a million dollars somebody got to start counting this shit fast oh fuck they hear three four the big the biggest the biggest scam and again these are just the ones to get caught one for $250 million recently where during the during COVID they were getting government funds it was called like feed the future or something and dude these it was like i think like 60 people got arrested they were just taking money and it was unfortunately it was mostly Somalian dudes but they were taking the money and they took like 250 mil in just like food bank money and they like you know they tracked

everything it was they they were saying they bought they gave money to the whatever that terrorist organization is they but they they did it deep dive. It was just sick whips. And went to warlords and stuff? No, it didn't. They said it was. But they like did a deep dive and it was apparently just like sick ass Lamborghinis and shit. But see, so, okay. That's kind of tight. Yeah. And that's, that's, that's what one of the dudes like messed up at because they like,

he got in front of the learning center and he was like, yeah, this is a, this is an this is a legit business. And then they went on his Instagram. He was in pictures with like lambos and stuff. It's like, damn, I don't know no daycare. I don't know. I think he pulled up on the Uber Eater like, just kind of. And dude's like, yeah, what the fuck is that? Yeah, what did you get that with? But that's my thing with, okay, so you said the feeding center or whatever and they took Oh, dude, there is massive.

Right. There's massive fraud. And they busted it. They like, they got them. I don't care. I mean, it's fair. I personally, I just don't care about people stealing my taxpayer dollars. That's a fair point.

I don't know where them shit is going anyway. That's a fair point. So what the fuck? They're stealing the money. that we took from you that you don't know what we doing with it. To be fair, somebody's going to steal your taxpayer dollars. I think that's,

I think people need to wake up to that reality. If it's not that blatant, it's going to be a bazillion non-profits who are going like, we just need 100,000 more and they just fucking pocket it. Right. And it's already, or it's going to the war shit. And it's like,

I don't know where this shit is going at all, bro. Y'all don't send me no kind of update after I pay this money about, yo, this is what this is doing here. The Venezuela shit's, I don't know. The Venezuela shit's been like, like pretty open as far as wars go. They're like, yeah, we just took their oil.

They're not even hiding it. Before, like Iraq was like, we're going there just for the oil. Like, no, we're not. And they're like, yeah, we went there for the oil and we fucking got it. Oh, they're saying that now. Yeah. They just said like we took, we seized their oil. They went in there.

They had the Venice, what Maduro, I guess his name was. They were like he was a tyrant. And, you know, they were like, we just couldn't stand with that guy being a tyrant and like smuggling drugs into our country. So we just stole all of their, we stole a lot of their oil. And we're just going to take over their oil industry. Okay. I'm glad they being honest.

That's what I'm saying. I thought he was lying for a little bit because they were talking about the drug situation. I mean, what do they need oil for? Venezuela? Yeah, yeah,

did traffic drugs. We need it. They need to put it. How does that work? It's a gas into a boat and traffic drugs. Fucking worry. It's a granth of thought of ass country. No,

that's a fair take. You don't, so you were seeing a lot of the stuff about like, fuck this is a bullshit and you're like, yeah, I don't, I don't care that they're scam. Let them scam. I don't, I don't know.

Okay, yeah, I don't care that they're scamming. but also I don't care where my taxpayer dollars go if they're scamming that kind of money. I rather them scam that money than my money that I'm investing. Like whenever these white dudes is doing their fraud, it's money that you actually gave to Enron. It's like my real money. I'd rather you take the money that was already about to be taken. Did they, you know what I mean? I don't know where it's going.

So, you know, but they definitely, they definitely, I'm not. There's some six-year-old white dudes in Minnesota right now who are furious with that take. I don't care. He don't know where his taxpayer office is going. He don't even know where his shit goes. Oh, they're taking the money. My money. No, it's not.

Your money is. You don't know where to fuck your money at. But my other thing, so with the, with the, with the racism shit, it's just like, it's like when I was used to like walk in the stores and like they would follow me around. I know this black guy stealing. And it's like, oh, you're following me. around it was racism and I was stealing too. That's what the Minnesota's share remind me of. It's like, yeah, it's racist, but yeah.

I think they went the other way. I think the Minnesota government was like, how dare you say that? And then it came out where it was like, fuck. Yeah. Because they could have totally, that's not a hard thing to check with like the autism centers and stuff. You send out a couple people with clipboards, like how many people we got in here.

All right, we're good. I think they were kind of like, We trust you. And they got fucking leveled. Yeah. I mean, the problem with that shit, too, is that they,

they just put in all Somalians now. And it's like across the country. Because this is a couple of Somalian homies I got out here. Really? That people are like, yo, they're just looking at their foreheads. They just look at their foreheads.

You Somali? It's rough out of your field right now. It's like, damn. Which, which, I mean, that's just,

that's the, that's the part about it that just, Yeah. That stings the most. That's stuff. But I mean, here's the thing, though, like, as a, like a black American, do you ever think about just, like, totally just ostracizing them and coming up off, like, dunking on them racially?

No, I'm Nigerian. Well, that's what I'm saying. Oh, so you're from Nigeria. Yeah. My parents are. I'm Nigerian by marriage, so I totally get it. My wife's her family's Nigerian. Oh, really?

I've been to a Nigerian wedding. They're fucking sick. Yeah. Lay on the ground. I was just that one a couple months ago. Begged the father of the bride. Oh, you. did. Oh, I wanted to. I asked to do it too. They're like, no, you got to chill.

But you didn't have a Nigerian wedding? No, no, she's like, you know, she's not like her like grandmother supposedly is, but you know, okay. They're not from where, you know, we're from. This is the map of the daycares. It was 4,000 in a 20 mile radius. Are these the ones that are fraudulent? That's not, that's a lot of guys. So here's the thing when I hear when people go. Why are some red and why are some green? I'm not sure, but somewhere in the middle of the water, too. Well, they are pirates, right? Makes sense.

I personally, when everybody went up to the day, when people went up to the daycares, they're like, there's no kids in the Somalian daycares. I was like, I was relieved. I was like, thank God there's no chill. It's like worst case scenario. When, thank God they're empty. Were you worried they like chiseled out?

They're pirates. I thought you're worried they chiseled out the cement floors. mining lithium. Guys, let's get real for a second here. I've found that comedy is a great way to discover more about yourself. Dude, I've learned. Speak on how comedy has helped you discover something about yourself or helped you grow as a person. Examples.

It's helped you be more honest about your faults. Yeah, I'd say it helped me be more honest about my faults and more vulnerable, vulnerable, excuse me. It's also helped me gain a new perspective from doing stand-up comedy and my art When I first started my career, I quickly learned that there were obstacles that I wanted to overcome. I did have a terrible case of stage fright, but I put my faith fully in God and that helped me overcome it. I want to talk about any obstacles or things about yourself that you want to work on in the new year. Example, learn how to stop stressing about what you can't control.

Guys, if there's one goal you should have going into the new year, it should be to feel better about yourself, to feel lighter. Plus, getting started is straightforward and simple. All you need is BetterHelp. Therapy can help you discover what obstacles you're facing and how to overcome them. BetterHelp has over 12 years of experience connecting people with the right therapist. They've served over 5 million people globally, and judging by all the glowing reviews, it works. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with the qualified therapist, sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash MSSP. that's better help.com slash MSSSP.

When did they run into these daycares to? That's my other thing because I saw this shit on Christmas. I mean, it ain't nobody in the daycare. I'm like, it's the holiday. Supposedly this video is debunking it. I didn't go looking for them. So here's the thing too. And I'm pro-pirate.

I've always loved pirates. I'm a big fan. Who doesn't love pirate? True. That's fair. So the video itself apparently, and this, I was curious too because they looked into it and it was like, no, these were all legit daycares because I guess whatever, Minnesota state came through. Minnesota Vikings came through and just like, no, these are all check out. And then you go, okay, well, was this like a government cover up like the Democrats being like, dude, we can't take another political hit. It's going to be an election year. But then it's like apparently it's, I think they were legitimately running because dude, like Republican like lawyers. They were the most. The. moment that video came out, there was probably a bazillion lawyers like digging in and all that stuff. So if it wasn't above board, they would have, I think they would have cracked it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because they're like the, you know, if you get like the Republican guys, they're super motivated to like prove that there are scams. It just looks good. It's a big slam dunk. You slam dunk, 360 slam dunk, but they already got the slam dunk. The young YouTuber went in for like a weird victory lap. Did you? Oh, what happened? Tim Waltz quit. Tim Waltz. Oh, yeah. I saw that. I saw that. And he, it was a headshot. It was a headshot. It was a headshot. It was a shot. And he, he, he, Walts was like, that guy went on like, I ended Wallace. Well, and reality is kind of memed into existence anyway. So it doesn't really matter what's true. So he had, he had to take the out. I don't even know if it's, it's real or not. Have you actually found out like the real,

like definitive? I looked it up. There's there was a definitive scam. People were prosecuted for $250 million. You have to think, like say you're selling drugs when that finally gets busted, you don't bust them right away. So it was. They were probably rocking. They were running it for a while. Yeah. They were rocking. They rob us at sea and they rob us at land.

Did you see the late? They, uh, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. No, no,

get it out. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out. Look, he wanted someone on to defend the, the pirates and,

um, no, it wasn't it. I thought it was just a funny take because I didn't know anything about it. And Garini was like, yeah, ISO wants to talk about this about it. Definitely,

I'm definitely passionate about it. I'm all for scams. I mean, we live in a bureaucracy, right? And like, these scams are supposed to be hidden within the bureaucratic state. That's why it exists so they can do all their scams. Yeah. So when other people are, I mean, everybody's scamming. Nancy Pelosi's scamming, you know.

We're paying for health insurance for Israelis for some reason, apparently. Tax dollars. It's going everywhere. Yeah. It's going everywhere but us to our roads, to our children. There we go. So, you know, go pirates. Did you see, which is a fair point, by the way, everybody's scamming?

It's just that when it's so obvious what the scam is. Yeah. That's why everybody get a little tight. We're like, yo, you do, there ain't no kids in a daycare. It's like versus the bank fraud scam where it's hard to see. You walk into the bank and look like it's real shit. Yep. And then you pull the thing down and it's, I don't know.

Pull it off a little better. Yeah. And also, too, like you have to think if you're, I mean, I don't know. I don't know really much about Minnesota, but you can never underestimate just like an older kind of angry, like, old white guy. Yeah. there were eyes on those fucking guys. They had eyes on the Somalis

from day one. Oh, yes, for sure. He was on to them immediately. What the fuck is it? And they just got stared at for 10 years until a guy was like, hold on a second. I noticed something here.

Come on, man. You know how many times I've seen Fargo and seen one Somalian inside that shit? What? In the movie you're saying? In the show? All of it. Is Fargo in Minnesota?

I think it's the Dakota's, yeah. I was in the Dakota. Dakota. Yeah. I think, I think. I think. I think Minnesota's like, Minnesota might have like the biggest Somalian population.

Yeah, because they, they, they let the men. Sanctuary, yeah. Sanctuary, right. Huh? Because they're scatmy. No, they did sanctuary city. Did you see the, did you see the, um, the kid on CNN? Which is the kid who did the video?

Yeah, yeah, did you see an interview? What was you doing? Y'all can't play that shit on here. I mean, he looks so dumb on there. Who, Shirley? Yeah. How old is Nick Sherley? Really like 21.

Yeah, he's the thing. He's a youngster. Yeah, he's a kid. He's a youngster. He kind of ended over his head a little bit. Yeah. He's drunk on YouTube. Who the fuck is his old guy is next to him?

Oh, guy. Dude, the old guy has a thousand pages of loose leaf or he's been tracking small. He is, that guy's not fucking up. He's been thinking about preschools way before this scam ever happened. Well, no, the thing that they didn't mention, though, they brought up in the video, which again, to the, the video's point, like,

Yes, they had a, they have a major problem with Somali and scamming in Minnesota. But then there was like these just vehicles that were like, hey, we can, we just drive people around for medical appointments. But then they're like, they're not checking. And again, I don't know if this guy's. I heard. I heard. I don't say that. He's like, that's, that's, that's in every city.

Dude, home. The home care hustles like the oldest. Oh, yeah. Sure. Just chill with your aunt and get 30 bucks an hour. Yeah. Absolutely. Everywhere.

That's everywhere. Mm-hmm. Which again, kind of chill. I honestly think the home care thing's kind of, that's kind of nice. It's a good scam. It's a really good scam. And it's like a low-stakes scam for real. Like, even the daycare thing, it's a low-stakes thing for real.

Like, if you say that you got 50 kids in a daycare, but you really got 25, who are you hurting? Yeah, well, those other 25 kids that should be in there. Like, they're printing so much money every month anyway now. Yeah. Money's not real anymore. I'm kids to be right. Yeah, I mean, hey, look, tell that to fucking, what's the guy's name again? Shirley. Shirley's going to be on your fucking ass, dude. He's going to end you.

You're next. You're on the Shirley hit list. That guy, I'm skeptical of that guy's video. There's clearly like fraud of some kind, but he had a video with Joe Biden where he was holding up immigration signs and shit. Who is this one? He was paying immigrants to hold up signs that said like, we're for Joe Biden because he's going to have open borders. And like Nick Shirley copped to that, that he was paying people in the video to look like. So he staged stuff in his videos, but that doesn't mean it's not on that it's untrish. true, it just means he embellishes things.

Yeah. See, he's scamming the scammers. Sure. I mean, he definitely came up. And again, the video, I watched it. I gave it an honest look. And I was like, dude, this is weird. Like, ever, I was like, I was trying to look at the comments to see if there would be one person being like, yeah, you're not allowed to just barge into it.

Everyone's like, get them, brother. I'd be, if that was my kid's daycare, someone was kicking in the door and they were like, I'm so sorry, sir, please tour the facilities. I'd be like, dude, I'm taking my kids out here. objectively funny, leering daycare center. Objectively funny. Learing. Them missing that in objectively hilarious. Well,

there's still, to be fair, they're still just leering. So there's obviously there's improvement. There's improvements to be made. We're all lifelong students. On that comment thing, like,

why aren't there like the parents of the kids coming out? Like if there was kids there, like Matt said, he'd be like, you'd be like, oh. The kids are going to be in the daycare with them. Yeah.

And also they were probably scamming too a little bit. So they're probably like dude, get the fuck out of here. And also how we know it wasn't an overnight daycare. How we know it's not. How we know. Because some people are in night school. How we know it's not a daycare for strippers. That is always.

That's always sad when I see you see that in Philly sometimes. You're driving through a neighborhood. You see the daycare hours and it's like 2 a.m. pick up and you're like, God. Yeah. Damn, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

They legit have like midnight pickup on daycare. How we know they don't get paid in ones. True. We got to drop. We're not looking at this the right way. He's got to drop the Crown Royal sack full of ones. Everyone's got to. No, I weren't at a daycare.

I swear. I swear. I swear I watch kids. Are you watch kids with this? Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I mean, look, maybe we should have a live cam in a small daycare 24-7. Everybody nice is a pedophile watching that being like, there we go. Things are about to change. I don't think pedophiles like Somalian kids. I don't know. You don't think so? I'm just, I don't, I don't think they like him. I think Kevin's right on this one.

You don't think so? I looked into Michael Aquino and Country Walk and Presidio McMartin. There's no Somalians mentioned in any of Tim Tate's books or anything. You think it's all, never mind. That's a bad comparison. When it comes to satanic ritual abuse, you know. Yeah. Usually there's not a Somalian.

It's like. Too gamey. Maybe pitiful say that. I don't know. We want Kevin. We want Kevin. It's funny to be mad about daycares now, though. Like the satanic panic and everything in the 80s and the 90s, you know?

Sorry, I should have got that to myself. Oh, no. It's fine. We're podcasting. Wait, so here's the thing, though, from like, okay, Nigerian, right? Mm-hmm. So you excellent scammers. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

And they're also like Nigerians. I'm a big proponent of Nigerian excellence. Yeah. In terms of mathematics, all that stuff. As a Nigerian, wouldn't you like just see a Somali and be like, or is it like more unity than that? Because that's like, I know Ethiopians and Somalians. Ethiopians, they don't like each other?

I think there's a bit of. Everybody. Everybody beefs. But then like on when you outside, when you off the, off the continent, I think there's a little bit more. You know, but on it, it is a little bit of, you know, everybody, people beat with they, Nigerians that hate other Nigerians. Yeah, that's fair.

It's like Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Right, right, right, right. The closer you are, the worst. Yeah, yeah. It really is. But Nigerian scamming, I hope they don't start looking into that shit. Well, Nick, stay away. They will fucking love.

Dude, I actually looked into, um, I was, I was, I went to a Nigerian restaurant. around one time and I was watching there was like the Naliwood movies I didn't know what it was I was watching like what the fuck is it yeah you know about Nogliwood No no no I Julian Nigerian Hollywood and dude I like looked into it you can film a movie in Nigeria for like 15 grand yeah That's awesome yeah thinking about it yeah you know here it's like a million bucks that would be how you have to If I did an Hollywood epic it would be nice yeah just put myself in it like Clint Eastwood style right directed star for 15 grand you could shoot like mission impossible no no no no you like a An indie movie. Oh, an indie. You do like a nice, a really sick indie movie.

That would actually be hilarious. A sick move. Yeah. I would have a brutal schedule though because I try to be like maybe a month. I'm like, you know, I can bring my whole family. I'd definitely watch you not understand anything they're saying. No, they're speaking English a whole time. No, they're speaking English, but it's also pigeon.

Little something like, yeah, they're throwing some French into the mix. No, check it out. No, they're on YouTube for free. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. I watched it in the restaurant I'm like bro what the fuck is this this movie's crazy

A lot of the movies have the same plot though A lot of them is like a guy Who like cheats on his wife And then she like He like he like gets in an accident And comes crawling back to her Or she like accident Like I don't know like a car accident

Or she like puts a spell on him And then he can't fucking walk anymore And then he's like take me back I'm sorry And she's like Don't they believe in witches and stuff Believe in witches It's crazy No

They don't No I've seen like newspapers From over there And they say like a witch Can touch your penis And it shrinks into nothing That's like

That's like I know you're talking about Witchcraft But it's not like a belief It's more so like Like voodoo type shit It's like I won't say it's like a belief thing

But it's more so like It's more prevalent And it's actually is actually real for real, like voodoo. I'm not wrong. He goes, no, but yes and. It's just real. It is real for real.

I do scared. Yeah, if somebody, if somebody for real, they could do that shit to you and take your fucking hair and wrap it around some shit or put some blood on you and then, like, I think that shit is real. You can read about witchcraft in the newspapers there if you subscribe to any of the newspapers.

All right. You can read about it. I'm about to scam your ass. There we go. That's not, is that real? It probably is. I saw, I was watching one earlier and I was like skipping through and there was one. It was the exact plot you're describing where it was like a guy had been cheating on her friend.

And she like there's, I was like trying to just like, I wanted to watch just the climax of the movie. I went to like the end and this lady put like a. handkerchief on her head, gigantic sunglasses, and just confronted a guy being like, I know what you did. He's like, you cannot prove it.

It was so good. It's literally, and I only watched for like 10 seconds. Yeah, it was the exact. They all the same. But women love that shit. Comedies,

yeah, and the comedies were, you know, I watched the comedy in the restaurant. It was actually, I was like kind of crack. It was like pure slapstick. It was kind of cracking me up.

Yeah. It's like falling in shit. Like, like, Aki and Papa is like, I don't worry, no matter. I thought you were like going to type it in a thing.

you're like speak English but no Nigerian scammers best best best scammers is a dude that like scammed like he sold an airport to somebody I swear to God that rules he sold an airport

to somebody I don't remember the full story which is basically a really big parking lot He sold the airport that didn't exist That's awesome to who And I feel like it was like a government or something or some like just some foreigner but he sold in the airport a Nigerian dude and then obviously hush puppy is like one of the most notorious what was hush puppies here and scammers he he he was just he he's in jail right now I think

for like 11 years but he he was just stealing money I don't even remember how for real really yeah but a couple hundred million yeah I like the I like the romance he was trying to make a documentary about it hush puppy sounds like a hit cop rapper like he'd be yeah on a jelly roll album jelly roll What was it called Hicop? Hick hop? You know what Hiccop? That is? Now I get him pretty out.

Hicop is like, it's red dirt. We're from the red dirt road. Okay. Real estate. And they're wave Confederate flags. My bad. Real estate mogul. Nice.

Hush Puppie was a real estate mogul. Yeah. That's a great man. 124 million from an English Premier League club. Oh. You know what I'm right? I mean, that's top. Go bigger.

Go home, man. Yeah. You can fuck around the fake daycare or you can just go big, get $124 million from an English guy. And I think they only got them for like 11 years or something like that. That's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad.

Yeah, I feel like if you steal $100 million, you can hide for sure, probably $50 million and then give the rest of them. Like, I don't know, I'd spend it all. Sorry. What prince? The email scams. Yeah, that's an illegal scam right there. Dude, so apparently, so I looked into it a long time ago, that was like, that was like the,

yeah, the, apparently, Well, apparently that wasn't even, some of those weren't even from Africa. Some of those were just like a dude from Ohio. Faining the Nigerian prince, which is like 40 Chess for sure. See, that's the, that's the scam right now. Because everybody still think that's the scam the Nigerians is doing. We left y'all in the 90s thinking that. And now we do a new stuff.

Keep thinking it. Keep the stereotype alive. Yes, the Nigerian prince. We are white women now. The new shit is scamming the elderly. That's the new thing. That's meat, potatoes. Dude, just catfishing.

Some people go home for Thanksgiving to see their grandma and they go, I'm dating Matt Rife. Yeah, like, oh, God. Fuck, God. I'm dating Vladimir Putin. And I send him Apple gift cards every Tuesday and we're married. Oh, God. And if you track it, it always goes to Kuwait.

They're killing the game right now. Really? Killing it. Yeah, yeah. There's a great. Hat fishing YouTube channel and they always track these people down. I like a classic Indian robocall. Yes.

Just 40 dudes sweating and a fucking call center just bang in the phone. Yeah. That's what I like. In a warehouse that's flooded. I like when they're playing video games and the water's like up to here. Have you seen that? No. They're all playing like video poker and they have to swim to the next machine.

No. Is that real? It could be AI. It doesn't matter. I made it up. Maybe. Yeah, Sora's good, though, dude. You never know.

Nah, it's getting scary. Yeah. It's getting scary. I don't even want it. They got a dude. They got Matt Barnes recently. They got him, like, some AI girls scanning him out like 60 grand or something crazy. Yeah, bro.

Who's Matt Barnes again? He's a former basketball player. Oh, no. He fell for that. Yeah, bro. Sad, d'ar. Scanner for how much? I feel like it was like 60.

Steve. I think, I still think the Shannon Sharp thing was like an intricate scam where you get lawyers who hook up with only fans ladies and they start just fucking like go, go, go, film sexual encounter, threaten the tape. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. We're in the second week of January and you're probably already given up on your resolutions. But there's good news. Some of the best football games of the season are around the corner. We've got great games on the schedule this weekend and there's no better place to get a piece of the action than probably. prize picks. With team picks, there's even more to choose from. Hmm, I'd like to discuss a new feature. Want to pick winners in the race to the big game? You can now on prize picks. Hmm. That's pretty hype. So people you think will be in the race. I think you can just pick teams now. It looks like it's in. I think you can just go the birds. And if I can, that's what I'm doing every single time. There you go. I'm picking the birds. I'm picking the birds to win, which is big since we live in Texas. You couldn't do that. before and now we can. Yeah, now it's definitely wide open this year. So many

different teams could win it all. That's very nice. Guys, team picks are now available on prize picks in Texas, California, Florida, and more. And for the prize picks, OGs, you can still make all the player pick lineups you want. Just pick more or less on at least

two player stats. If you get your picks right, you could cash in, download the prize picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Oh, hell you. Next weekend, January 16th and 17th, I will be in Houston and then I'll be at Dallas. The 23rd, I'll be in Hartford, Connecticut,

and then 24th will be in all being New York. And then we have Las Vegas coming up, 2.13. That's February 13th. That's a big one. Tickets are going slow because that's just how it works in Las Vegas. It's a week of town, fucking whatever. And then I'll be in Denver, Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City and a bunch of other places, go to Matt McCusker.com for tickets. There's actually a little thing underneath the episode. Click it. Please. Hey, hello, everyone.

January 15th, I'm going to be at Hilliam, Atlanta. And then the week after that, Sean's going to be there. January 22nd to 24th. Please come, if you can, and come to Optum Noctus as well. January 20th. Oh, yeah. And I'm going to be a hyenas, Fort Worth, January 23rd. That's it.

Thank you. Bro, the only fan shit is getting bad. I saw something recently. It said it's easier for only fans, models, in other countries to get a visa to this country than it is for, like, movies. Like, they said the only fans models is eating up the visas.

Really? Yeah. So. I thought they were sex slaves. What the hell? They said they could get in with the, if they make a certain amount of money. Yeah, that makes sense.

That makes sense. The visas that they, like, reserve for, like, Arnold Schwarzenegger type people. Yeah. They giving it. That makes sense. I see what you're saying. Dude,

I looked it up one time because I wanted to see, like, you know, how much OnlyFans actually makes, like versus Patreon. Like, Patreon, I think all the Patrons globally put everyone's Patreon money together. And I think it's like, I don't even know. I think it maybe is like $80 million, if that. Yeah. Do you know how much OnlyFans is collectively? That's like one-tenth of what Sophie Rain makes a month. Dude, it's like $13 billion a year.

Only fans is $30. Bill either. I think porn and gaming, like in gambling are the big three and comedy is like way under here. I know when it comes to money. We should all start fucking each other on the show. At least. And playing poker. Just, we'll AI. What is AI? We wear mocap suits. We're not actually fucking, but it just looks like we are. We're just like dry humming. What? Oh, shit. Oh, no. No. No. Bro. Dude, there's a typhoon. What are they going to do?

That's true. Gaming in the typhoons actually kind of legendary. That shows you how addictive gambling is, right? Hold on, almost long. There's a snake on you. It's like anaconda. There's gaiters and shit. Dude, that's fucked up.

Where was that again? That was a Philippines. So that was a cafe? I was an internet cafe. Okay. That's how you know, yeah. That's how you know the country's not doing well when they're like, yo,

we have the internet here. I'll pay five bucks an hour. Okay, so that's gaming. I do get that. Dude, being 12 years old and playing Xbox Live, yeah,

the house could be on fire. You could have flooded my cousin's basement. We weren't going anywhere. Not going anywhere, dude. I'm playing Hala. Especially if I just got to what level I even got to before. Come on now. Your game's not saved.

I mean, that would be chill too. You never even think of it. Imagine just like chilling in water and gaming. If you rage quit though, you electrocute yourself If you slam the controller down It kills everybody Damn, that's fucking crazy

I remember when I would go to the beach When I was little The beach would flood all the time So we meet me and my cousins around the streets And like swim in like the street flood water Yeah I just realized not too long ago It was all sewage water

Yeah Yeah poop and pee poop and pee I was just in there Donk in my head Fully under My mom would be like don't go in there And I'm like whatever And I'd be under it's like Fuller

breaststroke and pooping me. Like, mommy, look at me. It's a piece of shit on your head. Huge shirt. I was like when I first, when I had my first kid, we were in Philly and we were at this playground and like there was a, like a sprinkler kind of thing. But that had kept going and it like it flooded one of the little drains like the storm drains. And then that water was kicking up from the sewage and created this other little pond. So I don't like kids are going to play in there. They'd be with another kid and that kid would jump in like the shit water and I'd be like, hold up.

You can't play in there. They're playing in there. And I was like, they have bad lives, dude. You don't have their parents here, dude. They're going to swim in the shit water. And you're going to stay out of that. And, you know, this is where your guys' friendship ends. So.

Sorry. I was drunk on a couch. Unfortunately, I'm here. So no shit water for you. Would you let them do the trampoline on the mattress that's been outside for like six months? Hell no. No way. Like, oh, it's just sitting outside.

If I saw a mattress. First of all, if there's a mattress outside my house, I would call the city, make remove this right now. I'm not having that. I bet guys, this is a, this is infested. Take this out immediately. No, I'm, I'm, yeah, I don't know. I try to, even in Philly, like, I remember like if someone would be like knotted out on our street corner. I wouldn't be mean to them, but I'd go up and like, bro, you got to.

But you used to do it, though. Oh, yeah, I would have done. I used to walk along the side of the highway when I was a kid. Yeah. So, yeah, I used to, like, throw golf balls at cars and, like, run away. Yeah, I was really bad. That rocks. But no.

kids live like a completely i mean i'm letting him kind of roam a little bit now but no they're they're like completely sheltered you got a girl two girls two girls oh all right never mind i thought you're exactly i thought you're a boy no yeah be totally different i i got hitting the nuts recently i was like i think my my daughter was trying to like wash a baby her like little doll out in the sink but it was bedtime so i went to grab her and she did that shit where she gripped the edge of the sink so i had to like fucking like come on i pulled her all right As I pull her off, she just, three years old, she just swung back and kicked me in the nuts. And I had her like this, like, because I have to hold her away from me so she doesn't hit me.

Held her up and I like, it went through my head to just do full like, um, on the bed. If it were, if she were a son, I would have spiked my son onto the bed. But I just gently lowered her like, oh, you little fucker. I'll be back. I was about to bounce her off the mattress. Dude. It's like a reaction. You hit the nuts.

You're like, fuck you. But I was like gently later down. I was like, I'll be back. The smashing machine. I would have chokesland a three-year-old boy right through that shit. Yeah, instantly.

I for real had to stop myself. I was like, mm-hmm. And I knew it was coming, but I tried to move and she's like grown. So she was like, whack. I was like, fuck.

Even if you did that, somebody would be like, we understand. Oh, dude, yeah. No, man, that was close. I almost fucking, I mean, it was a bed. She would have rattled her for sure.

but if i'd spike there actually she could have broke her arm but but i didn't so what you're pairing this style are you are you are you copying what your parents have done to you are you spreading the threat the generational traumas that you uh experience as a child i hope not i mean you like to think you're not your parents but then you know every now and then you go fuck i'm the exact same guy yeah like i got my dad you know you like to you like to think you're completely different right and they might have thought they were different but i don't know i feel like i was generally just fucking ignored. No one paid attention to me. And I would just wander around in the woods. Really? Yeah. And like find like knives and stuff. No. I would just get lost all day.

I don't. My brother told me this. I don't remember it at all. But like I used my, at like bedtime, they would put me in a room and just latch a thing on the outside and be like, bro, see you in the morning. So they would just lock. Because I knew they did it to my sister. And I was always like, that's so fucked up. They did it to Kathleen. My brother was like, dude, they did it to you too. And I was like, oh, fuck. They would just go full like, you're done for your goodbye for the day. I was just the creature, dude. I was in a roof like that.

And you're in a Somalian daycare. And the windows are boarded up and the lights are off. Where the fuck was that kid? I needed him to be like, where the fuck are the kids in here? Let me see this child. Yeah, that was their shit. My mom too, she would be like, like a few shit like my older brothers and like my cousins there.

They weren't taking a nap. She would just trap them under her legs until they fell asleep. And then they'd be like, oh, good. Damn. He's fucking put the quads on them. That's crazy. The thing. So yeah, I do way different stuff.

I didn't. So I didn't have any fun growing up. Like my parents were no fun. There was no fun. Everybody was miserable. We were all strangers in the house. Yeah. So I'm just trying to make it where if I can teach them to have fun.

Yeah. Then that's a skill that they can take throughout the rest of their life and attract goodness and great things and good people. That's the plan. That feels like the ultimate. If you can have fun in any situation. True. Then you're unstoppable.

Right. So that's what I'm trying to do. That's true. So we like, you know, we fucking drive around really fast. Tight. In the car. Listen to really loud music, dance a lot. We do coke.

She's drinking and driving. Just three. That is the one thing once you have kids and it really dawns on you. Like, fuck, dude. I'm in charge of your mental well-being. You're like, I'm pulling from a poisoned well. I know, man. I'm just dipping this bucket into your brain.

You're like, God, help me. Please. Do you feel like your parents are like a lighthouse for like you go that's good that that's there because I can avoid that. No. That Rocky Shore. My parents did a lot. I think a lot of things really good. They were just like.

Like there's like, you know, now we have like the internet. We have like a thing. Like when you yell at your child, seven seconds, they make neural path. There was none of that shit. They were just like, dude, whoop their fucking ass. Yeah. We would all go out to dinner as a family and every, by like towards the end of it. It would just be me and my brother's in the car by ourselves.

Just like chilling until everyone ate because you, if you act it up, you had to sit in the car. You're just sitting in a suburban by herself. Just like, damn. shit dude I didn't get dessert that's so funny they took y'all out to eat yeah we were going to this place true like I said there was good stuff it's so funny that your punishment is son go sit in a hot car it was nothing go go go do what Casey Anthony does to her children that's your punishment like that I dude I never even thought a kid could die from a hot car yeah that's like who's to say if they can this is new kids these are weak kids maybe

These are peanut allergy kids. I do dry saunas every day. I'm fine. 20, 25 minutes. I'm fine at the 24 hours fitness. If anything, the baby's just activated his heat shock protein. That is the telomeres.

That is so sad, dude, just to forget. Because it's like, I get it. Like, you're just like, oh, fuck, I don't even think about it. And you come out and it's like, damn, he's dead. Nowadays, the car will, uh, car beeps. The car will lock you inside of it and catch out fire. What? Do you see this with the cyber trucks?

So the Cybertrack has a mode where it turns it turns into a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies. Oh, so you don't have to go through all the trouble hooking like an exhaust thing to your car? Yeah, I guess maybe if you have a cold hot pocket. Flame my family. Grock is like, do you have a cold hot pocket there, Amigo? Let me heat it up for you. But they will lock and then you can't get out and everybody dies. It keeps happening in the news.

Nah. I like the cyber truck though. It's good. It looks like Halo. I'm a big fan. Look that up. Is that true? that people get...

There's no way you can get locked in your car unless you're Polish. That's the old joke. You're all the Polish guy got locked in his car. What's the joke? Polish people are dumb. They couldn't...

Yeah, it's like a little white on white racism. I don't know any Polish people. Yeah. It was a pretty... I don't think I didn't really know either. It was like the first meme kind of is like Polack jokes. But it didn't really last. Well, how do you plan on doing your kids?

You don't have kids. I don't have kids. How do you plan on doing your, uh, Raising them up. Keeping them away from my parents. No. I don't know. I haven't given them much thought, man.

I just, I just definitely don't want to repeat some of the stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that was taught to me. Like, my parents are definitely better now, right? They chill out majorly.

Yeah, they chill out. But then, like, you don't know if you've kind of adopted the things that your parents taught you, or like unintentionally taught you or downloaded the shit that they've been doing, their behavior until you're like under duress. Yeah. You know, when you're stressed out and then all of a sudden, like you said, you want to spike

the baby. Yeah. Real bad. He's three. Yeah. She's fine. Yeah. There was two cases.

Huh? There's two cases. One was in California, one in Texas, where they got an accident. and then the power went out in the cyber truck and they couldn't get out. Big microwave. Oh, fuck. Dude, and cars get really hot too.

And like they're, I mean, obviously anything on fire gets super hot, but like, you're trapped, but when you're trapped inside that small of a container on fire, it's like,

would you rather burn or drown? Drown, dude, 100%. Yeah, Ted Kennedy style. Yeah, for sure. Really. Drown and burn alive, dude? Drown, you just pass out.

It's like, do you ever go underwater for like a little too long and you're like lightheaded. Yeah. It's almost romantic. You just get more and more lightheaded. Really? It's chill.

Burning alive is literally the worst of the worst. But what if you like sleep burning? I'm playing. You're going to wake up. A little slow cooker. Low and slow for about 20 hours. Yeah, sleep. It ain't really.

No, dude. Burning alive is like, I think the worst. I'd rather have probably my dick chopped off than burn alive. Damn. Have you your... But do? I'm sorry to cut you up. But dude in Asia or the monks they'd be doing, they look pretty calm.

Self-immolation? Yeah, they look pretty calm the whole time. Yeah, but they've studied the art of chill. That's like that's most people are not prepared. How? You want you studied chill at. You're all fired. You'll scream a little bit.

It's so funny to be on fire and be like, I don't even care. I don't care, dude. Is that any of anything? Not even real. They build, they build like temples where those guys burn themselves. Because it's just like the supreme act of like, I don't know, Buddhist chill. Yeah. It's like, you can be like, oh,

you know, I haven't fucking, you know, I haven't jerked off in 40 years. People are like, watch this shit. Just fucking light yourself on fire. Like, do this. Because it is the ultimate. Usually they do it to, like, draw attention to something. Yeah, it's a protest. Yeah, they don't, you know, they have guns over there.

They caught a monk recently that was a, like, I think it was like the only fan. No, it was a girl that was going up into the temple, cleaning it out. And I think Duel was like, I think he was smashing. And then she tried to extort him. I was like, damn, that's crazy. There's a plot of a Nigerian film, I think. This is a Nollywood movie you made a question on YouTube. Damn, she tried to just, like, trick them?

She tried to extort him and get bread out of him. I think, I think it may have been a few of them that she was, like, going up there and smashing. That's a bad plan. They're monks. Yeah. They're, like, begging alms. Yeah. They have to hit the alms circuit hard, but damn, I got a fucking baby mom.

But she probably knew they had, she probably knew they had. True. They probably have some money. Yeah. Was this? Where was this? I want wherever the monks be I don't know

They're everywhere man Dude my brother It was my brother was just talking to his friend Who had come from like Thailand or whatever And she was telling him that like The um Like the the tourism so like if you have like a like a kind of like a gay kid You are from this it's like a giant like victory

Because what the fuck my point? He does me He just called my kid gay That's cool hold on listen to this So if you're a Thailand. Maybe should I be offended? I don't know. Thank you so much. Here's the thing. If you're in Thailand, you got like a recognizably gay kid. You turn the kid into a girl ASAP and your whole family's like here we go. Because then it's like part of that like sex tourism thing. Where what you do is

you get a even if you just have like a daughter too, you can do the same thing where you're like, oh man, she pretends she doesn't have like a husband. She can be married. Whole family. Everything. kids but then she'll go to work as like a prostitute get like an english businessman and be like yeah like i'm single bring the english businessman back to like her family and her husband will like even be there pretending to be like her brother and they just basically you get like even if you don't get knocked up they just fuck these dudes send a letter back to england to like wherever they work being like yo i'm pregnant now and if you don't want like the thailand courts coming after you for child support and like blowing up your spot because a lot of these guys are married give me like 10 gs a month

and that's like apparently like a huge thing over there Wow. If you're out there just fucking having sex with hookers, you could get caught up in like a N- That's- Why you do lady boy? Here's the kicker. They got no ovaries. True.

Who's- True. But then if you fall in love, that's the thing. And I saw a documentary, you fall in love. You fall in love. Dude, there's like, you bring you back to the village and like, you just have to start like buying fucking shit for the whole village, the whole village. And it's like a huge thing for a village. If you get like a slamming lady boy, everyone's like, let's go.

We're all going to eat. It's gonna be so nice. We just need. one rich British guy. We just need one old British guy. This is a whole place. Oh, this is with lady boys. And it could be ladies too.

Oh, okay. I think, I think lady boys over there just popping off so hard that it's like, and that's an easy one too where it's like, bro,

we're going to send stuff back, the family. Who's giving the prostitute a real address? True. I don't know. But here's the thing. You get these old businessmen,

they'll be like, I love you. Yeah. And they'll start divulging info. And it's just kind of like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah. The funny thing is,

especially for like the custody stuff or it's like, yo, I'm pregnant with your child. Like the courts you're going to come after you unless you send me hush money. Apparently, if you just ignore like the Thailand courts can't do anything to you in London. They can't like there's nothing they can do. So. Oh, you from experience. No, I've never been. I've never been to Thailand.

Actually, when I hear people are in Thailand, there's like grown adults. I'm kind of like. Yeah. That's the. What are you doing over there, dude? Because we already got their food. Yeah. We got the food here.

Yeah. It's like, what do you? We have elephants at the zoo. We have mopeds. We have mopeds. That's true. We even have lady boys here. We got the big four.

The big four of the economy of Thailand. If you're going over there, there's another itch you're trying to, in my opinion. I was talking to someone recently who was in Asia and they're like, oh, my friend was supposed to meet me over wherever they were. He got his visa got messed up in Thailand. He stuck there. And I was like, is that what he told you? Taylor's hold his time. Like, I was going to leave.

My fucking visa's all fucked up. See? See, all these stereotypes about these. countries, a man can't even go to Thailand, the Dominican Republic. D.R. You can't go to the D.R. without people thinking you're doing something. You can't go by yourself. That's crazy. You got to get a girlfriend just so you can do the trip and then you break up with your girlfriend in the D.R.

And then you go hog on the wild. Go crazy. Yeah. What's this? Oh, shit. This is the Thai monks. Oh, yeah. 5,600 videos.

Damn. That guy's the man. Allegedly. Who was Sika Miskoff woman allegedly behind Thailand, Munk's sex blackmailing scandal? Oh, so she ran a ring. That's where it was. I heard there's a lot of meth too in some of it.

There was like at one point in a lot of those, what you can call it in the monasteries or whatever? They like did a drug test and there was like a couple of them where like everyone was just strong out on meth. They're in there just part of it. Yeah. Kind of sick. I know.

But still, that's what I think ayahuasca is. You think ayahuasca is kind of a cult? I think so. I think so too, dude. Because you hear all these people being like, yeah, I've done it like 75 times. Yeah. I thought it was the most powerful thing in the world.

Why do you have to do it 55? I think it's just a giant party though. Yeah, doesn't Alan Watts say once you get the message, hang up the phone? That's what I've heard. So why do you pick up the phone 75 more times? I think it's just chill. I think you go down there again. You're like a tech billionaire and you just go down there and party.

I think it's just a big party. I think so, too. And then people started talking about they crying on it and all the type of stuff. I used to want to do it a little bit when I was on like my little mushroom. journey and then after a while I was just like kept listening to stories about it was like what do I want to cry for it is true like yeah you look shit flies out of your ass and you throw up then it's awesome feels great and I get what they're saying but at the same time I'm like I think I could get there myself yeah without all the extras yeah I don't know man it's uh you think it's demons or angels

you're talking to on those trips I don't know I've heard about that stuff probably talking to both You're probably talking both for real. I mean, we all contain both, right? True. I don't know. I've heard that. I have heard of like that. You're talking to like interdimensional entities.

That's a weird thing with the DMT. Dude, people. Witchcraft. True. Go ahead. Witchcraft. Yeah. Throw it back.

No, I've heard that. That like, yeah, you're really talking to like entities. If you do DMT, there are like characters that you encounter. Because I distinctly remember I had like the jester. It was a mean jester who was on like a black. white checkered floor saw clear as day and then I watched this video about DMT entities that was one of them I was like

whoa that's fucked up yo it was really Arccon guy was so mean to me so fucking just laughing my face it's just like teased me the whole time like you're fucking loser and I was mean yeah just fucking bullied me I went to the actual realm and just got absolutely kicked around he's giving you titty twisters he was just like you're a fucking dork and I was

like what the fuck I thought this was supposed to be chill you knew a swirly and a wedgie like literally dude calling you gay it was it was literally it was probably like 15 seconds of just a jet like a multi-headed jester on a white black and white checkered floor being like dude you're a fucking loser and i was like fuck damn it sucked really fucking sucked yeah it's it wasn't that per se but if you look up there's like a the jester guy dude it's fucking bullshit yeah i'm afraid of all this stuff yeah and honestly too it's like

i feel like mushrooms are great you know you can do mushrooms i don't really i don't know you can do a lot of them You don't have to go to like the jungle. And dude, I swear to God, when people do it a lot, it changes the way their eyes look. Really? You see someone who does ayahuasca a lot. They get this like very relaxed. Start looking like almost zombieified. No, like they was like Nick Reiner.

Like the Nick Reiner. I never got to go. Let me get a good look at that guy. Never got it. I've heard about him. You see him on the red carpet with his dad? They keep posting strange pictures with him. Maybe shit from the past.

No, sort of. But it was in like a black and white floor that wasn't as like lines and colors. It looked just like a dude almost. You got to pull up a picture of Wilson events. Let me see something. Nobody. All right. Who is it?

It was a comic. Will Smith got the eyes. He did ayahuasca like a bazillion times as well. I feel like Aaron Roger got some eyes. He's got to look at the eyes. He's looking at the eyes. And I've known just people from like just in my life who like have done it a lot. It's just like they get this.

I can't explain it, man. But they get this kind of like, I don't know. It could just be me fucking freaking out. Nah. I mean. Something's that. There's something, something happened. Oh, yeah.

And dude, every time I do like a lot, any like big hallucinogenic, I'm always so fucking relieved when it's over that I go, yeah, I'm not, I'm just happy for my normal waking consciousness. Yeah. I don't ever want to leave this ever again. The, the thrill of it kind of like is when you're young for real, at least for me. And then you start hearing all these stories about like, like the Matthew Perry situation and all that stuff.

And it's like, I was doing like oxies. He was. I thought he was on. Kid of me. He got boiled like a Croddad in that hot tub. He got boiled, baby. They found potatoes and carrots and shit and fucking corn in it. What the fuck?

Hot tub death. Hot tub death. He was cooking him. A bay leaf. Hot tub death. Hot tub death is kingly, though. I'll give you that. I'd rather, okay, now it's like drowning to death, lighting on fire, dying in a hot tub.

I might smash dying a hot tub. Especially if you're dressed up like Batman. and you die in a hot tub. He was not dressed up like Batman. She would dress up like Batman all the time. I mean, they didn't release it, but I like to think he put on a full, he was a fat Batman and he got his hot tub.

He died in the hot tub? He did. Yeah, he died in a hot tub. Maybe he was on ketamine. I think, but I think he had been doing like a lot of like oxy's pain pills. So maybe he did take ketamine and he going to hot tub. I could see the allure.

So you might be right. Maybe, yeah, maybe he hit that and just. He had a good life. I think, well, yeah, I think he did.

Get high a lot, watch Batman, getting the hot tub. It's a sick life. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not convinced you need the last 20 years. Not yet.

Of life? 20 years total? He went off at what, 55? Yeah. That's not bad. True. I'm definitely, I'm definitely a strong component of getting out of here quick.

Really? Which is why I think I'm going to live for a long time. Yeah. I think I'm going to be here for a minute because I do not want to be. Really? You want to do a quick one? I mean, I'm just saying like, you know how life expectancy is fucking gotten out of here.

Kempting fate with that hoodie. Someone might come around and clock you right in the fucking head. You're asking that. That's a suicide hoodie, dude. Do Kevin looks like he's going to live a very long time. Like that league. Life expectancy. What is it now?

It's like, I mean, my grandma still. I don't even know how old she is. It's getting too high. It's super high. You're right. It's crazy. I know I'm not going to be this type of old person, but they're all.

those old people that are just like sitting around waiting to go. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Like they just don't lead a room or don't lead a house. And it's like, but I don't want to. Yeah. Well,

that's, and that's where I think the hallucinogenics come in. Because once you're in that stage, then I think it should be like you have the home care worker and it's just nonstop. Just like feed me mushrooms. Let me watch the Lord of the Rings until I memorize all the lines. Yeah.

Take my money. I don't care. Take my money. Yes. I have a fake. I'm two fake internet girlfriend. That'll be chill. And we'll have VR.

So it won't be as bad for us. I can be posted up on the auto blow Go into the machine Auto blow Oculus TRT Just hook yourself up into the code I just want to see the falling rain Yeah just be in an Oculus

I'll be in a nursing home I'll be like seeing my family Like oh hey guys What are you guys up to? Oh man Remember when we went to the fucking mountains? They would rock You're still racist though

What do you mean? You're still well Whenever it gets really old They become very racist True I've been in old folks homes. They are wild. But here's the thing.

It's pre-civil rights. Oh, they go nasty. But but here's the question, though. Here's the question. Now we have, I would say almost for the first time ever, especially for white people, we have elder kind of like liberals, which that wasn't really a thing. I feel like. So you see the, if you watch the video of that, uh, I keep forgetting the fucking guy's name, the young YouTuber who like, surely. We, he stopped saying his name.

We ain't put no light on. Oh, my fucking. He already. Dude, his videos at 10 million, bro. I know. But you think, you think? Yeah, man. But no, there was one, there was one, I think it was at the Leering Center.

I swear to God, where he went up. And there was just like old white lady who was like, ice, their eyes, do not enter the building. And she started like, she was like a car alarm. It was going off like, do not let these men in the building. Ice is here. So like that lady's going to be in a nursing home one day and just be like, like, I think you're as cool as any, you know what I mean?

She'll be doing like more of the soft-handed stuff. Right. We get a Jamaican lady and just be like, I love you so much. Can I touch your hair? Can I touch you? You're beautiful. I should be wiping your ass. My, my queen.

My goddess. I'm just going to be. It's a old white lady. She ought to wife Jamaica. Like, I'm good, baby. Eat my food. I don't deserve it. Eat it all.

So that could be the day. That could be it. That could be it. I think that's going to be it. The future's looking pretty bright, actually. True. It's looking good to me. I don't know. I think so.

Things could be worse. Oh, for sure. We hit the lottery being born in America, right? Yep. We got a fresh. We got to do it. We got to, dude, oil's booming right now. Yep.

Oil is going to be killing. I mean, everyone, look, we're a fucking empire, dude. Like, we are an empire at the end of the day. It's definitely a fucking empire. We got to bust some moves. Russia's busting fucking moves. And China's busting moves. It's time America busts the fucking moves.

move. It's unfortunate. I wish they didn't have to do this, but we are an aging empire and it's time we strike out. Just, dude, it was one guy, Venezuela, easy. Now the rest of Latin America, I called this, by the way, years, not that specifically, but like Latin America, the cartels, like, dude, I was like years ago. I was like, we're going to hammer down to those cartels. I feel like. I feel like. One guy in dudes' first year, I feel like if this, you know, this plays out the way that they want to. play out by his fourth year he about to be going crazy who maduro trump oh trump how many years in are we two this is this is two well oh j years just started right i think he'll be dead by the summer but

you think he'll be dead by summer yeah i think he's going to drop dead really yeah like a frog on a lily pad he's just going to he's going to eat his last fly and just fall in the pond somebody told me he's going to try to be president of another country. I thought that was crazy. Yeah, he's old. He's getting there. You're starting to see the way it's like, Biden was so old that you're like, dude, this guy is fucking getting around pretty good.

But yeah. They're really good at creating problems to then act like they're fixing the problem. Yeah, like that's what the bureaucratic state does. So like what they're going to keep doing is letting immigrants in on quote unquote accident and be like, but you can sign up for ICE and help us get rid of the problem. So they're employing people with a problem. they have to create problems. Yeah, yeah.

Then they go, we fixed it. It's like, you fucking caused it. Yeah. That's another scam. And they did just shot, ice just shot a lady in the fucking face today. And right before this. Where?

Where we go? I think it was in, um, Hitzel toe. I think it was like Minnesota. It might have been Minnesota. No. Where a lady was just in her car and an ice agent kept pointing a gun at her.

And she was, she didn't know what to do. And then the ice agent reached his huge gut across the grill and fired four times into her face. Damn. And then the car took off like 100 miles an hour into a building. Oh, no. And she's a U.S. citizen, not an illegal immigrant.

They killed her. Yes. No, the accent actually killed her. Oh, wait. She dodged that shit. She drove into a building. Here be fair. With the police footage, did they show the lady reaching at all?

I have not seen the footage. I saw it on the way in here. Yeah, that's when I said, and again, I don't know what happened. I'm not proposing to, you know, I know what happened. But that police footage when they're like, and sometimes it's obviously pretty terrible. But then there's times where it's like, like, I knew someone who was in a car, they were a cop, and like a 12 year old just went, boom, boom, boom, boom, fired into the car.

And they came out of the car and fucking killed the kid. Damn. Which is fucked. It's like, do you've ever got a gun shot into your car? Like, you're not like to be like, you have to like think clearly. And it's like, it's kind of hard to do. Whenever I see the police stuff, I'm like, I don't know, man. Sometimes it is bad when you see it.

You're like, damn, that's fucking hard. Dude, I think if I was a cop, like I'm a pussy, I would empty a full clip every day. Um, first side, I'm just emptying bags. Like on, like a bird flies. little too quickly in front of me. I'm just firing at it. I'd be terrified, you know? I'd be killing dogs that are running at me.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, again, I don't know what happened. I'm not trying to say. I got the video. Let me see. Yeah. Oh, it was a minute.

Yeah. Oh, it is Minneapolis. Oh, man. Okay. Oh, hey, hey. He shot. Wait, I didn't even see it. The car takes off once she gets shot.

Because, obviously, she slumped over the wheel. Yikes. I didn't even see it though I'm so fast well not just in I don't know I don't know

sorry hey let's take some where we had time lies on this shot an hour or two can we just cut it out no no it's fine

you're fine we never really cut can you edit me out of the podcast all right we got some actually this is from our premium subscribers we got some questions

a little Q&A action here you go oh shit really this is six whoa okay I'll start I'll start it off. I got to read. Actually, this kind of pissed me off.

It was like, Matt, why is your wife so hot, but you just look like a fucking potato? I've never seen someone with their eyes so close together and you suck a guitar and are gay. I fucking hate you. It's from a, it's from Nick. That's nice. Syracuse. That was a, just that's a perk we give to our premium subscribers. That's very nice.

Yeah. I don't think my eyes are that close together, honestly. But I mean, what do you want? So that was my question. Be it. You go. Okay. Hey, first time Patreon subscriber and huge fan, graduating from high school this year, which is something I've been really excited to accomplish.

At least until my older brother died. He was riding a motorcycle on 95 with his girlfriend on the back. A tractor trailer swerved to avoid a broken down car and the back of it literally smeared them along the divider. There were hardly any remains of their bodies. So we had to cremate all the pieces together and split the ashes evenly, which is a bummer since my older brother barely liked this girl. It would have been beautiful if they had been deeply in love or whatever, but they fought all the time. My brother, and I can say this now that he's dead, hit her on several occasions. Oh, is this so good. That's our premium subscribers. Here, come on. Oh, yeah. It's good. Okay. But anyway, oh, wait, hold on. She cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend in the army.

But anyway, I guess my question is that with my brother, dad, that leaves me as an only child. I've never been an only child. And now I'm worried that I might fall into that brady only child personality just before college and won't be able to make any friends. Do you think I should maybe join a fraternity? Did you write this? That's what our previous is. It's so funny. That's what a preem is drunk.

That's so funny. That's a real conundrum. I don't know what I was telling us. That's so good. I thought I was going too dark on this show and then you hand me this. I'm like, oh, I'm fine. It's just a perk we give them our premium subscribers.

Thank you on Patreon for making this. It's a very funny person. You don't have to answer. That's a very uncomfortable question. Do you have anything? I think there's one more. Yeah, I got a book. The producers cherry pick these.

Producer's been cherry picking these. All right. Lady dog here, whoop, whoop. Just wanted to say thanks for all the last. My boyfriend got me hooked to y'all's podcast. Anyway, I'll get to the point.

I know girls have a bad reputation for circling around what they're trying to say with unnecessary details. So I try to spare y'all, L-O-L. But I'm in a bit of a pickle. The whole thing started when my boyfriend, when me and my boyfriend got drunk and watched porn together. It was his idea, so I let him pick the video since I'm not much of a porn girlie. And he started off pretty vanilla, basically like girls sizzering and whatnot. We started hooking up with it on. on in the background and it was pretty hot but then the video was over it was like two minutes

and i just clicked the next video again two girls and continue giving my man a BJ and things got and things were all good but then in the video a short fat black guy came into the picture A short fat black guy came into the picture and had, I'm not lying, the biggest dick I've ever seen. It was like two Coke cans stacked on top of each other. And so anyway, we started having sex and the video really did something to me. And seeing those women just being totally filled up with this guy's man. Come on, man. I just want to reiterate as I'm reading this is somebody else's words

this is not Kevin saying this shit that's fair that's fair that's fair all right so I clip this shit up this all right audio listeners might not know you're reading you're going to have Nick Shirley on your I got to start talking slower I'm I'm licking my lips It's crazy All right Whatever

So these women Are totally being filled up With this guy's massive penis And my boyfriend Kept saying how wet I was Glancing uneasily at the screen And so I just pulled him into Me telling him to fuck me or whatever

But then I don't know if it was Desperation or what But my boyfriend I guess trying to go along with started dirty talking to me, but in like a black guy voice or whatever, saying stuff like, you like this big ass black dick girl and like, oh, God damn, this pussy slicking in a car watch parking.

This pussy is slicking in a car watch parking lot. Hurry up and come, girl, so I can get back to doing my podcast. stuff like that and honestly I was kind of mortified but the video was so good that I actually came but now my boyfriend thinks he has to talk in like a black accent during and I've even noticed he's been dressing different too did I like accidentally turn him black which is which if so I'm okay with that but I just don't know how to bring it up because it seems kind of weird he's Asian by the way thank you for our premium subscribers

I don't know I don't have any thoughts those questions are both a little too complicated for myself I didn't know you're right in these no I swear I asked the producer selected them I don't know that's just one of the perks you get I mean I wish we I had more I can't really tackle

the both are too heavy you know for me to comfortably tackle he's Asian by the way. Well, guys, I can't thank you enough. That was,

you guys are great. Thank you, man. Thank you. You guys have anything you want to plug or whatever? Oh, go ahead, Kevin.

What am I doing? When does this come out? I don't know. Probably like tomorrow. Okay. I'm in D.C. Over the weekend, D.C.

Improv with Chris Red. And then follow me on Instagram, Kevin isopropino. Yeah, that's it. At Ben Avery is good on social media. I got a podcast with my brother, Jace Avery and Devin Costa, called Lemon Party. Let's go. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party.

And I do live stream sometimes, Ben Avery. Live. I go live once a week. If you want to sign up on my website, you'll get notified when I go live. Hell yeah. So that's it. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Matt.

Appreciate you, buddy. Later. Thank you. Cool. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.