Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 599 - Weed Wench (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support the Broz @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live THIS WEEKEND BOISE & SALT LAKE @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live Hello! TGIF. Got the bros in Matt HQ this week. We chop it up classic style. Scuse the lateness - wuz a bizzy week. Hope you all had a good week yourselves. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wow, Wes. All right. Let's start now. We were talking phonology, which not a subject. I don't think the sponsor's like when you talk about phrenology. Classic roots album. Doesn't bigger, bigger head mean bigger brain? That's what I thought.

Yeah, big forehead means big brain. Yeah. That's what I thought. Big forehead means big brain. What about the animals with big ass heads, though? Little ass brains. Like which ones? That's giraffe.

Girat. But it got that big body. So you know. Yeah. A lot of brain just bouncing that thing. True. Yeah, when you get a better brain

head size to body race you you do get a smart animal. Elephant. Elephant. Yeah. Dolphins smart as hell. Dolphins smart as hell. But they got

little heads down. What you're talking about? You ever see a fucking dolphin? They're like, they're like, don't know. Do you ever swim with the dolphin? I can't let that go.

Do you ever swim with the dolphin? No. I have. Yeah. Dolphins are fucking huge, dude. Really? Yeah.

I thought they were like tiny little cute things. I was terrified of it. It's like couch sacks, right? Like, yeah, dude, easily as big as his couch. I mean, I didn't get the ride on the, I did get to hold the fin and get pulled a little bit. But like, that thing would come near me.

And I was like, yo, they're scared. They're like, and they're like, when I watch the trainer, like constantly feeding it really fast, I'm like, oh, if you don't feed this guy, he'll probably ram me with his nose or like it. Get pissed. Yeah. I thought, I thought for sure we were just like,

you know, you're just like chill with a dolphin. It was like hanging with a dog. They are fucking scary. Yeah. And they, they, like, disappear since they can go in the water so like you're like where to go and it pops up you're like whoa you know about the lady who jerked off the dolphin for science yeah oh yeah john lily's research

partner yeah can you imagine finding you like your partner just jerking golf a dolphin it's just it's for science i don't think he'll be so i don't think lily was all that's john lily i don't think he was all that surprised that guy was one of the most far out freakazzoids yeah did you ever see any john on Lilly interviews. No, but I think he'd wear, like, a Davy Crockett hat and, like, sit down to talk on TV. He was, that guy was fucking nuts. Yeah, he wrote a book. I forget what the book is called.

But he was, he had gotten funded by the, I think, the NIH National Institute of Health. And he wrote this book and he purposely set it up. So the book in the very first five chapters are like heavy scientific jargon. And then if you get through that, it's just freaky theories about dolphins and how, like, you should just take ketamine. What was he tricking the publishers? He just, he just like got the NAHs

gave him all this money because he was respected scientists but he was just like tripping his balls off in a sensory debt tank and he had to like, I guess show something for it and he just was like

he just came up with his like cock and maimed theory he's like it kind of doesn't even make sense but he's like by the way ketamine fucking rules dolphins are fucking sick as hell and they came through and they're like you fucking asshole

they gave him like millions of dollars and he just started partying dude and his career just start tanking after that I feel like you start getting it Yeah, he was, get a mean, yeah, he just, I don't, he definitely got no money from the NIH. Isn't there like a Harvard scientist who does like heroin every day? Oh, that's a guy from Columbia.

Columbia, yeah. He's, that's like the drug guy. He's a black dude. He has like, I think he has dreads, little dreads. But yeah, he's a guy who's like, me and my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. He's sit by a fireplace and we snort a little heroin. That's crazy.

I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, that's cool. It's such a weird thing to be. like, no, guys, it's actually good. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's bad for most people. You got lucky. Yeah. Yeah. You guys have tremendous discipline. Yeah. Yeah. So I could use a little H right now for sure. That would be so nice to come off the fucking road and

just have like a genuinely fire. Snort some H and just fall out for a little bit. Yeah, with your honey, though. Yeah. Cuddle your honey. You guys don't age together. Ooh, a nice cuddle on H? It's probably nice and warm. Maybe that Columbia professor's right Maybe we need Mo opiates in this country

You don't have enough Moeopiates Yeah, the country's fucking people are whaling out right now Yeah It's all the thing about the goddamn Well first of all, before we talk about the trans mega shooter Which I Hey look, that's terrible stuff

That's bad stuff That's terrible stuff It's a politically it's an absolute puzzle I don't think anyone knows how to handle Yeah Your mom's in town Are we talking about that? Yes, yeah.

She's sleeping in the house with you. What room's sleeping in? She's sleeping in Shane's bed. That was an inside joke for a weird. We were talking about that before the camera started showing and fucking jumped all over it. But no, where are she going to sleep? I'm actually genuinely good. She's one of the side rooms.

One of the guest beds? Yeah. Why not give her the master bed? What the hell? I was, Shane. She was like a. Don't know, don't ask Just take a picture of her laying down

Take a picture of her laying down And go, is this cool? Do you remember when you slept in Shane O'Connor's bed At her apartment? And I did that, I took a picture of being in the bed Well, I didn't send it to him This might be the first he's hearing of it. Oh, that was a deep secret.

Yeah, but I felt like airing it out on the podcast. Damn, so let me. How long ago was this? Probably like three years. How'd you feel sleeping in another man's bed as an adult? I have a picture. I didn't, I kind of didn't mind.

Really? It felt like his bed was cheating. What do you mean? I don't know, you know, it's not my bed. I'm pretty... Could you smell him, though?

No, I don't have a good nose. I got a keen nose. I slept in a guy's bed when I was in college. It was my brother's roommate. I like crash at their house. He's like, oh, you carol's out of his...

town and I crashed in his bed and I can just smell him the whole time it felt like we were like face to I just it was just like his must it was so I remember just being like and I was like drunk enough to be like whatever but I remember just being like this fucking sucks

I'm never sleeping in a man's bed ever again I've been doing it for so long now I just like that's your bed though what do you mean what do you mean? I don't know just like I, yeah, you're laying, you got sent down on that bed.

I'm talking about a bed that a guy, especially like back then, like, talking like just post-graduate college. No one's watching. I didn't know you had to wash sheets. I used to wash sheets like once a year, if ever. If that. Yeah, if that. I just watched sheets yesterday.

Did you really? Yeah. Because your mom was coming. You got your sheets clean for your mom. You clean your own sheets? Yeah. You cleaned your own. Yeah.

Oh, because you're about to have to do the like, this is my plate. And it's been just. Or did you just have a wild valetized day? You're attacked by Spider-Man. Yeah, I got to take by Spider-Bin. Yeah, I had to watch everything. Yeah.

You have a freaky Valentine's Day? Ooh. It was a nice Valentine's Day. I didn't ask that. He said, you have a freaking Valentine's Day. You need a lot of sheet. You got to watch sheets after a valetize day? I needed to wash the sheets anyway.

It's been about a year. No. One one of the last. It was the last time he watched them. That's the picture of Lamar. That's a good pick. Yeah, I love the pick. I'm sorry, Shane. I should have told you the truth.

I forget I was wrapped in its covers. Oh, bro. You're shirtless? You didn't go, did he keep you a t-shirt on? Oh, no, it was on top. I was on top of the blankets. I was on top of his blankets. And I gave him my blankets to use as well.

I was on top of his blankets. I was respectful. You still was shirtless, though. I had to go sleep. I got to sleep shirtless. You can't sleep a t-shirt one night? No. No.

That's crazy. I'm with you on that. He's lucky I had my underwear on. I've had to start wearing boxers to sleep again because I have kids and I'm none too pleased about it. It's brutal, dude. Sleeping naked is such a treat. I don't like it.

It's probably, why not? I think I can't get comfortable. I'm like, he falls off the bed. You keep making big, big jokes. It's crazy.

But, uh, I don't know. I just don't. What if you have an emergency in the middle of the night? dick out like I yeah that's when you attack I'm scared of that really you made you're mid conflict dude just grabs a whole that's that's exactly where I want to make conflict that's my point I'm gonna tantalize him with my sweet tiness but it gives you a fucking it gives you a dick crank

mid fight dude if some I would instinctively need someone in the face you would you would never move faster if your dicks out in a fight you're gonna move with like a you're gonna be 50% faster Yeah, you're all instincts. Exactly. If someone goes towards your naked penis, you're going to move like your speed. Always going to snag you. And you're going to go, hold up.

You're going to be working a zipper like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Try to get his dick. There has to, there's definitely been, I mean, that must have happened thousands of times throughout history of just like a brutal fight that ends with like two guys each holding each other's dicks. Talk about like tribal warfare.

Like, you know, you had like a little shawl around you. There's probably like the weapons go down. People are tired. someone grabs their dick, you grab, you just squeeze till the best man wins. I think that's the Chinese thing. It's like karate. I think the Chinese traditionally

grab each other's penises. Well, because dude, in karate, you do like, you are supposed to hit like... Yeah, this guy's crazy to, yeah, to like have like all these... It must be the real fight to the death is the dick. Grab the dick. Yank is like, all right, checkmate.

I call it truth. Time out. Time out. You grab my dick. Time out. It should be like a rule. Time out. I'm going to come. You should be in the Geneva Convention.

Time out. You grab my dick. Time out. I'm about the bus. Yeah, you'd have to time that out for sure. I did a nice night last night. We went out as my friend's birthday. And something happened with the reservation where like there wasn't enough seats.

So we had a divided boys table, girls table. And it was just the bros at the one table. And the girls were like all the way and the other side. And, you know, first we're all laughing. Like, oh, man, whatever. And then, like, I was, like, telling everyone, I'm like, yo, this fucking rules. I was like, dude, for real, like, 80 years ago, this is what you would have done. It's classic lunch table.

Yeah. Classic lunch table. It was, like, kind of fucking tight. Just back in the day, like, you would go out to a restaurant and you'd be like, all right, like the women would sit over there. And there was just guys just fucking viving. And there was like, I got so charged up in, like, the part of the place we were at, there were girls at other tables. And I kind of wanted to start going around and being like, yo, guys got a dip.

You guys can't be. This is his boy section right now. That's fucking boy section. Yeah, dude. It was, I mean, women just started voting not that long ago. Dude, almost less than 100 years ago. Yeah, almost less than 100, dude. I mean, things started falling apart.

Yeah. No, it's kind of good for black people. I'll take it back. Women voting? No, I just mean, I was thinking about the last hundred years in general. I said things were falling apart. Women voting helped black people. No, no, no, no, no, probably not.

That's why. Susan B. Anthony was like, you guys going to let black guys vote? before us I mean she was doing what she had to do she was doing what she had to do she was doing what she had to do yeah it was it was kind of like that for real

yeah you're trying to go to bed and your wife's just hammering you like do you hear who could vote today and you're like Jesus fucking Christ it was fun we had a good boy time

girl time and then where'd you go what was the place Murray's It's pretty nice. Oh, Steakhouse. Place, yeah. No, it's not a steak.

I thought it was a steakhouse too. It's like an English kind of pub thing. But it was nice since we were all there. The birthday boys started sending shots to the girls table. So we ended up just sending them. What a beast move helping all the fellas out. It was kind of a sick move. But then we instantly started sending them the most sexual shots we could think of.

So it started with the first one was just like a girl shot, like a lemon drop. And we're all laughing and be like, all right. And then they sent us back. like a nice shot, like a nice tequila. Okay. So we try to send them back blowjob shots. And then the dude working there was like, we don't have all the ingredients for a blow job.

Oh. It was like, oh, he said it dance sternly. Well, he was just, you know, he was, I think he was on to what we were doing,

but he was like, he was just like, you know, they're all like in a rush. It was kind of busy there. Yeah. Being president's day and all. And he,

uh, and he was just like, we don't have the stuff necessary for blow job shots. Then we all try to figure out like, what the fuck are you missing? It's like, Isn't it a we look it's it's Amaretto and Bailey's with whipped cream so you're a bar you have to have Bailey's and Amaretto what are you missing it must have been the whipped cream

So we were we were talking about getting a how I'm gonna start going to bars and just ordering blow jobs And just sipping them You have a whipped cream mustache Yeah we're getting it in a big pint glass It's like double blow job neat Big pint glass and just slowly nailing the blow job the whole time. That would be pretty powerful.

Dude, against us with whipped cream sounds good. Yeah, that'd be fucking awesome. So we ordered the blowjabs. He goes, no blow jobs. And then he didn't even consult us.

They didn't even consult and just sent them redheaded sluts. Oh. And then just angered the babes. The baby. Yeah, they got angered at the redheaded sluts. Why? Because none of them were redheads.

They don't taste good. And they were like, well, the lemon drop was like, ooh, thanks. And then it was like, here's a nice shot of tequila and then they go red-headed sluts it was like the blowjobs i think they would have laughed and been like come on girls and you know it's a blowjob

shot the blowjob shot you take in your mouth yeah yeah the red-headed slut they were just kind of like what the fuck is this about yeah yeah that was for your side joan's side joan's table yeah that's for the other table yeah not too bruce but i the boy worked end up i didn't I'm getting a little freaky last night. That's a nice move. Yeah, sure, I'd change the sheet. I might have to change the sheet. I miss Lee's in town.

I can't have my seat all messed up. How close were they to you? Like the table. Well, we couldn't even see them. They were like completely on another side. That's nice. Yeah, it was just bros. It's just bros completely broing down.

It's like husband and wife chess. Yeah, it really was. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Are you ready to shoot your shot? Get started with prize picks and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. Prize Picks is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5.

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it also had me like nervous about it still felt relapsy in my mind so being like go ahead after but she's not sober she's not she smokes weed like well i mean she even alcohol wasn't like i need to quit she's like it's just a lifestyle enhancer kind of yeah she's like i just don't need it and how about you should do just valentine's day i was trying to put that in her mind but she didn't she seemed like she was going to come back all the way yeah i was like i don't i don't want that i kind of got used to this i because i was thinking about it i haven't had like a drunk, like a lady be drunk around me and it's a problem in years. Dude.

It's the worst. I remember. There's a sweet spot. Yeah. That's why with the shots, I was like, hold on now. Slow down. Yes. You know, we could be holding their hair for another reason, too.

Too many shots. Too many shots you're holding the ponytail for not a very fun reason. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, it's okay. It's like, whoa. God damn I did it to myself I was all I was thinking was like if I

if I get her if I get her booze and again it might unlock the back door has been locked for a long time and I was like maybe I'll unlock the back door again but that's it but that was the only benefit that I could have to it I think I kind of fucking well it's so funny because it is like a genuine

accomplishment to like stop drinking for a couple years yeah I think about drinking again you're like you probably butt fuck you But, but to your, you know, to your credit, you're absolutely right. Alcohol is, yeah, it's, I, I'm the same way. It's like, it's women drinking. And again, I'm obviously, we're just bros here. I'm not trying to be sexist.

It obviously, like, can be fun. And then there's times where it's like, ah, fuck. Yeah, yeah. My babe was pretty drunk in the Waymo last night. And we, we go back and forth because, like, You know, I'm a safe driver. I drive safe. We have kids.

She's a bit of a speed demon. And the Waymo was like, you know, it did some move, like, surprisingly, like, busted around this thing. And she was like, I love, and she was like, I love Waymo's. And she's like, yeah, they don't drive like a pussy. And I was just like, the fuck is your problem. That's one of them, she doesn't. She's not even meeting it at you, but you're like, no.

It's just that drunk edge. You were like, all right, all right. That's enough. It was just not pleasant to be like, all right, all I get is weed chills right now, which is kind of... Weed chill is nice.

Nice, dude, there's nothing wrong with a weed wench at the house. It's a nice weed wench. Just cooking up a store. You got to keep the sack fat, though, that's the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I keep the sack fat. Got to keep the satchel fucking going. Having a weed wench is decent. It's kind of perfect. I better... Yeah, it's not going to over the back door. It's not, yeah. If anything, it's going to lock the back door shut.

It's going to bull lock the bad door. The back door is locked, but there's peace in the realm. It's peace in the realm. It's safe. You can't have the back door thinking like, oh, and everything's going to be great. There's going to be battles. Did you ever see those Instagram ladies who like, they're like spiritual ladies, but they swear by, they're like, I like to fully throat my husband because it unlocks my shocker.

I love it. It's pretty sick. But there's ladies being like actually having, having. having anal sex relaxes women it taps in and it's like I always try to send that shit to my wife it does look like very spiritual talk but it's just ladies like

and then my husband enters me and we are one and I would want to I would piss me off by the way if you're butt fucking and the lady's like oh my God I can feel myself relaxing I think about that oh my God I'm talking to my ancestors

now it's like no it should be a struggle Unlocking the back door. So funny. Again, St. Nate, dude. Wow. St. Nate to go.

No. Yeah, I for real talked her out of wine that day. You did? Yeah, I had a bad, I had a bad end to Valentine's Day. I told the mayor already, but I got to happen. All right. So I spent like, I spent a couple of hours trying to like get her going just like, you know, working one way to the night. By like eight, nine o'clock.

We're about to do the deed. We're going from the living room to the bedroom. I'm wearing flip-flops, and the one, like, slips to, like, the, like, just the side a little bit. And the way it slips, I roll my knee. But I roll my knee in a way that I'm pretty sure, like, I sprayed my MCL a little bit. Man, I went down. I yelled, oh, fuck, with a hard dick and just fucking, it was just, like, couldn't get up. Like, I'm, like, just, like, I couldn't move my knee.

Like, you've been drinking? Yeah, I was drinking air smoking. So I was, like, fucked up, did a little trip fell. And just. Like, I'm wearing a knee brace on. Dude, right now because of like, because of how. Me, you saved her from that feet. That would have been her knee.

But, yeah, like, I had, like, it's still, if I, like, rub here or bend it weird, it's, like, still. Did you try to be like, no, it's fine? No, we fit. We did. We got the deed done. But it was, it was, like, after. Like, she, like, ran and got me water. It was, like, being this close to getting some tripping falling.

Yeah. Yeah, hitting the floor on the way to the better room. Really. Like, if you were to measure scientifically, yeah. Like, I hit a, I fell this way. And then I like, Ah. Damn.

That's full of. Now you got a band leg. Ah, my bad legs. God damn, my bad leg. I tried to. I tried to. I went. I think I tried to like

You're almost in Oh, heaven You had smoked a little something And drank your little drink I smoked a little something drank a little drink You're about to get me some You were mac in all day, dude

I was making all day Oh, big Pitching a tent in the linen pants You know Definitely fell Still hard Oh damn Damn.

There's a Cangle hat just blown. The Cangle just blew in the wind. Dude, falling in your apartment on Valentine's Day. It's so funny. You're looking she can get the heck, dude. No, she nursed them. She nursed them. She nursed them.

I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to bounce back, but I was because. No, that is, that's kind of admirable. He still pulled it off. I'm proud of that. Dang. Imagine if you had like chomped a honey stick or something. That would have been kind of ideal because like after being on the ground for like 10 seconds, you know, went away.

Yeah. But if I had had the honey stick, I would have been there like rock hard with one leg. It sure has been like, take me right here. Take me, babe. I don't think I'm going to live. I mean, you could have set off some doctor-nource stuff. Damn, I didn't think about it. It was for real, like, I got like, it was, because it hurt crazy.

I had like, yeah, a rush happened. There was a few seconds where I felt like I heard water running in the house that I didn't. Oh, Jesus. I just think it was like, because, for real, for it, hurt, like, crazy. That was probably the water running back up in the body. It was just the blood rushing back to my brain. No. I was probably just that thing.

drying out. She'll devastating. I was raising mode. I just tried to get it. I tried to get up. Sorry, that's inappropriate. I didn't hear what you said. I was saying the water you're hearing

the water rushing back up into the woman's body. Oh, I thought you just. That was the thing drying up right over you. I did. Do you hear water rudder? She was like, no. She was just keeping it to herself. Damn.

Dude, bust your knee and hearing water running is so crazy. So you're like really fucked your leg up. Yeah. For real,

just like went down and was like, I wasn't sure for a while if I like really fucked it up. And then I gave it, you know, like the stand check. And I had like a limp.

I couldn't put no pressure on it at first. And then I just, this is when she went to go get me water. I just, I got up. That's probably what, that's probably a salvage situation.

You probably limp back to bed all cool. I got, I got, no, I was, I was up. I was up and in bed by the time she, by the time she came back with the water.

So when she saw me, I was incapacitated on the ground. When she came back, I, like, had mustard up the strength, got back and hopped up. Yeah. And I think the booze was probably helping me fight through the, through, like, the pain in my knee.

So, because it was way worse the next day. Well, if you don't mind me asking, how'd you pull it off them with a bum knee? We were just, um, a lot of, a lot of angles where right leg, right leg was all I need.

Like up on the bed, this leg. Like, once I realized I could bend it, it was cool. I just couldn't put, like, pressure on it. Gotcha. So I could have it. Dang. I was doing this. I was telling him a bear in the yesterday.

And I was like, ah. I just put it up on it. Just put it up on the bag. Just cartoon screaming. Yeah. I thought you just went full bottom. Like, not obviously. You know, not that.

I mean, like, I had to hit. I had to hit the bottom. I thought you had to go slow motion for. Yeah, yeah, I did. I had to do. I definitely. It did have me in my head like. Were your finger slipping or could you grip that ass or like,

everything else was working. Everything else was. Everything else was top show. Should hear that song? My fingers keep slipping. I cannot grip that ass. Oh, that's what. That's juicy.

Slow motion. Dang, dude. I know. I was, I was gone for Valentine's Day. Oh, shit. I was in Denver. I made the ultimate sacrifice. Gentleman proposed at the show.

That's nice. It was very sweet. It was Brittany set it up. I, yeah, it was, she kept bringing it up. I'm like,

all right, just, you know, tell them to, like, message me or something. I don't know. I don't know how to do that.

You know? So we did the show. Vegas was fun. Denver was very, very fun. And I like got a picture going into it. They were like, they were like in row H,

which was, it was kind of funny because, uh, I was talking to the promoter. And she was like, they're in row H. And I was like, that's the eighth row.

I know that because of white, white nationalist H. H.H. 88 for H. Which I literally, it's eight. That's why I've looked it up before. Why do they do like 88 stuff?

That's why it's HH. So she was a little bit like, okay, well, yeah, sure. If that's how you want to gauge it. So that was like,

my whole point being is that there are eight rows out. So I had to finish the show and then pretend, it was pretty tricky on my part that they want, They had won like a raffle. I finished the show and, you know, it was like the closer. And then I just stood there for a while. So I think people thought I was like, like the encore, like full fan of the opera like, yes, yes.

And then people say, yeah. I'm like, hold on, hold on. I'm done. But, you know, thank you guys for that. But I'm done. And I was like the club. This is really fucking kind of annoying. But they did like a giveaway or something.

And it was like pretty poorly played off my part. I was like, yeah, I think that you know who you are. Back there, Ro H. You got you won like a cruise or some shit. want you to come up here and get it and uh i was like i hate that they're doing this to me and the guy came up he like brought his girlfriend soon to be fiancee to the very very front and uh i like on stage no they stood all this that's the thing too it was like a decent drop so they couldn't like climb up they'd have been crazy but i kind of like slid him the mic and he just gave

he kind of nailed it he gave a sick speech in front of like 2 000 people and he popped and bent the knee and everyone was like i said and then like an app like they got the video's a nice video and like a loser right afterwards I picked off the mic and I was like if you said no I would have beat your fucking ass lady they didn't call for that that guy moved you I was just I was just standing there I just felt weird yeah it was like that was completely unnecessary I was kidding obviously I would have been dressed I would have respected her choice but yeah me no her to see yeah for sure yeah there was like there was like women there watching you got emotional.

It was V-Day, bro. Love was like, oh, yeah. Damn, I do fucked up a couple dudes night. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. I mean, he was, he mugged him. He mugged the whole crowd. Yeah, he loved mocked him. He loved,

it was an absolute love mugged on the scale that I've never seen. And it's like, yeah, it was, because I was kind of scanning because I am kind of like, you know,

I kind of am fascinated by female, like, love jealousy. And I was like just looking for signs, of kind of women being like, but they were all just so happy. Every woman in there was like, eh, maybe afterwards were like, fucking asshole. And the fuck of you got to do that. But it was fucking, it was actually kind of sick.

I didn't know how it was going to go, but it was very fun. I also, in Vegas, I had my whole feed has was been nothing but the ASU frat leader, magging clavicular. I just assumed that every single person knew what that was. So at one point during the show in Vegas, I just, I hinted at getting a brutal cortisol spike myself. I don't know if you followed it at all, but it's like after he's mugged, he gets like a severe cortisol spike, which is like, you just want to avoid that at all across. And yeah, it's just like right now. No one is any of the idea I was talking about.

I did that in the Vegas. I was like, yeah, I got like a brutal cortisol spike. And like was I thought like at least a handful of people. The whole crowd looked at me like, what are you talking about? I had to be like, yeah, and then anyway. I was like, fuck. Nobody knows about clavicular getting mugged. He feels like a plant, dude.

Covecular? Yeah. I don't know who is. I feel like all the Twitch. I feel like everybody like their streaming is like a plant. Yeah, you think so? They're all rich kids, kids. Rich kids, kids?

Yeah, because like how can they afford to just do this shit? Stream all day. I mean, especially with the shit, you got to have a nice computer, nice webcam. You got to have access to fucking Kanye West. Like, you know, like, well, I think that came after he was streaming. He made he was like smashing his face with a hammer and smoking meth So I think that'll get you some views I mean look it up. It was a clavicular from I would guess he's not from

Super rich people like a super rich person wouldn't go so far as to smack their face with a hammer And looks next I don't know man and then super rich people rich people do a lot of weird things we're discovering true true Let me say I don't I don't think he's I don't think he's I don't think he's I I think he's a classic American tale. I think he's rags and riches. Yeah.

But no, it is, it is the, it's the weirdest corner. It's the weirdest. That whole thing where it's like the Miami Avengers. That's the thing, too,

like, I bring this up like everyone knows what I'm talking about. Nobody has any fucking idea. I don't know what the Miami Avengers are. Jesus Christ. I just shut the fuck up. I mean, that's algorithms.

Oh, I know. Lovicular. Yeah. Yeah. I remember. That's like when they all played, they all try to play Hale Hitler and they got in trouble.

They played 88 in the club. Was it Sneiko? Sneiko was there as well. I saw Sneiko at the stand once. Did you really? Yeah, it was him and his bro and they're eating chicken tepins. It's also funny about that.

Streamers got a streamer's got to eat. You eat chicken tenders. He basically streamers. I wouldn't, I wouldn't order chicken tenders from the stand. I don't even think they're on the menu. I think you just got to ask for chicken tenders. And they go, yeah, we got them.

You got to do mega numbers on the fucking stream. Yeah. Chicken tandy's there. That was crazy. Yeah, that whole thing's been really funny. But now I've been watching now where Andrew Tates, like handing the baton to clavicular being like, you're the new guy. You must break us free from the Matrix. All those guys are in, they're more in the Matrix than anybody else.

Yeah. I would argue way more than the Matrix. They're Mr. Anderson's. What's Mr. You think they're Agent Smiths? Agent Smith's, yeah. Who's Mr. Anderson's Neo?

Agent Smith is. So you think they're Neos? No, I think they're Neos, but they're agents. Smiths. And there's so many them to keep multiplying. Yeah. Multiplying all the exact same guy,

just a little different looking. Yeah. You might be right. We're all trying to be Johnny Bravo. I feel like, yeah. If you're if you're like working primarily online, you're definitely in the Matrix. You can't not be.

You are. Your whole life, most of your life is in like an augmented kind of alternate reality. The internet is the Matrix. Yeah. Sorry guys. I'm fucking dropping gems right now. But yeah,

I don't know. Those did see, I don't know. I don't know if they've escaped. I mean, that's just the Matrix. You don't know if you're in or not. Yeah. So, man, I had a million dollar idea yesterday on Piannies.

What is it? We're going to, we're going to rig a Kalshi bit. A what? We're going to rig a, you know, Kalshi and Polly Market, they're like the, you can bet on, like, reality. Gotcha. Prediction markets. We're going to rig one. What is it going to be?

Well, I'm, you know, February 27th, Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton. You can't rig this one. This is, I do like your theory, though. Okay. Let's have it. February 27th, Bill Clinton, Hillary, they're doing a deposition on the Epstein stuff. Yeah.

And like, what if like, 10 days? They just like hold hands and they're like, it's okay, honey, it's okay. And then they turn the lizards. They just shape shifting the lizards. I'm saying we make a cowshy bet and says, will Bill and Hillary shape shifted the lizards? Yes or no. But how do you cash it on the bed? That's what I'm not.

You can't rig it. You don't, well, it's not. You just pick no. No, creating me. Yeah. You pick no and creating the like creating the idea Can warp reality in a way that's fucked up. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? You have way more people picking no though. Yeah, but yeah

You really believe they're gonna shape the shipling the lizards so you think you got a You think you got a shoe in. Oh, so you would bet on they are lizards. I bet yes. Yeah, I'd bet a penny on yes. That's not a bad idea like a penny. Yeah. Hey, look, I'm there. That is technically a million dollar idea. Because if they don't, you're down a penny. If they do, you're the world's richest fan. It's you against the world on the lizard bet.

I think you get some of the back end of placing the bet. Really? Yeah. I think you get some of that money, too. That's pretty cool. Yeah. It's like the new fucking, what was everybody doing? What was like the digital gift thing that people were doing?

Oh, NFTs. Yeah, it's like an NFTs and create stupid bets and convince people to do them. Yeah. I'm like bugged out now. I don't know. I'm like worried about sending horny emails to anybody right now. Dude, that's like, you don't know.

You got everyone's gonna tighten up now. Yeah. Somebody in your squad's a Pito and you send him a horny email. You're fucking toast. Dude, not a whole squad. A whole squad is mentioned.

A whole squad is fucking down. Dude, if like my AI ever got mad at me, I can't turn it off because of my emails that exist. What do you mean? Like, there's some horny emails in one of my emails. Your email? and horny? Back in the day.

Okay. Back in a bit. No, you think your AI would send your horny emails? Yeah. How can your AI know your email? Why you got access to my email? You're talking about chat.

Your AI has access to your email. Yeah, everything has. Like Google has it. Every time I've converted like a file, I give it like my whole fucking life. Anytime I'm like, I need to dig an MP3 out of this video. They're like, give us your entire online life. I'm like, yeah, you can have it.

All right, here you go. I really want the sound file for my Patreon. I mean, what would it really even, that's, it wouldn't get you on anything bad. A horny email. As long as it's not connected to a pedophile, you're fine. Yeah. No, they're trying to, or you have a wife,

they're trying to get, like, some editors in trouble because they're like, turn your stuff off. Make it, yeah. What? Get out of your email? What do you mean? They're just like, they're getting a... First of all, that you say a thing halfway and go, yeah.

You didn't communicate you on. I heard the rest in my head. I'm sorry. You know, I think, yeah. We got it out. We said it all. Yeah. I think what they should do now with the Epstein files was, again, it's like, are, is there going to be the bombshell that really rocks the name?

I mean, the nation's been rocked, I guess, just, you know. But are they going to name, like, is it going to be proof? Like, if they were to, like, get Trump red-handed, if they got the Clinton's red-handed, is there going to be that kind of proof? I, again, I don't think so. because I think they obviously just went and took all that stuff out. But would it would be cool if they took it? They like took down all like the free Epstein searches and they built like a big statue in every city

and you could pay a quarter to get like a couple names out of the email database. Pretty tight. That was sick. Yeah. And the money could go to like the victims. Yeah. Like Jay Z.

Or yeah. Jay Z could be the mediator. We just need a big breach. Remember when they had that big breach for, what was that website that was like for cheating couple for cheaters? Ashley Madison. Ashley Madison. Oh, yeah.

The big briefs you could just search names and be like, oh shit. Yeah. Who's? I just, oh, yeah, I saw a clip of someone talking about their dad, them finding out their dad had been on it pretty heavy. Yeah. Just solo, not with the mom. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, it wasn't cheap. Sometimes it's tough on my dad. Yeah, I mean, dude, trust me. I know. That should be able to get jerked off at the, dad should be able to get jerked off. I've heard of situations. like that. The problem is

is like, I wouldn't really like my wife being like yeah, just let that lady go jerk you off. It would bother me. If I had permission to do it, I would just be like, my wife thinks I'm pathetic. The whole time I'd be the whole time I'd be getting jerked off, I'd be like, you'd come back from it and be like, how was it? And you'd be like, I feel embarrassed. I feel embarrassed. We're talking about this. Yeah, like, I feel humiliated to do that when I was like a single young man. Yeah. Coming back to your

family or her wife's like, are you good now? I'm being like, fuck, dude. I'm such a piece of shit. You know what I mean? I've heard that too. Like, I used to be a proponent of the medical hand job argument. But the more I think about it, it's like, you've got to let, you know, it's got to let your dick die.

I got a freaky question. I was, I ran this by by the other day. Freaky question about you. All right, so this is a two-part question. Okay. First one, would you let your lady use a pocket put, like a flashlight on you? I think I have before. Sick. All right.

I think that's a universal yes. Yeah. I think that's a universal yes. Obviously. All right. So have you ever seen, have you ever seen the sex toys? They're about like this big. They're no, they don't have arms or legs, but they have like big tits and fat asses.

Yeah, torso, bro. It's just a torso. Yeah, man. Would you, would you have a threesome with your lady and we were calling it a nugget? We're calling it a nugget. A nugget. What's your term for the thing? Nugget.

A nugget. A nugget. It's just a torso nugget. Stumps are going to No you know I wouldn't because it'd be like Here's the thing Everybody keeps saying no I'll give the reason hold on

Do they have tits? They have huge tits I might realistic tits I might kind of like I don't know if I would insert into the torso Because if I'm already That was my argument I would like to watch my lady Play with these fake titties While I have sex with my lady

That's not bad. I was thinking of like banging a torso in front of your babe. No, that feels. That would be crazy. It feels like fucking a body in front of you, but like a big, but the torso would be weird. I mean, I would like suck the torso's nipples, probably.

Or watch her do it. Like, I don't know. Again, I think this is where you run into. It sounds cool in theory, but then you watch your wife suck at torso's nipples and you go, what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? The lack of a head really ruins the stump.

That's what? That's what Pat said. But then it's like, do you really want a fake head? No, yeah, that's a good point. That's like you ever see? I saw these when I was a kid. They used to be on the show of real sex. It was like they're like real sex dolls.

Yeah, yeah. $10,000 for like a fake person. That's even crazier in my mind. Yeah, I agree. To have a body, a real human, like a body. I'm not saying that it's cooler. I feel you just saying that the stump is kind of weird. My thing is fair enough.

You think that fake head is. crazy until you're kissing the pillow while you're humping the torso. There you go. I should have sprang for that fake head. I'm kissing a fake face instead of kissing this pillow right now. I was telling my brother today. I have, I've never done it, but I have like really strongly considered traveling from like place to place for like my road set up being torso and Oculus.

And I'm like, I just can't. Like every time I even like think I'm getting close to it. I'm like, dude, I would end up like afterwards crying into the Oculus. Dude, that's the thing with the fleshlight. Like, it sounds cool in theory. Once you do it once, you're like, this is just like, you, the only way you can do a flashlight in my opinion is that you have to just be like, I'm not going to talk to women anymore. You can't be, have women in your life and use a flashlight.

If you're just like, dude, I'm done with women. I'm just going to fleshlight. Fair enough. but to like because then it's like dude there's something about it like if you're like if you have a fleshlight and you're using it you're like oh this is great way better than jerking off then you try to date a lady the the chances of her finding that thing I think it's kind of a devastating it's 100% well you got to you got to just put it right the right after like hey I have a body I have a fleshlight I have a body I have had sex well hey meet my old girlfriend new girlfriend meet old girlfriend I don't I think it's just not like it should be ladies get all every sex toy I own is for my lady yeah you know what I mean can I get one you gotta get the egg dude the egg that's that's for the lady still no you ever seen the tanga egg not the tanga egg it's like the jelly thing and you look oh the thing that's like what are you talking about it's like a flesh light but it looks like flubber but it like twists and be like yeah

you got get one of those things that's just like a flashlight those like a flashlight that doesn't look like a vagina yeah bro hold on well again you guys you guys you know you guys you know you guys you You can do whatever you want. We live in a free country. That's true. So you can get your jelly twist or fleshlight if you want it. I'm not against it. I'm not,

you know, I'm not like puritanical about this. I'm just like, I have, have you guys have used a flashlight before I'm guessing. No, I never have. Yes,

I have. Never. Multiple iterations. Dealing with fleshlights, you've taken down many fleshlights? Multiple iterations of fleshlights. Different types. Yeah,

different models. Something about ladies, man. Didn't a lady give you. you her fleshlight like it's her pussy. The problem is when you, the moment you finish them with them, I, for me

personally it's like a dark cloud just settles inside of you and there's something it knows inside of you like this is wrong. There's like a level of sadness that when you finish and you're like fuck this. You've got to maintain them too. Yeah.

You got to clean. You got to clean them. That's like, it's like you don't think about it until you have it and use it and you go, I'm not going to clean this thing. And then it starts to either stink to where you're like, dude, I've had a pussy for two days

and it stinks. And it's like, I'm telling you, man, it's like when you like eat a meal cooked by yourself and wash the dishes alone. Yeah. Cooking or just cleaning a fleshlight and trying to like, you're supposed to technically powder the thing. Yeah.

To where it's like at that point, you're just on a, you're on the highway. to just something terrible. Yeah. No. Dude, powdering your fleshlight for the thousandth time.

Was that all the different? Is that the... It's the jerk off thing, right? Yeah. Where'd you learn about the tanga egg from? Twitter. Twitter. So you have freaky Twitter.

I have a list. I have a hidden list. I just found thick Asians added to the list. Nice. Not bad. Dude, right, yeah.

Back before we get off to the, The nub subject, the nugget subject, girl. I think I just really want to see my lady suck tities. And there's not a real way. Like, she's not going to suck ladies tities. You got to get a back on the bottle. Got to get it back on the bottle.

So I didn't mean to see, though, you got a bag on the battle. See, I feel like, I feel like I, I, I feel like, bro, get the procedure. Get them yourself. Go in-house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get to like some humble bees. You should go full in-house and just wear, like, just wear some sort of gar. that covers your mask

your fucking perky little tits just dressed like a stud you know mash them down or yeah I mean I mean then it's like again

you have to go to a strip club with your babe which is that's a nightmare and it's more expensive I didn't get a lot I don't mean to be a negative Nancy right now I didn't get a lot of sleep

but it's again strip club with your babe well this will be cool you do it and you go give me the fuck out of here right now I've been in a strip club my babe a couple of times

I've had fun you liked it I have fun I think I went did I go with you with you in my baby? So how do you Giazza Michaels

This when we saw Giaada Michaels So BD Yeah How did you comport yourself At the strip club Because it's like kind of a weird thing Because it's like Well my baby

Me and my baby Were still kind of nude And so we were just having like Fun It wasn't like both grabbing titty Yeah I had no Attachments It was like this might be

Damn I hope you don't care about I was whatever Whatever I talked pretty We and bring you went to a strip club once Yeah I just felt like I was there with my It's like it's like bringing

this is a terrible analogy, but it's like bringing your dog to a dog shelter. Dog park. It's a dog park. Not the dog park. There's something sad because I was like, we're about to go home and like, you know, share an apartment. And these ladies are, oh, can we bring three of them with us? That's a bad analogy. There was something where I'm like, we have a, you know, a relationship.

And then these ladies out here kind of like, you know, shaking their buttholes in my face. I haven't been with my lady since we were still, this is before. I even lived in New Jersey. So this would have been like nine years ago or more. I don't even know how it would feel now. But then it just was, we got like a couple's dance. That was cool.

Just having the lady dance with both of us. It was kind of the best thing. I wish I could go back to that. It's like something weird about that. You know what it is? Because you can't like, can't go all out. Like you're in a strip club.

Now you're really, it's really put the gentleman and gentlemen's club. It's just be like, oh, yes. Great job. Oh, fantastic. That's 100% what happened. I guess I'll suck your,

nipple for a second. They do go, yeah. You do, it is, it becomes a spectator sport then. Like you, it's, they see you with a lady and the strippers just go like all the attention you would get goes to her now. Like, yeah, like you give them the dollar. They put the tities and her fids. And that was like the.

You can get this. You can, you can, one dollar. You can do your nipple suck fantasy right away. Yeah. I don't know if I want her sucking a stripper's tito. Oh, so fucking picky. I read, brother, like a plastic. Or so.

Dude, it's so much more empowering for the sucking strippers nipple than If you have bay sucking on the torso Dude It's gonna taste like metal And she's gonna have better in her mouth I haven't presented this tour either I keep saying it all podcast

Hope she just listens to the episode It surprises you It just just gives a torso Valentine's day was the ultimate window I know You could have like chocolate's flowers You guys could have had like Just had it set around

You guys gonna have sushi off the torso. One more thing before we get to bed. Ah, fuck my knee. Shit. You're doing body shots off the torso? Come back in the bed. I mean, you're right. There's...

We were waiting. The action goes on without you. He was like, no. She makes me watch I get cucked by the torso That's crazy Yeah no that's uh That's fun

I mean yeah I mean you should do it every one You gotta you gotta keep everything alive And the juice is flown for sure I was just more so curious I got such a heavy no from everybody And I was like that can't be But it might just be me

Maybe I'm Maybe I'm a fucking weirdo No on their babe sucking the torso The only there was own Pats Pat George was the only one Who was like I kind to see the vision

And Everybody else was like Nah. But he's also been married forever. Yeah, true. I mean, I'm not told. I wouldn't be like offended. I would just,

my problem is, I guess there's certain things when you pull, you know, when you pull things out of Pandora's box, they can't go back in. 100%. So you don't know they could suck the torso. That could be a real serious moment of reckoning.

Or they're sucking the fake nipple and they just go, what the hell am I doing? The fuck am I doing. You can't be like, I'm about the marriage is a freak. Awesome. This is awesome. Yeah

Be nice to rough it up together Just beat up a torso Yeah Just get rough on the door Just pretend it was like a bitch that bullied her In high school Step on his neck That's all he got

Yeah having your wrestling Buddy Yeah The cuddle would be nice on the road Just snuggling up to the torso Just sleeping on the boobs So you gotta get a body pillow But true

No boobs on a body pillow You get a body pillow with boobs Stop dude This isn't real. This is real. Is this part of, what is that the squishy thing called?

The tanga egg. The tanga egg. The tanga egg universe. You can't get a body pillow of boobs, can you? You can get a body pillow boobs? This technology exists. Yeah, you're right.

It has to exist, dude. Just look it up. I'm just curious. The problem, too, transporting the torso. Yeah. Is that if they open your shit in TSA, the funniest. Is that a body pillow of boobs?

Yeah. can't find one with boobs you can get just regular boobs but not on the body pillow maybe you could sew the boobs onto the body so you can just get a set of boobs for your bed yeah you could get plush this that might be what I mean

that's plush boobies as a joke yeah yeah yeah but you haven't said actually put her face on the pillow like normal but it's boobs now loophole that's a good loop that's oh yeah okay ooh chocolate tis chocolate poohs so here's a thing

you'd have to go snowbody boobs Would you go snow bunny boobs or like I would try to go Latina boobs But I feel like that would upset my lady Where do you keep the boobs? On the bed Like in the middle Like you have the two pillows

And then like it's like it's like a decorative pillow It's always when I have a pool A boob pillow And it's not bad I'm telling you can get it as a gag I mean again if you just pull it You might just pull the trigger I don't think if you just say hey

No judgment but I you know Or don't judge me It's like I've had an idea in my head and then just go, yeah, and then just drop the torso. You can't. No judgment does nothing, though. I know.

You can't say that for yourself. If my lady hit me with no judgment, but unless she says some, like, host shit that I'm not comfortable with, she said it and that she's forever different in my mind. You know what I mean? She's 100% judged. True.

Sean had a nice date. Did you not? Wholesome stuff, too, and all like this. Okay. Come on now. Yeah, look, hey. You flip it over.

I'm the one. I told you, I've been trying to find a suitcase big enough. I'm on the bleeding edge of travel with one of those things. Get a big Samson night. I think has to be locked all the way up. All my toiletries would be exactly three ounces. I'm not fucking around at all. I think in that case, you have to, like, if they go to open your thing, you have to, I think you can, like, kind of parlay and go, like, hey, there's some very sensitive stuff in there.

Can we go to the back? I would do it almost worse to go in like a back room. They're like, bro. I would do it right there. Open it. I've been I've been, I've been diddled so many times right there. Like,

look at my fuck. It's your revenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you guys got to do. You guys say does love to dittle you. They do. Also,

they'd be thinking about that torso all day. If they saw the torso, the rest of that shift, they'd be like, fuck, dude. I wonder where he is right now. What? I looked up, I clicked on the link to the Amazon torso, and I realized that my family and I share in Amazon.

It's going to be like, keep shopping. Another thing that's stopping me from buying the torso is exactly that. You can't get a secret torso. It's 35 bucks. is pretty cheap. You don't want a cheap one, though. You want to exist a Honda. John,

it's going to be classic Amazon. You're going to get it. It's going to be this big. You're going to end up with a neonatal torso. You can't get a little torso. That's terrified. They have male ones, too. I was just about to say,

you know, they have one. Yeah, I do that. I knew that. Those are existed. But those are the devil's three would be nice. Why don't you start with the devil's three? No.

Plastic polycule. No. See, the devil's three, no. Or what you do is you both get torsos? You get a guy, she gets a girls, and you make the torsos have sex. You got a slow roll. We just watch.

Yeah, that'd be kind of fun. It's like action. That one has legs. Now we're upgrading. That one stick. That one stick is hell. Did you see Cardi B fall off the chair? No.

Well, she did with... Dude, her, first of all, her ass is... It's got to be final form. It's massive, bro. She fell, played it off like a sport She does have a good sense of humor Played it off like a good sport But then like ran around on stage

And it was like It's such a wild world of performance Where it's like you're, you know Just basically naked You have jacked guys just like Humping all over you And then like all of her dancers None of them can have an ass as big as hers

Yeah You have like tiny ass dancers Floater eyes I don't know She must be Cardi B She wants love But everybody she loves keeps cheating on her yeah that's what i've that's the word on the street yeah you think she really wants love i mean yeah

she does yeah i think so i love bickart she used to rob people she was a stripper dude yeah she's like drug and rob people was her like yeah think she said that's part of the game yeah that's i remember people trying to get like mad at her for that it's like dude she's rapping about murdering people and then she's going like yeah actually she's a drug people and rob them it's like why are people acting like that's actually very unethethical and it's not surprising. Like, that's what you kind of, that's what strippers do. That's like, yeah, I say about 30% of them strippers. 20. Salt Lake City, Utah. I will be there Saturday doing stand-up comedy in, uh, I forget the name of the theater, but it'll be a good time. And, uh, so yeah, man, I'll be in

Boise, Idaho and Friday and Salt Lake City Saturday. So just kind of hanging out prepping, totally natch. Here. What is that? Uh, alcohol and coffee. Yeah, babe. I don't do that stuff anymore. All right. I'm actually going to Salt Lake City where my- Hold on, hold on, hold on. Me and my Mormon brothers. Also, say how to my eldest wife?

That's my eldest wife. That's my eldest wife. I'm working on a second right now, but maybe I'll find one in Utah. Ow, stop it. We're just going to soak. It's not going to be a big deal. You know what soaking is?

That's where your little brother jumps on the mattress. You're going to take me on the impact. All right. Guys, sorry, my oldest wife's attacking me. Matthew. What? Stop it. Like, now. Fine. You be my, I'll get one older.

Stop it. I'll get one older than you. Stop it. My young wife, you know how they get. My youngest wife. Because I'll get one. Your only wife. Keep fucking with me. Well, hey, that used to be that way, but now due to my new faith, I'm now a Jack Mormon. I'm going to break bad on this bottle of room. Um, please come.

Guys, out. Jesus grudge, guys, please fucking go. Oh, right. We back? Oh, God. Sorry. I had to pee really badly. Oh, man. Guys, I'm so sorry.

I'm low energy right now. So tired. I ran 4.5 miles yesterday. I'm toying with the idea of a half marathon. Yeah. I heard the Austin Marathon was in town. Half marathon is kind of weak, though. Yeah.

When you need to do like half a thing and then put a sticker on your car, like, yeah, I did half a thing. Isn't it only 13 miles? No. Yeah. Half marathons, 13. That's impressive. 13.1 is impressive. I did 4.5 yesterday.

And I'm like fucking dying right now. but it's just nothing to celebrate, I would say. It's impressive for sure. 26. The 26.2 is the real achievement. I'm not, you know, I'm not like, you know, taking anything away from people to do a half marathon. But also, like, I'd be impressed if I did it. I wouldn't advertise it.

No. Yeah. You can't be a sticker on your car. It's half. You did a half a thing. What if it's a, what if you're like a girl? I mean, that's why they made it for girls. Yeah.

I think a girl can go ahead and marathon on a car. Yeah. Which is impressive. Well, it's impressive, and I'm not saying this to be a jerk. Because, like, dude, run that with tits. Running 13 miles with tits is crazy, dude. Yeah. That's more impressive to me than a full marathon, a guy doing a full marathon.

They're running a marathon with balls. Easy, bro. Balls are made for running. I don't know, man. You ever, like, running and, like, accidentally smash your balls? I've accidentally smashed my balls a thousand times. never while running never while running

yeah because you can easily I mean I guess you can say a woman can wear a bra because you can fix your balls from swinging around obviously just by well you know I can just

I can just run but you can like put on compression shorts have you have you hit your balls while running before? Yeah yeah I was just jumping

and I just fucking clinked okay again not while running I don't think anyone's hit their balls while running actually yeah that definitely Definitely.

Yeah, especially if you get a good, like, you squeeze them on action. It's like, fucking sucks. That sucks. Squeeze. I still think running with tits is so much more impressive than running. Did you all hear about the, like, people in the Winter Olympics that are injected, like they're injecting HGH into their dicks to make them bigger, but they're doing it because they get bigger suits and the bigger suits make them a little more aerodynamic.

Like if their dicks are bigger, they get more, they get more. But wait, does that work? It makes them less aerodynamic technically. That's what I was like a squirrel suit type vibe they're going for like more carry because there's more fabric in their suit. That's that's what I'm saying. Yeah. The parachute type vibe.

I think their penis shrinks up, but they have extra space in their crotch. So they get more like. Catch the way. So they're making their they're making their dick smaller with the ACs. No, they're making it bigger while they get fitted for the suit. But then when they compete, it goes back down to normal. Okay. But wait.

But wait. It works. Yeah. You can put Botox in your death. That's gross, though. What's the difference between Botox and HGHH? Well, I guess there are two different things. But Botox is poison.

I mean, dude, girls injected all over themselves. They're fine. Dude. Don't call girls dumb. No, dude, you can put Botox. It reduces apparently the medical term for it is turtling. Turtling is like when your dick retracts And it's like wrinkled due to retracting

I know what turtling is I figured it out So you can inject Botox And you're just fully smooth And you're like flaccid But it's just like full hang Dude I think I'm turtling right now I just peeed I'm turtling big time

But yeah I mean So yeah you you you Push it out a little bit And then when you Are they skiers doing like ski jumping or something? Yeah You catch a little wets

win. So then you have a little extra things. You're not cutting through the air as fast, but when you hang, you have a little, you're like little wings. Okay. So, yeah. I wonder, though, what kind of gains are they posting? As an Olympic fan, I'd be interested in what kind of games there.

Is it like two two inch gains? Or you mean, or in the flaccidst? I only care about gaining flaccid. Gaining hard is like whatever. I think there's a, there's a, there's a, your theory of drinking water. I think that's true.

Oh, do, acidity. Yeah, I mean, being, yeah, being well hydrated for sure.

That's verified. You're more heading? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you have to pee, your dick gets bigger kind of. You almost get a boner

if you wait long enough. If you can't be bad enough, you kind of chop up and you're like, yo, let's go. It's all come together. Now I'm going to get up on this plane and walk to the back. Yeah,

there's no better thing. I mean, it's such a weird. thing because like yeah you can be like semi-chubbed and fucking popping out of the sweats and it's like very powerful then you catch yourself here what why why am i doing this right this is crazy nobody's paying any attention i'm in public let me go this is retarded so guys before we conclude since we're at almost an hour is any final words i would like to hear people people think about the nugget i want to see if i'm alone having your babe suck on the

nugget. Suck on a babe sucking on a nugget. I mean, I don't think it would be

a bad time. You know? I have thought about it in this last few minutes thinking about the turn it could

do in her mind though. But you also, you can't put the nugget in bed and not do anything to it yourself.

You can't just have the babe sucking on the nugget. You're going to have to plow the nugget in front of the babe.

You got it. You got it, dude. I think that's and that is, yeah, that will feel hilarious.

I mean, it's got, I don't know, just the image would go through her brain. She would just store it and just be like, I mean, I would, you catch a glimpse of yourself fucking a nug in the mirror. You got to cover it up. You got to cover the mirror up? No, the nug, you got to make it look like there's somebody there.

It's just an ass poking out of a, yeah, I like that. Yeah. Some of the covers. It's our secret hole. It's our secret hole. It's a matter of fact. We'll do that all the time. Wait a second.

This isn't my torso I left here. This is a person. Played a trick on me. You goofed me. Well, guys, I think we made it to an hour. Thank you guys very much. Thank you guys for slopping it up. Cool.

Cool. Bring it here. Hey. Bye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.