Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 604 - Tyler Gerben (feat. Steve Gerben, Dan Soder, Billy & Spud)

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Billy & Spud @ https://www.patreon.com/WARMODE Watch 'TIRES' on Netflix Listen to 'Soder' and 'The Regz' Go See Dan Live @ https://www.dansoder.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live Good morning. Happy Friday lol. We got your cast for you. From the Philadelphia Phaction. ShangHQ. We got half Gerbie half Sodie for you. 2+ hour long boy. Hope you all had a good week. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Go to https://www.rugiet.com/DRENCHED to get 20% off ED treatments at Rugiet for a limited time only! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wild West. Hey guys. We're here. We're live from the fucking the manosphere. We do have the chessboard out to show everybody. This is the premium subscription. We think about it.

This is what we do, dude. You gotta get them in the telegram. Me and Spud come down here and sit silently and play chess for hours. And then we have threesomes. We and Spade split with them. There's all these girls with Spud tattoo on them. Yeah, they're fucking main people have to be like 13-year-olds.

You like could actually sell multiple chicks? A dude, like 13 year old boys like, yeah, I want three girlfriends. Yeah, that would be sick. It's like, dude, that's fucking. Oh, you mean trying to sell that to regular dudes? Like adult men that are like, I can't get one girlfriend. What the fuck are these guys talking about?

That's what it means we're talking about that the other day. The dudes are like, don't chase them, dude. Yeah. If you don't chase, they'll come days. Like, dude, they won't. Oh, yeah. You can know you exist. Yeah, you just go to your job, go back home.

Go to your job, go back home. You're going to be the machinist. I'm never going to be the machinist. I'm never going to do. chase. Bullsuits. It's just no one knows

you live. Yeah. Dudes are invisible. They kind of have a point, but then the guys that get really sucked into it like,

Louis looks out on those documentaries. The dude's sitting there, he's like grilling him a little bit, and then the guy's like, yeah, well, you know, my dad, I didn't really,

I had a strong male figure and they're like, what happened your dad? He's like, he took his own life. And it's like, dude, how's he find these guys? Like, Louis just rolls up on him.

Yeah. He's the best, he's the best. Scienceology on is like, that's one of the best Scientology, you better not getting that. Is this Louis Thurban? Is this Louis Thurban?

Yeah, you better to. Oh, dude. Who are we talking? Yeah, we would, you would be a Scientologist. Scientologist? You were, what? Gerben, if you give them all your money, it'll make all your dreams culture. No.

What if they were like, you will be the next time, Chris? This is what they do, dude. I know exactly how we operate. To be like, well, don't give a fuck about this religion. And I'm just doing. We've got shit. I did listen to Lawrence Wright's book on. Yeah, the going clear.

Go and clear. I thought that was great. I thought it was great when I read it or listened to it. You wouldn't consider joining the church? No. Why? Why would I? All your money, they'll bone smash you.

You'll give you a jaw. Oh, they will give me a jaw? You'll be the Tomcat, dude. You'll be the next Maverick. Wow. There's something. You would do it a heartbeat. You mean, it's like, yeah, you're definitely rooster or something.

Yeah. So you're the guy. Yeah, that's tough. And so I just, and then I, like, what's my obligation? You got to give them all your money. Oh, all my money? All your money. No, no.

It goes beyond that. Your obligation is for billions of years. Yeah, you signed a contract. You signed a billion in your terms. You got to live in outer space. Yeah. All right. Then no.

The best. You don't want to live in outer space? It's impossible. What? You don't want to be in fucking MI-13? M-I-B-E. It might be the only technology that can save humanity. And all the rest of the galaxy for millions of years.

Yeah. Could be. I mean, at one point. I'm trying to put an SP. I like the political answer, though. You don't want to disparage science technology. It could be, maybe. be the rut to spare. I don't think that it is.

You get a disparate science. Yes, I just did it. Bro. You're never going to be a town cruise. Are you familiar? You're familiar with squirrel busting. I don't know what squirrel busting is, no. It's when Scientologists get on your ass and they start to fuck your day up. It's called squirrel busting. That's what they do to suppressive people. Oh.

I didn't listen carefully. It must be getting squirrel buses, dude. I can't. I don't know where these fucking are. My days suck. Yeah. Yeah, the Scientology, once you get into it though at some point that could have been Christianity where everyone's like dude the guy fucking made it up

he just wrote a bunch of books and now is it I'm just saying it could be like that fucking a thousand years or not someone like dude yeah checkmate do not say it a thousand years from now someone could be like dude for real

that's not funny to say that's on your dog I don't respect pawns dude it's chess and it's five day I think I talked about this before but when I saw that sex cult documentary Excess or whatever it was?

Nexium. Nexium. Yeah. At the end of that, when the women were like outside the jail, he's in jail and there's like women outside the jail. Heathrenary. He's one of, he's kind of tangential to Epstein going. I was like, I get killing Jesus because there's a point to where you're like,

and then they do it like that and they're real. Yeah. It's like, We got to get rid of this guy. It's just, I mean, granted, cooler heads would prevail. I thought you were talking about the Bill O'Reilly. More women out of your own.

What are you talking about? Why are you talking about killing Jesus? Dude. I just say, hold on. I'm not trying to be anti-Semitic. Yes. What you just said was fucked up towards our lives. Too soon.

Too soon. And I understand the Jews. Fuck the third temple, dude. Fuck all your shit. Oh, I'm suggesting. Is you're, you know, you've got a, you got a society, and then somebody's doing, you know,

And it's just like women are coming into this cold. Everybody's getting sick. And they're outside the jail. And just go, all right, enough. Yeah. You know. No, that is true, though. That's exactly actually what happened to Jesus was the Romans were like, all right.

The Jews are going nuts. Like, I can kill him. And then they're like, all right, dude. I don't give a fuck what are you guys talking about. It's like a far outpost. And that's the story they told us, dude. Yeah. The truth is not the truth.

I would never dare to know the truth. wrote the truth. But the historical books about it are very funny. About Jesus? When you think about like, so Jerusalem. Who read him? Fucking Bill O'Reilly. Yeah, killing Jesus.

Bill O'Reilly. Bill O'Reilly had chat GBT before anyone. He's fired off 20 bucks. Killing. Like, oh, it was, it was like Jerusalem was a, it was during, what holiday was it? It was a Jewish holiday. Pass over. It was, uh.

Talking about the last summer and stuff? Yeah. Pass over. Pass over. Like palms a day and shit? So Jerusalem was just packed. like 10 times more than it usually was So it was like 150,000 Jewish people

And there was like 50 Like 50 Romans in a garrison That's all they had And it was already like It was already a hotbed Sure The Judea They were getting wild over there

But then they were like You need to kill him And they were like dude If we don't kill this fucking guy They're gonna storm their fucking garrison Interesting Yeah it was you guys 100% I get hit with a lot of fig shows

I think they're simply doing passion too I've heard that I've heard it's the fucking... I heard it's the comeback. The resurrection? Yeah. Dude, who the fuck knows? He comes back and says,

what's good. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Spade gets hit with fake shit. I was just talking about Harry Potter. I was just walking around talking about JK Rollins. I mean, it's not an original. People have covered this,

but how base she is, how funny that is. She hates les people. We just talking about the Gringots, the bank. Oh, yeah. She made goblins and trolls. Everyone does. Mitchell just get on Twitter and be like, yo, trans people need to shut the fuck.

You're just like, yeah, who is it? lady. He's selling hard times, too. Is she crazy? I don't think she's crazy. No, she's not crazy at all. She's just based, dude. She has a book of $50 billion.

She wrote the most popular book of all time. Yeah. She's like, yeah, she gets on Twitter. She's like, yo, shut the fuck up, lesbians. People are like, like, fuck. It's great. She's going on.

I mean, probably no one has told her what they're doing a long-ass time. If you write all those potters in the movies, she's probably good. I mean, imagine what she said behind closed doors about chicks. True. You probably shouldn't have never heard before. You were willing to tweet about trans people?

You know what that means you're saying behind? Hordy shit, dude. Words like wine, dude. She could be wine in. Chase gets drunk on wine and hit that tweet. But thank God your parents don't do it. Oh, my God. What would your parents be hitting?

Hold on. Let me tell you. Jesse at sevens on, everyone, tune in? I had a good Phil conversation. I called Phil to be like, yo, you hyped about your boy? Your fucking boy going to war with Iran? You fucking liked about it?

Because I knew his take. I knew what it was going to be. He was like, oh, yes, Shane. Would you want to fucking get blown up? And I was like, by who? He's like, Iran. They can't have a nuke, Shane. And I was like, dude, I'm not going to get blown up.

I might get blown up now. Now there could be a terrorist attack. He was like, yeah. Because fucking that idiot before Trump let all those fucking terrorists into the country. It changes every four years. We were rich back then. We were doing really good. Yeah, that's what my parents are.

Big, my mom's big on Jesse. My dad always tries to hit like, I don't watch that shit. And then like I go, he calls me from Florida. He's like, what's the Fox News app? I was like, it's YouTube TV now, dude. You don't need the Fox News app. But how do I know what's on? I was like, it's live TV.

It's just on an app. Dude, think how good it must feel. What's that shit I said I canceled the Fox One? Oh, they kill you with that. Dude, they sneakily subscribe you to shit. I have been five hundred. It's literally cable. You're giving us commercial.

It's like Comcast. It's my dad getting $500 comcast bills. Dude, now... It's what it's for. It's ripping off old people. Prime does commercials now. Netflix is going to do commercials. Oh, yeah.

So it's going to be 1899, regular Netflix. You get commercials. So, like, in the middle of your special, it'll be like commercial. No, I know that. And that's going to be 25 bucks. I had to have this discussion about it. What the fuck is that, dude? It's crazy.

Knights of the Seven Kingdom is made for TV. I did. I said that you can't. I don't want to do it as ads ever. And then they were like, well, we can have it like presented by a product. So it'd be like... Gillette. Beautiful dogs presented by fucking.

dude wipes. No. Manscape. Do, like, native ads with your jokes. You start going to stay about products. You start doing stand up like UFC fighters.

There's everything all over your shirt. Yeah. It's a height. I should go out shirtless. Just in fucking tight. I mean, nuts. Yeah.

Justin is a UFC outfit. Tiny penis sticking out. No cup. Did they wear a nubs? Sticking out. UFC, yeah. Do that? I don't know.

Dude, if they didn't, dude. You'd see it. Diamond. So you a knuckle during a fight? Yeah, it's a small. of your penis is during your fight? Yeah, that's a really fucking small, bro. Especially if you're clenched up like that,

then it kind of sucks in on itself. For too long, your dicks and nub. Yeah, it's mine's inverted right now. It's part of your fat bousy, yeah. It's part, literally my bussy is hanging over my penis. It feels like a clit. Well, now I'm thinking about it. I play Super Mario right now on a Super Nintendo cross-legged

like an autistic kid until my back hurts, and then I get up my dicks like inside myself. Are you on the carpet? No, I'm on a bed. Damn, I wish you were on the carpet. No, I can't do that. I was fucking hit the Mombani, dude. Chill, dude.

Can you get my dad pissed off talking about that? True. Fucking Mammie. I was like, dude, he's not your mayor. I didn't know the mayor of York had a giant house like that. Yeah, that was crazy. I didn't know the guys who bombed it had a drive-in-house like that. What do we talk?

You said a real? I was afraid to get into politics, but let's do it. You said that shit where they turn it into anima? I regret saying guys. He's like the liberal. The psychologist or the Christ? The real. The Christ thing.

Well, you shouldn't have said that. Well, but... That's fine. Okay, good. I'm glad that weighed on your soul. It did weigh on my soul, but not for the reason that you wanted to weigh. I mean, it was just, you know... Go ahead.

Talking about killing Christ. No, I was just saying... That's probably the worst thing. You said earlier in the podcast, he said, I understand why we killed Jesus. No, I said, I understand. I said, if you could... Oh, he's not...

Oh, he's not... Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Garby's... Gervis is fucking Republican. We're not... Hold on. Are you getting messages from headquarters?

Gurmys is a five-nors square dances. Goorries is a Fox News. Probably every Jewish final form of Fox News. Fox News Republicans. Well, it's funny. He took that. Not a fucking woman. But no, what I was suggesting, you know,

was that not controlling. Of course, you don't have to cover it. Yeah, it's fine. And also, they already clipped it, so. Oh, great. Yeah, you're good. They're never going to, they're never going to, well, he says he feels bad about when he said it, he understood why they killed.

Jesus. Understand why somebody would say we should kill this. That's already being a joke world story. I get what you were trying to say. We were just bringing your boss. Oh, Bob, boss. Yeah, but they're not going to put this part in the clip. It's going to be you doing that. You just understand the concept of a nuisance. A social... A nuisance, Jesus, dude.

Oh, no, you know, not to say that Jesus, but my, you know, my general understanding is that at the time there was also like a lot of messiahs, air quotes. That comes from... This is what they teach you. I put the shovel down there. This is old Hebrew school.

This is Hebrew dog. I've done by something to a deep. There's only one, and they chose you guys as the chosen ones. Good Lord. You know what it was? We went to, uh, I'll tell you exactly what has triggered this. What did you do on birthright when you went?

You went to and go. No. Nice. That's tough. That's tough. I mean, go on. He can have been swimming in pussy and television. Also, homosexual kind of.

Aval world. Jewish necklace. so I can't wear matters. We got that show. Well, what's that? Nothing. Oh, but what was I going to say? Oh, yeah, because we went

to this animal expo and then like, oh yeah, I was walking by, I didn't tell you that grabbed the cat? No, no, it was just an old guy. Oh, that's fucking sick. And some guy was like, oh, there goes that Jewish guy. So that's sort of like in my head that... At you?

Yeah, yeah, to his friend. What? Yeah, it was just like a thing that... I don't know. Dude, you don't, yeah, you don't, you're like a day walker. Yeah, you're not really like. Well, I think it's just from the show or whatever, you know, whatever it is. No, not, it's not your bad.

I just, did I play that? No, they went to a cat expo. We went to a cat. You had a animal expo? I wish it was fucking, a video. I went to judging cats. Are you serious? Like they took them out of a, yeah, they put them on a table.

Did they do that? Yeah, you look at the cats. Now this is like a, it was. Like blue Russians? This is nice. It was sick. But this guy who was walking by with his main coon who, apparently he lost because he was fired up. Yeah.

Watch this dude in the front row. He goes for it. You had to pit it? He grabs it ball, dude. Holy shit. The guy's like, you motherfucker. Dude, showcats never thought of that when I was hired a lover. Yeah.

As soon as I heard about it, I was like, we got to get there. Look at this shit. Holy shit. They got his main coons. You got to get cut. How come this isn't on TV like the dog? No one cares. please

oh shit that was great yeah it was it was a wonderful experience I didn't know there was Jewish hate at the Kattacks

who knows it was hate it was just like how it was every year it's at an all time identified it's every day anymore it doesn't stop

it doesn't stop but then if I'm there I know I like it I'm just but that Super Bowl had

really actually affected me and I stop it's a couple a couple bruskees he goes so we go What did you say about Jesus?

That is exactly what I was worried about getting. The mom-dami thing where he got bombed? Where's soda? They killed. Mondami got bombed? Yes, dude. What do you mean? There's these two psychos.

Yeah, but that wasn't at Mom Dami? That was at his house. It was at his house. Oh, they were at, but I thought it was at the protesters, at his house. No, no, no. Over the protesters. Over the protestors. No, it was over the pro-immigrant protesters at the anti-immigrant protesters.

Oh, I thought it was at his house. It was out of the script. Sure, but it was at the protest. It was at the Patriots. Whatever, but they're making cool anime, like, fucking reels. The animas are starting to work. Yeah, I like it. But no, the kids who did it, they live in like a five-bedroom, four-bath house in Pazte County.

It's nicer shit. It's all that. Wait, what happened? Their house is crazy. The guy that threw the bomb? Yes. It always is like that. Yeah.

The Luigi guy? It's never broke guys doing political stuff. Obviously, dude. They can't get to New York. You'd have to give them G's the other. I always saw that. I was like, why aren't these guys at work? You thought the Muslim terrorists were throwing that at his house?

Yeah Oh whatever no they I think they were throwing it at a Chase stuff goes in and I figure it I make it up Start doesn't even know if he's the white nationalist yeah I don't know anything I'm kind of just going with what I'm feeling lately I actually I kind of agree with that make shit up yeah I like it Disinfos kind of just keep telling people I'm gonna open the straight of Hormuz Anytime someone's like they're closing the straight and the oil's going out of yeah I'm gonna open it I'm going over there and I'm opening it

And they go, gas is going to be $130 a barrel. No, it's not. Boy, it was 130 this way. No, it's not. You got to hit your dad with the Trump. It's $40 now. Oh, yeah. That's going to be good.

You got to do that. Oh, nice. Start making Trump. They were doing the Biden. I did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean. Dude, my dad was doing like he was 16 years old or while.

Oh, he was doing it. His dad was, he got like 50 of him. It was amazing. Yeah, dude. They're in his whip. They're all over the place. On his dashboard. On his dash and his one thing.

They're on the little go cart. Yeah. On this go car, on the dash, on, like, the fuel, there's Biden point. I did that. You know how awesome that feels? If you're getting this fucking assholes, making my gas expenses. So, nice. My dad said he went by the, I mean, they're funnier shit.

It's so nice. It's amazing. You'll never feel like that. I wish I had a side that, like, I wish I could pick a size that large. I wish I could just buy in. When I ordered those white rabbits seconds, I was on drugs. My dad's so good, dude. It'd be so nice to be like.

I'm right. Oh, yeah. Feels good. He figured it out. The guy I listened to actually is right about this. Believe me. But he went by the ice protests or the No Kings or whatever, and it's all old people, too. So, like, all the old people in Swarthmore are doing, like, No Kings protest.

Yeah, the No Kings was definitely for the geese. My dad drives by in a Nissan Pathfinder that he got. It's a 98 Pathfinder. He bought for like 3Gs. It looks at all, and just starts to get that. Oh, 8. He had a D. He had an old one.

Oh, wow. Yeah, he's like, I just went like this to him. Like, that's sick, dude. They must have been pissed. Dude, we watched a great, like, little conspiracy reel where it was like, they got rid of all the cars. When they did cash for clunkers, all that was to, like, go straight. No, that's Cass for kids. Cash for kids.

Cash for kids. So it's straight to be. Pennsylvania. What, are you not allowed to know that? No, I'm just saying, careful. Are we allowed to know that? Are we allowed to know that? Shamed for kids.

Hold on. Are we allowed to talk about cash for kids? Yeah. Cash for kids. That's good Central PA lore. Yeah, yeah. What, cars for kids? Cash for kids.

Straight to Israel. I'm unfamiliar Oh yeah sure you're like a prison system thing going on I missed that I am unfamiliar No the cash for clunker shit They like there was a good ass video about how they used to just get rid of every reliable wet We had reached like such a peak in analog engines Then they were like no digital ones with kill switches

Yeah on star but how are we gonna get rid of all these awesome cars pull it off? But it was actually we debunked it in real time only 680,000 cars got cashed in so it didn't really have an effect. Yeah, that's not much. Yeah, I debunked it, so the jury's still out. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Shoot your shot on Price Picks and get $50 instantly in lineups

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sports picks. Hmm, specific players I've seen play really well. I'll tell you what, I did actually catch the Duke versus Virginia game on the March Madness. So that was, I'm going to say, who are the guys, the boozers. There's a lot of boozers on that team, and I liked how all of them played. Guys, and the good news is, if you want to get in on the action, prize picks is now available in all 50 states, including California, Texas, Florida, and Georgia. Also, prize picks puts their users first so all withdrawals are fast and secure. PrizePix accepts most major payment methods, making payments into your account quick and easy. That's important as well, this sports season.

No wonder millions of users have already signed up for America's number one sports picks app. Come join them. Download the prize picks app today and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's good to be right. I'm afraid of AI. I don't trust it. I know.

Like, Joan, that Jones, Duncan Truzzle, that was very good. The beginning of that, that, you know, that's how we get plugged in the Matrix, dude. At the end of that,

we're plugged in like batteries. I still don't give a fuck about AI. Video games aren't that good yet. No. Once video games get real good, then I'll go, damn, AI's out of control. And AI can't even find an old...

Me and Bill are looking for an old meme. I need better graphics. Yeah, I'm trying to find a real old... We're finding an old meme from, like, 2016 maybe 2011 no it was when oh it's yeah it's old meme

it's a meme of uh george bush i swear to god i don't know what's happening what you mean in conversation right now i'm sorry are we fucking the last 10 minutes no i don't kiss of fuck it's probably funny there's probably funny you talk about cash for clunkers i don't trust that i did come

i did like that yeah there's a meme that we're looking for so billy's like dude rogan's got perplexity you get this we're looking for this meme of You talk about you name job Rogan like that No I was talking about my brother was on Rogan dude I can get us in touch with

Porexity my brother did Rogan dude I know Spade has $17 perplexity And then I was like dude it's like all of them In one because he was using Grock and Grock is kind of ass Yeah Grock sucks and then he started using reflexity That's I'm investing in AI and defense contracts right now But it's George Bush throwing the football AI

You want to this? You've definitely seen it It's a meme of George Bush handing off a football Straighter Her movies is open, dude. That just opened it. What? It's a meme of George Bush handing a football off to Obama in a poppy field.

In a poppy field. And like Osama bin Laden's in the background. And there's also leave the sky's real cool. Who made this? It's an old meme. Oh. I'm like the king of memes. But perplex.

You get skinny. Pull-ups, bro. Yeah, you look out. Pull-ups over and over and over. You look like a fucking tier one operator. He's trying to do handsstand push-ups. I know. I heard he does him at the gym.

I can do eight push-ups. That's good. Yo, Gerby's looked like a tier one operator today. Shred it. Went to the gun range? That's right. We went to the gun range. The whole time, I'm like, you're going to love it. He'd never fired a gun. I was like, it's so sick. You're going to love it. As soon as we get in there a couple loud pops from down the range, he was like,

Oh, shit, he hates it in an airstrikes. Yeah, he called in the Cobble Air Strikes. Yeah. He said, oh, God, they're in here. Blow it up. I found them. Bombs without a siren? Yeah, I clans up. I didn't think I was going to clam up. And, uh, when he shut being walks hold with you, brother.

No, he sent some leaflets to the range first. He said, I'm going to blow this up tomorrow. So everyone clear out. No, it is scary, dude. Fucking go to the range. It's like, it's intense. It is very intense, especially right when you get in there. Oh, yeah.

Like the first like five, ten minutes, it going in there, you're like, holy shit, I'm a pussy, dude. I'm so scared. And then, all right, or the guy giving us all the guns and showing us how to do everything was, seemed like tier one operated. He's like, all right, this is what you do. flip this, you can fucking slap this,

then you're good to go, okay? Yeah, yeah. If I'm yelling to myself, I don't know what single thing you just said for me. He doesn't do some machine guns. I'm like, so you gotta fucking start over it. He's like,

this is your workplace. This is your fucking workspace. Now you fucking do this. Do they coach you though? Yeah. A little. I think he was, I'll be honest.

That guy was a little fast and loose. I liked him. He was it, but. Yeah, I think it was the nature of our group. Yeah. I would have preferred potentially, not not, you know, again, throwing a shade.

He was the awesome. He was the man. You were just a scared. I was scared, so I think I wanted somebody to be like. He started yelling at him while he's giving him the instruction. You want somebody to hold the gun behind you? Honestly, the first one, yes. Because he fired it, he fired one round. It had a fucking silencer on it and no kick.

It was literally the gun I have. It's literally just, it's nothing. No, it's a fucking MPS. It's like a, it's a carbine that fires a fucking 9mm. So it's against your shoulder. Yeah. So it doesn't move. Dude, the shotgun?

He fired it once. He got back's wild. He fired one round and was just like, okay. And then, because he was, then I was like, well, let me just do something. He's like, this isn't for me. Let me just do something like smaller with a handgun. So he had a Glock 9. I think that's what it's called.

Whatever the police is. A handgun was, it's way worse than that. Way worse. So he, like, fired it. And I was, I told you guys before him, but like, I wasn't even expecting a shell to come out that fast. And it's just like the immediate violence, the noise. And then the shell coming out. I was like, no.

And then he just stood back. I tried to be a team player and take video. I was just like, I felt like it was a little ride that I wanted to get off of. The best was just, so he's got, I thought it was the headphones. And then I realized you were actually screaming at the guy. I thought, I was like, maybe he thinks he's talking to, he's talking too loud because of the headphones. No, he was yelling. The guy was like, all right, you can fucking do this.

Here you go. And he was like, I didn't understand. Anything be said. You're going to start out. No, no. I didn't say it like that. And I was like, yeah, I had a smile. my face. But then, so then they wheeled in a...

Yeah, belt. Belved machine gun, or belt-fed machine gun. And even the guy that brought it in was like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing to shoot. Okay. So then I watched everybody else do it. Is that 50-Cal? No. No. But it was...

It was sick. Yeah. But Gerby's, it was nice to watch Gerby's Monster the Courage. And he did it. He fired one bullet from the first gun. Yeah. And then stood in the back the entire time. I was like, this just... You could have stayed a pussy the whole time.

And then a machine gun came out and he fucking did it. It was pretty sick. That's awesome. Proud of you, Garby's. Thanks, dude. And, uh... How about that adrenaline? That's what I said, like, the moment I came off that, I was like, uh...

Yeah, you're like, where's the schools? I know what's the... They're under the hospitals. You're sad. What is this? It's a lie up. Bring a Jewish guy to a gun range. Start shooting the floor.

Oh, you know. targets right there. Well, there's other targets. There's some... I hate to say it. What? But great, you know, another Jewish lady involved she did shoot the seal. Oh, she was hitting everything. Especially before we go in, she's like, I'm good at everything. I'm such

a good shoot, like a shot. Yeah, yeah. She goes in there, hits the fucking wall. They're like, dude, you cannot hit the wall. The tray. There's ricochets, you cannot hit the wall. Dude, the one time his brother took me, he was like, dude, this is going to be awesome. We rolled in. There was a guy on a date. It was like a snow bunny black panther

party situation and I was like yo I was like scared this guy had like dreads down here and he was like waving like a fucking AR-15 type thing around this is at ath and spring garden inner city of a small room I've domed someone in COVID dude and I was like we all have bullets oh wait that guy killed someone yeah they try to break into his

fucking spot I think it's that one more in that area they fucking come in and he's just sitting there dude like cammon waiting this girl he's like oh this is finally it's lock it pops is real. Dudes die. That guy's the man. Yeah.

Standing ground. Also, there's nothing of it your whole way for that moment. Nothing makes me happy than seeing black dudes and white dudes together at the range, dude. I was scared, though. I was like, yeah. You guys are all right, word.

This is it. Two A boys getting together? I didn't realize it was so expensive, though. The ammo is a lot of money. It's not good. They treated us really good. That was awesome. Oh, yeah.

That place is awesome. But, yeah, Kirby's. Are you in a person? at some point yeah I'm gonna go back for I'm gonna shoot the Glock 9 like that that's fun to shoot yeah that was one that after the machine gun that felt like I got my cherry coughs enough

fucking bonds gun PB 7 yeah the PB 7 dude yeah you should oh you see that small my cream boat it's gold 9 real this is what I'll say about here side tops will get his answer that show it'll be you'll be the next second of a smile

you're piece of shit look at him in a tux you should go outside instead though I feel that calm me down. That's what I was saying. Outdoor gun rangers are a lot better. Okay, but that gun range was cool and they had like, they had this, yeah, that was an awesome smoking section. It was like cigarous. Yeah, I want to see Garragic fireplace straight out. Easily the best indoor range I've ever

seen. Yeah. Yeah. You know like that outdoor thing where they have all year. Mainline armor? Yeah. Yeah. Kiana Reeve shit. Yeah. He's nice. Shame did that. Dude, John Wigg. Yeah, I go there. If John Wick was one movie, all four movies, if that was one movie, it'd be the best movie ever. Yeah, I would. I agree. The one John Wick's like a Dodge Challenger commercial. I watched them all at one, like, all at once one night.

And I was like, dude, I wish that was just one movie. The first John Wick, I just watched randomly. Like, no one was talking about it. It was like right when it came out. And I was sitting there watching it. I was like, let's see this piece of shit movie. Keanu Reeves action movie, fucking dog shit. Halfway through, I was like, this might be the best movie I've ever seen.

I haven't seen it. I watched it tonight. It was when I lived in Contchalk and then I brought Matt over. And I was like, bro, check this out. Matt saw a wig. Wait until you see this. Early Wick? Yeah, he saw it with me, like, immediately.

And then he was like, shit sucks. And I was like, I swear to God, it's all. I watched it like five times. Dude, getting like a week. I was like just getting bros over and going, dude, wait, do you see this shit. That Indian flick I sent you. Is it real? It's utterly humiliating.

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Kirby says a new theory he just hit me with. Do you think we're like fight club or something? That's right. Yeah, that, like I'm his Tyler Darden. He thinks he's Tyler Darden. Well, then I'm his Tyler Darden. He thinks he's Brad Pitt. All right, hold on.

I got to, like, actually grab this for a minute. Yeah, you got to wait until you hear this. You're the dude. No, he's Ed Norton. No, he's at Norton. It's just the reverse. Whoa. Yes.

Whoa, dude. Yes. That's why. Or all the things. All the things that he represses. He thinks I'm repressing. And on the diverse. We're wearing a cowboy hat.

Let's get our clothes, Taylor. But GERB. Let's get hair. GERB, listen. So, Shane is the guy looking at. We're not getting hair. So Shane's the- We're wearing hats until we're bald just right.

So you're saying Shane's the guy that's looking at the MPC IKEA catalog, not knowing what to do. No, no, no. But you're the guy and it's living in a house with Belitrix. Let's drink. Yeah, basically. I'm like, those will be the character, but he's not looking at IKEA catalogs. He's like watching football and all that stuff. Right.

Meanwhile, I- So you've got that. I'm playing and I'm going, that sure would look a lot better if you got a tailor and he's like this and the other. You're James Bond. And Dave. The guy who just had a panic attack at the gun range. Don't do it.

That's what you're surprised. Damn it. That'd be good. That's it. He's got a puffer to him. So he thinks Chester's going to implode. Can Bill be meatloaf? He thinks I'm repressing things because he says stuff like, oh, Jolene's is the cutest

date spot. Don't say cutest. Exactly. I say cute. It's a cute. Somebody will be like, what about this barring? Oh, that's such a cute date spot. I heard him say that and I said, Now why are you doing that with your eyes? Shut the fuck up. What's wrong? Because we're straight. Yeah, we're all straight.

You don't say a cute date spot. Hey, Siri, what is the word cute mean? Bro. I think you're going to be. This is so Jewish. Appealing in a pretty. Dang it. Who uses? Okay, I'll read it. It's got to start.

about your cheaters. Still listening to me. It's still listening to me. He was like, I'm peeling in a pretty or something. Yeah, you say like babe and shit, which makes me uncomfortable. Sexy, babe. That kind of is a... Wait, saying babe to dudes?

To girls. No. Well, I mean, I don't know. If you're like a Chad, just fine. Yeah, who about it. True. I'm sorry, it makes you uncomfortable. That's...

That makes me... That's awful. Because you're like, bro, this dude's got this kind... In your head? I wish I could... I agree. A drop of that, dude. You know what I mean?

Drop of that. Yeah, this is machismo. He's trying to wear cowboy hats and cowboy bits. He does. Are you fucking for real? He works out in a cowboy hat

and a fucking life beater in his gym. I only know one other guy does it. Dude, are you the kid's magic, Mike? He listens to Shibuzzi while he doesn't. I don't know if Shibuzy. Someone pour me up a double shot of whiz.

But he can rip pull-ups. Yeah. And you're in Jack. Dude, do you want to be a millionaire? He is a millionaire. Oh, you are? Shade kind of Reels of that

Damn Push you over the edge How are you doing You got me Dude reels of him And cowboy gear Doing pull-ups would be great There's only one other dude

I know who wears a cowboy hat And works out Hold on I don't do it all the time If you did it worse It's fucking insane It's fucking insane It's crazy

I don't care I'm not trying to attack you I'm not trying to attack you I'm not gonna attack you Because I don't want to attack I'm never gonna get over this Tyler turn

I know, I was hoping. I was not so excited. But you guys are the only little like, your goose on Maverick. No. I'm fucking Maverick, bro. You two. You two are literally the only ones other than me

that'll go, Gervin. That's nuts. He and him are always around people that are a part of our show. Yes, man. No, not necessarily Yesman, but just theater people. So he'll be like, well, it was a cute little date spot. And I'm like, yeah, that's fucking gay.

You call it a cute. And they're like, he's a, A whole look at like a lady that works there and be like, I don't think it's weird to say a cute date spot. And they're always like, dude, I look right at you and I go, it's fucking cute. What are you going to do about? Just how guys talking to Tiger Shops. He's done it again. When you went on Schultz's podcast, you're like, dude, the hardest thing to do is sing in front of your boys.

They all burst it out singing in harmony. I was like, okay. My boy will do it. You'll sing, I know. He would. Play the tapeback. I tried really hard not to sing. I said, guys, you can't, you know.

In that scenario, you would enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I admit in that scenario, it was pretty fun. Well, I tried not to do it.

Nothing wrong with saying it. Uh, okay. But, you gotta, you know, there's so much about Gervin you need to know.

I mean, dude, we used to have to sing. You gotta hear his music in his car. We used to have to sing for, what the fuck does it matter?

What, listen, everybody, you know, no, no, and I like it. You listen to the PSC and you.

Yeah. I don't ever go with Pirates of the Caribbean. But like, that's the least, that's the least gay thing. Like a score or at Sond Zimmer? That's cool, yeah. No, no, he's going to hit Flowrider.

He's going to hit, bro. It's like devastating. Are you YouTube music or Spotify? Spotify. What do you say? No. You're not hit. Because I...

Show me who you are. Oh, because I like... I'm a real loosey-goosey with the likes. What's that? On Lucy-goosey with the likes. Yeah, he'll like your song. Do you make playlist, though? Do I make playlist?

Yeah. So that's a yes. I mean taste pomp, right? Of course, it's not all I'm making play with. See, you don't even know what's gay or not at this point. It's all blurred together. Hold on. Make your weird.

The other thing is... No, I'll point at you, because... Yeah, see, you are... I feel like a senator gets yelled out by ape. It's just one man having an argument with himself. Here, dude. There is no Tyler. This is the sex point.

I know. I'm going to have two more beers. You guys are going to be gone. I'm going to be down here in the dark. Shit. I made that whole thing up. I'm still my beard. to googling outfits and stuff.

You think I'm Googling outfits? Probably. It's probably happened. You've really Googled? Spate? Dude, dude, you seen Terrence Howard Peeby Day? No. Spade sent me the clip of Terrence Howard talking to Peeby Day and he was like, dude, it's just fucked up like and Game of Thrones.

Seriously and the dude started having sex and like, everyone just started searching like incest porn and stuff. It was like, really? That was you, bro. You started searching incest porn. Well, Incestborn rocks But are you looking up outfits? You're making me want to rewatch Sight Club.

So we had a development, like a size development in my... Oh, yeah. Size development? My boys are large, yeah. Yeah, so the shirt that I'm wearing this season... No, Gervyn is Jack. I still have like that tiny, tiny frame, but I was like... Whatever the shirt is...

You're not looks maxing, you're not life maxing, and then you're nothing. There's that. Well, so. I like to... Spod versus Gervins. The meeting of the minds. This is a fucking battle. Spod versus Gervid, the two most different people I'm about that.

I think you're combined IQ in 60. Just different, different versions of autism. You're not autistic. I'm sorry. I can see you're the most visible. No, I was not even real. You don't want to want. I was still clocking you.

You're way smarter than I. I knew. They saw your face on the 160 IQ, and I felt bad because I don't think you're dumb. He said it, obviously, but I think I'm dumb. Lately, you've been saying it a lot, and I don't think you're dumb. You've been saying you're dumb. You're pretty smart. You've been saying you are dumb yourself? Yeah, I think I'm smart in, like, certain ways that matter, but not book smart.

What is your area of intelligence? Like, social. I think you're very good at communicating. Yeah. Yeah. You're not afraid to tell you, tell people exactly how you feel. in a dumb brute

no you're smart you just I'm surprised it took you so long to find out you were dumb though I hit that in like I was probably 20 you know what I mean no no I think I no I waited

I was probably like 30 I thought you were smart I thought we're like we're not accepted at any college you think like what I can figure this out and there's an answer to be had and like I'll just figure it out

yeah I think it's just getting older you go actually i don't fucking know anything right i mean nothing's gonna solve nothing's gonna ever be fixed whatever dude i'm so fucking fuck it i'll get some beers would be racist i'm so retarded that i was like sitting in my house like probably like two thousand and twenty one and i was like i can wake up whenever i want go to sleep whenever i want i don't even have to check in with anything of my mom i don't know that and i just got to sleep when i was in high school dude it was like phase two the classes. I was a senior I had freshman in my classes like yeah whatever.

Like out whatever. It's like fucking retort. You dumb as shit? Yeah. Fuck there. Not even try to hide that. Schools are mustn't. You're smart. That must have been nuts for the freshmen that are like, that guy's a senior. Oh yeah. And Billy was huge. It was like, think of a freshman.

The same size. I was like 208. Dude, think of being a freshman and being in the class like him. Yeah. You know what fucks me up? I, dude, you know what fuck me up? We used to break our teacher's balls into oblivion, dude, and they're all like my age now. Yeah.

Or younger. Oh, yeah. Which is nuts because like 17-year-olds are sci-op and them into, like, walking out in the hallway and, like, taking breathers. Yeah. It's fucking nuts. I get it. Dude, I had a teacher. I went to a pizza shop this week, and there's, like, five teenagers in there. They're like, yo, can we?

It's like, a couple more black. It was black teens, and they were, they were nice fellas. Just the painting of pictures. As soon as I walked in, I was like, oh, God. And then we get a picture. Did we take it, like, pictures? And then they all sat down and started laughing. Yeah.

And I was just sitting there waiting for my pie. Oh, brutal. I think they're making fun of me. They're literally making fun of me after they just asked for pictures. It got me mocked. Yeah, there was like, it was math where the young kids were. So they were, like, super smart freshmen. in my math classes.

Yeah, sure. But like, I mean, the freshmen were fucking geniuses. I mean, seriously. Low phase algebra. Oh,

you're killing me with this right? I mean, seriously. This is like a Tyler turd. You are, I mean, Tyler, dude.

I mean, dude, I told I was stoned. Like, I wouldn't do fucking shit in school. They must be smart. They must be smart as hell. They're an algebra one,

dude. These eight graders must be fucking. Maybe they're algebra too. Maybe, dude. No, by that time we were in geometry, brother. I would fuck up geometry. But you're not dumb at all.

I know, I just suck cock at math. I would just study. Yeah. They would tell me his time. Well, I toss you in the eighth grade class. Oh, phase one. No, freshman year, there's just... For some reason you're getting, like, defensive about it.

No, I'm trying to explain me the situation. I'm not defensive. I'm trying to explain to you the situation. Freshman year, there was a phase one. My one. Senior. It was dumb. My one boy was dumb as shit with me.

And then he got on Adderall and started passing everything. Dude, me and my one boy were like 65, 70s every class or every test. This motherfucker gets on Adderall starts getting 85s. I was like, bro, how are you figuring this out? I'm studying. How do you have that? I would go home and look at this shit and be like, fuck. Oh, man.

Bill, you are the fucking ferviest. I'm not getting the fence of trying to explain to your situation. I'm trying to literally show you how stupid this was. I was in phase one. They'd get rid of it freshman year because it's a college. That's what you're talking about.

What you say? You know what's what phase one is. I'm sorry. Surrata by geniuses. I'm dumb as fuck. I'm just a situation here. Yes. This is in the jackpot.

I had a have a 2-7. He loves my asses in the jackpot. I think right is the left of all time. Did you put it in season two? I don't know if it made it. He saw that clip and was like, I need to say my ass is in the jackpot. Yeah, that's nice.

He said it like five, and he said it like five, five different scenes. He's a new slant, new slang. I like that. Oh, man. I was so bad at math when I went to Drexel that the math class that I was in.

If you were that bad at math, you don't go to Drexel, bro. You go to Delaware County Community College and get presidents lists because it's the third time you took out for one. I'll tell you what. I failed statistics in college. Dude. Three times. And then I'm talking at three different universities.

Finally, I hit Harrisburg area community college and I was like, I'm going to make some changes. Shitting on African dudes. I have no idea what's going on. I mean, dude, Y equals MXS please. It's simple. Community college fucking ruled. Check your work. Oh, it's the fuck.

I took American Civil War. Our teacher was a Gettysburg tour guide. It was me and Harrisburg area community college students. I was the only dude who gave a fuck, and I knew a lot about it already. This guy was like, Shane, thank you, yes. No one else was paying attention. I'd be like, that was General Mead, right?

He'd be like, it was Mead. I've been here a YouTube channel. I've been here for 10 years. You're the first guy to... It was. He's like, wow, anyway. we're going to have a good day, guys. Did I ever tell you about my last semester at Temple when I screenshotted the wrong week?

Yes. Dude, I was at Temple and I was taking literally... It's like when I went to school in 9-11. Is this senior year? No, this is like my second or... I went to Temple, my sophomore and junior year, but I was taking three classes a semester because I was like, pro, you can take three classes, don't give it a fuck. Not realizing you ought to, like, take all of them to get out of college.

I took a screenshot of my class, or my semester after spring break, but we were off MLK day. So I had physics, construction safety class, and some other things on Monday. Physics lab. So I was going to physics. I screenshot this. I don't know. I thought I'm off Mondays. I was chilling.

Sundays I was like, dude, we can do whatever the fuck we want out of school. I go in. Dude, still past it. Still past it, by the way. We can do what we want. dude so i fucking went for a month and i'm in physics and they're talking about well during the lab we went over this and i had i thought the lab was something people are going to or into physics they had literally no fucking clue and then i finally realized that i've been missing my mondays

for a month all the monday labs yes and my construction safety class i rolled into my construction safety class after a month of not being there was literally like I fucking didn't know I had this class. And the chick let me in. I passed that, but physics, I got a 46 on the test. They came in to literally, beetle juice shit. I came in. I came in.

I was trying to find that Green Bay Packers jersey bought. I was going to wear it. Yeah. I don't know where it is. Oh, you got a fucking Reggie one. Yeah. Ninety-two. $9,000.

$5,000. I fucking went to the, I went to the, um, the way you're talking. It's just matter of fact. good, dude. Yeah. So I went to that, um, what is,

uh, like sign waves and shit? So sign a cosine? Cosine. What is that? What's that? What's that? What's the type of math that is?

Trigger out. Trigger. I have no idea. Go in the fucking my trip class. Get a 46, dude. I was like, what's her?

What's a bell curve? Because I thought we'd all pass because I thought we'd all pass because everyone failed it. No one failed it. And then I shop up. The dude is in class like, today is the last day to add drop. I was like, for the ad drop, do you have to pay for it if you drop the class this day?

He's like, no, you don't. That's in two weeks. If you don't go out in two weeks, then you have to do it. I literally was like, all right, guys, got my book bag, left college. Wow. Dude, I was like, this is a fucked situation. Like, there's no way I'm passing this shit. I can't, look, I'm not.

Engineering is the construction management. I'm not making for you. I did the same thing with calculus. Three, fifth. I took calculus two times and I got 33. Yeah. The way I filled out of it would be. on, it was hilarious, dude.

After I quit football, I just stopped going to class. I just drank in a house. Were you not going to class at all? Like, fucking so you're a skipping class. One or two a week. That's what I did, yeah. And then went home for Christmas break, and

they were like, you're expelled. I was like, oh shit. I was like, oh shit, they got to tell my parents. While I was home for Christmas break, like, I'm not going back. I didn't know I was getting kicked out either. I had all my shit in North Carolina.

My head, I mean, it was... I was in a fucking... It was dark, dude. Oh, my parents' basement crying. Sure. Yeah. I was like, mine's way more jovial than that. We, like, went...

I was working at a trash incinerator that we had a cover with clean fucking fill. So we picked all the trash out, got rid of it, covered it with these, like, all these rocks, but we could only have, like, a certain size stone. So my dad was like, dude, just picking any of the big rocks out. And this place is, like, a... football field. I'm just rock. So I'm just sitting there looking down, grabbing him. My uncle rolls up in a trash truck. And he's like, what the

fuck are you doing? I was like, dude, my mom wants me to go college. He's like, just fucking quit. I was like, okay. So then I quit and started driving trash trucks. Nice. I didn't have a sports. How did you get to you here? I went to George Washington and then fell out of that, then went to Delco. Like a Delaware

yeah. Filled out of that. We did that. Did you get a condo? Yeah. I'll be a lot sister for six. And then I finished the Drexel. You, fuck. Fucking, hey. How'd you get into Drexel if you fell out Delaware County? Because the guy that ran the screenwriting program had, like, tried to get me because I, like, wrote a script my senior year when I was in high school. Was it tires?

It wasn't tires. You wrote that at Drexel, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was like my senior project. And he fucking failed out. Yeah. Well, I did graduate Drexel. Oh, you did?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you're dumb as far. Well, I fell out of George Washington. And then Delaware County Community College. George Washington's hard to get into, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, Drexel's not. He's not dumb.

Yeah. I'm darned. Nobody failed out without drinking, really. Oh, there's other things I can get. He failed out without missing class. Same thing. Like, after I fell out, I was living at my parents' house. So I did go to, like, every class at Delaware County Community College.

When I went to Community College, I locked them. Oh, you know. After West Point, after Elon. Yeah. Two years later, I'm at Community College next to the Farm Show Complex in Harrisburg. I had a juker bottom My was no no way Tellur County County

I was in heaven You could smoke on campus and shit So like me and all the kids just go out In between classes Rip butts go to Donald's I love that like your gradient Of like how sick shit is Is what you're allowed to do

Yeah I'm not meant to be in school I can't do what I can't even imagine We're allowed to smoke Yeah Can you imagine if you had to go to school If I had like if my job Tomorrow was to go to

meetings from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. You'd have to, you'd have to, you'd have to, I'd quit. The chair, hemorrhoids? Like, forget it. Jesus. Those hemorrhoids, that would definitely suck. Yeah. Are they permanent? Yeah, I don't know. I got a weird thing going on it. But it's like, yeah, sitting in a plastic chair for that many hours, just listening to stuff

you couldn't care less about it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you're like, my life is teaching, I mean, obviously there's some good ones, but lost is behind that. Lost. If you're like a control moment. I'm just saying. Pop the brakes. I'm just saying.

We're on big pockets right now, though. Obviously, he's good teachers, but there's some that it's like, all right, brother. My mom's a teacher. She's a good teacher. Hello. While I was in school, one of the teachers got busted for having sex with the kids. Few of them, actually. One, I moved.

All-Boy's school? Yeah. One, it was like prison. One, I moved her into her house. But I was retarded, so I wasn't picking up on anything that was going on. Yes, Gerben, yes. Well, it's just a just, just, yeah. Two to me and down.

Yeah. I'm not getting rowdy. You're just getting rowdy. We're almost done. You don't have to be in tomorrow, right? But that doesn't mean that I'm going to get right. No, no, no, I was just asking. Oh, I was going to go in.

I know tomorrow's early. Yeah. I'm going to go in pretty late. Supposedly, the one teacher was banging the kid, and she was, like, trying to be cool with all the kids in the class, and she was buying a beer and shit. And then she started talking shit to the one kid in class, and he was like, I'll be right back, went to the principal's office.

Yeah, she's having sex with one of the sticks. Got her booted. Legendary. She was a fucking. Bill, I could listen to you talk about school. It is so funny. Honestly, you are Phil Gillis.

You are the exact same dude. Like, the way he talks is... I go in there, I go, what the fuck is this shit? I fucking got a 46. I thought there was a fucking belker. I paid it on a belker. You know, research papers?

But there's like, I think five was my all-time acts. I did write a paper in Temple that was awesome. How many pages? And it was five. And it was porn, the libido killer. I had a whole paper on point. Dude gave me an A plus. He was cool of shit.

That's Manifier. Yeah. Tangential. And then, yeah, in high school, we had to write, like, a research paper. I chose Alphonse Capone the worst. And I just paid kids to do it. And the teacher just like, all right, man. Class of you wrote this.

Obviously, what am I? Seriously. You were like, dude, I am. I got busted out. Yeah. My boy Shaw wrote it. Shout out, Shaw. I didn't pay anybody, but I took my roommate's paper from the year before and just handed

into the same teacher. And she was like, you think I don't know. You don't think I don't remember. Evan. That's like, motherfucker. Fuck, I should have taken this day on this. The thing that the real shit about being fucking stupid is being too stupid to cheat because a lot of the smart kids can fucking cheat. And I would be like... There's like...

Yeah, there's a higher echelon. Yeah, they're so good of cheating. Yeah, that's all it is. Super top is all cheating. All my boys that were in like AP shit. We're cheating their balls off and I was like, fucking how? I've told this before, but I cheated a lot. How do you cheat, though?

You get people to write your shit? Yeah, no. No, like, we had a, yeah, he would give us the same test. So the class before this girl would just give me a calculator. And I would just, I'd get like 100, 100 on everything. That's sad. And then I was a recruiting visit for football. So I missed the test day.

And then he was like, here's the makeup test. And it was like four, just four problems. That was it. Because he, like, he loved the football team. And he was trying to, he was like, come, bro, I got you. I couldn't, I couldn't, I didn't know one. red. I didn't know one.

I wrote three for every single answer and just handed it back to him I was like, I don't know one thing about what you've been. I don't even know this subject. I haven't listened to once. Yeah, we had none of the chicks doing us any favors because it was all dudes, so.

Oh, that's tough. Just dudes is tough to cheat. Yeah. You need chicks. You're just fucking around. There's like, there's no cheating is physically impossible. Yeah, that'd be tough with this. Dude, like writing that shit on your calculator,

have, like, you would have to at least know the equations a little bit if you had, like, the cheat sheet in the calculator slit. I would sit there be reading, like, no, no, he would give us multiple choice. It was Scantron tests. Oh, God. And then he gave me a real test.

Like, no Scantron. Just, like, do the work. Oh, you didn't have to show the work on the Scantron? No, it's a Scantron. It's multiple choice. Damn, I usually would have Scantron and worksheet. Oh, yeah, yeah. We did actually have those and other ones,

but no, this guy would just toss us a scantron. Bro. This lady would just write A, B, C. I would hit Scantrons and like skits out. I'd be like, it's been A four times. It can't be. Yeah. Yeah. It has to be wrong. Little fucking roulette. You go, it's been read too often, dude. Oh, yeah. It's black. My fucking SATs, I'm like McAvonneuse. I had 960s.

I like you. I can't read. I'm like you. I'm like you guys. I can't even fucking read. You know, oh, there he is. There's our next president. Dude is bulletproof somehow. He walks through all that shit. Yeah. All you do is not be Trump. Yeah, true. You're going to get... If Trucker comes as an ex-prison, though.

I'm not voting, though. Trucker up. Yeah. I see your fucking Alps, bro. Trucker calls him, yeah. His Alps shipment just got stolen. You like Trucker? We're on the same vibe, bro.

You're on the same vibe, but are you on that fucking Christian weird shit? Christian weird shit, the stuff that you said you were on in the beginning of the podcast? Catholicism, bro. There's a big difference. No, trucker is definitely not Catholic. No, Trucker is into Kabbalism. Chuck where's both eyes, dude. He's a fucking Protestant.

Good point. He said he's found Christ, honestly. Yeah, he found Protestant Christ. Oh, really? Is that? 100% that guy's not Catholic. What's Protestant? It's the exact same, yeah.

What's the difference? We have Pope, bro. We have the Vatican. We have the church. Oh, okay. And also they're much more strict about word for word in the Bible. Oh, so they're kind of like evangelicals with that shit? He seems a little more evangelical, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I kind of just like the shit he puts up about like, like, he's real and shit. I got to be on. He's fucking kind of nailing it lately, but... Yeah, it feels a little too good. I started watching that and like fucking... You got to watch it, Jones on Duncan Trussell. He got like halfway through it.

He goes back to his old shit and saying, like, we're pretty much three-dimensional beings that are more powerful than the fourth-dimension beings, but they're using us, and we think they're more powerful than us, and they're going to use AI to take us out so then they can... Do the fuck of the fourth-dimensional being? Yeah, instead of ascending to the fourth-dimensional naturally, they're going to create a false dimension through AI.

Well, I'll be plugged into the matrix. How does he know all that? It was an ARPANET. It was like a futurist, a futurist, wrote an art, like, I don't know what they call it, like a white paper for ARPANET. Yeah. Before DARPA.

Like, read the old, like, futurist papers and stuff. I'll tell you what, Jolene's just a cute little date spot. Don't angle that, man. Fuck the fucking fourth dimension, dude. I'm here. I just went to Routes today. That was actually pretty good. You went to where?

Roots. Where's that at? In Westchester. It's a tasty little cute. It's a cute spot. It's a cute spot. Are you, like, don't know on many dates? Is this why you say?

Yeah, you're swimming in posy. I'm not swimming in put, no, drowning. I'm not sorry. Definitely draining. I peeve by arresting. You definitely drowning. I'm dating them out there and, uh... How often do you go on dates?

Just curious. Cereal date. You don't actually have to say that. Oh, thank you. Okay. We're just bullshit and we can totally edit this out. Yeah. Or not.

Blink twice. No, no. We don't have to. Yeah. But no, I mean, I'm dating and so... Having fun, as they call it. Well, I'm dating. intentionally, I'm trying to...

I'm... You want to find your wife? Yes. Your Forever hole. Your sheath has this. I do think I would want my wife to fire a hard funny. Sure, yeah. Trying to find your first wife.

I'm looking for my forever hole. Your forever hole is great. Hey man, he found his. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks, yeah. I asked to hit it. I mean, there's no hiding it now. A hole. Yeah. You got your ring, bro. That's sick. I was like, bro, Spades always told me to wear rings, but I wear rings.

Hold on, let me throw that in the fire real quick. Forge it. Very weird. You ever wear rings or anything like that? How far do you go? Oh, he's tried. If it wasn't for Shane, I'd be wearing a lot of it. Like Jack Sparrow?

If it wasn't for Ed Martin, do you? You remember in Fight Club and Tyler Dern was like, dude, Ed Norton would think this is so gay. Although, I mean, the only thing is I think... You could totally punch Gervie. you just go six have hit a little bit

he does actually have missed exit velocity on this if you did die I don't know how far I would go in the other direction I think I finally got through to you yeah here's how I knew I got through to you yeah the Savannah bananas

the Savannah bananas that was a major test I sent him a video of the Savannah bananas and I was like this is your shit what is that is it the Savannah bananas is like Harlem Globetrotter they're like Haukeyes

I very much respect it yeah they're all fucking nasty of baseball which It actually even pissed me off even more because they do all those cutie dances. And I was like, these fucking torts. Then I watched them catch like a double play between the legs. I was like, all right, these guys are fucking nasty. Yeah, they're very talented.

The dances and but they're like doing like cute guy shit. But it's like, it's like cool face paint fucking glove. Like they're, I don't know. It's, you got to see it. They're the Harlem Globetters. In my opinion, it was right up Gerby's alley as far as what he, in his mind, if he could be anything, he'd be a Savannah banana. Right. I thought for sure I was correct.

on this. I said, I'm a reel of the Savannah Bananas dancing. I said, this is your shit. No. And he said, no. And I was very... What is your shit? Like, war hero. What? You want to be a war year? Why did everybody react like that? No, you just said... We're talking about sports. Because I thought about it in response to it with the

Savannah Bannas stuff. I feel so bad. Just to say like, a war hero, like a famous war hero? Yeah, you know, like... If you could be anything. Are you watching Masters in the air being like, this is totally true? You wouldn't be like the line of Tel Aviv. Captain. Captain America.

You're like a fighter pilot. Okay, yeah. 2020 vision. Like, Mavisovina. Yeah. John Housal, my boys.

Brothers are a fucking pilot. Not a Savannah Bina. Then he told me that I've, thankfully I've gotten in, I've gotten through the defenses. I've gotten through the iron dung. He came in in, and now I'm in the firecrackers.

I was just wearing. Burberry tans. They're black. Shut up. What? I was wearing sweats. Tommy's fiancee bought me a bunch of clothes. and I picked these right here

well I'm just saying I'm not out shopping I'm not fucking it's hard dude going out somewhere trying to find a pair of pants I've never never I grab the wrong side I got off the show where I'm trying to this will shrink my ass sweats my armpit sweat and I leave that's every trip to the mall yeah it's a little too bright in there he told me he was like

I saw that video that Savannah bananas and I thought to myself fucking queers and I was like Yes. We've reached it. The soprados. That's just the warrior. That is the warrior on him. Is that why you send me gay guys kissing on Instagram?

Me? Trying to see if that's my stuff? I'll tell you what, that backfire because now my algorithm. Bro. But dude, did I say you one of the guy's ass cheeks? Yes. The guy with the thickest fucking cheeks. There's a new one I've been watching where it's a big, tall white man that acts perfectly

like a black woman and he has a little black boyfriend and they walk around. No, stop. It's crazy. fucking great. It's crazy. I want to show it. Show me this. It's so crazy and they do like she, like the dude literally does the hand signals like black check. Liz is at the end of that.

It's very fucking insane. Got a fly. Why did you leave your cheaters in the truck, brother? I thought about getting them. You're what? My glasses. I don't know. Yeah, I've been sending you a lot of shit with that one gay podcast where talks about like getting nut in his face and shit.

What? Jesus. I send you all those reels for the intros. You got to take the cans off, bro. Oh, the guy who says, like, talking to your pants now, you want me to eat that cake? Yeah. That's killing me, dude.

You got to take the headphones off, dude. I had to fucking listen. Who's the guy who's, like, when they're talking about the geiza? Oh, that's the Brazzers do. That dude's killing me. You've changed, Bill. I've changed. I literally can be more normal.

I get paid to do gay shit, mate. There you go. That's a dude. Oh, this is fake, dude. It's real. He does, he does, like, fucking girl hand signals and shit. That's great. Turn out the song.

I think of it might get us. It's up about making guys toes curls. That's a dude. Anyway, I got like 83 points in one game. Trying to figure out a sporting event he's at. Based on the old painting. It's like New Mexico or something like that.

Oh, a little New Mexico State. That's a Wolfpack Stadium right there. She does that. I mean, it's here. Thank you. Thank you. No problem. You're a screen blocker.

I can't see it. So who? Oh, it's louding down here. Shane's Gung Cave. Oh, so, okay. That's a man. I understood. I got it.

He's like Baron Trump. For real. It's crazy. That's what's going to happen to everyone if everyone keeps it down this road. What? They can be a bunch of benedides and luxemaxing with huge asses. It's not going to stop it. Is anyone actually look at him?

What? Gervin's fucking looks maxing? Gervin is look maxing. But he's not. Got that Reagan hair line. I mean, not really. He hasn't. Gerben's like cash right now.

He hasn't. got into, there's no substances. No peptides? No. No, this is natural. Dude, wait until he finds out about peptides. Tell me about peptides. You're going to be like, Oh, I don't know. I just them. I told you I was going to take peptides today and he kept being like, what pet tides? Dude, did you think this? I was like driving over.

I was like, I mean, it's literally a self very good. Well, how come he gets to do it? So Billy met a dude. I met this dude through Billy, and he's like, dude, you got to take Glow, take Reda? What the fuck was the other ones? Joe, or? Oh, I forget. You got a pin to wind, they say. Yeah. I'm sorry? I can't inject anything, so I'm just going to have to be a lifetime natural. Can you inject stuff?

Yeah. Dude, I'm trying to. This is the best you look. What are they? They're just steroids? They're not steroids. They're not steroids. I'll be fat in three weeks.

I'll hurt my soul. Is this not the best he's looked in a while? I'll hurt my show. I don't really pay attention. I see him in a lot. You should see Spade's son is jacked. He's a generous, dude. He's literally like, how tall is this boy already?

He's a tall. We're not going to talk about tall. What's a number? Well, frame. About why? We're talking about weight. Yes. His reign is actually like creating a fullback.

Yeah. For real, it might be, it might be Mike Alston. He was given birth to the football. Mike Alstad is probably my favorite football player. Bro, could he be the last fullback? I mean, the game's going to change so much. I don't know if he'll reach the height. He could bring back the fullback.

Who? Oh, his fucking Cincinnati. Charlie boy. Republicans. His son of Republicans could be the final fullbacking. Damn, he's a unit. Yeah, it's fucking stout. Well.

He's got a dome, dude. He's got a Jones bill. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. He's a hearty boy. That's a guy who punches metal for fun. He'll put his arms down. That's a left.

I enjoy the frame. Cute. Cute. Now, that makes sense. That's cute. That's cute. Yes. A bar is cute.

Him and a bar have nothing in common. This episode is brought to you by Eugiet. You know how it is. Sometimes things are getting spicy, but you're, let's say, their words, not mine. Little guys just not cooperating. That's where Aruget ready comes in. It's a three-and-one ED treatment that dissolves fast on your tongue to start working in about 15 minutes and lasts up to 36 hours. Supporting both blood flow and arousal, so body and mind work together. Arugiette, performance medicine for men. Go to eruget.com slash drench to get 20% off for a little. limited time. Also, guys, I have some shows coming up. Please, for the love of good, for the love of good, go to Matt McCusker.com. I believe I'll be in Iowa pretty soon and St. Paul,

mini Minnesota. So go to there. Also, it's probably sold out, but there is that link show. Go to shane gillis.com. Is it Shane Gillis or Shane M? Let me double check here. Let me see, guys. I'm sorry to hold you up here. I just want to make sure I got the information correct. Otherwise, it would be pretty rude. I didn't even do this episode. I can't just plug my shows.

That would be very rude of me to do that. Lincoln Financial Field, it is ShaneM.gillis.com, by the way. Shane M.gillis.com. Let's see if Lincoln Financial Field is sold out. Hold on, guys. Let's see. Ooh-wee. Guys, we got to sell this out.

It's getting, close. If you think, oh, it's not for a while, I should be fine. You're a fucking fool. I don't see a lot of blue in this thing. The gray being sold out. Ooh, we, boys, this is about to go. It's about to fucking go, guys. Get your motherfucking tickets to chainendgillis.com. Oh, back to the episode. Pardon the interruption. Pardon the interruption. This is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah at Wise Guys Comedy Club. March 27th and 28th with Nate Marshall.

So please come see that show if you'd like. And I'll be at the Comet in Cincinnati, not Comet Pingpong, just the Comet in Cincinnati on May 22nd and 23rd. So please come to those. That was a little joke there, but I'd really like to see you guys at the show. So please come if you can. Tickets are at shongardini.com. and we also have optimum noctus

at the creek in the cave in Austin, Texas, me, Nate Marshall and Lamar Lee every first and third Tuesday of the month. So thank you very much for your time. Pardon the interruption. Enjoy the rest of the show. And we're back, dude. Did you see a smashing machine?

No, bro. Fuck. Because I love the documentary. No, but I love the documentary. The Mark Irving. Yeah, the original documentary where he's like, can I tell you something that

the documentary fucked something up for me with Mark Kirk because when you watch him he's such a badass and just like the way he like in the documentary too he's like ragdoll this is like when UFC was dudes with mullets and karate bands and then he's in there with like actual spandex and he's just like a good wrestler it's the first time he interviews and he goes

I was just gonna kick the shit I was Joe soft dude the rock the rock talks like that he does the voice so good that might give me that right there might give me It made the entire movie. He was on an airplane at one point going to Tokyo and he's like, fucking

huge in like an aisle seat and the lady sitting next and where dude has the window and the things down, he's like, excuse me, can you put that down? I love the sunsets. Now, dude, he calls about his tummy. Yeah, the best is when he's at the fair, he's trying to go on the gravetry and he's like,

you know, I can't call on that with my tummy. Yeah, it's perfect. It's one of the best. I only watched the old documentary that was on, I think it was like on HBO, but it was just, and they don't show him taking pills and it was like in real time

injecting pain yeah I didn't even know that as a thing in the dock when you see him doing it you're like also we made that documentary made Japan look nuts because it was like before we knew a lot about it and they were just doing these like Tokyo dome fucking tournaments

yeah and it was like dude that was a night ride and all that shit it's on the documentary yeah I mean it's like early 2000s yeah it was like oh two right after the height of Super Mario. Yeah.

You've been on a real Super Mario shit. I'm on a real Super Mario. I'm on three. Three's hard as fuck, bro. Not that a lot. That's actually hard. Paddle slamming territory. Like, I fucking die and I just grab the controllers.

Holy guy. You know it? What's your top shit right now? Tanuki suit? Yes, dude. Dude, Tanuki suit's top. You know the name of it?

No, I'll only race in a tuniqui suit. I know. Tanuki Mario? Yes. Easily the greatest. Does three abac tape for you? Yeah. It's hilarious.

It's Tanuki? Tuniqui. Is that how you say raccoon in Japanese? No clue. It's a kind of, I think it's like a mixed breed of something. You say a raccoon dog? A mix of a raccoon dog recently and I was pretty fucking fired up about it, actually. Let me look up at what a Tanuky is.

It has to be a raccoon. But there's, I don't know. What are you getting Tanukia? Oh, his name is Sunuki Mario. Did they say that in the game? I mean, they don't say shit. My whole life, I thought it was a raccoon. That's a fucking raccoon dog is.

What the fuck? What is that? Is that a real dog? No, it's a... Domesticated, it's just an animal. It's like a sloth face. It's an Asian... I think that's probably what it's...

The Taduki's based off of... Japanese raccoon dog. What, is it actually? A real mammal native to Japan known for its fox-like appearance, mass-like markings, a thick brown non-ring tail. Give me credit.

In Japanese folio... You're trying to call you dumb. Yeah. No, I was... There's supernatural shapeshifters. Me and all testicles are... Because we watch Super Marry 3 stuff when we eat.

You're watching YouTube videos to get through it. Suppose you don't digest right if you eat, watch YouTube or TV while you eat. What? Because your mind is like watching the TV so you don't digest as good as you should. So you just to go into like a deprivation tank and chew? It's impossible. I better eat like this sometimes. I have to have a YouTube video to eat.

I just put one on at a truck stop eating burger cake. Like a toddler, I put my phone on on its little side. I always just trying to find out of McDonald's? Didn't have it. You lied to me? I was going to get McDonald's. I was so jealous. Can I taste something?

You're getting rest of McDonald's, and I was genuinely. Who wants BK? Like, what's the hierarchy? Well, McDonald's is the best. But let me tell you right now. The Arch's call. Wendy's fell off. Wendy's fell off. Wendy's fell off.

Let me tell you right now, that Sprite that I got. That Sprite. That Sprite. Was fucking terrific. That, sir, they've been hitting me with reels about the big arch, and I'm like, I want to try it. I'm looking at it. I'm like, you know, I might do this.

If I did a sesame, if I didn't have a stomach full of BK, I would do a class field trip to get a big arch I was talking to Sertrater about eating before bed I was like dude I can't do it Sutter said I eat myself to sleep How he does it I eat cereal I used to eat cereal

CCCC was a certain of a choice CETA's horrible You're not supposed to drink milk Right before you go to bed I'm 70 pounds heavier than I was in high school That's all milk weight Milk is like a drug Milk is rocked

It's the best I love it I can drink a gallon of milk in like a day and a half It was funny as I got broly. When I was a kid, I would drink milk like water. Yeah. Like I would suck. I didn't slow do that, dude. I always hated eating at my friend's houses because then their parents had to see how much milk I drank.

Yeah. One bowl of cereal? Yeah. One bowl? Like a boost bag. Yeah. Hey, uh, hey, uh, hey, Mike. You cut off.

You go, what'd you say to me? Yeah. Dude, my cousin, my cousin's a shared driveway with us on the compound. They had 10 kids. Jesus. Dude, I think there was a dedicated. farm for their milk intake because it was like milk with spaghetti. Then we get four gallons.

With the spaghetti, I've done it. Every single time I've had rules. It's like liquid time of time of time. I remember being 17 or 18 and seeing the bill and it was $400. This is like 1999. And they had four gallons of milk at a time. Always. Ajax would come in and just slam the fucking Cousker household.

Oh, you guys are like the Gronkowski. Ajax just released an album. Oh yeah. Ajax McCusker. on Spotify. An E. Voice of an angel, bro.

Well, just so you know that's about to hit 450 side. I want to make like he's 15 bucks. Dude, out of the

desk with a diabetes port fucking crushing from the third floor. You're charting. Kairns Goulous. Dude, listen to it. Ajax McCussell.

It's like fucking sick shit. He has a voice of an angel but he's like six foot eight. He's huge. That's what I want.

It's like Andre the giant if you could sing. That's what I want. That's the funier. That's like the Mark Kervoe voice. It's powerful.

as fuck, bro. Jack is a general giant. He wouldn't hurt a fly, bro. No. But yeah, they used to crush phone to find because of fucking Matt's famous ass. No, no, no, no.

Go Spotify. He has a... On Spotify. Just search Ajax McCusker. It has to come up. Cameron's doors. Just to look by artist. Yeah, there it is.

Karen's doors, perhaps? John McCusker? No. Fuck is John McCusker. I mean... Comes up for me. It's crazy that now you can just put up music.

Oh, yeah. You know, if you're awesome, that's great. But if you suck, you're just like, Oh, no. Get it? Hit it. Hit it top plate. Give soda a taste.

I mean, the quality is insane. Is he probably this? No, he did it with like an A-I thing. He's singing. It's ominous. We'll give you some Ajax lore. I'd smoke and drive to this shit. Yeah.

Jacks used to like stand at the perimeter of our school where like the actual feat would end where the school property was and smoke Reds in front of our disciplinarian. Just rip Marba Reds. He'll look into Hilland and just be like, what are you going to do about it? You're selling this album. I'm not on school property. He can.

He can't. I know, but I mean. Dude, the McCastries had that music game, man. He needs a fucking. It's a long intro, honestly. Come on, Ajax sing. Boo. You got to hear his fucking voice.

I know. I hope it's coming. Fast forward. It's almost like it's a bit every time you think he's going to sing. He's like, never don't. Yeah. Good instrumental intro.

I don't do it anymore. That was the best. That was the best. That was the best fact out I've never heard. I really was like, there's no... Fast forward. This is like a seven-minute intro. They don't do that anymore.

This is B-side shit. It's like journey the social. He's not singing. You might have uploaded the instrument by accident. It might be the wrong song. I feel like I'm getting trolls, dude. Kiron's doors. I'm looking

Is this not him? No, that's him my shit. Dude, that brain kid was so funny. He was like, that's a hole, that's crazy. That's crazy.

He had voice stuff that in high school. Not taking it away. That's AJ. Damn. Yeah, he can wait. Ajax used to also be able to memorize books. Yeah.

He knew what was on pages. You knew a walkout song, bro? Little A. A. A. Yes. crush that shit dude i'll bless ajax before shows

that'd be fucking sick dude that'd be awesome i need ajax sing the national anthem he would do that heartbeat link that's the leers yeah he sings for every wedding oh is that coming up that's like in may right july is that his cross to bear

that he has to sing at every McCusker wedding bro the whole family loves music your entire family ave maria all this oh my that'd be nuts see him and his sister at a baby Maria

together at wedding jazz it's fucking how great how tall is he's huge so jack's like a legit six five he and probably three yeah probably yeah foxway 20 just a gomble it goblet of milk long hair singing like you looking he has the he did a talent show in ice gore he did a metallic it was i remember which one when it was it was uh nothing else matters saying a really it's the fantasy of every teenager is to rip it at a talent show i likea and some and some thirty three-year-olds who are just driving driving long.

Oh, he's up. Sicking back? Yeah. Thinking back where you go, come out ACDC and I wail on guitar. So sick. There was a few kids in the senior girls were to suck my dick.

I wish I could have gotten head. That was the fuck me up about that Manosphere thing? Was that guy's like videotaping himself getting head? Like that's a thing? I don't watch the documentary. You can see a monster. What? People filmed themselves.

So like, Andrews in England with this guy, um, H.S. Tiki-talkie. And he's like, yeah, dude, if you go, if you join my telegram,

you can watch me get head. And I'm like, dude, this is a fucking thing these guys are doing. These streams are getting wild. Not to change subject. I'm sorry. Our stream's going to have to.

We're going to have to pick it up. Jesus, yeah. Maybe we should quadruple kiss. You gotta get herald and Marbella. Everybody. Tongue dog pile. It's full kegs. You gotta go to Ibitha.

And he's just singing to himself with a beautiful voice. Roll in kegs like they're nothing. It's a real man. Algae Kong. I'll learn a whole fucking thing of cattle in barrels, yeah, he was a unit. Yeah, he was just picking up kegs.

Dude, something about a staff t-shirt on a guy. with long hair. I know. Just does it. Just does it for me, dude. You know, that guy, he's up to something. Yeah. I like it.

Yeah, that's... You can be a ponytail on a staff t-shirt? I've tried many times to grow up my hair. Never works. You look great with him. My head just comes increasingly bigger.

You got to take the weight out of it. Did it cut? I do that, and then I look like... Hey, you might be the fucking noggin' boy. What size a hat do you wear? Fitted. Don't. Yeah.

No, I never wear fitted hats. Well, I can't fit in a regular hat. I think Soder has a beat. I wear an ace. He's sponsored by the big hat. Oh, they're a big hat. I did a commercial for the guy, and then he played it all over. And he's like, I'll send it your big hats.

And then he made me a Miami Dolphins hat when McDaniel was the coach of the dolphins and I went to a game and my other friend that I grew up with Chad when we're on the field. He goes, Soda's wearing unlicensed NFL gear. I hope all the NFL coaches get that cool, dude. Yeah. Oh, yeah. McHughers. press conferences like he should all be that chill yeah you're worried mckeever could you guys could go

down for dumb bert's heads size eight like i think he's the only person i know there's who bert Kreischer he's got size eight he's got a royd head though has that true he's on set teasing on testosterone probably dude it's so funny when barry bonds his head shrunk back down and then he showed back in public i'm a huge giants fan and he was and you're like he's not on steroids and his just head would go to his top of his head to his shoulder And then he was in the strike zone. It was gone. Gone. What was to be out of it?

You'd be like, dude, but when McGuire and sister were going for it, dude, it was fucking the best thing ever. Well, that's why Bonds got on steroids. Because they said there was a dinner. There's a dinner at Ken Griffey Jr.'s house. And they're all talking about it.

And he was like, want to see me stare? Well, I see me deeroids. And then he just was like all this crushing. He was the best player of all the time. It's crazy. He's not too close.

He's the best player of all time. Yeah. He could have died in 1998 and been easily at her first battle, all of favor. I forget the exact stat, but his, the walks, the on-basis he took. It was like the highest. The more than teams. Combined.

He had more walks than, like, the devil race that year. The funny thing was watching him. He would just go up to the plane and they'd be like, take first. He'd put on his elbow guard or whatever, and then he'd know they'd walk in him, and he would, like, you'd get really huffy where he'd go, like, take off his elbow card. He's like, you won't pitch to me. But he did this, dude, if I'd a run.

Oh. Oh, they would always, yeah. I'm a trap, bro. Well, he was a stolen base guy originally when he was like with the pirates and shit. With the pirates, he was, yeah. I had his rookie card, him and McGuire were both. It was nasty, yeah. McGuire was skinny or they started choosing.

How hard were you guys chained for McGuire over so-s? I loved it. Am I right brothers? I was too young. I was, I was just young. I was just young. What are they called Frankenberry? Come on, Mark and Blire.

Sosa. Sosa turned like an MJ. He really did. So it's the Frankenberry. It's so real. Do you remember that video here? It's happening to my skins.

He goes, Sammy Sosa's baseball. He's so real. Sammy Sosa fucking rules. It's final. I think that's what I get a little older. You go, actually, Sosa was the myth. Yeah. When you're a young white man, when you're a young white man, you go,

I'd like to see Mark McGuire when he looks like my dad. A red-haired man that has freckles on his name. Looks. like he's got his forearms tan from mowing the lawn but so's so she's just fucking cool yeah shatterwood at the recliner so's the so's the sprinting with the american flag in the in the outfield at rigler i think it was right after nine 11th oh yeah come on now yeah that's what's all about so so's the man but bonds was like the guy that everyone hated so it was fun to like him and be and be like shitty about it and you were a giants fan too yeah i was like he never got caught he never got caught when balko was happening

other than the exact same. And then he stops playing and he just comes back to Earth. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's definitely a syruits. Yeah, so what was your baseball team? Giants. I love the Giants. Dan, that must have been so nice that bad.

Dude, there was times in the 90s. We won a World Series, though. Never won. Uh, nine until 2010. Yeah. But we lost 89, lost in 02. Yeah. It sucked.

Was it Litzikim? Linscombe was the main. Linscombe was the main. Long hair. Yeah. Fucking whipped it. His dad had a claws in his con, that a pitching coach couldn't change his release.

Sick. He was like, you're not fucking with my boy's release. What's that mean? Like the way he threw the ball, they couldn't come in and go, you gotta just take your arm. He'd be like, don't touch the boy. He was awesome. I remember watching a Giants double header.

I don't know if it was with the Phillies, but I watched this. And this went on for like two days. And it went into like way extra innings, like 17 innings. It was fucking nuts, dude. Wait, you watch like on TV? On TV, like back as a kid.

You sat down and watched a double header? and started it was like a fucking and it went in an extra ending and I was like this is fucking nuts back of the day no pitch clock yeah no internet nothing just be like this game I'm like sitting there like dude this game's on over yet we had a car rid of an encyclopedia

we had a bar? No no I was a little kid double-hether giants somehow you're watching you're watching a fucking Matt Williams bad and third it's like the mid-90s giant yeah hell yeah damn the mid-niz Phillies were goats and baseball in Philly was like the most popular

fucking thing ever. You guys had the baddest team. You guys had the coolest team. You had the coolest colors. The Braves were the villains. We had a new uniform. Braves were the villains, but you guys had fucking crook. Then you had nails. Mitch Williams. Wild thing.

Oakland always beat our ass. So it was always like... Oakland rules. Oakland was great. Ricky Henderson. Rick Hederson is the funniest baseball player of all time. I never heard him talk. I heard Barry He talks of third person. The funniest Ricky Henderson story of all time is One of his teammates was talking about John 316.

And then Ricky Henderson walked over. He goes, Ricky don't care if John hit 316. Ricky's going to hit 350. But he was third person. Man, it's powerful. You guys start going third person. Me? Shade doesn't like that.

Sheet doesn't care about that. Hey? Never. Oh, man. That was a we've been, we put together a good pod today. Garbies were firing. Yeah. Gervyn is the funniest dude ever.

Gervin thinks that he is Tyler Durdin, Tushan, and Shane. That's crazy. He's crazy. That's a crazy. That's a crazy. That's a crazy day. He's nuts.

He thinks he's Brad Pitt. Yeah. He goes, as a six-pack. Or just in general, it does not a... He does have a great body. Yes. Thank. Dude, maybe this is what happens when you get a six-pack.

If you get a six-pack, you're like, oh, God, Derek, who's my, fuck. head Dorton. That's like God giving giraffs long necks so that they can eat. The shit he does on set during tires is you lose your mind.

He gets there before me every day, so I get into hair and makeup after him and he sings while he's in hair and makeup, he like sings songs with the girls. Excuse me? He must be in heaven, dude. It's his favorite thing in the world. What kind of songs? I like it. Fucking show tunes. What do you think?

He doesn't sing. I don't know that he's doing it. Yanky doodle Dan. The music he likes. Yeah. You come in and he's like, I'm the man in the box. The way, the music he likes.

Yeah. The glasses he went, like, everything he does is so fucking funny. Movie style. Yeah, dude. He's so funny. He is. You're Dr. Frankenstein. No, he's at Thornton.

He's so funny. Dude, hit the fact that he thinks. But I'm getting to him. We were talking about earlier. I sent him the Savannah bananas and it got through to him. I was like, you like this shit? And he was like, shit's gay. And I was like, yes.

Later. Yes, brother. You're starting to see it. Yes. I think it's gay. Yeah. Fucking Helen Keller. I'm like, yeah.

Oh. That was him going, oh. That is water. Dude, they do his hair. They shampoo his hair. While they're shampooing his hair. He's like, oh yeah

dude stop the other good one of the other hair makeup girls filmed it and sent it to me it was like this is what he's doing it now they're yeah love this out no no no no no no

they love it he sounds like a fucking porno director from my 2003 this girl this girl's doing his shampoo and he's going holy shit oh but I swear the girls

those girls love him I get in there and they're like Steve's so nice you're mean and I'm like no I'm just it's fucking 8 a.m. I have to put fucking makeup on. He comes in there with a tray of pink drinks

from Starbucks and knows what each one goes to and he goes, have you guys heard? I saw on Celine live in Vegas. So he goes in, he tells them about his dates. It talks about his dating like, he does. He does. I mean... He's just a lot, man.

It's absolutely correct. And I am, he's right about this when it comes to the Tyler Dern thing. I am jealous of the freedom the complete freedom yeah and but you wouldn't be that way anyway he's happy yeah he's just saying that he just thinks that your freedom and his freedom's the same you would be different dude that's actually a very good point you know what i mean your freedom isn't singing songs with the girls yeah but i wish yeah i guess i don't really like this you just you just you just kid it you could just see you're like you know what i thought about

about it. I'm Tyler Durdon. And I was just in there like, I fucked. What was his? I gave up picking on Gervin for Lent, so. Did you really? Yeah. My nephew gave up doing six, seven for Lent. I'm serious? He's struggling. Very hard. I'll call him. I'll be like,

is Andy on? Yeah. I'll be like, dude. We were at work today for like six or seven hours. He's in the car. Dude, I coached fucking flag and all those kids, dude. Someone doesn't hit that extra point. It's like, I swear to go. Alex Jones has

Alex Jones has to have an nephew because he's been randomly hit in like six or seven years and shit like that's dude and I'm like my look seven just six seven. Do you drop it and then side eye? It's so nice to just be like is Anthony, can Anthony hear me right now?

And he'll be like yeah, I'm like dude it was crazy. I was at work for like six or seven hours. He's just like okay come on man. It's like someone not trying to smoke. He like thinks he's going hell if he doesn't.

A power of Catholicism. He's just dying. Oh, he gave up the way. He gave it. He decided. They're like, he know, he did, he knows. Oh, this is great. Like, this is his favorite thing. He gave it up. Does Lent end on

Easter or good Friday? Yeah. Easter? It ends on Easter, yeah. So he's got to wait until your eyes. He's going to be waiting. He's going to hit the 6th. Easter Monday is glorious. I'm going to go. Anthony, what times mass? Is it six or seventh?

hurts his shoulders oh dude it's crazy my nephew just had basketball the one kid was like fucking crazy 80D and he would just run up and down the court once he got to the three point line just slide all the way down this kid's fucking rules

yeah yeah I saw a nice video this kid with Down syndrome it was Special Olympics basketball did I send this to you so nice he's he's fast break live this kid's nasty

he like literally like finger rolls and no fast break But the kid chasing him on the other team Start fucking heading. Hitting him on the end. And then the game gets heated, dude. But this kid's like draining threes and looking at the sideline like,

Oh my God. Yeah. They got that, the WWF fucking taunts down. Bro. You ever play that game? He's not even reaching for high-fives and team. Pigskin?

Yeah. Where you would like, it was like medieval shit where you would like play football. I kind of remember that. It's very good. I was just watching videos on that the other day. What are you talking about? Pigskin.

It's like violent. football. It's like medieval football on Sega. It was called like pig scanners. They love that on Sega. And that shit ruled. It's very good. I know what you're telling about. Golden Ax was my favorite. Golden X fucking ruled. I got no little YouTube whole of these like... Golden X is in the

arcade. What do you call them? Yes. Video games? How did they do that? Oh, yeah. The all-in-lons? Golden Axe ruled. What do you call them? He has a real thing. It's called Steam deck. Yeah, I got... Oh, Steam. I got that thing on me. I wish, dude. My emulator fucking crashed.

though. Wait, so you have... It's too much work. Gameboy? It's like a... Steam deck's like a giant... It has everything. Switch? Yeah.

It's like a bigger... It's like a switch on steroids. Spade just got a switch and now he's stuck in the under rod in Zelda. I gave it up real quick, too. Fucking guys killing it. I'm not built for open world games. It's possible.

I'm a 2D game. I'm playing Zelda. I might have got lost. I might have to start the game over. Oh, damn. I think they took that. I've done that twice with both last of us. I've gone halfway.

Got a little bored. stop, try to come back and do like, I got to re-re-boot this. I think I have to start the game I said, no you don't. I was like, dude, I'm pretty sure. I'm fucking. I entered the depths and I'm not supposed to be here yet. Don't have enough hearts. Yeah, I just been fucking spasging on Super Mario 3. It's kind of

my happy place. What about, are you going to give it, like Luigi's Mansion? No, no, I don't fuck. I like their real ones. Although I do like, a lot of people hate on Super Mario, too. I do like it. I don't care if that it was a rush game that they just slap Super Mario on. It's still fun. Shucks. I think they took it down.

Did they? Was it an AI? I think the kid attacking him, they probably were like, give a bad band to Special Olympics? Yeah, yeah. Well, the kid fucking, he's shooting from NBA range. It's like those videos where they're bouncing the ball off each other's heads. That's how violent they're getting.

My entire internet is just NBA clips, dude. I fucked up. Really? No, that's good. The Jordan, um, the Jordan, um, the Bronn argument. And then now this new. Spage is going to go to a bar shop. The new kid that bumped Kobe for the all-time points.

Um, about shots. my whole shit's fucked I wonder how many Kobe had that night that was sick 82?

No no I mean free throws oh yeah but yeah this was absurd mama 43 free throws it was it was impressive but it was also felt kind of like spamming

yeah because someone's like I just fuck it then you go don't do that you're not really these teammates are trying to help them get it it's like when I used to play Tony Hawk and I'd turn off

the you turn that off just for shit to giggle sometimes but people would walk in a room and I'd have a five The manual. The manual. I'd have five milly going on.

So there's a way, like, when you have to balance the manual. It got really easy once you got the analog stick. You had to do it with the fucking thing. And then you can turn that on. You just get a trillion points in. It would be zero forever. So people would come into my dorm or whatever. And I'd just be chilling in.

No, I just be chilling in my room. You know, in a beanbag playing Tony Hawk, but I'd be like a three million run. That's so embarrassing. Yeah. If I walked in, I think I, have I ever caught you doing something like that? Like somebody hit like Madden

They're up 140 I got all I got through that before I was 20 I adjusted I swear to God I played him and Madden He went and took a piss And I switched mine to Rooking

Put his on all pro or all madden And I was fucking him up for a little bit That's great Yeah that's great That he found out that Still one HB screen HB slip screen

HB slip screen That's like Alcata to take out Russia Yeah I don't I wouldn't do that But I like that you did that Well I think When someone goes

When they're playing a game and they go to piss, you got to fuck with them. Yeah, everyone knows. Moon shadow or night shadow. You know that? Yeah, we talked about it last year most? He was playing Red Dead and he went to the banter. The worst I got my friends. I put a stick of dynamite and I lit it underneath.

And that blew up everybody. It was great. He came out in the fuse was lit. He was like, no. No, you had the gun. You had the gun on them. And then you tossed the dynamite. But I did do that.

I beat my friend in NHL, 2001, 34 to 2. well that's great if you're playing against somebody yeah but I was like let me play it through because there was a glitch on the glove side or stick side

if you could manual one of my best friends in high school and he deserved it in NHL 93 there was a glitch where you could just constantly fucking score

and he never didn't do it the rapper I would just sit there like dude is it the wraparound goal I was good I'm in his bedroom like dude

I'm like are you serious and it's just like never stop it's like when Rogan plays people and pull and just a night. See it again and I never I was like

dude what's happening this keeps happening that was the craziest thing he's ever done what are you talking about that's your video games first time I ever yeah true all right that's an exact thing first time I did Rogan we got done and he was like let's play pool I was like okay

I never played he was like it's just play just serve here and I was like so where to what should I do with him he didn't help him he just destroyed me in pool for like two hours and then left well all right episode comes out in two days.

There's a most uncomfortable dudes that can't lay it down and just have fun with pool. They can't do it. Do you think there was like a song playing like when Uncle Phil came back and bailed Will out in Fresh Prince to Soul Man?

You think Joe Rogan was like but it was like God smack? Dude, he, what, my first episode? No, I was like, Phil Uncle Phil and what you call it, Fresh France? Do he stand out?

so fucking good. That might be my favorite episode of Fresh Prince. Yeah, true. Will's hustling people, and then he gets crushed. They didn't know. Uncle Phil comes in and just beats the brakes off everybody. He's filled from down the way. Do you ever see that thing of Mel or what's his out?

Denzel watched it? He starts talking about stealing shit and stuff. He's like, they didn't know. Denzel from down the way. It's like, dude, you've been an actor for empty years. The Will Smith slap would he actually go to like Juilliard? Yes, he's an actor. It's like with Lil Wayne.

little way and I was like dude he's so fucking badass and I was dude went to art school I think he actually is I think he actually was very I think he was the real deal shot himself yeah yeah that they like Weezy seems like the real deal Weezy was like 16 when they put him on Yeah yeah yeah he handled

Child fame in the hood Do you understand the degree of like I don't think he had I don't know how well he was yeah I mean The kids he's been a dick Remember that YouTube document? I've been on Carls are up for 20 years Those kids couldn't handle that Spade

Spade had a kid in his neighborhood get killed he was on a rap document on YouTube. They made a documentary about these kids. They couldn't even handle YouTube fame. They started killing each other. Immediately.

Trapped Lord Raw, so I get on his videos sometimes. I drove home from the, what was that place in Virginia? Fucking, um, the place that went for sleeping.

Dude, last time I left as hard as I did earlier. Monroe is. On the way home, I know about the Monroe's. I drove home. I think I've showed you the clip. Oh,

we talked about it. Yeah. It's my last time. Everything I've ever seen. I drove home from Virginia and watched like a four-hour video on O'block. Trapler rocks.

I just saw a nice, there's a meme going around of Oblock. What? Of, uh, while they put up science. The squad together and then it's either got a dove or locked up. Or who's dead? Literally the entire squad. There's like 30 dudes.

It's like a football photo. Put a blackout. That is. They're all gone. That is like, there's one guy that's not in jail or dead. That's like all, that all-star Ross is. It's crazy. But it has all their nicknames on there too, which is pretty great.

That's great. Like, fucking squeaky, like a little pip, Pippet stop. Like a duff. underneath it. It's god damn. Yeah, they were all tweeting like, I just killed that fucking pussy. I did it. I'm at.

That was me? I'm smoking weed we named after me. That's almost the ramp up where they're like, oh shit. Just on Twitter being like, we're here right now. Come get us. The funniest one though is there was a guy named, I think it's Mr. Disrespectful. That's the one that dialed that's their nice. So I watched that documentary.

It was hilarious. He was like, he was like they were like, what's your name? He was like, Mr. Disrespectful. Like, why do they call you that? He's like, I just for real be disrespecting people. Well, this is how disrespectful it was. He dug up one of his ops graves. Yeah, that was wild. And, like, danced on it.

He dug up, he killed a guy and then danced on his grave. Yeah. He's dead now. But now he's dead. Yeah, I live by the sword. That's the, I mean, that's like a biblical offense. The best in that. I can see it.

I don't mean, you'd have to cartman their family is the only way to be more disrespectful is to grind them up. Maybe Gravehart time they did that? Yeah. Why are you... It's like Native America. How do you call yourself that? I think that...

It's disrespectful. That move gets some doctor disrespectful. I think you got a PhD. Yeah. You end up a grave? Dude, the only way you can be more disrespectful is if I showed up to fight you and your dead grandmother's clothes. Even the devil was like, come on, man. Oh, dude.

I'm just like to me. Hey, come on, man. I'm going to be so bummed out of his not. the South Bard Devil. Dude, she's terrible. It's good. If I die, it's not his. He's like, hi, hey, what's up guys?

Sirrah. Herbalah. Are you're fucking crazy? Oh, you guys are doing it? You're for real. That was my best joke. It was my favorite joke. Never made it.

What? I used to do, uh, I was like, when I was opening for soda, I'd be like, yeah, this is my impression. This is my impression of Allah calling Osal bin Laden the night before 9-11. And just be like, dude, that must have been nuts for people. What are you to do it, dude. You know how much I hate towers. Oh, man.

Disrupt the capitalist pigs. This is Osama. This is the devil calling Osama. It loud on 912. Oh, shit. You guys did it? You guys are fucking crazy. Oh, my God.

I don't even know that many girls. The best part was watching you get excited to do that joke, doing it on stage. And then when you run out of real estate and you just be like, you guys do it? Anyways. Yeah, it's South Park. Anyway.

South Park's that. But it is so far. Oh, you guys actually did it. Yeah, I don't know. I wish I still had that. I tried my best to hit the fucking thigh slap for you. It was so, it made me laugh. It made me laugh really hard.

You hit a thigh slap? He hit the thigh slap bringing him out of him. No, not the mic. He did the. I tried. Fake hump. Yeah, I like that. Did like two.

Looked over at Dan. Just going, oh shit. It was great. Hey, what's all everybody? Yeah, the Chicago stuff, they thought they're like, for real getting away with it. The cops are like, they're fucking killing each other, dude. That's like, I'm a problem. We don't have to do anything.

I know, I don't want to say this, but six things easier. They're actually pretty bad. Normally, we'd kill them. Listen, I've been a Chicago police officer for 15 years. This is the least I've had to work. I'll tell you what, I love that King Vaughn. This guy does my job for me, automated garbage. We used to every go down and put a gun in the guy's hand, but this fella down in

O'block. There's a guy. King Vaughn. That fucking Farie thing he said he was killing me. Which was? He's like, let me tell you about this guy. This guy says this. Let me tell you about this guy.

Oh, it's like talking to a painter on Lunspring. He never gets to it. Yeah, no, wait for this. It's amazing. The one that I keep seeing on is Farley, it's when Sandler's the waiter and he's doing the pepper. So funny. The Italian restaurant. It's like, Farley breaking Sandler.

Is it Christie Alley? I'm not sure who the lady is, but it's Farley. Or Sandler's like, would you like some crack peppers? And Farley's at the table. He's like, I would. Thank you. You just see it, Sandler like, Ugh.

Why? Just being a dick. Man, share rocks. You know what else rules? You know another good, Farley? Anything you want, you ask me. In Dairy Work? Oh.

And he's like, anything you need. Here. Can I stay at your place? You see, the thing is this. Is Derrywark where he's hit in the dewbox? He's like 57. G7. Rolling Stone, street fight.

G7. You hit G8. Oh, you're, right now your nephews. Can be exorcism to sleep? Yeah, it's like the shiny. He's going. Yeah. No, Anthony.

Oh. Oh. Yeah, what else is going on, fellas? It was a good pot. Oh, dude, did anything I think that with Vince McMahon being in, um, isn't he on trial that like fucking evil ass hair

I saw him going like 150 miles now yeah I saw that video I thought that might have been old I don't know I don't know if he's in trouble I don't know that guy straight up looks evil now with his eyes all of I think he's also boys with Trump I think he's fine he's like I can do whatever I want

he's definitely gonna be face pulls are freaking me and the fuck out the state's fucked up out yeah was that fake or what was the verdict on I don't know. It's our new Will Smith. This is the new slap. Was that a real effect?

See Jim Carrey's face, and I don't believe it. What's going to do you guys think? Do you guys thought the Will Smith Chris Rockslap was work? No, I thought it was just the funny. No, it was just for like three years you could make someone talking about it. You're just drinking and you're like, dude, you can remember that? If you get anyone to talk about it.

And they get very interested in it. They do. It's actually. It's not. It was crazy. It was nuts. Yeah. The slap?

Dude, it's crazy. I think enough time has passed. We can start talking about it again. Reserat. Because that was fucking crazy. I agree with that. A lot. I love it.

Do you think he sat back down and then won best best actor? He won the best award. Awesome. Keep my wife. For what? Could you imagine blowing your nose in Roger Goodell's tie and then winning the Super Bowl? Serena Williams thing.

Okay, that was good though. It was good. It was a good. Fuck it. He's back, though, right? He's like King Richard. No, he tried rapping and it got weird. Oh, yeah.

that one I like girls I was like all right I need to go to the concert in London What are you saying like that? I'm not gay I'm not gay and I'm not wearing a wire Really has like a really extended theory Probably not for here but about that

Yeah just like once you get into like a rap shoot Where you're like I need 15 girls naked dancing around me I'm not gay I'm straight and I'm a fucking murdering And we're gonna cut it at that and that's that The O block was like You got a phone follow me.

Fogas were about it. Through the crazy videos. No bitches. None. 50 shirtless black teenagers in a apartment jumping up and down pouring guns at the camera. Being a neighbor. Literally the scariest videos I've ever seen in my life. I haven't been that scared since

Rough Riders and, yeah, BMX. With the 4x? The 4x was putting out scary videos. ATVs. The only other guys that hold down like that are ISIS. There's never checks in their videos. And they're killing people. So they might have the crowd.

ISIS has done you. All right. Fair. They don't rap though. They could. I'll say this about U.S. propaganda. They're making it too gay. Oh, yeah.

Let other people make the clothes. What's up with the White House real? The pump me up intro. A 23 year old is running through Twitter. The White House core. Whatever that is. Yeah, that needs to stop. That's fucking nuts.

That sucks ass. They did like a bowling one. Yes. You see that? I think there might be a 23-year-old at the helm. Oh. That's absolutely what they did. I gotta be honest,

it reads, Who do you think you are, I am? Yeah, but they were just probably like, hey, Rubio, does your nephew want to run White House Twitter? And he was like, oh, that would be hilarious. It'd be hilarious to own these other lives. We're owning the lips.

It doesn't matter, dude. I'm going to open the straight. You're by yourself. Yeah. You should start another A's Dota theme park. I'm opening the straight of Hormuz. Off the shores of Iran Comedian Shane Gillis We have to know someone on the Nidditz

Open it up or you're gay You guys ever jack off? Look at this, the ships This is you standing on a I couldn't speak to ashes They would be like Should have went to that Saudi thing Oh yeah true

That was where your connects would have I could have opened the straight You lost your pull Do it now Yeah you think I should go to Riyadh now Yeah just to open the street of the news Now show in the round on a floating stage

on a Chinese barge on a belly dude we'll get the Chinese involved smiley the pirates are going to show up and they go actually this guy's pretty funny I saw him I saw him in the street I've always shown him

The cliff story Unbelievable Cliff live in the straight of Humber Cliff story live in the straight of Hormuz It opened up oil went down to $50 dollars a barrel. Half the price. Now, I'm going to open the straight

of her moves. Dude, do you know about taking... Diego Garcia? There's this fucking island. That's like... Diego Garcia? If you go down into, like, the Indian Ocean, the British found this fucking island, dude. And they can hit Asia.

They can hit everywhere if they just take this over. So they took it over. It's like 50 fucking years ago or whatever. And they can do whatever the fuck they want. The British? The British. They'll do nothing. And I... And Trump got busted he was like to England's a state I'll show us here it's fucking nice England

there's nothing it does they sent one boat and we're there bombs the fools here Donald we help you England are bombs these days yeah but you don't want to get warmed up they could be like Jankos they could come back true for sure I mean they're capable of pure evil am they're back going is that are we back to

colonizing they're the only one who had the real white slaves yeah I had a hog down, bro. Yeah. Dude, do you really think about that? They come back like John Wick. They're like, Oh, you're gonna make him slaves.

The white ones. And like, Trump said some shit. I can't, I don't know. It's some shit. Yeah, Trump will lead, uh, classified, he'll let classified shit slip in every meeting. We're lucky he's married because if he was trying to get pussy still. Pull him out, dude.

It takes one spot. The thing snapped on his finger and he's like, I would have hid the pain. He's definitely still trying to get pussy's. Oh, no, I know, but I'm saying If it was out in open I think marriage has ever held that boy back I don't think Melania was He's like, I can't

I love Melania Did you watch the movie? Well, I started it. The Melania movie? I cannot wait to see it. You got to make Lamar and Nate Watch it with you. Oh, yeah.

It's really well-shadow I kind of just want to watch I just want to watch I want to be hilarious. Dude, you know what's nuts? It's like the soundtrack Must have cost a fortune. Well, they got sued.

No, no, they got sued by a lot. No, no, no. All, like, all the bands that are in it, they just took all the music they wanted or put it in it. It's like a pump me up bid with drone footage and shit. With Hot Melania, Wallera? Yeah. All right. I will have to, I will have to sit them. But it gets beat.

She goes into, like, fashion shit, and there's a bunch of dudes, like, measuring her for dresses. I'm shutting this off. Not for you. Yeah. I wouldn't mind watching the measurements. What's going on there? Nah, it's. When you get to the part, you'll shut it off, too.

Okay. Well, I'm not going to ever watch it. Yeah. I will never watch that There might have been a secret message in or something I just wanted to see what it was Yeah they turned them all into Manchurian candidates Yeah do you know if you watched Melania

That was what MK Ultra led to I mean I think was Marania So wait does your boy You guys boy Trump That you guys voted for Does he This right now we're on Rock That you guys voted for

You actually have to say on how Halston he was Literally five minutes ago When you're like dude He's the man you got to admit it When last week last week yeah oh no that was uh you said he didn't have the juice i said he still definitely has the juice he doesn't need juice the juice no no no no no when he comes to shit talking the boy's still got it you were trying to say he lost the step he's losing a little bit

oh yeah his fastball he's not no no no no it's not it's hitable now as soon as he said it i watched him i watched him throw about one oh six right now it's there looks amazing two one of six it's like nolan ryan at the end remember this is a great documentary i just was a fantastic i just listen to Bill say he lost his fastball then I watched a clip of him going I just passed a fucking test that would be impossible for you you too

and I said this guy still got it now I'm not now the juice is different than decision making when he got hit with Epstein and he let her pretty much like why are we fighting? Why are we fighting that's a low point that was a low point that was a low point that was a low point as far as juice goes low point the juice oh what about

I have a retarded theory that Obama and Trump are actually friends, and this has all been a sci-op to wrap up the Middle East. We're just going to wrap it up. We're going to put in a little bow. It's going to be ours. And they pretended that they were hit. They were pretended that if they were enemies. Now, this could be the end of us.

Obama was actually like, you know what you'll never be as president of the United States. And that was actually like a little like dubbing. Like, dude, you will be the president of the other. You play this, right? Five each, yes. You play this. Trump plays it with five at a time. So Obama?

That's true. yeah we there's a there's a lot of dudes on the internet right now like going with some crazy theories and they're like it's chess and it's five D Trump's in control is like I did see that guys oh yeah it was the dumbest if you can tweet out or so it was like it was five D he was like he was like it's chess it's five D and he goes the reason we took Venezuela so we could take Iran it's like I know I could have come up with that exactly do it It's your friend who dates a stripper who swears she's not a slut. She's not a slut.

That's what I was talking. She likes to dance. Last week of the dudes posted videos of the war. She's dancing. She's dancing. How much one do you make? You're a hoker. How much one are you making the night?

You're a hoker. Possibly. Yeah, that's the greatest. The dudes who post videos on fucking Twitter. It looks like, Kevin Nash. Tel Avivu's getting bombed to hell. And someone's like, that's not Tel Aviv. that's actually in 2016 and they just said

I mean dude it's a fog of war it's like you're literally on Twitter I don't even know I don't know where to find a single piece of information it's done oh don't that's honestly the greatest win in Russia's history was just destroying us having valified

now you're being tricked into thing Russia gives up they're Russia's doing nothing dude it gets a fuck about Russia you know what it is probably to win Ukraine you know when you're you know when you just have a headache and you just always attributed to hug over.

You go fucking Russia. A hug over. You go Russia. Russia's like, I don't even... Now, you're getting close. There's one more step. Remember the hell out of the Cold War, kids? It's not Russia. You got the real headache.

Yep. You'll get there. And then you're going to go. I got a feeling. None of my problems real. It's real. Why do they make all our decisions? It's like that thing

with the IQ charge. Belkin. Russia's low IQ. No offense. I love that too slave in Russia is the equivalent of my dad being like, Iran's going to nuke us. Trump's a Russian spy. You go Russia and then you go, it's not. It's not Russia.

But it's somebody. And I'll give you a hint. Canada the whole time. I'll give you a hint who it is. I'm not allowed to say who it is. Is he actually going to do a concert there? No, that's a yeah. Oh, fine.

If he did a concert in Tel Aviv, either they would kill, somebody would kill him. You ever watched a video? It was like... I thought Barrenthal doing the whole day was AI. So did I. That's fucking crazy. But you ever watch a documentary about the monster next door?

You ever see it? About the guy who, like, worked down a factory. We've talked about this. Yeah. It's the guy who worked at a, like, Ford factory. And they were like, aren't you the butcher of Treblinka? And he was like, what?

Like, how did he get here. You got sent to Israel for trial. Yeah. It was just like a random dude. The best part of the whole fucking thing. Maybe. You might have the butcher. The best part of the entire thing is you're the guy who worked at the concentration

camp, right? No, they have a trial and the guy goes, how did they get here? He's like, bought a train over the oaks. That was great. My favorite, though, is I used to, yeah, I used to talk about doing that as a bit. And then Louis, never mind. But just the idea of a guy Like a factory

Just like pushing fucking buttons And somebody being like What you're the fucking butcher of DAC? I was just show him Billy Stop, oh just don't say that Why? Fuck, dude You're ashamed

You say, yo, I swear to God You were an SS officer It's like, shut the fuck up, dude Stop joking around about that You're on a flight You're like looking down at Jerusalem Like, oh shit Do you remember the old Lucky Louis?

Louis? I'm going to Israel Remember the old Lucky Louie clip when he's in an AA meeting and he's like, you guys are just all assholes? No. Do you remember this?

I just showed it to Bell. Very good. No. It's a good ass fucking show. Luckily, it was great on HBO. In that documentary, there's a,

he goes to Jerusalem and he has to get a lawyer and everyone's like, no one's picking. The lawyer. The lawyer, the Jewish Jew rolls up in a Porsche, like,

I'll do it. That's true. How many people? She's the great. How many people did you kill? Eish. We can get him out. What's your 401K?

That guy's, that guy's, name is fucking classic. What is that called? Monster next door? Yes. Monster next door. Devil next door. What was the what, what was his ethnicity? Was he Ukraine? Polish. Polish. It was hilarious.

He's like from Cleveland. In a Polish name really? The people, the Polish people in Cleveland are like, he wouldn't do that. He's the head of our sourcrow club. Yoram Shephtel. He's Jum Shephtel. I'll take a fucking case. Rolls up in a porch.

The documentary German talk. I'm going to watch this. I'm excited to watch this documentary. It's great. It's great. Also, you really, yeah, you'll see. You'll say. You're not going to know.

I'm going to watch it. It's real. I got WBC and I got fucking this documentary. What's WC? World baseball class. We lost to the Waps. Did we? The Wap?

I'm going to tell you right out. Italy's a fun team. Aaron Lola was dealing tonight. It's like all the countries play each other yesterday. I didn't even know. Yeah. They lost the Italy rules. Italy.

Well, they're not actually Italian. They're all just American dudes. It's 90% American guys. What's up with the, if you're in the Olympics, right, and you are American and you have like another heritage? Like, what is with that? You talk about that lady's skiing for China? I'm confused about that.

Because I'll tell you what, I'm confused too. And that was a confused person. I was a illusion. Because I don't like the support for this lady. I don't understand this. I didn't even do enough fact finding to find out. If she got paid to do it, fuck that noise. Well, you used to say.

have to be an amateur. I don't even like it though. I don't like it at all. China over America? No. Come on that. The only ones I understand. She's a baby and she's incredible where she does. WBC, I understand because USA. Nothing but respect. Oh, she rips. She rips. Isn't it, didn't she a skier?

Nothing but respect. WBC, I'm cool with it because USA doesn't take a lot of guys and then guys go, I want to play. Yeah, WBC is, there's no rules. You can be, your grandma can be from, she can be half a day. There's a white catcher. Dominican Republic.

Dude, look up the white catcher on the video. It's so funny. He looks like the one white kid in the hood. And they're all like, and they watch him dance and they're like, every time they score, then he's like... Domenic Republic's playing Japan. No, they're playing Korea. Venezuela's playing Japan. Oh, it's Venezuela.

Venezuela's fucking got a squad, though. That was a great game last night. It sucks. It sucks Israel. It would have been nice Venezuela, Israel. Venezuela is real. Great. That would have been the ideal matchup. Venezuela, it's crazy to watch them you go you just don't even have a leader right now wasn't one kid like an electrician

or just better shut out we can stay up we can stay up as late as we want I don't even have this like we ate ice cream for breakfast we're Venezuela no runs no but Italy's fun Vinnie Pasquintana

the Pasquatch he's the man came to your show a little story about the pasquatch Pasquatch is the fucking man That's just Italian havers of guy can play for Italy dude he Hold on that I'm You know the basquatch story.

No. This guy rules. This guy's the first baseman for the Kansas City Royals. Yeah. Cool as hell. Oh, yeah. Huge. I'm an idiot.

I forgot you were. It was great. It was. Yeah. So we did a show in Cleveland. The Royals were playing the Cleveland, the Guardians. They, excuse me, excuse me. Thank you.

She looks good. Now, thank you for getting her correct pronouns. They looked good. That's crazy that they got to you. But it must have been in the back. But he took the vaccine. I was using proper pronouns. Me?

Yeah, you did earlier. But we do a show. No, dude, COVID-19-A-4. Busted out. Me? Never. Me? It's fantastic.

But no, a couple of the guys from the Royals came to the show. And then most of the guys were like, yeah, we got to dip out. We got a game tomorrow. Not the Pasquatch. Do you pass-s-faxed-Hagged? Coldest line of ever. I don't give a fuck let's have a little fun he goes you guys going out because you guys going out after the show you go yeah and like Bobby wood junior like all the royals all the

all the royals were like all right we're going back we got a we got to play tomorrow during the day yeah and then Pasquatch just like looks down he goes you guys you guys going out you go yeah he goes fuck it I'm D-H and I'll go out with you guys and then right as he said that Shane goes $100 you're going to hit a home run and and Vinny was like book it and then we went out they drank do we land in we land in uh where was the no we were we were going to a casino and we get to a red light yeah and you can see the pasquatch was thinking to himself you should probably get to bed i got to play the cleveland indian swan he just gets out of the fucking uber and goes up at a red light he was like he'd been silent

for like 15 minutes and before that he was chatting a little and then all of a sudden you can sees the wheels returned in for a while or he goes you know guys i got to go in he got out of a red i respected it because it was it was the best duck and roll i've seen out of a car in a while and he just disappeared into the night and then we went next next day goes yard damn hit the home run really yeah dude bottom of the fourth he's the man katie was going nuts i told her and we landed in fucking dc she's like 50 went yard and i was like dude he went yard he's like Oh, you fucking. We were looking up.

It was great. And Bobby sent me a picture of him in his fucking in the ice bath. Just like, yeah. God's a legend, dude. So he's on team Italy, right? But he's like their leader. He's like their glue guy. He's also the captain.

Yeah. He's a locker room. Locker room guy. Not just locker, dude. He had three home runs in their last. Well, he was over 12 before that. I know. He was zero.

But he does, they have an espresso machine in the dugout. So when you hit a home run, you drink an espresso. Holy furs. Jackard and they all go They put on in Armani's Yeah They go like this That's fucking

Dude they're up 8-0 On the United States Where does this takes place Houston And Miami And Miami and San Juan Puerto Rico and Tokyo

Now it's down to Houston Yeah it'll be in Miami And Houston Oh my fuck Is America still in it Yeah We need in Italy to be

Mexico And we did it Yeah Our Our Our Who do we have Oh dude

Our team We have We have Chris Bryce Bryce Harper, Aaron Judge. All right, we got everybody.

Everybody. Yeah, but we tried to- Al Schwerver. We tried to rest. We tried to rest some boys against the Wops. And the Wops went nuts. It was 8-0-0.

Did they beat? They put a beating on. Those Italians are good with bats. Which was funny because the first home run and they're all doing the espresso and shit. Yeah, that's fun. They're having a good time.

That's cute. Eight-nothing. You're going, these motherfuckers do you out don't let they turn on their country. He's fucking. He's the size in war. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, who would have thought the whops weren't going to be loyal?

First inning, you're like, this is a lot of fun culture. This is hilarious. Sixth inning, you go, glucose to nostril. He's fucking pieces of shit. Yeah, I became Elliot Ness real quick. We got to put an end of this shit. Follow the money, follow the money. But Aaron Judge fucking had a chance to win it.

We had two runners on, bottom of the ninth, two outs, and he fucking struck out. Italy got us. He's a physical freak, dude. It's crazy. Were you there at the guard? garden when he was there no no that was it was it would have been nice for you to be he was at your show yeah holy shit he is a horse yeah he looks like a horse it's hilarious he's a horse man he looks like a he looks like a leg no room you go what the oh my god but also it's because he's

proportionally correct yeah that's what i mean we just so silly this before dude it's terrifying we were in arizona we saw this dude you remember that crazy dude we were in arizona we saw this cowboy walking in a coffee shop and i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me and billy was like, yo, Spade, walk off to that dude. And it was like... Was he proportionally good? But he was proportional with a... It's so funny.

Gene's like normal height and everything. It was like an NBA player you can watch walk by and it's all bones. Yeah, he's free. Like long arms. He's huge. A proportionally correct dude that's 6-8. It's crazy. He's fucking hilarious.

Well, like LeBron's 6-9 and he's pretty... He's pretty proportional. I can't watch him with his I see some... He's a kid in Jordan. no they just send me all this like LeBron flops Do you know what's funny is my algorithm is all

Larry Bird shit talk videos You see the Dr. Joy Gilly Oh I just love all those briskeys Would you? We're getting into Bird? That's great. I love beer, dude I love Larry Legend weird Who fucking the heck from Turner Jay was making

Gilly and Dr. Jay were making fun of Bird's neck He was wild Did you see uh I think it was Doc Rivers He played for the Hawks When Larry was like to hit this three in this corner and then he did and you see the entire Hawks bench

because it was right in front of their bench like there's a story that coach came in the next day and put on film and was like did you watch the ABA thing Don't you try to stop him the what Danny you guys watched the ABA thing She was slick He made a whole documentary on the ABA

Oh five and her about the ABA It's like pretty new yeah oh absolutely watch that Scored 100 though Willed is the goat that's retarded well 100 points and then just fucking everybody by the way illegally probably at the time he's taking down white ladies and they're like yo he's like 100 what are you gonna do about it yeah you ever see I'm up here he just holds white women up here like cookies on tap of the refrigerator that's it give me that my life god damn it will gentlemen you ever see him like doing track he's somewhat proportional he is slightly proportional yeah there's that clip of him being like Him and Michael Jordan or Bill Walton's telling the story. Is it the elevator? No, about they're at the 90s, all century team or whatever. And Wilton, Michael Jordan, are arguing about who's the best of all time.

And someone's like, well, championships or whatever. And then, well, it's like, you know, my friend was telling me that the other day. And he's got 11 of them. And he was talking about Bill Russell. And you're like, oh, shit. But he got him at the end. You're like, oh, yeah. Will Chamberlain scored 100 points

with no three-pointer. When you watch Will's highlights, it is funny because he is good. Yeah. He looks almost modern. When you watch the soul power thing, they show the, in the soul power thing,

they show the old A, before the ABA, they show the old NBA, and it's so beat. And then they're like, dude, they brought in a three-pointer. Yeah. It was that like,

like laces on the ball. Yeah, but they can tackle each other. That's what's crazy. That's where Bill Lambert came in. You know, the 89 pistons. Shout out Notre Dame. Bill Lambeer was a problem. He was just pissing everyone off.

He was the original rage bait. Stunk, dude. You might have averaged fucking five and eight. He just fucking slap people's arms. The Montana documentary was that he played basketball. Oh, Jill Montana? Joe Montana was like as good at basketball as he was at football. No, shit.

He was a running quarterback. Well, in the documentary, they're like, Like he was good. That's wild. I used to be obsessed with Jim Flambier average nine and five. I was close. Nine and five? Yeah.

That's like my stats. And he's a legend just because he was a honk on Detroit. He was a hog on Detroit that would cause problems from people. People hated Bill Lambere. No. Watch anything you could find. It's hilarious. Watch anything.

He would just go out and fight all the best players. Dude, hard foul. He'd be like, yeah. He was a goon. He was straight up a goon and the wind. He was a six-foot. Tangoon. He's like, I'll slap that guy. That's like hack a shack.

Like, for a baby, yeah, I'm going to punch Michael Jordan in the mouth. All right. Just get out there. You fucking idiot. Dude, they split people in for Shaq. And they just go like, Chad just club his fucking forearms. Please stop doing that. Diesel's King. Diesel's my favorite player.

Number one with a bullet. She's got to me, dude. He just came here. He's like, I don't know. Oh, yeah. Crag food. Shackfruit. He's like, I want to dock? Do you want me to dunk it?

Yeah. His bed and MTV Cribs fucked me up. Yeah, it was a little scary. I remember. I remember those. Yeah, I never saw it. Yeah, Blue Chips rocked. Was that, like, what part of his career is that?

He was a rookie. He was a rookie with the magic. Yeah, that was early. Because that's why Anthony Hardaway was in it, too. Yeah. Okay. He didn't even want it. Jay and I used to do the Nick Nolty from Blue Chips constantly regal.

He didn't even want it. He didn't even want it. Come on, me on. Dude, Nick Nolte is the best of the blue ship. He's like, I tell me you didn't shave it. He's just, they said. What do you like better? Blue chips or he got game?

Dude, both of them are right. He got game rules. Ray Allen's great, man. Jesus Shuttleworth? Come on. Took his official visit to Elon University in that. Did he? Yeah.

When he bangs those white checks, never saw. Threesome? I never even got close to what you. that's why you went to e-lop. It's because you watch Seard game. I remember kids used to say that in high school, like dude-d-elon, the women-d-dud ratio is crazy. It was.

I never even heard of the place. Didn't help. Nothing you can do with that information. Yeah. There was a lot of... Yeah, there's nothing you can do about it. There's a lot of babes, but it doesn't help when you're 300 pounds in quitting the football team.

When you're not on the team in 300 pounds, it's not that cool. Yeah, but they say that all the time. I went to Arizona, and everyone's like, oh, Arizona party school, you're like, I was poor. That's a party school. Yeah, but I was poor and had to work.

That's where I got pussy. It was not at the school. We used to drive to Penn State and they'd be like, you think this is cool? Arizona. Arizona. I'll be honest. I just did Arizona recently

and it holds up. It rocks. Arizona State is insane. Arizona State is what you. Get a little off, pro. Dude, I don't know. Am I remember this right? Is that where Phil Mickelson went?

Phil Mickelson, like, bets, golf, in Arizona with Arizona kids. I might not be a remember that, right? Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.