Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 609 - Mega Heider (feat. Corey Heider & Nate Marshall)

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Corey @HeiderCorey on IG or 'Corey Heider' on YouTube Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live yo0o0o0o. Got a bonus for you this week. We're spoiling you. Got the D.A.W.G. Corey Heider at the Podes this week with Cusk n N8. Corey is the man check out his vids they are the best. Please enjoy. God Bless. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wow Wow Wes. And Corey Hyder. What's going on, dude? What the hell's happening? But I was just saying what a joyous occasion it was to meet up. You were telling us about the people of, where was that? Pittsburgh? Mm-mm. No, the tribes.

The tribe. The family, the eagle and the snake and the line. The Inca's and Aztex, yeah. Oh, Tenoctalon. We was talking about Tenocta lawn just a moment ago. To knock along. Yeah. And I just like that.

Yeah. It's a great story. They finally settled. on straight wheelpower. They waited, they didn't settle. You know what I mean? So ladies out there, don't settle. That's what I'm saying.

Don't settle. True. What do you think of the modern dating market right now? Oh, man. Well, I'm glad to be out of it. So I am, brother, because it is, it's like going bass fishing in a porta party out there, brother. It is. It is.

I can't tell if that means it's super easy. Oh, no. You do not want to catch bass in a port-potty, dude. No braino. No, dude. Hold on. Danes point. it is easy.

Yeah, yeah. You might be knocking turds around, but the next point, you're going to catch a lot. Yeah, you're going to catch a lot. Nothing I'd want to eat, though. Nothing I'd want to eat. Yeah. Yeah, I, uh, yeah, I, I peed in a porta potty like two days ago. I don't know if this was on purpose, but somebody clogged up the urinal in the porta potty

with toilet paper. It looked like it, like a, somebody did it intentionally. And it's like, why? Create a hell. Yeah, why would you want to disable the pee option? You're going to hurt. The only guy trying to help you. It was really weird.

I was like, I have a theory about homeless people that they thrive in fucked up conditions. Like they want it as bad as possible. And then when the porta potty, they see a portopi and they're like not nasty enough. Not nasty enough. Clock it with paper towel or toilet paper.

Piss on it. Make it reek. Some money. Some men want money. Some want power. Some just want to watch the world burn. What's the nastiest portopati you think you've ever seen? Portipati, dude.

I've seen one that breached. No. Breach water? No, not breached water. No. Yeah, brother. You're talking about the fucking poor above sea level,

because she was, you couldn't sit on it. You would have been penetrated by everything. I don't know how the last person done it. They must have had a stem ladder. That would have truly been

Montezuma surveyed. Oh my God. There was a fucking mountain. No, dude. I'm telling you. I believe you, but holy, I didn't think that was possible.

Yeah, could you? Here, okay. So here's the dynamic of it. The last two, three people, or last. serious game-changing last person because they would have done the last four or five pounds, bro.

They had to put the keystone on the fucking, you know. The peak. That was the peak. Dude, it had to have been an agent. Really, you know what I mean? Get down on the squat. The Japanese squat.

Yeah. But they had to have been facing the outward wall, not the door. That'd be funny too. It was just a single, it was just a mountain of diarrhea but then a single solid turn. Just floating like iceberg.

It's just like you guys been eating broccoli and rice and chicken. Is there a 12 inch or turn? Usually goes the other way. I get the plug and then to break. Because on keto, you know what I mean? You get that cheese plug, because I've been home back for two days. Or you get one that you turn.

Sometimes you see it. Oh, you did a full you. That's what's been happening. That motherfucker trying to go back on a one way. You can't be. That's a, uh-uh. Yeah. It does suck when you get it.

You like, when you poop and it's the shape of your intestines and you're like, oh, man. That's good. That's good. That is good. You clean that out. You like, I'm good for at least, you know, 18, inches in there.

You're ready. How's the, so how was the keto going? How long you've been on keto? Oh, dude. On and off. So I started started seriously. Dude, I was like 385 pounds.

I was like, I got to either die from this or figure something out. True. I was like, I could eat salad to go to the gym every day. And I was like, no, that sounds like some bitch shit. Right. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Dude. I went to the gym one time. I was like, I'm sweaty. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home and figure it out. And then I saw an internet article that said, if you eat hot dogs wrapped in cheese until you feel like you're going to have a heart attack, like run that six, seven months, cuss.

Right? Six, seven months. Just run it, dude. And that's what I did. And now you lost weight. Brother, I would, there would be times where I walk past the mirror. I'd be like, who the fuck? Oh, my God.

How much would you say your peak was? Sagan, dude. My peak was 385. Oh. So. Touching fours. Yeah, dude. Touching fours.

That's what, bro. And this is like, I used to watch Robin Big back in the day. And Big was so big, like, you probably don't notice. You probably never knew this. A home scale. typically only goes to 330 pounds. Like, if you're bigger than that, go to the hospital. Does it say error?

It's saying to Walmart. Yeah. It's just like, yeah, error. Error on the electric ones or the other ones will, boop, boop, boop. I love them ones because at least you can still tell. You're like, 330 plus. Okay. I should, you know.

So we would just be like, no. Yeah. So back in the day, right, me and my boy was scrapping metal for drugs, just like any good, hardworking American. And we was at the scrap yard, right? And there was this guy that looked like the dude that live in the pit and water world just the only way I can describe him. He had never seen the sun, bro.

And he just lived in scrap. He died by scrap, bro. He didn't leave his scrap shed. Yeah. And I went in there and he had the scale. And I was like, how high did I go? He's like, 25, 35 hundred pounds. I was like, kind of stand on it?

You mind if I stand on it real quick? He's like, three, 85. He's like, God damn, boy. I was like, yeah, that ain't good, is it? And I was like, how much just trying to like divert? I was like, how much you get for scrapping somebody like that? He's like, after you boil a man down to the bare minerals, you only worry about 12, 11 cents.

That's either the first joke this guy has ever told or we should get the fuck out of here Pretty quick What were you scrapping that day? I'm going to say stainless steel dude It was a stainless steel hospital cabinet weighed About 400 pounds I'm the same as me It's not bad haul

Oh dude I'm just to make for a haul like that Oh dude we made like four or five per 30s Cud They do cut the, if they think you're on drugs, you don't get the real scrap price. I know, dude. It's like a bartering system. No, I've seen it.

I know I stole it, but you know. I've seen an action. I've seen like two do, like tweakers come up and like a shopping cart full of wire. Yeah. Dead get away. Dude, they're like $30. And I'm looking at it like, well, that looks like a little more than that. You get like a tweaker price.

They rip you, they just fucking crust. They know you're just like, yeah. Right up the door. They know you'll say yes to anything. Yeah. So yeah, it's really funny. Burt. Yeah.

You got your burnt wire. Dude. Dude. game, especially on any job site, it's, there's more problems on a job site due to the scrap and how it's getting like, you know, who gets it. It's people are people like sneaking it, stealing it. It's, I've, it's just like a never ending drama. It's insane. Yeah. That's like literally 20, 25% of my job is calling the cops because someone stole the fucking copper pipes. Yeah. And now we got to refund the whole house. Yeah, dude. People go through your house, like

your entire house and just just pull out everything. Yeah, dude. It's like trying to keep apples away from raccoon. Do you ever do that? No. Bro, they'll break through your house vents. They will sneak through your fucking vents like Tom Cruise and Mission Fucking Impossible. They will scale down. They will unlock your door, letting their honeys. I had one trying to break it.

I think I told you before. I had a raccoon trying to break into the crib. I just had his little, this is back when I was living in Jersey, just a paw reaching through, like, where my, uh, my air conditioner, like, was, like, close. It just was a little ball. What? I just grabbed my hatchet. I was about to hash it was paw off. You're going to cut his hand off?

Oh, I didn't know what it was at first. You could cut the thief's hand on? Just hold it. Garsion rules real quick. You should have shook his hand. My neighbor had pet raccoons. Had a pet raccoons? Pet raccoons and he fed it Urkel cereal.

Urkel? I sort of got him. Did he do that? That feels fucked up. Dude, I remember going up there. I remember being like, damn, I never had Urkel cereal. I want Urkel cereal so bad. This fucking raccoons are getting to eat it.

He just right out the box. You would just throw it in there, feed it. Oh, okay. You get down in there with it. It's good. Let me say it. They were cool. They were actually raccoons are cool.

They're cool ass animals, but they're just, I don't know. They're just dirty. Bear family, technically. Goers hard. That's kind of dope. Minnie bear. Mini bear. Shout out to Ersus major.

Ersus. So we should probably, you know, the way I found you, actually it was a Brandon from Ruff house. Yeah. That's my boy. Yeah. He's a man. There's got.

Dude, the videos are so good. Just going through, you know. So like, what do you do? What do? Explain your thing. Okay. Okay. So I'm a contractor by trade, right?

But all the houses, see this is the hook, right? It's like one of them magic Palm Monkey Paul Jeannie wishes. Right? Like you get to be a contractor, but every house you go into is filled with shit and diapers and dead things. How about that? You like that? How about that?

How about that for a pandemic job? It's better than being like the Home Depot installer guy. I think they're like absolute underworld of contractors. The guy who puts in like a door, a screen door, from Home Depot. Like, like, like, dude, Nate, you could sign up today. It just be that guy and be the guy. I would like to do. And then you get there, you go, I got to go up two flights of steps. That's an additional $37.

Hmm. Bring this shit the fuck upstairs. I'll give you a tip. Screen door. Stop charging me extra shit. He's like, do you want the really long nail that like sets it in like deeply? I'm like, that'd be nice. Like that's an additional $59. Like dude, what the fuck? Nicol and diamond you. Bro home depot depot. Home Depot contractors come out and it's the old dog and pony show. It's like they get there they're like a fucking Vegas escort. They're like they're like they up it's like I thought it was 300 bucks like well let's to get here now it's gonna be a couple yeah they're fucking bullshit you need to get your own contractor that would be tight do what do you

oh what's stopping you do it lack of knowledge lack of technical knowledge grab one grab one grab just a dirty just a dirty thick man somewhere out you know what i mean just a dirty thick man out in the street somewhere you know what i mean you'd be like what are you up to huh you were you want to be on my retainer you want to be on retainer I used to my I used to uh paint houses with my friend Spud and he was he like trained me I can like I can actually house paint this one thing I can do but he was all mechanic he was all technical so I would do a lot of like talking to the people for him so I I know how I know enough and he would laugh because I know enough I'm good with like lingo so I can like bullshit and really

make it seem like I know what I'm talking about so I would you know he don't get a kick out of me because I'd walk around customers like oh yeah okay and I like talk talk talking turn him like dude what the fuck are you how do you do so yeah i could be i could be the guy with the ipad and like the clean tucked in polo that shows up being like yeah all right let me i'm gonna have one of my guys come out you would literally be the home depot installer yeah that's it all comes full circle man yeah that's all i get there yeah 500% mark up no idea so you you made the monkey paul genie wish you got your wish to be a contractor but you it's it's like the underworld of like just fucked up houses terrible he's recording that you're

Dude, it's... I got so used to it, though. It's crazy what you can get used to. Yeah, that's what I mean, bro. That's why I see my buddy's granddad who was in norm. I've seen the way he looks at fire, and I'm like, how do you get used to that? You know what I mean?

He just looks at it, like he's seen piles of bodies burn. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And now I'm just saying, and now I go... It's a wild look to see him. A man's eye where he just stared at a flame. Like, anyone are you going to move? I'm like, oh, man, dude, this is wild, dude.

So you walk into the houses and you just... You're ready. You go in. Glazed over. completely clear. What's the worst thing? What's the worst thing you've seen? I think you may have showed me.

I may have showed you and we may not be able to talk about it on you. Can we talk? Can we talk about anything? I think you just can't show it on. Okay. So there's this one time that, you know, well, you go in the house and first off, ground rules, you break into the house. Yeah. Right?

So what I do looks a lot like crime, which is great because that's what I used to do too. I'm like, this is my alley, right? So we break in the. the second floor window, right? Because it was unlocked. You go up, scroll up, do ladder through the roof. Okay, you go in the house. They all stink. Yeah. Right? Because what do they feel with? You don't know. Is there a rat king in here? We don't know. We don't know, dude. We're not familiar. So you go in through whatever bedroom you just came through, right? And he's like, with the bang. Are you like straight through a window? Straight through the window. Because there could be people in

there too. Yeah. Yeah. With the bang? I got a gun. I got brass knuckles You know what I mean? All that shit Just walking through toughest shit Cic your dirty sweaters Out of the way Not afraid to go back to jail

You know what I mean Absolutely And the whole house stinks right So because the fridge had been unplugged for Christ knows You know what I mean So the whole thing's just

From ground levels Is no way to know So when you go in there And there maybe has been A lady laying face down In the kitchen For 11 months You might not know right away

You might not know right away They don't tell you that I mean, that's all the paperwork, usually. So, yeah. So what do you do when you find that? Like, what's the next? Kick it. No, you have to.

Kick it. Yeah, dude, I ain't, uh-uh, not on my watch, buddy. Nope, no, no, no. You give it the double tap real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got boots on, ain't no big deal. You got to hit you with the play dead trick. Stab me in the neck.

You measure twice and cut once. So you, that's, yeah, you gotta give the tap. You gotta make sure you don't turn your back on a corpse. No. I've learned that from every movie, and I'm not fast. If you're already on the ground It's the only shot I got The wind in this

You're on the zombie bite Dude Curb stomp out cut So you've stumbled across the dead RIP Sometimes yeah Like what did you really feel The first time

Even at a funeral I'm kind of jarred at the viewing No I didn't care I forgot You're glazed over Yeah I'm in I see I had a real fucked up childhood

We're not allowed to talk about ever I know I promised everyone I wouldn't I would never say it but yeah so compartmentalization is like boy she's on point bro if it wasn't I'd be in therapy right now I'm not here you know what I mean I'd be fucked up on the street somewhere just became fun basically yeah I was like you got two two choices here bro you can either get real fucked up or you can become the life of the party okay what are we gonna do got two avenues cousin okay let's never talk about any of this shit again I always say if I had a nickel for every time I got molested I have one nickel I never talked about

What's the question. What was the question? You're just talking about it. Yeah. You're locked in. Locked in. Ain't nothing going to break my stride. Ain't nothing going to hold me down.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So, okay, dead grandma, that's okay. We should have other jobs to do. Okay. So hold on. Let me call somebody. Which is 911?

No, that's not an emergency. Let me find the... Hold on. Let me find the local number real quick. Priest maybe. Yeah. The priest. Yeah, I need an old priest and a young priest.

And maybe a F-250 Super Duty with a morgue slab in the back, maybe. Okay. Or the guy who collects deer. Do I ever tell you about the guy who collects deer? No. Brother. We should get his Instagram, but I don't think he can work a phone. He got them thumbs.

But anyway, so this guy, right? What's up with his thumbs? Don't even worry about it. If you got to ask, you can't afford it. So anyway, okay, so I'm driving down the street, right? And I see this guy cut off Dale Earnhardt's shirt, right? Hat on, glasses on the hat, not even on his fucking eyes, right? Marble hanging out of his mouth, real loose, real fuck.

Hope is the only thing holding that thing in his mouth. Hoping his dry ass lips. being in the son and chucking deer all day. So he's got, okay, so he's got a 1999 Chevy Silverado 5-3, the fucking great motor. And he all rusted out, right, bed falling off the fucking thing. Yeah. Already stacked with deer ranging from that motherfucker that still looks good to jerky.

Cause straight jerky. That boy had been bleeding out for weeks. And he is on the side of the road, cigarette hanging out, bare hands. I can't bend down because I'm like, he grabs his motherfucker and just heaps it on the pile. and gets no gloves, short, cut off. Yeah. Brother, the same shirt, no shower. Oh.

I'm like, this guy be stacking corpses dirty. So that goes back to the point. You can get used to a lot of shit for money. Wait, where did you encounter this guy, though? On the side of the road. Where else do you get deer corpse? Fuck? Oh, he was getting the dead dears.

Now he wasn't even hunting road. Roadkill. I'm sorry. Yes. I'm from Pennsylvania. Yeah, where the roads are scattered with corpses. Yeah, he was like the streets of Germany. Yeah, it's crazy.

Do you know what he was collecting them for? Or you know what he's getting? Probably fucking, what are there, Duncan Heinz points or whatever? The many crockers. People eat roadkill. He might have been munching it. Yeah, they probably pay him, right? They probably takes a picture.

They're like, we'll pay $25 a corpse to stack them and take them to the dump. Because that's what they do. They take them to dump. I've also been on the other end of that where I had to unload a U-Haul on a start of fucking deer corpses. Oh. And I'm like trying not to step. I'm like, sorry, buddy.

You know? Oh, man. I'm going to throw his TV on your head. There is a program where you can take deer corpse. to the dump and get some money? I've never been, you, I mean, we usually stop a plasma, right? That's usually where people sink. Yeah, true.

As far as legal ways to get money, scrap metal, plasma. Yeah. I've never been deer corpse. Deer corpse is wild. That's like an, that's like an 1830 fur trader. Yeah. Those guys who were like trapped varmin. They didn't even do it for the fur though.

They just do it for the love a ball. True. Maybe you get some antlers, maybe that's kind of nice. To keep you from the urge to really murder. You know, if you want, like, people body, just like, I'll just fuck around with these. They just poke it. That's what homeless people.

Yeah, that's what homeless people were for, I thought. You see, practice. Murder? Yeah, practice murder. Yeah. We don't want to talk about mom in therapy because we, man. Yeah, you could, you could, uh, hookers get murdered a lot too.

That's sad. That's sad. They're just doing a service for their community. I know. That's somebody making you come and then you kill them. That's not even fair. And then you come again. That's not.

Not me. No, it all makes it. No, you're right. That's, there's a line. Only in Grant. That's Auto. Yeah, I feel bad. I don't like you when hookers get killed.

Yeah, no. I'm the same way. Murderer homeless guy though is pretty, it's pretty gnarly, dude. Yeah, I would never, but, you know, it's just fun to joke about. Yeah, I mean, it's like, maybe more fun. Shoking them to death too, you're down. So I had a, funny enough, I got in my car the other morning. I got in my car the other morning.

I was driving. I had, like, run early, so I was like, like, like a little sweaty. It wasn't, you know, get to my car and I'm like, fuck, I saw someone had rifle through my glove box. I'm like, fucking homeless guy. I went through my car. And then they call, I'm like, that fucking stinks like a homeless guy here. And I'm like drive it. And I was like, I think that's me actually. And I was like, I think it's both of us. I think the homeless guys must. Was he in there? Was he in no, no, no. I didn't think you about to hit the brow. He was in the back seat. Yeah, dude. No, he, I didn't even check. I should

have checked. Yeah, dude. Just that mirror. True. He's just in there. I might leave him a snack in my car. I don't care, you know what I mean? You didn't take anything from me. There's something, I get it, but there's something that just bugs my soul. I know somebody's, I'm worried. I'm worried he's going to beat off in my car. That would piss me off. The soup kitchen.

I find the dry juice. Textful soup kitchen. I'll be pissed. Dude, if they come in there, there's not just one of them. They gang up for that. That's a group, that's a homeless group activity. Oh, somebody broke into your car. Never heard a dirty mic in the boys?

No. That's a brother. That's a real thing that happens. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they made a soup kitchen out of this guy's Prius. What? Yeah, on the other guys, the movie?

Never seen it? Dirty Mike in the boys? No. I wonder if I left, but you don't think if I left like some chapstick and applesauce and water? No. He's going to say, don't feed the deer.

You don't say don't feed the deer. That's exactly, you're going to start showing up at the car. I mean, more and more. I wouldn't mind that though. We have a ring cam. Just to see how many. That'd be nice.

Just crazy. Home ones. Five guys. Wait a second. Business idea. You get your own bait car. Or just buy a new car and you just see RV as a bait car. Yeah.

Okay. Or your car. I'm sorry. Are we allowed to say that? I don't know. You can say. Yeah. He doesn't use the accord as a bait car. Okay. Yeah. And then you just put it in your driveway and you just bait it for all these homeless to come in there and do. That'd be a good live stream. Like one of them eagle cams up in the woods. It's just all homeless in Austin. Bro, I ran into one. So remember, we've talked about you said, hey, be careful the homeless people. They're a little bit brazen. Yeah. I was like, it's okay. I know how to choke them. I know rear naked choke. It's real strong. So this guy, right, I'm wondering around the streets last night. And this guy, comes up to me. He's like, he keeps

I was like, yeah, this is my dude, right? And he's like, you got a cigarette? I was like, nah, man, I don't even smoke. And I left all my Zen in the hotel room. I'm like, I'm cooked, bro. He's like, you got a dollar? I was like, no, bro. I was like, no, bro. It's like, everything's cash. I'm just mimic him. Right? I was like, no, bro. I was like, I got none to cash.

And he's like, oh, he's like, fuck. I was like, I know. I don't know what we're going to do, bro. And he's like, all right, man. Good luck, brother. And I'm like, yeah, thanks, man. And I like walk away and he walks away right I'm like averted right And I was like walking three minutes later Same dude

Hey buddy I was like buddy I was like it's you again I was like you remember from like six minutes ago And I start tweaking right I was like for six minutes ago I was like did you get a cigarette yet And he's like no man fuck

And I was like I know dude we're cooked bro What are you gonna do? Just assimilate you just join them yeah And Austin I am the dead center between the homeless in the upper the sophistocrates okay

I'm dead fucking square so the sophisticate looks me in the eye they cross the street if a homeless man looks me in the eye they ask for money I'm like so I could be either one

you're either one you have a foot in each world so I talked to all the well-dressed people in elevators real nice and I act super homeless to the homeless people you're coach like we both

like we're what are we gonna do bro well I did enjoy the fact so flying out here I put you in first class what's that first class I think so, right? I don't know.

I wouldn't know fucking first class and third class. The seats big? Yeah? And was there just two of you in a row or three? There was three. There was a space between. My wife gave you comfort plus. I'm gonna call her in screen matter.

Okay. Comfort. Is that good or bad? I was happy. How many people were with you? Stop it. There was two people. There was on the way there, on the way here. There was two people on the way to Baltimore.

There was one person. There was seat in between us. But you were not allowed to set your bag there or he would look at you funny the whole time. So you were in the front. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was the first like if something went down I'm the first motherfucker. Yeah so you're in hell you hell you. So you were in first class. Yeah. I was about to call my wife and say that was first class. Stop it. Why are you treating me like this?

I had to. I'm literally white trash. What do you do it? That was what I was kind of start ground. You got to build up dude. No, I wanted I wanted to unleash you in first class dude. It did not go out. You tried to make a flight buddy. Oh so many times and they were to shut you down. Absolutely not. Yeah the one lady. I don't know if I could say this you know, uh, HIPAA. Hippa. Are you Peter? No. You know, she. No. Oh, dude, I was peeping her phone the whole time. Well, she was sitting right there. And she had Wi-Fi.

I'm like, how to fuck she get Wi-Fi? So I was like this. I was like, oh, shit. She was that. King of Queens? I love that shit. And I know all the words. I didn't even need the ball.

And she kept looking at this fucking seating chart for a stadium for a softball game, right? And it was in Massachusetts. And I knew we was going to Austin. And I was just like, I got to figure out something to start a conversation with her, right? And I didn't want to say, oh, you just went to the bathroom. Did you take a dump? Like, what was that about? Was that cool?

And so she came back and I was like, oh, you go into a game? And she was like, no. And she like hit her phone and put it in her pocket. I was like, okay. I'm just, I'm going to fuck off for the next two hours and look out of my window because I got the window seat. And another outbursts like that. I'm going to close the fucking shade. So you got one more of those, lady.

Maybe shut me down. You were phone peeping and you try to make a conversation. Not a phone peeping. Yeah, that might not be a good idea. I don't know. iPhone peep. You can't let people know your phone peep. Letting him know.

You can go into a cave lady. Dude, I saw a game. guy in like an airline uniform one time on his phone. I'm like sitting next and I'm like looking down and it was full like did you fuck this person? And it was like him texting that person and they were going back and forth and I was like

scandalous. It was very scandalous. Dude. I was getting rocked up. I was like I hope she did fuck him. I'm not phone peeping. I just have a massive erection for other reasons. I was just clocking his affair. I'm like fuck dude. This fucking pilot's having an affair. That's so much. Of course he is.

Why I will see a pilot. Don't marry a pilot. Okay, if you're out there and you're married to a pilot. Brother, come on. What are you going to do? Why? Well, like, he was about to go fly to plane. No, he was, he was like doing like civilian flying. Oh.

So you know, like the flight attendants and pilots sometimes just hop on the plane and fly. Dude, that'd be a little. He was doing that. I was next to him and I was just clocking his phone. It was a lot of older people too have that giant font. Yeah, yeah. I could read it from 40 yards away. Saw his Instagram really.

The other day was just a lady at the Spurs game. Like, there's so many Mexicans here. I didn't know they could afford it. It was just her with the giant. Fine. I was like, holy shit. Do you know why they can afford it?

Because they work hard. And they're very industrious people. You should do your own text in the game. Yeah. Correct. Was that the game where they won the like last second shot? I don't know what game. It was just like a randomist.

It didn't even, you couldn't even see the players. It just was the people zooming in on the ladies. It's also a funny way just to like Photoshop people's phones and just write the most whatever you want. Like that was fucked up. Why would she text out? It's crazy.

That's a power move. I can be old Instagram itself right there, dude. Hey, everybody. Real quick, I will be in Phoenix this weekend. This very weekend, I'll be at Phoenix, the Celebrity Theater. I'll be in Phoenix at the Celebrity Theater. And then Tucson, Arizona on Saturday. Guys, I'm sorry, I'm just so sleepy.

I woke up at 4.30 this morning. Unintentionally joccoed out. Woke up at 4.30. And I just got after it, guys, so I'm exhausted. I'm bushed. I'm absolutely bushed right now. But I won't be bushed when I'm in Phoenix and then Tucson this weekend. So come on out, guys.

There's a link to my website, Matt McCusker.com in the show description or something in some box beneath this video. Please come. Or don't. If you don't want to come, don't come. Somebody do. I'll be shredded by summer.

I'm actually on track to genuinely be shredded by summer. So that's, you know, you can't have it all. But I will be shredded either way. Guys, have a good night. Please go. Dude, I've, I've, uh, so apparently there's people out there now, like, you know, when you see those like Instagram videos of like, I can make 10 grand online, you know, show, I'll show you how to do it.

I, this one guy was watching his video and he said he just like has chat GBT. He's like writing very sad, fucked up story. And then he gets the, like looks through him and goes, yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Then he goes, sore or make a video about this. And then he just has AI just write these like clickbait weird or like write the story and has a thing, AI do the video. and he just spams them online and he goes rich one of them's gonna hit

and go viral and you make like 10 grand a month off of just one and he's like I work for like 20 minutes yeah it's like that's such a weird yeah it's like those guys who like bet against the stock market and you don't do anything really and it's so easy though like as soon as you said it it's like oh I click them all time

yeah what the fuck yeah you would have to go to the gym regularly because you would never get tired from doing that no you would sleep terribly you would actually yeah just sitting at home all day just making AI fuck itself. That's the way. Just watching AI beat off over itself and like, you're sad stories.

We can click bait people. There is something sad about that too. I was watching. I'm like, man, that's kind of empty. Yeah. It won't work if he made. Make great stories. Make happy stories.

And then put those in videos. It'll get no tracks. I know. It doesn't get. It's got to be fucked up and safe. It's like a sad thing. Like then her child died and she got ran over by a train. And people like, oh, it's just a nurse being like, oh my God.

Oh, that's terrible. I'm filling my own emotions. What was the guy? Could you see it like, was the guy, Indian guy? I was like a white guy. Oh, damn. Young white hot shot. Yeah, no, I just, I just.

Indian guy. They're chained up. Now they're working the phones, bro. Was he a hashtag? AI heavy. You think they're AI heavy? That's what's, there's a thing I've been noticing. You know, I've told you before, my, my algorithm is all thoughts.

But I've been noticing it's been sliding in AI thoughts. And every now and again, the. captions. It's like they forgot to hit the translator or whatever and it's just Indian shit. But it's like, it's just ladies. It's just super real looking ladies

that you got to like squint and like notice weird movements or notice that they're all doing the exact same thing. But they're like quiet. And they have like they're verified accounts with only fans linked to them. They're like doing AI pimping. Oh, that's what you said.

The engines are up to you right now. Pimp and the fake lady. So I didn't know they also pulled over to. What's wrong with engine? I don't know. I'm, I thought we eradicated that word in the 18 fucking hundreds

but we can bring it back I'm talking about Indians from India I don't okay we'll see how that yeah I shouldn't I'm sorry dude I'm very expressive I get it gets rich I literally have no filter

and I try I shouldn't know that's fine we call them engine I shouldn't call Indians that's fine engine call on the Indians from India Indians just this makes I don't even know yeah dude that's like that's like second generation

that's like And that's like racial inception. Just go over to India and be like, you Native American. And be like, oh shit. Yeah. Fire back, dude. Clap back. What is fun.

Isn't that whole thing from Christopher Columbus thinking he was like getting to India? Yes. All these fucking guys. Yes. That's how fucking stubborn white people are, dude. It's fucking crazy to me. It's stuck too because they're called Indians. It didn't.

I should have stuck. That's crazy. That'd be like you pulling up to a red light and being like, that's a purple light. And everyone would be like, No, that's absolutely red light. And you're like, well, we'll just kill everyone. If enough people call it a purple light. How about it?

It's just what colors it now? Oh, it seems pretty purple to me, huh? Let's keep that rolling. We'll name baseball teams after it and everything. Yeah. Well, even Native Americans, kind of, like, they're like, no, we're like an Iroquois or a gonquin or whatever. So it's just funny. Like, nah, we came out with your name.

Yeah, yeah. You're sticking with it. Pretty rough. Pretty, yeah. Dude, I wish we. It is boss on some level, but it's not good. I wish we're pretty kind of boss. To be like, nah, look, like, this is your guys's idea.

We figured it out for you. We're not going to learn the rest. I wish if there was anything we could have culturally appropriated from the Native Americans that have been the naming system. We brought that over from Europe. Bro, come on, dude. I want to be running dog. I'm with you on that.

Bro. Wouldn't that be great? Nighthawk. Nighthawk senior. It's a warm combat character. That's my grandpa crazy squirrel. You'd love them. Their naming system was, I'll give you that.

It was sick. I'm for, you know, nobody's. with me on this one, but I'm all about a Native American president. Yeah, let's go. We've never had a Native American president. I feel like he would turn on the whites. You guys would be d-in-haven. What are you talking about? After what y'all did

to them? You think they're not quietly holding the grudge? Let's open up this. I didn't do anything. I know, I know now, but historically they got the little grudge in the back there just on those. I was driving around Phoenix before and like just the parts where they put it. Your people look

like shit out there. It is not good. Like, you hit like green and then it's just, it just turns back into the desert as soon as you hit the reservation. And they're like that's what you get. They got some bum lands for sure. Yeah, dude. I was in the Wind River, just like he said, bro. Wind River Mountains in somewhere, Wyoming, Montana.

I don't know. I was driving. I didn't pay attention. And you came up and like he said, bro, it was green mountains, beautiful white people land. And then it was just barren desert. And like, welcome to the Indian Reservation. And right, I'm from this little town in Pennsylvania. well, like near Pittsburgh.

And I was on this Indian reservation, right? Nothing around. It took me three hours and ten minutes to drive there through nothing. And I go in this little steak, a little convenience store and I'm in a gas station. Everything's dusty, bro. I pull off this thing as Delalo fucking. And I was like, that's from my hometown.

I was like, there's no way. I didn't know that was a national thing. And I look and I was like, no, made in Jeanette, Pennsylvania. I was like, oh, what truck came out here, bro? What is Delalo? It's, Delalo is like a little Italian market in a fucking suburb of pencil. Like, I don't even know.

It's not Pittsburgh. It's not Greensburg. Like, I don't think there's anything I could say that. And it made it all the way out to the res. Brother. Brother in Wyoming. I'm like, how did you get out here,

a little guy? I just want to take him back home. I'll take you back. You lost your way, dude. Come back. Nobody talks about the Native Americans ever. It's like, it's,

they get like the littlest bit of lip service at like liberal colleges every now and again. There's nothing good we can say. That's also kind of like a weird thing. Like, just we're going to, acknowledge the fact of this land. Anyway, here's what we're building here. And it's going to be sick. It's going to be awesome. You guys get casinos. Let's get it. Yeah. I'm dude. The Native of American president could be sick. Yeah. Could be. Dude, fucking the fucking. Dude, fucking. Dude,

fucking the fucking. Dude, fucking. Dude, fucking. Dude, fucking. Dude, I'm fucking, dude, I, I would like to, and I don't want to get political here, but I would like to get away from having like 87-year-olds as the president. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't have like a guy's cognitive decline. We need JFK too, Tokyo drift. A guy who's got not much time left on here, just making all our decisions. No, dude. Yeah, we need, I would say 50 is like the perfect age.

Can I have one more counter argument against Native Americans though? They have historically taken so many Ls. I don't know if you don't know if you put them in charge. We just went through a series of them taking L out of their L, bro. He's thinking about his country. Okay. Okay, are you ready for this? So let's look at the other side of the coin.

Okay, so if you've taken every ale possible, you've learned every fucking way to not do that shit again. True, true. That's how I got where I am today. True, true. Yeah, it's up. True, true. I learned every lesson the hard, motherfucking way. True, you're making a good point.

What's the hardest lesson you ever learned? Oh my God, dude. Look both ways before you cross that motherfucking road. Oh yeah, you got hit by a car. Cousin. What kind of car? Dodd Shadow 93 E.S. Trim. how fast was it go

45 miles an hour and a 25 cousin I was 315 pounds at 13 years old while my dad stolen trek mountain bike I stole it from him he didn't steal it yeah it was rightfully his I had no fucking right taking it so let me bust this story down yeah yeah you got time

let me bust this story down okay so your boy was at home skipping school we're not supposed to be doing it and his dad's bike was in the basement the nicest possession in the hider household not ever supposed to be touched by me who broke every fucking thing he ever touch ever I was a nightmare

they called me bits and pieces I don't even think my mom knew my name she just called me bits and pieces because that's all the fuck I left when I and so okay so I went down in the basement I stole my dad's bike

it had a digital speedometer it's important for later in the story foreshadowing so I take it I dip off I'm gonna go to my boy Brandon's house I'm a flex on the neighborhood right pimp, pimp, pimp, hooray So I go down and it's all downhill

So at 315 pounds on a bike downhill It's fun It's an easy game, dude You could have flown I could have I didn't even touch the sidewalk cut So I get down there And I'm like yeah look at this bike, it's tight right He's like yeah good point

Let's go on a bike ride Our boy CJ just got hit by a car On his bicycle We should go visit him He's in danger okay And I was like That does seem nice But that's all downhill

And then I'm gonna have to pedal all uphill To get home And it's like really I already pedal down here to get here I was like all right All right fuck it right let's do it let's take one for the team yeah so went down visited CJ right his mom is in the alley telling the story hype bro we're in johnstown she get up we're hype yeah she hit my baby say she only

doing 25 mile now i know she wasn't doing no 25 mile now she came down she said bam she's like look at my baby dude CJ 68 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of chains come out collar bone butt bro he he looked like fucking tiny tim fucked up he was ruined dude ruined so i was like damn all right that ain't good. So I was like, flex. I got the speedometer on my bike right now. I'm gonna come down past 25 mile an hour, right? It's like, oh, you're like checking. Exhibit A. Exhibit. You're like, let's get this fact straight. You're going to court. This boy was on a mountain bike and he clock. Fact checker. Yeah. So I'm going to come down at 25 and you gauge right with your eye. Your calculated eye. If that was a, this is worth my life. Okay. So I go up the hill, right?

No, stretch. Right. And I remember the calves. I got these calves, right? You got crazy cats, you're like, so calves are fucking bodybuilder can. Thank you. I appreciate it.

So even at like 13 years old, I had about 400, 450 pound feet of torque. Okay? So I put that bike in 37th gear straight on a when I just fucking started, bro,

on this downhill, right? And I'm looking 21, 22. Next thing you know, nothing, bro. All I hear is glass shatter

and tire. And tire. in that order and that's important because she didn't hit the brakes until after this pact was done because she was well she wasn't on her phone we didn't even have phones back yeah but anyway so she hits right okay and let me tell it right here so i actually what happened was the bike it was an inferred stop sign she was doing 45 i was doing 22 and um you could probably hit 23 by that me bro i was locked into the speedometer i did not even look ahead of me 100% yeah so she came and it could have been this which me on the bike her it could have been

this where she hit me, but it actually happened like this where I just clipped her fender as she was going. And it sent me over her hood and then her windshield and roof caught my 315 pound supple child body. Okay? Bent the whole safety cage back and at which point

she said, oh, fucking shit, right? Because my ass is in her mouth probably. Yeah, so she slams the brakes. Okay, and I go yeet, right? 28 feet through the air. Another 45 on my left-ass cheek. And the only reason I know is because it's mostly missing.

That could be an afterthought if you want to look at that. So a fly, right? And I didn't, I'm so stubborn. I didn't even know what the fuck. So I go to sit up and like, what the fuck? And I look over. Where your shoes off? Brother, let it happen.

Hold on. One second. By that, by that. Let it happen. Cart before a horse. Okay. So I sit up. I'm like, oh shit.

Dog, damn. Right? And I see a car antenna. Ting, ding, ding, ding. Down the road. But I'm keeping up with the motherfucker. right and I'm like oh that's wild and crazy okay I'm moving and then I feel the inertia like you stop at a stop late and I'm looking I'm like I'm sitting in the middle of the fucking street this is dangerous so I go to get up right and I go fat as shit fat as shit so I go to roll and get up in my little three stage motion that you do right when you ain't got the upper body strength and I go to step off the road and it felt like I step in a paw hole and I'm like Johnstown City Works damn it and I look down and it just looks like my shoes off but it's it's still attached to my foot and it's still attached to my foot and I'm like I'm like Johnstown city works damn it's and I look down and it's still attached to my foot and it's it's still attached to my foot and I'm and my calf is just on the ground.

And my brain says, shut it down and start it back up. Something's wrong. So I, bam, straight back down. Right? And so when I went down, I hit my head and all that. So I'm out. And the whole neighborhood's holding me down. They're like, oh, my God.

Right? And they're freaking out, bro. And I come to it. And I'm like, Brandon, because that's my boy I came with. That's the first thing I'm like, Brandon, brand. And my 14-year-old friend, he can't even look at me, bro. He's like, he's dying. I can't look at my homie like that, cousin.

Right? Because what I didn't know is there is a pool of blood puddling around my weight. So your ass. Well, that's, I know that now, but at the time, they just thought my inner organs busted like a water balloon and was leaking out of the closest hole it could find, which just happened to be my asshole. True. Yeah.

So everyone's like, man, dead man walking. You know what I mean? They're like, bro, don't move, don't move. So long story short, they sent me to the hospital. They, well, they say we're going to have to catharize you. And I was like, listen, I'm Christian. My grandma would not like that. We can't be doing that.

I don't know what medically if that will help, but I just don't. They're not like, no, we're going to stick a tube in your dick. I was like, can I be Catholic? Is that still on the table? I will be Catholic if that's still on the table. And they're like, no, we just got a bam. So, bro, yeah. Pulling it out was the crazy part.

Yeah, I can put it back. Like she was starting a goddamn lawnmower, dude. She was yanked. Bro, she's like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Okay. Oh, hit the choke, hold up. Bang, boy, I was like, damn. Damn.

Dude, dude, it sucked a bed sheet up my ass, bro. It had so much fucking momentum. Bro. It was insane. How long was a recovery? Way too long. So I was 14. This happened 10 days before summer vacation.

And Brian Gunlinson, if you're still out there, I appreciate you. I'm sorry. I fucked up all your work. That was my leg specialist. So he rebuilt it, Tibia, Phoibia, clean through. Because my leg wrapped around her A-pillar like a snap bracelet. So it had dusted everything that was connecting. So they pendipated it all back together.

He did a wonderful job. But I was a 315-pound fucking 14-year-old that was not taking no on summer vacation. and I started walking on that. And if you look to this day, bro, I have the arthritis of a 90-year-old man. You'll see me. Bro, if we ever go somewhere in a car for six hours, watch how I get out, make fun of me.

Where you can't live stream it. Thief. Brother, brother, I make all the noises, old people noise. Yeah, that's fair. And my favorite hobby is driving cars that are slammed to the ground. And I'm like, this is, yeah, I literally, it's like that fucking Leonardo getting out of the,

on Wolf of Wall Street. I just lay down and fucking crawl out. Yeah, dude, it's a car, no big deal. paid for it. You like him slammed to the ground. Oh, dude. Well, it's the only ones that are cool. True.

Like trucks. Even, that'd probably be a whole other issue. I'd have to get a fucking ladder. Do you, so you worry you're going to, I mean, I have to, you know, take away from almost dying,

but you worry about scraping the undercarriage? Or your slam load of the ground? Uh, yeah. The Miota, literally, my Miota has stayed, are you talking about my asshole? Because I've done that. No, I'm talking about the car.

Okay, I've hit road debris that I felt my assail. No, dude. Fuck, 100%. Like, you're right. You're right there. You hit like a bushing that fell off a fucking old truck And that floor panel

Like it don't touch you Yeah but you feel the four yeah It's like it's like if you put a fucking trash can A lid on your ass and I hit it with a hammer True You're like, ooh, that was a close one So what's up with the? So,

A meada has stainless steel frame rails Okay Because I plan for that So it literally has 302 stainless steel I could 50-50 grind my Miota down a fuck Six stair stairs That's fucking sick Yeah dude

As long as I don't blow out the oil panel Sure Golden But if I wrecked at me on fucking day It's literally a skateboard So you healed up and do you have to fix your legs after you were like thrashing around? Yeah, well, okay. Well, what do you mean?

Like, yeah, they pinplate it all together. And then after I fucked it all up, right, I went back as an adult and I'm like, I'm sorry, guys, right? I was young, immature. I'm new. I've grown. Right? And they're like, yeah, you got, we can do something. They're like, we'll break your fucking leg.

Oh, right? And we'll remove your ankle completely because you can't have arthritis and something you don't have. That's a cool trick we learned. And we'll just fucking mount your foot straight to your fucking leg like cotton hill from king of the hill. you know blow out your ankle and then yeah and then you could just stab the clutch from your fucking hip like how am i gonna so you don't have like ankle flexion not there would be nothing i i've never got it done because they're like that's the option i'll i'll just deal yeah i'll stay damn you would have like a gi joe foot just straight that's yeah i was like do i at least get

pick the angle i was like what if i want to wear high hills true fucking one six inch pump and a prosthetic like orthopedic fucking one six inch pump and a prosthetic like orthopedic fucking... You should have just went and got the full fucking height surgery where they like break your legs and lengthen them. You could have got you got... And why you're in there type shit, yeah. That's called scope creep.

Scope creep. Yeah. That's when you go in. So let's say you go in, right? Because you just want to break your leg so you can fix it. And you're like, well, while you're in there, why don't you give me extra leg surgery? And they're like, well, we got this new hydraulic leg surgery that make you jump really high.

We'll already be in there and like, well, why you're in there? So now what started out as a $3,000 fixer up or now you're a $55 grand in aftermarket supplies. Scope creep while you're in there Get in the vert Home Depot contracted So what's the You know

What's the plan going forward Dude what are you up to? In life Yeah That's a great question right True Just wing it That's what I've been doing so far

I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far I'm one of those people It just look back like damn Yeah Holy shit Huh Because I look back at like all Like a lot of the kids

I grew up with and stuff Right And I like even growing up Like you know There wasn't much Structure there Yeah So I was just like, man, I'm part of PA.

Like, where's your PA town? Like, where did you grow up? Johnstown. Johnstown, okay. Johnstown, Pennsylvania. What's up? Was that close? Was me and Nate drove, and we were all, we drove from Ohio to Pittsburgh, and we were all pumped,

and we were all pumped to see Youngstown where bones, bone thugs was from? That's close, right? Maybe. No? I think that's closer to Pittsburgh. No. It's close to Pittsburgh. It definitely is.

We were, like, all pumped because we kept seeing Youngstown. We were like, we were listening to bone thugs a whole time. Just fucking be endorsed. Two hours of bone thugs. I thought it was like it's got to be coming up. We're in Ohio. It's got to be right here. It's like on the edge.

Literally, I think it's the last town before you hit Pidgee. Johnstown, Ohio. No, no, no, no. Youngstown. Yeah. It's for Bone Thugs. Okay, okay.

I didn't know if you knew it at all. Well, I know of Youngstown. Yeah, yeah. We don't go there. Oh, okay. It's just another hood. Yeah. You know what I got.

I got already from the hood. I don't got to go hood business. You're not going to go. Not even if bone thugs is from. Yeah. Yeah. me I just bum, boom, boom, bum, bum. I hear crossroads.

I think about my uncle child, y'all. I cry every time, but yeah. You don't need to go. No, I don't, remember in the crossroads? Remember in the crossroads? When he touched that man said, and his eyes turned black? Yeah, true.

And I miss my uncle's child, y'all. He's going to be gone in front of his home. Oh, dude. Don't get me started. Oh, man. That's why I didn't want. You had to edge me on. Now I'm here.

Loudly. So what's the plan? What's the plan? I'm just going to keep working, bro. I'm going to keep doing it. If anybody wants to make me famous, I'll get famous. There you go. If you, I mean, you know, you know.

Keep grinding out the content. I mean, I, can we pull up one of the, I just want the videos. Yeah. Videos are fucking amazing. Yeah, I don't know if you. What's the key? The one you just showed me with the glove, where you, I don't know. Oh, yeah.

No, I never posted that because that's one of those things. I never posted because I was like, bro. I'm thinking about it. I don't know if it should go on the screen. He found her nuggets. Here it is. This is. This one changed my life.

You have a way. We got you gone all day. That was probably the most expensive one I'll hear about in the comments My man got deviled egg trays for deviled egg days I don't know 27 minute video My man Yeah

And she gets deep That's a lot of deviled egg That's crazy It's crazy In terms of like encountering people living in the house. I hate that. Yeah. I like finding them dead better.

Yeah, I would. Way more predictable. I would say. I would say it's scary, dude. One time. So one time. Long, long time ago. I came into this house, right?

And just like typical shit, bro. I break in. I usually don't even think someone's in there because it's so uncommon. And, um, I go in and the house is warm. And I'm like, ooh, that's creepy. And then I like walk in and I get hit in the neck with some drip. And I'm like, oh, the drip is warm. I hate this

And then I get in the living room And dude Oh, oh, a very important part See this one of me It's not anything significant to me The whole house is a canyon Of hoard The only thing to walk through

Is a canyon And it is I fucking level trash Yeah And then you start getting down And it starts getting wetter And wetter and wetter Until it turns into dirt

Because it's been there so long That you know It's disintegrates It just the paper And everything turns back into dirt So I'm like Walking through this I'm like this is crazy

And like I said, it's fucking eye level, dude. And I get into the living room and the lights are on, it's warm. It's weird. But again, you don't assume somebody's fucking in here, dude. It's so easy for me to like disassociate that somebody lives like that. But so this fucking Chihuahua fucking Yorkie mix, bro, starts just like Simba and the Lion King like prouncing over these fucking canyon towards me barking. And I'm like, this motherfucker's eye level. Like the playing field has been leveled here.

I'm like it fucked up. This is not good for. me okay like usually it's not scary because they're on the ground but this motherfucker's heightened and he has toxic damage too because he's charging through shit dude i'm scared okay so he's coming at me and i hear a voice yeah i forget the dog's name but she was like get away from him or something i'm like oh no i'm like i'm with the bank i don't know and she's like did martha send you i was like i don't know martha i'm not and it was dude there was this lady that was oh big girl you ever see what's eating go up a crate?

Yeah. You ever see his mom? Yeah. Okay. She's this big girl. Big girl. Trash. Bro.

That's, she can't leave. No. You eat your weight and you can't leave. Because once you get bigger than a door 36 inches. So keep a tape measure on deck. If you're getting there. Because I'm just saying there's going to be a time that you leave your house for the last time. Yeah.

She was entombed. Unless you go out to eat, then you won't be able to get back in, which is probably a better problem to have. Oh, fuck. So she was just part of the. the house. Yeah, they call that landlocked. Why can't the bank just respect that? Yeah. You guys, $385,000. But I am become one with this house. Yeah. Dude, don't shut that shit down, throw you in the street and give the the subsidiary to someone who deserves it. I mean, they don't deserve. I mean, it's not, no, I'm sorry. It's not me to say anything about that,

but it's just, it's hard for me to imagine letting shit go that far, right? Because I'm, yeah, just I've let my life go pretty far. And I'm like, I know what it takes to hit a rock bottom. Like, I couldn't Imagine hitting that rock bottom being like, this ain't that bad. I know, dude. Let's keep it rolling. Dude, it's amazing. You ever find out what fell in you would dripped on your net? Sewage.

Sueage. Okay, just straight from over. Okay. Yeah, that we do. Yeah, my, my, uh, they're hot shit. Uh, you know, hot shit. My uncle got me at that one time. We were all, like, working together.

And I had early, like, a year before prank called my uncle, funny enough, as the bank. Because he had just bought this house. And he's all pumped up. And I called him being like, hey, this is TD Bank. There's a second mortgage on your home. and I had the address and I was like clacking the keyboard the whole time. It's sold it. Sold it.

He, I was like, well, you know, it's like $87,000 second mortgage. You didn't, you didn't come up with that at like title. They should have showed you that. And there, he was like, just bugging out. Oh, oh. And I'm like, I'm like, just come down here. We'll figure it out. Probably just put a lien in your house.

I was like, what's your mother's made a name? He's like, I'm not telling you a goddamn. He just passed and hung up. He ended up calling my whole family. He was calling my dad, my aunt. He was just like freaking out. They're all like, what the fuck? That sounds crazy.

Like, and then I told my dad when I did. And he was like, that's the funniest thing in the world. So they're all laughing. Eventually, he found out. My dad was like, dude, it was my son. He was fucking with you. And my uncle was, he holding, he still holds a grudge to this day about. It's been, obviously, maybe 12 years.

Was that Hollis? No, no, that's my cousin. I don't know if Haas would have went to the bank. Actually, he actually, my uncle did go to the bank and start arguing with him in person. Why would you let that cook? I would have broke that for the end of the call. Me and my cousin in high school. And we're like just fucking around calling people.

I'm like, oh, this would be funny. It was like not even premeditated. And it was just a flawless prank that it just fucked them up. And we were, they were knocking down a, because they all do demolition. They were knocking down an old grocery store. And I was just standing there talking everyone. And he, we like saw each other and he just grabbed one of the pipes and bend it towards me and all that nasty water. Right.

I was like, fair, fair. I was like, I'll take it. Fair enough. That stuff is nasty. It's a beast move. It's kind of nice. It was like one of those like fat copper pipes. He was like,

I was like, oh, those sewage guys are a whole other breed, bro. No. I got to call one in my house because like, that's not me.

I'm not feeling around in that. And it was like backing up to my basement, okay? And like my house sits up high. So it had this whole slope. Okay, then down to the street. So we're talking 75 feet of three inch pipe

filled with doo-doo and Buku berries. Okay? The whole nine, bro. The whole nine. And he's like trying to find it and this and that and the third. And he goes out to the street and there's like a little turn. And he, He turns it and he's like, I found it, bro.

And he jams this fucking giant snake, bro. And it hits this thing. And he's standing right over it, like looking down into it. Like, that's, I know better than that. You shan't do that. Right. And he busts that thing loose. And what it happened to be was bacon grease because, you know, I'm used to renting.

I'm still not. Yeah, true. So bacon grease and literally a five gallon bucket of undigested peanuts. Because I was going through a crunchy peanut butter face at that point. That's keto life. Dude, bro, I cannot just, I literally had to like get the squirrels out of my yard for months because they were like. So this thing breaks loose, this fucking hardball of bacon grease and then like a fire hydrant of peanuts. And he's sitting there loving it, dude.

He's like excited. Like he was waiting for old faithful to go off. And he's like, I got that. Like you're standing in it, bro. This ain't fucking splash mountain, bro. Fuck out in there. Yeah, that is. That is wild.

The plumbing something I could never. Dude, just turds all day? All day for fun. But anytime you meet a plumber, they felt like they're built for it. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're that guy. True.

I used to be in the car industry. Well, okay, I used to be in the customer service industry hard. Yeah. Right? Because I was a big boy. So my mom was always like, you'd never be a job working on your field. Yeah. Not going to happen.

Let's cut that shit short. You want to SSI check or you want a desk job. You know what I mean? I was like, okay, desk job. Good point. So I get right. Real, real, real good mom there. Yeah.

But so I go and I get desk job after desk job. And I'm good at it, right? Because I'm personable, right? I'm likable because we move schools all the time. That's how I got either good friends or you stay alone. So let's keep it rolling. So I got good at making friends. So customer service, right?

And I desk job, desk job, desk job. But every six months, I'm like, man, what do you think dying's like? It has to be better than this, right? Yeah. So I'm like, man, that's something to think about. We'll put that on the back. Burn. That is truly, I guess.

It's like suicide time. So I'm just going to keep doing my desk job and trying to figure out why I'm so sad. Yeah. Right? And then the ultimate happened, right? The pandemic happened in this order, bro. Pandemic happened. I almost died in traffic on the way home from getting fired for my job.

And then as I got home, I got a whole new lease on life, made dinner for my wife. And she got home and divorced me. Oh. And then the next day I wake. up and I'm like, okay, I don't have a job. I have a whole new lease on life and I'm out a wife. What does your boy do? Right? And I was like, hmm, let's collect this. I love what pandemic money, right? Yeah, true. I'm schizophrenic. I'm not going to lie, bro. I never know who's showing up for dinner. Well, the new lease on life with the fire, firing

to new lease on life nice, sudden divorce. That's like, whoa. It within 12 hours. Dude, Bing bang, boom, wing bang. And then pandemic. Yeah. So I literally got rebirth. I was, I was literally, I woke up the next morning with place. sent it on me. I was like, this is, I've never had such a tangible moment. Okay. Yeah. Let's cook, dog. And then you just pandemiced up for like a couple years there. Well, what was the question? So you, and you rode that right into the pandemic. Well, that was the pandemic. I got fired because of the pandemic. Oh, dang. Dude, it like big, big, big, big, big, bang me. Like all like, it was all, like, it was all rapid fire, bro. So, um, well, actually I got laid off. I was going home from a layoff. I got to

specify because if everyone was listening, like, he didn't get fired that day. I was going home from a lay off. Yeah. They laid me off and then the guy who laid me off got fired and they never brought me back. Yeah. So call that what the fuck you want to call that. But I got the technicality. Okay, if anyone who wants out there.

They just cut an entire branch off the plant. They're just like, all right, fuck it. Yeah. And I was dangling on a security rope attached to it. So, okay, bye. So then I wrote out that pandemic money, right? Because your boy, Donnie was flapping me with them $600 stimmies. Yeah.

And I was getting unemployment and I was getting, you know, Corey Hiders from the street monies. Yeah. So you boy, I was like, I'm making more money. You're killing it. Unemployed and divorce. Yeah. This is fucking, okay. Who knew?

I know an upstroke when I see one, you know? So I wrote that out and then I got bored, right? Because I was like, okay, well, this is not having a job's crazier than a desk job. It's weird. It is. Especially if you used to having a job, when you stop having a job, it's a fucking weird feeling. I crave structured activity, bro. Yeah.

Hard. I'm like waking up with nothing to do. It's going to get fucked up quick. It gets fucked up quick. When you're cranking your hog by 9.30 in the morning, you're like, damn, nothing is it only downhill from here. Yeah, that's when you start doing the darker corners of Craigswitz. You want to do human trafficking? Looking at my shit too.

You want to go? You know, I don't know. Dark web I heard it's fun this time of year. So my boy calls me, right? And all those videos, well, the videos I post, right, in the shit that you know, I know what he does. And he's like, why don't you come work with me? And I was like, no. I was like, that's when you say you're bored

and your mom was like, wash the dishes. I'm like, that's not fun. Yeah, that's not what I meant. He's like, just come on, dude, I need help. So I just started helping him. And then I fell in love with it. And then you've come normalized that shit. And I was like, damn, and I'm an outside cat this whole time.

I thought it was an indoor cat, man. That's crazy. Yeah, you didn't have any, like, instruction experience before that. No. What? Nope. I would fuck around on my own accord, building cars and fucking shit up. Oh, yeah.

Oh, and dude, when I was a kid, I could build a bong out of anything. by 12 years old, I ripped apart literally the entire Radio Shack catalog and rebuilt it at one point. That's just what I did as a kid. Because I figured out, bro, at five years old, this blows my mind. I think this is the peak of my whole peak in this. At five years old, bro, I figured out how an internal combustion engine worked. Because I couldn't figure out how the tire span. I was like, if the tire spins, something's got to spin to spin that.

And then something's got to spin to spin that. And then something's got to spin to spend that. But eventually it's got to be a reciprocating motion. So how do you turn a reciprocating motion into a spinning motion? And then I had this toy steam train that had the wheel with the wheel with the and I looked at turn the reciprocating into it. I was like, I bet that's it. And that's literally how an engine works.

Now, if I was Japanese, I would have figured out the wankle rotary engine right there on a spot. But I didn't. I didn't. I did it. So, you know, there's always the first place. I had that. Because I remember being like a little boy and I was like, I had the weed whacker. And I like took it apart to do something.

And I was like, I'm going to take it apart. This is my seminal moment of becoming like a mechanical minded man. I took the weed whacker apart and just was like, fuck. I was called my dad. I was like, Dad, the Wii Wackers kind of messed up right. What the fuck's going on with it?

I'm like, I don't know. Whole thing. I was just trying to add the string and it got all fucked up. And he's like, what the fuck? Just in multiple pieces.

Yeah. Never tried to really fix anything ever since. It's just always mechanical. And then people are like, you're likable. I was like, okay, I'll lean into that.

Yeah. Because I've never ever had confidence and I've literally never had confidence in anything I've ever done. Yeah. And if, you know, like this whole Instagram thing. It started as a Snapchat.

So I used to send my friends. it's funny. I'm the only one that sees it. You know what I mean? It's crazy. And then if you ever look, my Instagram handle is Hyder Corey. Like I had to look myself up in the phone book like I didn't know my own fucking. And that's because the Instagram was an accident, bro. I was working at a gas station with my

fat, sweaty leg, and it pocketed out because I was like on Facebook and I put it in there and it like opened to Instagram, start an Instagram automatically from Facebook. Like I clicked things with my leg and I pulled it out my pocket and Hyder Corey, Instagram was logged in. I was like, what the fuck is that? Whoa. And I just canceled it and looked out and I never

opened it again for five, six years. And then boy, he was like, yo, start posting that shit. And I opened Instagram, Hyder Corey.

And I was like, let's do it. I've thought about changing my name so many times, but I was like, I just imagine waking up with zero followers. And I'm like,

was it worth it or should I just been Hyder Corey? It's not a lot. I'm not wrong, but all right. Well, dude, man, can't thank you enough, dude.

Yeah. We did it. I knew. I knew it would be fucking rad. What you guys wanted to do now? We did good will. Let's go chill. Yeah.

Let's go chill. Let's go walk the streets. We're going to fuck this place up. Dude, thank you, man. Yeah, just go on hide. What is it? Hyder Corey. Hider Corey.

Blue collar Corey. Mega hider. Corey. That's on Facebook. That's my own personal Facebook because Instagram was like, you know, start a Facebook. And I was like, I have a Facebook. So I grew my own personal Facebook with like all the pictures I didn't want to have in social media and all that.

I was like, fuck it. We'll just grow it. And I grew it to 80,000. They're like, oh, we meant a page, not a profile. I was like, you piece of shit. Fuck. So that's why. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, that's why I grew that page, blue collar Corey. And bro, I killed it there, two months. At first month, I had 130 million views. That's crazy. It's awesome. For just being a fucking dick wad from the hood. That's insane. That is awesome.

Literally. When you're going to monitor, you're going to sell like a t-shirt or something. I know. That's, we're working on it. I think there's a lot of avenues. I think, honestly, me and no boys are, I think Philip, your boy from Roughhouse are going to get. Nice. Yeah.

I think we're going to get on. I got to do it. I'm just a, it's really. I don't want me to get down on it, but it's really hard for me to place a bet on myself. Like legit. Like it's just so instilled in my DNA. Like, bro, your last place, just make do with it.

You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy. And I don't know what amount of therapy or something can change that. And if it does, what if I'm not funny anymore? You know what if? Because you know how trauma takes it, right? I'm sure you've experienced trauma.

I know you had to fuck that child. Yeah. No, I think you. I would just rock it. I would just keep rocking it. Just let it rip. Let it rip. Don't second guess yourself.

I know what you mean. It feels weird. It's tough. It's just rocking. And I've never been cocky to pick a bed on a thing. And the thing is too is like, what the fuck it? You know, you know how to do it. If it doesn't work out, you're like, there's no.

You're just back to square one. Risk free. Yeah. That's why I just like never quit work or like, you know, or never like leaned into it or like, you know, or never like leaned into it or went to like I do stand up every once in a while. But the standup scene in Pittsburgh is crazy. Yeah. Dude, I would like, I'd think this is like an AA meeting.

I think an AA meeting's funnier than this. Yeah, the open mic comedy is pretty sad as it gets all right. That's one of the underworlds. We mentioned sitting desk jobs. That's an underworld. Open mic. Open mic's an absolute underworld as well. It was crazy.

I was talking to this one guy. I was like, so like, we were talking. He's like, oh, I'm not even funny. And I was like, you're not funny? I was like you're going to do standup. He's like, yeah, I just, you know, I think some of these people, bro, they have a horrible social anxiety. Yeah. And it's like cutting themselves.

like self-harm. Do you know what I mean? That's their, I'm going to go up on stage and just fucking bombs. Oh, dude, and everyone's going to hate me. It's going to be that social anxiety that I fear in my head, but I'm going to live it real. And at the end, it's going to be over. It's going to be the coming probably.

You know what I mean? Just like, the people that hurt themselves. Yeah. I never thought about that. It's just like fucking. Yeah, it's fucked up. bully me. I'm going to come.

I mean, that'd be kind of sick. If that worked, that'd be awesome. Yeah, I mean, there was a mom and coach. I wish I came after I bombed. Well, new set. Well, dude, thank you so much, man. Certainly. Hell yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Of course, man. Dude, it rocked. I feel like this is a monumental moment. Dude, this is going to be on my tombstone. I'm so excited. Dude, thank you, man. Yes, sir. I'm going to pee.

Thank you. I never know what we're done. Are we done? Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.