Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 614 - iNasty

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. TGIF. Hope you all had a good week. The D.A.W.G.Z. are reunited after Shangs odyssey. We talk the roast, being iNasty, and most importantly we talk the fate of the wrens. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, Wow, Wes. It's time to go. It's time to face. You got to face up to the nasty things you said. Yeah, man. We're finding out. We're finding out his brothers. He lived by the eye nasty.

You die by the eye nasty. It's true. It's the worst. It's the worst. We were truly peak eye nasty between 2016 and 2019. The nasty brothers. And now, as adult men, you got to really come. I think he's radon poisoning.

We were in the basement. True. You're in the basement, you're breathing in radon, you start going like, that guy's not that funny, man. That ain't funnier. Yeah, we were... I should be the one on TV. We were... I would be mad at people's, like, late-night sets.

I would see, like, a woman do a fucking Conan set, and I'd be like, fucking bitch. Like, why do I care? Just what happens, dude. It is what happens to everybody. I mean, my thing is I'll never forget, like, I remember, which is like working, being a young man and being like, I need to get a job and establish myself in the world. And I would like work at LA Fitness for like 30 minutes and like go out to my car and cry. It's so grim. It's so hard.

It's the nasties. So if you have the outlet, dude, yeah. I used to go, I nasty on YouTube. I would just see a video of like a guy like recording a swim meet. And I'd be like, pedophile, weirdo. He'd be like, hey, this is my family channel. want to be like pedophile. 10 likes.

Yes. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Be careful to all the I nasty warriors out there. No, man. Eventually, you're going to have to face who you were nasty to. And then you're going to go, man, I was being such a bitch, dude.

I'm so sorry. The worst is when you don't even remember. Yeah. I'll see stuff and I'll be like, huh? But I never said. I'm like, oh, fuck. I don't remember. I don't even remember that.

Yeah. When I got fired for being eye nasty, I was like, nah. I would never say that. It happens. Anyway, here's the most important piece of information that the people are dying to find out. The Wrens, the Wrens did hatch. And I was lucky enough to be outside.

It was a beautiful day. I was on my laptop. I was going over the roast jokes, which is a funny thing to sit outside. So funny to sit, take a laptop out, get a coffee, sit outside. It's like beautiful out and then just be like Cheryl Underwood's husband is dead

There's new life emerging around you But then I watched the baby come out of the bud light box He jumped out the top and I well I'm out there I keep good track of the mom and dad You do I knew both of them were gone So I see some some rustling going on in the bud light box and I go I hit him a cuss guy And then I watched the guy come out and then I watched the guy come out and I watched the guy come out and I know I He was bigger than I thought it'd be.

Really? Yeah, they were pretty fucking thick. Damn. But he was, he was fluffy. He had like fluffy feathers. I watched him jump. He started, like, hopping around. As soon as he came out, the mom and dad came right back and started, like, hopping around him while he was trying to like.

What? It was, I was so happy. Oh, my God. Then I go to the airport to pick up McKeever. I come back, and he was dead in the pool. Oh, no. No. And McKeever and Blizz were here.

so I had to pretend I wasn't gonna cry. I got it. I was like, oh, no. I was so fucking sad, dude. I got the pool net. This is in front of them. This thing's so dead. I got the pool net, scooped it out,

and then pressed on its chest. I tried to resuscitate my boy. He was very dead. How many, how many people have like three? Two or three made it. But one of the fellas hit the pool. My neighbor had a nested barn swallows So LaMere just

The body I was I couldn't look at it I had to go inside for a second And pretend I wasn't incredibly upset Because that is weird And then I come back And Lemaire just threw in the trash can In the kitchen

The kitchen? Yeah He just put a dead bird in the house And then went back to gaming I was like we should have buried the man Is Lamerer grew up on like a bayou or something Why the fuck would he throw a dead bird inside in the trash who knows

i mean at least over the fence man that's the tragedy of the the run oh dude that's it's my neighbor a similar journey dude well hey they moved on you're it's an empty nest you're an empty bud lighter right now

i still think about them now i'm just stuck with these nasty fucking cardinals that's all i have they're pretty you have some cool cardinals they're good you got some nice cardinals they just gave birth did they just hatched i don't know how to use the words yeah they gave birth yeah they gave birth they gave birth they gave birth they And then hatched.

Yeah. They have their hatchlings. My neighbor had a similar thing where he had barn swallows. If you have a nest of barn swallows, it's actually illegal in Austin to, like, remove the nest. I guess they're like endangered. So he had these like barn swallows nesting. No one's going to find out. I mean, that's true.

You can smash that fucking nest. That's true. It's like killing a prang mantis is illegal. I guess if you like, if you told your neighbor, if I, if I, he was like, I got barn swallows. I saw him swatting it. I could be like, brr-oh. Which I would. Yeah.

It was against law. I would have called, I would have called the cops. I'm like, sorry, dude, I like he was a neighbor, but I would absolutely punish you under the law. But no,

he was laughing because he was like, dude, they're like right there. And they like, they're protective. It's a little swoop on you if you were close to him. So they were like kind of like,

yeah, we're kind of giving our whole porch to these birds. And he's like, it's nice. He got like real attached to him. They're shitting all over his porch. And then the one day,

he just saw one dead bird. And he goes, I got three more. Every bird died. with his bird family, all their babies died. And then he's like, I don't even want to take the nest away. I'm like, what if they want to come back and have more eggs? I'm leaving that nest.

I might keep living in this house for one more year. Just to keep an eye on it. Just to go, please come back, bros. Tell you what, if you want some buddies right now, my garden's popping with lizards. It's been, they're nice. They're low maintenance. Did you get one of those rock things? No, I didn't even get a, well, my whole garden bed's made out of

limestone rock so they're kind of chilling that but there i think they're eating my strawberries could be wrong but i don't even mind dude i i call i make sure you're right when you accuse someone of this i hear you but i've seen guys go down the wrong path my buddy executed a possum steve mcichs i don't name him he fucking stabbed the possum you can't possum i had a possum in my yard i liked them possums are good he's dad that he drowned it and then it wouldn't drown so he stuck a fucking spike through its chest aim right it's fucking crazy. He showed me. I was like, bro, I don't like you. That's not right. Yeah, possums also eat snakes and shit. They're good to have you.

They're good. After he did it, he was telling me about it. And I was like, bro, I'm pretty sure they're good for garden. They are. There's no way he was grabbing your tomatoes and shit. And yeah. I looked it up today. They will, I don't know if it's them per se. We have those fake owls. And I don't see a lot of birds in my garden. So I don't think it's the birds munching them. But I swear, I think these, but it's, I don't even care. Did I call them having sex? I have lizards having sex on videos. Pretty tight. That is tight.

My dog tried to eat them while they're having sex, which would be... Cool, the ultimate three way. Getting devoured mid-sex? Pure abhoras. It was pretty nice. It's almost as good as honestly, the Wren did have a good life. Yeah. Dance with his parents.

Splush-splash a little. Yep. Hit the pool. It's a good life. Hey, man. Some birds fly. He swam. Off limits.

Don't joke about that. I mean, dude. I know roasting is therapeutic, bro. Look, as a roastmaster myself, we only roast the wrens we love. I know, I know. That is a sick life for a bird, though. You got to go, you know.

Jumped around with his mom and dad. Yep. And then La Mare Lee threw him in a fucking trash can. Underneath, like, Cumb tissues. Oh. Oh, God. He's buried like a pharaoh

surrounded by cum. How could you just do that, dude? Burry the bro. I didn't know what to do. I just thought I put it in a bag and put it in the trash. Oh, you got it. You bagged it. That's nice.

Yeah, I didn't want to leave it into trash roll, you know. Trash roll. It's going to, because they stink. That would have stunk so bad. Although, if you time it right, I guess you could toss it. I should have been, I would have gone right in the bin. He wouldn't have smelled.

Yeah, he was fresh. He was fresh. I don't know. Yeah, he's about the size of a tiny mouse. That bird would have got the stanking. Poor guy. R-I-P to the bird. But the other two.

LaMere was there for me, pretending not to be really upset. How'd you feel like a bird? It was so sad, dude. I was kind of sad. Everyone was pretty bummed out. Yeah, man. See a floating baby bird in the pool?

It was kind of bummed. Especially. Because as soon as I got back from the airport, I was like, John, check this out. My guy's hatched. They're out. They're jumping around. No. And the parents, the parents were like, no, don't.

I almost jumped in with my clothes on. I almost did. Not even like a jump in like one of those where you run. Wait. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. The regular season's done and the NBA playoffs are here. Time to get in on the action with prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA.

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More info can be found on the prize picks promos board. Price Picks, a preferred point. partner of the NBA. Yeah, that's sad. That's really sad. I didn't know that happened. Yeah, I'm sorry to the, I know a lot of the listeners were excited to find out. Yeah. But anyway, back to the roast.

True. I don't like the way people talk about roasts. When, they're like, roasting's just like, this is just what we do. What we do. It's, yeah, it was, yeah, that's, that was the, that's part of the culture, bro. Snapping. I did have to snap, dude. Snap.

I have both my guns loaded. full clips ready to dunk on Cheryl Underwood's husband for some reason so about that I did call her I saw there was an article about it because I felt like I was like

this is a serious thing to make fun of somebody for it and I don't know her well enough to be like make so I called her and you saw her on the road she's wild she was she was a delight

to talk to on the phone yeah I bet and then how did you even breach the subject Like, hey, how you doing? Oh, yeah, it's pretty nice out. Hey, quick thing. Oh, no. She immediately.

I was like, hey, Cheryl, I got to ask you about this joke. She's like, you're going to make fun of my husband for jumping off a building. It's like, that's it. That's it. I'm just thinking about that. I have no problem not doing it. It's probably going to make me look bad. So I'm definitely okay with not doing it.

So then the next day, I go into a meeting and I'm like, I don't think I should do that joke. left the meeting with four more jokes about it. I was like, it's my entire set now. And the meeting, was the meeting like execs and shit? There were two Netflix people in there, but I think they were just writing what we were talking about. Okay, so it was more. But, yeah, that.

And the bonsai tree joke could have done without it. Yeah. Turns out. You never know, though. Turns out, could have done without it. Yeah. Sometimes you, you know. I mean, I was running it in front of the wrong crowds.

Yeah. I was just doing it in Austin and then Boston. And they were like, fuck it, dude. No, I did it, Nashville, Charlotte, Austin, and Boston. All four cities were like, you gotta do it. It's unanimous. I did do it. I ran it at Chappelle's.

Yeah. That, it was me. it was a cool room yeah it was exactly who would be upset by it and they liked it that's the other thing too it's like I think people still laughed

and thought if you if you were to try to take like a general if you sit outside of a gas station today and call it the afternoon rush like what'd you think about that they'd be like bro you don't give a fuck bro that's hilarious dude yeah I already called I fielded I was on a construction site yesterday they're like bro they don't give a fuck

wow it was great man the boys are fired up yeah I will say this I just think, I think the tallies in on that specific roast. I think the white boys went dumb. It's true. The white boys went dumb. The white boys went dumb. The white boys might have went too dumb, dude.

Everyone's upset that the white boys went dumb. White boys might be the king of snapping now. Hey, look, I'm just going off what I saw. You think the white boys are the king of snapping? I think so. I think so. I think the white boys were the king of snapping. I just know that's getting a fucking headline.

Matt McCusker says the white boys are the kings of snapping. Let me tell you something, Matt McCusker. You'll never be the king of snapping. I'm not the king of snapping. I mean, but yeah, I could be the king of snap. You can snap. I can snap, but I don't know. If someone snaps me, I'll get real sad.

I don't like, I was watching that being like, dude, I would fucking spas. That's what you think. And then it is, I mean, I didn't really get anything too bad. Yeah, true. But it's funny. When someone makes funny like that, it is. It is funny. It was genuinely funny getting made fun of.

That's true. I thought that I was really afraid I was going to be like. But here's the problem, though. You did well. If I did poorly and then someone made fun of like my kids, I'd have been like, you know, seriously, dude, something's off limit. Seriously, dude, knocking off. You know what else though?

I didn't even just try to fight dramatic. What's the NBA guy? Yeah, I'm like, seriously, Mr. Green, that's enough, all right? There's limits to it. But if I did it good, I'd have been like, ah. I didn't even consider how bad it was to go first. Yeah. Until, and then I remembered, like, I saw, like, at the roast of, at Voss's roast,

everyone just made fun of Florentine for his ex killing herself. Yeah. Like, before he went. And then when he went, everyone was like, the whole crowd was. was like, come on, Jim. Yeah. So, like, that was his wife. Yes.

God damn. Yeah, he got it pretty good. Also, nicest dude ever. And he was the fucking man. But then he got on and just murdered. That's cool. But what I was saying is, like, going first, you look like you're just a psycho. Everyone's like, why is he fucking, like, who's this guy saying mean things for no reason?

Well, at least you have the first dibs on stuff in case there's, like, things. bleed together. But I get it, dude. Opening a crowd and being, obviously, you're like, you're not even thinking like, okay, I got to like, I got to lead these guys into the waters. You're just coming out and it's like, bam. Yeah, I should have, uh, I should have been a little more articulate up front of being like, this is a roast. I mean, we're going to say some terrible things.

They also know. Everyone knows what the fuck happens. They sure didn't. The live, the live audience. That front section did not agree with anything I was saying. Well, that's also, that's, you know, that's the elites. Dude, they're, they can get charged. Well, they can get charged with, like, face crime. So they're probably just, they're probably just, like, deadpan, just kind of like,

that's actually very funny. Because they can't be up there. If you're, like, the CEO of, like, Nesquick, you can't be like, bah. You have to just be like, like, like everything else in your, you just have to go, nothing. I don't like anything. There's, there's five million shareholders depending on you to just be like, oh, fuck.

Yeah. That does suck though. If I was up there, there's just a bunch of like very elegantly dressed people being like, fine, I quit. I'm done. Also, Kevin is, he's like a pro at this shit. So he was like, he's helping you. Yeah. He wants the show to go well.

So if you say something terrible, he's going to be like, hey, you're crazy for that. He's not, he's not going to be like, what the fuck? I thought he was great with that though Because the whole time you watch him I mean yeah I also love when he did When he would stand up and just kind of prance around I'm like there's literally nothing better

Yeah it's nice If you have a black dude stands up out of his chair And laugh it's better than spit take I was saying it is Just being like yes And then Cheryl Cheryl was so fucking funny Yeah that was she did a completely different thing

In the rehearsal We did a rehearsal That's like a couple hours before the show And she just made up what she was going to talk about then too. She made up the whole thing. It was great. That's insane. Yeah. She might be Queen of Snapping there.

She's the Queen of Snapping. I really think so. Just going ad lib on that on TV is really kind of insane. But I will say when I'm sitting up there and they're like, if you say the N word will all beat your ass. I was like I'm not going to say it. What the hell? What the hell is this joke?

I wasn't going to say it. That might have been a preloaded. No, because it was. off of me saying wiggered Dracula. Oh, got you, got you. But then I watched, you know, Earthquakes stand up like, yeah. No, Earthquick.

Don't beat my ass. Earthquake, Earthquake ruled. In the front, there was certain people that I could count on. Earthquake, Jay Farrow. Those are my guys, dude. Yeah, that is pretty nice, actually. It was nice to see who was like,

go for it, dude. All you need are a couple of guys. guys. If you have a couple of guys, especially Quake, if you got Quake on your side. It was the same at the Espies. I needed John Jones and Drusky. Lamar Jackson. Lamar Jackson got me through a couple. Looked out, so Lamar Jackson laughing. I was like, yeah, that's so sick. Was it even close to as tight as the Espies? No, it was a lot better than that. Yeah. They were tight.

But I wasn't being making racist jokes, really. Yeah. At the Espies. Yeah. That's where you feel bad. You make a racist joke, you look out and you see an older black. lady going I'm so sorry I don't believe in what I'm saying I swear I'm joking

I know I look like I'm serious I'm keeping a straight but overall it was oh another Lizzo what a fucking treat you were saying she was awesome I know I know absolute angel I tell you a lot in hindsight I guess she never

really did anything that I shouldn't like it's just it's the media dude it's like the media the media's eye nasty commentors are i nasty podcasters can be i nasty at the weaker moments it's weird an i nasty ecosystem

yeah it's complete dude every i like read the news now and it's like every everything i read is like america's over we're fucked no one'll ever get a job ever again fuck and it's just like dude why why are you guys doing this to everybody

don't do that that's not nice and this guy's a fucking idiot you're like all right that's cool I'm in the debate sphere right now My algorithm is just debates. Dude, they're the funniest

fucking things in the world. It's like, well, no, that's just a logical fallacy. And it'll be like, yeah, you're fucking retard. And like, what did you call me? It's like, oh, I'm just saying. It's fucking crazy. It's unbelievable. Yeah, I saw one. I was just taking the shit and I saw a nice one. Did you really? It was, uh,

fuck, I'm forgetting his name. Who was the guy that did Vice and then the proud boys? Oh, Gavin McGis. Yeah, he was doing something on Pierce Morgan. and some lady was like, they were like, what citizenship are you? He was like, Canada, United States, and England. Okay.

And they were like, she was like, you can't have three. You can only be dual citizenship. And he was like, yeah, I can. You fucking stupid bitch. And they were like, what did you say? He was like, I called her a stupid fucking bitch. It's just mid-debates, Fass. Yeah, whatever, you fucking idiot.

It's nothing but I watch him. Everyone, you eventually do it. And it's funny too, when someone gets you in a debate, you go, okay, look, I see what you're saying, and you just jump to another. It's so fucking funny. Yeah, we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this. Let's table that for now. You're being kind of pedantic.

Let's table that for now. What I'm really talking about, it's, dude, it's really nonsense. I was reading a book. It was too dense. I had to read a book about the book to try to understand it. But they were basically saying that, like, in modern, like in modern times, morality's been so kind of like jettison from what it originally

kind of was formed around which was like divine law basically from like religion so now when people have moral arguments they're not really rooted in anything other than people's personal preferences and that all people do is just like yell at each other because they're like I like this and they're like well you're a fucking retard I like this and that's all the debate is anymore

according to Alistair McIntyre McIntyre. I agree with Alistair McIntyre Alstair McIre is the man I hope so I don't know dude I catch is that. I'm done saying people are cool too. He's cool. I'm not saying I'm not saying people are good or bad anymore. Well, you know what's funny? So he was

like a philosopher in the 80s who came out with this book about kind of, you know, morality and, you know, whatever. And so I was like trying to learn more about it. It's really hard. All those books are so fucking hard to read. So they expect that you just like know all of Greek mythology. They'll be like, and obviously Persephone. And you're like, who the fuck is that? You can read about that. But there was a lady, a professor, I I believe was covering the book. And then in the introduction, she was like,

yeah, and he says a lot about, like, community and practice. He's had four different wives, which that's kind of weird. I'm like, why are you being nasty? You're supposed to be a fucking academic. Now you're being I nasty to Alastair McIntyre. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead.

Yeah, just toss in there. You're being like, four fucking wives. What the hell he said? What's he taught? What's he know about community? He's a fucking asshole. And you're like, what the fuck? You have a PhD.

No one's immune, dude. No one is immune. It's just, it's, it is the path for people now. It is the absolute path. And it's, you know, just what the people want right now. They want to get nasty. You know, I would love to get a device hooked to my phone. I mean, I guess you could just monitor your Apple Watch

because I'm pretty sure my vitals go up by like 10 heartbeats a minute. I was on the other day just on the internet, yeah. Dude, and I just got like, uh-huh. Then I sat down and I was like, I didn't feel like this before I went to my phone. It's bad. It's the devil. It is the devil. I've been doing all right staying off it this week.

Yeah. Doing my best. But then you say off it and someone goes, you know, I sent you a bunch of shit. You didn't see it. And you're like, I was off. And they're like, that's okay.

I can handle that. Yeah, true. It's more someone gives you bad news. Yeah. You see what they're saying about you. No, I'm trying to avoid it. Yeah,

don't. That's, dude, when people hit you up, be like, yeah, you see they're calling you gay on Reddit. I'm like, don't, don't call me with that. Don't call me that.

My cousins do that to me. Like, you know, they're calling you gay and say you suck at basketball on Reddit. I'm like, I don't even, what the fuck you're talking about? I'm pretty good. I'm getting better. What the fuck?

Yeah, man, I've been, I've been hooping lately. That's been my, that's been my absolute dreams. I do have hoop dreams now. Absolute hoop dreams. I've learned I have to, I do have to tone it down on the court. I'm telling you, I need, I, I came up playing different, bro. True. I might have to go, I might have to go to the hood to play ball.

The gentleman, dude, they don't like it, dude. You talk a little tiny bit of shit. I feel like you can. test a foul call. I thought that was totally acceptable. Like, foul, what the fuck? People would be like, every single person does that. Everybody. I've never played a single game where someone's like, oh, you're going to call that? Yeah, I know. Yeah, you slapped, you hit me in the face.

If I actually get you, I'll call it on myself. But sometimes there's calls where I'm like, loose ball calls and fucking pick up. Come on, britt. That's crazy. Dude. But yeah, I've, I've, I've squashed on my court beans. Yeah, there's nothing worse than a. Before court beef, I squash them immediately. Because I can be a little bastard too. They're just being like, oh, you're not going to call that one, huh?

They're like, what the fuck is your problem, man? I'm trying to play. I'm like, yeah, my bad, my bad. Yeah, you've reached an age where you can't do that. I can't help it, bro. I know, but. It's a fiery old head. If I played, I'd be doing the exact same thing.

That's how you play. Yeah, dude, I hate you. You build the rivalry. Yeah, you go, I actually dislike the other team. My guys are my brothers. I'll die for them. I don't know any of their names. Yeah.

Yeah, man. You get the ball. You throw it to the wrong team. Fuck. I literally deep. Dude, you ever see, have you guys ever seen Jordan's game winner against UNC? Or when he was at UNC, he won the national championship. It's like an iconic.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was, it was like a defining moment. He hits a corner jumper to win the national title. There was 20 seconds left. The other team gets the ball and comes down the court with 20 seconds. The guy at the top of the key just throws the ball to North Carolina. He throws it to the wrong guy. No.

It just, everyone just sucked. It's like a streetball fucking pass. Like a little kid pass. The guy gets the ball. No one's really pressuring him. He just panics and throws it to another guy. Oh. That's the game.

There's 20 seconds. I thought MJ hit a buzzer-beater. That's crazy. I didn't know that either. Yeah. What? Give it a look. It's a comically bad.

He probably had it. It's a comically bad pass. Yeah, that's insane. I didn't know that. Yeah. I guess that makes it not as exciting when they show that at the end. Guy hits the spaz

with the title on the line. That's one thing I think is unnecessary and pick up basketball. You can find the players who like, if they get the ball of spas I'm like, yell at them, they'll literally toss the ball. You get him with a fucking throw it here.

Throw it here. That is, I'll just be like, yeah, no, no, no, no. And I watch a guy like, and he threw the ball and I was like, that was a dirty play. Yeah, you're a dickhead. Or when someone shoots and you go,

low your head at them, like, oh, and they fucks up there. You can't be doing. doing this shit. I was sitting in with fucking, I was in a driveway, McCusker, cousin. Clapping while they're shooting in their face, shit like that. Playing fucking defense of the hand in their face.

Yeah, dude, you're fucking dick ass. That's crazy. I'm toning it down. I'm learning how to play because I really just want to run around. That's my thing. I'm like, if I get to run around, you know, if I lose, I'm like, whatever, good game. But I thought the thing is, you talk shit and then you get to like,

you get the back and forth and you call an ISO and you get to go one-on-one against it's just fun. But now, bro. Colin ISO is also crazy. You don't call it, but you get it. You set picks to get a match up and go, oh, here we go. I got this dumb pussy who wanted to just work out today. It was like, I'll try basketball.

I go by myself now as I'm trying to get used to the rims. So I'll run back and forth full court and just practice my fast breaks, my pull-ups. It's so nice. Fucking nut, dude. I'm trying to get, it's double rim. It's hard as hell. Of course. If I can get my, I'm trying to get my, like,

my like seven to eight footer down. My fade away, step back. I run drills by myself. I know. I feel so bad for the guys in your neighborhood that have to deal with this fucking guy. Every time you show up, they must be like,

so you get out of your car with your fucking wrap around. Oakley's on. I'm getting that sense, honestly. Just guys be like, oh, fuck, he's here again. And then I'll score like four points. points, 15 fouls, 10 rebounds.

You are Draymond, dude. When they were booing him, I'm like, you don't deserve that, dude. No, Draymond's the Dremon's the fucking man. Yeah, dude, he plays hard. And he was nervous? Yeah, I mean, imagine that. Imagine just out of nowhere. And me and Pete were talking, I was like,

walked over to him right before we started. I was like, so fucking nervous, so shit. And Dremont was like, oh, thank God you said that, dude. I'm so fucking nervous. And Pete was like, dude, I'm going to fucking die. That must be such a relief when you get done your set. And all you got to do is just kind of sit there and be like, all right. Oh, you like this at the beginning, at the very beginning, the way they introduced me is Black Thought from the Roots is like, you guys ready for the roast? Now the roundest thing on tires, Shane Gill, and I didn't know that.

And I was walking out. Like, fuck. The fuck, Black Thought. No, that wasn't him. I know, yeah, there was someone who was beefing with you. It was not Black Thought. No. I thought your enemy finally spiked you.

No, no, no. Me and my, I know that. Here you're talking about. We're good. That's guys. That's nice. And Black Thought used to do shows at Punchline Philly. Did you really?

Yeah. I've known him for forever. That's awesome. When I was in Philly, I would do his shows. Yeah, that's awesome. You got you. I was excited to see him. That's nice.

You got a little roast. That's the move. You get one roast, introduce out. Yeah. It's kind of nice. Yeah, I was just walking on stage. And someone's like, look, this fucking fat piece of shit. I was like,

all right hey everybody welcome to Los Angeles ha ha ha coolest guy alive just called me fat in front of

millions of people how's everyone doing oh Tom Brady just called me a fat piece of shit all right what else is on the docket oh the rock came out

and called me a bitch okay cool I will say dude huh who's tequila whose tequila is better the rocks

are Kevin Hart's yeah now that's a good question lemise uh i don't know i don't know which one i had that's where was which yeah i don't yeah i never had given hearts i've had terramana i've had the rocks i'm a big tequila guy but i don't know you know who's is nice i'll be honest mcbrides oh really i was shocked i mean it's like you know you just never think when people were like oh it's a guy is a tequila i tried i said god i can't i can't really taste the difference i can unless it's like bad bad you can go oh this is the

worst. Yeah. Worst drink I've ever had in my life. What? Just bad tequila? Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. When they hate you with the additives, you go.

There's a certain flavor you go. That's a weird one. But it's, you know, there's a lot of them. It's all good at the end of the day. You put lemon in it and shit a line, whatever. It's pretty good. But I was shocked. Did you ever see his website?

He does, like, skits on his tequila website where he's like, people are getting their legs chopped off while they're feeling the agave. Who, uh, McBride. Yeah, I saw the one with him and, uh, Stevie Janelle. Yeah, he cuts his leg off his leg off. great. I just got it in the mail. I was like, Christmas time.

Like, what the fuck is this? It was good. What's it called? I think I have it. Gato or something? Yeah, that's right. I think it's Gato. Yeah, I'm big on the celebrity, too.

I'll try all of them. I don't know why. I just like, I like to try them out. Then I don't really drink, so I just need to get a celebrity moonshine. Celebrity moonshine. You get 350 proof. Just kill everyone. It's have it complete, get it made, like, like, chemically made.

in China. You get like the fentanyl of alcohol. Just get fentanyl. Sell it. Dudes are drinking it. They're getting abscesses in the arm. I keep looking for my rents, dude. Last time I was sitting here, they were there.

He was still alive, dude. That bird's hopping around spirit right now as you jump around the house. Poor little guy. I don't think the other guy's going to make it. I saw him. They're just in the backyard now. They're popping around?

Yeah, he's just jumping into the neighbor's fucking window. You got turf too, don't you? In my yard, yeah. But they're probably hitting that turf. They're on the other side of the fence. Oh, that's good. How do they get over there? Are they flying?

Yeah, they can fly. They flew right away. Oh, they're good. Yeah. If they flew, I think they're, I mean, they're both probably going to die really quick. I think the survival rate for birds. But it's fine. I was thinking about them pecking the turf for worms and just slowly dying of hunger.

Matt. She's like, what is this? I have feed out there. I put a bunch of bird feeds. Oh, yeah. I threw it in the yard. I threw it. I got bird feed.

And now my pool's covered in bird street. I forgot. You had them set up. Also, Cardinals are dickheads. Are they mean? They control the fucking birdhouse. Have you been getting good footage over there? Yeah, it's just a fucking squirrel that eats everything

and then a family of Cardinals. That's all I got. And then occasionally me or LaMere walking out towards it, looking at it. Standing. LeMere grabbing like a 10-year-old sunflower seat. Yeah, Le Mere will get in there. I'll catch a merit four in the morning night vision.

A squirrel comes up. July 17th, I'll be at the link in Philadelphia. We just released some new tickets. So please, please purchase them. Please come. It's going to be a hoot. There's going to be a lot of people there. I will be in Chicago this very Saturday.

I'll be in Toronto as well. And then Chicago this Saturday. May 16th, 7 p.m. at the Riviera theater in Chicago, Illinois. There's a few tickets left. You know what's left? Single seats. A bunch of single seats dotting in. That's fun. Going to a show by yourself is a nice treat. Yeah. Come by yourself and, you know, you can sit next to someone's girlfriend. Probably touch the thigh with your leg. You can do it the whole show.

You can do it the whole show. I'm like, hey, I'm fucking crammed in here. This guy's a jerk. But yeah, so come to that. That'll be very fun. Yeah. Hey guys, it's me, Sean. I'll be in Cincinnati. Next week, please come if you can. Sean Gardini.com and Optimum Noctus is next week as well. So please come.

What's the date on Optum Noctus? May 19th. May 19th. Please come to Optimum Noctus on May 19th. Tickets are available at Sean Gardini.com. And then I'll be in Charleston and Raleigh, too. Thank you. Yay.

Nice. Thank you, guys. But yeah, I'm sorry, that sucks that your baby birds died. No, boy, just one. Just one. If the other two flew, that's, that's good news. They made it over that fence. That fence is like, that's the ultimate test for a baby bird.

That's a big ass fucking fence. So what did you see him learn how to fly or do they start from the ground and like? He was hopping, but he was flying pretty quick. That's tight. Yeah. That's tight. It was just great to see mom and dad jumping around. Mom and dad trying to block like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Chill. Ah. They were hopping around. They looked happy. Yeah. They're hopping. They're going, oh, shit.

They don't know. They didn't know what's going on. Oh, fuck. Mom's probably pregnant again right now. I hope. Get back in here. That would be so tight. Yeah, I wonder how, I wonder how often do Wrens, like, churn them out?

Is it, like, per season? Yeah, I think it's season. It's a season? Yeah. Because rabbits will kick out, like, four litters. They fucking, they rock them, man. They're nice. I think coyotes are year-round, too.

Really? I think they're, like, nonstop. That'd be nice. What is it? Two broods per season. Oh. We got another brood. You have another brood?

Yeah. It goes till August. Oh. Typically the season. Bro, if they get back in there, I'll be fucking pumped. She's probably out there shaking ass right now. Don't talk about her like that.

Dude, they're a couple. They're together. She's probably shaking her tail feather right now. No, they're together. That's good. If they're together forever,

that's nice. Yeah. Could get the pair bonding date on Rends, please? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see if they stay together. I was watching a thing yesterday saying the human pair bonding's all fucked up

because we can't smell each other. He's like, you're supposed to like smell ladies' BO and see like if you're nervous, if your immune systems are like compatible. There's another thing. Fuck all that. You don't want to,

you don't smell like an immune system? No, I don't care about that. I don't like whoever, whatever weird freak came up with that. It was like, our pair bonding's fucked up. It's like, I'm tired of everyone being like,

you know we're not designed to actually be doing this. So shut up. Shut the fuck up. I feel like I'm designed to be playing Xbox. I'm obviously designed for it. They have very strong pair bonding. Oh, they're together forever.

God, love wins the end of the day. Love wins again, dude. Amiss the eye nasty, love wins. Amiss all the eye nasty. People are like, dude, I'm gonna get DMs. I'm glad that fucking red. Fuck that round. That's bullshit, dude.

What? Oh, no. What is it, guys? Nate found out some bad news. says most birds do not reuse the same nest for future seasons it's all right there's another box right next to it yeah true and also and they had a good that's a good one dude I'm pretty sure you talk about shittiness they're coming back

yeah I like to believe they're coming back that's the penthouse although you can I'm sure you can also recreate what the fuck you guys doing me do that what the fuck you guys doing over there wouldn't be hard to recreate that I told my mom about the Cardinals what you say Well, she thinks Cardinals represent my dead grandmother.

Oh. So she's like, oh, that's my mom. I was like, yeah, it's my mom. For some reason, it made me upset. I was like, Mom, that's so fucking dumb. But I'd love to make fun of her. I saw a Cardinal and I was like, Mama. It's in there.

If I heard one person say that, I'm like, yeah, I know. I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, it's definitely my mom. That's really sweet. It is funny. And then you see you're just bullying birds. Yeah, I see. That means my mom's watching.

I hope not. Yeah, true. I hope my mom's not peeking through the glass in here. Just tapping the glass. He's not even naked for a day. Didn't go outside yesterday. I have neighbors behind me now, like, right up against the back. And now I'm trying to be more mindful shutting my shutters as I'll get naked.

during the night. I'm naked. And I just forget. Lights on naked? Oh, yeah, dude. You're really cool. I just forget. We had nothing back there. Now there's just, and it's just like, boom, right up against some poor kid. I hope not. You're growing up with a freak bull neighbor.

We just forget. You know, once everyone was asleep, I'm fucking, I'm hitting. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm shaking tinas for my wife. I'm like a male rend just fucking hopping around. What do you think of it is? I'm due, brother. I'm due. I've been, man, I've been suffering.

Really? Suffering, yeah. I've been suffering so hard. How bad? Bad, bro. I'm waiting. I'm due. I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't sleep the other night. I get to the point where I can't fucking sleep. Out of horniness. It's just, if I go a week, if I'm on a week retention, the seventh, eighth day, I'm going to lay in bed and just, like my cells are just kind of like, I can't sleep. It was taking me significantly longer to fall asleep.

And I'm going like this. You're just out cold. You have no idea. I'm over here suffering, dude. And you're just sleeping fitfully. You got to take matters in your own hands at that point. Yeah, but then, well, I will at a certain point. But then you go, this is what I get.

I just have to masturbate for the rest of my life. Because I'm off the nog, too. And again, I'm not making a big thing about it. I just am like, I'm all, I'm like, I don't want it. I don't want it in my life. And then I go, hey, I'm trying not to, why do you even need to watch that? And I go, it's just, naked tits.

He's cool. It's awesome. There's naked tits. And I saw them when I was like nine. And it's just, you're not, it's just, I'm always going to watch that if you don't touch my penis. So it's a tough combo. She said, why do you even watch that?

I've got, I feel to that a bunch of times. Why would you even have to watch that? I go, what do you mean? Why? I mean, I mean, I don't have to, but like, you know, why does an engine need? speeds up the process. Yeah, why does an engine need grease? You know what I mean?

Like, come on. We're going to lube the wheels a little. Exactly. I mean, bro, they're only be so much. You want me to jack off for three hours or do you want it to be five fucking minutes? You tell me. You got to relieve the tension in the bow, otherwise it breaks. Of course.

You got a long bow. You got a British long bow. I got the crossbow, dude. I got a stubby hunt. I got a stubby Irish hunting bow. I'm losing weight. I'm excited to get. like 0.001 inches length back yes nice i'm trying to get down to like 180 did four miles a day

that's sick in the tex of sun it blows i went for a walk yesterday i it was fucking miserable yeah i yeah i should have put on sunscreen i forgot what times you go one or two that dude that's fucking terrible absolute heat of the day yeah you if you catch like a 8 a m when the sun's just kind of just getting settled it's so nice i'm not catching that catch it catch it now with the schedule. Yeah, true. I'm dying, brother. Yeah, you must be tired. I'm tired. Must be tired. Dude, I had to, we did a show in L.A. on Wednesday night. After the show, had to fly to Boston to do the Boston show. I left L.A. at like 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. Cross-country flight, lose three hours. I got in at like 7.30 a.m. went to, I slept from like

8 to 2, maybe. Oh, dude. Then I had to wake up and go do the fly. fucking Boston Garden. And thrice as well, right? And then Friday Saturday, but that was that was awesome. Boston's like literally the best. But that does sucks. And then after the show Saturday, get on a plane fly back to do the roast that day.

And the roast on the west coast that we had to start. I had to get there at like 9 a.m. Yeah. So did you did a night flight back basically? Yeah. You must be turned. I'm a little tired from that. Yeah. I mean, that's like that's literally... I did nothing yesterday. I'm fine.

It is the stuff of jiblet. It takes one day. Yeah. Coast to coast is tough. Coast to coast is really tough. Coast to coast. Going from California to Boston and a show that day, that sucked. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, yeah, that's fucking, it is funny going from like L.A. And then just hitting like the palest. I was so happy to be home. So happy to be back on the East Coast. The Northeast just with ugly pale guys. I was my brothers. Yeah, it's nice actually.

My fucking dogs finally. Boston does rule. Boston's maybe the best city. Yeah, it is. It's up there. It's really nice. Anytime you put out a bunch of shows, Boston always sells out so fast. So weird.

It's like they're literally just are the bros there. That's my last arena. Really? Yeah. For what? For that arena tour. Yeah. The only thing I have left is the link, dude.

It's time to focus on the link. Oh, man. Told you what happened to me. I got to, yeah, I got fucking high. I got a high off a gun. Thought about it. thought about it. I had full body panic attack. I was like, that's so many fucking people.

And I just, for real, full body, just like, fuck. Doesn't even make sense. You're entering my room. Nothing makes sense. You're entering what I've been doing for three straight years. Every day. Every day. You wake up and go, holy shit. Fuck. It doesn't make sense. And then you go, you know what? Fine. I'll check the internet.

Fuck him. All my thoughts were right. I am a terrible person. I know. I know. It is funny. It's like, it really is. It's like the part of yourself that's like looking out and judging the world just gets like scraped through all of the same part of other people. It's just like all that's left. Either you become calcified and nastier or you just let all the nasties go.

And you're not even can't be nasty anymore. Can't be worried. That's why it also makes sense too. Like when I was younger and I'd watch like famous actors talk about anything. I'm like, this guy's a freak. Then it's like, oh, this guy since he's been. 12 has been like just berated by newspapers and that's why they get in there and they're like it's all about the work and about your energy yeah that's what happens after that yeah but that would

be the end of our careers yeah if we became a weird for leather bracelets yeah other bracelets yeah other bracelets you need to get them and be like it's all about the good internal to the activity it's uh aristotle said that it's about the fame the vibes obviously you're like this guy's a fucking fruit and you're like dude i've just i would break one day though in the middle of an you'd be like, yeah, that guy is a fucking fruit. I fucking hate that fucking guy, dude. Oh, fuck. I'm back.

No. Oh, no. I got to meet him now. Fuck. You know what? I am allowed to say whatever I want. Hey, if I think it's funny, I'll fucking say it. In the middle of like a kid's cartoon show I'm doing.

I'm voicing a dog on a... You know what? Fuck it. I know. True. Yeah, we shall see. I mean, it'll, it was the buzz. It was the talk of the town. But some people have to face their ey nasties. You do. You do. And it's coming. Where you tell me somebody had to face their eye nasties?

Yeah, people, everyone's facing them. People are dying by the eye nasty. Because it will rocket you. It'll get rocket fuel. You can be as nasty as you want. It'll rocket you. But also, too, you're gathering the nasties. And they're going as soon as anything even decent happens for you, which is best case scenario, the nasties will turn. Yeah. They'll go,

Yeah. No, please. Please. Yeah. I'm having liquid death sponsorship. It's all working out. Please. When the thing you dreamed of happening,

happens. And all you can think about is, fucking, I nasty. The shit I put out in the world seven years ago. No. Don't even remember it. I just pray no one.

No one. Yep, yep, yep. It happens. But, hey, man, again, all we can do is work hard and get leather bracelets. Yeah, that plant's blocking my balls still, right? All right. Perfect. Keep an eye on that.

True. We should get one prod, just eye on the balls the entire time. Yeah. That'd be nice. Uh-huh. You got your eye on it? I keep my eyes. Just so you know, I occasionally, I glance at yours as well.

I'm glad you found a bigger pair of shorts for once. Oh, my God, dude. Normally he's wearing a fucking speedo. Oh, he's got the Rottweiler turd just fucking hanged. He's folded over. It really is, dude. It's like a Dalmatian era. Like a fucking little tail of it.

Head dog. The dog just got in some paper towels. Did you do that? Just looks like Gardini's don't. His tail just completely folded. You should have seen Nate's fucking soft-ass dog. I seen it. came over.

We had a couple of... Yeah, you saw him. Were you here when he was... When he got tough. I saw him get tough at the end of the night. Oh, that was nice. The pit breeds get a little... They can get like a little sundowners.

Like nighttime. They're in like a weird place. They get like kind of like whacked out. I've seen that before. Butter dog was being very funny. He wasn't going to nothing. He's the softest. It's, I'm ashamed of how soft he is.

He's a sweet dog. It's funny. I can tell how ashamed Nate was. So I kept being like, man. A dasty dog. The dog was... being perfect. It was a great dog. You should let him be gay with Jackson.

He would 100% be gay. Oh, dude, Jackson will get, Jackson is blind, but he'll still be gay. If you can, like, find a dog's dick, he's all over. Jackson is a blind freak. He'll like, allocate another dog's dick. He just be like, he would, for real, molest your dog. My dog would just lay there and take it. That's what Jackson

used to do. Don't put twinkle on him. Don't put twinkle on my dog. He's at least a bear. He's definitely not bear. He's a He's a pretty small Jackson's old Yeah, yeah, yeah But he still has his appetites

He still has his appetites Can't teach him new tricks No All right, sorry It's better than no It's better than alternative He could be the worst fucking dog He's just a dog

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah, but I wish he would do a little something He don't even bark He doesn't bark. That breed doesn't bark. He doesn't bark. Yeah,

Yeah, they don't, he's, what kind of, what is he? I think he's just full pit. He looks like a little staffy a bit. He might, I just got him from the shelter. Yeah. And they just had pit. Well, they don't, they don't bark. I have a staffy, same thing.

They'll go like, we're, all he does is wine. He hits a, hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, they put it at the end of the night. His dog, the whole time is just gone, uh, uh, that's a weird bark.

The mailman comes. He goes, fuck me. His eyes cross Yeah Oh dude We even talk about the Who is the guy The Indian dude

Who is the white boss Lady dominated him sexually? Yeah That just came and went man That's dude I gotta give it to that guy We talked about it on Rogan Did you?

And it was like the day it came out And they read the quote And I was like This reads like an Indian guy I don't think she said that That is a horny Indian guy. What do you call him for bazookas?

Canons. Canons. Canons is sick. But what did he call his own wife? Fishhead Asian wife? That's the hardest part about getting caught in this. I know. Wait, why'd you call me a fish head with tiny cannons? Why did you make that up? Like the boss was like a...

Yeah, I know, but he's the one who wrote it. Wrote it out. So he wrote like, yeah, what does your fishhead Asian wife think about this? Or that's out he wrote it. It was all fake. Is that for sure? I believe it was fake. Or does that lady have everyone in the office so raciously domed that they're like, yes, yes, mistress, we will defeat the rumor. I got like semied when I read.

No one's mad about a thick racist dom. That lady was hot. Do you see a tall picture? Dude, I think that had, was that AI? Because that picture is not. That picture is that real, dude? She, I mean, she could have fully bimbified me. You know that guy who got caught with the balloons?

if I worked for that lady I'd have the balloons and spandex on and like I'm your little fucking bimbo wait where did you wear jp morgan or yeah also what a fucking weird leg up for that lady professionally to just dodge that bullet and now it's like you're in a little interview with some old guy and he's like yeah the fucking guy was saying you were saying you know what were you saying to that guy he's just fucking i'm gonna see the fucking picture over i don't know standing on the desk racially dominating some Poor Indian man. Oh, there it is. Why would they take this picture?

Let me see, let me see. It's so hot. Yo. That's like LinkedIn edge. They definitely will do that at LinkedIn. Is that real? I think so. That's a girl, dude,

girl bosses get wild. Like a corporate girl boss. That's like, that's their Instagram. That's, you've got to break through the glass ceiling somehow, dude, get on the glass. Shadow to that thing.

Dude, I'm mad. I mean, dude, He was claiming forced blow jobs. He was claiming, it's like, bro, stop it. That's so horny to leave a job thing. I'm going to sue this place and be like, yeah, also, I'm the fucking man. The reason I got fired is because I kept getting my dick sucked by the hot lady at work.

You feel bad for him or her? Also, why would he do that, though? Why would he make that up? You try to get the bag? Yeah. You wanted to get 10 mil from him? Again, kind of similar to Big J's joke. It's like, that's not that much if you're asking JPMorgan for 10 years.

I know. But it's like you want to hit that minimum threshold of like, what will they just settle? Yeah, you don't even want this. It's not worth it. Give him 10. He should have went for like a guy. And like the guy was sucking my dick and holding me.

That would have. Her last name is Hodgdini. What? You're the Hajdini. Hogdini. Hogdini. Dude, that, yeah, that was like, because it was so unbelievable to be like, hold on.

And also it was like, you just can't catch any sympathy. Be like, my boss would fucking blow me and say really cool stuff to me. It's like, dude, nobody's going to believe that. Like, okay, dude. So you got, you got five. Okay, one, you were nervous and got a forced blow job. Still is like, there's a, there's no such thing. It's not a forced.

Yeah, you can take a step back. You can easily take a, but she was like, oh, fucking far. In my case, you can take a slight lean back. Yeah, dude. Also, the most unbelievable. thing for your boss to be like, if you don't let me blow you, I'll fire you. It's like that has never happened ever. Just your

chick boss being like... Okay. You got to toss that chick boss in there. That's what I'm saying. I'm sure there's a couple fellow bosses that were like, I'm gonna suck your dick. Yeah. For sure. 100%. Yeah. That's how the industry works. You're the boss of Nickelodeon. That's how...

You're the CEO of Nickelodeon. You go, I'm going to I've got to blow these kids or you're fired. Yeah, you're telling me there's a girl boss... just like week three of her menstrual cycle being like, I'm gonna fucking blow this guy. If he doesn't let me, he's fucking ruined. I will not endorse his skills on LinkedIn if he doesn't fucking jam his fucking dong in my mouth.

But I saw it and I was like, what the fuck is this? And then like instantly it was like, yeah, that guy made that up. Especially Fishhead as a slur for an Asian. Yeah. That sounds like a very, it's a cloaking. from India, I believe. Is it really?

Must be. I would have heard it. That sounds like a foreign insult. He says it hasn't crossed the pot. That insult hasn't been here. Although it is an invasive species because I'm taking that one. I've actually, I have heard it before. Oh, really?

Yeah, that's like an old. It's an old one. Old school guy. Yeah. So that's an old, old, old one. That's where I was like, what the hell? Canons. Where's she from?

It'd be funny, too, if he was like, if he played the audio and it was just his accent like, you don't have cannons like my wife. Your canons are small and shameful. Dude, speaking of small cannons, I was listening to Shakira recently. Because the zoo,

you were about to say, remind me of, yeah. Really? She has. I might have small and humble. Dude, what the fuck you know that too?

It's like the best song. It's amazing. Yeah. I didn't know that she said, yeah, they're not like mountains. They're small and humble. She's humble mounds.

She's humble. I was like, damn, I never even thought about that. She has humble breasts, but... Yeah. But her hips don't lie. They're not even fucking lying. I never heard to be like, yeah, you know how those big, fat, mountainous tities.

Mine are small and just humble. Yeah. It's like, fuck, that's... Because that was probably originally written in Spanish, and then they, like, you know, just cross it over to English and you're like, is that a fucking thing? Humble. This chick with their fucking...

Humble tits? Narcistic big fat, narcissistic titties. You're like... Bitch. How come we can't do that? That's, dude, the fact that I didn't... Lucky the muddick is small and humble. Not standing like a mountain.

Yeah, that's, uh, because I was like... Zootopia, the Zootopia soundtracks, it's all Shakira. She kind of, she does kind of kill it on those soundtracks. She doesn't get enough cred. But I was introducing Maya. I'm like, yeah, she has like a lot of other songs. And like, I was listening to it. I heard the boobs, humble mountain tits.

And I was like, what the fuck? And I now are doing that song, I just go... Yeah, you go. Yeah, I got it. up here the line about humble humble small yeah you don't want your kids taking that to school no no because they remember every yeah yeah yeah yeah and you're just like yeah all right don't don't don't don't do that i just rewatched little kids singing uh to uh little naz x it's like my favorite it's the best it's one of the best videos ever he does a school assembly oh yeah he sings old town

road just watching the kids hit every lyric and then there's a part about like boobies they hit that one hard. Oh, it's so funny. That's so funny. Would you say Little Nausek started the like rap, R&B country crossover? I don't know, maybe. I feel like he really, I

feel like he kicked it off. Flood George Lime. Yeah, they had Nelly. They did a song with Nelly. When was that? A long time ago. Oh, I remember that actually. Yeah. So that was, okay, so that was back in the day. But then I feel, yeah,

Billy Ray Cyrus? Yeah. But he did Old Town Road, too. He did. Billy Ray's all over it. Yeah. That's pretty much. Kid Rock was an early innovator.

He was. He had that song with Cheryl Crow that actually certified. Yeah. Picture. Yeah. Sounds awesome. That's one song you catch on the radio. It's like that.

Google Dolls or whatever. And you're like, Google Dolls does rule. Did you see the Spirit Airlines? Speaking of the Google Doll song when they do like remember, that whole thing's like, what was I like in the 90s? And they play that Google Doll song. What was Spirit Airlines like in the 90s and 2000s?

And dude, it's just, you see the thing of a guy taking the luggage and throwing it off of it. There's like the conveyor belt and he just fucking throws it. He's like 20 feet up. He just goes, it's just people fighting, people throwing luggage.

It's, it's pretty funny. The Google doll song gives me anxiety because I did one of the lamest things I've ever done. What? It was, I remember when that song came out, if it came on the radio,

I would take out my yearbook and look at the girl I liked. I was in third grade. I was in third grade laying on the floor, laying on the floor like, dude, that's... I didn't even like her that much. I just would be in my room pretending to be in love. It's fucking freaked, dude. No one can blame.

No, that song is so powerful. It was too powerful. The Goo Goo Goo Goo Goo Doll songs... Because I don't want the world to see me. Because I don't think that they'd understand. I'd literally lay on the floor like, she's so beautiful. My dad would not, what the fuck you're doing there?

No, that I'm getting ready for football. I'm not looking gay. Oh, man. Should have admitted that. Well, dude, that that song used to fuck me up. If I'd be driving, I'd instantly just be like, oh, my God, I have so much love. I'm so in love with you. I don't want the world to even see me.

Dudes were powerless, dude. The Goo Goo Goo Dolls, I don't know what kind of evil magic they did. Yeah. Even obviously the fucking strongest guys. the most masked dudes in the world. Most masked dudes became certified of the lovable. I'm so fucking misunderstood. No one understands my love for you.

That's here in school next. I'd be like, hey, how are you? You ever think about kissing? I wouldn't. Oh, man. That was the best in grade school. Because also like girls would just like set up things too. They'd be like you know you're her girl your boyfriend right and you'd be like what you'd have like hold hands for five minutes and recess and be like holy shit you're like third grade like I have a fucking girlfriend right now. Yeah crazy and then days later for yeah yeah two days later they go she's done you guys have to break up now. You go. You go oh Oh fuck was that why'd you do that? Yeah it literally happened to me. I remember.

remember they like tied our jackets together in the recess your arm. We just like stood there like this and then like two days later like she's breaking up with you and I was like, okay. And I said something really mean about her and I got in trouble. I don't care. She's flat. She's fucking flat. I think I'd give a fuck.

I mean, that is crazy that like you're in school as a kid and then the year like tits just come online and you just got you like you're expected to still do school. It's insane. Yeah. I mean, it's fucking nuts. I remember when Tits came online, I was just kind of like

Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, tits were crazy. What the fuck, dude? It was nuts. It's a lot. It's, it is. It's a lot of doubt. We're a young guy. And then everyone just calls the girl who got tits a whore. Everyone is like, yeah, she's a slut, dude.

She's huge tits. Fucking slut. Everyone fucked. Even the teacher's up and... Yeah, whatever, whore. I can't believe this girl got boobs first. She must have sex with everyone. As soon as school let out the summer,

we all got mega laid. The chick with the big tids. That's the best move. Again, that's the one thing I've never... Never pussy lied, and it's like, I regret it. I didn't know you could just do that, but yeah, her? Yeah, we fucked. I just keep moving.

Yeah, I had a boy who hit the funniest. Pussy liar. He said he titty-fucked girl. We asked her and she was like, no. I know. I was like, why'd you say titty-fuck, dude? You could have said anything. Yeah, we titty-fucked.

We titty-fucked. They need to be. Pussy liars need to be studied. Pussy lying is hilarious. It's not even something you need to study. You know exactly where it comes. You don't think I want a pussy lie dudes? We all want to.

We all want your boys to be like, damn, you're cool. everybody wants to pussy that you just can't it's so fucking funny just to be like at the lunch table we're like I'm doing it I'm pussy like I'm about to pussy that right now okay here we go yeah pussy I uh titty fucked her oh that girl we've all liked for their years

yeah bro I fucking titty fuck her at the party when you know it was just fucking the other weekend at the party when we're all there I went outside that teddy fucked her behind the house They fucked her next to an HVAC unit on the side of the house. She never seen someone as big as me. It's so funny.

She's in the room. At the lunch table, you go, hold on. Is that true? No. It's also funny just to be a seventh grade girl and just be like, what the fuck? It's kind of didn't ditty fuck me. I'd be so mad.

I'd be so mad. Someone claimed. I'll just live in my day just chill and living my life and someone was just like yeah I heard that guy titty fucked you behind the fucking behind the recycling bin

at the Rudlowski's house Oh yeah All right We did it Let's switch over to the Patreon Bye God bless Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane

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