Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 621 - Landlubbers

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. TGIF everybody. We got the D.A.W.G.Z. back together. Hope you all had a good week. Just choppin it up really. We talk a lot of underwater type stuff. Ask yourself are you a salty dog/ limey, or an LL? Let us know in the comments below. Have a good weekend everyone. Please enjoy. God Bless. Use code DRENCHED at https://BlueChew.com  to get 10% OFF + Free Overnight Shipping on your first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wow, Wow, Wes. Hello. Hey. Hello. Coming to you live on a bright and beautiful Thursday. Wow, it's Thursday. Thursday might be my favorite day, new favorite day of the week. Really?

Yeah. What's that? What's that about? I love the week. You're just getting ready for the weekend. Here's the thing. Reverse. I love the week.

Reverse. The week's my new. The week's my shit. Yeah. The weekend is like, it's cool. It's because you're working on the weekend. I'm working on the weekend. Exactly.

The week's. You're way off in the deep bend. I am, man. I have my nice little routine all week, Monday through Friday. My routine, if you could just trap me in glass and let me do my routine every day, put me in the zoo. I'm fine. I'm so excited about my routine.

As soon as I woke up today. Jeff. drove to Starbucks, hit the Xbox. Perfect, perfect. I'm back. Keep an eye. See if the Rends are back. I don't know if they are.

Oh, no, really? I got in late last night. I don't know if the Rends are back. God knows what the mayor's done. He probably ate them. I think he fried him up. That fucking dickhead. I don't know if he'd do.

fry, Matt. I'm not. He's sneaking guys in for a bird fry? Yeah, there's been some people here. You got to look out for little signs of people's lawns. Might be advertising a bird fry. I don't think

he knew I was coming home. Doors locked. He parked me in and he was in Virginia. Dang. Is he still in VA right now? I think he's down Virginia way. What a fucking dick. Yeah. He parked.

you. Where is his keys? Pards me in his keys. Under a pile of coming clothes. Oh. Yeah. It was at a lady's house. Oh no. So you had to do, so your routine got disturbed. You had to go now run unnecessary errands. Dude. I'm level 10 angry.

As soon as an unnecessary errand stirs, sanctity in my routine, I am fucking living. I tried to find my gamer chair. It's back at his desk. Every monitor on game paused. Yo. Guy, I'll leave for a week. Just leave shit on.

That is tight, though. On his tour, he can hold down. I pause my game for this. He did pause his game for this. He paused his game. Pausing your game and leaving for five days is crazy. That gets an intent. It's auto-resumed, dude.

It'll go back. I know. He's just a dickhead. Christ. He paused his game for this. That's crazy. Five-day pause. It was probably for real, like $19.

in electricity just to hold this game. There's seven, he's got monitors. There's like three computer towers. I walk back there. I am a dad when I walk back there. I'm furious. I walk back and God damn, look at all this shit. Electricity bills going through the fucking roof.

If the internet's slow at all, I blame him. Everything. He gets blamed for everything. I remember my parents would bug on the electricity. It was like once a quarter. They were nickel. They fucking pasted it to the wall one time. I remember being like, I don't give a fuck.

Like, why are you acting? Like, I care. I remember he was on the wall near the basement steps. Like, you're going to turn off the basement lights. And then it was just... Yeah, just an electricity bill. I was like, oh, okay. Just 12 being like, whoa, holy shit.

I should probably think about this. Yeah, I thought it was a massive charge. It's not... It's for real. Got to be a dollar a month. But it does piss you off when you go, turn the fucking video game off. I know.

That's crazy. But you couldn't save back then, dude. You had to leave it on. Yeah, he's running old programs. Everybody was pausing their game for this back in the day. It's true. You couldn't save, dude. Who had a memory card?

I know. And then there's, you know, someone racing your game off the memory card, but their game, that's, that's, should be up there with treason. That is treasonous. It's crazy. That's treason. Yeah, I'm telling you, it happened to me. It's still, to this day, it's why I don't really play video games like that.

Redempt redemption, it was a week of hard work, eight-hour days. someone erase my shit off my brother's video game I remember I remember coming checking and being like yeah and just being for like sad for like three days and being like I'm never opening myself up to that possibility ever again yeah you have to shield yourself dude 10% into Red Dead Red Dead Redemption he raced that's fucking seven hours yeah so this yesterday just got back from Nashville I went down there to

play den you it was very nice Awesome. I was going to take my nephew down to Texas's little kids camp, but then Kittle was like, let him, he can run routes with us and work out. It was, it was wonderful. It took Phil and Ant Man to Nashville. To the tight end university. And yeah, it was, but yesterday was the best part because I flew back to Texas. They flew back to Harrisburg. Their flight got delayed in Chicago. About five hours, six hours. Phil and Ant Man, dude. He's 70. Ant Man 7. First off, I haven't hung out with a fucking 7 year old.

I didn't know they didn't shut the fuck up for one minute. He's 7 now? Yeah. Yeah, dude. 7 and a half. True.

Yeah, you gotta check that. But, bro, they don't shut the fuck up. No. I had headphones in and he just sits across from me just talking to me. What was he droning on about? He can't believe I'm famous.

It's all he talks about. And now that I'm, now that I'm friends with Cody Wodes. He loves. loves Cody Woods. Yeah, they pick one thing and it just... Cody Woods.

And all day, he just goes, Uncle Shane, what do you think Cody Woods is doing? I'm like, I don't know. He goes, have you met Sammy Zane?

I'm like, I don't know. He said, have you met the Uso? The Uso's brother, the Uso's? I think I have. What'd they say?

I don't know. They said hi. You should be talking about you, man. I do say that. That's the biggest mistake. I've made that. He's like, did they really?

What did they say about me? When are they going to talk about me? What are they say about me? He doesn't shut the fuck out. And I was like, Aunt, talk to Phil. And my dad was like, don't fucking have him talk to me. You guys.

Ant, ask him about the wrestlers. It's fucking 12 hours. He's just punishing you. He did. It was nonstop, dude. Yeah, they won't stop. Yeah. They won't stop fucking talking.

I had to cool down Maya. She was like, I'm six and a half, right? I'm like, bro, you're not even fucking close to six and a half. Don't come at me like that. You're maybe six and a quarter, not even. Definitely not six and a half. You're a couple months shy of six and a quarter.

Don't be... I've actually had that argument with a girlfriend. Yeah, I'm six and a half, right? You're not even close to six and a half. You're three, dude. A couple years ago, I told the story about how I once spent my last $9 on Bud Light during an Eagles game at the lane. I really did. I was sitting up there. I went with Big Jay and Soder.

Oh, yeah. It was a while ago. I just said with Jay's family in the upper decks. I had $9 on my card. I got one Bud Light. Anyway, my friends at Bud Light found the clip, and since then, we've been working on a way to bring the story full circle when I perform at the Link. After the show, fans 21 and over can visit participating bars in Philly for a Bud Light on us. fans can visit bars in Packer Park, South Philly, Logan Square, Spring Garden, and Center City after the show

for a Bud Light on us. Free Bud Light, dude. That's it. Nice. Yeah, but just those two Stalk is crazy. Phil and Ant Man together

is the funniest combo. Phil takes him to a bar. Ant Man just sits next one and asks, I mean, Ant Man's going through exactly what I went through. And then I did it to Ant Man. I took Ant Man to the bar. He would just watch me drink.

And I was like, we're stay till the end of this game. All right. Half time. He was like, okay, can we please leave? I'm like, just drink the Shirley Temple. Shut up. I let him run around the bar. That's nice.

Don't even watch him. No. Throwing shit. He was Thursday, they had a pop a shot. He was just fucking launching balls around him. Yeah, he eventually do give up and just let your kids just run around. You're like, I can't, I can't possibly dedicate every single brain. every second.

Somebody takes him, I'll be in my Liam Neeson shit. True. I'll get him back. You will. They'll only be taken for a little bit. Yeah, I'll go. Yeah.

I mean, it's also, yeah, I get, there's a lot of Amber alerts down here. But despite, it's every five fucking seven. The lads are. Oh, dude. The lads hit the Amber Alert, left and right, dude.

Fooze, bro. Fooz go wild with the Amber alerts, dude. For real. So many Amber alerts. Come as a Desey amber in fucking, I know it's a name, but it's also a color. Amber, I wonder how you do say Amber.

Embedro. It's a good guess. Yellow. Kind of like yellow, but for the arm bar. Arm bar. Damn, the arm bar's. The arm bar alert, then. Arm bar alert.

Yeah, dude. I wonder what's up with the fucking... Food to go wild, dude. Really hot potato with the ninoes, dude. It was crazy. It's a real hot potato, dude. Also, it's like three-s-suits. He's everything.

Somebody in Houston takes them headed down San Antonio. They just fucking bounce around that triangle. My nino is the fucking silver Nissan. I think that's what, you ever see the spikes that come out of the rims? That's probably to protect. Yeah. People try to take your ninoes in Houston.

You're like, no. Oh, you can't get close to me. Yeah. Foo's fucking hot potato than Nios. Except every fucking 10 minutes. Beb! Yeah, there's just a fucking...

Ladies and gentlemen, a foo has been taking everybody to be on fucking guard, dude. There's a foo on the loose. And their car breaks down. Never seen that many fucking ever alerts ever. Anyway, I have heard abductions

big here though. Yeah, so. We can tell, dude. It's not the top. It's also like, dude, like, think about it, if you're in the business of snagging kids and forcing them into whatever kind of slavery you want,

you're right at the finish line here. Yeah. Three hour drive, you get the bag. You know how fucking easy to snaggy kid? You just said so yourself. I'm like, this is where you want to do it. I'm saying. I think it's terrible. Obviously. But this is, you're right next to the fucking finish line. You snagged a kid and

New York. I could get a Canada way. Hi, Caramba. I caramba for sure. Good luck. But yeah, it's, dude, I it's, I'm telling you, all the moms I talked to

are always like, I swear someone was watching me. They chalked my tires in the parking lot. Yeah, we've talked to, I don't know. Yeah. I'm ready. I stay ready. I said, let it happen. It's one of my,

it's one of my many fantasies. I can't wait to answer the phone and go, who is this? I'm talking about stopping in progress. I'm talking about stopping in progress. Hold on. Let me sound the authorities. Beh!

Every single person just goes God. Jesus Christ Was it going to rain? Oh, a fucking kid. Yeah. Oh, great. Jesus Christ. That is so loud. Where they go? There's a flood 400 miles away. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Which actually is stopping five ambler alerts temporarily. So. That flood here that took those bums. Wait, the bums got taken? A couple bums got fucking a... No. Yeah. There's a... Like last year. What? They fell into...

Was there in a couple... flood here. The summer camp one is horrendous, but some of the bums fell into the lazy river. I think a lazy river took some bumps. I think there's a flashed lazy there's a flash lazy river warning.

Some of the bombs didn't get the alert. Just while asleep. No. That's so funny. It's, it's not funny. I think there is something about fucking hilarious, dude. Being fucking wasted and then waking up.

in a river. Oh, shit. I swear some... Oh, having the water creep up on the bombs is getting the bombs. I didn't hear about that. I don't know. I hope the bombs survived, but... Yeah, true.

We didn't get the... They got hit with it, yeah. Yeah, the Shoal Creek flooded in about a year ago. Mm-hmm. Four individuals experiencing homelessness were caught in a dangerous drainage culvert

so they got caught up in the it was a lazy river it was like Pennywise did they make it two were rescued but a man and a woman damn one turned into a ninja turtle

they found two and then a man and a woman tragically trying I'm just trying just finding the silver lining because it is It was a tragedy. That is sad.

You like to imagine their lovers, maybe. Perhaps, yeah. Like in Pompeii or whatever. Yeah. They died in the flood, yeah. Unfortunately, tragic. Yeah. Well.

Cheese and peas. Cheese and peas. Cheese and peas. There's a bees. It is sad. Oh, man. That's so funny, dude. The fact that it was fucking, the fact

getting sucked into the sewer. and dude just being being homeless being like fucking life can't get anywhere oh shit

I'm getting flushed down the toilet I'm getting literally it's fucking it's it's

it is it is funny though because like there is you do you are you can be like ah

you know I can't handle this I don't want have anything to do with society, but it's like there you have to at least stay out of the waste management, like the water management system, like, at least get away from the stormwater drains, you know what I mean?

It's, it is, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, just watch out for the stormwater man. Don't be in like one of the channels that can lead you down the sewer. Like, you gotta do that at least. Oh, fuck. It's a lesson on personal responsibility. But it's sad.

It sucks, too. Anyway. Oh. Yeah. It was nothing funny. It's not good. Oh, but yes, for sure. Someone getting flushed down.

Their day, their day must have been fucking hilarious. Must have been like screaming at somebody on the street. Just fuck you bitch. I kill you bitch. And I'm just, oh, shit. This episode is. brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows.

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That was killing me. I was like, you had a full fucking bum day. Fell off my fucking durn bike, dude. Right down to the white meat. Still, that was a week ago. That's nasty. Fell off my fucking bike. I chased my dogs, dude.

He tried to talk to, yeah, explain what happened, unless you already have. I talked about it last week, but it was. Full fucking bum day. It was a, dude. I didn't, I can't believe that. You know, he didn't rain, dude. I was, I was primed up. I actually was riding my bike along a cold.

too that could have gotten bad me at least that fucking bastard dog would have came with me i would have fucking pulled him down but you little betrayed me i thought for sure the guy seemed friendly i'm like here we go i'm gonna flex with my yeah just wild pipples just a couple wild pit bulls out yeah it was this before after you fell off your bike after so you're bleeding bleeding bleeding you go it's time for me to tame some wild pipples bleeding did get my pump i did get my pump after the bleeding after bleeding a bloody pump bloody pump you know i like that I'm not afraid to do that. I got a bloody pump.

And then I didn't go to the cold plunge. That would have been very dashed. It would have been very mean. Yeah, I was like not doing that. So that was, you know, also too. I was like, I don't want to attract any sharks in water. True. I wonder if girls do that.

I thought about it, dude. I was wondering that. On their period, just getting the public gyms fucking. Yeah. I was wondering about that the other day if they do that. I think they definitely swim. They definitely swim with their periods. That's, you know.

Talk about that. Maybe some sort of check in the public pool, but the little checkpoint. Yeah, you just got to go, you being fucking mean to everybody. True. You know, it's really the, dude, I'm telling you, it's really the week before. Yeah. That's, oh, boy, meany, meany, meaning, meaning before that. It's right before the period.

Then the period, they're just like, eh. But the way. Yeah, that week leading up, you're like, oh, fuck. It's the week. And every time it surprises me. Mm-hmm. And then there's always a moment where I go, oh. Yeah.

That's what this is. Yep. And then, you know, you're faced with the weird task where you have to be like, you're in like a different dimension and I can't go into this dimension with you. It's normally it's like, you love when I play Xbox all day. You love when I don't take you out on days. I know. You love that I never left the house and drink.

Hit the date night yesterday, actually. Nice. Where'd you go? very hot date, uh, Pacina. Pacina. Pacina. Do you get any? Nesina.

I didn't think any Pacina, actually. Now they say that. Fuck. But we did. Must be a good date that you grubbed hard. We grubed hard. Nothing worse than a fucking grub date. Grubbed very hard.

It's time to try to reproduce. Yeah, it was, I was... I'm in no condition to mate. I was not... I've been farty late. I've been so farty lately, dude. I've been... Farty me.

I'm so, I'm for real, I've been so farty. It's... Farty next to heart, dude. Why have you been so farty? Dude, I've been going ham on protein powder, and I'm farting so much. And I choose the farce. You've been around when Rogie's farts? It's crazy, dude.

I've pinned down the culprit. I'm like, oh, it's definitely four scoops of protein powder a day. And guess what? I won't stop. It's just, I've just become farts. Are you still cheesing? You mean a little dairy? hitting the cheese?

Yeah, I hit a little cheese. Cheese and protein. Yesterday, yeah. Had a little lasagna. Cheese protein combination. I'm trying. I'm waiting for my body. Just get on board with the shit.

It's like, come on, guys. We could be so powerful if we just kind of just. I think it makes you more powerful. I think so. Protein and cheese farts. I have them. It's crazy. Ricotta cheese isn't as bad.

But yeah, if I have some like shredded moths, oh my God. Oh, my God. Some cheddar. And I do it. I know what's coming. I go. It's going to be bad, but I'm going to do it. So, yeah, I was the other day, I was eating a burger.

I said, all that's cheese on it. And she's like, just eat it. And I looked at her. I said, all right. You made your bed. You said it. You said it. I sent her a thing on Instagram recently.

I saw this cartoon, like an explainer video saying in medieval times, I don't know if it's true, but they said women would fart around guys to let them know like they liked them. It showed that a woman was like relaxing the, strict kind of like... I think that kind of holds up. Yeah. I was, you know, I sent it to her. I don't even know why.

I just fired it off. Oh, you like that yawn? That koala yawn? I really liked that. I did some research on yawn last night, on yawning. What happened? Well, I was watching a show or... No, I was reading.

Trying so hard not to yon right now. I was reading and I said yawn. And I yawned immediately. Yeah, that's, you just... If you read about yawns, you yawn. Yeah. And I wanted to figure out what's going on there. And nobody knows.

What? No one really knows. That's fucked up. Yeah. It's a contagious. It's just a weird thing, yeah. Yeah, it is. Animals do it too.

I mean, you don't fucking yawning again. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna yawning. Yeah, everyone's yawning. Everyone listening to this is yawning now. Fuck. Dude. Oh, fuck, I'm about to fucking yawn. Oh, fuck.

And then, you don't make me yawn again? You can yawn from animals. You can look and see an animal yawn and then you fucking yawn. My dogs get me for sure. It's hilarious. Yeah, it's really. You can make your dog yawn. Hold on.

So there's no fucking way. I'm actually... I'll tell you. I'll tell you about it. Because there's no real... I thought there's one of those things they could claim like mirror neurons or some fucking bullshit.

What even is that, though? Exactly. They don't really know. Mirror neurons are the things that make you... Mirror neurons. They make you copy people's face. Yeah, when you observe someone yawning these specific brain cells fire,

mirroring the other person's physical action and helping you subconsciously empathize with their state. Social bonding is nice. That's cool. Yawning is highly... social, you are significantly more likely to catch a yawn from a close friend or family member than from a stranger as it acts as a subtle display of empathy and connection. Sounds fucking

lame to me. I don't believe that. I'm so embarrassed. I yawn twice. That's how much you like me. Group vigilance. Some evolutionary theories suggest contagious yawning synchronizes the wakefulness and alertness of a group. If one person is feeling drowsy and yawns, the contagiousness spreads, subtly increasing the brain arousal and vigilance of the entire group to compensate. Yo. But no one really knows. Dang. But if you go to Yon's Wikipedia page, there's a nice picture of a koala yawning.

I like that. I'm a big fan of that. That was also, the pool was so you hit me with the koala yawning. I said, what the fuck did you get this from? Last night. Yeah, that was crazy. It was a great picture. It was a great picture.

You take a look at it, yawn Wikipedia? That is really good. You didn't like that? Then I realize, I want to watch. compilations of animals yawning. I think that'd be nice. What you get you? You didn't see yet?

Reptiles yawn, that's fun. You ever see a snake yon? No. It's pretty fun. I've got a snake in my yard right now. For real. I do. What kind of snake is it?

It's either a ribbon or a gardener snake. I was pretty pumped to see. I saw it back there the other day and it was like, it was going pretty nuts. Nice. So yeah, I learned too. The, um, because I was like, fuck, what kind of, like, hopefully it's not a poisonous snake. It's not. I think it's, is it a red on black friend of Jack?

Yellow one, something kills you. So I forget, there's a good, cool saying. I was just trying to see if these guys were looking at the qual yawning. Were they really? I was hoping you guys will get pumped. Snake yon's fun. What? Do they flicker their tongues?

What? That's kind of sick. Oh, no. But yeah, it's pumped. It's terrifying for real, for real. Yeah, they're scary. I actually had a dream about snakes last night. I'm thinking about the snake in my backyard.

I had a dream about all kinds of coral snakes attacking me. It was kind of fucking scary. Even water? No, coral snakes, I think, can come on land. I wasn't sure if you were down there, scuba. And the snakes came out of the reef to get you. Oh, what the hell? That'd be terrifying.

There'd be some electric eels. Does? It'd steal my voice and give it to Ursula. I wouldn't be able to podcast. I'd make the little mermaid. Red and black. Friend of Jack. Friend of Jack.

Red touches yellow. Kills a fellow. Kills a fellow. it. Yeah, well, really, it's the easier way to remember. If the stripes are horizontal, like wrapping around, like little stripes, that's a poisonous snake. If you have a long stripe down the back, typically, friend of Jack.

Staying away from all of them. Yeah, I don't like any of them. I don't like none of them. The garden snake could be a good alliance, man, because that way... It'd be nice to have in there. Kill the rodents. Yeah. Get the rodents going. Fucking lizards, too, man. Eating all my goddamn strawberries. Really? Yeah, the fucking assholes. I have a million lizards in my back. I have so many lizards. Kind of sick, but... It is sick.

destroy dude every time I go back there like four of them run away and I'm like fucking fucking jerks wait till my snake fucking eats you guys yeah that's exciting stuff he did scare me though so I thought it was a lizard

I was like whoa yeah they're scary every time yeah they get you dude I uh back runs started reading um devils by dostisky oh nice bro so good and it's like

I tried crime and punishment you called it you're like you're gonna get bored and stop I was like no I'm not I heard it rules though Yeah, but I did it. I tried, couldn't do it. I got bored and stopped. Devils is nice because it's written like a,

it just sounds like a gossipy neighbor just being like, dude, let me tell you about this guy. And he just sits there and gives the details on every single person. And it's, it's... It's BZZMZ. It is. It is BZMZ. You're sitting at Bonnors with bees. It's B-S-M-Z.

It really feels like that. But it's all about these like late 1800s Russian revolutionaries who are just really larping and just like, it's really weird. it's like Russian progressives and how they have like no real beliefs and how they're just really trying to like pump themselves up. Taylor's oldest time. Yeah, pretty crazy. It was, I'm reading it.

It's like, dude, it's so fun. Just the little things in there. Like there was one thing where, uh, like, there's a, there was a thing in Russia called like the peasant. It was called the great something where like they started being like, yeah, let's like give peasants rights because they were still, I guess, under like the monarchy. And they were like, no, dude, peasants. Like, it was like really cool back then to be like, peasants are actually really cool. and I fucking love peasants, but these people had like no relationship,

like never even saw them. They're like, I think peasants are cool as fuck and they should be free to do whatever they do. Yeah, that was like Marx and Engels. Well, that came... They would try to go to factories.

Yep. And all the factory workers were like, dude, you guys are pussy. Well, the peasants love the king. That was the thing, though. They were like, and the peasants were like, no, the king fucking rules.

It's actually the guy, the advisors were fucking assholes. Yeah, the Russian peasants were like, they came to him like, yeah, fuck the king and they were like dude, you beat the fuck out you dude. King fucking, why you're talking about my king like that?

This guy's like my whole life. That's all I do is work for this fucking guy. He'll tell me he sucks. What the hell are you doing to me? But yeah, there was a, the characters are so funny because they are just like rich, like progressive,

just absolute weasels, constantly backstabbing each other. And there's this one part where this guy is like, this lady takes him in, just kind of puts them up to be tutor for her son. And she invites this like very high ranking military guy and he like references the peasant like uprising thing

and the dude who's her guest goes horror like quietly to himself but loud enough so people can hear it and the guy just like the fuck is your problem this is like a big problem for him and the end so like the general guy's like fuck him so they go to leave he goes hey man shake my hand this is the thing they do in Russian society if you don't like somebody

you go to shake hands hit him with the two finger you hit him with the two finger and that you make him shake your two fingers and it lets everyone know like Fuck this guy. It's crazy. That's nice. That's been making me laugh so hard.

And then if you don't accept, it's like, dude, you got to shake hands. He had no choice but to be like, motherfucker. Got me. Got my ass. It was only in front of one lady. He just was like, oh, you're not a gentleman? You're not going to shake my hand? He goes, fucking bitch.

And he would go to his room and like cry and write letters. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's really, it's been a, really, it's been a treat to read. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew, the number one brand for better sex. Blue Chew just dropped something crazy. Blue Chew gold. For years, Blue Chew has made it easy for over 5 million men to get hard.

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Then after that, Portland, Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, and a bunch of other places in the fall, go to Matt McCusker.com for tickets. July 17th at the link in Philadelphia. Also August in South Carolina. Charleston. I've been fired up on a book. It's called The Wager. I think it's like a very popular history book,

but it's, you'd like it. What's it about? It's just this expedition of ships that left England trying to sail around to, I think their mission was to blow up a fucking Spanish port in like Chile. Sick. But it's pretty.

great shit goes south yeah really sucks ass everyone gets scurvy they couldn't figure out scurvy those like boat missions back in the day were just cursed it was unbelievable how bad it was every single fucking chapter you're like no way yeah i found out though under the weather is uh because they would put all the sick guys under the lower hold to get him out of the weather they're he's under the weather oh shit i like you good everyone's when i read something like that in a book and then I'm not sure if that's right. Sounds pretty good. Why don't you guys give me a look at that.

While you do that, I'm going to give you another one. Cut to the Chase. Comes from the silent film error where before, like those Charlie Chapman films, always for whatever reason they... Yep. They would always have an unnecessary, very boring, drawn-out love story, which is him just like winking and raising his eyebrows. And then this one guy was like, dude, cut to the fucking chasing.

Get to the chase. This is bullshit. Let's just see him chase a guy around a pond. Under the weather? Fuck yeah. That's good. So scurvy blows. Your fucking teeth fall out.

Your hair falls out. Everything blows and you die. Just because you don't have vitamin C. You have a fucking lemon. Because you don't have a lemon, which is why they're called lymies. Really? Limey. Yeah.

Because they need the limes. I was thinking about it. You're a fucking land lover. You're a land lover. What the hell are you? Not true. You're a land lover. I've spent more time.

That's how you went on the open sea. What's the last time on the open sea? I was paddleboarded. I was paddleboard in the fucking golf. I was talking about. That's coastal shit. That's a land lover. What's the fucking talking about?

What's the last time you were the open sea? I've been in the open sea. When? Fucking couple days ago. Where were you? It's out at sea. It's out at sea, dude. You're a land lover.

That's so untrue. I got scurvy. That's why I got all these lines. Dude. I had to start sucking lines. Dude. Well, you ought to be careful because now they're trying to say that citrus intake increases skin cancer risk.

I know. I think it's more shit. When you're a salty dog like me, skin cancer's guarantee. I heard that. I'm a salty dog. You're a land lover. There's nothing even do about it. Bro, I've been underwater more than I think. I've spent hours underwater in the last couple weeks.

I've been swimming. I'm underwater, dude. It's fucking sick. Underwater is the best. I love underwater. Dude, it's for real sick. Like, when you swim laps, you're kind of chilling underwater with other people silently.

So do I. That's what I'm saying. When you call me a land lover, it's just not even like offensive. It's just not true. You're a bit of a landlower You're a land lover. You've never been at sea For more than a day

You've never been at sea for more than a year I know I went on a carnival cruise with my friends when I was 14 Dude I was we're out there man It must have been 10 days out there You went on a carnival cruise of course I bet yeah you went on this spirit cruise I went to Royal Caribbean Everyone fights

I didn't go a carnival Where 15,000 people are on deck Fighting I would never go on a carnival Caribbean or bed Black people cruises are fucking awesome The parties are fun but you guys a couple fights.

Yeah, there was, there was that big clear out in the customs. I don't know if you saw that. I saw it this morning. Yeah. There was a custom, like a big brawl

in the customs line and it was just like 15 people got banned from the country. No cruise list. You got, you can't fight in the customs. That's crazy, dude.

You have to, there's got to be a, just a, it's got to be some sake of ground. Customs is tough though. Fighting, actually I've got to fight custom.

I almost got to fight one time, yeah. I got off. I was coming back, I think, from England via ship. And when we finally docked, after six months at sea, we finally docked. You'd never make it on the wager, I admit. But I swear to God, Air Afghanistan got off at the same time.

Me and the bros were in line for several hours. Yeah. It's tough. Yep. Now, I battled an old African guy one time in customs. He literally just butted and shoulder checked. And it was just like, bro. Don't fucking talk to me like that

It's Ellis Island You're literally right back to Ellis Island It's the exact same thing our ancestors did It is, dude You become Bill the Butcher real quick That's crazy So when's the longest you've spent at sea for real? I'm a land lover

Are you really? Yeah Why you just built this whole thing up? That's crazy No, I've never been on a cruise So fucking day A deep sea fishing Yeah.

That's, I mean, Carmel Cruz is hardly at sea, dude. No, man, those things rock. I remember, you're laying there, man. Took me a while to get back to land. I was so used to, I was just like, I took to it. You got your seat legs on the Carmel Cruz. Yeah, I remember I was at the indoor mall. Just got a soft serve ice cream cone from the vending machine.

And, yeah, man. I had about 14 bass als. I'll tell you what, the only fucking limey I actually knows the O'Conman's a salty dog. He's on a boat every fucking 10 minutes. Yeah. You think you're a salty dog, dude? You're a land lover. Fucking pond scum.

Yeah, you're pond scum. Yeah, more of a freshwater guy, but all this sea talk, I was thinking about my old primary care physician the other day. His name was Dr. And he actually passed away at sea last year. Oh, yeah. He died at sea. So, I was thinking about that because I got a primary care physician and he doesn't hold

a candle to really he was really bad so how did pass at sea well it's sort of a sore subject but he fell off his fishing boat and then the fishing boat went like crazy and

I mean I wish you guys wouldn't laugh at it like I said it's sort of a sore subject I'm still thinking about those boats he's fishing and he he was ejected from his boat and then the boat kept driving and it ran him over

you got hit by his own boat yeah he was killed by his own boat passed away at sea he's the ones closest to you he really was a great doctor and rest of peace oh man I was just thinking about that the other day because I got a new crappy primary care physician and I was just so he went out to eat some fish and the fish ended up eating

Hey man We all do eventually I prefer not to think about that Well you brought it up I don't think it's funny Yeah I don't even told the fucking story Definitely blocked out his name Because I don't want to make fun of that guy

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay all right sorry Yeah I was thinking of them But I like the story Sorry I didn't want to interrupt that It's just reminding you're just thinking about it He's a fucked up thing to think about He's the only person I know who died at sea

Dude lost at sea Yeah primary dude primary care docs now or it's I try to go to a place once and it's like I think it's owned by like Amazon or something it was fucking bullshit. Yeah, I went to one, they assigned me one that was

attached to a church. I went to a doctor attached to a church. But you're a doctor, you're a doctor of the church. It was, it wasn't a great experience but I don't want to. No, dude, they just what happened to you? Oh shit. Nothing. I just needed a checkup

and I got insurance finally and they gave me a BSS doctor. well they just like it just took forever it was i was like waiting forever and they're not they're like you're checking your blood pressure and like okay i could go to cvs for this yeah it's fucking bull also oh man blood pressure yeah gives a fuck like seriously dude like it's pretty high up there for me blood pressure a list of concerns i feel like you can lower your blood pressure naturally yeah i don't know the blood pressure Med, the window, they shrunk the window for blood pressure medication now.

It used to be like one, whatever, over this. Now they're like, no, it's actually like 20 points. We slid it down 20 points. Just to be like that way more people can get on blood pressure medication. What is, does anyone know why that happens? Is it just stress? Is it like salt or like what? Why do people just?

Yeah. It's definitely like for me, it's like alcohol, coffee, nicotine. That'll do it. Yeah. Yeah. And if I don't do any of that for like two hours. Yeah. It just goes down.

And stress for sure. Yeah. I had to get, I tried to get an IV at the Super Bowl. Like they had like a little IV thing. The day after we went out, it was, we had a pretty wild night. And then I'm in a room.

It was like a public room of like, they have these things where they like just give people gifts. You know what I mean? Like if it's like a VIP thing, they just are like, here, wear these shorts. Yeah. And so there's just tons of people. And they're like, you want an IV?

I was like, yeah, it'd be nice. And they're like, we just have to check your book. blood pressure real quick. And I was like, why? This is gonna be the craziest blood pressure you've ever seen. Sure enough, it was.

What? And then they were like, just, are you all right? Are you, like, stressed out? I'm like, yeah, this is, I'm sweating. There's famous people and I'm laying in a chair,

like, and they're like, just relax for five minutes. I was like, all right. And it worked. It went down. Your blood pressure goes down. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty easy. That's not bad. Hell of a story. That was a good story. Well, it was a good story. We're talking blood pressure. You delivered.

Thanks, man. I have no fucking blood pressure stories other than every now and again I'll go and they'll go, we're a little on the low side. And I go, pretty fucking chill. Yeah, it's because I'm too chill. Pretty fucking chill. Yeah. The only time it goes up and people tell me I'm a land lover.

Yeah. I was listening to the book, heard a fucking land lover. And I'm going to call Matt a land lover. I'm going to call Matt a land lover tomorrow. I'm telling you, I've been aquatic, dude. I've been underwater almost every day. It's underground. Actually, it's funny, too, because I'm underwater.

and I still like, I watch people do freestyle. You know, people who can freestyle swim just like continuously for... Yeah. I still don't know how people do that. Slow. Yeah, but dude, like, you can still do it slow, but you have to like try to time your breathing. It's really, really difficult. So I'm like, I'm just like watching people underwater just trying to peep, trying to peep game underwater.

So I'm just doing my fucking old lady breaststroke and I'm just watching freestyle swimmers. Don't have spent at least a good... combined couple hours underwater in the last couple weeks. It's very good. Just chilling, just watching people just Yeah, you know, a fucking shark down there. Where are you swimming at? The pool near my house. I swim at the pool down there, just ripping the laps. Dude, it's

it's the best. It also, I swear to God, if you swim, if you're in a pool for like, say, 45 minutes swimming, doing like laps, you get out, your voice is deeper. It's something about all the pressure. Because that water, when you're breathing in water, the water pressure is like making it harder to breathe. So something about your diaphragm, I get out of the pool, I'm like, yo. Every single time, it's so funny. I get out.

Dude, I go home right away and I'm like, yo, what's going on? Yeah, you mog your family. Yeah, I'll be there. Dude, you can't help it. You're underwater maxing. I'm completely underwater, underwater, and sun maxing. You are sun maxing. I've been sun maxing. I've been in the sun.

Insane. I've been in the sun just nonstop. I might have to check a different box next time. You're getting close. Yeah, at least, you know, non-went Hispanic. Yeah. I think I've earned a lot. non-white Hispanic. Yeah, you're going to hit a fucking Amber.

You're going to get a Hispanic enough. Sure, I'll know when I get it. When I pick up my kids, it goes, B. Bha! Yeah, I've been, dude, I'm speaking of stress, dude, I found out that my house has mold.

Oh, that's a fucking house. In my room, there's like, we had like a growth come out of the thing. And, uh, so, you know, we called the builder, which, like, we bought it off someone else, but it's like pretty, it's a pretty new house.

so we didn't have like i didn't realize i didn't know how like the warren he worked with all that shit turns out as a noble builder they came out there like dude you shouldn't be dealing with that just fixed they're fixing it as we speak this thing this house gets mold fucking constantly you think so i've seen it it grows on the fucking ceilings near the vent yeah that's not good it's wild dude they the problem was in the front of my house they like there's a huge stretch where they did just no flashing for some reason and then there's like this tape they put around the seams that that wasn't there and dude my whole front It's just like black.

The plywood is just black and just like completely chewed. It looks like my house was on fire. It's disgusting. So there's the boys that are out there as we speak right now. Came up. Yeah. I was punishing them this morning. They showed up at seven.

I had just come back from running. Just so shirtless and completely sweaty. So I kept just trying to get close to talk to them. I can tell they're like, oh, dude, back away. You're true awesome. Back away. I'm completely. Shirtless running.

Shirtless running. True awesome. Dude, I even did my boxer. reefs in the pool recently just to get the feel of a speedo it was just me I was by myself and I was like I just want to see what a speedo feels like do you roll you so you roll them up to make it a speedo no I just took my head boxers underneath my uh shorts yeah oh I did like down to thigh speedo I'm a swim dad I don't know if you know I'm a swim dead right now swim dad my kid was in swim so I'm a salty dog I'm a swim dad I'm a salty dog I'm a limey salty dog laying lover laying lover swim dead swim dad's crazy You can't, you got to separate it.

You got to have people, put on fucking pants between the races. You can't have just fucking, dude, chiseled boys, high school boys. There's, it's all ages. Like Adonis is walking around in their undies. I'm like, put some fucking pants on you get. What the hell are we doing here? Because it's like, I don't look, but it's like the whole time you're just kind of like, you have to walk around just like, it's crazy.

Yeah. It's a weird, and it's everyone's acting like it's normal. This is not normal. It's just fucking weird. It's just fucking weird. I'm not the only person being fucking, feeling weird around here. And everyone's acting all fucking cool and normal.

And I'm going, no, guys, this is fucked up. There's a bunch of high school boys in their underpants. And everyone's acting like it's cool. I'm like, this shit's not cool. Pray to God, your daughters don't play volleyball. You're going to be hitting a high school volleyball game going on. I don't even think about it. Going, what the fuck is going on here?

What's funny? What's funny, too? Because I think the coach. of like the our our swim team I don't know where he's way he seems like he was like an accomplished swimmer he's got the swimmer's body he's got a little accent too fucking yoked and uh it's a bit of a heart throb so we had we had the end of year swim party it's a bit of a dick throb he's the end of year's a cockthrob we had the end of the year swim party and uh my oldest daughter mya was like we're about to go to the party and she was

like I wonder what coach wear and I was like I should blank his name out she's like I wonder of course his name is fucking he's wearing. I was like, what he's wearing? I was like, what? She's like, do you think he's wearing a bowtie? And I was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I don't know. Went on. You're like, put on a bow. I put on a bow tie. Come on, let's go. Let's go. I hope he's wearing a fucking bow tie.

It's so hot. It did make me laugh. It was so funny. It's really funny. So funny. He's a man, too. But yeah, it was, uh, he's a fucking dude. He's a hard throb. It just is what it is, man. There's nothing you can do about it. I'm just a fucking. in the swimming world. It's just so hard, dude, just to come to grips with. I'm such a fucking turd. You gotta get to, you gotta get to Barton Springs. I've done it. I know, but that's where that's where you build your strength. Real swim laps there down. Dude, I want to go there and do it.

That would be some good underwater observations. That would be nice. You can get real deep. You can get down. I can also see, I mean, down amongst the fish and look up. I could see a lot. I could peep a lot of game in Barton for sure. But yeah, I honestly think at my skill level, well, breaststroke, I can kind of Breastroking, definitely. That's the one, but it's like... It's an easy one. You can do it forever. Yeah.

But the, it'll so, it'll gas you, but I think I could do down back, down back, down back, breaststroke. Freestyle, halfway back. You have to go so slow. Even when you go slow, you start fucking, like, running out of breath and you take, you get one breath where you take water in, panic. So, yeah, that's been the high drama, swimming laps, a pool with old ladies.

That's nice. At 9 a.m. But it is nice. Swimming is the, it's the ultimate. Your joints don't hurt afterwards. It's like truly, it's a skill. It's a skill to pick up for life that'll carry you all the way to old age. Certainly.

Yeah. But, got any more horrible stories? Well, yeah, that's what he was thinking. You know, someone who had a heart attack in the pool or something? Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I feel bad for bringing that up.

No, no. I don't think you should. I think we feel bad for it. trying not to laugh. Dude, it was, it's more of a situational thing. Yeah, I'm just worried about you. I want you to be careful out on the water.

I don't want to lose somebody else to the water. In the pool? I think about having a heart attack in the pool every day. Be careful, man. Hey, it is what it is. If I fucking die swimming, I die swimming, man, you know? But I like the underworld. I don't think I will.

You're not, you're a land lover. You get, you're dying on land. I guarantee it. You think I'm going to fall into the dirt? You think I'm going to fall into the dirt. You're going straight to a mud. dude you're land lover

this is fucking bullshit dude this is fucking bullshit man but yeah no I uh how was last week how was the last

it's been chaos yeah I'm supposed to say dude nothing it's just nonstop chaos PR nightmare everything is can't even do a goddamn fun thing can't do cool things

no that's crazy I I oh we're talking about the White House, I canceled. I was like, I'm not going. Really? The fight. I shouldn't. I don't feel like dealing with this shit. Yeah. And then looked at my Instagram and they were doing dirt bike

flips on the White House. Fucked. I was like, I got to see what this is. Yeah. Well, I also, I don't like the... It was pretty wild. Yeah, well, it's also one of those things... That Gatesy fight was fucking awesome.

And the troops, dude, the troops were lining the fucking... It was... I was just hanging out with the fucking truths. Dude, and my section was like just Medal of Honor winners. It was, a dude would come up and be like, hey, man, big fan. And then you look and he's wearing a fucking medal of honor. And you're like, thank you, sir. Thank you.

Yeah, that's insane. Also, the, the critique from people around exclusive events that they're not invited, it's just kind of like, you won't know unless you get, you can't even, you can't, I wouldn't have went. It's like, yeah, I doubt it. I mean, I was thinking about not going, but I saw that flyover in the dirt bikes. I heard there was two flyover. The card was fucking, yeah, the second flyover scared me.

Stealth bomber? The second one was a, like, yeah, it was a loud bomber. And I was, I don't know if I'm allowed to say who I was with. I was with the Venezuela boys, sitting with those boys that pulled that off. What? Allegedly. The Vangibles? Oh, I see what you're saying.

No, I was with the guys who grabbed Maduro. I thought you're talking about the Venezuelan regime. I was like, oh, nice. I was with the Venezuela boys and me. And then there was that loud fucking bomber later in the night. And I was like, is that one of ours? Yeah. Want to make sure we're not, this isn't it.

That is a crazy thing to do to a bunch of veterans have the flyovers. Flyovers? All these people that could have PTSD. No, they probably knew it was kind of. None of them have PTSD from planes. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I know It was a fucking boondoggle for me. Nobody's, nobody's hitting us with planes. It would scare the shit out of me and I didn't go to work. It was pretty awesome. I had to do a lot. I had to put out a lot of fires that week. I have a huge liberal,

liberal fan base. I have like 5 million followers on bluesky. You guys don't even know about it. But I was putting out fire after fire all week. I'd be like, guys, dude, come on. I didn't really. I didn't give a fuck. I know.

I mean. You shouldn't. It's crazy. I didn't. It's crazy. It's so fucking dumb and crazy. The news in general. I just didn't look for a week.

And then it's gone. Yeah. That's how much it doesn't matter. You just don't look and it goes, nobody fucking cares. Any regular person you talk to is going, oh yeah, either, oh yeah, I forgot that was happening or yeah, fuck, I wonder how that was. If you're for real getting mad about a news story, you're retarded. You're fucking, no, it's true.

Especially that. If it's like, you know, some, if it's like a, cultural, political... It's like, you're retarded. Like, you're for real. The one that's making me laugh the most now is the reflecting pool. Have you seen how people

they're so upset about the reflecting pool? The algae in the... Trump, Trump tried to redesign it or put like a blue fucking base to it. And now everyone's upset. Why do you try to blew it out? I don't know.

You put like that shit in the toilets? You want to make it look fucking sick, dude. True. And the ellipses. did the ellipsis don't even talk to me about the dead grass on the ellipsis what happened

not my elipsis not like this what is the ellipsis exactly no one knows what the fuck the ellipsis is until now now all of a sudden everyone's going the ellipsis grass is dead shut up we got bigger fish to fry than some fucking dead grass

that will be fine yeah that is funny how everyone suddenly was like it's just such a sacred space and should never have been used for this like they go up i remember what was going on in there i saw i saw i saw hunter biden i remember some old things in there hunter biden wrote shout out hb nice words it's a nice words but in the end he goes i don't think that place should be desecrated like that and it's like yo let's do a lie detector about who's the cocaine was in the white house and then don't

talk about my boy he's he's a man i saw the positive tweet now he's full hb he's a man he was just he said he liked me so now i like him hb all day Dude, HB could make a run, dude. He's sensible. He did that tweet. I go, okay, this guy's sensible. He's not really inflammatory. He seems like he could bridge the aisle.

He really could. All of his dirty laundry is out there. It's like, okay, what are you going to do? Yeah, I fucking smoke crack. The guy in, the guy in Canada smoked crack. And he's the fucking man. He's the best. He was RIP to a legend.

Oh, shitty. I know he's dead. RIP. Yeah. That fucking interviewer, he's like, yeah, smoke crack. You're just jealous because nobody wants to do cool stuff with you. He's doing a press conference.

And he's like, they're saying I ate that girl's pussy. I got plenty to eat at home. Thank you. He said I ate her pussy in an interview. He was a fucking man. He got plenty to eat at home. Also. Talking about eating his wife's pussy.

Also being like plenty of it at home. Just there. Yeah, he was the fucking man. She's needing the dough for me right now. I'm about to come home and jump on it. But yeah, I got to be honest, going to the White House was sick. Yeah. It was cool.

Yeah. I kept my distance from the politicians. Yep. Wanted to enjoy the fights. They were good fights. It was a spectacle. Did hang out with the troops the entire time. Sick.

The troops fucking rule. Yeah. Before that, I went to the NBA final. I was it. Yep. I went to the first four games. My seat kept getting further. I was like, last game I was up.

That was crazy. It was awesome. Yeah, that was really cool. Completely neutral observer. It's fun to watch. I was pulling for the... There's... Do you see the guy for...

Also, I was... The... I was... I was in New York. I didn't go to game five when they won. I didn't go back to San Antonio. And I was very excited to walk around and see the chaos.

Nothing. It wasn't that chaos? Now, I think by Madison Square Garden, it was wild. Yeah. But I was expecting... Like, I was down... Like, Washington... Square Park. It was just a bunch of

LARPers, dude. Yeah. There was a bunch of kids from NYU and a bunch of people that moved to New York that no one gives a fuck about the Knicks and they were all just standing there like, what do we do? Yeah. How do we do this? And it reminded me I just made me miss Philadelphia. Yeah, true. Instantly

you know right in Broad Street, it's there's somebody's socking a horse, a police horse right in the fucking mouth. Yeah, well they don't know is you're allowed to break the law for 12 hours. So go break the laws. and, you know, someone will die, unfortunately. Yes. Yeah, that is fun.

Yeah, that's kind of cool. You got to see that because I wondered, like, because they made it look like it was complete chaos. Up by the garden, I think it was. And I think the parade was chaotic. Yeah, and also, wasn't Trump there? So the whole thing was barricaded. I was at that one.

Trump was at game three. Yeah. That was fun. How was that? It was crazy trying to get into the stadium because they blocked off, like, blocks around the stadium. That's nuts.

Yeah, yeah. got to hang out with the boys in blue though NYPD it's tight it's nice yeah cops turns out COPS you're pretty chill NYPD are chill yeah they're they're busy enough too where they're not like breaking your balls about dumb stuff I got pulled

over the other night down here in Austin I've just literally completely so prepared you're getting tan bro you better get used to it I'm a suspicious driver here suddenly a fucking I'm suspicious also my car looks like inside of my car

looks like a crackhead's car there's shit there's just like the weirdest assortment of shit everywhere there's like shit that i get mailed there's like t-shirts and plastic bags of basketball food containers and the guy pulled up he goes like having a good night man my headlights were off he's like surefire d ui and i was just like oh that was forming he was just like ah shit and he looked i think he smelled the breath too clean as hell but yeah so i got off i got to do all my cop stuff turn the lights on inside so like put him at ease window fully down i was on the wheel both hands hands hands hands visible for sure. I did have a little joint

head of high. I don't, right down. Didn't even move my shoulder, but I'm kind of proud of myself for that one. Not moving your shoulders, nice. It was, dude, I just scooped it out a little handrest, dropped it on the floor right as he was walking. I said, I would have panicked, dude. I watched too much Midwest safety. I was cool as a cucumber. I, like, literally jumped in the passenger seat, but like

a driver, driver took off, dude. I don't even know who the fuckers. He's off my pants. He's my brother's, these are my brother's pants. Yeah, Chody got out and freaked the fuck out. I would have said I was a sovereign citizen. I would hit him with the pouria.

Hmm? See, the poria? It was good, bro. Yeah, it was good. It's gonna be bad for you. That's great.

That must have been terrifying for that cop. Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. He goes, you're dust and pouria? Yeah, this is gonna be bad for you. And then he hit the... I would have tased him right away, dude.

I would just... Yeah. But then if that, dude, God forbiddy, pulls that out. And the shorts lift? Do you see the shorts lift? He hit the fucking shorts lift square enough. And it's like, oh, no, I've seen this. No, man, that's, that's for real terrifying.

And everyone's like, yo, do something about this guy. It's like, I'd have to train for five years. I have to train. I have to go back in time. I have to get a time machine and start training when I'm 10 years old. I know. Ooh, I have a gun. Yeah.

No, it would have been, it have to be Tays. He's got a Taze and just really. it me bro i see you view if you that's so scary i guess too if he closed the distance he would have fucking i don't know if he clocked that poehs the man yeah it happens dude that happens i think everybody forgives him everyone's like that was actually a sick video it is a kind of a cool as fucking that yeah dude not that that's cool but he pulled it off yeah justin tember like did the same thing he had a cool drunk video when the guy was like uh what's what are you doing he was like, he's going to ruin the tour. I'm, uh, it's going to ruin the whole world tour.

I'm on a world tour. He's like, no, I'm actually, he goes, he goes, what tour? The world tour. Although then you see footage from the tour where he's just kind of like, don't care. Don't want to do this. JT. I've been, I've been trying to. You'd say he mailed in the world tour. I haven't seen it. There's a video. No, people were mad. Again, you never know what happens. There was a video where he was just like, kind of, you know the audience sings. He was just walking around on stage. just hitting this. He was kind of phoned it in. Phoneed in the world tour. But that's his,

that's his business. Yeah. I want to get JT on so bad. That'd be awesome. So bad. I, my strings that I could pull, I tried.

I had one string. I think we can get HB on. HB.? HB. HB. I think we get Hunter on. I think we get HB. I think we get HB.

And, you know, again, I'm kidding about cocaine in the White House. Could have been anybody's. But literally could have been anyone's. If you were talking about cocaine, there's a lot.

That's a cocaine. archetype the whole business of politics. So it was just a obviously a clever joke on 100% Of course. I would love to get HBO on. HB and JT would be huge

Simultaneously. Simultaneously. Yeah, we should start looking just random two fucking random people. I'll bring the clear podiums and we're two people standing while we sit down. Like JT, you were drunk. JT, you were drunk? That's so fucking funny.

JT. DUI. Also, it's got to be crazy to DUI when you're JT and you're like this isn't going to affect me at all like this is like okay I'll just hire someone to drive me this is fucking minor inconvenience

you know what I mean yeah you know what I'm fucking saying yeah for sure I can't believe I got profiled while I was driving tan yeah that's crazy dang you're getting too tan dude I'm too tan and jack I'm trying to see you think I'm gonna if you keep getting more jack

they're gonna go straight for the taser I feel like I'm at a platoon. You're entering full threat territory. I'll just be adjusting my shorts and I'll get taste. You get full threat territory. I want to see how, how tan I can go. I think I'm maxed out.

This is no way. You can do. You think I can go more. I know you can do more, dude. I'm also, I think I'm plateauing. I don't think I'm getting. No, I noticed how Jack to wear. No way.

When I walked in. I haven't seen you in fucking 10 days. I was like, God damn. I don't know what happened. Competition's almost over. I've been doing a calorie competition. With who? Two of my neighbors.

What's the calorie? bro. Whoever burns the most calories total in the month of June wins. I'm pretty good. I'm on par to hit about like $35,000 for June. It's crazy. Yeah, it's been pretty, I had a 3,000 calorie day. I think it really, like, fucked me.

That's why I really worried about having a heart attack. Yeah, I'm like really excited for this to end. I don't know why this thing spiraled out of control. And now it's just complete panic. Every time I get an alert to my thing being like, blah, blah, blah, started working. I'm like, fucking bastard. Fuck.

I check my enemies every day. One of my enemies up there. I go, all right, I got to run four miles. Been a guy actually kind of fun. Yeah. Calorie off is, it's been a fun thing. And it's honestly one of those things where they say like,

well, you can over train, you need rest days. I've had no rest days. It's like, maybe not. Maybe you actually don't need a rest day. Maybe it's all fucking bullshit.

Yeah, those rest days really. They sink my battleship. Yeah, they turn into rest weeks and go, go, go, a gym for three days. I go, fucking I'm fucking, I'm still sore a double two rest days.

And you go, I'm not going back to the fucking, Yeah, it turns out. Rest month. Yeah. Turns out you don't really need them. They're bullshit. Sorry to break it to you guys.

Exercise. Physiologists and doctors. I'm definitely very healthy and I'm not going to have a heart attack because I've fucking done like a thousand calories today for 30 days. I'm on. What's the day today? What's the day today? Okay.

It's also, I will say it's not fair in this competition because my friends have like jobs they have to be at. So I don't fucking hit like, fucking two-hour blog. It's been actually, yeah, it's been fun. But I will say, I'm like, all right, this is, I got to chill. This is just not, this is not nice.

But, but yeah. Stressful and negative things coming via text. No. It's not that bad. It never is as bad as you think, honestly. I'll tell you this one. What? You can think it's a bad one. Oh, no. All fair. All right. Are you done? Yeah.

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